[Page] [Page] ALL THE WORKES OF IOHN TAYLOR THE WATER-POET Being 63 in Number COLLECTED INTO ONE VOLUM By the Author With Sundry new Additions, Corrected, Reuised, and newly IMPRINTED. 1630.
[Page] [Page]ALL THE WORKES OF IOHN TAYLOR THE WATER-POET.
Beeing Sixty and three in Number.
Collected into one Volume by the AVTHOR: VVith sundry new Additions, corrected, reuised, and newly Imprinted, 1630.
AT LONDON, Printed by J.B. for IAMES BOLER; at the signe of the Marigold in Pauls Churchyard, 1630.
To the Right HonouraBLE THE LORD MARQVESSE HAMILTON, Master of the Horse to his MAIESTIE, IAMES HAMILLTON: ANAGRAMMA, I AMM ALL HONESTY.
TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE, THE Lord Steward of his Maiesties Honourable HOVSEHOLD,
WILLIAM HERBERT EARLE OF PENBROKE ANAGRAMMA. LIBERALY MEEK [...], FOR REPVTE HONOVRABLE.
TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE, THE LORD Chamberlaine of his Maiesties most Honourable HOVSEHOLD,
PHILIP HERBERT EARLE OFF MONTGOMERY. ANAGRAMMA, FIRME FAITH BEGOT ALL MY PROPER HONER.
To the Author, Iohn Taylor.
Ars niuea hos lenit, [...].
Ad amicum meritò dilectum, Iohannem Tailor aliàs, aquinatem, vulgó Poëtam aquaticum hendecasyllabae.
To my worthy and well-deseruing friend, our wel-known hydropoet, IOHN TAYLOR.
To his friend the Author.
To my honest friend, Iohn Taylor.
To the deseruing author, Iohn Taylor.
To my friend Iohn Taylor.
A Catalogue of all the seuerall Bookes contained in this VOLVME.
- TAylors Vrania.
- The first part of the troubles and destructions of Ierusalem.
- The second part and finall destruction of Ierusalem by Titus and Vespasian
- The life and death of the most blessed amongst women, The Virgin Mary, the mother of our Lord Iesus Christ.
- Superbiae flagellum, or the Whip of Pride.
- Against cursing and swearing.
- The fearefull Summer.
- The Trauels of tweluepence.
- The Armado, or Nauy of Ships that saile as well by land as by sea.
- The Begger, or the praise of beggers beggery and begging.
- Taylors Goose.
- Iacke a Lent.
- Taylors pennilesse Pilgrimage, or Iourney (without money) from London to Edenborough in Scotland, and backe to London.
- The Acts and exployts of Wood the great Eater, in Kent.
- Sir Gregory Nonsence.
- A very merry Wherry voyage from London, to Yorke with a paire of Oares.
- A new Discouery, (by sea) with a wherry, from London to Salisbury.
- A Kicksie winsie, or a Lerry cum Twang.
- Taylors Motto.
- An Epicedium or mournfull death-song for Coriats supposed drowning.
- The eight Wonder of the world, or Coriats reuiuing.
- Laugh and be fat.
- Coriats Newes and letter with the Authours paraphrasing verses.
- A Bawd very modest.
- A Whore very honest.
- A Thiefe very [...]ue.
- A Hangman very necessary.
- The vnnaturall Father.
- Taylors Reuenge against Fenner.
- Fenners Defence.
- A Cast ouer the water to Fenner.
- The Water-mans suite concerning pl [...]ers.
- Wit and mirth.
- A Dogge of Warre.
- The World runs on wheeles.
- The Nipping or snipping of abuses.
- A briefe of the Chronicle from Brute to this present in Verse.
- A Briefe of the Chronicle from the Norman Conquest to this present.
- A Farewell to the Towre bottles.
- The Marriage of the Princesse Elizabeth.
- A funerall Elegie for King Iames.
- A funerall Elegy for the Earle of Nottingham.
- A funerall Elegy for the Earle of Holdernesse.
- A funerall Elegy for the Bishop of Winchester.
- A funerall Elegy for the Duke of Richmond and Linox.
- A funerall Elegy for Iohn Moray Esquire.
- [Page]The Summe of the Bible in verse.
- The Summe of the Booke of Martyrs in verse.
- Archie his making peace with France.
- The Praise of Hempseed.
- Taylors Pastorall.
- Three weekes and three dayes trauells from London into Germany.
- Taylors Trauell to Bohemia.
- An English mans loue to Bohemia.
- The Dolphins danger and deliuerance.
- The Cormorant.
- Abraue Sea-fight by Captaine Iohn Weddell in the gulfe of Persia.
- The Sculler.
- Christian admonitions.
- The great. O Toole
- The Churches deliuerances.
- Prince G [...]ales his welcome from Spaine.
- The praise of cleane linnin.
TO THE MOST HIGH, MOST MIGHTY, AND MOST ANCIENT PRODVCER, SEDVCER, AND ABVSER OF MANKIND, THE WORLD.
MOst Potent and Powerfull Imposture, take it not amisse that I a poore worme of your own breeding, doe (in waie of retribution) giue you here the encrease of my Tallent, which I haue beene almost 60 yeeres a gathering. It was told me that when I first came to visit you, that I cri'd and Waw'ld, and that when I leaue you, I shall sigh and grone: and euer since I knew you, I haue loued you so well for the good parts I haue seen in you, that I could verie willingly be glad to change you for a better. I know not what Title to put vpon you, you haue as many stiles alreadie as the great Turke; with the soldier, you are a hard World; with the Diuine, you are a wicked world; with the Lawyer you are a contentious world, with the Courtier you are a slipperie world; with most men a mad world; and with all men a bad world. The Diuell (your brother) and your sister the ( Flesh) hath quite spoiled you of all your good qualities and conditions; and (worse then that) they haue made you blinde, that you cannot or will not see your owne faults, and you haue blinded all your inhabitants that they can neither feele or perceiue their miseries: for which cause, I haue made bold to dedicate this Volume to your greatnesse, wherein (as in a glasse) you may view your imperfections. Here shall you see all your foure ages now combind in one; first, This is the Golden age, for Gold can doe any thing; it can both cleare and bleare the eies of Iustice: it can turne Religion into Policie, Pietie into periurie, and what not. Siluer indeed lookes white, and white is the colour of Age (Ergo the Siluer age) which though it run in an inferiour straine to Gold, yet it works wonders, and without it there is no market kept in Church or Commonwealth: for whosoeuer is King, Pecunia is Queene. The Brazen age is apparant in euerie mans impudencie; most men and womens foreheads or our-sides (which are their actions) doe manifest that they liue in an age of Brasse. Lastly, the Iron age is palpably present, for many soldiers (who mainetaine their liues with daily seeking their deaths) haue stomacks like Estriches, and (through want of meanes) they eat vp their swords and pistols. Amongst all these, I haue long time noted your great bountie, you haue beene so fauorable [Page] to giue some men as much ambition as serued them (iustly) for the breaking of their necks. To some you haue giuen Abundance, and you haue made that Abundance beget Auarice, and that Auarice to beget destruction: some you haue furnished with beautie, and that beautie hath confounded chastitie: on some you haue (suddenly) thrown honors and promotions, and those you haue loaden with enuie, slander & continuall perplexities. In a word, your gifts are so mischieuously mixed, as wit with beggerie, follie with wealth, and the like, that I protest I am wearie of you, which makes me thus bold to tell you of your iadish tricks. You neuer fauored me, and therefore I haue no reason to flatter you, nor will I flatter you or any man that shall or will doe me fauour. I neuer will make my tong like a plaisterers Trowell, to dawbe and smooth ouer the vices or villanies of any, with Sicophantizing Parasiticall flatterie. World, all that I craue of thee liuing, is a graue when I am dead; and although I flatter thee not; yet I loue thee not, (nor haue I any reason for it) for to mee thy fawnings haue been frownings, thy beneuolence maleuolence, the courtesies, cares and crosses, and thy riches (innumerable) restlesle perturbations: besides, when our blessed Sauior was vpon the earth, thy estate was so vile and damnable, that though he praied for his tormentors and crucifiers, yet he onely excluded the World (by name) out of his praier saying, I pray not for the world: and can there be any hopes that thou art any better now then thou wert then; nay, it is to be doubted that thou art rather worse. So that if any man will say that he hath occasion to loue thee, hee is either a foole or a mad man: indeed our first father was too diffident towards God, and too credulous toward Thee; our first mother was a lyar, and our first brother was a murtherer, this is the sweet kindred wee came of; yet thou (Obewitching world) doest puffe vs vp with pomp, making vs forget our originall, and esteeme our selues Demie-gods, when we are farre lesse then men; there is a more resemblance of immortalitie in a suite in Law, then in the life of a man; and we are so credulous, that when the whoremaster is called honest man, the Knaue will belieue himselfe to be so. Truth is (and euer hath beene) dangrous to be spoken. It cost Iohn Baptist his head, and Clytus his life.
World, I haue two requests to thee, which if thou grant mee I will neuer thanke thee: the first is good cloathes, (for those beare a monstrous sway) because I haue occasion to speake with great men, and without good cloathes (like a golden sheath to a leaden blade) there is no admittance. Secondly, that thou wilt keepe close from my Readers all preiudicate opinions, or let them be perswaded that this following Booke is not of my writing; for oppinion doth worke much in such cases; There were Verses once much esteemed for their goodnesse, because it was thought that a learned Italian Poet [Page] named Sanazarus made them; but afterward, being found to bee of a poore mans writing, they lost their estimation. An Anthem was once sung before the Dutchesse of Vrbin, and but slightly regarded; but after, beeing knowne that Iaquin de pris made it, it was extolled. So for my poore inuentions of my poorer selfe, were it namelesse, I am perswaded that it would passe more blamelesse, howsoeuer ( world) to thee I send it; I know thou hast many humours and qualities, and I hope to finde some of the best of them, resoluing to take my lot as it fals with patience, fortitude, and as many vertues as I haue, and more too; knowing my selfe for two conditions to haue no fellow; first, in beeing a Sculler; secondly a VVater-Poet; of the last of which, there is and shall bee no more I hope. And knowing further, that the way to immortalitie, is euer to remember mortalitie, and that death hath more manners then an Ague; for death will bee a mans guest but once, which when hee comes, I wish all men readie to bid him welcome; So world, in plaine termes I tell you there is no trust in you (yet I like a foole put you in trùst with my Booke) the reason is, I am wearie of you and it, and take leaue to leaue you.
Errata, or Faults to the Reader.
In laudem Authoris.
TAYLORS VRANIA.
TO THE TRVELY VVORTHY, AND RIGHT HONOVRABLE IOHN MORAY, L. VISCOVNT ANNAN, EARLE OF Annandale, one of the Gentlemen of his Maiesties Royall Bed-chamber; Earths Honours, and Heauens happinesse.
THE SEVERALL SIEGES, ASSAVLTS, SACKINGS, AND FINALL DESTRVCTION OF the Famous, Ancient, and memorable Citty of IERVSALEM.
THE LAST AND MOST LAMENTABLE Destruction of the Ancient, Famous, and Memorable Citty and Temple of IERVSALEM; being destroyed by VESPASIAN, and his Sonne TITVS.
TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE AND TRVELY VER I VOVS LADY, and Noble Patronesse of good endeauours, MARY, Countesse of BVCKINGHAM.
AS the Graces, the Vertues, the Senses, and the Muses, are emblem'd, or alluded to your Noble sex, and as all these haue ample residence in your worthy disposition: To whom then but to your selfe, being a Lady in goodnesse compleat, should I commit the patronage of the memory of the great Lady of Ladies, Mother to the High and Mighty Lord of Lords? And though I (a Taylor) haue not apparell'd her in such garments of elocution and ornated stile, as befits the glory and eminency of the least part of her Excellency, yet I beseech your Honor to accepther for your owne worth, and her Sonnes worthinesse, which Son of hers, by his owne merits, and the powerfull mercy of his Father, I heartily implore to giue your Honour a participation of his gracious Mothers eternall felicity.
The Argument and cause of this Poem.
BEing lately in Antwerpe, it was my fortune to ouerlooke an old printed booke in prose, which I haue turned into verse, of the life, death, and buriall of our blessed Lady: wherein I read many things worthy of obseruation, and many things friuolous and impertinent; out of which I haue (like a Bee) suckt the sacred honey of the best authorities of Scriptures, and Fathers which I best credited, and I haue left the poyson of Antichristianisme to those where I found it, (whose stomackes can better digest it) I haue put it to the Presse, presuming it shall be accepted of Pious Protestants, and charitable Catholikes: as for luke-warme Nutarlists, that are neither hot nor cold, they doe offend my appetite, and therefore vp with them. The Schismaticall Separaust, I haue many times discourst with him, and though hee be but a Botcher, or a Button-maker, and at the most a lumpe of opinionated ignorance, yet he will seeme to wring the Scriptures to his opinions, and presume to know more of the mysteries of Religion, then any of our reuerend learned Bishops and Doctors.
I know this worke will be vnrelished in the pestiferous pallats of the dogmaticall Amsterdammarists, but I doe, must, and will, acknowledge a most reuerend honour and regard vnto the sacred memory of this blessed Virgin Lady, Mother of our Lord and Redeemer IESVS; and in my thoughts she shall euer haue superlatiue respect aboue all Angels, Principalities, Patriarkes, Prophets, Apostles, Euangelists, or Saints whatsoeuer, vnder the blessed Trinity; yet (mistake me not, as there is a difference betwixt the immortali Creator, and a mortall creature, so (whilst I haue warrant sufficient from God himselfe, to inuocate his name onely) I will not giue Man, Saint, or Angell, any honour that may bee derogatory to his Eternall Maiestie.
As amongst women she was blest aboue all, being aboue all, full of Grace, so amongst Saints. I beleeue she is supreme in Glory: and it is an infallible truth, that as the Romanists doe dishonour her much, by their superstitious honourable seeming attributes; so on the other part, it is hellish and odious to God and good men, either to forget her, or (which is wor [...]e) to remember her with impure thoughts, or vnbeseeming speech for the excellency of so Diuine a Creature. I confesse my selfe the meanest of men, and most vnworthy of all to write of her, that was the best of Women: but my hope is, that Charity will couer my faults, and accept of my good meaning, especially hauing endeuoured and striuen to doe my best: So wishing all hearts to giue this holy Virgin such honour as may be pleasing to God, which is, that all should patterne their liues, to her liues example, in lowlinesse and humility, and then they shall be exalted, where she is in Glory with eternity.
THE LIFE AND DEATH OF THE MOST BLESSED AMONGST ALL VVOMEN, THE VIRGIN MARY, The Mother of our Lord IESVS CHRIST.
ISKARRIOTT Anagramms. TRAITOR KIS.
LENVOY.
TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE, WORTHY, and Learned Gentleman, S r. THOMAS Richardson Knight, Lord Chiefe Iustice of his Maiesties Court of Common Pleas, and Speaker in the High Court of PARLIAMENT, &c.
- A double Anagramme.
-
- THOMAS RICHARDSON,
- AS MAN HONORDE CHRIT,
- SO CHRIST HONERD A MAN.
BVt that I am assured that your Noble disposition, in all parts is sutable to the inside of this Booke, I should neuer haue dared to Dedicate it to your Patronage: for as it is a Diuine Poem, so ha [...] your Worship a religious heart; As it hath an honest intention, so haue you a brest euer full of [...] thoughts, which bring forth worthy actions: as it is a whip or Scourge against all sorts of priat, so h [...]e you euer beene an vfaigned louer of Courteous humanity and humility, I humbly beseech your Honour, (although the method and stile be plaine,) to be pleased to giue it fauourable entertainment, for the honesty that is in it, and the dutifull affection of the Author,
TO NO MATTER VVHO, NO GREAT MATTER VVHERE, YET TO BE READ, THERE IS MATTER WHY, ALTHOVGH NOT MVCH MATTER WHEN.
IT is no matter in whose hands or censure this my Superibae Flagellum, or Whipping, or Stripping of Pride fall into: If it come into the view of true Nobility or Gentry, I know it will be charitably accepted. If into the hands of degenerate yongsters, that esteeme Pride more then all the Liberall Sciences, who account the foure Cardinall vertues, inferiour to their owne carnall vices, such a one will put me off with a scornefull tush, a pish, or a mew, and commit my Booke to the protection of Ajax. If a wise man reade it, I know it will be discreetly censur'd; if a Foole, his Bolt is soone shot, and I am arm'd against it; if a Learned man peruse it, he will beare with my bad Schollership; if an vnlearned, I care not for his opinion; if a man of knowledge view it, he will pardon my ignorance; if an ignorant Asse see it, he will bray out his owne; if an honest rich man spy it, he will be the poorer in spirit, though not in purse; but if a proud Diues handle it, he will esteeme it worse then his Dogges; if a proud Courtier reade it, hee will teare it to tatters; whilst a Generous Affable Gentleman, will louingly entertaine it. If beauty chance to behold it, it will bid it welcome, if Pride stand not in the way; if a strong man that is not proud of it, grow acquainted with the contents of my meaning, I thinke it will content him; if Parents, or children, or all, or any body, that are not poysoned with pride, doe but see or heare it distinctly, read and vnderstand it with iudgement, I am perswaded it will passe and repasse, with friendly vsage, but if any of the contrary faction come within the Aire of it, they will vse it in some sort, as bad as the hangman will vse them. And So much for, To no matter who.
It is no great matter where this be read, for as a good man (being banished) is neuer out of his Country, because all Countries are his, so my Booke in Church, Court, Citty, Countrey or Cottage, is one and the same; it may perhaps alter the place where it comes from worse to better, but the place can neuer alter the honest intents of it, from better to worse. Therefore no great matter where.
To be read there is matter, why because it strikes at the roote of a most deadly sinne, which almost as bad as an vniuersall deluge, hath ouerflowed the most part of the world; and though the Preachers on Earth, (Gods Trumpets, and Ambassadours from Heauen) doe diligently and daily strike at this abomination, with the eternall Sword of the euerlasting Word, yet what they cut downe in the day, like Mushromes, it growes vp againe thicke and three [...]old in the night; for whilst the husband-man sleepes, the enuious man sowes tares.
[Page 26]Wherefore, I hauing a talent of knowledge lent me, by which I know that I must render an account one day, how I haue imployed it, and hauing written neere forty seuerall Pamphlets in former times, I purpose henceforward (God willing) to redeeme the time I haue so mis-spent, imploying my Pen in such exercises (which though they be not free from a rellish of mirth. yet they shall be cleare from profanation, scurrillity, or obsceannesse. I doe know, Pride is at such a height, that my Mole-hill Muse can neuer by mineing at her foote, shake her head; for where Diuinity preuailes not, Poetry in meddling doth but shew the Suns brightnes with a Candle. Yet forasmuch as I know that Pride cast Angels out of Heauen, made diuels in hell, threw man out of Paradise, was a maine causer of the drowning of the first World, is a deuourer of this world, and shall euer be accursed in the world to come, by this knowledge, I haue with a mix'd inuectiue mildnesse, shewed in this Booke the vanities of all sorts of Pride, not that I hope for amendment, but to shew my honest intendment.
I haue seene sixe or seuen fashion hunting Gallants together sit scorning, and deriding a better man then themselues, onely because either his Hat was of the old Blocke, or that his Ruffe was not so richly lac'd, his Cloake hath beene too plaine, his Beard of the old translation, his Bootes and Spurres of the precedent second edition, and for such slight occasions a man hath beene slighted, ieerd and wonderd at, as if he had beene but a Zany to the fashion, or a man made for the purpose for them to whet their scorne vpon, and therefore to reade this, there is a matter why.
It is not much matter when, for be it read on Friday the Turks Holyday, on Saturday the Iewes Sabbath, on Sunday the Lords Day, or on any day or all dayes, nights or houres, there is Diuinitie with Ala [...]ritie, Poetrie with mirth, and euery thing so interwouen, one with another, that if it please not the generality, yet I hope in particularitie it will tolerably censur'd by all that hate Pride, and loue humility. And therefore, not much matter when:
A FEW LINES, TO SMALL PVRPOSE, AGAINST THE SCANDALOVS ASPERSIONS, that are either maliciously, or ignorantly cast vpon the Poets and Poems of these Times.
SVPERBIAE FLAGELLVM, OR THE VVHIP OF PRIDE.
TO THE MOST HIGH AND ALMIGHTY God the Father, Creator of the World, and to the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and onely Ruler of Princes, Iesus Christ, the Glorious Redeemer of the World, And to the most holy & Blessed Spirit, the Comfort of all true Beleeuers, and Sanctisier of the World, Three Persons, and one Eternall Omnipotent God.
MOst mighty, gracious, mercifull, and glorious God, that triest the heart, and searchest the reines, from whom no secret is hid; in the assurance of thy neuer-failing clemency, and hope of thy gracious acceptance, I humbly offer to thy most dread Maiestie, these my poore labours, which out of thine owne Word, and by and through thy blessed assistance, I haue (for the glory of thy great Name compiled) I acknowledge my selfe the meanest of men, and the most vnworthy of thy vnworthy seruants, to present my polluted & imperfect duty to thee, that art the Fountaine of perfection, purity and holinesse; but thou that knowest mine intentions meeke and humble, free from the expectation of worldly applause, and onely ayming to reprehend and reforme the too much, too frequent impieties of Cursing and Swearing, so hatefull to thee, and so abusiue to thy Law, vpon the knees of my heart I prostrate my selfe before the feete of thy Mercy seate, beseeching thee for thy Names sake (too much prophaned) for thy Glories sake, too much abused, for thy Sonnes sake, who with thy selfe art neglected, contemned and reuiled, that thou wilt be pleased to arise, O Lord, and scatter thine enemies; that though this worke of mine bee but weake, and I the workeman far weaker, yet through my frailty be thou pleased to shew thy power; let my lines be like Shamgars Goad, Iudges, 3 31. Like Iaels Nayle, Iudges 4.21. Or che Iawe-bone which Samson fought withall, Iudges 15. Or Dauids Sling, 1. Sam. 17. That (through thy might) these accursed Philistines, with vncircumcised hearts, may be either amended or confounded; That all the reuiling Rabshakehs may be made to know, that thou art icalous of thy glory: so blesse, I beseech thee, these my labours, that children reading them, may be seasoned with a feare and reuerence of thy Maiestic: that those who already doe hate Cursing and Swearing, may hereby be the more confirmed in that godly hatred: That the wretched carelesse blasphemers and accursed takers of thy Name in vaine, may be ashamed & reformed, that thereby thou maist be glorified, thy Church cō forted and edified, and our sinfull liues amended, and finally our soules euerlastingly saued, through thy meere and infinite mercy, and our blessed Sauiours boundlesse merits: To whom (with thee and the holy Ghost) be all praise, power and glory, now and for euer.
TO THE HIGH AND MIGHTY MONARCH, AND MY DREAD Soueraigne, CHARLES, by the Grace and Prouidence of God, King of Great Britaine, France and Ireland, Defender, &c.
I Your Maiesties poore vndeserued seruant, hauing formerly (oftent [...]es) presented to your Highnesse many small Pamphlets (the best fruits of my leane and sterill inuention) and alwaies your Princely affability and beunty did expresse and manifest your Royall and generous disposition: and whereas your Gracious Father (of euer blessed and famous memory) did not onely like and encourage, but also more then reward the barren gleanings of my Poeticall inuentions: so now I am bold to present vnto your Maiestie this my best and superlatiue part of my last studies, I know (Royall Sir) that mans Pilgrimage here must haue a period; and as the Tr [...] falls East or West, so it rises, and He that knowes the heart, doth know that I doe (not hypocritically) take to heart, that many numberlesse Blasphemies, Curses and Oathes, which are carelesly, presumptuously and damnably breathed euery day, houre and minute, against the Almighty and infinite Maiestie of God: Sure I am, that God takes my part in resisting and writing against these crying crimes, and I am perswaded that your Maiestie hath an innated Christian hured of them, I likewise know that all good men doe abhorre and detest them; and as on the one side I will (or would) not be a Stoicke or Precisian, nor on the other side an Atheist, so in the mid-way I haue written this small Treatise, to expresse my selfe a Christian, and what a Christian in these points should be; and though the worke be small and rudely compil'd, though I (the Author) am altogether meritlesse of any good, yet is the matter great, and so great, that it merits the protection of all such as doe acknowledge there is a God. Wherefore I humbly beseech your Maiestie to accept and Patronize this poore labour of mine, that your powerfull approuement of it, may make it passe thorow all your Kingdomes and Territories Cum Priuilegio, that children by reading it in their youths, may haue an ingrafted hatred of these sinnes; that elder people may thereby here formed from them; that all in generall may loath and abhorre them; that God may be honoured, and our soules eternally saued.
AGAINST CVRSING AND SVVEARING.
GOD, by whose incomprehensible power all things were made of nothing, Genesis 1. By whose vnspeakable mercy all true Beleeuers are Redeemed, Isay 52, 3. By whose Almighty Prouidence, all things (great and small) are conserued, Mat. 10. 29. And nothing can passe without it, Pro. 16. 33. Whose Name is holy, Luke 1. 49. Whose name is a strong Towre to defend the Righteous, Pro. 28. 10. And a consuming fire against obstinate impenitent sinners, Deut. 4. 24. Who is a jealous and reuenging God, Nahum. 1. 2. Who filleth Heauen and Earth, and seeth all things, Ieremie 23. 24. Who is the Lord of Hosts, 2 Sem. 6. 17, 18. Who hath sworne by Himselfe, that to him euery knee shall bow in feare and reuerence of his dreadfull Maiesty, Isay, 45. 23. Who hath beene so gracious, that he hath made Man onely for his owne seruice, and so bountifull, that he hath made all other Creatures for the seruice of Man: who blessed him, and gaue him power to blesse in the glorious Name of the Lord of Hosts, 2 Sam. 6. 17, 18. Who in a fearefull voyce of Thunder, did in mount Sinai proclaime his sacred Law, and denounced this dreadfull and terrible Iudgement, that he would not hold him guiltlesse that takes his name in vaine, euen that God hath forbidden vs to curse. Exod 20. 7.
But to blesse them that Curse vs, Rom. 12. 14. Luke 6. 28. Mat. 5.44. Yet neuerthelesse, by the temptation of that old and irreconciliable enemy of God and Man, by the malice and mischiefe of that old Dragon and subtill Serpent the Deuill, Man hath mounted and spred to such a height and bredth these execrable vices of Cursing, Swearing and Blaspheming, that all estates and conditions, high and low, great and small, oldor young, male and female, are vniuersally possessed with these impieties, and by long custome it is in a manner almost as naturall as eating, drinking or sleeping, as though there were no God that had forbad these crying crimes, or no hell reserued for a punishment of them.
In this small Treatise I doe not put pose to condemne all sorts of Cursing or Swearing, for that were to declare and pronounce my selfe Accursed: but my intent is (as God pleaseth to enable me) to declare how farre these two brethren Curses and Oathes are lawfull or vnlawfull: and because I find Cursing to be the most elder and of most antiquity, I purpose first to shew (as farre as I haue assured warrant) my opinion concerning Curses and Execrations.
Curses and Cursing are deuided into foure seuerall kindes.
- First, From God to Man,
- Secondly, From Man to Man.
- Thirdly, From Man to himselfe.
- Fourthly, From Man to God.
The first is Iust, for God did neuer Curse any Man, Family, Tribe, Kingdome or Nation, but, there was a iust deseruing of that Curse: for Man being altogether sinfull, and God infinitely Iust, Gods Curse is due and iust for the transgression of Man.
[Page 42]The Second is vncharitable, as when one Man curseth another, for all Men (that are Christians) who haue one and the same Redemption in the blood of Christ [...]esus, who doe in the Lords Prayer call God Our Father, are forbidden to Curse, and commanded to them that Curse vs.
The third is, when a man shall Curse himselfe, which is more vncharitable, for Charity should begin ar home: and can that man be thought to wish well to any man, that wisheth hurt to himselfe? or may it be conceiued, that he that is so gracelesse to Curse himselfe, hath the grace to pray for another?
The fourth is, when Man doth Curse God, (which is most damnable) for can there be a most execrable sinne, then such impious ingratitude, that the Creature should Curse the Creator [...] that the redeemed should Blaspheme hir Redeemer: or that impiety should mount to such a height of impudency as to curse' the blessed Spirit?
Of these foure in Order.
FOr the first, God did most iustly Curse our first Parents in Paradise, and in all People and Nations (being of their of-spring) are originally polluted with their transhressions, and miserable subiects to the same Curse, and doe all generally vndergoe the same punishment, which is, that the Man shall eate his Bread in sorrow, labour, and in the sweate of his face all the dayes of his life, and that the Womaman shall bring forth her children in paine and sorrow, and be subiect to the rule of her husband, Genesis 3.
Also the same time God Cursed the Earth (for the sinne of Adam) which Curse was, that it should bring forth Thornes and Thistles, and without mans great toyle and labour, the Earth doth yeeld vs very small sustenance.
Likewise God did most iustly Curse Kain for murthering his innocent brother Abel [...] the Curse was, that Kain should be a vagabond, and a runnagate vpon the face of the Earth, and that his labours should be accursed; for when he tilled the ground, it should not yeeld the strength of her fertility vnto him, Gen. 4.
In the 26. of Leuiticus, God doth denounce most fearefull Curses against all wilfull & obstinate transgressors of his Law, as first that he will afflict their bodies with diseases, verse 16. And that he will set his face against them, that they shall fall before their enemies, and bee subiect vnto them: That hee will make their Heauen as Iron, and their Earth as Brasse. That their labour and strength shall be spent in vaine, and that their Trees shall bee frui [...] lesse: That the Sword, Pestilence and Famine, shall make them desolate.
Furthermore in the 28. of Deutoren [...]mie, from the 16. verse to the end of the Chapter, there is nothing but the dreadfull Curses of Almightie God against the contemners and prophane breakers of his Testimonies.
Likewise in the 27. of Deut. are 12. Curses denounced against rebellious and carelesse offenders.
In Genesis 9. 3. God doth promise Abrsham to Curse those that Curse him.
God in the 29. of Ieremie and 17. verse, doth by the mouth of the Prophet threaten the destruction of Ierusalem with their King and people, with the Curses of Famine, Sword and Pestilence, and that they should be a reproch and an hissing, or a contempt, scorne, and terrour to all Nations and Kingdomes of the Earth.
Also the same Prophet in the 48. Chapter verse 10. doth Curse all those that are negligent in doing the worke of the Lord: from which Curse none are excluded, be they high or low, rich or poore, Ecclesiasticall or Ciuill.
The Lord doth also declare all men accursed that trust in the helpe or power of Man, making weake flesh their arme or defence, and distrusting the mighty power of the Almighty, Ierem. 17. 5.
In the second of Samuel, chap. 3. verse 29. the Kingly Prophet Dauid doth denounce a bitter [Page 43] Curse vpon Ioab and his posterity, because Ioab had treacherously slaine Abner the son of Ner, (the laid Abner hauing King Dauid's leaue to goe in peace) the which Curse fell vpon Ioab afterward: for when Dauid was in his death-bed, he gaue a charge to his sonne King Salomon, 1 King, chap. 2. and 5. [...]verse, that because Ioab had slaine Abner, and Amasa (2 S [...]m. 20.10.) against the Law of Armes, or the Kings permission or knowledge, that Salomon should not suffer his gray head to goe to the Graue in peace, which Curse was accomplished, for Salomon sent Benaiah with a command to kill him, which was accordingly performed in the Tabernac'e at Ierusalem, close by the Alter, whither Ioab was fled, in hope the holinesse and dignity o [...] he place would haue beene his refuge and sanctuary from the indignation of the King, [...] Kings 2. 34.
Our Sauiour Christ in the 23. of Saint Mathew, doth denounce 8. seuerall Curses or woes against the Hypocriticall Seribes and Pharesies: and in the 23. chapter the miserable damned are described by the name of Goates, who standing on the left hand, are inforced to heare that vnrecouerable sentence of, Depart ye Cursed, into euerlasting fire, prepared for the Deuill and his anels.
The holy Patriacrk Noah did propehtically Curse all the posterity of his sonne Cham, which Curse stands in force against all those that are disobedient to their Princes, Parents, Magistrates and Gouernours, Genesis.9.25.
The vniuersall flood, wherein all mankind perished (except eight persons) was Gods dreadfull and consuming Curse, for the manifold and insupportable sinnes of the whole world, Genesis 7.
The Patriarke [...]saack (by the spirit of prophecie, by Gods appointment) did pronounce all those to be Cursed that Cursed Iaob, Genesis 27. 29.
The Prophets generally in sundry places doe (by the direction of the holy Ghost) proclaime many Curses against the enemies of God, and contemners of his Commandements.
These are the first sort of Curses, namely from Gods iust Iudgements, either by himselfe, his Patriarckes, Prophets, or by his Sonne our Sauiour Christ Iesus, These manner of Cursings, are Man [...]owne deseruings, and therefore they are for Gods glory in the punishment of sinners.
The second, Curses from Man to Man.
THis kind of Cursing is altogether against the rules of Christianity and Charity, for all Christians being members of one head, which is Christ Iesus, who is the fountaine of all blessing and blessednesse, it followeth by consequence, that all those who are addicted to Cursing or Cursed speeches, are not members of that Head of blessednesse.
Balaam the Prophet desireth and wisheth to dye the death of the righteous, and yet in the 22. of Numbers, Balak King of the Moabites did so corrupt the Prophets conscience with the hope of reward or a bribe, that hee was willing to Curse the people of Israel: and though God in the 12. verse of the same chapter, doth forbid Balaam to Curse them, saying vnto him, They are blessed: yet did couetousnesse so blind him, that hee dared to aske or expect Gods leaue the second time to Curse them, verse 19. which leaue or permission hee thought hee had got, but that his Asse, before himselfe, saw the resisting power of the Almightie, verse 27.
When Alsal [...] rebelled against his father Dauid, and that Dauid in great extremity was forced to flee, whilst his sonne pursued him, 2 Sumuel, 16. Shimei the sonne of [...]ra, ran towards King Dauid, reuiling and Cursing him, saying, that all the blood that was shed of the house and family of Saul, was by Gods Iustice fallen vpon his head, and that the Lord had depriued him of his Kingdome, and giuen it to his sonne. Absalen.
Here you see, that although God hath commanded vs to pray for all men, and not to curse one another, yet this wicked wretch Shimei, did Curse his King, his Soueraigne, the Lords anoynted, a Prophet, a type of [Page 44] Christ, and a man after Gods owne heart.
This is one infallible marke or token whereby the good and bad may be distinguished and knowne one from another, that the wicked doth Curse the Godly, and wish them hurt, and the godly doth pray for the good conuersion of the wicked, and wish them all earthly and heauenly happines.
The Wise-man giueth good counsell to all people in the 10. of Ecclesiastes, verse 20. Curse not the King, no, not in thy thought, neither Curse the rich man in thy bed chamber, for the sowle of the Heauen shall carry the voyce, and that which hath wings, shall declare the matter. The Apostle doth exhort, that prayers, intercessions and giuing of thanks be made for all men, and namely and especially for Kings, and all that be in authority, 1 Timethy, 2. 1, 2. and in the 1 Peter, 2. Wee are commanded to feare God and honour the King. Whereby it is plaine, that whosoeuer doth Curse the Prince or Ruler, doth Curse Gods Deputy, and Ordinance, for the which sinne they must neuer expect any other wayes, but the wayes of the Accursed: besides in many places of the Scripture we are commanded to pray one for another, and not in any place we are bid to Curse, but the contrary wee are inioyned to blesse those that Curse vs, and pray for them which hurt vs, Luke 6. 28.
The Curses of wicked persons are like arrowes shot vpright, which are likely to fall vpon the heads of the shooters, or as feathers cast into the wind, which fly backe in the face of him or her that throw them: yet is Cursing the last and poorest reuenge that can bee had for any iniury; as when men are oppressed or ouer-borne, that they haue no power or meanes to helpe or redresse themselues, when friends, credit, power, and money doe faile, yet Cursing remaines, as long as breath lasts, they haue a bottomlesse inexhaustible treasure of Curses, to bestow vpon any man, whom they know or imagine hath wronged them. But herein they shew how negligent they are in following the example of our Sauiour, who prayed earnestly for his enemies, yea euen for those that persecuted him to the most shamefull death of the Crosse, with these words, Father, forgiue them, they know not what they doe. Yet doth the Prophet Dauid Curse his enemies most bitterly in the 55. Psalme and verse 15. and Psalme 59. verse 3. and Psalme 140. 9, 10. But it must be considered, that those whom Dauid did Curse, were Atheists, Heathen, Infidels, malicious vnrepentant Idolaters, and blasphemers of the Diuine Maiestie, and so they were Gods enemies, and therefore Dauid by the Spirit of God had warrant to Curse them: and yet if Dauid had Cursed his owne peculiar enemies, it had beene no example for our imitation, for wee are not to take the infirmities of the best and most glorious Saints and seruants of God, for the Paterns to rule and square our liues by, but it must be their vertuous conuersation, that we all must take for our direction.
Holy Iob and Ieremie in their afflictions, in the their fraile passions, did curse the dayes of thir birth, Iob 3. Ieremie 20. 14, 15, 16.
It is fearefull to heare in these dayes, with what feruency people doe Curse one another, and how dull and coldly they pray to God either to auoide his Curse, or obtaine his blessing: Parents to their children, wiues and husbands, all degrees wishing most heauy Iudgements of God, to fall one vpon another, that although the Plague be but newly (by the great Father of mercy) taken from vs, yet the mouthes of many are filled with the cursed desire, and daily wishing for it againe. But, my deare brother, I heartily beseech thee, as thou hast a hope to heare one day that blessed voyce in the 25. of Saint Mathew, of Come ye blessed, by the hope and trust that you haue it shall be spoken to you, auoide all manner of Cursing and bitter excerations. And this shall suffice to finish this second part of this Treatise, namely, the Curse of Man to Man.
The third, when Man Curseth himselfe.
THose Kinde of Cursers are most desperate daring sort of wretches, who doe make [Page 45] so small account of the Curse that any man can pronounce or wish against them, that they dare to desire Gods heauy Curses to fall vpon themselues and their families; yea they are so hellish-mad, that they will beate their brests, and with lowd clamours (as it were) meete the vengeance of Heauen halfe-way, to plucke it on their heads: would so many else in theit desperate madnes desire God to Damne hein, to Renbunce them, to Forsake them, to Confound them, to Sinke them, to Refuse them? and would so many so earnestly beseech the Deuill to take them, and Hell to receiue them, if they did either loue Heauen, hate Hell, or loue themselues? If they beleeued there were eternall Glory prepared for the Blessed, and euerlasting torments for the Accursed, they would neuer so violently wish, or desire the other.
When Pontius Pilate sate in Iudgement vpon our Sauiour Iesus Christ, his conscience knowing, and his tongue affirming Christ to be iust, yet himselfe, called himselfe innocent of his blood, although hee pronounced the vniust Sentence of death against him, saying to the people, I am innocen [...] of the blood of this lust man [...], looke you to it. The people presently answered all, and said, His blood bee vpon vs, and on our children, Math. 27. 24, 25. Which Curse how it tooke effect vpon them, you may reade in Iosephus first Booke of the warres of the Iewes, the 1. 2, and 3. chapters, how that within lesse then 50. yeeres, the Roman Emperour Vespasian with his sonne Ti [...]us, besieged Ierusalem eighteene months, in which space there dyed by Warre, Famine, and the Sword, eleuen hundred thousand of them, the City sacked and razed, and the Iewes carryed away into perpetuall slauery and captiuity, because they bought and sold the Sonne of God for thirty pence: where, for a further manifestation of the former Curse; which they wished to fall on them and their posterity, we see the Iewes at this day haue continued these sixteene hundred yeeres a dispersed and despised Nation ouer all the Earth, being scorned and afflicted more then any others, hauing neither Gouernment or Commonwealth, but in most miserable bondage both of soule and body, depriued both of heauenly doctrine, and earthly comfort.
The Apostle Saint Peter Cursed himselfe, Math. 26, 74. But this was a suffering or permission of God, whereby hee might know his owne weakenesse, that so confidently would promise his Master (Christ) neuer to deny him; and this example of Peters fall is left for our instruction, as a Glasse or Mirrour of our humane frailty, that seeing so glorious an Apostle and Saint of God, when he presumed of himselfe, to haue most ability of strength that then he fell most fearefully; how then can we, who are so many degrees short of his perfection, so many steps below him in life and conuersation? how can wee (I say) haue that foolish impudence, as to put any trust or confidence in our owne strength, (which is but smoake) or any thing but an assured faith in Christ Iesus? But there are too too many that imitate the frailty of this blessed Saint, in denying Christ, and Cursing themselues: but the number are but few which doe repent as Peter did, and goe out and weepe bitterly; which true repentance and vnsained contrition, must be the meanes for the attainment of Gods pardon in our sins remission.
Note the seruant loue of that man of God, Moses, Exodus, 32. 32. Which for the zeale which he bore to the glory of God, the encrease of the Church, and the hearty affection of the people when they had prouoked the Lords wrath, that hee was ready to consume them for their idolatry with the Golden Calfe, then Moses prayed for them, that if God would not pardon their sinne, hee prayed that he might be for euer blotted out of the Booke of life, so much he did preferre Gods glory, that rather then it should be so diminished, he desired to vndergoe the grieuous Curse of eternall damnation.
The like example of zeale to Gods glory and loue, of the forlorne and reiected Iewes, is expressed by Saint Paul, Romans, 9. 3. Where he saith, For I would wish myselfe to be separated from Christ, for my brethren, that are my kinsmen according to the flesh. Thus these two blessed [Page 46] Lamps, or Beacons (which God appointed to illuminate his Church) did desire the dreadfull Curse of Gods heauy and eternall wrath to fall vpon them for euer, rather then Gods honour should be violated, or their brethren befor euer reprobates. These two last Curses of Moses and Paul, against themselues, were so great and good examples of true zeale to God, and loue to our neighbours, that though it be long since they liued, yet I haue not read or heard of any that euer imitated them. Moses as a Type of Christ before his Incarnation, and Paul as a follower of Christs example after his bitter death and passion, did both wish themselues to be accursed, to the end that thereby so many of their miserabeb rethren might be blessed: so our Sauiour Christ, (though hee were, and is the fountaine of all blessing) yet hee was contented to be made a Curse for as many as would lay hold on the promises of God by faith in him, Galatians 3, 23, 14. And thus I conclude my third part of this Treatise, of Man Cursing himselfe.
Fourthly, When Man Curseth or Blasphemeth God.
THis sinne is (as it may rightly be called) a degree beyond sinne: for this is the sword, which the Deuill doth put into madmens hands, wherewith they doe wound themselues mortally: for there were neuer yet any, that durst to lift vp this Cursed weapon of Blasphemy against God, but that the point thereof did alwayes turne into their owne bosomes, to their destructions, or most grieuous calamities, as Pharaoh, when hee said, Who is the Lord? I know not the Lord, neither will I le [...] Israel goe, Exodus, 5. 2. and Sennacherib King of Assyria, by the mouth of his seruant Rabshakeh, blasphemed the Name of the Lord of Hoasts, 2. Kings 18. Where he doth impiously extoll the Heathen Idols, aboue the God of Israel, saying (verse 34. and 35.) Whence is the God of Hamath, and of Arpad? Where is the God of Sepharuatm, Heua and Iuab? How haue they deliuered Samaria out of mine hand? The like did Holophernes, Iudith, 6. 3. when he threatned the Israelites in Bethuliah, saying, That their God should not deliuer them. When he had set vp his golden Image, threatning all that would not fall down and worship it, with most cruell torments to death, he proudly said, Who is that God that can deliuer you out of mine hands?
Nicanor, Lieutenant Generall or Captaine of the Host of King Demetrius, 2. Machabeus, 15. Against Iudas Machabeus and the Host of Israel, whom he purposed to inuade vpon the Sabbath day, said, verse 3. Is there a Lord in Heauen, that commandeth the Sabbath day to be kept and (verse 4.) when they said, There is a liui [...] Lord which ruleth in the Heauen, who commanded the seuenth day to be kept, then he said, And I am mighty vpon Earth to command them for to arms themselues, and to performe the Kings busines.
But this Blasphemons miscreant had his hire: for he lost 35000. of his men in the battell, and himselfe was slaine, and his head, hand and shoulder, brought in triumph to the City of Ierusalem, and his accursed tongue cut out, and cut in small pieces, and giuen to the fowles of the Ayre, as the same chapte [...] doth declare.
The Scribes and Pharises (Marke 3. 22.) did Blaspheme our Sauiour, and said hee had: Deuill, and that through the power of Beelzebub he did cast out Deuils out of the possessed.
But as the liues of these, and all other Blasphemers were odious and execrable, so were their deaths and punishments miserable and remarkable: for Pharaoh (after the enduring of many most grieuous plagues) lost his Kingdome and his life, he and all his Army being drowned in the red Sea, Exod. 14. 27, 28. Sennacherib for his Blasphemy, lost in one night 185000. men, all of them being slaine by the Angell of the Lord, himselfe being forced to flee to saue his life: where, at his returne to his Kingdome, he was slaine by his owne sonnes in the Temple at Nineueh, as he was at the vngodly worship of his god Nisroch, 2. Kings, 19. 37.
Holophernes, (that blasphemous Champion) [Page 47] was by Gods iust Iudgement, being asleepe in his Tent, and drunken, although he were in his Camp amidst a great Army of his owne rusty Souldiers, yet was his head smote from his shoulders (by a woman) and carried [...]nto the City of Bethulia, and there vpon the highest place of the walles set vp in memoriall of Gods vengeance, and his peoples victory, [...]deth, 14. 1.
Nebuchàdnezzar was for his blasphemy depriued of his manly reason and Kingdome, [...]nd for seuen yeeres space, liued as a beast among the beasts of the field, Daniel, 4. 30.
The Scribes and Pharises, who were the on [...]y men in reuerend estimation amongst the [...]ewes (as being the writers and expounders of the Lawes, for their blasphemy were deliuered vp into most miserable captiuity and [...]erpetuall slauery, as is before expressed.
God is iealous of the honour of his Name, that he commanded the blasphemer [...]o be stoned to death, Leuiticus, 24. 14. Which was forthwith executed vpon him in the [...]3. verse.
For which cause, when that blessed man Iob was in his greatest afflictions, sitting in [...]shes, full of Byles and sores, then his wife perswaded him to Curse or blaspheme God and dye, Iob, 2. 9. She well knowing that the Law was so strict, that for euery such [...]ffence there was a speedy execution of death, and so by that meanes shee would haue perswaded him to haue been quickly dispatched out of his paine and misery.
Briefly then to conclude this short Treatise Cursing, I beseech you brethren, by the [...]percies of God, that you all haue an especiall [...]are, not to blaspheme the holy and glorious Name of our good and gracious Creator, Redeemer and Sanctifier, that we by our Cursing, doe not turne his blessings into a Curse vpon vs and our posterity, here and eternally thereafter, that wee bee not so much out of [...]oue, charity, and obedience, as to Curse our Superiours, neighbours, or any other persons, or lastly, that wee bee not so wilfully [...]ad, to Curse ourselues: all which Cursed [...]eanes, are the causes to plucke downe vpon our heads the dreadfull Curses of the Almighty, as it hath done in all times and ages vpon Blasphemers and Cursers.
Against Swearing.
WHen man hath so farre offended God by his disobedience, that hee had thereby purchased to himselfe and all his posterity perpetuall damnation, not knowing which way to turne himselfe from the Almighties wrath, and much lesse knowing how to bee repossest in his fauour, when vndeserued, vnknowne, vnhoped for mans infinite misery, was to bee cured by his Creators infinite mercy, then at that time if God had giuen man leaue to aske some great gift which he might be redeemed by, had he had licence to desire or request what he would, that might be sacrificed to God to satisfie his Iustice for sinne, and to recouer that eternall happinesse which was most miserably lost. If man had had this liberty to aske and chuse a Redeemer, surely I am verily perswaded, that he would neuer haue beene so bold as to haue requested God to giue his well-beloued onely begotten Sonne to be crucified for him, as in these dayes a condemned malefactor would be vndiscreet and vnkind, if he should intreat his innocent friend to dye for him, but if hee should request the Iudge on the Bench, or the King on his Throane, that either of them would doe him the fauour as to suffer his sonne to be executed for him, if an offender should make such an vnreasonable request, I imagine he would either be accounted mad or impudently foolish.
Seeing the case was such that man was altogether in misery remedilesse, then did the God of mercy and Father of all consolation shew himselfe to bee in mercy boundlesse, [Page 48] then did he promise to send his Sonne to be a Sauiour and Redeemer for as many as before and after his comming, should lay hold on the merits of his death and passion, which hee suffered for the Redemption of all true beleeuers.
At last (in the fulnesse of time) the eternall God-head was pleased to be so far abased as to leaue the blessed heauens, to visit personally the cursed earth, to forsake the glorious Throne, and Crowne of vnspeakeable glory and Maiestie, and by taking our fraile nature vpon him in the wombe of the Virgin, to vndergoe all shame and calamitie, and after many trauels, and suffering innumerable reproaches, to take the sinnes and transgressions of the whole World vpon his shoulders, and (being free from sinne) was made sinne for vs, and to redeeme vs from the Curse of the Law, and the eternall wrath of God his Father, was pleased to offer himselfe for a sacrifice of propitiation and reconciliation; and to purchase vs eternall glory, by his ignominious, cruell, and shamefull death of the Crosse.
This was a Loue, transcending all Loue so farre, that no heart of Man or Angell could euer conceiue the last part of it, that the King of Kings, Lords of Lords, should willingly and freely dye for his mortall enemies.
Seeing that Gods loue was so infinite to vs so many wayes, as in creating vs, not Beasts or Vermine, but Men, in redeeming vs (when we wer in captiuity to the Deuill for euer) with no lesse price then the precious heart blood of his owne Sonne, for these and the rest of the multitude of his mercies: let vs all in generall, and euery Swearer and Blasphemer in particular, examine our consciences, how we doe with thankefulnesse requite this our good and gracious God, for his vnmeasurable loue and mercy towards vs.
How many of vs, with very little search, may finde our bosomes cram'd full of rebellious treacheries, ingratitude, that in stead of giuing God glory, praise, and thankes for all his benefits, doe most accursedly, (or maliciously) sweare him ouer and ouer, from the head, to the foot, not leauing any part or attribute of him vnabused, or not sworne by his body, his soule, his sides, his heart, his wounds, his blood, his entrailes, his bones, his feet, nay, they will not forbeare him [...] much as his nailes; so that the Iewes were more kind and lesse cruell in crucifying of him for they meddled neither with his soule or his bones: but these wicked miscreants (who are falsly called Christians) doe their best endauours with all deuillis [...] greedinesse, to cruci [...] againe the Lord of life, and to teare him in pieces with oathes betwixt their cursed teeth.
I haue read in the Turkish History, that is the a battell betwixt Amurath third Emperour of the Turkes, and Lazarus Despot of Ser [...] that the Archers were so many in the Turkish Army, that in the fight they did as it were raine in showres vpon the Christians, and with the multitude of the Arrowes like a clou [...] they darkned the earth. And it is to be feared that euery houre in the day, more oathes and shot at the Maiesty of God, by wicked C [...] tiffes, then the Turks did shoot Arrowers [...] the Christians in that battell; so that if our Sauiour had come into the World with a purpose to worke our perpetuall destruction, and that the Deuill had beene the best friend we had in our redemption, if it had or could haue beene so, could men striue either to require the loue of the one, with more seruice, or the malice of the other with more abuse? for Swearing is now in such high request, that some man doth hold it a disparagement to his reputation not to sweare; but to goe to Church, he thinkes it too ciuill a course: or to giue God thankes either before, or after meales, he is altogether ashamed, and like a Micher muffles his face in his hat, saying sometimes either nothing, or nothing that any man can hears or vnderstand: but to sweare and abuse the Name of God he is neuer ashamed, but with open mouth he roares out his oathes, stamping with his feete, and beating his brest with more feruency then he said his prayers.
I haue heard a swearer most earnestly pray now and then to God, but it hath beene [...] beseech God to damne him, or forsake him and on the other side I haue heard the same [Page 49] Rescall to beg and entreat the Deuill to take his soule and body, making such great account of Hell, that rather then hee would goe without it, hee will request his bread, meat, or drinke to be his damnation; but to desire God to forgiue his sins, or to be thankefull for all his benefits, to entreat saluation by true repentance [...], through the merits of Christ Iesus, these are things which he esteemes not worth the asking for, & altogether against the garbe of his Gentleman-like humour.
Now iudge with thy selfe, whosoeuer thou beest that reads this, dost thou thinke thou dealest well with God, and that hee deserues no better vsage at thy hands? A good name, as Salomon faith, is as a precious Oyntment, and men are so chary and wary, that they will by all meanes auoyd any scandall or dishonour of their names, and it is Capitall Treason for any subiect to abuse or vilifie his King or Princes name: Yet is God, who is Almighty, AEternall, Incomprehensible, the God of all glory, Empires, Kingdomes, Principalities and Powers, whose name is Wonderfull, [...]y, and Iust; at whose, Name euery knee should bow with feare and reuerence, before whose Throne the blessed Armies of Cherubins, Seraphins, Archangel;, Angels, Patriarkes, Prophets, Apostles, Saints, and Martyrs doe continually sing Hallelutsh: This great God, whom the very Deuils in Hell doe beleeue, and feare and tremble at his dreadfull wrath, Iames 1.19. yet doth the earth breed monsters worse then Deuils, and retaines and seedes more accursed fiends then Hell doth, who with their vngodly breath, doe as often as they can, belch their odious oathes and blasphemie, against the maiestie of their Immortall Maker and Redeemer, without any feeling or touch of conscience, insomuch that they would be ashamed to vse their enemies, or their vassals, or slaue in such contemptible manner, as they doe their God and Sauiour, and they would be highly offended to haue halfe the like abuse offered to themselues; and which is more, they would and should be all hangd, or worse, if they spake but one quarter of such treason against their naturall King, as they doe against the Immortall King of Kings.
A Seruant is the better to be beloued or hated for so much as in respect the Master whom he serueth bee good or bad: and can any villaines deserue more to bee hated, abhorred and spewed out of the company of Christians, then common swearers, (the Deuils best seruants) who are the Archtraitonrs against the Maiesty of Heauen? who like the foole doe say in their heart, that there is no God, and so doe hold the third Commandement to bee a fable, where God forbids swearing, saying, That hee will not hold him guiltlesse that taketh his name in vaine.
Oh what a miserable case shall those wretched soules be in, who at the dreadfull Barre of Gods Iudgement shall be by the Lord condemned and iudged guilty of swearing, forswearing, blasphemy, and taking of the name of the Lord in vaine?
Suppose a man were tranailing alone vpon some Plaine, Heath, or Desart, where many crosse wayes lead towards diuers places, and hee being a stranger (and amazed) goes on, not knowing whether he goe right or wrong, at last, by chance hee espieth a man, and asketh him it hee be in the way to such a place or no? The party answers him, that hee is quite out of his way a mile, (or halfe a mile, more or lesse) but faith he, I will shew you how you may with lesse trauaile come into your way againe: then hee directeth him to take his course crosse to such a Tree, or House, or Gate, or other marke, and so consequently sheweth him the easiest meanes to find his way againe: for which courresie what thanke the I rauailer will giue him, and say that if euer it lyeth in his power, that he will require his kindnes in a larger measure. On the contrary, let a man heare a wretch curse, blaspheme, and sweare, and say to him, My friend you are quite out of the way to Heauen, and if you doe hold that course, you will neuer come thither, for you are now going downe hill, the high broad way to the Deuill. If a man should tell a prophane swearer this, all the thankes hee should haue, would be contempt, derision, scorne, [Page 50] and hard words, or perhaps a right roaring Rascall would be so liberall as to sweare ten or twelue oathes more, and bestow a knocke or a stab vpon him that mildely reproued him.
If the penalty of twelue pence for euery oath had bene duely payd (as the Statute hath in that case prouided: I doe verily beleeue, that all the coyned money in England would haue beene forfeited that way: for little children that can scarce goe or speake plaine, can make a shift to sweare lispingly. Meate, drinke, cloathing, or any neceflaries that we vse, or any bargaine, buying or selling, doe very seldome passe betwixt party and party, without oathes, swearing, and oftentimes falsly; so that commonly it is no match, except the name of God be abused in it: At Dice, Cards, Bowles, or at any other game or recreation, it is lamentable to heare how vngodly villaines will outdare the Deuils in Hell, in abusing he glorious Name of God. And I verily thinke that Venison is too oftentimes more vnseasonably seasond with oathes in the taking, then it is with cornes of Pepper & salt in the baking: so that if the Law were executed which St. Leuis King of France made, that euery Swearer & Blasphemer should haue their tongues cut out; I am doubtfull that more then three quarters of the people in Christendome would be tonguelesse: for in these dayes men are seldome wearied with swearing, as I haue read of an Italian, that at his game was tyred in that kind, who commanded his man to helpe him to sweare, till he himselfe had gathered his breath againe.
And it is to be feared, that there are some who doe make a liuing or trade of swearing: as a fellow being asked once of what occupa [...]ion he was? made answer that he was a vitnesse, which was one that for hire would sweare in any mans cause; be it right or wrong.
The veriest villaine that euer abused the name of God, may learne from a Dog to be a better Christian, for if he doe take a Whelpe & bring him vp, giuing him but meate fit for a Dog, he may see how the Curre will attend him, follow him, watch his house, and to the best of his ability, guard and defend his Masters person from wrong or violence, and at no time he will euer forsake him, although he might haue a farre better Master: But if at any time hee should wax stubborne, and fly in his Masters face, otherwise bite him, then surely such a Master would either hang such a Dog, or knocke out his braines.
Thus as Salomon bids the sluggard goe to the Pismire, to learne labour and disigence, so I counsaile the blasphemous Swearer, to make his Dog his patterne, for his better behauiour; for, much worse then the worst of Dogs is he, that knowes God to be his Maker, Redeemer, preseruer, conseruer and keeper, and yet for all this a contrary to his knowledge, & against his conscience, will audaciously, impiously, and ingratefully reuile, raile & blaspheme the glorious, name of this his most bountifull and mercifull God.
Hee that reuiles, or scandals his Soueraigne Prince is rightly accounted worthy to dye the death of a Traitor: and whosoeuer doe abuse, slander or impeach the reputation of Iudges, Rulers and Magistrates, there is a Pillory, a whipping, with sometimes losse of eares, and goods, for an exemplary punishment. Theeues are hangd for stealing, and incontinent persons are sometimes punished for adultry and fornication: but swearing and abusing the name of God, is esteemed lesse then a veniall sinne, being (by regardlesse conniuence) rather approued, then reproued, and as it were by intolerable toleration, defended, rather then punished. All which the Lord did in his foreknowledge knowe, namely: that men should be remisse and negligent in the punishing of all those that bee dishonourers of his Name, and therefore hee tooke the cause, iudgement and punishment into his owne hands, with this irreuocable sentence, that he will not hold him guiltlesse that taketh his name in vaine: so that the Swearer & Blasphemer may see that although, through Greatnesse of Riches, Office, Fauour, or Flattery, men doe passe ouer this great offence slightly, yet God doth most assuredly promise and pay them their hire in this world, Ecclesiasticus, 23. For though thou thinkest [Page 51] God heares thee not, but is as deafe a [...] said Baal was, yet thou shalt one day k [...] that he that made the eye, seeth, and hee that made the care, heareth, and he will also giue them their eternall wages in the world to come (except true repentance and remission) as is most seuerely threatned in many places of holy Scripture.
In briefe to conclude, take Christs counsell, Sweare not at all, Mat. 5. 34. Except lawfully and trully before a Magistrate, for the confirmation of a truth, which kind of oath or swearing is for Gods glory, and commanded by himselfe, as it is written in Deut. [...]6. 13. Thou shalt feare the Lord thy God and serue him, and shalt Sweare by his Name. And Ler. 4. 2. Thou shalt sweare, The Lord liueth, and thou shalt sweare by his Name, Deut. 10. 20. and againe, Euery tongue shall sweare by me, Esay, 45. 23. and againe, And he that sweareth in the earth, shall sweare by the true God. These sorts of oathes are so lawfull, that Gods glory in them is manifested; Iustice dignified, Contentions pacified. In this sort when thou swearest God onely must bee thy oath: for it is for his glory that an oath taken lawfully in his Name, is the decision of truth, because he is the God of truth, and he is a iealous, God, and will net giue his glory to another, Esay, 48.11. And let it be thy greatest care, to hold & esteeme the Name of God in such reuerence and feare, that thou neuer dost name or mention, him, but with adoration and admiration'; let the faithlesse Iew be thy patterne, who doth neuer Name God in any Curse, oath, or vnreuerend maner: let the misbeleeuing Turke teach thee, for he will not abuse his false deceiuing Prophet Mahomet: let the Pagan reach thee, who with such dutifull blindnesse doe adore base and contemptible Creatures: let Gods mercies moue thee to loue him, so that liuing here in his feare, and departing hence in his fauour, thou maist be for euer partaker of his euerlasting Loue, which God graunt, for the Name and sake of Iesus Christ the Righteous, to whom with the Father & holy Ghost, be obediently aud duely rendred by men and Angels, all honour, glory, might, Maiesty, dominion and thankesgiuing now and for euermore.
Christian admonitions, against the two fearefull sinnes of Cursing & Swearing, that the grieuousnesse of those sinnes may be loth remembred, and auoyded, whereby the hatred of them may possesse the heart of euery Christian.
Against Cursing.
FIrst, (if thou wilt liue in a holy feare and reuerence of the Name of God) thou must consider what thou art, and learne to know thy selfe; for he that truely knoweth himselfe, is aman of very happy acquaintance, for by this thou shalt know thy selfe to be Earth, Gen. 2. 7. conceiu'd in sinne, Psal. 51. 5. Borne to paine. Iob, 5. 7. Euill, Eccle. 9. 3. Wretched, Rom. 7. Filthy, Iob, 15. Corrupt, abominable, & doing nothing good, Psal. 14. Mortall, Rom. 6. Vaine, Psal 62. Wicked, Esay, 9. Vnprofitable, Rom. 3. Vanitie, altogether more light then Vanitie, Psal. 62. Sinfull, 1 Kings 8. Miserable, 1 C [...]rinth. 15. Dust and Ashes, Gen. 18. Gods enemy, Rom. 8. A child of wrath, Ephesians, 2. 3. A worme, Iob, 25. Wormes meare, Esay, 51. Nothing, yea lesse then nothing, Esay 40. 17.
Hauing thus by the Touch-stone of Gods Word tryed, and examined thy miserable estate and condition, and therewithall knowing thy selfe, then on the other side, consider (as neere as thy frailty will permit) the power of God in creating thee, his mercy in Redeeming thee, his loue, in preseruing thee, his bounty, in keeping thee, his promise to glorisie thee in Heauen, if thou honour him on earth, and his Iudgements to condemne thee, if thou blaspheme and dishonour him.
Our Sauiour Christ, being the Head of Blessednesse, and of all that are or shall bee blessed, how is it possible that any Accursed or Cursing person can bee a [Page 52] member of that Blessed Head; who hath expressely forbidden vs to Curse, but to blesse them that Curse vs? Luke, 6. Mat. 5. Rom. 12. And in the 1 [...] 9. Psalme, It is said to him that accustomes himselfe to Curse, Cursing was his delight, therefore shall it happen vnto him, he loued not blessing, therefore it shall be farre from him.
And seeing no man can merit the least part of blessings remporall, how, or with what face can one that liues accursedly, or vseth cursing (here,) hope for a Kingdome of Eternall blessednesse hereafter?
It is fearefull to heare how, and with what cold dulnesse, many men doe pray for blessings either for themselues or for other, and (contrarily) with what vehemency they will Curse: as some haue willed and wished themselues Gods Plague, the Pox, and other mischiefes, and some haue too often bid the Deuill take them, God Sinke them: Renounce, Confound, Consume, Refuse, and Damne them: and yet these filly gracelesse earthwormes, haue an ambitious deceitfull ayme to be blessed, partakers of the blessed Kingdome of Heauen.
Therefore if thou hast a desire of Eternall blessednesse, know that the way thither, is not by Cursing: if thou hast a hope to escape the dreadfull sentence of, Goe yee Cursed, Mat. 25. Then giue thy mind to prayer and blessing, and then shalt thou haue the ioyfull welcome of, Come ye blessed inherit the Kingdome prepared for you from the beginning of the world. To the which God of his mercy bring vs all. Amen.
Against Swearing.
HAuing with a Christian humilitie considered thy owne base and contemptible estate and condition, then thinke with thy selfe, what an Incomprehensible, Glorious, Infinite and Almighty Maiestie thou offendest and blasphemest with thy vngodly Swearing, who hath said, that he will not hold him guiltlesse, that takes his Name in vaine.
And much better were it at the last day, for that miserable wretch, that he had beene created a Toade, a Viper, or the most loathsome creature, then to appeare before that great & dreadfull Tribunall, and there to be accused by the Deuill and his owne conscience, for Swearing and for Forswearing, and Blaspheming the blessed Name of the Eternall God, where no excuse can serue, no Aduocate can plead, no Proxey or Enoyne is to be granted, but presently the guilty Caitif is commanded to vtter darkenesse and perpetuall torments.
There is some excuse for the ignorant Iewes, that crucified our Sauiour because they knew not what they did: but for a professed Christian, who knowes God to be his Creator, and that Iesus Christ paid no lesse then the peerelesse and most precious blood of his heart fore mans Redemption, how can any one that knowes and beleeues these things, hope for saluation by that blood, wounds, heart and body, which he so often blasphemes and teares betwixt his accursed teeth? So that there is no Traytor so bad, or treason so great, as is against the Maiestie of heauen, nor hath the Deuill any that doth him more pleasing seruice, then an odious and common Swearet doth, and herein he goes beyond all the Deuils in hell in impiety and contempt of God: for Saint Iames saith, Cap. 2. 19. That the Deuils doe beleeue there is a God, and that they also tremble in feare of his mighty power; but the Swearer, though hee doth know and beleeue there is a God, yet hee beleeues not his Word, or feares or trembles at his Iudgements.
Besides these endlesse torments ordained in hell for odious Swearers, God hath promised to afflict them in this life: for he saith, The plague shall neuer goe from the house of the Swearer, Ecclesiasticus, 23.
So that the gaine of a Swearer is nothing but the eternall wrath of God, the hatred of all good men, the ill example to others, and the vexation and discredit of himselfe, his kindred and friends, with a fearefull reward hereafter, (except true repentance obtaine mercy.) What a foolish absurditie is it for a man (being crost in some wordly affaires, or gaming, or other businesse, either materiall [Page 53] or triuiall) to reuenge himselfe vpon God, and blasphemously fly in the face of his Maker, with Oathes and Excerations?
If wee did consider what God hath done for vs, we would not so vnthankefully requite him: if we called to mind his gracious promise of glory euerlasting, to those that loue and feare him, we should then hold his Name in such reuerence as becomes Christians: if his fearefull threatnings against the takers of his Name in vaine, could terrifie vs, (no doubt) but we would be more carefull and circumspect in our liues and conuersations, as that we would be allured by his mercies, or restrained by his Iudgements.
GOd hath naturally placed and inclosed the tongue of man within the stone-walls of his teeth, and without those walls there are also the two earthen Bulwarkes or Rampieres of his lippes: he hath appointed Reason to be the tongues guide and guardian, and he freely offers his Grace, to be Reasons counsellour and gouernour: wherefore let vs flee to the Throne of Grace, and beseech the God of Grace, that he will cause his sauing Grace to guide our Reason, that our Reason may rule our tongues, that Cursing may be cashiered, Swearing suppressed: that (by Gods Spirit) our lippes may bee opened, that with our mouthes his Name may be praysed: that Gods Name may be glorified, and our sinfull soules eternally saued, through the merits of our great and blessed Redeemer Iesus Christ: To whom with the Father and the Blessed Spirit, be all Honour, Power, Maiestie, Glory, Dominion, and Thankesgiuing, ascribed and rendred (as is due) of men and Angels, both now and for euermore. Amen, Amen.
Against Swearing.
TO THE TRVELY GENEROVS AND NOBLE KNIGHT, SIR IOHN MILLISSENT, SERIEANT PORTER TO the Kings most Excellent Maiestie.
TO THE PRINTER.
MY Conceit is, that these are very lamentable Verses, and will grieue many the reading; they so expresse Death to Life, and make mortalitie immortall: I wish, that as many as can make vse of such Lines, had Copies, the rest may want them.
Here and there a Verse may occasion a Teare; then the Authour is a true VVater-Poet indeed; but else-where, there wants not a hand-kercheffe to dry that Teare. So is the whole worke a * [...]and deserues an Approbation at least from
THE PRAEFACE.
IN this lamentable time of generall Calamity, our hainous sinnes prouoking Gods iust Indignation, this heauy visitation and mortality; I being attendant vpon the Queenes Maiestie at Hampton Court, and from thence within two miles of Oxford with her Barge (with much griefe & remorse) did see and heare miserable and cold entertainement of many Londoners; which, for their preseruation fled and retired themselues from the City into the Country. Whence I noted the peoples Charity, and great amendment, [...]or they had giuen ouer one of the seuen deadly sinnes, which was Coueto [...]nesse, and in many places were so farre out of loue of a Citizens money, that they abhor'd and hated either to [...]ouch or receiue it; entertaining them with bitter worme-wood welcome, (which hearbe was [...]n more request amongst many of them, then any of the heauenly Graces or Cardinall Vertues) [...]et the hearbe of Grace was in much estimation, although the name of it was a document that they had occasion to Rue the Time; I further perceiued that they were so farre from beleeuing or [...]rediting any man, that they would or durst not trust their owne noses, but were doubtfull, that [...]hat sence would conspire with the Plague to murther them, wherefore (like cunning Mari [...]ers, or mole-catchers,) they would craftily in their streetes and high-wayes fetch the wind of [...]ny man, although they were ouer shooes & boots, & sometimes tumbled into a ditch for their [...]abours. This was the time when a man with a night-cap at noone, would haue frighted a whole Parish out of their wits, when to call for Aquae-vitae (though it had bin but to make a drench for [...] sicke horse) was enough to haue his house shut vp. When Lord haue mercy vpon vs, made many of them tremble more then God Refuse, Renounce, Confound, or Damne. When a man trauailing [...]n the habit of a Citizen, was a meere Bulbegger; when for a man to say that hee came from Hell, would yeed him better well-come without money, then one would giue to his owne father and mother that came from London. In this time of mans great mise [...]y and small mercy, I tooke my pen in hand and wrote this ensuing discourse: I haue (as neere as I could) suited it sadly, according to the nature of the subiect. And truly, because that the bare and naked truth was so cleare and ample, that I need not to stuffe it out with friuolous fables or fantasticall fictions; with my soule, I thankefully acknowledge Gods great mercy extended towards mee (one of the most wretched and wicked) in that so many thousands of better life and conuersation, haue fallen on my right hand and on my left, and round about me; yet hath his gracious protection beene my guard, for the which in my gratitude to my God, and to auoyd the sinne of idlenesse, I haue written, what those that can, may reade.
THE FEAREFVLL SVMMER: OR LONDONS CALAMITIE.
NOw for a Conclusion in Prose, I must haue one touch more at the vncharitablenesse and ingratitude of those beastly, barbarous, cruell Country Canibals, whom neither the entreaty of the healthy, or misery of the sicke could moue to any sparke of humanity, or Christian compassion; their ingratitude being such, that although the Citty of London hath continually extended her bounty towards the Countries in generall and particular necessities: for repairing their Churches, Bridges and high wayes, for their wrackes by sea, for their losses by fire, for their [...]inundations by water, for many Free-scholes, Alme-houses & other workes of piety and charity, most largely and aboundantly expressed, and most apparantly knowne vnto them; yet notwithstanding all these and much more then I can recollect, these Grunting Girigashites, these Hogrubbing Gadarens, suffers the distressed sonnes and daughters of this famous fostering City to languish, pine, starue and dye in their streetes, fields, ditches and high-wayes, giuing or allowing them no reliefe whilest they liued, or burials being dead: whose liues in (many places) might haue beene saued, with the harbours and entertainment which the currish Nabals did afford their swine.
They haue their excuses, and by the fault of their hard-heartednesse vpon the strict command from the Iustices and Magistrates; alas, a staffe is quickely found to beate a dogg: for let it be granted, that the Iustices and men of Authoritie did command and counsell then to be wary and carefull, yet I am sure that neither God or any Christian or good Magistrate did euer command or exhort them to be cruell vnmercifull, vnthankefull, barbarous, inhumane, or vncharitable: for it there were [...] are any, either Iustice or other of that hellis: and hoggish disposition, let him or them expect to howle with Diues, for being so vncompassionate.
What haue you beene but murtherers of your Christian brethren and sisters? for the rule of charity, saith, that whosoeuer heeor they be, that may relieue or helpe the necessities of others, and doth reiect or neglect it by which meanes those that are in want doe perish, that they are murtherers; and as many of our Country Innes and Ale-houses haue vnchang'd their signes because they will giue no harbour (vpon any condition) to neither whole or sicke, so without Repentance and Gods great mercy, some of them must expect to hang in hell for their inhospitable want or pittie.
What madnesse did possesse you? did you thinke that none but Citizens were marked for death, that onely a blacke or ciuill fu [...] of apparell, with a Ruffe-band, was onely the [Page 63] Plagues liuery? No, you shall find it otherwayes: for a Russet Coat or a sheepe-skin couer, is no Armour of proofe against Gods Arrowes; though you shut vp & barracado your dores and windowes, as hard as your hearts and heads were Ramd against your distressed brethren, yet death will find you, and leaue you to iudgement.
The Booke of God doth yeeld vs many presidents and examples, that we are to be carefull to preserue life: it is madnesse to stand wilfully vnder a falling house, or to sleep whilst the water ouer-flow vs, to runne desperatly into the fire: or not auoid a shot, or a stroke of a sword: It is lawfull to auoid famine, to shun the Leper, the great or small Pox, and many other diseases: for if Physicke be good to restore health, it is wisdome to preserue health to preuent Physicke. The skilfull Mariner in a dangerous storme or tempest, will make the hest haste he can into a safe hauen or a good harbour. I am commanded to loue my neighbour, and to bee carefull to helpe him in the preseruation of his life, and therefore I must be respectfull of mine owne.
Our Sauiour Christ (although he was God omnipotent) whose becke, or the least of his commands could haue consumed Herod, and crushed him and his Tyra [...]ny to nothing, yet did he please not to vse the power and strength of his Godhead, but (for our instruction and example) shewing the weaknesse and imbecillity of his humanity, hee fled from Herod into Egypt.
By this which hath beene written, it is apparent, that it is lawfull for any man to absent himselfe (if his calling will permit the same) from manifest and approaching danger o [...] his life: Beasts, Fowles and Fishes will shunne their destruction, Wormes and contemptible vermine (as lice and sl [...]as) will crawle, creepe, and skip, to saue themselues from death, therefore man that hath being, Life, Sence, Reason, and Hope of immortalitie, may lawfully seeke his owne preseruation. But if there be any that haue, out of a slauish or vnchristian-like feare, fled or runne-away from this famous City in this lamentable visitation; I meane such as left neither prayer or purse to relieue those that vnderwent the grieuous burthens of sickenesse and calamity; such as trusted more in the Country aide, then in heauenly prouidence, such as imagined that their safety was by their owne care and industry, not remembring that their sinnes and transgressions haue helped to pull downe Gods wrath vpon their afflicted brethren and Sisters; I say, if any such there be, that attribute their preseruation to their owne discreet carriage, giuing the praise to the meanes, not much minding the All-sufficient cause and Giuer of the meanes: If any such haue fallen into the vncourteous pawes of the sordid Rusticles, or Clownish Coridons, let them know that Gods blessings are worth thankes, and that they were iuslly plagued for their vnthankefulnesse.
And some haue beene too swift and fearefull in flying, so, many haue beene too slow and aduenturous in staying, depending too much vpon a common and desperate opinion, that their times are fixed, that their dayes are numbred, & that their liues are limited: so that till God hath appointed they shall not dye, and that it lyes not in them, or any power of man to lengthen life: All these Assertions are true, and I must needs grant vnto them. But for as much as God is the Land Lord of life, and puts it (as his Tenants) in our frailc Tenements; although the Land Lord knowes when the Tenant shall depart; yet we are ignorant, and know neither when, where, nor how: therefore, though there bee no flying from death when God hath appointed it, so we, not knowning the time when wee shall dye must seeke to preserue life, by shunning perils and dangers of death: let vs make much of life whilst we haue it, for wee doe not know how long we shall keepe it; and let vs haue a care to liue well, and then, I am sure, wee are out of feare to dye ill.
Being it is both naturall, lawfull and commendable, to auoid all these dangers aforesaid, I hold it much reason to shunne the place or person infected with the Plague or Pestilence. But here may arise an obiection, for Master Mulligrubs, Mistris Fump, Goodman Beetle the [Page 64] Constable, Gaffer Lagg the Hedgborough, and Block the Tythingman will say, that they did but seeke their owne safeties and preseruations in not entertaining the Londoners, for they were ignorant, and did not know who were in health or cleare, and who were infectious, in which regard, they thought it the surest course to relieue or harbour none at all: this is partly answered before, for no man doth or can taxe them for being wary and carefull, but for their vnchariblenesse, and vnchristianlike dealing, both to the quicke and dead; for the Towne of Henden in Middlesex, seuen miles from London, was a good Country president, if the rest had the grace to haue followed it: for they relieued the sicke, they buried the dead in Christian buriall, and they (being but a small Village) did charitably collect eight pounds at the lest, which they sent to relieue the poore of Saint Andrewes in Holborne, besides they allowed good weekely wages to two men, to attend and bury such as dyed; and though they are no Pharises, to ploclaime their owne charity, yet I could not ouerslip their deserued commendations. In many other places there hath been much goodnesse and Christian loue exprest, for the which (no doubt) but there is more then an earthly reward in store: For I taxe not all Townes and Villages, though I thinke most of them doe harbour some in the shapes of men, with the mindes of Monsters.
A man sicke of an Ague, lying on the ground at Maydenhead in Barkeshire, with his Fit violently on him, had stones cast at him by two men of the Towne (whom I could name) and when they could not cause him to rise, one of them tooke a Hitcher, or long Boate-hooke, and hitch'd in the sicke mans Breeches, drawing him backward, with his face groueling on the ground, drawing him so vnder the Bridge in a dry place, where hee lay till his Fit was gone, and hauing lost a new Hat, went his way.
One was cast dead into the Thames at Stanes, and drawne with a Boat and a rope downe some part of the Riuer, and dragged to shore and indiched.
One at Richmond was drawne naked in the night by his owne Wife and Boy, and cast into the Thames, where the next day the corp [...] was found.
One at Stanes carried his dead Wife on his backe in a Coffin, and faine to be Bearer, Priest, Clarke, Sexton, and Graue-maker himselfe: thete and many more I could speake vpon knowledge, and should I write all that I am truely informed of, my Booke would out-swell the limits of a Pamphlet; let it suffice that God hath not forgotten to be gracious and mercifull; our sicknesse he hath turned to health, our mourning into ioy, and our desolations into full and wholesome habitations: and though the Country in many places doth beginne to share in this Contagion, let them not doubt, but they shall finde the City more charitable and hospitable then they deserue or can expect. And so God in mercy turne his fierce wrath both from them and vs.
TO ALL THOSE THAT HAVE BEENE, ARE, VVILL, OR WOVLD BE MASTERS OF A SHILLING OR TWELVE-PENCE.
SIR Iohn Mandeuill, an English Knight, a famous Trauailer, and discouerer of forraine Maners, Regions, and Rarieties; Christopher Collumbus, Magellane, Hernando Cortez, Don Diego de Almagro, Drake, Hawkins, Frosbushir, Baskeruile, Cauendish, and many more worthy Trauailers of our owne & other Nations, whose honourable, dangerous, & laudable atchieuements, haue made their meritorius names to be Recorded, to the admiration of the time past, present, and to future postcrity: yet if it be well considered, it will plainely appeare, that all their laborious endeauours had an end with their liues: But the Trauailer that Itreate of, the Thrice-treble-triumphant Troynouantine Twelue-pence, is like a perpetuall motion, in a continuall trauell, to whose Iourney there can be no end, vntill the world come to a finall dissolution and period. For the progresse of Coriat was but a walke in regard of my Shillings per ambulation: and if the inke and Paper-murthering fictions should be true of Amadis de Gaule, Huon, Sir Egre, Beuis, Guy, the Mirrour of Knighthood, the seuen Champions, Chinon, Sir Dagonet, Triamore, Monsieur, Mallegrindo, Knight of the frozen Ile: If it were possible that all their lyes should be true, of the great Trauels of those imaginarse and neuer seene worthies, yet must they all come short of the praise that is due to my trauelling Twelue-pence. I could haue bussied my braines about many other subiects, as quicke Epigrams, biting Satyres, Sharpe Iambicks, soothing Elegies, pleasant Pastorals Odes, Madrigals, or Roundelayes; alluring Sonnets, flattering Epithalamiums, or lying Epitaphs, Panegericks, or name-seruing Acrosticks, and Annagrams, losty Tragedie, lowly Comedie, riddling Morall, or stately Heroicks: either of all these I could haue poorely handled, but that any Muse stumbled by chance vpon this Twelue-peny subiect, wherein I would haue the Reader to consider, what in some places I speake onely of a Shilling or Twelue-pence, and in some places generally of Money. [...] haue set downe the manner of my Shillings shifting of Masters, more often then the Serieants doe; for they vse the old Sherifs like Almanacks out of date, and yeerely serue the new; but Twelue-pence hath sometimes twelue, sixteene, or twenty Masters in a day. In a word (Reader) I doe not beg your fauour, [...]raue your acceptance, entreat your kindnesse, implore your loue, or request your friendship; for it is not any of these in particular that! seeke or care for: but generally at all I ayme, and for all I hope, and being in that hope, I leaue you to Reade and Iudge of my insuing Labours, and my Twelue-pences Trauels.
THE TRAVELS OF TVVELVE-PENCE.
Vpon the Kings Armes.
TO THE RIGHT VVORSHIPFVLL AND TRVELY GENEROVS SIR IOHN FEARNE KNIGHT.
THe world suffi [...]iently knowes that you know what Ships and shipping are, that you haue plowed the dangerous O [...]ean, and furrowed ouer the ragged bosome of Neptune: [...]et neuerthelesse I know that you haue tooke n [...]tice of my old and we [...]ther-beaten Land-Nauy, being built with [...]ut either [...]imber or iron, rig'd nithcut r [...]es or cordage, whose Ordnance are discharged without match or pouder, whose victuals are neither bread, drinke, fish, flesh, or good Ked [...]erring, whose voyages are not performed with wind and water, yet euer in action like aterpetual motton; [...] when you shall please to fa [...]ur me so much as to peruse and suruey my strange Fleete or Armado, you [...]ill then per ceiue that your selfe hath sayled in (or at the least) b [...]orded most of my Ships of note: for you are [...]ell accquainted with the Lordship, you are a friend to the Schollership, you haue laid the Ladiship [...]boord, you haue entred the Apprentiship, you are well known in the Courtship, you haue saild in the Goodfellowship, you loue the Friendship, you affect the Fellowship, you know the Footmanship, you are [...]ild in the Horsemanship, you haue surprised and taken the [...] Worship, and you know [...], that belongs to the Woodmanship, the Wardship, and Stewardship; I d [...]e for some, reasons not [...]ddle [...]th all, and I [...]inke you haue seldome or neuer had any dealings with them: the summe of all is, I must [...]; desire your [...]orships parden, for my alrupt Dedication, assuring you that it was only my loue and [...] that put me on, without any expectance of I aronage, protection or reward: and with my best wishes for they perpetuitie of your [...]resene and euer future selicitie, I rest,
AN ARMADO, OR NAVY OF SHIPS AND OTHER VESSELS, WHO HAVE THE ART TO SAYLE BY LAND, AS WELL AS BY SEA.
- 1 The Lord-SHIP, whose Squadron were of Ships and other Vessels, twelue in all.
- 2 The Scholler-SHIP, with ten others in all.
- 3 The Lady-SHIP, with twelue others.
- 4 The Goodfellow-SHIP, with twelue others.
- 5 The Apprentice-SHIP, with foure others.
- 6 The Court-SHIP, with eleuen others.
- 7 The Friend-SHIP, with foure others.
- 8 The Fellow-SHIP, with fiue others.
- 9 The Footman-SHIP, with fiue others.
- 10 The Horseman-SHIP, with foure others.
- 11 The Surety-SHIP, with seuen others.
- 12 The Wor-SHIP, with three others.
- 13 The Wood man-SHIP, with seuen other.
Besides there were seuen other needlesse Ships, which were in the natures of Voluntaries, or hangers on vpon the Nauy, as namely, The Mary Carry-Knaue, Th [...] Knaues-encrease, The Superfluous, The Carelesse, The Idle, The Coxcomb [...] The Braggard. And what man soeuer he be, that hath, or doth not sayle in som [...] one Ship of this my Fleete, Let him come to me, and I will Ship him, and allow hi [...] double wages.
THE DESCRIPTION HOW THE WHOLE NAVY IS VICTVALLED WITH THIRTY TWO SORTES OF LING, BESIDES OTHER NECESSARIES.
FIrst, thirty thousand couple of Change-LING, appoynted onely for the dyet of such fellowes who had honest parents, and are themselues changed into very Rascals. Secondly, Dar-LING, this fish was dearer [...]en fresh Salmon, (for it was consecrated to [...]e Goddesse Venus) it was of that high price [...]at some men haue consumed their whole [...]ordships, Manners and credit, in two or three [...]eres onely in this kind of dyet, therefore it [...]not a dish for euery mans tooth: for none but [...]aue Sparkes, rich heires, Clarissimoes and Magnificoes, would goe to the cost of it.
Thirdly, Shaue-LING, which was onely for [...]e dyet of Priests, Monkes, and Fryers.
Fourthly, Fond-LING, this fish was Cock [...]eys, and other pretty youths, ouer whom [...]eir Parents were so tender, that a man might [...]erceiue by ther manners, they had beene bet [...]r fed then taught.
Fiftly, Tip-LING, a dish for all men.
Sixthly, Vnder-LING, this fish was ship'd [...]or witty younger brothers, poore Schollers [...]hat haue neither friends nor money.
Seuenthly, Starue-LING, this Ling was [...]nely for the B [...]rke beggerly, which was man'd [...]ith old discharged Seruing-men, and may [...]ned cassiered Soldiers, and Mariners.
Eightly, Strip-LING, prouided for Pages, [...]ackeyes, and Foot-boyes.
Ninthly, [...]oo-LING, a dish for euery mans [...]yet.
Tenthly, Sward-LING, against stomacke, [...]ut yet a dish of good vse.
Eleuenth, Grumb-LING, a discontented kinde of fish for the poorer sort of people to chaw vpon: for when they doe thinke themselues wrong'd by their Superiours, and dare not vtter their minds openly, then they seed vpon Grumb-LING.
Twelfth, Wrang-LING, this Ling was falted by sixteene Pettifoggers, in a long troublesome Terme: it is held to be a lasting dish, and will serue the whole Fleete with their posterities, to the second and third generation.
Thirteene, Troub-LING, was prouided by certaine double diligent Constables, to the molestation of their sleepy watch, and the charge of many a man that would quietly haue gone to their lodging.
Foureteene, Prowe-LING, is a plentifull fish, vpon which many thousands doe liue, but by vsing it too much, it choakes a great number: and as fisher-men doe baite their hooks with one fish to catch other, so is this Ling (for the most part) taken with three other sorts of Ling, as with Iug-LING, Brab-LING, vntill by hooke or by crooke it is taken with Ang-LING, I haue seene many of these ProwLING fisher-men end their liues like Swaus (in a manner singing) and sometimes making their wills at Wapping, or looking thorow a hempen window at St. Thomas Waterings, or the three leg'd instrument neere Paddington. There were many other sorts of Ling sent to the Nauy, which (to auoyd prolixitie) I will but name, as Quarrell-LING, was for the dyet of some of the Noble Science, some for Roaring boyes, and Rough-hewd Tittery tues.
The nineteenth sort of Lingwas FnmbLING, [Page 78] which is for their dyets who haue beene long married and can get no children.
The twentieth, was Ming-LING, which was for Wine-merchants, Vintners, Brewers, and Apothecaries. Iumb-LING, and TumbLING, for the keepers and Cupidian haunters of vaulting houses. [...]id-LING, Fud-LING, and Stumb-LING, from the Schooles of Dancing, and Drinking.
The twenty sixth sort of Ling was BungLING, which was the fare of Quack saluers, Mountebankes, Ratcatching Watercasters, and also for all botching Artificers and cobling Tradesmen. Mumb-LING was for those that had no neede of the Tooth-drawer. StetLING money was at such a Scant-LING, that scarcely it was for any honest mans HandLING.
The thirty one sort of Ling was PoleLING, (I doe not meane a Pole of LING;) nor Barbars Pole-LING, which is an vniuersall dish, it needes no mustard, for many a Common-wealth finds it tarre enough without sawce, yet many men haue runne in and out of great Estates by this onely fish: it serues for the dyet of Proiect-mongers, Monopolitanians and diligent Sute- [...]oggers.
The last Ling was Pill-LING, which is much of the nature of Pole-LING, and so with Pole-LING and Pill-LING, I conclude my thirty two sorts of LING.
For other sorts of fish they had Carpe enough for a word speaking, great store of Cods-heads, Sharkes more then a good many; plenty of Dog-fish, and Poor-Iohns in great aboundance.
For flesh it was so plentifull, that hee that lou'd Beefe might haue euery day a stone (if hee had a stomacke to eate it:) their Mutton was neither Ewenor Lamb, but to my knowledge they wanted no Weather: They had also good store of Venison, but it was Rascall Deere, or Deere Rascals with some Fawnes; they had likewise store of fowle, as Gull, Goose, Widgeon, Woodcocke, Buzzard, Owles, Cormorants, Quailes, Railes, Cuckooes, Wag-tailes, Ring-tailes, and Birtoures. Their fruit was Medlers, and Wildings, and instead of a Flawne or a Custard, they were glad sometimes to dine and to suppe with Foole.
For preseruation of their healths, they h [...] neither Mithridate, or any other Drugge: fo [...] one Doctor Scowregut (who married with [...] rence, the onely Daughter to Sir reuerence Sti [...] stinke, of Hole-hauen in the County of R [...] million Glisterpipe-maker) was the Physici [...] to the whole Nauy, who did compound a preseruatiue of poudred Coxcombes with A [...] milke, which did very well agree with the [...] natures.
Their Bread and Drinke I had almost forgotten; indeed it was not Ruske as the Spaniar [...] vse, or Oaten-Cakes, or Bannacks, as in Nor [...] Britaine, nor Bisket as Englishmen eate; but [...] was a Bread which they called Cheat-bread, an [...] a mad fellow told me, it was so called, because the Baker was neuer like to be payd for i [...]. Their Drinke was brewed with a malt, mai [...] onely with Wild-cats, but instead of Hops, the [...] was s [...]ore of Rue, with a little Hearts ease. An [...] thus were they victualled: Now I proceed [...] the description of the Nauy.
Why these Ships are called SHIPS.
I Haue little to say to the Reader because I nei [...]her know him nor his conditions, therefore to auoyd lying and flattery, in putting the stiles of Christian. Gentle, Courteous, friendly, learned or honest vpon the Atheist, barbarous, hatefull, Ignorant, or dishonest; the Reader gets no Epistle [...] all of me: if hee be good and well inclined, it is the better for himselfe; and if otherwise, it shal [...] not be much the worse for me, there's the point. Now the reasons why all these words, or names of my Morall Nauy are called SHIPS, or doe end with the word or sillable SHIP, as LordSHIP, [Page 79] Lady-SHIP, Friend-SHIP, and the like &c: The reasons I take to bee these which followeth, and as I imagine most significate; first the whole life of man is a SHIP vnder sayle: for, bee it either day or night, storme or calme, light or darke, hot or cold, Winter or Summer, yet the SHIP is in her course, euer going in her voyage: so likewise Man, let him goe, sit, stand, ride, runne, worke, play, sleepe or wake, yet hee is still going onward in his mortall passage. A SHIP is euer in need of repairing, so is a man either in body, mind, or goods. A Ship is euer vnsteddy; a Man is alwayes mutable: some SHIPS are hard to bee steered; some men are harder to be guided. Some Ships beare so great a sayle that they beare their masts by the Boord and make all split againe: some Men doe spread such a Clue in a clame, that a suddaine storme halfe sinkes them and teares all. Some SHIPS are so fauoured by the wind, that they make rich voyages and quicke returnes; some men are so fortunate, that wealth and promotions doe fall in their mouthes. Some SHIPS run through many a storme with much danger, and yet are so vnlucky, that they neuer make a good voyage; some Men (being borne vnder a threepeny planet) can neither by paines, watching, labour or any industry be worth a groat. Some SHIPS by being ouerladen haue beene cast away; some men by taking in too much haue beene forc'd to cast all away. SHIPS doe wallow, and heaue, and set vpon the Sea; Men doe stumble, reele and stagger on the land. Some Ships haue their cracks and imperfections gayly hid with painting; some men haue heir bad intents coloured ouer with hypocrisie, and their diseased carkases couered with good cloathes. Some SHIPS doe bring profitable commodities, and some bring bables, toyes and trifles; some Men doe inrich a Kingdome with their Wisedome, authority, and practice in vertue: and some men doe disgrace and impouerish a Monarchy by folly, ill imployed power, and sottishnesse in vanity. Some SHIPS will runne to leeward extremely if the wind be scant, some againe will brauely beare it out to windward and weather it; so some Men will shrinke from their friends or from themselues, in a storme, or trouble, or pouerty; and some few againe will beare vp stiffe, constantly, contemning and opposing he brunts of Fortune. Some SHIPS are taken by others and made prizes; some Men are captiued by others and made slaues. Some SHIPS are commended more for their Bulke and beauty, then for any good seruice; & some Men are more applauded' for their fortunes, then for any good conditions. If I would insist longer on these comparisons, I could enlarge my Induction to the bounds of a Phamphlet: therefore I will conclude it with King Salomons similitude, Wisdome 5. cap. 10. That mans life passeth as a SHIP that passeth ouer the waues of the waters: therefore I wish all men to be prouided as good SHIPS should be, let HOPE be their Cable, let charity and loue Gard and Compasse, till they come happily to the Hauen of GRAVES-END, and from thence to that blessed Harbour which hath no END.
The Lord-SHIP with her Regiment.
THe Lord-SHIP, a very Ancient and Honorable vessell of mighty Bulke and burthen, being sufficiently furnished with victuals, munition, tackling and men, was vnder the Command of the Noble Don Diego de fifty Cankcemuscod, who was Admirall or high Adellantado of the whole feete. The Captaine of her was Signior Caco Fogo, (a Neapolitan of Ciuita Vecchia) a sweet affable Gentleman, yet of so dainty a disposition, and so experienced in Nauigation, that he could not endure the sent of the Pumpe, and for the more sweet keeping of the Ship, hee protested that hee would haue no more of those stinking Pumps to Sea with him: hee came very honestly [Page 80] by his place, for hee bought it with his money, besides the helpe of a Ladyes letter: and to giue him his due, he was well skill'd in the Ass-trolobe, and could take the Eleuation of the Pole, as well with a Battoone or a Broomestaffe, as with any lasobs Staffe in Africa. In foule weather he most constantly kept his Cabbin, giuing himselfe wholy to fasting and meditation, often Casting vp his acounts as neere as hee could, bearing himselfe so equally betwixt well doing and ill taking, that in all the whole voyage no man could taxe him for taking any harme, or doing any good.
The Masters name was Petrus Vaineglorious, his Mate Hugo Hypocrifie, men that haue steered the course in the Lord-SHIP many hundred yeeres: The Boat-swaine and his Mate were Scoffe and Derision, with Gripe the Steward, Auarice the Purser, and Lawrence Delay the Paymaster; kinsman to Tom Long the Carrier: which three last are thought to be very arrant Knaues, who haue spoyled the Gouernment of the whole Ship. In briefe, the Gunner, Coockeswaine, Swabber, and Ship-boyes were plentifully stored with pride, flattery, and other the like Gentleman like vertues.
The Ships that went in the same Regiment or Squadron, with the Lord-SHIP, were these that follow, namely,
- 1 The Ambition,
- 2 The Presumption, two stout Ships of very lofty sayle and great burthen.
- 3 The Oppression, a Ship of account and estimation.
- 4 The Costly, a ship of great charge.
- 5 The Mutable, a braue Ship, but in no course steddy.
- 6 The Selfe-loue, a great Ship, but of smal seruice.
- 7 The Delight, a faire ship to the eye.
- 8 The Hopewell, a ship of great expectation.
- 9 The Debt, a ship of great burthen & much receit.
- 10 The Satisfaction, a large long ship, a very Cart, a slugge and slowe of sayle.
- 11 The Promise, a ship very vnsteddy, yet her sayles euer full.
The Scholler-SHIP with her Regiment.
THis Ship is a very ancient Ship, and was built at the first, and hath beene euer since repaired with infinite cost, paines and study. She hath beene of that worthy estimation, that the Monarchs, Kings, Princes, and Estates of the world, haue made it their chiefest felicity to sayle in her: all famous Diuines and Philosophers haue steered her, and beene steered by her. Some of our greatest Mariners haue beene much troubled with plurifies, pluralities I would say, and some haue beene great marchants a Steeple faire, but it was in the old time, Si- Money, was as good as ready Money. The Arts Mathematicall and metaphysicall haue beene the rich prizes and purchases of her painefull voyages: and now at this present (though the world bee much altred with her) She tries her fortunes in this aduentrous Nauy. The Captaines name was Sapience, the Master Sxperience, his Mate Knowledge, and euery other Officer correspondent, being munition'd and victualled for the enterprise shee set sayle, with her squadron or Regiment of Ships here under named.
- 1 The Serious, a ship laden with Grauitie.
- 2 The Fore-sight, a ship worthy of much regard.
- 3 The Desart a ship of great seruice and small payement.
- 4 The Industrious, a good profitable ship.
Then there attend her fiue small Pinnaces and Frigots, namely, the Dogmatest, the Captious, the Preiudicate, the Carper, and the [...]ritick. These fiue were man'd with yo [...] Bachelours of Art, Puny Innes of Courtmen, and humorous Poets, who with their continuall cudgelling one another with broken verses, had almost beaten Priscians braines out.
The Lady-SHIP with her Regiment.
THis Lady-SHIP was a very comely Ship to the eye, set out with most excessiue and superfluous cost, she was most richly adorned and beautified with Flagges, Streamers, Pen [...]ons, and Wastcloaths: there was more time spent in rigging of her, then in all the rest of the Fleete one after another: her cordage and tackling was of fine siluer twist, onely her En [...]ing rope was pure gold: her sayles were silke, of all the colours in the Rainebow: her Masts and yards were strong and seruiceable: her Guyse, Bolins, Sheats, Tacks, Braces, iyes, and [...] were all very costly: her Gaskets, Martlines, Cables hawsers, Fish and Cattrope, Boyghroape, and Boaterope, Boltrope and Toprope, the Guestrope, Bucketrope, and Forterope, Shrowdes, Lanyards, Ratlings, Halliers, Ropeyarns, founding Lines, were all of rare stuffes of great price and small profit; and contrary to any other ship, she had neither Forestay or Backstay, for the wind laye in her will, and if shee pleas'd to sayle any whither, there was no command had power to stop her, or Cable and Ankers strength to hold her. In a word, shee was a fine timbred [...]essell, and had the vertue to sayle without any Compasse, and indeed she was altogether for fair weather, for if it storm'd, rain'd, or blewe, or Sun-shinde too hot, she would lye at Ankor, and keepe her harbour a moneth together, so that neither force or faire meanes could euer vnmoue her.
Her Ordnance or Artillery were in her chase or head, and her powder and munition were in her Sterne or Poope, she is somewhat tickle in steerage, but in sight she is sufficient to sinke or blow vp, as many as dare Boord or Grapple with her. She was laden out with poore beggerly Commodities, as Lead, Tin, Leather, Tallow, Corne, and Broad-cloth, but shee came richly fraughted home with Apes, Monkeys, Mirkins, Marmosets, Spanish Potatoes, Estridges feathers, Island Dogs, St. Martins Beades and Bracelets, Cobweb-Lawne, Tiffanies, dainty dun Popingay greene Parrots, and Parakitoes. The Masters name was Vantty, who had the chiefe command and guide of the Ship and Regiment, who in steering of his course, was neither miserable or liberall, but altogether a most worthy, worthlesse, carefull, negligent, prodigall.
The other ships and Vessels that were in her Regiment vnder her command, were named as followeth.
- 1 The Dainly, a ship purposely built for the carriage of such things as were farre fetcht and deare bought, and by consequence prouerbially good for Ladies.
- 2 The Pride, an intolerable gawdy vessell, of an exceeding losty sayle, with top and top gallant.
- 3 The Coy, a little Frigot, of small, seruice.
- 4 The Disdaine, a great ship of much vse, but of very strange course or steerage.
- 5 The Nice, a Frigot that carried the sweet meats or confectionary.
- 6 The Fashion, a Gallysoist, onely for the seruice of the wardrope.
- 7 The Bable, a small Frigot onely for pleasure.
- 8 The Toy, a Pinnace, that was appointed to attend and follow the Fashion.
- 9 The wanton, a Katch.
- 10 The Gengawe, a Hoygh.
- 11 The Whim [...]rham, a Drumler.
All these three were of most especiall vse and seruice for the Ladyship, whose chiefe charge and imployment was to weare, eate, and drinke the best, and withall not to pester, wrong or oppresse the fleet [...] good examples, or directions.
The Good fellow-SHIP with her Regiment.
THis Ship is very old, and much out of reparations: She hath beene of such vse and imployment, that shee hath sayled into all [Page 82] Countries of the inhabitable world; she onely is the greatest traueller, for there is not a Hauen or harbour vnder the Sunne, but shee hath cast Anker in it. Wine Marchants, Vintners, Brewers, and Victuallers, haue thrust themselues into the whole Lordships, by the often returnes, lading and vnlading of this ship; yet now she is so weather-beaten, with the stormes of time, and so wind-shaken with too much vse, that through want shee is not able to beare halfe the sayle which she formerly hath done.
In the golden age, when Saturne raigned, (long before the two wrangling words Thine and Atine, had set the world together by the eares) then was the Good fellowship in such request, that all Estates & cōditions failed in her, then her voyages and quicke returnes (her lading being for the most part hearty loue, and true affection) did maintaine and keepe such vnity, that whosoeuer was not a Mariner or Sayler in her, was [...]csteemed as a branded stigmatiz'd infamous person.
But at last her Nauigators began to steere another course, for some of them had learned the art of couetousnesse, and with a deuillish kind of bawdry, cald vsury and extortion, made gold and siluer engender and beger yeerely so much, and so much the hundred, when Taylors, like so many wicked spirits, flew from one Country to another, bringing home more fashions, then would kill a hundred thousand horses; when for the maintainance of those fashions, the earth was equally shared and deuided amongst the people (some all, and some not a foot) with hedges, ditches, bounds, mownds, walls, and markes, when my La [...] Rusty began to take such a thrifty order, that all the meare in the kitchin should be cheaper, then the washing and painting of her Visage, (if you allow the poudring of her bought or borrowed Periwig into the bargaine) when the world came to this passe, then this Good Ship, this Good-fellowship being forsaken of her Pilots, Masters, and Mariners, all her Saylers in little time declined to bee no better then Swabbers, so that through want of skilfull managing and reparation, and with extreme age, shee is nothing so seruiceable z [...] she hath beene, yet as she is, shee sets forward with her best ability in this Voyage. The Cay [...] taines name was Hercules Dumplin, a Norsol [...] Gentleman, the Master Gtles Gammon, [...] borne at Rumforde, the rest of the Mariners [...] were needles to name them.
The other Ships and vessels that were [...] the same Regiment with the Goodfellowship [...] were these.
- 1 The Drunken Sisse, a great ship, it [...] thought shee was built at Middleborough; b [...] howsoeuer, she hath made many voyages in to England: she is so beloued, that she nee [...] not presse any man to serue in her: for all so [...] of people doe daily come aboord of her, and freely, and voluntarily offer her their best se [...] uice, so that it is a wonder to see how brauety she is man'd: and (many times) women d [...] take their turnes at helme, and steere the [...] courses as well as men. She is a ship contrary to all other ships, for she rowles, reeles, and tumbles, most of all when she is in a calme h [...] bour; and the more lading she takes in, the more vnsteady she is; for if the sea be as calm as a milke-pan, yet is she euer tossing, which makes her Mariners sea-sicke, and subiect [...] much casting. Her Ordnance are Gallow [...] Pottles, Quarts, Pints, and the mizers G [...] lon: with three hoop'd Pots, Kannes, Goddards: in the which Artillery, almost euery one hath the skill to charge and discharge maintaining the fight as long as they can either stand or vnderstand. The Master of her is an [...]msterdam'd man, his name is Cornetis van Broaken-guleh; the Master Gunner was end D [...]nis whirlpoele, a man of Deepe, with Gulph the Purser, Snallow the Boat-swaine, and Swili the Steward.
- 2 The second ship in the Regiment with the Good-fellow- ship, was the sow of Flushing she was a vessell vnseemely to the eye, but yet seruiceable.
- 3 The Carowse, a ship of hot seruice, and as the Spider suckes the sweetnesse of the fairest flowers, conuerting their juice into poison so the saylers in this ship, haue taken a vseto [Page 83] drinke other mens healths, to the amplifying [...] their owne diseases.
- 4 The Quaffe, a quicke smart ship, much of [...]ebulke and carriage of the Carowse.
- 5 The Bissle of Breda, a small ship, yet in [...]ntinuall seruice, her worst fault is, she is so [...]we built, that her Mariners can hardly keepe themselues dry.
- 6 The
Sleeper of
Roterdam, a great ship, of exceding necessary vse, and much imployment,
[...]e is to the whole Regiment, in nature of an Hospitall or Spittle, for-when any of them are
[...]ounded, Pot-shot, Iug-bitten, or Cup sha
[...]n, so that they haue lost all reasonable facul
[...]es of the minde, and in a manner are so mad,
[...]at they dare speake felony, whistle treason,
[...]d call any
Magnifico a mungrell; in such des
[...]erate cases as this, the distracted parties are
[...]ought aboord the
Sleeper, where
Time like a
[...]ood Cloth worker, with setting a good nap
[...]on their threed-bare eyes, their wits that
[...]ere spent, and like Northern Cloth shrunke
[...] the wetting, are speedily recouered.
So likewise for the limbs and members of [...]e body she is the onely AEsculapian Taber [...]acle; and to speake the truth, St. Winifrides Well, the Bath, or the Spaw, are not to bee [...]mpared to this ship, for speedy ease and [...]re: for I haue seene many that were so dim [...]ghted, that they could not see their way at [...]oone-day, and others haue beene so defe [...]iue in their speech, that they could not speak [...]ne wife word; others so lame of their legges, [...]at they could neither goe or stand, and with [...] few houres lying aboord of this easie ship, [...]eir fights, speech, and legges, haue beene [...]ll recouered.
- 7 The Whiffe, a small Pinnace of Varina.
- 8 The Puffe, a Barke of Virginia.
- 9 The Vapour, a Frigot of Trinidado.
- 10 The Snusse, a Caruell of Barmoudoes.
- 11 The Bark-beggerly, before mentioned, man'd with old cashiered Souldiers, Mariners, and Seruingmen, negligent tradesmen, with [...]ome few Courtiers, whose dyet is onely Starue- Ling.
The Apprentice-SHIP.
