Newes from Bartholmew Fayre.
THose that will heare any London newes,
Where some be merrie and some do muse:
And who hath béene at Bartholmew Faire.
And what good stirring hath beene there.
Come but to mée and you shall heare,
For among the thickest I haue béene there.
There double beere and bottle ale,
In euerie corner had good sale.
Many a pig and many a Sow,
Many a Iade and many a Cow,
Canole rushes, Cloth, and leather,
And many things came in together.
Many a pound and penny told,
Many a bargaine bought and sold,
And Tauernes full in euery place.
And yet they say wine wilbe scarse:
And this was all the heauy newes.
That made the copper noses muse.
For nose
qui viuimus being there,
Dranke Rosa solis in the fayre.
And
Libera nose cald for Sack,
For euery nose was loath to lacke.
And when the cheere was at the best,
And welcome giuen to euery guest:
Suddenly there came a Post,
With weeping teares and told mine host:
Be it knowne to all noses red,
Nos maximus omnium is gone and dead.
This is strange and this is true,
Therefore mine host it belongs to you:
And all that sell good Béere and Ale.
To haue regard vnto my tale.
And send vnto the Uintners hall,
Present word to warne them all.
[Page]To make ready to his funerall.
And bury him in a malmesey tunne,
For the good deedes that he hath done:
For he was free of the old haunce,
And much good wine procured from
France,
With Sack and sugar out of Spaine,
Whereby he did more noses gaine,
Under his baner for to be,
Then all the noses that be frée,
and a very commodious nose had he,
A long nose like a mazer,
Of murrey colour in stéed of azur.
And he had a
ripe[?] and reddy head
And yet his nose was neuer red.
But he bare such a maiestie.
To the copper noses company,
He sent to
Turkie and
Candie,
For Muscadell and good malmesey:
And all in a ship called the Minion.
Which did more good in my opinion,
With many voyage that she made,
For sacke and sugar to the trade.
That ship and the Iulian did more good
To copper noses by the roode:
Then all the ships that went abroad,
And wheresoeuer they lay at roade:
There should you sée red noses swarme,
Like hony bées in a charme.
But hearing of these tidings sad,
The Can maker cried, as if he had bin mad,
O slicks and stones, briebats and bones,
Briers[?] and brambles,
Cookes shops and shambles,
O fishers of Kent,
Heycockes and bent,
O cockatrices & herneshawes that in woods do dwel,
O colliers of Croydon;
O rusticks of Roydon,
[Page]O Deuills of hell,
O Pewterers and Tinkers,
O Swearers and swinkers:
O good ale drinkers,
O honest Wooers,
O painted whores,
O Grauesend Barge,
O honest George:
O rimers and ridlers,
O Fencers and Fidlers:
O Taylors and tumblers,
O Ioy
[...]ers and Iumblers,
Whores and whoremongers:
No
[...] Maximus is dead,
Yet we will haue an Epitaph shall be read:
Where many a thousand weeping eyes,
Shall tipple for sorrow if they be wise.
Let all that are free of copper-smiths hall,
Make ready to his buriall,
And summon first, all good ale Drapers,
To make them ready to carry tapers:
And all noses that looke blacke,
Shal come mourning after with cups of sack
Noses beaten blacke and blew.
Shall drink cl
[...]ret wine, to change their hew
Noses that be tawny like Tanners,
Shall ring the bells, and carry the banners.
Noses full of precious stones
Shall coffin vp his body and bones,
Sencer noses all full of cragges,
Shall carry cakes in emptie bagges.
Nose
Scabiosus now and then,
Shal carry sheeps heads to spittlemen,
And all noses that looke pale,
Shall serue poore folks with bottle ale.
Nose
Matrialis pray for those,
That faine would haue a better nose.
Ne nose that hath no Nose at all,
[Page]Shall broach the hogshead next the wall,
Letifica nose the dirige shall sing,
Laudate nose the bookes must bring:
Beatus nose, shall make his graue,
Because
nose maximus the worms must haue
At his head shall lie a tunne of Sack,
Within his life he would not lacke.
And a butt of Malmesey at his féete,
And a suger loafe in his winding shéete:
And three cups of bottle-ale standing by,
To tipple for euer when he is drie.
And to his buriall there shall go,
All manner of noses that can make any show,
The Goldsmiths first and chiefe,
The Copper-smiths next to giue reliefe.
The blacksmiths with their
hāmering[?] trade.
To see the tombe sufficiently made.
The siluer-smiths if any will be,
To giue money to the pouertie.
And noses rich shall stand by his hearse.
With this most lamentable verse.
Here lyeth nose maximus god of faces,
That maintaind noses in all places,
With pearle, stones and rubies,
Too good to giue loobies:
But such as loue napping.
While the good ale is tapping:
Hang him at Wapping.
That will not tipple and be merry,
With a Nose red as a cherry:
Hey ouer the ferry,
Into Bucklars berry,
Where good men be dwelling,
That haue sugar selling:
To make Clarret wine,
In the goblet to shine,
And make noses fine,
like thy nose and mine.
[Page]But Nose
abrannucio:
To this buriall shall not go.
