To the Reader.
M R. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARES COMEDIES, HISTORIES, & TRAGEDIES.
Published according to the True Originall Copies.
LONDON Printed by Isaac Iaggard, and Ed. Blount. 1623.
TO THE MOST NOBLE AND INCOMPARABLE PAIRE OF BRETHREN. WILLIAM Earle of Pembroke, &c. Lord Chamberlaine to the Kings most Excellent Maiesty. AND PHILIP Earle of Montgomery, &c. Gentleman of his Maiesties Bed-Chamber. Both Knights of the most Noble Order of the Garter, and our singular good LORDS.
WHilst we studie to be thankful in our particular, for the many fauors we haue receiued from your L.L we are falne vpon the ill fortune, to mingle two the most diuerse things that can bee, feare, and rashnesse; rashnesse in the enterprize, and feare of the successe. For, when we valew the places your H.H. sustaine, we cannot but know their dignity greater, then to descend to the reading of these trifles: and, vvhile we name them trifles, we haue depriu'd our selues of the defence of our Dedication. But since your L.L. haue beene pleas'd to thinke these trifles some-thing, heeretofore; and haue prosequuted both them, and their Authour liuing, vvith so much fauour: we hope, that (they out-liuing him, and he not hauing the fate, common with some, to be exequutor to his owne writings) you will vse the like indulgence toward them, you haue done [Page] vnto their parent. There is a great difference, vvhether any Booke choose his Patrones, or finde them: This hath done both. For, so much were your L L. likings of the seuerall parts, vvhen they were acted as before they vvere published, the Volume ask'd to be yours. We haue but collected them, and done an office to the dead, to procure his Orphanes, Guardians; vvithout ambition either of selfe-profit, or fame: onely to keepe the memory of so worthy a Friend, & Fellow aliue, as was our SHAKESPEARE, by humble offer of his playes, to your most noble patronage. Wherein, as we haue iustly obserued, no man to come neere your L.L. but vvith a kind of religious addresse; it hath bin the height of our care, vvho are the Presenters, to make the present worthy of your H.H. by the perfection. But, there we must also craue our abilities to be considerd, my Lords. We cannot go beyond our owne powers. Country hands reach foorth milke, creame, fruites, or what they haue: and many Nations (we haue heard) that had not gummes & incense, obtained their requests with a leauened Cake. It vvas no fault to approch their Gods, by what meanes they could: And the most, though meanest, of things are made more precious, when they are dedicated to Temples. In that name therefore, we most humbly consecrate to your H.H. these remaines of your seruant Shakespeare; that what delight is in them, may be euer your L.L. the reputation his, & the faults ours, if any be committed, by a payre so carefull to shew their gratitude both to the liuing, and the dead, as is
To the great Variety of Readers.
FRom the most able, to him that can but spell: There you are number'd. We had rather you were weighd. Especially, when the fate of all Bookes depends vpon your capacities: and not of your heads alone, but of your purses. Well! It is now publique, & you wil stand for your priuiledges wee know: to read, and censure. Do so, but buy it first. That doth best commend a Booke, the Stationer saies. Then, how odde soeuer your braines be, or your wisedomes, make your licence the same, and spare not. Iudge your sixe-pen'orth, your shillings worth, your fiue shillings worth at a time, or higher, so you rise to the iust rates, and welcome. But, what euer you do, Buy. Censure will not driue a Trade, or make the Iacke go. And though you be a Magistrate of wit, and sit on the Stage at Black-Friers, or the Cock-pit, to arraigne Playes dailie, know, these Playes haue had their triall alreadie, and stood out all Appeales; and do now come forth quitted rather by a Decree of Court, then any purchas'd Letters of commendation.
It had bene a thing, we confesse, worthie to haue bene wished, that the Author himselfe had liu'd to haue set forth, and ouerseen his owne writings; But since it hath bin ordain'd otherwise, and he by death departed from that right, we pray you do not envie his Friends, the office of their care, and paine, to haue collected & publish'd them; and so to haue publish'd them, as where (before) you were abu [...]'d with diuerse stolne, and surreptitious copies, maimed, and deformed by the frauds and stealthes of iniurious impostors, that expos'd them: euen those, are now offer'd to your view cur'd, and perfect of their limbes; and all the rest, absolute in their numbers, as he conceiued thē. Who, as he was a happie imitator of Nature, was a most gentle expresser of it. His mind and hand went together: And what he thought, he vttered with that easinesse, that wee haue scarse receiued from him a blot in his papers. But it is not our prouince, who onely gather his works, and giue them you, to praise him. It is yours that reade him. And there we hope, to your diuers capacities, you will finde enough, both to draw, and hold you: for his wit can no more lie hid, then it could be lost. Reade him, therefore; and againe, and againe: And if then you doe not like him, surely you are in some manifest danger, not to vnderstand him. And so we leaue you to other of his Friends, whom if you need, can bee your guides: if you neede them not, you can leade your selues, and others. And such Readers we wish him.
To the memory of my beloued, The AVTHOR MR. VVILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: AND what he hath left vs.
Vpon the Lines and Life of the Famous Scenicke Poet, Master VVILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
TO THE MEMORIE of the deceased Authour Maister W. SHAKESPEARE.
To the memorie of M. W. Shake-speare.
The Workes of William Shakespeare, containing all his Comedies, Histories, and Tragedies: Truely set forth, according to their first ORJGJNALL.
The Names of the Principall Actors in all these Playes.
- WIlliam Shakespeare.
- Richard Burbadge.
- John Hemmings.
- Augustine Phillips.
- William Kempt.
- Thomas Poope.
- George Bryan.
- Henry Condell.
- William Slye.
- Richard Cowly e.
- John Lowine.
- Samuell Crosse.
- Alexander Cooke.
- Samuel Gilburne.
- Robert Armin.
- William Ostler.
- Nathan Field.
- John Ʋnderwood.
- Nicholas Tooley.
- William Ecclestone.
- Joseph Taylor.
- Robert Benfield.
- Robert Goughe.
- Richard Robinson.
- Iohn Shancke.
- Iohn Rice.
A CATALOGVE of the seuerall Comedies, Histories, and Tragedies contained in this Volume.
COMEDIES.
- THe Tempest. Folio 1.
- The two Gentlemen of Ʋerona. 20
- The Merry Wiues of Windsor. 38
- Measure for Measure. 61
- The Comedy of Errours. 85
- Much adoo about Nothing. 101
- Loues Labour lost. 122
- Midsommer Nights Dreame. 145
- The Merchant of Ʋenice. 163
- As you Like it. 185
- The Taming of the Shrew. 208
- All is well, that Ends well. 230
- Twelfe-Night, or what you will. 255
- The Winters Tale. 304
HISTORIES.
- The Life and Death of King John. Fol. 1.
- The Life & death of Richard the second. 23
- The First part of King Henry the fourth. 46
- The Second part of K. Henry the fourth. 74
- The Life of King Henry the Fift. 69
- The First part of King Henry the Sixt. 96
- The Second part of King Hen. the Sixt. 120
- The Third part of King Henry the Sixt. 147
- The Life & Death of Richard the Third. 173
- The Life of King Henry the Eight. 205
TRAGEDIES.
- The Tragedy of Coriolanus. Fol. 1.
- Titus Andronicus. 31
- Romeo and Juliet. 53
- Timon of Athens. 80
- The Life and death of Julius Caesar. 109
- The Tragedy of Macbeth. 131
- The Tragedy of Hamlet. 152
- King Lear. 283
- Othello, the Moore of Ʋenice. 310
- Anthony and Cleopater. 346
- Cymbeline King of Britaine. 369
THE TEMPEST.
Actus primus,
Scena prima.
BOte-swaine.
Heere Master: What cheere?
Good: Speake to th' Mariners: fall too't, yarely, or we run our selues a ground, bestirre, bestirre.
Heigh my hearts, cheerely, cheerely my harts: yare, yare: Take in the toppe-sale: Tend to th' Masters whistle: Blow till thou burst thy winde, if roome enough.
Good Boteswain [...] haue care: where's the Master? Play the men.
I pray now keepe below.
Where is the Master, Boson?
Nay, good be patient.
When the Sea is: hence, what cares these roarers for the name of King? to Cabine; silence: trouble vs not.
Good, yet remember whom thou hast aboord.
None that I more loue then my selfe. You are a Counsellor, if you can command these Elements to silence, and worke the peace of the present, wee will not hand a rope more, vse your authoritie: If you cannot, giue thankes you haue liu'd so long, and make your selfe readie in your Cabine for the mischance of the houre, if it so hap. Cheerely good hearts: out of our way I say.
I haue great comfort from this fellow: methinks he hath no drowning marke vpon him, his complexion is perfect Gallowes: stand fast good Fate to his hanging, make the rope of his destiny our cable, for our owne doth little aduantage: If he be not borne to bee hang'd, our case is miserable.
Downe with the top-Mast: yare, lower, lower, bring her to Try with Maine-course. A plague —
vpon this howling: they are lowder then the weather, or our office: yet againe? What do you heere? Shal we giue ore and drowne, haue you a minde to sinke?
A poxe o' your throat, you bawling, blasphemous incharitable Dog.
Worke you then.
Hang cur, hang, you whoreson insolent Noysemaker, we are lesse afraid to be drownde, then thou art.
I'le warrant him for drowning, though the Ship were no stronger then a Nutt-shell, and as leaky as an vnstanched wench.
Lay her a hold, a hold, set her two courses off to Sea againe, lay her off.
All lost, to prayers, to prayers, all lost.
What must our mouths be cold?
The King, and Prince, at prayers, let's assist them, for our case is as theirs.
I' am out of patience.
Let's all sinke with' King
Let's take leaue of him.
Now would I giue a thousand furlongs of Sea, for an Acre of barren ground: Long heath, Browne firrs, any thing; the wills aboue be done, but I would faine dye a dry death.
Scena Secunda.
O woe, the day.
Certainely Sir, I can.
But that I doe not.
Sir, are not you my Father?
Sir, most heedefully.
O good Sir, I doe.
Your tale, Sir, would cure deafenesse.
Oh the heauens:
How came we a shore?
Close by, my Master.
But are they (Ariell) safe?
Past the mid season.
My Libertie.
Before the time be out? no more:
No.
I doe not Sir.
No Sir.
Thou hast: where was she born? speak: tell me:
Sir, in Argier.
I, Sir.
Yes: Caliban her sonne.
I thanke thee Master.
'Tis a villaine Sir, I doe not loue to looke on.
within. There's wood enough within.
My Lord, it shall be done.
So slaue, hence.
Hark, hark, I heare, the straine of strutting Chanticlere cry cockadidle-dowe.
Alacke, for mercy.
No, as I am a man.
Follow me.
Beseech you Father.
Hence: hang not on my garments.
To th' syllable.
Come follow: speake not for him.
Actus Secundus.
Scoena Prima.
Prethee peace.
He receiues comfort like cold porredge.
The Visitor will not giue him ore so.
Looke, hee's winding vp the watch of his wit, By and by it will strike.
Sir.
One: Tell.
A dollor.
Dolour comes to him indeed, you haue spoken truer then you purpos'd.
You haue taken it wiselier then I meant you should.
Therefore my Lord.
Fie, what a spend-thrift is he of his tongue.
I pre-thee spare.
Well, I haue done: But yet
He will be talking.
The old Cocke.
The Cockrell.
Done: The wager?
A Laughter.
A match.
Though this Island seeme to be desert.
Ha, ha, ha.
So: you'r paid.
Vninhabitable, and almost inaccessible.
Yet
Yet
He could not misse't.
It must needs be of subtle, tender, and delicate temperance.
Temperance was a delicate wench.
I, and a subtle, as he most learnedly deliuer'd.
The ayre breathes vpon vs here most sweetly.
As if it had Lungs, and rotten ones.
Or, as 'twere perfum'd by a Fen.
Heere is euery thing aduantageous to life.
True, saue meanes to liue.
Of that there's none, or little.
The ground indeed is tawny.
With an eye of greene in't.
He misses not much.
No: he doth but mistake the truth totally.
But the rariety of it is, which is indeed almost beyond credit.
As many voucht rarieties are.
That our Garments being (as they were) drencht in the Sea, hold notwithstanding their freshnesse and glosses, being rather new dy'de then stain'd with salte water.
If but one of his pockets could speake, would it not say he lyes?
I, or very falsely pocket vp his report.
Me thinkes our garments are now as fresh as when we put them on first in Affricke, at the marriage of the kings faire daughter Claribel to the king of Tunis.
'Twas a sweet marriage, and we prosper well in our returne.
Tunis was neuer grac'd before with such a Paragon to their Queene.
Not since widdow Dido's time.
Widow? A pox o' that: how came that Widdow in? Widdow Dido!
Widdow Dido said you? You make me study of that: She was of Carthage, not of Tunis.
This Tunis Sir was Carthage.
Carthage?
I assure you Carthage.
His word is more then the miraculous Harpe.
He hath rais'd the wall, and houses too.
What impossible matter wil he make easy next?
I thinke hee will carry this Island home in his pocket, and giue it his sonne for an Apple.
And sowing the kernels of it in the Sea, bring forth more Islands.
I.
Why in good time.
Sir, we were talking, that our garments seeme now as fresh as when we were at Tunis at the marriage of your daughter, who is now Queene.
And the rarest that ere came there.
Bate (I beseech you) widdow Dido.
O Widdow Dido? I, Widdow Dido.
Is not Sir my doublet as fresh as the first day I wore it? I meane in a sort.
That sort was well fish'd for.
When I wore it at your daughters marriage.
No, no, hee's gone.
Pre-thee peace.
So is the doer'st oth' losse.
Very well.
And most Chirurgeonly.
Fowle weather?
Very foule.
Had I plantation of this Isle my Lord.
Hee'd sow't vvith Nettle-seed.
Or dockes, or Mallowes.
And were the King on't, what vvould I do?
Scape being drunke, for want of Wine.
Yet he vvould be King on't.
The latter end of his Common-wealth forgets the beginning.
No marrying 'mong his subiects?
None (man) all idle; Whores and knaues,
'Saue his Maiesty.
Long liue Gonzalo.
And do you marke me, Sir?
Pre-thee no more: thou dost talke nothing to me.
I do vvell beleeue your Highnesse, and did it to minister occasion to these Gentlemen, who are of such sensible and nimble Lungs, that they alwayes vse to laugh at nothing.
'Twas you vve laugh'd at.
Who, in this kind of merry fooling am nothing to you: so you may continue, and laugh at nothing still.
What a blow vvas there giuen?
And it had not falne flat-long.
You are Gentlemen of braue mettal: you would lift the Moone out of her spheare, if she would continue in it fiue weekes vvithout changing.
We vvould so, and then go a Bat-fowling.
Nay good my Lord, be not angry.
No I warrant you, I vvill not aduenture my discretion so weakly: Will you laugh me asleepe, for I am very heauy.
Go sleepe, and heare vs.
Thanke you: Wondrous heauy.
What a strange drowsines possesses them?
It is the quality o' th' Clymate.
What? art thou waking?
Do you not heare me speake?
Well: I am standing water.
Ile teach you how to flow.
He's gone.
Then tell me, who's the next heire of Naples?
Claribell.
Me thinkes I do.
But for your conscience.
Then let vs both be sodaine.
Now, good Angels preserue the King.
What's the matter?
I heard nothing.
Heard you this Gonzalo?
Lead away.
Scoena Secunda.
Here's neither bush, nor shrub to beare off any weather at all: and another Storme brewing, I heare it sing i th' winde: yond same blacke cloud, yond huge one, lookes like a foule bumbard that would shed his licquor: if it should thunder, as it did before, I know not where to hide my head: yond same cloud cannot choose but fall by paile-fuls. What haue we here, a man, or a fish? dead or aliue? a fish, hee smels like a fish: a very ancient and fish-like smell: a kinde of, not of the newest poore-Iohn: a strange fish: were I in England now (as once I was) and had but this fish painted; not a holiday-foole there but would giue a peece of siluer: there, would this Monster, make a man: any strange beast there, makes a man: when they will not giue a do it to relieue a lame Begger, they will lay out ten to see a dead Indian: Leg'd like a man; and his Finnes like Armes: warme o' my troth: I doe now let loose my opinion; hold it no longer; this is no fish, but an Islander, that hath lately suffered by a Thunderbolt: Alas, the storme is come againe: my best way is to creepe vnder his Gaberdine: there is no other shelter hereabout: Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellowes: I will here shrowd till the dregges of the storme be past.
Doe not torment me: oh.
What's the matter?
Haue we diuels here?
Doe you put trickes vpon's with Saluages, and Men of Inde? ha? I haue not scap'd drowning, to be afeard now of your foure legges: for it hath bin said; as proper a man as euer went on foure legs, cannot make him giue ground: and it shall be said so againe, while Stephano breathes at' nostrils.
The Spirit torments me: oh.
This is some Monster of the Isle, with foure legs; who hath got (as I take it) an Ague: where the diuell should he learne our language? I will giue him some reliefe if it be but for that: if I can recouer him, and keepe him tame, and get to Naples with him, he's a Present for any Emperour that euer trod on Neates-leather.
Doe not torment me 'prethee: I'le bring my wood home faster.
He's in his fit now; and doe's not talke after the wisest; hee shall taste of my Bottle: if hee haue neuer drunke wine afore, it will goe neere to remoue his Fit: if I can recouer him, and keepe him tame, I will not take too much for him; hee shall pay for him that hath him, and that soundly.
Thou do'st me yet but little hurt; thou wilt anon, I know it by thy trembling: Now Prosper workes vpon thee.
Come on your wayes: open your mouth: here is that which will giue language to you Cat; open your mouth; this will shake your shaking, I can tell you, and that soundly: you cannot tell who's your friend; open your chaps againe.
Foure legges and two voyces; a most delicate Monster his forward voyce now is to speake well of his friend; his backward voice, is to vtter soule speeches, and to detract: if all the wine in my bottle will recouer him, I will helpe his Ague: Come: Amen, I will poure some in thy other mouth.
Stephano.
Doth thy other mouth call me? Mercy, mercy: This is a diuell, and no Monster: I will leaue him, I haue no long Spoone.
Stephano: if thou beest Stephano, touch me, and speake to me: for I am Trinculo; be not afeard, thy good friend Trinculo.
If thou bee'st Trinculo: come foorth: I'le pull thee by the lesser legges: if any be Trinculo's legges, these are they: Thou art very Trinculo indeede: how cam'st thou to be the siege of this Moone-calfe? Can he vent Trinculo's?
I tooke him to be kil'd with a thunder-strok; but art thou not dround Stephano: I hope now thou art not dround: Is the Storme ouer-blowne? I hid mee vnder the dead Moone-Calfes Gaberdine, for feare of the Storme: And art thou liuing Stephano? O Stephano, two Neapolitanes scap'd?
'Prethee doe not turne me about, my stomacke is not constant.
These be fine things, and if they be not spright's: that's a braue God, and beares Celestiall liquor: I will kneele to him.
How did'st thou scape?
How cam'st thou hither?
Sweare by this Bottle how thou cam'st hither: I escap'd vpon a But of Sacke, which the Saylors heaued o' reboord, by this Bottle which I made of the barke of a Tree, with mine owne hands, since I was cast a'shore.
I'le sweare vpon that Bottle, to be thy true subiect, for the liquor is not earthly.
Heere: sweare then how thou escap'dst.
Swom ashore (man) like a Ducke: I can swim like a Ducke i'le be sworne.
O Stephano, ha'st any more of this?
Ha'st thou not dropt from heauen?
Out o' th Moone I doe assure thee. I was the Man ith' Moone, when time was.
Come, sweare to that: kisse the Booke: I will furnish it anon with new Contents: Sweare.
Ile shew thee euery fertill ynch 'oth Island: and I will kisse thy foote: I prethee be my god.
By this light, a most perfidious, and drunken Monster, when's god's a sleepe he'll rob his Bottle.
Ile kisse thy foot. Ile sweare my selfe thy Subiect.
Come on then: downe and sweare.
I shall laugh my selfe to death at this puppi-headed Monster: a most scuruie Monster: I could finde in my heart to beate him.
Come, kisse.
A most rediculous Monster, to make a wonder of a poore drunkard.
I' prethee let me bring thee where Crabs grow; and I with my long nayles will digge thee pig-nuts; show thee a Iayes nest, and instruct thee how to snare the nimble Marmazet: I'le bring thee to clustring Philbirts, and sometimes I'le get thee young Scamels from the Rocke: Wilt thou goe with me?
I pre'thee now lead the way without any more talking. Trinculo, the King, and all our company else being dround, wee will inherit here: Here; beare my Bottle: Fellow Trinculo; we'll fill him by and by againe.
Farewell Master; farewell, farewell.
A howling Monster: a drunken Monster.
Actus Tertius.
Scoena Prima.
You looke wearily.
Do you loue me?
VVherefore weepe you?
My husband then?
A thousand, thousand.
Scoena Secunda.
Tell not me, when the But is out we will drinke water, not a drop before; therefore beare vp, & boord em' Seruant Monster, drinke to me.
Seruant Monster? the folly of this Iland, they say there's but fiue vpon this Isle; we are three of them, if th' other two be brain'd like vs, the State totters.
Drinke seruant Monster when I bid thee, thy eies are almost set in thy head.
VVhere should they bee set else? hee were a braue Monster indeede if they were set in his taile.
My man-Monster hath drown'd his tongue in sacke: for my part the Sea cannot drowne mee, I swam ere I could recouer the shore, fiue and thirtie Leagues off and on, by this light thou shalt bee my Lieutenant Monster, or my Standard.
Your Lieutenant if you lift, hee's no standard.
VVeel not run Monsieur Monster.
Nor go neither: but you'l lie like dogs, and yet say nothing neither.
Moone-calfe, speak once in thy life, if thou beest a good Moone-calfe.
Thou liest most ignorant Monster, I am in case to iustle a Constable: why, thou debosh'd Fish thou, was there euer man a Coward, that hath drunk so much Sacke as I to day? wilt thou tell a monstrous lie, being but halfe a Fish, and halfe a Monster?
Loe, how he mockes me, wilt thou let him my Lord?
Lord, quoth he? that a Monster should be such a Naturall?
Loe, loe againe: bite him to death I prethee.
Trinculo, keepe a good tongue in your head: If you proue a mutineere, the next Tree: the poore Monster's my subiect, and he shall not suffer indignity.
I thanke my noble Lord. Wilt thou be pleas'd to hearken once againe to the suite I made to thee?
Thou lyest.
Why, I said nothing.
Mum then, and no more: proceed.
That's most certaine.
Thou shalt be Lord of it, and Ile serue thee.
Thou liest, thou canst not.
Didst thou not say he lyed?
Thou liest.
Ha, ha, ha.
Now forward with your Tale: prethee stand further off.
Stand farther: Come proceede.
Is it so braue a Lasse?
Monster, I will kill this man: his daughter and I will be King and Queene, saue our Graces: and Trinculo, and thy selfe shall be Vice-royes:
Dost thou like the plot Trinculo?
Excellent.
I on mine honour.
This will I tell my Master.
That's not the tune.
What is this same?
This is the tune of our Catch, plaid by the picture of No-body.
O forgiue me my sinnes.
Art thou affeard?
No Monster, not I.
When Prospero is destroy'd.
Scena Tertia.
The next aduantage will we take throughly.
I say to night: no more.
What harmony is this? my good friends, harke.
Maruellous sweet Musicke.
Giue vs kind keepers, heauēs: what were these?
Praise in departing.
Not I.
Ile be thy Second.
Follow, I pray you.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
What would my potent master? here I am.
Presently?
I: with a twincke.
Well: I conceiue.
Come with a thought; I thank thee Ariell: come.
Thy thoughts I cleaue to, what's thy pleasure?
Spirit: We must prepare to meet with Caliban.
Say again, where didst thou leaue these varlots?
I go, I goe.
Pray you tread softly, that the blinde Mole may not heare a foot fall: we now are neere his Cell.
Thou wert but a lost Monster.
I, but to loose our bottles in the Poole.
There is not onely disgrace and dishonor in that Monster, but an infinite losse.
Let it alone thou foole, it is but trash.
Oh, ho, Monster: wee know what belongs to a frippery, O King Stephano.
Put off that gowne (Trinculo) by this hand Ile haue that gowne.
Thy grace shall haue it.
Be you quiet (Monster) Mistris line, is not this my Ierkin? now is the Ierkin vnder the line: now Ierkin you are like to lose your haire, & proue a bald Ierkin.
Doe, doe; we steale by lyne and leuell, and't like your grace.
I thank thee for that iest; heer's a garment for't: Wit shall not goe vn-rewarded while I am King of this Country: Steale by line and leuell, is an excellent passe of pate: there's another garment for't.
Monster, come put some Lime vpon your fingers, and away with the rest.
Monster, lay to your fingers: helpe to beare this away, where my hogshead of wine is, or Ile turne you out of my kingdome: goe to, carry this.
And this.
I, and this.
Hey Mountaine, hey.
Siluer: there it goes, Siluer.
Harke, they rore.
Actus quintus:
Scoena Prima.
Dost thou thinke so, Spirit?
Mine would, Sir, were I humane.
Ile fetch them, Sir.
The Diuell speakes in him:
I am woe for't, Sir.
You the like losse?
Sweet Lord, you play me false.
A most high miracle.
'Tis new to thee.
I say Amen, Gonzallo.
My tricksey Spirit.
Was't well done?
Brauely (my diligence) thou shalt be free.
If these be true spies which I weare in my head, here's a goodly sight.
I shall be pincht to death.
Is not this Stephano, my drunken Butler?
Who how now Stephano?
O touch me not, I am not Stephano, but a Cramp.
You'ld be King o' the Isle, Sirha?
I should haue bin a sore one then.
This is a strange thing as ere I look'd on.
Goe to, away.
Hence, and bestow your luggage where you found it.
Or stole it rather.
EPILOGVE, spoken by Prospero.
The Scene, an vn-inhabited Island Names of the Actors.
- Alonso, K. of Naples:
- Sebastian his Brother.
- Prospero, the right Duke of Millaine.
- Anthonio his brother, the vsurping Duke of Millaine.
- Ferdinand, Son to the King of Naples.
- Gonzalo, an honest old Councellor.
- Adrian, & Francisco, Lords.
- Caliban, a saluage and deformed slaue.
- Trinculo, a Iester.
- Stephano, a drunken Butler.
- Master of a Ship.
- Boate-Swaine.
- Marriners.
- Miranda, daughter to Prospero.
- Ariell, an ayrie spirit.
- Iris Spirits.
- Ceres Spirits.
- Iuno Spirits.
- Nymphes Spirits.
- Reapers Spirits.
THE Two Gentlemen of Verona.
Actus primus,
Scena prima.
And on a loue-booke pray for my successe?
Vpon some booke I loue, I'le pray for thee.
Ouer the Bootes? nay giue me not the Boots.
No, I will not; for it boots thee not.
What?
So, by your circumstance, you call me foole.
So, by your circumstance, I feare you'll proue.
'Tis Loue you cauill at, I am not Loue.
And thither will I bring thee Valentine.
All happinesse be chance to thee in Millaine.
As much to you at home: and so farewell.
Sir Protheus: 'saue you: saw you my Master?
But now he parted hence to embarque for Millain.
You conclude that my Master is a Shepheard then, and I Sheepe?
I doe.
Why then my hornes are his hornes, whether I wake or sleepe.
A silly answere, and fitting well a Sheepe.
This proues me still a Sheepe.
True: and thy Master a Shepheard.
Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
It shall goe hard but ile proue it by another.
The Shepheard seekes the Sheepe, and not the Sheepe the Shepheard; but I seeke my Master, and my Master seekes not me: therefore I am no Sheepe.
The Sheepe for fodder follow the Shepheard, the Shepheard for foode followes not the Sheepe: thou for wages followest thy Master, thy Master for wages followes not thee: therefore thou art a Sheepe.
Such another proofe will make me cry baâ.
But do'st thou heare: gau'st thou my Letter to Iulia?
I Sir: I (a lost-Mutton) gaue your Letter to her (a lac'd-Mutton) and she (a lac'd-Mutton) gaue mee (a lost-Mutton) nothing for my labour.
Here's too small a Pasture for such store of Muttons.
If the ground be ouer-charg'd, you were best sticke her.
Nay, in that you are astray: 'twere best pound you.
Nay Sir, lesse then a pound shall serue me for carrying your Letter.
You mistake; I meane the pound, a Pinfold.
But what said she?
I.
Nod-I, why that's noddy.
And that set together is noddy.
Now you haue taken the paines to set it together, take it for your paines.
No, no, you shall haue it for bearing the letter.
Well, I perceiue I must be faine to beare with you.
Why Sir, how doe you beare with me?
Beshrew me, but you haue a quicke wit.
And yet it cannot ouer-take your slow purse.
Come, come, open the matter in briefe; what said she.
Open your purse, that the money, and the matter may be both at once deliuered.
Well Sir: here is for your paines: what said she?
Truely Sir, I thinke you'll hardly win her.
Why? could'st thou perceiue so much from her?
What said she, nothing?
Scoena Secunda.
I Madam, so you stumble not on heedfully.
What thinkst thou of the faire sir Eglamoure?
What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?
Well of his wealth; but of himselfe, so, so.
What think'st thou of the gentle Protheus?
Lord, Lord: to see what folly raignes in vs.
How now? what meanes this passion at his name?
Why not on Protheus, as of all the rest?
Then thus: of many good, I thinke him best.
Your reason?
And would'st thou haue me cast my loue on him?
I: if you thought your loue not cast away.
Why he, of all the rest, hath neuer mou'd me.
Yet he, of all the rest, I thinke best loues ye.
His little speaking, shewes his loue but small.
Fire that's closest kept, burnes most of all.
They doe not loue, that doe not shew their loue.
Oh, they loue least, that let men know their loue.
I would I knew his minde.
Peruse this paper Madam.
To Iulia: say, from whom?
That the Contents will shew.
Say, say: who gaue it thee?
To plead for loue, deserues more fee, then hate.
Will ye be gon?
That you may ruminate.
What would your Ladiship?
Is't neere dinner time?
Nothing.
Why didst thou stoope then?
To take a paper vp, that I let fall.
And is that paper nothing?
Nothing concerning me.
Then let it lye, for those that it concernes.
Some loue of yours, hath writ to you in Rime.
It is too heauy for so light a tune.
Heauy? belike it hath some burden then?
I: and melodious were it, would you sing it,
And why not you?
I cannot reach so high.
You doe not?
No (Madam) tis too sharpe.
You (Minion) are too saucie.
The meane is dround with you vnruly base.
Indeede I bid the base for Protheus.
Madam: dinner is ready: and your father staies.
Well, let vs goe.
What, shall these papers lye, like Tel-tales here?
If you respect them; best to take them vp.
I see you haue a months minde to them.
Come, come, wilt please you goe.
Scoena Tertia.
'Twas of his Nephew Protheus, your Sonne.
Why? what of him?
I know it well.
Oh heauenly Iulia.
How now? What Letter are you reading there?
Lend me the Letter: Let me see what newes.
And how stand you affected to his wish?
Actus secundus:
Scoena Prima.
Sir, your Gloue.
Not mine: my Gloues are on.
Why then this may be yours: for this is but one.
Madam Siluia: Madam Siluia.
How now Sirha?
Shee is not within hearing Sir.
Why sir, who had you call her?
Your worship s [...], or else I mistooke.
Well: you'll still be too forward.
And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
Goe to, sir, tell me: do you know Madam Siluia?
Shee that your worship loues?
Why, how know you that I am in loue?
Marry by these speciall markes: first, you haue learn'd (like Sir Protheus) to wreath your Armes like a Male-content: to rellish a Loue-song, like a Robin-red-breast: to walke alone like one that had the pestilence: to sigh, like a Schoole-boy that had lost his A. B. C. to weep like a yong wench that had buried her Grandam: to fast, like one that takes diet: to watch, like one that feares robbing: to speake puling, like a beggar at Hallow-Masse: You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cocke; when you walk'd, to walke like one of the Lions: when you fasted, it was presently after dinner: when you look'd sadly, it was for want of money: And now you are Metamorphis'd with a Mistris, that when I looke on you, I can hardly thinke you my Master.
Are all these things perceiu'd in me?
They are all perceiu'd without ye.
Without me? they cannot.
Without you? nay, that's certaine: for without you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an Vrinall: that not an eye that sees you, but is a Physician to comment on your Malady.
But tell me: do'st thou know my Lady Siluia?
Shee that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?
Hast thou obseru'd that? euen she I meane.
Why sir, I know her not.
Do'st thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet know'st her not?
Is she not hard-fauour'd, sir?
Not so faire (boy) as well fauour'd.
Sir, I know that well enough.
What dost thou know?
That shee is not so faire, as (of you) well-fauourd?
That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
How painted? and how out of count?
Marry sir, so painted to make her faire, that no man counts of her beauty.
How esteem'st thou me? I account of her beauty.
You neuer saw her since she was deform'd.
How long hath she beene deform'd?
Euer since you lou'd her.
If you loue her, you cannot see her.
Why?
Because Loue is blinde: O that you had mine eyes, or your owne eyes had the lights they were wont to haue, when you chidde at Sir Protheus, for going vngarter'd.
What should I see then?
Your owne present folly, and her passing deformitie: for hee beeing in loue, could not see to garter his hose; and you, beeing in loue, cannot see to put on your hose.
True sir: I was in loue with my bed, I thanke you, you swing'd me for my loue, which makes mee the [Page 24] bolder to chide you, for yours.
In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
I would you were set, so your affection would cease.
And haue you?
I haue.
Are they not lamely writt?
Madam & Mistres, a thousand good-morrows.
Oh, 'giue ye-good-ev'n: heer's a million of manners.
Sir Valentine, and seruant, to you two thousand.
He should giue her interest: & she giues it him.
I thanke you (gentle Seruant) 'tis very Clerkly-done.
Perchance you think too much of so much pains?
No (Madam) so it steed you I will write (Please you command) a thousand times as much: And yet —
And yet you will: and yet, another yet.
Madam, they are for you.
Please you, Ile write your Ladiship another.
If it please me, (Madam?) what then?
Nay: I was riming: 'tis you y t haue the reason.
To doe what?
To be a Spokes-man from Madam Siluia.
To whom?
To your selfe: why, she woes you by a figure.
What figure?
By a Letter, I should say.
Why she hath not writ to me?
No, beleeue me.
She gaue me none, except an angry word.
Why she hath giuen you a Letter.
That's the Letter I writ to her friend.
And y t letter hath she deliuer'd, & there an end.
I would it were no worse.
I haue dyn'd.
I, but hearken sir: though the Cameleon Loue can feed on the ayre, I am one that am nourish'd by my victuals; and would faine haue meate: oh bee not like your Mistresse, be moued, be moued.
Scoena secunda.
Haue patience, gentle Iulia:
I must where is no remedy.
When possibly I can, I will returne.
And seale the bargaine with a holy kisse.
Sir Protheus: you are staid for.
Scoena Tertia.
Nay, 'twill bee this howre ere I haue done weeping: all the kinde of the Launce [...], haue this very fault: I haue receiu'd my proportion, like the prodigious [Page 25] Sonne, and am going with Sir Protheus to the Imperialls Court: I thinke Crab my dog, be the sowrest natured dogge that liues: My Mother weeping: my Father wayling: my Sister crying: our Maid howling: our Catte wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexitie, yet did not this cruell-hearted Curre shedde one teare: he is a stone, a very pibble stone, and has no more pitty in him then a dogge: a Iew would haue wept to haue seene our parting: why my Grandam hauing no eyes, looke you, wept her selfe blinde at my parting: nay, Ile shew you the manner of it. This shooe is my father: no, this left shooe is my father; no, no, this left shooe is my mother: nay, that cannot bee so neyther: yes; it is so, it is so: it hath the worser sole: this shooe with the hole in it, is my mother: and this my father: a veng'ance on't, there 'tis: Now sir, this staffe is my sister: for, looke you, she is as white as a lilly, and as small as a wand: this hat is Nan our maid: I am the dogge: no, the dogge is himselfe, and I am the dogge: oh, the dogge is me, and I am my selfe: I; so, so: now come I to my Father; Father, your blessing: now should not the shooe speake a word for weeping: now should I kisse my Father; well, hee weepes on: Now come I to my Mother: Oh that she could speake now, like a would-woman: well, I kisse her: why there 'tis; heere's my mothers breath vp and downe: Now come I to my sister; marke the moane she makes: now the dogge all this while sheds not a teare: nor speakes a word: but see how I lay the dust with my teares.
Launce, away, away: a Boord: thy Master is ship'd, and thou art to post after with oares; what's the matter? why weep'st thou man? away asse, you'l loose the Tide, if you tarry any longer.
It is no matter if the tide were lost, for it is the vnkindest Tide, that euer any man tide.
What's the vnkindest tide?
Why, he that's tide here, Crab my dog.
Tut, man: I meane thou'lt loose the flood, and in loosing the flood, loose thy voyage, and in loosing thy voyage, loose thy Master, and in loosing thy Master, loose thy seruice, and in loosing thy seruice: — why dost thou stop my mouth?
For feare thou shouldst loose thy tongue.
Where should I loose my tongue?
In thy Tale.
In thy Taile.
Loose the Tide, and the voyage, and the Master, and the Seruice, and the tide: why man, if the Riuer were drie, I am able to fill it with my teares: if the winde were downe, I could driue the boate with my sighes.
Come: come away man, I was sent to call thee.
Sir: call me what thou dar'st.
Wilt thou goe?
Well, I will goe.
Scena Quarta.
Seruant.
Mistris.
Master, Sir Thurio frownes on you.
I Boy, it's for loue.
Not of you.
Of my Mistresse then.
'Twere good you knockt him.
Seruant, you are sad.
Indeed, Madam, I seeme so.
Seeme you that you are not?
Hap'ly I doe.
So doe Counterfeyts.
So doe you.
What seeme I that I am not?
Wise.
What instance of the contrary?
Your folly.
And how quoat you my folly?
I quoat it in your Ierkin.
My Ierkin is a doublet.
Well then, Ile double your folly.
How?
What, angry, Sir Thurio, do you change colour?
Giue him leaue, Madam, he is a kind of Camelion.
That hath more minde to feed on your bloud, then liue in your ayre.
You haue said Sir.
I Sir, and done too for this time.
I know it wel sir, you alwaies end ere you begin.
A fine volly of words, gentlemē, & quickly shot off
'Tis indeed, Madam, we thank the giuer.
Who is that Seruant?
Sir, if you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.
Know ye Don Antonio, your Countriman?
Hath he not a Sonne?
Should I haue wish'd a thing, it had beene he.
Nay sure, I thinke she holds them prisoners stil.
Why Lady, Loue hath twenty paire of eyes.
They say that Loue hath not an eye at all.
Haue done, haue done: here comes y e gentleman.
Too low a Mistres for so high a seruant.
My dutie will I boast of, nothing else.
Ile die on him that saies so but your selfe.
That you are welcome?
That you are worthlesse.
Madam, my Lord your father wold speak with you.
Wee'll both attend vpon your Ladiship.
Now tell me: how do al from whence you came?
Your frends are wel, & haue thē much cōmended.
And how doe yours?
I left them all in health.
How does your Lady? & how thriues your loue?
Euen She; and is she not a heauenly Saint?
No; But she is an earthly Paragon.
Call her diuine.
I will not flatter her.
O flatter me: for Loue delights in praises.
Except my Mistresse.
Haue I not reason to prefer mine owne?
Why Ʋalentine, what Bragadisme is this?
Then let her alone.
But she loues you?
Will you make haste?
Scena Quinta.
Launce, by mine honesty welcome to Padua.
Forsweare not thy selfe, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this alwaies, that a man is neuer vndon till hee be hang'd, nor neuer welcome to a place, till some certaine shot be paid, and the Hostesse say welcome.
Come-on you mad-cap: Ile to the Ale-house with you presently; where, for one shot of fiue pence, thou shalt haue fiue thousand welcomes: But sirha, how did thy Master part with Madam Iulia?
Marry after they cloas'd in earnest, they parted very fairely in iest.
But shall she marry him?
No.
How then? shall he marry her?
No, neither.
What, are they broken?
No; they are both as whole as a fish.
Why then, how stands the matter with them?
Marry thus, when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
What an asse art thou, I vnderstand thee not.
What thou saist?
I, and what I do too: looke thee, Ile but leane, and my staffe vnderstands me.
It stands vnder thee indeed.
Why, stand-vnder: and vnder-stand is all one.
But tell me true, wil't be a match?
Aske my dogge, if he say I, it will: if hee say no, it will: if hee shake his taile, and say nothing, it will.
The conclusion is then, that it will.
Thou shalt neuer get such a secret from me, but by a parable.
'Tis well that I get it so: but Launce, how saist thou that that my master is become a notable Louer?
I neuer knew him otherwise.
Then how?
A notable Lubber: as thou reportest him to bee.
Why, thou whorson Asse, thou mistak'st me,
Why Foole, I meant not thee, I meant thy Master.
I tell thee, my Master is become a hot Louer.
Why, I tell thee, I care not, though hee burne himselfe in Loue. If thou wilt goe with me to the Ale-house: if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Iew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
Why?
Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to goe to the Ale with a Christian: Wilt thou goe?
At thy seruice.
Scoena Sexta.
Scoena septima.
Alas, the way is wearisome and long.
Better forbeare, till Protheus make returne.
But in what habit will you goe along?
Why then your Ladiship must cut your haire.
What fashion (Madam) shall I make your breeches?
You must needs haue thē with a cod-peece (Madam)
Out, out, (Lucetta) that wilbe illfauourd.
If you thinke so, then stay at home, and go not.
Nay, that I will not.
All these are seruants to deceitfull men.
Pray heau'n he proue so when you come to him.
Actus Tertius,
Scena Prima.
Adiew, my Lord, Sir Valentine is comming.
Sir Valentine, whether away so fast?
Be they of much import?
What would your Grace haue me to do in this?
But she did scorne a present that I sent her,
Why then I would resort to her by night.
What letts but one may enter at her window?
When would you vse it? pray sir, tell me that.
By seauen a clock, ile get you such a Ladder.
A cloake as long as thine will serue the turne?
I my good Lord.
Why any cloake will serue the turn (my Lord)
Run (boy) run, run, and seeke him out.
So-hough, Soa hough —
What seest thou?
Valentine?
No.
Who then? his Spirit?
Neither,
What then?
Nothing.
Can nothing speake? Master, shall I strike?
Who wouldst thou strike?
Nothing.
Villaine, forbeare.
Why Sir, Ile strike nothing: I pray you.
Sirha, I say forbeare: friend Valentine, a word.
Is Siluia dead?
No, Valentine.
No, Ʋalentine.
Sir, there is a proclamation, y t you are vanished.
Goe sirha, finde him out: Come Ʋalentine.
Oh my deere Siluia; haplesse Valentine.
I am but a foole, looke you, and yet I haue the wit to thinke my Master is a kinde of a knaue: but that's all one, if he be but one knaue: He liues not now that knowes me to be in loue, yet I am in loue, but a Teeme of horse shall not plucke that from me: nor who 'tis I loue: and yet 'tis a woman; but what woman, I will not tell my selfe: and yet 'tis a Milke-maid: yet 'tis not a maid: for shee hath had Gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her Masters maid, and serues for wages. Shee hath more qualities then a Water-Spaniell, which is much in a bare Christian: Heere is the Cate-log of her Condition. Inprimis. Shee can fetch and carry: why a horse can doe no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but onely carry, therefore is shee better then a Iade. Item. She can milke, looke you, a sweet vertue in a maid with cleane hands.
How now Signior Launce? what newes with your Mastership?
With my Mastership? why, it is at Sea:
Well, your old vice still: mistake the word: what newes then in your paper?
The black'st newes that euer thou heard'st.
Why man? how blacke?
Why, as blacke as Inke.
Let me read them?
Fie on thee Iolt-head, thou canst not read.
Thou lyest: I can.
I will try thee: tell me this: who begot thee?
Marry, the son of my Grand-father.
Oh illiterate loyterer▪ it was the sonne of thy Grand-mother: this proues that thou canst not read.
Come foole, come: try me in thy paper.
There: and S. Nicholas be thy speed.
Inprimis she can milke.
I that she can.
Item, she brewes good Ale.
And thereof comes the prouerbe: (Blessing of your heart, you brew good Ale.)
Item, she can sowe.
That's as much as to say ( Can she so?)
Item she can knit.
Item, she can wash and scoure.
A speciall vertue: for then shee neede not be wash'd, and scowr'd.
Item, she can spin.
Then may I set the world on wheeles, when she can spin for her liuing.
Item, she hath many namelesse vertues.
That's as much as to say Bastard-vertues: that indeede know not their fathers; and therefore haue no names.
Here follow her vices.
Close at the heeles of her vertues.
Item, shee is not to be fasting in respect of her breath.
Well: that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on.
Item, she hath a sweet mouth.
That makes amends for her soure breath.
Item, she doth talke in her sleepe.
It's no matter for that; so shee sleepe not in her talke.
Item, she is slow in words.
Item, she is proud.
Item, she hath no teeth.
I care not for that neither: because I loue crusts.
Item, she is curst.
Well: the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
Item, she will often praise her liquor.
Item, she is too liberall.
Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ downe she is slow of: of her purse, shee shall not, for that ile keepe shut: Now, of another thing shee may, and that cannot I helpe. Well, proceede.
Item, shee hath more haire then wit, and more faults then haires, and more wealth then faults.
Stop there: Ile haue her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last Article: rehearse that once more.
Item, she hath more haire then wit.
More haire then wit: it may be ile proue it: The couer of the salt, hides the salt, and therefore it is more then the salt; the haire that couers the wit, is more then the wit; for the greater hides the lesse: What's next?
And more faults then haires.
That's monstrous: oh that that were out.
And more wealth then faults.
What then?
Why then, will I tell thee, that thy Master staies for thee at the North gate.
For me?
For thee? I, who art thou? he hath staid for a better man then thee.
And must I goe to him?
Thou must run to him; for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serue the turne.
Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your loue Letters.
Now will he be swing'd for reading my Letter; An vnmannerly slaue, that will thrust himselfe into secrets: Ile after, to reioyce in the boyes correctiō.
Scena Secunda.
Gon, my good Lord.
My daughter takes his going grieuously?
A little time (my Lord) will kill that griefe.
I doe my Lord.
She did my Lord, when Ʋalentine was here.
I, but she'll thinke, that it is spoke in hate.
Then you must vndertake to slander him.
I, much is the force of heauen-bred Poesie.
This discipline, showes thou hast bin in loue.
About it Gentlemen.
Euen now about it, I will pardon you.
Actus Quartus.
Scoena Prima.
Fellowes, stand fast: I see a passenger.
If there be ten, shrinke not, but down with 'em.
My friends.
That's not so, sir: we are your enemies.
Peace: we'll heare him.
I by my beard will we: for he is a proper man.
Whether trauell you?
To Verona.
Whence came you?
From Millaine.
Haue you long soiourn'd there?
What, were you banish'd thence?
I was.
For what offence?
I was, and held me glad of such a doome.
Haue you the Tongues?
We'll haue him: Sirs, a word.
Peace villaine.
Tell vs this: haue you any thing to take to?
Nothing but my fortune.
But if thou scorne our curtesie, thou dyest.
Thou shalt not liue, to brag what we haue offer'd.
Scoena Secunda.
How now, sir Protheus, are you crept before vs?
I, but I hope, Sir, that you loue not here.
Sir, but I doe: or else I would be hence.
Who, Siluia?
I, Siluia, for your sake.
Marry (mine Host) because I cannot be merry.
Come, we'll haue you merry: ile bring you where you shall heare Musique, and see the Gentleman that you ask'd for.
But shall I heare him speake.
I that you shall.
That will be Musique.
Harke, harke.
Is he among these?
I: but peace, let's heare'm.
You mistake: the Musitian likes me not.
Why, my pretty youth?
He plaies false (father.)
How, out of tune on the strings.
You haue a quicke eare.
I, I would I were deafe: it makes me haue a slow heart.
I perceiue you delight not in Musique.
Not a whit, when it iars so.
Harke, what fine change is in the Musique.
I: that change is the spight.
You would haue them alwaies play but one thing.
Where is Launce?
Gone to seeke his dog, which to morrow, by his Masters command, hee must carry for a present to his Lady.
Peace, stand aside, the company parts.
Where meete we?
At Saint Gregories well.
Farewell.
Madam: good eu'n to your Ladiship.
Sir Protheus, as I take it.
Sir Protheus (gentle Lady) and your Seruant.
What's your will?
That I may compasse yours.
I likewise heare that Valentine is dead.
Sweet Lady, let me take it from the earth.
He heard not that.
Host, will you goe?
By my hallidome, I was fast asleepe.
Pray you, where lies Sir Protheus?
Scoena Tertia.
Who cals?
Sir Eglamore, a thousand times good morrow.
This euening comming.
Where shall I meete you?
Good morrow, kinde Sir Eglamoure.
Scena Quarta.
When a mans seruant shall play the Curre with him (looke you) it goes hard: one that I brought vp of a puppy: one that I sau'd from drowning, when three or foure of his blinde brothers and sisters went to it: I haue taught him (euen as one would say precisely, thus I would teach a dog) I was sent to deliuer him, as a present to Mistris Siluia, from my Master; and I came no sooner into the dyning-chamber, but he steps me to her Trencher, and steales her Capons-leg: O, 'tis a foule thing, when a Cur cannot keepe himselfe in all companies: I would haue (as one should say) one that takes vpon him to be a dog indeede, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit then he, to take a fault vpon me that he did, I thinke verily hee had bin hang'd for't: sure as I liue he had suffer'd for't: you shall iudge: Hee thrusts me himselfe into the company of three or foure gentleman-like-dogs, vnder the Dukes table: hee had not bin there (blesse the marke) a pissing while, but all the chamber smelt him: out with the dog (saies one) what cur is that (saies another) whip him out (saies the third) hang him vp (saies the Duke.) I hauing bin acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogges: friend (quoth I) you meane to whip the dog: I marry doe I (quoth he) you doe him the more wrong (quoth I) 'twas I did the thing you wot of: he makes me no more adoe, but whips me out of the chamber: how many Masters would doe this for his Seruant? nay, ile be sworne I haue sat in the stockes, for puddings he hath stolne, otherwise he had bin executed: I haue stood on the Pillorie for Geese he hath kil'd, otherwise he had sufferd for't: thou think'st not of this now: nay, I remember the tricke you seru'd me, when I tooke my leaue of Madam Siluia: did [Page 35] not I bid thee still marke me, and doe as I doe, when did'st thou see me heaue vp my leg, and make water against a Gentlewomans farthingale? did'st thou euer see me doe such a tricke?