THis ship is very slow of sayle, so that a man may make two East India voyages, or gridle the terrestriall Globe twice about (as Sir Francis Drake did once,) before shee can make a returne; the Compasle whereby shee shewes her course, is for (the most part) in our Troyneuantine Ocean, within the sound of Bowbell; in stead of a Map or Carte, she is directed by an Indenture, whereby she hath more knowledge in the time to come, then any Witch or Conjurer; for by onely looking on it, the least Ship-boy that's in her, can tell when her voyage will be done; she is a vessell that is both singular and single, for none but single persons must boord her; and (to auoid double dealing) she hath banished Matrimony out of her quarters, for seuen yeeres or more; her Mariners, doe (against their wills) endure much hardnesse, as hunger, thirst, heat, cold, watching, toyle, and trauell; yet many times they are allowed more Lamb and Ribroste then they would haue; yet by patience and long suffering, many of them doe change to be preferd: (in time) they sayle in the Lordship, Courtship, Surety-ship, or some other bottome of Honour or eminency; for they claime a freedome of all Trades whatsoeuer, and are so mysticall in their diuersities of mysteries, that not one man liuing can describe them: yet (for the most part) waight and measure are their guide, by waight from the Scruple to the Dram, to the Tunne, to the three Tunnes, and to the three hundred thousand millions: and by measure, from the halfe quarter Pinte, to the whole quarter Sacke; from lesse then the Inch to the Ell, to the Furlong, to the Firmament, and downe to the bottome of the Celler, to the Ocean and the Taylers hell, who indeed are accounted the best bread men in the ship, and such as goe through stitch with what they take in hand. There are diuers functions which neuer doe come aboord of this ship, as Cuckolds, Wittols, [Page 84] and others which I could name: but to supply these wants, shee is seldome vnfurnished of young lying Knaues, Whores, and Theeues, who (as the Cockle growes among the wheate) do sayle in the Apprentice-SHIP, and share as much benefit as most of her labouring Matiners. She hath small attendance, for indeed she is the onely bounden seruant in the Nauy, onely there is a sluggish vessell called the Tedious, that sayles with her, with foure finall Pinnaces, as
- 1 The Lodge.
- 2 The Dut.
- 3 The Wash.
- 4 The W [...]ng.
And sometime double, single, or no apparell is allowed to the Saylers when the voyage is ended.
The Court-SHIP, with her Regiment.
COurt-SHIP, is a vessell of Royall and magnificent burthen, of eminent Command, and inuincible force, if she be well man'd, carefully rig'd, discreetly ballac'd and wisely steer'd; shee is of that impregnable strength, that neither the stormes of sawcy censure, the Gusts of Mallapart babbling, the flawes of Enuy, the Tempests of temporising tale bearers, or the smooth calmes of Flattery, can make her sayle to any other Harbour then the famous Ports and Hauens of Vertue, Honour and perpetuall happines.
But (to vse Sea-tearmes and Phrases) there are a Crue of vnprofitable Steale-shares, peremptory Hetshots, idle Flat-sheates, and vnseruiceable vessels Loose-Guise, that doe attempt to boord this admiredship, and so hauing boorded her (like Drones) they eate, and liue vpon the labours and deserts of the painefull, industrious Mariners; these are the youth that after they haue foysted themselues into some meane place of Office, though it be but a Swabber, Lyer, or Lyers Mate (alwayes prouided, that they haue sworne themselues into good clothes) then let all their acquintance and friends stand further off, for the esteeme themselues to be no more mortall, [...] that a man had farre better speake to the Master and Owner of the ship himselfe, thea [...] any of these Pucke-foists: yet there is gre [...] shewe of zeale in their salutation to any [...] they meete, for the word God saue y [...], it is a common as the Ayre with them, but in [...] they neither minde God, nor the party [...] speake to, and (like an Apefor an Apple) they can kisse their pawe, inuiting a man to the [...] Cabbin; but whosoeuer takes them at the [...] word, they hold him to want manners, a [...] to be a fellow of no breeding. The ignou [...] Asse that carried the Egyptian Goddesse [...] procession, when the more ignorant people kneeled downe to adore the Goddesse, t [...] witlesse Asse thought it had beene in reuere [...] to him: so in like manner these vpstart Sh [...] boyes, hauing once crept into an inferio [...] Office in the ship, aud withall being couet [...] with silke, and good borrowed beaten Satt [...] linde and butterd through with Plush or Ve [...] uet, they arrogantly imagine, that all the [...]uerence or respect that men doe, either [...] their vndeserued place, or gawdy out-side, [...] done to their persons; but I would haue the [...] vnderstand, that they are honoured and worship'd, with the same deuotion as the bat [...]rous Brasilians, Americans, and Virginians d [...] adore the Deuill withall, which is not forth hope of any good which they expect, but [...] feare of the hurt which they suppose the Deu [...] can doe them. The conclusion is, that wh [...] a storme or tempest comes, the Noble, sto [...] skilfull Nauigator stands to his tackling, and couragiously applyes himselfe either to To [...] and yard, Helme, and Lead, from Post [...] stem, and from Prow to Quarter, when all th [...] seruice Monsieur Mushr [...]me and his Mate [...] doe, is either to eate, sleepe, spewe, and sti [...] and at last for some notorious or meritorious worke, they are duck'd from the yard a [...] of State, into the deepe sea of disgrace, and turn'd ashoare like Caines Imps, prefer'd [...] their due estates of Runagates and vagabonds.
[Page 87]The Squadron of ships that went vnder the command of the Court-SHIP.
- 1 The Renowne, a Ship of worthy port, [...]rength, and burthen, man'd with approued and experienc'd Souldiers, and Saylers.
- 2 The Courage.
- 3 The Resolution.
- 4 The Foresight.
- 5 The Expedition.
- 6 The
Loyalty.
The Perseuerance, sixe tall Ships of most ex [...]ellent seruice and performance.
- 7 The Complement.
- 8 The Briske.
- 9 The Strange, Three gallant Pinnaces, but [...]f very small vse, profit or seruice.
- 10 The Obliuious, a shippe of great bur [...]en and most plentifully man'd, with those [...]at had forgotten their Parents, kindred, [...]iends, birth, estate, breeding, and indeed, [...]ch as were so far out of knowledge to know [...]ny man, that they had no acquaintance of themselues, and being meere strangers to [...]eir owne qualities and conditions; and thus [...]as the Court-SHIP appointed and attended: [...]uch of the great Ordnance, were promises, [...]e powder breath, and airy performance [...]ere the Shot, which by reason of the tossing [...]f the billow, and vnquiet surges of the sea, [...]id often misse the marke.
The Friend-SHIP
VVAs a Vessell of great account and estimation, Dautd and lenathan, [...]amon and Pithias, Pilades and Orestes, Alexander and Lodowicke, Scipio and Lealius, did lo [...]ingly and vnfainedly sayle in her: indeed she [...]as euer free for all cōmers of what Country, exe, age, or state soeuer, for the word Friend [...]mportes free end, which is as much as the end [...]nd intention of Friend-SHIP is free: In these [...]atter times, she should haue gone to sea, but [...]here were not men to be gotten to man her, [...]o for a shift they were faine to furnish her with Kinred, Nunkles, and Couzins, with here and there a false Brother: Herod and Pilate, went aboord this ship (with a shamefull deale of loue from the teeth outward) but their purpose was to destroy innocent blood. It was a merry world when Fidelity was Master of this Ship, Constancie his Mate, and Platne-dealing the Boatswaine, but those worthy Mariners are dead, and an old Prouerbe, As sure as Check with them: in a word, the old ship is decay'd and rotten, hauing onely the bare name left, for she is so much past seruice, that shee can hardly steere or beare sayle, with an aduerse contrary gale, she will fall to Leeward much abominably, yet with a prosperous and fortunate wind, she will spread all her Canuasse exceeding saire, and hypocriticall, and so I will describe no further, because she is growne to that cheape rate, that a man may haue her at Bellingsgate for a box of the care.
The Friend-SHIP had two very small Pinnaces in her Squadron, named,
- 1 The Cogge.
- 2 The Forst, other attendants she had few or none, for indeed none but these two and one great ship called the Fraude, were in request.
The Fellow-SHIP with her Regiment.
THis Ship was in old time a Ship of vnity and equality, when euery man thought better of his neighbour then of himselfe, then the Master and his Mate (in louing simpathy) had inward fellow feeling of the griefes, paines, toyles, labours, infirmities, and wants of the meanest Sayler or Ship boy; but now the case is so altered, that though we be all of one house, yet not all Fellowes: and though all'in one Liuery, yet (by your leaue) no FellowSHIP, for by that consequence, many times the Page, the Foote-man the Coach-man and his horses might challenge Fellow-SHIP, by their trapping and comparable Caparisons; Indeed, selfe-loue hath bred such a disunion and disconsonance amongst men, that one [Page 86] thiefe doth disdaine Fellowship with another: so that this Ship (to patch vp her reputation in some poore fashion) because she will be man'd and laden with none but with fellowes, shee caries none but Foot-ball players, and Watermen: her lading being plowing Oxen, Coachhorses, Bootes, Spurres, Shooes, Pantoffles, Slippers, Galloshes, Gammashoes, Sockes, Cuffes, Gloues, Gantlets, case of Rapiers, & such things as wer by Art or Nature coupled & made fellowes; this ship was once of that estimation, that Iulius Caesar would haue beene content to haue sayled in her, but that the great Pompey scorn'd any equality, and would by no meanes boord the Fellow-SHIP with any man. In briefe she is a vessell of such duplicity, that a fellow with one eye, one eare, hand, stone, legge, or foot, must not enter her, nor any Sculler, or single soald person come within the shaddow of the smokes shaddow of her Ordnance.
The Ships that went in her Regiment or Squadron were these.
- 1 The Distrust, a ship that sayles alwayes neere the Fellow-SHIP.
- 2 The Pickethanke, a ship of great imployment, that commonly sayes out of sight or hearing, her lading being for the most part, priuate complaintes, whispering intelligences, and secret informations.
- 3 The Brawle, a turbulent ship in continuall action.
- 4 The Snarle, a small dogged Pinnace, of more vse then profit.
The Foot-man-SHIP with her Regiment.
THis Ship is of most ancient and greatest antiquity, for shee was before any other Ship was thought on, our old father Adam sayled in her, and was the first Foot-man in the world. And Prince Absalon the sonne of Dauid had no lesse then fifty of these terrestriall Amblers to passe before him: how it came to be called a Ship, I cannot relate, but by an Anagramaticall or mysticall coniecture, the onely trade of a Foote-man is running, and running away, and quite contrary to valou [...] or man-hood, hee is accounted the best [...] amongst them, that can run fastest, and he [...] called and esteemed a man of good Foot-manSHIP: which word Anagramatiz'd, is Foe t [...] Man-SHIP, importing, that running away [...] an enemy, or foe to Man-hood, valour and [...] solution, (thus much by way of Paradox.)
Let the wind blow where it will, yet at [...] weathers this Ship sayles a Trot, her lig [...] footed, nimble-heel'd Mariners (likk so [...] [...] ny dancers) capring in the Pumpes and vani [...] of this sinfull world, sometimes a Morris [...] Trenchmore of forty miles long, to the T [...] of Dusty my deare, Dirty come then to me, D [...] of the mire, or I wayle in woe and plunge in p [...] all these dances haue no other musicke, exce [...] now and then he chance to heare an oath, or [...] curse or two from the Coachman.
The Saylers, the most part and best of the [...] are bred in a Kingdome of much fertility [...] plenty, called Realdine, where, after they h [...] all their youth beene accustomed to we [...] Brogues and Truzes, their fare being m [...] times shamrookes, oaten-bread, beanes [...] butter milke, arm'd vpon starke naked, with [...] Dart, or a Skeane, steeld with the spirit of [...] quabah, then they crosse a ditch of eig [...] houres sayle, and land in the most flourish [...] Kingdome of Trtabr [...]e, where by their go [...] Foot-man SHIP they are turned out of the [...] old habits, into Iackets of good Preter plup [...] fect Veluet, plated with siluer, or Arge [...] viuum, (for the quickenesse) and all to be [...] embrodered backe and side, with the [...] gold twist, and the best of the silke-worme sometimes with a Court (a Coat of Guard [...] should say,) or a Coate of Regard, being [...] guarded, vnregarded, with such as deale [...] feather, ribbans and points, that he seemes [...] bee a running Haberdashers shop of [...] wares.
Yet are those men free from pride: [...] their greatest ambition is, not to ride, but [...] foote it, or else to sweepe chimneis, or [...] turne Costermongers; this is the altitude [...] [...] [Page 87] [...]eir aime, and the profundity of their selicity, [...]euerthelesse they know themselues to b [...]e [...]reat mens Trappings, couragious Torchearers, illustrious Fire-drakes, glorious and [...]mptuous Turmoylers, they are farre from [...]e griping sinnes of Vsury and Extortion, and [...]e such Philosophicall contemners of the [...]orld, that euery day they treade it vnder their [...]et and trample on it; and they are such ha [...]rs of wickednesse, that they leaue it in all [...]laces where they come: they are not coue [...]ous of other mens lands, for theymake all [...]e haste they can euery day to leaue it behind [...]em; they are so much to be trusted, that their words are as good as their bonds, yet in [...]is their humility they may compare with [...]mperours, for they are as braue as Nero, [...]nd can drinke with Tiberius: To conclude, [...]e Foot-man-ship is man'd with well breath'd Mariners, who after all their long, painefull, [...]nd faithfull seruice, are ship'd in the Barke [...]eggerly, and brought to an Anker in the Ha [...]en of Cripplegate.
There were in the Regiment with the Footman-Ship foure small Pinnaces.
- 1 The Sweat, a vessell of warne imploiment or hot seruice.
- 2 The Meyle, a Fregate that will endure [...]uch soule weather.
- 3 The Toyle, a Barke for all weathers, Winter Summer.
- 4 The Cripple, an old Drumler quite past seruice
The Horseman-SIHP with her Squadron.
HOrseman-SHIP had not so faire a beginning as Foot-man-ship, for Cain was the first vagabond and runnagate in the world, was also the first that back'd and mannadge a Horse (as Polidor Virgil saith,) no doubt after he had murthred his brother, seeing he could not runne from the horror of his conscience, he practised Horseman-SHIP, because perhaps he thought to ride from himselfe. This Ship hath more paces then Time hath; and the comparison may hold well, for in long vacations, quarter dayes, against payment of Bonds, absence of true friends, or protracting of Maydes marriages, after the Banes haue beene asked, in these cases the Lawyer, the Land-Lord, the Vsurer, the friends, and the Contracted couple, doe thinke time to bee foundred, and starke lame, or quite tyred, and that his best pace is after foureteene miles in fifteene dayes; whilst many a poore Clyent, an [...] vnprouided [...]enant, or vnfurnished debter, or a fellow going to bee hang'd, they thinke time is all vpon the spurre, and that he runnes at full speed a wild gallop. And as a Ship at sea sayles formetimes by the wind, sometimes before the wind, sometimes with a quarter wind, sometimes with a stone sheate, and sometimes with tack hard aboord, & Bolin stertch'd and sheate close after, by all which winds shee sayles seuerall paces: So Horseman-SHIP hath the frot, the Amble, the Racke, the Pace, the false and wild Gailop, or the full speed, and as seuerall vessels at sea doe make a Nauy, as Carracks, Argoseys, Hulkes, Ships, Barkes, Pinnaces, Hoighs, Drumlers, Fregates, Brigandines, Caruels, Catches, Gallies, Gallions; so this Horse-man-ship hath to attend her, her Spar [...]sh [...], her Barbary horse, her Naples Courser, her Germane Steed, her Flanders Mare, her Galloway Nagge, her irish Habby, her Frenchi Cheuela, her W [...]sh Pals [...]ay, her English All, her Smithsield lade, and her Bartholomeus Hebby-horse; and contrary to all other Ships, which haue their Bridle, Helme or Rudder in their sterne or tayle, the Horsemanship is alltogether directed and steered by the head, whereby, for want of good managing, many times the Rider makes a head-long voyage (like a man of good forecast) ouer the horse [...] head. And as Horsemen are none of the best Mariners, so Mariners are commonly the worst Horsemen, as one of them being vpon a tyred Hackeney once, (his companions pray'd him to ride faster) [...] [...] he was [...].
Another mounted vpon a soundred Iade, that stumbled three or foure times headlong, the Sayler imagined that his horse was too [Page 88] much Iaden a head, or foreward on (as the sea phrase is) and therefore to ballaste him, that he might goe or sayle with an euen keele, hee alighted & fil'd his Irekin sleeues full of stones, and ty'd them fast to his horse crouper, supposing to make his sterne as deepe laden as his head, to auoyd stumbling.
Indeed this Horsemanship is neuer vnfurnished of a Iades tricke, or two at a pinch or time of need, (and contrary to any other shippe) in the fairest weather it will heaue, set, wince, kicke, fling, and curuet, like a Midsummer Morris-dancer, or as if the Deuill were practizing a French Lauolta or Corranto: but I cannot blame them to be lusty, for they are not put to such hard allowance as many poore Seafaring Mariners are, with a snatch and away, but Horsemanship hath racke and manger, so much at command, that prouender prickes them, either to Tilt or Tourney, or long, or short iourney, and if good littrature may be in a horse, then I am sure many of them are so well litter'd, and they are so proud of it, that euery morning and euening, the Groome, Hostler, or Horse-keeper, are faine to smooth, cogge and Curry fauour with them. It was reported lately in a Currant (for currant newes) that a Troope of French Horse, did take a Flecte of Turkish Gallies, in the Adriaticke sea, neere the Gulph of Venice, the newes was welcome to me, though I was in some doubt of the truth of it, but after I heard that the horses were shod with very thicke corke: and I am sure I haue heard of many impossibilities as true as that.
Of all liuing things, a Horse hath the [...] strangest buriall being dead; for Wolues, Dogs, Swines, Kites, Rauens, Crowes, and such beast and birds, of prey and rapine, are commonly the liuing sepulchers of dead Horses: and now I remember that thirty yeeres since, I read of a rich and magnificent funerall of a Horse, which was the beloued Palfray of the famous Emperour Nero, and as neere as I can, I will describe the manner of it.
This Horse was a present sent to the Emperour from Naples to Rome, being a stately beast, in colour milke white, except here and there a sinall blacke spot, like a fleabiting, for which Nero caused him to be named Fleabitten Otho for the loue hee bare to one Otho, a parasiticall Courtier, who was Emperour after him ne [...] except Ga [...]ba, In brief Nero tooke such a liking to the Horse, that he vowed to the immortal Gods, that if the beast dyed whilst he liued, he would haue him buried with all solemni [...] and funerall Pompe, as was becomming the Horse of so great a Monarch; and as fortune would haue it, within some few moneths, the Horse proued himselfe a mortall beast, yeelding his breath into the ayre, his carkasse being too compendious an abridgement or Epitotty for the magnitude or amplitude of his spirit.
All the Colledge of Horsleeches and F [...] riers in Rome, were commanded to his embowelling, to see if in their mature wisedomes they could finde by the symptomes of what disease he dyed, eueryr man spent his iudgement some said he dyed of a surfet, hauing no measure of himselfe, being pamperd with the delicate delights of the Court; others said, that he vnderstood of the oath which his Master N [...] had taken concerning his pompous buriall and therefore for very pride he dyed, to ma [...] his name famous by his obsequies: but them was one old Ho [...]sleech that contradicted them [...] all, and he did affirme that he dyed of a hea [...] griefe and sudden melancholy, whereupon the stables-Groomes were examined, wh [...] quickly cleared all doubts.
Truely said one of them, this skilfull Gentleman hath rightly guessed, for leading Fleabitten Otho to the water, (after he had drunke a health to the Emperour) as he was comming backe to the stable, two of the Senatours Horses met him, taking the wall of him, n [...] giuing him any reuerence or dutifull respect, he being his Maiesties onely fauorite (of a Horse) for which disobedience of theirs, be presently fell sicke, tooke his bed, made his will, and set his goods in such order, as shall be declared.
When these newes came to the Emperour he being grieued for his Horse, and offended with the two Senatours, who had taught their Iades no better manners, then to take the w [...]l [Page 89] of his Maiesties Horse, he dismissed them from their Offices, and made two of his owne stable Groomes Senatoars in their roomes, and after proceeded to the funerall of his Horse, in manner and forme following.
First, two hundred poore gald Hackneis, and next three hundred labouring Asses, all all couered with blacke Cotton, going two and two, euery one hauing two bottles of hay on their backes, the onely gift of the deceased; then a hundred hunting Nags, and fifty Coache-horses, with ten Horses of State, with each two horse loaues for their dyet bread. Then followed the Plebeians in mourning habit two hundred in number; next the stableGroomes, Puruayers, Clarkes of the stable, Farriers, Horse-leeches, and Gentlemen of the stable, three hundred.
Then went the Sadlers, Charioteeres, Waggoners, Catters, Sumptermen, Littermen and Coachmen three hundred.
After them Singers, Pagan Priests: Flamnines and Archflammines, seuenty.
Then the Hearse richly behung with Scut [...]heons, Deuices, Mottoes, and Impresses.
After them the Emperour Nero chiefe mourner and his Traine borne vp by Otho, and [...]ong sporus.
Next went two old Asses all in blacke Vel [...]et as mourners of State or Cheuals de dueil.
Then followed Agripina ( Nero his mother) with the faire Popeta, and the beautifull Acte, [...] two of his Concubines) and after them Galba Nimphidius Vitellius, with others: it is thought that sencca sat all the while in his study, laughing at the Funerall.
Lastly, a great troope of straggling attendants: The Hearse being set downe in Cam [...]us Martius, Otho began this speech which follow [...]th, in blancke Verse.
Heere Nero Speakes.
Otho speaks to the two Asses.
Epitaph.
To conclude, this Horsemanship after many stormes, tempests, gusts, and flawes came at last home to her ancient hauen the Beare-garden, richly laden with these commodities following.
The Chinegall, the Nauelgall, Windgall, Spurgall, Lightgall, and Shacklegall, the Wormes, the Staggers, the Mallenders, and Sallenders, Scratches, Pole-euill, the Anticore, and the Pompardye, the Dropsie, the Feauer, the Palsie, the Glanders, the Frenzy, the Cough, and the Colt-euill, the Yellowes, the Fashions, the Splinters, the Spanines, the Ring-bones, the Quitter-bones, the Curbes the Rotten-f [...]ush, and the Crownescab, the Hide-bound, the Hawes, the Crestfall, the Viues, the Bloody-riffes, the Crampe, and the Canker, the Howkes, the Toothake, the Surfet, the Tonghurt, the Paps, and the Bladders, the Tyrednesse, the Lowsinesse, the Surbare, the Farley, the Pose, and the Strangle, the Broaken winde, the Hoofe-bound, the Botch, the Bots, the Wen in the Groyne, the Rot in the Lungs, the Ky [...]es the Pearle, and the Pin, and the Webbe, the Cloyde, the Blood-shot, the Wrung in the Withers, the Straine, the Pricke in the sole, the Loose in Hoofe, the Graneld, the [...]oundring, and the Shedding of the haire, the Horse-hipped, the Wrench, the Neckecricke, and the Shoulder splar.
These are the commodities wherewith the Horsemanship was sraight, which are so shared and deuided, that a man cannot light of any horse, young or old, but he is furnished with one, two, or more of these excellent gifts.
The Ships that attended in the Squadron or Regiment with the Horseman ship, were these.
- 1 The Race, an aduenturous vessell of mu [...] expectation, and admirable swiftnesse.
- 2 The Pos [...]e, a vessell of much vse, quicken turne, and exceeding hazzard, toyle and muell.
- 3 The Hackenay, a most seruiceable Pinnace that endures all weathers, and is so common that she is to be hyred by any or vsed by all.
The Suretie-SHIP, with her Regiment.
THis is a Ship of great antiquity, a [...] makes more voyages then all the rest [...] the Nauy, she is the onely Marchant-aduenturer vnder the Sunne, for they that sayle [...] her, doe hazzard goods, lands, money, reputation, friends, kinred, credit, libertie [...] life; of all which rich commodities (alway [...] at her returnes) she is to prouident, that [...] makes one Iayle or other her Warchou [...] where it is more safely kept vnder locke an [...] key, then the golden Apples of the Hespa [...] were guarded by Dragon; she is so easie [...] be boorded, that a man neede not trouble [...] feere to enter her, or vse any boate to come [...] her, for if all her Mariners should goe to [...] by water, then were a Water-man the rich [...] trade belowe the Moone; on [...]ly a dash with [...] pen, the writing of a mans name, passing [...] word, or setting his marke (though it be [...] the forme of a paire of Pot-hookes, a Crosse, [...] crooked billet, or a M for Iohn Tompsen, [...] of these facile wayes hath ship'd a man into th [...] Suretie-SHIP, during his life and his ha [...] after him, and though the entrance into her [...] so easie, yet she is so full of impertinent as [...] needy courtesie, that many men will lend [...] hand into her, with more faire entreaties, t [...] quests and inuitations, then are common [...] vsed to a Maske at the Court, or a groce [...] Gossips in the Countrey, and being once [...] tred, a ten peny nayle driuen to the head [...] [Page 91] [...]s soon leape out of an oaken post, as a man may [...]et ashoare againe: she is painted on the out [...]de with vowes and promises, and within her [...]re the stories of the tatter'd Prodigall, eating Huskes with the Swine, the picture of Niobe, with A [...]ecto, Tesiphene, and Megera. dancing [...]achrimae: Her Armes are a Goose quill or [...]en, couchant in a sheepe skin field [...]able: the Motto aboue N uerint vn uersi, the supporters [...] Vsurer, and a Scriuener, the crest a W [...]d [...]ke, the Mantles red wax, with this other Motto beneath, Seal'd and de [...]cra, this Ship hath the Arte to make parchement the deerest stuffe in the world: For I haue seene a piece little bigger then my two hands, that hath cost a man a thousand pound; I my selfe paid a hundred [...]ound once for a small rotten remnant of it. [...]he is rig'd most strangely, her ropes and ca [...] are [...]onditions and Obligations, her Anchors [...]re Leases forfeited, her Lead and Line are Morgages, her maine sayles are interchangeable indentures, and her top-sayles Bils & Bonds, [...]er small shot are Arrests and Actions, her great Ordnance are Extents, out-law [...]ies and Executions: All her deckes are stucke with tenter [...], [...]uo [...]es, to hold those last that enter her, her [...]ading is Locks, keyes, Bolts, Shakles, Mana [...], Fetters, Grates, Traps for vern in, Gri [...]s for wild Guls, Baytes for tame Fooles, Sp [...]tn [...]gs for Woodcockes, [...]senets for Connies, T yles for mad Buc [...]es, Pennes for Geese, Hookes for Gudgeors, snares for Buzzards, B idles for old lades, [...]bes for Colts, Pusals for Bulfinches and Hempen-steps for Asses, and besides all this, she is plentifully stored with want, hunger cold, pouerty, and nakednesse.
The Ocean that she sayles in, is the spacious Marshall SEA, sometimes shee ankers at the Kings-Bench, sometimes at the Gulph of the Gate-house, sometimes at the white-Ly [...]n Greeke sometimes at Nergate Rode, sometimes, at Zudgate Baye, sometimes at Wood street Harbour, and sometimes at the Poultrey Hauen.
There is great reason to call a man being bound for another, Surety SHIP, for a ship is an vnruly benst, it shee be not surely tyed, moted, and ankered, and therefore to bee a surety is as much to say Ty sure, the addition of the word ship, being a kind of metaphoricall allusion, to the turbulent to [...] of the [...]nfortunate sorety, vpon the restlesse waues and billowes of miserable varieties and mutabilities of time and trouble.
And though Surety SHIP be (for the most part) preind [...] a [...]d benfell onely to it [...], yet as in the Sea, the [...]ting of one wane proceedes or to the fall of another; so one out of the [...]es of Surety-SHIP [...], (like Beetles or S [...] which breed out of Dung) there doe spring a swarme or generation of vertues (Viper, I was about to say) as busie Sol citours, numble-tongu'd [...], g [...]eedy Seruants, hungry Ye men, deuouring [...], boystrous Ba [...] mercilesse, dogged [...]l [...] and currish [...] for as Butchers trade is to hue vpon the slaughters of beasts; so cannot the Kennels, Litters and Styes of those aboue-named [...] or C [...]bals, liue, eate, or subsist, but vpon the confusion of men, and as a Horse being dead in the fields and strip'd, is a banket for Dogs, Hogs, Rauens, Kites, and Crowes, so is a Surety to those Vermins, who deuoure and prey vpon his estate and Ca [...]kase, both aliue and dead.
But for conclusion of this blunt point, I thinke I haue mistaken all this while in calling Suret [...]ship, for the consequence and successe of the voyage will better allowe it the name of Surety Sheepe, which is a warning or document to Ty [...]ne Sheepesure, which I imagine to bee a significant inuersion of the word for, as the bridle and harnesse ef a lyue horse, is for the most part made of the kinne of a dead horse, so he that is bound for another mans debt, is like a silly innocent sheepe (of which flocke I may for my ranke and calling be a Bell-weather) with a bond of a dead sheepes skin tyed sure, as a [...], either to pay the debt, or surely he is sure to lye (if his ability helpe not) where I would be loth to be his bed-fellow.
The Ships and Pinnaces that are in the Regiment with the Surety SHIP, are these [...].
- 1 The Aduenturous, a desperate hot ship, very hard to be guided or steered in any steddy course.
- 2 The Kindheart, a ship that will sayle any [Page 92] whither, or to what Port a man would haue her.
- 3 The Feole, a ship of great burthen, and for sayle, and steerage much like the Kinde [...].
- 4 The Negligence an Argosey that through want of good fore sight, brought the Suretyship in great danger.
- 5 The Decay, a ship much broken.
- 6 The S [...]ape-th [...]s [...], a small ragged Catch, that hangs or depends vpon the whole Regiment.
The Wor-SHIP with her Squadron or Regiment.
THough the first syllable of this Ships name be Worse, whereby shee is called Worse-SHIP, yet she is a better ship then many are aware of, and indeed shee is farre too good for euery, or for any Knaue to come aboord her. In my opinion shee doth not belong to any mortall man, for God himselfe is both Owner and Master of her.
Yet many there are who claime an interest in her, as first the Deuill would haue her belong to him, for which cause he makes many barbarous Nations to adore and WOR-SHIP him, and to sacrifice themselues, their children, and all that they esteeme dearest vnto them, to his internall Hell-hood, and for his better holding and keeping of this Worship, he hath his Ministers and Agents, in the most Kingdomes of Christendome, who with their juggling leagerdemaine, hath guld, blinded, and besotted many thousands of all Estates, ages, sexes, that they will fall downe and worship Stockes, Stones, Blockes, Idols, Images, Reliques, dead mens bones, or a piece of bread, as the heathen Idolatrous Egyptians did formerly adore and Worship Onions and Garlicke.
And as there are many that for desert are worthy Pilots, Steeremen and Mariners in the worship, and are ship'd into her onely for their merits, so there are a great many, and more then a good many, that by falsehood and indirect courses, haue ship'd themselues in her [...] for as Cornelius Agrippa saith in his Vanity [...] Sciences, some haue goten the worship by co [...] ting throats in the wars; some by being great mens Bawdes, or Cuckolds in peace; some for marrying cast stale Concubine, or Bastard [...] some by bribery, extortion or oppression; some by false weights and measures; some by [...] cessiue drunkennesse of others; some by these some vpon credit; some for ready money, and some for fauour; which is a word crept [...] the place of merit [...]ince the dayes of Quin [...] the Oratour: the most corrupted Iustice [...] boord her; the slothfullest Diuine will hauen Cabin in her; the carpet Knight will be ship [...] in her; the most cowardly Captaine will ente [...] her; and many of least faith and conscience will lay clayme to her: shee hauing store o [...] such false owners, I say no more of her, b [...] commit her to the mercy of Wind, Tide, a [...] Time.
There went with her in her Regiment, these that follow.
- 1 The Abuse, an old ship, too much i [...] vse.
- 2 The Purchasse, a vessell all for Simony [...] ready money.
- 3 The Mittimus, a dangerous Barke, whose word is, At your perill.
The Huntsmans-SHIP; or Woodman-SHIP, with her Squadron or Regiment.
A Good Huntsman is a good Woodman, and a Wood-man is a mad man in the North parts of England, for when they thinke that a man is distracted or frenzy, they will say The man is Wood, (meaning Mad) the reason why it is called Woodman-SHIP, I take it to be thus deriued, as first a ship hath a multiplicity of Ropes, Cordage, Masts, Rigging and Ground-tackle (which I haue partly named before in the Lady-ship,) so hath this Woodman-ship, diuers and sundry tearmes [Page 93] Art, (almost past numbring) as you must [...] Rowse a Bucke, Start a Hare, and vnkennell a [...] againe you must Harbour a Hart, and Lodge [...]agge, or a Bucke; and in processe of time wayes a Hars or a Bucke doe come to perfe [...]on, which many men (through imperfe [...]on) doe neuer attaine to: as a Bucke is first [...]aune, the second yeere a Priket, the third [...]ell the fourth a Sore, the fifth a Bucke of [...] first head, and the sixt yeere a Bucke: so a [...]rt is the first yeere a Calse, the second a Bro [...] the third a Spaide, the fourth a Staggard, the [...]th a Stagge, and the sixt yeere a Ha [...]t, (but [...]me are of the mind, that a Stagge cannot be Hart) vntill some King or Prince haue almost [...]nted his heart out: besides these ambiguous [...]ntigrigated Phrases, the hornes haue many [...]gmaticall Epithites, as a Hart hath the Burs, [...]e Pearles, the Antliers, the Surantlers, the Roy [...] [...] the Surroyals, and the Croches. A Buckes [...]rnes are composed of Burre, Beame, Branch, [...]duancer, Pal [...]e, and Spelier. And to decline [...]m the Crowne or horne, to the Rump or [...]rouper: A Deere, Bore, a Hare, a Foxe, [...]d a Wolfe, haue no more tayle then a Iacke [...]es [...]-Apes, for it is a Deeres Single, a Bores [...]ath, a Hare or Connies Scut, a Foxes Bush, [...]d a Wolfes Stern; besides there are most excellent Terragraphicall and mundified names [...]d titles; for that which is in Welch a Ba [...]r, [...] French a [...] Marde, I could name it in English, but (Sir Reuerence for that) in Wood [...]-ship, it is cald a Deeres Fewmets, a Bore, or eares Leasses, a Hare or Conneys Crottores, a [...]oxe or a Badgers Feance, and an Otters [...]aintes, all which in English is a, T, &c. I [...]inke Nimrod the great Hunter would haue [...]ere a made man or a Wood-man, if he had [...]died halfe the wild and harebraind tearmes, [...]at belongs to this SHIP: and sure it made [...]cteon horne-mad, in his too vehement pur [...]te of the Game; for what Necromanticke [...]ell, are Rut, Vault, Slot, Pores, and En [...] [...]yes Abatures, and Foyles, Frayenstockes, [...]ith and Fell, Layres, Dewclawes, and Dowl [...] [...]rs, drawing the Couert, Blemishes, Sewel [...] [...]g, Auant-laye, Allaye, Relaye, Foreloy [...]ng Hunt-cownter, Hunt-change, Quarry, Reward, and a thousand more such Vtopian fragments of confused Gibberish, that should I proceed farther, I should in stead of an vnderstanding Wood-man, shew my selfe to be an ignorant mad man.
Is it not a worthie peece of seruice for fiue or sixe men in the Countrey (whose dwellings are foure or fiue miles asunder, to make a mad match) to meete together on such or such a morning to hunt or course a Hare, where if she be hunted with Hounds, shee will leade them such dance, that perhaps a Horse or two are kil'd, or a man or two spoil'd, or hurt with leaping hedges, or ditches, at the least after foure or fiue dayes preparation, and some ten pounds charge among men, horses, and dogs, besides an infinite deale of toyle and trouble, and an innumerable number of oathes and curses: after this great deale of doo, the maine purchase can bee [...]o more then a poore silly Hare, which is but a dry meate, and will take more butter in the basting, then her carkasse is worth.
Our ancient Progenitor or first King of this Iland (Brute) was so expert in this Woodman-ship, that he kil'd his owne father Siluius, shooting him with an arrow, mistaking him for a Hart, a Stagge or a Bucke: and William the second, surnamed Rusus, King of England, was by the like mischance of a shot made at a Deere, (by Sir Walter T [...]ell Knight) slaine with the glance of an arrow agoinst a tree, in the Newforrest in Hampshire.
I thanke Coopers Dictionary that tells mee that Venator is a Hunter, and Venatrix a Huntresse, or a Woman Hunting, and that Meretrix is a Whore or a Woman Hunted: all these words hauing deriuation from, or allusion to [...]enersu [...], [...] [...]h [...]us, for though Diana the hunting Goddesse of Chastity bee a constant Venatrix, yet Venus the Queene of Loue neuer failes a right W [...]man of a Meretrix. But if Venator and Venatri [...] [...]ald hunt as much as Meretrix is (or [...] [...]) hunted, I thinke verily that there hath not beene (or in time would not be) one Deere left in many of the greatest Forrests, Parkes, and Chases of Christendome.
[Page 94]Besides, there is not a perfect Mariner in the Woodman-SHIP, but hee hath ingrafted in him a most abundant gift of promising, for one of them will sweare and vowe to giue more Deere away to sundry persons, then there are vnder the keeping and command of six or seuen of them: and I haue heard, that one white Bucke in a small Parke (in a place which I could name within the Walles of Christendome) hath beene giuen away at least to a thousand seuerall persons, by one Keeper, and the said Keeper is so kind, that hee will neuer deny a Bucke to whosoeuer will aske. A Deere friend (whom I loue Deere) did promise mee a Decre foure yeeres since, and foure Deere iourneyes I made for my Deere, and still with delayes and demurres I was put off from my Decre, with promises, that at such and such a time I should haue my Deere, but now I am in despaire of my Deere, and I meane to take no more care for my Deere; And so Adue my Deere; but indeed hee that had the bounty to promise me this Deere, hath the grace to blush whensoeuer he sees me, and therefore I doe loue him for his modesty and shamefastnesse, and had it not beene for that, and that I doe loue him indeed, I would long before this time haue sung him a Kerry-Elison, that should haue made him beene glad to haue promist me a brace of Bucks more, to haue stop'd my mouth withall, although in performance my Deere had beene nonest inuentus.
In a word, of all sorts of Deere I hold s [...]u [...] Venison to be the most honestly gotten, because the Theeues are so quiet, close, priu [...] and silent at their worke, that they haue no leisure to sweare or curse, as men doe when it [...] lawfully taken, and my conceite is, that why oathes and curses are most restrain'd, the [...] most honesty, and piety remaines. But commonly swearing, execrations, and drinking are the ceremonious Rites of a Buckes, or Hares death, and obsequies.
The Ships and Pinnaces that serued in t [...] Regiment vnder the Woodman-SHIP, [...] these.
- 1 The Chanter.
- 2 The Bawman.
- 3 The Ringwood.
- 4 The Slut.
- 5 The Beuty.
- 6 The Daysie.
- 7 The Kilbucke, with diuers others, all the [...] being for course, or chase.
THE PRAISE, ANTIQVITY, AND COMMODITIE OF BEGGERIE, BEGGERS, AND BEGGING.
NOw it followes, that I shew some of their formes, carriage, manners, and behauiour, their seuerall Garbs, tones, and salutations, that they accost their Clyents or Benefactors withall, for they can wisely, and discreetely suite their Phrase and language, to be correspondent to their owne shape, and sutable to whomsoeuer they begge of, as for example, suppose a Begger be in the shape or forme of a maundering, or wandering Souldier, with one arme, legge, or eye, or some such maime; then imagine that there passeth by him some Lord, Knight, or scarce a Gentleman, it makes no matter which, then his Honour, or his Worship shall be affronted in this manner.
Braue man of Honour, cast a fauorable looke vpon the wounded estate of a distressed Gentleman, that hath borne Armes for his Countrey in the hottest broyles of the Netherlands, with the losse of his members; Cleueland hath felt my strength; I haue bickered with the French, at Brest and Deepe; I haue past the Straights, the dangerous Gulph: the Groyne can speake my seruice (Right Honourable) with no lesse then two dangerous hurts hardly brought off from Bummill Leaguer, which I would vnwillingly discouer to your manlines, whose beliefe shall be therein as much auailable as eye-sight. Fortune hath onely left me a tongue to bemone my losses, and one eye to be a witnesse of your noble bounty; I would be loth to weary your Lordship with the relations of my trauels, to whom the storie of these warres are as familiar as to my selfe, your worthy liberalitie is the spurre to valour, and the safeguard of his Countrey, and in your honourable memorie, my tongue shall supply the defects of my limbes, and proclaime your merits through the seuenteene Prouinces, whither your bounty shall beare this withered body, to interre it with the blood which I left there as a pledge of my returne.
This is the maritall or decayed military kind of begging; which if he speede, then he can fit himselfe with a prayer accordingly, for the prosperitie of his liber all benefactor, as thus:
Peace be to thy loynes (Right Honourable) and plenty at thy boord, oppression in the Countrey, and extortion in the Citie; embroder thy carkasse, and keepe thy Concubite constant, that Taylers may sue to thee for worke, more then for payment, and Seriear [...] may stand and gaze at thy faire progresse by the Compters, whil'st thy Coach-mares shal whurry thee farre from Attachments.
Then (after ascrub or ashrug) you must receiue he meetes with a Lawyer, and fitting his ph [...] to his language, hee assaults him thus, and ioy [...]e issue.
Humbly sheweth to your good Worship, your poore suppliant hauing aduanced his b [...] in the late warres of Sweden, Copenhag, and Stocke-Holland; after Replications in particular, and Reioynders drawne, with bloody pes [...] and dreadfull characters, your petition [...] ioynd issue in that fearefull day of hearing, to the grand Castle of Smolesco, where hee ca [...] off with the losse of his inheritance, hauing the euidence of his limbes violently rent from him, to make an open passage to the bene [...] lent charitie of such pious persons as is your Worship, for you are the true Souldiers [...] the Countrey, whose warres concerne the domestique peace of our Nation, as such as myselfe doth the forreine. My breeding was Ge [...] tle, Sir, and my birth English, a yonger brother, and driuen to my shifts, to auoyde the foule accidents of home-bred miseries; I measured forreine paces, and was deliuered abroad of my breeding at home, in which estate the hand of your bounty must support me, or [...] calamity will crawle ouer me, which hath no Surgeon but the gallowes, to which I hope the Law will not deliuer me, seeing it tame so faire a face as the reuerend aspect of your master-ships countenance.
By this time you must suppose that his bounty being awak'd, he giues him somewhat; when with our [Page 101] respondent prayer hee thus takes his bene vale.
May the Iermes be euerlasting to thee, thou man of tongue, and may contentions grow and multiply, may Actions beget Actions, and Cases engender Cases as thicke as hops, may euery day of the yeere be a Shrouetuesday; let Proclamations forbid fighting, to encrease actions of battry, that thy Cassocke may be three pilde, and the welts of thy Gowne may not grow threed-bare.
Perhaps he meetes with same Countrey Farmer, or some honest Russet home spu. plaine dealing, [...] sug [...]er whom he assaults with a valley of his [...] bra [...]does in manner and forme following.
You shall doe well to take notice (Countrey-man and friend) that I am a Souldier and a Gentleman, who hauing bin made Fortunes Tennis-ball, was lately cast vpon these coasts of my Countrey, by the merciles cruelty of the raging tempestuous seas, where I haue beene in that distresse, that the whole Christian world durst not so much as looke on: mine Armes haue beene feared by all the enemies that euer beheld them aduanc'd, and my command hath beene dreadfull through Europe, Asia, Africa and America, from the Sunnes Easterne rising to his Westerne declination. I was the first man that entred (despight the mouth of the Cannon) into the famous City of Pertrega a City fiue times greater then Constantinople, where the great Turke then kept his Seraglio, Basha Caphy, Basha Inda, and Mustapha Despot of Seruta, being my prisoners, whose ransomes yeelded my sword three millions of Hungarian Duckets; with which returning, thinking to make thee and the rest of my Nation rich, the ship which transported me (being ouer-laden) tooke such a leake, not a mortall eye being able to see one penny of that vncountable treasure, my selfe (as you see preserued) a miserable spectacle of vnfortunate chance, for getting astride vpon a demyculuering of braste, I was weatherbeaten three leagues on shore, as you see, an ominous map of man-quelling calamity, to the reliefe whereof, my fellow and friend, (for so my now pouertie makes mee vouchsafe to call thee) I must intreat thy manhood, by offring a parcell of thy substance; make no delayes, Sir, for I would bee loth to exercise my valour on thee, and make thee the first Christian that should feele the impregnable strength and valour of my victorious arme, which hath done to death to many Turkes, Pagans and Infidels, as cannot be truely numbred.
After all this super sl [...]us sustian, the poore man [...] drawes and giues him some small m [...]te, more for feare, cr [...]ing, then either for loue or charity. His fury being abated, he takes his leaue thus:
Faire be thy Haruest, and foule thy Winter, that plenty may fill they Barnes, and feare of scarcity raise thy price, may thy Land-lord liue vnmarryed that thy fine may not be raisde, to buy thy new Land-lady a French petricoate; or a new Blockt Beauer, nor thy rents raisde, to keepe her tire in fashion.
TO THE MIGHTIE MONARCH OF MONTZAGO, THE MODELL OF MAGNANIMITY, the map of man-darring Monster-quellers, the thrice three times trebble triple renowned Alphebo, ornamented honorable Knight of Standsalio, Treldedo, Maroua, Fregero, Andalowsia, and the skie-scaling mountaine of Muffetto: Illustrious Pheander, victorious and valorous Champion to Don Phoebus, great Duke of Delphos, and the Oracle of Apollo; Marquesse of Muzetta, and the lake Asse-phaltites: Earle of Vtopia; Lord and Dominator of the Promontory of Polipratemost: The vnconquer'd all conquering Mayden Knight, by reuelation, by creation, by procreation, and contentation: the vnmatched Phoenix, and fourefold Commander of the Inchanted Ilands, by nomination, by Banner, by warlike atchieuements, by natiuity, by descent and processe, matchlesse and vnparalleld Sir Thomas Parsons, Knight of the Sunne, great cousin Vermin to the seldome seene Queene of Fayries, and hopefull heire apparant to her inuisible Kingdome.
VNmatchable Cheualiere, I am bold to commit a poore Goose to your impregnable protection and patronage, I knon there will be as much to doe in the keeping of her, and with a much danger, as was the conquest of the Golden Fleece, the Apples of the Hesperides, or the sauing of Andromeda by Perseus: and but that your valiant atchieuements are knowne [...] approued, I would neuer haue put my Goose to your inuincible Guard: the enemies that [...] assault you, or attempt to take her from you, are many, whom in dutious courtesie I will describe vnto y [...]: First, the Powlters will assaile you with a terrible battry of rotten Eg-shot, to surrender the innocent Goose, [Page 103] that they may murder, imbowell, plu [...]ke, and prostitute her to sale of who giues most. See [...], the Vthal [...] will come vpon you with a fresh alarum for her feathers, to stuffe the empty paunches of then B Isters, Pillowes, and hungry Bed-tikes. Thirdly, the Cookes in squaarans, a [...]i'd with Dripping pannes and s [...]s, instead of Speares, before they will lose their F [...]s, (and the [...] king of their fingers to b [...]ote) will fight heoly for the Goose till all smoke againe. Fourthly, the Apothecaries (ra [...]her then they will want the sweetnesse of the pinguidity or fe [...]und [...]ous fat of the Gooses axung [...]a (vulg [...] called g [...] [...] they will so pelt [...] [...] with pil [...]s, instead of pellets, that they will make all stinke againe. Fiftly, the kit [...]a-ma [...]de will throw s [...]alding [...]ater at you, but she will haue one of her wings to sweepe downe C [...]bwebs, and dcspossesse Spiders of the habitations they haue built out of their owne bowels. Sixtly, the [...]let [...]hers, and Archers, s [...]eare they will [...]inke your skinne full of [...]t-holes, but they will haue [...]er [...] s, to make them [...] [...] dead, then the Goose could liuing. Seuenthly, the Poets for her Quils, will call another penny [...]l [...]sse, thread [...] Parliament, and ordaine Satiricall Statutes, and Tr [...]g [...]all Acts against you, and [...] their scatt [...]red imaginations they will s [...]ale the skies as high as sullen Saturnes altitude, and rake into the [...] west p [...]sund [...]y of Barrathrum, forraging thorow the earth, ayre, and seas; but they will stigmatize, canterize, and Epigramatize, Anagramatize you, till you make a surrender. Eig [...]tly, the Lawyers well sirke and fir [...]t you tossing you betwixt hard fortune and ill lucke, that you will be almost mad, or bee in great danger to have very little [...] lest. Ninthly, the scriu [...]ners, publike N [...]tari [...]s, or notorieus publi [...]ans, will not onely ioyne with the Lawyers, and the Poets against you: but they will neuer procure you any money when you neede, without excessiue brokage, great credit, or good security. Tenthly, Shop-keepers (if you hold the Gooses Quils from them) haue sworne, that they will euer keepe you out of their bookes. And lastly, schoole-boyes will throw whole voleyes of stones at you, where-euer they see you, if you alow them not Pens, though it be but to scrible or make ewes letters.
Thus hauing layd open to your Herculean view, the labours and dangers that you are like to suffer in protecting the Goose Now I thinke it fit (vnder correction) to cloze vp my Dedication with some dutifull counsell, that though your enemies are mightie and many, and that they doe preuaile against you, and with their multitude take from you both the flesh and feathers of the Goose, (which indeed belongs not to you, nor doe I dedicate them to you) yet here is your true honour, and that which makes all me admire you, that her better part, her genious, her intellectuall vnderstanding, her capacity, and reuerend grauity, her wisedome, and her very spirit; neither man, Deuill, or Dragon, is able to bereaue you of, as long as you haue a sword to defend it. I haue dedicated a Booke of a Begger at this time to Archy, but most noble Sir, onely to you my Goose, so leauing you: Not doubting of your acceptance, and protection: I wish you such increase of honour as is sutable to your Heroicke enicau [...]urs and vnimitable wisedome.
TAYLORS GOOSE DESCRIBING THE VVILDE GOOSE, THE Tame Goose, the Taylors Goose, the VVinchester Goose, the Clack Goose, the Soleand Goose, the Huniburne Goose, Goose vpon Goose, the true nature and profit of all Geese, the honourable victories of the GrayGoose-wing, the worthinesse of the Pen, the Description of Goosetoft, and Goose Fayre, with the valour of the Gander.
The Winchester Goose.
The Taylors Goose.
The prayse of the Gray Goose wing.
The praise of the Gooses Quill.
The memorable honour of the Goose sauing the Capitoll at Rome.
Goostoft in Lincolnshire.
Goose Faire at Stratford Bow, the Thursday after Whitso [...]ide.
TO THE FISHMONGERS, AND BVTCHERS, GREETING.
FRiendly, frolicke, franke, free-hearted, famous flourishing Fishmongers; And braue, bold, battring, Beefe-braining Butchers, to both your Companies in generall I wish health and happinessed acknowledge you to be Haberdafhers for the belly, & I wish a plentifull encrease of good appetites and hungry stomackes, that euery one in their calling may proue valiant of their teeth, whereby you may feede merily by the profit you receiue bynimble-chop'd feeders. I haue plainely and briefely set downe Iack a Lents good deeds and his bad, his friends and his foes, the great need and necessitie that wee haue of his comming once a yeere into this Kingdome, and the great pitty that hee is no better entertained and obserued. And though it bee written in a mery stile, yet I dare presume that mirth and truth walke together in it. In a word, reade it if you like, and iudge it as you lift, please your selues and I am pleasde: and let I. S. hold Iacke a Lents stirrop whilest hee alights, for of all men I haue most reason to preferre him for a tricke hee shewed mee lately. So I rest yours euer, and his as farre as hee dares sweare for twelue-pence.
IACKE A LENT HIS BEGINNING AND ENTERTAINMENT: with the mad prankes of his Gentleman-Vsher ShroueTuesday that goes before him, and his Footman Hunger attending.
TO speake of the originall of this Iacks, or from whence the name of Iack hath derivation, I thinke it not impertinent to shewe you: Therefore I would haue all men vnderstand that Iack is no Christian, nor was euer baptiz'd, but is sprung (like a Musrom) out of the corruption of the name of Iohn; for before, Iohns were, I did neuer find mention of any Iacks except blacke Iacks: and there was an old courteous Epithite attributed to Iohn (as gentle Iohn) but now so many Iacks are made Gentles, that most Iohns and Iacks make no further account of Gentilitie then glorious Titles and gawdy Sures: so much for Iack.
Now for the name and beginning of Lent (as neere as I can I will describe) the word Lent doth signifie, a thing borrowed: for except a thing be borrowed, how is it lent? & being lent, it followes by consequence that it was borrowed. But from whom it was so free of the loane of this Lent, that would bee knowne.
First then you must conceiue, that the true Etimologie, or ancient name of this Lent, is Lean-tide, which being Anagramatiz'd (Landit) for the chiefe [...]prouision that he is furnished withall being fish, and such sea-faring fare, that except he land it, there will bee but cold takings in the fish markets: for Iack a Lent hath no societie, affinitie or propinquitie with flesh and blood, and by reason of his leannesse (as Nymshag an acient Vtopian Philosopher declares in his Treatise of the Antiquitie of Gingerbread, Lib. 7. Pag. 30000.) hee should haue beene a foot man to a Prince of that Empire named Lurguish Haddernot; but Lent shewed him the tricke of a right footman, and ran away from him faster then an Irish Lackquey, and from that time to this was neuer seen [...] in Vtopia. Besides, he hath the Art of Legerdemaine beyond all the Iuglers in Egypt or Europe, for with a tricke that he hath, he is in England, Scotland, France, Ireland, and the most part of the Christian world at one and the selfe same time, yet for all this nimblenesse and quicke agility, he was neuer seene to sweare, which [Page 114] is no maruell, because he hath not any fat or pinguidity in his incorporeall corps. He hath a wise named Fasting, as leane as himselfe, yet sure I thinke she is as honest as barren: but it were very dangerous for an Epicure or a Puritan to haue a bastard by her, for there were no other hope, but that the father of the brat (if it should proue male) would tutor it in all disobedience against both Lent and Fasting: for although Lent and Abstinence be but forty dayes endurance, yet to these valiant men of their teeth it seemes forty yeeres, for they put the Letter (e) into the word Fast, and turne it into Feast. And though a man eate fish till his guts crack, yet if he eate no flesh he fasts, because he eates as fast as he can. For the word Fast is to be taken in many sences, as to fast from feeding, and to feed fast, to be bown to fast, and to be bound fast.
The Fast from feeding is diuers wayes performed.
- 1 Some there are that fast for pure deuotion, with a zealous abstinence from any kind of corporall foode for a space, because they will bring downe and curbe their vnbridled affections, and tame their fleshly desires, that so the exercise of spirituall contemplation may be the more seruent, their repentance more vnfained, and their prayers more acceptable.
- 2 Another Fast is hypocriticall or sophisticall, as a holy Maid that inioyned her selfe to abstaine foure dayes from any meate whatsoeuer, and being locked vp close in a roome, she had nothing but her two Books to feede vpon, but the Bookes were two painted Boxes, made in the forme of great Bibles with claspes and bosses, the inside not hauing one word of God in them, nor any fault escaped in the printing, but the one well fild with Suckets, and sweet meates, and the other with Wine, vpon which this deuout Votary did fast with zealous meditation, eating vp the contents of one Booke, and drinking contentedly the other.
Then there is a Fast called in spight of your teeth, and that is, Will yee nill yee, when a mans stomacke is in Folio, and knowes not where to haue a dinner in Decimo sexto. This Fast I haue often met withall at the Court, and at diuers great mens houses, not because there hath wanted meat, but because some h [...] wanted manners, and I haue wanted imp [...] dence.
But Iack a Lents Fast is otherwise then [...] these, for I am as willing to fast with him as [...] feast with Shrouetide: for hee hath an army [...] various dishes, an hoast of diuers fishes, w [...] fallets, sawces, sweet meates, Wine, A [...] Beere, fruit, rootes, Reasons, Almonds, Spices [...] with which I haue often (and care not muc [...] to doe more often) made as good a shift [...] fast, and with as good a zeale performed it, [...] a Brownist will goe to plow vpon a Christmas day.
Thus hauing shewed the originall of this Iack, it followes next, that I declare his yeerely entertain [...]ment into this Ile of Great Britaine, what priuiledges he hath, to whom he is best welcome, who are glad of his departure, what friends or foes he hath, and when he inhabiteth all the yeere after his going from hence.
Alwayes before Lent there comes wadling fat grosse bursten-gutted groome, called Shroue-Tuesday, one whose manners shewes, the [...] he is better fed then taught: and indeed he is the onely monster for feeding amongst all the dayes of the yeere, for he denoures more f [...] in foureteene houres, then this whole Kingdome doth (or at the least should doe) in [...] weekes after: such boyling and broyling, such roasting and toasting, such stewing, and bre [...] ing, such baking, frying, mincing, cutting caruing, deuouring, and gorbellyed gurmo [...] dizing, that a man would thinke people did take in two months prouision at once into their paunches, or that they did ballast their bell [...] with meate for a voyage to Constantinople, or [...] the West Indies.
Moreouer, it is a goodly fight to see how the Cookes in Great mens Kitchins, doe fry in their masters suet, and sweat in their own grease, that if euer a Cooke be worth the [...] ting it is when Shroue-Tuesday is in towne, fo [...] he is so stued and larded, roasted, basted, and almost ouer-roasted, that a man may eate the [Page 115] rawest bit of him and neuer take a surfet. In a word, they are that day extreme cholericke, and too hot for any man to meddle with, being Monarchs of the Marow-bones, Marquesses of the Mutton, Lords high Regents of the Spit and the Kettle, Barons of the Gridiron, and sole Commanders of the Frying-pan. And all this hurly burly, is for no other purpose but to stop the mouth of this Land-wheale ShroueTuesday. At whose entrance in the morning, all the whole Kingdome is in quiet, but by that time the clocke strikes eleuen, which (by the helpe of a knauish Sexton) is commonly before nine, then there is a bell rung, cald The Pancake Bell, the sound whereof makes thousands of people distracted, and forgetfull either of manner or humanitie: Then there is a thing clad wheaten flowre, which the sulphory Necromanticke Cookes doe mingle with water, egges, spice, and other tragicall magicall inchantments, and then they put it by little and little, into a Frying-pan of boyling suet, where it makes a confused dismall hissing (like the Learnean Snakes in the reeds of Acheron, [...]tix or Phlegeton) vntill at last by the skill of the Cooke, it is transform'd into the forme of a Flap-iack, which in our translation is cald a Pancake, which ominous incantation the ignorant people doe deuoure very greedily (hauing for the most part well dined before:)but they haue no sooner swallowed that sweet candyed baite, but straight their wits forsake them, and they runne starke mad, assembling in routs and throngs numberlesse of vngouerned numbers, with vnciuill ciuill commotions.
Then Tim Tatters (a most valiant villaine) with an Ensigne made of a piece of a Bakers mawkin fi [...]t vpon a Broome-staffe, he displaies his dreadfull colours, and calling the ragged Regiment together, makes an illiterate Oration, stuft with most plentifull want of discretion: the conclusion whereof is, that somewhat they will doe, but what they know not. Vntill as last comes marching vp another troope of Tarterdemalians, proclayming wars against no matter who, so they may be doing. Then these youths arm'd with cudgels, stones, hammers, rules, trowels, and hand-sawes, put Play houses to the sacke, and Bawdy-houses to the spoyle, in the quarrell breaking a thousand quarrels (of glasse I meane) making ambitious brickbats breake their neckes, tumbling from the tops of lofty chimnies, terribly vntyling houses, ripping vp the bowels of feather-beds, to the inriching of vpholsters, the profit of Plaisterers, and Dirtdawbers, the game of Glasiers, Ioyners, Carpenters, Tylers and Bricklayers. And which is worse, to the contempt of Iustice: for what auailes it for a Constable with an army of reuerend iusty Bill-men to command peace to these beasts, for they with their pockets in stead of Pistols, well char'd with stone-shot, discharge against the Image of Authority, whole volleyes as thicke as hayle, which robustions repulse puts the better sort to the worser part, making the band of vnscowred Halberdiers retyre faster then euer they came on, and shew exceeding discretion in prouing tall men of their heeles. Thus by the vnmanerly maners of Shroue-Tuesday Constables are baffled, Bawds are bang'd, Punckes are pillag'd, Panders are plagued, and the chiefe Commanders of these valourous villiacoes, for their reward for all this confusion, doe in conclusion purchase the inheritance of a Iayle, to the commodity of Iaylors, and discommodity to themselues, with a fearefull expectation that Tiburne shall stoppe their throats, and the Hangman take possession of their coates, or that some Beadle in bloody Characters shall imprint their faults on their shoulders. So much for Shroue-Tuesday, Iacke-a-Lents Gentleman Vsher, these haue beene his humours in former times, but I haue some better hope of reformation in him hereafter, and indeed I wrote this before his comming this yeere 1617. not knowing how hee would behaue himselfe, but tottering betwixt Despaire and Hope, I leaue him.
Shroue-Tuesday hauing plaid these parts aforesaid, doth Exit, and next day Lent begins to enter, who is entertained by a graue, formall, Reuerend States-man, call'd Ciuill Policy: But you must vnderstand that Lent would very faine take vp his lodging here with [Page 116] Religion, but Religion will not be acquainted with him, and therefore Ciuill Policy hath the managing of the businesse. But it is a wonder to see what Munition and Artillery the Epicures, and Caniball Flesh-eaters doe prouide to oppose Lent, and keepe him out at the staffes end, as whole barrels of poudered beefe blow him vp, tubs of Porke to pistoll and shoote him through with his kindred hunger, famine, and desolation, Baricadoes of Bacon, as strong and impregnable Bulwarkes against inuasiue battery. Which Ciuill Policy perceiuing, causeth Proclamations straight to be published for the establishing of Lents Gouernment, but then to see how the Butchers (like silenc'd Schismaticks) are disperst, some [...]iding into the Countrey to buy Oxen, Kine, Calues, Sheepe and Lambs, leauing their wiues, men and maides, to make prouision of Pricks for the whole yeere in their absence: some againe of the inferior sort doe scout into Stables, Priuies, Sellers, Sir Francis Drakes Ship at Detford, my Lord Mayors Barge, and diuers secret and vnsuspected places, and there they make priuate Shambles with kil-calfe cruelty, and Sheepe-slaughtering murther, to the abuse of Lent, the deceiuing of the Informers, and the great griese of euery zealous Fishmonger.
For indeed Lent in his owne nature is no blood-sucker, nor cannot indure any bloodshed; and it is his intent, that the Bull, the Oxe, the Ram, the Goat, the Buck, or any other beast, should be free to liue in any Corporation without molestation: it is Lents intent, that the innocent Lambe, and Essex Calfe, should suruiue to weare the crest of their Ancestors: that the Goose, the Buzzard, the Widgeon, and the Woodcocke, may walke fearelesse in any market Towne, checke by io [...]e with a Headborow, or a Tithingman.
But to recount the numberlesse Army that Lent doth conduct, the great Munition and Artillery that he hath to withstand those that gainstand him, his weapons of offence and defence, and variety of hostile Acoustrements that his hoast is arm'd withall: if I should write all these things, my memory must bee boundlesse, because my worke would be endlesse. First, marches Sir Lawrence Ling, with his Regiment, an ancient Sea-faring Gentleman: next followes Colonell Cod, oftentimes bleeding fresh in the Battell: then comes Captaine Stocke-fish, a well beaten Souldier, and one that is often proued to endure much; Sir Salmon Salt, in a pittifull Pickle valiantly abides the conflict, and Gilbert Gubbins all to tatters like a ragged souldier many times pieces out a broken supper. The maiesticall king of Fishes, the heroicall most magnificent Herring arm'd with white and red, keepes his Court in all this hurly-burly, [...]not like a tyrannicall teare throat in open armes, but like wise Dtogenes in a Barrell, where if any of his Regiments either doe or take iniury, though he want the sword of Iustice, yet he hath the scales, which I imagine he carries not for nought. The great Lord Treasurer to this mighty Prince (old Oliuer Cob) is very inward with him, and knowes more of his secrets then all his Priuy Counsell besides: & when his hard-rowd Master meanes to shew himselfe in his red bloody colours, then in fury he associates himselfe with two notorious Rebels, Iacke Straw, and Iacke Cade, who doe incompasse him round, and beleager him on each side, guarding his person from the fury of wind and weather.
The wet Fishmongers all this while (like so many Executioners) vnkennell the salt Ecles from their brinie Ambuscadoes, and with marshall Law hang them vp: the Stock-fish hauing tryed a terrible action of battry is condemned to be drown'd, the Ling, Haberdine, [Page 117] Greene-fish, and Cole-fish, are drawne and quar [...]ered into poles, backes, and tailes, and (like Rebels in Ireland) hang'd with a withe: nay the King of fishes himselfe cannot escape, but [...]yrannically broyld vpon a Gridiron. Then comes Iacke-sauce with a spoon creeping out of a Mustard pot, arm'd in a pewter sawcer, a desperate fellow, and one that dares take Dauy Ap Diggon, or Shon Ap Morgan, by the nose, and many times (with the spirit of Teuxbury) he will make a man weepe being most merry, and take the matter in snuffe being well pleased
In the Reareward comes Captaine Crab, Lieutenant Lobster, (whose catching clawes always puts me in minde of a Sergeant) the blushing Prawne, the well-armed Oyster, the Scollop, the Wilke, the Mussell, Cockle, and the Perewinkle, these are hot shots, Veneriall prouocators, fishy in substance, and fleshly in operation. The poore Anchoue is pittifully pepperd in the fight, whilst the Sturgeon is [...]eg'd randed, and iold about the eares, and in conclusion, without dissembling eaten with Fennell the Embleme of flattery: But the An [...]houe is oftentimes reuenged vpon his eaters, for being deuoured raw, hee broyles in their stomackes so hotly, that before the heat bee quenched the eaters are drenched in the blood of Bacchus, Sacke and Claret, that though a man bee as wise as a Constable at his entrance, his wit sometimes is so shrunke in the [...]wetting, that he may want the vnderstanding of an Asse.
Then there are a crew of neere-bred freshwater souldiers, our Thamessisians, our Comrades of Barking, our Easterne, and Westerne Riuer-rouers, these youths are brought and caught by whole shoales, for indeed they are no fighters, but meere white-liuerd, heartlesse runawayes, like the Turkes Asapye, that if the Fishermen (like diligent Catchpoles) did not watch narrowly to catch them by hooke and by crooke, by line and leasure, Lent might gape for Gudgeons, Roach and Dace, were it not for these Netmongers, it is no [...]flat lye to say, the Flounder might lye flat in his watry Cabin, and the Eele (whose slippery taile put mee in mind of a formall Courtiers promise) would wriggle vp and downe in his muddy habitation, which would bee a great discommodity for schoole-boyes, through the want of scourges to whip Gigs and Towne-Tops.
To speake of the honesty of Fisher-men, and the account that wee ought to make of their Calling, it was the faculty of Simon, Andrew, Iames and Iohn, the blessed Apostles, and by a common Rule, all Fishermen must be men singularly endued, and possest with the vertue of patience, for the Prouerbe, sayes, If you sweare you shall catch no fish, and I my selfe haue beene an eye-witnesse, when seuen or eight Anglers haue employed their best Art and industry two houres, and in the end they haue not beene able to share one Gudgeon or a Bleake amongst them all, the cause hath beene, either there was no fish to be caught, or else one impatient fellow of the Company hath sworne away good lucke.
I could runne ten Kingdomes (or Reames) of paper out of breath, in the praise of this leane Iacke, and his spawnes (Ember weekes, Fridayes, and fasting dayes) But I suppose there are none more sorrowfull in the time of his being here then Gentlemen and Gentlewomen, for through the Royall Court, the Innes of Court, the Citty and Countrey, all the better sort weare mourning blacke as long as Lent is in Towne: But so soone as he is gone, then they change colours, and feast, banquet, reuell, and make merry, as if the Land were freed from some notorious Termagant Monster, [Page 118] some murthering Plague, or some deuouring Famine.
The Bakers metamorphose their trade from one shape to another, his round halfe-penny loaues are transform'd into square wigges, (which wigges like drunkards are drown'd in their Ale) the Rowles are turn'd to Simnels, in the shape of Bread-pyes, and the light puft vp foure cornerd Bun, doth shew that the knauery of the Baker is vniuersall, in Asia, Europa, Afrike, and America: for since Colliers & Scriueners haue purchas'd the possession of the Pillory from them, their light bread brings in heauy gaines, where if by chance a Batch or a Basket full being examined by the scales of Iustice, & the Bread committed to Newgate for want of weight, and the Baker to the Counter for lacke of conscience, yet hee knowes he shall out againe, and with a tricke that he hath, in one weeke he will recouer the consumption of his purse againe, by his moderate light handling of the medicine of meale, Yeast, and Water.
But now suppose that Palme-sunday is past, and that you see Lent, and both the Fish-streets sing loth to depart, whilst euery Fishmonger wrings his hands, and by the reason of cold takings, beates himselfe into a heat, whilst (to their great griefe) whole heards of Oxen, and flocks of Sheepe, are driuen into euery Towne for no other purpose, but to driue Lent out of the Countery.
It is a thing worthy to be noted, to see how all the Dogges in the Towne doe wagge their tailes for ioy, when they see such prouision to driue away Lent, (for a Dogge, a Butcher, and a Puritan, are the greatest enemies hee hath) but there is one day in the yeere that Dogges in generall are most affraid, and that is the Friday after Easter, for they hauing past fiue weekes without seeing any flesh, and indured a hard siedge by Lent and fish-bones, then at Easter they see flesh on the Sunday, Munday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday day, and when the Fraiday comes, they see great store of fish againe, the poore Cu [...] (all in a pittifull quandary) stinke for woe, for feare that another Lent is come sodainely vpon them, thus they continue in that dogged perplexitie till the Sunday following when the appearance of flesh makes them haue a feeling, that they were more affraid then hurt.
But imagine Lent is gone, but who knows whither he is gone? that would be known: for it cannot be but that so mighty a Monarch as he, hath his inroades and his outloapes, his standing Court of continuall residence, as well as his tents, houses, and places of remoouall for pleasure and progresse. For he comes to vs by way of annuall visitaiton: to the Capuchin Fryers he comes twice euery yeere, foe they keepe two Lents, because they will bee sure to fast double, for when a thing is well done (tis an old saying) it is twice done, and by consequence a thing being twice done, must be well done: I know not why they doe it, but some say, that it is a worke of Supearr rogation, and so I leaue them.
But Lent keeps his continuall court with the holy Couents of the vnsanctified fathers, the Fryers Carthusians, these are they that haue made a perpetuall diuorce betweene beasts and birds, these are they that haue confirm'd an euerlasting league with Lent, and all the ragged Aquarian Regiments of the spacious Kingdome of Pisces. For when they enter into their order first, they are inioyned neuer to touch or taste any manner of flesh whatsoeuer, which they doe inuiolably performe: for let hunger, and thin-gutted famine assault them neuer so cruelly, so that there were no fish to be had, yet they hold it meritorious to starue and famish, rather then to eate flesh. For indeed in cases of necessity they haue power to metamorphose flesh into fish: (as for example) when any Towne is besiedged and sharply assailed with warre without, and famine within, that meate is fallen into such a consumption, [Page 119] that fish is gone, and flesh is scarce, then these [...]enerable fathers (by Apostaticall power which they haue) can take a Sir-loyne of Beefe, and thrust his knighthood into a tub of water, and command him to come forth transform'd into a Ling, and so for all kind of flesh else, they can turne a Pig to a Pike, a Goose, [...]o a Gurnet, a Hen to a Herring, a Sow to a Salmon, and an Owle to an Oyster: and all these are no wonders to them, for they are all as nothing to their exorcising tricke of Transsubstantiation in the Sacrament: for it is not possible for any thing to be impossible to them that can make their Maker, and coniure their Sauiour into a peece of bread, and eate him when they haue done. With these enemies of [...]arnalitie Lent hath domesticall perpetuitie, [...]ese obserue his Lawes more firmely, then they doe either the first or second Table, and twenty Citizens shall breake politickely, and take vp their lodging in Luds vnlucky gate before they will cracke the least Iniunction that is articulated betwixt Lent and them.
Thus hauing shewed the progresse, egresse and regresse of this Mediterranian, Atlanticke, Belgicke, Gallobelgicus, this Caspian, Ibe [...]rian British, Celticke, Callidonian, commanding Marine countermander, I thinke it not amisse to declare what good he doth in this Kingdome the time of his being here, and how much more good he would doe if he were rightly obserued.
As it is a matter of conscience to obey superiour and supreme Magistrates, so in that respect I hold it a conscience to abstaine from flesh-eating in Lent: not that I thinke it to bee [...]vncleane to the cleane, or that the eating or not eating, is meritorious: for I am perswaded that a man may goe to heauen as well with a legge of a Capon, as with a red Herring. But seeing Lent is ordained to a good intent, for the increase and preseruation of Calues, Lambs, Swine, and all kind of beasts, and birds whatsoeuer, whereby the breeding and multiplicitie of these creatures makes our Land the terrestriall Paradise of plenty, and so is (by the bountifull blessings of the Almighty all-giuing Giuer) able to maintaine her selfe, and relieue many neighbouring Realmes, and Regions. Surely they are no good Commonwealths men, that wilfully will breake so tolerable aninstitution, as to refraine sixe or seuen weekes in a yeere from flesh, hauing so much variety and change of fish and other sustenance more then sufficient.
It is most certaine, that if Lent were truely kept, and the fish dayes in euery weeke duely obserued, and that euery house in this Kingdome did spend but the quantity of two Haberdine or Greenfish in a weeke, that then this Kingdome of great Britaine both for meat and Mariners would be the Mistresse of the world, and for wealth and riches superlatiue to the Mynes of America.
But the nature of man is so peruerse, that like Pandoraes Boxe, hee will be tooting and prying soonest into that which he is most restrained from, wherein hee shewes himselfe to bee no changeling, but the naturall sonne of Adam, and heire to his frailtie and disobedience: for in common reason (for a common good) if there were no statutes, no precepts or commands for the keeping of Lent and fishdayes, men would of themselues, (and by their owne instigation (bridle their fleshly appetites with the inafle of discretion. It is an vnmeasurable detriment to this Kingdome, the abuse, neglect, & contempt of this so laudable and commodious an institution, and the due obseruing of it duely would be vnualuable, I thinke past the reach of Arithmeticke: but I haue often noted, that if any superfluons feasting or gurmondizing, pancsi-cramming assembly doe meete, the disordered businesse is so ordered, that it must bee either in Lent, vpon a Friday, or a fasting day: for the meat doth not relish well, except it be sawe'd with disobediente and contempt of Authority. And though they eate Sprat on the Sunday, they care not, so they may be full gorg'd with flesh on the Friday night.
For mine owne part (as I haue before written I hold fish or flesh no Maxims, Axiomes, [Page 120] or grounds of Religion, but those that wilfully and contemptuously doe care flesh in the Lent (except such whose appetites are repugnant to fish, and whose nature hath not beene vsed to it, except such as are sicke, and women with childe, for all which there is a lawfull toleration) except such, I say, he that feasts with flesh in Lent, I wish he might bee constrained to fast with fish all the yeere after for his contempt.
Wide and large is the way that I might trauell in this spacious businesse: but few words are best, especially if they bee spoken to the wife, and if any poore Iacke-a-Lent doe ha [...] pen into the hands of a foole, tis but a Foo [...] and a Iacke, or two fooles well met, but he [...] is the ods, a wise man will make much of [...] Iacke for his plaine dealing, when a foole will quarrell with him, and falling together by the eares, teare one anothers cloathes, and the Iacks paper-ierkin goes to wracke.
CERTAINE BLANKE VERSES VVRITTEN of purpose to no purpose, yet so plainely contriu'd, that a Childe of two yeeres old may vnderstand them as well as a good Scholler of fifty.
TO ALL MY LOVING ADVENTVRERS, BY VVHAT NAME OR TITLE SOEVER, MY GENERALL SALVTATION.
REader, these Trauailes of mine into Scotland, were not vndertaken, neither in imitation, or emulation of any man, but onely deuised by my selfe, on purpose to make triall of my friends, both in this Kingdome of England, and that of Scotland; and because I would be an eye-witnes of diuers things which I had heard of that Countrey; and whereas many shallow-brain'd Critickes, doe lay an aspersion on me, that I was set on by others, or that I did vnrgoe this proiect, either in malice, or mockage of Master Benjamin Ionson, I vow the faith of a Christian, that their imaginations are all wide, for he is a Gentleman, whom I am so much obliged for many vndeserued courtesies that I haue receiued [...]m him, and from others by his fauour, that I durst neuer to be so impudent or in [...]atcfull, as either to suffer any mans per swasions, or mine owne instigation, to incite [...], to make so bad a requitall, for so much goodnesse formerly receiued; so much for at, and now Reader, if you expect
THE PENNYLES PILGRIMAGE, OR THE MONEY-LESSE PERAMBVLATION, OF IOHN TAYLOR, ALIAS, THE KINGS MAIESTIES WATER-POET. HOVV HE TRAVAILED ON FOOT, FROM LONDON TO EDENBOROVGH IN Scotland, not carrying any Money to or fro, neither Begging, Borrowing, or Asking Meate, Drinke or Lodging.
In this Towne of Newcastle, I oner-tooke [...]n Hostler, and I asked him what the next Towne was called, that was in my way toward Lancaster, he holding the end of a riding rod in his mouth, as if it had beene a Fluit, piped me this answer and said, Talke on the hill; I asked him againe what he said, Talke on the hill: I demanded the third time, and the third time he answered me as he did before, Ialke on the hill. I began to grow cholericke, and asked him why he could not talke, or tell me my way as well there as on the hill; at last I was resolued, that the next. Towne was foure miles off mee, and that the name of it was, Talke on the hill. I had not traueled aboue two miles farther: but my last nights supper (which was as much as nothing) my minde being informed of it by my stomacke. I made a vertue of necessity, and went to breakefast in the Sunne: I haue [...]ared better at three Sunnes many times before now, in Aldersgate-Streete, Criplegate, and new Fishstreet, but here is the oddes, at those Sunnes they will come vpon a man with a [...]auerne bill as sharp cutting as a Taylers Bill of Items: A Watch-mans hill, or a Welch-hooke falls not halfe to heauy vpon a man; besides most of the [...]intners haue the law in their own hands, and [...]aue all their Actions, Cases, Bills of Debt, and such reckonings tried at their owne Barres: from whence there is no appeale. But leauing these impertinencies, in the materiall Sunneshine, we eate a substantiall dinner, & like miserable Guests we did budget vp the reuersions.
To the purpose then: my first nights lodging in Scotland was at a place called Mophot, which they say, is thirty miles from Carlile, but I suppose them to be longer then forty of such miles as are betwixt London and Saint Albanes, (but indeed the Scots doe allow almost as large measure of their miles, as they doe of their drinke, for an English Gallon either of Ale or Wine, is but their quart, and one Scottish mile (now and then, may well stand for a mile and a halfe or two English) but howsoeuer short or long, I found that dayes iourney the weariest that euer I footed; and at night being come to the Towne, I found good ordinary Countrey entertainment; my fare and my lodging was sweet and good, and might haue serued a farre better man then my selfe, although my selfe haue had many times better: but this is to be noted, that though it rained not all the day, yet it was my fortune to be well wet twise, for I waded ouer a great riuer called Eske in the morning, somewhat more then foure miles distance from Culile in England, and at night within two miles of my lodging; I was faine to wade ouer the Riuer of Annan in Scotland, from which Riuer the County of Annandale, hath it's name, And whilst I waded on foot, my man was mounted on horse-backe [...], like the George without the Dragon. But the next morning, I arose and left Mophot behind me, and that day I traueled twenty one miles to a sory Village called Blithe, but I was blithe my selfe to come to any place of harbour or succour, for since I was borne, I neuer was so weary, or so neere being dead with extreme trauell; I was founderd and refounderd of all foure, and for my better comfort, I came so late, that I must lodge without doores all night, or else in a poore house where the good-wife lay in Child-bed, her husband being from home, her owne seruant mayde being her nurse. A Creature naturally compacted, and artificially adorned with an incomparable homelines; but as things were I must either take or leaue, and necessity made mee enter, where we gat Egges and Ale by measure and by tale. At last to bed I went, my man lying on the floore by mee, where in the night there were Pidgeons did very bountifully mute in his face: the day being no sooner come, and hauing but fifteene miles to Edenborough, mounted vpon my ten toes, and began first to hobble, and after to amble, and so being warme, I fell to pace by degrees; all the way passing thorow a fertill Countrey for Corne and Cattle: and about two of the clocke in the afternoone [Page 129] that Wednesday, being the thirteenth of August, and the day of Clare the Virgin (the signe being in Virgo) the Moone foure dayes [...]old, the wind at West, I came to take rest, at the wished, long expected, ancient famous City of Edenborough, which I entred like Pierce pennilesse, altogether monyles, but I thanke God, not friendlesse; for being there, for the time of my stay, I might borrow, (if any man would lend) spend it I could get, begge if I had the impudence, and steale, if I durst aduenture the price of a hanging, but my purpose was to house my horse, and to suffer him and my apparell to lye in durance, or Lauender in stead of Litter, till such time as I could meete with some valiant friend, that would desperately disburse.
Walking thus downe the street, (my body being tyred with trauell, and my minde attyred with moody, muddy, Moore-ditch melancholly) my Contemplation did deuoutly pray, that I might meete one or other to prey vpon, being willing to take any slender acquaintance of any map whatsoeuer, viewing, and circumviewing euery mans face I met, as if I meant to drawe his picture, but all my acquaintance was Nonest Inuentus, (pardon me Reader, that Latine is none of mine owne, I sweare by Priscians Parteranion, an oath which I haue ignorantly broken many times.) At last I resolu'd, that the next Gentleman that I met withall, should be acquaintance whether hee would or no: and presently fixing mine eyes vpon a Gentleman-like obiect, I looked on him, as if I would suruay something through him, and make him my perspectiue: and hee much musing at my gazing, and I much gazing at his musing, at last he crost the way and made toward me, and then I made downe the street from him, leauing to encounter with my man, who came after me leading my horse, whom he thus accosted. My friend (quoth he) doth yonder Gentleman, (meaning me) know me, that he lookes so wistly on me? Truely Sir, said my man, I thinke not, but my Matter is a stranger come from London, and would gladly meete some acquaintance to direct him where he may haue lodging and horse-meate. Presently the Gentleman, (being of a generous disposition) ouer-tooke me with vnexpected and vndeserued courtesie, brought me to a lodging, and caused my horse to bee put into his owne stable, whilest we discoursing ouer a pinte of Spanish, I related as much English to him, as made him lend me tenne shillings, (his name was Master Iohn Maxwell) which money I am sure was the first that I handled after I came from out the walls of London: but hauing rested two houres and refreshed my selfe, the Gentleman and I walked to see the City and the Castle, which as my poore vnable and vnworthy pen can, I will truly describe.
The Castle on a loftie Rocke is so strongly grounded, bounded, and founded, that by force of man it can neuer be confounded; the Foundation and Walls are vnpenetrable, the Rampiers impregnable, the Bulwarkes inuincible, no way but one to it is or can be possible to be made passable. In a word, I haue seene many Straights and Fortresses, in Germany, the Netherlands, Spaipe, and England, but they must all giue place to this vnconquered Castle, both for strength and scituation.
Amongst the many memorable things which I was shewed there, I noted especially a great peece of Ordnance of Iron, it is not for batterie, but it will serue to defend a breach, or to tosse balies of wilde-fire against any that should assaile or assault the Castle; it lyes now dismonted. And it is so great within, that it was told me that a Childe was once gotten there: but I, to make tryall crept into it, lying on my backe, and I am sure there was roome enough and spare for a greater then my selfe.
So leauing the Castle, as it is both defensiue against any opposition, and magnificke for lodging and receite, I descended lower to the City, wherein I obserued the fairest and goodliest streete that euer mine eyes beheld, for I did neuer see or heare of a street of that length, (which is halfe an English mile from the Castle to a faire Port which they call the Neather-bow) and from that Port, the streete which they call the Kem [...]ate is one quarter of a mile more, downe to the Kings Palace, called [Page 130] Holy-rood-House, the buildings on each side of the way being all of squared stone, fiue, six, and seuen stories high, and many by-Lanes and Closes on each side of the way, wherein are Gentlemens houses, much fairer then the buildings in the high-street, for in the highstreet the Marchants and Tradesmen do dwell, but the Gentlemens mansions and goodliest houses are obscurely fonnded in the aforesaid Lanes: the Walles are eight or tenne foote thicke, exceeding strong, not built for a day, a weeke, or a moneth, or a yeere; but from Antiquitie to Posteritie, for many Ages; There I found entertainement beyond my expectation or merit, and there is fish, flesh, bread and fruit, in such variety, that I thinke I may offencelesse call it super fluity, or saciety. The worst was, that Wine and Ale was so scarce, and the people there such Mizers of it, that euery night before I went to bed, if any man had asked me a ciuill question, all the wit in my head could not haue made him a sober answer.
I was at his Maiesties Palace, a stately and Princely seate, wherein I saw a sumptuous Chappell, most richly adorned with all appurtenances belonging to so sacred a place, or so Royall an owner. In the inner Court, I saw the Kings Armes cunningly carued in stone, and fixed ouer a doore aloft on the wall, the red Lyon being the Crest, ouer which was written this inscription in Latine, ‘Nobis hat inu [...]cta miserunt, 106. proaui.’ I enquired what the English of it was? it was told me as followeth, which I thought worthy to be recorded. ‘106. Fore-fathers haue left this to vs vnchnquered.’ This is a worthy and memorable Motto, and I thinke few kingdomes or none in the world can truly write the like, that notwithstanding so many inroades, incursions, attemps, assaults, Ciuill warres, and forraigne hostilities, bloody battels, and mighty foughten fields, that maugre the strength and policy of enemies, that Royall Crowne and Scepter hath from one hundred and seuen descents, kept still vnconquered, and by the power of the King of Kings (through the grace of the Prince of peace) is now left peacefully to our peacefull King, whom long in blessed peace, the God of peace defend and gouerne.
But once more, a word or two of E [...] rough, although I haue scarcely giuent it that due which belongs vnto it, for their lofty and stately buildings, and for their faire and spacious streete, yet my minde perswades me that they in former ages that first founded that Citie did not so well in that they built it in so di [...] commodious a place; for the Sea, and all nauigable riuers being the chiefe meanes for the enriching of Townes and Cities, by the reason of Traffique with forraine Nations, with exportation, transportation, and receite of variety of Marchandizing; so this Citie had it beene built but one mile lower on the Sea fide, I doubt not but it had long before this beene comparable to many a one of our greatest Townes and Cities in Europe, both for spaciousnesse of bounds, Port, state, and riches. It is said, that King Iames the fifth (of famous memory) did graciously offer to purchase for them, and to bestow vpon them freely, certaine low and pleasant grounds a mile from them on the Sea shore, with these conditions, that they should pull downe their Citie, and build it in that more commodious place, but the Citizens refused it: and so now it is like (for me), to stand where it doth, for I doubt such another profer of remouall will not bee presented to them, till two dayes after the Faire.
Now haue with you for Leeth, whereto I no sooner came, but I was well entertained by Master Barnard Lindsay, one of the Groomes of his Maiesties Bed-chamber, hee knew my estate was not guilty, because I brought guilt with me (more then my sins, and they would not passe for current there) hee therefore did replenish the vaustity of my empty purse, & discharged a piece at mec with two bullets of gold, each being in value worth eleuen shillings white money: and I was credibly informed, that within the compasse of one yeere, there was shipped away from that onely Port of Leeth, foure score thousand Boles of Wheat, Oates, and Barley into Spaine, France, and other fortaine parts, and euery Bole containes [Page 131] the measure of foure English bushels, so that from Leeth onely hath beene transported three hundred and twenty thousand bushels of Corne; besides some hath beene shipped away from Saint Andrewes, from Dundee, Aberdeene, Desert, Kirkady, Kinghorne; Burnt-Iland, Dunbar, and other portable Townes, which makes me to wonder that a Kingdome so populous as it is, should neuerthelesse sell so much bread [...]orne beyond the Seas, and yet to haue more then sufficient for themselues.
So I hauing viewed the Hauen and Towne of Leeth, tooke a passage Boate to see the new [...]rondrous Well, to which many a one that is not well, comes farre and neere in hope to be made well: indeed I did heare that it had done much good, and that it hath a rare operation to expell or kill diuers maladies; as to prouoke appetite, to helpe much for the auoyding of the grauell in the bladder, to cure sore eyes, and old vlcers, with many other vertues which it hath, but I (through the mercy of God, hauing no need of it, did make no great inquisition what it had done, but for nouelty I dranke of it, and I found the taste to be more pleasant then any other water, sweet almost as milke, yet as cleare as cristall, and I did obserue, that though a man did drinke a quart, a pottle, or as much as his belly could containe, yet it neuer offended or lay heauy vpon the stomacke, no more then if one had dranke but a pint or a small quantity.
I went two miles from it to a Towne called Burnt-Iland, where I found many of my especiall good friends, as Master Robert [...]ay, one of the Groomes of his Maiesties Bed-chamber, Master Dauid Drummend, one of his Gentlemen Pentioners, Master Iames Acmooty, one of the Groomes of the Priuie Chamber, Captaine Muray, Sir Henry Witherington Knight, Captaine Iyrie, and diuers others: and there Master Hay, Master Drummond, and the good olde Captaine Murray did very bountifully furnish mee with gold for my expences, but I being at dinner with those aforesaid Gentlemen, as we were discoursing, there befell a strange accident, which I thinke worth the relating.
I know not vpon what occasion they began to talke of being at Sea in former times, and I (amongst the rest) said, I was at the taking of [...]a [...]es: whereto an English Gentleman replyed, that hee was the next good voyage after at the Ilands: I answered him that I was there also. He demanded in what ship I was? I tolde him in the Rainebowe of the Queenes: why (quoth he) doe you not know me? I was in the same ship, and my name is Witherington.
Sir, said I, I do remember the name well, but by reason that it is neere two and twenty yeers since I saw you, I may well forget the knowledge of you. Well said he, if you were in that ship, I pray you tell me some remarkable token that happened in the voyage, whereupon I told him two or three tokens; which he did know to be true. Nay then, said I, I will tell you another which (perhaps) you haue not forgotten; as our ship and the rest of the fleet did ride at Anchor at the Ile of Flores (one of the Iles of the Azores) there were some foureteene men and boyes of our ship, that for nouelty would goe ashore, and see what fruit the Iland did beare, and what entertainment it would yeeld vs: so being landed, we went vp and downe and could finde nothing but stones, heath and mosse, and wee expected Oranges, Limonds, Figges, Muske-millions, and Potatoes: in the meane space the wind did blow so stiffe, and the Sea was so extreme rough, that our Ship-boate could not come to the land to fetch vs, for feare she should bee beaten in pieces against the rockes: this continued fiue dayes, so that we were almost famished for want of food: but at last (I squandring vp and downe) by the prouidence of God I hapned into a Caue or poore habitation, where I found fifteene loaues of bread, each of the quantity of a penny loafe in England, I hauing a valiant stomacke of the age of almost of a hundred and twenty houres breeding, fell to, and ate two loaues and neuer said grace: and as I was about to make a Horse-loafe of the third loafe, I did put twelue of them into my breeches, and my sleeues, and so went mumbling out of t [...]e Caue, leaning my backe against a Tree, when vpon the sudden a Gentleman [Page 132] came to me, and said, Friend, what are you eating? Bread, (quoth I.) For Gods sake said he, giue me some. With that, I put my hand into my breech, (being my best pantrey) and I gaue him a Loafe, which hee receiued with many thankes, and said, that if euer hee could requite it, he would.
I had no sooner told this tale, but Sir Henry Witherington did acknowledge himselfe to bee the man that I had giuen the Loafe vnto two and twenty yeeres before, where I found the Prouerbe true, that men haue more priuiledge then mountaines in meeting.
In what great measure hee did requite so small a courtesie, I wi [...] relate in this following discourse in my Returne through Northumberland: So leauing my man at the Town of Burnt Iland, I tolde him, I would but goe to Sterling, and see the Castle there, and withall to see my honourable friends the Earle of Marr, and Sir William Murray Knight, Lord of Abercarny, and that I would returne within two dayes at the most: But it fell out quite contrary; for it was fine and thirtie dayes before I could get backe againe out of these Noble mens company. The whole progres of my trauell with them, and the cause of my stay, I'cannot with gratefulnesse omit; and thus it was.
A worthy Gentleman named Master Iohn Fenton, did bring me on my way sixe miles to Dumfermling, where I was well entertained, and lodged at Master Iohn Gibb his house, one of the Groomes of his Maiesties Bed chamber, and I thinke the oldest Seruant the King hath: withall, I was well entertained there by Master Crighton at his owne house, who went with me, and shewed me the Queenes Palace; (a delicate & Princely Mansion) withall I saw the ruines of an ancient & stately built Abey, with faire gardens, orchards, medowes belonging to the Palace: all which with faire & goodly reuenues by the suppression of the Abbey, were annexed to the Crowne. There also I saw a very faire Church, which though it bee now very large and spacious, [...]yet it hath in former times beene much larger. But I taking my leaue of Dumfermling, would needs goe and see the truely Noble Knight Sir George Bruce, at a Towne called the Coor as: there he made m [...] right welcome, both with varietie of fare, and after all, hee commanded three of his men [...]s direct mee to see his most admirable Cole mines; which (if man can or could worke wonders) is a wonder: for my selfe neither in any trauels that I haue beene in, nor any History that I haue read, or any Discourse that I haue heard, did neuer see, read, or heare of any worke of man that might parallell or bee equiualent with this vnfellowed and vnm [...] chable work: & though all I can say of it, cannot describe it according to the worthines of his vigilant industry, that was both the occasion, Inuentor, & Maintainer of it: yet rather then the memory of so rare an Enterprise, and so accomplisht a profit to the Common-wealth shall bee raked and smothered in the dust of obliuion, I will giue a little touch at the description of it, although I amongst Writers, as like he that worst may hold the candle.
The Mine hath two wayes into it, the one by sea and the other by land; but a man may goe into it by land, and returne the same way if he please, and so he may enter into it by sea, and by sea he may come forth of it: but I [...] varieties sake went in by sea, and out by land. Now men may obiect, how can a man goe into a Mine, the entrance of it being into the sea, but that the Sea will follow him, and so drown the Mine? To which obiection thus I answer, That at low water, the sea being ebd away, and a great part of the sand bare; vpon this same sand (being mixed with rockes and cragges) did the Master of this great worke build a round circular frame of stone, very thicke, strong, and ioyned together with glutinous or bitumous matter, so high withall that the Sea at the highest flood, or the greatest rage of storme or tempest, can neither dissolue the stones so well compacted in the building or yet ouerflowe the height of it. Within this round frame, (at all aduentures) hee did set workemen to digge with Mattockes, Pickaxes, and other instruments fit for such purposes. They did dig forty foot downe right, into and through a rocke. At last they found that which they expected, which was Sea-cole, [Page 133] they following the veine of the Mine, did dig [...]rward still: So that in the space of eight and [...]enty or nine and twenty yeeres, they haue [...]gged more then an English mile vnder the [...]ea, that when men are at worke belowe, an hundred of the greatest shippes in Britaine [...]ay saile ouer their heads. Besides, the Mine [...] most artificially cut like an Arch or a Vault, [...] that great length, with many nookes and [...] wayes: and it is so made, that a man may [...]alke vpright in the most places, both in and [...]t. Many poore people are there set on work, which otherwise through the want of imploy [...]ent would perish. But when I had seene the line, and was come forth of it againe; after [...]y thankes giuen to Sir George B [...]uce, I told [...]m, that if the plotters of the Powder Treason [...] England had seene this Mine, that they (per [...]ps) would haue attempted to haue left the [...]arliament House, and haue vndermined the [...]hames, and so to haue blowne vp the Barges [...]nd Wherries, wherein the King, and all [...]e Estates of our Kingdome were. Moreo [...]er, I said, that I could affoord to turne Tap [...]er at London, so that I had but one quarter of [...] mile of his Mine to make mee a Celler, to [...]epe Beere and Bottle-ale in. But leauing [...]ese Iests in Prose, I will relate a few Verses [...]at I made merrily of this Mine.
The Sea at certaines places doth leake, of soake into the Mine, which by the industry of Sir George Bruce, is all conueyd to one Well neere the land; where he hath a deuice like a horse-mill, that with three horses and a great chaine of Iron, going downeward many fadomes, with thirty sixe buckets fastened to the chaine, of the which eighteene goe downe still to be filled, and eighteene ascend vp to be emptied, which doe emptie themselues (without any mans labour) into a trough that conueyes the water into the Sea againe; by which meanes he saues his Mine, which otherwise would be destroyed with the Sea, besides he doth make euery weeke ninety or a hundred Tunnes of salt, which doth serue most part of Scotland, some he sends into England, and very much into Germany: all which shewes the painfull industry with Gods blessings to such worthy endeauours: I must with many thankes remember his courtesie to me, and lastly how he sent his man to guide mee tenne miles on the way to Sterling, where by the way I saw the outside of a saire and stately house called Allaway, belonging to the Earle of Marr, which [Page 134] by reason that his Honor was not there, I past by and went to Sterling, where I was entertained and lodged at one Master Iohn Archibalds, where all my want was that I wanted roome to containe halfe the good cheere that I might haue had there; hee had me into the Castle, which in few words I doe compare to Windsor for situation, much more then Windsor in strength, and somewhat lesse in greatnesse; yet I dare affirme, that his Maiesty hath not such another hall to any house that he hath neither in England or Scotland, except Westminster Hall which is now no dwelling Hall for a Prince, being long since metamorphosed into a house for the Law and the profits.
This goodly Hall was built by King Iames the fourth, that marryed King Henry the eights sister, and after was slaine at Flodden field; but it surpasses all the Halls for dwelling houses that euer I saw, for length, breadth, height and strength of building, the Castle is built vpon a rocke very lofty, and much beyond Edenborough Castle in state and magnificence, and not much inferiour to it in strength, the roomes of it are lofty, with carued workes on the seelings, the doores of each roome being so high, that a man may ride vpright on horsebacke into any chamber or lodging. There is also a goodly faire Chappell, with Cellers, Stables, and all other necessary Offices, all very stately & befitting the Maiesty of a King.
From Sterling I rode to Saint Iohnston, a fine Towne it is, but it is much decayed, by reason of the want of his Maiesties yeerely comming to lodge there. There I lodged one night at an Inne, the goodman of the house his name being Petricke Pettcarne, where my entertainement was with good cheere, good lodging, all too good to a bad weary guest. Mine Host told me that the Earle of Marr, and Sir William Murray of Abercarny were gone to the great hunting to the Brca of Marr; but if I made haste I might perhaps finde them at a Towne called Breekin, or Breechin, two and thirty miles from Saint Iohn stone whereupon I tooke a guide to Breekin the next day, but before I came, my Lord was gone from thence foure dayes.
Then I tooke another guide, which brought me such strange wayes ouer mountaines and rockes, that I thinke my horse neuer went the like; and I am sure I neuer saw any wayes the might fellow them. I did go through a Countrey called Glaneske, where passing by the side of a hill, so steepe as the ridge of a house, where the way was rocky, and not aboue a yard broad in some places, so fearefull and horrid it was to looke down into the bottome, for if either horse or man had slipt, he had fallen (without recouery) a good mile downeright; but I thanke God, at night I came to [...] lodging in the Lard of Eggels Land, where I lay at an Irish house, the folkes not being able to speake scarce any English, but I sup'd and went to bed, where I had not laine long, but I was enforced to rise, I was so stung with Irish Musketaes, a creature that hath sixe leg, and liues like a monster altogether vpon man flesh, they doe inhabite and breed most in fl [...]tish houses, and this house was none of the cleanest, the beast is much like a louse in England, both in shape and nature; in a word, they were to me the A. and the Z. the Prologue and the Epilogue, the first and the last that had in all my trauels from Endenborough; and had not this High-land Irish house helped [...] at a pinch, I should haue sworne that all Sealand had not beene so kind as to haue bestowed a Louse vpon me: but with a shift that I had, I shifted off my Canibals, and was neuer m [...] troubled with them.
The next day I trauelled ouer an exceeding high mountaine, called mount Skeene, where I found the valley very warme before I went to it; but when I came to the top of it, my te [...] beganne to dance in my head with cold, like Virginals iacks; and withall, a most familiar mist embraced me round, that I could not see thrice my length any way: withall, it yeeldest so friendly a deaw, that it did moysten thorow all my clothes: Where the old Proueri [...] of a Scottish Miste was verified, in wetting me to the skinne. Vp and downe, I thinke this hi [...] is sixe miles, the way so vneuen, stony, and full of bogges, quagmires, and long heath, that a dogge with three legs will out-runnes [Page 135] horse with foure: for doe what we could, wee were foure houres before we could passe it.
Thus with extreme trauell, ascending and descending, mounting and alighting, I came at night to the place where I would be, in the [...]ea of Ma [...], which is a large County, all composed of such mountaines, that Shooters [...]hill, Gads hill, Highgate hill, Hampsted hill, [...]Birdlip hill, or Maluernes hills, are but Molehills in comparison, or like a Liuer, or a Gi [...] [...]ard vnder a Capons wing, in respect of the altitude of their tops, or perpendicularitie of their bottomes. There I saw Mount Benawne, with a furrd'd mist vpon his snowie head in stead of a nightcap: (for you must vnderstand, that the oldest man aliue neuer saw but the snow was on the top of diuers of those hills, both in Summer, as well as in Winter) There did I finde the truely Noble and Right Honourable Lords Iohn Erskin Earle of Marr, Iames Stuarl Earle of Murray, George Gordon Earle of Engye, sonne and heire to the Mar [...]uesse of Huntley, Iames Erskin Earle of Bughan, and Iohn Lord Erskin, sonne and here to the Earle of Marr, and their Countesses, with my much honoured, and my best assured and approued friend, Sir William Murray Knight, of Abercarny, and hundred of others Knights, Esquires, and their followers; all and euery man in generall in one habit, as if [...] had beene there, and made Lawes of Equality: For once in the yeere, which is the whole moneth of August, and sometimes part of September, many of the Nobility and Gentry of the Kingdome (for their pleasure) doe come into these high-land Countries to hunt, where they doe conforme themselues to the habite of the High-land-men, who for the most part speake nothing but Irish; and in former time were those people which were called the Red-shankes. Their habite is shooes with but one, sole apiece; stockings (which they call short hose) made of a warme stuffe of diuers colours, which they call Tartane: as for breeches, many of them, nor their forefathers neuer wore any, but a ierkin of the same stuffe that their hose is of, their garters being hands or wreathes of hay or straw, with a plead about their shoulders, which is a mantle of diuers colours, much finer and lighter stuffe then their hose, with blue flat caps on their heads, a handkerchiefe knit with two knots about their necke: and thus are they attyred. Now their weapons are long bowes and forked arrowes, Swords and Targets, Harquebusses, Muskets, Durks, and Loquhabor-Axes. With these Armes I found many of them armed for the hunting. As for their attire, any man of what degree soeuer that comes amongst them, must not disdaine to weare it: for if they doe, then they will disdaine to hunt, or willingly to bring in their Dogges: but if men be kind vnto them, and be in their habit; then are they conquered with kindnesse, and the sport will be plentifull. This was the reason that I found so many Noblemen and Gentlemen in those shapes. But to proceed to the hunting.
My good Lord of Marr hauing put me into that shape, I rode with him from his house, where I saw the ruines of an old Castle, called the Castle of Kindroghit. It was built by King Malcolm Canmore (for a hunting house) who raigned in Scotland when Edward the Confessor, Harold, and Norman William raigned in England: I speake of it, because it was the last house that I saw in those parts; for I was the space of twelue dayes after, before I saw either House, Corne-field, or habitation for any creature, but Deere, wilde Horses, Wolues, and such like creatures, which made mee doubt that I should neuer haue seene a house againe.
Thus the first day wee traueld eight miles, where there were small cottages built on purpose to lodge in, which they call Lonquhards, I thanke my good Lord Erskin, hee commanded that I should alwayes bee lodged in his lodging, the Kitchin being alwayes on the side of a banke, many Kettles and Pots boyling, and many spits turning and winding, with great variety of cheere: as Venison bak't, sodden, rost, and stu'de Beefe, Mutton, Goates, Kid, Hares, fresh Salmon, Pidgeons, Hens, Capons, Chickins, Partridge, Moorecoots, Heathcocks, Caperkellies, and Termagants; [Page 136] good Ale, Sacke, White, and Claret, Tent, (or Allegant) with most potent Aquavitae.
All these, and more then these we had continually, in superfluous aboundance, caught by Faulconers, Fowlers, Fishers, and brought by my Lords Tenants and Purueyers to victuall our Campe, which consisteth of fourteen or fifteene hundred men and horses; the manner of the hunting is this: Fiue or sixe hundred men doe rise early in the morning, and they doe disperse themselues diuers wayes, and seuen, eight or tenne miles compasse, they doe bring or chase in the Deere in many heards, (two, three or foure hundred in a heard) to such or such a place, as the Noblemen shall appoint them; then when day is come, the Lords and Gentlemen of their Companies, doe ride or goe to the said places, sometimes wading vp to the middles through bournes and riuers: and then they being come to the place, doe lye downe on the ground, till those foresaid Scouts which are called the Tinckhell, doe bring downe the Deere: But as the Prouerbe sayes of a bad Cooke, so these Tinckhell men doe like their owne fingers; for besides their bowes and arrowes which they carry with them, wee can heare now and then a Harquebusse or a Musket goe off, which they doe seldome discharge in vaine: Then after we had stayed there three houres or thereabouts, we might perceiue the Deere appeare on the hills round about vs, (their heads making a shew like a wood) which being followed close by the Tinkhell, are chased downe into the valley where we lay; then all the valley on each side being way-laid with a hundred couple of strong Irish Grey-hounds, they are let loose as occasion serues vpon the heard of Deere, that with Dogges, Gunnes, Arrowes, Durkes, and Daggers, in the space of two houres, fourescore fat Deere were slaine, which after are disposed of some one way, and some another, twenty and thirty miles, and more then enough left for vs to make merry withall at our Rendez-vous. I liked the sport so well, that I made these two Sonnets following.
Being come to our lodgings, there was such Baking, Boyling, Roasting, and Stewing, a [...] if Cooke Russian had beene there to haue sealded the Deuill in his feathers: and after supp [...] a fire of Firre-wood as high as an indifferent May-pole: for I assure you, that the Earle of Marr will giue any man that is his friend, for thankes, as many Firre trees (that are as good as any shippes masts in England) as are worth (if they were in any place neere the Thames, or any other portable riuer) the best Earledome in England or Scotland either: For I dare affirme, hee hath as many growing there, as would serue for masts (from this time to the end of the world) for all the shippes, Carackes, Hoyes, Galleyes, Boates, Drumlers, Barkes, and Water-crafts, that are now, or can be in the world these fourty yeeres.
This sounds like a lye to an vnbeleeuer; but I and many thousands doe knowe that I speake [Page 137] within the compasse of truth: for indeede (the [...]ore is the pitty) they doe grow so farre from [...]y passage of water, and withall in such rockie Mountaines, that no way to conuey them is [...]ssible to bee passable, either with Boate, [...]dorse, or Cart.