Nor Nose
nihil valet,
But Noses like Scarlet,
And full of bay berries,
And red cheekes as cherries.
Let M. Sexten prepare to ring,
And all our holy brothers sing.
The Masse for his soule.
Bibite multum,
Esse sepultum,
Sub pede stultum,
Asinum et multum,
The Deuill kisse his lultum,
Amen
With hey ho rumbulo,
Horum populorum, per omnia secula seculorum, Amen.
Sepultus est among the wéedes,
God forgiue him his misdeeds.
Iam iacet hic starke dead,
Neuer a good tooth left in his head.
Then let vs take an other boule,
And euery man sing for his soule.
with Candle booke and bell,
We curse the beadles of Bridewell,
And wish them all at the infernall pit of hell.
Te rogamus audi nose.
Sancta tui Genetrix,
With a paire of Fidling stickes,
An old capcase, a cushion,
A capon, a leg of mutton,
And a Codpeece,
Ora pro nobis,
Forma mirabilis facies immutabilis,
lux incomparabilis—Neuer a nose
Domine▪
From wine not the
Ritum,
But somewhat to
Whitum.
And
omne finitum. - Neuer a nose
Domine.
[Page]But while the Post thus tarried heere;
Still walking vp and downe the Fayre.
There came out euery where,
Galiant gay noses there,
Some came out off the cloth faire,
Some were sellers of other ware.
Some came out off the fayre of Leather,
And tipling houses altogether:
That all the Fayre began to shine,
With the beauty of noses fine.
But stil the newes came more and more,
Euen as the Post had said before:
Whereupon at last they al agreed,
To sell away their ware with speed,
Against the election day should be,
Who should be maister then to see.
For he was chosen long ago,
By God
Bacchus, as al men know.
And now that he is gone and dead,
Such a Company without a head.
Would fall to ruine and decay,
Therefore let be autious noses pray:
To glorious
Bacchus once againe,
To comfort nose
defunctus his men.
Then the Uintners which had the first view
Stept to the Gods and began to shew:
That old father
Bleuin lieutenant might bée
Of all the vine presses, in euery degrée.
That they being Uintners, and liue by their wines,
Might haue this suite granted to thē for their coynes.
And if any one, claimd any custome by right,
Under father
Bleuins banner they should fight.
And further the Uintners made this supplication,
As here you may heare the manner and fashion.
The Supplication.
In most humble wise we beséech you and show,
Unto your Godheads all in a row,
[Page]The Uintners remaining in all kind of places,
That whereas by maintayning of noses and faces:
There hath beene great sale and vtterance of wine,
Besides beere and ale, and Ipocras fine:
In euery country, region, and nation,
Chifely at Billingsgate at the salutation,
At the Bores head, néere London stone.
The Swan at Dowgate, a tauerne well knowne.
The Miter in Cheape, and then the Bull head,
And many like places, that make noses red.
The Bores head in old fishstréet, thrée cranes in the vintrée,
And now of late S Martins in the Sentree.
The windmill in Lothbury, the ship at th' Exchange,
Kings head in new fishstréete, where roysters do range
The Mermaid in Cornhill, Red-lion in the Strand,
Three tuns Newgate market, old fishstreet at y
e swan.
Of late (may it please you) for want of good order,
The colours are decaid in euery good border:
By such as intrude and seeme to oppresse,
Forestalling country markets with wines that be lesse
They are great dealers in vttrance of wine,
And are but ale stealers, and put water in their wine.
May it therefore please your godheads we may be be frended
To haue this disorder among them amended
And graunt we beseech you of mercy and pittie,
Your licence to our new master nose of this citty,
To apprehend, arest, and take in all places,
All manner of men, hauing mettle in their faces.
And that euery one arested in this manner,
Shall carry a pot vnder the Uintners banner.
That if any man denay,
Your licence to obay:
Then while his nose is hot,
We may ply him with the pot:
And banish him his ale,
And set his coat to sale:
Till he hath protested, Good fellowship with the rest.
God
Bacchus as soone as he vnderstood,
[Page]Their earnest request, and all for his good,
He presently granted with princely diseretion,
To good father
Bleuin a generall commission▪
The
teneur[?] whereof you may vnderstand,
Giuen vnder God
Bacchus owne hand.
The Commission.
Bacchus the God of wi
[...]es,
With the consent of his concubines.
Incensing fiery faces,
Sends geéeting euen,
To old father
Bleuin,
From the Almightie graces.
That whereas there doth remaine,
In
England, France, and
Spaine,
Italy, Barbery, Turkie, and
Candy,
As goodly red noses and faces as can be.
With purple & pumple to furnish the place,
To set out the glory of the nose or the face.
With colours most lusty and liuely of hew:
Crimson, violet, purple, and blew▪
Which are commodious many a way,
To lighten the darke waies for men gone astray
And also to inrich the Iewellers shops,
With amber & pearle stones, that growe on nose tops.
We haue thought good of our priucely grace,
Aboue all other thou hauing the place.
To giue thee authority vnder our seale,
For the generall good of euery weale:
Superior power ouer faces,
In citties, and townes, Corporations, and places.