In what you please, ile doe what I can.
Marry Sir, I carried Mistris Siluia the dogge you bad me.
And what saies she to my little Iewell?
Marry she saies your dog was a cur, and tels you currish thanks is good enough for such a present.
But she receiu'd my dog?
What, didst thou offer her this from me?
Not so: I thinke she liues.
Alas.
Why do'st thou cry alas?
I cannot choose but pitty her.
Wherefore should'st thou pitty her?
What would you with her, if that I be she?
From whom?
From my Master, Sir Protheus, Madam.
Oh: he sends you for a Picture?
I, Madam.
I pray thee let me looke on that againe.
It may not be: good Madam pardon me.
Madam, he sends your Ladiship this Ring.
She thankes you.
What sai'st thou?
Do'st thou know her?
Belike she thinks that Protheus hath forsook her?
I thinke she doth: and that's her cause of sorrow▪
Is she not passing faire?
How tall was she?
Actus Quintus.
Scoena Prima.
Scoena Secunda.
Sir Protheus, what saies Siluia to my suit?
What? that my leg is too long?
No, that it is too little.
Ile weare a Boote, to make it somewhat rounder.
But loue will not be spurd to what it loath [...].
What saies she to my face?
She saies it is a faire one.
Nay then the wanton lyes: my face is blacke.
How likes she my discourse?
Ill, when you talke of war.
But well, when I discourse of loue and peace.
But better indeede, when you hold you peace.
What sayes she to my valour?
Oh Sir, she makes no doubt of that.
She needes not, when she knowes it cowardize.
What saies she to my birth?
That you are well deriu'd.
True: from a Gentleman, to a foole.
Considers she my Possessions?
Oh, I: and pitties them.
Wherefore?
That such an Asse should owe them.
That they are out by Lease.
Here comes the Duke.
Not I.
Nor I.
Saw you my daughter?
Neither.
Scena Tertia.
Come, bring her away.
Where is the Gentleman that was with her?
O Valentine: this I endure for thee.
Scoena Quarta.
O miserable, vnhappy that I am.
By thy approach thou mak'st me most vnhappy.
And me, when he approcheth to your presence
All men but Protheus.
Oh heauen.
Ile force thee yeeld to my desire.
Ʋalentine.
Oh me vnhappy.
Looke to the Boy.
O good sir, my master charg'd me to deliuer a ring to Madam Siluia: w c (out of my neglect) was neuer done.
Where is that ring? boy?
Heere 'tis▪ this is it.
How? Iulia?
Beare witnes (heauen) I haue my wish for euer.
And I mine.
A prize: a prize: a prize.
Sir Valentine?
Yonder is Siluia: and Siluia's mine.
I grant it (for thine owne) what ere it be.
I think the Boy hath grace in him, he blushes.
I warrant you (my Lord) more grace, then Boy.
What meane you by that saying?
The names of all the Actors.
- Duke: Father to Siluia.
- Valentine. the two Gentlemen.
- Protheus. the two Gentlemen.
- Anthonio: father to Protheus.
- Thurio: a foolish riuall to Valentine.
- Eglamoure: Agent for Siluia in her escape.
- Host: where Iulia lodges.
- Out-lawes with Valentine.
- Speed: a clownish seruant to Valentine.
- Launce: the like to Protheus.
- Panthion: seruant to Antonio.
- Iulia: beloued of Protheus.
- Siluia: beloued of Valentine.
- Lucetta: waighting-woman to Iulia.
THE Merry Wiues of Windsor.
Actus primus,
Scena prima.
SIr Hugh, perswade me not: I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it, if hee were twenty Sir Iohn Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow Esquire.
In the County of Glocester, Iustice of Peace and Coram.
I (Cosen Slender) and Cust-alorum.
I, and Rato lorum too; and a Gentleman borne (Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in any Bill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero.
I that I doe, and haue done any time these three hundred yeeres.
All his successors (gone before him) hath don't: and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate.
It is an olde Coate.
The dozen white Lowses doe become an old Coat well: it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies Loue.
The Luse is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish, is an old Coate.
I may quarter (Coz).
You may, by marrying.
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Not a whit.
Yes per-lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat, there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple coniectures; but that is all one: if Sir Iohn Falstaffe haue committed disparagements vnto you, I am of the Church and will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make attonements and compremises betweene you.
The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot.
It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: there is no feare of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you) shall desire to heare the feare of Got, and not to heare a Riot: take your viza-ments in that.
Ha; o' my life, if I were yong againe, the sword should end it.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another deuice in my praine, which peraduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.
Mistris Anne Page? she has browne haire, and speakes small like a woman.
It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust as you will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes, and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand-sire vpon his deaths-bed, (Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections) giue, when she is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old. It were a goot motion, if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage betweene Master Abraham, and Mistris Anne Page.
Did her Grand-sire leaue her seauen hundred pound?
I, and her father is make her a petter penny.
I know the young Gentlewoman, she has good gifts.
Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.
Wel, let vs see honest M r Page: is Falstaffe there?
Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a lyer, as I doe despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers: I will peat the doore for M r. Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your house heere.
Who's there?
Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and Iustice Shallow, and heere yong Master Slender: that peraduentures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.
I am glad to see your Worships well: I thanke you for my Venison Master Shallow.
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good doe it your good heart: I wish'd your Venison better, it was ill killd: how doth good Mistresse Page? and I thank you alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart.
Sir, I thanke you.
Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe.
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard say he was out-run on Cotsall.
It could not be iudg'd, Sir.
You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse.
That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault: 'tis a good dogge.
A Cur, Sir.
Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can there be more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe heere?
Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe a good office betweene you.
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake.
He hath wrong'd me (Master Page.)
Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it.
If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that so (M. Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath, at a word he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saith he is wronged.
Here comes Sir Iohn.
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complaine of me to the King?
Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my deere, and broke open my Lodge.
But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter?
Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd.
The Councell shall know this.
'Twere better for you if it were known in councell: you'll be laugh'd at.
Pauca verba; (Sir Iohn) good worts.
Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I broke your head: what matter haue you against me?
Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching Rascalls, Bardolf, Nym, and Pistoll.
You Banbery Cheese.
I, it is no matter.
How now, Mephostophilus?
I, it is no matter.
Slice, I say; pauca. pauca: Slice, that's my humor.
Where's Simple my man? can you tell, Cosen?
Peace, I pray you: now let vs vnderstand: there is three Vmpires in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) & there is my selfe, (fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is (lastly, and finally) mine Host of the Gater.
We three to hear it, & end it between them.
Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in my note-booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can.
Pistoll.
He heares with eares.
The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this? he heares with eare? why, it is affectations.
Pistoll, did you picke M. Slenders purse?
I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I might neuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else, of seauen groates in mill-sixpences, and two Edward Shouelboords, that cost me two shilling and two pence a peece of Yead Miller: by these gloues.
Is this true, Pistoll?
No, it is false, if it is a picke-purse.
Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir Iohn, and Master mine, I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe: word of deniall in thy labras here; word of denial; froth, and scum thou liest.
By these gloues, then 'twas he.
Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I will say marry trap with you, if you runne the nut-hooks humor on me, that is the very note of it.
By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunke, yet I am not altogether an asse.
What say you Scarlet, and Iohn?
Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman had drunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences.
It is his fiue sences: fie, what the ignorance is.
And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd: and so conclusions past the Car-eires.
I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no matter; Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue againe, but in honest, ciuill, godly company for this tricke: if I be drunke, Ile be drunke with those that haue the feare of God, and not with drunken knaues.
So got-udge me, that is a vertuons minde.
You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen; you heare it.
Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'll drinke within.
Oh heauen: This is Mistresse Anne Page.
How now Mistris Ford?
Mistris Ford, by my troth you are very wel met: by your leaue good Mistris.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come, we haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentlemen, I hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse.
I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke of Songs and Sonnets heere: How now Simple, where haue you beene? I must wait on my selfe, must I? you haue not the booke of Riddles about you, haue you?
Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it to Alice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas.
Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a word with you Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a tender, a kinde of tender, made a farre-off by Sir Hugh here: doe you vnderstand me?
I Sir, you shall finde me reasonable; if it be so, I shall doe that that is reason.
Nay, but vnderstand me.
So I doe Sir.
Giue eare to his motions; (M r. Slender) I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
Nay, I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies: I pray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace in his Countrie, simple though I stand here.
But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.
I, there's the point Sir.
Marry is it: the very point of it, to Mi. An Page.
Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any reasonable demands.
But can you affection the 'o-man, let vs command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips: for diuers Philosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of the mouth: therfore precisely, cā you carry your good wil to y e maid?
Cosen Abraham Slender, can you loue her?
I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one that would doe reason.
Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speake possitable, if you can carry-her your desires towards her.
I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon your request (Cosen) in any reason.
Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz): what I doe is to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue the maid?
I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but if there bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauen may decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when wee are married, and haue more occasion to know one another: I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content: but if you say mary-her, I will mary-her, that I am freely dissolued, and dissolutely.
It is a fery discetion-answere; saue the fall is in the'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our meaning) resolutely: his meaning is good.
I: I thinke my Cosen meant well.
I, or else I would I might be hang'd (la.)
Here comes faire Mistris Anne; would I were yong for your sake, Mistris Anne.
The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires your worships company.
I will wait on him, (faire Mistris Anne.)
Od's plessed-wil: I wil not be absēce at the grace.
Wil't please your worship to come in, Sir?
No, I thank you forsooth, hartely; I am very well.
The dinner attends you, Sir.
I am not a-hungry, I thanke you, forsooth: goe, Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait vpon my Cosen Shallow: a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend, for a Man; I keepe but three Men, and a Boy yet, till my Mother be dead: but what though, yet I liue like a poore Gentleman borne.
I may not goe in without your worship: they will not sit till you come.
I' faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much as though I did.
I pray you Sir walke in.
I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'd my shin th' other day, with playing at Sword and Dagger with a Master of Fence (three veneys for a dish of stew'd Prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meate since. Why doe your dogs barke so? be there Beares ith' Towne?
I thinke there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of.
I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrell at it, as any man in England: you are afraid if you see the Beare loose, are you not?
I indeede Sir.
That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seene Sackerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken him by the Chaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so cride and shrekt at it, that it past: But women indeede, cannot abide'em, they are very ill-fauour'd rough things.
Come, gentle M. Slender, come; we stay for you.
Ile eate nothing, I thanke you Sir.
By cocke and pie, you shall not choose, Sir: come, come.
Nay, pray you lead the way.
Come on, Sir.
Mistris Anne: your selfe shall goe first.
Not I Sir, pray you keepe on.
Truely I will not goe first: truely-la: I will not doe you that wrong.
I pray you Sir.
Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome: you doe your selfe wrong indeede-la.
Scena Secunda.
Go your waies, and aske of Doctor Caius house, which is the way; and there dwels one Mistris Quickly; which is in the manner of his Nurse; or his dry-Nurse; or his Cooke; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer.
Well Sir.
Nay, it is petter yet: giue her this letter; for it is a'oman that altogeathers acquaintāce with Mistris Anne Page; and the Letter is to desire, and require her to solicite your Masters desires, to Mistris Anne Page: I pray you be gon: I will make an end of my dinner; ther's Pippins and Cheese to come.
Scena Tertia.
Mine Host of the Garter?
What saies my Bully Rooke? speake schollerly, and wisely.
Truely mine Host; I must turne away some of my followers.
Discard, (bully Hercules) casheere; let them wag; trot, trot.
I sit at ten pounds a weeke.
Thou'rt an Emperor ( Cesar, Keiser and Pheazar) I will entertaine Bardolfe: he shall draw; he shall tap; said I well (bully Hector?)
Doe so (good mine Host.
I haue spoke: let him follow: let me see thee froth, and liue: I am at a word: follow.
Bardolfe, follow him: a Tapster is a good trade: an old Cloake, makes a new Ierkin: a wither'd Seruing-man, a fresh Tapster: goe, adew.
It is a life that I haue desir'd: I will thriue.
O base hungarian wight: wilt y u the spigot wield.
He was gotten in drink: is not the humor cōceited?
I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox: his Thefts were too open: his filching was like an vnskilfull Singer, he kept not time.
The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest.
Conuay: the wise it call: Steale? foh: a fico for the phrase.
Well sirs, I am almost out at heeles.
Why then let Kibes ensue.
There is no remedy: I must conicatch, I must shift.
Yong Rauens must haue foode.
Which of you know Ford of this Towne?
I ken the wight: he is of substance good.
My honest Lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Two yards, and more.
No quips now Pistoll: (Indeede I am in the waste two yards about: but I am now about no waste: I am about thrift) briefely: I doe meane to make loue to Fords wife: I spie entertainment in her: shee discourses: shee carues: she giues the leere of inuitation: I can construe the action of her familier stile, & the hardest voice of her behauior (to be english'd rightly) is, I am Sir Iohn Falstafs.
He hath studied her will; and translated her will: out of honesty, into English.
The Anchor is deepe: will that humor passe?
Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husbands Purse: he hath a legend of Angels.
As many diuels entertaine: and to her Boy say I.
The humor rises: it is good: humor me the angels.
I haue writ me here a letter to her: & here another to Pages wife, who euen now gaue mee good eyes too; examind my parts with most iudicious illiads: sometimes the beame of her view, guilded my foote: sometimes my portly belly.
Then did the Sun on dung-hill shine.
I thanke thee for that humour.
O she did so course o're my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did seeme to scorch me vp like a burning-glasse: here's another letter to her: She beares the Purse too: She is a Region in Guiana: all gold, and bountie: I will be Cheaters to them both, and they shall be Exchequers to mee: they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both: Goe, beare thou this Letter to Mistris Page; and thou this to Mistris Ford: we will thriue (Lads) we will thriue.
I will run no base humor: here take the humor-Letter; I will keepe the hauior of reputation.
Wilt thou reuenge?
By Welkin, and her Star.
With wit, or Steele?
My humour shall not coole: I will incense Ford to deale with poyson: I will possesse him with yallownesse, for the reuolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour.
Thou art the Mars of Malecontents: I second thee: troope on.
Scoena Quarta.
What, Iohn Rugby, I pray thee goe to the Casement, and see if you can see my Master, Master Docter Caius comming: if he doe (I' faith) and finde any body in the house; here will be an old abusing of Gods patience, and the Kings English.
Ile goe watch.
Goe, and we'll haue a posset for't soone at night, (in faith) at the latter end of a Sea-cole-fire: An honest, willing, kinde fellow, as euer seruant shall come in house withall: and I warrant you, no tel-tale, nor no breedebate: his worst fault is, that he is giuen to prayer; hee is something peeuish that way: but no body but has his fault: but let that passe. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
I: for fault of a better.
And Master Slender's your Master?
I forsooth.
Do's he not weare a great round Beard, like a Glouers pairing-knife?
No forsooth: he hath but a little wee face; with a little yellow Beard: a Caine colourd Beard.
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
I forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is betweene this and his head: he hath fought with a Warrener.
How say you: oh, I should remember him: do's he not hold vp his head (as it were?) and strut in his gate?
Yes indeede do's he.
Well, heauen send Anne Page, no worse fortune: Tell Master Parson Euans, I will doe what I can for your Master: Anne is a good girle, and I wish —
Out alas: here comes my Master.
We shall all be shent: Run in here, good young man: goe into this Closset: he will not stay long: what Iohn Rugby? Iohn: what Iohn I say? goe Iohn, goe enquire for my Master, I doubt he be not well, that hee comes not home: (and downe, downe, adowne'a. &c.
Vat is you sing? I doe not like des-toyes: pray you goe and vetch me in my Closset, vnboyteene verd; a Box, a greene-a-Box: do intend vat I speake? a greene-a-Box.
I forsooth ile fetch it you: I am glad hee went not in himselfe: if he had found the yong man he would haue bin horne-mad.
Fe, fe, fe, fe, maifoy, il fait for ehando, Ie man voi a le Court la grand affaires.
Is it this Sir?
What Iohn Rugby, Iohn?
Here Sir.
'Tis ready Sir, here in the Porch.
By my trot: I tarry too long: od's-me: que ay ie oublie: dere is some Simples in my Closset, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leaue behinde.
Ay-me, he'll finde the yong man there, & be mad.
Good Master be content.
Wherefore shall I be content-a?
The yong man is an honest man.
What shall de honest man do in my Closset: dere is no honest man dat shall come in my Closset.
I beseech you be not so flegmaticke: heare the truth of it. He came of an errand to mee, from Parson Hugh.
Vell.
I forsooth: to desire her to —
Peace, I pray you.
Peace-a-your tongue: speake-a-your Tale.
To desire this honest Gentlewoman (your Maid) to speake a good word to Mistris Anne Page, for my Master in the way of Marriage.
This is all indeede-la: but ile nere put my finger in the fire, and neede not.
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, ballow mee some paper: tarry you a littell-a-while.
I am glad he is so quiet if he had bin throughly moued, you should haue heard him so loud, and so melancholly: but notwithstanding man, Ile doe yoe your Master what good I can: and the very yea, & the no is, y e French Doctor my Master, (I may call him my Master, looke you, for I keepe his house; and I wash, [...]ing, brew, bake, scowre, dresse meat and drinke, make the beds, and doe all my selfe.)
'Tis a great charge to come vnder one bodies hand.
Are you a-uis'd o' that? you shall finde it a great charge: and to be vp early, and down later but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your eare, I wold haue no words of it) my Master himselfe is in loue with Mistris Anne Page: but notwithstanding that I know Ans mind, that's neither heere nor there.
You, lack 'Nape: giue-'a this Letter to Sir Hugh, by gar it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Parke, and I will teach a souruy lack-a-nape Priest to meddle, or make: — you may be gon: it is not good you tarry here: by gar I will cut all his two stones: by gar, he shall not haue a stone to throw at his dogge.
Alas: he speakes but for his friend.
It is no matter'a ver dat: do not you tell-a-me dat I shall haue Anne Page for my selfe? by gar, I vill kill de Iack-Priest: and I haue appointed mine Host of de Iarteer to measure our weapon: by gar, I wil my selfe haue Anne Page.
Rugby, come to the Court with me: by gar, if I haue not Anne Page, I shall turne your head out of my dore: follow my heeles, Rugby.
You shall haue An-fooles head of your owne: No, I know Ans mind for that: neuer a woman in Windsor knowes more of Ans minde then I doe, nor can doe more then I doe with her, I thanke heauen.
Who's with in there, hoa?
Who's there, I troa? Come neere the house I pray you.
How now (good woman) how dost thou?
The better that it pleases your good Worship to aske?
What newes? how do's pretty Mistris Anne?
In truth Sir, and shee is pretty, and honest, and gentle, and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way, I praise heauen for it.
Shall I doe any good thinkst thou? shall I not loose my suit?
Troth Sir, all is in his hands aboue: but notwithstanding (Master Fenton) Ile be sworne on a booke shee loues you: haue not your Worship a wart aboue your eye?
Yes marry haue I, what of that?
Wel, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such another Nan; (but (I detest) an honest maid as euer broke bread: wee had an howres talke of that wart; I shall neuer laugh but in that maids company: but (indeed) shee is giuen too much to Allicholy and musing: but for you — well — goe too —
Well: I shall see her to day: hold, there's money for thee: Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe: if thou seest her before me, commend me. —
Will I? I faith that wee will: And I will tell your Worship more of the Wart, the next time we haue confidence, and of other wooers.
Well, fare-well, I am in great haste now.
Fare-well to your Worship: truely an honest Gentleman: but Anne loues hiim not: for I know Ans minde as well as another do's: out vpon't: what haue I forgot.
Actus Secundus.
Scoena Prima.
What, haue scap'd Loue-letters in the holly-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a subiect for them? let me see?
Aske me no reason why I loue you, for though Loue vse Reason for his precisian, hee admits him not for his Counsailour: you are not yong, no more am I: goe to then, there's simpathie: you are merry, so am I: ha, ha, then there's more simpathie: you loue sacke, and so do I: would you desire better simpathie? Let it suffice thee (Mistris Page) at the least if the Loue of Souldier can suffice, that I loue thee: I will not say pitty mee, 'tis not a Souldier-like phrase; but I say, loue me:
Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downe of men: how shall I be reueng'd on him? for reueng'd I will be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Mistris Page, trust me, I was going to your house.
And trust me, I was comming to you: you looke very ill.
Nay, Ile nere beleeee that; I haue to shew to the contrary.
'Faith but you doe in my minde.
Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shew you to the contrary: O Mistris Page, giue mee some counsaile.
What's the matter, woman?
O woman: if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour.
Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour: what is it? dispence with trifles: what is it?
If I would but goe to hell, for an eternall moment, or so: I could be knighted.
What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford? these Knights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy Gentry.
Wee burne day-light: heere, read, read: perceiue how I might bee knighted, I shall thinke the worse of fat men, as long as I haue an eye to make difference of mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare: [Page 44] praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and wel-behaued reproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I would haue sworne his disposition would haue gone to the truth of his words: but they doe no more adhere and keep place together, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of Green-sleeues: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (with so many Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor? How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best way were, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust haue melted him in his owne greace: Did you euer heare the like?
Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs: to thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, heere's the twyn-brother of thy Letter: but let thine inherit first, for I protest mine neuer shall: I warrant he hath a thousand of these Letters, writ with blancke-space for different names (sure more): and these are of the second edition: hee will print them out of doubt: for he cares not what hee puts into the presse, when he would put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse, and lye vnder Mount Pelion: Well; I will find you twentie lasciuious Turtles ere one chaste man.
Why this is the very same: the very hand: the very words: what doth he thinke of vs?
Nay I know not: it makes me almost readie to wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertaine my selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: for sure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I know not my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in this furie.
Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepe him aboue decke.
So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches, Ile neuer to Sea againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let's appoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort in his Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till hee hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter.
Nay, I wil consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: oh that my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternall food to his iealousie.
Why look where he comes; and my good man too: hee's as farre from iealousie, as I am from giuing him cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable distance.
You are the happier woman.
Let's consult together against this greasie Knight: Come hither.
Well: I hope, it be not so.
Why sir, my wife is not young.
He wooes both high and low, both rich & poor, both yong and old, one with another (Ford) he loues the Gally-mawfry (Ford) perpend.
Loue my wife?
What name Sir?
I will be patient: I will find out this.
And this is true: I like not the humor of lying: hee hath wronged mee in some humors: I should haue borne the humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword: and it shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife; There's the short and the long: My name is Corporall Nim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my name is Nim: and Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not the humour of bread and cheese: adieu.
The humour of it (quoth'a?) heere's a fellow frights English out of his wits.
I will seeke out Falstaffe.
I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue.
If I doe finde it: well.
I will not beleeue such a Cataian, though the Priest o' th' Towne commended him for a true man.
'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.
How now Meg?
Whether goe you (George?) harke you.
How now (sweet Frank) why art thou melancholy?
Haue with you: you'll come to dinner George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall bee our Messenger to this paltrie Knight.
Trust me, I thought on her: shee'll fit it.
You are come to see my daughter Anne?
I forsooth: and I pray how do's good Mistresse Anne?
Go in with vs and see: we haue an houres talke with you.
How now Master Ford?
You heard what this knaue told me, did you not?
Yes, and you heard what the other told me?
Doe you thinke there is truth in them?
Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knight would offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent towards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men: very rogues, now they be out of seruice.
Were they his men?
Marry were they.
I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turne her loose to him; and what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let it lye on my head.
I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would bee loath to turne them together: a man may be too confident: I would haue nothing lye on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.
Looke where my ranting-Host of the Garter comes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in his purse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mine Host?
How now Bully-Rooke: thou'rt a Gentleman Caueleiro Iustice, I say.
I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good-euen, and twe [...]ty (good Master Page.) Master Page, wil you go with vs? we haue sport in hand.
Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice: tell him Bully-Rooke.
Sir, there is a fray to be fought, betweene Sir Hugh the Welch Priest, and Caius the French Doctor.
Good mine Host o' th' Garter: a word with you.
What saist thou, my Bully-Rooke?
Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and (I thinke) hath appointed them contrary places: for (beleeue mee) I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I will tell you what our sport shall be.
Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-Caualeire?
None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Broome: onely for a [...]est.
My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and regresse, (said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. It is a merry Knight: will you goe An-heires?
Haue with you mine Host.
I haue heard the French-man hath good skill in his Rapier.
Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In these times you stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's, and I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page) 'tis heere, 'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my long-sword, I would haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe like Rattes.
Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag?
Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold, then fight.
Though Page be a secure foole, and stands so firmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot put-off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Pages house: and what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil looke further into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; if I finde her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.
Scoena Secunda.
I will not lend thee a penny.
Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I, with sword will open.
Not a penny: I haue beene content (Sir,) you should lay my countenance to pawne: I haue grated vpon my good friends for three Repreeues for you, and your Coach-fellow Nim; or else you had look'd through the grate, like a Geminy of Baboones: I am damn'd in hell, for swearing to Gentlemen my friends, you were good Souldiers, and tall-fellowes. And when Mistresse Bright lost the handle of her Fan, I took't vpon mine honour thou hadst it not.
Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteene pence?
Reason, you roague, reason: thinkst thou Ile endanger my soule, gratis? at a word, hang no more about mee, I am no gibbet for you: goe, a short knife, and a throng, to your Mannor of Pickt-hatch: goe, you'll not beare a Letter for mee you roague? you stand vpon your honor: why, (thou vnconfinable basenesse) it is as much as I can doe to keepe the termes of my hononor precise: I, I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of heauen on the left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am faine to shufflle: to hedge, and to lurch, and yet, you Rogue, will en-sconce your raggs; your Cat-a-Mountaine-lookes, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating-oathes, vnder the shelter of your honor? you will not doe it? you?
I doe relent: what would thou more of man?
Sir, here's a woman would speake with you.
Let her approach.
Giue your worship good morrow.
Good-morrow, good-wife.
Not so and't please your worship.
Good maid then.
I doe beleeue the swearer; what with me?
Shall I vouch-safe your worship a word, or two?
Two thousand (faire woman) and ile vouchsafe thee the hearing.
There is one Mistresse Ford, (Sir) I pray come a little neerer this waies: I my selfe dwell with M. Doctor Caius:
Well, on; Mistresse Ford, you say.
Your worship saies very true: I pray your worship come a little neerer this waies.
I warrant thee, no-bodie heares: mine owne people, mine owne people.
Are they so? heauen-blesse them, and make them his Seruants.
Well; Mistresse Ford, what of her?
Why, Sir; shee's a good-creature; Lord, Lord, your Worship's a wanton: well: heauen forgiue you, and all of vs, I pray—.
Mistresse Ford: come, Mistresse Ford.
Marry this is the short, and the long of it: you haue brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis wonderfull: the best Courtier of them all (when the Court lay at Windsor) could neuer haue brought her to such a Canarie: yet there has beene Knights, and Lords, and Gentlemen, with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach after Coach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweetly; all Muske, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silke and golde, and in such alligant termes, and in such wine and suger of the best, and the fairest, that would haue wonne any womans heart: and I warrant you, they could neuer get an eye-winke of her: I had my selfe twentie Angels giuen me this morning, but I defie all Angels (in any such sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: and I warrant you, they could neuer get her so much as sippe on a cup with the prowdest of them all, and yet there has beene Earles: nay, (which is more) Pentioners, but I warrant you all is one with her.
But what saies shee to mee? be briefe my good shee- Mercurie.
Marry, she hath receiu'd your Letter: for the which she thankes you a thousand times; and she giues you to notifie, that her husband will be absence from his house, betweene ten and eleuen.
Ten, and eleuen.
I, forsooth: and then you may come and see the picture (she sayes) that you wot of: Master Ford her husband will be from home: alas, the sweet woman leades an ill life with him: hee's a very iealousie-man; she leads a very frampold life with him, (good hart.)
Why, you say well: But I haue another messenger to your worship: Mistresse Page hath her heartie commendations to you to: and let mee tell you in your eare, shee's as fartuous a ciuill modest wife, and one (I tell you) that will not misse you morning nor euening prayer, as any is in Windsor, who ere bee the other: and shee bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldome from home, but she hopes there will come a time. I neuer knew a woman so doate vpon a man; surely I thinke you haue charmes, la: yes in truth.
Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I haue no other charmes.
Blessing on your heart for't.
But I pray thee tell me this: has Fords wife, and Pages wife acquainted each other, how they loue me?
That were a iest indeed: they haue not so little grace I hope, that were a tricke indeed: But Mistris Page would desire you to send her your little Page of al loues: her husband has a maruellous infectiō to the little Page: and truely Master Page is an honest man: neuer a wife in Windsor leades a better life then she do's: doe what shee will, say what she will, take all, pay all, goe to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and truly she deserues it; for if there be a kinde woman in Windsor, she is one: you must send her your Page, no remedie.
Why, I will.
Nay▪ but doe so then, and looke you, hee may come and goe betweene you both: and in any case haue a nay-word, that you may know one anothers minde, and the Boy neuer neede to vnderstand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickednes: olde folkes you know, haue discretion, as they say, and know the world.
Farethee-well, commend mee to them both: there's my purse, I am yet thy debter: Boy, goe along with this woman, this newes distracts me.
Saist thou so (old Iacke) go thy waies: Ile make more of thy olde body then I haue done: will they yet looke after thee? wilt thou after the expence of so much money, be now a gainer? good Body, I thanke thee: let them say 'tis grossely done, so it bee fairely done, no matter.
Sir Iohn, there's one Master Broome below would faine speake with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a mornings draught of Sacke.
Broome is his name?
I Sir.
Call him in: such Broomes are welcome to mee, that ore' flowes such liquor: ah ha, Mistresse Ford and Mistresse Page, haue I encompass'd you? goe to, via.
'Blesse you sir.
And you sir: would you speake with me?
I make bold, to presse, with so little preparation vpon you.
You'r welcome, what's your will? giue vs leaue Drawer.
Sir, I am a Gentleman that haue spent much, my name is Broome.
Good Master Broome, I desire more acquaintance of you.
Good Sir Iohn, I sue for yours: not to charge you, for I must let you vnderstand, I thinke my selfe in better plight for a Lender, then you are: the which hath something emboldned me to this vnseason'd intrusion: for they say, if money goe before, all waies doe lye open.
Money is a good Souldier (Sir) and will on.
Troth, and I haue a bag of money heere troubles me: if you will helpe to beare it (Sir Iohn) take all, or halfe, for easing me of the carriage.
Sir, I know not how I may deserue to bee your Porter.
I will tell you sir, if you will giue mee the hearing.
Speake (good Master Broome) I shall be glad to be your Seruant.
Sir, I heare you are a Scholler: (I will be briefe with you) and you haue been a man long knowne to me, though I had neuer so good means as desire, to make my selfe acquainted with you. I shall discouer a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine owne imperfection: but (good Sir Iohn) as you haue one eye vpon my follies, as you heare them vnfolded, turne another into the Register of your owne, that I may passe with a reproofe the easier, sith you your selfe know how easie it is to be such an offender.
Very well Sir, proceed.
There is a Gentlewoman in this Towne, her husbands name is Ford.
Well Sir.
I haue long lou'd her, and I protest to you, bestowed much on her: followed her with a doating obseruance: Ingross'd opportunities to meete her: fee'd euery slight occasion that could but nigardly giue mee sight of her: not only bought many presents to giue her, but haue giuen largely to many, to know what shee would haue giuen: briefly, I haue pursu'd her, as Loue hath pursued mee, which hath beene on the wing of all occasions: but whatsoeuer I haue merited, either in my minde, or in my meanes, meede I am sure I haue receiued none, vnlesse Experience be a Iewell, that I haue purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught mee to say this,
Haue you receiu'd no promise of satisfaction at her hands?
Neuer.
Haue you importun'd her to such a purpose?
Neuer.
Of what qualitie was your loue then?
Like a fair house, built on another mans ground, so that I haue lost my edifice, by mistaking the place, where I erected it.
To what purpose haue you vnfolded this to me?
When I haue told you that, I haue told you all: Some say, that though she appeare honest to mee, yet in other places shee enlargeth her mirth so farre, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now (Sir Iohn) here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authenticke in your place and person, generally allow'd for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.
O Sir.
Beleeue it, for you know it: there is money, spend it, spend it, spend more; spend all I haue, onely [Page 47] giue me so much of your time in enchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife: vse your Art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man may, you may as soone as any.
Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection that I should win what you would enioy? Methinkes you prescribe to your selfe very preposterously.
O, vnderstand my drift: she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soule dares not present it selfe: shee is too bright to be look'd against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand; my desires had instance and argument to commend themselues, I could driue her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too-too strongly embattaild against me: what say you too't, Sir Iohn?
Master Broome, I will first make bold with your money: next, giue mee your hand: and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enioy Fords wife.
O good Sir.
I say you shall.
Want no money (Sir Iohn) you shall want none.
Want no Mistresse Ford (Master Broome) you shall want none: I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her owne appointment, euen as you came in to me, her assistant, or goe-betweene, parted from me: I say I shall be with her betweene ten and eleuen: for at that time the iealious-rascally-knaue her husband will be forth: come you to me at night, you shall know how I speed.
I am blest in your acquaintance: do you know Ford Sir?
Hang him (poore Cuckoldly knaue) I know him not: yet I wrong him to call him poore: They say the iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money, for the which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd: I will vse her as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer, & ther's my haruest-home.
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might auoid him, if you saw him.
Hang him, mechanicall-salt-butter rogue; I wil stare him out of his wits: I will awe-him with my cudgell: it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns: Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate ouer the pezant, and thou shalt lye with his wife. Come to me soone at night: Ford's a knaue, and I will aggrauate his stile: thou (Master Broome) shalt know him for knaue, and Cuckold. Come to me soone at night.
What a damn'd Epicurian-Rascall is this? my heart is ready to cracke with impatience: who saies this is improuident iealousie? my wife hath sent to him, the howre is fixt, the match is made: would any man haue thought this? see the hell of hauing a false woman: my bed shall be abus'd, my Coffers ransack'd, my reputation gnawne at, and I shall not onely receiue this villanous wrong, but stand vnder the adoption of abhominable termes, and by him that does mee this wrong: Termes, names: Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well: Barbason, well: yet they are Diuels additions, the names of fiends: But Cuckold, Wittoll, Cuckold? the Diuell himselfe hath not such a name. Page is an Asse, a secure Asse; hee will trust his wife, hee will not be iealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my Cheese, an Irish-man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle, or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding, then my wife with her selfe. Then she plots, then shee ruminates, then shee deuises: and what they thinke in their hearts they may effect; they will breake their hearts but they will effect. Heauen bee prais'd for my iealousie: eleuen o' clocke the howre, I will preuent this, detect my wife, bee reueng'd on Falstaffe, and laugh at Page. I will about it, better three houres too soone, then a mynute too late: fie, fie, fie: Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold.
Scena Tertia.
Sir.
Vat is the clocke, Iack.
'Tis past the howre (Sir) that Sir Hugh promis'd to meet.
By gar, he has saue his soule, dat he is no-come: hee has pray his Pible well, dat he is no-come: by gar (Iack Rugby) he is dead already, if he be come.
Hee is wise Sir: hee knew your worship would kill him if he came.
By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him: take your Rapier, (Iacke) I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
Alas sir, I cannot fence.
Villanie, take your Rapier.
Forbeare: heer's company.
'Blesse thee, bully-Doctor.
'Saue you M r. Doctor Caius.
Now, good M r. Doctor.
'Giue you good-morrow, sir.
Vat be all you one, two, tree, fowre, come for?
To see thee fight, to see thee foigne, to see thee trauerse, to see thee heere, to see thee there, to see thee passe thy puncto, thy flock, thy reuerse, thy distance, thy montant: Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? ha Bully? what saies my Esculapius? my Galien? my heart of Elder? ha? is he dead bully-Stale? is he dead?
By gar, he is de Coward-Iack-Priest of de vorld: he is not show his face.
Thou art a Castalion-king-Vrinall: Hector of Greece (my Boy)
I pray you beare witnesse, that me haue stay, sixe or seuen, two tree howres for him, and hee is nocome.
He is the wiser man (M. Docto) rhe is a curer of soules, and you a curer of bodies: if you should fight, you goe against the haire of your professions: is it not true, Master Page?
Master Shallow; you haue your selfe beene a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
Body-kins M. Page, though I now be old, and of the peace; if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though wee are Iustices, and Doctors, and Church-men (M. Page) wee haue some salt of our youth in vs, we are the sons of women (M. Page.)
'Tis true, M r. Shallow.
It wil be found so, (M. Page:) M. Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home: I am sworn of the peace: you haue show'd your selfe a wise Physician, and Sir Hugh hath showne himselfe a wise and patient Churchman: you must goe with me, M. Doctor.
Pardon, Guest-Iustice; a Mounseur: Mocke-water.
Mock-vater? vat is dat?
Mock-water, in our English tongue, is Valour (Bully.)
By gar, then I haue as much Mock-vater as de Englishman: scuruy-Iack-dog-Priest: by gar, mee vill cut his eares.
He will Clapper-claw thee tightly (Bully.)
Clapper-de-claw? vat is dat?
That is, he will make thee amends.
By-gar, me doe looke hee shall clapper-de-claw me, for by-gar, me vill haue it.
And I will prouoke him to't, or let him wag.
Me tanck you for dat.
And moreouer, (Bully) but first, M r. Ghuest, and M. Page, & eeke Caualeiro Slender, goe you through the Towne to Frogmore.
Sir Hugh is there, is he?
He is there, see what humor he is in: and I will bring the Doctor about by the Fields: will it doe well?
We will doe it.
Adieu, good M. Doctor.
By-gar, me vill kill de Priest, for he speake for a Iack-an-Ape to Anne Page.
Let him die: sheath thy impatience: throw cold water on thy Choller: goe about the fields with mee through Frogmore, I will bring thee where Mistris Anne Page is, at a Farm-house a Feasting: and thou shalt wooe her: Cride-game, said I well?
By-gar, mee dancke you vor dat: by gar I loue you: and I shall procure 'a you de good Guest: de Earle, de Knight, de Lords, de Gentlemen, my patients.
For the which, I will be thy aduersary toward Anne Page: said I well?
By-gar, 'tis good: vell said.
Let vs wag then.
Come at my heeles, Iack Rugby.
Actus Tertius.
Scoena Prima.
I pray you now, good Master Slenders seruing-man, and friend Simple by your name; which way haue you look'd for Master Caius, that calls himselfe Doctor of Phisicke.
Marry Sir, the pittie-ward, the Parke-ward: euery way: olde Windsor way, and euery way but the Towne-way.
I most fehemently desire you, you will also looke that way.
I will sir.
'Plesse my soule: how full of Chollors I am, and trempling of minde: I shall be glad if he haue deceiued me: how melancholies I am? I will knog his Vrinalls about his knaues costard, when I haue good oportunities for the orke: 'Plesse my soule: To shallow Ruiers to whose falls: melodious Birds sings Madrigalls: There will we make our Peds of Roses: and a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow: 'Mercie on mee, I haue a great dispositions to cry. Melodious birds sing Madrigalls: — When as I sat in Pabilon: and a thousand vagram Posies. To shallow, &c.
Yonder he is comming, this way, Sir Hugh.
No weapons, Sir: there comes my Master, M r. Shallow, and another Gentleman; from Frogmore, ouer the stile, this way.
Pray you giue mee my gowne, or else keepe it in your armes.
How now Master Parson? good morrow good Sir Hugh: keepe a Gamester from the dice, and a good Studient from his booke, and it is wonderfull.
Ah sweet Anne Page.
'Saue you, good Sir Hugh.
'Plesse you from his mercy-sake, all of you.
And youthfull still, in your doublet and hose, this raw-rumaticke day?
There is reasons, and causes for it.
We are come to you, to doe a good office, M r. Parson.
Fery-well: what is it?
Yonder is a most reuerend Gentleman; who (be-like) hauing receiued wrong by some person, is at most odds with his owne grauity and patience, that euer you saw.
I haue liued foure-score yeeres, and vpward: I neuer heard a man of his place, grauity, and learning, so wide of his owne respect.
What is he?
I thinke you know him: M r. Doctor Caius the renowned French Physician.
Got's-will, and his passion of my heart: I had as lief you would tell me of a messe of porredge.
Why?
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and hee is a knaue besides: a cowardly knaue, as you would desires to be acquainted withall.
I warrant you, hee's the man should fight with him.
O sweet Anne Page.
It appeares so by his weapons: keepe them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius.
Nay good M r. Parson, keepe in your weapon.
So doe you, good M r. Doctor.
Disarme them, and let them question: let them keepe their limbs whole, and hack our English.
I pray you let-a-mee speake a word with your eare; vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
Pray you vse your patience in good time.
By-gar, you are de Coward: de Iack dog: Iohn Ape.
Pray you let vs not be laughing-stocks to other mens humors: I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: I will knog your Vrinal about your knaues Cogs-combe.
Diablo: Iack Rugby: mine Host de Iarteer: haue I not stay for him, to kill him? haue I not at deplace I did appoint?
As I am a Christians-soule, now looke your: this is the place appointed, Ile bee iudgement by mine Host of the Garter.
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaule, French & Welch, Soule-Curer, and Body-Curer.
I, dat is very good, excellant.
Peace, I say: heare mine Host of the Garter, Am I politi [...]ke? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiuell?
Shall I loose my Doctor? No, hee giues me the Potions and the Motions. Shall I loose my Parson? my Priest? my Sir Hugh? No, he giues me the Prouerbes, and the No-verbes. Giue me thy hand (Celestiall) so: Boyes of Art, I haue deceiu'd you both: I haue directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skinnes are whole, and let burn'd Sacke be the issue: Come, lay their swords to pawne: Follow me, Lad of peace, follow, follow, follow.
Trust me, a mad Host: follow Gentlemen, follow.
O sweet Anne Page.
Ha' do I perceiue dat? Haue you make-a-de-sot of vs, ha, ha?
This is well, he has made vs his vlowting-stog: I desire you that we may be friends: and let vs knog our praines together to be reuenge on this same scall scuruy-cogging-companion the Host of the Garter.
By gar, with all my heart: he promise to bring me where is Anne Page: by gar he deceiue me too.
Well, I will smite his noddles: pray you follow.
Scena Secunda.
Nay keepe your way (little Gallant) you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a Leader: whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your masters heeles?
I had rather (forsooth) go before you like a man, then follow him like a dwarfe.
O you are a flattering boy, now I see you'l be a Courtier.
Well met mistris Page, whether go you.
Truly Sir, to see your wife, is she at home?
I, and as idle as she may hang together for want of company: I thinke if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.
Be sure of that, two other husbands.
Where had you this pretty weather-cocke?
I cannot tell what (the dickens) his name is my husband had him of, what do you cal your Knights name sirrah?
Sir. Iohn Falstaffe.
Sir. Iohn Falstaffe.
He, he, I can neuer hit on's name; there is such a league betweene my goodman, and he: is your Wife at home indeed?
Indeed she is.
By your leaue sir, I am sicke till I see her.
Has Page any braines? Hath he any eies? Hath he any thinking? Sure they sleepe, he hath no vse of them: why this boy will carrie a letter twentie mile as easie, as a Canon will shoot point-blanke twelue score: hee peeces out his wiues inclination; he giues her folly motion and advantage; and now she's going to my wife, & Falstaffes boy with her: A man may heare this showre sing in the winde; and Falstaffes boy with her: good plots, they are laide, and our reuolted wiues share damnation together. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife, plucke the borrowed vaile of modestie from the so-seeming Mist. Page, divulge Page himselfe for a secure and wilfull Acteon, and to these violent proceedings all my neighbors shall cry aime. The clocke giues me my Qu, and my assurance bids me search, there I shall finde Falstaffe: I shall be rather praisd for this, then mock'd, for it is as possitiue, as the earth is firme, that Falstaffe is there: I will go.
Page, &c. Well met M r Ford.
Trust me, a good knotte; I haue good cheere at home, and I pray you all go with me.
I must excuse my selfe M r Ford.
We haue linger'd about a match betweene An Page, and my cozen Slender, and this day wee shall haue our answer.
I hope I haue your good will Father Page.
I be-gar, and de Maid is loue-a-me: my nursha-Quickly tell me so mush
What say you to yong M r Fenton? He capers, he dances, he has eies of youth: he writes verses, hee speakes holliday, he smels April and May, he wil carry't, he will carry't, 'tis in his buttons, he will carry't.
Not by my consent I promise you. The Gentleman is of no hauing, hee kept companie with the wilde Prince, and Pointz: he is of too high a Region, he knows too much: no, hee shall not knit a knot in his fortunes, with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply: the wealth I haue waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
I beseech you heartily, some of you goe home with me to dinner: besides your cheere you shall haue sport, I will shew you a monster: M r Doctor, you shal go, so shall you M r Page, and you Sir Hugh.
Go home Iohn Rugby, I come anon.
Farewell my hearts, I will to my honest Knight Falstaffe, and drinke Canarie with him.
I thinke I shall drinke in Pipe-wine first with him, Ile make him dance. Will you go, Gentles?
Haue with you, to see this Monster.
Scena Tertia.
What Iohn, what Robert.
Quickly, quickly: Is the Buck-basket —
I warrant. What Robin I say.
Come, come, come.
Heere, set it downe.
Giue your men the charge, we must be briefe.
Marrie▪ as I told you before ( Iohn & Robert) be ready here hard-by in the Brew-house, & when I sodainly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: y t done, trudge with it in all hast, and carry it among the Whitsters in Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddie ditch, close by the Thames side.
You will do it?
Here comes little Robin.
How now my Eyas-Musket, what newes with you?
My M. Sir Iohn is come in at your backe doore (Mist. Ford, and requests your company.
You litle Iack-a-lent, haue you bin true to vs
I, Ile be sworne: my Master knowes not of your being heere: and hath threatned to put me into euerlasting liberty, if I tell you of it: for he sweares he'll turne me away.
Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be a Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new doublet and hose. Ile go hide me.
Do so: go tell thy Master, I am alone: Mistris Page, remember you your Qu.
I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me.
Go-too then: we'l vse this vnwholsome humidity, this grosse-watry Pumpion; we'll teach him to know Turtles from Iayes.
Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Why now let me die, for I haue liu'd long enough: This is the period of my ambition: O this blessed houre.
O sweet Sir Iohn.
Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Mist. Ford) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husband were dead, Ile speake it before the best Lord, I would make thee my Lady.
I your Lady Sir Iohn? Alas, I should bee a pittifull Lady.
Let the Court of France shew me such another: I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond: Thou hast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomes the Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetian admittance.
Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy foote, would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semicircled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thy foe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it.
Beleeue me, ther's no such thing in me.
What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee. Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-manie of these lisping-hauthorne buds, that come like women in mens apparrell, and smell like. Bucklers-berry in simple time: I cannot, but I loue thee, none but thee; and thou deseru'st it.
Do not betray me sir, I fear you loue M. Page.
Thou mightst as well say, I loue to walke by the Counter-gate, which is as hatefull to me, as the reeke of a Lime-kill.
Keepe in that minde, Ile deserue it.
Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page at the doore, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildely, and would needs speake with you presently.
She shall not see me, I will ensconce mee behinde the Arras.
Pray you do so, she's a very tatling woman. Whats the matter? How now?
What's the matter, good mistris Page?
O weladay, mist. Ford, hauing an honest man to your husband, to giue him such cause of suspition.
What cause of suspition?
Why (alas) what's the matter?
Your husband's comming hether (Woman) with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentleman, that he sayes is heere now in the house; by your consent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you are vndone.
'Tis not so, I hope.
Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue such a man heere: but 'tis most certaine your husband's comming, with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to serch for such a one, I come before to tell you: If you know your selfe cleere, why I am glad of it: but if you haue a friend here, conuey, conuey him out. Be not amaz'd, call all your senses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farwell to your good life for euer.
What shall I do? There is a Gentleman my deere friend: and I feare not mine owne shame so much, as his perill. I had rather then a thousand pound he were out of the house.
For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, and you had rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinke you of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hide him. Oh, how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is a basket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepe in heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him by your two men to Datchet-Meade:
He's too big to go in there: what shall I do?
What Sir Iohn Faistasse? Are these your Letters, Knight?
I loue thee, helpe mee away: let me creepe in heere: ile neuer—
Helpe to couer your master (Boy:) Call your men (Mist. Ford.) You dissembling Knight.
What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp these cloathes heere, quickly: Wher's the Cowle-staffe? Look how you drumble? Carry them to the Landresse in Datchet mead: quickly, come.
To the Landresse forsooth?
Why, what haue you to doe whether they beare it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.
Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you my dreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend my Chambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant wee'le vnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, now vncape.
This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies.
Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the yssue of his search.
Is there not a double excellency in this?
What a taking was hee in, when your husband askt who was in the basket?
I am halfe affraid he will haue neede of washing: so throwing him into the water, will doe him a benefit.
Hang him dishonest rascall: I would all of the same straine, were in the same distresse.
I thinke my husband hath some speciall suspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I neuer saw him so grosse in his iealousie till now.
I will lay a plot to try that, and wee will yet haue more trickes with Falstaffe: his dissolute disease will scarse obey this medicine.
Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist. Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and giue him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?
We will do it: let him be sent for to morrow eight a clocke to haue amends.
I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg'd of that he could not compasse.
Heard you that?
You vse me well, M. Ford? Do you?
I, I do so.
Heauen make you better then your thoghts
Amen.
You do your selfe mighty wrong (M. Ford)
I, I: I must beare it.
If there be any pody in the house, & in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen forgiue my sins at the day of iudgement.
Be gar, nor I too: there is no-bodies.
Fy, fy, M. Ford, are you not asham'd? What spirit, what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not ha your distemper in this kind, for y e welth of Windsor castle.
'Tis my fault (M. Page) I suffer for it.
You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a o' mans, as I will desires among fiue thousand, and fiue hundred too.
By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.
Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walk in the Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter make knowne to you why I haue done this. Come wife, come Mi. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly pardon me.
Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'l mock him: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my house to breakfast: after we'll a Birding together, I haue a fine Hawke for the bush. Shall it be so:
Any thing.
If there is one, I shall make two in the Companie
If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd.
Pray you go, M. Page.
I pray you now remembrance to morrow on the lowsie knaue, mine Host.
Dat is good by gar, withall my heart.
A lowsie knaue, to haue his gibes, and his mockeries.
Scoena Quarta.
Alas, how then?
Ile make a shaft or a bolt on't, slid, tis but venturing.
Be not dismaid.
Hark ye, M. Slender would speak a word with you
I had a father (M. An) my vncle can tel you good iests of him: pray you Vncle tel Mist. Anne the iest how my Father stole two Geese out of a Pen, good Vnckle.
Mistris Anne, my Cozen loues you.
I that I do, as well as I loue any woman in Glocestershire.
He will maintaine you like a Gentlewoman.
I that I will, come cut and long-taile, vnder the degree of a Squire.
He will make you a hundred and fiftie pounds ioynture.
Good Maister Shallow let him woo for himselfe.
Marrie I thanke you for it: I thanke you for that good comfort: she cals you (Coz) Ile leaue you.
Now Master Slender.
Now good Mistris Anne.
What is your will?
My will? Odd's-hart-lings, that's a prettie iest indeede: I ne're made my Will yet (I thanke Heauen:) I am not such a sickely creature, I giue Heauen praise.
I meane (M. Slender) what wold you with me?
Truely, for mine owne part, I would little or nothing with you: your father and my vncle hath made motion,: if it be my lucke, so; if not, happy man bee his dole, they can tell you how things go, better then I can: you may aske your father, heere he comes.
Nay M r Page, be not impatient.
Good M. Fenton▪ come not to my child.
She is no match for you.
Sir, will you heare me?
Speake to Mistris Page.
Good mother, do not marry me to yond foole.
I meane it not, I seeke you a better husband.
That's my master, M. Doctor.
Farewell gentle Mistris: farewell Nan.
This is my doing now: Nay, saide I, will you cast away your childe on a Foole, and a Physitian: Looke on M. Fenton, this is my doing.
Now heauen send thee good fortune, a kinde heart he hath: a woman would run through fire & water for such a kinde heart. But yet, I would my Maister had Mistris Anne, or I would M. Slender had her: or (in sooth) I would M. Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all three, for so I haue promisd, and Ile bee as good as my word, but speciously for M. Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir Iohn Falstaffe from my two Mistresses: what a beast am I to slacke it.
Scena Quinta.
Bardolfe I say.
Heere Sir.
Go, fetch me a quart of Sacke, put a tost in't. Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow of butchers Offall? and to be throwne in the Thames? Wel, if I be seru'd such another tricke, Ile haue my braines 'tane out and butter'd, and giue them to a dogge for a New-yeares gift. The rogues slighted me into the riuer with as little remorse, as they would haue drown'de a blinde bitches Puppies, fifteene i' th litter: and you may know by my size, that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sinking: if the bottome were as deepe as hell, I shold down. I had beene drown'd, but that the shore was sheluy and shallow: a death that I abhorre: for the water swelles a man; and what a thing should I haue beene, when I had beene swel'd? I should haue beene a Mountaine of Mummie.
Here's M. Quickly Sir to speake with you.
Come, let me poure in some Sack to the Thames water: for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snowbals, for pilles to coole the reines. Call her in.
Come in woman.
With Egges, Sir?
Simple of it selfe: Ile no Pullet-Spersme in my brewage. How now?
Marry Sir, I come to your worship from M. Ford.
Mist. Ford? I haue had Ford enough: I was thrown into the Ford; I haue my belly full of Ford.
Alas the day, (good-heart) that was not her fault: she do's so take on with her men; they mistooke their erection.
So did I mine, to build vpon a foolish Womans promise.
Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yern your heart to see it: her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her, betweene eight and nine: I must carry her word quickely, she'll make you amends I warrant you.
Well, I will visit her, tell her so: and bidde her thinke what a man is: Let her consider his frailety, and then iudge of my merit.
I will tell her.
Do so. Betweene nine and ten saist thou?
Eight and nine Sir.
Well, be gone: I will not misse her.
Peace be with you Sir.
I meruaile I heare not of M r Broome: he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh, heere be comes.
Blesse you Sir.
That indeed (Sir Iohn) is my businesse.
And sped you Sir?
very ill-fauouredly M. Broome.
How so sir, did she change her determination?
No (M. Broome) but the peaking Curnuto her husband (M. Broome) dwelling in a continual larum of ielousie, coms me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embrast, kist, protested, & (as it were) spoke the prologue of our Comedy: and at his heeles, a rabble of his companions, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper, and (forsooth) to serch his house for his wiues Loue.
What? While you were there?
While I was there.
And did he search for you, & could not find you?
You shall heare. As good lucke would haue it, comes in one Mist. Page▪ giues intelligence of Fords approch: and in her inuention, and Fords wiues distraction, they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket.
A Buck-basket?
Yes: a Buck-basket: ram'd mee in with foule Shirts and Smockes, Socks, foule Stockings, greasie Napkins, that (Master Broome) there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that euer offended nostrill.
And how long lay you there?
Nay, you shall heare (Master Broome) what I hau [...] sufferd, to bring this woman to euill, for your good: Being thus cram'd in the Basket, a couple of Fords knaues, his Hindes, were cald forth by their Mistris, to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes to Datchet-lane: they tooke me on their shoulders: met the iealous knaue their Master in the doore; who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their Basket? I quak'd for feare least the Lunatique Knaue would haue search'd it: but Fate (ordaining he should be a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on went hee, for a search, and away went I for foule Cloathes: But marke the sequell (Master Broome) I suffered the pangs of three seuerall deaths: First, an intollerable fright, to be detected with a iealious rotten Bell-weather: Next to be compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circumference of a Pecke, hilt to point, heele to head. And then to be stopt in like a strong distillation with stinking Cloathes, that fretted in their owne grease: thinke of that, a man of my Kidney; thinke of that, that am as subiect to heate as butter; a man of continuall dissolution, and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation. And in the height of this Bath (when I was more then halfe stew'd in grease (like a Dutchdish) to be throwne into the Thames, and coold, glowing-hot, in that serge like a Horseshoo; thinke of that; hissing hot: thinke of that (Master Broome.)
Master Broome: I will be throwne into Etna, as I haue beene into Thames, ere I will leaue her thus; her Husband is this morning gone a Birding: I haue receiued from her another ambassie of meeting: 'twixt eight and nine is the houre (Master Broome.)
'Tis past eight already Sir.
Is it? I will then addresse mee to my appointment: Come to mee at your conuenient leisure, and you shall know how I speede: and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enioying her: adiew: you shall haue her (Master Broome) Master Broome, you shall cuckold Ford.
Hum: ha? Is this a vision? Is this a dreame? doe I sleepe? Master Ford awake, awake Master Ford: ther's a hole made in your best coate (Master Ford:) this 'tis to be married; this 'tis to haue Lynnen, and Buck-baskets: Well, I will proclaime my selfe what I am: I will now take the Leacher: hee is at my house: hee cannot scape me: 'tis impossible hee should: hee cannot creepe into a halfe-penny purse, nor into a Pepper-Boxe: But least the Diuell that guides him, should aide him, I will search impossible places: though what I am, I cannot auoide; yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame: If I haue hornes, to make one mad, let the prouerbe goe with me, Ile be hornemad.
Actus Quartus.
Scoena Prima.
Is he at M. Fords already think'st thou?
Sure he is by this; or will be presently; but truely he is very couragious mad, about his throwing into the water. Mistris Ford desires you to come sodainely.
Ile be with her by and by: Ile but bring my yong-man here to Schoole: looke where his Master comes; 'tis a playing day I see: how now Sir Hugh, no Schoole to day?
No: Master Slender is let the Boyes leaue to play.
'Blessing of his heart.
Sir Hugh, my husband saies my sonne profits nothing in the world at his Booke: I pray you aske him some questions in his Accidence.
Come hither William; hold vp your head; come.
Come-on Sirha; hold vp your head; answere your Master, be not afraid.
William, how many Numbers is in Nownes?
Two.
Truely, I thought there had bin one Number more, because they say od's-Nownes.
Peace, your tatlings. What is (Faire) William?
Pulcher.
Powlcats? there are fairer things then Powlcats, sure.
You are a very simplicity o' man: I pray you peace. What is (Lapis) William?
A Stone.
And what is a Stone (William?)
A Peeble.
No; it is Lapis: I pray you remember in your praine.
Lapis.
That is a good William: what is he (William) that do's lend Articles.
Articles are borrowed of the Pronoune; and be thus declined. Singulariter nominatiuo hic haec, hoc.
Nominatiuo hig, hag, hog: pray you marke: genitiuo huius: Well: what is your Accusatiue-case?
Accusatiuo hinc.
I pray you haue your remembrance (childe) Accusatiuo hing, hang, hog.
Hang-hog, is latten for Bacon, I warrant you.
Leaue your prables (o' man) What is the Focatiue case (William?)
O, Vocatiuo, O.
Remember William, Focatiue, is caret.
And that's a good roote.
O' man, forbeare.
Peace.
What is your Genitiue case plurall (William?)
Genitiue case?
I.
Genitiue horum, harum, horum.
'Vengeance of Ginyes case; fie on her; neuer name her (childe) if she be a whore.
For shame o' man.
You doe ill to teach the childe such words: hee teaches him to hic, and to hac; which they'll doe fast enough of themselues, and to call horum; fie vpon you.
O' man, art thou Lunaties? Hast thou no vnderstandings for thy Cases, & the numbers of the Genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures, as I would desires.
Pre'thee hold thy peace.
Shew me now (William) some declensions of your Pronounes.
Forsooth, I haue forgot.
It is Qui, que, quod; if you forget your Quies, your Ques, and your Quods, you must be preeches: Goe your waies and play, go.
He is a better scholler then I thought he was.
He is a good sprag-memory: Farewel Mis. Page.
Scena Secunda.
Mi. Ford, Your sorrow hath eaten vp my sufferance; I see you are obsequious in your loue, and I professe requitall to a haires bredth, not onely Mist. Ford, in the simple office of loue, but in all the accustrement, complement, and ceremony of it: But are you sure of your husband now?
Hee's a birding (sweet Sir Iohn.)
What hoa, gossip Ford: what hoa.
Step into th' chamber, Sir Iohn.
How now (sweete heart) whose at home besides your selfe?
Why none but mine owne people.
Indeed?
No certainly: Speake louder.
Truly, I am so glad you haue no body here.
Why?
Why woman, your husband is in his olde lines againe: he so takes on yonder with my husband, so railes against all married mankinde; so curses all Eues daughters, of what complexion soeuer; and so buffettes himselfe on the for-head: crying peere-out, peere-out, that any madnesse I euer yet beheld, seem'd but tamenesse, ciuility, and patience to this his distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat Knight is not heere.
Why, do's he talke of him?
Of none but him, and sweares he was caried out the last time hee search'd for him, in a Basket: Protests to my husband he is now heere, & hath drawne him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspition: But I am glad the Knight is not heere; now he shall see his owne foolerie.
How neere is he Mistris Page?
Hard by, at street end; he wil be here anon.
I am vndone, the Knight is heere.
Why then you are vtterly sham'd, & hee's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with him, away with him▪ Better shame, then murther.
Which way should he go? How should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket againe?
Alas: three of M r. Fords brothers watch the doore with Pistols, that none shall issue out: otherwise you might slip away ere hee came: But what make you heere?
What shall I do? Ile creepe vp into the chimney.
There they alwaies vse to discharge their Birding-peeces: creepe into the Kill-hole.
Where is it?
He will seeke there on my word: Neyther Presse, Coffer, Chest, Trunke, Well, Vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his Note: There is no hiding you in the house.
Ile go out then.
If you goe out in your owne semblance, you die Sir Iohn, vnlesse you go out disguis'd.
How might we disguise him?
Alas the day I know not, there is no womans gowne bigge enough for him: otherwise he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchiefe, and so escape.
Good hearts, deuise something: any extremitie, rather then a mischiefe.
My Maids Aunt the fat woman of Brainford, has a gowne aboue.
On my word it will serue him: shee's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: run vp Sir Iohn.
Go, go, sweet Sir Iohn: Mistriis Page and I will looke some linnen for your head.
Quicke, quicke, wee'le come dresse you straight: put on the gowne the while.
I would my husband would meete him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford; he sweares she's a witch, forbad her my house, and hath threatned to beate her.
Heauen guide him to thy husbands cudgell: and the diuell guide his cudgell afterwards.
But is my husband comming?
I in good sadnesse is he, and talkes of the basket too, howsoeuer he hath had intelligence.
Wee'l try that: for Ile appoint my men to carry the basket againe, to meete him at the doore with it, as they did last time.
Nay, but hee'l be heere presently: let's go dresse him like the witch of Brainford.
Ile first direct direct my men, what they shall doe with the basket: Goe vp, Ile bring linnen for him straight.
Go Sirs, take the basket againe on your shoulders: your Master is hard at doore: if hee bid you set it downe, obey him: quickly, dispatch.
Come, come, take it vp.
Pray heauen it be not full of Knight againe.
I hope not, I had liefe as beare so much lead.
I, but if it proue true (M r. Page) haue you any way then to vnfoole me againe. Set downe the basket villaine: some body call my wife: Youth in a basket: Oh you Panderly Rascals, there's a knot: a gin, a packe, a conspiracie against me: Now shall the diuel be sham'd. What wife I say: Come, come forth: behold what honest [Page 55] cloathes you send forth to bleaching.
Why, this passes M. Ford: you are not to goe loose any longer, you must be pinnion'd.
Why, this is Lunaticks: this is madde, as a mad dogge.
Indeed M. Ford, thi is not well indeed.
So say I too Sir, come hither Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the vertuous creature, that hath the iealious foole to her husband: I suspect without cause (Mistris) do I?
Heauen be my witnesse you doe, if you suspect me in any dishonesty.
Well said Brazon-face, hold it out: Come forth sirrah.
This passes.
Are you not asham'd, let the cloths alone.
I shall finde you anon.
'Tis vnreasonable; will you take vp your wiues cloathes? Come, away.
Empty the basket I say.
Why man, why?
Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conuay'd out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may not he be there againe, in my house I am sure he is: my Intelligence is true, my iealousie is reasonable, pluck me out all the linnen.
If you find a man there, he shall dye a Fleas death.
Heer's no man.
By my fidelity this is not well M r. Ford: This wrongs you.
M r Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your owne heart: this is iealousies.
Well, hee's not heere I seeke for.
No, nor no where else but in your braine.
Helpe to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seeke, shew no colour for my extremity: Let me for euer be your Table-sport: Let them say of me, as iealous as Ford, that search'd a hollow Wall-nut for his wiues Lemman. Satisfie me once more, once more serch with me.
What hoa (Mistris Page,) come you and the old woman downe: my husband will come into the Chamber.
Old woman? what old womans that?
Why it is my maids Aunt of Brainford.
A witch, a Queane, an olde couzening queane: Haue I not forbid her my house. She comes of errands do's she? We are simple men, wee doe not know what's brought to passe vnder the profession of Fortune-telling. She workes by Charmes, by Spels, by th' Figure, & such dawbry as this is, beyond our Element: wee know nothing. Come downe you Witch, you Hagge you, come downe I say.
Nay, good sweet husband, good Gentlemen, let him strike the old woman.
Come mother Prat, Come giue me your hand.
Ile Prat-her: Out of my doore, you Witch, you Ragge, you Baggage, you Poulcat, you Runnion, out, out: Ile coniure you, Ile fortune-tell you.
Are you not asham'd? I thinke you haue kill'd the poore woman.
Nay he will do it, 'tis a goodly credite for you.
Hang her witch.
By yea, and no, I thinke the o' man is a witch indeede: I like not when a o' man has a great peard; I spie a great peard vnder his muffler.
Will you follow Gentlemen, I beseech you follow: see but the issue of my iealousie: If I cry out thus vpon no traile, neuer trust me when I open againe.
Trust me he beate him most pittifully.
Nay by th' Masse that he did not: he beate him most vnpittifully, me thought.
Ile haue the cudgell hallow'd, and hung ore the Altar, it hath done meritorious seruice.
What thinke you? May we with the warrant of woman hood, and the witnesse of a good conscience, pursue him with any further reuenge?
The spirit of wantonnesse is sure scar'd out of him, if the diuell haue him not in fee-simple, with fine and recouery, he will neuer (I thinke) in the way of waste, attempt vs againe.
Shall we tell our husbands how wee haue seru'd him?
Yes, by all meanes: if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husbands braines: if they can find in their hearts, the poore vnuertuous fat Knight shall be any further afflicted, wee two will still bee the ministers.
Ile warrant, they'l haue him publiquely sham'd, and me thinkes there would be no period to the iest, should he not be publikely sham'd.
Scena Tertia.
Sir, the Germane desires to haue three of your horses: the Duke himselfe will be to morrow at Court, and they are going to meet him.
What Duke should that be comes so secretly? I heare not of him in the Court: let mee speake with the Gentlemen, they speake English?
I Sir? Ile call him to you.
They shall haue my horses, but Ile make them pay: Ile sauce them, they haue had my houses a week at commaund: I haue turn'd away my other guests, they must come off, Ile sawce them, come.
Scena Quarta.
'Tis one of the best discretions of a o' man as euer I did looke vpon.
And did he send you both these Letters at an instant?
VVithin a quarter of an houre.
There is no better way then that they spoke of.
How? to send him word they'll meete him in the Parke at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll neuer come.
You say he has bin throwne in the Riuers: and has bin greeuously peaten, as an old o' man: me-thinkes there should be terrors in him, that he should not come: Me-thinkes his flesh is punish'd, hee shall haue no desires.
So thinke I too.
I will teach the children their behauiours: and I will be like a Iacke-an-Apes also, to burne the Knight with my Taber.
My Nan shall be the Queene of all the Fairies, finely attired in a robe of white.
Scena Quinta.
What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick skin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke, snap.
Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Falstaffe from M. Slender.
There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted about with the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock and call: hee'l speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto thee: Knocke I say.
There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp into his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come downe: I come to speake with her indeed.
Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd: Ile call, Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thy Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine Ephesian cals.
How now, mine Host?
Here's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the comming downe of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) let her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priuacy? Fie.
There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euen now with me, but she's gone.
Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman of Brainford?
I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would you with her?
My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her seeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whether one Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a chaine, had the chaine, or no.
I spake with the old woman about it.
And what sayes she, I pray Sir?
Marry shee sayes, that the very same man that beguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it.
I would I could haue spoken with the Woman [Page 57] her selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with her too, from him.
What are they? let vs know.
I: come: quicke.
I may not conceale them (Sir.)
Conceale them, or thou di'st.
Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistris Anne Page, to know if it were my Masters fortune to haue her, or no.
'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
What Sir?
To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman told me so.
May I be bold to say so Sir?
I Sir: like who more bold.
I thanke your worship: I shall make my Master glad with these tydings.
Thou are clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn) was there a wise woman with thee?
I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taught me more wit, then euer I learn'd before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.
Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage.
Where be my horses? speake well of them varletto.
Run away with the cozoners: for so soone as I came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from behinde one of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres, and away; like three Germane-diuels; three Doctor Faustaffes.
They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine) doe not say they be fled: Germanes are honest men.
Where is mine Host?
What is the matter Sir?
Haue a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to Towne, tels mee there is three Cozen-Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Readins, of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: I tell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and full of gibes, and vlouting-stocks: and 'tis not conuenient you should be cozoned. Fare you well.
Ver' is mine Host de Iarteere?
Here (Master Doctor) in perplexitie, and doubtfull delemma.
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, dat you make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: by my trot: der is no Duke that the Court is know, to come: I tell you for good will: adieu.
Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, I am vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am vndone.
I would all the world might be cozond, for I haue beene cozond and beaten too: if it should come to the eare of the Court, how I haue beene transformed; and how my transformation hath beene washd, and cudgeld, they would melt mee out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-falne as a dride-peare: I neuer prosper'd, since I forswore my selfe at Primer [...]: well, if my winde were but long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence come you?
From the two parties forsooth.
The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam the other: and so they shall be both bestowed; I haue suffer'd more for their sakes; more then the villanous inconstancy of mans disposition is able to beare.
And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beaten blacke and blew, that you cannot see a white spot about her.
What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? I was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Rainebow: and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch of Braineford, but that my admirable dexteritie of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer'd me, the knaue Constable had set me ith' Stocks, ith' common Stocks, for a Witch.
Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber, you shall heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to your content: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts) what a-doe here is to bring you together? Sure, one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are so cross'd.
Come vp into my Chamber.
Scena Sexta.
Master Fenton, talke not to mee, my minde is heauy: I will giue ouer all.
I will heare you (Master Fenton) and I will (at the least) keepe your counsell.
Which meanes she to deceiue? Father, or Mother.
Actus Quintus.
Scoena Prima.
Pre'thee no more pratling: go, Ile hold, this is the third time: I hope good lucke lies in odde numbers: Away, go, they say there is Diuinity in odde Numbers, either in natiuity, chance, or death: away.
Ile prouide you a chaine, and Ile do what I can to get you a paire of hornes.
Away I say, time weares, hold vp your head & mince. How now M. Broome? Master Broome, the matter will be knowne to night, or neuer. Bee you in the Parke about midnight, at Hernes-Oake, and you shall see wonders.
Went you not to her yesterday (Sir) as you told me you had appointed?
I went to her (Master Broome) as you see, like a poore-old-man, but I came from her (Master Broome) like a poore-old-woman; that same knaue ( Ford hir husband) hath the sinest mad diuell of [...]ealousie in him (Master Broome) that euer gouern'd Frensie. I will tell you, he beate me greeuously, in the shape of a woman: (for in the shape of Man (Master Broome) I feare not Goliah with a Weauers beame, because I know also, life is a Shuttle) I am in hast, go along with mee, Ile tell you all (Master Broome:) since I pluckt Geese, plaide Trew [...]nt, and whipt Top, I knew not what 'twas to be beaten, till lately. Follow mee, Ile tell you strange things of this knaue Ford, on whom to night I will be reuenged, and I will deliuer his wife into your hand. Follow, straunge things in hand (M. Broome) follow.
Scena Secunda.
Come, come: wee'll couch i' th Castle-ditch, till we see the light of our Fairies. Remember son Slender, my
I forsooth, I haue spoke with her, & we haue a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry Mum; she cries Budget, and by that we know one another.
That's good too: But what needes either your Mum, or her Budget? The white will decipher her well enough. It hath strooke ten a'clocke.
The night is darke, Light and Spirits will become it wel: Heauen prosper our sport. No man means euill but the deuill, and we shal know him by his hornes. Lets away: follow me.
Scena Tertia.
M r Doctor, my daughter is in green, when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the Deauerie, and dispatch it quickly: go before into the Parke: we two must go together.
I know vat I haue to do, adieu.
Fare you well (Sir.) my husband will not reioyce so much at the abuse of Falstaffe, as he will chafe at the Doctors marrying my daughter: But 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, then a great deale of heartbreake.
Where is Nan now? and her troop of Fairies? and the Welch-deuill Herne?
They are all couch'd in a pit hard by Hernes Oake, with obscur'd Lights; which at the very instant of Falstaffes and our meeting, they will at once display to the night.
That cannot choose but amaze him.
If he be not amaz'd he will be mock'd: If he be amaz'd, he will euery way be mock'd.
Wee'll betray him finely.
The houre drawes-on: to the Oake, to the Oake.
Scena Quarta.
Trib, trib Fairies: Come, and remember your parts: be pold (I pray you) follow me into the pit, and when I giue the watch-'ords, do as I pid you: Come, come, trib, trib.
Scena Quinta.
The Windsor-bell hath stroke twelue: the Minute drawes-on: Now the hot-bloodied-Gods assist me: Remember lou [...], thou was't a Bull for thy Europa, Loue set on thy hornes. O powerfull Loue, that in some respects makes a Beast a Man: in som other, a Man a beast. You were also (Iupiter) a Swan, for the loue of Leda: O [Page 51] omnipotent Loue, how nere the God drew to the complexion of a Goose: a fault done first in the forme of a beast, (O Ioue, a beastly fault:) and then another fault, in the semblance of a Fowle, thinke on't (Ioue) a fowle-fault. When Gods haue hot backes, what shall poore men do? For me, I am heere a Windsor Stagge, and the fattest (I thinke) i' th Forrest. Send me a coole rut-time (Ioue) or who can blame me to pisse my Tallow? Who comes heere? my Doe?
My Doe, with the blacke Scut? Let the skie raine Potatoes: let it thunder, to the tune of Greenesleeues, haile-kissing Comfits, and snow Eringoes: Let there come a tempest of prouocation, I will shelter mee heere.
Mistris Page is come with me (sweet hart.)
Diuide me like a brib'd-Bucke, each a Haunch: I will keepe my sides to my selfe, my shoulders for the fellow of this walke; and my hornes I bequeath your husbands. Am I a Woodman, ha? Speake I like Herne the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience, he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome.
Alas, what noise?
Heauen forgiue our sinnes.
What should this be?
Away, away.
Vilde worme, thou wast ore-look'd euen in thy birth.
A triall, come.
Come: will this wood take fire?
Oh, oh, oh.
Nay do not flye, I thinke we haue watcht you now: VVill none but Herne the Hunter serue your turne?
And Master Broome, he hath enioyed nothing of Fords, but his Buck-basket, his cudgell, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to M r Broome, his horses are arrested for it, M r Broome.
Sir Iohn, we haue had ill lucke: wee could neuer meete: I will neuer take you for my Loue againe, but I will alwayes count you my Deere.
I do begin to perceiue that I am made an Asse.
I, and an Oxe too: both the proofes are extant.
And these are not Fairies▪ I was three or foure times in the thought they were not Fairies, and yet the guiltinesse of my minde, the sodaine surprize of my powers, droue the grossenesse of the foppery into a receiu'd beleefe, in despight of the teeth of all rime and reason, that they were Fairies. See now how wit may be made a Iacke-a-Lent, when 'tis vpon ill imployment.
Sir Iohn Falstaffe, serue Got, and leaue your desires, and Fairies will not pinse you.
VVell said Fairy Hugh.
And leaue you your iealouzies too, I pray you.
I will neuer mistrust my wife againe, till thou art able to woo her in good English.
Haue I laid my braine in the Sun, and dri'de it, that it wants matter to preuent so grosse ore-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welch Goate too? Shal I haue a Coxcombe of Frize? Tis time I were choak'd with a peece of toasted Cheese.
Seese is not good to giue putter; your belly is al putter.
Seese, and Putter? Haue I liu'd to stand at the taunt of one that makes Fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the Realme.
Why Sir Iohn, do you thinke though wee would haue thrust vertue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and haue giuen our selues without scruple to hell, that euer the deuill could haue made you our delight?
What, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax?
A puft man?
Old, cold, wither'd, and of intollerable entrailes?
And one that is as slanderous as Sathan?
And as poore as Iob?
And as wicked as his wife?
And giuen to Fornications, and to Tauernes, and Sacke, and Wine, and Metheglins, and to drinkings and swearings, and starings? Pribles and prables?
Well, I am your Theame: you haue the start of me. I am deiected: I am not able to answer the Welch Flannell, Ignorance it selfe is a plummet ore me, vse me as you will.
Marry Sir, wee'l bring you to Windsor to one M r Broome, that you haue cozon'd of money, to whom you should haue bin a Pander: ouer and aboue that you haue suffer'd, I thinke, to repay that money will be a biting affliction.
Yet be cheerefull Knight▪ thou shalt eat a posset to night at my house, wher I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughes at thee: Tell her M r Slender hath married her daughter.
Doctors doubt that;
If Anne Page be my daughter, she is (by this) Doctour Caius wife.
Whoa hoe, hoe, Father Page.
Dispatch'd? Ile make the best in Gloftershire know on't: would I were hang'd la, else.
Of what sonne?
I came yonder at Eaton to marry Mistris Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not bene i' th Church, I would haue swing'd him, or hee should haue swing'd me. If I did not thinke it had beene Anne Page, would I might neuer stirre, and 'tis a Post-masters Boy.
Vpon my life then, you tooke the wrong.
What neede you tell me that? I think so, when I tooke a Boy for a Girle: If I had bene married to him, (for all he was in womans apparrell) I would not haue had him.
I went to her in greene, and cried Mum, and she cride budget, as Anne and I had appointed, and yet it was not Anne, but a Post-masters boy.
Good George be not angry, I knew of your purpose: turn'd my daughter into white, and indeede she is now with the Doctor at the Deanrie, and there married.
Ver is Mistris Page: by gar I am cozoned, I ha married oon Garsoon, a boy; oon pesant, by gar. A boy, it is not An Page, by gar, I am cozened.
VVhy? did you take her in white?
I bee gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, Ile raise all Windsor.
This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne?
Pardon good father, good my mother pardon
Why went you not with M r Doctor, maid?
I am glad, though you haue tane a special stand to strike at me, that your Arrow hath glanc'd.
Well, what remedy? Fenton, heauen giue thee ioy, what cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd.
When night-dogges run, all sorts of Deere are chac'd.
MEASVRE, For Measure.
Actus primus,
Scena prima.
EScalus.
My Lord.
Looke where he comes.
The heauens giue safety to your purposes.
Lead forth, and bring you backe in happinesse.
Ile wait vpon your honor.
Scena Secunda.
If the Duke, with the other Dukes, come not to composition with the King of Hungary, why then all the Dukes fall vpon the King.
Heauen grant vs its peace, but not the King of Hungaries.
Amen.
Thou conclud'st like the Sanctimonious Pirat, that went to sea with the ten Commandements, but scrap'd one out of the Table.
Thou shalt not Steale?
I, that he raz'd.
Why? 'twas a commandement, to command the Captaine and all the rest from their functions: they put forth to steale: There's not a Souldier of vs all, that in the thanks-giuing before meate, do rallish the petition well, that praies for peace.
I neuer heard any Souldier dislike it.
I beleeue thee: for I thinke thou neuer was't where Grace was said.
No? a dozen times at least.
What? In meeter?
In any proportion. or in any language.
I thinke, or in any Religion.
I, why not? Grace, is Grace, despight of all controuersie: as for example; Thou thy selfe art a wicked villaine, despight of all Grace.
Well: there went but a paire of sheeres betweene vs.
I grant: as there may betweene the Lists, and the Veluet. Thou art the List.
And thou the Veluet; thou art good veluet; thou'rt a three pild-peece I warrant thee: I had as liefe be a Lyst of an English Kersey, as be pil'd, as thou art pil'd, for a French Veluet. Do I speake feelingly now?
I thinke thou do'st: and indeed with most painfull feeling of thy speech: I will, out of thine owne confession, learne to begin thy health; but, whilst I liue forget to drinke after thee.
I think I haue done my selfe wrong, haue I not?
Yes, that thou hast; whether thou art tainted, or free.
Behold, behold, where Madam Mitigation comes. I haue purchas'd as many diseases vnder her Roofe, As come to
To what, I pray?
Iudge.
To three thousand Dollours a yeare.
I, and more.
A French crowne more.
Thou art alwayes figuring diseases in me; but thou art full of error, I am sound.
Nay, not (as one would say) healthy: but so sound, as things that are hollow; thy bones are hollow; Impiety has made a feast of thee.
How now, which of your hips has the most profound Ciatica?
Well, well: there's one yonder arrested, and carried to prison, was worth fiue thousand of you all.
Who's that I pray'thee?
Marry Sir, that's Claudio, Signior Claudio.
Claudio to prison? 'tis not so.
Nay, but I know 'tis so: I saw him arrested: saw him carried away: and which is more, within these three daies his head to be chop'd off.
But, after all this fooling, I would not haue it so: Art thou sure of this?
I am too sure of it: and it is for getting Madam Iulietta with childe.
Beleeue me this may be: he promis'd to meete me two howres since, and he was euer precise in promise keeping.
Besides you know, it drawes somthing neere to the speech we had to such a purpose.
But most of all agreeing with the proclamatiō.
Away: let's goe learne the truth of it.
Thus, what with the war; what with the sweat, what with the gallowes, and what with pouerty, I am Custom-shrunke. How now? what's the newes with you.
Yonder man is carried to prison.
Well: what has he done?
A Woman.
But what's his offence?
Groping for Trowts, in a peculiar Riuer.
What? is there a maid with child by him?
No: but there's a woman with maid by him you haue not heard of the proclamation, haue you?
What proclamation, man?
All howses in the Suburbs of Vienna must bee pluck'd downe.
And what shall become of those in the Citie?
They shall stand for seed: they had gon down to, but that a wise Burger put in for them.
But shall all our houses of resort in the Suburbs be puld downe?
To the ground, Mistris.
Why heere's a change indeed in the Commonwealth: what shall become of me?
Come: feare not you: good Counsellors lacke no Clients: though you change your place, you neede not change your Trade: Ile bee your Tapster still; courage, there will bee pitty taken on you; you that haue worne your eyes almost out in the seruice, you will bee considered.
What's to doe heere, Thomas Tapster? let's withdraw?
Here comes Signior Claudio, led by the Prouost to prison: and there's Madam Iuliet.
Scena Tertia.
Fellow, why do'st thou show me thus to th' world? Beare me to prison, where I am committed.
I do it not in euill disposition, But from Lord Angelo by speciall charge.
Why how now Claudio▪ whence comes this restraint.
If I could speake so wisely vnder an arrest, I would send for certaine of my Creditors: and yet, to say the truth, I had as lief haue the foppery of freedome, as the mortality of imprisonment: what's thy offence, Claudio?
What (but to speake of) would offend againe.
What, is't murder?
No.
Lecherie?
Call it so.
Away, Sir, you must goe.
With childe, perhaps?
I warrant it is: And thy head stands so tickle on thy shoulders, that a milke-maid, if she be in loue, may sigh it off: Send after the Duke, and appeale to him.
I pray shee may; aswell for the encouragement of the like, which else would stand vnder greeuous imposition: as for the enioying of thy life, who I would be sorry should bee thus foolishly lost, at a game of ticke-tacke: Ile to her.
I thanke you good friend Lucio.
Within two houres.
Come Officer, away.
Scena Quarta.
May your Grace speake of it?
Gladly, my Lord.
Scena Quinta.
And haue you Nuns no farther priuiledges?
Are not these large enough?
Hoa? peace be in this place.
Who's that which cals?
Peace and prosperitie: who is't that cals?
Woe me; for what?
Sir, make me not your storie.
You doe blaspheme the good, in mocking me.
Some one with childe by him? my cosen Iuliet?
Is she your cosen?
Adoptedly, as schoole-maids change their names By vaine, though apt affection.
She it is.
Oh, let him marry her.
Alas: what poore Abilitie's in me, to doe him good.
Assay the powre you haue.
My power? alas, I doubt.
Ile see what I can doe.
But speedily.
I take my leaue of you.
Good sir, adieu.
Actus Secundus.
Scoena Prima.
Be it as your wisedome will.
Where is the Prouost?
Here if it like your honour.
Come, bring them away: if these be good people in a Common-weale, that doe nothing but vse their abuses in common houses, I know no law: bring them away.
How now Sir, what's your name? And what's the matter?
If it please your honour, I am the poore Dukes Constable, and my name is Elbow; I doe leane vpon Iustice Sir, and doe bring in here before your good honor, two notorious Benefactors.
Benefactors? Well: What Benefactors are they? Are they not Malefactors?
If it please your honour, I know not well what they are: But precise villaines they are, that I am sure of and void of all prophanation in the world, that good Christians ought to haue.
This comes off well: here's a wise Officer.
He cannot Sir: he's out at Elbow.
What are you Sir?
He Sir: a Tapster Sir: parcell Baud: one that serues a bad woman: whose house Sir was (as they say) pluckt downe in the Suborbs: and now shee professes a hot-house; which, I thinke is a very ill house too.
How know you that?
My wife Sir? whom I detest before heauen, and your honour.
How? thy wife?
I Sir: whom I thanke heauen is an honest woman.
Do'st thou detest her therefore?
I say sir, I will detest my selfe also, as well as she, that this house, if it be not a Bauds house, it is pitty of her life, for it is a naughty house.
How do'st thou know that, Constable?
Marry sir, by my wife, who, if she had bin a woman Cardinally giuen, might haue bin accus'd in fornication, adultery, and all vncleanlinesse there.
By the womans meanes?
I sir, by Mistris Ouer-dons meanes: but as she spit in his face, so she defide him.
Sir, if it please your honor, this is not so.
Proue it before these varlets here, thou honorable man, proue it.
Doe you heare how he misplaces?
Sir, she came in great with childe: and longing (sauing your honors reuerence) for stewd prewyns; sir, we had but two in the house, which at that very distant time stood, as it were in a fruit dish (a dish of some three pence; your honours haue seene such dishes) they are not China-dishes, but very good dishes.
Go too: go too: no matter for the dish sir.
No indeede sir not of a pin; you are therein in the right: but, to the point: As I say, this Mistris Elbow, being (as I say) with childe, and being great bellied, and longing (as I said) for prewyns: and hauing but two in the dish (as I said) Master Froth here, this very man, hauing eaten the rest (as I said) & (as I say) paying for them very honestly: for, as you know Master Froth, I could not giue you three pence againe.
No indeede.
Very well: you being then (if you be remembred) cracking the stones of the foresaid prewyns.
I, so I did indeede.
Why, very well: I telling you then (if you be remembred) that such a one, and such a one, were past cure of the thing you wot of, vnlesse they kept very good diet, as I told you.
All this is true.
Why very well then.
Come: you are a tedious foole: to the purpose: what was done to Elbowes wife, that hee hath cause to complaine of? Come me to what was done to her.
Sir, your honor cannot come to that yet.
No sir, nor I meane it not.
Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honours leaue: And I beseech you, looke into Master Froth here sir, a man of foure-score pound a yeare; whose father died at Hallowmas: Was't not at Hallowmas Master Froth?
Allhallond-Eue.
Why very well: I hope here be truthes: he Sir, sitting (as I say) in a lower chaire, Sir, 'twas in the bunch of Grapes, where indeede you haue a delight to sit, haue you not?
I haue so, because it is an open roome, and good for winter.
Why very well then: I hope here be truthes.
I thinke no lesse: good morrow to your Lordship. Now Sir, come on: What was done to Elbowes wife, once more?
Once Sir? there was nothing done to her once.
I beseech you Sir, aske him what this man did to my wife.
I beseech your honor, aske me.
Well sir, what did this Gentleman to her?
I beseech you sir, looke in this Gentlemans face: good Master Froth looke vpon his honor; 'tis for a good purpose: doth your honor marke his face?
I sir, very well.
Nay, I beseech you marke it well.
Well, I doe so.
Doth your honor see any harme in his face?
Why no.
Ile be supposd vpon a booke, his face is the worst thing about him: good then: if his face be the worst thing about him, how could Master Froth doe the Constables wife any harme? I would know that of your honour.
He's in the right (Constable) what say you to it?
First, and it like you, the house is a respected house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his Mistris is a respected woman.
By this hand Sir, his wife is a more respected person then any of vs all.
Varlet, thou lyest; thou lyest wicked varlet: the time is yet to come that shee was euer respected with man, woman, or childe.
Sir, she was respected with him, before he married with her.
Which is the wiser here; Iustice or Iniquitie? Is this true?
O thou caytiffe: O thou varlet: O thou wicked Hanniball; I respected with her, before I was married to her? If euer I was respected with her, or she with me, let not your worship thinke mee the poore Dukes Officer: proue this, thou wicked Hanniball, or ile haue mine action of battry on thee.
If he tooke you a box' oth' eare, you might haue your action of slander too.
Marry I thanke your good worship for it: what is't your Worships pleasure I shall doe with this wicked Caitiffe?
Truly Officer, because he hath some offences in him, that thou wouldst discouer, if thou couldst, let him continue in his courses, till thou knowst what they are.
Marry I thanke your worship for it: Thou seest thou wicked varlet now, what's come vpon thee. Thou art to continue now thou Varlet, thou art to continue.
Where were you borne, friend?
Here in Vienna, Sir.
Are you of fourescore pounds a yeere?
Yes, and 't please you sir.
So: what trade are you of, sir?
A Tapster, a poore widdowes Tapster.
Your Mistris name?
Mistris Ouer-do [...].
Hath she had any more then one husband?
Nine, sir: Ouer-don by the last.
Nine? come hether to me, Master Froth; Master Froth, I would not haue you acquainted with Tapsters; they will draw you Master Froth, and you wil hang them: get you gon, and let me heare no more of you.
I thanke your worship: for mine owne part, I neuer come into any roome in a Tap-house, but I am drawne in.
Well: no more of it Master Froth: farewell: Come you hether to me, M r. Tapster: what's your name M r. Tapster?
Pompey.
What else?
Bum, Sir.
Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you, so that in the beastliest sence, you are Pompey the great; Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey; howsoeuer you colour it in being a Tapster, are you not? come, tell me true, it shall be the better for you.
Truly sir, I am a poore fellow that would liue.
How would you liue Pompey? by being a bawd? what doe you thinke of the trade Pompey? is it a lawfull trade?
If the Law would allow it, sir.
But the Law will not allow it Pompey; nor it shall not be allowed in Ʋienna.
Do's your Worship meane to geld and splay all the youth of the City?
No, Pompey.
Truely Sir, in my poore opinion they will too't then: if your worship will take order for the drabs and the knaues, you need not to feare the bawds.
There is pretty orders beginning I can tell you: It is but heading, and hanging.
If you head, and hang all that offend that way but for ten yeare together; you'll be glad to giue out a Commission for more heads: if this law hold in Vienna ten yeare, ile rent the fairest house in it after three pence a Bay: if you liue to see this come to passe, say Pompey told you so.
Thanke you good Pompey; and in requitall of your prophesie, harke you: I aduise you let me not finde you before me againe vpon any complaint whatsoeuer; no, not for dwelling where you doe: if I doe Pompey, I shall beat you to your Tent, and proue a shrewd Caesar to you: in plaine dealing Pompey, I shall haue you whipt; so for this time, Pompey, fare you well.
I thanke your Worship for your good counsell; but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall better determine. Whip me? no, no, let Carman whip his Iade, The valiant heart's not whipt out of his trade.
Come hether to me, Master Elbow: come hither Master Constable: how long haue you bin in this place of Constable?
Seuen yeere, and a halfe sir.
I thought by the readinesse in the office, you had continued in it some time: you say seauen yeares together.
And a halfe sir.
Alas, it hath beene great paines to you: they do you wrong to put you so oft vpon't. Are there not men in your Ward sufficient to serue it?
'Faith sir, few of any wit in such matters: as they are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them; I do it for some peece of money, and goe through with all.
Looke you bring mee in the names of some sixe or seuen, the most sufficient of your parish.
To your Worships house sir?
To my house: fare you well: what's a clocke, thinke you?
Eleuen, Sir.
I pray you home to dinner with me.
I humbly thanke you.
Lord Angelo is seuere.
Scena Secunda.
Hee's hearing of a Cause; he will come straight, I'le tell him of you.
Now, what's the matter Prouost?
Is it your will Claudio shall die to morrow?
Did not I tell thee yea? hadst thou not order? Why do'st thou aske againe?
Hath he a Sister?
'Saue your Honour.
Stay a little while: y' are welcome: what's your will?
Well: what's your suite.
Well: the matter?
Heauen giue thee mouing graces.
Must he needs die?
Maiden, no remedie.
I will not doe't.
But can you if you would?
Looke what I will not, that I cannot doe.
Hee's sentenc'd, tis too late.
You are too cold.
Pray you be gone.
I, touch him: there's the vaine.
I, well said.
Yet shew some pittie.
That's well said.
Pray heauen she win him.
Thou'rt i' th right (Girle) more o' that.
Art auis'd o' that? more on't.
Why doe you put these sayings vpon me?
Gentle my Lord, turne backe.
I will bethinke me: come againe to morrow.
Hark, how Ile bribe you: good my Lord turn back.
How? bribe me?
I, with such gifts that heauen shall share with you.
You had mar'd all else.
Well: come to me to morrow.
Goe to: 'tis well; away.
Heauen keepe your honour safe.
At any time 'fore-noone.
'Saue your Honour.
Scena Tertia.
Haile to you, Prouost, so I thinke you are.
I am the Prouost: whats your will, good Frier?
When must he dye?
Repent you (faire one) of the sin you carry?
I doe; and beare the shame most patiently.
Ile gladly learne.
Loue you the man that wrong'd you?
Yes, as I loue the woman that wrong'd him.
Mutually.
Then was your sin of heauier kinde then his.
I doe confesse it, and repent it (Father.)
'Tis pitty of him.
Scena Quarta.
One Isabell, a Sister, desires accesse to you,
I am come to know your pleasure.
Euen so: heauen keepe your Honor.
Vnder your Sentence?
Yea.
'Tis set downe so in heauen, but not in earth.
How say you?
So.
True.
Then must your brother die.
We are all fraile.
Nay, women are fraile too.
Plainlie conceiue I loue you.
He shall not Isabell if you giue me loue.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
So then you hope of pardon from Lord Angelo?
What hoa? Peace heere; Grace, and good companie.
Who's there? Come in, the wish deserues a welcome.
Deere sir, ere long Ile visit you againe.
Most bolie Sir; I thanke you.
My businesse is a word or two with Claudio.
And verie welcom: looke Signior, here's your sister.
Prouost, a word with you.
As manie as you please.
Bring them to heare me speak, where I may be conceal'd.
Now sister, what's the comfort?
Is there no remedie?
But is there anie?
Perpetuall durance?
But in what nature?
Let me know the point.
The prenzie, Angelo?
Oh heauens, it cannot be.
Thou shalt not do't.
Thankes deere Isabell.
Be readie Claudio, for your death to morrow.
Which is the least?
What saies my brother?
Death is a fearefull thing.
And shamed life, a hatefull.
Alas, alas.
Nay heare me Isabell.
Oh heare me Isabella.
Vouchsafe a word, yong sister, but one word.
What is your Will.
Might you dispense with your leysure, I would by and by haue some speech with you: the satisfaction I would require, is likewise your owne benefit.
I haue no superfluous leysure, my stay must be stolen out of other affaires: but I will attend you a while.
Son, I haue ouer-heard what hath past between you & your sister. Angelo had neuer the purpose to corrupt her; onely he hath made an assay of her vertue, to practise his iudgement with the disposition of natures. She (hauing the truth of honour in her) hath made him that gracious deniall, which he is most glad to receiue: I am Confessor to Angelo, and I know this to be true, therfore prepare your selfe to death: do not satisfie your resolution with hopes that are fallible, to morrow you must die, goe to your knees, and make ready.
Let me ask my sister pardon, I am so out of loue with life, that I will sue to be rid of it.
Hold you there: farewell: Prouost, a word with you.
What's your will (father?)
That now you are come, you wil be gone: leaue me a while with the Maid, my minde promises with my habit, no losse shall touch her by my company.
In good time.
The hand that hath made you faire, hath made you good: the goodnes that is cheape in beauty, makes beauty briefe in goodnes; but grace being the soule of your complexion, shall keepe the body of it euer faire: the assault that Angelo hath made to you, Fortune hath conuaid to my vnderstanding; and but that frailty hath examples for his falling, I should wonder at Angelo: how will you doe to content this Substitute, and to saue your Brother?
I am now going to resolue him: I had rather my brother die by the Law, then my sonne should be vnlawfullie borne. But (oh) how much is the good Duke deceiu'd in Angelo: if euer he returne, and I can speake to him, I will open my lips in vaine, or discouer his gouernment.
That shall not be much amisse: yet, as the matter now stands, he will auoid your accusation: he made triall of you onelie. Therefore fasten your eare on my aduisings, to the loue I haue in doing good; a remedie presents it selfe. I doe make my selfe beleeue that you may most vprighteously do a poor wronged Lady a merited benefit; redeem your brother from the angry Law; doe no staine to your owne gracious person, and much please the absent Duke, if peraduenture he shall euer returne to haue hearing of this businesse.
Let me heare you speake farther; I haue spirit to do any thing that appeares not fowle in the truth of my spirit.
Vertue is bold, and goodnes neuer fearefull: Haue you not heard speake of Mariana the sister of Fredericke the great Souldier, who miscarried at Sea?
I haue heard of the Lady, and good words went with her name.
Shee should this Angelo haue married: was affianced to her oath, and the nuptiall appointed: between which time of the contract, and limit of the solemnitie, her brother Fredericke was wrackt at Sea, hauing in that perished vessell, the dowry of his sister: but marke how heauily this befell to the poore Gentlewoman, there she lost a noble and renowned brother, in his loue toward her, euer most kinde and naturall: with him the portion and sinew of her fortune, her marriage dowry: with both, her combynate-husband, this well-seeming Angelo.
Can this be so? did Angelo so leaue her?
Left her in her teares, & dried not one of them with his comfort: swallowed his vowes whole, pretending in her, discoueries of dishonor: in few, bestow'd her on her owne lamentation, which she yet weares for his sake: and he, a marble to her teares, is washed with them, but relents not.
What a merit were it in death to take this poore maid from the world? what corruption in this life, that it will let this man liue? But how out of this can shee auaile?
It is a rupture that you may easily heale: and the cure of it not onely saues your brother, but keepes you from dishonor in doing it.
Shew me how (good Father.)
This fore-named Maid hath yet in her the continuance of her first affection: his vniust vnkindenesse (that in all reason should haue quenched her loue) hath (like an impediment in the Current) made it more violent and vnruly: Goe you to Angelo, answere his requiring with a plausible obedience, agree with his demands to the point: onely referre your selfe to this aduantage; first, that your stay with him may not be long: that the time may haue all shadow, and silence in it: and the place answere to conuenience: this being granted in course, and now followes all: wee shall aduise this wronged maid to steed vp your appointment, goe in your place: if the encounter acknowledge it selfe heereafter, it may compell him to her recompence; and heere, by this is your brother saued, your honor vntainted, the poore Mariana aduantaged, and the corrupt Deputy scaled. The Maid will I frame, and make fit for his attempt: if you thinke well to carry this as you may, the doublenes of the benefit defends the deceit from reproofe. What thinke you of it?
The image of it giues me content already, and I trust it will grow to a most prosperous perfection.
