THE FVNERALL ORATION made at the buriall of one of POPPAEAS hayres.
THis solemne Pageant graced with so glorious a Presence as your Highnesse selfe, and others, as you see, that mourne in their gowns and laugh in their sleeues; may perhaps breed a wonder in those that know not the cause, and laughter in those that know it. To see the mighty Emperor of Rome march in a mourning habit, and after him all the state of the Empire either present or presented; The Peeres in person though with drie eyes, yet God knowes their hearts; Others in their Rankes; One [Page 2] representing the state of a Courtier (as I iudge by his legge;) another of a Citizen (as I iudge by his head;) another of a Souldier, (as I iudge by his looke;) another the state Poeticall (as I iudge by his clothes;) for the state Physicall, it hath no place heere; for who euer saw a Physitian follow a Funerall? To see, I say, all this Assemblie masking in this Funerall pomp; could hee that saw it imagine any lesse Funerall subiect would follow, then the Herse of your deare Mother Agrippina? or your beloued wife Octauia? or else of her whom you preferre to them both, your diuine Poppaea? At least who would imagine, that a poore hayre broken loose from his fellowes; or shaken off, like a windfall from the golden tree before his time; should haue the honour of this Imperiall solemnitie: And bee able to glory like the flie in the Cart; good heauen what a troope of fooles haue I gathered together?
It is fatall to all honourable actions to fall vnder the scourge of detracting tongues, and for the most part to bee condemn'd before [Page 3] they come to triall. In regard whereof, I will borrow so much of your patience, as that I may in a word or two examine the whole ground of this spectacle: Not doubting but that I shall make it appeare to all vpright eares, that it is an action most worthy your wisedome (my gracious Soveraigne) and that this silly, this base, this contemptible hayre on this Herse supported, receiues no thought of honour, but what it well deserueth. Etiam capillus unus habet umbram suam, was the saying of your master Seneca; and may not your Highnesse goe one step further, and say, Etiam capillus unus habet urnam suam? To enter into the common place of womens hayre, I list not; though it would afford scope enough for my pen to play in; that Theame hath beene already canvast, and worne halfe threedbare by Poets and their fellowes. My meaning is not to exceede the compasse of this hayre, which we haue here in hand. This sacred beame falne from that sunne of beauty Poppaea; whose very name is able to giue it honour, though otherwise base. And albeit [Page 4] hayre were of it selfe the most abiect excrement that were, yet should Poppaeas hayre be reputed honourable. I am not ignorant that hayre is noted by many as an excrement, a fleeting commodity, subiect to spring, and fall; & he whose whole head last day was not worth one hayre, it shall bee in as good estate the next day as it was euer before: And such as last yeare had as faire a crop of haire as euer fruitfull head afforded; if there come but a hot summer; it shall bee so smooth that a man may slur a Dye on't. An excrement, it is, I deny not; and yet are not all excrements to be vilified as things of no value: for Maske, Ciuet, Amber, are they not all excrements? yet what more pleasing to the daintiest sense wee haue? Nature giues many things with the left hand, which Art receiues with the right: Sublimate and other drugges are by nature poyson: yet Art turnes them to wholsome medicines; so hayre though by nature giuen vs as an excrement, yet by Art it is made our capitall ornament. For whereas the head is accounted the chiefe member of the body, [Page 5] hayre is giuen vs as the chiefe ornament of the head; I meane of womens heads; for men haue other ornaments belonging to their heads, as shall hereafter appeare more largely. And howsoeuer hayre fals within the name of excrement; yet it is euermore the argument of a rancke or rich soyle where it growes, and of a barren where it failes; for I dare bouldly pronounce in despight of all paltry prouerbs, that a mans wit is euer rankest, when his hayre is at the fullest. I say not his wit is best, but ranckest; for I am not ignorant, that the ranckest flesh is not alwayes the soundest, as the ranckest breath is not alwaies the sweetest. And thus much more I will adde for the generall commendation of hayre, that nature in no part hath exprest such curious and subtill skill as in this (as wee terme it) excrement; for what more excellent point of Art can there be, then to indurate and harden a thinne vapor into a dry and solid substance? And