FRom keeping our
Christmas, not far from
Tom. Jolly's,
Where innocent Mirth without Gambals and Follies,
Where a plentiful Table, and strong humming Liquor,
Serv'd to lengthen the Days, and make Night pass the quicker;
Half tyr'd with that Friendship and Kindness was shown,
My Friend and my Self then resolv'd for the
Town,
To Drink, since our Stomachs both crav'd and could bear it,
A
Bottle of good Old Dry Orthodox
Claret;
We call'd not at
Bow, least all things should not hap well,
And stopt not to Drink till we came to
White-Chappel.
I.
Where the first House we entred was honest
Tom. C—xes,
And planting our selves within one of his Boxes;
We Order'd the Drawer to call for our
Friend,
If a Glass of good
Claret to us he'd commend;
He smil'd at our Question, and shaking his Noddle,
He told us
by Yea and
by Nay not a
Bottle;
But if we would call for a Glass of
Red-Port,
He'd afford us the best, or be paid nothing for't;
But our thoughts with his
Canting not able to wrastle,
Declining his Motion we went to the
Castle.
II.
Where it seems a too plentiful dose of
Canary,
Which some Butchers had Drank for to make themselves Merry,
Had by Liberal
Bumpers quite spoil'd the design,
And made them all mad by their Drinking much
Wine;
But seeing they all were Ingag'd
Snicker-Snee,
VVe thought fit to march off, and keep our skins free.
III.
At the
Crown, of good
Claret we sure were to fail,
VVhich like the
Inn Drink was half Mild and half Stale.
IV.
At
P—points we call'd, but what e're was the matter,
His
Magpye had long since forgotten to chatter,
And no wonder at all he had laid by his Note,
VVhen of
Claret—
He had not a drop for to moisten his Throat.
V.
Through
Aldgate then passing, we stop at the
Mitre,
VVhere
Young Married
Couples to make their Hearts lighter,
Take a jolly brisk Glass to
[...]mbolden 'em to say
That very hard Chapter,
for Ever and for Aye.
But the Drawers and
S—th were so busie in Burning
Of
Red and
White-Port, for the
Bridegroom's returning,
That they had no leisure (such mischief was in't)
If they had any
Claret, t'have drawn us a Pint.
VI.
At the
Crown we Expected to find a good Draught,
But minding two Drawers who whisper'd and laught
VVhen we askt for Old
Claret, we soon chang'd our Notes,
And spending no Pence, bid good Morn Mr.
C—tes.
VII.
VVe'd have call'd at the
Rose, but we had a suspicion,
(As wishing does sometimes exceed a fruition)
That if we attempted to Taste of his VVine,
'T would have a Complexion like that of the Sign.
VIII.
At the
Griffin and Hoop we were farther to seek,
For
Claret to them was as barbrous as
Greek;
Of
Red and White-Port in their Vaults was no lack,
But by
Bacchus they had not a drop of
Puntack;
Sure
Popery will now be the
A la-mode Fashion,
VVhen the Vintners can swallow
Transubstantiation,
And the Wine that was
French about six Months ago,
Has quite chang'd its nature, and's no longer so.
IX.
They whose Faith can a
Vintners absurdities swallow,
May take Scarlet for Blew, or Crimson for Yellow;
For when for Old
Claret we ask't Mr.
St—bs,
The Devil a drop could we find in his
Tubs.
X.
The
King's
-Arms by its odd Situation and Bar,
Did so like an
Alsatian Tavern appear,
That to tast of their
Wines we were almost afraid,
And so crossing the Kennel went to the
Naggs-Head.
XI.
Not
Rome for its Building was ever more famous,
Or the late Times for Juries, they call'd
Ignoramus,
Than was that for
Claret; but ah! how we rue it,
Jam jam Seges nunc est, u—bi Troja fuit.
XII.
At our Friend
Jacob Fr
[...]klins we thought to have found,
Such
Claret as would a dull
Stoick confound;
But our
Friends in this Cause with the Wicked will joyn,
He had no
Claret (plainly) but he had
Port-Wine,
By which it appears like Noon-day to the Eye,
Tho'
Saints may not Swear, they'r permitted to Lye.