It lies much in your holding vp: haste you speedily to Angelo, if for this night he intreat you to his bed, giue him promise of satisfaction: I will presently to S. Lukes, there at the moated-Grange recides this deiected Mariana; at that place call vpon me, and dispatch with Angelo, that it may be quickly.
I thank you for this comfort: fare you well good father.
Nay, if there be no remedy for it, but that you will needes buy and sell men and women like beasts, we shall haue all the world drinke browne & white bastard.
Oh heauens, what stuffe is heere.
Twas neuer merry world since of two vsuries the merriest was put downe, and the worser allow'd by order of Law; a fur'd gowne to keepe him warme; and furd with Foxe and Lamb-skins too, to signifie, that craft being richer then Innocency, stands for the facing.
Come your way sir: blesse you good Father Frier.
And you good Brother Father; what offence hath this man made you, Sir?
Marry Sir, he hath offended the Law; and Sir, we take him to be a Theefe too Sir: for wee haue found vpon him Sir, a strange Pick-lock, which we haue sent to the Deputie.
He must before the Deputy Sir, he ha's giuen him warning: the Deputy cannot abide a Whore-master: if he be a Whore-monger, and comes before him, he were as good go a mile on his errand.
His necke will come to your wast, a Cord sir.
I spy comfort, I cry baile: Here's a Gentleman, and a friend of mine.
How now noble Pompey? What, at the wheels of Caesar? Art thou led in triumph? What is there none of Pigmalions Images newly made woman to bee had now, for putting the hand in the pocket, and extracting clutch'd? What reply? Ha? What saist thou to this Tune, Matter, and Method? Is't not drown'd i' th last raine? Ha? What saist thou Trot? Is the world as it was Man? Which is the vvay? Is it sad, and few words? Or how? The tricke of it?
Still thus, and thus: still vvorse?
How doth my deere Morsell, thy Mistris? Procures she still? Ha?
Troth sir, shee hath eaten vp all her beefe, and she is her selfe in the tub.
Why 'tis good: It is the right of it: it must be so. Euer your fresh Whore; and your pouder'd Baud, an vnshun'd consequence, it must be so. Art going to prison Pompey?
Yes faith sir.
Why 'tis not amisse Pompey: farewell: goe say I sent thee thether: for debt Pompey? Or how?
For being a baud; for being a baud.
Well, then imprison him: If imprisonment be the due of a baud, why 'tis his right▪ Baud is he doubtlesse, and of antiquity too. Baud borne. Farwell good Pompey: Commend me to the prison Pompey, you will turne good husband now Pompey, you vvill keepe the house.
I hope Sir, your good Worship wil be my baile?
No indeed vvil I not Pompey, it is not the wear: I will pray (Pompey) to encrease your bondage if you take it not patiently: Why, your mettle is the more: Adieu trustie Pompey. Blesse you Friar.
And you.
Do's Bridge [...] paint still, Pompey? Ha?
Come your waies sir, come.
You will not baile me then Sir?
Then Pompey, nor now: what newes abroad Frier? What newes?
Come your waies sir, come.
I know none: can you tell me of any?
Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia: other some, he is in Rome: but where is he thinke you?
I know not where: but wheresoeuer, I wish him well.
It was a mad fantasticall tricke of him to steale from the State, and vsurpe the beggerie hee was neuer borne to: Lord Angelo Dukes it well in his absence: he puts transgression too't.
He do's well in't.
A little more lenitie to Lecherie would doe no harme in him: Something too crabbed that way, Frier.
It is too general a vice, and seueritie must cure it.
Yes in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred; it is vvell allied, but it is impossible to extirpe it quite, Frier, till eating and drinking be put downe. They say this Angelo vvas not made by Man and Woman, after this downe-right vvay of Creation: is it true, thinke you?
How should he be made then?
Some report, a Sea-maid spawn'd him. Some, that he vvas begot betweene two Stock-fishes. But it is certaine, that when he makes water, his Vrine is congeal'd ice, that I know to bee true: and he is a motion generatiue, that's infallible.
You are pleasant sir, and speake apace.
Why, what a ruthlesse thing is this in him, for the rebellion of a Cod-peece, to take away the life of a man? Would the Duke that is absent haue done this? Ere he vvould haue hang'd a man for the getting a hundred Bastards, he vvould haue paide for the Nursing a thousand. He had some feeling of the sport; hee knew the seruice, and that instructed him to mercie.
I neuer heard the absent Duke much detected for Women, he was not enclin'd that vvay.
Oh Sir, you are deceiu'd.
'Tis not possible.
Who, not the Duke? Yes, your beggar of fifty: and his vse was, to put a ducket in her Clack-dish; the Duke had Crochets in him. Hee would be drunke too, that let me informe you.
You do him wrong, surely.
Sir, I vvas an inward of his: a shie fellow vvas the Duke, and I beleeue I know the cause of his vvithdrawing.
What (I prethee) might be the cause?
No, pardon: 'Tis a secret must bee looke within the teeth and the lippes: but this I can let you vnderstand, the greater file of the subiect held the Duke to be vvise.
Wise? Why no question but he was.
A very superficiall, ignorant, vnweighing fellow
Either this is Enuie in you, Folly, or mistaking: The very streame of his life, and the businesse he hath helmed, must vppon a warranted neede, giue him a better proclamation. Let him be but testimonied in his owne bringings forth, and hee shall appeare to the enuious, a Scholler, a Statesman, and a Soldier: therefore you speake vnskilfully: or, if your knowledge bee more, it is much darkned in your malice.
Sir, I know him, and I loue him.
Loue talkes with better knowledge, & knowledge with deare loue.
Come Sir, I know what I know.
I can hardly beleeue that, since you know not what you speake. But if euer the Duke returne (as our praiers are he may) let mee desire you to make your answer before him: if it bee honest you haue spoke, you haue courage to maintaine it; I am bound to call vppon you, and I pray you your name?
Sir my name is Lucio, wel known to the Duke.
He shall know you better Sir, if I may liue to report you.
I feare you not.
O, you hope the Duke will returne no more: or you imagine me to vnhurtfull an opposite: but indeed I can doe you little harme: You'll for-sweare this againe?
Ile be hang'd first: Thou art deceiu'd in mee Friar. But no more of this: Canst thou tell if Claudio die to morrow, or no?
Why should he die Sir?
Why? For filling a bottle with a Tunne-dish: I would the Duke we talke of were return'd againe: this vngenitur'd Agent will vn-people the Prouince with Continencie. Sparrowes must not build in his houseeeues, because they are lecherous: The Duke yet would haue darke deeds darkelie answered, hee would neuer bring them to light: would hee were return'd. Marrie this Claudio is condemned for vntrussing. Farwell good Friar, I prethee pray for me: The Duke (I say to thee againe) would eate Mutton on Fridaies. He's now past it, yet (and I say to thee) hee would mouth with a beggar, though she smelt browne-bread and Garlicke: say that I said so: Farewell.
Go, away with her to prison.
Good my Lord be good to mee, your Honor is accounted a mercifull man: good my Lord.
Double, and trebble admonition, and still forfeite in the same kinde? This would make mercy sweare and play the Tirant.
A Bawd of eleuen yeares continuance, may it please your Honor.
My Lord, this is one Lucio's information against me, Mistris Kate Keepe-downe was with childe by him in the Dukes time, he promis'd her marriage: his Childe is a yeere and a quarter olde come Philip and Iacob: I haue kept it my selfe; and see how hee goes about to abuse me.
That fellow is a fellow of much License: Let him be call'd before vs. Away with her to prison: Goe too, no more words. Prouost, my Brother Angelo will not be alter'd, Claudio must die to morrow: Let him be furnish'd with Diuines, and haue all charitable preparation. If my brother wrought by my pitie, it should not be so with him.
So please you, this Friar hath beene with him, and aduis'd him for th' entertainment of death.
Good'euen, good Father.
Blisse, and goodnesse on you.
Of whence are you?
What newes abroad i' th World?
None, but that there is so great a Feauor on goodnesse, that the dissolution of it must cure it. Noueltie is onely in request, and as it is as dangerous to be aged in any kinde of course, as it is vertuous to be constant in any vndertaking. There is scarse truth enough aliue to make Societies secure, but Securitie enough to make Fellowships accurst: Much vpon this riddle runs the wisedome of the world: This newes is old enough, yet it is euerie daies newes. I pray you Sir, of what disposition was the Duke?
What pleasure was he giuen to?
Rather reioycing to see another merry, then merrrie at anie thing which profest to make him reioice. A Gentleman of all temperance. But leaue wee him to his euents, with a praier they may proue prosperous, & let me desire to know, how you finde Claudio prepar'd? I am made to vnderstand, that you haue lent him visitation.
He professes to haue receiued no sinister measure from his Iudge, but most willingly humbles himselfe to the determination of Iustice: yet had he framed to himselfe (by the instruction of his frailty) manie deceyuing promises of life, which I (by my good leisure) haue discredited to him, and now is he resolu'd to die.
You haue paid the heauens your Function, and the prisoner the verie debt of your Calling. I haue labour'd for the poore Gentleman, to the extremest shore of my modestie, but my brother-Iustice haue I found so seuere, that he hath forc'd me to tell him, hee is indeede Iustice.
I am going to visit the prisoner, Fare you well.
Actus Quartus.
Scoena Prima.
I pray you tell me, hath any body enquir'd for mee here to day; much vpon this time haue I promis'd here to meete.
You haue not bin enquir'd after: I haue sat here all day.
I doe constantly beleeue you: the time is come euen now. I shall craue your forbearance a little, may be I will call vpon you anone for some aduantage to your selfe.
I am alwayes bound to you.
But shall you on your knowledge find this way?
I doe desire the like.
Do you perswade your selfe that I respect you?
Good Frier, I know you do, and haue found it.
Wilt please you walke aside.
Feare me not.
Scena Secunda.
Come hither sirha; can you cut off a mans head?
Come sir, leaue me your snatches, and yeeld mee a direct answere. To morrow morning are to die Claudio and Barnardine: heere is in our prison a common executioner, who in his office lacks a helper, if you will take it on you to assist him, it shall redeeme you from your Gyues: if not, you shall haue your full time of imprisonment, and your deliuerance with an vnpittied whipping; for you haue beene a notorious bawd.
Sir, I haue beene an vnlawfull bawd, time out of minde, but yet I will bee content to be a lawfull hang-man: I would bee glad to receiue some instruction from my fellow partner.
What hoa, Abhorson: where's Abhorson there?
Doe you call sir?
Sirha, here's a fellow will helpe you to morrow in your execution: if you thinke it meet, compound with him by the yeere, and let him abide here with you, if not, vse him for the present, and dismisse him, hee cannot plead his estimation with you: he hath beene a Bawd.
A Bawd Sir? fie vpon him, he will discredit our mysterie.
Goe too Sir, you waigh equallie: a feather will turne the Scale.
Pray sir, by your good fauor: for surely sir, a good fauor you haue, but that you haue a hanging look: Doe you call sir, your occupation a Mysterie?
I Sir, a Misterie.
Painting Sir, I haue heard say, is a Misterie; and your Whores sir, being members of my occupation, vsing painting, do proue my Occupation, a Misterie: but what Misterie there should be in hanging, if I should be hang'd, I cannot imagine.
Sir, it is a Misterie.
Proofe.
Euerie true mans apparrell fits your Theefe.
If it be too little for your theefe, your true man thinkes it bigge enough. If it bee too bigge for your Theefe, your Theefe thinkes it little enough: So euerie true mans apparrell fits your Theefe.
Are you agreed?
Sir, I will serue him: For I do finde your Hang-man is a more penitent Trade then your Bawd: he doth oftner aske forgiuenesse.
You sirrah, prouide your blocke and your Axe to morrow, foure a clocke.
Come on (Bawd) I will instruct thee in my Trade: follow.
I do desire to learne sir: and I hope, if you haue occasion to vse me for your owne turne, you shall finde me y' are. For truly sir, for your kindnesse, I owe you a good turne.
None since the Curphew rung.
Not Isabell?
No.
They will then er't be long.
What comfort is for Claudio?
There's some in hope.
It is a bitter Deputie.
None Sir, none.
This is his Lords man.
And heere comes Claudio's pardon.
I shall obey him.
Pray you let's heare.
Whatsoeuer you may heare to the contrary, let Claudio be executed by foure of the clocke, and in the afternoone Bernardine: For my better satisfaction, let mee haue Claudios head sent me by fiue. Let this be duely performed with a thought that more depends on it, then we must yet deliuer. Thus faile not to doe your Office, as you will answere it at your perill.
What say you to this Sir?
What is that Barnardine, who is to be executed in th' afternoone?
How came it, that the absent Duke had not either deliuer'd him to his libertie, or executed him? I haue heard it was euer his manner to do so.
His friends still wrought Repreeues for him: And indeed his fact till now in the gouernment of Lord Angelo, came not to an vndoubtfull proofe.
It is now apparant?
Most manifest, and not denied by himselfe.
A man that apprehends death no more dreadfully, but as a drunken sleepe, carelesse, wreaklesse, and fearelesse of what's past, present, or to come: insensible of mortality, and desperately mortall.
He wants aduice.
He wil heare none: he hath euermore had the liberty of the prison: giue him leaue to escape hence, hee would not. Drunke many times a day, if not many daies entirely drunke. We haue verie oft awak'd him, as if to carrie him to execution, and shew'd him a seeming warrant for it, it hath not moued him at all.
More of him anon: There is written in your brow Prouost, honesty and constancie; if I reade it not truly, my ancient skill beguiles me: but in the boldnes of my cunning, I will lay my selfe in hazard: Claudio, whom heere you haue warrant to execute, is no greater forfeit to the Law, then Angelo who hath sentenc'd him. To make you vnderstand this in a manifested effect, I craue but foure daies respit: for the which, you are to do me both a present, and a dangerous courtesie.
Pray Sir, in what?
In the delaying death.
Alacke, how may I do it? Hauing the houre limited, and an expresse command, vnder penaltie, to deliuer his head in the view of Angelo? I may make my case as Claudio's, to crosse this in the smallest.
Oh, death's a great disguiser, and you may adde to it; Shaue the head, and tie the beard, and say it was the desire of the penitent to be so bar'de before his death: you know the course is common. If any thing fall to you vpon this, more then thankes and good fortune, by the Saint whom I professe, I will plead against it with my life.
Pardon me, good Father, it is against my oath.
Were you sworne to the Duke, or to the Deputie?
To him, and to his Substitutes.
You will thinke you haue made no offence, if the Duke auouch the iustice of your dealing?
But what likelihood is in that?
Not a resemblance, but a certainty; yet since I see you fearfull, that neither my coate, integrity, nor perswasion, can with ease attempt you, I wil go further then I meant, to plucke all feares out of you. Looke you Sir, heere is the hand and Seale of the Duke: you know the Charracter I doubt not, and the Signet is not strange to you?
I know them both.
The Contents of this, is the returne of the Duke; you shall anon ouer-reade it at your pleasure: where you shall finde within these two daies, he wil be heere. This is a thing that Angelo knowes not, for hee this very day receiues letters of strange tenor, perchance of the Dukes death, perchance entering into some Monasterie, but by chance nothing of what is writ. Looke, th' vnfolding Starre calles vp the Shepheard; put not your selfe into amazement, how these things should be; all difficulties are but easie vvhen they are knowne. Call your executioner, and off with Barnardines head: I will giue him a present shrift, and aduise him for a better place. Yet you are amaz'd, but this shall absolutely resolue you: Come away, it is almost cleere dawne.
Scena Tertia.
I am as well acquainted heere, as I was in our house of profession: one would thinke it vvere Mistris Ouer-dons owne house, for heere be manie of her olde Customers. First, here's yong M r Rash, hee's in for a commoditie of browne paper, and olde Ginger, nine score and seuenteene pounds, of which hee made fiue Markes readie money: marrie then, Ginger was not much in request, for the olde Women vvere all dead. Then is there heere one M r Caper, at the suite of Master Three-Pile the Mercer, for some foure suites of Peach-colour'd Satten, which now peaches him a beggar. Then haue vve heere, yong Dizie, and yong M r Deepe-vow, and M r Copperspurre, and M r Starue-Lackey the Rapier and dagger man, and yong Drop-heire that kild lustie Pudding, and M r Forthlight the Tilter, and braue M r Shootie the great Traueller, and wilde Halfe-Canne that stabb'd Pots, and I thinke fortie more, all great doers in our Trade, and are now for the Lords sake.
Sirrah, bring Barnardine hether.
M r Barnardine, you must rise and be hang'd, M r Barnardine.
What hoa Barnardine.
A pox o' your throats: who makes that noyse there? What are you?
Away you Rogue, away, I am sleepie.
Pray Master Barnardine, awake till you are executed, and sleepe afterwards.
Go in to him, and fetch him out.
He is comming Sir, he is comming: I heare his Straw russle.
Is the Axe vpon the blocke, sirrah?
Verie readie Sir.
Truly Sir, I would desire you to clap into your prayers: for looke you, the Warrants come.
Oh, the better Sir: for he that drinkes all night, and is hanged betimes in the morning, may sleepe the sounder all the next day.
Looke you Sir, heere comes your ghostly Father: do we iest now thinke you?
Sir, induced by my charitie, and hearing how hastily you are to depart, I am come to aduise you, Comfort you, and pray with you.
Friar, not I: I haue bin drinking hard all night, and I will haue more time to prepare mee, or they shall beat out my braines with billets: I will not consent to die this day, that's certaine.
I sweare I will not die to day for anie mans perswasion.
But heare you:
Not a word: if you haue anie thing to say to me, come to my Ward: for thence will not I to day.
Now Sir, how do you finde the prisoner?
I am your free dependant.
Heere is the head, Ile carrie it my selfe.
Ile make all speede.
Peace hoa, be heere.
Hoa, by your leaue.
Good morning to you, faire, and gracious daughter.
Nay, but it is not so.
Oh, I wil to him, and plucke out his eies.
You shal not be admitted to his sight.
I am directed by you.
Not within Sir.
Oh prettie Isabella, I am pale at mine heart, to see thine eyes so red: thou must be patient; I am faine to dine and sup with water and bran: I dare not for my head fill my belly. One fruitful Meale would set mee too't: but they say the Duke will be heere to Morrow. By my troth Isabell I lou'd thy brother, if the olde fantastical Duke of darke corners had bene at home, he had liued.
Sir, the Duke is marueilous little beholding to your reports, but the best is, he liues not in them.
Friar, thou knowest not the Duke so wel as I do: he's a better woodman then thou tak'st him for.
Well: you'l answer this one day. Fare ye well.
You haue told me too many of him already sir if they be true: if not true, none were enough.
I was once before him for getting a Wench with childe.
Did you such a thing?
Sir your company is fairer then honest, rest you well.
By my troth Ile go with thee to the lanes end: if baudy talke offend you, we'el haue very litle of it: nay Friar, I am a kind of Burre, I shal sticke.
Scena Quarta.
Euery Letter he hath writ, hath disuouch'd other.
In most vneuen and distracted manner, his actions show much like to madnesse, pray heauen his wisedome bee not tainted: and why meet him at the gates and reliuer our authorities there?
I ghesse not.
And why should wee proclaime it in an howre before his entring, that if any craue redresse of iniustice, they should exhibit their petitions in the street?
He showes his reason for that: to haue a dispatch of Complaints, and to deliuer vs from deuices heereafter, which shall then haue no power to stand against vs.
Well: I beseech you let it bee proclaim'd betimes i' th' morne, Ile call you at your house: giue notice to such men of sort and suite as are to meete him.
I shall sir: fare you well.
Scena Quinta.
It shall be speeded well.
Scena Sexta.
Be rul'd by him.
I would Frier Peter
Oh peace, the Frier is come.
Actus Quintus.
Scoena Prima.
Happy returne be to your royall grace.
You make my bonds still greater.
By course of Iustice.
And she will speake most bitterly, and strange.
Nay it is ten times strange?
That's he indeede.
You were not bid to speake.
I warrant your honor.
The warrant's for your selfe: take heede to't.
This Gentleman told somewhat of my Tale.
Right.
That's somewhat madly spoken.
Mended againe: the matter: proceed.
This is most likely.
Oh that it were as like as it is true.
One that I would were heere, Frier Lodowick.
My Lord, most villanously, beleeue it.
What, are you married?
No my Lord.
Are you a Maid?
No my Lord.
A Widow then?
Neither, my Lord.
Why you are nothing then: neither Maid, Widow, nor Wife?
My Lord, she may be a Puncke: for many of them, are neither Maid, Widow, nor Wife.
Silence that fellow: I would he had some cause to prattle for himselfe.
Well my Lord.
He was drunk then, my Lord, it can be no better.
For the benefit of silence, would thou wert so to.
Well, my Lord.
This is no witnesse for Lord Angelo.
Charges she moe then me?
Not that I know.
No? you say your husband.
This is a strange abuse: Let's see thy face.
Know you this woman?
Carnallie she saies.
Sirha, no more.
Enoug my Lord.
My Lord, wee'll doe it throughly: Signior Lucio, did not you say you knew that Frier Lodowick to be a dishonest person?
Cucullus non facit Monachum, honest in nothing but in his Clothes, and one that hath spoke most villanous speeches of the Duke.
We shall intreat you to abide heere till he come, and inforce them against him: we shall finde this Frier a notable fellow.
As any in Vienna, on my word.
Call that same Isabell here once againe, I would speake with her: pray you, my Lord, giue mee leaue to question, you shall see how Ile handle her.
Not better then he, by her owne report.
Say you?
Marry sir, I thinke, if you handled her priuately [Page 82] She would sooner confesse, perchance publikely she'll be asham'd.
I will goe darkely to worke with her.
That's the way: for women are light at midnight.
In very good time: speake not you to him, till we call vpon you.
Mum.
Come Sir, did you set these women on to slander Lord Angelo? they haue confes'd you did.
'Tis false.
How? Know you where you are?
This is the rascall: this is he I spoke of.
'Tis he, my Lord: come hither goodman bald-pate, doe you know me?
Oh, did you so? and do you remember what you said of the Duke.
Most notedly Sir.
Do you so Sir: And was the Duke a flesh-monger, a foole, and a coward, as you then reported him to be?
You must (Sir) change persons with me, ere you make that my report: you indeede spoke so of him, and much more, much worse.
Oh thou damnable fellow: did not I plucke thee by the nose, for thy speeches?
I protest, I loue the Duke, as I loue my selfe.
Harke how the villaine would close now, after his treasonable abuses.
Such a fellow is not to be talk'd withall: Away with him to prison: Where is the Prouost? away with him to prison: lay bolts enough vpon him: let him speak no more: away with those Giglets too▪ and with the other confederate companion.
Stay Sir, stay a while.
What, resists he? helpe him Lucio.
Come sir, come sir, come sir: foh sir, why you bald-pated lying rascall: you must be hooded must you? show your knaues visage with a poxe to you: show your sheepe-biting face, and be hang'd an houre: will't not off?
This may proue worse then hanging.
I was my Lord.
I doe my Lord.
Neuer craue him, we are definitiue.
Gentle my Liege.
He dies for Claudio's death.
Meerely my Lord.
It was commanded so.
Had you a speciall warrant for the deed?
No my good Lord: it was by priuate message.
What's he?
His name is Barnardine.
Which is that Barnardine?
This my Lord.
Faith my Lord, I spoke it but according to the trick: if you will hang me for it you may: but I had rather it would please you, I might be whipt.
I beseech your Highnesse doe not marry me to a Whore: your Highnesse said euen now I made you a Duke, good my Lord do not recompence me, in making me a Cuckold.
The Scene Vienna. The names of all the Actors.
- Vincentio: the Duke.
- Angelo, the Deputie.
- Escalus, an ancient Lord.
- Claudio, a yong Gentleman.
- Lucio, a fantastique.
- 2. Other like Gentlemen.
- Prouost.
- Thomas. 2. Friers.
- Peter. 2. Friers.
- Elbow, a simple Constable.
- Froth, a foolish Gentleman.
- Clowne.
- Abhorson, an Executioner.
- Barnardine, a dissolute prisoner.
- Isabella, sister to Claudio.
- Mariana, betrothed to Angelo.
- Iuliet, beloued of Claudio.
- Francisca, a Nun.
- Mistris Ouer-don, a Bawd.
The Comedie of Errors.
Actus primus,
Scena prima.
I will my Lord.
Sir, I commend you to your owne content.
To me sir? why you gaue no gold to me?
Thy Mistris markes? what Mistris slaue hast thou?
Actus Secundus.
Why should their libertie then ours be more?
Because their businesse still lies out adore.
Looke when I serue him so, he takes it thus.
Oh, know he is the bridle of your will.
There's none but asses will be bridled so.
This seruitude makes you to keepe vnwed.
Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
But were you wedded, you wold bear some sway
Ere I learned loue; Ile practise to obey.
How if your husband start some other where?
Till he come home againe, I would for beare.
Say, is your tardie master now at hand?
Nay, hee's at too hands with mee, and that my two eares can witnesse.
Say, didst thou speake with him? knowst thou his minde?
Spake hee so doubtfully, thou couldst not feele his meaning.
Nay, hee strooke so plainly, I could too well feele his blowes; and withall so doubtfully, that I could scarce vnderstand them.
Why Mistresse, sure my Master is horne mad.
Horne mad, thou villaine?
Quoth who?
Quoth my Master, I know quoth he, no house, no wife, no mistresse: so that my arrant due vnto my tongue, I thanke him, I bare home vpon my shoulders: for in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Go back againe, thou slaue, & fetch him home.
Backe slaue, or I will breake thy pate a-crosse.
Hence prating pesant, fetch thy Master home.
Fie how impatience lowreth in your face.
Selfe-harming Iealousie; fie beat it hence.
How manie fond fooles serue mad Ielousie?
What answer sir? when spake I such a word?
Euen now, euen here, not halfe an howre since.
Sconce call you it? so you would leaue battering, I had rather haue it a head, and you vse these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and Insconce it to, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders, but I pray sir, why am I beaten?
Dost thou not know?
Nothing sir, but that I am beaten.
Shall I tell you why?
I sir, and wherefore; for they say, euery why hath a wherefore.
Why first for flowting me, and then wherefore, for vrging it the second time to me.
Was there euer anie man thus beaten out of season, when in the why and the wherefore, is neither rime nor reason. Well sir, I thanke you.
Thanke me sir, for what?
Marry sir, for this something that you gaue me for nothing.
Ile make you amends next, to giue you nothing for something. But say sir, is it dinner time?
No sir, I thinke the meat wants that I haue.
In good time sir: what's that?
Basting.
Well sir, then 'twill be drie.
If it be sir, I pray you eat none of it.
Your reason?
Lest it make you chollericke, and purchase me another drie basting.
Well sir, learne to iest in good time, there's a time for all things.
I durst haue denied that before you vvere so chollericke.
By what rule sir?
Marry sir, by a rule as plaine as the plaine bald pate of Father time himselfe.
Let's heare it.
There's no time for a man to recouer his haire that growes bald by nature.
May he not doe it by fine and recouerie?
Yes, to pay a fine for a perewig, and recouer the lost haire of another man.
Why, is Time such a niggard of haire, being (as it is) so plentifull an excrement?
Because it is a blessing that hee bestowes on beasts, and what he hath scanted them in haire, hee hath giuen them in wit.
Why, but theres manie a man hath more haire then wit.
Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his haire.
Why thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
The plainer dealer, the sooner lost; yet he looseth it in a kinde of iollitie.
For what reason.
For two, and sound ones to.
Nay not sound I pray you.
Sure ones then.
Nay, not sure in a thing falsing.
Certaine ones then.
Name them.
The one to saue the money that he spends in trying: the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porrage.
You would all this time haue prou'd, here is no time for all things.
Marry and did sir: namely, in no time to recouer haire lost by Nature.
But your reason was not substantiall, why there is no time to recouer.
Thus I mend it: Time himselfe is bald, and therefore to the worlds end, will haue bald followers.
I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion: but soft, who wafts vs yonder.
By Dromio?
By me.
I sir? I neuer saw her till this time.
I neuer spake with her in all my life.
Dromio, goe bid the seruants spred for dinner.
I am transformed Master, am I not?
I thinke thou art in minde, and so am I.
Nay Master, both in minde, and in my shape.
Thou hast thine owne forme.
No, I am an Ape.
If thou art chang'd to ought, 'tis to an Asse.
Master, shall I be Porter at the gate?
I, and let none enter, least I breake your pate.
Come, come, Antipholus, we dine to late.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
I thinke thou art an asse.
I hold your dainties cheap sir, & your welcom deer.
Good meat sir is comon that euery churle affords.
And welcome more common, for thats nothing but words.
Small cheere and great welcome, makes a merrie feast.
Maud, Briget, Marian, Cisley, Gillian, Ginn.
What patch is made our Porter? my Master stayes in the street.
Let him walke from whence he came, lest hee catch cold on's feet.
Who talks within there? hoa, open the dore.
Right sir, Ile tell you when, and you'll tell me wherefore.
Wherefore? for my dinner: I haue not din'd to day.
Nor to day here you must not come againe when you may.
What art thou that keep'st mee out from the howse I owe?
The Porter for this time Sir, and my name is Dromio.
What a coile is there Dromio? who are those at the gate?
Let my Master in Luce.
Faith no, hee comes too late, and so tell your Master.
Haue at you with another, that's when? can you tell?
If thy name be called Luce, Luce thou hast answer'd him well.
Doe you heare you minion, you'll let vs in I hope?
I thought to haue askt you.
And you said no.
So come helpe, well strooke, there was blow for blow.
Thou baggage let me in.
Can you tell for whose sake?
Master, knocke the doore hard.
Let him knocke till it ake.
You'll crie for this minion, if I beat the doore downe.
What needs all that, and a paire of stocks in the towne?
Who is that at the doore y t keeps all this noise?
By my troth your towne is troubled with vnruly boies.
Are you there Wife? you might haue come before.
Your wife sir knaue? go get you from the dore.
If you went in paine Master, this knaue wold goe sore.
Heere is neither cheere sir, nor welcome, we would faine haue either.
In debating which was best, wee shall part with neither.
They stand at the doore, Master, bid them welcome hither.
There is something in the winde, that we cannot get in.
Go fetch me something, Ile break ope the gate.
Breake any breaking here, and Ile breake your knaues pate.
It seemes thou want'st breaking, out vpon thee hinde.
Here's too much out vpon thee, I pray thee let me in.
I, when fowles haue no feathers, and fish haue no sin.
Well, Ile breake in: go borrow me a crow.
Go, get thee gon, fetch me an iron Crow.
Ile meet you at that place some houre hence.
Do so, this iest shall cost me some expence.
What are you mad, that you doe reason so?
Not mad, but mated, how I doe not know.
It is a fault that springeth from your eie.
For gazing on your beames faire sun being by.
Gaze when you should, and that will cleere your sight.
As good to winke sweet loue, as looke on night.
Why call you me loue? Call my sister so.
Thy sisters sister.
That's my sister.
All this my sister is, or else should be.
Why how now Dromio, where run'st thou so fast?
Doe you know me sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I my selfe?
Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thy selfe.
I am an asse, I am a womans man, and besides my selfe.
What womans man? and how besides thy selfe?
What claime laies she to thee?
Marry sir, such claime as you would lay to your horse, and she would haue me as a beast, not that I beeing a beast she would haue me, but that she being a verie beastly creature layes claime to me.
What is she?
A very reuerent body: I such a one, as a man may not speake of, without he say sir reuerence, I haue but leane lucke in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
How dost thou meane a fat marriage?
Marry sir, she's the Kitchin wench, & al grease, and I know not what vse to put her too, but to make a Lampe of her, and run from her by her owne light. I warrant, her ragges and the Tallow in them, will burne a Poland Winter: If she liues till doomesday, she'l burne a weeke longer then the whole World.
What complexion is she of?
Swart like my shoo, but her face nothing like so cleane kept: for why? she sweats a man may goe ouer-shooes in the grime of it.
That's a fault that water will mend.
No sir, 'tis in graine, Noahs stood could not do it.
What's her name?
Nell Sir: but her name is three quarters, that's an Ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip.
Then she beares some bredth?
No longer from head to foot, then from hippe to hippe: she is sphericall, like a globe: I could find out Countries in her.
In what part of her body stands Ireland?
Marry sir in her buttockes, I found it out by the bogges.
Where Scotland?
I found it by the barrennesse, hard in the palme of the hand.
Where France?
In her forhead, arm'd and reuerted, making warre against her heire.
Where England?
I look'd for the chalkle Cliffes, but I could find no whitenesse in them. But I guesse, it stood in her chin by the salt theume that ranne betweene France, and it.
Where Spaine?
Faith I saw it not: but I felt it hot in her breth.
Where America, the Indies?
Oh sir, vpon her nose, all ore embellished with Rubies, Carbuncles, Saphires, declining their rich Aspect to the hot breath of Spaine, who sent whole Armadoes of Carrects to be ballast at her nose.
Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
Oh sir, I did not looke so low. To conclude, this drudge or Diuiner layd claime to mee, call'd mee Dromio, swore I was assur'd to her, told me what priuie markes I had about mee, as the marke of my shoulder, the Mole in my necke, the great Wart on my left arme, that I amaz'd ranne from her as a witch. And I thinke, if my brest had not beene made of faith, and my heart of steele, she had transform'd me to a Curtull dog, & made me turne i' th wheele.
M r Antipholus.
I that's my name.
What is your will that I shal do with this?
What please your selfe sir: I haue made it for you.
Made it for me sir, I bespoke it not.
You are a merry man sir, fare you well.
Actus Quartus.
Scoena Prima.
That labour may you saue: See where he comes.
I buy a thousand pound a yeare, I buy a rope.
Then you will bring the Chaine to her your selfe.
No beare it with you, least I come not time enough.
Well sir, I will? Haue you the Chaine about you?
The houre steales on, I pray you sir dispatch.
You heare how he importunes me, the Chaine.
Why giue it to my wife, and fetch your mony.
I answer you? What should I answer you.
The monie that you owe me for the Chaine.
I owe you none, till I receiue the Chaine.
You know I gaue it you halfe an houre since.
You gaue me none, you wrong mee much to say so.
Well Officer, arrest him army suite.
I do, and charge you in the Dukes name to obey me.
I do arrest you sir, you heare the suite.
A ship you sent me too, to hier waftage.
First he deni'de you had in him no right.
He meant he did me none: the more my spight
Then swore he that he was a stranger heere.
And true he swore, though yet forsworne hee were.
Then pleaded I for you.
And what said he?
That loue I begg'd for you, he begg'd of me.
With what perswasion did he tempt thy loue?
Did'st speake him faire?
Haue patience I beseech.
Here goe: the deske, the purse, sweet now make haste.
How hast thou lost thy breath?
By running fast.
Where is thy Master Dromio? Is he well?
Why man, what is the matter?
I doe not know the matter, hee is rested on the case.
What is he arrested? tell me at whose suite?
I know not at whose suite he is arested well; but is in a suite of buffe which rested him, that can I tell, will you send him Mistris redemption, the monie in his deske.
What, the chaine?
The houres come backe, that did I neuer here.
Oh yes, if any houre meete a Serieant, a turnes backe for verie feare.
As if time were in debt: how fondly do'st thou reason?
Master, here's the gold you sent me for: what haue you got the picture of old Adam new apparel'd?
What gold is this? What Adam do'st thou meane?
Not that Adam that kept the Paradise: but that Adam that keepes the prison; hee that goes in the calues-skin, that was kil'd for the Prodigall: hee that came behinde you sir, like an euill angel, and bid you forsake your libertie.
I vnderstand thee not.
No? why 'tis a plaine case: he that went like a Base-Viole in a case of leather; the man sir, that when gentlemen are tired giues them a sob, and rests them: he sir, that takes pittie on decaied men, and giues them suites of durance: he that sets vp his rest to doe more exploits with his Mace, then a Moris Pike.
What thou mean'st an officer?
I sir, the Serieant of the Band: he that brings any man to answer it that breakes his Band: one that thinkes a man alwaies going to bed, and saies, God giue you good rest.
Why sir, I brought you word an houre since, that the Barke Expedition put forth to night, and then were you hindred by the Serieant to tarry for the Hoy Delay: Here are the angels that you sent for to deliuer you.
Sathan auoide, I charge thee tempt me not.
Master, is this Mistris Sathan?
It is the diuell.
Nay, she is worse, she is the diuels dam: And here she comes in the habit of a light wench, and thereof comes, that the wenches say God dam me, That's as much to say, God make me a light wench: It is written▪ they appeare to men like angels of light, light is an effect of fire, and fire will burne: ergo, light wenches will burne, come not neere her.
Master, if do expect spoon-meate, or bespeake a long spoone.
Why Dromio?
Marrie he must haue a long spoone that must eate with the diuell.
Some diuels aske but the parings of ones naile, [Page 95] a rush, a haire, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut, a cherriestone: but she more couetous, wold haue a chaine: Master be wise, and if you giue it her, the diuell will shake her Chaine, and fright vs with it.
Auant thou witch: Come Dromio let vs go.
Flie pride saies the Pea-cocke, Mistris that you know.
Here's that I warrant you will pay them all.
But where's the Money?
Why sir, I gaue the Monie for the Rope.
Fiue hundred Duckets villaine for a rope?
Ile serue you sir fiue hundred at the rate.
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
To a ropes end sir, and to that end am I return'd.
And to that end sir, I will welcome you.
Good sir be patient.
Nay 'tis for me to be patient, I am in aduersitie.
Good now hold thy tongue.
Nay, rather perswade him to hold his hands.
Thou whoreson senselesse Villaine.
I would I were senselesse sir, that I might not feele your blowes.
Thou art sensible in nothing but blowes, and so is an Asse.
I am an Asse indeede, you may prooue it by my long eares. I haue serued him from the houre of my Natiuitie to this instant, and haue nothing at his hands for my seruice but blowes. When I am cold, he heates me with beating: when I am warme, he cooles me with beating: I am wak'd with it when I sleepe, rais'd with it when I sit, driuen out of doores with it when I goe from home, welcom'd home with it when I returne, nay I beare it on my shoulders, as a begger woont her brat: and I thinke when he hath lam'd me, I shall begge with it from doore to doore.
Come goe along, my wife is comming yonder.
Mistris respice finem, respect your end, or rather the prophesie like the Parrat, beware the ropes end.
Wilt thou still talke?
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
Alas how fiery, and how sharpe he lookes.
Marke, how he trembles in his extasie.
Giue me your hand, and let mee feele your pulse.
There is my hand, and let it feele your eare.
Peace doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.
Oh that thou wer't not, poore distressed soule.
Din'd at home? Thou Villaine, what sayest thou?
Sir sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
Were not my doores lockt vp, and I shut out?
Perdie, your doores were lockt, and you shut out.
And did not she her selfe reuile me there?
Sans Fable, she her selfe reuil'd you there.
Did not her Kitchen maide raile, taunt, and scorne me?
Certis she did, the kitchin vestall scorn'd you.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?
Is't good to sooth him in these crontraries?
Thou hast subborn'd the Goldsmith to arrest mee.
Wentst not thou to her for a purse of Duckets.
He came to me, and I deliuer'd it.
And I am witnesse with her that she did:
I did not gentle husband locke thee forth.
Dissembling Villain, thou speak'st false in both
Oh binde him, binde him, let him not come neere me.
More company, the fiend is strong within him
Aye me poore man, how pale and wan he looks.
Masters let him go: he is my prisoner, and you shall not haue him.
Go binde this man, for he is franticke too.
Oh most vnhappie strumpet.
Master, I am heere entred in bond for you.
Out on thee Villaine, wherefore dost thou mad mee?
Will you be bound for nothing, be mad good Master, cry the diuell.
God helpe poore soules, how idlely doe they talke.
One Angelo a Goldsmith, do you know him?
I know the man: what is the summe he owes?
Two hundred Duckets.
Say, how growes it due.
Due for a Chaine your husband had of him.
He did bespeake a Chain for me, but had it not.
God for thy mercy, they are loose againe.
Away, they'l kill vs.
I see these Witches are affraid of swords.
She that would be your wife, now ran from you.
Faith stay heere this night, they will surely do vs no harme: you saw they speake vs faire, giue vs gold: me thinkes they are such a gentle Nation, that but for the Mountaine of mad flesh that claimes mariage of me, I could finde in my heart to stay heere still, and turne Witch.
Actus Quintus.
Scoena Prima.
How is the man esteem'd heere in the Citie?
Speake softly, yonder as I thinke he walkes.
I thinke I had, I neuer did deny it.
Yes that you did sir, and forswore it too.
Who heard me to denie it or forsweare it?
I dare and do defie thee for a villaine.
Be quiet people, wherefore throng you hither?
I knew he vvas not in his perfect wits.
I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
How long hath this possession held the man.
You should for that haue reprehended him.
Why so I did.
I but not rough enough.
As roughly as my modestie would let me.
Haply in priuate.
And in assemblies too.
I, but not enough.
No, not a creature enters in my house.
Then let your seruants bring my husband forth
Be quiet and depart, thou shalt not haue him.
Complaine vnto the Duke of this indignity.
Vpon what cause?
See where they come, we wil behold his death.
Kneele to the Duke before he passe the Abbey.
Iustice most sacred Duke against the Abbesse.
Come stand by me, feare nothing: guard with Halberds.
Vnlesse the feare of death doth make me dore, I see my sonne Antipholus and Dromio.
Discouer how, and thou shalt finde me iust.
A greeuous fault: say woman, didst thou so?
But had he such a Chaine of thee, or no?
Sir he din'de with her there, at the Porpentine.
He did, and from my finger snacht that Ring.
Tis true (my Liege) this Ring I had of her.
Saw'st thou him enter at the Abbey heere?
As sure (my Liege) as I do see your Grace.
Speake freely Siracusian what thou wilt.
I am sure you both of you remember me.
Why looke you strange on me? you know me well.
I neuer saw you in my life till now.
Neither.
Dromio, nor thou?
No trust me sir, nor I.
I am sure thou dost?
I sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoeuer a man denies, you are now bound to beleeue him.
I neuer saw my Father in my life.
Most mightie Duke, behold a man much wrong'd.
I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceiue me.
I Sir am Dromio, command him away.
I Sir am Dromio, pray let me stay.
Egeon art thou not? or else his ghost.
Oh my olde Master, who hath bound him heere?
Antipholus thou cam'st from Corinth first.
No sir, not I, I came from Siracuse.
Stay, stand apart, I know not which is which.
I came from Corinth my most gracious Lord
And I with him.
Which of you two did dine with me to day?
I, gentle Mistris.
And are not you my husband?
No, I say nay to that.
That is the Chaine sir, which you had of mee.
I thinke it be sir, I denie it not.
And you sir for this Chaine arrested me.
I thinke I did sir, I deny it not.
No, none by me.
These Duckets pawne I for my father heere.
It shall not neede, thy father hath his life.
Sir I must haue that Diamond from you.
There take it, and much thanks for my good cheere.
With all my heart, Ile Gossip at this feast.
Mast▪ shall I fetch your stuffe from shipbord?
Dromio, what stuffe of mine hast thou imbarkt
Your goods that lay at host sir in the Centaur.
Not I sir, you are my elder.
That's a question, how shall we trie it.
Wee'l draw Cuts for the Signior, till then, lead thou first.
Much adoe about Nothing.
Actus primus,
Scena prima.
I Learne in this Letter, that Don Peter of Arragon, comes this night to Messina.
He is very neere by this: he was not three Leagues off when I left him.
How many Gentlemen haue you lost in this action?
But few of any sort, and none of name.
A victorie is twice it selfe, when the atchieuer brings home full numbers: I finde heere, that Don Peter hath bestowed much honor on a yong Florentine, called Claudio.
Much deseru'd on his part, and equally remembred by Don Pedro, he hath borne himselfe beyond the promise of his age, doing in the figure of a Lambe, the feats of a Lion, he hath indeede better bettred expectation, then you must expect of me to tell you how.
He hath an Vnckle heere in Messina, wil be very much glad of it.
I haue alreadie deliuered him letters, and there appeares much ioy in him, euen so much, that ioy could not shew it selfe modest enough, without a badg of bitternesse.
Did he breake out into teares?
In great measure.
A kinde ouerflow of kindnesse, there are no faces truer, then those that are so wash'd, how much better is it to weepe at ioy, then to ioy at weeping?
I pray you, is Signior Mountant [...] return'd from the warres, or no?
I know none of that name, Lady, there was none such in the armie of any sort.
What is he that you aske for Neece?
My cousin meanes Signior Benedick of Padua
O he's return'd, and as pleasant as euer he was.
He set vp his bils here in Messina, & challeng'd Cupid at the Flight: and my Vnckles foole reading the Challenge, subscrib'd for Cupid, and challeng'd him at the Burbolt. I pray you, how many hath hee kil'd and eaten in these warres? But how many hath he kil'd? for indeed, I promis'd to eate all of his killing.
'Faith Neece, you taxe Signior Benedicke too much, but hee'l be meet with you, I doubt it not.
He hath done good seruice Lady in these wars.
You had musty victuall, and he hath holpe to ease it: he's a very valiant Trencher-man, hee hath an excellent stomacke.
And a good souldier too Lady.
And a good souldier to a Lady. But what is he to a Lord?
A Lord to a Lord, a man to a man, stuft with all honourable vertues.
It is so indeed, he is no lesse then a stuft man: but for the stuffing well, we are all mortall.
You must not (sir) mistake my Neece, there is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick, & her: they neuer meet, but there's a skirmish of wit between them.
Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict, foure of his fiue wits went halting off, and now is the whole man gouern'd with one: so that if hee haue wit enough to keepe himselfe warme, let him beare it for a difference betweene himselfe and his horse: For it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be knowne a reasonable creature. Who is his companion now? He hath euery month a new sworne brother.
I'st possible?
Very easily possible: he weares his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it euer changes with y e next block.
I see (Lady) the Gentleman is not in your bookes.
No, and he were, I would burne my study. But I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young squarer now, that will make a voyage with him to the diuell?
He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.
O Lord, he will hang vpon him like a disease: he is sooner caught then the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God helpe the noble Claudio, if hee haue caught the Benedict, it will cost him a thousand pound ere he be cur'd.
I will hold friends with you Lady.
Do good friend.
You'l ne're run mad Neece.
No, not till a hot Ianuary.
Don Pedro is approach'd.
Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your trouble: the fashion of the world is to auoid cost, and you encounter it.
Neuer came trouble to my house in the likenes of your Grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should remaine: but when you depart from me, sorrow abides, and happinesse takes his leaue.
You embrace your charge too willingly: I thinke this is your daughter.
Her mother hath many times told me so.
Were you in doubt that you askt her?
Signior Benedicke, no, for then were you a childe.
You haue it full Benedicke, we may ghesse by this, what you are, being a man, truely the Lady fathers her selfe: be happie Lady, for you are like an honorable father.
If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not haue his head on her shoulders for al Messina, as like him as she is.
I wonder that you will still be talking, signior Benedicke▪ no body markes you.
What my deere Ladie Disdaine! are you yet liuing?
Is it possible Disdaine should die, while shee hath such meete foode to feede it, as Signior Benedicke? Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine, if you come in her presence.
Then is curtesie a turne-coate, but it is certaine I am loued of all Ladies, onely you excepted: and I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truely I loue none.
A deere happinesse to women, they would else haue beene troubled with a pernitious Su [...]er, I thanke God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I had rather heare my Dog barke at a Crow, than a man sweare he loues me.
God keepe your Ladiship still in that minde, so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratcht face.
Scratching could not make it worse, and 'twere such a face as yours were.
Well, you are a rare Parrat teacher.
A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of your.
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer, but keepe your way a Gods name, I haue done.
You alwaies end with a Iades tricke, I know you of old.
This is the summe of all: Leonato, signior Claudio, and signior Benedicke; my deere friend Leonato, hath inuited you all, I tell him we shall stay here, at the least a moneth, and he heartily praies some occasion may detaine vs longer: I dare sweare hee is no hypocrite, but praies from his heart.
If you sweare, my Lord, you shall not be forsworne, let mee bid you welcome, my Lord, being reconciled to the Prince your brother: I owe you all duetie.
I thanke you, I am not of many words, but I thanke you.
Please it your grace leade on?
Your hand Leonato, we will goe together.
Benedicke, didst thou note the daughter of signior Leonato?
I noted her not, but I lookt on her.
Is she not a modest yong Ladie?
Doe you question me as an honest man should doe, for my simple true iudgement? or would you haue me speake after my custome, as being a professed tyrant to their sexe?
No, I pray thee speake in sober iudgement.
Why yfaith me thinks shee's too low for a hie praise, too browne for a faire praise, and too little for a great praise, onely this commendation I can affoord her, that were shee other then she is, she were vnhandsome, and being no other, but as she is, I doe not like her.
Thou think'st I am in sport, I pray thee tell me truely how thou lik'st her.
Would you buie her, that you enquier after her?
Can the world buie such a iewell?
Yea, and a case to put it into, but speake you this with a sad brow? Or doe you play the flowting iacke, to tell vs Cupid is a good Hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare Carpenter: Come, in what key shall a man take you to goe in the song?
In mine eie, she is the sweetest Ladie that euer I lookt on.
I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter: there's her cosin, and she were not possest with a furie, exceedes her as much in beautie, as the first of Maie doth the last of December: but I hope you haue no intent to turne husband, haue you?
I would scarce trust my selfe, though I had sworne the contrarie, if Hero would be my wife.
Ist come to this? in faith hath not the world one man but he will weare his cap with suspition? shall I neuer see a batcheller of three score againe? goe to yfaith, and thou wilt needes thrust thy necke into a yoke, weare the print of it, and sigh away sundaies: looke, don Pedro is returned to seeke you.
What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonatoes?
I would your Grace would constraine mee to tell.
I charge thee on thy allegeance.
You heare, Count Claudio, I can be secret as a dumbe man, I would haue you thinke so (but on my allegiance, marke you this, on my allegiance) hee is in loue, With who? now that is your Graces part: marke how short his answere is, with Hero, Leonatoes short daughter.
If this were so, so were it vttred.
Like the old tale, my Lord, it is not so, nor 'twas not so: but indeede, God forbid it should be so.
If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be otherwise.
Amen, if you loue her, for the Ladie is verie well worthie.
You speake this to fetch me in, my Lord.
By my troth I speake my thought.
And in faith, my Lord, I spoke mine.
And by my two faiths and troths, my Lord, I speake mine.