Thus hauing spent certaine dayes in hun [...]ing in the Brea of Marr, wee went to the next County called Bagenoch, belonging to the Earle of Engie, where hauing such sport and entertainement as we formerly had; after foure or [...] dayes pastime, we tooke leaue of hunting [...]or that yeere; and tooke our iourney toward [...] strong house of the Earles, called Ruthen in [...], where my Lord of Engie and his Noble Countesse (being daughter to the Earle of Argile) did giue vs most noble welcome three dayes.
From thence we went to a place called Ballo [...], a faire and stately house, a worthie Gentleman being the Owner of it, called the [...] of Graunt, his wife being a Gentlewoman honourably descended being sister to [...]heright Honourable Earle of Atholl, and to Sir Patricke Murray Knight; she being both inwardly and outwardly plentifully adorned with the gifts of Grace and Nature: so that [...] cheere was more then sufficient; and yet much lesse then they could affoord vs. There [...] there foure dayes, foure Earles, one [...], diuers Knights and Gentlemen, and their seruants, footmen and horses; and euery [...] foure long Tables furnished with all varieties: Our first & second course being three [...]core dishes at one boord; and after that alwayes a Banquet: and there if I had not for [...]ornee wine till I came to Edenborough, I thinke [...] had there dranke my last.
The fifth day with much adoe we gate from thence to Tarnaway, a goodly house of the Earle of Murrayes, where that right Honourable Lord and his Lady did welcome vs foure dayes more. There was good cheere in all variety, with some what more then plenty for aduantage: for indeed the Countie of Murray is the most pleasantest, and plentifull Countrey in all Scotland; being plaine land, that a Coach may be driuen more then foure and thirtie miles one way in it, alongst by the Sea-coast.
From thence I went to Elgen in Murray, an ancient Citie, where there stood a faire and beautifull Church with three steeples, the walls of it and the steeples all yet standing; but the Roofes, Windowes, and many Marble Monuments and Toombes of honourable and worthie personages all broken and defaced: this was done in the time when ruine bare rule, and Knox knock'd downe Churches.
From Elgen we went to the Bishop of Murray his house which is called Spinye, or Spinaye: a Reuerend Gentleman he is, of the Noble name of Dowglasse, where wee were very well wel-comed, as befitted the honour of himselfe and his guests.
From thence we departed to the Lord Marquesse of Huntleyes, to a sumptuous house of his, named the Bogg of Geethe, where our entertainement was like himselfe, free, bountifull and honourable. There (after two dayes stay) with much entreatie and earnest suite, I gate leaue of the Lords to depart towards Edenborough: the Noble Marquesse, the Earle of Marr, Murray, Engie, Bughan, and the Lord Erskin; all these, I thanke them, gaue me gold to defray my charges in my iourney.
So after fiue and thirty dayes hunting and trauell, I returning, past by another stately mansion of the Lord Marquesses, called Strobeggi, and so ouer Carny monnt to Breekin, where a wench that was borne deafe and dumb came into my chamber at midnight (I being asleepe) and shee opening the bed, would faine haue lodged with mee: but had I beene a Sardanapalus, or a Heliogabalus, I thinke that either the great trauell ouer the Mountaines had tamed me; or if not, her beautie could neuer haue moued me. The best parts of her were, that her breath was as sweet as sugar-carrion, being very well shouldered beneath the waste; and as my Hostesse told me the next morning, that she had changed her Maiden-head for the price of a Bastard not long before. But howsoeuer, shee made such a hideous noyse, that I started out of my sleepe, and thought that the Deuill had beene there: but I no sooner knew who it was, but I arose, and thrust my dumb [Page 138] beast out of my chamber; and for want of a locke or a latch, I staked vp my doore with a great chaire.
Thus hauing escaped one of the seuen deadly sinnes as at Breekin, I departed from thence to a Towne called Forfard, and from thence to Dundee, and so to Kinghorne, Burnt Iland, and so to Edenborough, where I stayed eight dayes, to recouer my selfe of falls and bruises which I receiued in my trauell in the High-land mountainous hunting, Great welcome I had shewed me all my stay at Edenborough, by many worthy Gentlemen, namely, old Master George Todrigg, Master Henry Leuing flow, Master Iames Henderson, Master Iohn Maxwell, and a number of others, who suffered mee to want no wine or good cheere, as may be imagined.
Now the day before I came from Edenborough, I went to Leeth, where I found my long approued and assured good friend Master Benian [...] Iohnson, at one Master Iohn Stuarts house: I thanke him for his great kindnesse towards me: for at my taking leaue of him, he gaue me a piece of gold of two and twenty shillings to drink his health in England. And withall, willed me to remember his kind commendations to all his friends: So with a friendly farewell, I left him as well, as I hope neuer to see him in a worse estate: for he is amongst Noblemen and Gentlemen, that knowe his true worth, and their owne honours, where, with much respectiue loue he is worthily entertained.
So leauing Leeth, I return'd to Edenborough, and within the port or gate, called the Netherbowe, I discharged my pockets of all the money I had and as I came pennilesse within the walls of that Citie at my first comming thither; so now at my departing from thence, I came moneylesse out of it againe; hauing in company to conuey me out, certaine Gentlemen, amongst the which was Master Iames Atherson, Laird of Gasford, a Gentleman that brought mee to his house, where with great entertainement he and and his good wife did welcome me.
On the morrow he sent one of his men to bring me to a place called Adam, to Master Iohn Acmootye his house, one of the Groomes of his Maiesties Bed-chamber; where with him and his two brethren, Master Alexander and Master Iames Acmootye, I found both cheer and Welcome, not inferiour to any that I [...] had in any former place.
Amongst our viands that wee had there, [...] must not forget the Soleand Goose, a mo [...] delicate Fowle, which breeds in great abo [...] dance in a little Rocke called the Basse, which stands two miles into the Sea. It is very good flesh, but it is eaten in the forme as wee [...] Oysters, standing at a side-boord, a little before dinner, vnsanctified without Grace; and after it is eaten, it must be well liquored with two or three good rowses of Sherrie or C [...] rie sacke. The Lord or Owner of the Basse do [...] profit at the least two hundred pound yeer [...] by those Geese; the Basse it selfe being of [...] great height, and neere three quarters of a mile in compasse, all fully replenished with Wildfowle, hauing but one small entrance [...] to it, with a house, a garden, and a Chapp [...] in it; & on the toppe of it a Well of pure fr [...] water.
From Adam, Master Iohn and Master I [...] Acmootye went to the Towne of Dunbarr [...] me, where ten Scottish pints of wine were consumed, and brought to nothing for a farewell there at Master Iames Baylies house I tooke leaue, and Master Iames Acmootye commi [...] for England, said, that if I would ride with [...], that neither I nor my horse should want [...] [...] twixt that place and London. Now I hauing [...] money or meanes for trauell, began at once [...] examine my manners and my want: at last my want perswaded my manners to accept of this worthy Gentlemans vndeserued courtesie. So that night he brought me to a place called C [...] per-spath, where we lodged at an Inne, the li [...] of which I dare say, is not in any of his M [...] sties Dominions. And for to shewe my thankfulnesse to Master William Arnet and his wife, the Owners thereof, I must explaine their bountifull entertainement of guests, which is this:
Suppose ten, fifteene, or twenty men and horses come to lodge at their house, the men shall haue flesh, tame and wild-fowle, fish with [Page 139] all varietie of good cheere, good lodging, and welcome, and the horses shall want neither hay or prouender: and at the morning at their departure the reckoning is iust nothing. This is this worthy Gentlemens vse, his chiefe delight being onely to giue strangers entertainment gratu: And I am sure, that in Scotland beyond Edenborough, I haue beene at houses like Castles for building; the master of the house his heauen, being his blue Bounet, one that will weare no other shirts, but of the Flaxe that growes on his owne ground, and of his wiues, daughters, or seruants spinning; that [...]th his Stockings, Hose, and Ierkin of the Wooll of his owne Sheepes backes; that neuer (by his pride of apparell) caused Mercer, Draper, Silke man, Embroyderer, or Haberda [...] to breake and turne bankerupt: and yet this plaine home-spunne fellow keepes and maintaines thirty, forty, fifty seruants, or perhaps more, euery day releeuing three or foure score poore people at his gate; and besides all this can giue noble entertainment for foure or fiue dayes together to fiue or sixe Earles and Lords, besides Knights, Gentlemen and their [...]llowers, if they hee three or foure hundred men, and horse of them, where they shall not onely feede but feast, and not feast, but banker, this is a man that desires to know nothing so [...] [...] his duty to God and his King, whose [...] cares are to practise the workes of [...], Charity, and Hospitality: he neuer studies the consuming Art of fashionlesse fashions, hee neuer tries his strength to beare foure or fiue hundred Acres on his backe at once, his legges are alwayes at liberty, not being settred with golden garters, and mana [...]ed with artificial Roses, whose weight (sometime) is the Reliques of some decayed Lordship: Many of these worthy house-keepers there are in Scotland, amongst some of them I was entertained; from whence I did truely gather these aforesaid obseruations.
So leauing Coberspath, we rode to Barwicke, where the worthy old Soldier and ancient Knight, Sir William Bowyer, made me welcome, but contrary to his will, we lodged at an Inne, where Master Iames Acmooty paid all charges: but at Barwhicke there was a grieuous chance hapned, which I thinke not fit the relation to be omitted.
In the Riuer of Tweed, which runnes by Barwicke, are taken by Fishermen that dwell there, infinite numbers of fresh Salmons, so that many housholds and families are relieued by the profit of that fishing; but (how long since I know not) there was an order that no man or boy whatsoeuer should fish vpon a Sunday: This order continued long amongst them, till some eight or nine weekes before Michaelmas last, on a Sunday, the Salmons plaid in such great aboundance in the Riuer, that some of the Fishermen (contrary to Gods law and their owne order) tooke Boates and nettes and fished, and caught three hundred Salmons; but from that time vntill Michaelmas day that I was there, which was nine weekes, and heard the report of it, and saw the poore peoples lamentations, they had not seene one Salmon in the Riuer; and some of them were in despaire that they should neuer see any more there; affirming it to be Gods Iudgement vpon them for the prophanation of the Sabbath.
The thirtieth of September we rode from Barwicke to Belford, from Belford to Anwicke, the next day from Amrick to Newcastle, where I found the noble Knight, Sir [...]enry witherington; who, because I would haue no gold nor siluer, gaue me a bay Mare, in requitall of a loafe of bread that I had giuen him two and twenty yeeres before, at the Iland of Flores, of the which I haue spoken before. I ouertooke at Newcastle a great many of my worthy friends, which were all comming for London, namely, Master Robert Hay, and Master Dauid Drummond, where I was welcom'd at Master Nicholas Tempests house. From Newcastle I rode with those Gentlemen to Durham, to Darington, to Northalerton, and to Topel [...]sse in Yorkeshire, where I tooke my leaue of them, and would needs try my pennilesse fortunes by my selfe, and see the City of Yorke, where I was lodged at my right Worshipfull good friend, Master Doctor Hudson one of his Maiesties Chaplaines, who went with me, and shewed [Page 140] me the goodly Minster Church there, and the most admirable, rare-wrought, vnfellowed Chapter house.
From Yorke I rode to Doncaster, where my horses were well fed at the Beare, but my selfe found out the honourable Knight, Sir Robert Anslruther at his father in lawes, the truely noble Sir Robert Swifts house, he being then high Sheriffe of Yorkeshire, where with their good Ladies, and the right Honourable the Lord Sanquhar, I was stayed two nights and one day, Sir Robert Anslruther (I thanke him) not only paying for my two horses meat, but at my departure, he gaue me a letter to Newarke vpon Trent, twenty eight miles in my way, where Master George Atkinson mine Host made me as welcome, as if I had beene a French Lord, and what was to be paid, as I call'd for nothing, I paid as much; and left the reckoning with many thankes to Sir Robert Anstruther.
So leauing Newarke, with another Gentleman that ouertooke me, we came at night to Stamford, to the signe of the Virginitie (or the Maydenhead) where I deliuered a Letter from the Lord Sanguhar; which caused Master Bates and his wife, being the Master and Mistresse of the house, to make me and the Gentleman that was with me great cheere for nothing.
From Stamford the next day we rode to Huntington, where we lodged at the Post-masters house, at the signe of the Crowne; his name is Riggs. He was informed who I was, and wherefore I vndertooke this my pennilesse Progresse: wherefore he came vp to our chamber, and sup'd with vs, and very bountifully called for three quarts of Wine and Sugar, and foure Iugges of Beere. He did drinke and beginne healths like a Horse-leech, and swallowed downe his cuppes without feeling, as if he had had the dropsie, or nine pound of Spunge in his maw. In a word, as he is a Poste, he dranke poste, striuing and calling by all meanes to make the reckoning great, or to make vs men of great reckoning. But in his payment he was tyred like a Iade, leauing the Gentleman that was with me to discharge the terrible Short, or else one of my horses must haue laine in pawne for his superfluous calling, and vnmannerly intrusion.
But leauing him, I left Huntington, and rode on the Sunday to Puckeridge, where Master Holland at the Faulkon, (mine old acquaintance) and my louing and ancient Hoste gaue mee, my friend, my man, and our horses excellent cheere, and welcome, and I paid him with, Not a penny of money.
The next day I came to London, and obscurely coming within More-gate, I went to a house and borrowed money: And so I stole backe againe to Iflington, to the signe of the Mayden head, staying till Wednesday, that my friends came to meete me, who knew no other, but that Wednesday was my first comming: where with all loue I was entertained with much good cheere: and after Supper we had a play of the life and death of Guy of Warwicke, played by the Right Honourable the Earle of Darb [...] his men. And so on the Thursday morning being the fifteenth of October, I came home to my house in London.
THE EPILOGVE TO ALL MY ADVENTVRERS AND OTHERS.
THE GREAT EATER OR PART OF THE ADMIRABLE TEETH AND STOMACKS EXPLOITS OF NICHOLAS WOOD, OF HARRISOM IN THE COVNTY OF KENT. HIS EXCESSIVE MANNER OF EATING WITHOVT MANNERS, IN STRANGE AND TRVE MANNER DESCRIBED, BY IOHN TAILOR.
REcords and Histories doe make memorable mention of the diuersitie of qualities of sundry famous persons, men and women, in all the Countries and Regions of the world, how some are remembred for their Piety and Pitty; some for Iustice; some for Seuerity, for Learning; Wisedome, Temperance, Constancie, Patience, with all the vertues Diuine, and morall: Some againe, haue purchased a memory for Greatnesse and Talnesse of body; some for Dwarfish smalnesse; some for beautifull outsides, faire feature and composition of Limbs and stature, many haue gotten an earthly perpetuity for cruelty and murther, as Nero, Commodus, and others: for Leachery, as Heliogabalus: for Drunkennesse, Tiberius, ( alias Biberius:) for Effeminacy, as Sardanapalus: for Gluttony, Aulus Vitellius, who at one supper was serued with two thousand sorts of fishes, and seuen thousand sowles, as Suetonius writes in his ninth Booke, and Iosephus in his fifth Booke of the Iewes warres. Cal [...]gula was famous for Ambition, for hee would bee ador'd as a God, though he liu'd like a Deuill, poysoning [...] Vnkle, and deflowring all his Sisters: And in [...] ages and Countries, time hath still produc [...] particular persons, men & women, either [...] their vertnes or their vices, to be remembred that by meditating on the good, we may b [...] imitating their goodnesse, and by viewing [...] bad, we might be eschewing thier vices.
To descend lower to more familiar examples, I haue knowne a great man very exp [...] on the Iewe-harpe; a rich heire excellen [...] Noddy, a Iustice of the Peace skilfull [...] Quoytes; a Marchants wife a quicke Ga [...]ster at Irish (especially when she came to be [...]ring of men) that she would seldome misse [...]tring. Monsieur La Ferr a French-man, [...] the first inuentor of the admirable Game [...] Double-hand, Hot-cockles, & Gregorie Da [...] an English man, deuised the vnmatchable mystery of Blind-man-buffe. Some haue [...] a gility to ride Poast; some the facility [...]runne Poast, some the dexterity to [...] Post, and some the ability to speake, po [...] For I haue heard a fellow make a Hackney [...] his tongue, & in a moment he hath gallop'd [...] [Page 143] [...]ye from China to London, without Bridle or [...]addle, Others doe speake poast, in a thicke [...]ing kind of Ambling-trot, and that in [...]ch speede, that one of them shall talke more [...] one quarter of an houre, then shall be vnderstood in seuen yeeres. And as euery one [...]h particular qualities to themselues, and di [...]onant from others, so are the manners of [...]iues (or liuings) of all men and women va [...]ious one from another; as some get their li [...]ing by their tounges, as Interpreters, Law [...]ers, Oratours, and Flatterers; some by [...]yles, as Maquerellaes, Concubines, Cur [...]anes, or in plaine English, Whores; Some by thei [...] feete, as Dancers, Lackeyes, Footmen, and Weauers, and Knights of the publicke or common order of the Forke; Some by their braines, as Politicians, Monopolists, Proiectmongers, Suit-ioggers, and Starga [...]ers; Some (like the Salamander) liue by fire, [...]s the whole Race of Tubalcaine, the Vul [...]anean Broode of Blacksmiths, fire-men, Colliers, Gunners, Gun-founders, and all sorts of mettle-men; Some like the Cameleon, by the Ayre, and such are Poets, Trumpetters, Cornets, Recorders, Pipers, Bag-pipers; and some by smoake, as Tobaconists, Knights of the Vapour, Gentlemen of the Whiffe, Esquires of the Pipe, Gallants in Fumo; Some liue by the Water as Herrings doe, such are Brewers, Vintners, Dyers, Mariners, Fisher-men, and S [...]ullers; And many like Moles liue by the Earth, as griping Vsurers, racking Landlords, toyling Plowmen, moyling Labourers, painefull Gardners, and others.
Amongst all these before mentioned, and many more which I could recite, this subiect of my Pen is not (for his qualitie) inferiour to any: and as neere as I can, I will stretch my wit vpon the Tenters, to describe his name and Character, his worthy Actes shall be related after in due time duely.
And, Be it knowne vnto all men, to whom these presents shall come, that I Iohn Taylor, Waterman of Saint Sauiours in Southwarke, in the County of Surrey, the Writer hereof, &c. will write plaine truth, bare and threed-bare, and almost starke-naked-truth, of the descriptions, and remarkable, memorable Actions of Nichol [...] Wood, of the Parish of Harrisóm in the County of Kent, Yeoman, for these considerations following.
First, I were to blame to write more then truth, because that which is knowne to be true, is enough.
S [...]condly, that which is onely true, is too much.
Thirdly, the truth will hardly be beleeued, being so much beyond mans reason to conceiue.
Fourthly, I shall runne the hazzard to bee accounted a great lyer, in writing the truth.
Lastly, I will not lye, on purpose to make all those lyers that esteeme me so.
Yet by your leaue, Master Critick, you must giue me licence to flourish my Phrases, to embellish my lines, to adorne my Oratory, to embroder my speeches, to enterlace my words, to draw out my sayings, and to bumbaste the whole suite of the businesse for the time of your wearing. For though truth appeareth best bare in matters of Iustice, yet in this I hold it decent to attire her with such poore raggs as I haue, in stead of Robes.
First then; the place of his birth, and names of his parents are to me a meere Terraincognita, as farre from my knowledge, as content from a Vsurer, or honesty from a Bawde, but if hee be no Christian, the matter is not much, hee will serue well enough for a man of Kent; and if his education had beene as his Feeding, it is euident he had been of most mighty breeding; he hath gotten a foule name, but I know not if it came to him by Baptisme, for it is partly a Nick-name, which in the totall is Nicholas, I would abate him but a Saint, and call him Nicholas Shambles, and were the goodnesse of his purse answerable to the greatnesse of his appetite, out of all question, no man below the Moone would be a better customer to a shambles then he, for though he be chaste of his body, yet his minde is onely vpon flesh, he is the onely Tugmutton, or Muttonmonger betwixt Douer and Dunbarr: for hee hath eaten a whole Sheepe of sixteene shillings price, raw at one meale (pardon me) I thinke hee left the skin, [Page 144] the wooll, the hornes, and the bones: but what talke I of a Sheepe, when it is apparantly knowne, that he hath at one repast, and with one dish, feasted his Carkas with all manner of meates? All men will confesse that a Hogge will eate any thing, either fish, flesh, fowle, root, herbe, or excrement, and this same noble Nick Nicholas, or Nicholas Nick, hath made an end of a Hogge all at once, as if it had bin but a Rabbet [...]ucker, and presently after, for fruit to recreate his palate, he hath swallowed three peckes of Damsons, thus (Philosophically) by way of a Chimicall In [...]usion, as a Hogge will eate all things that are to be eaten, so he in eating the Hogge, did in a manner of extraction distill all manner of meates thorow the Limbeck of his paunch.
But hold a little, I would be loath to cloy my Reader with too much meate and fruit at once [...] so that after your Sheepe, Hogge and Damsons, I thinke it best to suffer you to pawse and picke your teeth (if you haue any) whilst I spend a few words more in Paraphrasing vpon his surname. Wood is his Appellation, Denomination, or how you please to tearme it.
Some of the ancient Philosophers haue compared man to a Tree with the bottome vpwards, whose roote is the Braine, the Armes Hands, Fingers, Legges, Feete and Toes, are the Limbs, and Branches, the comparison is very significant, many Trees doe bring forth good fruit, so doe some fewe men; Some stately Trees growe high and faire, yet stand for nothing but shades, and some men grow high and lofty, yet are nothing but shaddows; Some Trees are so malignant, that nothing can prosper vnder the compasse of their branches; and some men are so vnlucky, that very few can thriue in their seruice. And as of one part of a Tree a Chaire of State may be made, and of another part a carued Image, and of a third part a stoole of office; So men, being compounded and composed all of one mould and mettle, are different and disconsonant in estates, conditions, and qualities. Too many (like the barren Fig-tree) beare leaues of hypocrisie, but no fruites of Integrity, who serue onely for a flourish in this life, and a flame [...] that hereafter.
So much for that: now to returne to my Theame of Wood, (indeed this last disgressio [...] may make my Reader thinke that I could no [...] see wood for trees) what Wood he is, I know not, but by his face he should be Maple, o [...] Crab-tree, and by his stomacke, sure he i [...] heart of Oake; some say he is a Meddler, but by his stature, he seemes like a low short Pine, and certaine I am, that hee is Popular, a well tymberd piece, or a store house for belly tymber.
Now Gentlemen, as I haue walked you amongst the Trees, and thorow the Wood, I pray set downe, and take a taste or two mo [...]e of this Banquet.
What say you to the Leafe or Flecke of [...] Brawne new kild, to be of weight eight pound, and to be eaten hot out of the Bores belly raw? much good doe you Gallants, was it not [...] glorious dish? and presently after (in stead of [...]uckets, twelue raw puddings. I speake not one word of drinke all this while, for indeed he is no drunkard, hee abhorres that [...]winish vice: Alehouses, nor Tapsters cannot nick this Nick with froth, curtoll Cannes, tragical blacke-pots, and double-dealing bumbasted Iugges, could neuer cheate him, for one Pin [...] of Beere or Ale is enough to wash downe [...] Hog, or water a Sheepe with him.
Two Loynes of Mutton, and one Loyne of Veale were but as three Sprats to him: Once at Sir Warrham Saint Leigers house, and at S [...] William Sydleyes he shewed himselfe so valiant o [...] Teeth, and Stomacke, that hee ate as much as would well haue seru'd and suffic'd thirty men, so that his belly was like to turne bankerupt and breake, but that the Seruing-men turn'd him to the fire, and anoynted his paunch with Greace and Butter, to make it stretch and hold; and afterwards being layd in bed, hee slep [...] eight houres, and fasted all the while: which when the Knight vnderstood, he commanded him to be laid in the stocks, and there to endure as long time as he had laine bedrid with eating.
Pompey the Great, Alexander the Great, T [...] berlan [...] the Great, Charlemagne or Charles the [Page 145] [...]reat, Arthur the Great: all these gat the [...]itle of Great, for conquering Kingdomes, [...]d killing of men; and surely eating is not a [...]ea [...]er sinne then rapine, theft, manslaugh [...] and murther. Therefore this noble Ea [...]a [...] doth well deserue the Tytle of Great: where [...]re I instile him Nicholas the Great (Eater:) [...]nd as these forenamed Greats haue ouer [...]rowne and wasted Countreyes, and Hosts [...]f men, with the helpe of their Soldiers and [...]llowers; so hath our Nick the Great, (in [...] [...] owne person) without the helpe or ayde [...]f any man, ouercome, conquered, and de [...]oured in one weeke, as much as would haue [...]fficed a reasonable and sufficient Army in a [...]y, for hee hath at one meale made an assault [...]pon seuen dozen of good Rabbets at the [...]ord Wootons in Kent, which in the totall is [...]ure-score, which number would well haue [...]ffic'd a hundred, three-score, and eight hun [...]ry Soldiers, allowing to each of them halfe a [...]abbet.
Bell, the famous Idoll of the Babylonians, was meere imposture, a Iuggling toye, and a [...]heating bable, in comparison of this Nicho [...]an, Kentish Tenterbelly, the high and mighty [...]uke All paunib, was but a fiction to him. Milo [...]he Crotonia [...] could hardly be his equall: and [...]oclner of Windsor was not worthy to bee his [...]ot-man. A quarter of fat Lambe, and three [...]ore Eggs haue beene but an easie colation [...]nd three well larded Pudding-pyes he hath at [...]ne time time put to foyle, eighteene yards of [...]lacke Puddings (London measure) haue suddenly beene imprisoned in his sowse-tub. A [...]ucke raw with guts, feathers, and all (ex [...]ept the bill & the long feathers of the wings) [...]ath swomme in the whirlepole or pond of his [...]awe, and he told me, that three-score pound of Cherries was but a kind of washing meate, [...]nd that there was no tacke in them, for hee [...]ad tride it at one time. But one Iohn Dale was [...]oo hard for him at a place called Lennam, for [...]he said Dale had laid a wager that he would fill [...]oods belly, with good wholesome victuals for [...], shillings, & a Gentleman that laid the con [...]rary, did wager, that as [...]oone as noble Nick [...]ad eaten out Dales 2. shillings, that he should presently enter combate with a worthy Knight, called Sir Loyne of Beefe, & ouerthrow him; in conclusion, Dale bought 6. pots of potent, high, and mighty Ale, and twelue new penny white loaues, which hee sop'd in the said Ale, the powerfull fume whereof, conquer'd the conquerour, rob'd him of his reason, berest him of his wit, violently tooke away his stomacke, intoxicated his Pian ater, & entred the Sconce of his Pericranion, blinde-folded him with sleep; setting a nap of nine houres for manacles vpon his threed-bare eyelids, to the preseruation of the rost Beefe, and the vnexpected winning of the wager.
This inuincible Ale, victoriously vanquish'd the vanquisher, and ouer our Great Triumpher, was Triumphant: But there are presidents enow of as potent men as our Nicholas, that haue subdude Kings and Kingdomes, and yet they themselues haue beene captiu'd and conquer'd by drinke; wee need recite no more examples but the Great Alexander, and Holophernes, their ambition was boundlesse, and so is the stomacke of my Pens subiect, for all the foure Elements cannot cloy him, fish from the deepest Ocean, or purest Riuer, fairest Pond, foulest Ditch, or dirtiest puddle: he hath a receite for Fowle of all sorts, from the Wren to the Eagle, from the Titmouse to the Estrich, or Cassawar away, his paunch is either a Coope or a Roost for them: He hath (within himselfe) a stall for the Oxe, a roome for the Cow, a stye for the Hogge, a Parke for the Deere, a warren for Coneies, a storehouse for fruit, a dayery for Milke, Creame, Curds, Whay, Butter-milke, and Cheese: his mouth is a Mill of perpetuall motion, for let the wind or the water rise or fall, yet his teeth will euer bee grinding; his guts are the Rendez-vous or meeting place or Burse for the Beasts of the fields, the Fowles of the Ayre, and Fishes of the Sea; and though they be neuer so wild or disagreeing in Nature, one to another, yet hee binds or grindes them to the peace, in such manner, that they neuer fall at odds againe. His eating of a Sheepe, a Hog, and a Duck raw, doth shew that he is free from the sinne of nicenesse or curiosity in his Dyert. [Page 146] (It had beene happy for the poore, if their stomacks had beene of that constitution, when [...]acoales were so deare here.) Besides, he neuer troubles a Larder, or Cupboord to lay cold meate in, nor doth he keepe any Cats or Traps in his house to destroy vermin, he takes so good a course, that he layes or shuts vp all safe within himselfe; in briefe, giue him meate, and he ne'r stands vpon the cookery, he cares not for the Peacocke of Sames, the Woodcock of Phrygia, the Cranes of Malta, the Pheasants of England, the Caperkelly, the Heathcocke, and Terniagant of Scotland, the Goate of Wales, the Salmon, and Vsquabah of Ireland, the Saw [...]edge of Bolognia, the Skink of Westphalia, the Spanish Potato, he holds as a bable, and the Italian Pigge he esteemes as poyson.
He is an English man, and English dyet will serue his turne. If the Norfolk Dumplin, and the Deuonshire White-pot, be at variance, he will a [...]one them, the Bag-puadings of Gloucester shire, the Blacke-puddings of W [...]rcester shire, the Pan-puddings of [...]h [...]pshire, the white puddings of Somersetshire, the Hasty-puddings of Hamshire, and the Pudding pyes of any shire, all is one to him, nothing comes amisse, a contented mind is worth all, and let any thing come in the shape of fodder, or eating stuffe, it is welcome, whether it bee Sa [...]sedge, or Custard, or Eg-pye, or Cheese-cake, or Flawne, or Foole, or Fr [...]yze, or Tanzy, or Pancake, or Fritter, or Flapiacke, or Posset, Galley-ma [...]srey, Mackeroone, Kickshaw, or Tantablin, he is no puling Meacocke, nor in all his life time the queasinesse of his stomacke needed any sawcy spurre or switch of sowre Veriuice, or acute Vineger, his appetite is no straggler, nor is it euer to seeke, for he keepes it close prisoner, and like a courteous kind Iaylour, he is very tender ouer it, not suffering it to want any thing if he can by any meanes procure it: indeede it was neuer knowne to be so farre out of reparations, that it needed the assistance of Carrdle, Alebery, Iulep, Cullisse, Grewell, or stewd-broth, onely a messe of plaine frugall Countrey Pottage was alwayes sufficient for him, though it were but a washing-bowle full, of the quantity of two pecks, which porrenger of his, I my selfe saw at the signe of the white Lyon at a Village called Harri [...]m in Kent, [...] Hostesse of which house did affirme, that [...] did at once wash downe that Bowle full portage, with nine penny loaues of bread, [...] three Iugges of Beere.
Indeed, in my presence (after he had b [...] ken his fast) hauing (as he said) eaten one po [...]tle of milke, one pottle of potage, with bread, butter, and cheese: I then sent for him, to [...] aforesaid Inne, and after some accomodat [...] salutations, I asked him if hee could eate [...] thing? He gaue me thankes, and said, that [...] he had knowne, that any Gentleman wo [...] haue inuited him, that he would haue spa [...] his breakefast at home, (and with that he [...] me as aforesaid, what he had eaten) yet ne [...] thelesse (to doe me a courtesie) he would s [...] me some small cast of his office, for he had o [...] hole or corner in the profundity of his s [...] house, into which he would stow and bess [...] any thing that the house would afford, at [...] perill and my cost. Whereupon I summo [...] my Hostesse with three knocks vpon the Table [...] two stamps on the floore, with my fist and [...]o [...] at which shee made her personall appearance with a low Curtsie, and an inquisitiue W [...] lacke ye? I presently laid the authority of bold Guest vpon her, commanding that all [...] victuals in the house should be laid on the T [...] ble. She said, she was but slenderly prouide [...] by reason goodman Wood was there, but w [...] she had, or could doe, wee should pre [...]ca [...] haue: so the cloth was displaid, the salt [...] aduanc'd, sixe penny wheaten loaues w [...] mounted two stories high like a Rampi [...] three sixe-penny Ve [...]le pyes, wall'd sh [...] about, and well victual'd within, were presented to the hazzard of the Scalado, one pon [...] of sweet butter (being all fat and no bones) was in a cold sweat at this mighty preparations one good dish of Thorneback, white as A [...] baster or the Snow vpon the Scithian mountaines, and in the Reare came vp an inch th [...] shyuer of a Peck house-hold loase; all which prouision were presently, in the space of [...] houre vtterly confounded, and brought to [...] thing, by the meere and onely valourous desterity of our vnmatchable grand Gurmou [...] [Page 147] he couragiously past the Pikes, and I cleared [...]shot, but the house yeelded no more, so [...] Guess arose vnsatisfied, and my selfe [...] contended in being [...] thrifty and sauing my [...]oney against my will.
[...] did there offer him twenty shillings to bring [...] vp to my house on the Bank-side, [...] there I would haue giuen him as much [...]od meate, as he would eate in tenne dayes, [...]e after another, & fiue shillings a day euery [...], and at the tenne dayes end, twenty shil [...]ings more, to bring him downe againe. I did [...]y offer tenne shillings to one Ieremy Robinson [...]Glouer (a man very inward with him) to at [...]nd an [...] keepe him company, and two shillings six pence the day, with good dyet and [...]lging: all which were once accepted, vn [...] Wood began to ruminate and examine what [...]ruice he was to doe, for these large allow [...]ces. Now my plot was to haue him to the [...]eare-garden, and there before a house full of [...]eople, he should haue eaten a wheele barrow [...]ll of Tripes, and the next day, as many pud [...]ing should reach ouer the Thames (at a [...]lace which I would measure betwixt London and sRichmond) the third day, I would haue allowed him a fat Calfe, or Sheepe of twenty [...]hillings price, and the fourth day he should [...]aue had thirty Sheepes Gathers, thus from day to day, he should haue had wages & dyet with variety; but he fearing that which his me [...]ts would amount to vnto, brake off the match, [...]aying, that perhaps when his Grace, (I guesse who he meant) should heare of one that ate so much, and could worke so little, he doubted there would come a command to hang him: where upon our hopefull Beare-garden busines was shiuerd, and shattered in pieces.
Indeed hee made a doubt of his expected performance in his quality, by reason of his being growne in yeeres, so that if his stomack should faile him publikely, and lay his reputation in the mire, it might haue beene a dis [...]aragement to him for euer, and especially in Kent, where he hath long beene famous, hee would be loth to be defamed; But as weake as [...]he was, he said, that he could make a shift to destroy a fat Weather of a pound in two houres, prouided that it were tenderly boild, for he hath lost all his teeth (except one) in eating a quarter of Mutton, (bone, and all) at Ashford in the County aforesaid, yet is he [...]ery quicke and nimble in his feeding, and will ridde more Eating worke away in two houres, then tenne of the hungriest Carters in the Parish where he dwells. He is surely noble (for his great Stomacke) and vertuous, chiefely for his patience in putting vp much; moreoeuer he is thirfty or fruga [...]l, for when he can get no better meate, he will eate Oxe Liuers, or a messe of warme Ale-graines from a Brew-house. He is prouident and studious where to get more prouision as soone as all is spent, and yet hee is bountifull or prodigall in spending all hee hath at once: hee is profitable in keeping bread and meate from mould and Maggots, and sauing the charge of salt, for his appetite will not waite and attend the poudring; his courtesie is manifest, for he had rather haue one Farew [...] then twenty Godbwyes: Of all things, hee holds fasting to be a most superstitious branch of Popery, he is a maine enemy to Ember weekes, he hates Lent worse then a Butcher or a Puritan, and the name of Good-friday affrights him like a Bulbegger; a long Grace before meate, strikes him into a Quotidian Ague; in a word, hee could wish that Christmas would dwell with vs all the yeere, or that euery day were metamorphoz [...]d into Shrouetuesdayes; in briefe, he is a Magazine, a store-house, a Receptacle, a Burse, or Exchange, a Babel or confusion for all Creatures.
Hee is no Gamester, neither at Dice, or Cards, yet there is not any man within forty miles of his head, that can play with him at Maw, and though his pasture be neuer so good, he is alwayes like one of Pharaohs leane Kine; he is swarty, blackish haire, Hawk-nosed (like a Parrot, or a Roman) hee is wattle-lawde, and his eyes are sunke inward, as if hee looked into the inside of his intrayles, to note what custom'd or vncustom'd goods he tooke in, whilst his belly (like a Maine-sayle in a calme) hangs ruffled and wrinkled (in folds and wrathes) flat [Page 148] to the mast of his empty ca [...]kasse, till the storme of aboundance fills it, and violently driues it into the full sea of satisfaction.
TO THE (SIR REVERENCE) RICH VVORSHIPPED M r TRIM TRAM SENCELES, GREAT IMAGE OF AVTHORITY and Hedgborough of the famous City of Goteham, and to the rest of that admired and vnmatchable Senate, with their Corruptions and Families.
MOst Honorificicabilitudinitatibus, I hauing studied the seuen Lubberly Sciences (being nine by computation) out of which I gathered three coniunctions foure mile Asse-vnder, which with much labour, and great ease, to little or no purpose, I haue noddicated to your gray, graue, and grauelled Prate [...]ction. I doubt not but I might haue had a Patron neerer hand, as the Deane of Dunstable, or the Beadle of Layton Buzzard, but that I know the Phrase, Methode and Stile, is not for euery mans vnderstanding, no my most renowned Pythagor-Asses, for you this Hogshead of inuention was brewed and broched, for I am ignorantly perswaded, that your wisedome can picke as much matter out of this Booke in one day, as both the Vniuersities can in twelue moneths, and thirteene Moones, with six times foure yeeres to boot. I know your bounties too exding, for as old mother Baly said, the wit of man was much, when she saw a dog muzzled. Euery man is not borne to make a Monument for the Cuckoo; to send a Trifoote home alone, to driue sheepe before they haue them, or to Trundle cheeses downe a hill. So saluting you with more prespect then the Mayor of Loo did the Queenes Ape, I take leaue to leaue you, and rest yours to bid you welcome, if you came within a mile of my house to stay all night.
To Nobody.
VPon a Christmas Euen, somewhat nigh Easter, anon after Whitsuntide, walking in a Coach from London to Lambeth by water, I ouertooke a Man that met me in the morning before Sun set, the wind being in Capricorne, the Signe Southwest, with silence I demanded many questions of him, and he with much pensiuenesse did answer me merrily to the full, with such ample and empty replications, that both our vnderstādings being equally satisfied, we contentiously agreed to finish and prosecute the narratio of the Vnknowne Knight Sir Gregory Nonsence: so sitting downe vpon our shoulders, resting vneasily on a banke of Sicamors, vnder a tree of Odoriferous and contagious Camomile, after three sighs, smilingly vttered in the Hebrew Character, two grones from the Chaldean Dialact, fiue sobs from the Arabian Sinquapace, sixe dum ps from the Germane Idiome, nine Moods of Melancholly from the Italian tongue, with one hub hub from the Hibernian outcry. And last he laughed in the Cambrian tongue, & began to declare in the Vtopian speech, what I haue here with most diligent negligence Translated into the English Language, in which if the Printer hath placed any line, letter or sillable, whereby this large volume may be made guilty to be vnderstood by any man, I would haue the Reader not to impute the fault to the Author, for it was farre from his purpose to write to any purpose, so ending at the beginning, I say as it is ap plawsefully written and commended to posterity in the Midsummer nights dreame. If we offend, it is with our good will, we came with no intent, but to offend, and shew our simple skill.
The names of such Authors Alphabetically recited, as are simply mentioned in this Worke.
- AMadis de Gaul.
- Archy Arms.
- Beuis of Hampton.
- Boe to a Goose.
- Charing Crosse.
- Coakley.
- Dunsmore Cow.
- Dauy Wager.
- Euanwich Muffe.
- Fri [...]r and the boy.
- Fubs his Trauels.
- Garagon [...]ua.
- Gammon of West phallia.
- Grigs Granam.
- Hundred merry tales.
- Huon of Burdeux.
- Iacke Drum.
- Knight of the Sunne.
- Knaue of Diamonds.
- Lanum.
- Long Meg.
- Mad Mawlin.
- No body.
- O toole.
- Proofes of OOOO.
- Quinborough Oysters.
- Ready money.
- Shooters Hill.
- Singer.
- Sir Thomas Persons.
- Tarleton.
- Tom Derry.
- Tom Thumbe.
- Vnguentum Album.
- Will Summers.
- Wit whither wilt thou?
- Woodcocke of our side.
- Xampelloes Quiblines.
- Yard of Ale.
- Zany on tumbling.
SIR GREGORY NONSENCE HIS NEWES FROM NO PLACE.
A most learned-Lye, and Illiterate Oration, in lame galloping Ri [...] fustianly pronounced by Nimshag, a Gi [...]sophicall Phoolosopher, in the presence of Ac [...] tophel Smel-smocke, Annani-Asse Aretine, Is [...] Nabal, Fransiscus Ra-viliaco, Garnetto Iebusito, [...] do Salpetro Fauexit Pouderio, and many other g [...] Senators of Limbo. Translated out of the vulg [...] Language, of Terraincognita, and is as materiall as any part of the Booke, the meaning whereof a blindman may see without Spectacles as well at midnight, as at noone day.
Some Sence at last to the Learned.
AS MVCH HAPPINESSE AS MAY BE WISHED, ATTEND THE Two hopefull Impes, of Gentility and Learning, M r RICHARD and GEORGE HATTON.
PROLOGVE.
A Very Merrie VVherrie-FerryVOYAGE. OR, YORKE for my Money.
An Epilogue.
THE GREAT O TOOLE.
AN ENCOMIVM OR ENCO-MI-ASS. TRICK, DEDICATED TO THE VNLIMITED memory of Arthur O Toole, or O Toole the Great: Being the Sonne and Heire of Brian O Toole, Lord of Poores Court and farre Collen, in the County of Dublin, in the Kingdome of Ireland. The Mar
[...] and Mercury, the Agamemnon and Vlisses both for Wisdome and Valour, in the Kingdomes of Great Britaine and Ireland.
Prologue.
THE ARGVMENT AND MEANING of this following History.
IN all Ages and Countries, it hath euer bin knowne, that Famous men haue florished, whose worthy Actions, and Eminency of place, haue euer beene as conspicuous Beacons Burning and blazing to the Spectators view: the sparkes and flames whereof hath sometimes kindled Courage in the most coldest and Effeminate Cowards; as Thersites amongst the Grecians, Amadis de Gaule, & Sir Huon of Burdeaux in France: Sir Beuis, Gogmagog, Chinon, Palmerin, Lancelot, and Sir Tristram amongst vs here in England: Sir Degre, Sir Grime, and Sir Gray Steele in Scotland; Don Quixot with the Spaniards, Gargantua almost no where, Sir Dagonet and Sir Triamore any where: all these, and many more of the like Ra [...] haue fill'd whole Volumes, with the ayrie Imaginations of their vnknowne and vnmatchable worths: S [...] Ireland amongst the rest, had the Honor to produce and breed a sparke of Valour, Wisedome, and Magninimity, to whom all the Nations of the world must giue place. The Great O Toole, is the toole that my Muse takes in hand, whose praises (if they should be set forth to the full) would make Apollo and the Muses Barren; To whom the nine Worthies were neuer to be compared: betwixt whom, and Haniball, Scipio, the Great Pompey, or Tamberlaine, was such oddes, that it was vnfit the best of them should [...]ell his stirrop, and who (by his owne Report) in whom Ireland may reioyce, and England be merry, whose Youth was Dedicated to Mars, and his Age to Westminster, which ancient Cittie, is now honour'd with his beloued Residence.
To the Honour of the Noble CAPTAINE O TOOLE.
Vpon his Wisedome, and Policie.
A Complaint and a Petition to him.
Lenuoy.
TO THE NOBILITY, GENTRY, AND COMMVNALTY, WHO ARE INHABITANTS, OR WEL-WILLERS TO THE WELFARE OF THE CITIE OF SALISBVRY, AND COVNTY OF WILTSHIRE.
WOrshipfull, and louing Country-men, I haue named my Booke and Voyage, The Worst, or the Best, which Ieuer vndertooke & finished, and it lyes in your pleasures, to make it which you please; I am sure for toyle, trauaile, and danger, as yet I neuer bad a worse, or a more difficult passage, which the ensuing Discourse will truly testifie; yet all those perils past, I shall account as pleasures, if my infallible Reasons may moue or perswade you to cle [...]re your Riuer, and make it Nauigable from the Sea to your Citie; I haue in part touched what the profit and Commodities of it will be vnto you, and I haue briefly shewed the Inconueniences which you haue through the want of it: I haue also declared, that the maine intent or scope of my comming vnto you with a Wherry, was, to see what lets or Impediments were the binderances vnto so good and beneficiall a worke. All which I haue (according to my simple Suruey, and weake Capacity) set downe, which with the merrinesse of my most Hazardous Sea-progresse, I humbly Dedicate to your Noble, Worshipfull, and worthy Acceptances, euer acknowledging my selfe and my Labour in your seruices to be commanded in all dutie,
A DISCOVERY BY SEA, FROM LONDON TO SALISBVRY.
GOD, who of his infinite wisdome made Man, of his vnmeasured mercy redeemed him, of his boundlesse bounty, immense power, and eternall eye of watchfull prouidence relieues, guards, and conserues him; It is necessary, that euery man seriously consider and ponder these things, and in token of obedience and thankfulnesse say with Dauid: What shall I render? and the man hauing thus searched considerately the Causer of his being, then let him againe meditate for * what cause hee hath a being: indeed it may be obiected, that almost euery thing hath a being; as stones haue being, trees, hearbs, and plants, haue being and life: Beasts, fowles, and fishes, haue being, life, and sence: but to man is giuen a Being, life, sence, and reason, and after a mortal, an immortal euer-being. This cōsideration will make a man know that hee hath little part of himselfe, which hee may iustly call his owne: his body is Gods, he made it; his soule is his, who bought it; his goods are but lent him, by him that will one day call him to a reckoning, for the well or ill disposing of them: so that man hauing nothing but what he hath receiued, and receiued nothing but what is to be imployed in the seruice of God, and consequently his Prince and Countrey, it is plainely to be perceiued, that euery man hath * the least share or portion of himselfe to boast of.
I haue written this Preamble, not onely to enforme such as know not these things already; but also to such whose knowledge is, as it were, falne into a dead sleepe; who doe liue, as though there were no other being then here, and that their life and being was ordayned onely of themselues, neither God, Prince, or Countrey, hauing no share or portion of them, or of what they call theirs. But oh you Inhabitants of Salisbury, I hope there are [...] such crawling Cankerwormes, or Comm [...] wealth Caterpillers amongst you. Nay, I [...] assured of the contrary, that there are ma [...] who (with religious piety, open hands, [...] relenting hearts) doe acknowledge that yo [...] goods are but lent in trust vnto you, and [...] patiently beare the ouer-burthensome [...] uing of many hundreds of poore wret [...] which (were it not for your charity) wo [...] perish in your streets.
This being entred into my consideration that your City is so * much ouercharged [...] poore, as hauing in three Parishes neere [...] besides decayed men a great many, and [...] those few which are of the wealthier sort, [...] continually onerpressed with sustaining [...] wants of the needy, the City being as it [...] at the last gaspe, the poore being like Ph [...]ohs leane Kine, euen ready to eat vp the [...] ones: I haue made bold to write this Tr [...]tise ensuing, both to entreat a constant per [...]uerance in those who haue begun to doe go [...] workes, and an encouragement or anima [...] of all others, who as yet seeme slow in the [...] good proceedings. And if any thing he [...] written by me, be either impertinent, ex [...]uagant, rude, harsh, or ouer-bold, I humb [...] entreat you to impute it rather to my want [...] iudgement, learning, and capacity, then to [...]ny presumption, or want of loue and duty [...] the City & cause, which is hereafter handled.
It is sufficiently knowne, that my intent and purpose at this time, was not to make any profit to my selfe' vpon any aduenture (as it is deemed by many) by my passage from London [...] Salisbury with a Wherry, but I was entread by a * Waterman which was born in Salisbury [Page 27] that I would beare him company for the discouery of the sands, flats, depths, shoales, Mils, and Weares, which are impediments and' lets, whereby the Riuer is not Nauigable from Christ-Church, or the Sea to Salisbury. Which after many dangerous gusts, and tempestuous stormes at Sea, (which I haue recited in verse before) it pleased God that at the last we entred, the Riuer, which in my opinion is as good [...] Riuer, and with some charge may bee made as passable as the Riuer of Thames is vpwards from Brentford to VVindsor, or beyond it; the shallow places in it are not many, the Mills [...]need not be remoued, and as for the Weares, [...]no doubt but they may with conscience bee compounded for. By which meanes of Na [...]uigation, the whole City and Country would be relieued, loyterers turned into labourers, penury into plenty, to the glory of God, the dignity and reputation of your City, and the perpetuall worthy memory of all benefactors and well-willers vnto so noble a worke.
If you will but examine your owne knowledges, you shall find that in the whole dominion of England, there is not any one Town or City which hath a Nauigable Riuer at it, that is poore, nor scarce any that are rich, which want a Riuer with the benefits of Boats: The Towne of Kingston vpon Hull in Yorkshire, the Riuer there was cut out of Humber, by mens labours 20. miles vp into the Countrey, and what the wealth and estate of that Towne is, (by the onely benefit of that Riuer) it is not vnknowne to thousands: but you men of Sarum may see what a commodity Nauigation is, neerer hand; there is your neighbour Sauthampton on the one side, and your deere friend Poole on the other, are a paire of hansome looking-Glasses for you, where you may see your want in their abundance, and your negligence in their industry.
God hath placed, your being in a fertile soyle, in a fruitfull valley, enuironed round with Cor [...]le, and as it were continually be [...]eged with plenty: whilst you within (ha [...]ing so many poore amongst you) are rather lookers vpon happinesse then enioyers: moreouer (by Gods appointment) Nature hath saued you the labour of cutting a Riuer, for I thinke you haue one there as old as your City ready made to your hands: if you will be but industrious to amend those impediments in it, I dare vndertake to be one of the 3. or 4. men which shall bring or carry 16. or 20. Tuns of goods betwixt the Sea and your City. Now, with extreme toyle of men, Horses and Carts, your wood is brought to you 18. or 20. miles, whereby the poore which cannot reach the high prices of your fewell, are enforced to steale or starue in the Winter, so that all your neere adioyning woods are continually spoyled by them: which faults by the benefit of the Riuer would be reformed: for the new Forrest standeth so neere to the water, that it is but cut the wood and put it into a Boate, which shall bring as much to your City as twenty Carts, and fourescore Horses: besides, by this Riuer you might draw to you a trade of Sea-coale, which would enrich you, and helpe the plaine and inland Townes and Villages where no wood growes. And for the Exportation of your Corne from Port to Port, within our owne Countrey, as it is well knowne what abundance of your Barley is continually made into Mault amongst you: which if you had carriage for it, might bee brewed into Beere, wherewith you might serue diuers places with your Beere, which is now serued with your Mault: besides carriages of Brickes, Tyles, Stones, Charcoales, and other necessaries, which is now carried at deare rates by Horse or Carts, which now you send in Carts, or on Horses backes, to Southampton, to Bristow, and to many other places: so that the dearenesse of the Carriages eats vp all your commodities and profit; which discommodity may be auoyded, if your Riuer bee cleansed: and what man can tell what good in time may redound to your City from the Sea, by forraigne goods, which may bee brought into Christ-Church Hauen by Shipping? nor can it be truly imagined, what new and vsefull profitable businesses may arise in time by this meanes.
Our Forefathers and Ancestors did in their liues time in former ages doe many worthy [Page 28] and memorable workes, but for all their industry and cost, they did not (or could not) doe all; but as there was much done to our hands, so there was much left for vs to doe, and very sitting it was, that it should bee so: for it is against common sence and reason, our Fathers should toyle in good workes like drudges, and wee spend our times loytring like Drones: no, what they did, was for our imitation. And withall, that wee should bee leaders of our posterities by our examples, into laudable endeauours, as our progenitors haue before shewed vs: wee are their sonnes and off-spring, wee haue their shapes and figures, we beare their names, we possesse their goods, we inherit their lands; wee haue materials of Stones, Timber, Iron, and such necessaries which they had, (if not in greater abundance) and hauing all these, let vs withall haue their willing and liberall hearts, and there is no question to be made, but that our Riuer of Au [...]n wil quickly be clensed, to the honest enriching of the rich, and the charitable relieuing of the poore.
I am assured that there are many good men in the City and County of Wiltshire, and others of worth and good respect in this Kingdome, who would willingly and bountifully assist this good worke: but ( like Gossips neere a Stile) they stand straining courtesie who shall goe first: or the Mice in the Fable, not one will aduenture to hang the Bell about the Cats necke: So that if one good man would begin, it would bee (like a health dranke to some beloued Prince at a great feast) pledged most heartily, and by Gods grace effected most happily.
You haue already begun a charitable work amongst you, I meane, your common Towne Brew house, the profit of which you entend shall be wholly imployed for the supply of the poore and Impotents, which liue in your City: from which sort of people (being such a multitude) the Brewers there haue found their best custome: for no doubt but the meanest begger amongst you, is (in some sort) more valiant then the richest man: because the one dares to spend all he hath at the Alchouse, so dares not the other; for the poore man drinks stifly to driue care away, and hath nothing to lose, and the rich man drinks moderately, because he must beare a braine to look to what hee hath. And of all Trades in the world, a Brewer is the Load-stone, which drawes the customes of all functions vnto [...] It is the mark or vpshot of euery mans ayme, and the bottomlesse whirlepoole that swallowes vp the profits of rich and poore. The Brewers Art (like a wilde Kestrell or vnmand Hawke) flies at all games; or like a But le [...] boxe at Christmasse, it is sure to winne, whosoeuer loses: In a word, it rules and raignes (in some sort) as Augustus Casar did, for [...] taxeth the whole earth. Your Innes and A [...] houses are Brookes and Riuers, and their Clyents are small Rills and Springs, who all (very dutifully) doe pay their tributes to the boundlesse Ocean of the Brewhouse. For all the world knowes, that if men and women did drinke no more then sufficed Nature, [...], if it were but a little extraordinary now and then vpon occasion, or by chance, as you may terme it; if drinking were vsed in any reason, or any reason vsed in drinking, I pray ye what would become of the Brewer then? Surely we doe liue in an age, wherein * the sue [...] deadly sins are euery mans Trade and liuing. Pride is the maintainer of thousands, which would else perish; as Mercers, Taylors, Embroydrers, Silk-mē, Cutters, Drawers, Sem [...] sters, Laundresies, of which functions there are millions which would starue but for M [...] dam Pride with her changeable fashions. L [...] chery, what a cōtinual crop of profit it yeel [...] appeares by the gallant thriuing, and gawdy outsides of many he and she, priuate and pa [...] like sinner [...], both in Citi [...] and Suburbs. Co [...]erousnesse is Embroydered with Extortio [...], and warmly lined and furred with oppression. [Page 26] And though it be a diuell, yet is it most Idolatrously adored, honoured, & worshipped by those simple Sheepeheaded fooles, whom It hath vndone and beggered. I could speake of other vices, how profitable they are to a Common-wealth; but my inuention is thirsty, and must haue one carouse more at the Brewhouse, who (as I take it) hath a greater share then any, in the gaines which spring from the worlds abuses: for Pride is maintained by the humble, yet one kinde of Pride doth liue and profit by another: Letchery is supported by the cursed swarme of Bawdes, Panders Pimps, Apple-squires, Whores, and Knaues; and so euery sinne liues and thriues by the members, Agents, Ministers, and Clyents, which doe belong vnto them: but Drunkennesse playes at all; all trades, all qualities, all functions and callings can bee drunke or tempore: note at any great Feast, or but at eurey ordinary dinner or supper almost, when men are well satisfied with sufficiency, that then the mystery of quaffing begins, with healths to many an vnworthy person (who perhaps) would not giue the price of the Reckoning to saue all them from hanging (which make themselues sicke with drinking such vnthankfull healths,) I my selfe haue of [...]entimes dined or supped at a great mans Boord, and when I haue risen, the seruants of the house haue enforc'd me into the Seller or Battery, where (in the way of kindnesse) they will make a mans belly like a Sowse-rub, and inforce mee to drinke, as if they had a commission vnder the diuels great seale, to murder men with drinking, with such a deale of complementall oratory, As, off with your Lap, Wind vp your bottome, Vp with your taplash, [...]nd many more eloquent phrases, which Tul [...] or Demosthen [...]s neuer heard of; that in conclusion I am perswaded three dayes fasting would haue bin more healthfull to mee, then two houres feeding and swilling in that man [...]er.
If any man hang, drowne, stabbe, or by a [...]y violent meanes make away his life, the goods & lands of any such person, are forfeit to the vse of the King: and I see no reason but those which kill themselues with drinking, should be in the same estate, and be buried in the high wayes, with a stake droue thorow them: And if I had but a grant of this suite, I would not doubt but that in seuen yeeres (if my charity would but agree with my wealth) I might erect Almes-houses, Free-schooles, mend highwayes, and make Bridges; for I dare sweare, that a number (almost numberlesse) haue confessed vpon their death-beds, that at such and such a time, in such and such a place, they dranke so much which made them surfeite, of which surfeite they languished and dyed. * The maine benefit of these superfluous and man-slaughtering expences comes to the Brewer, so that if a Brewer be in any office, I hold him to be a very ingratefull man, if he punish a Drunkard: for euery stiffe pot-valiant drunkard is a Post, beame, or Piller which holds vp the Brew-house: for as the barke is to the tree, so is a good drinker to a Brewer.
But you men of Salisbury, wisely perceiuing how much Euil to your City, hath come by the abuse of Good drinke, you would now worke by contraries, to draw Good for your poore, out of these forepassed and present Euils. To draw euill out of good, is diuelish, but to work or extract goodnesse out of what is euill, is godly, and worthy to be pursued. The abuse of good drinke and excessiue drinking, hath made many beggers amongst you, to the inriching of a few Brewers, and now you would turne the world off from the Barrels, as I would off from the Coach-wheeles, that the benefit of your new built Towne Brew-house might relieue many of those poore amongst you, who haue formerly bin impouerished by the inriching of your Towne-Brewers. It is no doubt but they will oppose this good worke of yours, as the image-makers in Ephesus did Paul, when hee preached against their idolatrous worshipping Diana; but be not you discouraged: for Nehemiah (in time) did build the Temple, although Sanballat & * many others did oppose [Page 30] him: for as your intents are Pious, so no doubt but God will make your euents prosperous.
Now to turne from Beere and Ale to faire water, (your Riuer I mean) which if it be clensed, then with the profit of your TowneBrewhouse, and the commodity of the Riuer, I thinke there will be scarce a begger or a loiterer to be found amongst you. I haue written enough before concerning the benefit of it, and to encourage such as seeme flow towards so good a worke, which had it beene in the Low-Countries, the Industrious Dutch would not so long haue neglected so beneficiall a blessing, witnesse their abundance of Nauigable Riuers, and ditches, which with the only labour of men they haue cut, and in most places, where neuer God or Nature made any Riuer; and lately there is a Riuer made nauigable to St. Teades in Huntington-shire, wherein stood seuen Mills, as impediments in the way. And now the City of Canterbury are clearing their Riuer, that Boats may passe to and fro betwixt them and Sandwitch Hauen: the like is also in hand at Leedes in Yorkeshire: Now, if neither former or present examples can moue you, if your owne wants cannot inforce you, if assured profit cannot perswade you, but that you will still be neglectiue and stupid, then am I sorry that I haue written so much, to so little purpose, but my hopes are otherwayes: if all blinde, lame, and couetous excuses be laid aside, then those who are willing, will be more willing, and those who are slacke or backward, will in some reasonable manner draw forward: And there is the mouth of an vncharitable obiection which I must needs stop, which is an old one, and onely spoken by old men; for (say they) we are aged and stricken in yeeres, and if wee should lay out our moneies, or be at charges for the Riuer, by the course of Nature wee shall not liue to enioy any profit to requite our costs: this excuse is worse then Heathenish, and therefore it ill becomes a Christian, for as I wrote before, man was not created, or had either the goods of minde, body, or Fortune, bestowed on him by his Maker, but that hee should haue the least part of them himselfe; his God, Prince and Countrey, claiming (as their due) almost all which euery man hath. The oldest man will purchase land, which is subiect to barrennesse, and many inconueniences; he will buy and build houses, which are in danger of fire, and diuers other casualties; he will aduenture vpon Wares or goods at high prices, which to his losse may fall to low rates; hee will bargaine for cattell and Sheepe, who are incident to many diseases, as the Rot; the Murraine, and diuers the like, and all this will he doe, in hope to raise his state, and leaue his heires rich: at his death perhaps (when he can keepe his goods no longer, when in spight of his heart he must leaue all) hee will giue a few Gownes, and a little money to Pious vses, a Grosse or two of pe [...] ny loaues, and there's an end of him, so that there remaines no more memory of him.
But this good worke of your Riuer, is not subiect to barrennesse or sterility, but contrarily it will be a continuall haruest of plenty, it is not in danger of being consumed, or wasted, but it is assured of a perpetuall encrease. The names and memories of contributors towards it, shall be conserued in venerable and laudable remembrance, to the eternizing of their fames, the honour of their posterities, and the good example of succeeding times to imitate. Therefore you men of Salisbury, I [...] treat you in this case to bee good to your selues. Or else you may say hereafter, If [...] had beene Industrious, wee had beene happy: If [...] had not beene couetous, we had beene rich.
Now, to returne to my trauels and entertainements: As I passed vp the Riuer, at the least 2000. Swans, like so many Pilots, swam in the deepest places before me, and shewed me the way. When I came to the Towne of Ringwood (14. miles short of Salisbury) I there met with his Maiesties Trumpeters, and there my fellowes Mr. Thomas Vnder hill, and Mr. Richard Stocke, Mr. Thomas Ramsey, M r. R [...] Lloyd, with others, which I name not, did walke on the banke, and gaue mee two excellent flowrishes with their Trumpets, for the which I thanke them in print, and by word of [Page 31] mouth. At last I came to a Towne called Forthing, Bridge, where (not many dayes before) a grieuous mischance happened; For two men being swimming or washing in the Riuer, a Butcher passing ouer the bridge (with a Mastiffe Dogge with him) did cast a stone into the water, and say, A Ducke; at which, the Dogge leapd into the Riuer, and seazed vpon one of the men and kild him: and the Butcher leaping in after, thinking to saue the man, was also slaine by his owne Dogge, the third man also hardly escaping, but was likewise bitten by him.
From thence I passed further, to a place called Hale, where we were welcomed by the Right Worshipfull, Sir Thomas Penrudduck Knight, whom we carried there in our Boat, and who, I am assured, will bee a forward and a liberall Benefactor towards cleering of the Riuer.
So passing on our course by the Villages of B [...]rg [...]te, Breamer, Chartford, Downton & Stonely, we came to Langfoord, where we were well entertained by the Right Honourable, the Lord Edward Gorge (Lord Baron of Dundalk, and Captain of his Ma ties strong and defencible Castle of Hurst, in Hampshire) to whom in loue & duty we proffred the gift of our tattred, windshaken and weatherbeaten Boate, which (after our being at Salisbury, being but two miles from thence) his Lordship accepted. And though hee knew shee was almost vnseruiceable, yet his Noble bounty was such, that [...]he rewarded vs with the price of a new Boat. I had some conference with his Honour, concerning the impediments and clensing of the Riuer, and I know he is most forwardly and worthily affected towards it, and no doubt if it be pursued, that then he will doe that which shall become a Gentleman of his Honourable calling and Ranke.
So on the same Friday at night wee came to Salisbury, where we brought our Boate thorow Fisherton Bridge, on the West side of the City, taking our lodging at the signe of the Kings head there, with mine Host Richard Estman, whose brother Thomas, was one of the Watermen which came in the Boate thither from London: on the morrow, I with my company footed it two miles to Wilton, where at the Right Honourable the Earle of Pembrokes, my Lord Chamberlaines house, I was most freely (and beyond my worth and merit) kindly welcomed, by the Right Worshipfull, Sir Thomas Morgan Knight, with whom I dined, and by whose command I was shewed all or the most part of the admirable contriued Roomes, in that excellent, and well built house; which Roomes were all richly adorned with Costly and sumptuous hangings; his Maiestie some few daies before hauing dined there with most magnificent Entertainement, as did expresse the loue of so Noble a House-keeper for so Royall a Guest: vpon the sight of which house with the Furniture, I wrote these following verses.
Then was I shewed a most faire and large Armory, with all manner of prouision and Furniture, for Pike, Shot, Bills, Halberts, Iauelins, with other Weapons and munition, which for goodnesse, number, and well-keeping, is not second to any Noblemans in England: Afterwards I went to the Stables, and saw my Lords great Horses, whom I saw such, and so good, that what my vntutour'd Pen cannot sufficiently commend, I am forced with silence to ouerpasse. But amongst the rest, the pains and industry of an ancient Gentleman Mr. Adrian Gilbert, must not bee forgotten: for there hath hee (much to my Lords [Page 32] cost and his owne paines) vsed such a deale of intricate Setting, Grafting, Planting, inoculating, Rayling, hedging, plashing, turning, winding, and returning circular, Triangular, Quadrangular, Orbicular, Ouall, and euery way curiously and chargeably conceired [...] There hath hee made Walkes, hedges, and Arbours, of all manner of most delicate fruit Trees, planting and placing them in such admirable Artlike fashions, resembling both diuine and morall remembrances, as three Arbours standing in a Triangle, hauing each a recourse to a greater Arbour in the midst, resembleth three in one, and one in three: and he hath there planted certaine Walkes and Arbours all with * Fruit trees, so pleasing and rauishing to the sense, that he calls it Paradise, in which he playes the part of a true Adamist, continually toyling and tilling. Moreouer, he hath made his Walkes most rarely round and spacious, one walke without another, (as the rindes of an Onion are greatest without, and lesse towards the Center) and withall, the hedges betwixt each walke are so thickly set, that one cannot see thorow from the one walke, who walkes in the other: that in conclusion, * the worke seemes endlesse, and I thinke that in England it is not to be fellowed, or will in haste be followed. And in loue which I beare to the memory of so industrious and ingenious a Gentleman, I haue written these following Anagrams.
- Adryan Gilbert,
- Anagrams.
- Art redily began
- A breeding tryall.
THus with my humble thankes to Sir Thomas Morgan, and my kinde remembrance to all the rest of my Lords Seruants there, my legges and my labouring lynes returne againe to Salisbury, and from the next day (being Sunday) to Langford, to my Lord Gorge his house, with whom I dined, and left my humble thanks for the reckoning. In briefe, my fruitlesse and worthy lip-labour, mixt with a deale of Ayrie, and non substantiall matter, I gaue his Lordship, and the like requitall I bestowed on the right VVorshipfull Mr. Thomas Squibb, Maior of Sarum, with Mr. Banes, Mr [...] Iuy, M. Windouer, with all the rest; and more then thankes, and a gratefull remembrance of their Honourable, VVorshipfull, and friendly fauours, I know they expect not, and lesse then such a common duty as Gratitude I must not, or cannot pay. To shut vp all in few words, I know, his Maiesties pious inclination is so ample, that he will be graciously pleased with any of your laudable endeauours for your welfare and commodity, if you take good and speedy aduice, then no doubt but the effects wil be according to your honest intendments.
So farewell, Salisbury, till we meete againe, which I hope will be one day: in the meane space I pray thee take this poore Pamphlet as a louing pledge of my returne. Me thinks I see already, Men, Horses, Carts, Mattocks, Shouels, Spades, VVheelebarrowes, Handbarrowes, and Baskets at worke for the cleaning of your Riuer: But if my thoughts doe deceiue me, and my expectation faile, I shall euer hereafter giue small credit to their intelligence. So once more, Salisbury, I wish thee thankefully well to fare.
On Thursday the 21. of August I took Wo [...] chester in my way homewards: where I saw a [...] ancient City, like a body without a soule: and I know not the reason of it, but for ought which I perceiued, there were almost as many Parishes as people. I lodged at the signe of [Page 33] the Cocke, being recommended to the Host of the house, by a token from Salisbury, but mine Host dyed the night before I came, and I being weary, had more minde to goe to bed then to follow him so long a iourney, to doe my message, or deliuer any commendations: but the whole City seemed almost as dead as mine Host, and it may be they were all at Har [...]est worke: but I am sure I walked from the [...] end of it to the other, and saw not 30. people of all sorts: So that I think if a man should goe to Winchester for a Goose, he might lose his [...]abour, for a Trader cannot liue there, by venting such commodities.
On Friday I gallopp'd a foot pace one and twenty miles, from Winchester to Farneham; where I and one of my company hired a couple of Hampshire lenets, with seuen legges, and three eyes betwixt them, vpon whom wee hobbled seuenteene miles, to Stanes, whence on Saturday the 23. of August we footed it to Brenford, and Boated it to LonDON.
The Scourge of Basenesse: OR, The old Lerry, with a new Kicksey, and a new-cum twang, with the old Winsey:
DEDICATED TO THE MIRROR OF GOOD FELLOWSHIP, THE PATTERNE OF TRVE FRIENDSHIP, AND the onely nonparallell of iouiall Entertainement; M r Andrew Hilton, at the signe of the Horse-shoo, at Daintree; I. Taylor wisheth daily increase of good Guests, true payment, hearts content in this life, and afterward as much happinesse as his soule can desire.
KInde Sir, I haue seene oftentimes men offering to snuffe a candle, haue against their wills put it cleane out; and an vnskilfull Chyrurgian taking a small greene wound in hand, hath brought it to an old Vlcer. I would be loth, for my part, to imitate either of these examples; for my intent is, confession of the wrong I did you, and an endeauour to make amends. I doe confesse that I did you wrong in print, in my booke of my Trauels to Scotland, and now in print, I doe make you a publike satisfaction; For, I protest to God, that [Page 34] I haue heard so much good report of you, that I am double sorry that I was so mistaken, and that I haue beene so long time before I haue printed my recan [...] tion. It was your Tapsters want of wit and manners, and my want of discretion, that was the grounds of my too much credulity and temerity. For his part I wish him no more harme, but that chalke may bee his best payments, Thunder may sowre his Hogsheads, Rats gnaw out his spigots at midnight, and himselfe to commit his wit to the keeping of a foole or a knaue while hee liues; And your Ostlers, for gaping so greedily like Gudgeons vpon mee, I pray that they may euery day mourne in litter and horse dung. But these are but Iests by the way: for as many as know you, haue told mee, that if you had beene at home, my entertainement had beene better. If it had beene so, it had beene more then you owed me, and more then I at that time could haue required: but I would haue stretched my wit vpon the tenters of Inuention, in the prayse of Innes and Inne-keepers, I would haue put the forgetfull world in minde of the good seruice that Rahab the Innekeeper did at Iericho, in hiding and preseruing the spyes that were sent by Caleb and Ioshua; I would haue made the obliuious logger-headed Age remember, that the Redeemor of the world did grace in Inne with his blessed birth: What place then but an Inne was the High Court of Heauen and earth, the residence and lodging of the immortall King, of neuerending eternity? This and more I would haue done, but what is past cannot bee recalled, and it is too late to put old omittings to new committings. And so, my noble and thrice worthy Oast of Oasts, I omit not to commit you and yours to the protection of him that made you, desiring you to take this merry Pamphlet in good part, or in earnest of my better amends, and as a qualifier of your iust anger.
To the Reader.
THE VVHY AND THE VVHEREFORE.
I Haue published this Pamphlet, to let my rich debtors vnderstand, that as often as I meet them, I doe looke that they should pay mee: and although I am shamefaste in not asking my due, yet I would not haue them shamelesse in detaining it from me, because the summes are but small, and very easie for them (in generall) to pay, and would doe me a particular good to rece [...]ue.
Secondly, I haue sent this into the world, to informe same, that through their want doe shun [...]d auoid my sight and company, that they are much deceiued in my disposition; for I euer [...]desteeme an honest heart and a willing minde, as well as their performances.
Thirdly, there are some great men, who by reason of their extraordinary imployments, my [Page 36] small acquaintance, and lesse meanes of accesse vnto them, with my want of impudency, and their mens want of courtesie to inform thē; all these are lets & demurs, against my satisfactions.
Lastly, the daily abuses that I haue concerning the booke of my Trauels, wherein I am accused for lies, and falsifications; but I doe and euer will stedfastly stand to the truth of euery tittle of it, except the abuse that I did to Master Hilton at Daintree, and that was not done on knowne malice neither, but on blind ignorant information: and there is a second Edition of my bookes of Trauels comming foorth, wherein I will Satyrize, Cauterize, and Stigmatize all the whole kennell of curres that dare maliciously snarle against manifest, apparant, and well knowne truths. In the meane space, you that are my debtors, if you please to pay me, you shall therein put your selues out of a bad number amongst which you yet are placed: if you will not pay mee, take this bone to gnaw vpon, That I doe hope to bee euer better furnished with money, then you shall be with honestie.
A Table of the generall heads, containing seuen parts.
- 1 THose that haue paid.
- 2 Those that would pay if they could.
- 3 Those that walke inuisible, and are not to be found.
- 4 Those that say they will pay, who knowes when.
- 5 Those that are dead.
- 6 Those that are fled.
- 7 Those Rorers that can pay, and will not.
A KICKSEY VVINSEY, OR, A LERRY COME-TWANG: Wherein Iohn Taylor hath Satyrically suted seuen hundred and fifty of his bad debtors, that will not pay him for his returne of his iourney from Scotland.
In defence of Aduentures vpon Returnes.
FOrasmuch as there are many, who either out of pride, malice, or ignorance, do speak harshly, and hardly of mee and of diuers others, who haue attempted and gone dangerous voyages by sea with small Wherries or Boats, or any other aduenture vpon any voyage by land, either Riding, Going, or Running, alleadging that wee doe tempt God by vndertaking such perilous courses, (which indeed I cannot deny to be true) yet not to extenuate or make my faults lesse then they are, I will here approue that all men in the world are Aduenturers vpon Returne, and that wee doe all generally tempt the patience and long suffering of God, as I will make it appeare as followeth.
Whosoeuer is an Idolater, a superstitious Heretike, an odious and frequent swearer, or lyer, [...] griping vsurer, or vncharitable extortioner, doth tempt God, aduenture their soules, and vpon returne, lose Heauen.
Whosoeuer is a whore-master, doth aduenture his health, and wealth, and his returns are endlesse misery, beggery, and the pox.
Whosoeuer doth contriue, plot, or commit treason, doth aduenture his soule to the diuel, and his body to the Hang-man.
Whosoeuer doth marry a young and beautifull mayd, doth aduenture a great hazard for a blessing or a curse.
Whosoeuer goes a long iourny, and leaues his faire wife at home, doth most dangerously aduenture for hornes, if she bee not the [...] nester.
He that sets his hand to a bond, or pa [...] his word for another mans debt, doth A [...] uenture a great hazard to pay both principal and interest. Probatum est.
That Pastor who is either negligent or [...] charitable in his function, doth Aduent [...] more then he will euer recouer.
A Merchant doth Aduenture ship, and goods, amongst flats, shoales, deepes, Pira [...], shelues, rockes, gusts, stormes, flawes, tempests, mists, fogges, winds, seas, heats, colds, and calmes, and all for hope of profit, which often fayles.
That Trades-man that daily trusts more ware then he receiues mony for, doth Aduenture for Ludgate, a breaking, or a cracking of his credit.
He or shee who are proud either of beauty, riches, wit, learning, strength, or any thing which is transitory, and may be lost, either by fire, water, sicknesse, death, or any other c [...] sualty, doe Aduenture to bee accounted vaineglorious, and ridiculous Coxcombs.
He that puts confidence in Drabs, Dice, Cards, Balls, Bowles, or any game lawfull or vnlawfull, doth aduenture to be laught at for a foole, or dye a begger vnpittied.
He that eats and drinkes till midnight, and fights and brawles till day-light, doth Aduenture for little rest that night.
[Page 43]To conclude, I could name and produce abundance more of Aduenturers; but as con [...]cerning aduenturing any more dangerous [...]voyages to sea, with Wherries, or any extraordinary meanes, I haue done my last, onely my frailty will now and then prouoke mee to aduenture vpon some of those infirmities or vices, which attend on our mortalities, which I thinke I shall be free from committing, before my debtors haue paid me all my money.
Taylors Motto.
DEDICATED TO EVERY BODY.
TAYLORS MOTTO. ET HABEO, ET CAREO, ET CVRO. I HAVE, I VVANT, I CARE.
Et Habeo, I haue.
Et Careo, I want.
Et Curo, I Care.
My serious Cares and Considerations.
First, the
Sculler.
Vpon Coriat three merry bookes, called
ODCOMBS COMPLAINT OR, CORIATS FVNERALL EPICEDIVM: OR DEATH-SONG, VPON HIS late-reported drowning. With his Epitaph in the Barmuda, and Vtopian tongues: And translated into English by IOHN TAYLOR.
The Authour in his owne defence.
TO THE MIRROR OF TIME, THE MOST REFVLGENT, SPLENDIDIO VS REFLECTING COVRT Animal, Don Archibald Armstrong: Great M. Comptroller, Commander, and Countermander of mirth, alacrity, sport, and ridiculous confabulations, in this Septentrionall, [...] Westerne Monarchie of Magna Britania: Your poore and daily Orator, IOHN TAYLOR, wisheth increase of your wisdome, in your owne person, and that your eminence and spirit may be infused into the bosoms of most mens heires, that esteeme more of Wealth, then of Wisdome.
RIght worthy worthlesse Patron, the dayes and times being such, wherein wit goes a wooll-gathering in a thredbare Iacket, and folly is well reputed amongst those that seeme wise, I, considering this, hauing but little wit, in a mad humour bade farewell it, and neuer so much as asked the question, Wit, whither wilt thou? Being certainly perswaded that playing the foole, will repaire the [...]reaches which my vnhappy wit hath made in the Bulwarke of my reputation (as it hath done to many others) wherefore good sir (with) reuerence, I hearing that so great a member in your esteemed quality, as M. Thomas Coriat of Odcomb, was drowned in his passage towards Constantinople; and knowing that many good and worthy writers haue graced his liuing trauels: So I haue made bold (vnder your great Patronage) to write his tragicall supposed Death-song, or Funerall E [...]legie, not knowing any man of that worthy worth (besides your selfe) to whom I might dedicate these sad Epicediums. Thus, not doubting of your acceptance and protection, I commit my selfe and my labors to your wonderfull wisdomes cen [...]ure, alwaies hauing a poore Muse to trauell in your seruice.
TO THE GENTLEMEN READERS, THAT vnderstand A.B. from a Battledore.
A SAD, IOYFVLL, LAMENTABLE, DELIGHTFVLL, MERRY-GOSORRY ELEGY OR FVNERALL POEM VPON the supposed death of the famous Cosmographicall Surueior, and Historiographicall Relator, M r THOMAS CORIAT of Odcomb.
EPITAPH in the Barmooda tongue, which must be pronounced with the accent of the grunting of a hogge.
Epitaph in the Vtopian tongue.
The same in English, translated by Caleb Quishquash, an Vtopian borne, and principall Secretary to the great Adelentado of Barmoodoes.
CERTAINE SONNETS, IN PRAISE OF M r. THOMAS THE DECEASED; FASHIONED OF diuers stuffs, as mockado, fustian, stand-further off, and Motly, all which the Author dedicates to the immortall memory of the famous Odcombian traueller.
IF there be any Gentlemen, or others that are desirous to be practitioners in the Barmoodo and Vtopian tongues: the Professor (being the Authour hereof) dwelleth at the Old Swanne neere London Bridge, who will teach them (that are willing) to learne, with a gility and facility.
THE EIGHTH VVONDER OF THE VVORLD: OR, CORIATS ESCAPE FROM HIS SVPPOSED DROWNING.
DEDICATED
To the Mighty, Magnificent, Potent, and Powerfull Knight, Sir Thomas Parsons, ( alias) Pheander, ( alias,) Knight of the Sunne, Great Champion to Apollo, Palatine of Phoebus, Sword-hearer to Sol, Tilter, to Tytan, Housekeeper to Hyperion, and heire apparant to the inuisible kingdome of the Fairies: your deuoted Votary, IOHN TAYLOR, wisheth your Worshits wisdomes Longitude, Latitude, Altitude, and Crassitude may increase aboue the Ridiculous multitude of the most eminent Stultorums of this latter age.
To the knowing Reader.
NOw sir, it is a common customary vse in these times, to salute you with somewhat; as Honest, Kinde, Courteous, Louing, Friendly, or Gentle; but all these Epithites are ouer-worne, and doe, as it were, stinke of the fusty garbe of Antiquity. Besides, if I should come vpon you with any of these claw-backe tearmes, I might chance to belye you. But if your kinde disposition doth merit to bee called kinde, I pray let me finde it in your fauourable censure. Some will (perhaps) dislike, that I doe dedicate my bookes to Archy, and Sir Thomas, and such like. To them I answere, that my subiect being altogether foolish, I were very absurd to thinke that any wise man would be my Patron. And it were meere follie for mee to make a hotch-potch, in seeking to compound wisedome and follie together. But how, soeuer thou esteemest it, it thrusts it selfe into thy view; wherein (if thou beest not too much drowned in Melancholie) thou wilt shew thy teeth (if thou hast any) with laughing. And as [...] lines are somewhat defectiue in their shape, so I pray thee doe not hacke them, nor hew them with thy stammering, to make them worse, nor. Buzzard-blast them with thy [...]alumniating mewes, rushes, and scuruies. Thus leauing thee to thy selfe, and my selfe vnto thee, I remaine thine as thou respect'st me,
The cause of the contention betwixt sir Thomas the Scholer, and Iohn the Sculler.
The VVorlds eighth VVonder: OR, CORIATS REVIVING.
Epilogue to Sir Thomas Coriat vpon his name.
Vpon his bookes name, called his Crudities.
A Simile for his Learning.
My Fare-well to him.
Laugh, and be Fat: OR, A COMMENTARY VPON THE ODCOMBYAN BANKET.
To the Reader.
REader, Idoe not come vpon you with the old musty Epithites of Honest, Kinde, Courteous, Louing, Friendly, or Gentle: The reason is; I am not acquainted with your qualities; and besides, I am loth to belye any man: But if you bee addicted to any of these aforesaid vertues, I pray let mee finde it in your fauourable Censure, and so I leaue you to laugh [...]d lie downe. Bee fat.
LAVGH, AND BE FAT.
The frontispice of Master Coriats Booke very [...] nedly descanted vpon, by Master Laurence Whitakers, and Master Beniamin Ionson.
All these Noblemen and Gentlemen that are named in the following book, did write merry commendatory verses, which were called the Odcombian banquet, and were inserted in Mr Coriats booke, intituled, Coriats C [...]udities: Vpon which verses, I haue seuerally and particularly paraphrased.
I knew not who this should bee, but it is the next English to Mr. Laurence Whitakers Out-landish.
M'Coriats entertainement at Bossoms Inne.
2. Oration.
COntaminous, pestiferous, preposterous, stygmaticall, slauonians, slubberdegullions; since not the externall vnualued trappings, caparisons, or accoutrements, that I weare as outward ornaments or inuellopings of the more internall beauty of the minde that is [Page 79] [...]is incaged within them; since not the eye-amazing character of my austere Physiognomy: since not the sword of Aiax, nor the words of [...]vlisses; since no meanes, nor proiect, neither of [...]force or policy, could stay the rugged r [...]busti [...]ous rage that your innated hereditary inciuility or inhumanity hath made you to inflict [...]on me: I vow and sweare, by the burning heard of scorching Sol, and by the bloudy cutthroat cuttleaxe of swaggering Mars, and by the dimple faire Venus chin, and by the armed cornuted front of sweating Vulcan, that I will execute on you such confounding vengeance that your off-springs off-spring, to the 39. generation, shall ban with execrations as bitter as coloquintida the day, houre, and bald-pa [...]ed Time of this your audacious insolency. And thou ignoble horse-rubbing peasant, that by the borrowed title of a Lord (being but a vilipendious mechanicall Hostler, hast laid this insulting insupportable command on me: the time shall come, when thou shalt cast thy [...]nticke authority, as a snake casts her skin; and then thou for an example to future posterities shalt make an vnsauory period of thy maleuolent dayes in litter and horse-dongue.
2. Oration.
THrice valorous followers of a foure times thrice treble more valiant Leader, if I had the tongue of Hermes the Prolocutor to the gods, or as many singers as hundre [...]-handed B [...]iareus; if surging Neptune were conuerted into inke, or the rugged ragged face of our ancient mother Tellus were [...]aper, yet could not the verbali volubility, or elocution of my voyce, nor the agility, dexterity, or facility of my hands, nor the spacious, vnmeasurable, numberlesse white innocent paper; no none of all these could either speake, write, or by any other meanes declare, or make a true explanation of the reuerence I beare to your Lordship, and the deep heart-gnawing contrition, [Page 80] that lyes congealed or conglutinated to my heart. Then, since out of the imbecillity of my rashnesse, and the debility of my capacity, I was so farre transported beyond the bounds of patience: in all humility, with a minde deiected, with hands erected, with knees genuflected, with a heart affected, and with a whole microcosme subiected. I beg your Lordships gracelesse fauours, that although my crime is vnmeasurable, yet I hope your Lordship will not forget to become miserable.
No sooner was this last Oration vtterd, b [...] that my Lord and all his counsaile mutterd to vnhang Thomas that had talked so wisely.
Epilogue to M r Coriat.
MASTER THOMAS CORIAT TO HIS FRIENDS IN ENGLAND SENDS GREETING, From Agra, the Capitall City of the Dominion of the Great MOGOLL in the Easterne India.
Printed according to the true Copie of the Letter written with his owne hand in the Persian paper, and sent home in the good Ship called the Globe, belonging to the Company of East India Merchants:
With an addition of 200. Verses written by I. T. that like a Gentleman Vsher goes bare before his pragmaticall Prose, in commendation of his Trauels.
Certaine Verses in commendations of this mirrour of footmanship, this Catholique or vniuersall Traueller, this European, Asian, African Pilgrime, this well letterd, well litterd discouerer and Cosmographicall describer Master Thomas Coriat of Odcombe.
IN PRAISE OF THE AVTHOR MASTER THOMAS CORIAT.
A SHORT DESCRIPTION OF THE LONGING desire that AMERICA hath to entertaine this vnmatchable Perambulator.
A LITTLE REMEMBRANCE OF HIS VARIETY OF TONGVES, AND Politicke forme of Trauell.
The superscription, Sent from Azmere, the Court of the great and mightiest Monarch of the East, called the great MOGVLL in the Easterne India: To be conuaid To my deare and louing Mother, M rs Garthered Coriat, at her house in the Towne of Euill in Somersetshire. I pray you deliuer this letter at Gerards Hall, to Christopher Guppie, a Carrier, (if he be yet liuing) or else to some other honest trusty Messenger, to be conuaid with all conuenient speed to the place aforesaid.
MASTER THOMAS CORIATS COMMENDATIONS TO HIS friends in England. From Agra, the Capitall City of the Dominion of the Great MOGOLL in the Easterne India, the last of October, 1616.
THough I haue superscribed my letter from Azmere, the Court of the greatest Monarch of the East, called the Great Mogoll in the Eastern India, which I did to this end, that those that haue the charge of conueiance thereof, perceiuing such a title, may be the more carefull and diligent to conuey it safely to your hands: yet in truth the place from which I wrote this letter, is Agra, a City in the said Eastern India, which is the Metropolitan of the whole Dominion of the foresaid King Mogoll, and tenne daies iourny from his Court at the said Azmere. From the same Azmere I departed the 12 day of September, An. 1616, after my [...]bode there 12 moneths and 60 daies; which though I confesse it were a too long time to remaine in one and the selfesame place, yet for two principall causes it was very requisite for me to remaine there some reasonable time: first, to learne the languages of those Countries, through which I am to passe betwixt the bounds of the Territories of this Prince and Christendome, namely these three, the Persian, Turkish, and Arab: which I haue in some competent measure attained vnto by my labour and industry at the said Kings Court, matters as auaileable vnto me as mony in my purse, as being the chiefest or rather onely meane to get me mony, if I should happen to be destitute: a matter very incidentall to a poore Footman Pilgrim, as my selfe in these heathen and Mahometan Countries through which I trauell: Secondly, that by the helpe of one of those languages, I meane the Persian, I might both [Page 84] procure vnto my selfe accesse vnto the King, and bee able to expresse my mind vnto him about the matter for the which I should haue occasion to discourse with him. These were the reasons that moued me so long to tarry at the Mogols Court, during which time I abode in the house of the English Merchants my deare Countrimen, not spending one little peece of mony either for diet, washing, lodging, or any other thing. And as for the Persian tongue, which I studied very earnestly, I attained to that reasonable skill, and that in a fewe moneths, that I made an Oration vnto the King before many of his Nobles in that language, and after I had ended the same, discoursed with his Maiesty also in that tongue very readily and familiarly; the Copy of which speech, though the tongue it selfe will seeme to an Englishman very strange and vncouth, as hauing no kind of affinity with any of our Christian languages, I haue for nouelty sake written out in this letter, together with the translation thereof in English, that you may shew it to some of my learned friends of the Clergy, and also of the Temporalty in Euil, and elswhere, who belike, will take some pleasure in reading so rare and vnusuall a tongue as this is. The Persian is this that followeth.
The Copie of an Oration that I made in the Persian tongue, to the Great Mogoll, before diuers of his Nobles.
HAzaret Aallum pennah salamet, fooker Daruces ve tehaungeshta hast am kernia emadam az wellagets door, ganne az mulk Inglizan: ke kessanaion petheē mushacas cardand ke wellagets, mazcoor der akers magrub bood, ke mader hamma iezzaerts dunmast. Sabebbe amadane mari mia boosti char cheez ast au val be dedane mobarreckdeedars. Hazaret ke seete caramat ba hamma Trankestan reeseedast ooba tamam mulk Musulmanan der sheenedan awsaffe. Hazaret daueeda amadam be deedane ast awne akdas mushar af geshtans duum bray deedane feelbay Hazaret, kin chunm ianooar der heech mulk ne dedam seu in bray deedane nauswer dary ace shu [...] ma Ganga, ke Serdare hamma daryaba dumiest. Chaharum cen ast, keyec ferm awne alishaion amayet fermoy and, ke betwanam der wellayetts Vzbeck raftan ba shahre Samarcand, bray Zeerat cardan cabbre mobarrec Saheb crawncab awsaffe tang oe mosachere oo der tamans aallum meshoor ast belkder wellagette Vzbec cencader meshoor neest chunan cheder mulc Iuglisan ast digr, bishare eshteeac darambe deedane mobarrec mesare Saheb crawnca bray [...]n saheb, che awne samanche focheer de shabr st [...]l [...]l boodam, ycaiaeb cohua amarat deedam derm [...]n yecush bawg nasdec sbaht mascoor coia che pa [...]a [...], Eezawiawn che namesh Manuel bood che Sa [...] crawnea cush mehmannec aseem cards bood, be [...]d [...] gristane Sulten Baiasetra as iange aseem che s [...] bood nas dec shahre Bursa, coimache Saheb cra [...] Sultan Baiasetra de Zenicera tell aio bestand, cod [...] cafes nahadond cen char chees meera as mulche m [...] ium baneed tamia, as mulc Room oo Arrac pee [...] geshta, as door der cen mulc reseedam, che ch [...]r b [...] sar pharsang raw dared, beshare derd co mo [...] casheedam che heech ches der een dunnia cenc [...]n mohuet ne casheedast bray deedune mobarrec ded [...]s Hasereret own roos che be tacte shaugh ne shaugh [...] musharaf fermoodand.
The English of it is this.
LOrd * Protector of the world, all haile to you: I am a poore Traueller and worldseer, which am come hither from a farre country, namely England, which ancient Historians thought to haue beene situated in the farthe [...] bounds of the West, and which is the Queene of all the Ilands in the world. The cause of my comming hither is for foure respects. First, to see the blessed face of your Maiesty, whose wonderfull fame hath resounded ouer all Europe & the Mahometan Countries. When I heard of the fame of your Maiesty, I [Page 85] hastened hither with speed, and trauelled very cheerefully to see your glorious Court. Secondly, to see your Maiesties Elephants, which kind of beasts I haue not seene in any other countrey. Thirdly, to see your famous Riuer Ganges, which is the Captaine of all the Riuers of the world. The fourth is this, to intreat your Maiesty that you would vouchsafe to grant me your gracious Passe, that I may travell into the Country of Tartaria to the City of Samarcand, to visit the blessed Sepulcher of the Lord of the Corners (this is a title that is giuen to Tamberlaine in this Country in that Persian language: and whereas they call him the Lord of the Corners, by that they mean that he was Lord of the corners of the world, that is, the highest and supreme Monarch of the Vniuerse:) whose fame by reason of his wars and victories; is published ouer the whole world: perhaps he is not altogether so famous [...]n his own Country of Tartaria, as in England. Moreouer, I haue a great desire to see the blessed Toombe of the Lord of the Corners for this cause; for that when I was at Constantinople, I saw a notable old building in a pleasant garden neere the said City, where the Christian Emperor that was called Emanuel, made a [...]umptuous great Banquet to the Lord of the Corners after he had taken Sultan Baiazet in letters of Gold, and put him in a cage of Iron. These foure causes moued me to come out of by natiue. Counrrey thus farre, hauing trauelled a foot through Turkie and Persia; so far haue I traced the world into this Countrey, that my pilgrimage hath accomplished three thousand miles, wherin I haue sustained much [...]bour and toyle, the like whereof no mortall [...]an in this World did euer performe, to see [...]e blessed face of your Maiesty, since the first day that you were inaugurated in your glorious Monarchall throne.
After I had ended my speech, I had some [...]ort discourse with him in the Persiā tongue, [...]ho amongst other things told me, that concerning my trauell to the City of Samarcand, [...] was not able to doe me any good, because [...]here was no great amity betwixt the Tarta [...]an Princes and himselfe, so that his commendatory letters would doe mee no good [...] Also he added, that the Tartars did so deadly hate all Christians, that they would certainely kill them when they came into their Countrey. So that he earnestly disswaded me from the iourney, if I loued my life and welfare; at last he concluded his discourse with me by a summe of mony that he threw downe from a window thorow which he looked out, into a sheete tied vp by the foure corners, and hanging very neere the ground, a hundred pieces of siluer, each worth two shillings sterling, which counteruailed ten pounds of our English mony: this businesse I carried so secretly by the helpe of my Persian, that neither our English Ambassadour, nor any other of my Countrymen (sauing one special, priuate, and intrinsicall friend) had the least inkling of it, till I had throughly accomplished my designe: for I well knew that our Ambassadour would haue stopped and Barracadoed all my proceeding therein, if he might haue had any notice thereof, as indeed he signified vnto mee after I had effected my proiect, alleaging this forsooth for his reason why he would haue hindred me, because it would redound somewhat to the dishonour of our Nation, that one of our Countrey should present himselfe in that beggerly and poore fashion to the King, out of an insinuating humour to craue money of him. But I answered our Ambassadour in that stout and resolute manner after I had ended my businesse, that hee was contented to cease nibbling at me: neuer had I more need of money in all my life then at that time: for in truth I had but twenty shillings sterling left in my purse, by reason of a mischance I had in one of the Turkes Cities called Emert in the country of Mesopotamia, where a miscreant Turke stripped me of almost all my monyes, according as I wrote vnto you in a very large letter the last yeere, which I sent from the Court of this mighty Monarch by one of my Countrymen that went home by Sea in an English shippe laden with the commodities of this India: which letter I hope came to your hands long since. After I had beene with the King, I went to a certain Noble and generous [Page 86] Christian of the Armenian race, two dayes iourney from the Mogols court, to the end to obserue certaine remarkeable matters in the same place, to whom, by meanes of my Persian tongue, I was so welcome; that hee entertained me with very ciuill & courteous complement, and at my departure gaue mee very bountifully twenty pieces of such kind of mony as the King had done before, counteruayling forty shillings sterling, About ten dayes after that, I departed from Azmere the court of the Mogoll Prince, to the end to begin my Pilgrimage after my long rest of fourteene moneths backe againe into Persia, at what time our Ambassadour gaue mee a piece of Gold of this Kings Coyne worth foure and twenty shillings, which I will saue (if it bee possible) till my ariuall in England: so that I haue receiued for beneuolences since I came into this countrey, twenty markes sterling, sauing two shillings eight pence, and by the way vpon the confines of Persia, a little before I came into this country, three and thirty shillings foure pence in Persian money of my Lady Sherly: a [...] this present I haue in the City of Agra, where-hence I wrote this letter, about twelue pounds, sterling, which according to my manner of liuing vpon the way at two pence sterling a day (for with that proportion I can liue pretty well, such is the cheapnesse of all eateable things in Asia; drinkable things costing nothing, for seldome doe I drinke in my pilgrimage any other liquor then pure water) will maintaine me very competently three yeeres in my trauell with meat, drinke, and clothes. Of these gratuities which haue beene giuen me, willingly would I send you some part, as a demonstration of the filiall loue and affection which euery child bred in ciuility and humility, ought to performe to his louing and good mother: but the distance of space betwixt this place and England, the hazard of mens liues in so long a iourney, and also the infidelity of many men, who though they liue to come home, are vnwilling to render an account of the things they haue receiued, doe not a little discourage mee to send any precious token vnto you; but if I liue to come one day to Constantinople againe (for thither I doe resolue to goe once more by the grace of Christ, and therehence to take my passage by land into Christendome ouer renouned Greece) I will make choice of some substantiall and faithfull Countriman, by whom I will send some prety token, as an expression of my dutifull and obedient respect vnto you, I haue not had the oportunity to see the King of Persia as yet since I came into this country, but I haue resolued to goe to him when I come next into his Territories, and to search him out wheresoeuer I can find him in his Kingdome; for seeing I can discourse with him in his Persian tongue, I doubt not but that going vnto him in the forme of a Pilgrime, hee will not onely entertaine me with good words, but also bestow some worthy reward vpon me beseeming his dignity and person; for which cause I am prouided beforehand with an excellent thing written in the Persian-tongue, that I meane to present vnto him: and thus I hope to get beneuolences of worthy persons, to maintaine me in a competent manner in my whole pilgrimage till come into England, which I hold to be as laudable and a more secure course, then if I did continuall carry store of mony about mee, In the letter which I wrote vnto you by an English ship the last yeere, I made relation vnto you both of my iourney from the once holy Hierusalem hither, and of the state of this Kings Court, and the Customes of this Country, therefore I hold it superfluous to repeat the same things againe: but what the Countryes are, that I meane to see betwixt this and Christendome, and how long time I will spend in each country, I am vnwilling to aduertise you of at this present, desiring rather to signifie that vnto you after I haue performed my designe then before; howbeit in few words, I will tell you of certaine Cities of great renoune in former times, but now partly ruined, that I resolue (by Gods helpe) to see in Asia, where I now am, namely, ancient Babylon and Nimrods Tower, some few miles from Niniue, and in the same the Sepulcher of the Prophet Ionas, spacious and goodly; C [...] [Page 87] in Egypt, heretofore Memphis, vpon the famous Riuer Nilus, where Moses, Aaron, and the children of Israel liued with K. Pharaoh, whose ruined Palace is shewed there till this day, and a world of other moueable things as memorable as any City of the whole world yeeldeth, sauing onely Ierusalem: but in none of these, or any other Cities of note, doe I determine to linger as I haue done in other places, as in Constantinople and Azmere, in this Easterne India, onely some few daies will I tarry in a principall citie of fame, to obserue euery principall matter there, and so be gone. In this city of Agra, where I am now, I am to remaine about 6. weeks longer, to the end to expect an excellent opportunity, which then wil offer it selfe vnto me, to goe to the famous riuer Ganges about 5. dayes iourney from this, to see a memorable meeting of the gentle people of this countrey, called Baicans, whereof about foure hundred thousand people goe thither of purpose to bathe and shaue themselues in the Riuer, and to sacrifice a world of gold to the same Riuer, partly in stamped money, and partly in massie great lumpes and wedges, throwing it into the Riuer as a sacrifice, and doing other strange Ceremonies most worthy the obseruation: such a notable spectacle it is, that no part of all Asia, neither this which is called the great Asia, nor the lesser, which is now called Natolia, the like is to be seene. This shew doe they make once euery yeere, comming thither from places almost a thousand miles off, and honour their Riuer as their God, Creator, and Sauiour; superstition and impiety most abominable in the highest degree of these brutish Ethnicks, that are aliens from Christ and the common-wealth of Israel. After I have seene this shew, I will with all expedition repaire to the city of Lahore, twenty dayes iourney from this, and so into Persia, by the helpe of my blessed Christ.
Thus haue I imparted vnto you some good accidents that happened vnto me, since I wrote a letter vnto you the last yeere from the Kings Court, and some little part of my resolution for the disposing of a part of my time of abode in Asia. Therefore now I will [...]a [...] to a conclusion; the time I cannot lia [...] when I shall come home, but as my merciful God and Sauiour shall dispose of it. A long rabble or commendations like to that which I wrote in my last letter to you. I hold not so requisite to make at this present: Therefore with remembrance of some few friends names, I will, but vp my present Epistle. I pray you recommend me first in Odcombe to Master Gallop, and euery good body of his family, if hee liueth yet, to Master B [...]r [...]b, his wife, and all his family, to all the Knights, William Chum, Iohn Selly, Hugh Donne, and their wiues, to Master Atkins, and his wife at Norton. I pray you commend mee in Euill to these, to old Master Seward, if hee liueth, his wife and children; the poore widow Darby, old Master Dyer, and his Sonne Iohn, Master Ewins old and young, with their wiues, Master Phelpes and his wife, M. Starre and his wife, with the rest of my good friends there, (I had almost forgotten your husband) to him also, to Ned Barbor and his wife, to William Ienings: commend me also I pray you, and that with respectfull termes, to the godly and reuerent fraternity of Preachers, that euery second Friday meet at a religious exercise at Euill, at the least if that exercise doth continue, pray read this letter to them, for I thinke they will be well pleased with it, by reason of the nouelties of things. And so finally, I commit you, and all them, to the blessed protection of Almighty God.
From Agra the Capitall City of the Dominion of the great Mogoll, in the Easterne India the last of October 1616.
The Copy of a speech that I made to a Mahometan in the Italian tongue.
THe Copie of a speech that I made extempore in the Italian tongue to a Mahometan at a City called Moltan in the Eastern India, two daies iourny beyond the famous Riuer Indus, which I haue passed, against Mahomet and his accursed Religion, vpon the occasion of a discourtesie offered vnto me by the said Mahometan, in calling mee Giaur, that is, infidell, by reason that I was a Christian: the reason why I spake to him in Italian, was because he vnderstood it, hauing been taken slaue for many yeeres since by certaine Florentines in a Gally wherein he passed from Constantinople towards Alexandra, but being by them interrupted by the way, he was carried to a City called Ligerne in the Duke of Florences Dominions, where after two yeeres hee had learned good Italian, but he was an Indian borne and brought vp in the Mahometan Religion, I pronounced the speech before an hundred people, whereof none vnderstood it but himselfe, but hee afterward told the meaning of some part of it as farre as he could remember it, to some of the others also. If I had spoken thus much in Turky, or Persia against Mahomet, they would haue rosted me vpon a spit; but in the Mogols Dominions a Christian may speake much more freely then hee can in any other Mahometan Country in the world. The speech was this, as I afterward translated it into English.
BVt I pray thee tell me thou Mahometan, dost thou in sadnes call mee Giaur? That I doe, quoth he, Then (quoth I) in very sober sadnes I retort that shamefull word in thy throate, and tell thee plainly that I am a Musulman, and thou art a Giaur. For by that Arab word Musulman, thou dost vnderstand that which cannot be properly applied to a Mahometan, but onely to a Christian, so that I doe consequently inferre that there are two kindes of Muselmen, the one [...]n Orthomusulman, that is, a true Musulman which is a Christian, and the other a Pseudo-musulman, that is, a false Musulman which is a Mahometan. What thy Mahomet was from whom thou dost deriue thy Religion, assure thy selfe I know better then any one of the Mahometans amongst many millions: yea all the particular circumstances of his life and death, his Nation, his Parentage, his driuing Camels through Egypt, Syria, and Palestina, the marriage of his Mistris, by whose death hee raised himselfe from a very base and contemptible estate, to great honour and riches, his manner of coozening the sottish people of Arabia, partly by a tame Pigeon that did flye to his eare for meat, and partly by a tame Bull that he fed by hand euery day, with the rest of his actions both in peace and warre: I know aswell as if I had liued in his time, or had beene one of his neighbours in Mecca, the truth whereof if thou didst know aswell, I am perswaded thou wouldest spit in the face of thy Alcaron, and trample it vnder thy feet, and bury it vnder a la [...]e, a booke of that strange and weake matter, that I my selfe (as meanly as thou dost see mee attired now) haue already written two better bookes (God be thanked) and will here after this, (by Gods gracious permssion) write another better and truer, yea I would haue thee know (thou Mahometan) that in that renouned Kingdome of England where I was borne, learning doth so flourish, that there are many thousand boyes of sixteene yeeres of age, that are able to make a more learned booke thea [...] thy Alcason, neither was it (as thou and the rest of you Mahometans doe generally beleeue) composed wholy by Mahomet, for hee was of so dull a wit, as hee was not able to make it without the helpe of another, namely a certaine Renegado Monke of Constantinople, called Sergis. So that his Alcoran was like an [Page 89] arrow drawne out of quiuer of another man. I perceiue thou dost wonder to see mee so much inflamed with anger, but I would haue thee consider, it is not without great cause I am so moued: for what greater indignity can there be offered to a Christian which is an Arthomusulman, then to bee called Gtaur by a Giaur? for Christ (whose Religion I professe) is of that incomparable dignity, that as thy Mahomet is not worthy to bee named that yeere wherein my blessed Christ is, so neither is his Alcoran worthy to bee named that yeere wherein the * Iuieel of my Christ is. I haue obserued among the Mahometans such a foolish: forme of prayer euer since my departure from Spas [...]an, (which I confesse was no nouelty vnto me, for that I had obserued the like before both in Constantinople and diuers other Turkish Cities) that what with your vaine repetitions and diuers other prophane fooleries contained therein, I am certaine your prayers doe euen stinke before God, and are of no more force then the cry of thy Camell when thou doest lade or vnlade him: But the prayers of Christians haue so preuailed with God, that in time of drought they haue obtained conuenient aboundance of raine, and in time of pestilence a suddai [...]e cessation from the plague, such an effect of holy and seruent prayer as neuer did the * Scofferalahs, or the Allernissel allow of any Mahometan produce: yet must wee, whose prayers like a sweete smelling sacrifice are acceptable to God, bee esteemed Giaurs by those whose prayers are odious vnto his Diuine Maiesty: O timos! O maners! Now as I haue told thee the difference betwixt the effect of our Christian and your Mahometan prayers, so I pray thee obserue another difference betwixt you and vs, that I will presently intimate vnto thee: thou by the obseruation of the Law of thy ridiculous Alcaron dost hope for Paradise, wherein thy Master Mahomet hath promised Riuers of Rice, and to Virgins the imbracing of Angels vnder the shaddowe of spacious Trees, though in truth that Paradise be nothing else then a filthy quagmire so full of stinking dung hils, that a man cannot walke two paces there, but hee shall stumble at a dung hill and defile himselfe, but where this Paradise is, not one amongst a thousand of you knoweth; therfore I will tell thee, it standeth in a Country situate betwixt Heauen and Earth, called Vtopia, whereof there is mention in the third booke of thy Alcaron and in the seuen and thirty Asaria, but expressed with those mysticall and obscure termes, that is very difficult to vnderstand it, for this Vtopian Paradise I say, as the reward of all your superstitious mumbling in your prayers, and the often ducking downe of your heads when you kisse the ground, with such a deuout humility forsooth, doe you Mahometans hope in another world: But wee Christians hope to liue with God and his blessed Angels for euer and eue [...] in Heauen, as being a proper and peculiar inheritance purchased vnto vs by the precious bloud of our Christ, yet must wee bee reputed Giaurs by those that are Giaurs? One thing more will I tell thee (O thou Mahometan) and so I will conclude this redious speech, whereunto thy discourtious calling of me Giaur hath inforced mee, and I prethee obserue this my conclusion.