XIII.
The
Mermaid who Swum in the Waves of brisk
Claret,
Complains her Complexion no longer can bear it,
Since which time in the Stream of
Oporto she glides,
Forgetting she ever knew
Bourdeax swift Tides;
[Page 5] Yet it looks something odd, and a kin to a Trance,
That
Lewis of
Cornhill scorns
Lewis of
France.
XIV.
In some place of his Vaults that resemble a Church,
One would think
Peter W
[...]llis his
Claret did Lurch,
But he Swears that his Tuns are as empty of any,
As a bit Country Cully is empty of Mony;
Besides he produces a Miracle for't,
What in
Cheapside was
Claret's, now turn'd to
Red-Port.
XV.
What resemblance the
Ship and the
Castle may bear,
To Ships floating on Clouds, or to Castles in Air,
We know not, but this we are sure of, 'tis plain,
Their
Clarets are serfectly Leigerdemain.
XVI.
By St.
Gregory's Slippers we thought not to miss
Of a Glass of
Puntack at the Sign of the
Fleece;
But he solemnly swore by the
Saint of his Name,
For this twelve-Months he had not a drop of that same.
XVII.
Who ever was formerly Bit by the
Bear,
Serv'd as use of Instruction to make us take care;
For when ever the Soul of a
Vintner is fled,
In his Cellers a strange
Interregnum succeed,
Reds quarrel with
Whites, and
Canary with both,
If this be not so, give the
Cooper his Oath;
However for decency sake they are civil,
Yet with
Widows Wine-Cellers the Drawers play the Devil.
XVIII.
He must surely have more than the Brains of a Man,
VVho at
Change-time can suffer the noise of the
Swan,
[Page 6] A
Half-Flask of
Red-Port, a
Pint of Canary,
A
Quart of Old Hock, and a
Bottle of Sherry,
Are the noises the Drawers do make e'ery minute;
If this be not pleasing the Devil is in it.
Let me Drink with my Friend without noise or a throng,
Here
all in Confusion's plaid all the year long.
XIX.
Looking at the
King's-Head, and observing the Sign,
We suspected to find but effeminate
Wine;
For the Painter had Drawn him a
Caesar in Dress,
With an
Amazons Hair, and a
Womanish Face.
XX.
VVhat ever Devotion we pay to the Sign
Of
Popes Head, 'tis be sure for the sake of his
Wine;
But his Tenant was lately Casheir'd for an ill-son,
And he hopes that the
Capt. proves better than
Willson,
To which end all his
Wines that from
France lately came,
Are to be Rebaptiz'd with a more
Christian Name.
XXI.
At his Door with a Rummer we found
Neddy Dr—ner,
And perceiv'd by his looks that he was a Complainer.
VVe whisper'd in's Ear, and desir'd (could he spare it)
To let's have a Bottle or two of old
Claret;
He started as frighted to hear our Demands,
And answer'd, why
Gentlemen (holding up's hands)
D'ye know what you mean? Let me dye like an Ass,
If this twelvemonth I've seen, smelt, or tasted a Glass.
XXII.
VVe shook our Heads at him, and crossing the way,
At the
Globe we attempted another Essay;
VVhen we askt for old
Claret, the Drawers were inchanted,
And we for our parts thought the Mansion was Haunted,
[Page 7] So leaving the Tavern, in study profound,
We concluded indeed that the Globe was turn'd round.
XXIII.
At the
Mitre we call'd in, and walking the Entry,
Spy'd a Soldier in Habit much unlike a Centry,
Who spewing, did in his short intervals say,
Pox take your Red-Port, and so Reel'd on his way,
We soon took the hint from his Stomach's Alarms;
They'r wise gain Experience by other Mens Harms.
XXIV.
Half vext to be baulk't in our pious design,
At the
Birds with long Bills, vainly strove to get in;
For a Croud at the Door 'bout a Man that was Prest,
Deny'd our Admittance and yet spoil'd no Jest,
For we fancied that Tavern was like all the rest.
XXV.