That I loue her, I feele.
That she is worthie, I know.
That I neither feele how shee should be loued, nor know how shee should be worthie, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me, I will die in it at the stake.
Thou wast euer an obstinate heretique in the despight of Beautie.
And neuer could maintaine his part, but in the force of his will.
That a woman conceiued me, I thanke her: that she brought mee vp, I likewise giue her most humble thankes: but that I will haue a [...]echare winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an inuisible baldricke, all women shall pardon me: because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will doe my selfe the right to trust none: and the fine is, (for the which I may goe the finer) I will liue a Batchellor.
I shall see thee ere I die, looke pale with loue.
With anger, with sicknesse, or with hunger, my Lord, not with loue: proue that euer I loose more blood with loue, then I will get againe with drinking, picke out mine eyes with a Ballet-makers penne, and hang me vp at the doore of a brothel-house for the signe of blinde Cupid.
Well, if euer thou doost fall from this faith, thou wilt proue a notable argument.
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a Cat, & shoot at me, and he that hit's me, let him be clapt on the shoulder, and cal'd Adam.
Well, as time shall trie: In time the sauage Bull doth beare the yoake.
The sauage bull may, but if euer the sensible Benedicke beare it, plucke off the bulles hornes, and set them in my forehead, and let me be vildely painted, and in such great Letters as they write, heere is good horse to hire: let them signifie vnder my signe, here you may see Benedicke the married man.
If this should euer happen, thou wouldst bee horne mad.
Nay, if Cupid haue not spent all his Quiuer in Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.
I looke for an earthquake too then.
Well, you will temporize with the houres, in the meane time, good Signior Benedicke, repaire to Leonatoes, commend me to him, and tell him I will not faile him at supper, for indeede he hath made great preparation.
I haue almost matter enough in me for such an Embassage, and so I commit you.
To the tuition of God. From my house, if I had it.
The sixt of Iuly. Your louing friend, Benedick.
Nay mocke not, mocke not; the body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the guardes are but slightly basted on neither, ere you flout old ends any further, examine your conscience, and so I leaue you.
My Liege, your Highnesse now may doe mee good.
Hath Leonato any sonne my Lord?
How now brother, where is my cosen your son: hath he prouided this musicke?
He is very busie about it, but brother, I can tell you newes that you yet dreamt not of.
Are they good?
As the euents stamps them, but they haue [...] good couer: they▪ shew well outward, the Prince and Count Claudio walking in a thick pleached alley in my orchard, were thus ouer-heard by a man of mine: the Prince discouered to Claudio that hee loued my niece your daughter, and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance, and if hee found her accordant, hee meant to take the present time by the top, and instantly breake with you of it.
Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?
A good sharpe fellow, I will send for him, and question him your selfe.
No, no; wee will hold it as a dreame, till it appeare it selfe: but I will acquaint my daughter withall, that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peraduenture this bee true: goe you and tell her of it: coosins, you know what you haue to doe, O I crie you mercie friend, goe you with mee and I will vse your skill, good cosin haue a care this busie time.
What the good yeere my Lord, why are you thus out of measure sad?
There is no measure in the occasion that breeds, therefore the sadnesse is without limit.
You should heare reason.
And when I haue heard it, what blessing bringeth it?
If not a present remedy, yet a patient sufferance.
I wonder that thou (being as thou saist thou art, borne vnder Saturne) goest about to apply a morall medicine, to a mortifying mischiefe: I cannot hide what I am: I must bee sad when I haue cause, and smile at no mans iests, eat when I haue stomacke, and wait for no mans leisure: sleepe when I am drowsie, and tend on no mans businesse, laugh when I am merry, and claw no man in his humor.
Yea, but you must not make the ful show of this, till you may doe it without controllment, you haue of [Page 104] late stood out against your brother, and hee hath tane you newly into his grace, where it is impossible you should take root, but by the faire weather that you make your selfe, it is needful that you frame the season for your owne haruest.
I had rather be a canker in a hedge, then a rose in his grace, and it better fits my bloud to be disdain'd of all, then to fashion a carriage to rob loue from any: in this (though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man) it must not be denied but I am a plaine dealing villaine, I am trusted with a mussell, and enfranchisde with a clog, therefore I haue decreed, not to sing in my cage: if I had my mouth, I would bite: if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meane time, let me be that I am, and seeke not to alter me.
Can you make no vse of your discontent?
I came yonder from a great supper, the Prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can giue you intelligence of an intended marriage.
Will it serue for any Modell to build mischiefe on? What is hee for a foole that betrothes himselfe to vnquietnesse?
Mary it is your brothers right hand.
Who, the most exquisite Claudio?
Euen he.
A proper squier, and who, and who, which way lookes he?
Mary on Hero, the daughter and Heire of Leonato.
A very forward March-chicke, how came you to this?
Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoaking a musty roome, comes me the Prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt behind the Arras, and there heard it agreed vpon, that the Prince should wooe Hero for himselfe, and hauing obtain'd her, giue her to Count Claudio.
Come, come, let vs thither, this may proue food to my displeasure, that young start-vp hath all the glorie of my ouerthrow: if I can crosse him any way, I blesse my selfe euery way, you are both sure, and will assist mee?
To the death my Lord.
Let vs to the great supper, their cheere is the greater that I am subdued, would the Cooke were of my minde: shall we goe proue whats to be done?
Wee'll wait vpon your Lordship.
Actus Secundus.
Was not Count Iohn here at supper?
I saw him not.
How tartly that Gentleman lookes, I neuer can see him, but I am heart-burn'd an howre after.
He is of a very melancholy disposition.
Hee were an excellent man that were made iust in the mid-way betweene him and Benedicke, the one is too like an image and saies nothing, and the other too like my Ladies eldest sonne, euermore tatling.
Then halfe signior Benedicks tongue in Count Iohns mouth, and halfe Count Iohns melancholy in Signior Benedicks face.
With a good legge, and a good foot vnckle, and money enough in his purse, such a man would winne any woman in the world, if he could get her good will.
By my troth Neece, thou wilt neuer get thee a husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.
Infaith shee's too curst.
Too curst is more then curst, I shall lessen Gods sending that way: for it is said, God sends a curst Cow short hornes, but to a Cow too curst he sends none.
So, by being too curst, God will send you no hornes.
Iust, if he send me no husband, for the which blessing, I am at him vpon my knees euery morning and euening: Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face, I had rather lie in the woollen.
You may light vpon a husband that hath no beard.
What should I doe with him? dresse him in my apparell, and make him my waiting gentlewoman? he that hath a beard, is more then a youth: and he that hath no beard, is lesse then a man: and hee that is more then a youth, is not for mee: and he that is lesse then a man, I am not for him: therefore I will euen take sixepence in earnest of the Berrord, and leade his Apes into hell.
Well then, goe you into hell.
No, but to the gate, and there will the Deuill meete mee like an old Cuckold with hornes on his head, and say, get you to heauen Beatrice, get you to heauen, heere's no place for you maids, so deliuer I vp my Apes, and away to S. Peter: for the heauens, hee shewes mee where the Batchellers sit, and there liue wee as merry as the day is long.
Well neece, I trust you will be rul'd by your father.
Yes faith, it is my cosens dutie to make curtsie, and say, as it please you: but yet for all that cosin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make an other cursie, and say, father, as it please me.
Well neece, I hope to see you one day sitted with a husband.
Not till God make men of some other mettall then earth, would it not grieue a woman to be ouer-mastred with a peece of valiant dust? to make account of her life to a clod of waiward marle? no vnckle, ile none: Adams sonnes are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sinne to match in my kinred.
Daughter, remember what I told you, if the Prince doe solicit you in that kinde, you know your answere.
The fault will be in the musicke cosin, if you be not woed in good time: if the Prince bee too important, tell him there is measure in euery thing, & so dance out the answere, for heare me Hero, wooing, wedding, & repenting, is as a Scotch ijgge, a measure, and a cinque-pace: the first suite is hot and hasty like a Scotch ijgge (and full as fantasticall) the wedding manerly modest, (as a measure) full of state & aunchentry, and then comes repentance, and with his bad legs falls into the cinque-pace faster and faster, till he sinkes into his graue.
Cosin you apprehend passing shrewdly.
I haue a good eye vnckle, I can see a Church by daylight.
The reuellers are entring brother, make good roome.
Lady, will you walke about with your friend?
So you walke softly, and looke sweetly, and say nothing, I am yours for the walke, and especially when I walke away.
With me in your company.
I may say so when I please.
And when please you to say so?
When I like your fauour, for God defend the Lute should be like the case.
My visor is Philemons roofe, within the house is Loue.
Why then your visor should be thatcht.
Speake low if you speake Loue.
Well, I would you did like me.
So would not I for your owne sake, for I haue manie ill qualities.
Which is one?
I say my prayers alowd.
I loue you the better, the hearers may cry Amen.
God match me with a good dauncer.
Amen.
And God keepe him out of my sight when the daunce is done: answer Clarke.
No more words the Clarke is answered.
I know you well enough, you are Signior Anthonio.
At a word, I am not.
I know you by the wagling of your head.
To tell you true, I counterfet him.
You could neuer doe him so ill well, vnlesse you were the very man: here's his dry hand vp & down, you are he, you are he.
At a word I am not.
Come, come, doe you thinke I doe not know you by your excellent wit? can vertue hide it selfe? goe to, mumme, you are he, graces will appeare, and there's an end.
Will you not tell me who told you so?
No, you shall pardon me.
Nor will you not tell me who you are?
Not now.
That I was disdainfull, and that I had my good wit out of the hundred merry tales: well, this was Signior Benedicke that said so.
What's he?
I am sure you know him well enough.
Not I, beleeue me.
Did he neuer make you laugh?
I pray you what is he?
Why he is the Princes ieaster, a very dull foole, onely his gift is, in deuising impossible slanders, none but Libertines delight in him, and the commendation is not in his witte, but in his villanie, for hee both pleaseth men and angers them, and then they laugh at him, and beat him: I am sure he is in the Fleet, I would he had boorded me.
When I know the Gentleman, Ile tell him what you say.
Do, do, hee'l but breake a comparison or two on me, which peraduenture (not markt, or not laugh'd at) strikes him into melancholly, and then there's a Partridge wing saued, for the foole will eate no supper that night. We must follow the Leaders.
In euery good thing.
Nay, if they leade to any ill, I will leaue them at the next turning.
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawne her father to breake with him about it: the Ladies follow her, and but one visor remaines.
And that is Claudio, I know him by his bearing.
Are not you signior Benedicke?
You know me well, I am hee.
Signior, you are verie neere my Brother in his loue, he is enamor'd on Hero, I pray you disswade him from her, she is no equall for his birth: you may do the part of an honest man in it.
How know you he loues her?
I heard him sweare his affection,
So did I too, and he swore he would marrie her to night.
Come, let vs to the banquet.
Count Claudio.
Yea, the same.
Come, will you go with me?
Whither?
Euen to the next Willow, about your own businesse, Count. What fashion will you weare the Garland off? About your necke, like an Vsurers chaine? Or vnder your arme, like a Lieutenants scarfe? You must weare it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero.
I wish him ioy of her.
Why that's spoken like an honest Drouier, so they sel Bullockes: but did you thinke the Prince wold haue serued you thus?
I pray you leaue me.
Ho now you strike like the blindman, 'twas the boy that stole your meate, and you'l beat the post.
If it will not be, Ile leaue you.
Alas poore hurt fowle, now will he creepe into sedges: But that my Ladie Beatrice should know me, & not know me: the Princes foole! Hah? It may be I goe vnder that title, because I am merrie: yea but so I am apt to do my selfe wrong: I am not so reputed, it is the base (though bitter) disposition of Beatrice, that putt's the world into her person, and so giues me out: well, Ile be reuenged as I may.
Now Signior, where's the Count, did you see him?
Troth my Lord, I haue played the part of Lady Fame, I found him heere as melancholy as a Lodge in a Warren, I told him, and I thinke, told him true, that your grace had got the will of this young Lady, and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to binde him a rod, as being worthy to be whipt.
To be whipt, what's his fault?
The slat transgression of a Schoole-boy, who being ouer-ioyed with finding a birds nest, shewes it his companion, and he steales it.
Wilt thou make a trust, a transgression? the transgression is in the stealer.
Yet it had not beene amisse the rod had beene made, and the garland too, for the garland he might haue worne himselfe, and the rod hee might haue bestowed on you, who (as I take it) haue stolne his birds nest.
I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner.
If their singing answer your saying▪ by my faith you say honestly.
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrell to you, the Gentleman that daunst with her, told her shee is much wrong'd by you.
O she misusde me past the indurance of a block: an oake but with one greene leafe on it, would haue answered her: my very visor began to assume life, and scold with her: shee told mee, not thinking I had beene my selfe, that I was the Princes Iester, and that I was duller then a great thaw, hu [...]ling iest vpon iest, with such impossible conueiance vpon me, that I stood like a man at a marke, with a whole army shooting at me: shee speakes poynyards, and euery word stabbes: if her breath were as terrible as terminations, there were no liuing neere her, she would infect to the north starre: I would not marry her, though she were indowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgrest, she would haue made Hercules haue turnd spit, yea, and haue cleft his club to make the fire too: come, talke not of her, you shall finde her the infernall Ate in good apparell. I would to God some scholler would coniure her, for certainely while she is heere, a man may liue as quiet in hell, as in a sanctuary, and people sinne vpon purpose, because they would goe thither, so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation followes her.
Looke heere she comes.
Will your Grace command mee any seruice to the worlds end? I will goe on the slightest arrand now to the Antypodes that you can deuise to send me on: I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch of Asia: bring you the length of Prester Iohns foot: fetch you a hayre off the great Chams beard: doe you any embassage to the Pigmies, rather then hould three words conference, with this Harpy: you haue no employment for me?
None, but to desire your good company.
O God sir, heeres a dish I loue not, I cannot indure this Lady tongue.
Come Lady, come, you haue lost the heart of Signior Benedicke.
Indeed my Lord, hee lent it me a while, and I gaue him vse for it, a double heart for a single one, marry once before he wonne it of mee, with false dice, therefore your Grace may well say I haue lost it.
You haue put him downe Lady, you haue put him downe.
So I would not he should do me, my Lord, lest I should prooue the mother of fooles: I haue brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seeke.
Why how now Count, wherfore are you sad?
Not sad my Lord.
How then? sicke?
Neither, my Lord.
The Count is neither sad, nor sicke, nor merry, nor well: but ciuill Count, ciuill as an Orange, and something of a iealous complexion.
Ifaith Lady, I thinke your blazon to be true, though Ile be sworne, if hee be so, his conceit is false: heere Claudio, I haue wooed in thy name, and faire Hero is won, I haue broke with her father, and his good will obtained, name the day of marriage, and God giue thee ioy.
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes: his grace hath made the match, & all grace say, Amen to it.
Speake Count, tis your Qu.
Silence is the perfectest Herault of ioy, I were but little happy if I could say, how much? Lady, as you are mine, I am yours, I giue away my selfe for you, and doat vpon the exchange.
Speake cosin, or (if you cannot) stop his mouth with a kisse, and let not him speake neither.
Infaith Lady you haue a merry heart.
Yea my Lord I thanke it, poore foole it keepes on the windy side of Care, my coosin tells him in his eare that he is in my heart.
And so she doth coosin.
Good Lord for alliance: thus goes euery one to the world but I, and I am sun-burn'd, I may sit in a corner and cry, heigh ho for a husband.
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.
I would rather haue one of your fathers getting: hath your Grace ne're a brother like you? your father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.
Will you haue me? Lady.
No, my Lord, vnlesse I might haue another for working-daies, your Grace is too costly to weare euerie day: but I beseech your Grace pardon mee, I was borne to speake all mirth, and no matter.
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry, best becomes you, for out of question, you were born in a merry howre.
No sure my Lord, my Mother cried, but then there was a starre daunst, and vnder that was I borne: cosins God giue you ioy.
Neece, will you looke to those rhings I told you of?
I cry you mercy Vncle, by your Graces pardon.
By my troth a pleasant spirited Lady.
There's little of the melancholy element in her my Lord, she is neuer sad, but when she sleepes, and not euer sad then: for I haue heard my daughter say, she hath often dreamt of vnhappinesse, and wakt her selfe with laughing.
Shee cannot indure to heare tell of a husband.
O, by no meanes, she mocks all her wooers out of suite.
She were an excellent wife for Benedick.
O Lord, my Lord, if they were but a weeke [Page 107] married, they would talke themselues madde.
Counte Claudio, when meane you to goe to Church?
To morrow my Lord, Time goes on crutches, till Loue haue all his rites.
Not till monday, my deare sonne, which is hence a iust seuen night, and a time too briefe too, to haue all things answer minde.
Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing, but I warrant thee Claudio, the time shall not goe dully by vs, I will in the interim, vndertake one of Hercules labors, which is, to bring Signior Benedicke and the Lady Beatrice into a mountaine of affection, th' one with th' other, I would faine haue it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall giue you direction.
My Lord, I am for you, though it cost mee ten nights watchings.
And I my Lord.
And you to gentle Hero?
I will doe any modest office, my Lord, to helpe my cosin to a good husband.
And Benedick is not the vnhopefullest husband that I know: thus farre can I praise him, hee is of a noble straine, of approued valour, and confirm'd honesty, I will teach you how to humour your cosin, that shee shall fall in loue with Benedicke, and I, with your two helpes, will so practise on Benedicke, that in despight of his quicke wit, and his queasie stomacke, hee shall fall in loue with Beatrice: if wee can doe this, Cupid is no longer an Archer, his glory shall be ours, for wee are the onely loue-gods, goe in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
It is so, the Count Claudio shal marry the daughter of Leonato.
Yea my Lord, but I can crosse it.
Any barre, any crosse, any impediment, will be medicinable to me, I am sicke in displeasure to him, and whatsoeuer comes athwart his affection, ranges euenly with mine, how canst thou crosse this marriage?
Not honestly my Lord, but so couertly, that no dishonesty shall appeare in me.
Shew me breefely how.
I thinke I told your Lordship a yeere since, how much I am in the fauour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero.
I remember.
I can at any vnseasonable instant of the night, appoint her to look out at her Ladies chamber window.
What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?
The poyson of that lies in you to temper, goe you to the Prince your brother, spare not to tell him, that hee hath wronged his Honor in marrying the renowned Claudio, whose estimation do you mightily hold vp, to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero.
What proofe shall I make of that?
Proofe enough, to misuse the Prince, to vexe Claudio, to vndoe Hero, and kill Leonato, looke you for any other issue?
Onely to despight them, I will endeauour any thing.
Goe then, finde me a meete howre, to draw on Pedro and the Count Claudio alone, tell them that you know that Hero loues me, intend a kinde of zeale both to the Prince and Claudio (as in a loue of your brothers honor who hath made this match) and his friends reputation, who is thus like to be cosen'd with the semblance of a maid, that you haue discouer'd thus: they will scarcely beleeue this without triall: offer them instances which shall beare no lesse likelihood, than to see mee at her chamber window, heare me call Margaret, Hero; heare Margaret terme me Claudio, and bring them to see this the very night before the intended wedding, for in the meane time, I will so fashion the matter, that Hero shall be absent, and there shall appeare such seeming truths of Heroes disloyaltie, that iealousie shall be cal'd assurance, and all the preparation ouerthrowne.
Grow this to what aduerse issue it can, I will put it in practise: be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is a thousand ducates.
Be thou constant in the accusation, and my cunning shall not shame me.
I will presentlie goe learne their day of marriage.
Boy.
Signior.
In my chamber window lies a booke, bring it hither to me in the orchard.
I am heere already sir.
I know that, but I would haue thee hence, and heere againe. I doe much wonder, that one man seeing how much another man is a foole, when he dedicates his behauiours to loue, will after hee hath laught at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his owne scorne, by falling in loue, & such a man is Claudio, I haue known when there was no musicke with him but the drum and the fife, and now had hee rather heare the taber and the pipe: I haue knowne when he would haue walkt ten mile afoot, to see a good armor, and now will he lie ten nights awake caruing the fashion of a new dublet: he was wont to speake plaine, & to the purpose (like an honest man & a souldier) and now is he turn'd orthography, his words are a very fantasticall banquet, iust so many strange dishes: may I be so conuerted, & see with these eyes? I cannot tell, I thinke not: I will not bee sworne, but loue may transforme me to an oyster, but Ile take my oath on it, till he haue made an oyster of me, he shall neuer make me such a foole: one woman is faire, yet I am well: another is wise, yet I am well: another vertuous, yet I am well: but till all graces be in one woman▪ one woman shall not come in my grace: rich shee shall be, that's certaine: wise, or Ile none: vertuous, or Ile neuer cheapen her: faire, or Ile neuer looke on her: milde, or come not neere me: Noble, or not for an Angell: of good discourse: an excellent Musitian, and her haire shal be of what colour it please God, hah! the Prince and Monsieur Loue, I will hide me in the Arbor.
Come, shall we heare this musicke?
See you where Benedicke hath hid himselfe?
Come Balthasar, wee'll heare that song again.
Now diuine aire, now is his soule rauisht, is it not strange that sheepes guts should hale soules out of mens bodies? well, a horne for my money when all's done.
By my troth a good song.
And an ill singer, my Lord.
Ha, no, no faith, thou singst well enough for a shift.
And he had been a dog that should haue howld thus, they would haue hang'd him, and I pray God his bad voyce bode no mischiefe, I had as liefe haue heard the night-rauen, come what plague could haue come after it.
Yea marry, dost thou heare Balthasar? I pray thee get vs some excellent musick: for to morrow night we would haue it at the Lady Heroes chamber window.
The best I can, my Lord.
Do so, farewell. Come hither Leonato, what was it you told me of to day, that your Niece Beatrice was in loue with signior Benedicke?
O I, stalke on, stalke on, the foule sits. I did neuer thinke that Lady would haue loued any man.
No nor I neither, but most wonderful, that she should so dote on Signior Benedicke, whom shee hath in all outward behauiours seemed euer to abhorre.
Is't possible? sits the winde in that corner?
By my troth my Lord, I cannot tell what to thinke of it, but that she loues him with an inraged affection, it is past the infinite of thought.
May be she doth but counterfeit.
Faith like enough.
O God! counterfeit? there was neuer counterfeit of passion, came so neere the life of passion as she discouers it.
Why what effects of passion shewes she?
Baite the hooke well, this fish will bite.
What effects my Lord? shee will sit you, you heard my daughter tell you how.
She did indeed.
How, how I pray you? you amaze me, I would haue thought her spirit had beene inuincible against all assaults of affection.
I would haue sworne it had, my Lord, especially against Benedicke.
I should thinke this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speakes it: knauery cannot sure hide himselfe in such reuerence.
He hath tane th' infection, hold it vp.
Hath shee made her affection known to Benedicke?
No, and sweares she neuer will, that's her torment.
'Tis true indeed, so your daughter saies: shall I, saies she, that haue so oft encountred him with scorne, write to him that I loue him?
This saies shee now when shee is beginning to write to him, for shee'll be vp twenty times a night, and there will she sit in her smocke, till she haue writ a sheet of paper: my daughter tells vs all.
Now you talke of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty iest your daughter told vs of.
O when she had writ it, & was reading it ouer, she found Benedicke and Beatrice betweene the sheete.
That.
O she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence, raild at her self, that she should be so immodest to write, to one that shee knew would flout her: I measure him, saies she, by my owne spirit, for I should flout him if hee writ to mee, yea though I loue him, I should.
Then downe vpon her knees she falls, weepes, sobs, beates her heart, teares her hayre, praies, curses, O sweet Benedicke, God giue me patience.
She doth indeed, my daughter saies so, and the extasie hath so much ouerborne her, that my daughter is somtime afeard she will doe a desperate out-rage to her selfe, it is very true.
It were good that Benedicke knew of it by some other, if she will not discouer it.
To what end? he would but make a sport of it, and torment the poore Lady worse.
And he should, it were an almes to hang him, shee's an excellent sweet Lady, and (out of all suspition,) she is vertuous.
And she is exceeding wise.
In euery thing, but in louing Benedicke.
O my Lord, wisedome and bloud combating in so tender a body, we haue ten proofes to one, that bloud hath the victory, I am sorry for her, as I haue iust cause, being her Vncle, and her Guardian.
I would shee had bestowed this dotage on mee, I would haue daft all other respects, and made her halfe my selfe: I pray you tell Benedicke of it, and heare what he will say.
Were it good thinke you?
Hero thinkes surely she wil die, for she saies she will die, if hee loue her not, and shee will die ere shee make her loue knowne, and she will die if hee wooe her, rather than shee will bate one breath of her accustomed crossenesse.
She doth well, if she should make tender of her [Page 109] loue, 'tis very possible hee'l scorne it, for the man (as you know all) hath a contemptible spirit.
He is a very proper man.
He hath indeed a good outward happines.
'Fore God, and in my minde very wise.
He doth indeed shew some sparkes that are like wit.
And I take him to be valiant.
As Hector, I assure you, and in the managing of quarrels you may see hee is wise, for either hee auoydes them with great discretion, or vndertakes them with a Christian-like feare.
If hee doe feare God, a must necessarilie keepe peace, if hee breake the peace, hee ought to enter into a quarrell with feare and trembling.
And so will he doe, for the man doth fear God, howsoeuer it seemes not in him, by some large ieasts hee will make: well, I am sorry for your niece, shall we goe see Benedicke, and tell him of her loue,
Neuer tell him, my Lord, let her weare it out with good counsell.
Nay that's impossible, she may weare her heart out first.
Well, we will heare further of it by your daughter, let it coole the while, I loue Benedicke well, and I could wish he would modestly examine himselfe, to see how much he is vnworthy to haue so good a Lady.
My Lord, will you walke? dinner is ready.
If he do not doat on her vpon this, I wil neuer trust my expectation.
Let there be the same Net spread for her, and that must your daughter and her gentlewoman carry: the sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of anothers dotage, and no such matter, that's the Scene that I would see, which will be meerely a dumbe shew: let vs send her to call him into dinner.
This can be no tricke, the conference was sadly borne, they haue the truth of this from Hero, they seeme to pittie the Lady: it seemes her affections haue the full bent: loue me? why it must be requited: I heare how I am censur'd, they say I will beare my selfe proudly, if I perceiue the loue come from her: they say too, that she will rather die than giue any signe of affection: I did neuer thinke to marry, I must not seeme proud, happy are they that heare their detractions, and can put them to mending: they say the Lady is faire, 'tis a truth, I can beare them witnesse: and vertuous, tis so, I cannot reprooue it, and wise, but for louing me, by my troth it is no addition to her witte, nor no great argument of her folly; for I wil be horribly in loue with her, I may chance haue some odde quirkes and remnants of witte broken on mee, because I haue rail'd so long against marriage: but doth not the appetite alter? a man loues the meat in his youth, that he cannot indure in his age. Shall quips and sentences, and these paper bullets of the braine awe a man from the careere of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a batcheler, I did not think I should liue till I were maried, here comes Beatrice: by this day, shee's a faire Lady, I doe spie some markes of loue in her.
Against my wil I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
Faire Beatrice, I thanke you for your paines.
I tooke no more paines for those thankes, then you take paines to thanke me, if it had been painefull, I would not haue come.
You take pleasure then in the message.
Yea iust so much as you may take vpon a kniues point, and choake a daw withall: you haue no stomacke signior, fare you well.
Ha, against my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner: there's a double meaning in that: I tooke no more paines for those thankes then you tooke paines to thanke me, that's as much as to say, any paines that I take for you is as easie as thankes: if I do not take pitty of her I am a villaine, if I doe not loue her I am a Iew, I will goe get her picture.
Actus Tertius.
Ile make her come I warrant you presently.
So saies the Prince, and my new trothed Lord.
And did they bid you tell her of it, Madam?
Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
Yet tell her of it, heare what shee will say.
Indeed he hath an excellent good name.
I doe but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.
Ile bring you thither my Lord, if you'l vouchsafe me.
Nay, that would be as great a soyle in the new glosse of your marriage, as to shew a childe his new coat and forbid him to weare it, I will onely bee bold with Benedicke for his companie, for from the crowne of his head, to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth, he hath twice or thrice cut Cupids bow-string, and the little hang-man dare not shoot at him, he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinkes, his tongue speakes.
Gallants, I am not as I haue bin.
So say I, methinkes you are sadder.
I hope he be in loue.
Hang him truant, there's no true drop of bloud in him to be truly toucht with loue, if he be sad, he wants money.
I haue the tooth-ach.
Draw it.
Hang it.
You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.
What? sigh for the tooth-ach.
Where is but a humour or a worme.
Well, euery one cannot master a griefe, but hee that has it.
Yet say I, he is in loue.
There is no appearance of fancie in him, vnlesse it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises, as to bee a Dutchman to day, a Frenchman to morrow: vnlesse hee haue a fancy to this foolery, as it appeares hee hath, hee is no foole for fancy, as you would haue it to appeare he is.
If he be not in loue vvith some vvoman, there is no beleeuing old signes, a brushes his hat a mornings, What should that bode?
Hath any man seene him at the Barbers?
No, but the Barbers man hath beene seen with him, and the olde ornament of his cheeke hath alreadie stuft tennis balls.
Indeed he lookes yonger than hee did, by the losse of a beard.
Nay a rubs himselfe vvith Ciuit, can you smell him out by that?
That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in loue.
The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
And vvhen vvas he vvont to vvash his face?
Yea, or to paint himselfe? for the which I heare vvhat they say of him.
Nay, but his iesting spirit, vvhich is now crept into a lute-string, and now gouern'd by stops.
Indeed that tels a heauy tale for him: conclude, he is in loue.
Nay, but I know who loues him.
That would I know too, I warrant one that knowes him not.
Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despight of all, dies for him.
Shee shall be buried with her face vpwards.
Yet is this no charme for the tooth-ake, old signior, walke aside with mee, I haue studied eight or nine wise words to speake to you, which these hobby-horses must not heare.
For my life to breake with him about Beatrice.
'Tis euen so, Hero and Margaret haue by this played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two Beares will not bite one another when they meete.
My Lord and brother, God saue you.
Good den brother.
If your leisure seru'd, I would speake with you.
In priuate?
If it please you, yet Count Claudio may heare, for what I would speake of, concernes him.
What's the matter?
Meanes your Lordship to be married to morrow?
You know he does.
I know not that when he knowes what I know.
If there be any impediment, I pray you discouer it.
You may thinke I loue you not, let that appeare hereafter, and ayme better at me by that I now will manifest, for my brother (I thinke, he holds you well, and in dearenesse of heart) hath holpe to effect your ensuing marriage: surely sute ill spent, and labour ill bestowed.
Why, what's the matter?
I came hither to tell you, and circumstances shortned, (for she hath beene too long a talking of) the Lady is disloyall.
Who Hero?
Euen shee, Leonatoes Hero, your Hero, euery mans Hero.
Disloyall?
The word is too good to paint out her wickednesse, I could say she were worse, thinke you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it: wonder not till further warrant: goe but with mee to night, you shal see her chamber window entred, euen the night before her wedding day, if you loue her, then to morrow wed her: But it would better fit your honour to change your minde.
May this be so?
I will not thinke it.
If you dare not trust that you see, confesse not that you know: if you will follow mee, I will shew you enough, and when you haue seene more, & heard more, proceed accordingly.
If I see any thing to night, why I should not marry her to morrow in the congregation, where I shold wedde, there will I shame her.
And as I wooed for thee to obtaine her, I will ioyne with thee to disgrace her.
I will disparage her no farther, till you are my witnesses, beare it coldly but till night, and let the issue shew it selfe.
O day vntowardly turned!
O mischiefe strangelie thwarting!
O plague right well preuented! so will you say, when you haue seene the sequele.
Are you good men and true?
Yea, or else it were pitty but they should suffer saluation body and soule.
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should haue any allegiance in them, being chosen for the Princes watch.
Well, giue them their charge, neighbour Dogbery.
First, who thinke you the most desartlesse man to be Constable?
Hugh Ote-cake sir, or George Sea-coale, for they can write and reade.
Come hither neighbour Sea-coale, God hath blest you with a good name: to be a wel-fauoured man, is the gift of Fortune, but to write and reade, comes by Nature.
Both which Master Constable
You haue: I knew it would be your answere: well, for your fauour sir, why giue God thankes, & make no boast of it, and for your writing and reading, let that appeare when there is no need of such vanity, you are thought heere to be the most senslesse and fit man for the Constable of the watch: therefore beare you the lanthorne: this is your charge: You shall comprehend all vagrom men, you are to bid any man stand in the Princes name.
How if a will not stand?
Why then take no note of him, but let him go, and presently call the rest of the Watch together, and thanke God you are ridde of a knaue.
If he will not stand when he is bidden, hee is none of the Princes subiects.
True, and they are to meddle with none but the Princes subiects: you shall also make no noise in the streetes: for, for the Watch to babble and talke, is most tollerable, and not to be indured.
We will rather sleepe than talke, wee know what belongs to a Watch.
Why you speake like an ancient and most quiet watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only haue a care that your bills be not stolne: well, you are to call at all the Alehouses, and bid them that are drunke get them to bed.
How if they will not?
Why then let them alone till they are sober, if they make you not then the better answere, you may say, they are not the men you tooke them for.
Well sir.
If you meet a theefe, you may suspect him, by vertue of your office, to be no true man▪ and for such kinde of men, the lesse you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your honesty.
If wee know him to be a thiefe, shall wee not lay hands on him.
Truly by your office you may, but I think they that touch pitch will be defil'd: the most peaceable way for you, if you doe take a theefe, is, to let him shew himselfe what he is, and steale out of your company.
You haue bin alwaies cal'd a merciful mā partner.
Truely I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath anie honestie in him.
If you heare a child crie in the night you must call to the nurse, and bid her still it.
How if the nurse be asleepe and will not heare vs?
Why then depart in peace, and let the childe wake her with crying, for the ewe that will not heare her Lambe when it baes, will neuer answere a calfe when he bleates.
'Tis verie true.
This is the end of the charge: you constable are to present the Princes owne person, if you meete the Prince in the night, you may staie him.
Nay birladie that I thinke a cannot.
Fiue shillings to one on't with anie man that knowes the Statues, he may staie him, marrie not without the prince be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man, and it is an offence to stay a man against his will.
Birladie I thinke it be so.
Ha, ah ha, well masters good night, and there be anie matter of weight chances, call vp me, keepe your fellowes counsailes, and your owne, and good night, come neighbour.
Well masters, we heare our charge, let vs go sit here vpon the Church bench till two, and then all to bed.
One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watch about signior Leonatoes doore, for the wedding being there to morrow, there is a great coyle to night, adiew, be vigitant I beseech you.
What, Conrade?
Peace, stir not.
Conrade I say.
Here man, I am at thy elbow.
Mas and my elbow itcht, I thought there would a scabbe follow.
I will owe thee an answere▪ for that, and now forward with thy tale.
Stand thee close then vnder this penthouse, for it drissels raine, and I will, like a true drunkard, vtter all to thee.
Some treason masters, yet stand close.
Therefore know, I haue earned of Don Iohn a thousand Ducates.
Is it possible that anie villanie should be so deare?
Thou should'st rather aske if it were possible anie villanie should be so rich? for when rich villains haue neede of poore ones, poore ones may make what price they will.
I wonder at it.
That shewes thou art vnconfirm'd, thou knowest that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloake, is nothing to a man.
Yes, it is apparell.
I meane the fashion.
Yes the fashion is the fashion.
Tush, I may as well say the foole's the foole, but seest thou not what a deformed theefe this fashion is?
I know that deformed, a has bin a vile theefe, this vii. yeares, a goes vp and downe like a gentle man: I remember his name.
Did'st thou not heare some bodie?
No, 'twas the vaine on the house.
Seest thou not (I say) what a deformed thiefe this fashion is, how giddily a turnes about all the Hot-blouds, betweene foureteene & fiue & thirtie, sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoes souldiours in the rechie painting, sometime like god Bels priests in the old Church window, sometime like the shauen Hercules in the smircht worm eaten tapestrie, where his cod-peece seemes as massie as his club.
All this I see, and see that the fashion weares out more apparrell then the man; but art not thou thy selfe giddie with the fashion too that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?
Not so neither, but know that I haue to night wooed Margaret the Lady Heroes gentle-woman, by the name of Hero, she leanes me out at her mistris chamber-vvindow, bids me a thousand times good night: I tell this tale vildly. I should first tell thee how the Prince Claudio and my Master planted, and placed, and possessed by my Master Don Iohn, saw a far off in the Orchard this amiable incounter.
And thought thy Margaret was Hero?
Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the diuell my Master knew she was Margaret and partly by his oathes, which first possest them, partly by the darke night which did deceiue them, but chiefely, by my villanie, which did confirme any slander that Don Iohn had made, away vvent Claudio enraged, swore hee vvould meete her as he was apointed next morning at the Temple, and there, before the whole congregation shame her with vvhat he saw o're night, and send her home againe vvithout a husband.
We charge you in the Princes name stand.
Call vp the right master Constable, vve haue here recouered the most dangerous peece of lechery, that euer vvas knowne in the Common-wealth.
And one Deformed is one of them, I know him, a vveares a locke.
Mast [...] masters.
Youre be made bring deformed forth I warrant you,
Masters, neuer speake, vve charge you, let vs obey you to goe vvith vs.
We are like to proue a goodly commoditie, being taken vp of these mens bils.
A commoditie in question I warrant you, come vveele obey you.
Good Vrsula wake my cosin Beatrice, and desire her to rise.
I will Lady.
And bid her come hither.
Well.
Troth I thinke your other rebato were better.
No pray thee good Meg, Ile vveare this.
By my troth's not so good, and I vvarrant your cosin vvill say so.
My cosin's a foole, and thou art another, ile vveare none but this.
I like the new tire vvithin excellently, if the haire vvere a thought browner: and your gown's a most rare fashion yfaith, I saw the Dutchesse of Millaines gowne that they praise so.
O that exceedes they say.
By my troth's but a night-gowne in respect of yours, cloth a gold and cuts and lac'd with siluer, set with pearles, downe sleeues, side sleeues, and skirts, round vnderborn with a blewish tinsel, but for a fine queint gracefull and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on't.
God giue mee ioy to weare it, for my heart is exceeding heauy.
'Twill be heauier soone, by the waight of a man.
Fie vpon thee, art not asham'd?
Of what Lady? of speaking honourably? is not marriage honourable in a beggar? is not your Lord honourable without marriage? I thinke you would haue me say, sauing your reuerence a husband: and bad thinking doe not wrest true speaking, Ile offend no body, is there any harme in the heauier for a husband? none I thinke, and it be the right husband, and the right wife, otherwise 'tis light and not heauy, aske my Lady Beatrice else, here she comes.
Good morrow Coze.
Good morrow sweet Hero.
Why how now? do you speake in the sick tune?
I am out of all other tune, me thinkes.
Claps into Light a loue, (that goes without a burden,) do you sing it and Ile dance it.
Ye Light aloue with your heeles, then if your husband haue stables enough, you'll looke he shall lacke no barnes.
O illegitimate construction! I scorne that with my heeles.
'Tis almost fiue a clocke cosin, 'tis time you were ready, by my troth I am exceeding ill, hey ho.
For a hauke, a horse, or a husband?
For the letter that begins them all, H.
Well, and you be not turn'd Turke, there's no more sayling by the starre.
What meanes the foole trow?
Nothing I, but God send euery one rheir harts desire.
These gloues the Count sent mee, they are an excellent perfume.
I am stuft cosin, I cannot smell.
A maid and stuft! there's goodly catching of colde.
O God helpe me, God help me, how long haue you profest apprehension?
Euer since you left it, doth not my wit become me rarely?
It is not seene enough, you should weare it in your cap, by my troth I am sicke.
Get you some of this distill'd carduus benedictus and lay it to your heart, it is the onely thing for a qualm.
There thou prickst her with a thissell.
Benedictus, why benedictus? you haue some morall in this benedictus.
Morall? no by my troth, I haue no morall meaning, I meant plaine holy thissell, you may thinke perchance that I thinke you are in loue, nay birlady I am not such a foole to thinke what I list, nor I list not to thinke what I can, nor indeed I cannot thinke, if I would thinke my hart out of thinking, that you are in loue, or that you will be in loue, or that you can be in loue: yet Benedicke was such another, and now is he become a man, he swore hee would neuer marry, and yet now in despight of his heart he eates his meat without grudging, and how you may be conuerted I know not, but me thinkes you looke with your eies as other women doe.
What pace is this that thy tongue keepes.
Not a false gallop.
Madam, withdraw, the Prince, the Count, signior Benedicke, Don Iohn, and all the gallants of the towne are come to fetch you to Church.
Helpe to dresse mee good coze, good Meg, good Vrsula.
What would you with mee, honest neighbour?
Mary sir I would haue some confidence with you, that decernes you nearely.
Briefe I pray you, for you see it is a busie time with me.
Mary this it is sir.
Yes in truth it is sir.
What is it my good friends?
Goodman Verges sir speakes a little of the matter, an old man sir, and his wits are not so blunt, as God helpe I would desire they were, but infaith honest as the skin betweene his browes.
Yes I thank God, I am as honest as any man liuing, that is an old man, and no honester then I.
Comparisons are odorous, palabras, neighbour Verges.
Neighbours, you are tedious.
It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poore Dukes officers, but truely for mine owne part, if I were as tedious as a King I could finde in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.
All thy tediousnesse on me, ah?
Yea, and 'twere a thousand times more than 'tis, for I heare as good exclamation on your Worship as of any man in the Citie, and though I bee but a poore man, I am glad to heare it.
And so am I.
I would faine know what you haue to say.
Marry sir our watch to night, excepting your worships presence, haue tane a couple of as arrant knaues as any in Messina.
A good old man sir, hee will be talking as they say, when the age is in the wit is out, God helpe vs, it is a world to see: well said yfaith neighbour Verges, well, God's a good man, and two men ride of a horse, one must ride behinde, an honest soule yfaith sir, by my troth he is, as euer broke bread, but God is to bee worshipt, all men are not alike, alas good neighbour.
Indeed neighbour he comes too short of you.
Gifts that God giues.
I must leaue you.
One word sir, our watch sir haue indeede comprehended two aspitious persons, & we would haue them this morning examined before your worship.
Take their examination your selfe, and bring it me, I am now in great haste, as may appeare vnto you.
It shall be suffigance.
Drinke some wine ere you goe: fare you well.
My Lord, they stay for you to giue your daughter to her husband.
Ile wait vpon them, I am ready.
Goe good partner, goe get you to Francis Sea-coale, bid him bring his pen and inkehorne to the Gaole: we are now to examine those men.
And we must doe it wisely.
Wee will spare for no witte I warrant you: [Page 114] heere's that shall driue some of them to a non-come, only get the learned writer to set downe our excommunication, and meet me at the Iaile.
Actus Quartus.
Come Frier Francis, be briefe, onely to the plaine forme of marriage, and you shal recount their particular duties afterwards.
You come hither, my Lord, to marry this Lady.
No.
To be married to her: Frier, you come to marrie her.
Lady, you come hither to be married to this Count.
I doe.
If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be conioyned, I charge you on your soules to vtter it.
Know you anie, Hero?
None my Lord.
Know you anie, Count?
I dare make his answer, None.
O what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do!
How now! interiections? why then, some be of laughing, as ha, ha, he.
As freely sonne as God did giue her me.
Nothing, vnlesse you render her againe.
What doe you meane, my Lord?
And seem'd I euer otherwise to you?
Is my Lord well, that he doth speake so wide?
Sweete Prince, why speake not you?
Are these things spoken, or doe I but dreame?
Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true.
This lookes not like a nuptiall.
True, O God!
All this is so, but what of this my Lord?
I charge thee doe, as thou art my childe.
To make you answer truly to your name.
I talkt with no man at that howre my Lord.
Hath no mans dagger here a point for me?
Why how now cosin, wherfore sink you down?
How doth the Lady?
How now cosin Hero?
Haue comfort Ladie.
Dost thou looke vp?
Yea, wherefore should she not?
Sir, sir, be patient: for my part, I am so attired in wonder, I know not what to say.
O on my soule my cosin is belied.
Ladie, were you her bedfellow last night?
Heare me a little, for I haue onely bene silent so long, and giuen way vnto this course of fortune, by noting of the Ladie, I haue markt.
Ladie, what man is he you are accus'd of?
There is some strange misprision in the Princes.
What shall become of this? What wil this do?
Lady Beatrice, haue you wept all this while?
Yea, and I will weepe a while longer.
I will not desire that.
You haue no reason, I doe it freely.
Surelie I do beleeue your fair cosin is wrong'd.
Ah, how much might the man deserue of mee that would right her!
Is there any way to shew such friendship?
A verie euen way, but no such friend.
May a man doe it?
It is a mans office, but not yours.
I doe loue nothing in the world so well as you, is not that strange?
As strange as the thing I know not, it were as possible for me to say, I loued nothing so well as you, but beleeue me not, and yet I lie not, I confesse nothing, nor I deny nothing, I am sorry for my cousin.
By my sword Beatrice thou lou'st me.
Doe not sweare by it and eat it.
I will sweare by it that you loue mee, and I will make him eat it that sayes I loue not you.
Will you not eat your word?
With no sawce that can be deuised to it, I protest I loue thee.
Why then God forgiue me.
What offence sweet Beatrice?
You haue stayed me in a happy howre; I was about to protest I loued you.
And doe it with all thy heart.
I loue you with so much of my heart, that none is left to protest.
Come, bid me doe any thing for thee.
Kill Claudio.
Ha, not for the wide world.
You kill me to denie, farewell.
Tarrie sweet Beatrice.
I am gone, though I am heere, there is no loue in you, nay I pray you let me goe.
Beatrice.
Infaith I will goe.
Wee'll be friends first.
You dare easier be friends with mee, than fight with mine enemy.
Is Claudio thine enemie?
Is a not approued in the height a villaine, that hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O that I were a man! what, beare her in hand vntill they come to take hands, and then with publike accusation vncouered slander, vnmittigated rancour? O God that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.
Heare me Beatrice.
Talke with a man out at a window, a proper saying.
Nay but Beatrice.
Sweet Hero, she is wrong'd, shee is slandered, she is vndone.
Beat?
Princes and Counties! surelie a Princely testimonie, a goodly Count, Comfect, a sweet Gallant surelie, O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into cursies, valour into complement, and men are onelie turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules, that only tells a lie, and sweares it: I cannot be a man with wishing, therfore I will die a woman with grieuing.
Tarry good Beatrice, by this hand I loue thee.
Vse it for my loue some other way then swearing by it.
Thinke you in your soule the Count Claudio hath wrong'd Hero?
Yea, as sure as I haue a thought, or a soule.
Enough, I am engagde, I will challenge him, I will kisse your hand, and so leaue you: by this hand Claudio shall render me a deere account: as you heare of me, so thinke of me: goe comfort your coosin, I must say she is dead, and so farewell.
Is our whole dissembly appeard?
O a stoole and a cushion for the Sexton.
Which be the malefactors?
Marry that am I, and my partner.
Nay that's certaine, wee haue the exhibition to examine.
But which are the offenders that are to be examined, let them come before master Constable.
Yea marry, let them come before mee, what is your name, friend?
Borachio.
Pray write downe Borachio. Yours sirra.
I am a Gentleman sir, and my name is Conrade.
Write downe Master gentleman Conrade [...]: maisters, doe you serue God: maisters, it is proued alreadie that you are little better than false knaues, and it will goe neere to be thought so shortly, how answer you for your selues?
Marry sir, we say we are none.
A maruellous witty fellow I assure you, but I will goe about with him: come you hither sirra, a word in your eare sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaues.
Sir, I say to you, we are none.
Well, stand aside, 'fore God they are both in a tale: haue you writ downe that they are none?
Master Constable, you goe not the way to examine, you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Yea marry, that's the eftest way, let the watch come forth: masters, I charge you in the Princes name, accuse these men.
This man said sir, that Don Iohn the Princes brother was a villaine.
Write down, Prince Iohn a villaine: why this is flat periurie, to call a Princes brother villaine.
Master Constable.
Pray thee fellow peace, I do not like thy looke I promise thee.
What heard you him say else?
Mary that he had receiued a thousand Dukates of Don Iohn, for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Flat Burglarie as euer was committed.
Yea by th' masse that it is.
What else fellow?
And that Count Claudio did meane vpon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
O villaine! thou wilt be condemn'd into euerlasting redemption for this.
What else?
This is all.
And this is more masters then you can deny, Prince Iohn is this morning secretly stolne away: Hero was in this manner accus'd, in this very manner refus'd, and vpon the griefe of this sodainely died: Master Constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato, I will goe before, and shew him their examination.
Come, let them be opinion'd.
Let them be in the hands of Coxcombe.
Gods my life, where's the Sexton? let him write downe the Princes Officer Coxcombe: come, binde them thou naughty varlet.
Away, you are an asse, you are an asse.
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my yeeres? O that hee were heere to write mee downe an asse! but masters, remember that I am an asse: though it be not written down, yet forget not y t I am an asse: No thou villaine, y u art full of piety as shall be prou'd vpon thee by good witnesse, I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer, and which is more, a houshoulder, and which is more, as pretty a peece of flesh as any in Messina, and one that knowes the Law, goe to, & a rich fellow enough, goe to, and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gownes, and euery thing handsome about him: bring him away: O that I had been writ downe an asse!
Actus Quintus.
Therein do men from children nothing differ.
Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily.
Good den, good den.
Good day to both of you.
Heare you my Lords?
We haue some haste Leonato.
Nay, do not quarrell with vs, good old man.
Who wrongs him?
My villany?
Thine Claudio, thine I say.
You say not right old man.
Away, I will not haue to do with you.
Brother.
Brother Anthony.
But brother Anthonie.
My Lord, my Lord.
I will not heare you.
No come brother, away, I will be heard.
And shall, or some of vs will smart for it.
See, see, here comes the man we went to seeke.
Now signior, what newes?
Good day my Lord.
Welcome signior, you are almost come to part almost a fray.
Wee had likt to haue had our two noses snapt off with two old men without teeth.
Leonato and his brother, what think'st thou? had wee fought, I doubt we should haue beene too yong for them.
In a false quarrell there is no true valour, I came to seeke you both.
We haue beene vp and downe to seeke thee, for we are high proofe melancholly, and would faine haue it beaten away, wilt thou vse thy wit?