Learning (which is the most precious Iewell that man hath in this life, by which hee attaineth to the knowledge of diuine and humane things) commeth to man either by reuelation which we otherwise call inspiration, or by industry: Learning by reuelation I call that which God doth infuse from aboue by his speciall grace, vnto those whom he will vse as the instruments of his glory, who without labour or trauell doe aspire to a most eminent degree of knowledge. Learning by industry I call that, which a man doth purchase to himselfe by continuall writing and reading, by practice and meditation: now by neither of these meanes haue the Mahometans acquired any meane, much lesse any singular learning, for as Mahomet himselfe was a man of a very superficiall and meane learning, so neuer [Page 90] was there any one of his Disciples in any part of the world that was indued with any profound knowledge: but wee Christians by the one and the other meane, haue attained to the most exquisite science that can be incident to man: *some of our men that neuer were brought vp in Studies, hauing beene so expert in a generall learning (onely by Gods speciall illumination) as those haue spent forty yeeres in the practice thereof, and others by continuall practice of writing and reading, haue beene so excellent, that they became the very Lampes and Stars of the Countries wherein they liued. These things being so, it cannot possibly come to passe, that the omnipotent God should deale so partially with mankinde, as to reueale his will to a people, altogether misled in ignorance and blindnes as you Mahometans are, and conceale it from vs Christians that bestowe all our life time in the practice of diuine and humane disciplines, and in the ardent inuocation of Gods holy Name, with all sincerity and purity of heart. Goe to then thou Pseudo-musulman, that is, thou falsebeleeuer, since by thy iniurious imputation laid vpon mee, in that thou calledst mee Giaur, thou hast prouoked mee to speake thus. I pray thee, let this mine answer bee a warning for thee, not to scandalize mee in the like manner any more; for the Christian Religion which I professe, is so deare and tender vnto mee, that neither thou nor any other Mahometan shall scotfree call mee Giaur, but that I will quit you with an answer much to the wonder of those Mahometans.
Dixi.
I Pray you, Mother, expect no more letters from me after this, till my arriual in Christendome; because I haue resolued to write no more, while I am in the Mahometans Countries, thinking that it will bee a farre greater comfort, both to you, and to all my friends whatsoeuer, to heare newes that I haue accomplished my trauells in Mahometisine, then that I am comming vp and downe, to and fro in the same, without any certainty of an issue thereof; therefore I pray haue patience for a time: about two yeeres and a halfe hence, I hope to finish these Mahometan trauells, and then either from the City of Raguzi in Sclauonia, which is a Christian City, and the first wee enter into Christendome, from those parts of Turky by land neere vnto the same, or from famous Venice, I will very dutifully remember yea againe, with lines full of filiall piety and officious respect. I haue written two letters to my Vncle Williams, since I came forth of England, and no more, whereof one from the Mogols Court the last yeere, iust at the same time that I wrote vnto you; and another now, which I sent iointly by the same Messenger that carried yours out of India by Sea. Once more I recommend you and all our hearty wel-willers and friends to the gracious tuition of the Lord of Hosts; I pray you remember my duty to Master Hancocke that reuerend and Apostolicall good old man, and his wife, if they are yet liuing; to their Sonnes Thomas and Iohn, and their Wiues.
The Author of the Verse, takes leaue of the Author of the Prose, desiring rather to see him, then to beare from him.
A Bawd. A vertuous Bawd, a modest Bawd: As Shee Deserues, reproue, or else applaud.
DEDICATED TO THE NEITHER NOBLE OR JGNOBLE, LORD OR LADY, KIND, OR CRVELL, learned or ignorant, curteous or currish, Christian or Barbarian, Man or Woman, rich or poore: but to all and euery one in generall and particular.
MOnsieur, and Madam Hydra, to your many heads and variety of Censures I haue made bold to dedicate, a poore, harmelesse, modest, honest, and innocent Bawd, I know great persons of worth and honour, are daily so visited with penurious shreds of Schollership, fragments of Hexameters and Pentameters, scraps of Poetry, the Scum and dreggs of wit, and the froth and lees of wisdome: one salutes my Lords Lordship at Breakefast with a funerall Elegie, lamentably written, and is most miserably rewarded for his kindnesse. Another bunts out his Worships vngentlemanly Knighthood (hauing most intolerably belaboured his name with an Acrosticke or Anagram, which out of his vacuity of worthinesse hee rewards with not a peny. A third hath belyed such a Lady or Gentle womans beauty and qualities, in most abominable fashion, setting her forth for faire and vertuous; for the which hee is rewarded according to the subiect [Page 92] hee wrote of, and his owne demerits, with as much as comes to nothing. For these and some ether respects, I thought it not fit to desire the patronage of any one person in particular, it being a subiect that is common to all, for all, or any. As men are dispersed uniuersally through the world, so a Bawd, being an vniuersall creature, whose function is publikely scattered, I thought it not pertinent or accommodating, that shee should be priuately protected by any. Therefore at shee hath beene and is for all, so I dedicate her to all, knowing that all are better able to reward the Poet, then one alone. And this is further to aduertise the Reader, that where I doe speake of spirituall Bawds, Bawdry, Adultery or Fornication, that I haue auoyded prophanity, obseenity, scurrility, and all manner of inciuilitie or indecency; not meddling with religion at all, b [...]t with a pittifull derision, and merry reprehension explaining the abuses, soppish and sottish corruptions, that like so many Cankers or Caterpillers haue and doe daily eate, consume and putrifie both the Puritie and Pietie of that Religion which boasts it selfe to be most Primitiue and Catholike. For the other part of this Booke, or Bawd, shee is altogether ciuill or temporall, being not troubled so much as with one good Ecclesiasticall word, but meerely Paradoxicall; setting forth ther are and singular vertues of a Bawd; wherein if any of my Readers can picke any pleasure, it is an apparant signe they haue some wit, and if they reape any profit, let them either thanke me in words, or elsereward mee with silence.
A Bawd.
The forenamed Lucrece being dead, had this Epitaph bestowed on her, written by Pontanus.
Besides, I found a cursed Catalogue of these veneriall Caterpillers, who were supprest with the Monasteries in England, in the time of King Henry the eight, with the number of trugs which each of them kept in those daies, as these; Christopher Iames a Monke of the Order of Saint Bennet in Canterburie, had three Whores, all married women: William Abbot of Bristoll, foure: Nicholas VVhyden Priest kept foure in Windsor Castle: in the same place George Whitthorne fiue, Nicholas Spoter fiue, Robert Hunne fiue, Robert Daueson sixe, Richard the Prior of Maidenbeadly fiue; In Shulbred Monastery in Chichester Diocesses George Walden the Prior seuen; Iohn Standnep seuen; Nicholas Duke fiue; In Bath Monafterie Richard Lincoombe seuen, three of them married: Iohn Hill in the Cathedrall Church at Chichester but thirteene; Iohn White Prior of Bermonsey had no more but twenty: all this Rabble was found and known in England; let a man imagine then how many were not knowne, and [Page 92] what a goodly brood of barnes were fathered vpon those that neuer begat them: withall, if England were so stored with them, it is not to bee doubted but all the rest of the Christian world did swarme with these lecherous Locusts.
Moreouer, much knauery (Bawdery I should say) may bee couered vnder the vaile of Auricular Confession, for the Priest hauing a young pretty maid or wife at shrift, wil know her disposition, groape out all her secret conueyances, and craftily vnderfeele her policies, and for a penance for her faults past, shee is inioyned to commit a sinne present. The vnloading of her Conscience (many times) prouing the burthen of her belly Forty weeks after. And in this manner the most zealous Catholike, or the most iealous Italian, may be most dououtly cornuted, vnder the cloake of Confession and Absolution.
As thus,
He blinded and withdrew people so fa [...] from the seruice and knowledge of the tr [...] God, that they prayed to Pomona for the [...] crease of their fruit, to Ceres for Corne an [...] Graine, to Siluanus for wilde-fowle, to Bac [...] for wine, to Neptune for fish, to Mars for th [...] successe of Warres and Captaines, to Phoebus for Physicke and Musicke, to Saturne for [...] bourers and workmen in husbandry, to Pall [...] for valour, to Minerua for wisdome, to I [...] for men of state and port, to Iuno for Pomp [...] and Iewels, to Vulcan for fire and lightening to Venus for beauty and lasciuious pleasure, to Luna for calmnes and faire weather, to Pl [...] for riches, to Mercury for learning and elo [...] quence, to Flora for flowers, to Proteus for disguises, to Pan for Pypers, to Eolus for win [...] and stormes, to Bellona for battels and conquests, to Lucina for women with child, to Faunus for Goats and Venison, to Cloth [...] for spinning out the threed of life, to Lachesis for wynding or reeling it, and to Atropos for cutting it off: nay he led them into more indiculous sorts of spirituall adultery, as to worship with religious adoration, Cats, Dogges, Toades, Beetles, Serpents, Fooles, Madme [...], Priuies, Onions, Garlicke, and many other damnable inuentions, not to be numbred.
Neuerthelesse, whosoeuer will but looke into the lying Legend of Golden Gullery, there they shall finde that the poore seduced ignorant Romanists doe imitate all the idolatrous fornication of the Heathen Pagans, and Infidels; and that they put their Hee and Shee Saints, to farre more baser and ignominio [...]s offices, then these vnbeleeuers of former ages did dare to put vpon their (vaine imaginarie) gods, as they make Saint Crespin a Shoomaker, and Saint Roch the Patron Sowters and Coblers, they put Saint Wendelin to keepe sheepe, and they make Saint Pelage a Cowheard or Neatheard, Saint Anthony hath the protection [Page 93] of their Swine, Saint Vitus or Vitellus, alias, Saint Calfe, an excellent patron or proctor to cure those that are bitten of a Spider called Tarrantulla, or Phallanx. They acknowledge Saint Gertrude for an excellent Rat-catcher, and Saint Hubert for a good Dogge-keeper (some say a cunning H [...]isman:) the Smiths must pray to Saint Eloye, the Painters to Saint Luke, the Ba [...]ers must inuocate Saint Honore, the Mari [...]rs Saint Nicholas, Saint Yue is for the Lawyers, and Saint Anne to finde things that are stolne or lost, whilst Saint Leonard is the onely Saint to set prisoners at liberty, by opening the doores in the night, and make their Shac [...]les fall off without any noyse or knocking. Besides, they make Iob a Physician to cure the Pox, when as that foule disease was not known in any part of the world in many hundred yeeres after Iobs daies; for in the yeere 1496 ( Charles the eight being then the French King) the Pox was brought from Naples into France, hauing but a little before beene very thriftily by the Spaniards purchased from the Americans or West Indians: And therefore they doe Iob wrong to make a Mountebank of him, in ascribing cures to him beyond his skill or knowledge: but all is one for that, he must be content with his office, as Saint Valentine is with the falling sicknesse, Saint Roch with [...]cabbes and scurfes, Saint Schastian with the Plague Saint Eu [...]rope the dropsie, Saint [...], the Gout, Saint Petronella the Ague be any Feuer, Saint Apollonia the Tooth [...]ch, * Saint Romane, they say, dispossesseth [...]ine [...]s out of the possessed, and Saint Ma [...] is the madde mens Saint to cure the [...]enzie. It is to be doubted that Physicians and Chirurgians haue small takings, where all these skil [...]full Saints are so imployed, except [...]ow and then they get a Patient by chance, when the good Saint is ouer-bus [...]ed, or not at [...]ure.
Moreouer, there is a great contention amongst them to what [...], Saint they shall commit the keeping of their Ceese: some will haue Saint An [...]och, some Saint G [...]ll [...]ct, and some Saint Fortall: the businesse is very weighty, and requires mature deliberation and ripe iudgement: some there are that would depriue Saint Wendeli [...] (before named) of his keeping Sheepe, and bestow the place vpon Saint Wolfe, which is a very vnsurable name for a Shepheard.
By this which hath beene said, the Reader may perceiue what a cunning Bawd the Deuil is, to adulterate the true seruice of the eternall God with these whorish Inuentions. And so though I could amplifie this point to a larger extent, in describing spirituall Bawdes and Bawdry, yet now I thinke fitting to auoid rediousnesse, and to treat of this subiect in other garbes and fashions.
It is reported by Henry Stephens in his Apologie or defence of Herodotes, the first Booke, 21. Chapter, page 182. That a merry disposed Priest got a pretty lasse behinde the high Altar vpon a Good Friday in the morning, where he thought all the Hee and Shee Saints were contented to keepe Counsell, but it was knowne to the Legate of Auinion (by the intelligence of no Saint) which Legate after hee had wisely considered on what day and time, and in what place the cleanly conueyance was acted, hee out of his charity concluded a Priest to be mortal, and that flesh was fraile, for which respects (vpon promise of amendment) he was absolued and released.
Moreouer, great *Emperours and Kings haue beene Bawdes, as Suelonius Tranquilius writes of Tyberius Cesar, that hee had Cells, Caues, and Vaults in his house, where hee had a nursery of whores, and oftentimes would haue the execrable [...] committed in his presence. The Emperour Domitian followed his admirable example, and Heliogabolus went so farre beyond them in the art of Bawdry, that hee made Punyes of them both. And of later yeeres a *King of Castile, called Henry the vnable, because [Page 94] hee could not haue a childe by his wife to inherit after him, he kindly entreated one of his Lords to take the paines to beget an heire for him.
There was a rich Burger of Antwerp, a Mercer by his trade, who was a Bawd to his owne wife (though it was against his will or knowledge) but I blame him not, for I doubt hee hath many more fellowes as innocent and ignorant as himselfe, but this was the case, his wife wearing Corke shooes, was somewhat light-heel'd, and like a foule player at Irish, sometimes shee would beare a man too many, and now and then make a wrong Entrance: The summe was, that shee lou'd a Doctor of Physicke well, and to attaine his company shee knew no better or safer way, then to faine her selfe sicke, that hee vnder the colour of visitation might feele her pulses, and apply such cordiall Remedies as might either case or cure her.
In briefe, the Doctor being sent for, comes and finds the Mercer her husband walking in his shop with a neighbour of his, where after a Leash of Congees, and a brace of Baeza los manus, the Mercer told him that his Wife is a languishing sicke woman, and withall entreats him to take the paines to walke vp the staires, and minister some comfort vnto her: Master Doctor, who knew her disease by the Symptomes, ascends vp into the Chamber to his longing patient, staying an houre with her, applying such directions and refections, that her health was vpon the sudden almost halfe recouered; so taking his leaue of her (with promise of often visitation) hee comes downe into the shoppe, where the guiltlesse Bawd her husband was, who demanding of the Doctor how all did aboue, truely quoth hee, much better then when I came, but since I went vp, your wife hath had two such strange violent fits vpon her, that it would haue grieued your very heart to haue seene but part of one of them.
I my selfe doe know two men that lighted by chance into one of these houses of iniquitie in Antwerp, and I dare be sworne that they went to commit no Carnall act, nor did commit any; but they perceiuing a pretty painted peece of punks flesh, did suspect in what house they were, the one of them taking her by the hand did aske her some questions (wherein I thinke was not one word of God) the other impatient that his fellow had ingrost all the familiarity and talke with the wench, begins to stampe, knocke and call, at which the man of the house enters, demanding What doe yee lacke. You base Rascall, quoth the other, haue you no more Whores in your house, must I stand like a Iacke an Apes here empty handed? Good sir, (quoth mine host) be patient, and I will presently send mine owne wife to waite vpon you.
Nor is the skill and knowledge of a substantiall or Absolute Bawd easily gotten or learned; no my Masters there is more in the matter then so; First, she's a yong pretty Girle, and passeth time away in the instructions, rudiments and documents of a Whore, till shee hath attained (with many hazards) to the yeeres of 30. or 35. in all which space she hath not spent her time idlely, but hath beene a creature of much vse, hauing for the common cause aduentur'd the blemmish of her Reputation, the rigour of the Lawes, as whippings, Penance, Imprisonments, fines, fees to Iustices Clarks, Beadles, and such inferiour Reliques of Authority. Besides her valorous combats and conflicts with diseases, (wherein shee often approues her selfe one of the profitablest members in a Common-wealth to Physitians and Chyrurgians) hauing (I say) passed all these degrees with much perill and i [...]opardy of her body, *then looke higher and thinke but on the shipwrake of her soule, (an aduenture of a greater price then shee's aware of) then towards the declining of her life, and that her beautie fades, What a deale of charge is shee at with sophisticated Art, White and Red, to emplaster decayed Nature? her humility being such, that when her owne head is bald [Page 95] she will weare the cast haire of any he or she [...]ner that made a voyage in a string from Tyburne to either Heauen or Hell. And lastly, when as Art can no longer hide the furrowed or wrinkled deformities of her ouer-worne age; then (like a true well-willer to the old trade shee hath euer followed,) Whoring hauing left her very vnkindly before she was willing to leaue it: she (as her proper right for her long seruice, takes vpon her the office and authority of a Bawd, and as she was brought vp her selfe, so with a motherly care her imployment is to bring vp others, wherein her paines is not small, in hyring Countrey wenches that come vp weekely with Carriers, and putting them in fashion, selling one Maydenhead three or foure hundred times, and sometimes with great labour and difficulty shee's forced to perswade mens wiues and daughters; all which considered, a Bawd doth not get her liuing with so great ease as the world supposeth; nor is her aduenture, paines, charge and perill to be inconsiderately slighted.
And as blabbing, babbling, taletelling, and discouering the faults and frailties of others, is a most common and euill practice amongst too many: so on the other side, the vertues of a Bawd are much illustrated and confirmed by countrary effects: For she is the maine storehouse of secresie, the Maggazin of taciturnity, the clozet of conniuence, the mumbudget of silence, the cloathbagge of counsell, and the Capease, fardle, packe, *male, (or female) of friendly toleration. Shee is full of intolerable charity, for her whole trade and course of life is to hide and couer the faults of the grearest offenders, in which regard she is one of the principall secretariesses to the great Goddesse Venus, and one of her industrious vigilant most horrible priuie counsell, not being ignorant of the liberall Arts and Sciences, and exceedingly qualified in the seuen deadly sinnes. And (for her further behoofe) shee hath an insight and can fashion her selfe to the humors of al Nations, degrees, conditions, my steries and occupations.
First, for her knowledges in the Arts and Sciences, she hath the grounds of a Grammar, whereby she can speake and write Amorously, fainedly, merrily, lamentably, crastily, purposely, Bawdily: these words all ending in Lye (doe make her true dealing questionable) yet her ayme is to liue profitably, though her fate is to dye miserably. Her skill in b Astronomy cannot be small, for shee hath beene an often starre-gazer lying on her backe, practis'd in eleuations, retrogradations, Coniunctions, and planetary reuolutions; put indeed shee is more addicted to accept the Moone for her Mistresse, then the Sunne for her Master, which makes her expert in nightworkes, euer changing from quarter to quarter, not long abiding in any place: sometimes shining in Lady-like resplendent brightnesse with admiration, and suddenly againe eclipsed with the pitchy and tenebrous clouds of contempt and deserued defamation. Sometimes at the Full at Pickt-hatch, and sometimes in the Wane at Bridewell.
A Bawd is a c Logician, which is perceiued by her subtill and circumuenting speeches, doubtfull and ambiguous Apothegmes, double significations, intricate, witty, and cunning equiuocations, (like a skilfull Fencer that casts his eye vpon a mans foot, and hits him a knocke on the pate) so She, by going the further about, comes the neerer home, and by casting out the Lure, makes the Tassell Gentle come to her fist.
For Rhetoricke, shee must haue the Theoricke and Practicke, that though the subiect of her discourse or writing be foule and deformed, yet must she (like a dmedicine-monger, quacke-saluer that couers his bitter pils in Sugar) with the Embrodery of her eloquence, flourish ouer her immodest pretences, vnder the inchanting and various colours of pleasure, profit, estimation, loue, reputation, and many more the like.
But of all the e Arts, I thinke shee bee [Page 96] most vnperfect in Arithmeticke, for though she hath beene brought vp to know Diuisions and Multiplications, yet she hath traded but by Retaile, altogether in Fractions and broken Numbers, so that her accounts were seldome or neuer to number her dayes, not caring for the past or the future, her minde (like a Dyall) alwayes fixed vpon the present, giuen much to ouer and vnder-reckonings, for at forty yeeres old she would be but twenty one, and at threescore she will be no lesse then fourescore: so that the marke being out of her mouth, wee must take the Apocryphall account of her age from her owne Arithmeticke without any further warrant.
Cornelius Agrippa approues a Bawd for an excellent Geometrician for deuising engines to climbe into windowes, as Ladders of Ropes, or such like, to scale the Castle of comfort in the night, or the making of Picklockes or false keyes, wherein the Bawds care and prouidence is great, in greazing and oyling lockes, bolts and hinges to auoid noise, shee knowes her Angles, Triangles, Quadrangles, squares, rounds, circles, semicircles and centers, her altitudes, longitudes, latitudes and demensions, yet for all this skill of hers, she hath much adoe to liue squarely, according to Geometricall rules, or to liue within any reasonable Compasse.
As for Musicke, It is to be coniectured by her long practice in prickesong, that there is not any note aboue Ela, or below Gammoth, but she knowes the Diapason: (a Bawd is old dogge at a hornepipe, her chiefest instrument is a Sackbut, her female minikins doe bring in her meanes, and her trebles, the tenor of all is that her selfe is the Base.) Besides, there are many pretty prouocatory dances, as the kissing dance, the cushin dance, the shaking of the sheets, and such like, which are important instrumentall causes, whereby the skilfull hath both clyents and custome.
Poetry many times (though she vnderstand it not) doth her as good seruice; for the most of our great Bawds are diligently waited on by scurrilous oylie sonneting, practicall, Poeticall, a b d Panegyricall Panders, quaint trencher Epigrammatists, hungry and needy Anagra [...] mongers, their conceits being either commending or prouoking Bawdry: as one being requested by a Gentleman to inuent him a poesie for a Ring which hee ment to giue his Loue, the conceit was; Haue you any Logges to cleaue?
Painting and grauing are now and then profitable seruants to Bawds as the naked Pictures of Venus, and Diana and her darlings; Aretine, and diuers other in that kinde can testifie; but commonly all she- Bawds are or haue beene painters themselues or painters of themselues, by which bold practice they are bold, aduenturous, impudent, and audacious, fearing no colours.
As for Physicke and Chirurgery, shee hath beene so much practis'd vpon, that by long continuance, shee's a most excellent Empericke, so that a man need not doubt but an ancient professed Bawd can play the Mountebanke.
Moreouer, many old Bawds are skil'd in Palmestry or Chiromancy by looking into the hand of a man or woman, or Phisiognomy, and Metoposcopi, in viewing of the face or forehead, by which shee professeth to tell the parties how many husbands or wiues they shall haue, how long they shall liue, when they are neere a good or bad turne; but aboue all, her skill is much credited to helpe yong women breed and fructifie, so that if shee be as barren as a Stockfish, yet the matronly medicines and instructions of this wise cunning woman, will i [...] a little time make her encrease with a vengeance, and multiply with a mischiefe.
Besides her skill in these forenamed Arts and sciences, she hath an insight and practice into all Mysteries and manuall trades; she ca [...] imitate a deceitfull Mercer in setting out her ware, faire to the eye, and false in the dye, with an outside of glorious glosse, and an inside of rotten decayed drosse, more for pride or pleasure, then for prouidence, or profit.
[Page 97]Like a bold a Grocer, she cares not a Figge for any man, she knows flesh is fraile, yet she hath many Reasons to liue by, she runs her race long, and she is able to Pepper as many as haue any dealing with her; tooth Lickorish, tongue Lickorish, &c. shee knowes a bribe to a Catchpole is as sufficient as an Almond for a Parrot, to free her from the heate of the Mace. Master Cloue at the signe of the Sugar-loafe, is a sweet youth, whose Candied Visitation will keepe her estate Currant till age and diseases weare her quite out of date.
bA yong rich heire newly come to his lands or portion, is a Bawds Broadcloth, whom shee measures out in parts, I will not tell you with what yard, but I thinke no London measure, till in the end, onely a poore remnant remaines; her meaner Merchandise are tradesmen, and poore seruing-men, these serue for course Kerseyes, Bayes, Cottons and Pennistones to line her inside with Sacke, hot waters, and Aqua vitae.
Though she liue after the flesh; all is c Fish that comes to the net with her, shee is a cunning Angler and gets her liuing by hooke or by crooke, shee hath baits for all kind of Frye: A great Lord is her Groneland Whale, a Countrey Gentleman is her Gods-head, a rich Citizens sonne is her sows'd Gurnet, or her Gudge [...]n: A Puritan is her Whitingmop, her Lobster is a scarlet Townsman, and a seuere Iustice of Peace is her Crab, her meanest customers are Sprats and Pilchards, whilest the Puncke is her salt Eele, and the Pander her Sharke and Swordfish; And though shee deale most in Scorpio, yet shee holds correspondency with Pisces, for they both are signes that attend vpon Venus: Fryday is her day, and a day of doome to more fish then all the dayes in the weeke beside. And fish by nature is prouocatory, as appeares by the chaste liues of fasting fish-eating Fryers and Nuns, whose notorious ( qusia) meritorious continency is touched partly afore.
Shee differs from the dGoldsmith in the Tutch, the Test, and the weight, yet she puts the best side of her ware outward, shee casts and hammers her wenches into all fashions; thee hath them burnished, pollish'd, punch'd and turnd, and if any of them by a fall, or too much heat be bruis'd, crack'd or broken, shee can soder them together againe, and make them marketable.
There is scarce any Art, mystery, trade or manuall occupation, but a Bawd hath a reference or allusion to it, or it to her. Therefore to runne diuision through them all would be long labour to little purpose: In which respects hauing spoken of a few, He s [...]ip ouer the rest to auoid tediousnesse; and to free my selfe from the imputation of partiality, Fe [...]at last allude her to a Water-man; for of all degrees, Languages, Tongues, Nations, [...]ge [...] Sexes, Functions and fraternities are welcome and well entertain'd to the one and the other (prouided they bring money in their purses.) And as the Waterman rowes one way, and lookes another, so a Bawds words and meaning doe very seldome goe together.
Our fiue Senses are rhe Cinque Ports of Bawdry, each one in his office being the hearts Bawd: The Hearing conueighes Tunes, Tales, Rimes, Ridles, Songs, Sonnets, and Madrigals. The Sight wanders, searcheth, seekes, finds and brings home (into the very bedchamber of the heart) amorous actions, prouocatory gestures, effeminate glances, alluring lookes, pictures of prostitution, and veneriall vanities. The Taste playes the Bawd with both Art and Nature, and searcheth through the Earth, Seas and Skies for variety of temptations; poore and innocent Lambstones, Potatoes, Eringoes, Crabs, Scallops, Lobsters, Wilkes, Cockles, Oysters, Anchoues and Caueare, Cock-sparrowes, Coxcome-pyes, and all manner of feathered sowle from the Eagle to the Wren, doe waite vpon the Taste, and the Taste attends the appetite. The Smell is the senting Bawd, that huffs and snufts vp and downe, and hath the game alwayes in the winde, that is a right smellsmocke sense, who is wonderfully pleased to [Page 98] be led by the nose, can hunt dry-foot, and smel out Venery nimbler then a pinch-gut Vsurer will nose out a feast.
Touching or Feeling is a very merry Bawd, and though a man or woman can neither Heare, See, Taste or Smell, yet Feeling may remaine: It is the last sense that keeps vs companie, and were it not for feeling, all the rest of the senses were but senslesse.
And thus much more in excuse of a Bawd, though shee liue by one of the Seuen Deadly Sinnes, which is Lechery; No man can deny Pride to bee another of the said Septarchy, yet the Mercer, the Silkeman, the Embroyderer, the Drawer, the Cutter, the Taylor and the Feather-maker, the new fashion monger, the Diuell and all thriue by Pride, and might shut vp shop, if Pride were not.
Glattonie and Drunkennesse is another of the brood, yet were it not for superfluous, voluptuous gurmandizing, and extraordinary swinish swilling and drinking; the Wine-Merchant, the Vintner, the Malt-man, the Brewer, the Tapster; Poulterer, the sellers of Eringoes and Potatoes, and the Cooke would haue but very cold takings.
Couetousnesse is another whelpe of the same kinde, yet were it not for rauenous oppression, deuouring Extortion, biting Vsury, Bribery, Deceit and Coozenage, Diues would not or could not fare deliciously and bee clad in Purple, nor the hackney Coach bee in such common request.
Enuie is a high point of State, and he is no perfect Politician that repines not at the happinesse of all men (but himselfe:) commonly it giues due attendance in Princes Courts, and feedes vpon the detraction of Noble actions; It eates into honour, as a Canker doth into the best and choysest fruit, yet doth it liue, thriue, weare good cloathes, is esteemed a talent of high wisdome and valour.
Wrath is a blood-hound of the aforesaid kennell, yet Armourers, Cutlers, Fencers, Chirurgians, and Bonesetters would bee idle and want imployment and meanes, if Wrath did not ouercome Patience, and madnesse dispossesse discretion and Reason.
Sloth is the last of the list, (and well may it come last because it is laziest) yet is it a Gentleman-like quality, and a Lady-like disposition, to be idle, and liue vpon the sweat of others; Manuall trades or handicrafts are counted base and mercenarie, and good industry is contemptible; laudable endeuours Mechanicall, and to take paines and labour, is drudgery and meere slauery.
Thus by Pride a man may come to bee one of the Masters of his Parish, by Gluttony and drunkennesse, he may hap mount to a place of reputation and worship; by Couetousnesse hee may get a damnable deale of wealth and bee accounted a good man; by Enuy hee may bee esteemed conceited, Politike, graue and wise: by Wrath he may gaine the titles of valia [...]t and resolute, and by Sloth and idlenesse hee may bee perfectly knowne for a Gentleman.
*And is it not a wonder, that these six deadly sinnes, should bee so vncharitable to the seuenth [...]as to robbe it of all earthly reputation, when if a man doe consider them rightly, there is ne'r a barrell better herring, nor doth the Bawd liue in a worse estate or condition, then the proudest gluttonous Drunkard, or the most couctous, enuious wretch? The wrathfull bloudy villaine, or the idle slothfull drone, are clog'd with vices as vile and abominable as a Bawd, yet for all this, the purblind partiall world doth hugge, embrace, cherish and reuerence all these enormitie [...], onely a Bawd, a silly painfull, seruiceable Bawd, is held odious and contemptible.
Commonly most of the shee- Bawds haue a peculiar priuiledge more then other women, for generally they are not starueling creaturs, but well larded and embost with fat, so that a Bawd hath her mouth three stories of Chinnes high, and is a well fed embleme of plentie; and though shee bee but of small estimation, yet is shee alwaies taken for a great woman amongst her neighbours.
*On former Shroue-tuesdaies, when the vnruly rabble did falsely take vpon them the [Page 99] name of London Prentices, then two or three thousand of those boot-haling pillaging Rascals, would march madly to the habitations of the most famous Bawdes, where they would robustiously enter, breaking open doores, battring downe walls, tearing downe Tyles, pulling downe windowes, rending Trunkes, Chests, Cupboords, Tables, and Bedsteads in pieces; ripping and enbowelling bolsters and featherbeds, rauishing her maides or stale virgins, spoyling all they stole not, and stealing what they liked, beating the graue Bawd, and all her female vermine, most vnmanly and vnmannerly. In all which vnciuill ciuill hostilitie, the singular patience of the Bawd is worthy admiration; not giuing any of these landsharkes an ill word, or shewing any signe of anger or desire of reuenge, but intreating the most rough-hewd Rogues in the company, with the stiles of honest worthy Gentlemen, with I pray you, I humbly desire you, I heartily beseech you, to asswage your fury, appease your wrath, mollifie your anger, suppresse your ire, mitigate your rage. These and like Phrases, a modest ancient Bawd would discreetly vtter to her greatest enemies, rendring good words for bad deedes, when they were doing or had done to her all the mischiefes before named, nor euer after would shee offer to take any legall course, as to cause them to bee brought before a Iustice, whereby the Law might in some sort giue her satisfaction: In which sufferance the great patience of a Bawd is remarkable.
We doe esteeme a Fountaine. Well, or Spring to be the more cleere from poyson, if a toad, a newt, or a, snake, be in either of them, for wee imagine that those venimous creatures doe sucke or extract all the contagion of that Christaline Element into themselues. aIn the like nature, a Bawd is the snuffers of the Common-wealth, and the most wholesome or necessary wheelebarrow or Turnbrell, for the close conueyance of mans luxurious nastinesse and fordid beastialitie. Rauens, Kites, Crowes, and many other birds of Prey, are tolerated to liue vnhurt, not for any good that is in themselues, but because they doe good offices in deuouring and carrying away our Garbage and noysome excrements, which they liue by: and if they were not our voluntarie Scauengers, wee should be much annoyed with contagious sauors of these corrupted offals. These are the right patternes of an industrious Bawd, for shee pickes her liuing out of the laystall or dunghill of our vices; if shee thriue and grow fat, it is with the Meraurinous draffe of our imperfections, (for shee is seldome beholding to an honest man for so much as a meales meat) shee robs not the vertuous of any part of their vertue, shee liues onely by the vicious, and in this sort shee is an executioner of sinners, and in the end giues the most wicked cause to repent, leauing them such aking remembrance in their ioynts, that their very bones rattle in their skins.
In other trades, when Apprentices come out of their yeeres, they are allowed to set vp for themselues, and to haue other apprentices vnder them. Hee that hath beene a Grammar Scholler, when he commeth to ripenesse of learning and iudgement, will thinke himselfe able and sufficient to bee a Schoolemaster, and to haue other Schollers vnder him: and why should not b Whores haue a Mistris of their owne dealing-trade, that they may haue Apprentices vnder their nurture and Discipline, who may by their obedience in their minority be aduanced to command others in the same mystery or occupation? And therefore the Law (in this point) fauouring their vocation, why should any censorious Cato plead the Law for banishing of any Bawdes?
Why should any Ecclesiasticall Lawes in Forraigne Countryes, debarre Bawdes and their disciples from the Sacrament; as if they were not in Charity, when as they are knowne to bee so Catholikely charitable, that they extend their cloue to all without exception, and are ready enough to forgiue all the world, knowing themselues to bee such great offenders, that they much need forgiuenesse?
Welfare dthe Common-wealth plotted by [Page 100] Plato, who would haue no woman appropriated to any man (it seemes he was a great enemie against inclosures, who would haue all thus lye common) his reason was very Phylosophicall, the like whereof is not to bee found either in Don Quixot, or Sir Thomas Moores Vtopia, namely, that when no childe had any proper father, euery man would loue euery childe as his owne, and so the whole City shou'd bee happy in a Combination of an vniuersall loue equally extended to all. If so wise a man as Plato, was not a shamed to make himselfe the vniuersall Bawd of a whole Common-wealth, why should any of our vnlearned neighbours that haue read farre fewer Bookes then hee, bee ashamed to bee accounted procuring Panders in one house, in the skirts of a City, for the Platon call Coniunction of their neighbours within a street or two adioyning.
*In Italy and most ciuill Countries, it is counted a most vnciuill curiosity to aske any man (though after long acquaintance) of what religion he is or whence he commeth, or whither hee goeth, or whether hee bee a married man, or intend to marry. Who then more ciuill or fairely mannered then the Bawdes: for they neuer put any of their customers to the rocke to coufesie, nor doe they torture their, guests with the sawcy inquiry of Whence come you? how long wil you tarry in Towne? haue you a wife at home, or are you a loose Batchelor? are you a Gentleman? a Merchant, or tradesman? are you a Catholike, or Reformed? The Bawd I say is so ciuill that shee neuer will aske any of these questions, one thing onely shee studies and practiseth, which is diligently to demand *whether a man haue any mony in his purse, which is no impertinent question: for the Law doth authorize a Landlord to demand his Rent vpon the ground where it is due, although sometimes hee lets his tenant enioy his house or land a quarter, or halfe a yeere before he receiue any rent: A waterman sweats and lands his fare before he lookes for mony. The Host suffers his guest to eate his meate, before anon, anon with the white Apron comes in with thus much to pay, and yee are welcome; no man at any game takes vp his winnings before the Game be wonne; an Vsurer takes no forfeit before the day of payment be past; but the Bawd in her demand is more wise and prouident, then all these trades and functions, for shee like a Butcher takes present pay or her flesh, she will be sure to haue her wages before shee afford you her peny-worth you shall not drinke at her muddy well before you pay for it, Shee knowe; that hope and desire of that which is to come, is a better paymaster, thē grudging remembran [...]e of fruition of, that which is past. Herein sixe hath good examples to follow of no meane vocations, the learned Physitian and Chirurgies would be loth to exspect their reward till the cure be performed; the honestest Lawyer would plead but coldly if hee might receiue no Fees till his clients cause were iudged. A Fencer will fight but faintly if hee should take no mony before his prize were plaid, and the Players on their publike stage would act very poorly if their audience did not pay at their first comming in.
The greedy haling and pulling of other mens goods, or insatiate appetite to feed, ingurgi [...] ta [...]e, guzzle and swill, are apparant markes or tokens of Intemperance; who then more temperate then a Bawd? for *shee is so full of modestie that shee liues onely vpon what people doe giue her. Men doe voluntarily bring her reuennues to her, shee kindly takes no more then shee can get, nor receiues any thing but what is brought her, and as the Taylor steales not at all, because men doe freely (and vnconstrained) deliuer their goods to him, euen so, the Bawd cannot be taxed with depriuing any man of more then he idlely parts withall.
Wise men haue said, that vertue hath no great praise where there is no allurement or temptation to vice, and therefore haue accounted it but small mastery for a Iudge to be vncorrupt where there are no bribes stirring; for a poore Clowne to bee humble that hath neither money nor Cloathes to bee proud of; for a Drunkard to bee sober where is no drinke but [Page 101] faire water, for a notorious thiefe to refraine from filching, where there is not any thing to steale; or for one to liue chast in a Monasterie or Nunnery: But here is the eminency of abstinence, and the true praise of vertue, for a man to saft at a delicious feast; to be cleere from bribes or gentle rewards, where oppressions, extortions, strifes and contentions doe continually grow and multiply: To be sober and thirsty where wines and strong drinkes are plenty in variety; to be true and trustie amongst inestimable Iewels, vncountable Treasure, or vntold Gold. These are superarogating vertues, which though many boast of, yet few attaine to: now the Bawd liues in the storehouse of libidinous confraternity, in the shop of Venery, in the garden of lasciuious pleasure, in the euer growing and flourishing field of vanity; amongst those that practise the excesse of luxury, none so neere within ken of wantonnesse and dalliance; shee admits into her house men flourishing in yeeres, hot in their desires, and willing in performance, yet (for ought I know) aa Bawd was neuer accused for committing fomication in her owne person, (which is a rare marke of abstinence) for who can produce out of any record, that a Bawd was euer carted for playing the Whore?
And this is her comfort when she is carted, that shee rides when all her followers goe on foot, that euery Dunghill payes her homage, and euery Tauerne looking-glasse powres bountifull reflection vpon her, the streets and windowes are full of spectators of her pompe. Shouts, acclamations and ringing on well tuned Banbury kettle-drums, and barbarous Basins, proclaime and sound forth her triumphant progresse, whilest shee rides embrodered all ouer like a Lady of the soyle, conducted in state out of the Easterne suburbs, to set vp her trade fresh and new in the West.
As concerning Religion or matters of * Conscience, shee is a creature that will neuer runne mad with beating her braines in any point of such high quality. For whereas it is a speech or prouerbe, to say, that an extortioner, vsurer, or corrupted Magistrate hath a Large Conscience, so on the other part, it is a saying, thasuch a man or woman hath no Conscience: now betweene these extremes of large and none, the Bawd doth obserue the mediocrity or meane: for to say that shee hath a large Catholike or vniuersall Conscience, to entertaine all commers, or all that would come to her, is false for her conscience is bounded, caged, and imprisoned, and limited in any mans purse or pocket, of what estate, condition or Religion soeuer. On the contrary, to say that shee hath no Conscience at all, it were to doe her an open iniury, for shee doth extend her entertainment, to as many as please to please her, and her charity doth alwaies stretch as far as any mans mony will reach: And to speake the truth, she hath great reason on her side; for if a man let his Horse to hire, or Asse to market, he will looke to bee paide for the trauell or paines of his Beast; and shall a Bawd let her Soule to the Deuill for nothing? A Knight of the Poast will not hazzard damnation (and his eares to the Pillory to boote) but (if he be wise) he will bee well paid for his labour. Will any great man oppresse and vndoe a whole Country, and (with the losse of the Kingdome of Heauen) purchase an accursed portion of Earth, but that hee will haue terrestriall Angels minister to him here, making no account of the celestiall hereafter? And shall the conscience of a Bawd bee pinfolded so straitly, that her soule shall be of lesse esteeme then a Hackney man makes of his Horse or Asse? or a swearing and for swearing Rogue doth of his eares? no, no my Masters, shee is wiser then so, shee thinks it is a long iourney to Hell, and therefore she doth thriftily prouide to saue charges, that other men shall pay for her passage or Coachhire: shee will not trauell so farre vpon her owne cost, shee is so well beloued, that euery one of her customers will (or must) giue her something toward the reckoning, shee hath more policy in her then to bee damn'd for nothing; and shee scornes to vsurpe a place in Hell without iust title or desert.
As for her Religion, it is of the same peece as her conscience is, there went but a paire of [Page 102] sheeres betweene; with the Papist shee will be Ceremonious for the Crosse *, with the Puritan, shee will bee precise, casting her eyes vp, when her thoughts are downe, and accept the * pyle; shee hath so brought vp her schollers, that the name of God is too often in their mouthes, for they will sweare either with or without occasion; and as concerning matters of truth, shee hath brought them vp so, that they will lye with any man. Most of them are of the sect of the Family of Loue, they differ onely in this, the familists doe hold opinion, that onely when the husband sleepes; that the wife may take as much liberty as a Cat, to play, &c. but the Bawd doth allow a larger toleration, and admits either man or woman to haue accesse, and vse their exercise both sleeping and waking. Shee is indeed addicted to any Religion, or all, or none, no further then her ease and profit doth incite her, for she knowes that charity is a good huswife, and will begin her owne worke at home first: In which respect a Bawd holds a high point of doctrine, to loue her selfe better then she doth all the world besides: and in this shee differs much from a Romane Catholike, that she builds not vpon her Workes, or hath any hope to be saued by her merits. And should persecution come, she will be no Martyr, she will neither hang for one religion, or burne for another, shee knowes that she came a raw creature into the world, and her resolution is, that neither religion or conscience shall send her roasted out of it.
And thus I would haue the Reader to consider, that the paines that I haue taken in this description of a Bawd, is more then I would willingly doe for the honestest woman that dwels betweene Smithfield barres and Clerkenwell, and I know that there is not any of the trade so ingratefull, but that if my selfe or any friend of mine haue occasion to vse them, they will doe their best for me, and goe as neere as they can to take our money. Neither haue I discoursed of any vpstart new fangled bable or toy, but of an ancient solid, reall, and lasting thing, for when all trades are tradefalne and broken, a Bawd may set vp with little worth, or a thing of naught, and many times her lucke is so fortunate, that she will *extract out of sinne and wickednesse, good money, good cloathes, good meat, and almost good any thing, but good conscience: but that is but a poore beggerly vertue, which her contrary nature cannot agree withall, for shee knowes by old experience that it hath vndone many, and that they are accounted none of the wisest, that make any account or reckoning of it.
I am sorry that I haue not dedicated this book to some great Patron or Patronesse: but the world is so hard to please, that I thinke it an easier matter to displease all, then euery way fully to please one; for I did lately write a small pamphlet in the praise of cleane Linnes, which I did dedicate to a neat, spruce, prime, principall and superexcellent Landresse, and shee, in stead of protecting my labours, or sheltring my good and painfull study, doth not onely expresse her liberality in giuing me nothing, but also shee depraues and depriues me of that small talent and portion of wit and Poetry which nature hath giuen or lent mee; most vntruly affirming and reporting, that that Pamphlet was the inuention of a graue and learned friend of mine, (whose imployments are so vrgent and eminent, and whose iudgement and capacity are so mature and approued) that not one line, word, sillable, or letter is in that poore toy, but it is so farre vnlike a wiseman, that they all and euery one doe most truly and obediently call Iohn Taylor father.
But belike shee hath learn'd some frugall qualities of some who are more honored and worshiped, then honourable or worshipfull, who take it for a point of thirsty wisdome, to discommend where they doe not meane to reward. It is a kind of policy, vnder which many better labours then mine haue suffered persecution and Martyrdome; and belike my vnkind Patronesse is ambitious to follow the example of her betters. But I would haue her to know, that if shee had but gratefully accepted [Page 103] my booke of Cleane Linnen, that then I would haue cudgeld and canuasde my Muse, I would haue rowz'd my spirits, belabour'd my Inuention, beaten my braines, thump'd, bumbasted, strapadoed, lambski'nd, and clapper claw'd my wits, to haue mounted her praise one and thirtie yards ( London measure) beyond the Moone. But ingratitude is the poyson of industry, and detraction is the destruction of good endeuours, for the which sinnes of hers, I will allot her no other punishment but this, that shee shall remaine as shee was and is, the true wife to an honest Cobler, A cleanly, trusty, chast, louing and welbeloued Landresse, whom (when the fates and destinies shall depriue Chancery Lane of, then many polluted and slouenly Linnen soylers shall lament, in foule bands, blacke cuffes, and mourning shirts.
aAs Sloth and idlenesse are vices discommended in all Lawes and Common-wealths, being enormities of that high nature and vile condition that they haue ruined whole Kingdomes, Cities, families, and many particular persons; so on the contrary, diligence, industry and carefull vigilancy, are qualities that doe not onely erect States and Commonwealths, but they doe also conserue and preserue whomsoeuer shall put them in vse and practice: who then is more vigilant or industrious then a diligent Bawd, shee is none of the seuen Sleepers, nay shee carefully watch [...]th whilst others sleepe, shee takes paines for the pleasure of many, shee is the true Embleme or image of security, her eyes like carefull and trusty scouts or spyes doe fore-see and preuent the danger of M r. Busieman the Constable with his ragged, rusty regiment. Moreouer, shee is not like a ship bound for Groneland, which must saile but in summer, or a pot of Ale with a toast, which is onely in winter: no let the winde blow where it will, her care is such, that it brings her prize and purchase all seasons, her b pinkes are fraighted, her Pinnaces are man'd, her friggots are rig'd (from the beakhead to the Poope) and if any of her vessels be boorded by Pyrats, and shot betwix winde and water, they are so furnished with engines, that theyle send them packing with a pox, or else blow them quite vp with a diuels name: there is not a poynt in the compasse but the skilfull c Bawd obserues, if the wind be North or North-east, shee expects profits out of the Low-Countries, from Germany, Denmarke, Norway, and sometimes a Prize from Scotland, if at South or S. west, then her hopes are from France, but Spaine, and Italy doe seldome or neuer faile her; And let it blow high or low, the Englishman is neere on all occasions. She hath not beene much accused for receiuing vncustomed goods, for to speake the truth, she will harbour no ventred commodity in her warehouse, and if the Informer or Constable doe light vpon one of her conceal'd dryfats, Punchions, fardils or (naughty) packs, and hauing seiz'd it by his office, and honestly laid it vp safe in the store-house of Bridewell, yet the Bawd will so compound in the businesse, that for a small toye, and a little sufferance, sheele redeeme the Commodity and haue her ware againe in her owne hands.
dA Bawd is no deceiuer of her customers, for what shee promiseth shee will performe, as for example, If shee take a see to helpe a man to a Whore, shee will not cheat him and bring him an honest woman; a bargaine's a bargaine, and shee will not faile you in a tittle: shee plainly and openly shewes her selfe what shee is, shee doth not dissemble or hide her function from her clyents, vnder the veile of hypocrysie, and for her creatures that liue vnder her, eshee hath taught them their Art whereby they may liue another day, when she is dead and rotten, and as they haue their maintenance by her instruction and vnder her protection, so it is fit that in requitall of her paines, she should picke a reuenue out of their commings in, shee hath good presidents out of famous Authors for it, an old braue fellow tooke great paines in teaching of his Cut horse, and the beast was so thankfull for it, that hee got his masters prouender and his owne both many yeeres after. If a man teach in Ape to [Page 104] doe trickes, the honest Ape will maintaine him for it; I haue seene a Hare get her master and dames liuing, with playing on a Tabor. The very Baboones are graue examples in this kind, Tumblers boyes, (and sometimes their wiues) doe teach vs this duty; and the ignorant Puppets doe allow their maker and master, meat, drinke, and cloth. For mine owne part, if I teach my man to row, I will haue for my paines the greatest part of the profit: If I dig or plow and cast my Seed into the ground, I will expect the benefit of the Crop: If I plant or grasse, I should thinke I had but hard measure, if I should not feed vpon the fruit of my labour: By this consequence it, is reason that a Bawd should reape where shee hath sowne, and eate, and liue vpon such fruit as shee hath planted.
A Common Whore with all these graces grac'd; Shee's very honest, beautifull and chaste. With a comparison betweene a Whore and a Booke.
DEDICATED To no matter who: Lord, Master, Goodman, Gaffer, or Knaue; Lady, Mistresse, Good-Readers. wife, Gammer, or Whore,
I Would not haue you to take me for a Bawd, or a Pander, for that I send a Whore amongst you, for though it be my pleasure to call her so, yet you in perusing of beyond conuersing with her, shall finde her honester then some of your Wiues or Mothers. Indeed she hath no great Kindred to boast of, for my poore braine, like loue, was father and mother that begat and bare her, like a new Pallas; and my pe [...] [Page 105] the Midwife that first wrap'd her in ragged verses in stead of clouts, where the Printer hath [...]'d her as he would be loth to be vs'd himselfe; for hee hath published and proclaimed all [...]er faults to the view of the world, and yet I know the poore Whores paines is not past, for now shee is to be examined a thousand wayes, and tortured vpon the Racke of Censure, [...]and amongst all that shall view and handle her, the hot Whoremaster will deale most discourteously with her, for when hee perceiues her honestie too hard for his knauery, hee will in [...]ger, with three tushes, foure pishes, fiue mewes, sixe wry mouthes, and seuen scur [...] faces, teare her and pull her worse then the rusticall Rabblement did vse to vse common Whores on former Shroue-Tuesdayes. But all's one, let him due his worst, shee is confidently arm'd with Innocency; and the threats or danger of the bad cannot affright [...]er, but that shee will attempt to recreate the good. In a word, all that is amisse in [...]ir, I pray you impute it to my bad Tutorship, and her owne frailtie; all that I hope of [...]er is, that shee is a merrie Whore, full of good words, A kinde Whore to be bad for [...]oney or loue any where; a true Whore and a constant, for shee will neuer for sake any man [...]that will keepe her; and (by reason shee is an honest Whore) shee is a poore Whore, and hath either money nor Sprats; so take my VVhore amongst you as she is.
A WHORE.
As thus.
MOst inestimable Magazin of beauty, rare Master-piece of nature, perfections wonder, and [...]s Quintessence, in whom the port and maiestie [...] Iuno, the feature of Citherea, the wisdome of [...]ues Braine-bred a Girle, the chastitie of Diana, [...]d the constancie of Lucretia, haue their dome [...]tall habitation, who with the Goddesses art [...] side, with the Graces graced, with the Vertues [...]llifide, with the Muses honored, and with the [...]ses admired: vouchsase, dread Empresse of my [...]fection, to pardon the intrusiue boldnesse of my stun'd tongue (which was neuer tipt with the [...]urtly Glosse of Adulation) who being the Am [...]sadour of my heart, doth prostrate my selfe and [...] best seruices to be disposed of at your great com [...]ands: and as the Refulgent beames of Titan [...]he parity of obscurity, soone glance or glimpse the translucencie of your eyes sun-dezeling corruscancy, will exile all the cloudie vapours of hearttormenting moody melancholly; that like an vsurping Tyrant, hath captiuated your humble suppliant, thus seruently to implore your Clemency.
A comparison betwixt a Whore and a Booke.
An arrant Thiefe, whom euery Man may trust: In Word and Deed exceeding true and iust. With a Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke.
Giuen vpon Shroue Tuesday from our seate, in the second Forme of the famous free Schoole of Croydon.
Giuen from the lowe estated [...] the fift Forme neere to the Schoole doore at Croydon beforesaid.
TO THE HOPEFVLL PAIRE OF BRETHREN, AND MY WORTHY PATRONES, Master RICHARD, and GEORGE HATTON, Loue, Learning, and true Happinesse.
Yours, when you will, where you will in what you will, as you will with your will, against your will; at this time, at any time, at all time or sometimes, in pastimes.
To any Reader Hee or Shee, It makes no matter what they bee.
WHen you open this first leafe, imagine you are come within the doore of my house, where according as you behaue your selues, you are courteously welcome, or you may lay downe the Booke, and got the same way you came: the flattering of Readers, or begging their acceptance, is an argument that the ware is scarce good which the Author meanes to vtter, or that it is a Cheape yeere of wit, and his lyes vpon his hands, which makes him pittifuly, like Suppliant to begin, Honorably Complaineth to your Humblenes, ('tis but mistaken the first should be last.) Some men haue demanded of me, why I doe write vpon such slight subiects, as the Praise of Hempseed. The Trauailes of Twelue-pence. Taylors [...]oose. The Antiquity of Begging. A Cormorant. A Common Whore. And now an an arrant Thiefe? To whom I answer here, that many Graue and excellent Writers haue imployed their Studies to good purposes in as triuiall matters as my selfe; and I am assured that the meaner the subiect is, the better the Inuention must bee, for (as Tom Nash [...]id) euery Foole can fetch Water out of the Sea, or picke Corne out of full Sheaues, but to [...]ing Oyle out of Flint, or make a plentifull Haruest with little or no Seed, that's the Work [...]an but that's not I. And Gentlemen, as I lately sent you a Whore that was honest, so haue now sent you a Thiefe, that will neuer Rob you, nor picke your Pockets of more then you are willing to part withall.
A THIEFE.
A Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke.
THE PRAISE AND VERTVE OF a IAYLE and IAYLERS: WITH THE MOST EXCELLENT MYSTERIE, and necessary vse of all sorts of Hanging. ALSO A TOVCH AT TYBVRNE FOR A PERIOD, AND THE AVTHORS FREE LEAVE TO LET THEM be hangd, who are offended at the Booke without cause.
DEDICATED To the a Sensible, Reasonable, Affable, Amiable, Acceptable, minded, Honourable, in VVit, Iudgement, and Vnderstanding Able, Robert Rugge Gentleman, Reare Adelantado of the Holy Iland, the Fairne, and the Staples, on the Coast of Northumbria.
THE VERTVE OF AIAYLE, AND NECESSITIE OF HANGING.
1. PRISONE. Anagramma. NIP SORE.
2. PRISONE. Anagramma. IN ROPES.
3. PRISONE. Anagramma. IN PROSE.
4. PRISONE. Anagramma. NO PRISE.
5 IAYLES. Anagramma. I SLAYE.
6. BONDAGE. Anagramma. BANDOGE.
7. IAYLER. Anagramma. I RAYLE.
8. ARESTING. Anagramma. A STINGER.
OR, 9. ARESTING. Anagramma. IN GRATES.
10. SERIEANT. Anagramma. IN ARESTE.
OR, 11. SERIEANT. Anagramma. IN TEARES.
12. WARDES. Anagramma. DRAWES.
THE NECESSITIE OF HANGING.
THE DESCRIPTION OF TYBVRNE.
The Vnnaturall Father: OR, The cruell Murther committed by one IOHN ROVVSE of the Towne of Ewell, ten miles from London, in the County of Surry, vpon two of his owne Children.
AS a Chaine consists of diuers linkes, and euery linke depends and is inyoak'd vpon one another: Euen so our sinnes, being the Chaine wherewith Satan doth binde and manacle vs, are so knit, twisted, and sode [...] together, that without our firme faith ascending, and Gods grace descending, wee can neuer be freed from those infernall fetters; for Sloth is linked with drunkennesse, Drunkennesse with Fornication and Adultery, and Adultery with Murder, and so of all the rest of the temptations, suggestions, and actions, wherewith miserable men and women are insnared, and led captiue into perpetuall perdition, except the mercy of our gracious God be our defence and safegard.
For a lamentable example of the Diuels malice, and mans misery; this party, of whom I treat at this time, was a wretch, not to bee matched, a fellow not to be fellowed, and one that scarce hath an equall, for matchlesse misery, and vnnaturall Murther. But to the [...].
This Iohn Rowse being a Fishmonger in London, gaue ouer his trade, and liued altogether in the Towne of Ewell, neere Nonesuch, in the County of Surry, tenne miles from London, where he had Land of his owne for himselfe and his heires for euer to the value of fifty pounds a yeere, with which he liued in good and honest fashion, being well reputed of all his neighbours, and in good estimation with Gentlemen and others that dwelt in the adioyning Villages.
Vntill at the last hee married a very honest and comely woman, with whom he liued quietly and in good fashion some six moneths, til the Diuell sent an instrument of his, to disturbe their Matrimoniall happinesse: for they wanting a Maidseruant, did entertaine into their house a Wench, whose name was Iane Blundell, who in short time was better acquainted with her Masters bed then honesty required, which in time was found out and knowne by her Mistris, and brake the peace, in such sort, betweene the said Rowse and his Wife, that in the end, after two yeeres continuance, it brake the poore womans heart, [Page 136] that shee dyed and left her husband a widdower, where he and his whore were the more free to vse their cursed contentments, and vngodly embracements.
Yet that estate of being vnmarried, was displeasing to him, so that hee tooke to wise another woman, who for her outward feature, and inward qualities was euery way fit for a very honest man, although it were her hard fortune to match otherwise.
With this last Wife of his he liued much discontented, by reason of his keeping his lewd Trull in his house, so that by his daily Ryot, excessiue drinking, and vnproportionable spending, his estate began to bee much impouerished, much of his Land morgag'd and forfeited, himselfe aboue two hundred pounds indebted, and in processe of time to be (as a lewd liuer) of all his honest neighbours reiected and contemned.
His estate and credit being almost past recouerie wasted and impaired, he forsooke his Wife, came vp to London with his Wench, where he fell in new league with a corrupted friend; who (as he said) did most courteously coozen him of all that euer he had, and whom at this time I forbeare to name, because it was Iohn Rowse his request before his execution, that he should not be named in any Booke or Ballad, but yet vpon a Dye his name may hee picked out betwixt a Sinke and a Trey. This false friend of his (as he said) did perswade him to leaue his Wife for altogether, and did lodge and boord him and his paramore certaine weekes in his house, and afterward caused him and her to bee lodged (hauing chang'd his name) as Man and Wife in an honest mans house neere Bishops-gare, at Beuis Marks, where they continued so long, till his money was gone, (as indeed hee neuer had much, but now and then small petty summes from his secret friend aforesaid) and hee being fearefull to bee smoak'd out by his Creditors, was counselled to leaue his Country, and depart for Ireland; and before his going ouer-Sea, his friend wrought so, that all his Land was made ouer in trust to him, and Bonds, Gouenants, and Leases made, as fully bought and sold for a summe of two hundred and threescore pounds; of all which money the said Rowse did take the Sacrament and his death, that he neuer did receiue one penny but he said that now and then he had fiue or ten shillings at a time from his said friend, and neuer aboue twenty shillings; and that all that euer he had of him, being summ'd together, was not aboue three and twenty pounds, the which moneys his friend did pay himselfe out of his Rents. But some more friend to him, then he was to himselfe, did doubt that he was cheated of his Land: whereupon (to make all sure) he said that his false friend did so far preuaile, with him, that hee the said Rowse tooke an Oath in the open Court at Westminster Hall, that hee had lawfully sold his Land, and had receiued the summe aboue said, in full satisfaction and payment, and his said friend did vow and protest many times vnto him, with such oathes and vehement curses, that hee neuer would deceiue his trust, but that at any time when hee would command all those forged Bonds and Leafes, that hee would surrender them vnto him, and that he should neuer bee damnifide by them or him, to the value of one halfe-penny. Vpon which protestations (he said) he was enticed to vndoe himselfe out of all his earthly possessions, and by a false oath to make hazzard of his inheritance in Heauen.
In Ireland he staid not long, but came ouer againe, and was by his friend perswaded to goe into the Low Countries: which hee did, neuer minding his Wife and two small Children which he had by her, hauing likewise a brace of bastards by his Whore (as some say) but he said that but one of them was of his begetting. But he, after some stay in Holland, saw that he could not fadge there, according to his desire, and withal, suspecting that hee was cheated of his Land, and aboue all, much perplexed in his Conscience for the false oath that hee had taken, pondering his miserable estate, and ruing his vnkindnesse to his Wife, and vnnaturall dealing to his Children, thinking with himselfe what course were best to take to helpe himselfe out of so [Page 137] many miseries which did incompasse him, he [...] ouer againe into England to his too dare friend, demanding of him his Bonds and [...] of his Land which hee had put him in [...] with all. But then his friend did manifest [...] selfe what he was, and told him plainly, that he had no writings, nor any Land of his, [...] what he had dearely bought and paid for. All which ( Rowse replyed vnto him) was false, [...] his owne Conscience knew. Then said the other, Haue I not here in my custody your land and Seale to confirme my lawfull possession of your Land? and moreouer haue I not a Record of an Oath in open Court, which you tooke concerning the truth of all our bargaine? And seeing that I haue all these especial points of the Law, as an Oath, Inden [...] and a sure possession, take what course you will, for I am resolued to hold what I [...].
These (or the like) words, in effect passed betwixt Rowse and his friend (Trusty Roger) which entring at his eares, pierced his heart like Daggers; and being out of money, and credit, a man much infamous for his bad life, indebted beyond all possible meanes of payment; a periured wretch to coozen himselfe, [...] no place or meanes to feed or lodge, and fearefull of being arrested, hauing so much [...] his Wife, and so little regarded his Children, being now brought to the pits [...] of disperation, not knowing amongst these [...] which way to turne himselfe, hee resolued at last to goe home to Ewell againe to his much wronged Wife, for his last [...] in extremity.
The poore Woman receiued him with ioy, and his Children with all gladnesse welcomed home [...] prodigal Father, with whom he re [...] [...] much discontentment and perplex [...] of mind the Diuell still tempting him to [...] and despaire, putting him in mind of his former better estate, comparing plea [...] [...] with present miseries: and he reuol [...] [...] he had beene a man in that Towne, [...] a Gentlemans companion, of good reputation and calling, that hee had Friends, [...] Money Apparell, and Credit, with meanes sufficient to haue left for the maintenance of his Family, and that now he had nothing left him but pouerty and beggery, and that his two Children were like to bee left to goe from doore to doore for their liuing.
B [...]eing thus tormented and tost with restlesse imaginations; he seeing daily to his further griefe, the poore case of his Children, and fearing that worse would befall them hereafter, he resolued to worke some meanes to take away their languishing liues, by a speedy and vntimely death, the which practice of his (by the Diuels instigation and assistance) he effected as followeth.
To bee sure that no body should stop or preuent his diuellish enterprise; hee sent his Wife to London in a friuolous errand, for a riding Coat: and shee being gone somewhat timely, and too soone in the morning, both her children being in bed and fast asleepe, being two very pretty Girles, one of the age of sixe yeeres, and the other foure yeeres old, none being in the house but themselues, their vnfortunate Father, and his ghostly Counseller, the dores being fast locked, hee hauing an excellent Spring of water in the Celler of his house (which, to a good mind that would haue imploy'd it well, would haue beene a blessing: for the water is of that Christaline purity, and cleernesse, that Queene Elizabeth of famous memory would daily send for it for her owne vse.) in which hee purposed to drowne his poore innocent children sleeping: for hee going into the Chamber where they lay, tooke the yongest of them named Elizabeth, forth of her bed, and carried her downe the Stayres into his Celler, and there put her in the Spring of Water, holding downe her head vnder that pure Element with his hands, till at last the poore harmelesse soule and body parted one from another.
Which first Act of this his inhumane Tragedy being ended, hee carried the dead corps vp three payre of stayres, and laying it downe on the floore, left it, and went downe into the Chamber where his other Daughter, named Mary, was in bed; being newly awaked, and seeing her father, demanded of him where [Page 138] her Sister was? To whom hee made answer that hee would bring her where shee was. So taking her in his armes, he carried her downe towards the Celler: and as hee was on the Celler stayres, shee asked him what he would doe, and whither hee would carry her? Feare nothing, my Childe (quoth hee) I will bring thee vp againe presently: and being come to the Spring, as before he had done with the other, so hee performed his last vnfatherly deed vpon her, and to be as good as his word, carried her vp the stayres and laid her by her sister; that done, he laid them out, and couered them both with a sheete, walking vp and downe his house, weeping and lamenting his owne misery, and his friends treachery, that was the maine ground of all his misfortunes, and the death of his Children: and though there was time and opportunity enough for him to flye, and to seeke for safety; yet the burthen and guilt of his conscience was so heauy to him, and his desperate case was so extreme, that he neuer offered to depart; but as a man weary of his life, would, and did stay till such time as hee was apprehended and sent to Prison, where he lay till hee was rewarded with a iust deserued death.
What his other intents were, after hee had drowned his Children, is vncertaine; for he drew his sword and laid it naked on a Table, and after, hee gat a poore woman downe into the Celler, and in the same place where the two Infants lost their liues, hee did helpe the woman to wring a Bucke of his clothes, and then hee requested her to helpe to conuey his goods out of his house; for hee said that hee feared, that the Sheriffe of Surry would come and seaze vpon all. But the woman not thinking of any of the harme that was done, imagined that he had meant that his goods, would be seazed for debt, and not for murther.
But to returne to the miserable Mother of the murdered Children, shee said that her heart throbbed all the day, as fore-boading some heauy mischance to come: and hauing done her businesse that shee came about to London, as soone as shee came home, she asked for her Children; to whom her Husband answered that they were at a neighbours house in the Towne. Then said shee, I will go thither to fetch them home. No, quoth he, I will goe my selfe presently for them. Then said his Wife, Let the poore woman that is heere, goe and bring them home. But at last shee saw such delay was vsed, shee was going her selfe; then her Husband told her that hee had sent them to a Kinsmans of his at a Village called Sutton, foure miles from Ewell, and that he had prouided well for them, and pr [...]id her to bee contented and feare nothing, for they were well. These double tales of his, made her to doubt somewhat was amisse: therefore shee intreated him for Gods sake to tell her truly where they were. Whereupon hee said, If you will needs know where they are, goe but vp the stayres into such a Chamber, and there you shall find them. But in what a lamentable perplexity of mind the poore woman was, when shee perceiued how and which way they lost their liues, any Christian that hath an heart of flesh may imagine. Presently the Constable was sent for, who tooke him into his custody, who amongst other talke, demanded of him why and how he could commit so vnnaturall a fact, as to murder his Children? To whom hee answered, that he did it, because he was not able to keep them, and that hee was loth they should goe about the Towne a begging: and moreouer, that they were his owne, and being so, that hee might doe what hee would with them, and that they had their liues from him, and therefore he had taken their liues from them, and was contented to lose his life for them: for hee was sure that their miseries were past, and for his part, he had an assured hope to goe to them, though they could not come to him.
So being had before a Iustice, his Examination was very briefe; for hee confest all the whole circumstances of the matter freely; so that hee was sent to the common Prison of Surry, cal'd the White Lyon, where he remained fourteene or fifteene weekes a wonderfull penitent Prisoner, neuer, or very seldome, being without a Bible or some other good boo [...]e meditating vpon; and when any one did but [Page 139] mention his Children, hee would fetch a deep [...] and weep, desiring euery one to pray for [...]: and vpon his owne carenest request, hee [...] [...]aide for at Pauls Crosse, and at most of [...] Churches in London, and at many in the Country, and at the Sessions holden at Croy [...], the latter end of Iuno last, hee made such confesslion at the Barre, declaring the [...] of his life, his odious Drinking, his [...]minable Whoring, his cruell Murther, [...] the false dealing of his deceitfull freind, [...] was the cause of his finall wrack: with [...] Relations of his pronounced, with vehemencey and protestations, hee mo [...] all that heard him to commiseration and [...].
So according to Law and Iustice, hee was [...] condemned and iudged (for the mur [...]ering of his two Children) to be hang'd; [...] Iudgement was executed on him at [...] Gallowes at Croydon, on Munday the second day of Iune, 1621. where hee [...] with great penirency and remorce of [...].
This was the lamentable end of Iohn Rowse, [...] of the age of fifty yeeres, and one that [...] right haue liu'd and dyed in better fashion, [...] had laid hold on the grace of heauen, [...] Gods protection and fatherly as [...] [...]; but of all that herein is declared, this [...] which I now declare, is most lamen [...] and remarkable; which is, that Ewell [...] a Market Towne, not much aboue ten [...] from London, in a Christian Kingdome, [...] such a Kingdome, where the all-sauing World of the euer liuing God is most dili [...] sincerely, and plentifully preached, [...] this diligence, as it were in [...] or Center of this sincerity, and in [...] of this plenty, the Towne of Ewell [...] neither Preacher not Pastor: for al [...] [...]son age be able to maintaine on [...] Preacher, yet the liuing beeing in a [...] hand, is rented out to another for [...] and yet no Preacher main [...] [...] Now the chiefe Landlord out of [...] doth allow but seuen pounds [...] Reader, and the other that doth hyre the Parsonage at a great Rent, doth giue the said Reader foure pound the yeere more out of his meanes and courtesie, and by this meanes the Towne is serued with a poore old man that is halfe blinde, and by reason of his age can scarcely read: for all the world knowes, that so small a stipend cannot finde a good Preacher Bookes, and very hardly bread to liue on; so that the poore soules, dwelling there, are in danger of famishing, for want of a good Preacher to breake the Bread of life vnto them: for a Sermon amongst them, is as rare as warme weather in December, or Ice in Iuly: both which I haue seene in England, though but seldome.
And as the Wolfe is most bold with the Sheepe, when there is either no Shepheard, or an impotent insufficient one, so the Diuell (perhaps) tooke his aduantage of this wretched man, seeing hee was so badly guarded, and so weakly guided to withstand his force and malice: for where God is least knowne and called vpon, there Satan hath most power and domination. But howsoeuer, I wish with all my heart, that that Towne and many more were better prouided then they are, and then such numbers of soules would not be in hazzard to perish; nor so many sufficient schollers that can preach and teach well, liue in penuryo through want of maintenance. I could runne further vpon this point, but that I doe shortly purpose to touch it more to the quick in another Booke!
By this mans fall, wee may see an example of Gods Iustice againste Drunkennes, Whoredome, and Murder; the Diuell being the first Author, who was a Murtherer from the beginning: when [...]l'd Cat [...] with Enuy, that hee murdered his brother Abel: who tempted Dauid first to Adultery, and afterwards to Murther; who prouoked Herod to cause the blessed Seruant of God Iohn Baptist to lose his head, because hee told him it was not lawfull for him to marry his brother Philips Wife; and who was the prounker of the aforesaid Herod to marther all the innocent male children in his Kingdome. And let vs but marke and consider the plagues and punishments [Page 140] that God hath inflicted vpon Murderers, Adulterers, and incestuous persons: First Cain, although by his birth hee was the first man that euer was borne, a Prince by his birth, and heire apparant to all the world; yet for the Murther by him committed on his brother, he was the first Vagabond and Runnagate on the face of the earth, almost fearefull of his owne shaddow: and after he had liued a long time terrifide in Conscience, was himselfe slaine (as is supposed) by Lamech, Simeon and Leui the sonnes of Iacob were accurst of their Father for the slaughter of the Sichemites; Ioab the Captaine of Dauids Host, was slaine for the murthering of Abner; Dauid himselfe, for the death of Vrlas, and the Adultery committed with Bethsheba, was continually plagued and vexed with the Sword of Warre, with the Rebellion of his owne sonnes, and with the vntimely deaths of A [...]non, and Absolen. Baanah and Rechab, for the slaying of Ishbesheth the sonne of Saul, they were both by Dauids commandement put to death, who had both their hands and feete cut off, and were afterward hanged ouer the Poole in Hebron: Samuell 2. 4. The examples are infinite out of diuine and humane Histories, that God did neuer suffer Murder to goe vnrewarded: and this miserable man, of whom I haue here related, is a most mainfest spectacle of Gods reuenging vengeance, for that crying and hainous sinne.
As concerning Lust and Incontinency, it is a short pleasure, bought with long paine, a hunnied poyson, a Gulfe of shame, a Pickpurse, a breeder of Diseases, a gall to the Conscience, a corrofide to the heart, turning mans wit into foolish madnesse, the bodies bane, and the soules perdition to it is excessiue in youth, and odious in age, besides, God himselfe doth denounce most fearefull threats against Fornicators and Adulterers, as the Apostle saith, that Whormongers and Adulterers shall not inherit the Kingdome of Heauen, 1. Cer. 6. 9. And God himselfe saith, that hee will bee a swift witnesse against Adulterers, Mal. 3.5. And the Wise man saith, that because of the whorish woman, a man is brought to a [...] [...] of bread, and a woman will hunt for the precious lif [...] of a man: For, faith he, can a man take fire in [...] bosome, and his cloathes not bee burnt? or can [...] man goe vpon hot Coales, and his feet not be burnt. So hee that goesh in to his neighbours Wife, [...] not be innocent, Prou. 6. 27, 28, 29. Abimelech one of the sonnes of Gedeon, murdered three score and ten of his Brethren; and in reward thereof (by the iust Iudgement of God) a woman with a piece of a Milstone beat out his braines, after he had vsurped the Kingdome three yeeres, Iudges the 9. Our English Chronicles make mention, that Roger Mortimer Lord Baron of Wallingford, merdered his Master King Edward the second, and caused the Kings Vncle, Edmund Earle of Kent, causelesly to bee beheaded: but Gods Iustice ouertooke him at last, so that for the said Murders he was shamefully executed. Humph [...] Duke of Glocester was murdered in the Abbey of Bary by William de la Poole Duke of Suffo [...] who afterward was beheaded himselfe on the Sea by a Pyrat. Arden of Feuersham, and P [...] of Plimmouth, both their Murders are fresh [...] memory, and the fearfull ends of their Wiue and their Ayders in those bloudy actions will neuer be forgotten.
It is too manifestly known, what a number of Stepmothers, and Strumpets haue most in humanely murdred their Children, and so the same haue most deseruedly beene executed. But in the memory of man (nor scarcely in any History) it is not to be found, that a Father did euer take two Innocent Children [...] of their beds, and with weeping teares of p [...] [...]ilesse pity, and vnmercifull meroy, to drown them, shewing such compassionate cruelty and sorrowfull sighing, remorcelesse remo [...] in that most vnfatherly and vnnaturall deed.
All which may be attributed to the malice of the Diuell, whose will and endeauour that none should be saued, who layes out his traps and snares, intangling some with Lu [...] some with Couetousnesse, some with Ambition, Drunkennesse, Enuy, Murder, Sloth, or any Vice whereto he sees a man or a woman mo [...] inclined vnto, as he did by this wretched ma [...]lulling him, as it were, in the cradle of sens [...], [Page 141] and vngodly delight, vntill such time as [...] his meanes, reputation, and credit was [...] and nothing left him but misery and [...]. Then hee leads him along through [...] and feares, to haue no hope in Gods [...], perswading his Conscience that [...] sinnes were vnpardonable, and his estate [...] credit vnrecouerable.
With these suggestions, hee led him on to despaire, and in desperation to kill his Children, and make shipwracke of his owne soule in which the diligence of the Diuell [...], that hee labours and trauels vn [...] and as Saint Bernard saith, in the [...] day shall rise in condemnation against vs, because hee hath euer beene more diligent to destroy soules, thē we haue been to saue them. And for a Conclusion, let vs beseech God of [...] infinite mercy to defend vs from all the [...] temptations of Satan.
IOHN ROVVSE his Prayer for pardon of his lewd life, which bee vsed to pray in the time of his imprisonment.
GOD of my Soule and Body, haue mercy vpon mee; the one I haue cast away by my Folly, and the other is likely to perish in thy Funy vnlesse in thy great mercie thou [...]. My Sinnes are deepe Seas to drowne me; I am swallowed vp in [...] bottomlesse gulfe of my owne [...]gressions. With Cain I haue beene Murtherer, and with Iudas a Betrayer me Innocent. My body is a slaue to [...], and my wretched Soule is deúou [...] vp by Hell Blacke haue beene my [...], and blacker are my deeds. I haue beene the Diuels instrument, and am now become the scorne of men; a a Serpent vpon earth, and an Outcast from Heauen. What therefore can become of mee (miserable Caitifle? If I looke vp to my Redeemer, to him I am an Arch Traytor, if vpon Earth, it is drowned with Blood of my shedding, if into Hell, there I see my Conscience burning in the Brimstone Lake. God of my Soule and Body haue mercy therefore vpon mee; Saue mee, O saue mee, or else I perish for euer; I dye for euer in the world to come, vnlesse (sweet Lord) thou catchest my repētant Soule in thine Armes; O saue me, saue me, saue me.
JOHN ROVVSE of Ewell his owne Arraignment, Confession, Condemnation, and Iudgement of himselfe, whilst hee lay Prisoner in the White Lyon, for drowning of his two Children.
His Inditement for murder of his Children.
His Iudgement.
His speech what hee could say for himselfe.
TAYLORS REVENGE: OR, The Rimer VVILLIAM FENNOR, firkt, ferrited, and finely fetcht ouer the Coales.
To any that can read.
BE thou either Friend or Foe or indifferent, all's one, Read, Laugh, like or dislike all the care is taken: The chiefest cause why I wrote this, was on set purpose to please myselfe. Yet to shew thee the meaning of this little building, imagine the Epistle to be the doore, and if thou please come in and see what stuffe the wh [...] Frame is made off. Bee it therefore knownne vnto all men that I, Iohn Taylor Waterman [...] [Page 143] [...]agree with William Fennor, (who arrogantly and falsely entitles himselfe the Kings Mas [...] [...]Riming Poet) to answer me at a triall of Wit, on the seuenth of October last 1614 [...] the Hope stage on the Bank-side, and the said Fennor receiued of mee ten shillings in [...] of his comming to meet me, whereupon I caused 1000 bills to be Printed, and diuulg'd [...]1000 wayes and more, giuing my Friends and diuers of my acquaintance notice of [...] Bear-garden banquet of dainty Conceits; and when the day came that the Play should [...]haue beene performed, the house being fill'd with a great Audience, who had all spent their mo [...] extraordinarily: then this Companion for an Asse, ran away and left mee for a Foole, amongst thousands of criticall Censurers, where I was ill thought of by my friends, scorned by [...], and in conclusion, in a greater puzzell then the blinde Beare in the midst of all her [...]broth. Besides the summe of twenty pounds in money, I lost my Reputation amongst [...], and gaind disgrace in stead of my better expectations. In Reuenge of which wrongs done [...] me by the said Riming Rascall, I haue written this Inuectiue against him, chiefly because ill-looking Hound doth not confesse he hath intur'd mee, nor hath not so much honestly [...] bring or send me my money that he tooke for earnest of me; but on the contrary parts [...] and abuses mee with his calumnious tongue, and scandalizeth me in all Companies [...] beares me nominated. But in a word, Reader, when thou hast read this that followes, I thinke thou wilt iudge me cleare of the many false Imputations that are laid vpon mee. So I [...]thee to thy Considerations, and I proceed to my Exclamations.
WILLIAM FENNOR. Anagramma. NV VILLANY For me; OR, Forme NV VILLANY.
TO WILLIAM FENNOR.
To the Reader
To my Friends.
To my despightfull Foes.
FENNORS DEFENCE: OR, I AM YOVR FIRST MAN. Wherein the Water-man, IOHN TAYLOR, is dasht, sowst, and finally fallen into the Thames: With his slanderous Taxations, base Imputations, scandalous Accusations, and foule Abominations, against his Maiesties Ryming Poet: who hath answered him without Vexations or trembling Recantations.
DEDICATED To all that can iudge, of what degree soeuer.
IVdiciall Reader, after a Supper of Slanders, giue me leaue to bestow a Banquet of Defence; which, I hope, shall rellish with more delight in thy generous opinion. I am sorry that my Penne is pluckt backe from better Occasions, to answere an Opposite so ignoble. But seeing my Reputation is shot at by such a poysoned Pistoll, I thought it meete to serue out the Ballet of his Infamy with my approued Honesty, before it grew ranke, or festered too farre i [...] the Worlds Apprehension. But to the purpose: Master Taylor, the Gentleman-like Sculler at the Hope on the Banke-side, at a friends house of mine, acquainted me with his Proiect; which was as followeth: That hee the said Taylor had studied such seuerall Humors in Prose, as neuer were th [...] like before: (which indeed fell out true, to his shame) wherein he would haue me ioyne; hee to play a Sc [...] in Pr [...]se, and I to answere him in Verse: Whereto I condiscended, on these Conditions; viz. That I might haue halfe the Commodity thereof, Or Security for fiue pounds; Or else twenty shillings in hand, and the rest as the Day affoorded. Next, That I might heare his Booke read (which was fit) to know on wh [...] ground I might build my Inuention. And last, That I should see the Manner of his Challenge bes [...] it was published, and set my Answere to it with my owne hand. To all which hee granted, and deliuered mee fiue Shillings vpon the same: Whereupon I promised faithfully, That if all this were on his part performed, I would (God willing) meet him, and with my best endeauour striue to giue the Audience content. Now, here I must en [...]reat you, before you condemne mee, note but the Occasions of my Breach of Promise: This Water-Taylor, with his Confederates, presuming he had bound mee with his Earnest-money, printed his Challenge-Bill, and my Answere annexed thereunto, without my Hand, Knowledge, or Consent: Nay more: My Answere was by him set vp so meane and insufficient to so brauing a Challenge, that I altogether disliked thereof (as I had reason) and thereupon sent my Man with the Money fiue dayes before the Play, to certifie them, That I was otherwise employed, and would not come, in regard of the Wrong done vnto mee, in setting vp my Answere without my Consent: My Man deliuered the Message, b [...] lost the Money at Play, emboldening himselfe vpon the Wrongs I had receiued; which I haue since payed. And the same day I receiued a Letter out of Warwickeshire from my Father, That he was not well; wishing me and my wife to repayre vnto him with all possible speed. Now, you that are Parents of Children, or [Page 149] children to Parents, Iudge, whether I ought rather to disobay my Father; or displease Iohn Taylor; Pur [...]se my Fathers hate, or lose a Scullers loue; and I hope yo [...] will say. I had sufficient cause to keepe mee [...] the Hope. But fearing my homely Truth (though it be sufficient to plead my Honestly) is not answer [...] to your expectation of my Practise in Poesie; I will, as neere as I can, fit my Muse to your liking, which is my content: And euer rest honester by Land, then Taylor by Water,
An Apologie to the Anagram of my Name, made by no Scholler, but a Sculler.
An Anagram vpon the Scullers Name. IOHN TAYLOR, Anagramma. O Hate, rayle on.
To his approued Foe Iohn Taylor.
Defence.
Epitaph.
To my kinde Friends in generall.
FENNORS finall Fare [...]ill to TAYLOR, with his blue Bitch and Cods bellie.
A CAST OVER THE VVATER, BY IOHN TAYLOR. Giuen Gratis to WILLIAM FENNOR, the Rimer, From London to the Kings Bench.
DEDICATED To all that vnderstand English. By your leaue a little in Prose, and to the purpose.
GEntlemen, I pray you take me not for a common Ferriman to Conicatchers: I transport this fellow this once, not out of confederacy, but out of commiseration. For I confesse ingenuously, at first sight of his pittifull Preface, he turn'd all my malice into compassion. For I had thought, hauing giuen himselfe the Title of his Maiesties Poet, and by his owne confession poore enough to be one, that necessity (at least) would haue begot that which a beggar cals Phrase [...]him. Whereas this Cadworme, hauing onely got Rime, which is but the buttons and [...] to couple Verse together; or as the wings of a Butter-flye now turn'd out of his Sum [...] weeds, hee appeares to be the same which I euer held him to be; A most naked and [...]ched Mungrell, not able to pen a letter in true English, though it were to borrow mo [...]. But you will say, it was the badnesse of the matter, & being the absolute & only profest ly [...] of our age, it behou'd him to build vpon his memory, which Artists say, is an enemy to wit: [...] hereon his memory is so short, that as we speake of the Italians, they tell lyes so long till [...] beleeue themselues for truths; so this Hydra-tong'd Proteus-prater in his owne and [...] selfe same pestiferous Preface auer's, and confutes, and then auer's againe the same contradictions which he denies, that he was tyed to performe the Challenge at the Hope: Yet [...], he confesses he sent his man backe with the earnest, which he sayes was fiue shillings; say ten but we will not contend for the summe, had it beene ten pounds hee'll as soone pay as fiue shillings. Did I giue him fiue shillings earnest? then no question but it was to tye him [...] bargaine, was the money certaine, and the conditions at his owne choice? Indeed, he [...]es to haue money for a Song, but I haue more wit then to be one of his Patrons. But his [...] plaid the knaue (as how could he doe other, hauing such a Master) and ran away with [...] money; was euer poore Rat driuen to more extremity to free her selfe from the trap by [...]ning off his owne taile, is Monsieur le Foggnieurs seruice so cheape, that it will be sold for five shillings. He will say his Annagram is, I will feare no man. It is a deere Anagram Monsi [...] [...], it cost you fiue shillings: For had you fear'd your Man, you would neuer haue trusted him: but you may see the scald Squire will haue his Iade, though it be but a scabbed one; [...]his Man hath beene found in three or foure tales about the vnfortunate fiue shillings. First, [Page 156] he confest that hee paid it to a Broker for the loane of a Cloake for his Master to goe twi [...] to the Court in: Secondly, that he paid it for the hyre of two Shirts for his Master, which he had to ride into the Country withall: Thirdly, that hee gaue it to a Punke for her diuidend, which Punke was to haue a share in their Riming and whistling, and they were to sha [...] with her in her commings in: Fourthly, that he paid it to a Broome-man, for foure paire [...] Bootes for his Master, at fifteene pence a paire. Was euer Poore crowne so martyr'd and qua [...] ter'd, amongst Brokers, Knaues, and Whores? But were this all the dust that stucke on [...] Coate, his man might beat it out of it; you shall finde he hath a Father to father his ly [...] on, which Sire of his (as hee saith, sent for him into the Country) I say twas the Thiefe who [...] pardon he was to get. Now sayes hee, whether should I obey my parents, or Iohn Taylor Surely thy Father, Mounsieur, for he hath much need of a sonne that will Father thee. Nay [...] such a father that gaue him a hundred pound at parting, (I hold my life he meant with a [...]pu [...] for a parting blow.) This lye, a man would thinke, carries some colour with it, did not th [...] witlesse Asse himselfe discouer it to bee but a Vizard. For a little before, he writes, Might he [...] haue had fiue pound, he would haue staid his iourney. Doth not Esops pluck'd Crow looke like a Rooke now? Vngracious Child, wouldst thou preferre fiue pound to thy fathers blessing? came the hundred pound so vnlook'd for, that the hope of it was not worth fiue Surely Gentlemen, (I hope) to auoid this tax, hee will in his next edition confesse himselfe the child of the people: and the hundred pound was one of his poeticall fictions, for as yet one penny of it was neuer extant. And beleeue it, his faith, his father, and the money are alo [...] Implicite, neuer made manifest.
Imagine, his Father had beene able to giue him 100. pounds, would hee haue bound hi [...] Prentice to a blinde Harper, whose boy he cannot deny but he was, whom the hungry saw [...] scroyle almost famisht with beguiling him of his victuals? so that the poore musician was faine to shift him off, for his guts were clung in his belly, and Fennor meant to make Ha [...] strings of them. But thinke you if his Father had beene of that worth, that he would haue suffered him to runne ouer the earth like one of Caines Imps, that had a Plough tayle of his own to tye him to? But you will obiect a reconcilement vpon better fortunes, he is now married and hath a stayd head. He hath call'd the King master, and the blacke Guard fellowes: heonors change manners, I confesse, and that he is adorn'd, I will not deny; the hundred pound well laid out, shall speake his Fathers bounty. At thy return, Mounsier Le Fognier, what became of the mony? didst thou pay the Hackney man for horse-hire? hee pleads not guilty, because h [...] receiued no gilt? thou hast but one only part of a Gentleman in thee, and that is, thou wilt p [...] no debts: didst thou buy houshold stuffe? Let the Thiefe speake, who is most familiarly gu [...] vnder colour of a pardon: but thou holdst it lawfull to punish Sinners. Didst thou buy appare [...] with it? No verily, he pawn [...]d his Cloake the next morning of his returne. Oh inuisible summ [...] what is become of thee? This was a hidden blessing, whose effects are not yet to be seene. T [...] one of Erra Paters predictions, tis intailed vpon his Issue. But to conclude, if it were lawfull for me to examine thee at Staffords Law, I would make thee confesse the receit of ten shillings, the acknowledgement of my bill, the acceptance of thy answere, and thy word and promise for thy meeting me, and that I neuer receiued mony or message to the contrary. A [...] which thou didst confesse to me before fiue Witnesses since thy booke was written, when th [...] paidst me my Mony: and this and more I could make thee say and sweare, or else I would beat thee to mash, and make a Gally-mawfry for Dogges of thee. But I think it time to lea [...] Prose, and fall into Verse, for the satisfaction of the Reader, thy shame, and my Fame.
Master PENNORS taking Boate.
In defence of the true Annagram I made of William Fennor. Nv Villany for mee.
Vpon his false Annagram on my name.
To him I hold too vnworthy to be my foe: William Fenner.
My Defence against thy Offence.
Epitaph.
An Epilogue.
Taylors defence of the honesty of his Blew-Bitch.
His Landing.
The praise of cleane Linnen. VVITH THE COMMENDABLE VSE OF THE LAVNDRES.
DEDICATED TO THE MOST MONDIFYING, CLARIFYING, PVRIFYING, AND REPVRIFYING, CLEANSER, Clearer, and Reformer of deformed and polluted Linnen, Martha Legge Esquiresse, transparent, vnspotted, Snow Lilly-white Laundresse to the Right worshipfull and generous the Innes of Court, of the middle Temple, with diuers others in the ranke of Nobility, Gentility, and tranquility: your poore and vnknowne Poeticall Oratour IOHN TAYLOR, in humility and [...], cranes your Patronages ability, in defence of his imbecility.
MOst cleanely and profest Antagonist to vermine, dirt, and filth, [...] Dragmatus the Diagotian Stigmatist very worthily wrot in hi [...] Treatise of the Antiquitie of Shapparoones and carelesse Band [...] Rushtoy ton tumeron smolensco whish wherlibumque. Which is in English, That to conserue and keepe cleane, is as much or more then to make cleane: and I know by long experience that your paines and industry not onely makes our polluted Linnen cleane, but also to conserue and preserue [...] in that neatnesse and purity as is correspondent for our health and wholesomenesse: vpon these gratefull confiderations. I haue presumed to consecrate these vnpolish'd lines to your vnspotted Cleanlinesse) not doubting but the lathering suds of vour lennitie, will wash away all such faults as are not herein committe [...] through want of ignorance; and with the white Starch of your firme constancy, you will stiffen the weakenesse of my feeble and limber, labours, that it may be able to stand like a stout, Mastiffe Dogge, against the opposition of all detracting Nungerels; I haue in this ensuing volume, set forth the praise and commendations of Cleane Linnen, with the honourable paines of the Laundresse; which word Laundres I finde to be both vnfitting and derogatory to your comly, commendable, laudable, neate, sweet and seemely calling; for the Anagram of Laundre.
[Page 165]SLAVVNDER, which name or Epithite is halfe a slawnder to your suri [...] for to be a Laundres, imports onely to wash or dresse Lawne, which is as [...] impeachment as to cal a lustice of the Peace, a Beadle; a Dyer, a Scaldragge; or [...]nger, a seller of Gubbins. No, my most laborious and purifying Patro [...] your glory shall no longer be Ecclipsed, to be termed a bare Lawndres, or a [...] of Lawne, but a Hollandresse, Tiffanie-dresse, Lawndresse, Lockrumdresse, [...]wlesdresse, Callicute and Canuas-dresse, which in the totall is a Linnendresse, [...] you are the onely Linnen Armouresse, Cap a pea from the declination of the [...] to the exaltation of the Nightcap, and from the loftie Quoyse, to the lowly [...]eloued Smockeskirt; and herein I am strucke into admiration, at the vn [...] alour, that champion-like doth accompany and constantly defend [...]our cha [...]titie; For you dare in a morning to enter a Gentlemans chamber, to [...]ppe him out of his foule shirt in his bed, to haue him at your bare and naked [...] and then like a vertuous victor, in pittie and commiseration, you put a [...] shirt on his backe, leauing him in a clearer and farre sweeter case then you [...]ound him; no doubt but such obiects are prouocatory temptations to fraile [...] and bloud: but as I said before, your courage and constancie alwaies brings [...] fairely off and on, though thousands weaker vessels of [...]alitie would bee [...]'d in these vnbloudie bickerings. As for your good Husband, who is Legge [...] name, my poore Muse makes a legge in courtesie to him and you both. Some [...] Coxcombes in Wit and iudgement will terme him a Cobler, whilest [...]ood mannors entitles him a Translator. When I thinke vpon the simpathie and [...] pondancie of both your qualities, I approue Fortune for a wise cunning woman in clapping such a coniuriction together; for he is a mender, and you [...] a mundifier or to speake truth, you are both menders, and God knowes how [...]any will be hanged before they will mend: your Ar [...] is to keepe our bodies [...]weet and cleane, and his Trade is to set our wicked and crooked soales right and [...]right; hee is a firme and stableman, and waxeth much oftner then hee wanes; [...] workers sildome aboue the legge, which shewes the true loue that he beares [...]his Name and [...] Legges are of much more antiquity then Linnen, in [...]gard [...]whereof [...] [...] being of the younger [...] doth good seruice many [...] betweene the Legges and you and your husband may by name and na [...]re, very Poe [...]ly make an Herameter; Legges are the supporters and por [...] that vphold and carry man, fowle, and beast. A good Legge is a great grace [...] dis [...]y ess [...] in the [...]e, and not too much spindled in the small, [...]my noble Translator knowes that a Boot is an armour for a good Legge, and [...] or [...] for a bad; to which acknowledgement many a Gentleman V [...] will say Probatumest: of all parts of the Body the Legge beares the pricke [...] [...] It is embrodred with Veines, inlaid with Arteries, enchased with [Page 166] Nerues, interlac'd with Muscles, ennamel'd with Sinewes, interwouen with Membranes, intermixt with Tenons, embost with Ankles, hauing a Neat Fo [...] for a man, and fiue Toes for Pages to attend it. More for the honour of Legges [...] what is better meat then the Legges of Beife, Mutton, Lambe, Porke, Capon [...] Turkey, Goose or Woodcocke? Nay, there is such vertue in them, that any reasonable Cooke with a Stooles Legge (and something else) will make good broth [...] To finish my prolixious short, briefe, and tedious dedication, I wish that yo [...] and your Husband in coniugall combination, in the way of Procreation, ma [...] multiply and make Legges, which is a part of good Manners and Courtesie [...] whereof these vnmannerly times is almost barren. Thus referring my selfe and my labours to bee accepted and censured according to the purity and integ [...] of both your reforming functions, with my prayers for the cleane amendmen [...] of all foulers of Linnen, and the reforming of all bad Legges, for the better supportation of Washers, Starchers and Translator: I remaine,
The praise of Cleane Linnen.
The principall occasions why this merry Poeme was written.
IT was at that time that the worlds terrour, and warres Thunder-bolt Allaricke King of the Gothes wasted Italy, sacked Rome, and stooke all the Kingdomes of the earth into a Feuertertian, when there was inhabiting in the Dukedome of Tuscanye a valiant Captaine named Catso, descended from the Royall house of Frigus the first King of the Fridgians. This Catso being driuen to his shifts in these robustuous bickerings of the Gothes, fled for safety to the Ile of Sardinia, where for his good parts and free behauiour, hee was entertained by the most beautifull Madam Meretricia, the delightfull daughter and sole heire of Baloclitus King of Sardis, yet although his place was chiefe Gentleman of the Bid-Chamber, his high pitcht resolution was eleuated and erected, for trauell and hotter seruices: So (with much griefe to the Lady) hee tooke his leaue, and sayling through the straits of Gibralter, and the gulphe of Madye Lane, hee past the Cape Bona Esperance, as farre as China, where hee staid certaine daies at Iappan: then hee determined to progresse it by land, and passing by the great Citty of Tarsus in Idumea, by long iourneys hee came to Gallicia, where nere to Greyne hee was in hot seruice, and came off somewhat scortch'd, with fire workes in a mine: passing from thence hee came into France where hee was well wel-com'd at Brest, and at the Towne of Deipe, was made great prouision for his comming; but for some reasons hee would neuer come there: In briefe, after hee had approu'd himselfe a hot, valiant, and aduenturous Souldier abroad, and a peace-maker a [...] home, hee came into Ireland, where at Dubbl [...] hee was strucke lame; but recouering ne [...] strength and courage, hee snip'd himselfe fo [...] England, landed at West-Chester, whence taking pofte towards London, hee lodg'd at [...] ley in the hole, in his way, at last being come to the Citty, hee made many merry and mad vageries betwixt Turnebull-street and Burnt-wood spending freely, and faring deliciously; hauing a stiffe stomacke to digest all dishes, except Winchester Geese, and Newmarket Turkies [...] thus with much danger and difficulty hauing trauelled farther then euer man saw, and passed his time with much loue amongst Ladyes and Gentlewomen, hauing beene a great with stander of many desperate oppositions, and [...] rare Musitian for his long practice in Prickesong. He againe past the Sea in a Frigget to Constantinople, where hee fell into a moody melancholy (like Tymon of Athens) and scorned to stand at any time, although he was charged in the name of the Graund Signior. This Gallant hauing beene all his time a great vser, wearer, and taker vp of Napery, did most bountifully bequeath to any Poet that would write a Poeme in the praise of Cleane Linnen, as many shirts of the purest Holland as might bee wash'd in Hellicon, and dryed on the two topt hill of Parnassus. To performe whose commaund, and receiue the bequeathed Legacie, I vndertooke this great taske, and perform'd it accordingly.
THE TRVE CAVSE OF THE WATERMENS Suit concerning Players, and the reasons that their Playing on London side is their extreame hindrances. With a Relation how farre that suit was proceeded in, and the occasions that it was not effected.
THe occasions that hath moued me to write this Pamphlet are many, and forcible, and the Attempt in wriring it aduenturous and full of danger, for as on the one side I doubt not but with truth to stop the mouthes of Ignorance and Mallice that haue and doe daily scandalize mee (and withall I know I shall purchase a generall thankes from all honest men of my Company) so I am assured to gaine the hatred of some that loue mee well, and I affect them no worse, only for my plaine truth and discharging my conscience: But fall back, fall edge, come what can come, I am resolued and without feare or flattery, thus I beginne.
In the month of Ianuary last 1613. there was a motion made by some of the better sort of the company of Watermen, that it were necessary for the reliefe of such a decayed multitude to petition to his Maiesty, that the Players might not haue a play-house in London or in Middlesex, within foure miles of the City on that side of the Thames. Now this request may seeme harsh and not well to bee disgested by the Players and their Apendixes. But the reasons that mou'd vs vnto it, being claritably considered, makes the suite not only seeme reasonable, but past seeming most necessary to be sued for, and tollerable to bee granted.
Out petition being written to purpose aforesaid, I was selected by my company to deliuer it to his Maiesty and follow the businesse, which I did with that care and integrity, that I am assured none can iustly taxe me with the contrary. I did ride twice to Theobalds, once to Newmarket, and twice to Roystone, before I could get a reference vpon my petition. I had to beare my charge, of my company first and last, seuen pound two shillings, which horshire, horse meat, and mans meat brought to a consumption; besides I wrote seuerall petitions to most of the Right Honourable Lords of his Maiesties Priuy Counsell, and I found them all compassionately affected to the necessity of our cause.
First, I did briefly declare part of the seruices that Watermen had done in Queene Elizabeths raigne, of famous memory, in the voyage to Portingale, with the Right Honorable and neuer to be forgotten Earle of Essex; then after that, how it pleased God (in that great deliuerance in the yeere 1588.) to make Watermen good seruiceable instruments, with their losse of liues and limbs to defend their Prince and Country. Moreouer, many of them serued with Sir Francis Drake, Sir Iohn Hawkins, Sir Martin Frobusher, and others: besides in Cales action, the Iland voyage, in Ireland, in the Lowcuntryes, and in the narrow Seas they haue beene, (as in duty they are bound) at continuall command, so that euery Summer 1500. or 2000. of them were imployed to the places asoresaid, hauing but nine shillings foure pence the month a peece for their pay, and yet were they ab [...]e then to set [Page 172] themselues out like men, with shift of Apparell, linnen and wollen, and forbeare charging of their Prince for their pay sometimes sixe months, nine months, twelue months, sometimes more, for then there were so few Watermen and the one halfe of them being at Sea, those that staid at home had as much worke as they would doe.
Afterwards the Players began to play on the Bank-side and to leaue playing in London and Middlesex (for the most part) then there went such great concourse of people by water, that the smal number of watermen remaining at home were not able to carry them, by reason of the Court, the Tearmes, the Players, and other imployments, so that we were inforced and encouraged (hoping that this golden stirring world would haue lasted euer) to take and entertaine men and boyes: which boyes are growne men, and keepers of houses, many of them being ouer-charged with families of Wife and Children, so that the number of Water-men, and those that liue and are maintained by them, and by the onely labour of the Oare and the Scull, betwixt the Bridge of Windsor and Grauesend, cannot be fewer then forty thousand; the cause of the greater halfe of which multitude, hath beene the Players playing on the Banke-side, for I haue knowne three Companies besides the Beare-bayting, at once there; to wit, the Globe, the Rose, and the Swan. And it is an infallible truth, that had they neuer played there it had beene better for Water-men by the one halfe of their liuing, for the Company is encreased more then halfe by their meanes of playing there in former times.
And now it hath pleased God in this peaceful time, that there is no imploymēt at the sea, as it hath beene accustomed, so that all those great numbers of men remaines at home; and the Players haue all (except the Kings men) left their vsuall residency on the Banke-side, and doe play in Middlesex farre remote from the Thames, so that euery day in the weeke they doe draw vnto them three or foure thousand people, that were vsed to spend their monies by water, (to the reliefe of so many thousands of poore people, which by Players former playing on the Banke-side) are encreased, so that oft-times a poore man that hath fiue or sixe children, doth giue good attendance to his labour all day, and at night (perhaps) ath [...] not gotten a Groat to relieue himselfe, his wife and family.
This was the effect and scope of our petition, though here I haue declared it more at large, to which his Maiesty graciously granted me a [...]reference to his commissioners for suites, who then were the Right honourable Sir Iulius Caesar, Sir Thomas Parray, Knights, the Right Worshipfull Sir Francis Bacon then the Kings Atturny generall, Sir Henry Mountague his Maiesties Sergant at Law, Sir Walter Cope, Master George Caluert, one of the Clarkes of his Maiesties priuy Counsell, and Baron Southerton, one of the Barons of the Kings Exchequer: these Honorable and Worshipfull persons I did oft folicite, by petitions, by friends, and by mine owne industrious importunity, so that in the end when our cause was heard, wee found them generally affected to the suit we prosecuted.
His Maiestes Players did exhibit a petition against vs, in which they said, that our suit was vnreasonable, and that we might as iustly remoue the Exchange, the walkes in Pauls, or Moorefields to the Bank-side for our profits, as to confine them; but our extremities and cause being iudiciously pondered by the Honorable and Worshipfull Commissioners, Sir Francis Bacon very worthily said that so farre forth as the Publike weale was to be regarded before pastimes, or a seruiceable decaying multitude before a handful of particular men, or profit before pleasure, so far was our suite to be preferred before theirs. Whereupon the Players did appeale to the Lord Chamberlaine, which was then the Earle of Sommerset who stood well affected to vs, hauing beene moued before in the businesse by Master Samuel Goldsmith an especiall friend of mine, and a Gentleman that my selfe and all the rest of my poore company in generall, are generally beholden, and deepely ingaged vnto; for of his owne free will to his cost and charge, wee [Page 173] must with thankfulnesse acknowledge he hath beene and is continually our worthy friend. Who seeing the wants of such numbers of vs, [...]hath often neglected his owne vrgent and profitable affaires, spending his time and coyn [...] any honest occasion that might profit vs. Th [...]s much I thought good to insert in the [...]ay of thankfulnesse, because of all vices, ingratitude is most hatefull.
The Commissioners did appoint mee to [...]me on the next day that they sate again, and that then the Players and wee should know their determinations concerning our businesses: but before the day came, Sir Walter Cipe died, and Sir Iulius Caesar being chiefe Commissioner was made master of the Rolls, by which means the Commission was dissol'd, and we neuer yet had further hearing. Thus f [...]re did I proceed in this thanklesse suite; and because it was not effected, some of my com [...]y partly through malice or ignorance, or [...]oth, haue reported that I tooke bribes of the Players to let the suit fall, and that to that purpose I had a supper with them at the Cardinalls Hat on the Banke-side, and that if I [...]d dealt wel with my Company, and done as I might haue done, then all had beene as they would haue had it.
These and more the like such pritty aspersions, the out-cast rubbish of my Company hath very liberally, vnmannerly and ingratefully bestowed vpon mee, whereby my credit [...] been blemished the good opinion which many held of me lost, my name abused, and I [...] common reproach, a scorne, & bye-word, and bayting-stocke to the poysonous teeth of en [...]y and slander.
But I doubt not but what is before said will satisfie any well disposed or honest mind, and for the rest (if there bee any such) as I found them ignorant knaues, so I leaue them vnthankfull villanes. And I will regard such Vipers and their slander so little, that their malice shall not make mee giue ouer to doe seruice to my Company, by any honest lawfull meanes, my Trade (vnder God) is my best friend, and though it bee poore, I am sure the calling is honest, therefore I will be an assistant in this suite, or any other that may be auaileable vnto it; and howsoeuer we are slightly esteem'd by some Giddy-headed Corkbrains or Mushrom Painted Puckfoysts; yet the estate of this Kingdome knowes, that many of the meanest Scullers that Rowes on the Thames, was, is, or shall be if occasion serue, at command to doe their Prince and Country more seruice, then any of the Players shall be ioyned vnto.
I must confesse that there are many rude vnciuill Fellowes in our company, and I would some Doctor would purge the Thames of them: the reason whereof is, that all men being Vicious, by consequence most Vice must be in the greatest Companies, but Water-men are the greatest Company, therefore most abuses must raigne amongst Water-men; yet, (not to excuse them in any degree) let a man but consider other trades and faculties of of higher account, and I am sure they will come short in honesty, perhaps not of Watermen, but of the honest Vocation of a Waterman.