At the
Rose we no sooner had come to the Bar,
But a sawcy Whelp askt if Arrested we were;
We esteem'd this Affront, as provoking as any,
Kickt his Arse, and went out without spending a Penny.
XXVI.
We lookt in at the
Ship and found the Boys idle;
And it seem'd unto us but a kind of a Riddle,
That a Vessel which only was fit to vend
Brandy,
Should pretend to sell
Wines, ay, and those good as can be;
Besides, when we thought of a late Declaration,
Which was there hatcht in order to settle the Nation;
We declin'd going in, lest at once we should lose,
Both our Health and our Credit by entring the House.
XXVII.
At the
Feathers we call'd to see honest
Paul C—ry,
Who was treating himself with a Glass of
Canary;
[Page 8] What,
Paul, says my friend, dost thou Abdicate
Claret?
Of all mankind I thought you could never forbear it;
He reply'd, once my Vaults had a plentiful Crop,
But since my last Journey the Devil a
Drop.
XXVIII.
At the
Bull-head Ariv'd, we'd have call'd to see
V—rs,
But observing how Cullies and Cracks flockt by Pairs
To the House, as the Unclean Beasts did into the Ark;
We were certain we then had mistaken our mark.
XXIX.
At the
Shepherd when boldly for
Claret we askt,
He told us he'd very good
Florence was Flaskt;
VVe smil'd at the wit of the pleasant Drawcansir,
And thought it was much such a pertinent answer,
As if I should ask a Man where he does dwell?
And he tells me his VVife and his Children are well.
XXX.
At the
Nags-head of good we were sure to despair,
VVhen we spy'd a young Female a sleep at the
Bar,
VVhen the Inches of Candles were twinkling in Sockets,
And the Drawers stood yawning with hands in their Pockets.
XXXI.
At
Mat. Fowlers the fam'd
Tory Tavern then calling,
VVhere the Drawers were all of them Hoarse with their Bawling.
VVhen of delicate
Claret we askt for the best,
VVe were told, with that Juice his Vaults once were opprest,
But they had not a Drop since the
Prentices Feast.
XXXII.
Thus finding our wishes all come by mishap,
VVent to House with the sign of
Prelatical Cap,
And asking for
Claret, the Master returning
This answer, for want on't his Tuns were in Mourning;
[Page 9] VVe presently knew he had found out the Knack,
VVith
Red-Port to supply all his wants of
Puntack.
XXXIII.
To
Paul's Church-Yard hasting, 'mongst Drapers, Chair-Makers,
VVhereof some are Christians, and others are Quakers.
VVe call'd in at
Pea—ks, and askt him the Question,
But he told us his VVine, tho it had the Complexion,
Was no more
Bourdeaux Claret, than Brawn could be taken,
Or by any one thought to be Gammon of Bacon.
Besides, his Guests long since did's
Claret Devour,
By drinking of Healths to th' Bishops i'th' Tower.
XXXIV.
Then Crossing the way we stept to
Tom. A—llns,
But he swore by
Stains-Bridg that he had but six
Gallons
Of
Claret; and they of his Trade were all
Block heads,
If of that, of
Red-Port they made not six
Hogs-heads.
XXXV.
At the
Captains we though
[...] t'have found that which was good,
But he told us in short, 'twas a
Wonder we shou'd;
For the
French Wine he bought, and paid ready Cole for't,
E're it came into
Corn-hill 'twould all of't be
Port.
XXXVI.
Then passing through
Lud-gate we stept to the
Widows,
Who a very kind Welcome obligingly bid us;
But Old
St—re assur'd us, of rich
Claret Wine,
Their Tuns were as empty as those of the
Sign.
XXXVII.
Just crossing, we came to the
Vulture and George,
Where just 'gainst the entrance, in Bar that was large,
Daniel Eu—r appear'd with a Presence as Noble,
As if he were
Visier at
Constantinople.
[Page 10] When we askt him for
Claret, he had not a Drop,
For the
New River-Water Men drank it all up;
Tho the Riddle it self we could hardly Divine,
How the Dealers in VVater should Drink so much
Wine.
XXXVIII.
