AN ACCOUNT OF Mr. YORK's Suite; IN A DIALOGUE BETWEEN Mr. York, and his Post.
HOw went my Suit, Post-Man?
Troth for your Comfort, 'tis at a Stand, and defer'd till next Term; tho it went once against you, as if the Devil drove it.
By what Means? I am sure I had Right on my side.
By what Means say you? Means, that would baffle you out of your Right and Christian Name; Means, that would perswade a Man, he knew not who was his own Wife. Did you ever meet with such a Pack of Whipsters as these?
Not I faith: Prithee make me Understand 'em.
Why? There are a sort of Blades that crow'd in Helter Skelter a top of one anothers Shoulders, in Nomine Domine Regis, and Swear themselves to the Devil, I think at a greater Rate than L'Estrange's Boy; who Swore he saw it Rain Butter'd-Turneps.
They are a Dangerous sort of Fellows indeed, that never Hum not Haw, but go arights to the Devil.
Ay, to the Devil sure enough, for I knew one of 'em about half a Year a go set out Post for Hell, with his Mouth stuff't full of Oaths, and there is not a bit of him come back yet, as I know; or any Depositions concerning him.
That was Captain William—What shall I call him?
The very same. Nay, there's one at this very present, has all his Accoutrements ready for the same Jurney, only he lack's a Word to pass Squire Ketches Centry, and then to the Devil Whip and Spur.
Poh, Is that all, I'le get that done for him?
In the mean while, I'le put him into a Prayer Dyet, that when once he is a Horse-back, he mayn't trouble us, from Ten a Clock to Twelve, with his for Christ's-Oake, and his God be with me's.
But, How shall I deal with the rest? There are enough still to Swear you and me, and Twenty more out of our Lives and Fortunes.
Faith they are such a Factious sort of Accusing Fellows, that my Horse is e'ne afraid to keep them Company,
Poor Horse! Have they any Design or Plot against him?
I can't tell what Plot they may have: But I am sure he dreads them in his Heart: For what does my Horse or I know; but they may Swear he's an Elephant, and without an Act of Parliament, lay more on his Back than he is able to bear.
Troth you speak very Considerately: For, Did they not serve me as unlikely a Trick, when I was Master of the Ship Tavern, or Admiral (as a Man may say) of the Ship, and Liv'd in good Repute with my Land-Lord and Neighbours? Did they not come in, and Elbow me out, and swear directly, that my French-Wine bred French-Blood in all our English-Men, and Poisoned half the Nation.
Nay, they drive the same way still, and have almost Swore you out of another House.
Which Prithee?
The House next the—the—
To the What for God-Sake.
Next Door to the Scepter and Crown.
The Devil they have! What, my Birth-Right? Can they Act so far from Law?
Oh! They are Consciencious Blades, and Act according to Gospel, and that you know is far distant enough from Law in all their Bibles: But they have not quite cast you yet, which you may thank your Honest Iudge for, that pack't the Iury to Chew the Cud.
But were all the Iury-men of the same Last, as the Evidence were of?
Ay, I believe had they been Five Hundred more, they would have laid Head to Head, and Rump to Rump, to have outed you of All: had not the Iudge dispersed those Foxes with Fire-Brands in their Tails, and left their design in the lurch.
Prethee tell me how they look't at the Iudge, did they not Browbeat him, when they found He would not come to their Cue?
Ay, as my Lord Ser:—did your Doctor: And thy snarl'd at him so, that had the Iudge not Whipt them away, I believe in my Conscience, they would have gone near to have bit his Lordship's Shins.
'Tis well the Iudge held the Whip in his Hand, when he called the Currs about him, For who can tell what Extravagances they might have been at, when they were so hot upon the Royal Srent, and pursued so hard after the Royal Game?
Well, had the Iudge been your Own Brother, He could have Acted no better for you than he did: and I hold you ever obliged to say, Amen to Faxit Deus ut Vivat.
Amen, Amen.