For if hee vse his labour no otherwise then he ought, which is to carry the Kings Leidge people carefully, and to land them safely, to take his due thankfully without murmuring or doing iniury, then I say, that that Waterman may feed vpon the labours of his hands with a better Conscience, and sleepe with a quieter spirit then many of our furre-gownd mony-mongers that are accounted good common-wealths men: but if a rayling knaue doe chance to abuse his Fare, either in words or deeds, (as indeed wee haue too many such) what reason is it, that for the wrong that one, two, or more doth commit, that all the rest of the whole Company shal be scandaliz'd for it. If a Mercer, a Grocer, a Gold smith, or any other of the best Trades, be a Traytor, a Thiefe, or a Debosht Drunkard, it were impudent ignorance for the Vices of a few, that all the rest of the function should bee reproch'd: I will make no odious comparisons, but I am perswaded that there are as many honest men of our company as of any other, such as doe make a conscience of what they doe [Page 174] such as wil not wrong others though it might be gainfull to themselues: Such who are both Religious and Charitable, and whose greatest care is to liue in Gods feare, that they may die in his fauour: And for those that are vnruly, ignorant, and brutish, there is no company hath sharper Lawes, or more seuerely executed, as the Counters can testifie once a weeke: Little ease can witnesse often: The whip, and the Whipper, like a roaring diuell doth many times affirme the naked truth, and banishment from the Riuer of Thames for euer, now and then cuts off a bad member. Besides, Fines and Forfeitures are laid vpon the heads of petty offenders, that few or none escapes vnpunished if their faults be knowne: If the gout be in a mans toe, all the body is grieued; if a finger ake, the rest of the members hath a share in the paine; but if many of the Ioynts and members be putrifide, then the heart cannot chuse but be craz'd with eare, if not wounded; so is it with our company, that the Abuses and Vices of the worst inferiour members as Gracelesse, Godlesse, Reprobates, are sometimes like a Plague, infectious to their betters, and a daily heart-griefe to all honest men, who are scandalized by their damnable demeanors. But all they doe or can doe, is nothing to the defaming of the Company, for it were very absurd because one in his drinke hath kild a man, to impute the fault to the wine or the drinke that he dranke, when the blame lies in the drunkard that abus'd Gods good Creatures in taking too much; so a Watermans trade is honest, necessary, and not to be wanted, howsoeuer it is abus'd by misgouern'd vnciuill companions. If a Water-man would be false in his trade, I muse what falshood he could vse, hee hath no false weights or measures to curtoll a mans passage, but he will land a man for his money, and not bate him an inch of the place he is appointed: His shop is not darke like a Wollen-Drapers on purpose, because the buyer shall not see the coursnesse of the Cloath, or the falsenesse of the Colour: no, his worke and ware is seene and knowne, and hee vtters it with the sweat of hi [...] browes, the worst fault is, that like a Lawyer he will take more then his see (if anybody will giue it him) very thankfully, his bare fare he will take willingly (vpon necessity) but lesse then his fare, or many times nothing, me thinkes goes against stomacke.
I haue seene a Vsurer (who hath beene [...] onely for the graue these seuen yeeres being more then halfe rotten with the Gowt, the Cough, and the Murre) who hath lost his conscience to get money, and perhaps, win damnation, who is not able to goe by land, and yet will not pay his Fare by water, but like the picture of misery, will either beg his passage of some seruing-man, or bargaine with a Waterman to giue him two pence for sixe penni, worth of labour, such I haue seene, and such there are too many, who if they were once buried, the wheele of Time, would turne, and what they got vniustly by extortion, oppression, and grinding the faces of the poore, what they haue vncharitably pinch'd in keeping backe the labourers hyre, their Sons or heires perhaps will consume in Law who shall possesse most of that ill gotten goods, or else Drinke it, Dice it, Drab it, Reuel and ruffle it, till al is gone; and as their fathers before them made others to rot in prison, so their prodigall Sonnes are holed in some loathsome Iayle, being lowzy, lodging on the boords, and liue vpon the Boxe and the Almes-basket.
Moreouer, too many there are that passe the bounds of liberality, and spend most prodigally on a Whore, on (the diuell of India) Tobacco; on the superfluous Quarts and Pintes of the blood of Bacchus (Sack and Claret) Spanish and French, on vnlawfull Games, and in a word, on a thousand vanities, they wil carelesly and beyond expectation cast away their cash: but vpon a Water-man, that hath rowed till his heart ake, and sweats till hee hath not a dry thread about him, the Gentlemens bounty is asleepe, and hee will pay him by the Statute, or if hee giue him two pence more, he hath done a huge worke beyond the merrit of Suttons Hospitall.
I my selfe haue often met with a Roaring boy (or one of the cursed crew) that hath had nothing about him but a Sattin outside to couer [Page 175] [...] his knauery, and that none of his owne [...]ther witnesse his Mercer and his Taylor: [...] this Gallant must be shipp'd in a paire of [...] at least: but his gay slop hath no soo [...] [...] the Cushions, but with a volley of [...] coynd outlies) newly brought from hell [...] Bermoodoes by the Ghost of a Knight [...] the poft) he hath neuer left Roaring, row, [...], row, a pox on you row, (as if his punke [...]ld stay too long for his pestiferous per [...] [...] and when his scuruinesse is landed where [...] leases, hee hath told me [...] I must waite on [...] and he, will returne to mee presently, [...] I shall carry him backe againe, and bee [...]d all together: then haue I attended fiue [...] six houres (like Iohn & Noakes) for nothing, [...] my cheating sharke hauing neither mony [...] honesty, hath neuer come at mee, but [...] some other paire of stayres, and in the [...] fashion coozened another Water-man [...] his Boat-hire.
We must, and doe with thankfulnesse con [...] [...] that the Nobility, Gentry, and all others [...] [...] [...] of this Kingdome, haue ho [...] [...] worthy and charitable considerations of [...] want of meanes, and multitude of men; [...] they doe know that house rent and victu [...] [...] are at foure times the rate which it was [...] when the Statute was made in Queene Ma [...] [...] [...] for our fares, and as the price of [...] thing is raised (except to [...]mens labors) [...] doe they in conscience very liberally rayse [...] hires accordingly.
And as before I haue written out grade is [...] [...] [...] vsefull and necessary, both for the Kings [...]ruice and the Commons commodity, that it [...] not to be (or cannot be wanted and by how [...] the more a, Water-man is neere to his [...]esty, to the Queenes Maiesty, to the Prin [...]es [...] Highnesse, to the Nobility; the Gentry, [...] the best of the Commonaity of this King [...]ome, [...] and sometimes of forraine Nations, so [...]ch the [...] [...]ight Water-men to behaue [...]emselues honestly, and soberly in their [...] [...] [...]here are many better trades and qua [...]ties [...] that scarce the best of their Companies [...] their [...]ues [...] do come so often and so [...] [...] presence of Mai [...] and Nobility as we doe. (I write not to disparrage any, nor with boasting to puffe vp our selues) none comes neerer, except the Barber, and long and often may he come) or the Physicion and Chirurgion, (which God grant they may bee euer needlesse:) but a Water-man many times hath his Soueraigne by the hand, to stay him in and out the Barge, where there is not aboue halfe an inch betwixt life & death, the Barge being then the royal Court & being but a dore betwixt the King & them, they are at that time Gentlemen of the priuy Chamber, or Yeomen of the Gard at least.
And thus much I am bold to insert for my selfe, and many more of my company that I know, that we neuer exacted mony wrongfully, or contended with any of the Kings Leidge people for more then they themselues would giue with any reason, or gaue any one abusiue or vnreuerend speeches if they would not go with vs: for we know that men are free to buy their cloath at what Drapers they please, or their stuffes at which Mercers they will, what Taylor they list make their garments, and what Cooke they l [...]ke may dresse their meat: and so forth of all f [...]ions euery man is free to make his choy [...]e; and so amongst Watermen, men may take whom they please, because they are s [...]ound to none, he that goes with me shall haue my labor, and I am in hope to haue his money [...] he that will not go [...] with me goes with another, and I haue the more ease the while, he doth me no wrong in not going with me, & I will do [...] iniury for going from [...] this is my resolution, and a number more of my Company, and those that are otherwise minded [...] all my heart that God will be pleased to [...] them or else that the Hangman may haue authority to end them.
But to returne to the purpose (from which I haue too long digrest) The Players are men that I generally loue, and wish well vnto and to their quality, and I doe not know any of them but are my friends, and wish as much to me: and howsoeuer the matter falls out, whether they play or not play I thanke God, I am able to liue as well as another, either with them or without them: But my loue is such [Page 176] vnto them that whereas they do play but once a day, I could bee content they should play twice or thrice a day, so it were not in such places as doth vndoe so many thousands of poore people; for as it is, it were much better for vs that they plaid no where. And seeing so triuiall a cause as this would be scar [...]e incommodious to any, and more commodious to vs then the foure Tearmes in the yeere, seeing our necessities so great, and our reliefe harmelesse to any, seeing the vse of vs expedient, if occasions serue abroad or at home, and our vnablenesse to set our selues to sea, by reason of ou [...] want; our hope is that wee shall bee as much [...]eckoned of as horses, for horses haue meat, drink, and lodging, though they be but seldome ridden; and many of them haue a warme footcloth, when thousand of seruiceable men are like to famish and star [...] through want and nakednesse.
As concerning our endeauours to [...]moue the shelues and sands in the Thames (whic [...] are a great [...]noyance to the Riuer, and hu [...] full to the City,) As his Maiesty hath com [...]manded, and the Right Honourable the Lo [...] Maior & the rest of his worshipfull brethre [...] shall direct, we shall with all willingnesse do [...] our duties we doubt not both to the King Maiesties contentment; the good of the City and the good report of our selues.
Thus (becuase the truth shewes best being naked) I haue plainely set downe how farre proceeded in my suite, how it was broken of [...] what thankes I haue for my paines. The necessity of the cause that made mee goe abou [...] [...] it. The abuses I had because it tooke no effect (which is the chiefe cause why I wrote thi [...] Pamphlet to iustifie my selfe.) At these thing I hope the Iudicious Vnderstander will iudge accordingly, alwaies esteeming mee a Loyal ouer of my Countrey; and my Company.
Wit and Mirth: CHARGEABLY COLLECTED OVT OF TAVERNS, ORDINARIES, Innes, Bowling Greenes and Allyes, Alehouses, Tobacco Shops, Highwayes, and Water passages. Made vp [...] and [...] [...] Clinohes, [...]ulls, Quirkes, Yerkes [...]garbled at the requ [...] of old [...]n GA [...] Gh [...]
DEDICATED To the truely Loyall harted, learned, well-accomplished Gentleman, M [...]ter [...]
BEing enioyned by the Ghost or [...] beloued) to collect, gleant, or gather a bundle or trusse of Mirth, and for his [...] bestrow the stage of the melancholly world with it; and withall to present it to som [...] [Page 177] [...] generous spirit, who was old Iohns friend; I thought upon many to whom I might haue [...] my Dedication, who were both Royall, Honourable, Worshipfull, and all well-affected to [...]rds him. As to mention one for all, that Iewell of the world, and richest Iem of her sex, that Magazine of the two inestimable Iewels, Patience and Fortitude; to that illustrious, [...]relesse Princesse I might haue recommended it, to whose seruice, and for whose happinesse, his life and best endeauours, with his prayers and implorations at his death, were vnfainealy [...]rated. But my manners conceiuing the subiect of this Booke, of altogether to triuiall a [...] to be sheltred vnder the shadow of the wings of transcendent and admired Maiestie; [...] so many steps downe the staires with my inuention, where by good fortune I met with [...] whom I knew did loue that old honest mirrour of mirth, deceased; and whom the world [...]ter knows, are, a true deunted friend to honest harmelesse mirth, and laudable recreation.
[...] [...]herefore entreat you, that (when your more serious affaires will permit) you would be [...] [...] the looking vpon these my poore and beggarly wardrobe of witty Iests, whom I dare not [...] Apothegmes.
And because I had many of them by relation and heare-say, I am in doubt that some of them [...] be in print in some other Authors, which I doe assure you is more then I doe know; which [...] [...] be so, I pray you but to conniue or tollerate, and let the Authors make twice as bold with [...] at any time.
Thus wishing euery one to mend one, whereby the rent and torne garments of Thred-bare [...] may be well and merrily patched and repaired, crauing your pardon, with my best wishes, [...]aine
IOHN GARRETS GHOST.
VVIT AND MIRTH.
(1)
MY selfe caried an old fellow by water, that had wealth enough to be Deputy of the Ward, and wit sufficient for a Scauenger; the water being somewhat rough, hoe was much afraid, and (in stead of saying his prayers,) he threatned me, that if I did drowne him, hee would spend a hundred pound, but hee would see me hanged for it; I desired him to be quiet and feare nothing, and so in little space I landed him at the Beanes Colledge on the Bank-side [Page 179] [...]s Paris Garden.) Well (said he) I am glad I am off the water, for if the Boat had miscariad, I could haue swum no more then a Goose.
(2)
AN old Painter (at the repairing of a Church) was writing sentences of Scripture vpon the wals, by chance a friend of mine came into the Church, and reading them, perceiued much false English: Old man, said my friend, Why doe you not write true English? Alas Si [...] (quoth the Painter) they are poore sample people in this Parish, and they wil not goe to the cost of it.
(3)
TWo men being sate at a Table, one against the other: the one of them hauing a cup in has hand dranke to the other, saying, Here Op [...] I will drinke to you: Opposite, said the other (being angry) what is that, I would not haue thee put any of thy nicknames vpon me; for thou shalt well know that I am no more opposite then thy selfe, or the skin betweene thy browes?
(4)
A Wealthy Monsieur in France (hauing profound reuenues, and a shallow braine) was told by his man that he did continually gape in his sleepe: at which he was angry with his man saying, hee would not beleeue it: his man varified it to be true; his Master said that hee would neuer, beleeue any that told him so except (quoth hee) I chance to see it [...] mine owne eyes: and therefore I will [...] a great Looking-glasse hanged at my [...] [...]eet for the purpose, to try whether thou art a lying knaue or not.
(5)
THe said Monsieur commanded his man to buy him a great Hat with a button in the [...]rim to button it vp behind: his man bought him one & brought him, he put it on his head with the button before, which when he looked [...] the glasse and saw, he was very angry, say [...]. [...] crossed vntoward knaue, did I not bid thee buy a hat with the button to hold it vp behind, and thou hast brought me one that turnes vp before: I command thee once more goe thy wayes, and buy mee such a one as I would haue, whatsoeuer it cost me.
(6)
THe same Gallant, as he trauelled, would haue a Goose to his supper; which when she was rosted and brought to the Table, hee said she stunke: not so, I hope, said the Hoste, it cannot be, for I am sute she was aliue since you came into the house: That may be, quoth the Monsieur, but then I am sure that you kild her when she was shiting, shee would neuer stunke so else.
(7)
AN exceeding tall Gentlewoman was riding behinde a very short little man, so that the mans head reached no higher then her breast; which the aforesaid Monsieur perceiuing, said, Madam, you will ride a great deale better, if you put your legge ouer that same pummell of your [...].
Another time he chanced to meet a Lady of his acquaintance, and asked her how shee did, & how her good husband fared; at which word she wept, saying, that her Husband was in heauen; in heauen, quoth he, it is the first time that I heard of it, and I am sorry for it with all my heart.
(8)
ONce the said Monsieur saw a fellow that had a Iack-Daw to sell: Sirra, quoth he, what wilt thou take for thy Daw? Monsieur (said the fellow) the price of my Daw is two French Crownes. Wherefore, said the other, dost thou aske so much for him? the fellow replied, that the Daw could speake French, Italian, Spanish, Dutch and Latine: all which tongues hee will speake after he is a little acquainted in your Lordships house: Well, quoth he, bring thy Daw in, and there is thy money. In conclusion, Iack-Daw (after a moneth or fiue weekes time) neuer spake otherwise then his fathers speech Kaw, Kaw, whereat [Page 180] the Monsieur said, that the Knaue had cozened him of his money: but it is no great matter there is no losse in it: for, quoth he, though my Daw doe not speak, yet I am in good hope that he thinkes the more.
(9)
ANother time hee commanded his man to buy some sweet thing to burn in his Chamber, for (quoth he) my Chamber stinkes most odoriferously. His man brought Frankincense in a paper; and as hee was going for fire, his Master t [...]sted of it, and finding it sticke in his teeth, and rellish very bitter, hee called his man cozening knaue, that would bring him such bitter trash for his money; and straightwayes commanded him to buy a pound of the best Sugar, and burne it straight to sweeten and persume his Chamber.
(10)
THis Gallant in his youth was much addicted to dicing, and many times when he had lost all his money, then hee would pawne his cloake, and so goe home without either cloak or coyne, which grieued the Lady his mother very much: for remedy whereof, shee caused all his doublets (of what stuffe soeuer) to be made with canuasse painted backes, whereon was fashioned two fooles, which caused the Gentleman euer after to keepe his cloake on his backe, for feare two of the three should be discouered.
(11)
VVIll Backstead the Plaier cast his Chamber-lye out of his window in the night, which chanced to light vpon the heads of the watch passing by; who angerly said, Who is that offers vs this abuse? Why, quoth Will, who is there? Who is here, said one of the pickled watchmen, we are the Watch. The Watch, quoth William, why my friends you know, Harme watch, harme catch.
(12)
A Cardinall of Rome had a goodly faire house new built, but the broken brickes, tiles, sand, lime, stones, and such rubbish as are commonly the remnants of such buildings lay confusedly in heapes and scattered here and there: The Cardinall demanded of his Suruayor wherefore the rubbish was not conueyed away: The S̄uruayor said, that he purposed to hyre an hundred Carts for the purpose. The Cardinall replyed, that the charge of Carts might be saued, for a pit might bee digged in the ground and bury it. My Lord, said the Suruayor, I pray you what shall wee doe with the earth which we digge out of the said pit? Why you horseson Coxcombe, said the Cardinall, canst thou not dig the pit deepe enough, and bury all together.
(13)
A Poore Country may praying deuoutly Superstitious before an old Image of S. Loy, the Image suddenly fell downe vpon the poore man, and bruised his bones sorely, that hee could not stirre abroad in a moneth after; in which space the cheating Priests had set vp a new Image: the Country man came to the Church againe, and kneeled a farre off, to the new Image, saying, Although thou smilest and lookest faire vpon mee, yet thy father plaid me such a knauish pranke lately, that ile beware how I come too neere thee, lest thou shouldest haue any of thy Fathers unhappy qualities.
(14)
A Lady hauing beene ten yeeres in suite of Law, had a triall at last, where the Iudgement went on her side; whereupon she would presently expresse her ioy by inuiting some of her neerest tenants and neighbours to supper; amongst whom was a plaine downe-right countrey Yeoman, to whom the Lady said; Tenant, I thinke I haue tickled my Aduersary now, though it were long first, I [...]row hee will make no brags of his medling with mee. The honest Yeoman replyed, Truly Madam I did euer thinke what it would come to at last, for I knew when he first medled with your Ladyship, that hee had a wrong Sow by the eare.
(15)
ONe asked a fellow what WestminsterHall was like; marry, quoth the other, it is like a Butl [...]rs Box at Christmas among [...] [Page 181] gamesters, for whosoeuer loseth, the Box will bee sure to bee a winner.
(16)
A Proper Gentlewoman went to speak with a rich Mizer that had more Gowt then good manners, at her taking leaue hee requested her to tast a cup of Cana [...]a: Shee (contrary to his expectation) tooke him at his word, and thanked him. Hee commanded [...] Starueling his man to wash a glasse, and still it to the Gentlewoman. Honest Ieffrey fil'd a great glasse about the bignesse of two Tay [...] thimbles, and gaue it to his master, who list it to saue cost, and gaue it to the Gentlewomen, saying that it was good Canara of six yeeres old at the least, to whom shee answered, (seeing the quantitie so small) sir, as you requested me, I haue tasted your wine, but I wonder that it should be so little, being of such a great age.
(17)
A Souldier vpon his march found a horseshooe, and stucke it at his girdle, where passing through a wood, some of the enemy lay in ambush, and one of them discharged his musket, and the shot by fortune light against the fellowes horse-shooe. A ha, qd. he I perceiue that little armour will serue a [...] turne, if it be put on in the right place.
(18)
ONe being in a Chamber with his friend, looking out at a window, hee saw one riding on a horse in the street, said hee, doe you see that horse? yea qd. then other: then said hee, you may sweare you haue seene the best horse in England: how doe you know that said the other? I know it well, said hee, for it is my horse, and I am sure that hee is the best, and yet I dare sweare that I haue one in my [...]ble worth ten of him.
(19)
AN vnhappy boy that kept his fathes sheepe in the Country, did vse to carry a paire of Cards in his pocket, and meeting with boyes a good as himselfe [...], would fall to Cards at the Cambrian game of whip-her-ginny, or English one and thirty; at which sport, hee would some dayes lose a sheepe or two: for which if his father corrected him, hee (in reuenge) would driue the sheepe home at night ouer a narrow bridge, where some of them falling besides the bridge, were drowned in the swift brooke. The old man being wearied with his vngracious dealing, complained to a Iustice, thinking to affright him from doing any more the like. In briefe, before the Iustice the youth was brought, where (vsing small reuerence, and lesse manners) the Iustice said to him, Sirrah, you are a notable villaine, you play at Cards, and lose your fathers theepe at one and thirty. The Boy replied, that it was a lye. A lye quoth the Iustice, you saucy knaue, dost thou giue me the lye? No, qd. the boy I gaue not you the lye, but you told me the lye, for I neuer lost sheepe at one and thirty; for when my game was one and thirty I alwayes wonne. Indeed, said the Iustice, thou saist true, but I haue another accusation against thee, which is, that you driue your fathers sheepe ouer a narrow bride, where some of them are oftentimes drowned: That's a lye too, quoth the boy, for those that go ouer the bridge are well enough, it is onely those that fall beside, which are drowned: Whereto the Iustice said to the boys father, Old man, thou hast brought in two false accusations against thy sonne, for he neuer lost sheepe at one and thirty, nor were there euer any drowned that went ouer the bridge.
(20) A Quiblet.
A Captaine passing through a roome where a woman was driuing a buck of clothes, but he thinking she had been brewing, saw a dish, and dipped some small quantity of the Lye, which he supposing to be mault-wort, dranke vp, & presētly began to sweare, spit, spatter, & spaule: the woman asked him what he ayled, he told her, and called her some scuruy names, saying, he had swallowed Lye; Nay, then I cannot blame you to be angry, for you being a Souidier and a Captaine, it must needs trouble your stomacke to swallow the Lye.
(21)
A Country fellow (that had not walked much in streets that were paued) came to London, where a dog came suddenly out of a house, and furiously ran at him the fellow stooped to take vp a stone to cast at the Dog, and finding them all fast rammed or paued in the ground; quoth hee, what strange Country am I in, where the people tye vp the stones, and let the dogs loose.
(22)
AN honest Mayor of a Towne, being all Mercy and no Iustice, louing ease and quietnesse, and vnwilling to commit any offence or offender; one said of him that hee was like the herbe Iohn in a pottage por, for that herbe did not giue any taste at all either good or bad, but an excellent colour: so the Mayor did neither good nor harme, but (as an image of a Mayors authority) filled vp the roome.
(23)
A Iustice of the Peace, being angry with a pilsering Knaue, said, Sirrah, if thou dost not mend thy manners, thou wist bee shortly hanged, or else I will bee hanged for thee. The bold knaue replyed, I thanke your worship for that kind offer, and I besee [...]h your worship not to be out of the way when I shall haue occasion to vse you.
(24)
CErtaine Iustices of the Peace being informed of the odious abuses daily committed by drunkennesse in their Iurisdictions, did according to their places and duties, meet at a market towne, and sate two dayes, hearing informations, and working reformations: at last, they concluded that the Ale and Beere were too strong, and therefore commanded that from thence forth smaller drinke should bee brewed, whereby these vnruly people might sometimes goe to bed sober. But one mad to spot fellow being much grieued at this order, hauing made himselfe halfe pot-shaken, without feare or wit came to the Iustices, and asked them if they had sate two dayes about the brewing of small drinke: to whom one of the Iustices replyed, yes: Why then quoth the drunkard, I pray you sit three daies more to know who shall drinke it, for I will none of it.
(25)
THere was a Scottish Gentleman that had sore eyes, who was counselled by his Physitians to forbeare drinking of wine: but hee said hee neither could nor would forbeare it, maintaining it for the lesser euill, to shut vp the windowes of his body, then to suffer the house to fall downe, through want to reparations.
(26)
VPon the death of Queene Elizabeth, there was a Mayor of a Country Towne sitting in consultation with his Brethren: to whom hee grauely said, My Brethren and Neighbours, I doe heare that the Queene is dead, wherefore I thought it exceeding fit wee should despaire to this place, that being dissembled together, wee might consult of our estates, for I doubt mee wee shall haue another Queene or a King, and I stand in great feare that the people will be vnrude, so that wee shall bee in danger of strange Resurrection.
(27)
ANother Mayor that was on hunting, (by chance) one asked him how hee liked the Cry: a pox take the Dogs, saith hee, they make such a bawling that I cannot heare the Cry.
(28)
AN old Iustice was fast asleepe on the Bench when a poore Malefactor was iudged to bee hanged; at which word the Iustice suddenly awaked, and said to the Thiefe, My friend, I pray let this bee a warning to you, looke you doe so no more, for wee doe not show euery man the like fauour.
(29)
AN old Recorder of a Citty in this Land was busie with a Country Mayor, in the [Page 183] [...] space they were interrupted by a fellow that was brought before him for killing of a man: my Lord asked the fellowes name, who answered, his name was Gilman. Said my Lord, take away G, and thy name is Il [...] put K to it, thy name is Kilman, and put [...] [...] and thy name is Spilman, thou art halse log'd already (as the prouerbe sayes:) for thou hast an ill name, let a man vary it how [...] can.
The Mayor all this while stood by musing [...] my Lords canuasing the mans name, and [...]ward being at home among his owne good people, he had an offender brought before him for getting a Wench with child: Master Mayor asked him his name: the fellow said, if it please your worship my name is [...]. Then Master Mayor (striuing to imi [...] my Lord) said, take away G and thy name [...] put K to it, it is Kilman, put Sp to [...] and thy name is Spilman, thou art a knaue, thou hast an ill name, and thou shalt bee hanged, &c.
(30) c. A Quiblet.
MAster Field the Player riding vp Fleetstrees a great pace, a Gentleman called him, and asked him what Play was played that day: hee (being angry to be stayd vpon so fri [...]lous a demand) answered, that he might see what Play was to be playd vpon euery Poste. l [...]y you mercy (said the Gentleman) I tooke you for a Poste, you road so fast.
(31)
ONe being long vexed with the spirit of iealousie, came suddenly into his house, and found a man (whom he suspected) somewhat too busie with his wife; to whom hee said, Now good fellow I thanke thee, for thou [...] me of a strange hellish torment; my susp [...]ion is cleared, and apparant knowledge hath giuen mee such ease of heart, that I will be iealous no more.
(32)
A Skilfull Painter was requested to paint out a faire Courtezan (in plaine English, a Whore) I pray you spare that cost, said the Painter, for if shee be a right whore the daily paints her selfe.
(33)
SEigneur Valdrino (pay-master to the Campe of Alphonsus King of Aragon) a man exquisite in Courtship and complement; as two or three were at strife laying wagers what Countryman he was; a blunt bold Captaine asked what was the matter: why Captaine, said one, we are laying a wager what Countriman my Lord Treasurer Valdrino is: Oh said the Captaine, I can tell you that, I am sure he was borne in the land of Promise, for I haue serued the King in his wars these seuen yeeres without pay, and euer when I petition to my Lord, he payes me with no coyne but promises, which makes me halfe assured that hee is that Countryman.
(34)
A Nobleman of France (as hee was riding) met with a yeoman of the Country, to whom he said, My friend I should know thee, I doe remember I haue often seene thee: My good Lord, said the Countriman, I am one of your Honors poore tenants, and my name is T.I. I remember thee better now (said my Lord) there were two brothers of you, but one is dead, I pray which of you doth remaine aliue?
(35)
THe aforesaid Noble man hauing had a Harper that was blinde, playing to him after supper somewhat late, at last hee arose, and commanded one of his seruants to light the Harper downe the staires: to whom the Seruing-man sayd, my Lord, the Harper is blind: thou ignorant knaue, quoth my Lord, he hath the more need of light.
(36)
A Young fellow wisht himselfe the richest Cuckold in England: to whom his mother said very angerly, you foolish couetous boy, why dost thou desire such a wish, hath [Page 184] not thine owne Father enough in store for thee?
(37)
A Whore Rampant, made her husband a Cuckold Dormant, with a front Cressant, surprized by the watch Guardant, brought to the Iustice Passant, with her play-fellow Pendant, after a coursie Couchant; the Iustice told her that her offence was haynous, in breaking the bonds of matrimony in that adulterate manner, and that she should consider that her husband was her Head: Good sir, quoth shee, I did euer acknowledge him so; and I hope it is no such great fault in me, for I was but trimming, dressing, or ad-horning my Head.
(38)
A Man being very sickly, one said to his wife, I maruell your husband doth not weare a night-cap: Truly (quoth shee) within this six monthes that my husband hath bin sicke, although his legges be shrunke, yet hee hath outgrowne all his night-caps.
(39)
A Boy whose mother was noted to be one not ouerloden with honesty, went to seeke his Godfather, and enquiring for him, quoth one to him, Who is thy Godfather? the boy repli'd, his name is goodman Digland the Gardiner: Oh said the man, if he be thy Godfather he is at the next Alehouse, but I feare thou takest Gods name in vaine.
(40)
A Scholler riding from Cambridge towards London, his horse being tyred (a lazie disease often befalling such hacknies) met a Poste on the way, who notwithstanding he did what he could to make his horse giue him place, by spurre, switch, and bridle, yet the Poste was faine to giue him the way: to whom (in anger) he said, Thou paltry fellow, dost thou not see I am a Poste? The Scholler straight replyed, And thou ignorant fellow, dost thou not see that I ride vpon a Poste.
(41)
A Fellow hauing more drinke then wit, in [...] winter euening made a foolish vowe, [...] take the wall of as many as hee met betwix [...] the Temple-bar and Charing-crosse; and co [...] ming neere the Sau [...]y, where stood a Poste ali [...] tle distance from the wall: the drunkard took [...] it for a man, and [...] would haue the wall, be [...] ginning to quarrell and giue the Poste fou [...] words: at which a man came by, and asked [...] the matter, and whom he spake to: he answered, hee would haue the wall of that fellow [...] that stood so stifly there: my friend, said the other, that is a Poste, you must giue him th [...] way: Is it so, said the fellow, a pox vpon him why did he not blow his horne?
(42)
A Saylor being on a tyred horse, riding from D [...]uer to London, his company prayd him to ride faster: to whom he answered, I can com [...] no faster, doe you not see that I am be calm'd?
(43)
TWo Gentlemen were iesting, and one o [...] them cast away the others hat; but the other catcht his hat off, and put it on his owne head: now fie, fie, quoth the other, thou spoy [...] lest my hat: wherewith, said the other? Marry (said hee that was bareheaded) the [...] spoyle [...] my hat with putting a Calues head into it.
(44) The figure Conuersion.
IF a Vintner doth draw me good wine vpon [...] money or credit, then hee is fitter to draw [...] hang: but if he draw me bad wine for good [...] money, then hee is much fitter to hang then [...] draw.
(45)
A Man hauing beene with a Doctor of Physicke to haue his aduise about some griefe he had; when he came home, his wife asked him what newes? Marry, said he, my Physitian doth counsell me to drinke Asses milke euery morning fasting: Why husband, quoth the Woman, I pray you tell me, doth Master Doctor giue sucke?
(46)
[...] and valiant Captaine, whom I could [...] [...] had a scarfe giuen him here in England, and he sayling ouer into the Low-Coun [...] an old Romane Catholike Lady of his acquaintance, was very importunate to beg [...] scarfe of him: the Captaine asked her what [...] would doe with it, and said, it was not [...] for her wearing. Shee answered him, that [...] would giue it her, that Iesus Christ should [...] it in the Church vpon holy daies, meaning the Image: Madam, said the Captaine, [...] you will bring me word that euer his father [...] such a scarfe, then I will giue you this for him.
(47)
BEtweene the houres of twelue and one at noone, one asked mee what it was a clock: [...]nswered him, it was little or nothing. Hee demaunded of me what I meant by my answer? I reply'd that it being not one of the [...] it was to bee reckned or counted for [...]ought, for that which is lesser then one, is [...] or nothing.
(48)
A Gentlewoman cheapned a Close-stoole in Pa [...]ls Church-yard, and the shop-keeper [...] aske her too much money for it, as shee thought. Why mistris, said hee, I pray you [...]der what a good locke and key it hath: hee replyed, that shee had small vse for either [...] locke or key, for shee purposed to put nothing into it, but what shee cared not who [...] out.
(49)
A Countrey woman at an Assize was to take her oath against a party; the said party en [...]ted the Iudge that her oath might not bee [...] the Iudge demaunded why he excepted against her: my Lord (quoth hee) shee is [...]Recusant or Romane Catholique, and they [...] old it no matter of Conscience to sweare any thing against vs. Come hither woman, said [...] Iudge, I doe not thinke thou art a Recusant, I am perswaded that for fourty shillings thou wilt sweare the Pope is a knaue: Good my Lord, said shee, the Pope is a stranger to mee, but if I knew him as well as I know your Lordship, I would sweare for halfe the mony.
(50)
A Cardinall kept a knauish foole for his recreation, to whom hee said, Sirrah foole, suppose that all the world were dead but thou and I, and that one of vs should be turned to a Horse, and the other of vs to an Asse, say which of these two wouldest thou choose to bee? The foole answered, Sir, you are my Master, and for that respect it is fit that your worship should choose first, and I will be contented to take that which you leaue. Why then said the Cardinall, I would bee a horse; no said the foole, let me intreat your worship to bee an Asse, for I would bee an Asse to chuse of all things: why, quoth the Cardinall? marry, said the foole, because that I haue knowne many Asses come to bee Iustices, but I neuer knew any horse come to the like preferment.
(51)
A Graue discreet Gentleman hauing a comely wife, whose beauty and free behauiour did draw her honesty into suspition, by whom hee had a sonne almost at mans estate, of very dissolute and wanton carriage. I muse, said one, that a man of such stayd and moderate grauity should haue a sonne of such a contrary and froward disposition. Sir, reply'd another, the reason is that his pate is stuffed with his Mothers wit, that there is no roome for any of his fathers wisedome: besides, the lightnesse of her heeles is gotten into her sonnes braines.
(52)
A Rich Grasier dwelling 150 miles from Oxford, hauing a sonne that had seuen yeeres beene a student there, at last sent for him home, to whom hee said; Sonne, I doe heare that you are well practised in the rudiments of learning, but that withall you are addicted to an idle veine of the poore and thredbare art of Poetry: which I charge thee to leaue [Page 186] and auoyd, as thou tendrest my fauour, for my minde is not to haue thee liue beggerly, and dye poorely; yet I will aske thee one Poeticall question, which is, Wherefore thinkest thou that so beautifull a creature as Venus, was so besotted to match her selfe with so ill fauored a knaue as Vulcan? In truth father, quoth the young man, I can yeeld you no reason for it, but I wonder at it; and yet I doe admire as much wherefore my mother married with you.
(53)
A Man going with his Wife by a deepe riuer side, began to talke of Cuckolds, and withall he wisht that euery Cuckold were cast into the riuer: to whom his wife replyes, husband I pray you learne to swimme.
(54)
A Man riding through a village with his dog running by him, which dogs name was called Cuckold, leaping and frisking into euery house hee past by where the doore was open: whereupon the man being afraid his dogge would bee lost, cals and whistles, here, here, Cuckold; to whom an old woman said, whom dost thou miscall? I would haue thee know that no Cuckold doth dwell in this house. Good woman, said the man, you mistake mee, I doe call no body but my dog; Now out vpon thee thou misbeleeuing knaue, said shee, where learnedst thou that manners to call a dog by a christen bodies name.
(55)
A Lusty Miller that in his younger daies had beene much giuen to the flesh and the deuill; so that not one pretty maid or female seruant did or could bring grist to his Mill to be grownd, but the knaue Miller would doe his best to vndermine and blow vp their chastity, and withall hee would bargaine with as many as his temptations ouercame, that at his day of marriage, euery one of them should giue him a Cake. In processe of time the Miller was married, and those aforesaid free-hearted Wenches sent each one their Cakes, to the number of 99. His wife the Bride, who also went for a maid, did muse and aske what was the meaning of so many Cakes? The Miller told her the truth of all without any dissembling: to whom his wife answered, If I haue beene so wise in bargaining as you haue beene in your time, the young men of my acquaintance would haue sent mee 100 cheeses to [...] with your cakes.
(56)
THere was a faire ship of two hundred [...] lying at the Tower-wharse at London where a Country-man passing by most [...] nestly looked on the said ship, and demande [...] how old shee was: one made answer that she [...] was a yeere old. Good Lord blesse mee, sai [...] the Country-man, is shee so big growne in [...] one yeere, what a greatnesse will shee bee [...] that time shee comes to my age.
(57)
TWelue Schollers riding together, one [...] them said, my masters let vs ride faster [...] Why, quoth another, me thinks wee ride [...] good pace, I'l warrant it is foure mile [...] houre. Alas said the first, what is foure mile [...] houre amongst all vs.
(58)
AN Apprentice in the market did aske the price of an hundred Oysters: his friend perswaded him not to buy them, for they were [Page 187] small; to small reply'd the Prentice, there [...] not much losse in that, for I shall haue the [...] to the hundred.
(59)
S [...]e Gentlemen riding together, were in doubt that they were out of their way, [...]herefore they rode a flight shot to an old [...]pheard, one of them enquiring of him if [...] were the way to such a town, and how far [...] was thither. Sir, quoth the Shepheard, that [...] the right way, and you haue sixe miles thither. Quoth one of the Gentlemen, what a [...] old knaue art thou, it cannot be aboue [...] miles: the Shepheard reply'd, Sir, you [...] like a chapman, and you shall haue it for [...] miles, but Ile assure you it shall cost euery one of these Gentlemen sixe miles before They come thither:
(60)
A Man was very angry with his maid, because his eggs were boyled too hard; truely, said she, I haue made them [...] boyle a long [...] but the next you haue shall boyle two [...] but they shall be tender enough.
(61)
TWo learned good-fellowes drinking a pipe of Tobacco; it being almost out, that [...] that drunke last did partly feele the ashes to [...] hot to his lippes; giuing the pipe to his friend, said, Ashes to Ashes: the other taking the pipe & (being of a quicke apprehension, threw it out to the dunghill, saying, Earth to earth.
(62)
ONe said, a Cittizen was a man all in earnest, and in no part like a iest; because the Citizen was neuer bad, or the iest neuer good till they were both broke.
(63)
A Gallant with a galloping wit, was mounted vpon a running horse toward a town named Tame, within ten miles of Oxford, and riding at full speed, he met an old man, and asked him, Sirrah is this the way to Tame? yes sir, hee replyde, your Horse I'l warrant you, if hee were as wild as the diuell.
(64)
A Complementall Courtier that in his French, Italian, and Spanish cringes, conges, and courtesies, would bend his body, and bow euery way like a tumbler, a Mercers seruant espying his marmositicall Apishnesse, said, Oh if my master could haue bowed but halfe so much, I am certainly perswaded that hee had neuer broke.
(65)
I My selfe gaue a booke to King Iames once in the great Chamber at Whitehall as his Maiesty came from the Chappell, the Duke of Richmond said merrily vnto mee, Taylor where did you learne the manners to giue the King a booke and not kneele? My Lord, said I, if it please your Grace, I doe giue now, but when I beg any thing then I will kneele.
(66)
THe trayned Souldiers of a certaine Shire which I could name, to the number of 6000 as they were mustring and drilling vnder their seuerall Captaines, a yeomans, sonne being there as a raw souldier in his corslet, his father standing by, said, I vaith it does mee much good at heart to [...] how trim a vellow my zonne is in his hardnesse. The young fellow bearing his fathers commendations of him, began very desperately to shake his pike, and looking exceeding grim, with a fearefull, horrible, terrible countenance, said, O vatber, chad lather nor a groat that all wee bad but one Spaniard here.
(67)
ONe said that hee could neuer haue his health in Cambridge, and that if hee had liued there till this time, hee thought in his conscience that hee had dyed seuen yeeres agoe.
(68)
A Country fellow was much grieued that he [...] had not gone seuen miles to a marked towne to haue seene the Baboones: Why, sai [...] his wife, it is too farre to goe and come in [...] day to see such bables, especially 'tis too great [...] a iourney on foot. O, quoth hee, I could h [...] gone thither with my neighbour Hobson [...] foot, like a foole as I was, and I might hau [...] rid backe vpon my neighbour Iobsons mare [...] like an asse as I am.
(69)
THere was a lusty young Scholler preserre [...] to a Benefice in the Country, and common [...] ly on Sundayes and holy-dayes after euening prayer hee would haue a dozen bouts at cud [...] gels with the sturdiest youths in his parish [...] The Bishop of the Diocesse hearing of it, [...] for the parson, telling him that this beseem [...] not his profession and grauity, and if that [...] did not desist from that vnmeet kind of exercise, hee would vnbenefice him: Good my Lord, (said the Parson) I beseech you to conceiue rightly of mee, and I doubt not but my [...] playing at cudgels will be counted tollerable for I doe it of purpose to edifie the ruder for [...] of my people: How so, said the Bishop; Ma [...] ry my Lord (quoth the Parson) whatsoeuer do reach them at morning & euening prayer [...] I doe bear foundly into their heads at cudg [...] afterward, for their better remembrance.
(70)
A Iudge vpon the Bench did aske as old man [...] how old he was: My Lord, said he, I am [...] eight and fourescore: And why not fourescore and eight, said the Iudge; the other replid, be [...] cause I was eight before I was fourscore. Eight
(71)
[...]Fellow made his boast that hee rode [...]miles with one horse and neuer [...]bit: that may bee (quoth another) per [...] you rid him with a halter.
(72)
ONe saw a decayed Gentleman in a very [...] [...] bare cloake, said to him, Sir you [...]very watchfull cloake on: Why, said [...] Gentleman? the other answered, I [...]thinke it had a good nap this seuen [...]the Gentleman replyed, and truly sir [...]thinkes you want a nap as well as my [...] for you talke idlely for want of sleepe.
(73)
[...]A Diligent and learned Preacher on a Sunday [...]in the afternoone was preaching, whi [...] [...]most of the zealous Vestry men, (for their [...]er edification) were fast asleepe in their [...]in the meane space a young child cryed [...] aloud at the lower end of the Church which the Preacher hearing, called [...]the Nurse and said, Nurse, I pray thee still [...]childe, or else it may chance to awaken [...] [...]me of the best men in our parish.
(74)
A Chorister or singing man at seruice in a Cathedrall Church, was asleepe when all his fellowes were singing, which the Deane espying, sent a boy to him to waken him, and asked him why hee did not sing? hee being suddenly awaked, prayed the boy to thanke master Deane for his kind remembrance, and to toll him, that hee was as merry as those that did sing.
(75)
A Kind of clownish Gentleman had halfe a Brawne sent him against Christimas, hee very liberally gaue the seruing-man halfe a shilling that brought it: the Seruing-man gaue the Porter that carried it eight pence before the Gentlemans face. Sirrah, said hee, are you so prodigall to reward the Porter with eight pence, when I giue you but six pence? thou bearest the mind of a prodigall Gallant, although by thy foote thou seemest a lubberly clowne: Good sir, said the fellow, I confesse I haue a very clownish lubberly paire of feet, but yet I am perswaded that a paire of your worships shooes would fit them well.
(76)
A Griping Extortioner that had beene a maker of beggers for the space of forty yeers, and by raising rents and oppression, had vndone many families, faics on a time in anger to a poore fellow that had stolne a sheepe of his, Ah villaine, darest thou rob mee, I vow and sweare there is not so damned a rogue in the world as thou: to whom the fellow answered, I beseech your good worship remember your selfe, and bee good to mee for Gods [Page 190] sake, and for your owne sake.
(77)
A Seruingman and his mistris was landing at the Whitesryars stayers, the stayers being very bad, a waterman offered to helpe the woman, saying, Giue mee your hand Gentlewoman Ile helpe you: to whom her man replayed, you saucy fellow place your words right, my mistris is no Gentlewoman, shee is a Lady.
(78)
A Seruingman going in haste in London, (minding his businesse more then his way) a Gallant iustled him from the wall almost into the kennell: the fellow turned about, and asked the Gentleman why hee did iustle him so? the Gentleman said, Because hee would not giue the wall to a sancy knaue. The Seruingman replyed, your worship is not of my mind, for I will.
(79)
A Iustice of the Peace was very angry with a country yeoman, because hee came not to him at his first sending for him; and after he had [...] [...]ntifully bestowed two or three dozen of knaues vpon him, hee said to him, Sirrah, I will make you know that the proudest saucy knaue that dwels vnder my command shall come before mee when I send for him. I beseech your worship said the man, to pardon mee, for I was afraid: afraid of what said the Iustice? of your worship answered the fellow Of mee said the Iustice? why wast thou afra [...] of mee? Because your worship lookes soli [...] a Lyon, said the man: a Lyon quoth the Iustice? when didst thou see a Lyon? may please your worship (the fellow replyde) saw a Butcher bring one but yesterday to [...] brooke market, with a white face, and his four legs bound.
(80)
DIuers Gentlemen being merry together [...] at last one of their acquaintance came [...] them (whose name was Sampson) A ha, [...] one of them, now wee may bee securely me [...] [...]ry, no Sergeant or Bailiffe dare touch vs, [...] if a thousand Philistims come, here is Sampson who is able to braine them all: to whoe [...] Sampson replyde, Sir I may boldly venture [...] against so many as you speake of, prouided that you will lend mee one of your law bones. [...]
(81)
TWo Playsterers being at worke for me [...] at my house in Southwarke, did ma [...] times patch and dawbe out part of their day [...] labour with prating, which I being digg [...] in my garden did ouer-heare that their [...] was of their wiues, and how that if I were ab [...] (quoth one) my wife should ride in pomp [...] through London as I saw a Countesse ride) yesterday: why quoth the other, how did she ride I pray? Marry, said hee, in state, in [...] Horslitter: O base, quoth the other, Hor slitter I protest as poore a man as I am, I would [...] allowed my wife a three-peny trusse of clean straw.
(82)
SIr Edward Dyer came to the towne on so [...] businesse, iust at the time as the Gate way newly shut, and the Warders going away [...] with the keys, hee looking through the ga [...] called to one of them, saying, Hoe fellow, [...] [Page 191] [...] way thee open the gate and let me in: None [...] your fellow Sir, but a poore knaue: Why [...] said Sir Edward, I pray thee poore knaue [...] me in: nay, no knaue neither, quoth the [...] Warder. Why then said the Knight, hee was [...] that told me so.
(83)
ONe met his friend in the streete, and told him he was very sorroy to see him looke still, asking him what he ailed: hee replyed, that he was now well amended, but hee had [...]eene lately sicke of the Poxe: What Pox, the small pox, said his friend? Nay, 'quoth the other my minde was not so base; for I had the [...]gest pox that I could get for my money.
(84)
AN honest Hostesse of mine at Oxford rosted an old shoulder of a Ram, which in the ea [...]ing was as tough as a Buffe Ierkin: I did aske [...] what the reason was that the mutton was [...] tough: She said she knew not, except the [...]cher deceiued her in the age of it, and she would tell him on both sides of his eates, like a [...]eane as he was: Nay, quoth I, I thinke there is another fault in it which will excuse the [...]cher for perhaps you roasted it with old [...] in troth (quoth the hostesse) it is like [...]gh; and my husband neuer doth other [...] but buy old stumps and knots which [...] all the meate we either roast or boyle, [...] exceeding tough that no body can eat it.
(85)
ONe hearing a clocke strike three when he thought it was not two, said, this Clocke is like an hypocritical Puritane; for though he will not sweare, yet hee will lye abhominably
(86)
DIcks Tarleton said that hee could compare Queene Elizabeth to nothing more fitly then to a Sculler; for said he, Neither the Queene, nor the Sculler hath a fellow.
(87)
TWo obstinate rich fellowes in Law (that had each of them more money then wit) by chance one of them comming out of Westminster Hall, met with his aduersarid wite, to whom he said, in troth good woman I doe much pitty your case, in that it is your hard fortune that such a foole as your husband should haue so discreet and modest wife. The woman replide, In truth Sir, I doe grieue more, that so honest a wife as you haue, should haue such a wrangling knaue to her husband.
(88)
A Poore labouring man was married and matched to a creature that so much vsed to scold waking, that she had much adoe to refraine it sleeping, so that the poore man was so batterfang'd and belabour'd with tongue mettle, that he was weary of his life: at last, foure or fiue women that were his neighbours (pittying his case) came in his absence to his house, to admonish and counsell his wife to a quiet behauiour towards her husband; telling her that she was a shame to all good women, in her bad vsage of so honest a painefull man: the woman replyed to her neighbours, that shee thought her husband did not loue her, which was partly the cause that she was so froward towards him: why (said an old woman) I will shew thee how thou shalt proue that he loues thee dearely; doe thou counterfeit thy selfe dead, and lye vnder the table, and one of vs will fetch thy husband, and he shall finde vs heauy and grieuing for thee? by which mean [...] thou shalt perceiue by his lamentation for thee, how much he loues thee; this counsell was allowed and effected; when the poore man came home, he hearing the matter (being much opprest with griefe) ranne vnder the table bemoning the happy losle of his most kind vexation, and making as though hee would kisse her, with a most louing embra [...] to make all sure, he brake her necke. The neighbours pittying the mans extreame passion, in compassion told him that his wife was not [Page 192] dead, and that all this was done but to make tryall of his loue towards her: whereupon they called her by her name, bidding her to rise, and that shee had fooled it enough with her husband: but for all their calling, shee lay still, which made one of the women to shake and iogge her, at which the woman cried, alas she is dead indeed: why this it is, quoth her husband, to dissemble and counterfet with God and the world.
(90)
A Planter of a Colledge in Oxford possessing some crums of Logicke and chippings of Sophistry, making distribution of bread at the Schollers table, one of the Schollers complained vnto him that the bread were dough baked: Why, quoth hee, so it should bee, what else is the definition of bread, but dough baked?
(91)
A Miserable fellow in the country, did once a yeere vse to inuite his neighbours to dinner, and as they were one time sate, hee bade them welcome, saying, that there was a surloyne of beefe, that the Oxe it came from cost 20. pound, and that there was a Capon that he paid 3. shillings 6. pence for, in the market: at which, a country yeoman sitting against the Capon, fell to and cut off a legge of it, (the rest of the guests being not yet past their roast beefe) to whom the man of the house said, My friend, I pray thee eate some of this same surloyne: Oh sir, God forbid, quoth the fellow, I am but a poore man, an oxe of 20. pound price is too deare meat, a Capon of halfe a crowne will serue my turne well enough, I thanke you.
(92)
A Rich man told his nephew, that hee had read a booke called Lucius Apulcius, of the golden asse, and that he found there how Apulcius after he had beene an asse many yeeres, by eating of Roses he did recouer his manly shape againe, and was no more an asse: the young man replied to his vnckle, Sir if I were worthy to aduise you, I would giue you counsell to eate a falled of Roses once a weeke your selfe.
(93)
A Fellow hauing beene married but fiu [...] weekes, perceiued his wife to be great with childe, wherefore she desired him to buy [...] cradle: shortly after he went to a Faire and bought ten cradles, and being demanded why he bought so many, he answered, that his wife would haue vse for them all in one yeere.
(94)
A Gentleman vntrust and vnbuttoned in [...] cold winter morning, a friend of his told him that it was not for his health to goe foo [...] pen in the raw weather, and that he mused it did not kill him to goe so oft vntrust: to whom the other replyed, Sir, you are of the mind of my Silkeman, Mercer, or Taylor, for they finde fault as you doe, because I goe so much on trust, but it is a fault I haue naturally from my parents and kindred, and my creditors tell me that I doe imitate my betters.
(95)
A Iustice of the Peace committed a fellow to prison, and commanded him away three or foure times, but stil the fellow intreated him. Sirrah (said the Iustice) must I bid you bee gone so many times, and will you not goe? The fellow answered, Sir, if your worship had bidden mee to dinner or supper, I should in my poore manners not to haue taken your offer vnder two or three biddings, therefore I pray you blame me not if I looke for foure biddings to prison.
(96)
A Great man kept a miserable house, so that his seruants did alwaies rise from the table with empty panches, though cleane licked platters: truely, said one of his men, I thinke my Lord will worke miracles shortly, for though he practise not to raise the dead, or dispossesse the diuell; yet he goes about to feed his great family with nothing.
(97)
ONe said that Bias the Philosopher was the first Bowler; and that euer since the most part of Bowles doe in memory of their originall, weare his badge of remembrance, and very dutifully hold Bias. Now to tell you, this Bias was one of the 7. Sages or Wise-men of Gaeue My authors to proue him the inuenter of Bowling, are Shamrooke, a famous Scithian Gimnosophist in his ninth booke of Rubbing and Running; of which opinion Balductus the Theban Oratour seemes to bee in his third Treatise of Court performances: the likeliest [...]iecture is, that it was deuised as an embleme to figure out the worlds folly and vnconstancy; for though a childe will ride a sticke or staffe with an imagination that hee iron horsebacke; or make pyes of dirt, or houses of cards, feed with two spoones, and cry for three pieces of bread and butter, which childish actions are ridiculous to a man: yet this wise game of Bowling doth make the fathers surpasse their children in apish toyes and most delicate dogtrickes. As first for the pollures, first, handle your Bowle: secondly, aduance your Bowle: thirdly, charge your Bowle: fourthly, ayme your Bowle: fiftly, discharge your Bowle: sixtly, plye your Bowle: in which last posture of plying your Bowle, you shall perceiue many varieties and [...]inns as wringing of the necke, lifting vp of the shoulders, clapping of the hands, lying dowae of one side, running after the Bowle, making long dutifull scrapes and legs, (sometimes bareheaded) entreating him to flee, flee, [...] (with pox on't when 'tis too short:) and though the Bowler bee a Gentleman, yet there hee may meet with attendant rookes, that somtimes will bee his betters six to foure, or two to one I doe not know any thing fitter to bee compared to bowling then wooing, or [...] for if they doe not see one another in two dayes, they will say, Good Lord it is seuen yeeres since we saw each other, for Louers doe thinke that in absence time sleepeth, and in their presence that hee is in a wild gallop: So a Bowler, although the Allye or marke bee but thirty or forty paces, yet sometimes I haue heard the Bowler cry rub, rub, rub, and sweare and lye that hee was gone an hundred miles, when the bowle hath beene short of the blocke two yards, or that hee was too short a thousand foot, when hee is vpon the head of the Iacke, or ten or twelue foot beyond. In a word, there are many more seuerall postures at bowles, then there are ridiculous idle tales or iests in my booke. Yet are the bowlers very weake stomackt, for they are euer casting: sometimes they giue the stab, at the alley head, but God be thanked no bloud shed, and sometimes they bestow a Pippin one vpon the other, but no good Apple I'l assure you. The marke which they ayme at hath sundry names and epithites, as a Blocke, a Iacke, and a Mistris: a Blocke, because of his birth and breeding, shewing by his mettle of what house he came; a Iacke, because he being smooth'd and gotten into some handsome shape, forgets the house hee came of, suffering his betters to giue him the often salute whilest hee like Iack sauce neither knowes himselfe, nor will know his superiors. But I hold a Mistresse to be the fittest name for it, for there are some that are commonly termed Mistresses, which are not much better then mine Aunts: and a Mistris is oftentimes a marke for euery knaue to haue a fling at, euery one striues to come so neere her that hee would kisse her: and yet some are short, some wide, and some ouer, and who so doth kisse, it may perhaps sweeten his lips, but I assure him it shall neuer fill his belly, but rather empty his purse. So much for bowling: that I feare mee I haue bowled beyond the marke.
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A Minister riding into the west parts of England, happened to stay at a village on a Sunday, where hee offered kindly to bestow a Sermon vpon them: which the Constable hearing did ask the Minister if he were licēced to preach, yes quoth hee that I am, and with that hee drew out of a box his Licence, which was in Latine; truly said the Constable I vnderstand no Latine, yet I pray you let mee see it, I perhaps shall picke out heere and there a [Page 194] word: No good sir, quoth the Minister, I will haue no words pickt out of it, for spoyling my Licence.
(99) A Clinch.
A Country man being demanded how such a Riuer was called, that ranne through their Country: hee answered, that they neuer had need to call the Riuer, for it alwayes came without calling.
(100)
A Fellow hauing his booke at the Sessions, was burnt in the hand, and was commanded to say, God saue the King: the King, said hee, God saue my Grandam, that taught me to read, I am sure I had bin hanged else.
(101) Atoy to mocke an Ape.
IN Queene Elizabeths dayes there was a fellow that wore a brooch in his hat, like a tooth drawer, with a Rose and Crowe and two letters: this fellow had a warrant from the Lord Chamberlaine at that time to trauell with an exceeding braue Ape which hee had; whereby hee gat his liuing from time to time at markets and fayres; his Ape did alwayes ride vpon a mastiffe dog and a man with a drum to attend him. It happened that these foure trauellers came to a towne called L [...]e in Cornwall, where the Inne being taken, the drum went about to signifie to the people, that at such an Inne was an Ape of singular vertue and quality, if they pleased to bestow their time and money to see him: now the townsmen being honest labouring Fishers, and other painfull functions, had no leasure to waste either time or coyne in Ape-tricks, so that no audience came to the Inne, to the great griefe of Iack an Apes his master: who collecting his wits together, resolued to aduenture to put a tricke vpon the towne, whatsoeuer came of it; whereupon hee tooke pen, inke, and paper, and wrote a warrant to the Mayor of the towne, as followeth.
These are to will and require you, and euery of you with your wiues and familes, that vpon the sight hereof, you make your personall appearance before the Queenes Ape, for it is an Ape of ranke and quality, who is to bee practised through her Maiestics dominions, that by his long experience amongst her louing subiects, hee may bee the better enabled to doe her Maiesty seruice hereafter; and hereof faile you not, as you will answer the contrary. &c.
This warrant being brought to the Mayor, hee sent for a shoomaker at the furthest end of the towne to read it: which when he heard, hee sent for all his brethren, who went with him to the towne Hall to constult vpon this waighty bustnesse. Where after they had sate a quarter of an houre, no man saying anything, nor any man knowing what to say: at last a young man that neuer had borne any office, said, Gentlemen, if I were fit to speake, I thinke (without offence, vnder correction of the worshipfull) that I should soone decide this businesse; to whom the Mayor said, I pray good neighbour speake, for though you neuer did beare any office here, yet you may speake as wisely as some of vs. Then sir, said the young man, my opinion is that this Ape carrier is a gybing scossing Knaue, and one that doth purpose to make this towne a iesting mocking stocke throughout the whole Kingdome: for was it euer knowne that a fellow should be so impudent audacious as to send a Warrant without either name or date, to a Mayor of a towne, to the Queenes Lieutenant, and that he with his brethren, their wiues and families, should bee all commanded to come before a Iack-an-Apes? My counsell is that you take him and his Ape, with his man, and his dog, and whip the whole messe or murrinall of them out of the towne, which I thinke will be much for your credit if you doe.
At which words a graue man of the towne being much moued, said, My friend you haue spoken little better then treason, for it is the Queenes Ape, and therefore beware what you say; you say true, said ruaster Mayor, I muse who bad that [...]aucy fellow come into our company, I pray thee my friend depart, I thinke you long to haue vs all hanged. So in [Page 195] briefe hee was put out of the doores, for they were no company for him. Well now what is to bee done in this matter? Marry (said another Senior) wee see by the Brooch in the mans hat that hee is the Queenes man, and who knowes what power a knaue may haue in the Court, to doe poore men wrong in the Country let vs goe and see the Ape, it is but two pence a peece, and no doubt but it will be well taken, and if it come to the Queenes, eare, [...]hee will thinke vs kinde people that would sew so much duty to to her Ape, what may she thinke wee would doe to her Beares if they come hither? besides, it is aboue 200. miles to London, and if wee should bee complained on and fetched vp with Pursinants, whereas now euery man may escape for his two pence, [...]e warrant it would cost vs ten groats a peece at the least. This counsell passed currant, and all the whole droue of the townsmen, with wiues and children, went to see the Ape, who was sitting on a table with a chaine about his necke, to whom master Mayor (because it was the Queenes Ape) put off his hat, and made a leg, but Iacke let him passe vnregarded, [...]t mistris Mayoresse comming next in her deane linnen held her hands before her belly, and like a woman of good breeding made a low curtsie, whilest Iack (still Court-like) although respected not the man, yet to expresse his courtesie to his wife, hee put forth his now towards her and made a mouth, which the women perceiuing, said, Husband I doe thinke in my conscience that the Queenes Ape doth mocke mee: whereat Iacke made another mouth at her, which master Mayor espying, was very angry, saying, Sirrah, thou Ape, I doe see thy saucinesse, and if the rest of the courtiers haue no more manners then thou hast, then they haue all bin better fed then taught: and I will make thee know before thou goeft from hence that this woman is my wife, an ancient woman, and a midwife, and one that may bee thy mother for age.
In this rage master Mayor went to the Inne doore, where Iack-an-apes tutor was gathering of money, to whom hee said, Sir, doe you allow your Ape to abuse my wife? No sir, quoth the other not by any meanes: truly said the Mayor, there is witnesse enough within that haue seene him make mops and mowes at her, as if shee were not worthy to wipe his shooes, and I will not so put it vp, Iacks tutor replyed, Sir, I will presently giue him condigne punishment: and straight hee tooke his Flanders blade, his Whip, and holding his Ape by the chaine, hee gaue him halfe a dozen ierks, which made his teeth daunce in his head like so many Virginall Iackes. Which master Mayor perceiuing, ranne to him, and held his hands, saying, enough, enough, good sir, you haue done like a Gentleman, let mee intreat, you not to giue correction in your wrath: and I pray you and your Ape after the Play is done, to come to my house and sup with mee and my wife.
(102)
This Tale I writ on purpose to sticke in the teeth of my proud, sqeamish, nice, criticall header.
A Country man brought his wiues water to a Physitian, saying, Good morrow to your worship master, Confusion; Physitian thou wouldst say, said the other truly, said the fellow, I am no scholler, but altogether vnrude, and very ingrum, and I haue here my wiues water in a potle pot, beseeching your mastership to cast it: So the Physitian tooke the water, which hauing put into an vrinall and viewed it, hee said, My friend, thy wife is very weake: truly, quoth hee, I thinke shee bee in a presumption: a consumption thou wouldst say, said the Physitian: I told you before (the fellow replyed) that I doe not vnderstand your allegant speeches. Well, quoth the Doctor, doth thy wife keepe her bed? No, truly sir, said hee, shee sold her bed a fortnight since: verily quoth the Doctor shee is very costiue: Costly said the man, your worship sayes true, for I haue spent all that I haue vpon her almost. Said the Doctor, I doe not say costly but costiue: and I pray thee tell mee, is shee loose or bound? Indeed sir, said the man, shee is bound to mee during her life, and I am bound to her: yea but I pray thee, said the Doctor, tell mee in plaine termes how shee goes to [Page 196] stoole? truly, said the fellow, in plaine termes shee goes to stoole very strangely, for in the morning it is so hard that your Worship can scarce bite it with your teeth, and at night it is so thin that you might eat it with a spoone.
(103)
GOod fellowes hauing well washed their wits in wine at a tauerne, one of them was importunate to bee gone; to whom another of them said, I pray thee be patient, talke no more of going, for if thou wilt sit still but a little, thou shalt find that we shal all be gone, though wee stay here.
(104)
AN Ideot who dwelt with a rich vnckle he had, was by a Courtier begged for a foole, which the foole perceiuing ranne home to his vnckles Parlour which was fairly hung with Tapestry hangings, and in euery one of the hangings was the figure of a foole wrought. So the foole watching his oportunity, that no body was in the Parlour, hee tooke a knife and cut the fooles pictures out of euery hanging and went and hid them in a hay mow, which when his vnckle came in and saw, hee was very angry, demanded who had spoyled his hangings? Ah nunckle, said the Ideot, I did cut out all the fooles, for there is a great man at Court that hath begged me for a foole, and he would haue all the rich fooles he can heare of, therefore did I cut them all out of your hangings, and I haue hid them where I thinke he will not find them in hast.
(105)
A Fellow being scoulded at by his Wife, would make her beleeue he would drown himselfe; and as hee went toward the riuer, his Wife followed him desiring him to forbeare, or at the least to let her speake with him; well, quoth hee, speake briefly, for I am in haste; then husband said shee, seeing you will drowne your selfe let mee intreat you to take my counsell, which is, that you cast not your selfe into this shallow place here, for it will grieue my heart to see how long you will bee a dying: but goe with me a little way [...] and I will shew you a deepe place, where you shall be dispatched presently.
(106)
A Woman in Scotland lay dying, to whom her husband said, Wife now thou art about to leaue mee alone, I pray thee tell me with whom shall I marry. Shee replyed, are you in haste to marry before the breath bee out of my body, then marry the deuils dam: not so [...] wife, said hee, I haue had his daughter already, and if I should match with his mother too, then I should be guilty of incest.
(107)
THere was a Gentleman that was of a very hasty disposition, so that hee would fre [...] and chase almost at all things, and be seldome pleased with any thing, and withall was a great Tobacco taker: and as one time hee beat and kick'd his man, the fellow ran from him, and told one of his fellowes that hee thought his master was transformed into Brawne, for hee was all Choller, and that hee thought the reason of his kicking was, because hee dranke Colts-foot among his Tobacco.
(108)
A Doctor of Physicke in Italy asked a waterman if hee might goe well by water ouer the Riuer Po, the fellow told him, yea: but the Doctor when hee came to the water side, and saw it was a little rough weather, was very angry, and said, You Watermen are the veriest knaues in the world, for to gaine six pence you care not to cast a man away: to whom the Waterman replyed, Sir it appeares wee are men of a cheaper function and better conscience then you; for you sometimes will not cast a man away vnder forty, fifty, or one hundred crownes.
(109)
ONe borrowed a cloake of a Gentleman, and met one that knew him, who said, I thinke I know that cloake: it may be so, said the other, I borrowed it of such a Gentleman: [Page 197] the other told him that it was too short: yea, but quoth [...] that had the cloake, I will haue it long enough before I bring it home againe.
(110)
A Poore womans husband was to be hanged at the towne of Lancaster, and on the execu [...] [...]ay she intreated the Shrieue to be good [...] her and stand her friend: the Shrieue said that he could doe her no hurt, for her husband was condemned and iudged by the Law, and therefore hee [...] must suffer, Ah good master Shrieue, said the woman, it is not his life that [...] but because I haue farre home, and my [...]e is old and stiffe, therefore I would intreat you to doe me the fauour to let my husband be hanged first.
(111)
ONe came into a Colledge in a Vniuersity, and asked how many Fellowes belonged to the house [...] another replyed, that there were more good fellowes then good [...]llers two to one.
(112)
A Fellow being drunke, was brought before a Iustice, who committed him to prison: and the next day when hee was to be discharged hee was come to the Iustice againe, who [...] to him, Sirrah, you were not drunke the last night: your Worship sayes true, said the know. Yea, but you were drunke, said the Iustice, and you did abuse me, and said I was [...]wise Iustice: the fellow replied, If I said so, I thinke I was drunke indeed, and I cry your Worship mercy, for I will neuer doe you that wrong when I am sober.
(113)
A Spaniard hauing but one eye chanced to meet a man in the field, where drawing both their Rapiers, the other man with an infortunate thrust strucke out the other eye of the Spaniard, whereat the blind man suddenly castdowne his Rapiers, saying, Buonas noches, which in the Spanish tongue is good night.
(114)
A Reuerend Preacher once reproued his Au [...]ors for sleeping at his Sermons, but [...] said he I pray you do not refrain cōming to Church though you doe sleepe, for God Almighty may chance to take some of you napping.
(115)
A Saylor was absent on a voiage three yeers, in the meane space his wife had a boy of 20. moneths old to entertaine him withall at his returne: the Saylor fa [...]d, Wife, whose childe is this? marry husband (quoth she) it is mine, and God sent, it me in your absence. To which the man replied, I will keepe this child because God sent him, but if God send mee any more on that fashion, he shall keepe them himselfe.
(116)
A Young fellow being newly married, hauing bin from home, came suddenly into his house, and found his wife at foule play with another man: the poore young Cuckold ran presently and told his wiues father all the businesse, who replied thus; Sonne I married her mother, and I tell thee plaine that thy wife seemes to bee her daughter in conditions as well as feature, for I haue taken her mother many times in that manner, and no warning would serue her, till in the end age made her leaue it, and so will thy wife doe when shee is old and past it.
(117)
THree Gossips in a Tauerne, chatting ouer a pint of Sherry, said one of them, I muse whereabouts a Cuckolds hornes doe grow; quoth the second, I thinke they doe grow in the pole or nape of the necke; verily, quoth the third, I doe thinke it to bee true, for my husbands bands are alwayes worne out behind.
(118)
ONe called a Whore lazy iade, content your selfe, quoth another, as lazy as shee seemes, shee is able to carry a man quicke to the diuell.
(119)
A Company of Neighbours that dwelt all in one rowe in one side of a street, one of them said, Let vs be merry, for it is reported that we are all Cuckolds that dwell on our side of the street (except one) one of the women sate musing, to whom her husband said [Page 198] (wife) what all a mort, Why art thou so sad? no, quoth shee. I am not sad, but I am studying which of our neighbours it is that is not a Cuckold.
(120)
A Gentleman being in a house of iniquity, or Couzen-German to a Bawdy-house, the roome being very darke, he called a lowd for a light Huswife; to whom a wench made answer, I come Incontinent.
(121)
TWo Mayds (or seruants) dwelling in a house together, the one of them hauing occasion to vse a steele, smoothing Iron, or some such kinde of Laundry instrument, and hauing sought it, and not finding it, said to her fellow, thou dost mislay euerything in the house, and art so busie a baggage that thou canst let nothing stand; to which the other answered, and you are so wayward and teasty, that a little thing troubles you, and puts you in a great anger.
(122)
IN a time of peace, a Captaine being in company, where after dinner there was dancing, with whom a Gentlewoman was desirous to dance, the Captaine said, hee was made to fight, and not to dance: to whom she answerd, that it were good that he were oyl'd & hang'd vp in an Armoury till there were occasion to vse him.
(123)
ONe asked a huffing Gallant why hee had not a Looking-Glasse in his Chamber; he answered, he durst not, because hee was often angry, and then he look'd so terribly that he was fearefull to looke vpon himselfe.
(124)
THere was a fellow that (not for his goodnesse) was whip'd at a Carts tayle, and in his execution he draw backward, to whom a Gentleman (in pitty) said, Fellow, doe not draw backe, but presse forward, and thy execution and paynes will be the sooner past and done; to whom the Rogue answerd, It is my turne now, when thou art whip'd, doe thou goe as thou wilt, and now I will goe as I please.
(125)
ONe said, that hee had trauaild so farre that he had layd his hand vpon the hole where the winde came forth: a second said, that hee had beene at the farthest edge of the world, and driuen a nayle quite thorow it: the third replide, that he had beene further, for hee was then on the other side of the world, and clencht that nayle.
(126)
THere was a Pope, who being dead, it is said that hee came to heauen gate and knock'd, Saint Peter (being within the gate) asked who was there? The Pope answered, brother it is I, I am the last Pope deceased; Saint Peter said, if thou be the Pope, why dost thou knocke, thou hauing the keyes mayst vnlocke the gate and enter? The Pope replied, saying, that his predecessors had the keyes, but since their time the wards were altered.
(127)
A Rich Miser, being reuiled by a poore man, whom he had oppressed, the rich man said, Thou dogge, leaue thy barking: the poore man answered, that hee had one quality of a good dogge, which was, to barke when hee saw a thiefe.
(128)
A Man being deeply in play at dice, hauing lost much money, his sonne (a little lad) being by him, wept, quoth the father, Boy, why dost thou weepe? the boy answered, that hee had read that Alexander the Great wept when he heard that his father (King Philip) had conquered many Cities, Townes and [Page 199] Territories, fearing that hee would leaue him [...]hing to winne; and I weepe the contrary [...]ay (quoth the boy) for I feare that my father will leaue me nothing to loose.
(129)
AN Oppressor hauing feld all the trees in a Forest, which for a long time had beene [...]e reliefe of many poore people, sayd, that it was as good as a Commedy to him to see the trees fall, to whom a poore man said, I [...]pe as thou makest a Commedy of our miseries, that three of those trees may be reserued [...] [...]ish a Tragedy for thee and thy Children.
(130)
ONe lamented his friends hard fortune, that being raysed to a place of honour, his growne sencelesse, forgetting all his old [...]milar acquaintance, and so farre from knowing any man, that he knew not himselfe.
(131)
THe Plough surpasseth the Pike, the Harrow excelleth the Halbert, the Culter ex [...]deth the Cuttleaxe, the Goad is better [...] the Gunne; for the one sort are the instruments of life and profit, and the other are the engines of death, and all kindes of cala [...]ries.
(132)
A Poore man is in two extremes: first, if he [...] he dyes with shame; secondly, if he [...] not, he dies with hunger.
(133)
ONe being in office, was reproued for negligence; his excuse was, that it was his best policy to be idle; for if he should doe [...], he should displease God, and if he should [...]e well should offend men: to whom one answered, you ought to doe your duty, for [...] well doing you shall please God, and in ill [...]ing you shall please men.
(134)
VVOmen take great pleasure to be sued to, though they neuer meane to grant.
(135)
ONe said that Suiters in Law were mortall, and their suite immortall, and that there is more profit in a quicke deniall, then in a long dispatch.
(136)
A Trauailer was talking what a goodly City Rome was, to whom one of the company said, that all Rome was not in Italy, for wee had too much Rome in England.
(137)
A Countrey fellow came into Westminster Hall, where one told him that the roofe of it was made of Irish wood, and that the nature of it was such, that no Spider would come neere it, and he said (further) that in Ireland no Toad, Snake, or Caterpiller can liue, but that the earth or the trees will destroy them: Ah (quoth the Countrey man) I wish with all my heart that the Benches, Barres and Flooring were all made of such earth and wood, and that all Coaches, Barges, and Wherries were made of Irish Oake that all our English Caterpillers might be destroyed.
(138)
MAster Thomas Coriat (on a time) complained against mee to King Iames, desiring his Maiesty that hee would cause some heauy punishment to bee inflicted vpon mee, for abusing him in writing (as he said I had) to whom the King replide, that when the Lords of his honourable Priuy Councell had leisure, and nothing else to doe, then they should heare and determine the differences betwixt Master Coriat the Scholler, and Iohn Taylor the Sculler: which answere of the King, was very acceptable to Master Coriat. Whereupō [Page 200] I made this following petitiō to the King.
TO THE KINGS MOST Excellent Maiestie.
A Ribble [...]bble of Gossips.
THe space of a [...]orting he from the Bearbaiting [...] stulted by the right reuerend Matron, madam Isabel that Katherin should go no more a maying [...] spoones; now old Sibill all this while sate mumping like a gib Cat, and on the sodaine: she starts vp and thrusts Charity out of doores to take vp her lodging where she could get it well being much offended to see Marget in [...] [...] it, and bade her tell Alice that vnlesse she tool [...] heed the pot would run ouer and the fat lye in the fire; at this [...] [...] Now in the heat of all this businesse Bar [...] tels Frances how there is good ale at the labo [...] in vain: the matter being brought to this passe Winisrit saies that her god-daughter [...] newly brought, [...] (God blesse the child) and [...] Constance the Comfit maker wife, at the [...] of the Spiders leg must be [...] dresse to haue taken measure of a payre of Cuffes for her maid Darcas: Now to conclude the [...] [...] [...]ry kindly batled her penny with her at [...] pig. Wel quoth Sara all this winde shakes [...] corne, and I should haue in a starching mistresse [...] toward so good a conclusion, let's [...]en haue th [...] tother pinte before we go, truly saies laue the motion is not to be misliked, what say, [...] [...] I would go [...] [...] [...]
ADOGGE OF VVARRE, OR, The Trauels of Drunkard, the famous Curre of the Round Woollstaple in Westminster. His seruices in the Netherlands, and lately in FRANCE, with his home returne.
The Argument.
AN honest, well-knowing and well-knowne Souldier, (whose name for some Reasons I conceale) dwelt lately in Westminster, in the round Woolstaple, hee was a man onely for Action, but such Action as Loyaltie did alwaies iustifie, either for his Prince, Coun [...]y [...] [...] their Deare and neere Friends or Alltes, in such noble designes he would and did often [...] [...]ch courage, and good Approuement employ himselfe in the Low-Countries, hauing alwaies [...]th him a little blacke Dogge, whom hee called Drunkard; which Curre would (by no [...]es) euer for sake or leaue him. But lately in these French Warres, the Dogge being in the [...] i [...] RHEA, where his, Master (valiantly fighting) was unfortunately slaine, whose [...] was grieu'd for by as many as knew him; and as the Corps lay dead, the poore louing [...]lesse Dogge would not forsake it, vntill an English Souldier pull'd off his Masters Coat, [...] the Dog followed to a Boat, by which meanes became backe to Westminster, where bee [...] remaines. Vpon whose side [...] (for the loue Iowed his deceased Master) I haue writ these [...]ing lines, to expresse my A [...]ction to the Prouerb, Loue me and loue my Hound; [...]e a little rubb'd our Gull [...]gallrnt Roarers ouer the Coxcombes, and withall I haue not [...] our nose-wise Pr [...]eisiant [...] [...] Dog Drunkard doe a little snap at them, I hold it [...] wisest way to be silent and put it vp, but if they will bee maundring, let them expect what [...] [...] [...]
To the Reader.
A Dogge of VVarre:
THus the old Prouerbe is fulfilled, A Dogge shall haue his day: And this Dogge hath not out liu'd his Reputation, but (to the perpetuall renowne of himselfe, and good example of his owne begotten Puppies) hee hath his bright day of Fame perspicuously shining.
I read in Anthony Gueuaroa his Golden Epistles, that the Great Alexander buried his Horse; that the Emperour Augustus made a stately Monument for his Parrot: and that Heliogabalus did embaulme and intombe his Sparrow. Happy were those Creatures in dying before their Masters: I could with all my heart haue beene glad that Drunkards fortune had been the like, vpon the condition that I had payd for his Buriall.
But to speake a little of the nature of Beasts, and of the seruice and fidelitie of Dogges toward their Masters: Quintus Curtius writes, that the Elephant whereon Porus the Indian King road in the Battle against Alexander, when the King was beaten down to the ground, that the Elephant drew his Master with his Trunke out of the danger of the Fight, and so sau'd him
A Groome of the Chamber to French King Francis the first, was murdered in the Forrest of Fountein Bellcau, but the said Groome had a Dogge, who afterward (in the presence of the King and all the Court) did teare the Murderer in peeces.
Amongst the Wattermen at the Black-Friers, there lately was a little Bitch that Whelped or Litter'd in the Lane vnder a bench, the Men perceiued that she had more Puppies then she could sustaine, did take three of them and cast them into the Thames, (the water being high) but the next day, when the water was ebd away, the Bitch went downe the staires, and found her three drouned Puppies, when presently she dig'd a deepe pit in the ground, and drew them into it one after an other, and then scrap'd the grauell vpon them and so hid them.
I could produce and relate many of these examples and accidents, but they are so frequent and familiar, that almost euery man hath either known or hard of the like. But chiefely for the Dogge, he is in repuest aboue all Beasts, and by and from Dogges our Separatists aud Amsterdamians, and our Precise despisers of all honest and laudable Recreations may see their errors: For of all the Creatures, there are most diuersity [Page 232] in the shapes and formes of Dogges; of all which, there are but two sorts that are vsefull for Mans profit, which two are the Mastiffe, and the little Curre, Whippet, or Housedogge; all the rest are for pleasure and recreation; so likewise is the Mastiffe for Beare and Bull: But the Water-spaniell, Land-spaniell, Grey-hound, Fox-hound, Buck-hound, Bloodhound, Otter-hound, Setter, Tumbler, with Shough and Dainty, my Ladies delicate Fisting hound; all these are for pleasure: by which wee may perceiue that Man is allowed lawfull and honest recreation, or else these Dogges had neuer bin made for such vses.
But many pretty ridiculous aspersions are cast vpon Dogges, so that it would make a Dogge laugh to heare and vnderstand them As I haue heard a Man say, I am as hot as a Dogge, or, as cold as a Dogge; I sweat like a Dogge, (when indeed a Dog neuer sweates,) as drunke as a Dogge, hee swore like a Dogge: and one told a Man once, That his Wife was not to be beleeu'd, for shee would lye like a Dogge; marry (quoth the other) I would giue twelue pence to see that trick, for I haue seene a Dogge to lye with his Nose in his Tayle.
The VVorld runnes on wheeles: OR, Oddes betwixt Carts and Coaches.
TO The Noble Company of Cordwainers, the worshipfull Company of Sadlers and Woodmongers: To the worthy, honest and laudable Company of Watermen; And to the Sacred Societie of Hackney-men; And finally, to as many as are grieued and vniustly impouerished, and molested with the Worlds running on Wheeles.
GEntlemen and Yeomen, maruell not that I write this Pamphlet in Prose now, hauing beforetimes set forth so many Bookes in Verse: The first reason that moued me to write thus, was because I was Lame, and durst not write Verses, for seare they should be infected with my Griefe, and be lame too. The Second Reason is, because that I finde no good rime for a Coach, but Broach, Roach, Encroach, or such like. And you know that the Coach hath ouer-throwne the good vse of the Broach and Broach-turner, turning the one to Rackes, and the other to Iackes, quite through the Kingdome. The Roach is a dry bish, much like the vnprofitable profit of a Coach; it will cost more the dressing and appurtenances then tis worth. For the word Encroach, I thinke that best befits it, for I think neuer such an impudent proud, sa [...]cie Intruder or Encroacher came into the world as a Coach is; for it hath driuen many honest Families out of their Houses, many Knights to Beggers, Corporations to pouerty, Almesd [...]sd [...]s [...] to all misdeedes, Hospitality to extortion, Plenty to famine, Humility to pride, Compassion to oppression, and all Earthly goodnes almost to an vtter confusion.
These haue beene the causes why I writ this Booke in Prose, and Dedicated it to all your good Companies, knowing that you haue borne a heauie share in the Calamitie which these hyred Hackney bell-Carts haue put this Common-wealth vnto; For in all my whole Discourse, I doe not enueigh against any Coaches that belong to persons of worth or qualitie, but onely against the Carter piller swarme of hyrelings; they haue vndone my poore Trade, whereof I am in Member, and though I look for no reformation yet I expect the benefit of an old prouerbe, (Giue the losers leaue to speake.) I haue imbroadered it with mirth, Quilted it with materiall stuffe, Lac'd it with similitudes; Sowed it with comparisons, and in a word, so plaid the Taylor with it, that I think it will fit the wearing of any honest mans Reading, attention, and liking; But howsoeuer, I leaue both it and my selfe to remaine.
The VVorld runnes on VVheeles.
WHat a Murraine, what piece of worke haue we here? The World runs a wheeles? On my Conscience my Dungcart will be most vnsauorly offended with it: I haue heard the words often, The World runs on Wheeles; what like Pompeies Bridg at Ostend? The great Gridyron in Christ-church, The Landskips of China, or the new found Instrument that goes by winding vp like a Iacke, that a Gentleman entreated a Musitian to Rost him Seliengers Round vpon it? Ha! how can you make this good Master Poet? I haue heard that the World stands stock still, and neuer stirres, but at an Earth-quake; and then it trembles at the wickednes of the Inhabitants, and like an old Mother, groanes vnder the misery of her vngracious Children: well, I will buy this volume of inuention for my Boyes to reade at home in an Euening when they come from Schoole, there may be some goodnes in it: I promise you truly I haue found in some of these Books very shrewd Items; yea, and by your leaue, somewhat is found in them now and then, which the wisest of vs all may be the better for: though you call them Pamphlets, to tell you true, I like em better that are plaine and merrily written to a good intent, then those who are purposely stuffed and studyed, to deceiue the world, and vndo & Country, That tells vs of Proiects beyond the Moone, of Golden Mines, of Deuices to make the Thames run on the North side of London (which may very easily be done, by remouing London to the Banke-side) of planting the Ile of Dogs with Whiblins, Corwhichets, Mushromes and Tobacco. Tut I like none of these, Let mee see, as I take it, it is an inuectiue against Coaches, or a proofe or tryall of the Antiquitie of Carts and Coaches: Tis so, and Gods blessing light on his hart that wrote it, for I thinke neuer since Pheton brake his necke, neuer Land hath endured more trouble and molestation then this hath, by the continuall rumbling of these vpstart 4. wheel'd To [...] toyses, as you may perhaps find anone: For as concerning the Antiquity of the Cart, I thinke it beyond the limmits of Record or writing. Besides, it hath a Reference or allusion to the Motion of the Heauens, which turnes vpon the Equinoctiall Axeltree, the two wheeles being the Articke and Antarticke Poles. Moreouer, though it be poetically feined, that the Sunne (whom I could haue called Phoebus, Tytan, Apollo, Sok, or Hiperion) is drawn by his foure ho [...] and headstrong Horses (whose names as I take it are) AEolus, AEthon, Phlegon, and Pyrois: Yet doe I not finde that Triumphant, Refulgent extinguisher of darknes is Coach'd, but that hee is continully carted through the twelue signes of the Zodiaque.
And of Copernicus his opinion were to bee allowed, that the Firmament with the Orbes and Planets did stand vnmoueable, and that only the Terrestriall Globe turnes round daily, according to the motion of Time, yet could the World haue no resemblance of a fourewheel'd Coach; but in all reason it must whir [...] round but vpon one Axeltree, like a twowheelde Cart.
Nor can the searching eye, or most admirable Art of Astronomie, euer yet finde, that a Coach could attaine to that high exaltation of honour, as to be placed in the Firmament: It is apparantly seen, that Charles his Cart (which we by custome call Charles his Waine) is most gloriously stellifide, where in the large Circumference of Heauen, it is a most vsefull and beneficiall Sea-marke (and somtimes a Land-marke too) guiding and directing in the right way, such as trauaile on Neptunos waylesse Bosome, and many which are often benighted in wilde and desert passages, as my selfe can witnesse [Page 235] vpon New market heath, where if that good [...] had not Carted me to my Lodging, I and my Horse might haue wandred, I know not whither.
Moreouer, as Man is the most noblest of all Creatures; and all foure-footed Beasts are ordayned for his vse and seruice; so a Cart is the Embleme of a Man, and a Coach is the Figure of a Beast; For as Man hath two legges, a Cart h [...]h two wheeles: The Coach being (in the like [...]) the true resemblance of a Beast, by which is parabolically demonstrated vnto vs, that as much as Men are superior to Beasts, so much are honest and needfull Carts more nobly to be regarded esteemed, aboue needlesse, vpstart, [...]sticall, and Time troubling Coaches.
And as necessities and things, whose commodious vses cannot be wanted, are to be respected before Toyes and trifles (whose beginning is Folly, continuance Pride, and whose end is Ruine) I say as necessity is to be preferred before superfluity, so is the Cart before the Coach; For Stones, Timber, Corne, Wine, [...]eete or any thing that wants life, there is a [...] they should be carried, because they are dead things and cannot goe on foot, which necessity the honest Cart doth supply: But the coach, like a superfluous bable, or vncharitable [...]er doth seldom or neuer carry or help any [...]ead or helplesse thing, but on the contrary, it helps those that can help themselues (like Scog [...] when he greazd the fat Sow on the Butt [...] and carries men and women, who are a [...] goe or run [...] Ergo the Cart is necessary, and the Coach superfluous.
Besides I am verily perswaded, that the [...]est Coxcombe that euer was iolted in a [...], will not [...]e so impudent but will con [...] that humility is to be preferred before [...] which being granted, note the affa [...]ility [...] low lines of the Cart, and the pride and in [...]lency of the Coach; For the carman humbly [...] it on foot as his Beast doth, whilest the [...] is mounted (his fellow-horses and himselfe being all in a Liuery) with as many [...]ieties of Laces facings, Cloth and Colours [...] [...] in the R [...]nebowe like a Motion or Pa [...] rides in state and loades the poure Beast, which the carman doth not, and if the Carmans horse bee melancholly or dull with hard and heauy labour, then will he like a kinde Piper, whistle him a fit of mirth, to any tune from aboue Eela, to below Gammoth, of which generositie and courtesie your coachman is altogether ignorant: for he neuer whistles, but all his musicke is to rappe out an oath, or blurt out a curse against his Teeme.
The word carmen (as I find it in the Dictionary, doth signifie a Verse, or a Song, and betwixt Carmen and Carmen, there is some good correspondency, for Versing, Singing, and Whistling, are all three Musicall: besides, the Carthorse is a more learned beast then the Coachhorse: for scarse any Coachhorse in the world doth know any letter in the Booke, when as euery Carthorse doth know the letter G, very vnderstandingly.
If Adultery or Fornication bee committed in a Coach, it may be grauely and discreetly punished in a Cart, for as by this meanes the coach may be a running Bawdy-house of abomination, so the Cart may, and often is the sober, modest, and ciuill pac'd Instrument of Reformation: so as the Coach may be vices infection, the Cart often is vices correction.
It was a time of famous memorable misery, when the Danes had tyrannicall insulting domination in this land: for the slauery of the English was so insupportable, that hee must Plow, Sow, Reape, Thrash, Winnow, Grinde, Sift, Leauen, Knead, and Bake, and the domineering Dane would doe nothing but sleepe, play, and eate the fruit of the Englishmans labour, which well may bee alluded to the carefull Cars; for let it plough, carry and re-carry, early or late, all times & weathers, yet the hungry Coach gnawes him to the very bones. Oh beware of a Coach, as you would doe of a Tyger, a Wolf, or a Leuiathan: Ile assure you, it eats more (though it drinkes lesse) then the Coachman and his whole Teeme; it hath a mouth gaping on each side, like a monster, with which they haue swallowed all the good housekeeping in England. It lately (like a most insatiable deuouring Beast) did eate vp a Knight, a neighbour of mine, in the County of N. a [Page 236] Wood of aboue 400. Akers, as if it had beene but a bunch of Radish: of another, it deuoured a whole Castle, as it had beene a Marchpane, scarcely allowing the Knight and his Lady halfe a cold shoulder of Mutton to their suppers on a Thursday night; out of which reuersion the Coachman and the Footeman could pick but hungry Vailes: in another place (passing through a Parke) it could not be content to eate vp all the Deere, and other grazing Cat [...]ell, but it bitvp all the Oakes that stood bareheaded, there to doe homage to their Lord and Maister euer since the conquest, crushing their olde sides, as easily as one of our fine Daines (with a poysoned breath) will snap a Cinamon stick; or with as much facility, as a Bewde will eate a Pipin Tart, or swallow a [...]ewed Pruine.
For (what call you the Towne) where the great Oysters come from? there it hath eaten vp a Church, Chauncell, Steeple, Bells and all, and it threatens a great Common that lyes neere, which in diebus illis hath relieued thousands of poore people; may, so hungry it is, that it will scarcely endure, in a Gentlemans house a poore neighbours childe so much as to turne a Spit; nor a Yeomans sonne to enter the house, though but in good will to the Chamber maide, who anciently from 16. to 36. was wont to haue his breeding either in the Burtry, or Celler, Stable, or Larder, and to bid good man Hobs good wife Grub, or the youth of the parish welcome at a Christmas time; but those dates are gone, and their fellowes are neuer like to be seene about any of our to gallime houses. There was a Knight (an acquain [...]ce of mine) whoseh wole means in the world was but three score pounds a yeere, and aboue 20. of the same went for his Wiues coach- [...]; now (perhaps) you shall haue an Irish footman with a [...]acket eudgeld down the shoulders and skirs, with yellow or orenge t [...]wny Lace may [...]t from London 3. or 4. score miles to one of there decayed Mansions, when the sim [...]ring scornfull Passe, the supposed [...] of the house (with a mischiefe) who is indeed, a kinde of creature retired for a while into the Countrey to escape the whip in the City, [...]hee demands out of the window scarce ready, and dressing herselfe, in a glasse at noone: Fellow; what is thine Errand, hast thou letters to me? And if it be about dinner, a man may sooner blow vp the gates of Bergen [...]p Zome with a Charme, then get entrance, within the bounds of their Barr'd, Bolted, and Barracadoed Wicket: About two of Clocke, it may bee walking an house or twaine, Sir Sella [...] comes downe vntrust, with a Pipe of Tobacco in his fist, to know your businesse, hauing first peeped thorow a broken pane of Glasse, to see whether you come to demand any money, or old debt, or not, when after a few hollow dry complements (without drinke he turnes you out at the gate, his worshippe, returning to his Stoue? What Townes are laide waste? what fields lye vntilled? what goodly houses are turn'd to the habitations of Howlets, Daives, and Hobg [...]? what numbers of poore are increased? yea, examine this last yeere but the Register books or buria [...] of our gred [...]est Townes and Pari [...] of the land, as Winondham in Norfolke; W [...] Chappell neere Ev [...]don, and many other, and see how many haue beene buried weekely that haue meerely perished for want of brea [...]; wh [...] Pride and Luxury dam vp our streetes [...] Barracado our high waies, and are ready euen to driue ouer their Graues, whom their vnmercifull Pride hath fami [...]hed.
Whence come Leather to be so deare, but by reason (or as I should say against reason) [...] the multitude of Coaches, and Cor [...]o [...] who consume and take vp the best Hides [...] can be gotten in our Kingdome, [...] that I cannot buy a paire of Boots for my [...] vnder an Angell, nor my Wife a pa [...] of Shooes (though her foote be vnder the [...] vnder eight roates of three [...] by which meanes, many honest shoo [...] are either vndone, or vndoing and [...] numbers of poore Christians are enforced [...] got [...]are footed in the cold Winters, till [...] very be [...]mme [...]nesse, some their to [...], [...] [...] their fee [...] [...] rotted off, to the [...] lesse increases of crooked Cripples, [...] woodden [...] beggers, of which sort of [...] [...] wretches, euery stre [...] [Page 237] ple [...]ifully stored with, to the scorne of other [...]ions, and the shame and obloquy of our [...]ne.
The Saddlers (being an ancient, a worthy and a vsefull Company) they haue almost ouerthrowne the whole Trade, to the vndoing of [...]ny honest families; For whereas within our memories, our Nobility and Gentry would [...]ide [...] well mounted (and sometimes walke on [...]) gallantly attended with three or foure [...]ore braue fellowes in blue coates, which was a glory to our Nation; and gaue more [...] to the beholders, then forty of your Leather tumbrels: Then men preseru'd their bodies strong and able by walking, riding, and other manly exercises: Then Saddle [...]s were a good Trade, and the name of a Coach was Heathen Greek. Who euer saw (but vpon [...]traordinary occasions) Sir Philip Sidney, Sir [...]is Drake, Sir Iohn Norris, Sir William [...] Sir Roger Williams, or (whom I should [...]e nam'd first) the famous Lord Gray, and [...]ghby, with the renowned George Earle of Camberland, or Robert Earle of Essex? These so [...]es of Mars, who in their times were the glorious Brooches of our Nation, and admirable terrour to our Enemies: these I say, did [...]e small vses of Coaches, and there were [...]o mayne reasons for it, the one was, that there were but few Coaches in most of their [...]nes [...] and the second reason is, they were [...]lly foes to all sloth and effeminacy: The [...] was Sir Francis Vere, with thousands others: but what should I talke further? This is the tarrling, rowling, rumbling age, and The VVorld runs on VVheeles. The hackney-men, who were wont to haue furnished Trauellers [...] all places, with fitting and seruiceable horses for any iourney, (by the multitude of Coa [...] [...] vndone by the dozens, and the whole Common-wealth most abominably iaded, [...]in many places a man had as good to ride vpon a woodden post, as to poast it vpō one of [...] hunger-staru'd hirelings: which enormi [...] can be imputed to nothing, but the Coa [...] [...]sion, is the Hackneymans confusion. Nor haue we poore Water-men the least [...] to complaine against this infernall swarm of Trade-spillers, who like the Grashoppers, or Caterpiller's of Egypt, haue so ouerrun the land, that we can get no liuing vpon the water; for I dare truely affirme, that euery day in any Tearme (especially if the Court be at VVhitchall) they do rob vs of our liuings, and carry Fiue hundred sixty fares daily from vs; which numbers of passengers were wont to supply our necessities, and enable vs sufficiently with meanes to doe our Prince and Countrey seruice: and all the whole fry of our famous whores, whose ancient Lodgings were neere S. Katherines, the Bankeside, La [...]nbethMarsh, Westminster, VVhite Fryers, Coleharbor, or any other place neer the Thames, who were wont after they had any good Trading, or reasonable commings in, to take a Boate and aire themselues vpon the water, (yea, and by your leaue) be very liberall too, & I say, as a Mercer said once, A whores mony is as good as a Ladies, and a bawdes as currant as a Midwiues. Tush, those times are past, and our Hackney Coaches haue hurried al our hackney customers quite out of our [...]each, toward the North parts of the City, where they are daily practised in the Coach, that by often iolting they may the better endure the Cart vpon any occasion, and indeed, many times a hired Coachman with a basket-hilted blade hang'd or executed about his shoulders in a belt, (with a cloake of some pide colour, with two or three change of Laces about) may manne a brace or a Leash of these curuetting Cockatrices to their places of recreation, and so saue them the charge of maintaining as Sir Pandarus or an Apple-squire; which seruice indeed, to speake the truth, a Waterman is altogether vnfit for; & the worst is, most of them are such Loggerheads, that they either will not learne, but as I thinke would scorne to bee taught: so that if the Sculler had not been paid when he was paid, it is to be doubted that he should neuer haue b [...]paid [...] for the coachman hath gottē all the custom from the Scullers paymistris.
This is one apparant reason, why all the whores haue forsaken vs, and spend their cash so free & frequent vpon those ingenious, wellpractiz'd & seruiceable hired coachmen: but [Page 238] (a Pox take em all) whither doe my wits run after whores and knaues? I pray you but note the streetes, and the chambers or lodgings in Fleetstreet or the Strand, how they are pestered with them, especially after a Mask or a Play at the Court, where euen the very earth quakes and trembles, the casements shatter, tatter and clatter, and such a confused noise is made, as if all the diuels in hell were at Barly-breake; so that a man can neither sleepe, speake, heare, write, or eate his dinner or supper quiet for them: besides, their tumbling din (like a counterset thunder) doth sowre Wine, Ale and Beere most abominably, to the impairing of their healths that drinke it, and the making of many a Victualer and Tapster Tradefalne.
A Wheele-wright or a maker of Carts, is an ancient, a profitable, and a Trade, which by no meanes can be wanted: yet so poore it is, that scarce the best amongst them can hardly euer attaine to better then a Calues skin sute, or a piece of necke beefe and Carret rootes to dinner on a Sunday; nor scarcely any of them is euer mounted to any Office aboue the degree of a Scauenger, or a Tything-man at the most. On the contrary, your Coach-makers trade is the most gainefullest about the Towne, they are apparelled in Sattens and Veluets, are Masters of their Parish, Vestry-men, who fare like the Emperors Heliogabalus or Sardanapulus, seldome without their Mackroones, Parmisants, Iellyes and Kickshawes, with baked Swannes, Pasties hot, or cold red Deere Pyes, which they haue frō their Debtors worships in the Country neither are these Coaches onely thus cumbersome by their Rumbling and Rutting, as they are by their standing still, and damming vp the streetes and lanes, as the Blacke Vriers, and diuers other places can witnes, and against Coach-makers doores the streets are so pestered and clogg'd with them, that neither man, horse or cart can passe for them; in so much as my Lord Maior is highly to bee commended for his care in this restraint, sending in February last, many of them to the Counter for their carelesnesse herein.
They haue beene the vniuerfall decay of almost all the best Ash Trees in the Kingdome for a yong plant can no sooner peepe vp to any perfection, but presently it is felled for the Coach: Nor a yong Horse bred of any beauty or goodnes: but he is ordaind from his foaling for the seruice of the Coach, so that whereas in former ages, both in peace and wars, we might compare with any Nation in the world for the multitude and goodnes of our horses; we now thinke of no other imployment for them, the [...] to draw in a Coach, and when they are either lamed by the negligence of the coachman, o [...] worne out after many yeeres with trotting to Playes and Baywdy-houses, then are they (like old maimed Souldiers) after their wounds and scarres, preferr'd to Wood-mongers, (whe [...] they are well Billited) or to Draymen, whe [...] they turne Tapsters, and draw Beere by whole Barrels and Hogsheads at once; and the [...] they weare out the remainder of their daies till new harnis for others are made of their [...] skinnes.
The last Proclamations concerning the retiring of the Gentry out of the City into thei [...] Countries, although my selfe, with many thousands more were much impouerished and hindered of our liuings by their departure; yet [...] the other side, how it cleered the Streetes o [...] these way-stopping Whirligigges! for a man now might walk without bidding Stand vp [...] by a fellow that scarcely can either go or stan [...] himselfe. Prince, Nobility, and Gentlemen o [...] worth, Offices and Quality, haue herein the [...] Pri [...]iledge, and are exempt, may ride as the [...] occasions or pleasures shal inuite them, as mos [...] meet they should; but when euery G [...]ll T [...] tripe, Mistris Fumkins, Madame Polecat, and my Lady Trash, Froth the Tapster, Bill the Taylor [...] Lauender the Broker, Whisse the Tobacco seller with their companion Trugs, must be coach [...] to Saint Albanes, Burntwood, Hockley in the Hole, Craydon, Windsor, Vxbridge, and many other places, like wilde Haggards prancing vp and downe, that what they get by cheating sweating, & lying at home, they spend in riot whoring, and drunkennes abroad, I say by my hallidome, it is a burning shame; I did lately write a Pamphet called a Thiefe, wherein [Page 239] did a little touch vpon this point; that seeing the Heard of hyreling Coaches are more [...] the Whirries on the Thames, and that they make Leather so excessiue deare, that it [...] good the order in Bohemia were obser [...]ed heere, which is, that euery hyred Coach should bee drawne with ropes, and that all their Harnesse should be Hemp and Cordage: besides, if the couer and boots of them were of good rosind or pitched canuas, it would bring [...]ne the price of leather, and by that means [...]hyred Coach would be knowne from a Princes a Noble mans, Ladies, or people of note, account, respect and quality.
And if it be but considred in the right Kue, a Coach or Caroach are meere Engines of Pride, (which no man can deny to be one of the seuen deadly sinnes) for two leash of Oyster-wiues hyred a Coach on a Thursday after Whitsontide, to carry them to the GreeneGoose faire at Strat [...]ord the Bowe, and as they were hurried betwixt Algate and Myle-end, they were so be-madam'd, be-mistrist, and Ladified by the beggers that the foolish women began to swell with a proud supposition or Imaginary greatnes, and gaue all their mony to the mendicanting Canters; insomuch that they were faigne to pawne their gownes and smocks the next day to buy Oysters, or else their pride had made them cry, for want of what to cry withall.
Thus much I can speake by experience; I doe partly know some of mine own qualities, and I doe know that I doe hate pride, as I hate famine or surfetting; and moreouer, I know my selfe to be (at the best) but Iohn Taylor, and a mechanicall waterman, yet it was but my chance once to bee brought from Whitchall to the Tower in my Master Sir William VVaades Coach, & before I had bin drawn twenty, yardes, such a Timpany of pride pust mee vp, that I was ready to burst with the winde chollicke of vaine-glory. In what state I would leane ouer the boote, and looke, and pry if I saw any of my acquaintance, and then I would stand vp, vailing my Bonnet, kissing my right claw, extending my armes as I had beene swimming, with God saue your Lordship, worship, or How doest thou honest neighbour or good-fellow? In a word, the Coach made mee thinke my selfe better then my betters that went on foot, and that I was but little inferiour to Tamberlaine, being iolted thus in state by those pampred Iades of Belgia: all men of indifferent iudgement will confesse, that a Cart is an instrument conformable to law, order, and discipline; for it rests on the Sabbath dayes, and commonly all other Holy daies, and if it should by any means breake or transgresse against any of these good Iniunctions, there are Informers t [...] at lye in ambush (like carefull Scowtes) to informe against the poore Cart, that in conclusion my Lady Pecunia must become surety and take vp the matter, or else there will be more stirre about the flesh, then the broth is worth; wheras (on the contrary) a Coach like a Pagan, an Heathen, an Insid [...]ll, or Atheist, obserues neither Sabbath, or holiday, time or season, robustiously breaking through the toyle or net of diuine and humane law, order and authority, and as it were, contemning all Christian conformity; like a dogge that lyes on a heape of Hay, who will eate none of it himselfe, nor suffer any other beast to eate any: euen so the Coach is not capable of hearing what a Preacher saith, nor will it suffer men or women to heare that would heare: for it makes such a hideous rumbling in the streetes by many Church dores, that peoples eares are stop'd with the noyse, whereby they are debard of their edifying, which makes faith so fruitlesse, good works so barren, and charity as cold at Midsummer, as if it were a great Frost, and by this meanes, soules are rob'd and starued of their heauenly Manna, and the kingdome of darkenesse replenished: to auoyd which, they haue let vp a crosse post in Cheapside on Sundaies neer Woodstreet end, which makes the Coaches rattle and rumble on th'other side of the way, further frō the Church, & from hindring of their hearing.
The Nagaians, Iughonians, & the vngodly barbarous Tartarians, who knew no God or diuell, Heauen nor hell, and who indeed are Nations that haue neither Townes, Cities, Villages, or houses; Their habitations are nothing [Page 240] but Coaches: in their Coaches they eate, sleepe, beget children, who are also there borne, and from place to place: with them, The World runnes on Wheeles continually, for they are drawne in droues or heards, 20, 30. or 40000. together to any fruitfull place or Champion plaine, where they and their beasts doe stay till they haue deuoured all manner of sustenance that may maintaine life, and then they romoue to a fresh place, doing the like; thus wearing out their accursed liues like the broode of Cain, they and their houses beeing perpetuall vagabonds, and continuall ruunagates vpon the face of the earth. They are so practized and inured in all kinde of Barbarisme, that they will milke one Mare, and let another blood, and the blood and the milke they will Charne together in their Hats or Caps, till they haue made fresh cheese and creame (which the Diuell will scarce eate) from these people, our Coaches had first originall, and I doe wish with all my heart, that the superfluous number of all our hyreling hackney Carryknaues, and Hurry-whores, with their makers and maintainers were there, where they might neuer want continuall imployment.
For their Antiquity in England, I thinke it is in the memory of many men, when in the whole Kingdome there was not one; and there was another principall vertue as good as themselues came with them: for the Prouerbe saith, That michiefe or mischances seldome come alone: and it is a doubtfull question, whether the diuell brought Tobacco into England in a Coach, or else brought a Coach in a fogge or mist of Tobacco.
For in the yeere 1564. one William Boonen a Dutchman brought first the vse of Coaches hither, and the said Boonen was Queene Elizabeths Coach-man, for indeede a Coach was a strange monster in those dayes, and the sight of them put both horse and man into amazement: some said it was a great Crab-shell brought out of China, and some imagin'd it to be one of the Pagan Temples, in which the Canibals adored the diuell: but at last those doubts were cleared, and Coach-making became a substantiall Trade: So that now all the world may see, they are as cōmon as whore [...] & may be hired as easie as Knights of the po [...].
The Cart is an open transparant Engine, th [...] any man may perceiue the plaine honesty [...] it; there is no part of it within or without, b [...] it is in the continuall view of all men: On th [...] contrary, the Coach is a close hypocrite, for i [...] hath a couer for any knauery, and curtaines t [...] vaile or shadow any wickednes: besides, like [...] perpetuall cheater, it weares two Bootes [...] no Spurs, somtimes hauing two paire of leg [...] in one boote, and oftentimes (against nature) most preposterously it makes faire Ladies [...] weare the boore; and if you note, they are carried backe to backe like people surpriz'd b [...] Pyrats to be tyed in that miserable manner, [...] and throwne ouerboord into the Sea. Moreouer, it makes people imitate Sea-crabs, in being drawne: side-wayes, as they are when they sit in the boote of the Coach, and it is a dangerous kinde of carriage for the commonwealth, if it be rightly considered; for when a man shall be [...] iustice of the peace, a Serieant, or a Councellor at law; who hope is it, that all or many of them should vse vpright dealing, that haue beene so often in their youth, and daily in their maturer or riper age, drawne aside continually in a Coach, some to the right hand, and some to the left? for vse makes perfectnesse, and often going aside willingly, makes men forget to go vpright naturally.