In this good cause whatsoeuer thou doe.
Of our princely grace we meane to allow,
Giuing thee power to search among guests,
In euery tauerne, at euery messe.
That those that haue the richest faces,
May be set in the highest places.
Giuen at Candy, Among the good malmsey
Under the shadow and shape of the vines,
And seald with the signet of our copper coines
The same being granted, the Gods did agrée,
Then home came the Uintners so frank and so free.
Such pot sale, and hot sale was made in all places,
That vp start the good ale in their noses and faces.
And they that went thither pale as a clout,
Came liuelier home hither, then euer they went out.
Which made them appoint a parliament day,
To set their decrees at an excellent stay.
When all Uintners would come in,
The Parlament should begin:
For then comes home, of euery trade,
Enow to see these orders made.
But chiefely those that came from
Candy,
And bring vs in true harted malmcsey.
And other good company,
That I dare warrant ye:
As butchers and bakers,
Brewers and tanners,
Inkeepers and grasiers.
And the Cornehill brasiers.
And old Custome enterers,
And old marchant Uenturers,
That from the old hance,
Haue noses that will daunce.
ANd when S. Martins day was come,
The day appointed of all and some.
Especially such as were:
The highest in the liuery there:
The whole house did soone agree,
That malmesey nose should speaker be,
Because they did perceiue and see:
That he had more strength to tell his tale,
Then scuruie double beere or ale.
And being on this merry pin.
[Page]The first statute that came in:
Was
An act of Conformity,
For the Copper noses company.
Which the speaker very wiselie,
Did argue there precisely:
Then shaghaird ruffin he stept vp,
For he came lately from the cup,
And swore it were not out off square,
That it might be inacted there,
That all noses wan or pale,
That loued wine, beere, and ale.
With a constant mind; and a merry heart,
They should stick to the pot, and neuer part.
And be made Denizens,
Amongst vs Citizens.
The yonger warden then spake he,
But he that will a denizen be,
Must first of all compound with mee.
For I haue authority vnder seale,
To amend their noses a great deale:
God forbid quoth the speaker else,
But that officers that carry seales,
Should haue their fées and duties paid,
Ere any Pattents should be made.
Then came there a statute in,
Whereof the title did begin:
A Statute of preheminence,
To giue red noses reuerence.
Against Barber-surgions & Pothecaries which
Decay many noses rich,
With
Guaycum drinke and
lignum vitae,
Qui habetis nasos huc venite.
With purges drugges, and paines,
To drie away red veines:
Disordering so the head,
Whereby the nose is fed:
There can no red iuyce remaine,
Which ne nose did maintaine.
[Page]To be maruailous good and necessary▪
Nay quoth the house, by S. Mary:
Let it rather be enacted,
That noses putrifacted.
With muscadine they shall be mended,
Whereof the reume ascended:
So the nose will soone reniue,
And so the Uintners may quickly thriue:
And if any Pothecary,
Say or doe contrary.
It shall be fellony in the foole,
And so his nose will coole.
Then came for good rule.
Whereas at diuers and sundry meetings,
Many men are scornesull in their greetings.
To laugh, and mock, and scoffe at noses,
With many filthy strange purposes:
As painters, Imbrotherers, & such occupatiōs
Which say red noses take vp their fashions,
Be it enacted now therefore,
As many as laugh at noses any more,
Shall pay the shot,
And loose the pot:
For hindering noses that would be hot.
And whereas at y
e last session of Parliament,
By the vintners owne consent,
There was an act made, yet to be read,
For the maintayning of noses red:
Crimson, purple, and all other,
To salute them like a louing brother.
With a cup of wine when they come by,
which the vintners performe but slenderly,
Be it therefore inacted and made,
By the authority aforesaid:
That such as do vse the vintners trade,
And shall hereafter see any one passe,
Hard by his dore with copper or brasse,
In any part of his nose or his face.
[Page]He shall fill him a quart and hie him
apace[?],
Straight wayes to greet him,
Assoone as they meete him,
With a cup of good wine,
To kéepe his colour fine,
Upon paine that he shall lose,
The custome of a copper nose,
Prouided alwaies, that none come in cleare,
But shew a red nose, once a yeare.
And if any one chance,
To claime the freedome of the old hance.
Let his nose be ragged like a rock,
Full of blew veines of an ancient stock.
Enacted further let it be,
If any Uintners see:
Any man that hath little mottle in his face,
So he haue a good will to tipple apace.
That he giue him a pot or twaine,
It will come home double againe.
For the more men drinke the more they may
And that wil be the ready way.
To make a good nose of a bad,
Whereof dilligence had néede he had.
For if néede require,
A good red nose will serue a dier.
To dye of a liuely hue,
A crimson in graine,
That neuer will staine:
A purple or a blew.
These gifts and many mo,
The very trueth is so.
Are giuen to good faces,
Besides a merry heart,
And a trueth that will not start,
From friends in friendly places.
Then came the ale-drapers bill,
Saying their drinke was brewed very ill,
With bromestalkes & bayberryes, the Diuell and al:
FINIS