Passing over
Fleet-Bridg, still on that side the way,
We resolv'd at the five
Bells a visit to pay;
When we askt him for
Claret, he vow'd not a drop,
For he had in
Lavender laid it all up,
Resolving for no man to draw off a Gill on't,
Till by Law he could let all his Guests have their fill on't;
His obstinate Humour we well could not weather,
So stept cross the way for to call at the
Feather.
XXXIX.
But how much surpriz'd were we, both for to find,
The Birds flown, who had yet left their
Feathers behind.
XL.
To the
Castle we went, and for
Gl—ver inquir'd,
And a Glass of Old
Claret we humbly desir'd;
But he vow'd he had none on't what ever we'd pay,
For 'twas all on't Drunk up last
Coecilias day.
XLI.
At the
Greyhound we call'd, and did
Claret demand,
But the Drawers or did, or would not understand;
Sir we 've
Florence, Old Hock Sir, or very good
Port;
Have you so (says my Friend) then to make you some sport,
Mix your VVines all together, and when they are thick,
Add some
Gunpowder to 'em and give 'em
Old-Nick.
XLII.
To the
Globe we then marching just over the way,
VVe found Drawers ingag'd in Blood, Battle, and Fray;
[Page 11] So thinking that
Claret we there should find none,
Turn'd our backs on the Bar, and advanc'd to the
Sun.
XLIII.
VVhere the
Captain it seems, to his thoughts recommending,
The threatning loud storm o're the
Vintners impending;
Discreetly resolves for to leave off betimes,
And not be the Partner of other Mens Crimes,
VVill Retire to the Country, and Live free from Strife,
The wisest of Actions he did in his Life.
XLIV.
At the
Horn we were welcom'd with so much
Address,
As if we were persons of highest Nobless;
But when our demands had arriv'd at their Ears,
By their Looks we soon read their suspicions and fears;
For
Informers they took us, but we well assur'd,
That this was a Grievance not fit t' b' indur'd,
Call'd 'em all Sons of Batchelors, Panders and VVhores,
And so in a Passion went both out of Doors.
XLV.
VVhen at the
Green Dragon we askt for some
Claret,
Us as if we were
Camels the Drawers did stare at;
They told of good
Port we were sure not to fail,
But we fearing the Sting it might have in the Tail,
Declin'd it.—
XLVI.
—And so to the
Fleece next advancing,
VVe heard such confusion of Singing and Dancing;
And not willing to follow so loud an Example,
Ne're stept in, but crost over the way to the
Temple.
XLVII.
VVhere
Watt—like the Swiss of his Family stood,
VVe whisp'ring in's Ear for a Bottle of
Good;
[Page 12] VVhy Gentlemen, says he, observe but my
Sing,
And you'l ne're think I sell
Anti-Christian Wine.
XL VIII.
VVe had call'd at the
Hoop, but the Door was shut fast,
And we heard the poor
F—nch had just warbled his last;
In some places we spend what in others we get,
So the
House and the
Widow are both to be
Let.
XLIX.
At the
Captains we hope't to have met with a Glass,
(But sometimes we wish for what ne're comes to pass)
He assur'd us of
Claret he had not a Gill,
But of Delicate
Florence we might have our fill;
And could he find
Claret he'd give nothing for't;
So we lest the
Bull-head, cause his Horns were so short.
L.
At the
Head of Old Jolly Gruff great Codpeic'd
Harry,
VVe expected to find out a Glass to be Merry;
But the name of
Puntack was forgotten and Dead,
And strange
Barcelona now Reign'd in his stead;
VVithal such a noise was still made at the Bar,
Of
Florentine Flasks, and full Quarts of
Navar;
Let me Dye of the
Pip, or my Mistress scorn,
If I did not suppose that I was at
Leghorn.
LI.
VVe were crossing the way at the
Star for to call in,
But alas! we perceiv'd the
Bright Meteor was fallen,
LII.
At the the
Queens-head the Porters were letting down
Wines,
And at the Ropes, stumbling, my Freind hurt his Shins;
This as an ill Omen supposing, refus'd,
VVithin with bad VVine to be doubly abus'd.