The order of Knighthood is both of great Antiquity and very honourable, yet within these latter times there is a strange mystery crept into it; for I haue noted i [...] that when a Gentleman hath the sword laid vpō his shoulder, either by his Prince, or his deputy, or Generall in the field, although the blow with the sword be an honour to the man, yet (by a kind of inspiration) it cripples his wife, though shee be at that time 300. miles from her husband: for if you note her, you shall see her lamed for euer, so that she can by no means goe without leading vnder the arme, or else shee must be carried in a Coach all her life time after; forgetting in a manner to goe on her feet so much as to Church, though it be but two [Page 241] Quoytes cast: for I haue heard of a Gentleman that was lamed in this manner, who [...] her man to Smithfield from Charing [...] [...]to hyre a Coach to carry her to White [...]; another did the like from Ludgate-hill, [...]he carried to see a Play at the black Fryers: [...] in former times when they vsed to walke [...] foote, and recreate themselues, they were [...] strong and healthfull, now all their ex [...]cise is priuately to sawe Billets, to hang in a [...]nge, or to rowle the great rowler in the al [...] of their garden, but to go without leading [...] Riding in a Coach, is such an impeachment [...]d derogation to their Calling, which [...]sh and bloud can by no meanes endure.
Euery man knowes, that were it not for the Cart, the Hay would rot in the medowes, the Corne perish in the field, the markets be emptily furnished, at the Courts remoue, the King would be vnseru'd, and many a Gallant would [...] enforced to be his owne Sumpter-horse to carry his luggage, bag and baggage himselfe; and finally, were it not for the mannerly and [...]rteous, seruice of the Cart, many a well, deseruing ill condition'd braue fellow, might goe on foote to the Gallowes.
A Cart (by the iudgement of an honorable and graue Lawyer) is elder, brother to a Coach for and quity; and for vtility and profit, all the world knowes, which is which: yet so vnna [...]ll and so vnmanerly a brother the Coach is, that it will giue no way to the Cart, but with pride, contempt, bitter curses, and exe [...]tions, the Coachman wishes all the Carts [...] fire, or at the diuell, and that Carmen were all hang'd, when they cannot passe at their pleasures, quite forgetting themselues to bee sawey unprofitable intruders, vpstarts, and I [...]cator [...].
When I see a Coach put vp into a house (me thinks the pole standing stiffely erected, it looks like the Image of Priapus, whom the libidinous and lecherous whores and knaues of Egypt were wont to fall downe and worship; and I pray you what hinderance hath it, but it may use the Paphean or Priapean game? (for it is neuer vnfurnished of a bedde and curtaines, with shop windowes of leather to buckle Bawdry vp as close in the midst of the street, as it were in the Stewes, or a Nunnerie of Venus Votaries.
What excessiue waste do they make of our best broadcloth of all colours? and many times a young heire will put his old Fathers old Coach in a mourning Cowne of Cloth or Cotton, when many of the poore distressed members of Christ goe naked, staruing with cold, not hauing any thing to hide their wretched carkasses; and what spoyle of our Veluets, Damaskes, Taffataes, Siluer & Gold Lace, with Fringes of all sorts, and how much consumed in guilding, wherein is spent no small quantity of our best and finest gold? not is the charge little of maintaining a Coach in reparation: for the very mending of the Harnesse, a Knights Coachman brought in a bill to his Master of 25. pounds: besides, there is vsed more care and diligence in matching the Horses and Mares, then many fathers and mothers do in the mariage of their sons & daughters: for many times a rich lubberly Clowne, the sonne of some gowty extortioner, or rentracking Rascall, (for his accursed mucks sake) may be matched with a beautifull or proper wel qualified and nobly descended Gentlewoman; and a well-fac'd handsome Esquire or Knights sonne and heire may be ioyn'd with a Ioiners puppet, or the daughter of a Sexton; but for the choice of your Coach-horses there is another manner of prouidence to bee vsed, for they must be all of a colour, longitude, latitude, cressitude, height, length, thicknesse, breadth, (I muse they do not weigh them in a paire of Ballance) and beeing once matched with a great deale of care and cost, if one of them chance to dye (as by experience I know a horse to be a mortall beast) then is the Coach like a maymed cripple, not able to trauell, till after much diligent search, a meete mate be found, whose correspondency may be as equiualent to the suruiuing Palfrey, and in all respects, as like as a broome to a besome, barme to yeast, or quodlings to boyld Apples.
The mischiefs that haue bin done by them, are not to be numbred; as breaking of legges and arms, ouerthrowing down hils, ouer bridges, [Page 242] running ouer children, lame and old people, as Henry the fourth of France (the father to the King that now raigneth) he and his Queen were once like to haue beene drowned, the Coach ouer throwing besides a bridge: and to proue that a Coach owed him an vnfortunate tricke, hee was some few yeers after his first escape, most inhumanely & traitrously murdred in one, by Raniliacke, in the streets at Paris: but what need I runne my inuention out of breath into forraigne countries for examples, when many of the chiefe Nobilitie and Gentrie of our owne Nation haue some triall and sad experience of the truth of what I write? sometimes the Coachman (it may be, hath beene drunke, or to speake more mannerly, stolne a Manchet out of the Brewers Basket) hath tumbled besides his Boxe of state, and the Coach running ouer him hath kild him, the whilst the horses (hauing the reines loose) haue runne away with their Rattle at their heeles (like dogs that had bladders of dried Beanes, or empty bottles at their tailes) as if the Divel had bin in them: and sometimes in the full speed of their course, a wheele breaks, or the Naue slips off from the Axletree, down leapes the Coachman, & away run the horses, throwing their carriage into bushes, hedges, and ditches, neuer leauing their mad pace, till they tore to tatters their tumbling Tumbrell, to the manifest perill, danger, and vnrecouerable hurt to those whom they carry, and to all men, women, children, and cattell; as hogs, sheepe, of whatsoeuer chanceth to bee in their way: besides the great cost and charge of mending and reparations of the Coach.
There is almost nothing, but when it is worn out, it will serue for some vse, either for profit or pleasure (except a Coach:) of the bottome of an old Cart, one may make a fence to stop a gap, of the Raues one may make a Ladder for [...]ennes to goe to [...]oost: of an old Bores Franke, a new Dog-kennell may be founded, of adecayed Whirry or Boat, a backe-part of a house of office may be framed (as you may see euery where on the Bank-side:) of an old Barrell, a Bolting Hutch: an ouer-worne old whore will make a spick and span new Bawde; and a rotten Bawde may make a new witch. [...] knew a neighbour of mine (an old Iustice) that of the bald veluet lyning of his Cloal [...] made him a paire of new Breeches, and those Breeches being worne past the best, with the best of them he made his wife a French Hoo [...] and when that was bare, and past her wearing if made him facing for his new boote tops: But an old Coach is good for nothing but to co [...] [...] and deceiue people, as of the old ro [...] Leather they make vampies for high Shooe [...] for honest country plowmen, or belts for Soldiers, or inner lynings for girdles, Dog-collers for Mastiffes: indeed the Boxe, if it were bored thorow, would bee fittest for a close stoole, and the body would (perhaps) serue for a Sow to pigge in.
If the curses of people that are wrong'd by them, might haue preuailed, sure I thinke the most part of them had beene at the Diuel many yeeres agoe. Butchers cannot passe with their cattel for them, Market folks which bring prouision of victualls to the City, are slop'd [...]aid, and bindred. Carts or waines with th [...] necessary ladings, are debard and letted: the Milke-maides ware is often spilt in the dirt [...] and peoples guts like to be crushed out, being crowded and shrowded vp against stalls, and stoopes: whilst Mistris Siluerpin with her P [...] der and a Paire of cramd pu [...]letrs ride grinning and deriding in their Helcart, at their miseri [...] who go on foot: I my selfe haue been so serued when I haue wished them all in the gr [...] Breach, or on a light fire vpon Hownslow he [...] or Salisbury plaine: and their damming vp the streetes in this manner, where people are wedged together, that they can hardly s [...], i [...] maine and great aduantage to the most ve [...] ous Mysterie of purse-cutting, and for any [...]thing I know, the hyred or hackney Coach [...]man may ioyne in confederacy and share with the Curpurse, one to stop vp the way, and the other to shift in the crowd.
The superfluous vse of Coaches hath been the occasions of many vile and odious crimes, as murther, theft, cheating, hangings, whippings, Pillories, stockes and cages; for house keeping neuer decayed till Coaches came in England, [Page 243] till which time those were accounted [...]be [...] men, who had most followers and re [...] then land about or neere London, was [...] deare enough at a noble the Acre [...], and a ten-pound house-rent now, was [...] twenty shillings then: but the witch [...] of the Coach, quickly mounted the price [...]things (except poore mens labour) and [...] transformed, in some places, 10. 20, [...]40, 50, 60, or 100. proper seruingmen, into [...] or three. Animals ( videlices) a Butterfly [...]ge, a trotting foote-man, a stifle-drinking [...]man, a Cooke, a Clarke, a Steward, and [...] [...], which hath enforced many a discar [...] tall fellow (through want of meanes to [...], and grace to guide him in his pouertie) to [...] into such mischieuous actions beforena [...]d, for which I think the Gallowses in England haue deuoured as many lusty valiant men within these thirty or forty yeeres, as would haue beene a sufficient armie to beate the foes [...] Chirst out of Christendome, and marching [...]le, haue pluck'd the great Turke [...] the Beard: but as is aforesaid, this is the age wherein The World runnes on wheeles.
It is a most vneasie kinde of passage in Coaches on the paued streetes in London, wherein men and women are so tost, tumbled, iumbled, [...]bled, and crossing of kennels, dunghils, and [...]euen wayes, which is enough to put all the [...] in their bellies out of ioint, to make them [...] [...] or Megrum, or to cast their [...] with continuall rocking and wallow [...] to preuent which, there was a Gentleman or great note, found fault with his Coachhorses because his Coach iolted him, commending his man to sell away those hard trotting lad [...], and to buy him a paire of Amblers; that might draw him with more ease: another when hee saw one of his horses more lusty and free then his fellow, he commanded his Coach-man to feede him onely with Hay and water till hee were as tame and quiet as the other, which wise command was dutifully obserued.
The best vse that euer was made of Coaches, was in the old warres betwixt the Hungarians and the Turkes, (for like so many land Gallies) they carried Soldiers on each side with crosbowes, and other warrelike engins, and they serued for good vse, eing many thousands of them, to disrowte their enemies, breaking their rankes and order, making free and open passage for their horse and foote amongst the scattered squadrons and regiments, and vpon occasion, they serued as a wall to embarricado and fortifie their campe: this was a military imployment for Coaches: and in this sort onely I could wish all our hyrelings to be vsed. It is to be supposed, that Pharaohs Charriots which were drowned in the red Sea, were no other things in shape and fashion, then our Coaches are at this time: and what great pitty was it, that the makers and memories of them had not beene obliuiously swallowed in that Egyptian downfall?
Mountaigne, a learned and a noble French Writer, doth relate in his booke of Essayes, that the ancient Kings of Asia, and the Easterne part of Europe, were wont to be drawne in their Coaches with foure Oxen, & that Mark Anthony with a whore with him, was drawne with Lyons. Heliogabalus the Emperour was drawn with 4 naked whores, (himselfe being the Coachman:) and the Coaches in these late times (to shew some sparke of gratitude or thankefulnesse) in remembrance that naked Whores once drew one of them, they doe in requitall very often carry whores halfe naked to the belly, and gallantly apparelled; besides onely but foure whores drew one Coach, and 500. Coaches haue carried tenne thousand of them for it: but sometimes they were drawne with Stagges, as it is the vse in Lapland at this day. The Emperour Firmus was drawne with foure Este idges, and to requite those fauours, they doe now often carry men as rauenous as Lyons, as well headed as Oxen or Stags, and as the Estridges did once draw, so the feathers of them doe daily ride in Plumes and Fannes.
In the Citty of Antwerp in Brabans I haue seene little Coaches, which men send their children to Schoole in, each of them drawne by a Mastiffe dog, not hauing any guide: for the dog himselfe doth exercise three offices at one time, being as the horse to draw, the coachman [Page 244] to direct, and an honest laboring dog besides.
I remember that in one place aforesaid, I haue written, that Coaches doe seldome carry any dead things, as Stones, Timber, Wine, Beere, Corne, &c. But in so writing, I find that I haue done many of them great wrong; for I perceiue that they carry oftentimes diuers sorts of Rye, as Knaue-ry, Foole-ry, Leach-ry, Rogue-ry, Vse-ry, Bawde-ry, Braue-ry, Slauery, and Begge-ry. Sometimes (by chance) they may hap to carry good Husband-ry, & Housewife-ry, but such burthens are as scarce, as money or charity: and one thing more comes into my mind about their multitude; for though a Coach doe seeme to bee a dead or senslesse thing, yet when I see and consider how they doe multiply and increase, I am doubtfull but that they are male and female, and vse the act of generation or begetting, or else their procreation could neuer so haue ouer-spred our Nation.
To conclude, a Coach may be fitly compared to a whore, for a Coach is painted, so is a whore: a Coach is common, so is a whore: a Coach is costly, so is a Whore; a Coach is drawne with beasts, a whore is drawne away with beastly Knaues. A Coach hath loose curtaines, a whore hath a loose Gowne: a Coach is lac'd and fring'd, so [...]'s a whore: A Coach may be turn'd any way, so may a Whore: A Coach hath bosses, studs, and guilded nayle to adorne it: a whore hath Owches, Brooches Bracelets, Chaines, and Iewels, to set he foorth: a Coach is alwaies out of reparations so is a whore: a Coach hath neede of mendi [...] still, so hath a whore: a Coach is vnprofitable so is a whore: a Coach is superfluous, so is whore: a Coach is insatiate, so is a whore: A Coach breakes mens necks: a Whore breaks mens backes: This oddes is betwixt a Coach and a Whore, a man will lend his Coach to h [...] friend, so will hee not his whore: but any mans whore will saue him the labour of leading her; for she will lend her selfe to whom shee pleaseth. And thus my Booke and comparisons end together; for thus much I know that I haue but all this while bark'd at th [...] Moone, throwne feathers against the winde built vpon the sands, wash'd a Blackmore, an [...] laboured in vaine: for where a vice or euormity hath pleasure in it, with a shew of profit and power to defend it, losers may speake, a [...] weaknes may babble of Reformation, thoug [...] to no end and so I end.
The Nipping or Snipping of ABVSES: OR, The Wooll-gathēring ôf VVit.
A Skeltonicall salutation to those that know how to reade, and not merre the sense with hacking or mis-construction.
THou true vnderstander, my inuention doth wander with the quill of a Gander, to shield mee from slander, to thy good protection, I yeeld in subiection, my poore imperfection, with friendly correction, and as thou dost [...]e, or stroake mee or strike mee, reproue mee or proue mee, or mooue mee, [...] loue mee, or quiteme, or spight me, friend me, or mend me, or else not offend [...]: If in ought that is written, thy humors are bitten, seeme not to espy it, and [...]one will descry it. But if thou doest kick, the spurre sure will prick; and if thou [...]ing, the waspe then will sting. My verses are made, to ride euery Iade, but [...]are forbidden, of Iades to be ridden, they shall not bee snaffled, nor braued [...]or baffled, wert thou George with thy Naggon, that foughtst with Draggon, or [...]re you Great Pompey, my verse should bethumpe ye, if you like a Iauel against [...] dare cauill. I doe not intend it as now to commend it, or yet to defend it. But [...] mee I doe send it, to like it, or mend it, and when thou hast end it, applaud it [...] rent it; my wits I could bristle, for a better Epistle, but yet at this time, this [...] Rime, I send to thy view, because it is new. So Reader, adue.
To the Castalian Water-writer, Splende & dignoscar.
To my friend by land and by water, Iohn Taylor.
To his deare friend Master Iohn Taylor.
To the Water-Poet, Iohn Taylor.
To my friend Iohn Taylor.
To my honest friend Iohn Taylor.
In Laudem Authoris.
To my friend IOHN TAYLOR.
The Authours description of a Poet and Poesie, with an Apology in defence of Naturall English Poetry.
To the Kings most excellent Maiesty.
Anagramma. Iames Stuart. MVSKS TARI AT.
To the high and mighty Prince, CHARLES STVART.
Anagramma, Calls true hearts.
To Anna Queene of Great Brittaine.
Loues Iabyrinth, with the description of the seuen Planets.
1 To Saturne.
2 To Ioue.
3 To Mars.
4 To Sol.
5 To Venus.
6 To Mercury.
7 To Luna.
Sonnet.
Plutoes Proclamation concerning his Infernall pleasure for the Propagation of Tobacco.
A Proclamation or approbation from the King of execration, to euery Nation, for Tobaccoes propagation.
WHereas wee haue beene credibly informed (by our true and neuer-failing Intelligeneers, [...] the soules of Vsurers, Brokers, Knights of the Pu [...] Panders, Bawdes, and such like, our welbeloued sea [...] and daughters, by gracelesse adoption) that the [...] ( alias weed) ycleped Tobacco, (alias) Trinidado alias, Petun, alias, Necocianum, a long time ha [...] been in continuall vse and motion amongst the Se [...] burnt, tanskind Indians, Barbarians, and the [...] of our blacke guard inhabiting in America, which hath bin greatly to our contentmēt to see our execr [...] ble seruants on the earth, to come so neere our infernall Tartarian sulphurous contagious stinke, with their terrestriall imitations: wee therefore with th [...] full consent of our three Estates, namely our Lord [...] spiritual of our owne synagogue, as twelue Turb [...] Mufiyes, 66. Popes, and sundry other Cardinel [...] &c. Prelates our foure trustie friends: Besides [...] Temporall Lords, as Heliogabalus, Nero, Sanlanapalus, with many more, and our Comminalty [...] vassals, whereof the chiefe, wee hold to bee Guido [...] Faux, Francis Rauillac, and all such as [...] Naturalized into the line of Iudas or Achitophel. Wee with these estates aforesaid [...] (by the Authority of this present Parliament) straightly charge and command, that all di [...]els, demy-diuels, fiends, furies, hagges, witches, ghosts, goblins, spirits, elues, fayries, or any [Page 253] [...] subiects or subiects, to our infernall monarchy, [...]ywh [...] name or title soeuer they bee called, that they [...]ad [...]a [...]cry of them doe forthwith vpon the sight here [...], disperse themselues amongst the Christians (the [...]er enemies of our mightic Monarchy) and there, [...] [...] of witcherafts, spels, exorcismes, con [...], [...] antations, or any other of our Ma [...]) deuices, doe their best endeauors to possesse [...] with the loue of Tobacco, make old men [...]o ate [...] it, and young men admire it, make the rich [...] [...] their [...]ealth in it, make the laborer in [...] houre in the Euening puffe away his whole daies [...] be decayed banquerupt be alwaies my tru [...] factor to diuulge it, be they neuer so base, let [...] bee accounted Noble that vse it, and be they [...] so Noble, let them bee thought base that re [...] [...] Play-houses, Drinking-schooles, Tauorus, [...]ses, Bawdy houses, be continually haunted with the contaminous vapours of it, nay (if it bee [...]ble [...]) bring it into their Churches, and there [...] vp their Preachers, (my onely and my hate [...] s [...]mics.)
And wheras the Indians, and other farre remoted [...]barous Nations were the first that vsed it, wee do [...]oghtly further charge and commaund, that you [...]nd euery of you, doe dis [...]wade them from the exc [...]s [...] vse of it, and let those Nations that are our con [...] opposites in manners and Religion, be fully [...] with an immoderate desire of it like Hors [...] [...], the more they drinke, the more let them [...]st let it bee a trade to practise the whiffe, the [...], the gulpe, the euaporating or retention. Doe [...] with all expedition, as you expect the fruition of [...] f [...]therly execrable Maleuolent Malediction.
Certaine verses written in the Barbarian tongue, dropt out of a Negroes pocket, which I thought good to insert, because they tend to [...] honour of Tobacco.
VAprosh fogh stinkguash slauorumques fie fominoshte Spitterspaw [...]smon, loather so hem halk [...]sh spewrsb [...]shte Mistrum fo [...] smoakrash, choakerumques olifa [...]rish trash. Dam durt [...]cun belehum, contagio [...]te vem [...]troshe: Whifferum, puffe gulpum, allisnuff huff fleaminon odish, Rewmito contaminosh disbo [...] dungish odorish:
To the Right Honourable, Lord, William Earle of Pembroke, WILLIAM HERBERT.
Anagramma. My heart will beare.
To the Right honourable Iohn Lord Viscount Haddington, Earle of Holdernes, Iohn Ramsey.
Angaramma I ayme Honors.
To the Honourable Knight Sir Thomas Bludder.
Anagramma Arm'd, Thus bold.
Vpon the Powder Treason the fifth of Nouember 1605.
To the Right Honourable Iob
[...] Moray, Lord Viscount Annan, Earle of Annandale, Gentleman of his Maiesties Honourable Bedchamber.
Anagramma I ayme Honour.
Twelue Sonnets vpon the Sonnes entring into the twelue Caelestiall Signes.
The 10. of March, the Sunne enters into Aries, or the signe of the Raw.
March 10. Aries.
To the Right Honourable Christopher Villers, Earle of Anglesey.
Anagramma, Christ is our helper.
Taurus.
To the Right Honorable the Earle of Manchester, Lord priuy Seale to the Kings Matestie, HENRY MONTAGVE.
Anagramma Gouerneth many.
Gemini, May.
To my approued good friend, M
r Robert Branthwayte.
Anagramma. You beare a heart true bent.
The 12. of Iune the Sunne enters into Cancer or the Crabbe.
Cancer. Iune.
Leo. Iuly.
The foureteenth of August, the Sunne enters into Virgo, Or the Virgin.
Virgo. August.
The thirteenth of September, the Sunne enters into Libra, Or the Ballance.
Libra. September.
The foureteenth of October, the Sunne enters into Scorpio.
Scorpio. October.
The eleuenth of Nouember, the Sunne enters into Sagitarius, Or the Archer.
Sagitarius. Nouember.
The eleuenth of December, the Sunne enters into Capricorne, Or the Goat.
Capricornus. December.
[Page 257] The tenth of Ianuary, the Sunne enters into Aquarius, Or the signe of the Waterbearer.
Aquarius, Ianuary.
The ninth of February, the Sunne enters into Pisces, Or the signe of the two fishes.
Pisces. February.
To the Right Honourable Thomas Lord Ridgewaye, Treasurer.
THOMAS RIDGEWAYE. Anagramma. God Armes thy way.
Againe,
Certaine Sonnets made in the forme of AEquiuoques; on the destruction of Troy.
To the Right Honourable, the Lord Viscount Grandison.
Certaine Sonnets: variously composed vpon diuers subiects.
Sonnet. 1
Sonnet. 2.
Sonnet. 3.
Sonnet. 4.
Sonnet. 5.
Sonnet. 6.
Sonnet. 7.
Sonnet. 8.
A Cataplasmicall Satyre, composed and compacted of sundry simples, as salt, vineger, wormewood, and a little gall, very profitable to cure the impostumes of vice.
To Mistresse Rose.
Anagramma. SORE.
To my approued good friend M
r. ROBARTE CVDDNER.
Anagramma. Record and be true.
A nest of Epigrams.
Fortune. 1.
Epigram 2.
Epigram 3.
Epigram 4.
Epigram 5.
Epigram 6.
Epigram 7.
Epigram 8.
Epigram 9.
Epigram 10.
Epigram 11.
Epigram 12.
Epigram 13.
Epigram 14.
Epigram 15.
Epigram 16.
Epigram 17.
Epigram 18.
Epigram 19.
Epigram 20.
Epigram 21.
Epigram 22.
Epigram 23.
Epigram 34.
Epigram 25.
Epigram 26.
Epigram 27.
Epigram 28.
Epigram 29.
Epigram 30.
Epigram 31.
Epigram 32.
Epigram 33.
Epigram 34.
Epigram 35.
Epigram 36.
Epigram 37.
Epigram 38.
Epigram 39.
Epigram 40.
Epigram 41.
This line is the same backward, as it is forward, and I will giue any man fiue shillings apiece for as many as they can make in English.
Lewd did I liue, & euil did I dwel.
An Apologie for Water-men [...] Dedicated to Nowell, and Robert Clarke Esquires, Masters of his Maiesties Barges; and to the rest of the Masters, the Assistants of the Company of Watermen.
Epilogue to those that know what they haue read, and how to censure.
A MEMORIALL OF ALL THE ENGLISH MONARCHS, being in number 151. from Brute to King CHARLES.
TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE, LIONEL Lord Viscount Cranefield, Earle of Middlesex, &c.
BRVTE, THE FIRST KING OF BRITTAINE, began his Reigne,
1. BRVTE.
Brute being of the age of 15 yeeres, as he shot at a wild beast the arrow glanced unfortunately and slew his Father Sinius AEneas, for the which he was exiled, and came on this [...] then called Albyon.
I follow the common opinion: for many Writers doe neither write or allow of Brutes being here, accounting it a dishonor for our Nation, to haue originall from a Pa [...]ide, and one that deriued his descent from the Goddesse (alias strumpet) Venus. Howsoeuer, Histories are obseured and clouded with ambiguities, some burnt, left, defaced by antiquity; and some abused by the malice, ignorance, or partialitie of Writers so that truth is hard to be found. Amongst all which variations of Times and Writers, I must conclude there was a BRVTE.
[Page 270]Yeeres before Christ.
About this time Saul was King of Israel.
Queene Guendoline was allowed the gouernment in her Sonne Madans minority, whose prudent reigne is applausefully recorded in histories.
Madan was a vicious and wicked Prince, the Sonne of Locrine and Guendoline. Hee was a great Tyrant. He built the Towne of Doncaster. Hee had two Sonnes, Mempricius and Manlius.
Hee killed his elder brother trecherously as hee was parlying with him. Hee was eaten of Wolues at hee was hunting. Hee was so beastly, that he was taxed in histories to be a Sodomite with Beasts in his time.
Yeeres before Christ.
King D [...]uid [...] [...]
Ebranke had 21. wiues, by whom he had 20. Sonnes; and 30. Daughters; hee inuaded Gallia, now Fr [...] He was the Sonne of Mempricius. In his Reigne [...] [...] King Salomon. Alcluid is Dumbreton in Scotland.
This Brute was the Sonne of Ebranke: and some histories write doubtfully, that he conquer'd France, and th [...] after he receiued a great soyle in field by Brinchild, Brinchillus, Prince of Henoway, or Henault.
Leil was the Sonne of Brute Greeneshield. It is [...] written that he built the Citie of Chester. Lud, or Rud hudibras was the Sonne of Leil, a religious Prince [Page 271] [...] way of Paganis [...] for in those 3. Townes [...] built hee erected 3. Temples, and placed 3. [...] Pagan Bishops in them.
Yeeres before Christ.
This Bladud had beene a Student in Athens, from [...] hee brought many learned men: bee built Stam [...] a Colledge I thinke, the first in England; striuing to [...] the foule or the foole, he brake his necke on the Tem [...] of Apollo in Troynouant.
Leire built Leicester and was a good Prince. At Leycester he built a Temple to Iames Bifrons, or Iames with two faces.
Yeeres before Christ.
She reigned with her Husband Aganippus till he dyed, and then in her widowhead her cruell kinsmen opprest her. Shee stabb'd her selfe in prison, being tyrannously vsed, in despaire of her liberty.
Morgan was the Sonne of Gonorel, Leires eldest Daughter, and Cunedagus his kinsman, was the Sonne of Ragan.
The Prophet Esay prophefied about this time.
[Page 272]Yeeres before Christ.
This Land in this Kings reigne was almost vnpeopled with dearth, death and desolation. In his time Rome was builded, 356. yeeres after Brute: Innumerable multitudes of Horse-flyes or Hornets spring out of the blood, thus raind, which flyes strong many people to death. Riuallo was buried as Yorke.
Gurgustus and Scicillius were bretbr [...]n. I finde little mentioned of any good they did, though they rsigned long: They were both the Sonnes of Riuallo.
Iugo was a kinsman to Gurgustus, and by his vicious life, he got asleepy disease called the Lethargy, [...] dyed. These two Kings were both buried at Yorke.
Yeeres before Christ.
Some write that he reigned but 42. years and [...] he was buried at Troynouant.
Ferex and Porex were the sonnes of Cor [...]od [...] Their mother and her maides chopped Porex in [...] reuenge of her sonne Ferex: they reigned fiue yeeres: [...] whose death the Land was a long time diuided [...] Kingdomes.
[Page 273]Yeeres before Christ.
Mulmutius [...]lew Pinnar, Slater, and Rudack, three Kings of seuerall parts of this Ile, and at last brought the [...] Kingdome to his sole obedience. He was the Sonne of [...]ten Duke of Cornewall: He was the first of all the Kings of this Land that wore a crowne of Gold.
Brennus slew himselfe with the sword, at the siedge of [...]elphos in Greece, Bochas. They were the sonnes of Mulmutius Donwallo. Belinus brought Denmarke to [...]butary to Brittaine: they were a paire of worthy bro [...].
This King gaue leaue to a company of stragling [...]ssed Spaniards to possesse themselues in Ireland: hee [...] buried at Caerlion.
Yeeres before Christ.
He was the sonne of Gurguintus, he builed Warwick, and ly [...]th buried at London.
About this time, a sauage people called the Picts, beg'd habitation of the King of Scots, and liued in the Mar [...]es betweene England and Scotland. Kimarus was a vicious Prince, and killed by wild Beasts as hee was hunting: he was the sonne of Cecilius. Cecilius. was buried at Caerlion.
Elanius was the sonne of Kimarus.
[Page 274]Yeeres before Christ.
He killed the Monster, after the Monster had de [...] red him, for he was in the belly of it liuing, and found dead with his dagger in his hand.
Archigalo put away from him and reiected the true and ancient Nobility and Gentry: and in their roomes was supplyde with the counsels of flatterers and parasites, which was his downefall.
Yeeres before Christ.
Heere because Hystories make little or [...]o mention of any the doings of the Kings, from the reigne of Elidurus to King L [...], I thinke it fit, onely to insert their names, and the times of their reignes, with their yeeres before Christ.
This King was deposed from al [...] gall gouernment for his tyranny.
His reigne was blest with abundance of Peace and Plenty.
Catillus caused all the oppressors of the poore to be hanged vp: but since his time they are doubly increased.
A peaceable King, and a quiet reigne.
A good Prince.
Chirimus through excessiue drinking got his death.
Yeeres before Christ.
Varianus giuen all to lust, purchsed himselfe a short reigne: and it may bee perceiued, that all these Princes either by treason, or their own bad liues, were soon brought to their ends, for 25 of them did not reigne aboue 62 yeeres.
[Page 276]Yeeres after Christ.
A great louer of Musicke, and a good Patron to Musicians.
Yeeres after Christ.
A Noble and ver [...]nous Prince.
The Ile of Ely tooke the n [...]m [...] tion from this Prince. There hee [...] a Palace, and there he dying was buried.
[Page 277]Yeeres before Christ.
Some Writers doe affirme, that this King builded London from Ludgate to London-stone, and that the stone [...] thereof was called Luds stone.
Nemias a valiant Duke of this Kingdome, receiued deaths wound of Caesar: Yet after that he tooke Caesars [...]nd from him, and with the same kil'd Labianus a Romane Tribune, and lastly, was she field and dyed. Caesar [...]the Castles of Douer, Canterbury, and the Tower [...] London.
Yeeres before Christ.
Our Sauiour Iesus Christ was borne his reigne, in the 42. yeere of Augustus Caesar, then being Emperour of Rome: Cimbelinus was the Sonne of Theomantins.
When Guiderius was King of Britaine, our R [...] mer suffered vnder Claudius Tiberius Caesar, being the Romane Emperour. Guiderius was a valiant Prince.
[Page 278]Yeeres after Christ.
Much about this time, Ioseph of Arimathea, after he had buried Christ (being hated for it of the mis-beleeuing Iewes) came into this Land, and first planted Christianity heere, built a Chapell at Ghastenburgh: Some writers say, that he repaired Chester, and was buried there.
Yeeres after Christ.
Coylus was the Sonne of Marius, hee was buried [...] Yorke.
This was the first Christian King of Brittaine, [...]ee [...] [...]ed twentie eight Idolatrous Temples of thy Pagan god [...] he made Cathedrall Churches, for the seruice of the [...] God; Elutherius was then Bishop of Rome, King [...]uc [...] was buried at Glocester: hee dyed leauing no [...] [...] that this Land was in a hurly-burly 15.yeeres, t [...] want of a King.
Seuerus was 60. yeeres old when hee tooke the [...] and caused a wall of Turse to be made betwixt Engla [...] and Scotland to kepe this Land from the incursions of t [...] Scots and Picts: the wall reached from Tyme to [...] Scottish Seas, 112. miles.
[Page 279]Yeeres after Christ.
Bassianus was brought from Rome by his Father [...]rcus.
[...] Carausi [...] [...], Dio [...] was [...]
Dio [...]esian and Maximilian ruled the Romane Em [...] when saint Albane suffered; Alectus was sent from Rome against Carausius: this Alectus was a cruell [...] and was also slaine by Asclepiodatus.
Glallus brooke or Wallbrooke tooke the name from Glallus [...] Rome to Captaine, slaine by Asclepiodatus, and throwne into that Brooke. Asclepiodatus was after slaine by Coil Duke of Colchester. Some write that Asclepiodatus reigned 30. yeeres.
Yeeres after Christ.
This Hellen r [...]defied Ierusalem, and adorned it with goodly Churches. She also wa [...]e [...] Ladon and Colchester.
This Constantius was Grandfather to Constantine the Great: he came from Rome to this Ile and was buried at Yorke.
[Page 280]Yeeres after Christ.
This worthy Prince Constantine was borne in this Land, the Sonne of Constantius and Hellen. After Constantius decease, our Land was molested by Octauius Maximus and others for many yeers. These times are so diuersly written of in Histories, that a man knowes not which to beleeue most.
Kings and Louers can brook no partners: for these two brothers were each others destruction.
Theodosius was Emperour of the East, and Macrinus of the West: Some write that Octauius reigned 54. yeeres. Non credo.
Yeeres after Christ.
Constantius was a victorious Prince, and triumphed in Rome: yet [...]uell oppressor, and an Arian hereticke.
How like Bauius these tyrants consumed on [...] another these were all Emperours of Rome, & Kings of Brittaine.
In one [...] the whole nation of the Picts were [...]
[Page 281]Yeeres after Christ.
[...] [...]shed: about this time the Romanes gouernment [...]here. Gratian was a Brittaine Emperour but some [...]
Hee murdered his lawfull Prince, and vsurping the Throne was enforced to haue ayd of the Saxons, who at the [...] almost ouer-ran this Kingdome, but the Brittaines [...]ed, Vortiger, and crowned his Sonne Vortimer.
Yeeres after Christ.
Vortiger married his owne daughter to his third wife.
This King was a Romane, and brother to Vter Pendragon that succeeded him.
Vter Pendragon poysoned by the Saxons, after he had reigned 18.yeeres.
[Page 282]Yeeres after Christ.
This Constantine was kinsman to King Arthur, and was slaine by Conanus. Constantine was a wicked Prince, and slaine in battell by his kinsman Conanus, when he had reigned neere 3. yeeres. Of the tyme of this Aurelius Conanus his reigne, there is much variation in Histories.
Yeeres after Christ.
Heere beganne the Heptarchy, or 7 Kingdomes i [...] this Land, namely, Kent, South-Saxons, West-Saxons, East-Saxons, Northumberland, Mercia, and East-Angles: which diuision continued more then 600. yeeres, be fore it was all vnited into one Monarchy [...]e names of the Kings, & times of their reignes, and limits of their Kingdomes, are hereunder expressed.
1 KEnt was only a kingdome which had 17 Kings, namely, 1 Hengist, 2 E [...]s [...] 3 Octa, 4 Ymerick, 5 Ethelbert, who was the first Christian King of Kent, hee was an ayde [...] and helper of Sebert, King of the East-Saxons, in the famous and memorable buildings of S t Pauls Church in London, and Saint Peters at Westminster. 6 Eabald, 7 Ercombert, 8 Egl [...] 9 Lother, 10 Edrick, 11 Withred, 12 Eaber [...] 13 Edelbert, 14 Alick, 15 Ethilbert, 16 Cuthred 17 Baldred. These Kings reigned in Kent 372 yeeres, from the yeere of Grace 455. till the yeere 827.
2 The kingdome of the South-Saxons contained the Counties of Suffex and Surrit, [...] continued from the yeere 488. vntill the yeere 601. being 113 yeeres: they had three Kings [...] namely, 1 Ella, 2 Cissa, 3 Ethelwolse a Christian King, 4 Berthrum, 5 Authum.
3 The West-Saxons kingdome, whose beginning was in the yeer 519. and ended, Anno [...] 166. lasted 561 yeeres, hauing 17 Kings namely, 1 Cherdick, 2 Kenrick, 3 Chequilen, 4 Cealick, 5 Chelwold, 6 Kingils, a Christian, 7 Kenwald, 8 Eskwin, 9 Kentwin, 10 Ceadwald 11 Inas, 12 Ethelarc, 13 Cuthred, 14 Sigebat 15 Kenwolse, 16 Brightrik, 17 Egbert,: These Kings had vnder their gouernments, the Counties of Cornewall, Deuonshire, Somersetshire, Wiltshire, Hampshire and Barkshire.
4 The East-Saxons reigned 281 yeeres, beginning Anno. 527. and ending in the yeere 827. Their bounds were Essex and Middle-Sex, and their Kings were in number [...] 14, namely, 1 Erchenwin, 2 Sledda, 3 S [...] a Christian King, that assisted Ethelbert
[Page 283]Yeeres after Christ.
King of Kent it, in the building of the [...]hurches of saint Paul and Saint Peter afore [...] 4 Seward, 5 Sigebert, 6 Sigibert, 7 Swithe [...] 8 Sighere, 9 S [...]bba, 10 Sigherd, 11 Seo [...]l 12 Offa, 13 S [...]lred, 14 Suthred.
5 Northumberland was sometimes diuided into two kingdomes. It contained the [...]ies of Yorkshire, Durham, Lancashire, West [...]land, Cumberland and Northumberland: this Kingdome beganne in the yeere of our Lord, [...]7. and expired in 926. continuing 379. [...]eeres vnder 23 Kings, whose names were, 1 [...], 2 Ad [...]a, 3 Theodwald, 4 Frethulfe, 5 The [...] [...]ick, 6 Ethelrick, 7 Ethel [...]rid, 8 Edwin, 9 Os [...], 10 Oswy 11 Egfrid, 12 Alkfrid, 13 Ofred, 14 [...]red, 15 Oswolfe, 16 Ceolnuph, 17 Egbert, 18 Oswicke, 19 Edilwald, 20 Alured, 21 Ethel [...] 22, Alswald, 23 Osred. Amongst these, [...]dwin was their first Christian King.
6 The East Angles vnder 15 seuerall Kings, continued 353 yeeres, beginning in Anno, 575. [...]d ended in 914. their Territories were [...]lolke, Norfolk, Cambridgeshire and the [...] of Ely, their Kings names were, 1 Vffa, 2 [...]lus 3 Redwald their first Christian King, [...]wold, 5 Sigebert, 6 Egrik, 7 Anna, 8 [...]bert, 9 Ethwald, 10 Aldwol [...]e, 11 Aswald, 12 Beorn, 13 Ethelred, 14 Ethelbert, 15 Edmund. [...] The seuenth Kingdome were the Mer [...] [...], who had 20 Kings and 17 shires [...]nder their command: their Kings were [...] [...] Creda, 2 Wibba, 3 Cheorle, 4 Penda, 5 Peada [...]heir first Christian King, 6 Wolfere, 7 [...]helred, 8 Kenred, 9 Chelred, 10 Ethebald, 11 Offa, 12 Egfrid, 13 Kenwolfe, 14 Kenelme, 15 Chelwolfe 16 Bernulfe, 17 Ludecan, 18 [...]itlafe, 19 Bertwolfe, 20 Burdred. Their [...]ounds and dominions were 17 Counties, as of Northampton Leister, Darby, Lincolne, Huntington, Rutland, Notingham, Cheshire, Oxfordshire, Staffordshire, Worcestershire, Glostershire, Shropshire, Warwickeshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire, and [...]artfordshire.
Yeeres after Christ.
About this time Augustine the Monke, Mellitus, Iustus and Iohn all [...] men came from Rome, and preached the Gospell to the English m [...]n. Vortipore reigned 4. yeeres. Malgo, his raign [...] was short and wicked.
He reigned 3. yeeres: and now the Saxons had all England, the Brittaines and their Kings being expulsed and chased to the West sides of the Riuers Seauerne, and D [...].
[Page 284]Yeeres before Christ.
Cadwallin was buried at London in Saint Martins Church neere Ludgate.
Here the inhabitants lost the name of Brittaines, the land being called Anglia, or England, and the people Englishmen.
These Kings following were of the West Saxons.
Yeeres before Christ.
IN the 800. yeere of Christ, the Danes landed at Po [...] land, but Brithricus beat them backe, and after [...] was poysoned by his wife Ethelburga.
[Page 285]Yeeres after Christ.
Heere end the Kings of the West-Saxons: now follow the Kings of Britaine.
King Athelstane was crowned at Kingstone, hee fought this Land againe to one sole Monarchy, hee was buried at M [...]l [...]bury
Yeeres after Christ.
Edmund was buried at Glastenbury. Eldred was brother to Edmund, hee was crowned as Kingstone, hee expelled the Danes, and was buried at Winchester.
Edwin was Eldreds kinsman crowned a Kingstone: he deftowred his owne kinswoman, and slew her husband, for which [...] acts hee was deposed of all Kingly dignity, and his brother Edgar was in his stead crowned at Bath [...]. Edgar had 3600 skips to withstand the inuasion of his enemies: hee founded and repaired 47. religious houses, hee was buried at Glastenbury.
He was crowned at Kingstone: be reigned 3. yeeres, and was buried at Shaftsbury.
Etheldred was buried in St. Pauls Church in London.
Edricus a traitor murdered King Edmond Ironside, for the which Canutus the Dane caused him to bee tormented to death gri [...]uously as he deserued.
In Canutus his raigne the Danes possessed all England: he [...] buried at Winchester.
Harold was a Tyrant: hee was called Hartfoott. [...] h [...] [...] running: be murdered Prince Allured hee raigned three yeeres, and was buried at Westminster.
Hee caused the body of Harold to be digged out of the graue, and cast into the Thames, in reuenge of his brother Allureds death: he was buried at Winchester.
The second part.
William Conquerour was crowned on Christmasday 1067, the yeere then beginning on that day. In the [...] Forrest in Hampshire called New Forrest, [...]ere this King had defaced many Churches (wherein the [...] of God was called vpon) and placed wild Beasts for His disportun the same Forrest two of his owne sonnes were [...], Prince Robert killed by a Deere, and William Rufus by a Knight shooting at a Deere.
Rufus. In the 8. yeere of his reigne, the Christian Army went to Ierusalem, vnder the conduct of Godfry Duke of Bulleine, in which warres serued Robert Duke of Normandy the Kings eldest brother, who pawned his Dukedome for 16666. pounds weight of siluer. In the 11. yeere the Lands of the late Earle Godwine sunk in the sea, and are to this day called Godwine [...]ands. This King died the 2. of August 1100. He reigned 12. yeeres, 11. Moneths, and was buried at Winchester.
Henry the [...]. He held the Crowne wrongfully from his elder brother Robert Duke of Normandy, and ouercomming him in battell, most vnnaturally put out his e [...]es: he reigned 35. yeeres, his braines, eyes and bowels were buried at Roane in France, and the rest of his body at Redding: his Phisicion that opened his head, was killed suddainely with the stench of his brai [...]er.
King Stephen. He was noble, valiant, liberall, and politique, and almost in continuall trouble. In the 1. yeere of his reigne a fire burnt all the streete, from London-stone East, to Pauls, and West, to Algate, and within 2. yeeres after, the cities of York, Rochester, and Bathe, were burnt, Hee reigned 18. yeeres, 10 moneths and was buried at Feuersham.
Henry the 2. In the 12. yeer of this King an earthqu [...] in Norfolk, Suffolk, and Eiye, that made [...] [...] shaking the sleeples, and ouerthrew men that stood on this feete. Nicholas Breakespeare, an English man was [...]ope of Rome, and was named Adrian the fourth, hee gaue [...] Lord-shippe of Ireland to King Henry.
Richard the 1. he conquered the kingdome of Cypresse, and he tooke from the Infidels the Cities of Acon, & Ioppa, and deliuered them to Christians. In his 2. yeere, the [...]s of the renowned King Arthur were found at Glastenbury. King Richards bowels were buried at Chalne Castle in Aquitane, his heart at Roane, and his body at Founteuerard.
King Iohn. In the 8. yeere many men, Women, and cattell [...] slain [...] with thunder, and many houses burnt, and the [...] was beaten downe with haile as bigge as goose egges.
Some say, the King was poyson'd by a monke, and others [...]rite that he died of a surfeit at Newark, but his life was full of troubles, and after his death he was by base villaines [...]d and l [...]t naked without any thing to couer the corpes, hee was buried at Worcester.
Henry the 3. This King was born at Winchester, crowned at Glocester, & buried at Westminster. In the 17. of his reigne on the 8. of Aprill, 1233. there were 5 Sonnes in the firmament, and the naturall Sun was as red as blood.
Edward the 1. In the 13. yeere his sonne Edward was borne at Carnaruan, who was the first sonne of any King of England that was Prince of Wales.
An. 17. Wheat at 3. pence the Bushell.
In his 8. yeere such a death; that dogges and horses were good food, many ate their owne children, and old prisoners tore such as were newly committed in pieces, and deuoured them halfe liuing. The King reigned 19. yeeres 6. moneths.
In his 12. yeere he quartered the Armes of England and France, as they are at this day. Henry Pichard Vintuer, in his Moral [...]y, feasted at once. Edward King of England, Dauid King of Scotland, Iohn King of France, the King of Cypres, the Prince of Wales, the Dolphin of France, with many other great Personages of Honour and Worship.
This King was Grandchild to Edward the 3. and sonne to the black Prince, he was borne at Burdeux in France, and was but 11. yeeres old when he was crowned, so that all his miserable Calamity may be imputed to him not hauing or not regarding good counsell.
Henry the 4. Hee began his reigne the 29. of September, 1399. and the 14. of February following, king Richard the 2. being in prison at Po [...]fret-Castle, [...] murdered. The raigne of King Henry was acc [...] warre and trouble.
Henry the 5. In his 3. yeere hee past the sea with 1000. saile of Ships and Ve [...]els into France. His tombe or [...] was couered with siluer, but this yr [...]n age [...]th [...]
King Edward the sixt, being 10. yeers old, was crowned King of France in Paris, but with the strife betwixt the Nobility, and the Commons in England, the most part of France was lost againe, which was neuer recouered [...]
Edward the 4. In the first yeere on Palme-sunday. 1460. there was a battell fought betwixt King Edward and King Henry, neere Todcaster, wherein were s [...]aine of English-men on both sides 53000, 700, and 11. persons: The bloudy victory fell to King Edward. In the 10. yeere of his reigne, he was forced to forsake this Land, whereby King Henry was restored againe to the Crowne. But shortly after, Edward returned, and Henry was murthered.
Edward the 5. Within 3. moneths after the death of his father, hee and his brother Richard Duke of Yorke, were depriued both of their liues, and he of the Crowne, by their tyrannous Unkle Richard, Duke of Gloster.
This Richard was neuer a good subiect: but when he had got the Crowne, be striued by all meanes to be a good King, for in his Short reigne of two yeeres, two moneths, he made very profitable Lawes. which are yet in force: by which it may be perceiued how willing he was to redeeme his mis-spent time.
In his I. yeere in 7. weekes space, there dyed in London 2. Maiors, and 6. Aldermen, besides many hundred others of a strange sweating sicknesse, 1485.
Anno Reg. 12. at Saint Need [...] in Beafordshire, there fell hail-stones 18. inches about.
King Iames the 4. of Scotland, married Margret, eldest daughter to Henry the 7. from whom our graci [...] soueraigne is [...]ineally descended.
L [...]th, Edenbourgh, and diuers other parts of Scotland were spoyled by Sir Iohn Dudley, Lord Viscount [...]sle, Lord high Admirall of England, with a Navy of 200, tall Ships.
Anno 1544. King Henry went to Boloigne, hee [...] France the 13. of Iuly, and into Boloigne the 25. of September in which yeere were taken 300. French [...]hips for prices.
In his 5. yeere a strange Earth-quake did much harm [...] in diuers places of Surry, and a sweating sicknesse generally ouer England, that dispatched those that were in good health, in 12. houres, or 24. at the most. In one weeke there dyed of it in London 806. the most of them being men of best strength.
She married Philip King of Spaine, on Saint Iames his day, 1554. at Winchester.
Callice was won by Edward the 3. in the 21. of his reigne, 1347. and it was lost the I. of Ianuary 1557. after the English-men had possest it 210. yeeres.
August 7. 1558. a tempest neere Nottingham, beat downe 2. Townes and Churches, and cast the Bels to the further side of the Church-yard, threw whole sheetes of Lead 400. foot into the fields, where they were crumpled together like burns parchment: the streame and mud of the Riuer of Trent was blowne a-land a quarter of a mile: a childe blowne out of a mans hand 100. foot and kild: there fell hayle 15. Inches about.
At Teuxbury Anno 1574. the 24. of February, being. a hard frost, the Riuer of Seuerne was couered with Fl [...] and Beetles, so that it was thought, within the length of a paire of Bu [...], to be 100. quarters of them, the m [...]en stopped with them, but from whence they came, is unknown.
1582. A piece of Land of three Acres in Dorsotshire i [...] the Parish of Armitage, was suddenly remoo [...]ed 600. f [...]t from the place where formerly it stood.
God did wonderfully preserue him (vpon two seueral [...] Tue [...]daies) from 2 most dangerous treasons, the one at the Towne of Saint Iohnston in Scotland, on Tuesday the 5. of August, 1600. where the Earle of Gowry attemptea to kill his Maiesty. The other was in England, in that fearfull treason and deliucrance from the Powder-plot, on Tuesday the 5. of November. 1606.
[...]ust 25. Kings and Queenes of England since the Norman Conquest.
A BRIEFE REMEMBRANCE OF ALL THE ENGLISH MOnarchs, from the Normans Conquest, vntill this present.
TO THE HONOVRABLE AND TRVLY Noble, Sir ROBERT CARR, Knight, one of the Gentlemen of his Maiesties Royall Bed-chamber, &c.
WILLIAM THE FIRST, Surnamed the CONQVEROVR; KING OF ENGLAND, And DVKE OF NORMANDY.
Anno 1066, October 14, Saturday.
William Conqueror, the sonne of Robert the 6. Duke of Normandy, Ianded with a 1000. shippes furnished with men, horse & all warlike prouision, at Hastings in Sussex, and after a bloody battell with King Harold, with the slaughter of nere 70000. men on both parts, Hareld beeing slaine, Duke William came in Triumph to London, and was crowned at Westminster on Christmas day following, by, Aldred Archbisbop of Yorke: he vsed his victorie; and conquest here tyrannically; dispossesing most part of the English of their lands, giuing them to the Normans, for which appressions he was continually molested; sometimes with the Danes,then with the Welsh, with the Scots out of Ireland, and at home amongst his owne people: besides, many miseries did at once afflict this Land, as I. an vniuersall feauer amongst people, 2 Barrennesse of the ground, 3 Dearth and famine, 4 Moraine of Cattell, and the Church of St Pauls in London burnt, and all that was in it; The Country extremely ruin'd and spoyled for 60 miles space betwixt York and Durham. The king pulled downe 36 Churches, Townes and Villages, laying the Country waste and open for 30 miles space from the City of Salisbury Southward, which is now called Newforrest, and was by him made a wildernes or place for beasts for his game of hunting. In which place, (by Gods iust Iudgement) his second sonne Richard was kil'd by a Deere, his son K. William Rusus kil'd for a Deer, & Henry his grandchilde strucke into the iawes with a bough, and hanged so, till he was found dead. Neuerthlesse, he built many Abbies, Priories, Garisons, Houses, and Caslles; amongst the which, the Towre of London was one: He died at Roane 1087 September 9. he was not onely robd and risted of all his goods and Kingly ornaments and riches, but barbarously stripped and left naked on the floore, not hauing any one to attend his carcasse, but for saken of all. Such is the frailty and misery of earthly greatnesse. Lastly, he had much adoe to get a graue, which in the end (with great difficulty) was purchased for him at Cane in Normandy.
WILLIAM THE IJ, Surnamed RVFVS, KING OF ENGLAND And DVKE OF NORMANDY.
Anno 1087. September 26. being Sunday.
William the second, surnamed Rufus (by [...] son of his ruddy or red colour) was crowned at Westminster, by Lanfrank, Archbishop of Can [...] terbury his elder brother Robert being Duke [...] Normandy, who likewise claimed the Crowne, [...] he was pacified with the mediation of the friends [...] William, and the promise of 3000 markes a yeere [...] Robert departed this Land, after is had beene [...] wasted with their contentions. Then, after little breathing time, the Welsh arose in Armes, and Malcolme King of Scots Inuaded England burning and spolying as farre as Chester. [...] soone as the peace was made betwixt the King William and Malcolme, the two brothers William and Robert sell at oddes again, and again are appeased. After that, Malcolme King of Sco [...] made an inroad into England againe, whom Ro [...] bert Moubray Earle of Northumberland (ly [...] in ambush) suddenly slew; in which action, Edw [...] King Malcolms sonne, likewise was slaine. Af [...] which, the third time, the 2 brothers, Robert [...] William, sell againe at variance, and after [...] trouble, are againe reconciled. Then Duke Robert [...] goeth to Ierusalem and conquers it. In the yeere 1099. the Schisme began, there beeing 2 Popes, [...] at Rome, the other at Auigniou in France. The K. William was as valiant a prince as the war [...] yeelded, and a great opposer of the indirect cours [...] the see of Rome. Many fearefull things happened in his reigne; as earthquakes, dreadfull lightning and Apparitions, Blazing Commets in strange [...] gures, Inundations, & Deluges to the destruction is people, and much land ouerwhelmed with the [...]neuer to be recouered: amongst the which, [...] Goodwins lands were drowned, and are now c [...] Goodwin sands. At Finchamsted in Barkin [...] there was a Well of blood, which flowed 15 dayes When this King had reigned neere 13 years, he was vnfortunately slaine by a French Knight, S t Water Tirrell, and brought to Winchester in a C [...] liers cart, and there buried, Anno 1100, Ang [...].
HENRY THE FIRST, Surnamed BEAVCLARKE, KING OF ENGLAND, And DVKE OF NORMANDY.
Anno 1100. August I, Wednesday.
Henry the I, a Prince of incomparable wisdom & learning, for which indowments he was surnamed Beauclark, he mollified the seuentty of his Father and brother lawes, he cashierd and punished all flatrers & parasites frō his Court; but his elder brother Robert, Duke of Normandy, hearing of the death of his brother Rufus, makes haste from is Conquest and Kingdome of Ierusalem, (if hee had pleased) and comming into England, landed at Portsmouth, claiming the Crowne; but by aduice of the Nobles on either part it was agreed, that King Henry should pay vnto Duke Robert 3000 markes yeerely; but by the instigation of some discontented persons, the two brothers disagree againe: and in the fift yeere of King Henry, Duke Robert landed in England again; then there was a [...]ayned peace made between them, which in the 7 yeere of this king was broken, and in the 8 yeere, King Henry tooke his brother, Duke Robert, and caused his eyes to be put out, Thus, iust the same day forty yeers, that the Duke of Normandy conquered England, that very day did this Henry the first King of England conquerNormandy. Henry the fourth Emperour of Germany marryed Maude the Daughter of king Henry. This King was the first thai ordained the High court of Parliament. In the yeare 1020. Prince William, the sonne of king Henry, of the age of 17, crossing the Seas from France towards England, with his wife, the Duke of Anious daughter, and his sister Maud, the Lady Lucy a Neece of the Kings, the Earle of Chester, with diuers other Noblemen, Ladies and others, to the number of 160, were all most miserably drown'd, not any of them saued but a poor Butcher. The king hauing no children left, but his daughter Maude the Empresse. The Emperor her Husband beeing dead, she came into England, (to whom the king her father) caused his Nobles to sweare allegeance as to his lawfull heire after his decease, which Empresse after was married to Ieffrie Plantagenet Earle of Aniou. The King after many troubles with the French, Welsh, Scots and Englsih, with forraigne and Ciuill warres, vnfortunate and vntimely losse of children and friends, after 35 yeeres reigns, he dyed at Saint Dennis in Normandy, whose corpes were brought into England and buried at Reding, 1135.
STEPHEN, KING OF ENGLAND, AND DVKE OF NORMANDY,
Anno 1135. December 26. Munday.
On Saint Stephens day, Stephen Earle of Mortaigue and Bulloyne, the Sonne of Stephen E [...] Bloys and Champaine, was crowned at Westminster by William Corbell Archbishop of Canterbury, tak [...] Gouernement vpon him vsurpingly, compare to his [...] made to King Henry the I, in the behalf of Maudth' Empresse, for the which his whole reigne was full of como [...] all troubles. For the Empresse claiming her right, great parties weere taken on each side: the King had on his part his brother Henry. Bishop of Winchester, William Archbishop of Canterbury, Roger, Bishop of Salisbury, Hugh Bigott late Lord Steward to King Henry the first. On the Empresse part were Robert, Earle of Glocester her halfe brother, Dauid, King of Scotland, Owen and Cadwallader, sent to Griffith ap Co [...], Prince of Wa es; and in Normandy, Geffry, the Empresse Husband made hauocke in the right of his [...] in which space the King was dangerously sicks, recouered, and went into Normandy, appeasing the tumults, and leauing his Sonne Eustace Duke there, makes league with France, buyes his peace with the Empresse for 5000 marks yeerely, and returnes into England: after which Dauid King of Scotland, with his valiant Sonne Pre [...] Henry, wasted and spoyled call the North parts of England, till by Thurstane, Archbishop of York, and Ralp [...] Bishop of Durham, He was [...] and discomfited: In [...] me and space, K. Stephen in diuers parts of this Kingdom was victortous, chasing and killing many of those but a [...] posed him, inforcing Robert, Earle of Glocester, to [...] into France, [...]whilst Stephen in England [...] [...] and Castles. After in a great [...] the King was [...] at Lincolne by th' Empresse and committed [...] Bristow Castle: but the Nobility distastins the [...] s [...]rict gouernment, fell off from her to King Stephens [...] againe. In these broyles more the [...] Char [...] burnt in Winchester with almost the wha [...] [...] med to ashes. In the end Robert, Eearle of Glocester was taken prisoner, and ex [...]hanged for King Stephen [...] the warres more and more encreasing; till at last, [...] mercy looking on this miserable Land, was pleased [...] Stephen should ordaine Henry the Empresse form Sonne [...] Hetre, after him, vpon which conditions peace [...] blished. The King aged at Douer, and was buried at Feuersham, October 25, 1154. hauing reigned [...] all vexation neere 19 yeeres.
HENRY THE SECOND, KING OF ENGLAND, DVKE OF NORMANDY, Guyen and Aquitaine, &c.
Anno [...] [...] [...]
[...]
RICHARD THE FIRST, Surnamed CVER DE LYON, KING OF ENGLAND, DVKE OF NORMANDY, Guyen and Aquitaine, &c.
Anoo 1189 Iuly, 6, Thursday.
Richard the first, (surnamed Cuer De Lyon, or Lyons Heart, was crowned at Westminster by Baldwin, Archbishop of Canterbury; Shortly after his Co [...] tion, he sold and pawned lands, and gathering a great sum of 1100000 [...]. he left England in the guidance of William Longchamp Bishop of Ely, (the Popes Legate, and Lord Chancelor of England) William king of Scotla'd being in amity with King Richard: this king sailed in France, with whom the French K. Philip went with their armies toward the holy Land in their voyage, they touched the kingdom of Sicilia, where Tancred the vsurping King of that Country gaue king Richard 6000. ounces of [...] (I know not whether it was for loue or feare) He saild from thence, and in a Tempest his Nauie was disperst, and fo [...] wrack'd neere the lle of Cyprus, whom lsakius the by courteous King of that kingdome would not harbour vnlieue; but contrarily pillaged and abused. king Richard and inraged, landed, conquerd Cyprus, carrying the king and his daughter away prisoners, leauing the kingdoms vds [...] two trusty Viceryes; hee put againe to Sea, bit [...] number more then 300, he met with a great Arg [...] [...] [...] the Sarazens with 1500 men in her, and fur [...] munition, and victuals, for their friends at Acon, [...] Argosey the King tooke, after hee sailed to Acon, [...] ciently called Ptol omais) which City he likewise conquered (Philip king of France being with him) and [...] med 1500 Christians that were there in bondage. The king of France (weary, or ennious of King Richards [...] ries) returned home; In the meane time, Earle Iohn Kings brother, driues the proud gouerning Bishop of E [...] out of his gouernment, and this kingdome. T [...] [...] King Richard fortified Ascalon, marched before Ien [...] lem, fought with the Salladine, & took 7000 C [...] other beasts, killing the Infidels in heaps. At last, [...] Duke of Burgundy forsakes the warres, whereby th [...] was inforced to come to truce with the Saladine, for [...] yeeres. Hee returning in disguise like a March [...], [...] discouered and taken by Leopoldus Duke of Austria, [...] the Emperor took him from him. In the meant space, [...] the Kings brother vseth all the foule play he c [...] Crowne. After 15 moneths imprisonment, the king [...] released, paying a great Ransome: be landed in England was crowned againe at Winchester, for gaue his brother Iohn, sailed into Normandy against his mortall e [...] the King of France, who fled from the siege of Vernoy [...] so soene as he heard of Richards comming; yet new [...] [...] arose betweene them, wherein King Richard was [...] Victorius. Lastly, at the battell of Gisors 1192 after [...] sion, he was most infortunately slain, at the siege of [...] named Chaluz, with an Arrow the 6 of April, 119 [...] hauing reigned nobly and prosperously neere 10 yeere.
IOHN, KING OF ENGLAND, DVKE OF NORMANDY, Guyen and Aquitaine, LORD OF IRELAND, &c.
Anno 1199, Aprill 6, Tuesday.
Iohn [...]stly intruded the Crowne, it being by right his nephew Arthurs, who was sonne to Ieffry Duke of Britaine, Iohns eldest brother) howsoeuer Iohn was crowned on the 6 of May at Westminster by Hubert, Archbishop of Canterbury; but after a false reconciliation betwixt Philip King of France, Iohn, king of England, and Arthur, 'Duke of Britaine, the said Duke Arthur was murthered: some Authors (in malice) taxing king Iohn with the murther, and some Writers altogether clearing him. Hoasoeuer he had not one quiet day in his whole-Reigne; his Principalities in France seazed only the French, Wales in combustion, Ireland in vproare, Scotland preparing against him, England all in confusion, defender and hurliburly, the King, the Peeres, the Prelates and Commons at perpetuall diuisioen. The Pope of Rome thunders out his Excommunications against the King and all that obeyed him, and interacts the whole Realme: Soe that for three yeeres no Church was opened either for Gods Seruice to be exercised, or Sacraments administred. There was no Christian buriall allowed to any, but the Carcasses of the dead were barbarously laid in vnhallowed places, or cast like dogges into ditches: yet all this time many of the English Nobilitie loyally serued their Soueraigne, mangre the Papall Anathemizing. The King went into Ireland, and finding it shattered into contentions, fractures; ioynes, and vnites it againe, and returnes into England: When suddenly Lewilyn Prince of Northwales (who had married King Iohns daughter) inuades the Marches of England; but Lewilyn was soyled, and Wales conquered. But in the yeere 1211, the Popes set all curse beganne to fall heauy vpon king Iohn, which curse also made many great: Lords and other to far from the King; neuerthelesse, (Scotland being in contention by a Traytor that claimed the Crowne there, [...] Gothred) King John went thither, & aided his friend K. William, and in that expedition set all in good peace, & taking the Traitor Gothred, caused him to be hanged; The Pope very liberally gaue the kingdome of England to Phil. of France, An. 1112. More then 3000 people were burn'd & drown'd on & vnder London bridge in the space of 4 yeers, King John made his peace with the Pope, surrendred his Crown to Pandulphus the Legat, & for money and good words was blest, and had his Crowne againe. Philip of France attempts Englands inuasion, his Fleet is beaten, discontented, sunke, scattered, taken by king Iohn. Lewis the Dolphin of France landed at Sarawich with 650 ships, came to London, and tooke oaths of Allegeance of the Barons and Citizens in Pauls: yet at last, Lewis it forsaken of the English Lords, yet holds possessions heere. King Iohn being thus freed from Inuasion and Forraigne assaults, was assaulted with poyson by a Monk in Swinsted Abbey; hauing reigned more powerfull then fortunate 17 yeeres, 5 moneths and odde dayes, was interred at Worcester.
HENRY THE THIRD, KING OF ENGLAND, LORD OF JRELAND, DVKE OF NORMANDY, G [...]en and Aquitaine, &c.
Anno 1216, October 19, Wednesday.
Henry the third, the eldest sonne of King Ioha, and Isabel, which was the daughter of Aym [...]r Earle of A [...] golesme; Thus Henry was borne at Winchester, [...] first crowned at Gloucester, by Peter, Bishop of Winchester, & Iosseline Bishop of Bath and after ag [...]man with his Lords, he was againe crownes at Westminster by Stephen Langton, Archbishop of Conterbury, [...] Whitsanday, God (in mercy) lookes gentle [...] calamities that this wofull Land pressed by forraigne warres and ciuill discord. It all turned to a happy [...] betwixt the King and his Lords, which continued a long time. Gualo the Popes Legate, the Bishop of Winchester, William Marshall Earle of Pombroke being the protector of the Kings Realme (the King [...] [...] old) by whose good gouernment. Lewts the [...] of France, with all his French Armies were exp [...]ed out of the kingdome. The King forg [...]e all of the La [...] the had taken part with Lewis but he made the Clerg [...] great sines. Alexander the King of Scotland, was married to the Leaytane sister to King Henry, at which misiery Dragons were [...] [...] [...] the [...] coun [...] fellow said he [...] Iesus Christ, sheuing the markes [...] were of Nayles in his hands & feet, [...]er the which bla [...] my bewa [...] Crucified at a place called Atterbury neare the Towne of Banbury. Some say hee was [...] two walls and started at Cathnes in Scotland. The Bishop did excem [...] the people, because they would [...] pay their Tithes, for the which they burned the Bishop aliue for reward of which wicked act, their King caused 400. of the chife offenders to be [...]arged, golded [...] [...] dr [...] and put the Earle from his Earledoms, Iohn, King of Ierusclem, came into England to [...]raue [...] de [...]f King Henry, But the King was so busied here, that he co [...]al [...] ayd him. K. Henry with a great Arm: went into Britaine against Lewis, King of France, and spoyled the C [...] mighty; till at last, a Peace was co [...]l [...]ded. The Emperor Fred [...]rick married the Lady Isabell the King [...]. Eig [...] Iewes were hanged for cru [...]ring a [...]dre Lincolne. Richard Earle of Cornwall (the Kings [...] ther) was made King of the Romanes. The King l [...] [...] lands in France, except the Duchy of Aquitaine; Wales was in insurrection, Ireland in rebellion, England in a hurty-burly, [...]stoy all Diuision betwixt the King and his [...] Lords, Anno 1233. 5 Sunnes were [...]e [...]u [...] [...] [...] in the East, one in the West, one in the South, [...] in the North [...] the fifth in the m [...]st of the firmament, The King entertaines Poictouines out of France, and giues them places of great honour in Court and [...] [...] which made the English Barons raise At [...] agan [...] King. The Earl of Leicester and Gloucester [...]the King of England in the battell at Lewes. The Lord Chiefe iustue [...]'d in Westminster- [...]; [...], after all these ones, the King dyed in peace, hauing reigned 56 yeeres, [...] burried at Westminster. 127 [...].
EDWARD THE FIRST, KING OF ENGLAND, LORD OF IRELAND, DVKE OF AQVITAINE, &c.
An. Dom. 1272. Nouember, Wednesday.
Edward the first was 35 yeares old when he beganne to reigne, but at the death of his Father, he was in warres in the Holy L [...]d against the Saracens: So that he returned not home till the next yeere, a [...]time hee was crowned the 14 day of December: in the second yeere of his reigne, the [...]mins [...]ty of [...] Coro [...] [...] performed by Robert K [...]lwarby Ar [...] of Canterbury) at Westminster. Thus King brought Wales wholy vnto subsection to the crowne of England, he effect [...] peace, be caused all co [...]tred Iudges and Officers of Note to be must exemplertly p [...]n [...]ea, with sines, [...] pri [...]men: and bantshment. A Nauy of 60 English, s [...]ps ou [...]ams and tooke 800 ships of France, An. 1293. Sir William Wallace A Noble va [...]ant Sco [...]) a [...]d warr [...] vpon King Edward, and in the seruice of his Countrey, did much [...] to England. The King ca [...] this Sonne Edward being an in [...]rt) to be the first Prince of Wales that was of to [...] English blood. Since when all the Kings of Englands elaest Sonnes are by right Princes of Wales. 284 Iewes were executed for [...]ptes, of the Kings coyne. An 1280. King Edward caused Bay [...]trds Castle to be buils in London, (now the mansion house of the Right Honourable Earle of Pemb [...].) In the 15 yeers of this kings reigne, Wheate was sold for 3 d the B [...]she [...] and the next yeere, being 1288, it was sold for 18 d the Bush [...] which in those d [...]ies was accoūted a great price; but after; as long as The King liued, the price came to 5 [...] the Bashell. King Edwards Armi [...]ew 70000 of the Scots, in one day as the [...]tt [...]k of Fau [...]rke. Sir William Wallace was betrayed, taken and brought out of Scotland, and executed in Smithfield, has head being set on London Bridge, and his quarters sent into Scotland: yes be is by [...] men had in Honorable remembrance. The warres [...] so set in this Kings reigne, betwixt him and the Scots, that (as [...]enerall times) there were more then 130000 men slaine on both parts: yet amongst all our English Kings that past before him, Edward was not inferiour today, he was religious, valiant, victorious, wise, affable, of a comely Ma [...]estmall Aspect and proportion: he had two wiues, the first was Eleanor, daughter to Ferdinand the third King of Castile, the second was Margaret, daughter to Philip surnamed Hardy) King of France, by them hee had 4 Sonnes, and 10 Daughters, bee reigned neere 35 yeeres, and was burried at Westminster, 1307. July, 7.
EDWARD, THE II, KING OF ENGLAND, LORD OF IRELAND, DVKE OF AQVITAINE, &c.
Anno Dom. 1307, Iuly 8.
Edward the second, surnamed Carnaruan, [...] cause he was born at Carnaruan Castle is Wales was crowned at Westminster by the hands of William Bishop of Winchester, (deputy for Robert Archbishop of Canterbury, then absent in exile) [...] 24 of February next following. He was much [...]cted to follow the aduice and counsell of light [...] which caused the Nobility to rebel against him [...] at the first he ouercame them, and tooke. Thomas Earle of Lancaster (a Peers of the blood) their chief Leader, & fate in iudgment himself on him at Pomfret, where the Earle had iudgment giuen against him to be drawne, for is Treason, for his murder spoyle, burning & robberies to be hangd, and for his shamefull flying away, to be beheaded; but because [...] was of the Kings kindred, he was only beheaded, [...] the last such of the Barons as had escap'd (& [...] the Mortimers) with the helpe of the Queene [...] the yong Prince, (then come out of France newly) tooke the King and imprisoned him; neuer [...] kingdome in more [...]sery then this Kings [...] for his immoderate loue to Peirce Gau [...] (a meane Gentleman of France) was the cause of the Kings and has owne destruction, with the [...] calamity of the [...] kingdom. This Gaueston [...] banished hence by the Kings father, & was in [...] times exil'd but at his third [...]rne, Guy [...] Watwick, took him, & in Warwick Castle [...] his head to be snore off; which so inraged the [...] [...]ing King that bee vowed reuenge vpon all [...] Lords & others who were the causers of Gauest [...] death: in the meane space Robert Bruce, King Scots, gaue King Edward a mighty ouer [...] place cal'd Bannocksbourne, where the English [...] their confederates, Hollanders, Brabanders, [...] landers, Flemings, Picards, Gascognes, [...] mans, Poloiners, wer in number; ooooo [...] foot; yet were discomfited with the losse of 5000 [...] the King in great danger to be taken; famine foul and pestilence at once afflicted England, so that [...] ple did eat one another halfe-aliue, and the [...] scarce able to bury the deed. The King prepares for reuenge against his Lords for Gaueston, [...] Hugh Dispencer, from meane estate, to be [...] Chamberlaine. The King caused 2 [...] of his [...] suffer death diuers [...]. He makes a second [...] against Scotland, & [...] againe with great [...] [...] [...] [...]. This was the miserable [...] this King, who was deposed, the Spencers [...] Edward reign'd 19 years 7 months and 17 days.
EDWARD THE IIJ, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND,
Anno 1327, Ianuary 25, Saturday.
Edward the 3 being borne at Windsor, being 15 yeers old, was crowned by Walter Reignolds, Arcbishop of Canterbury [...] in his 2 yeere, Edward his Father was murthred; The Court in those daies, was seldome without a vipē, for as Gaueston was the forerūner of the Spencers in ambition, rapine, pride, and confusion. So the Spencers were the vshers of the Mortimers intollarable aspiring conetousnesse and destruction, and which was most insupportable, there were for all most 20 yeers space, the plagues and desolation of the King and kingdomes. After great coutentions were betwixt the 2 Realmes of England and Scotland, a peace was concluded, and Dauid-le Bruce the young Prince of Scotland, was married to Iane, King Edward the 3 sister. K. Edward maried with the Lady Philip, daughter to the Earle of Henault at Yorke, with whom she liu'd 42 yeers. She sounded Queens Colledge in Oxford: She was mother to that mirrour of manhood, and st [...] of Chiu [...] it, Edward, surnamed the black Prince. There was a dreadfull batell sought at Hallidon hill, in which were slaine, 8 Earles, 80 Knights and Baroness, and 35000 Common soldiers on the Scots side, the losses on the English side through the parciality of Writers were not set downe. About the 12 yeers of this Kings reigne, a quarter of Wheate was sold for 28, an Oxe 6 d a Geose 2d, a fat Sheepe 6 d, fixe Pidgeons and a fat Pigge for 2 d. The King claimed the Crowne of France, and with 200 ships sought with 300 French ships, and flew 33000 of the French. This King first instituted the Honorable Order of the Garter at Windsor, there being alwaies 26 in number.) The King sought the battell of Cressie in France, wherein was slain the King of Bohemia, with 10 Princes, 80 Knights Baroness and 1200 Knights, with 330000 Common Soldiers. The King made 4 inroades into Scotland with great armies, and was still victorious. Anno 1338, the arms of France were quartered wth the armes of England: the King prepared a great armie against France, and on the Sea, neere Sluce in Flanders, he vanquished 400 French ships, with the losse of 30000 of their men. Then was France taken or halfe a yeere:the wars againe renewing, King Edward besieged Callice, and [...]ocke it An. 1347: Dauid, King of Scotland was taken prisoner by one Iohn Copland, an Esquire of the North. At the battell of Potiers, Edward the black Prince of Wales had a glorious victory, for there hee [...]ocke, King Iohn of France, with his Sonne Phillip the Dolphin prisoners. There were slaine of the French. 52 Neblemen, 1700 Knights and Esquires, and 600 Common men. 100 Ensignes and many men of note taken prisoners, Dauid, King of Scots was set at liberty, hauing bin a prisoner 11 yeers, paying 100000 marks st [...]ing. Iohn K. of France, after 4 yeeres imprisonment, set free, paying 1000000 [...]. for his ransome. Finally, neuer was English King more triumphant and fortunate, in war, in the fruition of a vertuous Queen, 7 sons and daughters, a glorious and lang reign of 50 yeeres, buried at Sheene, Anno Domini, 1378.
RICHARD THE IJ, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND, &c.
Anno Dom. 1377 June 21 Sunday.
Richard the second borne as Burdeux, the [...] nate Grandebilde, and son of the two [...] and Paragons of Armes and all Noble vertues, Edward the third, and his euer-famous sonne Edward the [...] Prince, was crowned at Westminster by the [...] mond Sudbury Archbishop of Canterbury, the K [...] being but 11 yeeres old. The glory of the English N [...] was in a continual Eclips the most part of this K [...]g [...] his youth with all the frailties incident vn [...], with [...] gouernours both of his Kingdome and person, [...] main Ruines of the King & almost the Realm The [...] of his fortunes after his Coronation was, that 50 French ships landed at Rye in Suffex, who burnt and spoyled the Towne, and diuers other parts of the kingdome; and [...] Alexander Ramsey, (a valiant Scottish Gentlemen) with but 40 men withhim, tooke the Castle of Barwicke, which the Earle of Northūberland man from him [...] with a great number. The French did so far preuaile [...] they came to Granesend, and burnt and rifled it: T [...] Comment arose in rebellion in diuers places, as Kent, [...] sex, Surrie, Suffolk, Norfolk, Cambridge, the K [...] men (being 50000) came to London, where the [...] cammitted many outrages, vnder the cemman [...] of [...] solent rebels, Wat Tyler, and Iack Sraw, who [...] mated to that mischief by one Iohn Ball: an [...] priest) but Tyler was killed by the famous Sir William Walworth Lord Maior of London, the rebele dispe [...], Iack Staw and Ball the Priest extented, the Com [...] pardoned, and all at peace for a short time: These Bascalls had beheaded Sinon Tibald Archbishop of Canterbury [...] and Sir Robert Hales Lord Treasurer of England [...] burnt and spoylea the Sahoy, the like they had [...] Lanibeth, destroying all the Rowles and Record of [...] Chancerie. Iohn of Gaunt Duke of Lancaster, the King vnckle, was accused for Treason by a Carmilite Fryer [...] the Fryer was cruelly murdered and the Duke (suspici [...] cleared. Barwick was wonne againe by the Scots, [...] againe recouered by the Earle of Northumberland. The French prepare a great Nauy and Army, purpa [...] inuade England; King Richard raiseth a [...] intending to conquer Scotland, all which desig [...] neither good or profitable euents. 1386 mischiefe and [...] serie (hauing sate long abroad) began to batch, the [...] insulting on the one side, and the people rebellious [...] other, did Bandy the regall power in to hazard. The Scott enter England vnder the command of the valiant Sir William Dowglasse, and are met and [...] tred by the Right Noble Lord, Henry Hotspurre: Dowglasle was staine, and Hotspur taking Ireland: rebel'd the King went thither in person, and lest England, the whilest he bring forced to surrender himselfe, but Crow [...] and kingdome to his kinsman. Henry Bullingbrooke, Son to Iohn of Gaunt Duke of Lancaster, 1400.
HENRY THE IV, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND, &c.
Anno Dom. 1399, September 19, Munday.
Crownes misplaced on vnrightfull heads, are commonly lined with perdurable cares and vexation, as appeared in the lines and raignes of Rusus, Henry the first, Stehpen, Iohn; and now this King Henry the fourth, who (though hee were minion of Fortune, the Darling of the peolpe, & euery way a compleate Noble Prince; yet was his vsurpation still attended with dangerous molestations; he was crowned at Westminster by Thomas Arundell Arbhishop of Canterbury; hee was scarce warme in his seat, before the Dukes of Exeter, Aumerie & Surry, with the Earles of Glocester and Salisbury conspired to kill him, and to raise King Richard againe; but their plot was discouered and satisfied with the losse of there heads. shortly after, king Richard the 2 was starued to death some say murdred) at Pomfret castle. in short time after the Princes of English poets, Ieffry Chaucer and Iohn Cower dyed; all those Noble men, who either fouored king Richard, or were raised by him, were degraded, disinherited, or out of King or courrtly favour. The French in Aquitaine, intend rebellion against K. Henry, but are pacified by Tho: Percy, Earle of Worcester. The Welsh rebell (vnder the cōmand of their captine, Owne Glendowre, and the king went thither in person, and with losse and danger quieted them, An. 1403 the terrible battel of Shrewsbury was fought betwixt the King and the Earle of Worcester, the Earle Dowglasse, the Lord Henry Percy (alias) Hotspur, and others, where after a bloody triall, Percy was slain, buried, taken vp againe and quartered: the Earle of Worcester was beheaded, the Dowglasse taken, and the King victorious. Owen Glendowere again raiseth wars in Wales, and inuades the Marches of England: & although king Richard the 2 be dead and buried, yet is he still sained to be aliue, and by counterfeit impostures, King Henry was much molested 140 ships came out of France, arriued at Milford hauen, to the aid of Owen Glendowre; the Earle of Northumberland rebelled with the Lord Bardolph, and were both taken & beheaded. Thus was king Henries reigne, a Maiesticall missery, a soueraignty of sorrow, and a regall power alwaies attended with perplexity; so that hauing raign'd 13 yeers 6 months wanting 5 daies, he dyed the 20 of March 1413, and leauing 4 sonnes, 2 daughters, he was with all funerall and Royall solemnity interred at Canterbury.
HENRY THE FIFTH, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND.
Anno Dom. 1413. March 20, Sunday.
Henry the 5, borne at Monmouth in Wales, about 28 yeeres old when he began to reigne, he was crowned at Westminster by the hands of Thomas Arundell Archbishop of Canterbury: and howsoeuer some Writers haue imputed wildnesse and irregular courses so youth vnto him; yet when hee attained the Scepter, he proued the mirror of Princes, and Paragon of the world (in that age:) He banished from his Court and presence all prophane and lewd companions, and exiled from his eares, all flattring Parasites and Sicophants. In the 1 yeer of his reigne, he prepared a great Armie against France, an [...] Southampton (very happily) escaped murthering by the Treason of Richard, Earle of Cambridge, Henry, Lord Scroope, and Sir Thomas Gray Knight. Soone after, the King past with 1500 sail into France, where hee wanne the strong Tow [...] Hatflew, and intending to march back with his [...] my toward Callice, he was neere a place called Agincourt, encountrea by the whole power of France, where King Henry had a triumphant victories in which battel were slaine many of the French Nobility, with 10000 cōmon soldiers, & as many of them taken prisoners. The whole English Army (at that time) being not 10000, being wasted with the fluxe, famine, and other sicknesses, yet did they [...] more prisoners then they were themselues in number, & in all the battel lost not aboue 28 mē. After which the King returned into England, and [...] was met with 400 Citizens, and magnificantly [...] tertained into London. King Henry attributing all his conquests and victories to God. The E [...] Sigismond came into England, and entred leag [...] with King Henry; the Emperors intent was to [...] made a peace betwixt England, & France; but he could not accōplish it. The king passed into I ra [...] againe, and wonne many Cities, Townes, C [...] strong holds: in the end he married the Lady Katherin daughter to K. Charles of France, with when he came into England, and hauing crowned [...] Queene, be returned into I rance the third [...] was in Paris proclaimed heire apparent to the Crowne. Finally, he sickened and dyed at Boyses [...] Vincennois in France from whence his corps [...] brought and buried at Westminster, I September, 1422.
HENRY THE VI, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF JRELAND.
Anno Dom. 1422, August 31, Munday.
Henry the 6 born at Windsor, (the son of Henry the 5) was but 8 moneths old at the death of his father; so that by reason of his infancy, himselfe and kingdome were gouerned by his vnckles, the Dukes of Bedford and Glocester, An. 1419 Nouember 6, the King was crowned first at Westminster by the hands of Henry Chichley Archbishop of Canterbury: hee was againe the second time crowned at Paris, the 7 of December 1431, by the Cardinalls, of York and Winchesters and returns into England the 11 day of February following. In these times France was in miserable perplexity, diuided betwixt French and English in continuall bloody wars, for the Dolphin Charles, made wars in sundry places; claiming the Crowne; & the English won and lost towns and territories, as fortune found or fround, till at last, by reason of the King: childhood in the beginning of his reigne, his soft, milde, & gentle inclination in his ripe yeeres, and his indisposition to marshall affaires (hee beeing more sit for the Church thē for chinalry, for praier thē for prowesse, a man in al his actions more like a Saint, then to one that should weild a warlike sword or Royall Scepter; being a most vnfortunate Prince in all his worldly attempts: the Peers (in England) bandied factions against each other: the Duke of York claimed the Crowne, the cōmons of Kent (vnder the leading of their captiain) lack Cade, being in number 50000, came to London: the Rebels murdered the Bishop of Sali bury, and beheaded the Lord Say at the standard in Cheape the King was taken prisoner by the Duke of Yorke at the bartell of Saint Albans. the French with 15000 men landed at Sandwich, spoyled the Towne & fierd it stew the Maior with all in authority there, and likewise hauing burnt and pillaged many other places in De [...]on [...]shire and the West, they departed, Queene Margaret the wife to King Henry the 6, met the Duke of Yorke with an Army, neere Wakefield, where the victory, fell to the Queen, the Duke being slaine with his son the Earle of Rutland, and many others. Thus for the space of 60 yeeres, the three Kings Henries, the 4,5, and 6, kept the Crowne in the Lancastrian line: the house of Yorke got the soueraignty: King Henry hauing reign'd 38 yeers, [...] months & 4 daies he was ouercome by King Edward, at a place called Mortimers Crosse neere Ludlow, more of this vnfortunate Prince shall be spoken in the reigne of the next King Edward.
EDWARD THE IIIJ, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND, &c.
Edward the fourth was Earle of March, some and heire to Richard, Duke of Yorke, sonne to Richard Earl of Cambridge, s [...]nto Edmund of langley; [...] of York, 4 sento Edward the 3, King of England. This King (Edward the fourth) Was borne at Roane is Normandy: and in the yeere 1461, the 29 of Iune, hee [...] crowned at Westminister, by the hands of Thomas Bourgchier, Arcbishop of Canterbury. Henry the fixt, hauing a great power in the Nor [...], was [...] and encountred by King Edward neere Towton on Palmssunday, where bet [...]xt the two Kings was fought a [...] battell which continued ten houers, in which cruell conflict, the English ground dranke the sangkired [...] of [...] 37000 of her naturall englishmen: after, [...] [...] [...] as Hexam by the Lord Montracute, King Henry was again put to fight with great lesse be was afterward [...] disquid'd & [...]isoned [...] the Towre of London. Edward new supposed all was well, his minde was on m [...]ruj [...], wherefore he sent Richard Neuill, (The great King [...] ker Ex [...]le of Warwich) into France, so treate forth Lady Bona (sister to the French Quene) but with meane space King Edward prou [...]ed himselfe man home, and was married to the Lady Elizabeth Gray [...] match was so deslatefull to Warwick that hee [...] fals aff from King Edward; after which, he took the King Prisoner, but he escaping againe, fled beyend the Saw. The Earle of Warwick tooke King Henry out of the T [...]nt, and caused him againe to be crowned: King Edward landed agains in England at Bornet s [...]ld (tra [...] London) his Army was met by the Earles of Warwick and Oxford,(King Henry being them againe [...] [...] s [...]er) where was fought a fierce battell, where Edward was Vector: the Earle of Warwicke with [...] N [...] men were slaint [...] and comment on eath sides 10000 King Henry was againe committed to the Tonre: Edward Prince of Wales, the son of Henry the first was [...] the battel of Tewxbury, & murdred by Richard, [...] of Gloecether: Soon after the bastard Lord [...] vaised an Army of 17000 men against King Edward but the bastard was soons supprest and the most [...] King Edward the fixt freed from his long [...] being murdred by the bloody hands of Richard, [...] of Glocester. The King b [...]ing (through must [...]) [...] peacs, [...] himselfe [...] [...] Iane Shore, (his Combine [...] pleasures were mixed with greife for his [...] George, Duke of Clarence, who was [...] of Malmsey the Towre of London 1475. [...] of Scotland, threatned was against England; Richard, Duke of Glocester was some against the Scots, [...] [...] king Edward [...], haning [...] Aprill 9, 1483, [...] at Windsor
EDWARD THE V, KING OF ENGLAND AND FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND
Edward the fifth, borne in the Sanctuary at Westminster, Sonne of King Edward the fourth, beganne his short reigne ouer the Real [...] of England, at the age of [...]3 yeeres; but [...]y the cunning dealing of Richard, 'Duke of Gloucester (his vnnaturall Vnckle.) he was neuer crowned. [...] young King, with his younger brother Richard Duke of Yorke, was at London with his mother, and in the guidance of his Vnckle by the mothers side, named Sir Anthony Wooduill Lord Riuers; but by the [...] and crafty dealing of the Duke of Glouster, all the Queene kindred were remoued from the King, and the Lord, Riuers sent from Northampton to Pomfret with others, whence they were imprisoned and beheaded. The protector (Richard) hauing the King in his keeping and power, his onely [...]yn [...] was next, how to get into his hands [...] person of Richard Duke of Yorke (the Kings brother) whom the Queene their mother kept close in the Sanctuarie at Westminster, which Prince was gotten from the said Sanctuary by the [...] till plots and perswation of the Lord protector, and the Duke of Buckingham. The poore innocent Lambs being as it were put into the greedy Iawes of the Wolfe (their rauenous Vnckle) for safegard and protection, and at the first approach of Richard, Duke of York, into his Vnckles presence, he was entertained in all seeming reuerence with a Iudas kisse by his Vnckle. The Duke of Buckingham was promised (by the Protector) for his trusty seruices to him, in helo [...] him (to the person of this Prince, and for his future seruices to ayde him in his vnlawsfull attaining the Crowne of England) that Gloucesters Sonne should be married to Buckinghams daughter, and netball, that Buckingham should haue the Earledome of Hertford, with many other golden promises, which were neuer performed, but with the taking of Buckinghams head, (at sha [...] after specified) Now mischiefe beganne to [...]; the Queene was accused of sorcery by the Potector; Hastings Lord Chamberlaine was beheaded suddenly without either crime or [...] in the Towre. Poore Iane Shore, was also taken and carried to the Towre, her goods to the vallue of 3000 ma [...] kes were seazedon, and confiscate to the vse of the Protector. She was a woman hauing many good parts, and howsoeuer, by the command of King Edward the fourth, and her owne fra [...], shee fell into [...] with the King, [...] she was euer inclined and did much good, and cannot be taxed in Histories for doing any man hurt. The King and his brother were both standred with bastard Duke of Gloucester was proclaimed King, which [...] much modelly he refused, though hee meant with all his [...] to take it, Anno 1483.
RICHARD THE IIJ, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND, &c.
Anno 1483, June 22.
Richard Duke of Glocester, the 3 some of Richard Duke of Yorke, the 3 Duke of Glocester, and third of that name King of England, Is tyranny and vsurpation, griped the Scepter of the kingdome; after hee he had proclaimed his Nephewes Bastardy, his brother (the deceased) King Edward the fourths scandall, and accused his own mother of adultry, making his way to the Regality, by the murther of his two innocent Nephewes: which murther was committed by the bands of Sir Iames Tirrell Knight, and one Myles Forrest, and Iohn Dighton, which villains murthered then in their bed, and buried them beneath a paire of staires vnder an heape of stones, in the Towne, and in that ledging which (in memory of that blanke deed) is first named the bloody Towre; their bodies were taken: [...] and againe buried obscurely, no man knoweswhere. By these means hauing gotten the Goale, God [...] red his reigne to be his perpetuall sormens, [...] without, and continuall horrory within; the murtherers had part of their payment in this world for Myles Fo [...]rest [...]otted aboue ground peece meale in S t Martins; Str Iames Tirrell was executed for treason on the Towre-hill; Dighton liu'd a hatted miscreant both of God and man: the Duke of Buckingham (though innocent of dthe murther) yet hee suppresse the young Princes, and raised the Tyrant, and his end was the losse of his head at Salisbury. Shortly after, the Diuine iustice began to fall heauy vpon King Richard, many of the Nobility and Gentrie for sooke him, and fled into Britaine in France to Henry, Earle of Richmond, who was the onely heyre to the English crowne (of the Line of the house of Lancaster.) king Richard, in the dangers would haue procured a most wicked safety by marr [...]ing the Lady Elizabeth, eldest daughter is his deceased brother, King Edward the fourth, the only inheritix of the house of York, & lawfull heyre to the Crowne; but Gods prouidence and the Ladies vertue with stood that incestuous match; shortly after Henry of Richmond arriued at Milford hauen in Wales, where his Army encreasing, met Richard at Redmere field, neere Posworth, seuen miles from Leicester, where Richard vahautly fighting was slaine, 1485, August 23, and was buried at Leycester.
HENRY THE VIJ, KING OF ENGLAND And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND.
Anno Dom. 1485, August 22, Monday.
Henry (of that name the seuenth) King of England, was Earle of Richmond, borne in Pembroke-Castle in Wales, sonne of Edmund of Hadham Earle of Richmond, Sonne of Owen Theodore, and Queene Katherin, the French King daughter, late wife to King Henry the sist; was crowned at Westminster, the 30 day of October by the bands of Thomas, Bourghchier Archbishop of Conterbury; this Prince was wise, valsant, and fortunate. Through many perals & hazards he had past his life, and attained the Royalty of Englands throne, and with much prudence and mu [...]ble fortitude be gouerned this Land, Maugre many dangerous attempts and treacherom consp [...]acses plott [...] against hun; and his designes had such ausptcsous euents, thus still hee was victori [...] ouer surre [...]gne, cuall, and [...] troubles. One Lambest Simnei (a Bakers sonne) claimed the crowns, countersetting in [...]else to be Edward, Earle of Warwicke, sonne of George Duke of Clarence. Some write that. [...]e assumed to bee one of king Edward, the fourthes sonne, which was murthered in the Toure: (howsoeuer) Hambert gat into Ireland, and in Christ Church: in Dublin, was crowned King of England and Ireland; hee with an Armie landed at Fowdrey in Lancashire, but King Henry met him, and at the battell of Stoke, he took him prisoner, pardon'd him his life, and gaue him a turnspits place in his kitchen, and after maue him one of his saulkners. Lambert was net long supprest, but another of his stamp supphes his roome of a rebellious imposture; Peter, or Perkin Warbecke, (the sonne of a Iew) borne in Torney, claimed the Crowne, by the counterfest stile of Richard, Second sonne to King Edward the fourth, Perkin gat into England, and after into Scotland, where [...] preuailed, that he was married to the Lady Katherin Gordon, (the Earle of Huntleys daughters) K. Iames, the fourths kinsnman; the rebels in Kent were ouen thwone, and their Captante the Lord Audley taken and beheaded. Perkin came out of Scotland, and moues the [...] men to ayae him. King Henry net, ouercame and [...], and pardon' him another counterfest, a shoemakers son, named Ralph Milford, [...] the Crowne, and purchast'd a balter. Perkin Warback Sica from the King, and againe was taken and executed as Tyburnc. King Henry gaue his daughter the Lady Margaret in [...] to Iames [...]e fourth King of Scotland; Arthur (Prince of Wales) the eldest Sonne of Henry Married with the Lady Katherin, daughter to the King of Spaine; but the Prince dyed [...] after. The King gathered a [...] masse of money, to the general grieuance of the subiects; he had three font, Arthur Henry, & Edmund, and foure daughters, Margaret, Elizabeth, Mary, and Katherin: reigned 23 yeeres 8 moneths, dyed at Richmond, buried at Westminster in the most [...] Chappell of his owne building, 1508.
HENRY THE VIIJ, KING OF ENGLAND, And FRANCE, LORD OF IRELAND
Anno Dom. 1509, Aprill 22, Sunday.
Henry the eight, with his beautcous queen ( [...] dy Catherin) who had bin before the wife of his [...] borhter, Prince Arthur, on Sunday the 25 of Iune were both crowned King & Queen of England [...] minster, by the bvnds of William Warham, [...] bishop of Canterbury: He entre France wish as and was the strong Towns of Terwin and Tumay [...] valiant King, lames the sourth of scotland, [...] land with a great Host, and was met and sought [...] by the Noble Lord, Thomas Howard, Earle [...] and at a place called Flodden in Northumber king lames vailiantly fighting, was [...] Bishops, 2 Abbots, 12 Earles, 17 Lords and [...] common Soldiers: Thomas Wolsey (from mea [...]) some say the sonne of a Butcher in Ipswich, by [...] mounted to the tope Fortunes wheel [...] to be a scholem after next a seruant to the Treas [...] Callis, 3 to be one of the Kings chaplainer, 4 the [...] Almoner, 5 he was made Deane of Linco [...]e, 6 [...] chosen for priuy Councellour, 7 be was [...] shop of Tornay. 8 after that, Archbishops of Yorke, [...] ated Cardinall, 10 ne was Lord Chancellor, 11 [...] all these boneurs at once, with the Bishoprick of [...] ster, Worcester, Bathe, Heresord, [...] Saint Albans: Lastly, all these [...] which in many yeeres hee attained, were in a [...] the kings displeasure, and his own: [...] lost. The King had the Title of Defender of the [...] from Rome: neuer was any King of England [...] nificent, hee was visited three times by the [...] and one of them (Maximillian) serued [...] [...] warres in France: the other, Charles, [...] England; so likewise did the King of Denmarke [...] Queene who all were most Royalty entertained: King Henry, wa [...]he first of the English King [...] tuled [...] himselfe, King of Ireland. In the [...] Citie of Rome was taken by the French, Clement with 23 cardinak [...] imprisoned [...] moneths: King Henry and thepope fell at [...] that the King caused [...] all [...] obedience to [...] den, and in the tempest of histurie seased [...] power in These his Dominiens ( [...]) to him [...] Land hauing too long borne the [...] of Antichristian Tyramny: for the which [...] King caused to bee suppressed in England and 283 [...] 215 Pr [...]ries, 108 [...] [...] 84 colleages, 9 cells, and 103 Hospitals Henry reigned 37 years, 9 moneths and [...] 28 of January 1546, buried at Windsor.
EDWARD THE VI KING OF ENGLAND, FRANCE and IRELAND, Desender of the Faith, &c.
Anno Dom. 1546, Ianuary 28, Thursday:
Edward the 6, borne at Hampton Court, the only son and Heire to King Henry the 8, at 9 yeers of age began his reigne ouer this kingdome: hee was crowned the 27 day of February 1547 at Westminster, by the hands of Thomas Cranmer Arcbishop of Canterbury: his vnkle by the mother side, Edward Earle of Hestford, and Duke of Somerset, was gouernomy of his person and kingdome. This King was a second losias, inreforming many errors on the Church; he was contracted to the Lady Mary (this young Queene of Scotland) daughter and sole beyre to King Iames the fi [...]t, mother to our late King Iames deceased, and Grandmother to our gracious Someraigne King Charles, now reigning: but some [...] spirits brake of the match, which caused much blood shed: for the Duke of Somerset entred Scotland with a strong Army; whom the Scottish Nobit [...] with their powers met at a place neere Musklebrough, where was sought a fierce and sharpe battell, where many men at [...] on both sides; but in the end, the victory tell to be English: us the meane space, the young Queene was conveyed into France, where afterward she [...] the Dolphin. Rebellion in Cornewall, commotion in: Norfolke descention in many places: and lastly, in the Northren parts of England; some striu [...]ng to bold vp the rotten fragments of Romish Religion; some seeking lawlesse liberty to haue all things in command, to lay open all enclosures, so that much mischief was done, and at last ended with executions of the slaughter, and executions of many of the Rebels, in diuers places of this Las [...]i. Malice and mischiefe had no sooner done amongst the Commons, but they thrust themselues amongst the Nobilsty. The Lord Protector procured or tollerated his brother, the Lord Thomas Seimer, to be beheaded; and shortly after himselfe followed the same way, whose death was much bewailed by the poore Commons: and the King neuer ha [...] he heath or ioy after the deathes of both his Vnkles. This hopefull France was endued with wisdom, farre about his yeeres, he was tearned and a louer of learning, he was exceedingly delighted in reading the Scriptures: he was iust, merestull, [...]ing, and beloued: hee ended his late at Greenwich fifth day of Iuly, Anno 1552, in the fix entbyeere at his age. when he had reigned sixe yeeres, nine months, eight dayes, He was buried at westminster.
MARY, QVEENE OF ENGLAND, FRANCE and IRELAND, Desender of the Faith, &c.
Anno. Dom. 1553, Iuly 6, Thursday.
Queene Mary was borne at Creenwich, elder daughter to King Henry the eight, and sister and [...] to King Edward the sixt. Shee was crowned at Westminster the first of October, 1553, by the hands of Stephen Gardner, Bishop of Winchester. King Edward being dead, his death was concealed two daies, by reason of the feare of Queene Maries alteration of the religion which King Edward had established, for which cause the Lady Iane was by many of the Lords and the Londoners proclaimed Queene. This Lady Iane was eldest daughter to Henry Duke of Suffolke; shee was then married to the Lord Guiford Dudlty fourth sonne to Iohn, Duke of, Northumberland; her mother was the Lady Francis, the daughter of Mary the French Queene. and the younger sister of King Henry the 8. Queene Mary ( bearing that Iane was proclaim'd Queen) begain to rowse, & raised an Army, and was first proclaimed in the City of Norwich, her powers still increasing, she made towards London, where all supplies forsocke the Lady Iane; so that she with her husband and father, and the Lord Thomas Gray, with others, were beheaded. The Queene ceases all the protestant Bishops and Clergie to bee degraded suspended, or imprisoned. She raised againe the Mase, and with it masse of misery to this kingdome. King Philip of Spaine was contracted to Queene Mary, but Sir Thomas Wiat with an Armie opposed it, and after much bickering was taken and executed on the Towre [...]: The Lady Elizabeth ( the Queenes sister) was wrong [...] ly imprisoned, and in danger to be put to death: Philip King of Spaine was married to Queene Mary with [...] Royall solemnity at Winchester the 25 of Iuly, Anno 1454. This wofull Land was in those daies a very Achetdima, or field of blood, the Popes M [...]reban [...]s [...] Church and Commonwealth with holy Water, Pax, Censors, Oyle, Spittle Creame, Altars, Pictures, Images [...] Crosses, Crucifixes, Beades, Lights, Tapers, Cand [...] the Breaden god: these Romish warres did cost the li [...]es neere 6000 people that refused them, some hanged, [...] burne, and diuers others suffering other deaths and [...] ties. K. Philip & Queen Mary send defiance into France Philip went thither in person, & besieged the strong [...] of S t. Quintins and man it; but shortly after, the English men lost Callice, which had beene the King of English Towne 21 yeeres. Wherefore Queene Mary tooke [...] griefe, that she [...] neuer enioyed her life-long after; [...] Callice was lost the 17 of Ianuary, and the Queene [...] at Saint Iames house the 7 of Nouember following, [...] 1558, when she had reigned 5 yeeres, 4 moneth [...] [...] daies: she lieth buried as Westminster.
ELIZABETH, QVEENE OF ENGLAND, FRANCE and IRELAND, Defender of the Faith, &c.
Anno Dom. 1558, Nouember 17, Thursday.
Lady Elizabeth, borne at Greenwich, second daughter to King Henry the eight, sister and heire to the late Queene Mary, after shee had (by Gods gracious prouience past through many afflictions, as scandals, calumnations, sundry imprisonns [...], and hazard of her life; shee was at the age of 25 yeeres and od dayes, crowned Queen of England, France and Ireland, at Westminster, by the hand of Owen Oglethorpe Bishop of Carlielc, the 13 of Ianuary. The first good worke of hers (after her coronation) was to reforme and restore and Seruice of God to the Primitiue sincerity, and prayer: and preaching to be vsed in the English tongue: she caused all the bables of Babek, and all the Romish rubbish to bee cast out of the Church, shee dismissed those Bishops and others of the Clergie as would not be reformed. She caused all base momes and coyneste to be supprest, and to be no vallue, and in their stead she ordained that no coyne but Gold and Siluer shou [...] passe for current in her Dominions. The French King Henry at a [...]l [...]ng was vnfortunately slaine by a Lord named Mountgomery, [...]inter of the l [...]nce running into his eye, An. 1559. Sorne after the French molest Scotland, but by Queene Elizabeths [...]yde they were expulsed. The Noble Earle of Arraw in Scotland, and Ericus King of Sweaden were suuer [...] to marry [...] the Queene, which her Maiesty with all princely modesty refused. She was after sued to by Henry Duke of Aniou, brother to the French King Charles the 9. Anno 1514. The bloody massaker was in France, where in the City of Paris, (only) 10000 Protestarts were m [...]n thered by the Pepists; The Irish fell to rebellian vnder the Earle of Tirone, which rebellion put England to much cost and trouble. Henry, Lord Darneley, King of Scots most inhumanely murdred, Anno 1568, and his Queen. (Mary) assaulted by the oppression of her rebellicus Subiects came into England, and was royally welcomed. One Thomas Appletree discharging his [...]ce the Queene was in her Barge vpon the Thames, the bullet ranne thorow both the Armes of one of her Watermen; but the Queene vnderstanding that the shot was by casualtie, pardoned the offender. Her mercie, iustice, temperance, fortitude, magnanimity, prudence, learning, and incomparable wisedome would each of them fill a volume; So that neither [...] vnablenesse of me the writer, nor the briefnesse which I am [...] to in thus abstract, can no waies touch the [...]em of her vertues: wherefore I refer the reader to the great volumes of Hollinsheds story, the Reuerend learned Cambden, Master speed, and others, who haue writen more largely of her (though all of them are much short of her vnimmitable merits) shee ayed the 24 of March 1602 aged 69 y [...]eeres, 6 moneths and 7 dayes, she reigned 44 yeeres, [...]4 months and 7 daies. On the 28 of Aprill after, shee was buried at Westminster.
IAMES, Of that Name THE FIRST, And I. Monarch of the whole Iland of GREAT BRITAINE &c.
Anno Dom. 1602, March 24, Thursday,
Iames the first of that name, King of England, Scotland, France & Ireland (the first King that was [...] in England since the Norman conquest) at the age 36 yeeres, 9 monethe, and 5 daies, hee was crowned Westminster (with his wife Queene Anne) by the [...] of Iohn Whitguist, Archbishop of Canterbury. The [...] was a conspiracy to surprise the King and insorce him to grant a tolleration of Religion, but the plot was discoue [...] and the offenders were some executed, & some otherwise (by the King elemency) banished, and imprisoned with good competency of meanes allowed them. This king was a King of Peace, and with all victorious; for he did [...] then his predecesser King Henry the 7 th, (who ioyned [...] Roses of Lancaster and Yorke.) But King Iames [...] happily) ioyned kingdomes, vniting England and Scotland into one glorious Monarchy, by the name and [...] Great Britaine. Anno 1605, Nouember 5, the [...] de-plot of perdition was; but by the mercy of the Almighty [...] (a mis-taken deliuerie of a Letter, and the deepe wisedome of the King), the horrid Treason was [...] preuented, and the Traitours confounded in their [...] [...]ked deuices. King Iames was so crowned, and [...] that Germany, Polland, Sweaueland, Russia, France, Spaine, Holland, Zealand, the Arch-Duke of Austria the estate and S [...]gmory of Venice: The great Duke of Florence, all these Princes and Potentates did [...] Ambassadors into England, to hold Amity and [...] with King Iames. Amongst Kings he was the [...] mirrour of Learning, the Patterne and Patron of piety [...] pittie, such a sweet and well composed mixture of Iustice and mercy was inuated in his Royall brest: that [...] [...] truth did meet, kisse and combine together, all the [...] his most auspicious reigne: like a second Sallomon gouernment was blest with peace and plenty; so that be [...] iustly be stiled (vnder God) The Peace-maker of [...] Christendome, and the louing father and preseruer of [...] own people, Realmes and Dominions: his life was generally beloued, and his death as much lamented which was [...] of March, being Sunday, there being but 2 daies differ [...] or ods betwixt the accompt of the beginning and ending of his reigne; for he began the 24 of March 1602, [...] the 27 of March 1625. Two Tuesdaies were [...] nate to him: for on a Tuesday the 5 of August 1602, [...] escaped a dangerous conspiracy of the Earle Cowries, and on Tuesday the 5 of Nouember, 1605, he (wis [...]h of that could be called his) was preferred from that Great master piece of Satan, the Powder Treason, and as [...] Sat [...]rday [...] the 8 of May, 1603, he was receiued within ioy [...] London, so on Saterday the 8 of May 1625, [...] with grise buried at Westminster.