this whole bush of hayre, hath both his being and his nour [...]shment from those sweet vapors, which [Page 6] breathe and steame from the quintessence of the braine, through those subtill pores of the head in which they are fashioned and spunne by natures finger into so slender and delicate a thred; as if she intended to doe like the painter that came to see Apelles, drew that subtill lyne for a masterpeece of his workmanship. And besides the highest place giuen to the hayre, and singularity of workmanship exprest in it, Nature hath endowed it with this speciall priuiledge, and left therein so great an impression of her selfe, as it is the most certaine marke by which we may ayme at the complexion and condition of euery man; as red hayre on a man is a signe of trechery, what tis in a woman, let the sweet musique of rime inspire vs; a soft hayre chicken-hearted; a harsh hayre churlish natur'd; a flaxen hayre foolish brain'd; what a black-hayr'd man is aske the prouerbe; if ye beleeue not that, aske your wiues; if they will not tell you, looke in your glasses, and ye shall see it written on your foreheads. So that nature hauing honoured hayre with so great a priuiledge [Page 7] of her fauour, why should wee not thinke it worthy all honour in it selfe without any addition of other circumstance. And if Nature hath grac't the whole Garland with this honour, may not euery flower challenge his part? If any hayre, then this hayre (the argument of our present mourning) more then any: But wee must not thinke (Princes and Senators) that the vndanted heart of our Emperor, which neuer was knowne to shrinke at the butchering of his owne mother Agrippina; and could without any touch of remorse, heare (if not behold) the murther of his most deare wife Octavia after her diuorce; wee must not thinke (I say) this Adamantine heart of his could resolue into softnesse, for the losse of a common or ordinary hayre. But this was (alas why is it not) a hayre of such rare and matchlesse perfection, whether yee take it by the colour or by the substance, as it is impossible for nature in her whole shop to patterne it: So subtill and slender as it can scarce be seene, much lesse felt; and yet so strong as it is able to binde [Page 8] Hercules hand and foot; and make it another of his labors to extricate himselfe. In a word it is such a flowre as growes in no garden but Poppaeas; borne to the wonder of men, the enuie of women, the glory of the Gods, &c. A hayre of such matchlesse perfection, that if any where it should be found by chance, the most ignorant would esteeme it of infinite value, as certaynely some hayres haue beene. The purple hayre of Nisus, whereon his kingdome and life depended, may serue for an instance. And how many yong gallants doe I know my selfe, euery hayre of whose chin, is worth a thousand crowns; and others (but simple fornicators) that haue neuer a hayre on their crownes, but is worth a Kings ransome? At how much higher rate then shall we value this hayre, which if it were not Poppaeas, yet being such as it is, it deseru'd high estimation; but being Poppaeas (if it were not such) it can bee worth no lesse. When therefore a hayre of this excellence is fallen like an Apple from the golden Tree, can the losse bee light? And can such losse doe lesse then beget a iust and vnfayned [Page 9] griefe, not proceeding from humour in our Emperour▪ nor flattery in vs, but out of true iudgement in vs all? Albeit I must adde this for the qualifying of your griefe (most sacred Emperour) that this diuine hayre is not vtterly lost; It is but sent as a Harbenger before, the rest must follow it: And in the meane time this remaines in blessed estate; it is at rest; it is free from the trouble and incombrance which her miserable fellowes that suruiue are dayly enforc't to endure. The cruell combe shall no more fasten his teeth vpon it; it shall no more bee tortured with curling bodkins, tied vp each night in knots, wearied with tyres, and by all meanes barr'd of that naturall freedome in which it was borne: And, which is a torment aboue torments, subiect to the fearefull tincture of Age, and to change his amber hew into a witherd and mortified gray. From all this feare and trouble this happie hayre is freed; it rests quietly in his Vrne, straight to bee consecrated as a relique vpon this altar of Venus, there to bee kept as her treasure, till it hath fetcht to it a fayre number [Page 10] more; and then to be employed by Venus, eyther as a bracelet for her paramour Mars, or else (which I rather beleeue) for a Periwig for her selfe; all his fellowes and his Mistresse, hauing from it taken the infection of the falling sicknesse. Dixi.