LIII.
By the noise of
Port, Port, which the Drawers all made,
One would guess the
Three-Tuns had a thundring great Trade;
But
Claret was
Hebrew and
Greek to their Ears,
Tho' they know it as well as they do their Neck Verse.
He does all th' occasions of doubting prevent,
That's Cheated and Bubbled by's proper consent.
LIV.
At
Fen—ks the Son of a Parson so civil,
Who lives at the sign of the
Junior Devil;
We askt for a Bottle of you know what Juice,
But he told he'd oblige us with rare
Syracuse;
Syracuse quoth my Friend! what a Devil is that?
For as sure as my Brains now lie under my Hat,
It may be
Aqua-Fortis, or else I may lye.
Pox take your hard name Sir, and so Sir
good Bu'y.
LV.
At the
Young-Devil failing, we went to his
Dam,
But as soon as in sight of the Bar we were came,
A Drawer Officiously shews us a Room;
We told him immediately for what 'twas we come;
He started as if a pale Ghost he had seen,
Lord Gentlemen! pray you explain what you mean:
My Friend had explain'd it, I faith, on his Pate,
If by my interposing I hindred not that;
But because I desir'd him for once to be civil,
He concluded with Heaven keep us from all evil;
But send you all quickly, from whence we go, the Devil.
Thus finding the Vintners, some Swearing, all Lying,
And that no Man in's Wits would their words e're rely on;
Dispairing to find out a Glass of good
Claret,
Tho we thought 'twas no Virtue all times to forbear it;
Finding all our Endeavours, our Hopes, Wishes fail,
We concluded the Evening with
Nottingham Ale,
[Page 14] Resolving next morning as soon as Day-break,
(Dispatching some business) to search for Puntack.
WIsht morning arriv'd, where Men Ply for their Fares,
We took
Oars, and were Landed at
Parliament-Stairs;
Having finisht our Business in
Westminster-Hall,
Where the Lawyers do
Billinsgate loudly out-baul.
I.
At the
Bufflers-head first we propounded the question,
But the Master o'th' House was such a mo—dest one;
He believ'd that there was not a Drop in the Nation,
For 'twas all on't drunk up at the
Last Coronation.
II.
At the
Fountain then looking, we lik't not the
Sign,
For
Hedg-Taverns have commonly none but
Hedg-Wine.
III.
We'd have call'd at the
Bell, but were told by a Scout,
That the
Clapper for several Months has been out.
IV.
As we entred the
Sun with a grave
Spanish pace,
Met a Man in the Entry was Scorcht in the Face;
But we willing to learn Wit by other Mens Harms,
Left the House, and directly went to the
King's-Arms.
V.
Who tho they pretended to sell
Red good as can be,
I'de rather at any time drink
Cherry-Brandy.
VI.
Where ever the
Swans may have done in the
City,
The
Swan here in
King-street had sung her last
Ditty.
VII.
Then passing along to the sign of St.
Andrew,
And expecting to find Wine as good as e're Man Drew;
But we found that our hopes were all as much mistaken,
As his that took
Sturgeon for
Gammon of
Bacon.
VIII.
Then passing
White-hall, we first came to the
Rummer,
Which like a Town Jilt receives every new comer,
But they were so busie in Dressing
great Dinners,
That they then had no Rome for two thirsty poor Sinners.
IX. X. XI. XII. XIII.
At the
Garter my Friend call'd, I at the
King's-head,
And we both at the
Crown, and three
Tuns thought to speed,
Nor omitted to call at the sign
Sandy-Pry'd;
But alas! how some people in Lying will Glory,
For
Vintners like
Gypsyes hang all in a Story.
And when we demanded a Glass of
Puntack,
Swore they had not a Drop if their Souls lay at stake.
XIV.
We had call'd at the
Buffler, but that we both thought,
Our
Friends Wine and his Faith were both equally naught.
XV.
At the
Lyon the Master was thumping the Back
Of a Drawer, who at Bar by mistake cry'd
Puntack;
If naming the word is so Criminal thought,
The
Vintners their Hogs t'a fine Market have brought,
XVI.