It is in my scabberd, shall I draw it?
Doest thou weare thy wit by thy side?
Neuer any did so, though verie many haue been beside their wit, I will bid thee drawe, as we do the minstrels, draw to pleasure vs.
As I am an honest man he lookes pale, art thou sicke, or angrie?
What, courage man: what though care kil'd a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
Sir, I shall meete your wit in the careere, and you charge it against me, I pray you chuse another subiect.
Nay then giue him another staffe, this last was broke crosse.
By this light, he changes more and more, I thinke he be angrie indeede.
If he be, he knowes how to turne his girdle.
Shall I speake a word in your eare?
God blesse me from a challenge.
You are a villaine, I iest not, I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare: do me right, or I will protest your cowardise: you haue kill'd a sweete Ladie, and her death shall fall heauie on you, let me heare from you.
Well, I will meete you, so I may haue good cheare.
What, a feast, a feast?
I faith I thanke him, he hath bid me to a calues head and a Capon, the which if I doe not carue most curiously, say my knife's naught, shall I not finde a woodcocke too?
Sir, your wit ambles well, it goes easily.
Ile tell thee how Beatrice prais'd thy wit the other day: I said thou hadst a fine wit: true saies she, a fine little one: no said I, a great wit: right saies shee, a great grosse one: nay said I, a good wit: iust said she, it hurts no body: nay said I, the gentleman is wise: certain said she, a wise gentleman: nay said I, he hath the tongues: that I beleeue said shee, for hee swore a thing to me on munday night, which he forswore on tuesday morning: there's a double tongue, there's two tongues: thus did shee an howre together trans-shape thy particular vertues, yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the proprest man in Italie.
For the which she wept heartily, and said shee car'd not.
Yea that she did, but yet for all that, and if shee did not hate him deadlie, shee would loue him dearely, the old mans daughter told vs all.
All, all, and moreouer, God saw him vvhen he was hid in the garden.
But when shall we set the sauage Bulls hornes on the sensible Benedicks head?
Yea and text vnder-neath, heere dwells Benedicke the married man.
Fare you well, Boy, you know my minde, I will leaue you now to your gossep-like humor, you breake iests as braggards do their blades, which God be thanked hurt not: my Lord, for your manie courtesies I thank you, I must discontinue your companie, your brother the Bastard is fled from Messina: you haue among you, kill'd a sweet and innocent Ladie: for my Lord Lackebeard there, he and I shall meete, and till then peace be with him.
He is in earnest.
In most profound earnest, and Ile warrant you, for the loue of Beatrice.
And hath challeng'd thee.
Most sincerely.
What a prettie thing man is, when he goes in his doublet and hose, and leaues off his wit.
He is then a Giant to an Ape, but then is an Ape a Doctor to such a man.
But soft you, let me be, plucke vp my heart, and be sad, did he not say my brother was fled?
Come you sir, if iustice cannot tame you, shee shall nere weigh more reasons in her ballance, nay, and you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be lookt to.
How now, two of my brothers men bound? Borachio one.
Harken after their offence my Lord▪
Officers, what offence haue these men done?
Marrie sir, they haue committed false report, moreouer they haue spoken vntruths, secondarily they are slanders, sixt and lastly, they haue belyed a Ladie, thirdly, they haue verified vniust things, and to conclude they are lying knaues.
First I aske thee what they haue done, thirdlie I aske thee vvhat's their offence, sixt and lastlie why they are committed, and to conclude, what you lay to their charge.
Rightlie reasoned, and in his owne diuision, and by my troth there's one meaning vvell suted.
Who haue you offended masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? this learned Constable is too cunning to be vnderstood, vvhat's your offence?
Sweete Prince, let me go no farther to mine answere: do you heare me, and let this Count kill mee: I haue deceiued euen your verie eies: vvhat your wisedomes could not discouer, these shallow fooles haue brought to light, vvho in the night ouerheard me confessing to this man, how Don Iohn your brother incensed me to slander the Ladie Hero, how you were brought into the Orchard, and saw me court Margaret in Heroes garments, how you disgrac'd her vvhen you should marrie her: my villanie they haue vpon record, vvhich I had rather seale vvith my death, then repeate ouer to my shame: the Ladie is dead vpon mine and my masters false accusation: and briefelie, I desire nothing but the reward of a villaine.
Runs not this speech like yron through your bloud?
I haue drunke poison whiles he vtter'd it.
But did my Brother set thee on to this?
Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.
Come, bring away the plaintiffes, by this time our Sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter: and masters, do not forget to specifie when time & place shall serue, that I am an Asse.
Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the Sexton too.
If you vvould know your wronger, looke on me.
Art thou thou the slaue that with thy breath hast kild mine innocent childe?
Yea, euen I alone.
Moreouer sir, which indeede is not vnder white and black, this plaintiffe here, the offendour did call mee asse, I beseech you let it be remembred in his punishment, and also the vvatch heard them talke of one Deformed, they say he weares a key in his eare and a lock hanging by it, and borrowes monie in Gods name, the which he hath vs'd so long, and neuer paied, that now men grow hard-harted and will lend nothing for Gods sake: praie you examine him vpon that point.
I thanke thee for thy care and honest paines.
Your vvorship speakes like a most thankefull and reuerend youth, and I praise God for you.
There's for thy paines.
God saue the foundation.
Goe, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thanke thee.
I leaue an arrant knaue vvith your vvorship, which I beseech your worship to correct your selfe, for the example of others: God keepe your vvorship, I wish your worship vvell, God restore you to health, I humblie giue you leaue to depart, and if a merrie meeting may be wisht, God prohibite it: come neighbour.
Vntill to morrow morning, Lords, farewell.
Farewell my Lords, vve looke for you to morrow.
We will not faile.
To night ile mourne with Hero:
Bring you these fellowes on, weel talke vvith Margaret, how her acquaintance grew vvith this lewd fellow.
Praie thee sweete Mistris Margaret, deserue vvell at my hands, by helping mee to the speech of Beatrice.
Will you then write me a Sonnet in praise of my beautie?
In so high a stile Margaret, that no man liuing shall come ouer it, for in most comely truth thou deseruest it.
To haue no man come ouer me, why, shall I alwaies keepe below staires?
Thy wit is as quicke as the grey-hounds mouth, it catches.
And yours, as blunt as the Fencers foiles, which hit, but hurt not.
A most manly wit Margaret, it will not hurt a woman: and so I pray thee call Beatrice, I giue thee the bucklers.
Giue vs the swords, wee haue bucklers of our owne.
If you vse them Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice, and they are dangerous weapons for Maides.
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I thinke hath legges.
And therefore will come. The God of loue that sits aboue, and knowes me, and knowes me, how pittifull I deserue. I meane in singing, but in louing, Leander the good swimmer, Tro [...]lous the first imploier of pandars, and a whole booke full of these quondam carpet-mongers, whose name yet runne smoothly in the euen rode of a blanke verse, why they were neuer so truely turned ouer and ouer as my poore selfe in loue: marrie I cannot shew it rime, I haue tried, I can finde out no rime to Ladie but babie, an innocent rime: for scorne, horne, a hard time: for schoole foole, a babling time: verie ominous endings, no, I was not borne vnder a riming Plannet, for I cannot wooe in festiuall tearmes:
sweete Beatrice would'st thou come when I cal'd thee?
Yea Signior, and depart when you bid me.
O stay but till then.
Then, is spoken: fare you well now, and yet ere I goe, let me goe with that I came, which is, with knowing what hath past betweene you and Claudio.
Onely foule words, and thereupon I will kisse thee.
Foule words is but foule wind, and foule wind is but foule breath, and foule breath is noisome, therefore I will depart vnkist.
Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sence, so forcible is thy wit, but I must tell thee plainely, Claudio vndergoes my challenge, and either I must shortly heare from him, or I will subscribe him a coward, and I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in loue with me?
For them all together, which maintain'd so politique a state of euill, that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them: but for which of my good parts did you first suffer loue for me?
Suffer loue! a good epithite, I do suffer loue indeede, for I loue thee against my will.
In spight of your heart I think, alas poore heart, if you spight it for my sake, I will spight it for yours, for I will neuer loue that which my friend hates.
Thou and I are too wise to wooe peaceablie.
It appeares not in this confession, there's not one wise man among twentie that will praise himselfe.
An old, an old instance Beatrice, that liu'd in the time of good neighbours, if a man doe not erect in this age his owne tombe ere he dies, hee shall liue no longer in monuments, then the Bels ring, & the Widdow weepes.
And how long is that thinke you?
Question, why an hower in clamour and a quarter in rhewme, therfore is it most expedient for the wife, if Don worme (his conscience) finde no impediment to the contrarie, to be the trumpet of his owne vertues, as I am to my selfe so much for praising my selfe, who I my selfe will beare witnesse is praise worthie, and now tell me, how doth your cosin?
Verie ill.
And how doe you?
Verie ill too.
Serue God, loue me, and mend, there will I leaue you too, for here comes one in haste.
Madam, you must come to your Vncle, yonders old coile at home, it is prooued my Ladie Hero hath bin falselie accusde, the Prince and Claudio mightilie abusde, and Don Iohn is the author of all, who is fled and gone: will you come presentlie?
Will you go heare this newes Signior?
I will hue in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eies: and moreouer, I will goe with thee to thy Vncles.
Is this the monument of Leonato?
It is my Lord.
Now musick sound & sing your solemn hymne
Now vnto thy bones good night, yeerely will I do this right.
Good morrow masters, each his seuerall way.
Did I not tell you she was innocent?
Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.
Which I will doe with confirm'd countenance.
Frier, I must intreat your paines, I thinke.
To doe what Signior?
That eye my daughter lent her, 'tis most true.
And I doe with an eye of loue require her.
My heart is with your liking.
And my helpe.
Good morrow to this faire assembly.
Ile hold my minde were she an Ethiope.
Call her forth brother, heres the Frier ready.
This same is she, and I [...]oe giue you her.
Why thou she's mine, sweet let me see your face.
Another Hero?
The former Hero, Hero that is dead.
Shee died my Lord, but whiles her slander liu'd.
Soft and faire Frier, which is Beatrice?
I answer to that name, what is your will?
Doe not you loue me?
Why no, no more then reason.
Why then your Vncle, and the Prince, & Claudio, haue beene deceiued, they swore you did.
Doe not you loue mee?
Troth no, no more then reason.
They swore you were almost sicke for me.
They swore you were wel-nye dead for me.
Tis no matter, then you doe not loue me?
No truly, but in friendly recompence.
Come Cosin, I am sure you loue the gentlemā.
A miracle, here's our owne hands against our hearts: come I will haue thee, but by this light I take thee for pittie.
I would not denie you, but by this good day, I yeeld vpon great perswasion, & partly to saue your life, for I was told, you were in a consumption.
Peace I will stop your mouth.
How dost thou Benedicke the married man?
Ile tell thee what Prince: a Colledge of witte-crackers cannot flout mee out of my humour, dost thou think I care for a Satyre or an Epigram? no, if a man will be beaten with braines, a shall weare nothing handsome about him: in briefe, since I do purpose to marry, I will thinke nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it, and therefore neuer flout at me, for I haue said against it: for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion: for thy part Claudio, I did thinke to haue beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my kinsman, liue vnbruis'd, and loue my cousin.
I had well hop'd y u wouldst haue denied Beatrice, y t I might haue cudgel'd thee out of thy single life, to make thee a double dealer, which out of questiō thou wilt be, if my Cousin do not looke exceeding narrowly to thee.
Come, come, we are friends, let's haue a dance ere we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts, and our wiues heeles.
Wee'll haue dancing afterward.
First, of my vvord, therfore play musick. Prince, thou art sad, get, thee a vvife, get thee a vvife, there is no staff more reuerend then one tipt with horn.
Thinke not on him till to morrow, ile deuise thee braue punishments for him: strike vp Pipers.
Loues Labour's lost.
Actus primus.
Your oath is past, to passe away from these.
You swore to that Berowne, and to the rest.
Why that to know which else wee should not know.
Things hid & bard (you meane) frō cōmon sense.
I, that is studies god-like recompence.
How well hee's read, to reason against reading.
Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding.
Hee weedes the corne, and still lets grow the weeding.
The Spring is neare when greene geesse are a breeding.
How followes that?
Fit in his place and time.
In reason nothing.
Something then in rime.
Well, fit you out: go home Berowne: adue.
How well this yeelding rescues thee from shame.
Foure dayes agoe.
Marry that did I.
Sweete Lord, and why?
To fright them hence with that dread penaltie, A dangerous law against gentilitie. Item, If any man be seene to talke with a woman within the tearme of three yeares, hee shall indure such publique shame as the rest of the Court shall possibly deuise.
Which is the Dukes owne person.
This fellow, What would'st?
I my selfe reprehend his owne person, for I am his graces Tharborough: But I would see his own person in flesh and blood.
This is he.
Sir the Contempts thereof are as touching mee.
A letter from the magnificent Armado.
How low soeuer the matter, I hope in God for high words.
A high hope for a low heauen, God grant vs patience.
To heare, or forbeare hearing.
To heare meekely sir, and to laugh moderately, or to forbeare both.
Well sir, be it as the stile shall giue vs cause to clime in the merrinesse.
In what manner?
In manner and forme following sir all those three. I was seene with her in the Mannor house, sitting with her vpon the Forme, and taken following her into the Parke: which put to gether, is in manner and forme following. Now sir for the manner; It is the manner of a man to speake to a woman, for the forme in some forme.
For the following sir.
As it shall follow in my correction, and God defend the right.
Will you heare this Letter with attention?
As we would heare an Oracle.
Such is the simplicitie of man to harken after the flesh.
GReat Deputie, the Welk [...]ns Vicegerent, and sole dominator of Nauar, my soules earths God, and bodies fostring patrone:
Not a vvord of Costard yet.
So it is.
It may be so: but if he say it is so, he is in telling true: but so.
Peace,
Be to me, and euery man that dares not fight.
No words,
Of other mens secrets I beseech you.
So it is besieged with sable coloured melancholie, I did commend the blacke oppressing humour to the most wholesome Physicke of thy health-giuing ayre: And as I am a Gentleman, betooke my selfe to walke: the time When? about the sixt houre, When beasts most grase, birds best pecke, and men sit downe to that nourishment which is called supper: So much for the time When. Now for the ground Which? which I meane I walkt vpon, it is ycliped, Thy Parke. Then for the place Where? where I meane I did encounter that obscene and most preposterous euent that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon coloured Inke, which heere thou viewest, beholdest, suruayest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth North North-east and by East from the West corner of thy curious knotted garden; There did I see that low spirited Swaine, that base Minow of thy myrth, ( Clown. Mee?) that vnletered small knowing soule, ( Clow Me?) that shallow vassall ( Clow. Still mee?) which as I remember, hight Costard, ( Clow. O me) sorted and consorted contrary to thy established proclaymed Edict and Continet, Cannon: Which with, ô with, but with this I passion to say wherewith:
With a Wench.
With a childe of our Grandmother E [...]e, a female; or for thy more sweet vnderstanding a woman: him, I (as my euer esteemed dutie prickes me on) haue sent to thee, to receiue the meed of punishment by thy sweet Graces Officer Anthony Dull, a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, & estimation.
Me, an't shall please you? I am Anthony Dull.
For Iaquenetta (so is the weaker vessell called) which I apprehended with the aforesaid Swaine, I keeper her as a vessell of thy Lawes furie, and shall at the least of thy sweet notice, bring her to triall. Thine in all complements of deuoted and heart-burning heat of dutie.
Don Adriana de Armado.
This is not so well as I looked for, but the best that euer I heard.
I the best, for the worst. But sirra, What say you to this?
Sir I confesse the Wench.
Did you heare the Proclamation?
I doe confesse much of the hearing it, but little of the marking of it.
It was proclaimed a yeeres imprisonment to bee taken with a Wench.
I was taken with none sir, I was taken vvith a Damosell.
Well, it was proclaimed Damosell.
This was no Damosell neyther sir, shee was a Virgin.
It is so varried to, for it was proclaimed Virgin.
If it were, I denie her Virginitie: I was taken with a Maide.
This Maid will not serue your turne sir.
This Maide will serue my turne sir.
Sir I will pronounce your sentence: You shall fast a Weeke with Branne and water.
I had rather pray a Moneth with Mutton and Porridge.
I suffer for the truth sir: for true it is, I was taken with Iaquenetta, and Iaquenetta is a true girle, and therefore welcome the sowre cup of prosperitie, affliction may one day smile againe, and vntill then sit downe sorrow.
Boy, What signe is it when a man of great spirit growes melancholy?
A great signe sir, that he will looke sad.
Why? sadnesse is one and the selfe-same thing deare impe.
No no, O Lord sir no.
How canst thou part sadnesse and melancholy my tender Iuuenall?
By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough signeur.
Why tough signeur? Why tough signeur?
Why tender Iuuenall? Why tender Iuuenall?
I spoke it tender Iuuenall, as a congruent apathaton, appertaining to thy young daies, which we may nominate tender.
And I tough signeur, as an appertinent title to your olde time, which we may name tough.
Pretty and apt.
How meane you sir, I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying prettie?
Thou pretty because little.
Little pretty, because little: wherefore apt?
And therefore apt, because quicke.
Speake you this in my praise Master?
In thy condigne praise.
I will praise an Eele with the same praise.
What? that an Eele is ingenuous.
That an Eele is quicke.
I doe say thou art quicke in answeres. Thou heat'st my bloud.
I am answer'd sir.
I loue not to be crost.
He speakes the meere contrary, crosses loue not him.
I haue promis'd to study iij. yeres with the Duke.
You may doe it in an houre sir.
Impossible.
How many is one thrice told?
I am ill at reckning, it fits the spirit of a Tapster.
You are a gentleman and a gamester fir.
I confesse both, they are both the varnish of a compleat man.
Then I am sure you know how much the grosse summe of deus-ace amounts to.
It doth amount to one more then two.
Which the base vulgar call three.
True.
Why sir is this such a peece of study? Now here's three studied, ere you'll thrice wink, & how easie it is to put yeres to the word three, and study three yeeres in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
A most fine Figure.
To proue you a Cypher.
I will heereupon confesse I am in loue: and as it is base for a Souldier to loue; so am I in loue with a base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour of affection, would deliuer mee from the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire priso [...], and ransome him to any French Courtier for a n [...] deuis'd curtsie. I thinke scorne to sigh, me thinkes I should out-sweare Cupid. Comfort me Boy, What great men haue beene in loue?
Hercules Master.
Most sweete Hercules: more authority deare Boy, name more; and sweet my childe let them be men of good repute and carriage.
Sampson Master, he was a man of good carriage, great carriage: for hee carried the Towne-gates on his backe like a Porter: and he was in loue.
O well-knit Sampson, strong ioynted Sampson; I doe excell thee in my rapier, as much as thou didst mee in carrying gates. I am in loue too. Who was Sampsons loue my deare Moth?
A Woman, Master.
Of what complexion?
Of all the foure, or the three, or the two, or one of the foure.
Tell me precisely of what complexion?
Of the sea-water Greene sir.
Is that one of the foure complexions?
As I haue read sir, and the best of them too.
Greene indeed is the colour of Louers: but to haue a Loue of that colour, methinkes Sampson had small reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit.
It was so sir, for she had a greene wit.
My Loue is most immaculate white and red.
Most immaculate thoughts Master, are mask'd vnder such colours.
Define, define, well educated infant.
My fathers witte, and my mothers tongue assist mee.
Sweet inuocation of a childe, most pretty and patheticall.
Is there not a ballet Boy, of the King and the Begger?
The world was very guilty of such a Ballet some three ages since, but I thinke now 'tis not to be found: or if it were, it would neither serue for the writing, nor the tune.
I will haue that subiect newly writ ore, that I may example my digression by some mighty president. Boy, I doe loue that Countrey girle that I tooke in the Parke with the rationall hinde Costard: she deserues well.
To bee whip'd: and yet a better loue then my Master.
Sing Boy, my spirit grows heauy in ioue.
And that's great maruell, louing a light wench.
I say sing.
Forbeare till this company be past.
Sir, the Dukes pleasure, is that you keepe Costard safe, and you must let him take no delight, nor no penance, but hee must fast three daies a weeke: for this Damsell, I must keepe her at the Parke, shee is alowd for the Day-woman. Fare you well.
I do betray my selfe with blushing: Maide.
Man.
I wil visit thee at the Lodge.
That's here by.
I know where it is situate.
Lord how wise you are!
I will tell thee wonders.
With what face?
I loue thee.
So I heard you say.
And so farewell.
Faire weather after you.
Come Iaquenetta, away.
Villaine, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be pardoned.
Well sir, I hope when I doe it, I shall doe it on a full stomacke.
Thou shalt be heauily punished.
I am more bound to you then your fellowes, for they are but lightly rewarded.
Take away this villaine, shut him vp.
Come you transgressing slaue, away.
Let mee not bee pent vp sir, I will fast being loose.
No sir, that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.
Well, if euer I do see the merry dayes of desolation that I haue seene, some shall see.
What shall some see?
Nay nothing, Master Moth, but what they looke vpon. It is not for prisoners to be silent in then words, and therefore I will say nothing: I thanke God, I haue as little patience as another man, and therefore I can be quiet.
I doe affect the very ground (which is base) where her shooe (which is baser) guided by her foote (which is basest) doth tread. I shall be forsworn (which ia a great argument of falshood) if I loue. And how can that be true loue, which is falsly attempted? Loue is a familiar, Loue is a Diuell. There is no euill Angell but Loue, yet Sampson was so tempted, and he had an excellent strength: Yet was Salomon so seduced, and hee had a very good witte. Cupids But shaft is too hard for Hercules Clubbe, and therefore too much ods for a Spaniards Rapier: The first and second cause will not serue my turne: the Passado hee respects not, the Duello he regards not; his disgrace is to be called Boy, but his glorie is to subdue men. Adue Valour, rust Rapier, bee still Drum, for your manager is in loue; yea hee loueth. Assist me some extemporall god of Rime, for I am sure I shall turne Sonnet. Deuise Wit, write Pen, for I am for whole volumes in folio.
Actus Secunda.
Proud of imployment, willingly I goe.
Longauill is one.
Know you the man?
Some merry mocking Lord belike, ist so?
They say so most, that most his humors know.
Heere comes Boyet.
Now, what admittance Lord?
Faire Princesse, welcom to the Court of Nauar.
Faire I giue you backe againe, and welcome I haue not yet: the roofe of this Court is too high to bee yours, and welcome to the wide fields, too base to be mine.
You shall be welcome Madam to my Court.
I wil be welcome then, Conduct me thither.
Heare me deare Lady, I haue sworne an oath.
Our Lady helpe my Lord, he'll be forsworne.
Not for the world faire Madam, by my will.
Why, will shall breake it will, and nothing els.
Your Ladiship is ignorant what it is.
Madam, I will, if sodainly I may.
Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
I know you did.
How needlesse was it then to ask the question?
You must not be so quicke.
'Tis long of you y t spur me with such questions.
Your wit's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.
Not till it leaue the Rider in the mire.
What time a day?
The howre that fooles should aske.
Now faire befall your maske.
Faire fall the face it couers.
And send you many louers.
Amen, so you be none.
Nay then will I be gone.
Satisfie me so.
Sweet health & faire desires consort your grace.
Thy own wish wish I thee, in euery place.
Lady, I will commend you to my owne heart.
I would you heard it grone.
Is the soule sicke?.
Sicke at the heart.
Alacke, let it bloud.
Would that doe it good?
My Phisicke saies I.
Will you prick't with your eye.
No poynt, with my knife.
Now God saue thy life.
And yours from long liuing.
I cannot stay thanks-giuing.
Sir, I pray you a word: What Lady is that same?
The heire of Alanson, Rosalin her name.
A gallant Lady, Mounsier fare you well.
I beseech you a word: what is she in the white?
A woman somtimes, if you saw her in the light.
Perchance light in the light: I desire her name.
Pray you sir, whose daughter?
Her Mothers, I haue heard.
Gods blessing a your beard.
Not vnlike sir, that may be.
What's her name in the cap.
Katherine by good hap.
Is she wedded, or no.
To her will sir, or so.
You are welcome sir, adiew.
Fare well to me sir, and welcome to you.
And euery iest but a word.
It was well done of you to take him at his word.
I was as willing to grapple, as he was to boord.
No Sheepe (sweet Lamb) vnlesse we feed on your lips.
You Sheep & I pasture: shall that finish the iest?
So you grant pasture for me.
Belonging to whom?
To my fortunes and me.
With what?
With that which we Louers intitle affected.
Your reason.
Come to our Pauillion, Boyet is disposde.
Thou art an old Loue-monger, and speakest skilfully.
He is Cupids Grandfather, and learnes news of him.
Then was Venus like her mother, for her father is but grim.
Do you heare my mad wenches?
No.
What then, do you see?
I, our way to be gone.
You are too hard for me.
Actus Tertius.
Warble childe, make passionate my sense of hearing.
Concolinel.
Sweete Ayer, go tendernesse of yeares: take this Key, giue enlargement to the swaine, bring him festinatly hither: I must imploy him in a letter to my Loue.
Will you win your loue with a French braule?
How meanest thou, brauling in French?
No my compleat master, but to Iigge off a tune at the tongues end, canarie to it with the feete, humour it with turning vp your eie: sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the throate: if you swallowed loue with singing, loue sometime through: nose as if you snuft vp loue by smelling loue with your hat penthouse-like ore the shop of your eies, with your armes crost on your thinbellie doublet, like a Rabbet on a spit, or your hands in your pocket, like a man after the old painting, and keepe not too long in one tune, but a snip and away: these are complements, these are humours, these betraie nice wenches that would be betraied without these, and make them men of note: do you note men that most are affected to these?
How hast thou purchased this experience?
By my penne of obseruation.
But O, but O.
The Hobbie-horse is forgot.
Cal'st thou my loue Hobbi-horse.
Almost I had.
Negligent student, learne her by heart.
By heart, and in heart Boy.
And out of heart Master: all those three I will proue.
What wilt thou proue?
A man, if I liue (and this) by, in, and without, vpon the instant: by heart you loue her, because your heart cannot come by her: in heart you loue her, because your heart is in loue with her: and out of heart you loue her, being out of heart that you cannot enioy her.
I am all these three.
And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
Fetch hither the Swaine, he must carrie mee a letter.
A message well simpathis'd, a Horse to be embassadour for an Asse.
Ha, ha, What saiest thou?
Marrie sir, you must send the Asse vpon the Horse for he is verie slow gated: but I goe.
The way is but short, away.
As swift as Lead sir.
Thy meaning prettie ingenious, is not Lead a mettall heauie, dull, and slow?
Minnime honest Master, or rather Master no.
I say Lead is slow.
Thump then, and I flee.
A wonder Master, here's a Costard broken in a shin.
Some enigma, some riddle, come, thy Lenuoy begin.
No egma, no riddle, no lenuoy, no salue, in thee male sir. Or sir, Plantan, a plaine Plantan: no lenuoy, no lenuoy, no Salue sir, but a Plantan.
By vertue thou inforcest laughter, thy sillie thought, my spleene, the heauing of my lunges prouokes me to rediculous smyling: O pardon me my stars, doth the inconsiderate take salue for lenuoy, and the word lenuoy for a salue?
Doe the wise thinke them other, is not lenuoy a salue?
A good Lenuoy, ending in the Goose: would you desire more?
But tell me: How was there a Costard broken in a shin?
I will tell you sencibly.
We will talke no more of this matter.
Till there be more matter in the shin.
Sirra Costard, I will infranchise thee.
O, marrie me to one Francis, I smell some Lenuoy, some Goose in this.
By my sweete soule, I meane, setting thee at libertie. Enfreedoming thy person: thou wert emured, restrained, captiuated, bound.
True, true, and now you will be my purgation, and let me loose.
I giue thee thy libertie, set thee from durance, and in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this: Beare this significant to the countrey Maide Iaquenetta: there is remuneration, for the best ward of mine honours is rewarding my dependants. Moth, follow.
My sweete ounce of mans flesh, my in-conie Iew: Now will I looke to his remuneration. Remuneration, O, that's the Latine word for three-farthings: Three-farthings remuneration, What's the price of this yncle? i.d. no, Ile giue you a remuneration: Why? It carries it remuneration: Why? It is a fairer name then a French-Crowne. I will neuer buy and sell out of this word.
O my good knaue Costard, exceedingly well met.
Pray you sir, How much Carnation Ribbon may a man buy for a remuneration?
What is a remuneration?
Marrie sir, halfe pennie farthing.
O, Why then three farthings worth of Silke.
I thanke your worship, God be wy you.
When would you haue it done sir?
O this after-noone.
Well, I will doe it sir: Fare you well.
O thou knowest not what it is.
I shall know sir, when I haue done it.
Why villaine thou must know first.
I wil come to your worship to morrow morning.
Gardon, O sweete gardon, better then remuneration, a leuenpence-farthing better: most sweete gardon. I will doe it sir in print: gardon, remuneration.
Actus Quartus.
I know not, but I thinke it was not he.
Pardon me Madam, for I meant not so.
Yes Madam faire.
Nothing but faire is that which you inherit.
Here comes a member of the common-wealth.
God dig-you-den all, pray you which is the head Lady?
Thou shalt know her fellow, by the rest that haue no heads.
Which is the greatest Lady, the highest?
The thickest, and the tallest.
What's your will sir? What's your will?
BY heauen, that thou art faire, is most infallible: true that thou art beauteous, truth it selfe that thou art louely: more fairer then faire, beautifull then beautious, truer then truth it selfe: haue comiseration on thy heroicall Vassall. The magnanimous and most illustrate King Cophetua set eie vpon the pernicious and indubitate Begger Zenelophon: and he it was that might rightly say, Veni, vidi, vici: Which to annothanize in the vulgar, O base and obscure vulgar; videliset, He came, See, and ouercame: hee came one; see, two; couercame three: Who came? the King. Why did he come? to see. Why did he see? to ouercome. To whom came he? to the Begger. What saw he? the Begger. Who ouercame he? the Begger. The conclusion is victorie: On whose side? the King: the captiue is inricht: On whose side? the Beggers. The catastrophe is a Nuptiall: on whose side? the Kings: no, on both in one, or one in both. I am the King (for so stands the comparison) thou the Begger, for so witnesseth thy lowlinesse. Shall I command thy loue? I may. Shall I enforce thy loue? I could. Shall I entreate thy loue? I will. What, shalt thou exchange for ragges, roabes: for tittles titles, for thy selfe mee. Thus expecting thy reply, I prophane my lips on thy foote, my eyes on thy picture, and my heart on thy euerie part.
What plume of feathers is hee that indited this Letter? What veine? What Wethercocke? Did you euer heare better?
I am much deceiued, but I remember the stile.
Else your memorie is bad, going ore it erewhile.
I told you, my Lord.
To whom should'st thou giue it?
From my Lord to my Lady.
From which Lord, to which Lady?
Who is the shooter? Who is the shooter?
Shall I teach you to know.
I my continent of beautie.
Why she that beares the Bow. Finely put off.
Well then, I am the shooter.
And who is your Deare?
If we choose by the hornes, your selfe come not neare. Finely put on indeede.
You still wrangle with her Boyet, and shee strikes at the brow.
Shall I come vpon thee with an old saying, that was a man when King Pippin of France was a little boy, as touching the hit it.
So I may answere thee with one as old that was a woman when Queene Guinouer of Brittaine was a little wench, as touching the hit it.
By my troth most pleasant, how both did fit it.
A marke marueilous well shot, for they both did hit.
Wide a' th bow hand. yfaith your hand is out.
Indeede a' must shoote nearer, or heele ne're hit the clout.
And if my hand be out, then belike your hand is in.
Then will shee get the vpshoot by cleauing the is in.
Come, come, you talke greasely, your lips grow foule,
She's too hard for you at pricks, sir challenge her to boule.
I feare too much rubbing: good night my good Oule.
Very reuerent sport truely, and done in the testimony of a good conscience.
The Deare was (as you know) sanguis in blood, ripe as a Pomwater, who now hangeth like a Iewell in the eare of Celo the skie; the welken the heauen, and anon falleth like a Crab on the face of Terra, the soyle, the land, the earth.
Truely M. Holofernes, the epythithes are sweetly varied like a scholler at the least: but sir I assure ye, it was a Bucke of the first head.
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
'Twas not a haud credo, 'twas a Pricket.
Most barbarous intimation: yet a kinde of insinuation, as it were in via, in way of explication facere: as it were replication, or rather ostentare, to show as it were his inclination after his vndressed, vnpolished, vneducated, vnpruned, vntrained, or rather vnlettered, or ratherest vnconfirmed fashion, to insert againe my haud credo for a Deare.
I said the Deare was not a haud credo, 'twas a Pricket.
Twice sod simplicitie, his coctus, O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed doost thou looke.
His intellect is not replenished, hee is onely an animall, onely sensible in the duller parts: and such barren plants are set before vs, that we thankfull should be: which we taste and feeling, are for those parts that doe fructifie in vs more then he.
You two are book-men: Can you tell by your wit, What was a month old at Cains birth, that's not fiue weekes old as yet?
Dictisima goodman Dull, dictisima goodman Dull.
What is dictima?
A title to Phebe, to Luna, to the Moone.
'Tis true indeede, the Collusion holds in the Exchange.
God comfort thy capacity, I say th' allusion holds in the Exchange.
And I say the polusion holds in the Exchange: for the Moone is neuer but a month old: and I say beside that, 'twas a Pricket that the Princesse kill'd.
Sir Nathaniel, will you heare an extemporall Epytaph on the death of the Deare, and to humour the ignorant call'd the Deare, the Princesse kill'd a Pricket.
Perge, good M. Holofernes, perge, so it shall please you to abrogate scurilitie.
A rare talent.
If a talent be a claw, looke how he clawes him with a talent.
This is a gift that I haue simple: simple, a foolish extrauagant spirit, full of formes, figures, shapes, obiects, Ideas, apprehensions, motions, reuolutions. These are begot in the ventricle of memorie, nourisht in the wombe of primater, and deliuered vpon the mellowing of occasion: but the gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankfull for it.
Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may my parishioners, for their Sonnes are well tutor'd by you, and their Daughters profit very greatly vnder you: you are a good member of the common-wealth.
Mehercle, If their Sonnes be ingennous, they [Page 132] shall want no instruction: If their Daughters be capable, I will put it to them. But Vir sapis qui pauca loquitur, a soule Feminine saluteth vs.
God giue you good morrow M. Person.
Master Person, quasi Person? And if one should be perst, Which is the one?
Marry M. Schoolemaster, hee that is likest to a hogshead.
Of persing a Hogshead, a good luster of conceit in a curph of Earth, Fire enough for a Flint, Pearle enough for a Swine: 'tis prettie, it is well.
Good Master Parson be so good as reade mee this Letter, it was giuen mee by Costard, and sent mee from Don Armatho: I beseech you reade it.
Facile procor gellida, quando pecas omnia sub vmbraruminat, and so forth. Ah good old Mantuan, I may speake of thee as the traueiler doth of Venice, vemchie, vencha, que non te vnde, que non te perreche. Old Mantuam, old Mantuan. Who vnderstandeth thee not, vt re sol la mi fa: Vnder pardon sir, What are the contents? or rather as Horrace sayes in his, What my soule verses.
I sir, and very learned.
You finde not the apostraphas, and so misse the accent. Let me superuise the cangenet.
Here are onely numbers ratified, but for the elegancy, facility, & golden cadence of poesie caret: Ouiddius Naso was the man. And why in deed Naso, but for smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy? the ierkes of inuention imitarie is nothing: So doth the Hound his master, the Ape his keeper, the tyred Horse his rider: But Damosella virgin, Was this directed to you?
I sir from one mounsier Berowne, one of the strange Queenes Lords.
I will ouerglance the superscript.
‘To the snow-white hand of the most beautious Lady Rosaline.’I will looke againe on the intellect of the Letter, for the nomination of the partie written to the person written vnto.
‘Your Ladiships in all desired imployment, Berowne.’Sir Holofernes, this Berowne is one of the Votaries with the King, and here he hath framed a Letter to a sequent of the stranger Queenes: which accidentally, or by the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and goe my sweete, deliuer this Paper into the hand of the King, it may concerne much: stay not thy complement, I forgiue thy duetie, adue.
Haue with thee my girle.
Sir you haue done this in the feare of God very religiously: and as a certaine Father saith
Sir tell not me of the Father, I do feare colourable colours. But to returne to the Verses, Did they please you sir Nathaniel?
Marueilous well for the pen.
I do dine to day at the fathers of a certaine Pupill of mine, where if (being repast) it shall please you to gratifie the table with a Grace, I will on my priuiledge I haue with the parents of the foresaid Childe or Pupill, vndertake your bien vonuto, where I will proue those Verses to be very vnlearned, neither sauouring of Poetrie, Wit, nor Inuention. I beseech your Societie.
And thanke you to: for societie (saith the text) is the happinesse of life.
They haue pitcht a Toyle, I am toyling in a pytch, pitch that defiles; defile, a foule word: Well, set thee downe sorrow; for so they say the foole said, and so say I, and I the foole: Well proued wit. By the Lord this Loue is as mad as Aiax, it kils sheepe, it kils mee, I a sheepe: Well proued againe a my side. I will not loue; if I do hang me: yfaith I will not. O but her eye: by this light, but for her eye, I would not loue her; yes, for her two eyes. Well, I doe nothing in the world but lye, and lye in my throate. By heauen I doe loue, and it hath taught mee to Rime, and to be mallicholie: and here is part of my Rime, and heere my mallicholie. Well, she hath one a' my Sonnets already, the Clowne bore it, the Foole sent it, and the Lady hath it: sweet Clowne, sweeter Foole, sweetest Lady. By the world, I would not care a pin, if the other three were in. Here comes one with a paper, God giue him grace to grone.
Ay mee!
Shot by heauen: proceede sweet Cupid, thou hast thumpt him with thy Birdbolt vnder the left pap: in faith secrets.
Now in thy likenesse, one more foole appeare.
Ay me, I am forsworne.
Why he comes in like a periure, wearing papers.
In loue I hope, sweet fellowship in shame.
One drunkard loues another of the name.
Am I the first y t haue been periur'd so?
This same shall goe.
By whom shall I send this (company?) Stay.
O most diuine Kate.
O most prophane coxcombe.
By heauen the wonder of a mortall eye.
By earth she is not, corporall, there you lye.
Her Amber haires for foule hath amber coted.
An Amber coloured Rauen was well noted.
As vpright as the Cedar.
Stoope I say her shoulder is with-child.
As faire as day.
I as some daies, but then no sunne must shine.
O that I had my wish?
And I had mine.
And mine too good Lord.
Amen, so I had mine: Is not that a good word?
Once more Ile read the Ode that I haue writ.
Once more Ile marke how Loue can varry Wit.
In pruning mee, when shall you heare that I will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye: a gate, a state, a brow, a brest, a waste, a legge, a limme.
I post from Loue, good Louer let me go.
God blesse the King.
What Present hast thou there?
Some certaine treason.
What makes treason heere?
Nay it makes nothing sir.
Berowne, read it ouer.
Where hadst thou it?
Of Costard.
Where hadst thou it?
Of Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.
How now, what is in you? why dost thou tear it?
A toy my Liedge, a toy: your grace needes not feare it.
It did moue him to passion, and therefore let's heare it.
It is Berowns writing, and heere is his name.
What?
Now the number is euen.
True true, we are fowre: will these Turtles be gone?
Hence sirs, away.
Walk aside the true folke, & let the traytors stay.
What, did these rent lines shew some loue of thine?
By heauen, thy Loue is blacke as Ebonie.
To look like her are Chimny-sweepers blacke.
And since her time, are Colliers counted bright.
And Aethiops of their sweet complexion crake.
Dark needs no Candles now, for dark is light.
Ile proue her faire, or talke till dooms-day here.
No Diuell will fright thee then so much as shee.
I neuer knew man hold vile stuffe so deere.
Looke, heer's thy loue, my foot and her face see.
But what of this, are we not all in loue?
O nothing so sure, and thereby all forsworne.
I marie there, some flattery for this euill.
Some salue for periurie.
Saint Cupid then, and Souldiers to the field.
Actus Quartus.
Satis quid sufficit.
I praise God for you sir, your reasons at dinner haue beene sharpe & sententious: pleasant without scurrillity, witty without affection, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange without heresie: I did conuerse this quondam day with a companion of the Kings, who is intituled, nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armatho.
Noui hominum tanquam te, His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptorie: his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gate maiesticall, and his generall behauiour vaine, ridiculous, and thrasonicall. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odde, as it were, too peregrinat, as I may call it.
A most singular and choise Epithat,
He draweth out the thred of his verbositie, finer then the staple of his argument. I abhor such phanaticall phantasims, such insociable and poynt deuise companions, such rackers of ortagriphie, as to speake dout fine, when he should say doubt; det, when he shold pronounce debt; de [...]t, not det: he clepeth a Calf, Caufe: halfe, haufe: neighbour vocatur nebour; neigh abreuiated ne: this is abhominable, which he would call abhominable: it insinuateth me of infamie: ne inteligis domine, to make franti [...]ke, lunaticke?
Laus deo, bene intelligo.
Bome boon for boon prescian, a little scratcht, 'twil serue.
Vides ne quis venit?
Video, & gaudio.
Chirra.
Quar [...] Chirra, not Sirra?
Men of peace well incountred.
Most millitarie sir salutation▪
They haue beene at a great feast of Languages, and stolne the scraps.
O they haue liu'd long on the almes-basket of words. I maruell thy M. hath not eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus: Thou art easier swallowed then a flap dragon.
Peace, the peale begins.
Mounsier, are you not lettred?
Ba, puericia with a horne added.
Ba most seely Sheepe, with a horne: you heare his learning.
Quis quis, thou Consonant?
The last of the fiue Vowels if You repeat them, or the fift if I.
I will repeat them: a e I.
The She [...]pe, the other two concludes it o u.
Now by the salt waue of the mediteranium, a sweet tutch, a quicke vene we of wit, snip snap, quick & home, it reioyceth my intellect, true wit.
Offered by a childe to an olde man: which is wit-old.
What is the figure? What is the figure?
Hornes.
Thou disputes like an Infant: goe whip thy Gigge.
Lend me your Horne to make one, and I will whip about your Infamie vnum cita a gigge of a Cuckolds horne.
And I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst haue it to buy Ginger bread: Hold, there is the very Remuneration I had of thy Maister, thou halfpenny purse of wit, thou Pidgeon-egge of discretion. O & the heauens were so pleased, that thou wert but my Bastard; What a ioyfull father wouldst thou make mee? Goe to, thou hast it ad dungil, at the fingers ends, as they say.
Oh I smell false Latine, dunghel for vnguem.
Arts-man preambulat, we will bee singled from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the Charghouse on the top of the Mountaine?
Or Mons the hill.
At your sweet pleasure, for the Mountaine.
I doe sans question.
Sir, it is the Kings most sweet pleasure and affection, to congratulate the Princesse at her Pauilion, in the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude call the after-noone.
The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for the after-noone: the word is well culd, chose, sweet, and apt I doe assure you sir, I doe assure.
Sir, the King is a noble Gentleman, and my familiar, I doe assure ye very good friend: for what is inward betweene vs, let it passe. I doe beseech thee remember thy curtesie. I beseech thee apparell thy head: and among other importunate & most serious designes, and of great import indeed too: but let that passe, for I must tell thee it will please his Grace (by the world) sometime to leane vpon my poore shoulder, and with his royall finger thus dallie with my excrement, with my mustachio: but sweet heart let that passe. By the world I recount no fable, some certaine speciall honours it pleaseth his greatnesse to impart to Armado a Souldier, a man of trauell, that hath seene the world: but let that passe; the very all of all is: but sweet heart, I do implore secrecie, that the King would haue mee present the Princesse (sweet chucke) with some delightfull ostentation, or show, or pageant, or anticke, or fire-worke: Now, vnderstanding that the Curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions, and sodaine breaking out of myrth [...]. i [...] were) I haue acquainted you withall, to the end to craue your assistance.
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir Holofernes, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to bee rendred by our assistants the Kings command: and this most gallant, illustrate and learned Gentleman, before the Princesse: I say none so sit as to present the Nine Worthies.
Where will you finde men worthy enough to present them?
Iosua, your selfe: my selfe, and this gallant gentleman Iudas Machabeus; this Swaine (because of his great limme or [...]oynt) shall passe Pompey the great, the Page Hercules.
Pardon sir, error: He is not quantitie enough for that Worthies thumb, hee is not so big as the end of his Club.
Shall I haue audience? he shall present Hercules in minoritie: his enter and exit shall bee strangling a Snake; and I will haue an Apologie for that purpose.
An excellent deuice: so if any of the audience hisse, you may cry, Well done Hercules, now thou crushest the Snake; that is the way to make an offence gracious, though few haue the grace to doe it.
For the rest of the Worthies?
I will play three my selfe.
Thrice worthy Gentleman.
Shall I tell you a thing?
We attend.
We will haue, if this fadge not, an Antique. I beseech you follow.
Via good-man Dull, thou hast spoken no word all this while.
Nor vnderstood none neither sir.
Alone, we will employ thee.
Ile make one in a dance, or so: or I will play [Page 137] on the taber to the Worthies, & let them dance the hey.
Most Dull, honest Dull, to our sport away.
Madam, came nothing else along with that?
I, and a shrewd vnhappy gallowes too.
You'll nere be friends with him, a kild your sister.
He made her melancholy, sad, and heauy, and so she died: had she beene Light like you, of such a merrie nimble stirring spirit, she might a bin a Grandam ere she died. And so may you: For a light heart liues long.
What's your darke meaning mouse, of this light word?
A light condition in a beauty darke.
We need more light to finde your meaning out.
Look what you doe, you doe it stil i' th darke.
So do not you, for you are a light Wench.
Indeed I waigh not you, and therefore light.
You waigh me not, O that's you care not for me.
Great reason: for past care, is still past cure.
Any thing like?
Much in the letters, nothing in the praise.
Beauteous as Incke: a good conclusion.
Faire as a text B. in a Coppie booke.
Madame, this Gloue.
Did he not send you twaine?
I, or I would these hands might neuer part.
We are wise girles to mocke our Louers so.
Heere comes Boyet, and mirth in his face.
O I am stab'd with laughter, Wher's her Grace?
Thy newes Boyet?
But what, but what, come they to visit vs?
Come on then, weare the fauours most in sight.
But in this changing, What is your intent?
But shall we dance, if they desire vs too't?
The Trompet sounds, be maskt, the maskers come.
All haile, the richest Beauties on the earth.
Beauties no richer then rich Taffata.
A holy parcell of the fairest dames that euer turn'd their backes to mortall viewes.
Their eyes villaine, their eyes.
True, out indeed.
Once to behold, rogue.
They do not marke me, and that brings me out.
Is this your perfectnesse? be gon you rogue.
What would you with the Princes?
Nothing but peace, and gentle visitation.
What would they, say they?
Nothing but peace, and gentle visitation.
Why that they haue, and bid them so be gon.
She saies you haue it, and you may be gon.
Tell her we measure them by weary steps.
She heares her selfe.
My face is but a Moone, and clouded too.
Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
You tooke the Moone at full, but now shee's changed?
Yet still she is the Moone, and I the Man.
The musick playes, vouchsafe some motion to it: Our eares vouchsafe it.
But your legges should doe it.
Why take you hands then?
More measure of this measure, be not nice.
We can afford no more at such a price.
Prise your selues: What buyes your companie?
Your absence onelie.
That can neuer be.
If you denie to dance, let's hold more chat.
In priuate then.
I am best pleas'd with that.
White handed Mistris, one sweet word with thee.
Hony, and Milke, and Suger: there is three.
One word in secret.
Let it not be sweet.
Thou greeu'st my gall.
Gall, bitter.
Therefore meete.
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
Name it.
Faire Ladie.
What, was your vizard made without a tong?
I know the reason Ladie why you aske.
O for your reason, quickly sir, I long.
Veale quoth the Dutch-man: is not Veale a Calfe?
A Calfe faire Ladie?
No, a faire Lord Calfe.
Let's part the word.
Then die a Calfe before your horns do grow.
One word in priuate with you ere I die.
Bleat softly then, the Butcher heares you cry.
Not one word more my maides, breake off, breake off.
By heauen, all drie beaten with pure scoffe.
Farewell madde Wenches, you haue simple wits.
Tapers they are, with your sweete breathes puft out.
Wel-liking wits they haue, grosse, grosse, fat, fat.
Berowne did sweare himselfe out of all suite.
Qualme perhaps.
Yes in good faith.
Go sicknesse as thou art.
And quicke Berowne hath plighted faith to me.
And Longauill was for my seruice borne.
Dumaine is mine as sure as barke on tree.
Will they returne?
How blovv? how blovv? Speake to bee vnderstood.
Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.
Whip to our Tents, as Roes runnes ore Land.
Faire sir, God saue you. Wher's the Princesse?
That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
I will, and so will she, I know my Lord.
All haile sweet Madame, and faire time of day.
Faire in all Haile is foule, as I conceiue.
Construe my speeches better, if you may.
Then wish me better, I wil giue you leaue.
How Madam? Russians?
This proues you wise and rich: for in my eie
I am a foole, and full of pouertie.
O, I am yours and all that I possesse.
All the foole mine.
I cannot giue you lesse.
Which of the Vizards what it that you wore?
Let vs confesse, and turne it to a iest.
Amaz'd my Lord? Why lookes your Highnes sadde?
Sans, sans, I pray you.
No, they are free that gaue these tokens to vs.
Our states are forfeit, seeke not to vndo vs.
Peace, for I will not haue to do with you.
Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.
Speake for your selues, my wit is at an end.
Teach vs sweete Madame, for our rude transgression, some faire excuse.
Madam, I was.
And were you well aduis'd?
I was faire Madam.
That more then all the world I did respect her
When shee shall challenge this, you will reiect her.
Vpon mine Honor no.
Peace, peace, forbeare: your oath once broke, you force not to forsweare.
Despise me when I breake this oath of mine.
God giue thee ioy of him: the Noble Lord Most honorably doth vphold his word.
By heauen you did; and to confirme it plaine, you gaue me this: But take it sir againe.
Full merrily hath this braue manager, this carreere bene run.