CHARLES Of that Name THE FIRST, And II. Monarch of the whole Iland of GREAT BRITAINE. KING OF ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, FRANCE and IRELAND, Gods immediate VICEGERENT., Supreame HEAD, &c.
STEWART [...] CHARLES MARIE Anagramma. Christ Arme vs E [...] AT AL,
Though fe [...]ds and men, to [...] should endeuer, (Against their force) AT AL CHRIST ARME VS EVER
Anno. Dom. 1625-March 27. Sunday.
The [...] sall [...] [...] [...] [...] kingdomes hauing [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] full Iames [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] eternall; Our Royall Charles the [...] heire of his blessed Fathers Crowne and vertues, [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] Westminster by the hands of the Right Reue [...]nd fahter in God, [...] [...] [...] Iohn Williams, [...] new present Lord Bishop of Lincolne and Deane of Westminister. He is Charles (the first of that name) and second Monarch of great Britaine, [...] [...] [...] [...] Vicegerent, and God is his [...] Seueraigne, he is Defender of the True, [...] Apotlolicasll and Christian I [...]; and that faith is his shield against all his bedily and ghostly enemies; in the first yeare of his reigne, he married with the illustrious and vertuous Princesse Henneretta Maria, daughter to that admired Mirrer and Mars of martiallilis of Henry the 4 th the French King (last of that name) vopn the 22 day of Iune 1625, shee safely arrived [...] [...] in Kent, where the King stay'd till [...] [...] [...] [...] and to both their ioyes, and the [...] of this kingdome he enioyed, and enioyes her. This Noble P [...]ce was borne the 19 th of Nouember, A no 1602 he was second and youngest Sonne to king Iames the [...] of Scotland, and first of that name of England. (Our last [...] Soueraigne) In the yeere 1623 [...] into Spaine priuately and (by Gods gracious assistance) came backe safely from thence the 26 or October, in the some yeere, whose safe returne all true hearted Britaines did and doe esteem [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] and happy blessing his elemency, [...] is manifest, his Royall end princely en [...] are ample, [...] his same and Magnificenceis [...] sall; The graces and cardinall vertues haue [...] [...] [...] taken [...] their habitatiens in his Heroick and Mag [...] brest. [...] may hee with his gracious Queene reigne our these his Dominions, to the glo [...] [...] of God, and the good of this famous Iland, with the rest of his Territories, and to the ioy and comfort of his [...] Amen,
ALIVING SADNES INDVTY CONSECRATED TO THE IMMORtall memory of our late Deceased all-beloued Soueraigne LORD the Peerelesse Paragon of Princes, IAMES, King of great Britaine, France and Ireland; who departed this Life at his Manour of Theobalds, on Sunday the 27. of March 1625.
TO THE MOST HIGH AND PVISSENT Prince CHARLES by the Grace of GOD, the first of that name, and second Monarch of the whole Iland of Great BRITAINE. HIS VNDOVBTED ROYALTIES BEING VNITED VNDER one and the same his most glorious Crowne, the Kingdomes of England, Scotland, France, and Ireland; Gods Immediate Vice-Gerent; Supreme head of all Persons, and Defender of the true, ancient Christian Faith, in these his Empires and Dominions.
A Funerall Elegie vpon King IAMES.
To all that haue Read this Poeme.
FOR The sacred memoriall of the great, Noble, and ancient Example of Vertue and Honor, the Illustrious and welbeloued Lord, CHARLES HOWARD, Earle of Nottingham, Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests, Parks, and Chases on this side Trent; Knight of the Honourable Order of the Garter, and one of the Lords of his Maiesties most Honourable P [...]iuie Councell; Who departed this Life at his Mannour of Hal [...]ing in Surrey, on Thurseday the 14. of December, 1624. and was buried at Rigate, amongst his Honourable Ancestors, the 20. of December last, 1624.
TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE, Right Worshipfull, of both Sexes, who had either alliance by Marriage, Consanguinity by Birth, or bore loue to the Right Noble and truly vertuous deceased.
[Page 327] SOme few yeeres since, I rode to my Lords Mannour of Halcing in Surrey, where I presented his Lordship with a Manuscript, or written Booke of the names and degrees of all the Knights of the Noble Order of the Garter, since the first institution by king Edward the third, which was of mine owne collections out of Windsor Cattle, and some authontike [...]: His Lordship receiued it gratefully, and rewarded me honorably; in the which Booke was [...] Anagram of his name and Earledome of Nottingham, which [...]old very [...] to be he [...]re [...], under Printed, because it falles correspondent to the reuerence of his [...], and the happinesse which the words import.
For the sacred Memoriall of the Great, Noble and Ancient example of Vertue and Honour, the Illustrious and welbeloued Lord, Charles Howard, Earle of Nottingham, Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests, Parks and Chases on this side Trent; Knight of the Honorable Order of the Garter, and one of the Lords of his Maiesties most Honorable priuy Councell.
A FVNERALL ELEGIE, IN THE SACRED MEMORY OF THE Right Reuerend, Right Honourable and Learned Father in GOD, LANCELOT, Lord Bishop of VVinchester, Deane of his Maiesties Chappell, Prelate of the Right Honourable Order of the Garter, and one of the Lords of his Maiestices most Honourable Priuie COVNCELL: Who departed this life at his house in Southwarke, on Munday the 25 th. of September last, 1626, and was Honourably Interred in Saint Sauiours Church in Southwarke, the XI. of Nouember.
TO THE WORSHIPFVLL AND RELIGIOVS GENTLE. man, M r. Iohn Parker, Citizen of London, and of the worshipfull Societie of Marchant-Taylors.
IN these ingratefull daies of ours, wherein mens merits are forgotten, with the expiration of the life; and that too many doe glory, to leaue happy or vnhappy posterities behinde them to [...] their memories liue when they are gone; or else put a vaine hope of a long lasting same, by e [...] cting painted vaine-glorious Sepulchers, and marble Monuments, whilst small are the [...] ber of those that by Piety, Charity, Noble and vertuous Actions, and good life and conuersation, [...] seeke to attaine the neuer-fading memory of Eternity, and true lmmortality, so that it is a doubt, wh [...] ther the death of the good, or the life of the bad, are most to be lamented: Yet although the true worth [...] this deceased Right Reuerend, Right Honourable and right Learned Father, (whom God in merry [...] taken from the euill to come) is of that inuincible and impregenable strength, that the flattery or battle of future time cannot beat it downe into the gulfe of obliuion and forget fulnesse, yet (though we [...] lesse) I in dutious loue and reuerence to the Dead, and true in affection to the liuing (amongst whom [...] [...] of my departed Lords Friends and Seruants, I am much endeared and oblieged vnto) I haue set [...] rudely to paper, and as I could (though not as I should) I haue as it were onley look'd into the Sui [...] of a goodly City, tasted Manna afarre off, and touched the skirts or hem of his meritorious vertues; wh [...] I have made bold to dedicate to your Worships graue and iudicious view and censure, humbly desir [...] your VVorship to accept my intention more then my Labour, in hope whereof, I cease to enlarge my E [...] further, wishing you such happinesse in this life, as is correspondent to your worth, and such, felicity in [...] life to come, as is layd vp for good men in Heauen.
True louing Sorrovv, [...]TTIRED IN A ROBE OF VNFAINED [...]efe, presented vpon occasion of the much bewailed Funerall that Gracious and Illustrious. Prince, LEVVIS STEVVARD, [...]e of Richmond and Linox, Earle of Newcastle and Darnely, Lord of Torbolt [...]n and [...]uen, Baron of Settrington, Knight of the Noble Order of the Garter, Lord High [...]irall, & great Chamberlain of Scotland, Lord high Steward to the Kings most [...]lent Maiesties most Honourable Houshold, Gentleman of his Maiesties Bed-chamber, [...] one of his Maiesties most Honourable Priuie Councell for England and Scotland: who [...]departed this life at White-hall, on Thursday the 12 of February 1624. whose obsequies were solemnly and Princely celebrated on Munday the 19 of Aprill following, described in forme as followeth. Dedicated generally to all his worthy Friends, and louing Seruants; and particularly to that trusty and welbeloued Seruant of his, Arthur Neassmith.
ANd first my Muse findes, that his Graces name Significantly makes an Anagram. LEWIS STEWARDE. Anagram. VERTV IS WEL EAS'D. His Vertues such continuall paines did take For King and Countrie, Church and peoples sake; That for Earths courtly toyle, to him 'twas giuen, His VERTV IS WEL EAS'D t'the Court of Heauen.
A Funerall Elegie.
The manner of the Funerall.
8. Conductors with black staues, & poore Gowns 10 [...]
Seruants to Gentlemen and Esquires in Cloakes, 50.
Seruants to Knights, 46. Seruants to Baroness, [...]
Three Trumpeters.
Then came the Standard, borne by Sir Ge [...]
Samms Knight, accompanyed with an Officer of Armes
The first Horse couered with blacke cloth, [...] with Scutchions, Shoffron and Plumes, ledly a gro [...]
Heere went seruants to Baron younger Sonnes, [...] some others of like quality, in number, 15.
The seruants to Knights of the Priuy Councell,30.
Seruants to Earles younger Sonnes, 24.
Seruants to Viscounnts eldest Sonnes, 6.
Then the Schollers of Westminster in [...]oun [...]
Surplices, their Masters following in mourning Go [...]
Three Trumpeters.
The Guiators borne by Sir Andrew Boyd Knight, [...] companyed with an Officer of Armes.
The second Horse led by a Groome, and furnished the former.
Barons seruants, 60.
Bishops seruants, 10.
Earles eldest Sonnes seruants, 15.
Viscount seruants. 10.
Marquesses eldest Sonnes seruants.
3 Trumpeters
The Banker of the augmentation, borne by a kni [...] companied with an Officer of Armes.
The third Horse led by another Groome of his Gr [...] Stable, furnished as the others. Earles seruant: ma [...] set and Dukes seruants, The Lord Priuy-Seales Seruant [...]
- President of the Cuoncell,
- Seruant.
- Lord Treasurers.
- Seruant.
- Lord Keepers,
- Seruant.
- And Lord Archbishops,
- Seruant.
3 Trumpeters. The Banner of Steward, borne by [...] Iohn Steward accompanied with an Officer of Armes [...]
The fourth Horse sed by a Yeoman of his Graces [...] ble
ble furnished as the other.
Seruants to his Grace in Cloakes: Officers to his Grauce in Gownes.
3 Trumpeters.
The Banner of Steward, and the augmentation quartered with it, borne by a Baronet accompanied with a Herald of Armes.
The 5 Horse led by a Yeoman of his Graces Stable, furnished as the former.
Seruants of seuer all Offices in his Maiesties House, and other Esquires, his ma [...]stres seruants of good qualitie.
The Gentlemen of his Maiesties Chappel in Surplaices and rich Copes, the Sergeant of the Vestry accompanying them Chaplaines, Doctors of Phisicke, Doctors of Diuinity, Knights, Gentlemen of the Priuy Chamber, Gentlemen of the Bed-chamber to the Prince: Baronets, Barons younger sonnes: Knights of the Priuy-Councell, Viscounts eldest sonnes: a Veluet cushen cart [...]ed by an Esquire, The Comptroller, Treasurer, Steward, and Chamberlain to his Grace, bearing white Staues, Barons of Ireland, Scotland and England, Bishops, Earles eldest Sons, Viscounts, Earles of Scotland, and England, The Duke of Linox eldest Sonne, The Arch-Bishop of Canterbury, The Mace, The Purse, The Iora Keeper, Preacher, Sergeant Trumpetter, and foure Trumpets, The Great Banner borne by an Earles Sonne: accompanied with an Herald, The chiefe mourning Horse couered with blacke Veluet, and garnished with Eschochens of Tassata, with Shaffron and Plumes, led by M r. Harton Clauell, His Graces Hatchinements borne as followeth. The Gauntlets and Spurres, The Helme and Crest, and the Sword borne by three Heralds, The Targe and Coate of Armes, borne by two Kings of Armes. Then the [...]uely Effigies or representation of his Grace, drowne in a Chariot by sixe goodly Horses, garnished as the former, couered with a Canopy of black Veluet, The Pall supported two Earles Sons, and two Marquesses Sons, The Fo [...] going on each side the Chariot, and likewise ten small Banners, carried by 10. Knights, 5 of Scotland, and 5 of England, round about the Chariot, two Principall Gentlemen riding at his head and feet in the said Chariot. Then folowed Garter principall King of Armes, accompanied with a Gentleman [...] sher, who went bareheaded, the Duke of Linox chief Mourner, The Lord Tresurer, and Lord President of the Councell, his supporters, 10 other Assistants, The Lord Priuy Seale, and Duke of Buckingham, The Marquis Hamilton, and Earle Marshall, The Lord Chamberlaine of his Maiesties House, and the E. of Sussex, the E. of Southampton, and E. of Essex, the E. of Salisbury, and E. of Exceter, The M r of the Horse to his Grace in close mourning, leading the Horse of Honor, [...] furnished. Thus past this sad shew from his Graces House in Holborne to Westminster, where the Funerall Rites being solemnely ended, his Graces liuely Effigies was le [...] in the Abby of S t. Peter, vnder a Rich Hearse.
GREAT BRITAINE ALL IN BLACKE, OR, A short Elegie written in the manner of AEquiuoques, in a sad and dutifull remembrance of the Royall Prince HENRY.
THE MVSES MOVRNING: OR, FVNER ALL SONNETS ON THE Death of IOHN MORAY Esquire.
TO THE WHOLE AND ENTIRE NVMBER OF THE Noble and Ancient name of Morayes, Iohn Taylor dedicates these sad Funerall Sonnets.
Sonnet. 1.
Sonnet. 2.
Sonnets. 3.
Sonnet. 4.
Sonnet. 5.
Sonnet. 6.
Sonnet. 7.
Sonnet. 8.
Sonnet. 9.
Sonnet. 10.
Sonnet. 11.
Sonnet. 12.
Sonnet. 13.
Sonnet. 14.
A FVNERALL ELEGY: DEPLORING THE DEATH OF THE TRVE Patterne, Patrone, and mirrour of Honour, the Right Honorable Lord, IOHN RAMSEY, Lord Discount HADINGTON, Earle of HOLDERNESSE, Who departed this life on Tuesday, the 24 of Ianuary last, and was buried in the Abby-Church of Westminster on Tuesday the last of February following.
TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE and vertuous Lady, the LADY MARTHA, Countesse of Holdernesse.
A Sonnet of true and notable obseruations, vpon feuen seuerall Teuesdayes.
A FVNERALL ELEGY.
IOHN RAMSEYE Anagramma. HONER'S I AYME, MY HONER'S AYE.
THE WATER-CORMORANT.
DEDICATED TO GENTLEMEN, AND THOSE THAT ARE GENTLE.
Which nay scene, fearce, or Printers [...] worke when a [...] [...] into the Proffe, yet Cormorant oppresse, and therefore worthy to the prest; but mu Cormorant hath neither [...] his [...] [...] [...]. [...] smooth the fai of the [...] wor stoped his mouth to [...] [...] tuous: I have thought good to sympathze [...] and I haue done my best to handle it in a fatable [...].
The Cormorant is nost castly unduced to ass [...], nor I to stattery. J.s best serunce is harsh and vnsectable, so is my style. His biting is sharpe and percing, so is my phrase. His thro [...] wide and spacious, my subiect is spa [...]ous. His color is blacke, Id sooner deeds of [...]knesse. Hee grabs and spuddles for his prey in muddy holes and obscure cauernes, my Muse ferrus hase debaushed wretches in their swmsh dens. Hee like the Crocodile moues the vpper chap, thus Treatise condemnes that beasts dissmula [...]. Hees swallowes downe his meate without taste, this booke distastes such as sinne without touch of conscience.
The ods is, my Cormorants appetite is limited, but must of theres is vnsatable.
I ayme not at such mens [...] as may fall by msirmty, for that were the Esops crab, to offer to teach others to goe right, going crooked my selfe.
Detraction is priuate wounding of means name, and flattery and a de [...]ourer of men aloue. If I can sayle betwixt these two, and not be spht, I shall arriue at my desired [part.
In my passage I shall have Polipheme casting rockes to sincke me, Criticks misconstrung my words. like spiders sucking poyson out of wholsome flowers.
But from these Antipodes to goodnesse, by their A [...]besis to [...], I appeale to my conference, which it a witnesse to me that can neither accese or condomme me.
Fayme at none but such as de [...]uoure others, and set make thirst to keepe themselues out of thereach of Law, I name none personally, and therefore with the faults, to amend with silence, rather thereby rubbing off a spot to make a hole in the whole cloth, for I leaue gleanings enough to make a second part if need require. Such stomackes as cannot d [...]gest this doth, [...] me rather de to them a Choake-peare them a Gudgeon.
There is no degree of man or woman, whatsoeuer, from the Court to the Cottage, or from the Pallace to the Plough, but many make good ese of this Poem, either for merry recreation, or vtees defamation: and in a word, if it please the [...] or be any way profitable for the confirming of the good, or reforming the bad, I have then my full recompence, with the effect of my intentous and wishes.
THE VVATER-CORMORANT HIS COMPLAINT: Against a Brood of Land-CORMORANTS. Diuided into fourteene Satyres.
- 1 A Iesuite.
- 2 A Separatist.
- 3 A Trust-breaker.
- 4 A Drunkard.
- 5 A prodigall Gallant.
- 6 An Extortioner and Broker.
- 7 A Basket-Iustice.
- 8 A Cut purse.
- 9 A good and bad Constable.
- 10 A Serieant and Iaylor.
- 11 A Patron and his Clarke.
- 12 A Countrey Yeoman.
- 13 A Figure-Stinger.
- 14 A Lawyer, and Vndershriue.
A Iesuite.
A Separatist.
A Trust-breaker.
A Drunkard.
A prodigall Country Gallant, and his new made Maddam.
An Extortioner and a Broaker.
A Basket-Iustice.
A Cutpurse.
A Good and a bad Constable.
A London Serieant and Taylor.
A Symonicall Patron, and his penny Clarke,
A Country Yeoman.
A Figure-stinger, or a cot [...]z'ning Cunning-man.
A Corrupted Lawyer, and a knauish Vndershrine.
EPILOGVE.
TAYLORS WATER-WORKE: OR, THE SCVLLERS TRAVELS, FROM TYBER TO THAMES: WITH his Boat laden with a Hotch-potch, or Gallimawfrey of Sonnets, Satyres, and Epigrams. With an Inkhorne Disputation betwixt a Lawyer and a Poet: and a Quarterne of new-catcht Epigrams, caught the last Fishing [...]: together with an addition of P [...]stor [...] Equi [...], or the complaint of a Shepheard.
DEDICATED To neither Monarch, nor Miser, Keaser nor Caitiffe, Pallatine or Plebeian; but to great Mounsier Multitude, ahas, All, or euery One; IOHN TAYLOR sends his Scull-boats lading, to be c [...]nsured as please their Wisedomes to screw their Lunatike opinions.
MOst Mighty, Catholike, (or Vmuer sall) Mounsier Multitude, (whose many millions of Hv [...]raes heads, Ar [...]-e [...]es, and [...] hands,) ( [...] if you please [...] to iudge of my Water-Muses [...], to looke with hundreds of [...] [...] [...] of my Sculler, or to lend a few of your many hands, to helpe to tugge me a shore at the Hauen of your goodw [...]ls, which if you doe, it is more then my [...] [...] [...] [...] expcet or merit. But if you will not ass [...]st me, I will [...] the next high tide, and scramble vp into [...] though [...]he fast a ground for my labour. [...]e grable for Gudgeons or fish for Flounders in the Rereward of our e [...] temporizing [...]umorists, sharpe Satyrists, or [...] call [...]
I could wish my lines might please like Cheese to a W [...]lchman, Rutter to a Flemine, Vs [...]baugh to an Irishman, or Honey to a Beare: To conclude, I wish best to the Protest [...]t, I [...] the [...], praying for the perseuerance of the one, and a Re [...]ormation of the other. Meane [...], my [...] (like a Barbers shop) is readie for all commers, bee they of what Religion they well, paying their Farewell.
To the Right Worshipfull and my euer respected Mr. IOHN MORAY Esqire.
To my de [...]re respected friend, Maister Beniamin Iehuson.
To my louing Friend Iohn Taylor.
To the one and onely water-Poet and my Friend, Iohn Taylor.
In laudem Authoris.
To my louing Friend Iohn Taylor.
To my Friend both by Water and Land, IOHN TAYLOR.
To my louing Friend IOHN TAYLOR.
Prologue to the Reader.
TO TOM CORIAT.
The Author in his owne defence.
THE SCVLLER. To the whole kennell of Anti-Christs hounds, Priests, Friers, Monkes, and Iesuites, Mastiffes, Mongrels, Islands, Spanniels, Blood-hounds, Bobtaile-tike, or Foystinghound: The SCVLLER sends greeting.
Epigram 1.
Epigram 2.
Epigram 3.
Epigram 4.
Epigram 5.
Epigram 6.
Epigram 7.
Epigram 8.
Epigram 9.
Epigram 10.
Epigram 11.
Epigram 12.
Epigram 13.
Epigram 14.
Epigram 15.
Epigram 16.
Epigram 17.
Epigram 18.
Epigram 19.
Epigram 20.
Epigram 21.
Epigram 22.
Epigram 23.
Epigram 24.
Epigram 25.
Epigram 26.
Epigram 27.
Epigram 28.
Epigram 29.
To his approued good friend, Master Robert Branthwayt.
To his well esteemed friend, Master Maximilian Waad.
To my friend Master William Sherman.
Epigram 1.
Epigram 2.
Epigram 3.
Epigram 4.
Epigram 5.
Epigram 6.
Epigram 7.
Epigram 8.
Epigram 9.
Epigram 10.
Epigram 11.
Epigram 12.
Epigram 13.
Epigram 14.
Epigram 15.
Epigram 15.
Epigram 17.
Epigram 18.
Epigram 19.
Epigram 20.
Epigram 21.
Epigram 22.
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Epigram 24.
Epigram 25.
Epigram 26.
Epigram 27.
Epigram 28.
Epigram 29.
Epigram 30.
Epigram 31.
Epigram 32.
Epigram 33.
Epigram 34.
Epigram 35.
Epigram 36.
Epigram 37.
Epigram 38.
Epigram 29.
Epigram 40.
Epigram 41.
Epigram 42.
Epigram 43.
Epigram 44.
Epigram 45.
Epigram 46.
Satyre.
Satyre.
Pastorall Equiuokes, or a Shepheards complaint.
Epitaph.
Sonnet. In trust lyes Treason.
Death, with the foure Elements.
An Inkhorne Disputation, or Mungrell conference, betwixt a Lawyer and a Poet.
With a Quarterne of new catcht Epigrams, caught the last Fishing.tide: sit for heaute stomackes in Ember-weekes. Fridayes, and Fasting-euens.
Epigram 1.
Epigram 2.
Epigram 3.
Epigram 4.
Epigram 5.
Epigram 6.
Epigram 7.
Epigram 8.
Epigram 9.
Epigram 10.
Epigram 11.
Epigram 12.
Epigram 13. On Mistresse Charitie.
Epigram 14.
Epigram 15.
Epigram 16. On Madam Temperance.
Epigram 17.
Epigram 18.
Epigram 19. Light vanitie.
Epigram 20.
Epigram 21.
Epigram 22.
Epigram 23.
Epigram 24.
Epigram 25.
Ep [...]
THE DOLPHINS DANGER: AND DELIVERANCE. Being a Ship of 220. Tunhauing in her but 36. men and 2. Boyes who were on the 12. of lanuary 1616. set vpon by 6 Men of Warre of the Turkes, hauing at the least 1500. Men in them, who fought with them the space of 5 houres and a halfe, yet to the glory [...]f God and the honour of our English Nation, both Ship and goods safely brought vp the Riuer of Thames and deliuered. Truely set forth by the appointment of Master EDVVARD NICHOLS, being Master of the said Ship.
The names of such men as were in the sayd Ship. These men were kild out-right, and buried a shore.
- WAlter Penrose, the first man kild, being shot in the belly.
- 2 Thomas Shepheard, quarter Master his head shot off.
- 3 William Sweat Trumpetter, as hee founded in the sight had one arme shot off, yet hee founded till another great shot stroke off his other arme, with his Trumpet and all, then after hee was kild with a shot thorow the body.
- 4 William Russell, quarter master, had one arme first shot off, afterward he was shot through & kild,
- 5 Iohn Sands, the Crowne of his head shot off.
- 6 Beniamin Cornell [...] a Boy shot in the throat kild.
- 7 Dauid Fause, Masters mate, shot in the groyne, kild. These foure men dyed within 4 or 5 dayes & after were cast into the Sea.
- 8 Iohn Black [...]t [...] quarter M [...]his leg maim'd and burnt blind, yet he labored to quench the ship being fired.
- 9 Thomas Worger a youth, the Masters seruant, his shoulder blade shot off, and liued three dayes.
- 10 William Iames, Trumpetter, burn'd with wild fire, that he flamed like a fierie man all ouer then lohn Reff Purser cast water on him, he liued 5 dayes in great paine; in the fight an arrow came betwixt the Maisters legs at the helme and ran into the laid Iames his leg which the Maister puld out.
- 11 Iohn Prestin, a youth, kild with a musket.
Edward Nichols Master, shot with a small shot, that tore his hose and stockins through, and gaue his leg a scatre. and 4 times shot through the [...]Fra [...] Constable Boat swaine, Iohn Rophe pu [...] William Lucas Carpenter, Tho Hobs Gunners mate, Will Moore quarter Gunner, Wil. Colluel Steward Rob Graue Chirurgion. Iohn Adiney, Couper Christe, Austen C [...]d [...] son, Hump. Lee, Boatsons mate, Wil, Renfr [...] quart M. Will. Chalicom, Isa [...]e Watlington, Trumpetters. Thee Anderson, Thomas Spurden, Nicho: Wilkingson, Henry Low, Cornelius Scot, Philip a welchman, Saylers, The rest were passengers.
A FIGHT AT SEA. Famously fought by the Dolphin of London, against fiue of the Turkes men of Warre and a Sa [...]tie, the 12. of L [...], Anno Dom. 1616.
THe Magnanimitic and worthy resolution of this our English Nation, from time to time indureth the true touch and tryals of the Sea in deepe extremitie: whereby other Countries (not onely admires there [...], but ties to the same a deserued commendation:) Amongst many other such like Aduentures I am imboldened to commit to your cen [...]re the Accidents of this our late Voyage and returne from Zant into England, which happened as hereafter followeth.
Hauing at Zant, at the end of the yeare,1616. [...]shed our businesse, and laden our Ship for England, being named the Dolphin of London, of the Burthen of 280. Tunne or thereabouts, hauing in the same some 19. pieces of Ordnance, and 9. Murtherers, manned with 36. Men, and two Boyes, the Master thereof one Mr. Nichols, a man of much skill, and proued experience; who making for England, wee came from Zant, the first day of Ianuary, 1616. the winde being North and by East, when with a prosperous gale, by the 8. day in the Morning we had sight of the Island of Sardaine, the wind being then come Westerly, the 9. in the in the morning, we stood in for Callery, and at noone the wind being Southerly we came close by the Towers, where some two leagues off wee made the Fight, which day at night the wind growing calme, wee sailed towards the Cape, the 10. day wee had very little wind or none at all, till it was two of the clocke in the afternoone, which draue vs some three leagues Eastward from the Cape Pola: where we [...]pied a Fleet of Ships vpon the maine of Sardaine neere vnto a Road called Callarie, belonging to the King of Spaine, being the 12. day of Ianuarie, on which day in the Mornings watch, about 4 of the clocke, wee had sight of a Sayle making from the shore towards vs, which draue into our minds some doubt and feare, and comming neere vnto vs wee espicd it to bee a Sattie, which is a Ship much like vnto an Argosey, of a very great burthen and bignesse, which perceiuing, we imagined some more Ships not to bee farre off, whereupon our Master sent one of our companie vp into the maine tip, where he discouered fiue sayle of Ships one after another, comming vp before the wind, being then at West Southwest, who in a prospectiue glaffe perceiued them to be the Turkes men of Warre: The first of them booning by himselfe before the wind, with his Flag in the maine-top, and all his sayles gallantly spread abroad, after him came the Admirall and the Vice-Admirall, and after them two more, the Reare-Admirall and his fellow, being fiue in number, all well prepared for any desperate assault, wherevpon we immediately made ready our Ordinance and small shot, and with no little resolution prepared our selues to withstand them, which being done, we went to prayer, and so to dinner, where our Master gaue vs such noble incouragement, that our hearts euer thirsted to proue the successe, and being in readinesse for the fight, our Master went vpon the Poope, and waued his Sword three times, shaking it with such dauntlesse courage as if he had already wonne the victorie, this being done wee seconded him with like forwardnesse, whereupon hee caused his Trumpets to sound, which gaue vnto vs much more encouragement then before, and being within shot of them, our Master commanded his Gunner to make his leuell, and to shoot, which he did, but missed them all, at which the formost of them bore vp apace, [Page 34] for he had the wind of vs, & returned vs as good as wee sent so betwixt vs for a great space was a most fierce encounter, and hauing aduantage of vs by reason of the wind, about 11. or 12. of the clocke they layd vs aboard with one of theyr Ships, which was of 300. Tunne or thereabouts, and had in her 35. Pieces of Ordnance, and about 250. Men, the Captaine thereof was one Walsingham, which seemed by his name to bee an English man, and Admirall of the Fleet, for so if signified by the Flag in his maine top, hauing (as I said) boarded our Ship, hee entred on the Larbord quatter, where his men, some with Sabels which we call Fauchins, some with Hat [...]hets, and some with halfe Pikes, where they stayed some halfe an houre or thereabout, tearing vp our naile-bords vpon the Poope, and the trap-hatch, but we hauing a Murtherer in the round house, kept the Larbord side clee [...]e, whilst our men with the other Ordnance and Musquets playd vpon their Ships: yet for all this they plyed our Gallery with small shot in such sort, that wee stood in great danger to yeeld, but at the last we shot them quite thorow and thorow, and they vs likewise, but they being affraid they should haue beene sunke by vs, bore a head off our Ship, and as hee passed along wee gaue them a broad side, that they were forced to lay by the ley, and to mend his leakes: This Fight continued two houres by our Glasse and better, and so neere the shore, that the dwellers thereupon saw all the beginning and ending, and what danger we stood in, for vpon the shore stood a little house, wherein was likewise turned a glasse all the time curing the Fight, which measured the houres as they passed, and this was Walsinghams part.
Now for Captaine Kelleyes Ship, that came likewise vp with his Flag in the maine top, and another ship with his Flag in the Foretop, which Ships were at least 300. Tunne a peece, and had in each of them 25. Pieces of Ordnance, and about 250. Men, so they laid vs abord on the Starbord quarter, and the other on the Larbord, where entring our Ship thicke and threefold, with their Semiters, hatchets, halfe pikes and other weapons, put vs in great danger both of the losse of our Ship and our liues, for they performed much manhood and many dangerous hazards, amongst which there was one of the company that desperatly went vp into our mai [...] top to fetch downe our Flag, which being spy [...] by the Steward of our ship, presently shot hi [...] with his Musquet that hee fell headlong into the Sea, leauing the Flag behind him, so these [...] Ships fought with vs with great resolution, playing vpon vs with their Ordnance and small sho [...] for the space of an houre and a halfe, of who [...] we receiued some hurt, and likewise they of v [...] but when they saw they could not preuaile, no [...] any way make vs to yeeld, they bore vp and pa [...]sed from vs to lay their ships by the Lee to sto [...] their leakes, for we had grieuously some and ba [...] tered them with our great Ordnance, and th [...] was the second attempt they made vpon vs.
Now for the third, there came two more o [...] Captaine Kelleyes ships of 250. Tunne a peece [...] that in each of them had 22. Pieces of Ordnance and at the least 200. Men all well prouided a [...] might bee, which was as we thought too great [...] number for vs, being so few in our ship, but God that was our friend, gaue vs such strength and successe that they little preuailed against vs, fo [...] at their first comming vp, notwithstanding all their multitude of men, we shot the one of them quite thorow and thorow, and layd him likewise by the Lee, as we had done the others before, but the other ship remaining, layd vs aboard on the Starbord side, and in that quarter they entred our ship with their Semiters, Fauchions, halfe Pikes and other weapons, running too and froe [...] vpon the deck crying still in the Turkish tongue, Yeeld your selues, yeeld your selues, promising wee [...] should be well vsed, and haue part of our goods deliuered backe, with such like faire promises, but wee giuing no care vnto them, stood suflie in our defence, chusing rather to die, then to yeeld, as it is still the nature and condition of all English men, and being thus resolued, some of our men plyed our Ordnance against them, some played with the small shot, some with other weapons, as Swords, and halfe Pikes and such like, in middest of which skirmish, it so happened by ill chance that our Ship was fired, and in great danger to bee lost and cast away, had not the Lord in his mercy preserued vs, and sent vs meanes happily to quench it, but now marke the accident, the [Page 35] f [...] being perceiued by our enemies to burn [...] [...]agiously, and thinking that our Ship would [...] therewith beene sudainly burned to the water, they left vs to our fortuines, falling a [...] of from vs, and so we put to the shore vnder the little house for some succour, where we let an Anchor fall thinking to ride there all that night, which we had no sooner done, but we saw another ship beare vpon vs, whereupon we were sore frighted and so forced to let ou [...] Anchour fl [...]p, and so set sayle to get better succour, putting into the Road betweene the two little ho [...]s where we lay fiue dayes, mending the bruites and l [...]kes of our ship: the [...] receiued in the aforesaid sight, were [...]. Men and one Boy which were killed outright, and there were hurt eyght men and one boy more: but the Lord doth know what damage we put them to, and what number we flew in their ships.
The Master of our ship beeing at the Helme, was shot twice betwixt the legs: And the Chy [...]gion dressing the wounds of one of our men, a Ball of Wild-fire [...]elt into his Ba [...]on, which he [...]inly cast-into the Sea, otherwise it had greatly endangered vs. The Turkes were aboord and founded their Trumpets, yet notwithstanding our men assaulted them so [...]rcely, that they forced them off, and the Boson (seeing them flye) most vndantedly with a whistle [...]lourd them to the skirmish, if so they durst. The Captaines of three of their ships were English men, who tooke part with the Turkes thus to rob and spo [...]le vpon the Ocean, their names were Walsingham, Kelley, and Sampson.
Vpon the 13. of Ianuary there came aboord certaine Spaniards in the morning betimes, to wines what hurts we had receiued, who seeing our men dead, went a shore with vs, and shewed vs where we might bury them, but as we were bu [...] in making their graues and couering the bodies with earth, there came sayling by a Flemish Ship of twelue score tunne, which had in it some fiue or six thousand pounds, which had beene chased with those men of warre that had fought with vs before, all which money they brought in along Boate to the shore, and left in the Ship onely the men, which were 16.Sailers and two Boyes, that afterwards within two dayes brought the [...]aid ship into the [...] not [...] at all indangered God be praised.
[...] the 15 of the [...] when wee [...] [...] [...] [...] as God would [...] [...] [...] [...] tempest [...] [...] [...] [...] of weather as taine [...] [...] [...] [...] that we thought we [...] got [...] [...] from the Road where [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] which storme and tempest these [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] man that had beene [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] ther bu [...]all, and to when the Wind and Sea a little ca [...]es, we let vp [...] in [...] forward: but within three [...] after, webs [...]d th [...]e men more in the [...] the [...] [...]one we arriued in the Road or Callery, and [...]y at anchor, where againe [...] [...] ship, wee found it [...] and [...] seuerall places, one in the gun-room [...], another betweene the Deckes, the third [...] [...], and the fourth in the Masters round [...]on [...] in Callery we mended our Ship, and [...]ured [...] men there to helpe vs to stop her Leakes, and [...] all things most fitting for our Voyage homewards, vpon the 30. day of Ianuary wee committed our fortunes againe vnto the Sea, and so leaur [...] Callery wee can [...] forward with [...] Frenchman, who was bound to a place called Orestone, some [...]0; Leagues from Callery, where after 2. dayes we left his company being the 1.day of February, and after that putting forwards still toward [...] England, wee are now by the will of God, most lately arriued, and our Ship after so many ouerpassed dangers receiued into the Thames neare London, to the great ioy and comfort of the Owners thereof:
God be praised.
A FAMOVS FIGHT AT SEA. Where foure English Ships vnder the command of Captaine IOHN WEDDELL, and foure Dutch Ships, fought three dayes in the Gulph of Persia neere Ormus, against 8. Portugall Gallio [...]s, and 32. F [...]gots. As also, the memorable Fight and losse of the good Ship called the Lyon, with the barbaron [...] Crueltie of the En [...] truly declared.
DEDICATED To the right Worthy, Generous, and well experienced Commander Captaine IOHN WEDDELL, late Generall of the East-India Fleet.
WOrthy Sir, hauing written the true manner of your late Famous, perilous, and fortunate Fight with the Portugals in the Pos [...] Gulph, and knowing that Bookes without Patrons are like fatherlesse Children, I imagined that it was better to send it to you for succour and protection, than to any other whomsoeuer; for the most part which is herein by Relation, I am assured that you doe know to bee ture by Action, and my Pen hath but only superficially pratled of those things w ch you saw, did, & suffered. I therfore humbly intreat you to accept this poore Fish out of your owne Ocean, this sheepe of your owne fold, this cloa [...]h of your owne weauing, and this deserued memorie of part of your worthy won Reputation. Thus not doubting but your affabilitie is correspondent to your approued knowledge and knowne sufficiencie, I commit both my selfe and this Relation to your acceptance and good censure, my best wishes still attending on you, that your fortunes be euer equall to the goodnesse of your minde.
TO THE COVRTEOVS READER.
THe Eternall prouidence hauing diuided Mankind into many Kingdomes, Climates, People and Nations, yet to the end there should bee an vnitie or mutuall societie amongst all men, hee hath permitted Traffique and Commerce betwixt Nation and Nation, Realme and Realme, N [...] tion and Shipping being as it were the fleeting Bridges, for the transportation and ex [...] [...] and Merchandize, from Countrey to Countrey, that though God hath not inriched any our [...] [...] Countrey with all things, (the one hauing what the other hath not:) yet to maintaine [...] S [...] [Page 37] [...]us chiefly for his owne glory in [...] sp [...]ing his g [...]fts) Commerce and traff [...]que [...] [...] at all [...], and in all Ages; for the which noble imployments our Kingdome of [...] [...] [...] [...] feriour to any Nation for the abilitie and worthinesse of Merchants [...]. and I thinke not equalle [...] any for goodnes and sufficiencie of skilfull Nauigators, and Marr [...]ners, and strength of shipping, and [...].
So that neither the parching heat of Lybia and AEthiopia, or the [...]ming [...] of Groenland, or the Hyperborean [...] Regions, neither the sarre remotenesse of China Eastwards, or the vttermost bounds of the new world America Westwards, the dangers of Stormes, Gusts, Fla [...]es, Tempests, Sp [...]ts, and Tornadoes, or Monsoones, the hazard of Shoales, Rockes, Leakes, Enemies, Pirates barbarous and cruell Nations, vnwholsome and vntemperate Ayres and Climates Sea or Land Monsters, or what perils may be named or thought vpon, hath euer daunted or hindred our Merchants and Marmers prosecute and accomplish their continuall, laudable and profitable vndertakings.
Amongst whom our Noble, Worshipfull, and worthy East-India Merchants and Aduenturers, may in these later times be held us superlatiue to those of former Ages, their mest [...]n able charge, their mighty force, their valuable returnes, and their aduenturous hazards rightly considered. All which being no part of my purpose to treat of, I referre the Reader onely to the description of two famous Sea-fights, performed betwixt the English and the Portuga [...]s, which, though the newes of it could not be brought hither so soone as if it had beene done vpon the Coast of Zealand or Flandets, yet, as soone as wind and weather could bring it, I had it, and with what time I could well spare I haue written, is, assuring my selfe of what I dare assure my Reader, which is, that all is true. In which regard, I thought it vnfit to let it lie buried in obliuion, or the hatefull and ingratefull graue of forgetfulnesse. In it is valour described, and manifested in the liues and deaths of many of our English, and extreame crueltie and inhumanitie in the Enemie. But to the matter.
A BRAVE SEA-FIGHT in the Gulph of PERSIA.
- 1 The Royall Iames, Admirall,
- 2 The Ionas, Vice-Admirall.
- 3 The Starre, Reare-Admirall.
- 4 The Eagle, fourth Ship. Iohn Weddell, chiefe Commander of the English Fleet.
- 1 The South Holland, Admirall.
- 2 The B [...]ta [...], Vice-Admirall.
- 3 The M [...]ud of Dort, Reare-Admirall.
- 4 The W [...]a [...]pe, fourth Ship. Albert Bicke [...], chiefe Commander of the Dutch Fleet.
THe 30. of Ianuary, 1624. being Friday, the English and Dutch Ships being in the Road of Gombroone, there arriued a small Frigot belonging to a place neere Chowle, (which is in warre with the Portugals shee came in betweene the Maine and Ormus, to whom the General of the English, Capt. Iohn Weddell, [...]ent M r. Andrew Evans, in a little Boat called a Gellywat, to know from whence he came, and whether hee could giue vs any intelligence of the Portugall Armado; his answer was, that hee came from a place some 8. or 10. Leagues to the Southwards of Chowle, laden with Pepper and other Merchandize, and withall hee said, that on the Saturday before, being the 24. of Ianuary, hee was off the Cape called Cape Gordell, na [...]fe way betwixt the Coast of Ind [...], and Cape Iaques, where to Steward off [...] [...]aw 8. great Gallions, and certaine Frigots, which Frigots gaue him chase, but hee kept himselfe so neere the shore, that they could not fetch him vp; and this was the first information o [...] the neere approach of the [...]nemie.
The 31. of Ianuary in the morning, the English and Dutch fleet heard three peeces of Ordnance goe off from [...] Castle, (a strong hold, and in warre with the Portugals) the Captaine of the [Page 38] said Castle hauing before promised the Generall (Captaine Weddell tha [...] [...]f he descryed any crosse Sailes or Ships in sight of the Castle, that then he would discharge those Pe [...]ces as a warning vnto him, which accordingly he did.
Wherupon a man was sent vp to the top-mast head in the English Admirall, to looke abroad, who being vp, presently cryed a saife, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. with many Frigots in their company, then the Generall commanded the Gunner to shoot off a peece of Ordnance, to giue warning to all the flect to put themselues in readinesse for the entertainment of the Enemie putting also the bloudy Colours out, as likewise the Dutch Admirall did the like, with all speed getting their men & boats from the shore, weighing their Anchors of all hands, and getting vnder [...]le with all possible celerity, with courage and resolution they stood towards the Enemy, (whose drift was to haue taken the English and Dutch at Anchor vnprepared) but their expectations were frustrate Towards 8. of the clocke at night it fell calme, so that our ships came to an Anchor, when the Commander of the Dutch fleet (named Albert [...] Becker) sent his M [...]ster of his ship, accompanied with some other Merchants, and Masters aboord the Royall Iames, informing Captaine Weddell that their Commander had sent them to see now he did, and what hee thought the Ships and Frigots to be that they had descryed. The Commander Weddell answered, that they could bee no other than the Portugall Armado, which had bin two yeeres preparing to meet with the English and Dutch, and that now they were come in search of them, from Goa, vnto this place, hoping first to conquer both our and their Nation, and afterwards to fall to worke vpon Ormus, Kishme, and Gombroone, to destroy our setled trade, and to extirpe and [...]oot vs out with all hostility and dishonour. Then the Dutch demanded Captaine Weddels resolution, concerning so common and open an Enemy, he told them that his resolution was, for the glory of God, the honour of his Nation, the profit of worthy Imployers, and the safeguard of liues, ships and goods, he would fight it out, as long as a man was liuing in his ship to weare a Sword, and that he doubted not but the other three ships vnder his command, were all of the same mind and courage; to whom the Dutchmen answered, that they were of the like resolution, and would sticke as close to the English as their shirts to their backs, and so in friendly manner, each tooke leaue of other for that night.
The 1. of February, being Sunday, the Dutch Admirall weighed anchor an houre before daylight, and the English presently after him, but the Dutch got the start of vs all, though we made all the Saile we could; at last the English came vp to him with their whole fleet, but he discharged the first shot at the Portugall Admirall, who presently answered him with three for one. The friends and foes being in Musket shot of each other, it fell calme, whereby our ships would not worke but as the tide did set them, that when the Portugals were Boord and Boord, they had a great aduantage of vs with their Frigots, that rowed thē cleare one off another often, which helpe we wanted, thus we lay some 4. or 5. houres pelting and beating one another with our Ordnance, the whilst the Frigots plyed vs with small shot, as fast as they could, the Royall Iames being forced to keep the Barge at head to pull the Ships head to & fro; but towards the afternoone there arose a fine gale, but the Enemy had the wind of vs, wherevpon the Admirall and Vice-Admirall of the Portugals bore vp roome vpon vs, making account to [...]ay the Royall Iames aboord; the one on the Starboord, the other on the La [...]boord side, which Captaine Weddell perceiuing, scarce being able to shun it, he called to the Master, and told him the purpose of the Enemy, to auoyd which danger, he commanded the Master to beare a little lasking to separate them further each from other, that he might haue more roome to go betweene them, the Vice Admirall of the Enemy seeing the Iames beare vp so lasking, she likewise bore vp with her, when suddenly Captaine VVeddell perceiued there was hope to weather him, caused his Mizzen, and Mizzen top sayle to be set, and so presently got the wind of him, edging close vp with the Admirall, beeing within Musketshot of them both; the Portugall Admirall put to stay, by which meanes the Iames got the Wind of him also, hauing much adoe to get out a w [...]eather off him, comming so [Page 39] close vnder his sterne, that his boats were close at [...]ur ships side as she sheared by, when presently [...] gaue him a whole broad side, cuery shot [...]king him fore and after, tacking forthwith, and standing after him. Thus the first dayes [...]ight lasted till fiue at Night, wherein the Royall Iames lost eight men, and some others which [...]ad some small hurts: Also this day the Dutch lost their chiefe Commander, a brane and valiant, fellow, who liued and dyed nobly in the Bed of honour. This Fight was terrible and fierce for the time, for the Royall Iames alone spent neere seuen hundred great shot, and all the other ships English and Dutch, did proportionably doe the like. The Sunne beeing for, the Enemie sell off, and came to an Anchor, at the East end of Kishme, the English being Northnorth-west from them two Leagues, thus was concluded the first dayes fight.
Munday the second of Februarie, beeing Candlemas day, the Wind beeing very little which below off from Kishme, so that the Enemy had the aduantage of it, but neuer offered to make vse of it, to make roome towards vs; the English and Dutch being imployd busily [...] to fit vp their torne rigging and tackling, and stopping such dangerous shot as they had receiued in the Fight betwixt wind and water.
Also the same day in the afternoone, there was a meeting aboord the Royall Iames, where both the English and Dutch concluded, that they would giue the Enemy fight the next morning and that the Royall Iames should be the leading, ship, and the Admiral of the Dutch should second her, and that they should goe directly to the Enemies Admiral, not striking higher or lower till the Iames came side by side with her. So the 3. of F. being Tuesday, both the flects weighed Anchors at breake of day, hauing the weather gage of the enemy, the great Iames stood right with the Admiral of the Portugals, w ch was headmost but one; but comming neere them, they weaued to Leeward with their bright arming Swords, and we the like to them, they saluted vs with a whole broad side, but Captaine Weddell cōmanded his men not to answer them, til they were brought neerer within danger, w ch charge was obeyed, but being come neere the Admiral, and another of their ships, the great Iames bestowed vpon each of them a whole broad side, making them both to beare vp, the one a port, & the other a starbord, by w ch meanes, one of their ships was cut off and sundred from thē, and was chased 3. or 4. houres by the Eagle and Weasope, the hope of the English and Dutch being, that she should no more returne to her fleets company, the Iames following still the Admirall and Vice Admiral [...] got vpon the Admirals side, hauing the Vice-Admirall on his starbord bow; insomuch that this dayes sight grew very hot, for often the Iames was in thickest of the enemy being at one time all round about vs; but our men so plyed their Ordnance vpon them, that they all refused to stand by vs, but fled all before vs as chaffe, dust, or smoake before the winde. In this sight the Iames got betweene one of their fleet and singled her our, lying by her s [...]les with [...]oresaile, and sore-topsaile, a backe stayes, so neere, as a man might quoit a Bisket Cake into her, when straight Master Iohnson came vp in the sterne of the Iames, so neere, as he could hardly keepe cleare, to whom Captaine Weddell called, willing him to clap the Portugall aboord on the Larboord quarter (whilst the Iames lay thundring vpon him with her great Ordnance) hee promised to do it, but after he refused it, this Vessell had not so sew as 500. shot thorow her Hull, Masts, Sailes, and Yards, before the got cleare.
Note, that in the morning Cap. Weddell had fitted a Portugall Vessell (which had beene formerly taken with some Cockernuts) and purposed to haue fired her thwart the Admirals l [...]awse she being appointed to come between the Dutch Admiral, and the Ionas, but through disaster, or rather negligence in Darby the Master, who came not vp according to his appointed place, she was chased by the Frigots (she hauing but ten men in her) being of no defence, they were forced to set her on fire farre from the fleet, and so the men betooke themselues to a Barge, which was left them for their safety, by which meanes the Generals proiect was disappointed.
All this third day at night this Vessel burnt, and two houres before day-light, whether shee was towed by some of the Enemies boates or no, is vnknowne, but shee came burning [Page 40] amongst the English and Dutch Fleetes, and forced them from their Anchors by slipping their Cables, which Anchors they tooke vp some three dayes after.
The 4. of February in the morning, both Fleetes made towards the Enemies, who were vnder saile, and made all the hast they could to get vnder the Iland of Lowracke, which lyeth some eight or nine miles from Ormus, vnto which Iland their Frigots went ahead, conducting them in ouer a Barre, whom the English and Dutch followed as farre as with safety they durst hauing neither the helpe of Pilots to shun the dangers of the place, or Frigots to goe a head as conductors, as the Enemy had. Besides, there might haue beene Ordnance [...] planted a shore by the Enemy, which would haue beene greatly to their aduantage, or otherwise in the darke night they might haue chained two or three Frigots together, and turning them vpon them, vpon the Ebbe thwart their hawse might much haue indangered them, they knowing the Enemie to be implacable, malicious, and politique; these reasons caused them to follow them no further at this time, but to come to an Anchor a League from them, when Captaine Weddell sent for the chiefe of the Dutch, whose resolution was to go backe againe for Gombroone, there to dispatch our Merchants affaires. So Anchors were weighed, the Iames giuing them a shot for a farewell, and they answered her with the like, they all getting into Gombroone Road that night, where they speedily fell to worke to repaire the ruines of warres, in fitting of Masts, Yards, Sailes, rigging and stopping breaches, all which in 3 dayes was accomplished, leauing the Portugall like a Theefe in his Mill, or a Fox in his hole, not minding to triee as yet the hazard of another bout.
In this fight their Reare Admirals maine Mast was shot by the boord, their Vice-Admirals maine top-mast was likewise shot by the boord, their Admirals Mizzen-mast, Flag, and flagstaffe shot by the boord, and her Hull much rent and torne. Their fourth ship had the head of her maine mast shot by the boord. Another of their ships had all her top-masts shot by the boord. In conclusion, all their eight ships were so torne and tattered, that they had neither good Masts, Sailes, or Yards to helpe themselues with, no tide sides to beare saile vpon. Thus it pleased th [...] Almighty to giue the victory of the day vnto those that relie vpon his promise; to that grea [...] God be all glory for euer, and let all true Christians say Amen.
The 13. of February being Friday, the English and Dutch Fleets set saile at day-light from th [...] Road of Gombroone, hauing also with them foure Iunks, other vessels of lading, vnder the conduct [...] and charge of the Dutch, which as soone as th [...] Enemie perceiued, they let slip their Cables an [...] slipped from their harbour at the Iland of Law racke, which is foure or fiue Leagues from the Roade of Gombroone, the Enemie making all the sayle he could to Sea-boord of the English and Dutch all the day till Sun-set; when they were got within Saker-shot of each other, and a good bearing gale, they all kept company together all night.
This 13. at night, it blew so hard at West [...] south-west, that one of their great Gallions bor [...] ouer-boord the head of her maine Mast, close vnder the hownds, not being able to hoyst vp he [...] maine sayle, she was forced to steere alongst with her fore-saile, fore-top-saile, her Sprit-saile, and Mizzen, the wind being at West-South-west, they steered away South and by East.
The 14. in the morning the Dutch Fleet staying, and bearing vp vnto the Iunke, the night past was a starre so farre, that the English Fleet could scarce descry them; so the Iames laid her fore-saile a backe staies, and staid for them, the Portugall neuer offering to alter his course, but kept on still.
The same day about noone, the Dutch being come vp with the English, it was agreed betweene them, that the Royall Iames should giue the first on-set vpon their Admirall, and the rest of the Fleet to second her; so about two of the clocke that afternoone the two Fleets came to weather of the Enemies Admirall, receiuing the first shot from their Vice-Admirall, and presently a whole broad side from their Admirall, both sides comming as neere each other as they could but well keepe cleane of each other, they [...]ell to it of all hands pell mell, the Ordnance going off as fast as small shot, the Iames for her part giuing [Page 41] them two broad sides, she then edged vp in the winde. laying her fore-saile and fore-topstyle, abacke stayes, as well to giue leaue to the [...] (who was second to the Iames) as also to suffer the Portugall Admirall to shoot a head, which the suddainly did, then the Iames filling her top sayle the second time, bore vpright with the Enemie Admirall, plying her whole broad side so fast vpon him, that he had scarce any lea [...] to returne any shot backe, whilst the English and Portugall Admirals were so nere each other, that they could hardly cleare themselues. In this time whilst our ships plyed the Enemies Admirall, (not so much looking after or heeding the other ships) the Vice-Admirall with the rest of their fleet were left a sterne, their Admiralll plyed very hard vpon the Iames, giuing and receiuing many dangerous shots, the Iames being shot betweene winde and water often, and had more [...]oyle in her Sayles and Rigging, than she had done any of the two dayes fight before, then the third time, comming side by side with each others Fleet, they let driue one at another like Thunder in the ayre, the Iames comming vp with the Admirall (the great ship of Damon, who the first dayes fight lost her maine Mast)crept in betwixt the Iames and the Portugall Admirall, lying as a Bulwa [...]ke to weather off her, to receiue all that might be put vpon her, and indeed all that was meant to haue beene bestowed vpon tbe Admirall was still plyed vpon that great Hulke, as likewife the Ionas and Dutch, did continue this third dayes fight till day-light was shut in, the Portugals edging vp to get nere the Arabian shore, insomuch that at 8. at Night both English and Dutch were faire by it, chasing them in.
This Night the English and Dutch steered away their course for Surat, the Portugals steering for Swar, a place where they haue a Castle.
The Royall Iames with the rest were forced to giue ouer the Chase for these reasons.
FIrst, for that the time of yeere was so farre spent, that they should not haue time enough to deliuer their goods at Surat, and so to goe cleere off the Coast, before the Westerly Mons [...]ne, which is a Wind that blowes at West sixe moneths together, beginning in Aprill, would be come, and so endanger the Ships in getting off againe.
A second reason was, that the Royall Iames had but 31. Barrels, and some 500. Cartreges fild with Powder, and some 600. shot, all which was not aboue three quarters of a dayes fight for her vse, for in her former dayes worke the third of February, she alone spent 1000. great shot vpon the Enemie, so that now through want of Powder was not able to maintaine such another dayes fight according to that rate. And this last dayes fight she lost but one man, hauing spent vpon the Enemy more then three hundred great shot. To the Lord of hosts the only giuer of victory, the mighty God of Battels, be all honour, glory, praise and dominion for euer, Amen.
A note of the mens Names slaine in these three seuerall fights with the Portugals, out of the English Fleet. Slaine in the Royall Iames.
-
- Richard Dauis
- Nicholas Burton,
quarter Masters. - Robert Skaife, Gunners Mate.
-
- Ioseph Wright
- Thomas Bland
- Iohn Burcham
- Godfrey Howton
Carpenters. -
- Richard Dauis, Iunior,
- Richard Walker
- Iohn Maisters.
- William Wilcockes
-
- William Clarke
- William Surdam
dismembred in their legs, and dyed.
Sailers.
- Robert Modding, Masters Mate.
- Iohn Beedam, mid-ship-man.
- William Adams.
- Robert Stacie.
- Edward Wilkinson
- Robert Larke
- Richard Hergoll
- Francis Blow.
- Thomas Page
- Thomas Wilkinson
- Thomas Williams.
- Iames Wanderton.
- William Carter.
- Reignold Sanderson.
- Charles Robinson.
- Iohn Sares.
The Dutch lost neere the like number, amongst whom their chiefe Commander Albert Becker was slaine the first dayes fight.
A Relation by Peter Hillion a Frenchman, of the force of the eight Portugal Gallions, which fought with the English and Dutch Fleet, in the Gulph of Persia; as also the spoyle they receiued by them, with their number of men slain, on the 13. and 14. of February,1624. himselfe being then in the Admirall, which afterwards riding with three more of her Fleet at the Riuers mouth of Surat, be escaped from her, and ran to the English, which were then riding in the Barre of Surat.
THeir Admirall named S. Francisco Sanuer, wherein was Generall Non Aliud Batellia, had 48. peeces of Brasse Ordnance of whole Canon, Demy-Cannon, Cannon Pethrow, whole Culuering, and Demy-Culuering, and 350. men, of which wee slaine 38, whereof three were chiefe Captaines vnder the aforesaid Generall, named Lorenzo Luis, Ieronimo Botelia, and Brassa Coze, who all three were kild with one shot, the Ships Fore-mast, Bosprect and maine Mast, were so torne with shot, that they were vnseruiceable, her Mizzen-mast, Flag and Flag staffe, shot, by the boord, with the head of her maine top-mast, and her Rigging much rent and torne.
Their Vice-Admirall named likewise S. Francisco, wherein was Commander Francisco Burge, had 32, peeces of Ordnance as the former, and 250. men, of which were slaine 31. the aforesaid Commander beeing one of the number, her maine top-mast shot by the boord, her maine. Mast, fore Mast, and Bosprect so torne, that they were vnseruiceable.
Their Reare-Admirall named S. Sebastian, (their biggest ship) wherein was Commander Don Antonio tela, who ws lamed of an arme, had 40. pieces of Brasse Ordnance as the former, and 400. men, whereof 20. were slaine, her maine. Mast, fore-top mast, fore-yard, and Sprit-sayletop-mast shot by the boord, and her fore mast so vnseruiceable, that she could beare no more saile but her Sprit-saile.
Their fourth ship named S. Saluador, wherein was Commander Don Francisco de Tuar, had 24. peeces of Brasse Ordnance, and 250. men 41. whereof were slaine, the aforesaid Commander being one of the number, his Masts were so rent and torne that they were all vnseruiceable.
There fifth ship named S.Iago, wherein was Commander Simon de Kintalle, had 22. peeces of Brasse Ordnance, 200. men, whereof were slaine 83. her Masts were all standing, but she so leeked betweene wind and water, by shot receiued, that they had much to doe to free her, so that she was cast away vpon the Coast of India seuen dayes after.
Their sixth ship named Trinidada, wherein was Commander Pedro Alua Botelia, had 22. peeces of Brasse Ordnance, and 250. men 243. wherof were slaine, his Top-masts were all shot by the boord, and her other so torne, that the could beare no sayle thereon, but was towed by the Great Hulke Reare-Admiral, frō Muscat to Goa.
Their seuenth ship named S. Antonio, wherein was Commander Antonio Burallia, had 22. peeces of Brasse Ordnance, and 200. men, whereof 22. were slaine, her Masts were all standing, but hauing a leake by shot receiued betwixt wind and water, the seuenth day after shee was cast away vpon the Coast of India.
The eighth ship named Miserere-Cor [...], wherein was Cōmander Emanuel Rodreeges Ch [...] [...], had 22. peeces of Brasse Ordnance, and 200. men, whereof 3. were slaine, her fore-top-mast, maine-yard, fore-yard, and maine-top sayle-yard shot by the boord, and her fore-mast so torne that it was vnseruiceable.
A Table containing the former numbers. | |||
Ordnance. | Men | Men Slaine | |
The Admirall had | 48 | 350 | 38 |
The Vice-Admirall had | 32 | 250 | 31 |
The Reare-Admirall had | 40 | 400 | 20 |
The fourth Ship had | 24 | 250 | 41 |
The fifth ship had | 22 | 200 | 83 |
The sixth Ship had | 22 | 250 | 243 |
The seuenth ship had | 22 | 200 | 22 |
The eighth Ship had | 22 | 200 | 3 |
The sumnce | 232 | 2100 | 481 |
Thus it pleased God in mercy that the English and Dutch, not being halfe the number of the Enemy, neither in men or Ordnance, that with onely the losse of 58. or 60. men they should kill 481. of the Portugals, and with all so to beat them (notwithstanding the helpe of 16.Frigots) being [...] torne, that they were cast away seuen dayes after, and the rest all vnseruiceable, not daring to stand to the hazard of another conflict.
A briefe description of the Disaster of the goodship called the Lyon, one of our English ships trading to the East India, who was lost in fight with the Portugals, neere Gombroone in the Gulph of Persia, on the eighth of Nouember, 1625.
THe seuenth of October 1625. about 4. in the morning, the Palsgraue, Dolphin, and Lyon, anchored about three Leagues to the Southwards of Surat Barre, and when it grew light (men being in the top) espyed certaine Readers ryding against Surat Riuer, which some supposed to be English or Hollanders, others affirmed to be affect of Frigots; but in fine, about an houre after they set Sayle and steered after vs, and in short space we made them to be foure Portugall Gallions, and fifteene Frigots, the wind being them off shore, they could not come to vs that tide, but anchored about a League from vs, out Captaine perceiuing their intents put forth an Ensigne for Councell, and the Master of each ship presently repaired aboord.
At which [...] our Master M. Richard [...] [...] propounded that [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] Sayle and stand off [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] meanes to [...] the force of the [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] it sell out so that our Ships [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] Portugals, we [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] there [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] doubted that the Portugall had a great force of shipping in Swalley Road.
Secondly, he feared whether our Merchants had friendship with the [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] by reason of the [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] them at the Dolphins [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] England, which was the [...] [...] [...] [...] [...].
Thirdly, he doubted that the Portugals had made peace with the [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] Ordnance a shere Swalley [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] [...] doubted what was become of Captaine, Weddels fleet, for hee affared himselfe if there was any friends at that time in Swalley Road, they would not suffer the Portugall to ride there, for hee supposed that the Portugall had beene in fight with them the yeere past, and had either put them to the worst, or else for want of munition to effect another fight, they were forced to repayre to Ormus Castle for succour, vntill supply came out of England.
A [...]l which being propounded, and the vnreadinesse and great charge of all three ships well considered, it was concluded to set Sayle, the which we did, the wind being Northerly, and the tide of floud come, wee flood [...] Sea, and the Portugall Admirall and Vice Admirall sayling better then the rest, fetcht vs vp about 4. in the afternoon, at which time the Lyon being formost of our Fleet, the Enemy Admirall shot one peece or Ordnance at her, for the which shee answered 3. or 4. but could hardly reach further then halfe way: the Portugall finding his Ordnance better than ours, both Admirall and Vice-Admirall plyed vpon the Lyon for the space of halfe an houre, in which time shee receiued many shot both in her Hull and Rigging. Our Master Richard Swanley, seeing their aduantage, caused to bruile maine-saile, and edge within Musket-shot of them both, and there maintained fight with them till Sunne-set, and receiued no hurt at all.
[Page 44]All which time, and an houre after being calme, the other two ships of the Enemy were at least a League a sterne. The Palsgraue, and Dolphin all this time being right a head, kept on there course, onely plying their sterne Peeces. The Portugals seeing them still stand away, came both aboord of vs, the one in the one quarter, and entred at least 100. of their men, hauing fire-pots, and the other in the other, and diuers sorts of fire-workes vpon our decks, the Frigots (as many as could lye about vs) threw firepots in at the Ports, and stucke fire pikes in her sides; all which (by the great mercy and assistance of God) we still put out. Our Admirall and Vice-Admirall in this our miserie were quickly out of our sight, the cause whereof is best knowne to themselues.
This conflict remained from 8. at night, till about 11. in which space our Master Richard Swanley was slaine, and foure more of our men were also slaine, 3. of our Masters Mates, and 20. more were exceedingly burnt, the rest almost wearied, and more discomforted by reason our Fleet had left vs, and in briefe wee were in that case, that the word was giuen to blow vp the ship, had not God in his wisdome stayd it, by putting it in the mind of some of our men, to let fall an Anchor, which being done (the tide running very strong, brought our ship to so strong a bitter, that the fast which the Portugals had vpon vs brake, whose vnexpected suddaine departure from vs, left 50. or 60. of their men vpon our Poope, who still maintained the fire in such sort, that we were forced to blow them vp, which blast tore all the Sterne of our ship in peeces, from the middle-Decke vpwards.
The Portugals being all repulsed, and the fire put out, we vsed all diligence for the clearing our ship, and getting vp our maine-top-sayle-yard, which then lay vpon our Deck, likewise bringing new sayles of our Yard, the former beeing all burnt and torne all which being as well done, as haste would giue leaue, we expected their comming againe the next tide, but they hoping wee would either haue burnt or sunke, onely left fiue Frigots without shot of vs, and themselues with the other two ships that were formerly a sterne flood after the Palsgraue and Dolphin, and in short space fetcht them vp, and fought with them all that night, they standing still off to Sea, were but off our sight the next morning.
The 8. day in the morning, (all the ships beeing out of our fight) it was agreed vpon by the Officers of our ship, that Henry Crosbey our Masters chiefe Mate should succeed as our chiefe Commander, vntill such time as it pleased God we should meet with our Commander.
This being done, wee being not able to weigh [...] our Anchor, by reason our men were most of them hurt, cut Cable in the haw [...]e, and let as much Sayle as we durst beare, our sore mast hauing receiued 3. shot, in such wise, as it had but 4. inches hold and stood off to Sea, and beeing faire weather, praised bee God, in short time ou [...] fore-mast was made seruiceable.
The Frigots aforesaid that were left by vs, stood foure of them after the Fleet, and the other in fo [...] the shore, all that day we heard them in fight, bu [...] saw them not, likewise the next night wee could see the light of their Ordnance at our top-mast head; but they being to wind-ward of vs, wee could not get to them, nor indeed were not in case if we could, for our ship was so open, and all our chiefe men kild and hurt.
The ninth in the morning, wee could neither see them nor heare them, then it was thought fitting by our Master, that according to the Consultation held aboord the Palsgraue, the seuenth day wee should stand for Ormus, the which (by the assistance of God) wee did, hauing faire weather all the way; in which time of our Sayling, our Carpenters had got vp all the sterne of our ship againe as well as his store would giue him leaue, our men also were recouered of their hurts.
The fourth of Nouember we arriued at Gombroone, where we had intelligence by our Merchants there resident, that Rufrero was riding vnder Ormus Iland, with 18. or 20. Frigots, the which when our Master vnderstood, the (Merchants being then aboord) it was concluded by consultation, that to preuent any ensuing danger that might happen, and also for the cleering of our ship, whereby to mount our lower Tier, all the Cloth and Currall, and foure Chests of money should besent a shore, with as much speed [Page 45] as possible, the other our Master refused to send one of the ship, alledging, that if it should please God they were forced to leaue the Port by any disaster, there was no stocke to buy any refreshing for our men which then did want it, the rest of our Carriages, and goo is lying low in Hold, could not then be come by, [...]: much time which then we wanted. It was also appointed that we should with all speed take in water, and stand for Ormus, the which was a [...]yed to doe, and partly effected, for vpon the fifth day the Merchants and our Purser rode with all speed to the Sultan, (who was then out of Towne) to [...] treat for Boats to Land the Goods, and to water out ships, the which he granted, and also gaue [...]a Boat to make vs a Long boat by reason wee had lost both our Skiffe and Long boat the last sight.
The sixth there came Boot-haylers aboord, & tooke all the goods aforesaid and carried them a shore, & also tooke in Caske to fill with water.
The 7. of Nouember there came 12. Tunne of water aboord, which was presently taken in, and more Caske sent a shore; also in this short time our Lower Orlope was also made Priddic, and our two chase Peeces were mounted, and wee were in good hope the next day to take in water enough to serue vntill the fleet came to stand ouer for Ormus; but God hauing otherwise appointed, it fell out contrary.
The eighth day, about 7. in the morning, Rusrero with his Frigots came rowing towards tne Ship, and being then calme that the Ship could not worke, hee came in such sort that she could haue none but her Chase Peece to beare vpon them, which lay so well to passe, that they sunke two of their Figots before they could boord her, and two more after they were by her sides. But after they were aboord, they plyed their small shot in such wise, that they were not able able to open a Port in the ship, but were forced to shoote away Ports, and all.
They also maintained such aboundance of fire works round about her that in a moment all her Masts and Sayles [...]re on fire, her vpper Decke was also on fire, the which for all their heauing much water vpon it, in lesse then halfe an houre fell downe vpon their heads, and put them from their [...] death on each side, some [...] put themselues to the mercy [...] the rest gaue [...] to the [...] vp the ship. Those men which [...] [...] b [...]ord, were all receiued into the [...] [...] carried vnto Ormus Iland, and the next in [...] Rusrero gaue or [...] to cut off all their heads but one, namely Thomas Winterborne, whom he sent with a letter to the Merchants at Gombroone, the rest being 26. persons, were [...]ely [...] headed.
Those that were blowne vp in the Ship, droue a shore and were burled at Gombroone be [...] in number 42. there were also nine men a [...] about the Companies [...] [...], and one that Rusrero sent with a Letter makes 10. whom God grant neuer worse fortune.
Thus was this good ship and men vnfortunatly and lamentably lost, yet as much courage and manly resolution as possibly could bee was performed by the English, not can it bee imagined how more industry or [...]uer valour could haue beene shewed; on the other side, the cruell and bloud-thirsty enemy gained nothing but knocks losse of liues and limbes, hauing his Frigots suncke and torne in peeces, his maine purchase being dishonour and infamy, for after all our men had sought so long, and so manfully, being besieged round with death, as the Sea to swallow them, the fire to consume them, or the Portugals swords to cut their throats, not being possible to escape one of these wayes of emenent canger, that then in that extremity 27. men escaping into the Sea, were all aliue taken vp by the Enemy, whom had he then kild in he [...]e of bloud, when warre, rage death and sury were vp, it had beene then but the effect and fortune o [...] warre; but to giue them harbour all night, and the next day in cold bloud to cause them to be beheaded, it was one of the ignoblest, inhumaine, and barburous parts of murther that could be committed. But Rusrero being a Portugall or Spantard, could doe no other (or the honour of his Countrey) but shew his bloudy nature, especially to our Nation: a Barbarian, a Turke or a Iew should haue found more kind [...] [...], for indeed they all are of one disposition. And I am sure, no Record or [Page 46] Chronicle can shew, no Histo [...]y can report, no tradition can declare, nor any memory can re [...], that euer an Englishmen, or almost other Nation (except the Spaniard) did murther so many defirmed naked men, hauing had them all a whole night in their custody.
A farewell and hearty well-wishing to the noble attempts of our English Sea and Land forcas, with their Allies and Consederates.
TAYLORS PASTORALL, BEING BOTH HISTORICALL AND SATYRICALL. OR, The noble Antiquitie of Shepheards, with the profitable vse of Sheepe: With a small touch of a scabbed Sheepe, and a C [...]ueat against that Infection.
DEDICATED TO THE RIGHT WORSHIP FVLL, I Vdicious, and truly Generous, my well approued good friend, Mr. THOMAS DOVE, Archdeacon of Northampton, the accomplishment of his worthy desires Temporall and Eternall.
BOokes without Patrons, are like Babes without Parents, (for except the one be pleasing and plausible to humour, the various dispositions of men, and the other left with warme portions or legacies in the tuition of faithfull Executors or Guardians) both Bookes and Babes are happie if they die in their birth, that the first minute of their miserie may bee the first moment of their felicities: these Considerations haue humbly emboldened me to lay this poore Infant of my laborious Braine, at the doore or gate of your patronage and protection, not doubting but your innated charity, good disposition, and vnfaigned affectation of all laudable endeauours, will giue it both free and hospitable entertainment. The function I treate of being venerable and honourable, as of Shepheards, the profit commendable, lawfull, necessarie, ample, and vniversall, as of Sheepe. The writing or methood of it historicall, mysticall, tropicall; typicall, literall, and Satyricall; which hath encouraged mee to dedicate my poore Shepheardly inuention, and their harmelesse flockes to your Worships good acceptance, whose reuerend function is truely Pastorall; acknowledging that my many imperfections in writing, and vnworthines in handling so worthy a subiect, hath made me doubtfull to vse the protection of your Name? yet on the other side, considering your good inclination, and mine owne humble innocencie, both my selfe and my best indeauours I here consecrate to be employed euer in your Worships seruice.
All those that will not reade this plaine Epistle, Lay downe the Booke, on Gods name, and goe whistle.
HOnest mens Sonnes (if I giue you a wrong name, I aske your Fathers pardon) although euery one that eates Mutton, may truely bee suspected for sheepe-biter, yet I hope my Sheepe shall finde no such dogged dealing amongst you. There are indeed three sorts of Creatures, two of which are so much repugnant to a Sheepe, that I thinke there will neuer be an union betwixt them, which are a wolfe and a Dog; the third is a Goate, which although they may graze or pasture one with another, as Christians and Infidels are wouen together in the linsey woolsey web of the World, yet I did neuer know any kind of familiaritie betweene them. And be thou in nature, a Wolfe, a Dog, or a Goate, that readst this, I passe not, but I rather pittie thy accursed inclination, then stand in any feare of thy Butting or Byting: she honest minded Reader shall finde my subiect or Theame both landable and Honourable: and those who hold the name of Shepheard in contempt or derision, may herre find truly proued, that the whole World doth not now containe, nor euer will retaine any men, who for Goodnesse, Honour, true Worth, Worthinesse and respect, that can or dare make comparison with the Shepheards of former Agos. And though VIRGIL, OVID, MANTVAN, and many of our learned English and Scottish Poets, haue made their inuentions trauell vp the top of the forked Mountaine of Parnassus; yet I would haue the Reader know, that if they, each of them had Argos eyes, of suruay and obserue, and as many hands as Briareus, to write, yet for all their paines, diligent search and collections, my weake cpabitie can finde matter enough to make an honest Pamphlet out of what they haue ouerseene, neglected, or made slight account of. Foure things, I haue, doe, and euer will obserue in my Writings; which are, not to write prophane, obsceane, palpable, and edious Lyes, or scandalous Libels. In keeping which Decorum, I hope I shall keep my selfe within the limits or bounds of good men Respect. And this Aduertisement more I giue the Reader, that there are many things Imprinted vnder the name of two Letters, I. T. for some of which I haue beene taxed to bee the Author: I assure the world that I had neuer any thing imprinted of my writing, that I was either afraid or ashamed to set my name as large to it; and therefore if you see any Authors name I. T. I vtterly disclaime it: for I am as I haue bin, both I, and T. which with addition of Letters, is yours to bee commanded in any laudableendeauours,
TAYLORS PASTORALL, BEING BOTH HISTORICALL AND SATYRICALL OR, The noble Antiquitie of Shepheards; with the profitable vse of Sheepe.
Seth and Noab, were Shepheards and feeders of Cattle,
A.E.I.O.V. two Anagrams of the fiue Vowels, the one serues for the glorious name GOD, and the other in the Spanish tongue is a Sheepe, which name the Prophet Esay doth figuratiuely or mystically call our Creator IEOVA, or IEHOVAH, OVEIA, is a sheepe.
Wherein may bee perceiued, that there is no Word, Name or Action, in or vnder Heauen, but hath one or more of the fiue Vowels, and that no Word or Name hath them all Without other Letters, but IEOVA, and OVEIA, Which doth admonish vs in the feare and reuerence of the Almightie, because in all our thoughts, Words and actions, some part of his Wonderfull Name is infinitely included. And withall that OVEIA or a sheepe is a most significant Emblem or signe of our God and Sauiours innocencie and patient sufferings.
These are great priuiledges though few men seeke or care for them
- LAMBE Anagram's
- BLAME.
- LAMBE Anagram's
- BALME.
An Oxe is the Eunuch sonne of a Bull.
If the Taylors Bill be out of measure to the Gentleman, then be can make a fit measure for him with his owne bond.
A Bond is the Ewe, the borrower and lender are both Rams, and the Interest is the Lambe.
Sonnet.
To be cald Ramhead is a title of honour, and a name proper to all men.
A comfort for Cuckolds, that though a man hath a Rams head, yet he hath a Lyons heart.
Strange mysteries in the words Ram or Rams: the Rams the first runners at Tilt, and first teachers of warlike battell. Iosephus Beller Lib. 3. cop.9. Rams horacs the first Trumpets.
Agnus, Great knowledge in the Lambe.
But to consider more seriously, the wonderfull blessing that the whole world hath had and hath by Sheepe at this present, I thinke it not amisse to vse the words of an ingenuous and well affected Poet of our time, Master T. M. where he truly saith,
No Ram no Lambe, no Lambe no Sheepe, no Sheepe no Wooll, no Wooll no Woolman, no Woolman no Spinner, no Spinner no Weauer, no Weauer no Cloth, no Cloth no Clothier, no Clothier no Clothworker, Fuller, Tucker, Shearman, Draper, or scarcely a rich Dyer.
And what infinite numbers of people rich and poore haue liued, and doe liue, hauing their whole dependance from the poore sheepes back, all men of iudgement, will acknowledge; besides, I thinke it not amisse to set downe the names of many worthy men, who haue bene free of London, of such Trades and mysteries whereof the Sheepe is the originall vnder God. And first, to begin with the Right Worshipfull Company of Drapers, with the names of such as haue borne the honourable Office and Dignitie of Lord Maier of London, with their pious deeds, and diuers other persons of the said Company, their names, and memorable Charities, with the [Page 55] liue remembrance of the Worshipfull Companie of Clothworkers. And first, I begin with the first.
Anno 1189. In the beginning of the raigne of King Richard the first, Sir Henry Fitz Allen Draper, was the first Lord Maior of London, who continued in that dignity twenty foure yeres together, till the fourteenth yeare of King Iohn, 1212 when he dyed he was a worthy benefactor to his Company, and gaue Houses to the vse of the poore in the Parish of Saint Mary Bothaw, in walbrooke Ward.
- Anno 1252. Iohn Talason Draper Maior.
- 1253. Richard Hardell Draper, 6. yeres Maior.
- 1330. Sir Iohn Pultney Draper, 2. yeeres Maior.
- 1332. Iohn Preston Draper Maior.
- 1333. Sir Iohn Pultney Draper Maior.
- 1336. Sir Iohn Pultney the tourth time Lord Maior, he built a Chappell in Pauls, where hee lyes buried: he also built Saint Laurence Pultney Church, and the Church of little Alhalowes, and the Church called the Fryers in Couentrie: hee gaue to the poore of Saint Giles in the Fields, to the poore Prisoners in the Fleet and Newgate, ten shillings to each yearely for euer, besides many other deeds of Charity which he did
Many of these men did good and charitable deeds, but they did them secretly in their liues time.
- Anno 1363. Stephen Candish Draper Maior.
- 1367. Iames Andrew Draper Maior.
- 1381. Ioh. Northampt. Draper 2. yeres Maior.
- 1391. Iohn Hinde Draper Maior.
- Anno 1402. Iohn Walcot Draper Maior.
- 1404 Iohn Hinde the second time Maior, he newly built the Church of Saint Swithin. neere London stone.
- 1413. Sir William Cromer Draper Maior.
- 1415. Sir Nicholas Wotton Draper Maior.
- 1423. William Cromer Draper Maior.
- 1427. Iohn Gedney Draper Maior.
- 1430. Nicholas Wotton Draper Maior.
- 1433. Ihon Brockle Draper Maior.
- 1441. Robert Clopton Draper Maior.
- 1445. Sir Simon Eyre Draper Maior, he built Lraden Hall for a Garnetie for the Citie, and gaue fiue thousand markes to charitable vses.
- 1447. Sir Iohn Gedney Draper Maior.
- 1453. Sir Iohn Norman Draper Maior.
- 1458. Sir Thomas Scot Draper Maior.
- 1462. Sir Thomas cooke Draper Maior.
- 1464. Sir Ralph Ioslin Draper Maior,
- 1474. Sir Robert Drope Draper Maior, hee lyeth buried in Saint Michaels Church in Cornehill London; he gaue towards poore Maids marriages of that Parish twenty pound, and to the poore of that Ward ten pound, and three hundred shirts and smockes, and hundred gownes of Broadcloth.
- 1476. Sir Ralph Ioslin Draper, the 2. time Maior.
- 1479. Sir Bartholomew Iames Draper Maior.
- 1481. Sir William Harriet Draper Maior.
- 1484. Sir William Stocker Draper Maior.
- 1489. Sir William White Draper Maior.
- 1503. Sir William Capell Draper Maior.
- 1507. Laurence Aylmer Draper Maior.
- 1509. Sir William Capell the 2. time Maior.
- 1511. Sir Roger Achley Draper Maior.
- 1514. Sir George Monox Draper Maior, hee repaired the ruinated Church at Walthamstow in Essex, and erected a Free-schoole there, and thirteene Almes-houses for aged people, also hee built a long Timber Cawsway ouer the Marshes from Walthamstow to Locke-bridge.
- 1512. Sir Iohn Bruges Draper Maior.
- 1521. Sir Iohn Milbourne Draper Maior, hee built fourteene Alines houses for fourteen aged poore people, neere the Lord Lumleyes house in the crossed or crouched Friers, allowing to each two shillings foure pence monthly for euer.
- 1524. Sir William Bailie Draper Maior.
- 1528. Sir Iohn Rudston Draper Maior.
- 1533. Sir Christopher Askew Draper Maior, he payed largely to the building of eight Almes houses in Beechlane London, for eight poore widowes of his Company.
- 1540. Sir William Roch Draper Maior.
- 1560. Sir VVilliam Chester Draper Maior.
- 1565. Sir Richard Champion Draper Maior, a good Benefactor to the poore of Saint Dunstans in the East, and to the poore in Saint Edmunds in Lumbard street, hee gaue fiftie foure shillings yearely in bread for euer, besides other guists.
- 1578. Sir Richard Pipe Draper Maior.
- 1580. Sir Iohn Branch Draper Maior.
- 1584. Sir Thomas Pullison Draper Maior.
- [Page 56]1588. Sir Martin Calthrop Draper Maior.
- 1614. Sir Thomas Hayes Draper Maior.
- 1615. Sir Iohn Iolls Draper Maior.
- 1621. Sir Edward Barkeham Draper Maior.
- 1623. Martin Lumley Draper Maior.
These good deeds following were done by others of the said company, who were not Lord Maiors.
IOhn Holmes Draper, gaue his house to the poore in Saint Sepulchers Parish for euer, the yeerely rent of it being thirty two pound.
Iohn Russell Draper, gaue eighty pound to Schooler, and to other pious vses.
Iohn Quarles Draper, gaue sixe pound a yeare for euer, to be giuen to the poore in bread.
William Dummer Draper, gaue to the poore thirteene pound eighteene shillings foure pence, yeerely for euer.
Owen Clun Draper, gaue to the poore fiue and twentie pound yeerely for euer.
William Parker Draper, towards the maintenance of Preachers at Saint Antlins, sixe pounds yeerely for euer.
Iohn Skeet Draper gaue to the Hospitals at London three hundred pound, and to foure poore Schollers at Oxford fiae pound a peece, and the like to foure poore Schollers at Cambridge.
Henry Butler Draper, gaue to Saint Thomas Hospitall ten pound, to Christ-Church, Saint Bartholomewes, and Bridewell, fiue pounds to each.
Peter Hall Draper, gaue to Christs Hospitall ten pound, to Saint Bartholomewes and Saint Thomas Hospitall three pound to each.
Thomas Church Draper, gaue to Christs Hospitall and to Bridewell, to each ten pound, and to the Hospitals of Saint Thomas, and Saint Bartholomew, to either fiue pound.
Humphrey Fox Draper, gaue to Christs Church Hospitall fiftie pound.
Edmund Hill Draper, gaue to the poore of Saint Andrew Vnder shaft fiftie two pound, Anno 1609.
William Guilborne Draper, gaue foure markes the yeare for euer, to the poore of Saint Katherine Christ Church, neere Aldegate, and twenty pound he gaue to build a Gallerie in the same Church.
Iohn Quarles Draper, gaue to the poore in Saint Peters in the poore in Brecstreet ward fiftie pound to bee bestowed yearely in bread for euer.
Sir Richard Goddard Draper, and Alderman, gaue to the Hospitall of Bridewell two hundred pound.
Master Benedict Barnham Draper, gaue for the reliefe of the poore Prisoners in the seuerall prisons in London fiftie pound.
Sir Iames Deane, Draper and Alderman, gaue to the seuerall Hospitals in London a hundred and thirtie pound, and to sundry prison 70.1.
Lady Bainham, sometimes an A dermans wife of the Drapers Company, gaue to the poore of the said Company ten pound yearely for euer.
Lancelot Thompson Draper gaue to the parish of Saint Peters in Cornehill, twenty pound for fiue Sermons, and a hundred pounds to the poore of the Drapers Companie, and fiue pound yeerely to hee bestowed by them in fire and bread on the poore of that Parish.
Richard shore Draper, gaue fifteene pound to build a Church porch at Saint Mildreds in the Poultry.
Iohn Calthrop Draper, built the bricke Wall betwixt the Hospitals of Christ Church and S. Bartholomew.
Iohn Chertsey Draper, gaue to the Hospitals 20.1. and to other charitable vses a 100.pound.
Master Henry Woolaston Draper, gaue to Saint Thomas Hospitall fortie pound, with other charitable beneuolences.
These memorable and pious workes, (with many more then my weake capacitie can collect or reckon) haue beene done by the Drapers or Clothsellers, which doth approue the sheepe to be a thriuing, happy, and a most profitable beast. Now to speake somewhat of the Right Worshipfull Company of Clothworkers.
Anno Domini, 1559. Sir William Hewet Clothworker, Lord Maior.
- 1574. Sir Iames Hawes Clothworker L.Maior
- 1583. Sir Edward Osborne Clothworker L. M.
- 1594. Sir Iohn Spencer Clothworker L.Maior
- [Page 57]1596. Sir Thomas Skinner Clothworker Lord
- Maior gaue to the Hospitals in London and the Suburbs 120. l.
- 1599. Sir Nicholas Mosley Clothworker L.M.
- 1606. Sir Iohn Wats Clothworker Lord Maior gaue to Christ Church Hospitall ten pound, [...] to the Hospitall of S. Thomas in Southwarke [...]tic pound.
King Ioses (our most gracious Soueraigne) was made a Irec [...] of the Worshipfull Company of Clothworkers, Sir Iohn [...] being then Lord Maior, who seasted his Marestie, Sir Wis [...] Knight, being then Master of the Company, at which [...] the King gaue a Guist of two brace of Buckes to the said Company yearely for euer, to bee spent at their feast in their [...]
Richard Faringdon Clothworker and Aldermangaue to the seuerall Hospitals in London and the Suburbs 66. pound 13. shillings 4d.
Sir William Stone Clothworker, gaue to the [...]rall Prisons in London 50 pound.
Lady Barbara Stone, wife to the forenamed Sir William Stone, gaue to the Hospitall of Christ church one hundred pounds.
Lady Spencer wife to Sir Iohn Spencer clothworker gaue to the seuerall Hospitals 20. pound.
William Lambe Esquire, free of the Company Clothworkers, and one of the Gentlemen of the Chappell to King Henry the 8. built a Free Grammer Schoole at Sutton Valence in Kens, where he was borne) allowing yearely for euer to the Master of the said Schoole twenty pound, and to the Vsher ten pound: Also he built sixe Alemet-houses there, with Gardens and Orchards and ten pound yearely to each of them foreuer. Besides he gaue to the Free Schoole at Maidstone in Kent ten pound yearely for euer, which he appointed to bee bestowed onely vpon [...] children, who were destitute of friends and [...]courlesse. Also hee bestowed three hundred pound for the vse of decayed Clothiers in the countie [...] of Suffolke, and in the Townes of Bridg [...]le. and Ludlow. Moreouer, hee built two conduits in London, one at Holbourne Bridge, and the other on the Hill towards New Gate, [...]oth of which cost 1500 pounds; at which time [...]gaue 120. new Pailes to so many poore wo [...] to beare Water withall: Moreouer, hee gaue thirty pound a yeare to his Company for euer, and 4. pounds yearely to a Minister for 4. Sermons, and 301. yearely for euer, to be bestowed on twelue poore men, and twelue poore women; each of them to haue a Freeze Gowne, one Lockerom shirt or smocke, one paire of winter shooes; which guist is yearely distributed on the first of October; he also gaue to the poore of Saint Giles Parish without Cripplegate fifteene pound. To the poore of the Company of Stationers, hee gaue sixe pounds, thirteene shillings, 4d. yearely for euer, to be bestowed euery Friday in the Parish of S. Faiths, on twelue poore people twelue pence in bread, and twelue pence in money. He gaue to Christs Hospitall Sixe pounds yearely for euer, and 100. pound in readie money present: Hee gaue to S. Thomas Hospitall 4. pounds yearely for euer: and to poore Maides marriage hee gaue 20. pounds: besides Newgate, Ludgate, the two Comptors in London, the Marshalsea, the Kings Bench, and the White Lyon, had all most louing tasts of his Charitable liberalitie: and in conclusion, he gaue 108. Gownes to poore aged people at his Funerall.
Master Iohn Berriman of Byshops Tannton in the Countie of Deuonshire, Clothier, and free Draper of London, gaue to the Hospitall of Christ Church 100. pounds to S, Bartholomews 5.pounds: to S. Thomas Hospitall 6. pounds; to Bridewell 40. shillings: and to the Hospitall of Bethlehem, 50. pounds.
Peter Blundell Clothier, gaue to Christ-Church Hospitall, 500. pounds: to Saint Bartholomewes Hospitall 250. pounds: to Saint Thomas Hospitall 250. pounds: to Bridewell 8. pounds yearely for euer: to the Reparation of the Church at Tiuerton (where he was borne) fiftie pounds: towards the mending of High-wayes, one hundred pounds; to the twelue Companies in London, to euery of them one hundred and fiftie pound: to poore Maides marriages in Tiuerton foure hundred pound: to the poore at Exeter, hee gaue nine hundred pound: to build a Grammar-schoole [Page 58] at Tiuerten, 2400.l. and after layd out by his Executors, one thousand pound: to the Schoole-master fiftie pounds yearely for euer: to the Vsher 13. pound 6. shillings 8. pence yearely: to the Clarke 40. shillings yearely: to place foure poore boyes yearely Apprentises, twenty pounds per annum: to keepe 3. Schollers at Oxford, and three at Cambridge, 2000. pound.
Robert Chilcot, seruant to the aforesaid M r. Blundell gaue to Christs Hospitall 100. pound, towards a meauer Schoole to haue Children taught, to be fit for his Masters Grāmer, schoole: he gaue 400. pound to maintaine it: he gaue 90. pound, allowing the Scholemaster yearely 20. l. the Clarke 3. pound, and toward Reparations 40. shillings per annum: to fifteene poore men he gaue sixteene pounds, 10. shillings a yeare for euer: to 15. poote labouring men, 15. pound: to 15. poore people weekely, sixe pence each, for euer to mend the Church at Tiuerton, 19. pound ten shillings; to mend High wayes ten pounds; and to other charitable vles more then is mentioned.
Thus hath it pleased God, that these men (whose trades and liuings were deriued from the poore Sheepes backe) haue not onely growne to great wealth and places of honour, but haue bin also great Instruments of the Almightles mercy, in relieuing the needie and impotent members of Christ: & should I reckon vp the particulars of profits that arise from this Beast, to Graziers, Butchers, Skinners, Glouers, Felmongers, Leather sellers, Feltmongers, Taylors, and an infinite number of other Trades and Functions, who could not liue, or else liue very hardly without this Commoditie. I say, should I write of these things in particular, my worke would neuer bee done in generall.
Wooll hath beene formerly in such esteeme in England, that in Parliament holden the 36. of Edward the 3 the King had his Subiects payd him in Wooll; and before that, in the eleuenth yeare of his Raigne, it was forbidden to be transported out of this Kingdome; and then did strangers come ouer hither, from diuers parts beyond the Seas, who were Fullers, Weauers, and Clothworkers, whom the King entertained, and baro all their charges out of his Exchequer: at which time, the Staples, or places of Merchandize for Wools, were kept at diuers places of this Land at once; as at Newcastle, Yorke, Lincolne, canterbury, Norwich, Westminster, Chichester, Winchester, Exeter, Bristoll, and carmarthen: by which may bee perceiued what a great commodity Wooll was in those dayes. But in the 6. yeare of King Edward the 4. the King sent certaine Sheep out of Cotswold, in Glocester shire, into Spaine, the encrease of which so enriched the Spaniards with our Wooll, that euer since, it hath beene in the lesse request in England: neuerthelesse as it is, it is the means of life and maintainance for many hundred thousands.
Here fokoweth a touch of paultry Scabbed and infectious kinds of Sheepe, which I thinke sit to place by themselues in the lagge end of my Booke, as farre [...] I can from the cleane, sound and profitable Sheepe before mentioned, for feare the bad should infect the good.
THE PRAISE OF HEMP-SEED. WITH The Voyage of Mr. Roger Bird and the Writer hereof, in a Boat of browne-Paper, from London to Quinborough in Kent. As also, a Farewell to the matchlesse deceased Mr. THOMAS CORIAT.
- The Profits arising by Hemp seed are
- Cloathing, Food, Fishing, Shipping,
- The Profits arising by Hemp seed are
- Pleasure, Profit, Iustice, Whipping.
DEDICATED TO THE RIGHT WORSHIP FVLL, PAternes and Patrons of honest endeuours, Sir THOMAS HOVVET, and Sir ROBERT WISEMAN Knights: And to the worthy Gentleman, M r. IOHN WISHMAN, Health, Mirth, and Happinesse, be euer attendants.
I Could haue soyled a greater volume then this with a deale of emptie and triuiall scuffe: as puling Sonets, whining Elegies, the dog-trickes of Loue [...] to mocke Apes, and transforme men into Asses. Which kind of writing is like a man in Authoritie, ancient in yeares, rouerend in Beard, with a promising out-side of Wisedome and Grauitie, yet in the expected performances of his profound vnder standing, his capacitie speakes nething but Mutimus, But heere your Worships shall find no such stuffe: for thou I haue not done as I should, yet I haue performed as much as I could. I haue not had riuers of Oyle, or fountaines of wine to fill this my poore caske or booke: but I haue (as it were) extracted oyle out of steels, and wine out of dry chaffe. I haue here of a graine of Hempseed made a mountaine greater then the Apenines or Caucalus, and not much lesser then the whole world. Here is Labour, Profit, Cloathing, Pleasure, Food, Nauigation: Diuinitie, Poetry, the liberall Arts, Armes, Vertues defence, Vices offence, a true mans protection, a Thiefes execution. Here is mirth and matter all beaten out of this small Seed.
With all, my selfe for my selfe, and in the behalfe of Mr. Roger Bird, doe most humbly thanke your Worships for many former vndeserued courtesies and fauours extended towards vs, especially at our going our dangerous Voyage in the Paper boat: for which wee must euer acknowledge our selues bound to your Goodnesses. Which voyage I haue merrily related at the end of this Pamphlet, which with the rest I haue made bold to dedicate to your Worshipfull and worthy Patronages, humbly desiring your pardons and acceptances, euer remaining to bee commanded by yon and yours in all obsequiousnesse.
THE CONTENTS OF THIS BOOKE.
- 1 The most part of such Authors are nominated, as haue written of triuiall matters.
- 2 The Names of most of the Pagan and Heathenish Idols, that haue beene and are honoured at this present.
- 3 The profit and pleasure all Countries haue by Hemp-seed.
- 4 How it propagates the Gospell.
- 5 Nauigation, with the Commodities it brings and carries.
- 6 How many Trades and Functions liue by it.
- 7 How when it is worne to ragges, it is made into Paper.
- 8 How many liue by it being Paper.
- 9 The sacred memory of Patriarchs, Prophets, Euangelists, Apostles, and Fathers.
- 10 The foure Monarchies.
- 11 The seauen Wonders.
- 12 Philosophers, Historians, Chronographers, Poets ancient and moderne, the best fort mentioned.
- 13 The Anatomy of a Brownist, or precise Amsterdamd Puritane.
- 14 A Voyage in a Paper-boat to Quinborough.
- 15 The description of a Sea-storme.
- 16 The Names of the most famous Riuers in the World.
- 17 The praise of the noble Riuer of Thames,
A. Preamble, Preatrot, Preagallop, Preauick, Preapace, or Preface; and Proface my Masters, if your stomackes serue.
THE PRAISE OF HEMP-SEED: WITH The Voyage of Mr. Roger Bird and the Writer hereof, in a Boat of browne-Paper, from London to Quinborough in Kent.
The Originall of Paper.
It was time to remember my selfe, for I was a degree too high.
The sacred memory of Patriarchs, Prophets, Euangeiists,-Apostles, and Fathers.
[Page 72]The memoriall of Monarchies and Wonders with their alterations from time to time, and chiefly by Paper.
Phylosophers, Hystorians, Chronographers, Poets ancient and moderne, the best fo [...] mentioned.
Stock-fishes vnbeaten, bound fast to two Canes with packthread.
We had more winds then the Compasse, for we had eight seuerall winds in our bladders, and the 32 of the Compasse in all 40.
Carefully and discreetly prouided.
He dwelleth now at the Hope on the Banck-side.
The names of the most famous riuers in the world.
Riuers sabled or seigned to be in Hell.
The Oare hath foure or fiue vertues; first, it is healthfull, second, it auoyds bad company, third, it keeps men sober, seur [...]h is gets mony, filt, it anoyds expences all which vertues I will put in practise and fall to rowing.
TAYLORS TRAVELS To Hamburgh in Germanie.
DEDICATED To the Cosmographicall, Geographicall describer, Geometricall measurer; Historiographicall Calligraphicall Relater and Writer; Enigmaticall, Pragmaticall, Dogmaticall Obseruer, Ingrosser, Surueyer and Eloquent Brittish Graecian Latinist, or Latine Graecian Orator, the Odcombyan Deambulator, Perombulator, Ambler, Trotter, or untyred Traueller, Sir THO: CORIAT, Knight of Troy, and one of the dearest darlings to the blind Goddesse Fortune.
Most worthy Sir, as Quintillian in his Apothegmes to the naked, learned, Gimnosephists of AEthiopia, very wittily sayes, Potanto Machayo corbatio monomosco kayturemon Lescus, Ollipufftingere whingo: which is, knowledge is a maine Antithesis to ignorance, and paines and trauaile is the high way to experience. I beeing therefore well acquainted with the generous vrbanity innated or rooted in your humanity, (in these dayes of vanity,) I dedicate out (of my affability, debility, ability, imbecility, facility, or agility,) this poore Pamphlet to your nobility, in all seruility and humility: not doubting but the fluent secundity of your wisedomes, profundity, in your heads retundity, will conserue, reserue, preserue, and obserue, what I and my industrious labours deserue. I doe (out of mine owne congnition) auerre and abett, that he is senselesse that will assent, that the Fates did assigne, with their whole assistance, that any should aspire to bee an associate in any assembly, boldly to assimulate, assay, assault, or ascribe to any mortall but your selfe, super latiue marority or transcendency for trauailes, obseruations, and or atorie. These things being reuolued and ruminated, in the sagacitie or acutenesse of my Pericranion, I imagined that no man vnder the Cope was more worthy then your selfe to be a Patronizing Poplar to shelter my poore reed-like endeauours. Howsoeuer in the preter lapsed occurrences there hath beene an Antagonisticall repugnancy betwixt vs, yet I hope time and trauaile hath worne it thred bare, or brought it to an irrecouerable consumption; withall I know you are vncapable of inexpugnable malice, inueterate malignancy: or emulation. I protest tongue-tide taciturnity should haue imprisoned this worke in the Lethargicall Dungeon, or bottomlesse Abisse of euer-sleeping obliuion, but that I am confident of your Patronage and acceptance, which if it fall out (no according to any Promerits of mine) but out of mine owne expectation of your matchlesse & vnparalcll dd sposition, I shall hereafter sacrifice whole Hecatombs of inuention both in Prose & Verse, at the shrine of your vnfellowed and vnfollowed vertues. So wishing more to see you then to heare from you, because Writers want worke, and the Presse is turned, voluntary through the scarcity of imployments, which I hope your presence will supply, I pray that Neptnne, AEolus, Tellus, Bacchus, and all the watery, windy, earthly, and drinking Deities may be officious, auspicious, and delicious vnto you, humbly imploring you to take in good part this my sophisticall, paradoxicall, submission, with a mentall reseruation of my loue and seruice, to sympathize or be equiualent to your kinde liking and corroborated affecting.
TAYLORS TRAVELS. Three VVeekes, three Dayes, and three Houres Obseruations, from LONDON to HAMBVRGH in [...] Amongst Iemes and Gentiles, with Descriptions of Townes and Towers, Castles and Cittadels, artificiall G [...]lowies, Naturall Hangmen: And Dedicated for the present, to the absent Odcombian Knight Erra [...]t, S r. THOMAS CORIAT, Great Brittaines Error, and the worlds Mirror.
VPon Saturday the 17. of August, 1616. (after I had taken leaue of some friends that would hardly giue me leaue to leaue them) I was associated with fiue or sixe courteous Comrades to the Hauen of Billingsgate, where I was no sooner come, but I was shipt to a wherry for the Port of Grauesend, and hauing two Women and three Men in my company thither, wee past the way away by telling tiles by turnes. Where one of the women tooke vpon her very Logically to defend the honestie of Brokers, and she maintained her Paradoxicall Arguments so pithily, as if her selfe like a desperate pawne had layn: seauen yeares in Lauender on sweeting in long Lane, or amongst the dogged inhabitants of Houndsditch. And one of the men replyed that he thanked God hee neuer had any need of them; whereupon I began to suspect him to bee a crafty knaue, because the prouerbe laies, A crafty knaue needs no broker, and indeed after I had inquired what countriman hee was he told me he was a Welch man, and a Iustices Clarke. I left him as I sound him, hoping neuer to be troubled with his binding ouer, and withdrawing: and so landing at Graues end, we all went to the Christopher where wee tooke a Bachanalian farewell one of another, where I remained till the Munday following, awayting the comming down of the ship that I was to be transported in. About the houre of three in the afternoone, with good hope we weighed Anchor, and with a curteous tide and a gentle winde we sailed downe the riuer of Thames,. as sarre as the grand Oyster hauen of Quinborough, where though our ship was not Sea-sicke, yet shee cast, (Anchor I meane.)
On the morrow, being Tuesday, we weighed, and with the friendly breath of Zephirus, aliâs a Westerne wind, our sailes being swolne, our ship called the Iudith, who with her sterne cut the liquid mounting mountaines of Neptunes wauering territories, as nimbly as Hebrew Iudith b [...]headed Holosernes, so that by the bountifull fauour of him that rules both Windes and Seas, the Thursday following wecespied the coast of Freezeland, and the next day wee sailed by an Iland [Page 78] called the Holy Land, which may be called the Land of Lobsters, or the Countrie of Crabs for the plenty of those kind of crawling creatures that are taken there. But we, taking time by the fore-top, let no aduantage slip, but with a merry Gale, and a friendly floud, on the Friday wee sailed vp the Riuer of Elue, as far as Stoad, where we Anchoured till the morrow, being Saturday, and the feast of S. Bartholmew the Apostle, wee arriued at a bleake alias, a towne an English mile from Hamburgh, called Altonagh, which is so called by the Hamburgers because it stands allcoo-nigh them for their profit, being inhabited with diuers tradesmen which doe hinder their freedome. I was no sooner landed there, but my company and my selfe went to a Dutch drinking-schoole, and hauing vpsefreez'd foure pots of boone beere as yellow as gold, our host said we had foure shilling to betall, or to pay, which made me suspect it to bee a bawdy house by his large reckoning, till at last I vnderstood that the shillings he meant were but stiuers, or three halfe pence a peeco. So this terrible shot being discharged (which in the totall amounted to the sum of sixepence English) we departed towards Hamburgh, where by the way I noted some 20. men, women, and children in diuers places of Altonagh, all deformed, some with one eye, some with hare-lips, crooke-backt, splay-footed, halfenosed, or one blemish or other. I admiring at them, was told they were Iewes, wherein I perceiued the Iudgement of the high Iudge of all, that had permitted Nature to desorme their formes, whose Gracelesse mindes were so much mishapen through want of Grace.
But I being entered the Citie of Hamburgh on the Sarurday, I was presently conducted to the English house, where I found a kind Host, an honest Hostesse, good company, store of meat, more of drink [...], a true Tapster, and sweet Lodging. And being at dinner, because I was a stranger, I was promoted to the chiesest place at the Table, where to obserue an old custome, euery man did his best endeauour to hauns mee for my welcome, which by interpretation is, to giue a man a loafe too much out of the Brewers braket; in which kind of potshot, our English are growne such stout Proficients, that some of them dares bandy and contend with the Dutch their first teachers. But after they had hanced me as well as they could, and I pleas'd, they administred an oath to me, in manner and forme as followeth; ‘Laying my hand on a full pot.’
I sweare by these contents and all that is herein contained, that by the courteous fauour of these Gentlemen, I doe finde my selfe sufficiently hanced, and that henceforth I shall acknowledge it; and that whensoeuer I shall offer to bee hanced againe, I shall arme my selfe with the craft of a Fox, the manners of a Hogge, the wisdome of an Asse, mixt with the ciuility of a Beare. This was the forme of the oath, which as neare as I can shall bee performed on my part; and heere is to bee noted that the first word a Nurse or a Mother doth teach her children if they bee Males, is Drinke, or Beere: So that most of them are transformd to Barrels, Firkings, and Kinderkins, alwayes sraight with Hamburge beere.
And though the City is not much more then halfe the bignes as London is within the wals, yet are there in it almost 800. Brewhouses, and in one day there hath beene shipped away from thence, 337. brewings, of Beere, besides 13. or 14. brewings haue beene wrackt or stayed in the Towne, as not suffieient to bee beczeled in the Country.
The Saturday beeing thus past, and Sunday come, I went toward the English Church, where I obserued many shops open, buying and selling, chopping and changing of all manner of wares, with the streets furnished with Apples, Peares, Plums, Nuts, Grapes, or any thing else that an ordinary Market can affoord, as commonly as if the Sabbaoth were but a bare Ceremony without a Commandement. In which I note the Iewes in their execrable superstition, to be more deuout and obseruant, then these Pedlars in their profession; for on the Saturday (being the Iewes Sabbath) they neglect all humane affaires, and betake themselues irreligiously to their misbeleeuing faithlesse religion.