Had we drank at the
Chequer, no Physick could bar us
From Death, for how little, alas! 'twould avail us,
To drink Wine in a House that looks so like an
Ale-house?
XVII. XVIII. XIX.
So pale was the
Rose, the
Long-Dog out of Breath,
And
Duck-Wing had crow'd himself almost to Death;
That had we at either of these askt for
Claret,
VVithout question our wishes had quickly miscarried.
XX.
At the
Sun we were loath for to moisten our Lips,
For we plainly perceiv'd she was then in
Eclipse.
XXI.
At the sides of
One Tun my Friend knockt for a Sign,
But a hollow Voice answer'd,
Puntack's
not within.
XXII.
At the
Bear when for
Claret we askt the Drawcansir.
Like the
Sign he was Muzled, and gave us no Answer.
XXIII.
VVhen at the
Half moon we observ'd the gay Sign,
VVe expected to find no good
Claret within;
If the
Wine be but good, let the Sign be a Rush,
For the Learned agree that good VVine needs no Bush.
XXIV.
The Poets who with their Inventions so rack us,
Yet assure us the Goat was accquainted with
Bacchus;
Yet the
Goat in
Strand had not
Claret a Drop,
For last Summer the
Bacchinals drank it all up.
XXV.
At
Po—
[...]s we thought some old
Claret to try,
But, alas! of that Liquor the
Fountain was dry;
[Page 17] For since he so lately was fin'd fifty Pound,
For fetching up Bottles from Cellar profound;
VVhen oblig'd by the Law to Sell VVine in a Quart,
VVe found him so fretful, so peevish and short;
But 'twixt Humour and Purse is a Sympathy found,
Our Humour's not well if our Purse is unsound.
XXVI.
How briskly the
Feathers may look; yet we guest
Their
Claret (if any) was none of the best.
XXVII.
The
Vine in the
Strand, we observ'd was new Planted,
And to find no good
Claret there, took it for granted.
XXVIII.
The Doors of the
Swan, some by order had clos'd 'em,
E're since
Abraham H—lls went to
Abraham's Bosom.
XXIX.
When for
Claret at
Ca—ters, who lives at the Mitre,
VVe askt, she admir'd we came there for to fright her,
For she had not a Drop, or may Man ne're Delight her.
XXX.
When at the
Five Bells we would Ring a short Peal,
We perceiv'd by some token all things were not well;
'Twould grieve a Man thence to receive a sad Fate,
For if I am Poyson'd it shall be in State.
XXXI.
At
La—fords the
Grey-hound, to call we forbear it,
He being better accquainted with
Punch than with
Claret.
XXXII.
At the
White-Horse, so fam'd for the Consults and Plots,
By Jesuits held, as was sworn by
T. Otes,
[Page 18] We call'd, but he told us he had not a Tast,
For 'twas all on't drunk up at the
Dorsetshire Feast.
XXXIII.
VVhen we stept in at
Rof—s we heard such distraction,
Of Singing and Gaming, and things sold by Auction,
That the
Tavern resembled a Wake or a Fair,
And hating all noises did soon disappear.
XXXIV.
The
Ship who of late Sprung a Leak in the Main,
Is new Corkt, Trim'd and Lancht in the Ocean agen;
We hawld her and askt if she'd
Claret Aboard,
But the
Captain and Ships Crew would not answer a word.
XXXV.
The last Tavern we came to, was that of the
Rose;
At the Door of which stood such a parcel of
Beau's,
VVho in Eating and Drinking great Criticks commence.
And are Judges of every thing else but of Sense,
VVhen we saw'em makes Faces, and heard one or two Swear,
That the VVine was the Devil they lately drank there;
VVe rely'd on their word, and ne're stept o're the Groundsil,
But thought they spoke truth like General Council.
Two days in this Search were away vainly thrown,
And we both of us thinking to find none in
Town;
Then agreed with
a nemine contradicente,
That since Drinks of our
English growth was so plenty;
VVe all their Brew'd
Wines would not value a Rush,
Nor shorten our days by respect to a
Bush.
FINIS.