What, are there but three?
And three times thrice is nine.
Not so sir, vnder correction sir, I hope it is not so. You cannot beg vs sir, I can assure you sir, we know what we know: I hope sir three times thrice sir.
Is not nine.
Vnder correction sir, wee know where-vntill it doth amount.
By Ioue, I alwaies tooke three threes for nine.
O Lord sir, it were pittie you should get your liuing by reckning sir.
How much is it?
O Lord sir, the parties themselues, the actors sir will shew where-vntill it doth amount: for mine owne part, I am (as they say, but to perfect one man in one poore man) Pompion the great sir.
Art thou one of the Worthies?
It pleased them to thinke me worthie of Pompey the great: for mine owne part, I know not the degree of the Worthie, but I am to stand for him.
Go, bid them prepare.
We will turne it finely off sir, we wil take some care.
We are shame-proofe my Lord: and 'tis some policie, to haue one shew worse then the Kings and his companie.
I say they shall not come.
A right description of our sport my Lord.
Annointed, I implore so much expence of thy royall sweet breath, as will vtter a brace of words.
Doth this man serue God?
Why aske you?
He speak's not like a man of God's making.
That's all one my faire sweet honie Monarch: For I protest, the Schoolmaster is exceeding fantasticall: Too too vain, too too vaine. But we wil put it (as they say) to Fortuna delaguar, I wish you the peace of minde most royall cupplement.
Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies; He presents Hector of Troy, the Swaine Pompey y e great, the Parish Curate Alexander, Armadoes Page Hercules, the Pedant Iudas Machabeus: And if these foure Worthies in their first shew thriue, these foure will change habites, and present the other fiue.
There is fiue in the first shew.
You are deceiued, tis not so.
The ship is vnder saile, and here she coms amain.
I Pompey am.
You lie, you are not he.
I Pompey am.
With Libbards head on knee.
I Pompey am, Pompey surnam'd the big.
The great.
Great thankes great Pompey.
Tis not so much worth: but I hope I was perfect. I made a little fault in great.
My hat to a halfe-penie, Pompey prooues the best Worthie.
Your nose smels no, in this most tender smelling Knight.
When in the world I liued, I was the worldes Commander.
Most true, 'tis right: you were so Alisander.
Pompey the great.
your seruant and Costard.
Take away the Conqueror, take away Alisander
O sir, you haue ouerthrowne Alisander the conqueror: you will be scrap'd out of the painted cloth for [Page 142] this: your Lion that holds his Pollax sitting on a close stoole, will be giuen to Aiax. He will be the ninth worthie. A Conqueror, and affraid to speake? Runne away for shame Alisander. There an't shall please you: a foolish milde man, an honest man, looke you, & soon dasht. He is a maruellous good neighbour insooth, and a verie good Bowler: but for Alisander, alas you see, how 'tis a little ore-parted. But there are Worthies a comming, will speake their minde in some other sort.
Stand aside good Pompey.
Iudas I am.
A Iudas?
Iudas Machabeus clipt, is plaine Iudas.
A kissing traitor. How art thou prou'd Iudas?
Iudas I am.
The more shame for you Iudas.
What meane you sir?
To make Iudas hang himselfe.
Begin sir, you are my elder.
Well follow'd, Iudas was hang'd on an Elder.
I will not be put out of countenance.
Because thou hast no face.
What is this?
A Citterne head.
The head of a bodkin.
A deaths face in a ring.
The face of an old Roman coine, scarce seene.
The pummell of Caesars Faulchion.
The caru'd-bone face on a Flaske.
S. Georges halfe cheeke in a brooch.
I, and in a brooch of Lead.
You haue put me out of countenance.
False, we haue giuen thee faces.
But you haue out-fac'd them all.
And thou wer't a Lion, we would do so.
For the latter end of his name.
For the Asse to the Iude: giue it him. Iud-as away.
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
A light for monsieur Iudas, it growes darke, he may stumble.
Alas poore Machabeus, how hath hee beene baited.
Hide thy head Achilles, heere comes Hector in Armes.
Though my mockes come home by me, I will now be merrie.
Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.
But is this Hector?
I thinke Hector was not so [...]leane timber'd.
His legge is too big for Hector.
More Calfe certaine.
No, he is best indued in the small.
This cannot be Hector.
He's a God or a Painter, for he makes faces.
The Armipotent Mars, of Launces the almighty, gaue Hector a gift.
A gilt Nutmegge.
A Lemmon.
Stucke with Cloues.
No clouen.
That Mint.
That Cullambine.
Sweet Lord Longauill reine thy tongue.
I must rather giue it the reine: for it runnes against Hector.
I, and Hector's a Grey-hound.
Speake braue Hector, we are much delighted.
I do adore thy sweet Graces slipper.
Loues her by the foot.
He may not by the yard.
This Hector farre surmounted Hanniball.
Fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two moneths on her way.
What meanest thou?
Faith vnlesse you play the honest Troyan, the poore Wench is cast away: she's quick, the child brags in her belly alreadie: tis yours.
Dost thou infamonize me among Potentates? Thou shalt die.
Then shall Hector be whipt for Iaquenetta that is quicke by him, and hang'd for Pompey, that is dead by him.
Most rare Pompey.
Renowned Pompey.
Greater then great, great, great, great Pompey: Pompey the huge.
Hector trembles.
Pompey is moued, more Atees more Atees stirre them, or stirre them on.
Hector will challenge him.
I, if a' haue no more mans blood in's belly, then will sup a Flea.
By the North-pole I do challenge thee.
I wil not fight with a pole like a Northern man; Ile flash, Ile do it by the sword: I pray you let mee borrow my Armes againe.
Roome for the incensed Worthies.
Ile do it in my shirt.
Most resolute Pompey.
Gentlemen and Souldiers pardon me, I will not combat in my shirt.
You may not denie it, Pompey hath made the challenge.
Sweet bloods, I both may, and will.
What reason haue you for't?
True, and it was inioyned him in Rome for want of Linnen: since when, Ile be sworne he wore none, but a dishclout of Iaquenettas, and that hee weares next his heart for a fauour.
God saue you Madame.
Welcome Marcade, but that thou interruptest our merriment.
I am sorrie Madam, for the newes I bring is heauie in my tongue. The King your father
Dead for my life.
Euen so: My tale is told.
Worthies away, the Scene begins to cloud.
For mine owne part, I breath free breath: I haue seene the day of wrong, through the little hole of discretion, and I will right my selfe like a Souldier.
How fare's your Maiestie?
Boyet prepare, I will away to night.
Madame not so, I do beseech you stay.
I vnderstand you not, my greefes are double.
Our letters Madam, shew'd much more then iest.
So did our lookes.
We did not coat them so.
And what to me my Loue? and what to me?
But what to me my loue? but what to me?
O shall I say, I thanke you gentle wife?
Ile serue thee true and faithfully till then.
Yet sweare not, least ye be forsworne agen▪
What saies Maria?
Ile stay with patience: but the time is long.
The liker you, few taller are so yong.
I sweet my Lord, and so I take my leaue.
No Madam, we will bring you on your way.
That's too long for a play.
Sweet Maiesty vouchsafe me.
Was not that Hector?
The worthie Knight of Troy.
I wil kisse thy royal finger, and take leaue. I am a Votarie, I haue vow'd to Iaquenetta to holde the Plough for her sweet loue three yeares. But most esteemed greatnesse, wil you heare the Dialogue that the two Learned men haue compiled, in praise of the Owle and the Cuckow? It should haue followed in the end of our shew.
Call them forth quickely, we will do so.
Holla, Approach.
A MIDSOMMER Nights Dreame.
Actus primus.
Happy be Theseus, our renowned Duke.
Thanks good Egeus: what's the news with thee?
So is Lysander.
I would my father look'd but with my eyes.
Rather your eies must with his iudgment looke.
With dutie and desire we follow you.
O crosse! too high to be enthral'd to loue.
Or else misgraffed, in respect of yeares.
O spight! too old to be ingag'd to yong.
Or else it stood vpon the choise of merit.
O hell! to choose loue by anothers eie.
Keepe promise loue: looke here comes Helena.
God speede faire Helena, whither away?
O teach me how you looke, and with what art you sway the motion of Demetrius hart.
I frowne vpon him, yet he loues me still.
O that your frownes would teach my smiles such skil.
I giue him curses, yet he giues me loue.
O that my prayers could such affection mooue.
The more I hate, the more he followes me.
The more I loue, the more he hateth me.
His folly Helena is none of mine.
None but your beauty, wold that fault wer mine
Is all our company heere?
You were best to call them generally, man by man, according to the scrip.
Here is the scrowle of euery mans name, which is thought fit through all Athens, to play in our Enterlude before the Duke and the Dutches, on his wedding day at night.
First, good Peter Quince, say what the play treats on: then read the names of the Actors: and so grow on to a point.
Marry our play is the most lamentable Comedy, and most cruell death of Pyramus and Thisbie.
A very good peece of worke I assure you, and a merry. Now good Peter Quince, call forth your Actors by the scrowle. Masters spread your selues.
Answere as I call you. Nick Bottome the Weauer.
Ready; name what part I am for, and proceed.
You Nicke Bottome are set downe for Pyramus.
What is Pyramus, a louer, or a tyrant?
A Louer that kills himselfe most gallantly for loue.
That will aske some teares in the true performing of it: if I do it, let the audience looke to their eies: I will mooue stormes; I will condole in some measure. To the rest yet, my chiefe humour is for a tyrant. I could play Ercles rarely, or a part to teare a Cat in, to make all split the raging Rocks; and shiuering shocks shall break the locks of prison gates, and Phibbus carre shall shine from farre, and make and marre the foolish Fates. This was lofty. Now name the rest of the Players. This is Ercles vaine, a tyrants vaine: a louer is more condoling.
Francis Flute the Bellowes-mender:
Heere Peter Quince.
You must take Thisbie on you.
What is Thisbie, a wandring Knight?
It is the Lady that Pyramus must loue.
Nay faith, let not mee play a woman, I haue a beard comming.
That's all one, you shall play it in a Maske, and you may speake as small as you will.
And I may hide my face, let me play Thisbie too: Ile speake in a monstrous little voyce; Thisne, Thisne, ah Pyramus my louer deare, thy Thisbie deare, and Lady deare.
No no, you must play Pyramus, and Flute, you Thuby.
Well, proceed.
Robin Starueling the Taylor.
Heere Peter Quince.
Robin Starueling, you must play Thisbies mother?
the Tinker.
Heere Peter Quince.
You, Pyramus father; my self, Thisbies father; Snugge the Ioyner, you the Lyons part: and I hope there is a play fitted.
Haue you the Lions part written? pray you if be, giue it me, for I am slow of studie.
You may doe it extemporie, for it is nothing but roaring.
Let mee play the Lyon too, I will roare that I will doe any mans heart good to heare me. I will roare, that I will make the Duke say, Let him roare againe, let him roare againe.
If you should doe it too terribly, you would fright the Dutchesse and the Ladies, that they would shrike, and that were enough to hang vs all.
That would hang vs euery mothers sonne.
I graunt you friends, if that you should fright the Ladies out of their Wittes, they would haue no more discretion but to hang vs: but I will aggrauate my voyce so, that I will roare you as gently as any sucking Doue; I will roare and 'twere any Nightingale.
You can play no part but Piramus, for Piramus [Page 148] is a sweet-fac'd man, a proper man as one shall see in a summers day; a most louely Gentleman-like man, therfore you must needs play Piramus.
Well, I will vndertake it. What beard were I best to play it in?
Why, what you will.
I will discharge it, in either your straw-colour beard, your orange tawnie beard, your purple in graine beard, or your French-crowne colour'd beard, your perfect yellow.
Some of your French Crownes haue no haire at all, and then you will play bare-fac'd. But masters here are your parts, and I am to intreat you, request you, and desire you, to con them by too morrow night: and meet me in the palace wood, a mile without the Towne, by Moone-light, there we will rehearse: for if we meete in the Citie, we shalbe dog'd with company, and our deuises knowne. In the meane time, I wil draw a bil of properties, such as our play wants. I pray you faile me not.
We will meete, and there we may rehearse more obscenely and couragiously. Take paines, be perfect, adieu.
At the Dukes oake we meete.
Enough, hold or cut bow-strings.
Actus Secundus.
How now spirit, whether wander you?
Tarrie rash Wanton; am not I thy Lord?
How long within this wood intend you stay?
Giue me that boy, and I will goe with thee.
I remember.
Ile put a girdle about the earth, in forty minutes.
And I am sicke when I looke not on you.
I, there it is.
Feare not my Lord, your seruant shall do so.
With halfe that wish, the wishers eyes be prest.
Stay, though thou kill me, sweete Demetrius.
I charge thee hence, and do not haunt me thus.
O wilt thou darkling leaue me? do not so.
Stay on thy perill, I alone will goe.
Actus Tertius.
Are we all met?
Pat, pat, and here's a maruailous conuenient place for our rehearsall. This greene plot shall be our stage, this hauthorne brake our tyring house, and we will do it in action, as we will do it before the Duke.
Peter quince?
What saist thou, bully Bottome?
There are things in this Comedy of Piramus and Thisby, that will neuer please. First, Piraemus must draw a sword to kill himselfe; which the Ladies cannot abide. How answere you that?
Berlaken, a parlous feare.
I beleeue we must leaue the killing out, when all is done.
Not a whit, I haue a deuice to make all well. Write me a Prologue, and set the Prologue seeme to say, we will do no harme with our swords, and that Pyramus is not kill'd indeede: and for the more better assurance, tell them, that I Piramus am not Piramus, but Bottome the Weauer; this will put them out of feare.
Well, we will haue such a Prologue, and it shall be written in eight and sixe.
No, make it two more, let it be written in eight and eight.
Will not the Ladies be afear'd of the Lyon?
I feare it, I promise you.
Masters, you ought to consider with your selues, to bring in (God shield vs) a Lyon among Ladies, is a most dreadfull thing. For there is not a more fearefull wilde foule then your Lyon liuing: and wee ought to looke to it.
Therefore another Prologue must tell he is not a Lyon.
Nay, you must name his name, and halfe his face must be seene through the Lyons necke; and he himselfe must speake through, saying thus, or to the same defect; Ladies, or faire Ladies, I would wish you, or I would [Page 152] request you, or I would entreat you, not to feare, not to tremble: my life for yours. If you thinke I come hither as a Lyon, it were pitty of my life. No, I am no such thing, I am a man as other men are; and there indeed let him name his name, and tell him plainly hee is Snug the ioyner.
Well, it shall be so; but there is two hard things, that is, to bring the Moone-light into a chamber: for you know, Piramus and Thisby meete by Moone-light.
Doth the Moone shine that night wee play our play?
A Calender, a Calender, looke in the Almanack, finde out Moone-shine, finde out Moone-shine.
Yes, it doth shine that night.
Why then may you leaue a casement of the great chamber window (where we play) open, and the Moone may shine in at the casement.
I, or else one must come in with a bush of thorns and a lanthorne, and say he comes to disfigure, or to present the person of Moone-shine. Then there is another thing, we must haue a wall in the great Chamber; for Piramus and Thisby (saies the story) did talke through the chinke of a wall.
You can neuer bring in a wall. What say you Bottome?
Some man or other must present wall, and let him haue some Plaster, or some Lome, or some rough cast about him, to signifie wall; or let him hold his fingers thus; and through that cranny, shall Piramus and Thisby whisper.
If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit downe euery mothers sonne, and rehearse your parts. Piramus, you begin; when you haue spoken your speech, enter into that Brake, and so euery one according to his cue.
Speake Piramus: Thisby stand forth.
Thisby, the flowers of odious fauors sweete.
Odours, odours.
A stranger Piramus, then ere plaid here.
Must I speake now?
I marry must you. For you must vnderstand he goes but to see a noyse that he heard, and is to come againe.
Ninus toombe man: why, you must not speake that yet; that you answere to Piramus: you speake all your part at once, cues and all. Piramus enter, your cue is past; it is neuer tyre.
O, as true as truest horse, that yet would neuer tyre:
If I were faire, Thisby I were onely thine.
O monstrous. O strange. We are hanted; pray masters, flye masters, helpe.
Why do they run away? This is a knauery of them to make me afeard.
O Bottom, thou art chang'd; What doe I see on thee?
What do you see? You see an Asse-head of your owne, do you?
Blesse thee Bottome, blesse thee; thou art translated.
I see their knauery; this is to make an asse of me, to fright me if they could; but I will not stirre from this place, do what they can. I will walke vp and downe here, and I will sing that they shall heare I am not afraid.
What Angell wakes me from my flowry bed?
Me-thinkes mistresse, you should haue little reason for that: and yet to say the truth, reason and loue keepe little company together, now-adayes. The more the pittie, that some honest neighbours will not make them friends. Nay, I can gleeke vpon occasion.
Thou art as wise, as thou art beautifull.
Not so neither: but if I had wit enough to get out of this wood, I haue enough to serue mine owne turne.
Ready; and I, and I, and I, Where shall we go?
Haile mortall, haile.
Haile.
Haile.
I cry your worships mercy hartily; I beseech your worships name.
Cobweb.
I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Cobweb: if I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you.
Your name honest Gentleman?
Pease blossome.
I pray you commend mee to mistresse Squash, your mother, and to master Peascod your father. Good master Pease-blossome, I shal desire of you more acquaintance to. Your name I beseech you sir?
Mustard-seede.
Pease-blossome.
Good master Mustard-seede, I know your patience well: that same cowardly gyant-like Oxe beefe hath deuoured many a gentleman of your house. I promise you, your kindred hath made my eyes water ere now. I desire you more acquaintance, good Master Mustard-seede.
Stand close, this is the same Athenian.
This is the woman, but not this the man.
I'de rather giue his carkasse to my hounds.
I pray thee tell me then that he is well.
And if I could, what should I get therefore?
I had no iudgement, when to her I swore.
Nor none in my minde, now you giue her ore.
Demetrius loues her, and he loues not you.
Neuer did mockers wast more idle breth.
It is not so.
Why should hee stay whom Loue doth presse to go?
What loue could presse Lysander from my side?
You speake not as you thinke; it cannot be.
I vnderstand not what you meane by this.
O excellent!
Sweete, do not scorne her so.
If she cannot entreate, I can compell.
I say, I loue thee more then he can do.
If thou say so, with-draw and proue it too.
Quick, come.
Lysander, whereto tends all this?
Away, you Ethiope.
Do you not iest?
Yes sooth, and so do you.
Demetrius: I will keepe my word with thee.
Lower? harke againe.
Why get you gone: who ist that hinders you?
A foolish heart, that I leaue here behinde.
What, with Lysander?
With Demetrius.
Be not afraid, she shall not harme thee Helena.
No sir, she shall not, though you take her part.
Follow? Nay, Ile goe with thee cheeke by iowle.
Vp and downe, vp and downe, I will leade them vp and downe: I am sear'd in field and towne. Goblin, lead them vp and downe: here comes one.
Here villaine, drawne & readie. Where art thou?
I will be with thee straight.
Follow me then to plainer ground.
Yea, art thou there?
Follow my voice, we'l try no manhood here.
Ho, ho, ho; coward, why com'st thou not?
Come hither, I am here.
Actus Quartus.
Where's Pease blossome?
Ready.
Scratch my head, Pease-blossome. Wher's Mounsieuer Cobweb.
Ready.
Mounsieur Cobweb, good Mounsier get your weapons in your hand, & kill me a red hipt humble-Bee, on the top of a thistle; and good Mounsieur bring mee the hony bag. Doe not fret your selfe too much in the action, Mounsieur; and good Mounsieur haue a care the hony bag breake not, I would be loth to haue you ouerflowne with a hony-bag signiour. Where's Mounsieur Mustardseed?
Ready.
What's your will?
Nothing good Mounsieur, but to help Caualery Cobweb to scratch. I must to the Barbers Mounsieur, for me-thinkes I am maruellous hairy about the face. And I am such a tender asse, if my haire do but tickle me, I must scratch.
What, wilt thou heare some musicke, my sweet loue.
I haue a reasonable good eare in musicke. Let vs haue the tongs and the bones.
Or say sweete Loue, what thou desirest to eat.
Truly a pecke of Prouender; I could munch your good dry Oates. Me-thinkes I haue a great desire to a bottle of hay: good hay, sweete hay hath no fellow.
I had rather haue a handfull or two of dried pease. But I pray you let none of your people stirre me, I haue an exposition of sleepe come vpon me.
There lies your loue.
Musicke, he musicke, such as charmeth sleepe.
When thou wak'st, with thine owne fooles eies peepe.
It is, my Lord.
Goe bid the hunts-men wake them with their hornes.
Pardon my Lord.
Yea, and my Father.
And Hippolitae.
And he bid vs follow to the Temple.
Why then we are awake; lets follow him, and by the way let vs recount our dreames.
When my cue comes, call me, and I will answer. My next is, most faire Piramus. Hey ho. Peter Quince? Flute the bellowes-mender? Snout the tinker? Starueling? Gods my life! Stolne hence, and left me asleepe: I haue had a most rare vision. I had a dreame, past the wit of man, to say, what dreame it was. Man is but an Asse, if he goe about to expound this dreame. Me-thought I was, there is no man can tell what. Me-thought I was, and me-thought I had. But man is but a patch'd foole, if he will offer to say, what me-thought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, the eare of man hath not seen, mans hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceiue, nor his heart to report, what my dreame was. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballet of this dreame, it shall be called Bottomes Dreame, because it hath no bottome; and I will sing it in the latter end of a play, before the Duke. Peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall sing it at her death.
Haue you sent to Bottomes house? Is he come home yet?
He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt hee i [...] transported.
If he come not, then the play is mar'd. It goes not forward, doth it?
It is not possible: you haue not a man in all Athens, able to discharge Piramus but he.
No, hee hath simply the best wit of any handycraft man in Athens.
Yea, and the best person too, and hee is a very Paramour, for a sweet voyce.
You must say, Paragon. A Paramour is (God blesse vs) a thing of nought.
Masters, the Duke is comming from the Temple, and there is two or three Lords & Ladies more married. If our sport had gone forward, we had all bin made men.
O sweet bully Bottome: thus hath he lost sixepence a day, during his life; he could not haue scaped sixpence a day. And the Duke had not giuen him sixpence a day for playing, Piramus, Ile be hang'd. He would haue deserued it. Sixpence a day in Piramus, or nothing.
Where are these Lads? Where are these hearts?
Bottome, ô most couragious day! O most happie houre!
Masters, I am to discourse wonders; but ask me not what. For if I tell you, I am no true Athenian. I will tell you euery thing as it fell out.
Let vs heare, sweet Bottome.
Not a word of me: all that I will tell you, is, that the Duke hath dined. Get your apparell together, good strings to your beards, new ribbands to your pumps, meete presently at the Palace, euery man looke ore his part: for the short and the long is, our play is preferred: In any case let Thisby haue cleane linnen: and let not him that playes the Lion, paire his nailes, for they shall hang out for the Lions clawes. And most deare Actors, eate no Onions, nor Garlicke; for wee are to vtter sweete breath, and I doe not doubt but to heare them say, it is a sweet Comedy. No more words: away, go away.
Actus Quintus.
'Tis strange my Theseus, y t these louers speake of.
More then to vs, waite in your royall walkes, your boord, your bed.
Heere mighty Theseus.
The thrice three Muses, mourning for the death of learning, late deceast in beggerie.
Merry and tragicall? Tedious, and briefe? That is, hot ice, and wondrous strange snow. How shall wee finde the concord of this discord?
What are they that do play it?
And we will heare it.
Why gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing.
He saies, they can doe nothing in this kinde.
So please your Grace, the Prologue is addrest.
Let him approach.
This fellow doth not stand vpon points.
He hath rid his Prologue, like a rough Colt: he knowes not the stop. A good morall my Lord. It is not enough to speake, but to speake true.
Indeed hee hath plaid on his Prologue, like a childe on a Recorder, a sound, but not in gouernment.
His speech was like a tangled chaine: nothing impaired, but all disordered. Who is next?
I wonder if the Lion be to speake.
No wonder, my Lord: one Lion may, when many Asses doe.
Would you desire Lime and Haire to speake better?
It is the vvittiest partition, that euer I heard discourse, my Lord.
Pyramus drawes neere the Wall, silence.
The vvall me-thinkes being sensible, should curse againe.
My Loue thou art, my Loue I thinke.
And like Helen till the Fates me kill.
Not Shafalus to Procrus, was so true.
As Shafalus to Procrus, I to you.
O kisse me through the hole of this vile wall.
I kisse the wals hole, not your lips at all.
Wilt thou at Ninnies tombe meete me straight way?
Tide life, tide death, I come without delay.
Now is the morall downe betweene the two Neighbors.
No remedie my Lord, when Wals are so wilfull, to heare without vvarning.
This is the silliest stuffe that ere I heard.
The best in this kind are but shadowes, and the worst are no worse, if imagination amend them.
It must be your imagination then, & not theirs.
If wee imagine no worse of them then they of themselues, they may passe for excellent men. Here com two noble beasts, in a man and a Lion.
A verie gentle beast, and of a good conscience.
The verie best at a beast, my Lord, y t ere I saw.
This Lion is a verie Fox for his valor.
True, and a Goose for his discretion.
Not so my Lord: for his valor cannot carrie his discretion, and the Fox carries the Goose.
His discretion I am sure cannot carrie his valor: for the Goose carries not the Fox. It is well; leaue it to his discretion, and let vs hearken to the Moone.
This Lanthorne doth the horned Moone present.
He should haue worne the hornes on his head.
Hee is no crescent, and his hornes are inuisible, within the circumference.
This lanthorne doth the horned Moone present: My selfe, the man i' th Moone doth seeme to be.
This is the greatest error of all the rest; the man should be put into the Lanthorne. How is it els the man i' th Moone?
I am vvearie of this Moone; vvould he would change.
It appeares by his smal light of discretion, that he is in the wane: but yet in courtesie, in all reason, vve must stay the time.
Proceed Moone.
All that I haue to say, is to tell you, that the Lanthorne is the Moone; I, the man in the Moone; this thorne bush, my thorne bush; and this dog, my dog.
Why all these should be in the Lanthorne: for they are in the Moone. But silence, heere comes Thisby.
This is old Ninnies tombe: where is my loue?
Oh.
Well roar'd Lion.
Well run Thisby.
Wel mouz'd Lion.
And then came Piramus.
And so the Lion vanisht.
Beshrew my heart, but I pittie the man.
No Die, but an ace for him; for he is but one.
Lesse then an ace man. For he is dead, he is nothing.
With the helpe of a Surgeon, he might yet recouer, and proue an Asse.
Me thinkes shee should not vse a long one for such a Piramus: I hope she will be breefe.
A Moth wil turne the ballance, which Piramus which Thisby is the better.
She hath spyed him already, with those sweete eyes.
And thus she meanes, videlicit.
Moon-shine & Lion are left to burie the dead.
I, and Wall too.
No, I assure you, the wall is downe, that parted their Fathers. Will it please you to see the Epilogue, or to heare a Bergomask dance, betweene two of our company?
No Epilogue, I pray you; for your play needs no excuse. Neuer excuse; for when the plaiers are all dead, there need none to be blamed. Marry, if hee that writ it had plaid Piramus, and hung himselfe in Thisbies garter, it would haue beene a fine Tragedy: and so it is truely, and very notably discharg'd. But come, your Burgomaske; let your Epilogue alone.
The Merchant of Venice.
Actus primus.
Why then you are in loue.
Fie, fie.
Good morrow my good Lords.
Wee'll make our leysures to attend on yours.
I will not faile you.
Far you well, Ile grow a talker for this geare.
It is that any thing now.
Gratiano speakes an infinite deale of nothing, more then any man in all Venice, his reasons are two graines of wheate hid in two bushels of chaffe: you shall seeke all day ere you finde them, & when you haue them they are not worth the search.
By my troth Nerrissa, my little body is a wearie of this great world.
You would be sweet Madam, if your miseries were in the same abundance as your good fortunes are: and yet for ought I see, they are as sicke that surfet with too much, as they that starue with nothing; it is no smal happinesse therefore to bee seated in the meane, superfluitie comes sooner by white haires, but competencie liues longer.
Good sentences, and well pronounc'd.
They would be better if well followed.
If to doe were as easie as to know what were good to doe, Chappels had beene Churches, and poore mens cottages Princes Pallaees: it is a good Diuine that followes his owne instructions; I can easier teach twentie what were good to be done, then be one of the twentie to follow mine owne teaching: the braine may deuise lawes for the blood, but a hot temper leapes ore a colde decree, such a hare is madnesse the youth, to skip ore the meshes of good counsaile the cripple; but this reason is not in fashion to choose me a husband: O mee, the word choose, I may neither choose whom I would, nor refuse whom I dislike, so is the wil of a liuing daughter curb'd by the will of a dead father: it is not hard Nerrissa, that I cannot choose one, nor refuse none.
Your father was euer vertuous, and holy men at their death haue good inspirations, therefore the lotterie that hee hath deuis [...] in these three chests of gold, siluer, and leade, whereof who chooses his meaning, [Page 163] chooses you, wil no doubt neuer be chosen by any rightly, but one who you shall rightly loue: but what warmth is there in your affection towards any of these Princely suters that are already come?
I pray thee ouer-name them, and as thou namest them, I will describe them, and according to my description leuell at my affection.
First there is the Neopolitane Prince.
I that's a colt indeede, for he doth nothing but talke of his horse, and hee makes it a great appropriation to his owne good parts that he can shoo him himselfe: I am much afraid my Ladie his mother plaid false with a Smyth.
Than is there the Countie Palentine.
He doth nothing but frowne (as who should say, and you will not haue me, choose: he heares merrie tales and smiles not, I feare hee will proue the weeping Phylosopher when he growes old, being so full of vnmannerly sadnesse in his youth.) I had rather to be married to a deaths head with a bone in his mouth, then to either of these: God defend me from these two.
How say you by the French Lord, Mounsier Le Boune?
God made him, and therefore let him passe for a man, in truth I know it is a sinne to be a mocker, but he, why he hath a horse better then the Neopolitans, a better bad habite of frowning then the Count Palentine, he is euery man in no man, if a Trassell sing, he fals straight a capring, he will fence with his own shadow. If I should marry him, I should marry twentie husbands: if hee would despise me, I would forgiue him, for if he loue me to madnesse, I should neuer requite him.
What say you then to Fauconbridge, the yong Baron of England?
You know I say nothing to him, for hee vnderstands not me, nor I him: he hath neither Latine, French, nor Italian, and you will come into the Court & sweare that I haue a poore pennie-worth in the English: hee is a proper mans picture, but alas who can conuerse with a dumbe show? how odly he is suited, I thinke he bought his doublet in Italie, his round hose in France, his bonnet in Germanie, and his behauiour euery where.
What thinke you of the other Lord his neighbour?
That he hath a neighbourly charitie in him, for he borrowed a boxe of the eare of the Englishman, and swore he would pay him againe when hee was able: I thinke the Frenchman became his suretie, and seald vnder for another.
How like you the yong Germaine, the Duke of Saxonies Nephew?
Very vildely in the morning when hee is sober, and most vildely in the afternoone when hee is drunke: when he is best, he is a little worse then a man, and when he is worst▪ he is little better then a beast: and the worst fall that euer fell, I hope I shall make shift to goe without him.
If he should offer to choose, and choose the right Casket, you should refuse to performe your Fathers will, if you should refuse to accept him.
Therefore for feare of the worst, I pray thee set a deepe glasse of Reinish-wine on the contrary Casket, for if the diuell be within, and that temptation without, I know he will choose it. I will doe any thing Nerrissa ere I will be married to a spunge.
You neede not feare Lady the hauing any of these Lords, they haue acquainted me with their determinations, which is indeede to returne to their home, and to trouble you with no more suite, vnlesse you may be won by some other sort then your Fathers imposition, depending on the Caskets.
If I liue to be as olde as Sibilla, I will dye as chaste as Diana: vnlesse I be obtained by the manner of my Fathers will: I am glad this parcell of wooers are so reasonable, for there is not one among them but I doate on his verie absence: and I wish them a faire departure.
Doe you not remember Ladie in your Fathers time, a Venecian, a Scholler and a Souldior that came hither in companie of the Marquesse of Mountferrat?
Yes, yes, it was Bassanio, as I thinke, so was hee call'd.
True Madam, hee of all the men that euer my foolish eyes look'd vpon, was the best deseruing a faire Lady.
I remember him well, and I remember him worthy of thy praise.
The foure Strangers seeke you Madam to take their leaue: and there is a fore-runner come from a fift, the Prince of Moroco, who brings word the Prince his Maister will be here to night.
If I could bid the fift welcome with so good heart as I can bid the other foure farewell, I should be glad of his approach: if he haue the condition of a Saint, and the complexion of a diuell, I had rather hee should shriue me then wiue me. Come Nerrissa, sirra go before; whiles wee shut the gate vpon one wooer, another knocks at the doore.
Three thousand ducates, well.
I sir, for three months.
For three months, well.
Anthonio shall become bound, well.
Three thousand ducats for three months, and Anthonio bound.
Your answere to that.
Anthonio is a good man.
Haue you heard any imputation to the contrary.
Ho no, no, no, no: my meaning in saying he is a good man, is to haue you vnderstand me that he is suffient, yet his meanes are in supposition: he hath an Argosie bound to Tripolis, another to the Indies, I vnderstand moreouer vpon the Ryalta, he hath a third at Mexico, a fourth for England, and other ventures hee hath squandred abroad, but ships are but boords, Saylers but men, there be land rats, and water rats, water theeues, and land theeues, I meane Pyrats, and then there is the perrill of waters, windes, and rocks: the man is notwithstanding sufficient, three thousand ducats, I thinke I may take his bond.
Be assured you may.
I will be assured I may: and that I may be assured, I will bethinke mee, may I speake with Anthonio?
If it please you to dine with vs.
Yes, to smell porke, to eate of the habitation which your Prophet the Nazarite coniured the diuell into: I will buy with you, sell with you, talke with you, walke with you, and so following: but I will not eate with you, drinke with you, nor pray with you. What newes on the Ryalta, who is he comes here?
This is signior Anthonio.
Shylock, doe you heare.
I, I, three thousand ducats
And for three months.
I doe neuer vse it.
And what of him, did he take interrest?
Well Shylocke, shall we be beholding to you?
This were kindnesse.
Yes Shylocke, I will seale vnto this bond.
Hie thee gentle Iew. This Hebrew will turne Christian, he growes kinde.
I like not faire teames, and a villaines minde.
Actus Secundus.
Nor will not, come bring me vnto my chance.
Certainely, my conscience will serue me to run from this Iew my Maister: the fiend is at mine elbow, and tempts me, saying to me, Iobbe, Launcelet Iobbe, good Launcelet, ongood Iobbe, or good Launcelet Iobbe, vse your legs, take the start, run awaie: my conscience saies no; take heede honest Launcelet, take heed honest Iobbe, or as afore-said honest Launcelet Iobbe, doe not runne, scorne running with thy heeles; well, the most coragious fiend bids me packe, fia saies the fiend, away saies the fiend, for the heauens rouse vp a braue minde saies the fiend, and run; well, my conscience hanging about the necke of my heart, saies verie wisely to me: my honest friend Launcelet, being an honest mans soone, or rather an honest womans sonne, for indeede my Father did something smack, something grow too; he had a kinde of taste; wel, my conscience saies Lancelet bouge not, bouge saies the siend, bouge not saies my conscience, conscience say I you counsaile well, fiend say I you counsaile well, to be rul'd by my conscience I should stay with the Iew my Maister, (who God blesse the marke) is a kinde of diuell; and to run away from the Iew I should be ruled by the fiend, who sauing your reuerence is the diuell himselfe: certainely the Iew is the verie diuell incarnation, and in my conscience, my conscience is a kinde of hard conscience, to offer to counsaile me to stay with the Iew; the fiend giues the more friendly counsaile: I will runne fiend, my heeles are at your commandement, I will runne.
Maister yong-man, you I praie you, which is the waie to Maister Iewes?
O heauens, this is my true begotten Father, who being more then sand-blinde, high grauel blinde, knows me not, I will trie confusions with him.
Maister yong Gentleman, I praie you which is the waie to Maister Iewes.
Turne vpon your right hand at the next turning [Page 168] but at the next turning of all on your left; marrie at the verie next turning, turne of no hand, but turn down indirectlie to the Iewes house.
Be Gods sonties 'twill be a hard waie to hit, can you tell me whether one Launcelet that dwels with him, dwell with him or no.
Talke you of yong Master Launcelet, marke me now, now will I raise the waters; talke you of yong Maister Launcelet?
No Maister sir, but a poore mans sonne, his Father though I say't is an honest exceeding poore man, and God be thanked well to liue.
Well, let his Father be what a will, wee talke of yong Maister Launcelet.
Your worships friend and Launcelet.
But I praie you ergo old man, ergo I beseech you, talke you of yong Maister Launcelet.
Of Launcelet, ant please your maistership.
Ergo Maister Lancelet, talke not of maister Lancelet Father, for the yong gentleman according to fates and destinies, and such odde sayings, the sisters three, & such branches of learning, is indeede deceased, or as you would say in plaine tearmes, gone to heauen.
Marrie God forbid, the boy was the verie staffe of my age, my verie prop.
Do I look like a cudgell or a houell-post, a staffe or a prop: doe you know me Father.
Alacke the day, I know you not yong Gentleman, but I praie you tell me, is my boy God rest his soule aliue or dead.
Doe you not know me Father.
Alacke sir I am sand blinde, I know you not.
Nay, indeede if you had your eies you might faile of the knowing me: it is a wise Father that knowes his owne childe. Well, old man, I will tell you newes of your son, giue me your blessing, truth will come to light, murder cannot be hid long, a mans sonne may, but in the end truth will out.
Praie you sir stand vp, I am sure you are not Lancelet my boy.
Praie you let's haue no more fooling about it, but giue mee your blessing: I am Lancelet your boy that was, your sonne that is, your childe that shall be.
I cannot thinke you are my sonne.
I know not what I shall thinke of that: but I am Lancelet the Iewes man, and I am sure Margerie your wife is my mother.
Her name is Margerie indeede, Ile be sworne if thou be Lancelet, thou art mine owne flesh and blood: Lord worshipt might he be, what a beard hast thou got; thou hast got more haire on thy chin, then Dobbin my philhorse has on his taile.
It should seeme then that Dobbins taile growes backeward. I am sure he had more haire of his taile then I haue of my face when I lost saw him.
Lord how art thou chang'd: how doost thou and thy Master agree, I haue brought him a present; how gree you now?
Well, well, but for mine owne part, as I haue set vp my rest to run awaie, so I will not rest till I haue run some ground; my Maister's a verie Iew, giue him a present, giue him a halter, I am famisht in his seruice. You may tell euerie finger I haue with my ribs: Father I am glad you are come, giue me your present to one Maister Bassanio, who indeede giues rare new Liuories, if I serue not him, I will run as far as God has anie ground. O rare, fortune, here comes the man, to him Father, for I am a Iew if I serue the Iew anie longer.
You may doe so, but let it be so hasted that supper be readie at the farthest by fiue of the clocke: see these Letters deliuered, put the Liueries to making, and desire Gratiano to come anone to my lodging.
To him Father.
God blesse your worship.
Gramercie, would'st thou ought with me.
Here's my sonne sir, a poore boy.
Not a poore boy sir, but the rich Iewes man that would sir as my Father shall specifie.
He hath a great infection sir, as one would say to serue.
Indeede the short and the long is, I serue the Iew, and haue a desire as my Father shall specifie.
His Maister and he (sauing your worships reuerence) are scarce caterconns.
To be briefe, the verie truth is, that the Iew hauing done me wrong, doth cause me as my Father being I hope an old man shall frutifie vnto you.
I haue here a dish of Doues that I would bestow vpon your worship, and my suite is.
In verie briefe, the suite is impertinent to my selfe, as your worship shall know by this honest old man, and though I say it, though old man, yet poore man my Father.
One speake for both, what would you?
Serue you sir.
That is the verie defect of the matter sir.
The old prouerbe is verie well parted betweene my Maister Shylocke and you sir, you haue the grace of God sir, and he hath enough.
Father in, I cannot get a seruice, no, I haue nere a tongue in my head, well: if anie man in Italie haue a fairer table which doth offer to sweare vpon a booke, I shall haue good fortune; goe too, here's a simple line of life, here's a small trifle of wiues, alas, fifteene wiues is nothing, a leuen widdowes and nine maides is a simple comming in for one man, and then to scape drowning thrice, and to be in perill of my life with the edge of a featherbed, here are simple scapes: well, if Fortune be a woman, she's a good wench for this gere: Father come, Ile take my leaue of the Iew in the twinkling.
My best endeuors shall be done herein.
Where's your Maister.
Yonder sir he walkes.
Signior Bassanio.
Gratiano.
I haue a sute to you.
You haue obtain'd it.
You must not denie me, I must goe with you to Belmont.
Well, we shall see your bearing.
Adue, teares exhibit my tongue, most beautifull Pagan, most sweete Iew, if a Christian doe not play the knaue and get thee, I am much deceiued; but adue, these foolish drops doe somewhat drowne my manly spirit: adue.
We haue not made good preparation.
We haue not spoke vs yet of Torch-bearers.
And it shall please you to breake vp this, shall it seeme to signifie.
Loue newes in faith:
By your leaue sir.
Whither goest thou?
Marry sir to bid my old Master the Iew to sup to night with my new Master the Christian.
I marry, ile be gone about it strait.
And so will I.
'Tis good we do so.
Was not that Letter from faire Iessica?
Why Iessica.
Who bids thee call? I do not bid thee call.
Call you? what is your will?
So doe I his.
And they haue conspired together, I will not say you shall see a Maske, but if you doe, then it was not for nothing that my nose fell a bleeding on blacke monday [Page 170] last, at six a clocke ith morning, falling out that yeere on ashwensday was foure yeere in th' afternoone.
What saies that foole of Hagars off-spring? ha.
His words were farewell mistris, nothing else.
His houre is almost past.
Heere comes Lorenzo, more of this hereafter.
Lorenzo, and thy Loue.
Heauen and thy thoughts are witness that thou art.
Descend, for you must be my torch-bearer.
Now by my hood, a gentle, and no Iew.
Who's there?
Signior Anthonio?
Doe we so.
Too long a pause for that which you finde there.
What is here?
Come draw the curtaine Nerrissa.
Where is my Lady?
Here, what would my Lord?
Bassanio Lord, loue if thy will it be.
Actus Tertius.
Now, what newes on the Ryalto?
Why yet it liues there vncheckt, that Anthonio hath a ship of rich lading wrackt on the narrow Seas; the Goodwins I thinke they call the place, a very dangerous flat, and fatall, where the carcasses of many a tall ship, lye buried, as they say, if my gossips report be an honest woman of her word.
I would she were as lying a gossip in that, as euer knapt Ginger, or made her neighbours beleeue she wept for the death of a third husband: but it is true, without any slips of prolixity, or crossing the plaine high-way of talke, that the good Anthonio, the honest Anthonio; ô that I had a title good enough to keepe his name company!
Come, the full stop.
Ha, what sayest thou, why the end is, he hath lost a ship.
I would it might proue the end of his losses.
Let me say Amen betimes, least the diuell crosse my praier, for here he comes in the iikenes of a Iew. How now Shylocke, what newes among the Merchants?
You knew none so well, none so well as you, of my daughters flight.
That's certaine, I for my part knew the Tailor that made the wings she flew withall.
And Shylocke for his own part knew the bird was fledg'd, and then it is the complexion of them al to leaue the dam.
She is damn'd for it.
That's certaine, if the diuell may be her Iudge.
My owne flesh and blood to rebell.
Out vpon it old carrion, rebels it at these yeeres.
I say my daughter is my flesh and bloud.
There is more difference betweene thy flesh and hers, then betweene Iet and Iuorie, more betweene your bloods, then there is betweene red wine and rennish: but tell vs, doe you heare whether Anthonio haue had anie losse at sea or no?
There I haue another bad match, a bankrout, a prodigall, who dare scarce shew his head on the Ryalto, a begger that was vsd to come so smug vpon the Mart: let him look to his bond, he was wont to call me Vsurer, let him looke to his bond, he was wont to lend money for a Christian curtsie, let him looke to his bond.
Why I am sure if he forfaite, thou wilt not take his flesh, what's that good for?
To baite fish withall, if it will feede nothing else, it will feede my reuenge; he hath disgrac'd me, and hindred me halfe a million, laught at my losses, mockt at my gaines, scorned my Nation, thwarted my bargaines, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies, and what's the reason? I am a Iewe: Hath not a Iew eyes? hath not a Iew hands, organs, dementions, sences, affections, passions, fed with the same foode, hurt with the same weapons, subiect to the same diseases, healed by the same meanes, warmed and cooled by the same Winter and Sommmer as a Christian is: if you pricke vs doe we not bleede? if you tickle vs, doe we not laugh? if you poison vs doe we not die? and if you wrong vs shall we not reuenge? if we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Iew wrong a Christian, what is his humility, reuenge? If a Christian wrong a Iew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example, why reuenge? The villanie you teach me I will execute, and it shall goe hard but I will better the instruction.
Gentlemen, my maister Anthonio is at his house, and desires to speake with you both.
We haue beene vp and downe to seeke him.
Here comes another of the Tribe, a third cannot be matcht, vnlesse the diuell himselfe turne Iew.
How now Tuball, what newes from Genowa? hast thou found my daughter?
I often came where I did heare ofster, but cannot finde her.
Why there, there, there, there, a diamond gone cost me two thousand ducats in Franckford, the curse neuer fell vpon our Nation till now, I neuer felt it till now, two thousand ducats in that, and other precious, precious iewels: I would my daughter were dead at my foot, and the iewels in her care: would she were hearst at my foote, and the duckets in her coffin: no newes of them, why so? and I know not how much is spent in the search: why thou losse vpon losse, the theefe gone with so much, and so much to finde the theefe, and no satisfaction, no reuenge, nor no ill luck stirring but what lights a my shoulders, no sighes but a my breathing, no teares but a my shedding.
Yes, other men haue ill lucke too, Anthonio as I heard in Genowa?
What, what, what, ill lucke, ill lucke.
Hath an Argosie cast away comming from Tripolis.
I thanke God, I thanke God, is it true, is it true?
I spoke with some of the Saylers that escaped the wracke.
I thanke thee good Tuball, good newes, good newes: ha, ha, here in Genowa.
Your daughter spent in Genowa, as I heard, one night fourescore ducats.
Thou stick'st a dagger in me, I shall neuer see my gold againe, fourescore ducats at asitting, fourescore ducats.
There came diuers of Anthonios creditors in my company to Venice, that sweare hee cannot choose but breake.
I am very glad of it, ile plague him, ile torture him, I am glad of it,
One of them shewed me a ring that hee had of your daughter for a Monkie.
Out vpon her, thou torturest me Tuball, it was my Turkies, I had it of Leah when I was a Batcheler: I would not haue giuen it for a wildernesse of Monkies.
But Anthonio is certainely vndone.
Nay, that's true, that's very true, goe Tuball, fee me an Officer, bespeake him a fortnight before, I will haue the heart of him if he forfeit, for were he out of Venice, I can make what merchandize I will: goe Tuball, and meete me at our Sinagogue, goe good Tuball, at our Sinagogue Tuball.
Promise me life, and ile confesse the truth.
Well then, confesse and liue.
With all my heart, so thou canst get a wife.
Is this true Nerrissa?
Madam it is so, so you stand pleas'd withall.
And doe you Gratiano meane good faith?
Yes faith my Lord.
Our feast shall be much honored in your marriage.
Weele play with them the first boy for a thousand ducats.
What and stake downe?
So do I my Lord, they are intirely welcome.
I would you had vvon the fleece that hee hath lost.
Is it your deere friend that is thus in trouble?
What summe owes he the Iew?
For me three thousand ducats.
O loue! dispach all busines and be gone.
Heare me yet good Shylok.
I pray thee heare me speake.
I am sure the Duke will neuer grant this forfeiture to hold.
Faire thoughts & happy houres attend on you.
I wish your Ladiship all hearts content.
Madam, I goe with all conuenient speed.
Shall they see vs?
Why, shall wee turne to men?
Yes truly; for looke you, the sinnes of the Father are to be laid vpon the children, therefore I promise you, I feare you, I was alwaies plaine with you, and so now I speake my agitation of the matter: therfore be of good cheere, for truly I thinke you are damn'd, there is but one hope in it that can doe you anie good, and that is but a kinde of bastard hope neither.
And what hope is that I pray thee?
Marrie you may partlie hope that your father got you not, that you are not the Iewes daughter.
That were a kinde of bastard hope indeed, so the sins of my mother should be visited vpon me.
Truly then I feare you are damned both by father and mother: thus when I shun Scilla your father, I fall into Charibdis your mother; well, you are gone both waies.
I shall be sau'd by my husband, he hath made me a Christian.
Truly the more to blame he, we were Christians enow before, e [...]ne as many as could wel liue one by another: this making of Christians will raise the price of Hogs, if wee grow all to be porke-eaters, wee shall not shortlie haue a rasher on the coales for money.
Ile tell my husband Lancelet what you say, heere he comes.
I shall grow iealous of you shortly Lancelet, if you thus get my wife into corners?
Nay, you need not feare vs Lorenzo, Launcelet and I are out, he tells me flatly there is no mercy for mee in heauen, because I am a Iewes daughter: and hee saies you are no good member of the common wealth, for in conuerting Iewes to Christians, you raise the price of Porke.
I shall answere that better to the Commonwealth, than you can the getting vp of the Negroes bellie: the Moore is with childe by you Launcelet?
It is much that the Moore should be more then reason: but if she be lesse then an honest woman, shee is indeed more then I tooke her for.
How euerie foole can play vpon the word, I thinke the best grace of witte will shortly turne into silence, and discourse grow commendable in none onely but Parrats: goe in sirra, bid them prepare for dinner?
That is done sir, they haue all stomacks?
Goodly Lord, what a witte-snapper are you, then bid them prepare dinner.
That is done to sir, onely couer is the word.
Will you couer than sir?
Not so sir neither, I know my dutie.
Yet more quarrellng with occasion, wilt thou shew the whole wealth of thy wit in an instant; I pray thee vnderstand a plaine man in his plaine meaning: goe to thy fellowes, bid them couer the table, serue in the meat, and we will come in to dinner.