The Sermon beeing ended at the English Church, I walked in the afternoone with a friend of mine, (an Inhabitant of the Towne) to see and [Page 79] to be seene, where at one of the gates was placed a strong guard of Souldiers with Muskets, Pikes, Halberts, and other warlike accoutrements, I asked the cause, and I was informed it was because of the building of new mounts and Bulwarks which were partly erected without the old wall: And when I perceiued these fortifications, I was amazed, for it is almost incredible for the number of men and horses that are dayly set on worke about it, besides the worke it selfe is so great that it is past the credit of Report, and as I suppose will prooue most inexpugnable and invincible Rampiers to strengthen the Towne on that side-against the inuasiue attempts of the greatest Monarke that should assaile them.
But aftermuch musing, walking further towards the fields. I espyed foure or fiue pretty parcels of modesty goe very friendly vp into a Councell-house by the wayes side, as wee and thousands of people vsed to passe; they were handsome young Girles of the age of 18. or 20. yeares a peece, and although they had a doore to shut yet they knowing their businesse to bee necessary and naturall, [...]ate still in louing and neighbourly manner, so hauing traced a turne or two we returned into the Towne againe, and entering a long Garden within the Wals, some of the Townes-men were shooting for wagers at a marke with their muskets: some bowling: some at slide thrift, or shouel-boord: some dancing before a blind Fidler, and his cow-bellied, dropsie dutty Drab: some at one game, some at another most of them drinking, and all of them drinke that though it was a Sabboth, which should wholly be dedicated to God, yet by the those of these bursten-gutted bibbers, they made it an after-noone consecrated, or more truely execrated to the seruice of hell, and to the great amplification of the Deuils kingdome.
But leauing them to their drunken designes, I return'd toward my Lodging, where by the way I saw at the common Iayle o [...] the Towne, a great number of people were clustred together, I asked the cause of their concourse, and I was certified that there was a P [...]i [...]oner to be broken vpon the wheele the next day, and that these idle Gazers did prease to gape vpon him or want of better imployments, I being as inquisi [...]iue after nouelties, as a Trauailer of my [...] [...]all experience might be, enquired earn [...]st [...]y the true cause of the next dayes execution: my friend told me that the Prisoner was a poore Carpenter dwelling [...] the Towne, who lately hauing stolne a Goose, and plucking it within his doores, a little Girle, (his daughter in Law) went out of his house, and left the doore open by which meanes, the owner of the Goose passing by espyed the wretched Theese very diligently picking what hee before had beene stealing, to whom the owner said: Neighbour I now perceiue which way my Geese vse to goe, but I will haue you in question for them, and so away hee went: the Caitiffe beeing thus reprooued grew desperate, and his child comming into his house; ye yong whore, quoth he, must ye leaue my doore open for folkes to looke in vpon me? and with that word, he tooke a Hatchet and with a cursed stroake, he cloue the childes head: for the which murther he was condemned and iudged to be broken aliue vpon the wheele. Close by the Iayle I espyed a house of free stone, round and flat roofed, and leaded, vpon the which was erected the true picture of a most vnmatchable Hang-man: and now I am entered into a discourse of this braue abiect, or subiect, you must vnderstand that this fellow, is a merry, a mad, and a subsidie Hangman, to whō our Tyburn [...] Tatterdemalian, or our Wapping winde-pipe stretcher, is but a Raggamuffin, not worth the hanging: for this teare-throat Termagant is a fellow in Folio, a Commander of such great command, and of such greatnesse to command, that I neuer saw any that in that respect could countermand him: for his making is almost past description, no Saracens head seemes [Page 80] greater, and sure I thinke his brainepan if it were emptied, (as I thinke he hath not much braine in it,) would well containe halfe a bushell of mault, his shaggie haire and beard would stuffe a Cushion for Charons boate, his Imbost nose and embroydered face, would furnish a Ieweller; his eyes well dryed, would make good Tennis-balls, or shot for a small peece of Ordinance, his yawning mouth would serue for a Conniborrow, and his two ragged rowes of teeth, for a stone wall, or a Pale; then hath he a necke like one of Hercules his pillars, with a winde-pipe, (or rather a beere pipe) as bigge as the boare of a Demiculuering, or a wooden pumpe; through which conduit halfe a brewing of Hamburgh beere doth runne downe into his vnmeasurable paunch, wherein is more midrisfe, guts and garbage then three tripe-wiues could be able to vtter before it stunke. His post [...]like legges were answerable to the rest of the great frame which they supported, and to conclude, sir Beuis, Ascapart, Gogmagag, or ou English sir Iohn Falstaff, were but shumps to this bezzeling Bombards longitude, Iatitude, altitude, and crassi [...]ude, for he passes, and surpasses the whole Germane multitude.
And as hee is great in corpulencie, so is hee powerfull in potencie, for figuratiuely hee hath spirituall resemblance of Romish authority, and in some sort he is a kind of demy-Pope, for once a yeere in the dogge-dayes he sends out his men with bates in stead of Buls, with full power from his greatnesse, to knocke downe all the cus without contradiction, whose masters or owners will not be at the charge to buy a pardon for them of his mightinesse, which pardon is more dureable then the Popes of waxe or parchment, for his is made of a piece of the hide of an Oxe, a Horse, or such lasting stuffe, which with his stigmaticall stamp or seale is hanged about euery dogs necke who is freed from his furie by the purchase of his pardon. And sure I am perswaded that these dogges are more sure of their liues with the hangmans pardon, then the poore besotted blinded Papists are of their seduced soules from any pardon of the Popes.
The priuiledges of this graund haulter-master are many, as hee hath the emptying of all the vaults or draughts in the city, which no doubt hee gaines some fauour by. Besides all Oxen, Kine, Horses, Hogs, Dogs, or any such beasts, it they die themselues, or if they bee not like to liue, the hang-man must knocke them on the heades, and haue their skins: and whatsoeuer inhabitant in his iurisdiction doth any of these things aforesaid himselfe, is abhorred and accounted as a villaine without redemption. So that with hangings, headings, breakings, pardoning and killing of dogges, flaying of beasts, emptying vaults, and such priuie commodities, his whole reuenue sometimes amounts to 4. or 5. hundred pounds a yeere. And hee is held in that regard and estimation, that any man will conuerse and drinke with him, nay sometimes the Lords of the Towne will feast with him, and it is accounted no impeachment to their honours; for he is held in the ranke of a Gentleman, (or a ranke Gentleman) and hee scornes to be clad in the cast weedes of executed offenders: No, he goes to the Meroers, and hath his Sattin, his Veluet, or what stuffe he pleases, measured out by the yard or the ell, with his gould and siluer lace, his silke stockings, laced spangled garters and roses, hat and feather, with foure or fiue braue villaines attending him in Liuery cloakes, who haue stipendary meanes from his ignominious bounty.
Munday the 19. of August, about the houre of 12. at noone, the people of the towne in great multitudes flocked to the place of execution; which is halfe a mile English without the gates, built more like a sconce then a Gallowes, for it is walled and ditched about with a draw-bridge and the prisoner came on foote with a Diuine with him, all the way exhorting him to repentance, and because death should not terrifie him, they had giuen him many rowses and carowses of wine and beere: for it is the custome there to make such poore wretches drunke, wherby they may be sencelesse eyther of Gods mercy or their owne misery; but being prayed for by others, they themselues may die resolutely, or (to be feared) desperately.
But the prisoner being come to the place of death, he was by the officers deliuered to the hangman, who entring his strangling fortification [Page 81] with two grand hangmen more and their [...] which were come from the City of Lu [...] and another Towne(which I cannot name) to assist their Hamburghian brother in this great [...] weightie worke: the draw-bridge was drawne [...]d the Prisoner mounted on a mount of [...] built high on purpose that the people without may see the execution a quarter of a mile round about: foure of the Hangmans men takes each of them a small halter, and by the hands and the feet they hold the Prisoners extended all abroad lying on his backe: then the Arch-hangman, or the great Master of this mighty businesse tooke vp a wheele, much about the bignesse of one of the fore-wheeles of a Coach: [...], hauing put off his doubler, his hat, and being in his shirt, as if he meant to play at tennis, he tooke the wheele, and set it on the edge, and [...] it with one hand like a top or a whirligig, then he tooke it by the spoakes, and lifting it vp with a mightie stroake he beate one of the poore wretches leggs in peeces, (the bones I meane) at which he rored grieuously; then after a little pawse he breakes the other leg in the same manner, and consequently breakes his armes, and then he stroke foure or fiue maine blowes on his brest, and burst all his bulke and che [...] in shiuers, lastly he smoate his necke, and missing, burst his chin and iawes to mammockes; then he tooke the broken mangled corps, and spread it on the wheele, and thrust a great post or pile into the Naue or hole of the wheele, and then fixed the post into the earth some sixe foot deepe, beeing in height aboue the ground, some ten or twelue foote, and there the carkasse must lye till it bee consumed by all consuming time, or rauening Fowles.
This was the terrible manner of this horrid execution, and at this place are twenty posts with those wheeles or peeces of wheeles, with heads of men nailed on the top of the posts, with a great spike driuen, through the skull. The seuerall kinds of torments which they inflict vpon offenders in those parts makes mee to imagine our English hanging to be but a flea-biting.
Moreouer, if any man in those parts are to be beheaded, the fashion is, that the P [...]soner kneels downe, and being blinded with a Napkin, one takes hold of the haire of the crowne of the head, holding the party vpright, whilst the hangman with a backeward blow with a sword will take the head from a mans shoulders so nimbly, and with such dextertie, that the owner of the head shall neuer want the misse of it. And if it be any ma [...]s fortune to be hanged for neuer so small a crime, though he bee mounted whole, yet hee shall come downe in peeces, for hee shall hang till euery ioynt and Limbe drop one from another.
They haue strange torments and varieties of deaths, according to the various nature of the offences that are committed: as for example, hee that counterfeits any Princes coyne, and is prooued a Coyner, his iudgement is to be boyled to death in oyle, not throwne into the vessell all at once, but with a pulley or a Rope to bee hanged vnder the Arme pits, and let downe into the oile by degrees: first the feete, and next the legs, and so to boyle his flesh from his bones aliue. For those that set houses on fire wilfully, they are smoaked to death, as first there is a pile or post fixed in the ground, and within an English Ell of it is a peece of wood nailed crosse whereupon the offender is made fast fitting then ouer the top of the post is whelmed a great tub or Dryfat, which doth couer or ouerwhelme the Prisone as low as the middle. Then vnderneath the executioner hath wet straw, hay, stubble, or such kind of stuffe, which is fired, but by reason it is wet and danke, it doth not burne but molder and smoake, which smoake ascends vp into the tub where the Prisoners head is, and not being able to speake, he will heaue vp and downe with his belly; and people may perceiue him in these torments to liue three or foure houres.
Adultery there, if it bee prooued, is punished with death, as the losse of both the parties heads, if they bee both married, or if not both, yet the married party must dye for i [...], and the other must endure some easier punishment, eyther by the purse or carkasse; which in the end proues little better then halfe a hanging.
But as after a tempest a calme is best welcome; so I imagine it not amisse after all this tragicall harsh discourse, to sweeten the Readers pallat with a few Comicall reports which were [Page 82] related vnto me, wherein I seeme fabulous, it must be remembered that I claime the priuiledge of a traueller, who hath authority to report all that he heares and sees, and more too. I was informed of a fellow that was hanged somwhat neere the high way, within a mile or two of Collcin, and the fashion being to hang with a halter and a chaine, that when the haulter is rotten with the weather, the carkafse drops a butten hole lower into the chaine. Now it fortuned that this fellow was executed on a winters afternoone towards night, and being hanged, the chaine was shorter then the halter, by reason whereof he was not strangled, but by the gamming of the chaine which could not slip close to his necke, he hanged in great torments vnder the Iawes, it happened that as soone as hee was trust vp, there fell a great storme of raine and winde, whereupon all the people ran away from the Gallowes to shelter themselues. But night being come, and the moone shining bright, it chanced that a Country Boore, or a waggoner and his Sonne with him were driuing their empty waggon by the place where the fellow was hanged, who being not choaked, in the extremity of his paines did stirre his legges and writhe and crumple his body, which the waggoners Sonne perceiued, and said, Father looke, the man vpon the Gallowes doth mooue: quoth the old man he moues indeed, I pray the let vs make hast, and put the Waggon vnder the Gibbet, to see if we can vnhang and saue him. This being said was quickely done, and the wretch halfe dead was laid in straw in the Boores waggon, and carried home, where with good attendance he was in foure or fiue dayes recouered to his health, but that he had a cricke in his necke, & [...] the cramp in his iawes. The old man was glad that he had done so good a deed, (as he thought) began to giue the thiefe Fatherly counsell, and told him that it was Gods great mercy towards him to make me (quoth he) the Instrument of thy deliuerance, and therfore looke that thou make good vse of this his gracious fauour towards thee, and labour to redeeme the time thou hast mispea, get thy into some other Princes countrey, where thy former crimes may not bring thee into the danger of the Law againe, and there with honest industrious endeuours get the liuing.
The thiefe seemed willing to entertaine these good admonitions, and thanked the Boore and his Sonne, telling them that the next morning he would be gone [...] and if euer his fortunes made him able, he promised to be so grateful vnto them that they should haue cause to say their great curtesies were well bestowed vpon him; but all his sugred sweete promises, were in the proofe but Gall and wormwood in the performance: for this gracelesse Caitiffe arose betimes in the morning, and drew on a paire of Bootes and spurres which were the mans sonnes of the house, and slipping out of the doores, went to the stable and stole one of his kind hosts best horses, and away rode hee. The man and his Sonne, when they were vp and missed the thiefe and the horse, were amazed at the ingratitude of the wretch, and with all speed his soone and he rode seuerall waies in pursuit of him, and in briefe one of them tooke him, and brought him backe to their house againe, and when it was night they bound him, and laid [...] in their waggon(hauing deafe eares, and hardned hearts to all his intreaties) and away to the Gallowes where they found him hanging, there they with the halter being a little shortened, they left him. The next day the Country people wondred to see him hanging there again, for they had seen him hanged, and missed him gone, and now tobe thus strangely & priuately come againe in boote and spurres, whereas they remembred at his first hanging he had shoes & stockings, it made them muse what iourney he had beene riding, & what a mad G [...]est he was to take the Gallowes for his Inne, or (as I suppose) for his end.
The rumor of this accident being bruited abroad, the people came far and neere to see him, all in general wondring how these things should come to passe. At last, to cleere all doubts, proclamations were published with pardon, and a reward to any that could discouer the truth, whereupon the old Boore & Soone came in and related the whole circumstance of the matter.
At another place (the hangmans place beeing void) there were two of the bloud (for it is to be noted that the succession of that office doth liueally descend from the Father to the Soone, or to the next of the bloud) which were at strife for the
[Page 83]possession of this high indignity. Now it happened that 2. men were to be beheaded at the saine towne, and at the same time, and (to auoid sute in law for this great prerogatiue) it was concluded by the Arbitrators, that each of these new hangman should execute one of the Prisoners, and he that with greatest cunning and sleight could take the head from the body, should haue the place, to this they all agreed and the Prisoners were brought forth, where one of the Executioners did bide a red silke thread double about his Prisoners necke the threads being distant one from another only the bredth of one thread, and he promised to cut off the head with a backward blow with a Sword, betweene the threads. The other called his Prisoner aside, and told him that if hee would be ruled by him, he should haue his life saued; and besides (quoth he) I shall be sure to haue the office. The Prisoner was glad of the motion, and said he would doe any thing vpon these conditions, then said the Hangman, when thou art on thy knees, and hast said thy prayers, and that Idoe lift vp my Axe, (for I will vse an Axe) to strinke thee, I will cry He [...], at which word doe thou rise and run away, (thou knowest none will slay thee if thou canst once elcape after thou art deliuered into my custody, it is the fashion of our Country) and let me alone to shift to answer the matter. This being said or whispered, the headsman with the sword did cut off the Prisoners head [...] betweene the threads as hee had said, which made all the people wonder at the steddinesse of his hand, and most of them iudged that hee was the man that was and would be fittest to make a mad hangman of.
But as one tale is good till another be told, and as there be three degrees of good, better, and best; so this last hangman did much exceed and eclipse the others cunning: For his prisoner being on his knees, and he lifting vp his axe to giue the fatall blow, He [...], (said he according to promise) whereupon the fellow arose and ran away, but when he had run some seuen or eight paces, the hangman threw the Axe after him, and strooke his head smoothly from his shoulders, now for all this, who shall haue the place is vnknowne, for they are yet in Law for it; and I doubt not but before the matter bee ended, that the Lawyers will make them exercise their own trades vpon themselues to end the controuersie. This tale doth fauour somewhat Hyperbolicall but I wish the Reader to beleeue no more of the matter then I saw, and there is an end.
At another Towne there stood an old ouerworne despised paire of Gallowes, but yet not so old but they will last many a faire yere with good vsage, but the Townes men a little distance from them built another paire, in a more stately Geometricall port and fashion, whereupon they were demanded why they would be at the charge to erect a new Gallowes, hauing so sufficient an old one: they answered, that those old Gallowes should serue to hang fugitiues and strangers; but those new ones were built for them and their heires for euer. Thus much for hangmen, the eues, and Gallowses.
Yet one thing more for theeues: In Hamburgh those that are not hanged for theft, are chained 2. or 3. together, and they must in that sort sixe or seuen yeares draw a dung-cart, and clense the streets of the towne, & euery one of those theeues for as many yeares as hee is condemned to that slauery, so many Bels he hath hanged at an iron aboue one of his shoulders, and euery yeare a Bell is taken off, till all are gone, and then he is a Freeman againe, and I did see ten or twelue of these Carts, and some of the Theeues had 7. Bels, some 5. some 6. some one, but such a noyse they make, as if all the Diuels in Hell were dancing the morrice.
Hamburgh is a free City, not being subiect to the Emperour, or any other Prince, but onely gouerned by twenty foure Burgomasters, whereof two are the chiefe, who are called Lords, and doe hold that dignity from their first election during their liues: The buildings are all of one vniforme fashion, very lofty and stately, it is wonderful populous, and the water with boats comes through most of the streets of the towne.
Their Churches are most gorgeously set forth, as the most of them couered with copper, with very lofty Spires, and within sides they are adorned with crucifixes, Images and pictures, which they doe charily keepe for ornaments, but not for idle or idoll adoration; In S. Iacobs and in Saint Katherines Churches there is in one of [Page 84] them a Pulpit of Alablaster, and in the other a paie of such Organs, which for worth and workmanship are vnparaleld in Christendome, as most trauailers doe relate.
The women there are no fashion mongers, but they keepe in their degrees one continuall habit, as the richer sort doe weare a Huicke, which is a robe of cloth or stuffe plated, and the vpper part of it is gathered and sowed together in the forme of an English potlid, with a tasfell on the top, and so put vpon the head, and the garment goes ouer her ruffe and face if she please, and so downe to the ground, so that a man may meet his owne wife, and perhaps not know her from another Woman.
They haue no Porters to beare burdens, but they haue bigge burly-bon'd knaues with their wiues that doe daily draw Carts any whether vp and downe the towne, with Marchants goods or any other imployments: And it is reported that these Cart-drawers are to see the rich men of the Towne prouided of milch-nurses for their children, which nurses they call by the name of Ams, so that if they doe want a nurse at any time, these fellowes are cursed, because they haue not gotten wenches enough with childe to supply their wants.
But if a man of any fashion doe chance to goe astray to a house of iniquity, the whilst he is in the house at his drudgery, another of the whores will goe to the Sherif, (which they call the Rightheere) and informe that such a man is in such a suspected house, then is his comming forth narrowly watched, and he is taken and brought before the Right-heere, and examined, where if he bee a man of credit, he must, and will pay forty, fifty, or sixty Rex Dollers before he will haue his reputation called in question. Of which money the queane that did informe shall haue her reward.
A Lawyer hath but a bad trade there, for any Cause or Controuersie is tryed and determined in three dayes Quirks, Quiddits, Demurs, Habeas Corposes, Sursararaes, Procedendoes, or any such dilatory Law-tricks are abolished, and not worth a button.
But aboue all, I must not forget the rare actions and humours of a Quacksaluer or Mountebanke, or to speake more familiarly, a shadow o [...] a skilfull Chyrurgian. This fellow beeing cla [...] in an ancient doublet of decayed Satin, with [...] Spruce Leather Ie [...]kin with Glasse buttons, the rest of his attire being correspondent, was mounted vpon a Scaffold, hauing shelfes set with Viols, Gallipots, Glasses, Boxes, and such like stuffe, wherein as he said, were Watcrs, Oyles, Vnguents, Emplafters, Electuaries, Vomits, Purges, and a world of neuer heard of Drugs, and being mounted (as I said) he & his man begin to proclaime all their skill and more, hauing a great number of idle and ignorant gazers on, he began as followeth (as I was informed by my Interpreter, for I vnderstood not one word he spake.)
I Iacomo Compostella, Practitioner in Physicke, Chyrurgery, and the Mathematicks, beeing a man famous through Europe, Asia, Affe [...] cke, and America, from the Orientall exhaltation, of Titan, to his Occidentall declination, who for the Testimony of my skill, and the rae cures that I haue done, haue these Princes hands and seales; as first the great Cham of Tartaria, in whose Court, onely with this water which is the Elixar of Henbane, diafracted in a Diurnall of Egredients Hippocratonticke, Auiceni [...], and Catarackt, with this did I cure the great Dutchesse of Promulpho, of the cramp in her tongue: and with this Oyle did I restore the Emperour Gr [...] gory Euanowich, of a Convulsion in his P [...]icranion. From thence I trauailed through Slauonia, where I met with Mustapha Despot of Seruis, who at that time was intolerably vexed with a Spas [...]us, so that it often droue him into a Syncope with the violent obstructions of the conflagerating of his veines. Onely with this precious Vnguent being the Quintessence of Nugwort, with Auripigmenty terragrophicated in a Limbecke of Chystalline translucency, I recouered him to his former health, and for my reward I had a Barbary Horse with rich Caparisons, a Turkish Semitar, a Persian Robs, & 2000. Hungarian Ducats.
Besides, here are the hands and Scales of Pot [...] hamacke, Adelant ado of Prozewgma, and of Gulc [...] Flownder scurfe chiefe Burgomaster of Belgrade, and of diuers Princes and estates, which to auoid tedious prolixity I omit. But good people [Page 85] if you or any other bee troubled with Apo. plexies, Palsies, Cramps, Lethargies, Cataracks, Qunsies, Tisicks, Pleurisies, Coüghs, Headaches, Terrian, Q [...]artan, and Q [...]otidian Agues, burning [...]auers, laundizes, Dropsies, Collicks, Illiaca passio's, the Stone, the Strangury, the Poxe, Plague, Botches, Bi [...]es, Blanes, Scabs, Scurfs, Mange, Leprosies, Cankers, Megrims, Mumps, Fluxes, Meazels, Murreins, Gouts, Consumptions, Tooth-ach, Ruptures, Hernia Aquosa, Hernia Ventosa, Hernia Carnosa, or any other maladie that dares affl [...]ct the body of man or woman, come and buy while you may haue it for money, for I am sent for speedily to the Emperour of Trapezond, about affaires of great importance that highly concernes his royall person.
Thus almost two houres did this fellow with embost words, and most laborious action, talke and sweat to the people, that vnderstood no more what he said, then he himselfe vnderstood himselfe. And I thinke his whole takings for simple compounds did amount in the totall to [...]pence sterling.
But leauing Hamburgh, (hauing gathered these few obseruations aforesaid) out of it I went August 28. and my first iaunt of my trauels was by water, to a Towne called Buckstahoo, it is a little walled towne, and stands on the other side of the Riuer, 3. miles as they cal it from Hamburgh. The boat we passed in is called an Iuar, not so good as a Grauel end barge, yet I thinke it be as great, & the three miles longer then from London, to Grauel-end, for I am sure that we were going 9. houres before we could be Landed: Our passage cost vs 3. pence a peece, and one thing I remember well, that the lazie water men will si st [...]ll all (or the most part of the way) whilst thei [...] Passengers, (be they neuer so rich or poore, all is one to them, be they men or women) they must rowe by turnes an houre or such a matter: and we landed in the night at a place called Crants, where al the passengers were to go to Supper, but such dye [...] we had, that the Prouerbe was truly verified. God sent meat, and the Diuel sent Cookes: for as there was no respect of persons in the boat, so all fellowes at the Table, and all one price, the Palatine and the Plebeian: our first messe was great platters of blacke broth, in shape like new tarre, and in tast Cofen Germane to slut pottage; our second were dishes of Eeles, chop'd as small as hearbs, and the broth they were in as salt as brin [...]: then had we a boyld Go [...]se, with choake peares and carrets buried in a deepe dish; and when we demanded what was to pay, it was but three pence a man, I mused at the cheapenesse of it, but afterward they came vpon vs with a fresh reckoning of fiue pence a man for beere, for they neuer count their meat and drinke together, but bring in seuerall reckonings for them: but the morning being come, we hired a Boor [...]s Waggon, to carry vs to a place called Cit [...]zen, three miles there, or 12. English miles from Buckstahoo: a little bald dorp it is, where we came about noone, and found such slender entertainement, that we had no cause to boast of our good cheere or our Hostesse Cookery. We hauing refreshed our selues, and hyred a fresh Waggon, away we went two miles further to a Dorp called Rodonburgh, this village belongeth to the Byshop of Rodonburgh, who hath a faire house there, strongly walled and deepely ditched and Moated about very defensible, with draw bridges, and good Ordinance. This Bishop is a temporall Lord, notwithstanding his spirituall title; and no doubt but the flesh preuailes aboue the Spirit with him; So the Bishops of Breame, Lunningburgh, and diuers other places in Germany, doe every charitably take the fleece, (for they themselues neuer looke to the flocke) by reason they vse no Ecclesiastick function, but onely in name.
Being lodged at Rodenburgh, in a stately Inne, where the Host, Hostesse, Guests. Cowes, Horses, Swine lay all in one Roome; yet I must confesse their beds to be very good, and their linning sweet, but in those parts they vse no couerlet, rug, or blanket, but a good featherbed vndermost, with cleane sheets, pillowes, and pillowbears, and another featherbed vppermost, with a faire sheet aboue all, so that a mans lodging is like a wormans lying In, all white.
August the 30. wee went from Rodenburgh, and about noone wee came to an old walled towne, called Feirden, it hath two Churches in it, and the hangmans statue very artificially carued [Page 86] in stone, and set on a high pillar, with a rod rampant in his hand, at this Towne I met with sixe strangers, all trauailers, where wee went to dinner together all at one Table, and euery man opened his knapsacke or budget with victuals; (for he that carries no meat with him, may fast by authority in most places of that Country) but to note the kindnesse of these people one to another, some had bread and a boxe of salt butter, some had raw bacon, some had cheese, some had pickled herring, some dryed beefe, and amongst the rest, I had brought three ribs of rost beefe, and other prouision from Hamburgh: to conclude, we drew all like fidlers, and led (for the most part) like Swine, for euery man eat what was his own, and no man did proffer one bit of what he had to his neighbour, so he that had cheese must diue with chesse, for he that had meat would offer him none; I did cut euery one a part of my rost beefe; which my guide told me they would not take well, because it is not the fashion of the Countrey: I tryed, and found them very tractable to take any thing that was good, so that I perceiued their modesty to take one from another, proceeds from their want of manners to offer. But dinner being done, away we went ouer a bridge, in the midst whereof is a Iynn, made in the likenesse of great Lanthorne, it is hanged on a turning Gybber like a Crane: So that it may bee turned on the bridge and ouer the Riuer, as they shall please that haue occasion to vse it. It is big enough to hold two men, and it is for this purpose if any one or more do rob Gardens or Orchards, or Corne fields, (if they be taken) he or they are put into this same whiligig, or kickumbob, and the gybbet being turned, the offender hangs in this Cage from the Riuer some 12. or 14. foot from the water, then there is small Line made fast to the party some 5. or 6. fadome, and with a tricke which they haue, the bottome of the Cage drops out, and the thiefe fals sodenly into the water. I had not gone farre, but at the end of the bridge I saw an old Chappell, which in old time they lay was dedicated to S. Frodswicke, which hath the day after Saint Luke the Enangelist: I entering in, perceiued it was a chartiable Chappell, for the doores and windowes were alwayes open, by reason there were none to shut, and it was a common receptacle for Beggers and Rogues. There was the Image of our Lady with a vaile ouer her, made as I thinke of a Bakers bolter, and Saint Peter holding a candle to her. I cut a peece of her Vaile, and taking Peter by the hand at my departure, the kinde Image (I know not vpon what acquaintance) beeing loose handed, let me haue his hand with [...]ntc, which beeing made of wood, by reason of ruinous antiquitie, burst off in the handling: which two precious relickes I brought home with me to defend me and all my friends from Sparrowblasting.
From this place wee were glad to trauaile on foot 1. Dutch mile to a Dorpe called Durfurne, where we hired a Boores Waggon to a Towne called Neinburgh, but we could not reach thither by 2. English miles, so that we were glad to lodge in a Barne that night: on the morrow early we arose & came to Neinburgh, which is a little walled towne, belonging to that Byshopricke from whence it is so named. There we stayed 3. houres before we could get a Waggon, at last wee were mounted to a Dorpe called Leiz, 2. Dutch miles; I would haue bargained with the Boore to haue carried vs to Dorne, which I bade my guide tell him it was but a mile further, a mile quoth the Boore, indeed we call it no more, but it was measured with a Dog, and they threw in the taile and all to the bargaine; so to Leize he carried vs, and there we found a Waggon of Dorne homeward bound, which made vs ride the cheaper; but it was the longest mile that euer I rode or went, for surely it is as much as some ten of out miles in England. But hauing ouercome it at last, from thence I tooke a fresh Waggon to carry me two miles further to a towne called Buckaburgh, where I had, and haue I hope, a Brother residing; to whom my iourny was entended, and with whom my perambulation was at a period. This towne of Buckaburgh is wholely and solely belonging to the Graff or Graue of Shomburgh, a Prince of great command and eminence, absolute in his authoritie and power, not countermanded by the Emperour, or any other further then coutesie requires; and in a word, he is one of the best accomplisht Gentlemen in Europe for his person, port, and Princely magnificence.
[Page 87]He hath there to his inestimable charge, built the Towne, with many goodly Houses, Streets, Lanes, a strong wall, and a deepe ditch, all well furnished with munition and Artillerie, with a band of Souldiers which he keepeth in continuall pay, allowing euery man a Doller a Weeke, and double apparell euery yeare. Besides, he hath built a stately Church, being aboue 120. steps to the Roofe, with a fa [...]e paire of Organs, a curious ca [...]ued P [...]lpit, and all other Ornaments belonging to the same. His owne Pallace may well be called an earthly Paradice, which if I should run into praise of the description of, I should bring my wits into an intricate Labyritch, that I should hardly finde the way ou [...], yet according to the imbecility of my memory I will only touch a little at the shadow of it, and let the substance stand where it doth.
At the front or outward gate is a most stately Arch, vpon the top whereof is erected the image of E [...]uy, (as great as a de ny Coloss [...]) betweene two Dragons, all guilt with gold, before the gate is an iron grate to open and that as it were of flowers or worke of E [...], at which gate stands alwayes a C [...]rt of Guard, and a Sentinel. and at the Lower part of the Arch is the Princes title or in Capitall Letters as followeth; ‘ERNESTVS DEIGRATIA, COMES HOLST, Scomburgh, Sternburgh, &c.’
After I was entred within the outward gate, I was shewed his stables, where I saw very faire and goodly horses, both for warre and other v [...]es, amongst the rest there was one naturally spotted like a Leopard or Panther, and is called by the name of Leopard, a stately couragious beast, and so formed as If Nature had layd all her cunning aside, onely to compose that Horse, and indeed I mvst acknowledge he was made for the Seruice of some great Prince, and not for any inferiour Person.
Passing further, I came to another Court of Guard, and ouer a Draw bridge, into the inner Court, where on the right hand, I was conducted into the Chappell, in which Chappell, if it were possible that the hand of mortall men (with artificiall workemanship) could visibly set forth the magnificent glory of the immortal Creator, then absolutely there it is, but being impossible so to doe, (as neere as I can) I will describe it; the pauement is all of blacke and gray marble, curiously wrought with Chequer-worke, the S [...]ats and Pues are carued wainscot of wonderful cunning and workemanship [...] the roofe is adorned with the statues of Angel and Cherubins, many in num [...], all so richly guilded, as it Gold were as pentifull as pewter, there could not bee more liberality bestowed: besides there are a faire set of Organs, with a brau: sweet Q [...]ire of Q [...]iristers: so that when they f [...]g, the Lures, Viols, Bandoraes, O gans, Recorders, S [...]gbuts, and other musicall instruments, all strike vp together, with such a glorious delicious harmony, as if the Angelicall musicke of the Sphea [...] were descended into that earthly Tabernacle. The Prince himselfe is a Protest [...], very zealous in his Prayer, and diligent in his attention to the Preacher, who although I vndestood not, yet I perceiued he was a good D [...]ine, who grauely and sincerely with reuerence and eloquent [...]locution, deliuered the bread of life to the vnderstanding Auditors.
In this Towne I [...] with my brother from Saturday the la [...]o August, till the Thursday following which was the fifth of September. When I was conducted an English [...] on my way by certaine of my Countrey men my Lords Musicians, where wee dranke and parted, onely my Brother and my Guide brought me that night to a strong walled Towne called M [...]nden, which standeth on the Riuer o [...] Weazar, and belongeth to the Byshop of that See. O [...] the morrow I walked to see the Towne, where I bought thirty fi [...]e C [...]eeses for eight pence, which I brought into England for raritres pence, and a yarda [...]la halte of padding for fiue So about noone we tooke a Boat to passe downe the Riuer, which boat is much longer then any Westerne Barge, but nothing neere so broad, it was halfe laden with Lime and Cnalke, and by reason the W [...]blew hard, we were almost choaked with [...] flying and scattering of that d [...]stie commodity. Besides the Water was so [Page 88] shallow, that we ran a ground three or foure times, and sometimes an houre, sometimes lesse before we could get a float againe: which made mee and my Guide goe a shore at a Village called Peterhaghen, where we hired a Waggon to Leize, where we stayed all night, (being come into our old way againe) where were a crew of strowling Rogues and Whores that tooke vpon them the name of AEgyptians, Iuglets, and Fortune-tellers, and indeed one of them held the Goodwise with a tale, the whilst another was picking her chest, and stole out ten dollers which is forty shillings, and she that talked with her looked in her hand, and told her that if shee did not take great heed she knew by her Art that some mischance was neere her: which prooued true, for her money was gone, the whilst her fortune was telling.
But I appointed a Waggon ouer night to bee ready by three of the Clocke in the morning, when I arose and applyed my trauaile so hard by changing fresh Wagons, so that that day I came as farre as Rodenburgh, which was nine Dutch miles, where I stayd that night: The next day being Sunday the eighth of Semptember, we took Waggon towards Buckstahoo, we had a merry Boore, with an hundred tatters about him; and now I thinke it fit a little to describe these Boores, their natures, habits, and vnmannerly manners. In our English tongue the name Bore or Boore doth truely explaine their Swinish condition, for most of them are as full of humanity as a Bacon-hog, or a Bore, and their wiues as cleanly and courteous as Sowes. For the most part of the men they are clad in thin buckerom, vnlined, bare legged and foored, neyther band nor scarce shirt, no woollen in the world about them, and thus will they run through all weathers for money by the Waggons side, and though no better apparelled, yet all of them haue Houses, Land, or manuall meanes to liue by. The substantiall Boores I did meet aboue 120. of them that Sunday, with euery one a Hatchet in his hand, I mused at it, and thought they had beene going to fell Wood that day, but my Guide told me they were all going to Church, and that instead of Cloakes they carried Hatchets, and that it was the fashion of the Country: whereupon it came to my mind. Cloake, quasi Cleaue-oake, ergo the Boores weare Hatchets in steed of Cloakes.
There are other fashion Boores, who weare white Linnen breeches as close as lrish iouze [...], but so long, that they are turned vp at the shooe in a role like a Maides sleeues at the hand, but what these fellowes want in the bignesse of their Hose, they haue in Dublets, for their sleeues are as big as Breeches, and the bodies great enough to hold a Kinderkin of beere, and a barrell of Butter.
The Country is very full of Woods, and especially Oakes, which they very seldome cut down, because of the Mast for their Swine, which liue there in great abundance. If any man bee slaine or murthered in the way, they vse to set vp a wooden Crosse in the place, for a memoriall of the bloudie fact committed there, and there were many of those woodden Crosses in the way as I trauailed.
They seldome haue any Robbery committed amongst them, but there is a murther with it, for their vnmannerly manner is to knocke out a mans braines first, or else to lurke behind a Tree, and shoot a man with a peece or a Pistol, and so make sure worke with the passenger, and then search his pockets.
It is as dangerous to steale or killan Hare in some places there, as it is to rob a Church or kill a man in England, and yet a two penny matter will discharge the offender, for the best and the worst is but an Halter; and I was enformed that an English Marchant (not knowing the danger) as he was riding on the way, hauing a peece charged in his hand (as it is an ordinary weapon to trauaile with there) by chance he espyed an hare, and shot at her and killed her; but hee was apprehended for it, and it was like to haue ecst him his life; but before he got out of the trouble, he was faine to vse his best friends and meanes, (and pleading ignorance for his innocency, at last with the losse of a great deale of liberty, and five hundred pound in money he was discharged: The reason of this strict course is, because all the Hares in the Country doe belong to one Lord or other, and being in aboundance, they are killed by the owners appointment, and carried to the markets [Page 89] by Cart-loads, and sold fot the vse of the honourable owners: And no Boore or Tenant that dwels in those parts where those Hares are plenty, must Keepe a Dogge, except hee pay fiue shillings a yeere to the Lord, or else one of his fore feet must be cut off, that hee may not hunt Hares.
A Man is in almost as high proportion to be a [...]naue in England, as a Knight in Germany, for there a Gentleman is called a Youngcur, and a Knight is but a Youngcurts man, so that you shall have a scuruy Squire command a Knight to hold his stirrop, plucke off his boots, or any other vnknightly peece of seruice: and verily I thinke there are an 100. seuerall Princes, Earles, Byshops, and other Estates, that doe euery one keepe a mint, and in their owne names stampe Money, Gold, Siluer and Brasse, and amongst 23. two pences which I had of their brasse money, (which they call Grushes) I had 13. seuerall coynes.
Many more such worthic in [...]unctions and honourable ordinances I obserued, which are hardly worth pen and inke the describing, and therefore I omit them, and draw toward an end, for on the Wednesday morning I was at an anchor at Stoad, and on the Friday night following I was (by Gods gracious assistance) Landed at London. So that in three weekes and three dayes I sayled from England to Hamburgh and backe againe, staying in the Countrey 17.dayes, and trauailed 200. miles by Land there: gathering like a busie Bee all these honied obseruations, some by sight, some by hearing, some by both, some by neither, and some by bare supposition.
TAYLORS TRAVELS TO PRAGVE IN BOHEMIA.
Reader, take this in your way.
ANd because I would not haue you either guld of your mony, or deceiued in expectatiō, I pray you take notice of my plaine dealing, for I haue not giuen my book a swelling bumbasted title, or a promising inside of newes; therfore if you look for any such matter from hence, take this warning, hold fast your mony; and lay the booke downe yet if you do buy it (I dare presume) you shall find somwhat in it worth part of your mony, the [...]roth is that I did chiefly write it, because I am of much acquaintance, and cannot passe the streets, but I am continually stayed by one or other, to know what newes, so that sometimes I am foure houres before I can goe the length of two paire of Buts, where such non-sence or sencelesse questions are propounded to me, that cals many seeming wise mens wisedomes in question, drawing aside the curtaines of their vnderstanding, and laying their ignorance wide open. First Iohn Easie takes me, and holds me fast by the fift halfe an houre; and will needs torture some newes out of me from Spinola, whom I was neuer neere by 500.miles; for he is in the Phllatinate Country, and I was in Bohemia I am no sooner eased of him, but Gregory Gandergoose an Alderman of Gotham, catches me by the goll demanding if Bohemia be a great Towne, and whether there bee any meate in it, and whether the last fleet of ships be arriued there: his mouth being stop'd a third examines me boldly, what newes from Vienna, where the Emperours Army is, what the Duke of Bauaria doth, what is become of Count Buquoy, how sares all the Englishmen; Where lyes the King of Bohemiaes forces, what Bethlem Gabor doth, what tydings of Dampeier, and such a tempest of inquisition, that it almost shakes my patience in peeces. To ease my selfe of all which, I was inforced to set pen to paper, and let this poore Pamphlet (my harald or nuntius trauaile and talke, whilst I take my ease with silence. Thus much I dare affirme, that whosoever he or they bee, that doe scatter any scandalous speeches against the plenty in Bohemia of all manner of needfull things for the sustenance of man and beasts, (of the which there is more abundance then euer I saw in any place else) or whatsoeuer they be that report any ill successe on the Kings party, this little booke, and I the Author, doth proclaime and proue them false Lyers, and they are to be suspected, for coyning such falshoods as no well willers to the Bohemian prosperity. One thing I must intreat the Readers patience in reading one hundred lines: wherein I haue kept a filthy stirre about a beastly fellow, who was at my going from England a peece of a Graues end Constable) at which time he did me such wrong, as might haue drawne my life in question; for he falsly said that I would haue fired their Towne. I did promise him a ierke or two of my pen at my returne; which now I haue performed, (not out of any malice, but because I would be as good as my word with him.) Thus crauing you to reade if you like, and like as you lift. I leaue you a Booke much like a pratling Gossip, full of many words to small purpose.
TAYLORS TRAVELS From the Cittie of LONDON in England, to the Cittie of PRAGVE in Bohemia. WITH The manner of his abode there three Weekes, his Obseruations there, and his returne from thence. AS ALSO, How hee past 600. Miles downe the Riuer of Elue, through Bohemia, Saxonie, Anhalt, the Byshopricke of Magdenburg, Brandenburg, Hamburgh, and so to England. With many Relations worthy of note.
The first letters of his names are R L and his full name being [...]agramatiz'd is a A Trobeler, a trobeler he was to mee, and so, I feare he hath beene to my Reader.
Sunday the 26. August of wee set sayle from Graus end, and with various win les same large and some scarce, we happily past the Seas, and layled vp the Riuer of Maze, by the Brill, and on the Wednesday following I arriued at Roterdam in Holland, at which time the worthy Regiment of the right honourable Colonell Sir Horace veere, and the two noble Earles O Essex, and Oxford departed from thence in Mar [...]ll Equipage toward the Pallatinate Country, whose Heroick, and Mignanimous endeauours, I beseech the Lord of Hosts, and God of battels to direct and blesse.
The same day I went to the Hage, and from thence to Leiden, where I lodged all night, and the morrow being Thursday the 30. of August, I sayled from Leyden to Amsterdam, where I saw many things worthy the noting, but because they are so neere and frequent to many of our Nation, I omit to relate them, to auoid tediousnes: but on the Friday at night I got passage from thence toward Hambrogh, in a small hoy, in the which we were weather-beaten at Sea three dayes and nights before we arriued there.
Saturday the eighth of September I left Hambrogh, and being carried day and night in Waggons, on the Monday night following I came to an ancient towne called Heldeshim, it standeth in Brunswicke Land, and yet it belongeth to the Byshop o [...] Collin, where I did obserue in their Doome Kirke, or Cathedral Church, a Crowne of siluer 80.foote in Compasse, hanged vp in the body of the Church, in the circuit of which crowne were placed 160. waxe Candles, the which at Festiuall dayes, or at the celebration of some high Ceremonies are lighted to lighten their darkenesse or their ignorance, chuse yee whether.
Moreouer, there I saw a siluer Bell in their Steeple, of thirty pound weight, and the Leades of their steeple shining and sparkeling with the Sunne beames, they did affirme to mee to bee gold, the truth of which I am doubtfull of.
In this towne I stayed foure dayes and on Friday the 14. of September, I went sixe Dutch miles to the strong towne of Brunswicke, where by reason of my short stay which was but two houres, I obserued nothing worthy of memory, but their triple Wals, and double Ditches, there artillery and fortifications, which they thinke to be impregnable; besides, there I saw an old house of the Duke of Brunswicke, with the statue of a golden Lyon, of a great bignesse, standing aloft vpon a Piller, with the broken Wals, and houses, which the Dukes Canon hath left there sixe yeares since, as tokens and badges of his fury, and their rebellion.
From thence on the morrow, I went one Dutch mile further, to an ancient towne called [Page 94] Wolfunbottle, where the Duke of Brunswicke keepes his Court, in the which I and my fellow could get no further admittance, then ouer a bridge into his outtermost, or base Court; for his Souldiers seeing vs with Swords and Pistols, were fearefull, belike, that wee would haue taken the fortresse from them, and therefore though we were but two Englishmen, yet they durst not let vs enter; which made me call to remembrance the frequent, and dayly Egresse and Regresse, that all people haue to his Maiesties Court of Great Britaine, where none that are of any good fashion and aspect, are debat'd entrance: when those inferiour Princeshouses are guarded with hungry Halberdiers, and reuurend rusty bil-men, with a brace or two of hot-shots; so that their Pallaces are more like Prisons, then the free and Noble Courts of Commanding Potentates.
After two dayes entertainment at Wolfunbotle, with an English Marchant residing there, of good fame and credit, named Maister Thomas Saekuile, I with my brother, my fellow Tilbery, and another man in my company, departed thither on foot onward on our iourney towards Bohemia, in which trauaile, what occurrences happened, and what things of note I saw, were as followeth.
Passing with many weary steps through the townes of Rosondink, Remling, Soulem, Hassen, Darsam, and Haluerstadt, (which is all in Brunswicke land,) but this towne of Haluerstadt belongs to a Byshop so stiled, who is Duke Christian brother to the now Duke of Brunswicke, a long Dutch mile (or almost sixe English) is a small towne or a Blecke called Groning belonging to the Duke, in the which place I obserued two things worthy of remembrance.
First a most stately Pallace built with a beautifull Chappell, so adorned with the Images and Formes of Angels and Cherubins, with such exquisitenesse of arts best industry of caruing, grauing, guilding, painting, glazing and pauing, with such superexcellent workemanship of Organs, Pulpit, and Font, that for curiositie and admirable rarenesse, all the Buildings and Fabricks that euer I beheld, must giue it preheminence. I confesse that Henry the seuenths Chappell at Westminster, Kings Colledge Chappell in Cambridge, and Chaist Church in Canterbury, are beyond it in height and workemanship of stone [...] for indeed this Chappell is most of wood gipps, and plaster of Paris; but it is so guilded as if it had beene made in the golden age, when gold was esteemed as Drosse, so that a man had need to weare a vaile ouer his dazeling eyes, or else he can hardly looke vpon it.
The caruing and painting seeme to out goe the arts of Pigmalion, Apelles, or Praxiitles, the pauing of the chequered blacke and white marble, and the windowes glassed with Chrystall: but all this great cost and shew is very little to the honour of God, or the propogation of the Gospell, the edification of the ignorant. For in this Church of case, there is no Seruice. If the painted Pulpit could preach, the dumbe Images might (perhaps) haue a Sermon now and then, for scarce at any time there comes any body into the Chappell, but a fellow that shewes the beauty of it for two pence or three pence a peece.
In the same house, in a place or Cellet built of purpose, is a great tonne or Vessell of wood, that was 7. yeares in making, & was vsed to be filled with Rhenish wine: it is said to be twice as big as the vessell at Heidelberg, and the hoops of it are twelue inches thicke, and the staues or border of it being as much; I went vp to the top of it with a Ladder of 18. steps, he that keepes it faith it will hold 160. tonnes. My fellow Tilbery did creepe in at the tap hole; it is in length thirty two foor, and in breadth a crosse 19. and verily I thinke that bable cost more money the making, then would haue built a good ship, or founded an Almes house for 6. poore people.
From Groning wee trauailed to a Towne called Ashers Leauen, to Ashleauen, to Kinderne, to Hall, and so to Le pzig, which is one of the chiefest townes in Saxony, being famous for a yearely Mart that is yearely held there, where to Merchants and other people from the most part of Christendome haue annuall concourse: in this towne we stayd two dayes, and taking our leaue then of some English Merchants, who vsed vs kindly, we there would hauehired a coach or waggon to Prague; but all the Saxen coach men and carters were afraid to looke vpon any part of Bohemia, because their Duke is a profest enemy in armes against the King of Beame, so that we were forced to hire a fellow with a wheele barrow 2. dayes to carry our cloaks, swords, guns, pistols, & other apparell & luggage which were our necessaries, to a towne called Boorne, to Froburge and so to another towne called Penigh, where we cashierd our one wheel'd coach, & hired a cart with two, which carried both vs and our baggage to Chemnizt another towne in Saxony, from whence to a place called Shop wee were faine to be our owne sumpter horses walking on foot to the last towne in Saxony, called Marienberg. From thence passing vp and downe inaccessable mountaines, we came to a wood, which parts Bohemia from Saxony on the west; which wood is c [...]led by the people of those parts the Beamer Wolts or Wolt, and is in breadth ten English miles, and in length further then I know how to discribe truely: but this much of it I dare aff [...], that it is a naturall inpregnable wall to the kingdome of Bohem, which kingdome is all incompast round with woods and mountaines, so that there is no passage on that side of it, for any army to enter into it with munition and artillery, all the wayes being vneuen, and the mountaine tops all boggs, mosses, and quagmires, that great Ordnance or any heauy cariage either of horse, cart or waggon, with s [...]ke and be lost. Besides, there are numbers past numbring of Firre trees, many standing, and such store fallen of themselues, that any passage might easily be stopped by laying thē crosse the way. And of all my iourny, the trauell through that dismall wood was the most heauy vnto me, for the trees grew so thicke, and so high, that the S [...] was obscured, and the day seemed [...]igh [...]; in some places, the way paued with swimming trees 2. miles together on the tops of Hils, which now and then I st [...]pping beside, sunke to middle in a Q [...]g [...]nire.
When we had thus footed it, and trauailed past the hils & woods, (being at the least 4.houres toyle) and that we might looke downe the mountaines, into the fruitfull Land of Bohem, neuer did sight more reioyee vs, the lower Hils being all full of Vineyards and the Val [...]yes corne and pasture; not an English mile distance, but a village euery way; and 20.30. or 40.reckes or stacks of corne which their barnes cannot hold, in the space of euery houres iourney: in a word, euery thing that belonged to the vse and commodity of man was and is there, and all the delightfull obiects to satisfie euery sence, is there abundantly so that nature seemed to make that Country her store house or granary, for there is nothing wanting, except mens gratitude to God for such blessings. The first night we lodged there at a pretty towne called Comoda, which towne, by negligence and occasion of fire, had fifty houses burnt, two dayes before our comming thither, it beeing eleuen Dutch miles from Pragus. There we hired a waggon 7 dutch miles to a towne called Slowne from whence we walked on foot along 16. English miles to Prague, which long looked for Citty wee could not see vntill we came within an houres trauell of it: within halfe a dutch mile is a fearefull place, being frequented with inhumaine and barbarous murderrers, that assault trauellers, first shooting and murdring them, & after searching their pockets, where if they haue mony or not, all is one, it is but so many slaine: for these villains haue a wood and a deepe valley to shelter themselues in, that they are hardly taken afterwards; but if they chance at any time to be but apprehended, they [Page 96] are racked & tortured to make them confesse, & afterwards their executions are very terrible, But (I thanke God) we past that place, & many other as dangerous as that, where some were robbed & murdered (as report told vs) both before, vs behind vs, and on each side: and we saw in our iourny aboue. score Gallowses and wheeles, where theeues were hanged some fresh, and some halfe rotten, & the carkases of murtherers, broken limb after limb on the wheeles; and yet it was our happines only to see the dead villaines, & escape the liuing. I came into Prague on Thursday the 7. of September, whither if I had come but the Friday before, I had seene a most fearfull execution of a notorious offenders, the manner how, with their faults, as it was truely related to me by English Gent. that saw it: I think it not much impertinent to relate. The one of them being taken, apprehended and racked, for ripping vp a liue woman with child, & for taking the infant out of her body, did sow a liuing puppy into her belly; all w ch he confessed he did, to make properties for witch craft: and being further tortured, he confessed when and where he had commited 35. murthers more: the other in respect of him was but a petty offender, for he in all his lifetime had murthered but 14. For the which execrable facts, their deserued executions were as followeth: First, they were brought out of the Iayle naked from the girdle vpward; and so being bound fast on high in a Cart, that the spectators might see them; then the Hangman hauing a pan of coales neere him, with red hot pincers nip'd off the nipple of one breast; then he tooke a knife and giues him a flash or cut downe the backe on one side from the shoulder to the wast; and presently gaue him such another flash, three inches from the first, then on the top he cut the flashes into one; and presently taking pincers, tooke hold of the crosse cut, & tore him downe like a Girse below the middle, letting it hang downe behind him like a belt: after which he tooke his burning pincers, & pluck'd of the tops of his fingers of one hand: then passing to another place of the Towne, his other nipple was plucked off, the other side of his backe so cut and mangled, (which they call by the name of rimming, (if it had beene riming, I would neuer haue written but in prose) his other fingers nip'd off, then passing further all his toes were nip'd off with the burning pincers, after which he was enforced to come out of the Cart, and goe on foote vp a steepehill to the Gallowes, where he was broken with a wheale, aliue, one bone after another, beginning at his legs and ending with his necke, and last of all quartered and layd on the wheele, on a high post, till Crowes, Rauens, or consuming time consume him.
This was the manner of both their executions, but I speake of the greatest murtherer particularly, because it is reported that all these torments neuer made him once to change countenance, or to make any signe or action of griefe, to call to God for mercy, or to intreat the people to pray for him; but as if be had beene a sencelesse stocke or stone, hee did most scornafully, and as it were in disdaine abide it; whilst the other villaine did cry, rore, and make lamentation, calling vpon God often; the difference was not much in their liues, and manner of their deaths, but I am perswaded the odds was great in their dying.
The Citty of Prague is almost circular or round, being diuided in the middle by the Riuer of Moldoue, ouer which is a faire stone Bridge, of 600. paces ouer, and at each and a strong gate of stone: there is said to be in it of Churches & Chappels, 150.for there are great numbers of Catholiques, who haue many Chappels dedicated to sundry S ts. and I was there at 4.senerall sorts of diuine exercises, viz. at good Sermons with the Protestants, at Masse with the Papists, at a Lutherans preaching, & at the Iewes Synagog; 3.of which I saw & heard for curiosity, & the other for edification. The Iewes in Prague, are in such great numbers, that they are thought to be of men, women and children, betwixt 50. or 60000. who doe all liue by brocage and vsury vpon the Christians, and are very rich in mony and Iewels, so that a man may see 10. or 12.together of them, that are accounted worth 20.30 or 40000.l.a piece; and yet the slaues goe so miserably attired, that 15. of them are not worth the hanging for their whole ward-ropes.
The Castle where the King and Queene doe keepe their Court, is magnificent and sumpruous in building, strongly scituated and fortified [Page 97] [...] by nature and art, being founded on a high [...], so that at pleasure it keepes the towne in command, and it is much mere spacious in [...] for receipt in Gardens & Orchards, then the Towre of London. I was in it dayly the space of 20 dayes, and saw it royally graced with the presence of a gracious King & Queene, who were honorably attended by a gallant Courtly traine of Lords and Ladies, and Gentles of the High Dutch and Bohemians, & where was free & boun [...] entertainment to strangers in aboundance: I must euer humbly and thankfully acknowledge the Queenes Maiesties goodnesse towards me, whole vndeserued fauours were helpfull vnto me both there, and in my tedious iourny homeward. Moreouer there I saw (& had in mine armes) the King and Queenes youngest Son Prince Robert, who was borne there on the 16.of December last: a goodly child as euer I saw of that age, whom with the rest I pray God to blesse; to his glory and his Parents joy and comfort.
The Citty of Prague hath in it (by reason of the wars) thrice the number of its owne Inhabitants, and yet for all that, victuals is in such great plenty, that sixe men cannot eate three halfe penny worth of bread, and I did buy in the Market a fat Goose well roast for the valew of 9. pence English, and I and my brother haue dined there at a Cookes with good roasted meat, bread & beere, so that we haue beene satisfied and left, for the va [...] of fiue pence: a good Turky there may bee bought for two shillings, and for fresh fish I neuer saw such store, for in one market day I haue knowne in Prague 2000. Carps, besides other fishes, which Carps in London are fiue shillings a piece, & there they were for 8. pence or 10.pence at the most, so that one of their fresh fish markets here, were worth at the least 5. or 600. pounds, and as for all other manner of wilde fowle, they are there in fatiety, besides their fruites are in such aboundance, that I bought a basket of Grapes of the quantity of halle a pecke for a penny and farthing, and a hatfull of faire Peaches for as much, pickled cowcombers I haue bought a pecke for three pence, and muskmellions, there hath beene cast fiue or sixe ca [...] [...] load of them in one day to their hogs.
As concerning the dyet that is in the Kings Armies, I could neuer yet heare any man complaine of want, but that it is more plentifull then in the Citty, the greatest scarcitie hath beene to some sick souldiers, who being not able to march with the Leaguers (by reason of their weaknesse) they haue beene left amongst the Boores, or Husbandmen in the next villages, where their Languages not vnderstood, their succor hath bin but small, but for all this in the Campe hath euer bin a continuall cheapenes of all things, the King most duely paying his Souldiers at the end of euery month, hauing in his great Leaguer, vnder the conduct of the Princes of Hollock and Anhalt of foot and horse 43000. and at the least of carts and waggons to carry prouision, and baggage for the Army, to the number of 18000. In his little Leaguer, vnder the leading of Count Mansfelt, there are of Foot and Horse 7000.besides Carts and Waggons for carriage, and yet for these great numbers of men and beasts, there is food in all aboundance.
In the Campe with Graue Mansfelt is the Brittaine Regiment vnder the Col. Sir Andrew Gray Knight, and in Prague I met with many worthy Gentlemen and Souldiers which were there sicke, as the worthy Captaine Bushell, Lieutenant Grimes, Lieutenant Langworth, Ancient Galbreath, Ancient Vandenbrooke, Master Whitney Master Blundell, and others, all which did most courteously entertaine me, vnto whom I must euer rest thankfull, and they do affirme that now it [Page 98] hath it pleased God to grant their Souldiers recouerie, that they doe hope euery Britaine Souldier doth retaine more good spirit, then three enemies of what nation soeuer.
Thus hauing shewed part of the best things in Bohemia, the Court and City of Prague, it shall not bee amisse if I relate a little merrily, of some things there tolerable, some intolerable, some naught, and some worse then naught; for as euery Rose hath a prickle, and euery Bee a sting, so no earthly Kingdome hath such perfection of goodnesse but it may bee iustly taxed with imperfections.
Thus hauing staid in Prague almost 3 weekes, I returned from thence homeward, on Tuesday, the 26. of September, hauing in my company a widow (and foure small children) whose Husband beeing an Englishman and the Kings Brewer for Beere, deceased, and was buried there in Prague whilst I was there: the good desolate woman hauing receiued reward after seuen yeares Seruice there and at Heidelbergh, beeing desirous to returne to her Country ( England) came with vs, with my brother, and my fellow Tilbery. We tooke two Coaches at the Castle of Prague, and in a day and halfe, we were carried 7. Dutch miles, to a Towne in Bohemia (standing on the riuer of Elue) called Leutmeritz, at w ch towne we all layd our moneyes together, and bought a boat of 48. foot in length, and not 3. foote in bredth, and because we did not know the riuer, we hired a Bohemian waterman to guide vs 15. dutch miles, to the Towne of Dreason in Saxony. But 4, miles short of that Towne, which was the first Towne in the Saxon Country, called Pirne, where we were stayed 5. houres without the Gates, till such time as the Burgamaster would be pleased to examine vs: in the meane space our waterman (not daring to abide the terrible tryall of examination, because the Duke of Saxon was in Armes against the King of Beame, he ran away, and left vs to bring the boat downe the riuer 600. English miles our selues to Hamburgh
But now to close vp all, I will relate what rare dyet, excellent cookery, and sweet Lodging we had in our journey in Germany: first, for our [Page 99] comfort, after very hard getting of houseroome our lodginge was euery night in straw, where lying together well littered, we honestly alwayes left our sheets behinde vs: then at our suppers at a table square, and so broad, that two men can hardly shake hands ouer it, we being some twelue about it. Our first dish being a raw Cabbadge, of the quantity of halfe a pecke, cut and chopped small, with the fat of resty bacon powred vpon it in stead of oyle, which dish must be emptied before we could get any more: Our second dish perhaps a peoke of boyld apples & hony, the Apples being boyled skins, cores, stalkes & all: Thirdly 100. Gudgeons newly taken perhaps, yet as salt as if they had beene three years pickled, or twice at the East Iadies, boyld with scayles, guts and all, and buried in Ginger like sawdust: a fresh pike as salt as brine, boyld in flat milke, with a pound of Garlicke. This was the manner of the most part of our dyet; and if we did aske them why they did salt their meate so vnreasonable, there answer was, that their beere could not be consumed, except their meate were salted extraordinarily.
If a man finde a fault or seeme distasted with there beastly dyet, he is in danger to be thrust out of doores, and take vp his lodging in the streets, and in the conclusion when dinner or supper is ended, then comes mine Host, or his leather lip'd Froe, with a sawcy reekoning of what they please, which sounds in our eares like a harsh Epilogue, after a bad play; for what they say we must pay, their words are irreuocable (like the ancient Kings of Persia) and we must not question or aske how and how it can be so much, but pay them their demand without grumbling, to halfe a farthing.
Which made mee call to miad sixe seuerall principals, that doe belong to a traueller, as patience, silence, warinesse, watchfulnesse and a good stomacke, and a purse well moneyed; for if he want any one of these, (perhaps) the other fiue will neuer bring him to his iournies end. A mans patience must be such, that (though he be a Barron) he must beare all abuses, either in words, lodging, diet, or almost any thing, though offered from or by a sowter, tinker, or a Merchant of tripes and turneps; his silence must be, that though he beare and vnderstand himselfe wronged, yet he must be as dumbe as a Gudgeon or a Wniting mop: and though his mouth be shut, his warinesse must be such, that his eares must be euer open, to listen and ouer-heare all danger that may be complotted against him, his wate [...] fulnesse must be so, that he must seldome sleepe with both his eyes at once, least his throat be cut before he wake againe. But for his stomacke, hee must eate grasse with a horse, and draffe with the hogs, for hee that cannot eate pickel'd herring broth, and dirty puddings, shall many times fast by authority, and goe to bed without his supper: and last of all he must haue Fortunatus or a Prince, his purse, that must be (like a Drunkards dagger) euer drawne, to pay bountifully for such wash and graines, as his valiant stomacke hath ouercome, conquered and deuoured; but of this a little in verse.
With this kinde of lodging and dyer, and with tedious labour sometimes night and day; wee came in 14. dayes 607. miles from Prague in Bohemia, to Hambrogh on the hither skirts of Germany, the Riuer hauing aboue 1000. shelues and sands, and 800. Ilands, so that a man cannot see on which side of them to goe, there being 240. mils chained in boats on the first streame, and a number numberlesse of Oakes & other trees sunke with the violence of the Riuer, and sometimes fogs & mists that we could not see a boats length from vs: besides great Rockes, and stones that were falne into the water, that any or many of these impediments do often ouerthrow boates, & drown passengers; yet I, & my fellow Tilbery (we being both his Maiesties watermen) did by Gods assistance safely escape them all, and brought our selues, as is afore said, to Hamborogh, where [Page 100] being windebound 10. dayes, I thanke the English Merchants, I was well welcommed, vntill a [...]st it pleased God, the winde came faire, I [...]oke ship, and after nine dayes and nights of various weather (I giue praise to the Almighty) I came home to my house in London on Saturday the 28. of September, 1620.
PRINCE CHARLES HIS VVEL COME FROM SPAINE: Who Landed at Portsmouth on Sunday the 5. of October, and came safely to London on Munday the 6. of the same, 1623. WITH The Triumphs of LONDON for the same his happie Arriuall. And the Relation of such Townes as are scituate in the wayes to take post-horse at, from the Citie of London to Douer: and from Callice through all France and Spaine, to Madrid, to the Spanish-Court.
AFter great Britaine (ouerwhelmed with doubts, hopes, feares, and most carefull, louing and dutifull Iealousie) had dolourously drooped and mounted in a robe of melancholy 8.monethlong, for the absence our hopefull, vnparaleld, & illustrious Prince Charles, each minute of whole vnexpected and vnthought of Iourney from hence, seeming a tedious torture to millions of louing and wel-wishing hearts, whose happy and wel-comes home doth like the radiant Sun expell all the dismall and moody clouds of griefe and melancholy; to the vniuersall joy of his Royall Father, and all his loyall Subiects, hauing passed so long and tedious a Iourney, so much change of ayre and varieties of dyet, (preserued by the Almighties especiall prouidence) from all dangers and casualties that might any way impeach his Highnesse health, or preiudice is Princely person, in any of his affaires.
After his Highnesse stay from the 7. of March with his Catholike Maiestie at his Court at Madrid with the great and magnificent Entertainments, Feastings, Maskings, Banquetings, Huntings, Hawkings, and diures other royall pleasant, laudable, costly sumptuous, and manly disports, and exercises, wherewith the King, the Queene, the faire, vertuous and louely Lady Maria, (the highborne Infanta) his highnesse hauing all the content and welcome which so potent a Monarch could any way expresse, or our gracious Prince expect: Then to ease our common griefe, & to reuiue our halfe dead hopes, it pleased his grace to take his leaue of Madrid & passingby easie Iournies on his way, accōpanied some partby the King after whose departure from his Highnesse was attended by certaine of the Graundes of Spaine, so that in 13. or 14. dayes space, his Highnesse came in perfect health to the Portof Saint Anderas, in the Prouince of Biscay, where when our English [Page 102] Fleet had knowledge of his long look'd for and welcome comming, then did the hearts of euery man leap within him for ioy, their eyes ouerflowed with teares of louing and dutifull affection, their voices shooted with acclamations. The great Ordnance thundered and filled the earth & skyes with loud reioycings, the trumpets clangor pierced the welkin, the beaten drums ratled tryumphantly, all manner of Instruments sounded melodiously, and to better and sweeten all the rest, his Highnesse most graciously accepted their loues mutually and thankefully. But blustring Boreas, with his brother Eurus (the North and East winde) blew most stifly and, churlishly detained our joy and happinesse from vs here in Britaine. So that neuer any louing mother desired with more longing to see her hopefull Sonne, whose long absence had fild her with griefe, then all the honest Inhabitants of this Kingdome did hunger and thirst to see or heare from their most hopeful and beloued Prince. With what greedy desire did many thousands (as it were) nayle their eye sights dayly vpon Fanes, Weather-cocks, the smoke of Chimneyes, and the Racking of the Cloudes; and for fifteene long dayes and nights, the thwartouer and crosse North and Easterly Winde blew vs nothing but lengthening of our Sorrowes, and delaying of our comforts, vntill at last on Friday the third of October last it pleased the great Archmaster of windes and Seas, to tutne the breath of Eolus the way we most heartily prayed for: So that his Highnesse speedily taking aduantage of this most happy and prosperous Gale; Anchors were soone weighed, Sailes suddainely displayed and by the prouidence of the Almighty, and the diligent industry of the skilfull Nauigators and Martiners, his Highnesse most safely Landed at Portsmouth in Hampshire, on Sunday the fifth of October, betwixt the houres of three and foure in the afternoone, where he tooke Coach and came that night and Lodged neere Guilford in Surrey, 25. miles from London, at the house of the Right Honourable the Lord Viscount Anuan's.
The happy newes of his Highnesse most welcome arivall, was brought to London on Monday being the sixth of October, and shortly after the same morning hee came in person himselfe, taking Barge at Lambeth with the Duke of Buckingham, followed by the Archbyshop of Canterbury, and diuers other; whence he past to Yorke house, betwixt eight and nine of the clocke, where hee hauing taken some repast, hee tooke Coach againe to goe towards his Royall Father, to reioyce his heart with his Princely presence.
The ioyfull newes of his happy returne filled the whole Kingdome with excessiue ioy; first his most royall Father had a chiefe share in the comfort: Secondly, many of his good Seruants, who were almost with griefe for his long absence like so many bodies without life: but now they are all relieued by his welcome presence, with the spirits of mirth and alacrity. But the City of London, in expression of their louing duties, haue spared for no cost, eyther generall or particular.
The whole day being spent thus in mirth, triumphs, and thanksgiuing, wherein the people of all degrees, from the highest to the lowest, both rich and poore in London, Westminster, and the Suburbs, to their powers exprest their loues: that not so much but the foure Elements, Fire, Water, Ayre, and Earth, seemed to applaud the celebration of this happy and welcome day, for the Heauens most aboundantly powred downe a shower of raine of nine houres continuance, [Page 103] which the dry and thirsty earth dranke most greeddy or as I may say most louingly, to the health of so joyfull and auspicious a solemnitie. The fire (or fires) in all places, Streets, Lanes, Courts, and Corners,(despight the Raine, or enuying that it should quench the flaming ardency of its tran [...]dent Loue) ascended vpwards in shew of thankefulnesse: and the vast, empty, and subtle Ayre, was filled with the shours and acclamations of people, with the reioycing noyles of Instruments, Ordnance, Muskets, Bels, Drums, and Trumpets. And further I heard it credibly reported, that there was one Bonefire made at the Guildhall in London, which cost one hundred pounds (belike it was some Logwood which was prohibited and vnlawfull to bee vsed by Dyers and being forfeited, was ordained to be burnt in tryumph:) But (as good cause we had) the day was commanded to be kept holiday, so that no shops were opened, no manner of worke was done from morning to night, but carying and recarying Wood to make Bonfires, ringing, filling & emptying of pots, tha [...]al seemed as if the world was newly preserued from some second Flood (as indeed our whole Kingdome was from a flood of griefe) to the sale & happy hauen of happinesse.
Moreouer his Highnesse happy and ioyfull comming on that day, was a putting off an execution which sixe men and two women condemned male factors were to suffer at Tyburne, wherby hee was the most fortunate cause of their reprieues and sauing, and a larger time of repentance to amend their iiues.
The very Vintners burnt their bushes in Fleetstreet and other places, and their wine was burnt (all ouer London and Westminster) into all colours of the Rainebow, whole Pints, Quarts, Pottles, and Gallons, were made into Bonefires of Sacke and Claret, whilst good fellowes like louing Salamanders swallowed those liquid fires most sweetly and affectionately. But as concerning this fuell of Bacchus, a great many would not stay, or could not endure to see it burnt, and so deuoured those French and Spanish Billets and Faggots raw, which afterwards being warmed with shooting, laughing, singing and Leaping, the heat burst out so hotly, that it appeared in many a high coloured face, till in the end the fire was quenched in the embers and ashes of sleepe.
And to the intent all estates should be merry, there were diuers Noblemen, Gentlemen, and other, that gaue store of gold to the poore, some gaue vessels of wine in the streets.
Thu, was the whole day spent, till the darke night came, and then began the second part of Englands joy: for the nights Loue did as it were scorne to be outstripped with the dayes affection and obedience. Amongst the rest, the Spanish Ambassadors, both at Exeter house in the Strand, and at Ely house in Holborne, did expresse their Loues by their charges and reioycings.
Then began a most merry and ioyfull confusion of Billets, Faggots, Bauins, and Logs, Baskets, buckets, and tubs were hotly and merrily consumed, Buts, Pipes, Hogsheads, Teirces, puncheons, Barrels, Kilderkins, Firkins, Ru [...]lets, and Dryfats most brauely blazed and suffered; Some in Smithfield burnt their old Coaches, (and I wish they had all beene so well bestowed) washing boules, and beetles went to wracke, old graters and stooles were turn'd to ashes, mouse-traps and tinder boxes came tolight, and hee or shee that had but foure tokens or as much credit, committed their whole estate to fire and faggot; insomuch that Chandlers-shops and store-houses, were almost willingly emptied. But in Paules Churchyard was exceeding benighted tryumphs for on the crosse round about were placed, on the batlements and on the top of it as many burning Linkes, as the Prince his Hignesse was yeares old: and in some good distance from the Crosse, were two mighty bone fires; besides there was a crosse of wood erected which extended into foure branches, and vpon euery branch a pitch barrel was fastned, and one in the middest on the top, which made a braue shew in the burning [...] then were there Cr [...]ssit Lights, and most excellent fire-workes, with squibs, cracker, rackets, which most delightfully flew, euery way. And it is certaine to be proued, that betwixt Paules Churchyard and London bridge in the nearest way that could be gone, there were 108. Bonefires told, many of them hauing at least one Load of wood in each, some lesse: I speake not of othe Streets Lanes which are out of that [Page 104] way, besides the Strand, Westminster, and Holborne, with hundreds of places which I saw not.
All these and much more was done here in London, Westminster, and the adioyning places, nor is it to be doubted but that all Cities, Townes, and Villages, will generally and particulary shew their louing obedience and affections.
Here is set forth the long and tedious Iourney, with the seuerall stages or places where men take Post-horse quite through the Spacious Kingdome of France; and so throughout into Spaine, to the Citty of Madrid, being in all 141. seuerall stages or PosteTowns, some 8, some 10.12. or 16. miles from each other, being in all about 1100. miles.
- London
- Saint Leu
- Darford
- Lufarder
- Rochester
- Escouen
- Sittingbourne
- Saint Dennis
- Canterbury
- PARIS
- Douer
- La Burlarayur
- CALLICE
- Longuemeaux
- Le Bison
- Chator
- Marquessa
- Bonur
- Bulloigne
- Estampe
- Newchattell
- Guillerua,
- Franeaz
- Angueruille
- Montruell
- Shaupillary
- Newpon
- Shate [...]gaillad
- Bernai
- Artenay
- Noieane
- Sercott
- Abeuille
- ORLEANC [...]
- Aillyle hanc dordes
- Saint Minion
- Flaircourt
- Nostra Dama
- Piguigny
- de Clara.
- Amiens
- Lestroya shemina
- Hancourt.
- Le Laurena der [...]ux
- Flaire
- Maide
- Briteur
- Mondinaux
- Rauigny
- BLOIS
- Saint Remy
- Les Montriba
- Cleremont
- Lambin
- R [...]ucellei
- Mont Richard
- Vr Leige Lochez
- Vr voya de Lion
- Varenur
- Cusac
- Liguer
- Le port de Crussac
- La bay
- Le Charbon blanc
- Perlane
- Le port de la Ba.
- Shatibben
- stil
- La Tredeuir
- BOVRDEAVX
- Chaffener
- Le petit Burdeaux
- POICTIERS
- Rufigni
- Hauborre
- Vr porte Ai [...]utete
- Troia
- Vinour
- Pooter
- Vmenicur
- Belleene
- Couer
- Muret
- Chour
- Allispostel
- Chouffa
- Le Brouheer
- Villafoignant
- Ien Guiller
- Aiger
- Laharee
- Gouruille
- Les Sperroone
- St. Seuerdeau x
- Chastel
- Villara
- Maior
- Chasteauneuf
- Saint Vincent
- Nonnauille
- Le Cabalon
- Barbefieux
- Les Anders
- Raignar
- Vnposte Aioutee
- La Grole
- BAYON
- Mou Lien
- Bidarbe
- Plonte Balc
- S. Ian de Luz
- Chauignon
- Arinanat
What Townes are named in this Catalogue since you read Callice, are all standing in France: Now we come to relate of the passage through Spaine to the City of Madrid; And first after your passage from Bayon you come shortly into the Kingdome of Nauarre, which is now in the King of Spaines Dominions, the first place therein where they take Post-horse is named,
- Yron, or Feria
- Poypela
- Oyason
- Miranda
- Eseruand
- Maiogur
- Tollousette
- Sogure
- Tolosa
- Brenica
- Verafrangij
- Castil de pione
- Segaur
- Quinta Pall [...]
- Gallarette
- BVRGOS
- Andi [...]amer
- Bisbregur
- VITORIA
- Song [...]ide
- [Page 105] [...]ma
- [...]habon
- [...]andadeduera
- [...]ubia
- Fressenuille
- Cana [...]uille
- Chastel
- St. Augustine
- St. Mresieur
- Acauenda
- Bouteagur
- MADRID.
Thus hauing shewed the long and dangerous tract by Land and from London to Madrid, wee may herein see is part how much we are all bound to be thankfull to our great & good God, who hath so healthfully, happily, and timely preserued and [...]ned our gracious Prince so wishedly, after so many perils past on his part & so many doubts and feares on ours, vpon the which I haue (for a conclusion) written these following verses.
Amongst the rest this is to bee remembred, that two Watermen at the Tower Wharfe burnt both their Boats in a Bonefire most merrily.
AN ENGLISH-MANS LOVE TO BOHEMIA.
DEDICATED To the Honourable, well approued, and accomplisht Souldier, Sir ANDREVV GRAY Knight, Colonell of the Forces of Great Britaine, in this Noble Bohemian Preparation.
SIR ANDREVV GRAI
[...]. Anagramma, I GARDE IN WARRES.
THere are two especiall Causes that haue moued me most boldly to thrust these rude lines into the world: The first is my heartie affection to the generality of the cause you vndertake, (which I beleeue God and his best seruants doe affect:) and the other is my loue and seruice which I owe to your worthy Selfe in particular, for many vnde serued friendships which I haue receiued from you, and many of your noble friends for your sake. Ingratitude is a Deuill, so farre worse them all the deuils, that if I should craue harbour of me, in the likenesse of an Angell of light, yet it would neuer by perswaded to entertaine it. My thankfull acknowledgement of your goodnesse towards me is my prayers and best wishes, which shall euer be a poore requitall towards you, not forgetting my thankes in the behalfe of all the worthy Ladies and others of that Angelicall sex that are maried and resident in London, whose chast honours you(as became a true Knight) defended, when an audacious Frenchman most slaunderously did (without exception) sweare there was not one honest Women dwelling within the bounds of this populous Citie, but that they had all generally abused the bed of Mariage: then did your noble selfe inforce the pestiferous peasant to swallow his odious calumny, and in humilitie to comfesse there were fifty thousand or a greater number that neuer had wronged their Husbands in that vnlawfull act. I haue made bold to speake of this matter here, because the abuse was so generall, and your quarrell so Honourable, which I thinke vnfit to be buried in silence or forgetfulnesse: howsoeuer, I craue your pardon and worthy acceptance, whilst I most obsequiously remaine,
AN ENGLISH-MANS LOVE TO BOHEMIA. With a friendly Farewell to all the noble Souldiers that goe from great Britaine to that honourable Expedition. As ALSO, The most part of the Kings, Princes, Dukes, Marquisses, Earles, Bishops, and other friendly Confederates, that are combined with the Bohemian part.
Byshops of Ha [...]flads, Magenberg, Hoeshri [...] [...]senburgh. The Marquesse of Auspasts, [...]ullinbag, Dwil [...]gh. The Count Palatine of [...]tricks and Luxemburgh. Tho States of v [...]and Sauoy.
34. Battels fought in France by Englishmen since the Conquest. Henry the sixth.
The praise of Sir Iames Dowglas, in the Raigne of King Robert Bruce, 1330. In 13. maine battel she ouercame Gods enemies, and as last was slaine.
A briefe Description of BOHEMIA.
THE Kingdome of Bohemia, is well peopled with many braue Horse-men and Foot-men: Rich, fruitfull, and plentifully stored (by the Almighties bounty,) with all the treasures of Nature fit for the vse and commoditie of Man: It hath in it of Castles, and walled Townes, to the number of 780. and 32000. Villages; by a Graunt from the Emperour CHARLES the Fourth, it was freed for euer of the payments of all Contributions to the Empire whatsoeuer; Morauia, Silesia, and Lusatia, are as large as Bohemia, well replenished with stout Horse-men and Foot-men.
Honour Conceal'd; Strangely Reveal'd: OR, The worthy Praise of the Vnknowne Merits of the Renowmed Archibald Armestrong, who for his vnexpected Peace-making in France, betwixt the King and the Rochellers, hath this Poem Dedicated as a Trophee, to his matchlesse Vertues [...] This being done in the yeare of our Lord, 1623. Written by him whose Name Annagramatiz'd, is LOYOL IN HART.
Dedicated to the Reader or Vnderstander, or both, or either, or neither.
WHat you are you partly know, and how you will like my lines I partly know not, A better mans pen might haue vndertaken this taske, for the Subiect for worth is net inferiour to Aiax, of whom the learned Sir Iohn Harington wrote a well approued Volume; the smallest baires haue their shadowes, and the least shadow its substance, and though vertue belong Eclipsed by the corrupted Cleudes of Enny, yet at the last, the Sunbeames of noble m [...]t. w [...]ll [...]reake through those Contagious Vaepours, expelling the obscure caertaines of Malignity, to the Eternizing of the owners fume, and the unrecalled Obloquy of hatefull and malicious opposition. And in this Iron age, where men hoard vp their goodnesse as they doe their money. Wherein it is to be condoled (to the tune of Lachrime) to see how much Vice is expressed, Pouerty depressed, Innocency oppressed, Vanitie impressed, Charitie suppressed, the Muses made Bawdes and Parasites to hide and slatter the wilfulnesse and folly of Greatnesse: whilst honour of a mens owne winning, spinning and weauing, cannot be allowed him for his owne wearing. This made me to stirre my sterrill i [...]ention from the Leathean Den of obliuions Cimcrianisme, and take this neglected subiect in hand, which else is to be seared, had beene irrecouerably swallowed in the precipitated bottomlesse Abisse of sable Mourning melancholy Taciturnity and Forgetfulnesse. Herein may the Reader without much wearying his eye-sight, see Werth emblazed, Desert praised, Valour aduanced, [...] it described, Art commended, and all this (Paradoxically) apply'd, to the person and successefull Industry, of the ouermuch and worthy to be praised. Archiball Armestrong, the Camplementall Comma of Courtly Contentment; Whose Admirable Fortunte, Fate, Lucke, Hap, Chance, Destiny, or what you please to tearme it, was to appease the furious Warres in France, and make a wonderfull. Accord or Peace, betwixt the King and his Subiects, whereby it may be obserued, how Rochell was conserued, the Kings Honour reserued, act France preserued, and what Archy deserued.
THE PEACE OF FRANCE, With the Praise of ARCHY.
This Prophesie in charily kept by one Himpshage Scottish witch who dwels in a Caue in Ram one of the Iles of the Hebrades.
The Turkes are at ciull Warres, and entend to lend an Am bassador for Archy, to doe as much for them as he did for France. He set sayle for this place the 32. of Nouember last.
HEAVENS BLESSING, AND EARTHS IOY. OR, A true relation, of the supposed Sea-fights and Fire-workes, as were accomplished, before the Royall Celebration of the all-beloued Marriage, of the two peerelesse Paragons of Christendome, FREDERICKE and ELIZABETH. With Triumphall Encomiasticke Verses, consecrated to the Immortall memory of those happie and blessed Nuptials.
DEDICATED To the illustrous Lampe of true VVorth, the noble, Ingenious, judicious, and vnderstanding Gentleman, Sir IAMES MVRAY Knight.
THE FIGHT BETWEENE the Ships and Galleyes.
I Did not write nor publish (this description of fire and water tryumphs) to the intent that they should onely reade the relation that were spectators of them for to such (perhaps) it will relish somewhat tedious like a tale that is too often told: but I did write these things, that those who are farre remoted, not only in his Maiesties Dominions, but also in forraine territories, may haue an vnderstanding of the glorious Pompe, and magnificent Domination of our High and mighty Monarch King Iames: and further, to demonstrate the skils and knowledges that our warlike Nations hath in Engines, fire-works and other military discipline, that they thereby may be knowne, that howsoeuer warre seeme to sleepe, yet (vpon any ground or lawfull occasion (the command of our dread Soueraigne can rouze her to the terrour of all malignant opposers of his Royall state and dignity. But to the purpose.
In the representation of this Sea-fight there were 16 Ships, 16. Gallyes, and 6. Frigots: of the which Nauy, the Ships were Christians, and the Gallies were supposed Turkes, all being artificially rigg'd and trim'd, well man'd and furnished with great Ordinance and Musquetiers: one of the Christian fleet was a great vessell or a supposed Venetian Argosey, and another was a tall ship, as it were appointed for the safe Connoy of the Argosey. And for the auodying of the troublesomnesse of Boats and Wherries, and other perturbatious multitudes, there was a lists or bounds, made with Lighters, Hoyes, and other great Boates to the number of 250 or thereabouts: the one end of the Lists was as high (almost) as Lambeth bridge, and the other end as low as the Temple staires, and so fastned to the South shore, or the vpper end of the Banke on Southwarke side, in the forme of a halfe Moone or Cemicircle. So that boates might passe vp and downe the Riuer betwixt London side and the Lighters any way. The aforesaid Turkish Gallies lying all at an Anchor ouer against Westminster, in a Hanen or Harbor made artifically with Masts and other prouision 60 yards into the Riuer, which harbour or hauen was belonging to a supposed Turkish or Barbarian Castle of Tunis, Algiers, or some other Mahometan fortification, where the Gallies might scowt out for purchase, and retire in againe for safeguard at their pleasure. About two of the clocke on Saturday the 13. of February, the aforesaid Argosey and the Venetian Ship her conuoy, sets forward fromward the Temple, and driuing vp with the wind and tide till they came as high as Yorke house, where 4 Gallies met and encountred with them: where vpon a suddaine there was friendly exchanging of small shot and great Ordinance on both sides, to the great delectation of all the beholders: the Drums, Trumpets, Fifes, Weights Guns, shouts, and acclamations of the Mariners, Souldiers and Spectators, with such reuerberating Ecchoes of joy to and fro, that there wanted nothing in this fight (but that w ch was fit to be wanting) w ch was ships sunke and torne in peeces, men groaning, rent and dismembred, some slain, some drowned, some maimed, all expecting confusiō. This was the māner of the happy & famous battell of Lepanto, fought betwixt the Turkes and the Christians in the yeare of grace 1571. or in this bloudy māner was the memorable battell betwixt vs and the inuincible (as it was thought) Spanish Armado in the yeare 1588. but in the end (in this friendly fight) the ship and Argosey were encompassed round by the Gallyes, and surprized and taken; whereupon the whole fleet made towards them to rescue them, and reuenge their receiued iniuries.
Then there was a Beacon fiered by the Turkes [Page 117] which gaue warning to the Castle and the Gallyes, of the comming of the Christian Fleet: Then all the Ships and Gallyes met in friendly opposition and imaginary hurly-burly battalions: then the lofty instruments of Wars clamorous encouragements sounded: the thundring Artillery roared, the Musquetiers in number lesse volleys discharged on all sides, the smoake as it were eclipsing Titans refulgent Beames, filling all the Ayre with a confused cloudy mist. The Castle and the Land adiacent, continually discharging great shot in aboundance at the Ships, and the Ships at them againe: so that after this delightfull battaile had doubtfully lasted three houres, to the great contentment of all the beholders, the Victory inclining to neither side, all being opposed foes, and combined friends: all victors, all tryumphers, none to be vanquished, and therefore no conquerors. The Drummes, Trumpets, Flutes and Guns, filling the Ayre with repurcussiue acclamations: vpon which, for a Carastrophe or Period to these delightfull royalities, command was giuen that the Retreat should be founded on both sides. And thus these Princely recreations were accomplished and finished.
These things could not conueniently bee printed in order as they were done, by reason of the diuersitie of them.
For heere I was faine to describe the fight of the Ships and Gallyes first, which was performed last. For the fire-workes were performed on Thursday night the 11. of February, and the fight was vpon the Saterday following.
At the which fire workes the Master Gunner of England, on the shore did performe many skilfull and ingenious exploits with great Bumbards, shooting vp many artificiall Bals of fire into the Ayre, which flew vp into one whole mighty sierie Ball, and in their falling dispearsed into diuers streames like Raine-bowes, in many innumerable fires. After all which, was discharged a great peale of Chambers, to the contentment of the royall spectators, and the great credit of the performers.
The true description of such part of the Fire-workes as were deuised and accomplished by Mr. Iohn Nodes Gunner, and Seruant to the Kings most excellent Maiestie.
THe Imperiall and Beauteous Lady Queene of the Feminine Territories, of the man hating Amazonians, with whose bright eye dazeling Coruscancie, and whose Refulgent feature, the Black-sould Hell-commanding Magitian Mango (a Tartarian borne.) was so insnared and captiuated, for her Loue, and to be assured to enioy her, he would set all Hell in an vprore, and pluck Don Belzebub by the beard: assuredly perswading himselfe that without her he could not liue, and for her he would attempt any thing: but she hauing vowed her selfe euer to bee one of Vestaes Votaries, alwayes kept Cupid out at the armes end: and bad Madam Venus make much of stump-footed Vulcan, and keep home like a good Huswife, for she had no entertainment for her.
Whereupon this hellish Necromancer Mango, (being thus repulst) conuerts all his Loue to outragious rigour, and immediately with his Charmes, Exorcismes, and Potent execrable incantations, he raises a strong impregnable Pauilion, in the which he immures, and encloses this beautifull Amazonian Queene with attendent Ladies, where (though they liued in captiuitie and bondage) yet, they had variety of Games and pleasant sports allowed by the Magitian, in hope that time would worke an alteration in her faire flinty breast. And for her sure guard in his absence, he had erected by Magick, another strong Tower, as a watch-house, wherein he had placed a fiery Dragon, and an inuinsible Giant: (of whome I will speake in an other place hereafter.)
Now to this aforesaid Pauilion wearied with toyle & trauaile, the Great vnresistable Champion of the world, and the vncontrolable Patron Saint George comes: and seeing so bright and luculent a Goddesse, (according as his necessitie required) demanded entertainement, whereby he might be refreshed after his laborious achiuements and honourable endeauours.
[Page 118]The curteous Queene (although she cat'd not for the society of man) seeing his outward or externall feature and warlike accounterments, did presently resolue with her selfe that so faire an outside could not be a habitation for fowle Trechery, and with most debonayre gesture, admits his entrance into the Pauilion, where after he had feasted a while, shee relates vnto him the true manner and occasion, of her vnfortunate thraldome: Saint George (euer taking pleasure in most dangerous attempts, holding it his chiefest glory to helpe wronged Ladies) vowes, that as soone as Phoebus rowz'd himselfe from the Antipodes, he would quell the burning Dragon, Conquer the big bon'd Giant, subuert the inchanted Castle, and enfranchise the Queene with her followers, or else die in the enterprise thereof. After which promise of his, the Queene to passe away the time, delights him with these pastimes following, being all fire-workes.
First, the Pauilion is beleaguerd or inurioned round about with fires, going out of which, many fiery balls flies vp into the Ayre, with numbers of smaller fiers ascending, that cemicircled Cinthia is (as it were) eclipsed with the flashes, and the starres are hud wincket with the burning exhalations.
Secondly, is seene a royall hunting of Bucks, and Hounds, and Huntsmen, flying and chasing one another round about the Pauilion (as if Diana had lately transformed Acteon, and his ignorant dogges ready to prey on his Carkas) from whence continually as flying many fiers dispersed euery way: The lower part of the Pauilion alwaies burning round about, giuing many blowes, and great reports, with many fires flying aloft into the Ayre.
Thirdly, there doth march round about the Pauilion Artificiall men, which shall cast out fires (as before) as it were in skirmish: another part of the Pauilion is all in a Combustious flame, where Rackets, Crackers, Breakers, and such like, giues blowes and reports without number.
Fourthly, the Queene of Amazonia with all her traine of Virgin Ladies, with fires, marcheth round as the men did before, with the fire flying dispersedly diuers wayes: the whilst another part of the Pauilion is fired, with many blowes and reports & fiers flying alost in the ayre, from whence it comes downe againe in streaming flakes of flashing fire.
Fifthly, aloft within the Turret, shall runne (whirling round) a fiery Globe, with the Turret and all on fire, with many more greater blowes then before had beene heard, and diuers and sundry other sorts of fires (then any of the former) proceeding from thence, and flying into the ayre in great aboundance.
All which things being performed, and the vndanted Knight Saint George taking his leaue of the Amazonian Queene Lucida, he mounts vpon his Steed, and aduenrurously rides towards the inchanted Tower of Brumond.
Now these disports being ended, wherein St. Georges entertainment was onely expressed, with the Queenes relation of her bondage, this braue Champion was seene to ride ouer the bridge to combat with these aforesaid Monsters, the Dragon and Giant: all which was expressed in the next deuise of M r. Thomas Butler: and so I end, with my hearty inuocations to the Almighty to send the Bride and Bridgroome the yeares of Methushalah, the fortitude of Ioshua, the wealth of Cressus, and last of all an endlesse Crowne of Immortalitie in the highest heauens.
A true discription of the Platforme of a part of the fire-workes, deuised and made by Mr. Thomas Butler Gunner, and seruant to the Kings Royall Maiestie.
THis inchanted Castle or Tower of Brumond is in height 40. foote and 30. square, betweene which and the Pauilion of the Amazonian Queene, is a long Bridge, on the which Bridge, the valiant and heroicke Champion Saint George being mounted on horsebacke, makes towards the Castle of Brumond, which being perceiued by the watchfull Dragon, (who was left by the Margo the Coniuer as a Centinell) is encountred by him, where as Saint George (being armed at all points (but especially) with an vnrebated courage) hauing in his helmet a burning flaming Feather, and in one hand a burning Launce, and in the other a fiery Sword, with which weapons [Page 119] he assailes the dreadfull Dragon, with such fury and Monter quelling strokes, as if the Ciclops had beene forging, an I beating T [...]erbolts on Vulcans A [...]uile: where in conclusion, after a terrible and long endured Combate, with his Launce hee gores the Hell-hound vnder the wing, that he presently after most hideous roring, and bleching of fire is vanquished and s [...]ine: at which the terrible shaped Gyant rises (who hauing fate as a Spectator of this bloudy Battell vpon a stampe of a Tree at the Castle Gate) and addresses himselfe towards Saint George, meaning to reuenge the death of the Dragon, aud to swallow his enemy for a medium: but at their first encounter, the blowes on both sides fell like thunder-claps, enforcing Lightnings, and fierie exhalations to sparkle from whence their powerfull stroakes lighted: at last the Monster gaping wide as an Arch in London Bridge, runnes furiously, intending to swallow his Aduersary at a bit: w ch Saint George seeing, vpon the suddaine thrust his Sword into his greedy throat, & ouerthrew him: at which the Monster yels and cores forth such a terrible noyle, as if the Center of the Earth had crackt, that with the vncouth din thereof, the Neighbouring Hils, Woods, and Valleyes, seemed to tremble like an earth quake.
The Gyant lying at the mercy of Saint George, entreats him to spare his life, and he wil shew him the way how hee shall conquer the Castle, and bring the Inchanter to his euerlasting downfall.
Vpon which promise, Saint George and the Gyant walke into the Castle together, where he tels Saint George that there is an Inchanted fountain, and whosoeuer can attaine to drinke of it, shalbe he, whom the Fates haue ordained to be the conclusion of the Castles glory.
In the meane space whilst these things were doing, the Magitian Mango, hauing intelligence of the dangerous estate of his Castle, and fearing the losse of his Lady: suddainely mounts him on a flying inuisible Diuell, and in a moment alights within the Castle vpon whom S t. George makes a present conquest. The Castle hath on the top thereof a fierie Fountaine, which burnes and sends vp Rackets into the Ayre, some great, and some lesse, and fire dispearsed many wayes in great abundance with innumerable lights round about.
Secondly, the Magitian it taken with his Coniuring Scepter in his hand, and bound to a Pillar by Saint George, and burned with store of lights (as before) with Fires and Rackets ascending and descending too and fro in the Ayre.
Thirdly, the foure Squares of the Tower are fiered, with aboundance of Lights, with Rackets flying into the Ayre, with fiers dispearsed, and scattered diuers and sundry wayes, & with reports and blowes, some great, and some lesse, according to their making.
Fourthly, the foure Turrets are fired with fire, and innumerable lights, with aboundance of Rackets flying too and fro in the Ayre giuing diuers reports, as before.
Then the maine Castle is fiered, and vpon two of the corner Turets are two Globes fiered, and betwixt each Globe at two other corner Turrets, are a-men, catching as it were at the Globes w ch still turne from them, and they chasing and following the Globes, still burning and turning till all be extinguished with fire: alwayes Rackets flying and reports thwacking, & Lights burning.
VVilliam Bettis his inuention, of such part of the fireworkes as were performed by him at the Royall Celebration: which hee had contriued in such sort, that if the weather had beene Rainy or Windy, yet his designements should haue beene accamplished.
A Castle with diuers fire workes, representing and assuming diuers variable shapes, and imaginary formes; which continued the space of an houre or thereabouts: the nature and quality of which fire-worke, was performed as followeth.
- 1. First, there was seene 13. great fires, to flye too and fro round about the Castle, whereby it seemed to bee beleaḡuerd or Circumuolu'd with fires, which yeeled a most pleasing obiect to all the Spectators.
- 2. Secondly, a flight of great store of Rackets was seene to ascend into the ayre, and descend againe, which in their descending were extinguished.
- [Page 120]3. Thirdly, the whole Castle was all on fire, wherein was seene many things very delightfull.
- 4. Fourthly, was seene many buttons flye, dispearsed diuers wayes from the Castle, with great cracks, blowes, and reports in great number.
- 5. Next that, was seene a Stag or Hart, hunted and chased sed with dogs, all their bodies being artificially made and proportioned in one flame of fire, where the following Hounds were plainely seene to pull downe and vanquish the Stagge, which they before had chased.
- 6. Sixthly, there was seene a great flight of Rackets, with two or three fires a peece.
- 7. Seauenthly were seene two or three hundreth fires flying from the Castle, and then flying too and fro in and out, many wayes altogether.
- 8. Next which, was seene a great flight of Rackets, with many great fires, some of the said fires breaking into many parts, diuers wayes dispersed in aboundance, which fires were seene to fall burning into the water.
- 9. Ninthly, was seene many Rackets flying into the Ayre in great aboundance, giuing many blowes, cracks, or reports, numberlesse.
- 10. Tenthly, was seene diuers other Rackets flying aloft into the Ayre, which Rackets did assimulate the shapes and proportions of Men, women, fowles, beasts, fishes, and other formes and figures. Last of all, was heard 100. blowes and reports as lowd as the report of a reasonable Chamber is able to giue, and so with fires, lights, Rackets, & such like, (to the delight of all the beholders, & the great credit of the inuentor of this fireworke) all was extinguished and concluded.
Master Iohn Tindale Gunner and seruant to the Kings Royall Maiestie, The true description of such part of the Fire-workes as were by him deuised and performed at this Royall Tryumphs.
A Castle, old and very Ruinous, called the Castle of Enuy, scituated and erected on a Rocke (all ragged and horid to behold) called the Rocke of Ruine; encompassed round, and drenched in a troublous Sea, called the Sea of Disquiet: The Captaine of this Castles name was Discord, with his Lieutenant Lawlesse, Antient Hatred, Serieant Malice, Corporall Contention, with his Lansprezado Hell-hound. The Rocke or foundation of this Castle being all replenished with Adders, Snakes, Toades, Serpents, Scorpions, and such venemous Vermin, from whose throates were belched many fires, with Crackers, Rackets, blowes and reports in great number.
To the subuersion of these maleuolent edifices, there came three Ships, the one of them beeing called Good-will, in whom Loyaltie was Captain, and Zeale was Master.
The second ship was named the True-loue, in whom Trust was Captaine, and Perseuerance was Master.
The third ship was called Assurance, in whom Circumspection was Captaine, and Prouidence the Maister.
These three ships and Captaines with their valiant and confident associates, assaults this Castle of Enuy, where after halfe an houres fight or thereabouts (by the inuincible prowesse of the assai [...]ants) the Hell borne defendants were vanquished, their Castle vtterly razed, demolished, and subuerted, with Rackets, breakers, blowes, and reports innumerable.
The description of such part of the Fire workes as were deuised and accomplished by Master William Fishenden Gunner, and Seruant to his Maiestie.
Apiramides or loftie platforme, in the forme of a Triangled spire, with a Globe fixed on the top therof the whole work turning & burning, the space almost of halfe an houre, or neere thereabouts, from whence proceeded many Rackets, firea, blowes and reports, in great numbers, to the great delight and contentment of the King, the Queene, the Prince, the Princesse Elizabeth, the Prince Palatine, and diuers others the Nobility, the Gentry, and Commons of this Kingdom.
EPITHALAMIES. OR, Encomiasticke Triumphall Verses, Consecrated to the Immortall memory, of the royall Nuptials of the two Parragons of Christendome FREDERICKE and ELIZABETH.
By this happy marriage, great Britaine, France, Denmarke, Germany, & the most part of Christendon [...]e are vnited eyther in affinity or consanguinity.
[Page 122]That which God loues most, the Diuell hates most: and I am sure that none but the blacke crew are offended with these Royal Nuptials.
Where the Plane [...] Iupiter hath sole predominance, there is all Royall mirth, and jou [...]all alacrity.
All worth nothing.
Times Progresse.
A Sonnet to the Imperious Maiestick mirrour of King Iames, great Britaines Monarch.
To Life.
To Death.
To Eternity.
TAYLORS FAREVVELL, TO THE TOWER BOTTLES.
THE ARGVMENT.
ABout three hundred and twenty yeares since, or thereabout, (I thinke in the Raigne of King Richard the Second) there was a guift giuen to the Tower, or to the Lieutenants thereof, for the time then and for euer beeing, which guift was two blacke Leather Bottles, or Bombards of Wine, from euery Ship that brought Wine into the Riuer of Thames; the which hath so continued vntill this day, but the Merchants finding themselues agreeued lately, because they thought the Bottles were made bigger then they were formerly wont to bee; did wage Law with the Lieutenant (Sir Geruis Helwis by Name) in which sute the Lieutenant had beene ouerthrowne, but for such witnesses as I found that knew his right for a long time in their owne knowledge. But I hauing had the gathering of these Wines for many yeares, was at last Discharged from my place because I would not buy it, which because it was neuer bought or sold before, I would not or durst not venture vpon so vnhonest a Nouelty, it beeing sold indeed at so hugh a Rate, that who so bought it must pay thrice the value of it: wherevpon I tooke occasion to take leaue of the Bottles in this following Poem, in which the Reader must bee very melancholy, if the reading heereof doth not make him very merry.
VERBVM SEMPITERNVM.
DEDICATED TO THE MOST GRACIOVS AND ILLVSTRIOVS KING CHARLES
To the Reader.
Genesis.
Exodus.
Leniticus.
Numbers.
Deut [...]ronomy.
Ioshua.
Iudges.
Ruth.
1. Samuel.
2. Samuel.
1. Kings.
2. Kings.
1. Chronicles.
2. Chronicles.
M [...]ss [...] Pra [...]er.
Ezrs.
Nehemiah.
Esther.
Iob.
Ps [...]lmes.
Prouerbs.
Ecclessiastes.
Salomons song.
Isa [...]ah.
Ieremy.
Lamentations.
Eze [...]hiel.
Daniel.
Hosea.
Ioel.
Amos.
Obadiah.
Ionah.
Micah.
Nah [...]m.
Habakkuk.
Zephania [...].
Haggay.
Zachariah.
Malachi.
Ap [...]ryph [...].
SALVATOR MVNDI.
DEDICATED. TO THE HIGH MAIESTIE OF QVEENE MARY.
To the Reader.
Mathew.
Marke.
S. Luke.
B. Iohn.
Acts.
Acts.
Romanes.
1. Corinth [...].
2. Corinths.
Galathians.
Ephesians.
Philippians.
Colossians.
1. Thessalonians.
2. Thessalonians.
1. and 2. to Timothy.
Titus.
Philemon.
Hebrewes.
S. Iames.
I. and 2. to Peter.
1, 2, and 3. of Iohn.
S. Iude.
Reuelation.
A Prayer.
Amen.
THE BOOKE OF MARTYRS.
DEDICATED TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE, WILLIAM, EARLE OF PEMBROOKE, &c.
THE BOOKE OF MARTYRS. The Second Part.
DEDICATED TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE, PHILLIP, EARLE OF MONTGOMERIE, &c.
GODS MANIFOLD MERCIES IN THESE MIRACVLOVS DELIverances of our Church of England, from the yeare 1565. vntill this present, 1630. particularly and briefly Described.
When your Children shall aske their Fathers in time to come, What meaneth this Pillar: Then yee shall let your Children know, saying;
THESE ARE THE DELIVERIES WHICH GOD HATH VOVCHSAFED TO HIS CHVRCH IN ENGLAND SINCE THE BEGINNING OF QVEENE ELIZABETHS RAIGNE TO THIS DAY:
That all the People of the Earth might know the hand of the Lord that it is mightie, that yee might feare the Lord your God for euer.
This Bull did excommunicate and curse the Queene, [...]dep [...]eth her from her Crowne, it proclaimed her an Here [...], it cursed all such as loued her, it threatned damnation to all subiects as dur [...]t obey her, and it promised the kingdome of heauen to those that would oppose and kill her.
This was the effect and nature of this Popish Beast, which all wise, godly, and vnder standing men did deride and contemne.
Pope Gregory and the king of Spaine, Conspire to [...] Rebell [...] in Ireland by meanes of Thomas Stuke [...]an English [...] can, who was slainem the field with three Kings with [...].
These [...]esuites walked in disguise h [...]ve long before they were taken, sometimes like swagge [...]g Ruffians, sometimes like Ministers, sometimes like Noblemen, sometimes like souldiers, and sometimes like Aparators.
It was thought that Sommeruill was strangled by some that set him on works, for fear [...] least his con [...]ession. might haue preferred them to the Ga [...]owes.
In these dangerous times, the Queenes mercit was very great towards the Priests and Ies [...]es, for shee commanded that the seueritie of the Law might bee mittiga [...]ed towards them.
Parry was a Doctor of the Ciuil Law, whom the Queene had pardoned sixe yeares before, for killing of one Huge Hare, yet afterward by the diuels in [...]ligation, and the Popes abselntion and encouragement, he fe [...] into this treason, Exceuted at Westminster.
This yeare Rowland Yorke and Sir William Stanley turned Tray [...]rs. September 13.
The Queene had beene gracious and beautifull to this same Lopez many wayes, and hee was accounted a man of good integrity till hee was corrupted by the Pope and Spaniard.
At his Araignment feare made him wrong his [...]ches: he was hanged at Ty [...]rns.
Tyrone an Irish Earle, a man of great power and Policie, a most peruitions and dangerous trayter, 1604. bee came into England, and was most graciously pardoned by the King, yet afterward would haue le [...] all Ireland rebellion, but fa [...]ling of his purpose, fled to Rome.
The Kings mercy saued the Lord Cobham. Lord Gray Sir Walter Rawleigh, Sir Griffith Markeham at the Blocke, as the stroake was readis to bee giuen.
Percy and Catesby would needs be heads of this treason and their heads are aduanced for it on the Parliament house: they were killed with powder, being both shot and burnt; and powder was the main [...] Instrument of their hopes; All the Trayt [...]rs falling into the 'Pit which they had prepared for vs.
Not any of all these treasons, but eyther the Pop [...] the Spanish King, Priests or Iesuites, had a hand in it.
Great [...] the interprize and hazard of our gracieus Pride [...] but great [...] was Gods, i [...]guiding and guarding him backe againe to all Ioy and Comforts.
The Churches Thankesgiuing to God for all his Mercies and her Deliuerances. The Church of Christ doth acknowledge no other Intercessor, Desenrer; Maintinrer and Deliuerer, but onely Christ himselfe.