For the table sir, it shall be seru'd in, for the meat sir, it shall bee couered, for your comming in to dinner sir, why let it be as humors and conceits shall gouerne.
Nay, but aske my opinion to of that?
I will anone, first let vs goe to dinner?
Nay, let me praise you while I haue a stomacke?
Well, Ile set you forth.
Actus Quartus.
What, is Anthonio heere?
Ready, so please your grace?
Go one and cal the Iew into the Court.
He is ready at the doore, he comes my Lord.
I am not bound to please thee with my answer.
Do all men kil the things they do not loue?
Hates any man the thing he would not kill?
Euerie offence is not a hate at first.
What wouldst thou haue a Serpent sting thee twice?
For thy three thousand Ducates heereis six.
How shalt thou hope for mercie, rendring none?
Bring vs the Letters, Call the Messengers.
Came you from Padua from Bellario?
Why dost thou whet thy knife so earnestly?
To cut the forfeiture from that bankrout there.
No, none that thou hast wit enough to make.
I did my Lord.
Anthonio and old Shylocke, both stand forth.
Is your name Shylocke?
Shylocke is my name.
I, so he sayes.
Do you confesse the bond?
I do.
Then must the Iew be mercifull.
On what compulsion must I? Tell me that.
Is he not able to discharge the money?
I pray you let me looke vpon the bond.
Heere 'tis most reuerend Doctor, heere it is.
Shylocke, there's thrice thy monie offered thee.
Why then thus it is: you must prepare your bosome for his knife.
O noble Iudge, O excellent yong man.
Therefore lay bare your bosome.
It is so: Are there ballance heere to weigh the flesh?
I haue them ready.
It is not nominated in the bond?
I cannot finde it, 'tis not in the bond.
Come Merchant, haue you any thing to say?
Most rightfull Iudge.
Most learned Iudge, a sentence, come prepare.
Is that the law?
O learned Iudge, mark Iew, a learned Iudge.
Heere is the money.
O Iew, an vpright Iudge, a learned Iudge.
Why doth the Iew pause, take thy forfeiture.
Giue me my principall, and let me goe.
I haue it ready for thee, heere it is.
Shall I not haue barely my principall?
I for the state, not for Anthonio.
What mercy can you render him Anthonio?
A halter gratis, nothing else for Gods sake.
Art thou contented Iew? what dost thou say?
I am content.
Clarke, draw a deed of gift.
Get thee gone, but doe it.
Sir I intreat you with me home to dinner.
That will I doe.
Come good sir, will you shew me to this house.
Actus Quintus.
Who comes so fast in silence of the night?
A friend.
A friend, what friend? your name I pray you friend?
Who comes with her?
Sola, sola: wo ha ho, sola, sola.
Who calls?
Sola, did you see M. Lorenzo, & M. Lorenzo, sola, sola.
Leaue hollowing man, heere.
Sola, where, where?
Heere?
Tel him ther's a Post come from my Master, with his horne full of good newes, my Master will be here ere morning sweet soule.
I am neuer merry when I heare sweet musique.
When the moone shone we did not see the candle?
It is your musicke Madame of the house.
Silence bestowes that vertue on it Madam.
Deere Lady welcome home?
No more then I am wel acquitted of.
A quarrel hoe alreadie, what's the matter?
He wil, and if he liue to be a man.
I, if a Woman liue to be a man.
Nor I in yours, til I againe see mine.
I am th' vnhappy subject of these quarrels.
Heere Lord Bassanio, swear to keep this ring.
By heauen it is the same I gaue the Doctor.
I am dumbe.
Were you the Doctor, and I knew you not?
Were you the Clark that is to make me cuckold.
As you Like it.
Actus primus.
Scoena Prima.
AS I remember Adam, it was vpon this fashion bequeathed me by will, but poore a thousand Crownes, and as thou saift, charged my brother on his blessing to breed mee well: and there begins my sadnesse: My brother Iaques he keepes at schoole, and report speakes goldenly of his profit: for my part, he keepes me rustically at home, or (to speak more properly) staies me heere at home vnkept: for call you that keeping for a gentleman of my birth, that differs not from the stalling of an Oxe? his horses are bred better, for besides that they are faire with their feeding, they are taught their mannage, and to that end Riders deerely hir'd: but I (his brother) gaine nothing vnder him but growth, for the which his Animals on his dunghils are as much bound to him as I: besides this nothing that he so plentifully giues me, the something that nature gaue mee, his countenance seemes to take from me: hee lets mee feede with his Hindes, barres mee the place of a brother, and as much as in him lies, mines my gentility with my education. This is it Adam that grieues me, and the spirit of my Father, which I thinke is within mee, begins to mutinie against this seruitude. I will no longer endure it, though yet I know no wise remedy how to auoid it.
Yonder comes my Master, your brother.
Goe a-part Adam, and thou shalt heare how he will shake me vp.
Now Sir, what make you heere?
Nothing: I am not taught to make any thing.
What mar you then sir?
Marry sir, I am helping you to mar that which God made, a poore vnworthy brother of yours with idlenesse.
Marry sir be better employed, and be naught a while.
Shall I keepe your hogs, and eat huskes with them? what prodigall portion haue I spent, that I should come to such penury?
Know you where you are sir?
O sir, very well: heere in your Orchard.
Know you before whom sir?
I, better then him I am before knowes mee: I know you are my eldest brother, and in the gentle condition of bloud you should so know me: the courtesie of nations allowes you my better, in that you are the first borne, but the same tradition takes not away my bloud, were there twenty brothers betwixt vs: I haue as much of my father in mee, as you, albeit I confesse your comming before me is neerer to his reuerence.
What Boy.
Come, come elder brother, you are too yong in this.
Wilt thou lay hands on me villaine?
I am no villaine: I am the yongest sonne of Sir Rowland de Boys, he was my father, and he is thrice a villaine that saies such a father begot villaines: wert thou not my brother, I would not take this hand from thy throat, till this other had puld out thy tongue for saying so, thou hast raild on thy selfe.
Sweet Masters bee patient, for your Fathers remembrance, be at accord.
Let me goe I say.
I will not till I please: you shall heare mee: my father charg'd you in his will to giue me good education: you haue train'd me like a pezant, obscuring and hiding from me all gentleman-like qualities: the spirit of my father growes strong in mee, and I will no longer endure it: therefore allow me such exercises as may become a gentleman, or giue mee the poore allottery my father left me by testament, with that I will goe buy my fortunes.
And what wilt thou do? beg when that is spent? Well sir, get you in. I will not long be troubled with you: you shall haue some part of your will, I pray you leaue me.
I will no further offend you, then becomes mee for my good.
Get you with him, you olde dogge.
Is old dogge my reward: most true, I haue lost my teeth in your seruice: God be with my olde master, he would not haue spoke such a word. Ex. Orl. Ad.
Is it euen so, begin you to grow vpon me? I will physicke your ranckenesse, and yet giue no thousand crownes neyther: holla Dennis.
Calls your worship?
Was not Charles the Dukes Wrastler heere to speake with me?
So please you, he is heere at the doore, and importunes accesse to you.
Call him in: 'twill be a good way: and to morrow the wrastling is.
Good morrow to your worship.
Good Mounsier Charles: what's the new newes at the new Court?
There's no newes at the Court Sir, but the olde newes: that is, the old Duke is banished by his yonger brother the new Duke, and three or foure louing [Page 186] Lords haue put themselues into voluntary exile with him, whose lands and reuenues enrich the new Duke, therefore he giues them good leaue to wander.
Can you tell if Rosalind the Dukes daughter bee banished with her Father?
O no; for the Dukes daughter her Cosen so loues her, being euer from their Cradles bred together, that hee would haue followed her exile, or haue died to stay behind her; she is at the Court, and no lesse beloued of her Vncle, then his owne daughter, and neuer two Ladies loued as they doe.
Where will the old Duke liue?
They say hee is already in the Forrest of Arden, and a many merry men with him; and there they liue like the old Robin Hood of England: they say many yong Gentlemen flocke to him euery day, and fleet the time carelesly as they did in the golden world.
What, you wrastle to morrow before the new Duke.
Marry doe I sir: and I came to acquaint you with a matter: I am giuen sir secretly to vnderstand, that your yonger brother Orlando hath a disposition to come in disguis'd against mee to try a fall: to morrow sir I wrastle for my credit, and hee that escapes me without some broken limbe, shall acquit him well: your brother is but young and tender, and for your loue I would bee loth to foyle him, as I must for my owne honour if hee come in: therefore out of my loue to you, I came hither to acquaint you withall, that either you might stay him from his intendment, or brooke such disgrace well as he shall runne into, in that it is a thing of his owne search, and altogether against my will.
Charles, I thanke thee for thy loue to me, which thou shalt finde I will most kindly require: I had my selfe notice of my Brothers purpose heerein, and haue by vnder-hand meanes laboured to disswade him from it; but he is resolute. Ile tell thee Charles, it is the stubbornest yong fellow of France, full of ambition, an enuious emulator of euery mans good parts, a secret & villanous contriuer against mee his naturall brother: therefore vse thy discretion, I had as liese thou didst breake his necke as his finger. And thou wert best looke to't; for if thou dost him any slight disgrace, or if hee doe not mightilie grace himselfe on thee, hee will practise against thee by poyson, entrap thee by some treacherous deuise, and neuer leaue thee till he hath tane thy life by some indirect meanes or other: for I assure thee, (and almost with teares I speake it) there is not one so young, and so villanous this day liuing. I speake but brotherly of him, but should I anathomize him to thee, as hee is, I must blush, and weepe, and thou must looke pale and wonder.
I am heartily glad I came hither to you: if hee come to morrow, Ile giue him his payment: if euer hee goe alone againe, Ile neuer wrastle for prize more: and so God keepe your worship.
Farewell good Charles. Now will I stirre this Gamester: I hope I shall see an end of him; for my soule (yet I know not why) hates nothing more then he: yet hee's gentle, neuer school'd, and yet learned, full of noble deuise, of all sorts enchantingly beloued, and indeed so much in the heart of the world, and especially of my owne people, who best know him, that I am altogether misprised: but it shall not be so long, this wrastler shall cleare all: nothing remaines, but that I kindle the boy thither, which now Ile goe about.
Scoena Secunda.
I pray thee Rosalind, sweet my Coz, be merry.
Deere Cellia; I show more mirth then I am mistresse of, and would you yet were merrier: vnlesse you could teach me to forget a banished father, you must not learne mee how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.
Heerein I see thou lou'st mee not with the full waight that I loue thee; if my Vncle thy banished father had banished thy Vncle the Duke my Father, so thou hadst beene still with mee, I could haue taught my loue to take thy father for mine; so wouldst thou, if the truth of thy loue to me were so righteously temper'd, as mine is to thee.
Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to reioyce in yours.
You know my Father hath no childe, but I, nor none is like to haue; and truely when he dies, thou shalt be his heire; for what hee hath taken away from thy father perforce, I will render thee againe in affection: by mine honor I will, and when I breake that oath, let mee turne monster: therefore my sweet Rose, my deare Rose, be merry.
From henceforth I will Coz, and deuise sports: let me see, what thinke you of falling in Loue?
Marry I prethee doe, to make sport withall: but loue no man in good earnest, nor no further in sport neyther; then with safety of a pure blush, thou maist in honor come off againe.
What shall be our sport then?
Let vs sit and mocke the good houswife Fortune from her wheele, that her gifts may henceforth bee bestowed equally.
I would wee could doe so: for her benefits are mightily misplaced, and the bountifull blinde woman doth most mistake in her gifts to women.
'Tis true, for those that she makes faire, she scarce makes honest, & those that she makes honest, she makes very ill fauouredly.
Nay now thou goest from Fortunes office to Natures: Fortune reignes in gifts of the world, not in the lineaments of Nature.
No; when Nature hath made a faire creature, may she not by Fortune fall into the fire? though nature hath giuen vs wit to flout at Fortune, hath not Fortune sent in this foole to cut off the argument?
Indeed there is fortune too hard for nature, when fortune makes natures naturall, the cutter off of natures witte.
Peraduenture this is not Fortunes work neither, but Natures, who perceiueth our naturall wits too dull to reason of such goddesses, hath sent this Naturall for our whetstone▪ for alwaies the dulnesse of the foole, is the whetstone of the wits. How now Witte, whether wander you?
Mistresse, you must come away to your father.
Were you made the messenger?
No by mine honor, but I was bid to come for you
Where learned you that oath foole?
Of a certaine Knight, that swore by his Honour they were good Pan-cakes, and swore by his Honor the Mustard was naught: Now Ile stand to it, the Pancakes were naught, and the Mustard was good, and yet was not the Knight forsworne.
How proue you that in the great heape of your knowledge?
I marry, now vnmuzzle your wisedome.
Stand you both forth now: stroke your chinnes, and sweare by your beards that I am a knaue.
By our beards (if we had them) thou art.
By my knauerie (if I had it) then I were: but if you sweare by that that is not, you are not forsworn: no more was this knight swearing by his Honor, for he neuer had anie; or if he had, he had sworne it away, before euer he saw those Pancakes, or that Mustard.
Prethee, who is't that thou means't?
One that old Fredericke your Father loues.
My Fathers loue is enough to honor him enough; speake no more of him, you'l be whipt for taxation one of these daies.
The more pittie that fooles may not speak wisely, what Wisemen do foolishly.
By my troth thou saiest true: For, since the little wit that fooles haue was silenced, the little foolerie that wise men haue makes a great shew; Heere comes Monsieur the Beu.
With his mouth full of newes.
Which he vvill put on vs, as Pigeons feed their young.
Then shal we be newes-cram'd.
All the better: we shalbe the more Marketable. Boon-iour Monsieur le Beu, what's the newes?
Faire Princesse, you haue lost much good sport.
Sport: of what colour?
What colour Madame? How shall I aunswer you?
As wit and fortune will.
Or as the destinies decrees.
Well said, that was laid on with a trowell.
Nay, if I keepe not my ranke.
Thou loosest thy old smell.
You amaze me Ladies: I would haue told you of good wrastling, which you haue lost the sight of.
Yet tell vs the manner of the Wrastling.
I wil tell you the beginning: and if it please your Ladiships, you may see the end, for the best is yet to doe, and heere where you are, they are comming to performe it.
Well, the beginning that is dead and buried.
There comes an old man, and his three sons.
I could match this beginning with an old tale.
Three proper yong men, of excellent growth and presence.
With bils on their neckes: Be it knowne vnto all men by these presents.
The eldest of the three, wrastled with Charles the Dukes Wrastler, which Charles in a moment threw him, and broke three of his ribbes, that there is little hope of life in him: So he seru'd the second, and so the third: yonder they lie, the poore old man their Father, making such pittiful dole ouer them, that all the beholders take his part with weeping.
Alas.
But what is the sport Monsieur, that the Ladies haue lost?
Why this that I speake of.
Thus men may grow wiser euery day. It is the first time that euer I heard breaking of ribbes was sport for Ladies.
Or I, I promise thee.
But is there any else longs to see this broken Musicke in his sides? Is there yet another doates vpon rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrastling Cosin?
You must if you stay heere, for heere is the place appointed for the wrastling, and they are ready to performe it.
Yonder sure they are comming. Let vs now stay and see it.
Is yonder the man?
Euen he, Madam.
Alas, he is too yong: yet he looks successefully
I my Liege, so please you giue vs leaue.
You wil take little delight in it, I can tell you there is such oddes in the man: In pitie of the challengers youth, I would faine disswade him, but he will not bee entreated. Speake to him Ladies, see if you can mooue him.
Call him hether good Monsieuer Le Beu.
Do so: Ile not be by.
Monsieur the Challenger, the Princesse cals for you.
I attend them with all respect and dutie.
Young man, haue you challeng'd Charles the Wrastler?
No faire Princesse: he is the generall challenger, I come but in as others do, to try with him the strength of my youth.
Yong Gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your yeares: you haue seene cruell proofe of this mans strength, if you saw your selfe with your eies, or knew your selfe with your iudgment, the feare of your aduenture would counsel you to a more equall enterprise. We pray you for your owne sake to embrace your own safetie, and giue ouer this attempt.
Do yong Sir, your reputation shall not therefore be misprised: we wil make it our suite to the Duke, that the wrastling might not go forward.
I beseech you, punish mee not with your harde thoughts, wherein I confesse me much guiltie to denie so faire and excellent Ladies anie thing. But let your faire eies, and gentle wishes go with mee to my triall; wherein if I bee foil'd, there is but one sham'd that vvas neuer gracious: if kil'd, but one dead that is willing to be so: I shall do my friends no wrong, for I haue none to lament me: the world no iniurie, for in it I haue nothing: onely in the world I fil vp a place, which may bee better supplied, when I haue made it emptie.
The little strength that I haue, I would it vvere with you.
And mine to eeke out hers.
Fare you well: praie heauen I be deceiu'd in you.
Your hearts desires be with you.
Come, where is this yong gallant, that is so desirous to lie with his mother earth?
Readie Sir, but his will hath in it a more modest working.
You shall trie but one fall.
No, I warrant your Grace you shall not entreat him to a second, that haue so mightilie perswaded him from a first.
You meane to mocke me after: you should not haue mockt me before: but come your waies.
Now Hercules, be thy speede yong man.
I would I were inuisible, to catch the strong fellow by the legge.
Oh excellent yong man.
If I had a thunderbolt in mine eie, I can tell who should downe.
No more, no more.
Yes I beseech your Grace, I am not yet well breath'd.
How do'st thou Charles?
He cannot speake my Lord.
Orlando my Liege, the yongest sonne of Sir Roland de Boys.
Were I my Father (Coze) would I do this?
I: fare you well faire Gentleman.
Will you goe Coze?
Haue with you: fare you well.
Scena Tertius.
Not one to throw at a dog.
No, thy words are too precious to be cast away vpon curs, throw some of them at me; come lame mee with reasons.
Then there were two Cosens laid vp, when the one should be lam'd with reasons, and the other mad without any.
But is all this for your Father?
No, some of it is for my childes Father: Oh how full of briers is this working day world.
They are but burs, Cosen, throwne vpon thee in holiday foolerie, if we walke not in the trodden paths our very petty-coates will catch them.
I could shake them off my coate, these burs are in my heart.
Hem them away.
I would try if I could cry hem, and haue him.
Come, come, wrastle with thy affections.
O they take the part of a better wrastler then my selfe.
O, a good wish vpon you: you will trie in time [Page 187] in dispight of a fall: but turning these iests out of seruice, let vs talke in good earnest: Is it possible on such a sodaine, you should fall into so strong a liking with old Sir Roulands yongest sonne?
The Duke my Father lou'd his Father deerelie.
Doth it therefore ensue that you should loue his Sonne deerelie? By this kinde of chase, I should hate him, for my father hated his father deerely; yet I hate not Orlando.
No faith, hate him not for my sake.
Why should I not? doth he not deserue well?
With his eies full of anger.
Me Vncle.
Thou art thy Fathers daughter, there's enough.
Deere Soueraigne heare me speake.
I haue more cause.
That he hath not.
Why, whether shall we goe?
To seeke my Vncle in the Forrest of Arden.
What shall I call thee when thou art a man?
Actus Secundus.
Scoena Prima.
And did you leaue him in this contemplation?
Ile bring you to him strait.
Scena Secunda.
Scena Tertia.
Who's there?
Why whether Adam would'st thou haue me go?
No matter whether, so you come not here.
Scena Quarta.
O Iupiter, how merry are my spirits?
I care not for my spirits, if my legges were not wearie.
I could finde in my heart to disgrace my mans apparell, and to cry like a woman: but I must comfort the weaker vessell, as doublet and hose ought to show it selfe coragious to petty-coate; therefore courage, good Aliena.
I pray you beare with me, I cannot goe no further.
For my part, I had rather beare with you, then beare you: yet I should beare no crosse if I did beare you, for I thinke you haue no money in your purse.
Well, this is the Forrest of Arden.
I, now am I in Arden, the more foole I, when I was at home I was in a better place, but Trauellers must be content.
I, be so good Touchstone: Look you, who comes here, a yong man and an old in solemne talke.
That is the way to make her scorne you still.
Oh Corin, that thou knew'st how I do loue her.
I partly guesse: for I haue lou'd ere now.
Into a thousand that I haue forgotten.
And I mine: I remember when I was in loue, I broke my sword vpon a stone, and bid him take that for comming a night to Iane Smile, and I remember the kissing of her batler, and the Cowes dugs that her prettie chopt hands had milk'd; and I remember the wooing of a peascod instead of her, from whom I tooke two cods, and giuing her them againe, said with weeping teares, weare these for my sake: wee that are true Louers, runne into strange capers; but as all is mortall in nature, so is all nature in loue, mortall in folly.
Thou speak'st wiser then thou art ware of.
And mine, but it growes something stale with mee.
Holla; you Clowne.
Peace foole, he's not thy kinsman.
Who cals?
Your betters Sir.
Else are they very wretched.
Peace I say; good euen to your friend.
And to you gentle Sir, and to you all.
What is he that shall buy his flocke and pasture?
Scena Quinta.
More, more, I pre'thee more.
It will make you melancholly Monsieur Iaques
My voice is ragged, I know I cannot please you.
What you wil Monsieur Iaques.
Nay, I care not for their names, they owe mee nothing. Wil you sing?
More at your request, then to please my selfe.
Well then, if euer I thanke any man, Ile thanke you: but that they cal complement is like th' encounter of two dog-Apes. And when a man thankes me hartily, me thinkes I haue giuen him a penie, and he renders me the beggerly thankes. Come sing; and you that wil not hold your tongues.
Wel, Ile end the song. Sirs, couer the while, the Duke wil drinke vnder this tree; he hath bin all this day to looke you.
And Ile sing it.
What's that Ducdame?
'Tis a Greeke inuocation, to call fools into a circle. Ile go sleepe if I can: if I cannot, Ile raile against all the first borne of Egypt.
Scena Sexta.
Scena Septima.
He saues my labor by his owne approach.
What foole is this?
Thou shalt haue one.
Fie on thee. I can tell what thou wouldst do.
What, for a Counter, would I do, but good?
Forbeare, and eate no more.
Why I haue eate none yet.
Nor shalt not, till necessity be seru'd.
Of what kinde should this Cocke come of?
I almost die for food, and let me haue it.
Sit downe and feed, & welcom to our table
I thanke ye, and be blest for your good comfort.
Welcome: set downe your venerable burthen, and let him feede.
I thanke you most for him.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Scena Secunda.
And how like you this shepherds life M r Touchstone?
Truely Shepheard, in respect of it selfe, it is a good life; but in respect that it is a shepheards life, it is naught. In respect that it is solitary, I like it verie well: but in respect that it is priuate, it is a very vild life. Now in respect it is in the fields, it pleaseth mee well: but in respect it is not in the Court, it is tedious. As it is a spare life (looke you) it fits my humor well: but as there is no more plentie in it, it goes much against my stomacke. Has't any Philosophie in thee shepheard?
No more, but that I know the more one sickens, the worse at ease he is: and that hee that wants money, meanes, and content, is without three good frends. That the propertie of raine is to wet, and fire to burne: That pood pasture makes fat sheepe: and that a great cause of the night, is lacke of the Sunne: That hee that hath learned no wit by Nature, nor Art, may complaine of good breeding, or comes of a very dull kindred.
No truly.
Then thou art damn'd.
Nay, I hope.
Truly thou art damn'd, like an ill roasted Egge, all on one side.
For not being at Court? your reason.
Why, if thou neuer was't at Court, thou neuer saw'st good manners: if thou neuer saw'st good maners, then thy manners must be wicked, and wickednes is sin, and sinne is damnation: Thou art in a parlous state shepheard.
Not a whit Touchstone, those that are good maners at the Court, are as ridiculous in the Countrey, as the behauiour of the Countrie is most mockeable at the Court. You told me, you salute not at the Court, but you kisse your hands; that courtesie would be vncleanlie if Courtiers were shepheards.
Instance, briefly: come, instance.
Why do not your Courtiers hands sweate? and is not the grease of a Mutton, as wholesome as the sweat of a man? Shallow, shallow: A better instance I say: Come.
Besides, our hands are hard.
Your lips wil feele them the sooner. Shallow agen: a more sounder instance, come.
And they are often tarr'd ouer, with the surgery of our sheepe: and would you haue vs kisse Tarre? The Courtiers hands are perfum'd with Ciuet.
Most shallow man: Thou wormes meate in respect of a good peece of flesh indeed: learne of the wise and perpend: Ciuet is of a baser birth then Tarre, the verie vncleanly fluxe of a Cat. Mend the instance Shepheard.
You haue too Courtly a wit for me, Ile rest.
Wilt thou rest damn'd? God helpe thee shallow man: God make incision in thee, thou art raw.
Sir, I am a true Labourer, I earne that I eate: get that I weare; owe no man hate, enuie no mans happinesse: glad of other mens good content with my harme: and the greatest of my pride, is to see my Ewes graze, & my Lambes sucke.
That is another simple sinne in you, to bring the Ewes and the Rammes together, and to offer to get your liuing, by the copulation of Cattle, to be baw'd to a Belweather, and to betray a shee-Lambe of a tweluemonth to a crooked-pated olde Cuckoldly Ramme, out of all reasonable match. If thou bee'st not damn'd for this, the diuell himselfe will haue no shepherds, I cannot see else how thou shouldst scape.
Heere comes yong M r Ganimed, my new Mistrisses Brother.
Ile rime you so, eight yeares together; dinners, and suppers, and sleeping hours excepted: it is the right Butter-womens ranke to Market.
Out Foole.
For a taste.
This is the verie false gallop of Verses, why doe you infect your selfe with them?
Peace you dull folle, I found them on a tree.
Truely the tree yeelds bad fruite.
Ile graffe it with you, and then I shall graffe it with a Medler: then it will be the earliest fruit i' th country: for you'l be rotten ere you bee halfe ripe, and that's the right vertue of the Medler.
You haue said: but whether wisely or no, let the Forrest iudge.
Peace, here comes my sister reading, stand a side.
O most gentle Iupiter, what tedious homilie of Loue haue you wearied your parishioners withall, and neuer cri'de, haue patience good people.
How now backe friends: Shepheard, go off a little: go with him sirrah.
Come Shepheard, let vs make an honorable retreit, though not with bagge and baggage, yet with scrip and scrippage.
Didst thou heare these verses?
O yes, I heard them all, and more too, for some of them had in them more feete then the Verses would beare.
That's no matter: the feet might beare y e verses.
I, but the feet were lame, and could not beare themselues without the verse, and therefore stood lamely in the verse.
But didst thou heare without wondering, how thy name should be hang'd and carued vpon these trees?
I was seuen of the nine daies out of the wonder, before you came: for looke heere what I found on a Palme tree; I was neuer so berim d since Pythagoras time that I was an Irish Rat, which I can hardly remember.
Tro you, who hath done this?
Is it a man?
And a chaine that you once wore about his neck: change you colour?
I, pre'thee who?
O Lord, Lord, it is a hard matter for friends to meete; but Mountaines may bee remoou'd with Earthquakes, and so encounter.
Nay, but who is it?
Is it possible?
Nay, I pre'thee now, with most petitionary vehemence, tell me who it is.
O wonderfull, wonderfull, and most wonderfull wonderfull, and yet againe wonderful, and after that out of all hooping.
Good my complection, dost thou think though I am caparison'd like a man, I haue a doublet and hose in my disposition? One inch of delay more, is a South-sea of discouerie. I pre'thee tell me, who is it quickely, and speake apace: I would thou couldst stammer, that thou might'st powre this conceal'd man out of thy mouth, as Wine comes out of a narrow-mouth'd bottle: either too much at once, or none at all. I pre'thee take the Corke out of thy mouth, that I may drinke thy tydings.
So you may put a man in your belly.
Nay, he hath but a little beard.
Why God will send more, if the man will bee thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.
It is yong Orlando, that tript vp the Wrastlers heeles, and your heart, both in an instant.
Nay, but the diuell take mocking: speake sadde brow, and true maid.
I' faith (Coz) tis he.
Orlando?
Orlando.
Alas the day, what shall I do with my doublet & hose? What did he when thou saw'st him? What sayde he? How look'd he? Wherein went he? What makes hee heere? Did he aske for me? Where remaines he? How parted he with thee? And when shalt thou see him againe? Answer me in one vvord.
You must borrow me Gargantuas mouth first: 'tis a Word too great for any mouth of this Ages size, to say I and no, to these particulars, is more then to answer in a Catechisme.
But doth he know that I am in this Forrest, and in mans apparrell? Looks he as freshly, as he did the day he Wrastled?
It is as easie to count Atomies as to resolue the propositions of a Louer: but take a taste of my finding him, and rellish it with good obseruance. I found him vnder a tree like a drop'd Acorne.
It may vvel be cal'd Ioues tree, when it droppes forth fruite.
Giue me audience, good Madam.
Proceed.
There lay hee stretch'd along like a Wounded knight.
Though it be pittie to see such a sight, it vvell becomes the ground.
Cry holla, to the tongue, I prethee: it curuettes vnseasonably. He was furnish'd like a Hunter.
O ominous, he comes to kill my Hart.
I would sing my song without a burthen, thou bring'st me out of tune.
You bring me out. Soft, comes he not heere?
'Tis he, slinke by, and note him.
God buy you, let's meet as little as we can.
I do desire we may be better strangers.
I pray you marre no more trees vvith Writing Loue-songs in their barkes.
I pray you marre no moe of my verses with reading them ill-fauouredly.
Rosalinde is your loues name?
Yes, Iust.
I do not like her name.
There was no thought of pleasing you when she was christen'd.
What stature is she of?
Iust as high as my heart.
You are ful of prety answers: haue you not bin acquainted with goldsmiths wiues, & cond thē out of rings
Not so: but I answer you right painted cloath, from whence you haue studied your questions.
You haue a nimble wit; I thinke 'twas made of Attalanta's heeles. Will you sitte downe with me, and wee two, will raile against our Mistris the world, and all our miserie.
I wil chide no breather in the world but my selfe [Page 197] against whom I know most faults.
The worst fault you haue, is to be in loue.
'Tis a fault I will not change, for your best vertue: I am wearie of you.
By my troth, I was seeking for a Foole, when I found you.
He is drown'd in the brooke, looke but in, and you shall see him.
There I shal see mine owne figure.
Which I take to be either a foole, or a Cipher.
Ile tarrie no longer with you, farewell good signior Loue.
I am glad of your departure: Adieu good Monsieur Melancholly.
I wil speake to him like a sawcie Lacky▪ and vnder that habit play the knaue with him, do you hear Forrester.
Verie wel, what would you?
I pray you, what i'st a clocke?
You should aske me what time o' day: there's no clocke in the Forrest.
Then there is no true Louer in the Forrest, else sighing euerie minute and groaning euerie houre wold detect the lazie foot of time, as wel as a clocke.
And why not the swift foote of time? Had not that bin as proper?
By no meanes sir; Time trauels in diuers paces, with diuers persons: Ile tel you who Time ambles withall, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops withal, and who he stands stil withall.
I prethee, who doth he trot withal?
Marry he trots hard with a yong maid, between the contract of her marriage, and the day it is solemnizd: if the interim be but a sennight, Times pace is so hard, that it seemes the length of seuen yeare.
Who ambles Time withal?
With a Priest that lacks Latine, and a rich man that hath not the Gowt: for the one sleepes easily because he cannot study, and the other liues merrily, because he feeles no paine: the one lacking the burthen of leane and wasteful Learning; the other knowing no burthen of heauie tedious penurie. These Time ambles withal.
Who doth he gallop withal?
With a theefe to the gallowes: for though hee go as softly as foot can fall, he thinkes himselfe too soon there.
Who staies it stil withal?
With Lawiers in the vacation: for they sleepe betweene Terme and Terme, and then they perceiue not how time moues.
Where dwel you prettie youth?
With this Shepheardesse my sister: heere in the skirts of the Forrest, like fringe vpon a petticoat.
Are you natiue of this place?
As the Conie that you see dwell where shee is kindled.
Your accent is something finer, then you could purchase in so remoued a dwelling.
I haue bin told so of many: but indeed, an olde religious Vnckle of mine taught me to speake, who was in his youth an inland man, one that knew Courtship too well: for there he fel in loue. I haue heard him read many Lectors against it, and I thanke God, I am not a Woman to be touch'd with so many giddie offences as hee hath generally tax'd their whole sex withal.
Can you remember any of the principall euils, that he laid to the charge of women?
There were none principal, they were all like one another, as halfe pence are, euerie one fault seeming monstrous, til his fellow-fault came to match it.
I prethee recount some of them.
No: I wil not cast away my physick, but on those that are sicke. There is a man haunts the Forrest, that abuses our yong plants with caruing Rosalinde on their barkes; hangs Oades vpon Hauthornes, and Elegies on brambles; all (forsooth) defying the name of Rosalinde. If I could meet that Fancie-monger, I would giue him some good counsel, for he seemes to haue the Quotidian of Loue vpon him.
I am he that is so Loue-shak'd, I pray you tel me your remedie.
There is none of my Vnckles markes vpon you: he taught me how to know a man in loue: in which cage of rushes, I am sure you act not prisoner.
What were his markes?
A leane cheeke, which you haue not: a blew eie and sunken, which you haue not: an vnquestionable spirit, which you haue not: a beard neglected, which you haue not: (but I pardon you for that, for simply your hauing in beard, is a yonger brothers reuennew) then your hose should be vngarter'd, your bonnet vnbanded, your sleeue vnbutton'd, your shoo vnti'de, and euerie thing about you, demonstrating a carelesse desolation: but you are no such man; you are rather point deuice in your accoustrements, as louing your selfe, then seeming the Louer of any other.
Faire youth, I would I could make thee beleeue I Loue.
Me beleeue it? You may assoone make her that you Loue beleeue it, which I warrant she is apter to do, then to confesse she do' [...]: that is one of the points, in the which women stil giue the lie to their consciences. But in good sooth, are you he that hangs the verses on the Trees, wherein Rosalind is so admired?
I sweare to thee youth, by the white hand of Rosalind, I am that he, that vnfortunate he.
But are you so much in loue, as your rimes speak?
Neither rime nor reason can expresse how much.
Loue is meerely a madnesse, and I tel you, deserues as wel a darke house, and a whip, as madmen do: and the reason why they are not so punish'd and cured, is that the Lunacie is so ordinarie, that the whippers are in loue too: yet I professe curing it by counsel.
Did you euer cure any so?
Yes one, and in this manner. Hee was to imagine me his Loue, his Mistris: and I set him euerie day to woe me. At which time would I, being but a moonish youth, greeue, be effeminate, changeable, longing, and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow, inconstant, ful of teares, full of smiles; for euerie passion something, and for no passion truly any thing, as boyes and women are for the most part, cattle of this colour: would now like him, now loath him: then entertaine him, then forswear him: now weepe for him, then spit at him; that I draue my Sutor from his mad humor of loue, to a liuing humor of madnes, w c was to forsweare the ful stream of y e world, and to liue in a nooke meerly Monastick: and thus I cur'd him, and this way wil I take vpon mee to wash your Liuer as cleane as a sound sheepes heart, that there shal not be one spot of Loue in't.
I would not be cured, youth.
I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind, and come euerie day to my Coat, and woe me.
Now by the faith of my loue, I will; Tel me where it is.
Go with me to it, and Ile shew it you: and by the way, you shal tell me, where in the Forrest you liue: Wil you go?
With all my heart, good youth.
Nay, you must call mee Rosalind: Come sister, will you go?
Scoena Tertia.
Your features, Lord warrant vs: what features?
I am heere with thee, and thy Goats, as the most capricious Poet honest Ouid was among the Gothes.
O knowledge ill inhabited, worse then loue in a thatch'd house.
When a mans verses cannot be vnderstood, nor a mans good wit seconded with the forward childe, vnderstanding: it strikes a man more dead then a great reckoning in a little roome: truly, I would the Gods hadde made thee poeticall.
I do not know what Poetical is: is it honest in deed and word: is it a true thing?
No trulie: for the truest poetrie is the most faining, and Louers are giuen to Poetrie: and what they sweare in Poetrie, may be said as Louers, they do feigne.
Do you wish then that the Gods had made me Poeticall?
I do truly: for thou swear'st to me thou art honest: Now if thou wert a Poet, I might haue some hope thou didst feigne.
Would you not haue me honest?
No truly, vnlesse thou wert hard fauour'd: for honestie coupled to beautie, is to haue Honie a sawce to Sugar.
A materiall foole.
Well, I am not faire, and therefore I pray the Gods make me honest.
Truly, and to cast away honestie vppon a foule slut, were to put good meate into an vncleane dish.
I am not a slut, though I thanke the Goddes I am foule.
Well, praised be the Gods, for thy foulnesse; sluttishnesse may come heereafter. But be it, as it may bee, I wil marrie thee: and to that end, I haue bin with Sir Oliuer Mar-text, the Vicar of the next village, who hath promis'd to meete me in this place of the Forrest, and to couple vs.
I would faine see this meeting.
Wel, the Gods giue vs ioy.
Amen. A man may if he were of a fearful heart, stagger in this attempt: for heere wee haue no Temple but the wood, no assembly but horne-beasts. But what though? Courage. As hornes are odious, they are necessarie. It is said, many a man knowes no end of his goods; right: Many a man has good Hornes, and knows no end of them. Well▪ that is the dowrie of his wife, 'tis none of his owne getting; hornes, euen so poore men alone: No, no, the noblest Deere hath them as huge as the Rascall: Is the single man therefore blessed? No, as a wall'd Towne is more worthier then a village, so is the forehead of a married man, more honourable then the bare brow of a Batcheller: and by how much defence is better then no skill, by so much is a horne more precious then to want.
Heere comes Sir Oliuer: Sir Oliuer Mar-text you are wel met. Will you dispatch vs heere vnder this tree, or shal we go with you to your Chappell?
Is there none heere to giue the woman?
I wil not take her on guift of any man.
Truly she must be giuen, or the marriage is not lawfull.
Proceed, proceede: Ile giue her.
Good euen good M r what ye cal't: how do you Sir, you are verie well met: goddild you for your last companie, I am verie glad to see you, euen a toy in hand heere Sir: Nay, pray be couer'd.
Wil you be married, Motley?
As the Oxe hath his bow sir, the horse his curb, and the Falcon her bels, so man hath his desires, and as Pigeons bill, so wedlocke would be nibling.
And wil you (being a man of your breeding) be married vnder a bush like a begger? Get you to church, and haue a good Priest that can tel you what marriage is, this fellow wil but ioyne you together, as they ioyne Wainscot, then one of you wil proue a shrunke pannell, and like greene timber, warpe, warpe.
I am not in the minde, but I were better to bee married of him then of another, for he is not like to marrie me wel: and not being wel married, it wil be a good excuse for me heereafter, to leaue my wife.
Farewel good M r Oliuer: Not O sweet Oliuer, O braue Oliuer leaue me not behind thee: But winde away, bee gone I say, I wil not to wedding with thee.
'Tis no matter; Ne're a fantastical knaue of them all shal slout me out of my calling.
Scoena Quarta.
Neuer talke to me, I wil weepe.
Do I prethee, but yet haue the grace to consider, that teares do not become a man.
But haue I not cause to weepe?
I' faith his haire is of a good colour.
Hee hath bought a paire of cast lips of Diana: a Nun of winters sisterhood kisses not more religiouslie, the very yee of chastity is in them.
But why did hee sweare hee would come this morning, and comes not?
Nay certainly there is no truth in him.
Doe you thinke so?
Yes, I thinke he is not a picke purse, nor a horse-stealer, but for his verity in loue, I doe thinke him as concaue as a couered goblet, or a Worme-eaten nut.
Not true in loue?
Yes, when he is in, but I thinke he is not in.
You haue heard him sweare downright he was.
Was, is not is: besides, the oath of Louer is no stronger then the word of a Tapster, they are both the confirmer of false reckonings, he attends here in the forrest on the Duke your father.
I met the Duke yesterday, and had much question with him: he askt me of what parentage I was; I told him of as good as he, so he laugh'd and let mee goe. But what talke wee of Fathers, when there is such a man as Orlando?
O that's a braue man, hee writes braue verses, speakes braue words, sweares braue oathes, and breakes them brauely, quite trauers athwart the heart of his louer, as a puisny Tilter, y t spurs his horse but on one side, breakes his staffe like a noble goose; but all's braue that youth mounts, and folly guides: who comes heere?
Well: and what of him?
Scena Quinta.
For no ill will I beare you.
Sweet Phebe.
Hah: what saist thou Siluius?
Sweet Phebe pitty me.
Why I am sorry for thee gentle Siluius.
Thou hast my loue, is not that neighbourly?
I would haue you.
Knowst thou the youth that spoke to mee yere-while?
Phebe, with all my heart.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
I prethee, pretty youth, let me better acquainted with thee.
They say you are a melancholly fellow.
I am so: I doe loue it better then laughing.
Those that are in extremity of either, are abhominable fellowes, and betray themselues to euery moderne censure, worse then drunkards.
Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.
Why then 'tis good to be a poste.
I haue neither the Schollers melancholy, which is emulation: nor the Musitians, which is fantasticall; nor the Courtiers, which is proud: nor the Souldiers, which is ambitious: nor the Lawiers, which is politick: nor the Ladies, which is nice: nor the Louers, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine owne, compounded of many simples, extracted from many obiects, and indeed the sundrie contemplation of my trauells, in which by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadnesse.
A Traueller: by my faith you haue great reason to be sad: I feare you haue sold your owne Lands, to see other mens; then to haue seene much, and to haue nothing, is to haue rich eyes and poore hands.
Yes, I haue gain'd my experience.
And your experience makes you sad: I had rather haue a foole to make me merrie, then experience to make me sad, and to trauaile for it too.
Good day, and happinesse, deere Rosalind.
Nay then God buy you, and you talke in blanke verse.
Farewell Mounsieur Trauellor: looke you lispe, and weare strange suites; disable all the benefits of your owne Countrie: be out of loue with your natiuitie, and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are; or I will scarce thinke you haue swam in a Gundello. Why how now Orlando, where haue you bin all this while? you a louer? and you serue me such another tricke, neuer come in my sight more.
My faire Rosalind, I come within an houre of my promise.
Breake an houres promise in loue? hee that will diuide a minute into a thousand parts, and breake but a part of the thousand part of a minute in the affairs of loue, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapt him oth' shoulder, but Ile warrant him heart hole.
Pardon me deere Rosalind.
Nay, and you be so tardie, come no more in my sight, I had as liefe be woo'd of a Snaile.
Of a Snaile?
I, of a Snaile: for though he comes slowly, hee carries his house on his head; a better ioyncture I thinke then you make a woman: besides, he brings his destinie with him.
What's that?
Why hornes: w r such as you are faine to be beholding to your wiues for: but he comes armed in his fortune, and preuents the slander of his wife.
Vertue is no horne-maker: and my Rosalind is vertuous.
And I am your Rosalind.
It pleases him to call you so: but he hath a Rosalind of a better leere then you.
Come, wooe me, wooe mee: for now I am in a holy-day humor, and like enough to consent: What would you say to me now, and I were your verie, verie Rosalind?
I would kisse before I spoke.
Nay, you were better speake first, and when you were grauel'd, for lacke of matter, you might take occasion to kisse: verie good Orators when they are out, they will spit, and for louers, lacking (God warne vs) matter, the cleanliest shift is to kisse.
How if the kisse be denide?
Then she puts you to entreatie, and there begins new matter.
Who could be out, being before his beloued Mistris?
Marrie that should you if I were your Mistris, or I should thinke my honestie ranker then my wit.
What, of my suite?
I take some ioy to say you are, because I would be talking of her.
Well, in her person, I say I will not haue you.
Then in mine owne person, I die.
No faith, die by Attorney: the poore world is almost six thousand yeeres old, and in all this time there was not anie man died in his owne person (videlicet) in a loue cause: Trotlous had his braines dash'd out with a Grecian club, yet he did what hee could to die before, and he is one of the patternes of loue. Leander, he would haue liu'd manie a faire yeere though Hero had turn'd Nun; if it had not bin for a hot Midsomer-night, for (good youth) he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont, and being taken with the crampe, was droun'd, and the foolish Chronoclers of that age, found it was Hero of Cestos. But these are all lies, men haue died from time to time, and wormes haue eaten them, but not for loue.
I would not haue my right Rosalind of this mind, for I protest her frowne might kill me.
By this hand, it will not kill a flie: but come, now I will be your Rosalind in a more comming-on disposition: and aske me what you will, I will grant it.
Then loue me Rosalind.
Yes faith will I, fridaies and saterdaies, and all.
And wilt thou haue me?
I, and twentie such.
What saiest thou?
Are you not good?
I hope so.
Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing: Come sister, you shall be the Priest, and marrie vs: giue me your hand Orlando: What doe you say sister?
Pray thee marrie vs.
I cannot say the words.
You must begin, will you Orlando.
Goe too: wil you Orlando, haue to wife this Rosalind?
I will.
I, but when?
Why now, as fast as she can marrie vs.
Then you must say, I take thee Rosalind for wife.
I take thee Rosalind for wife.
I might aske you for your Commission, But I doe take thee Orlando for my husband: there's a girle goes before the Priest, and certainely a Womans thought runs before her actions.
So do all thoughts, they are wing'd.
Now tell me how long you would haue her, after you haue possest her?
For euer, and a day.
Say a day, without the euer: no, no Orlando, men are Aprill when they woe, December when they wed: Maides are May when they are maides, but the sky changes when they are wiues: I will bee more iealous of thee, then a Barbary cocke-pidgeon ouer his hen, more clamorous then a Parrat against raine, more new-fangled then an ape, more giddy in my desires, then a monkey: I will weepe for nothing, like Diana in the Fountaine, & I wil do that when you are dispos'd to be merry: I will laugh like a Hyen, and that when thou art inclin'd to sleepe.
But will my Rosalind doe so?
By my life, she will doe as I doe.
O but she is wise.
Or else shee could not haue the wit to doe this: the wiser, the waywarder: make the doores vpon a womans wit, and it will out at the casement: shut that, and 'twill out at the key-hole: stop that, 'twill flie with the smoake out at the chimney.
A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say, wit whether wil't?
Nay, you might keepe that checke for it, till you met your wiues wit going to your neighbours bed.
And what wit could wit haue, to excuse that?
Marry to say, she came to seeke you there: you shall neuer take her without her answer, vnlesse you take her without her tongue: ô that woman that cannot make her fault her husbands occasion, let her neuer nurse her childe her selfe, for she will breed it like a foole.
For these two houres Rosalinde, I wil leaue thee.
Alas, deere loue, I cannot lacke thee two houres.
I must attend the Duke at dinner, by two a clock I will be with thee againe.
I, goe your waies, goe your waies: I knew what you would proue, my friends told mee as much, and I thought no lesse: that flattering tongue of yours wonne me: 'tis but one cast away: and so come death: two o'clocke is your howre.
I, sweet Rosalind.
By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend mee, and by all pretty oathes that are not dangerous, if you breake one iot of your, promise, or come one minute behinde your houre, I will thinke you the most patheticall breake-promise, and the most hollow louer, and the most vnworthy of her you call Rosalinde, that may bee chosen out of the grosse band of the vnfaithfull: therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.
With no lesse religion, then if thou wert indeed my Rosalind: so adieu.
Well, Time is the olde Iustice that examines all such offenders, and let time try: adieu.
You haue simply misus'd our sexe in your loue-prate: [Page 202] we must haue your doublet and hose pluckt ouer your head, and shew the world what the bird hath done to her owne neast.
O coz, coz, coz: my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathome deepe I am in loue: but it cannot bee sounded: my affection hath an vnknowne bottome, like the Bay of Portugall.
Or rather bottomlesse, that as fast as you poure affection in, in runs out.
No, that same wicked Bastard of Venus, that was begot of thought, conceiu'd of spleene, and borne of madnesse, that blinde rascally boy, that abuses euery ones eyes, because his owne are out, let him bee iudge, how deepe I am in loue: ile tell thee Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of Orlando: Ile goe finde a shadow, and sigh till he come.
And Ile sleepe.
Scena Secunda.
Which is he that killed the Deare?
Sir, it was I.
Let's present him to the Duke like a Romane Conquerour, and it would doe well to set the Deares horns vpon his head, for a branch of victory; haue you no song Forrester for this purpose?
Yes Sir.
Sing it: 'tis no matter how it bee in tune, so it make noyse enough.
Scoena Tertia.
Sure it is hers.
Call you this railing?
Call you this chiding?
Alas poore Shepheard.
Doe you pitty him? No, he deserues no pitty: wilt thou loue such a woman? what to make thee an instrument, and play false straines vpon thee? not to be endur'd. Well, goe your way to her; (for I see Loue hath made thee a tame snake) and say this to her; That if she loue me, I charge her to loue thee: if she will not, I will neuer haue her, vnlesse thou intreat for her: if you bee a true louer hence, and not a word; for here comes more company.
It is no boast, being ask'd, to say we are.
I am: what must we vnderstand by this?
I pray you tell it.
Are you his brother?
Was't you he rescu'd?
Was't you that did so oft contriue to kill him?
But for the bloody napkin?
Why how now Ganimed, sweet Ganimed.
Many will swoon when they do look on bloud.
There is more in it; Cosen Ganimed.
Looke, he recouers.
I would I were at home.
I doe so, I confesse it:
Ah, sirra, a body would thinke this was well counterfeited, I pray you tell your brother how well I counterfeited: heigh-ho.
This was not counterfeit, there is too great testimony in your complexion, that it was a passion of earnest.
Counterfeit, I assure you.
Well then, take a good heart, and counterfeit to be a man.
So I doe: but yfaith, I should haue beene a woman by right.
Come, you looke paler and paler: pray you draw homewards: good sir, goe with vs.
I shall deuise: something: but I pray you commend my counterfeiting to him: will you goe?
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
We shall finde a time Awdrie, patience gentle Awdrie.
Faith the Priest was good enough, for all the olde gentlemans saying.
A most wicked Sir Oliuer, Awdrie, a most vile Mar-text. But Awdrie, there is a youth heere in the Forrest layes claime to you.
I, I know who 'tis: he hath no interest in mee in the world: here comes the man you meane.
It is meat and drinke to me to see a Clowne, by [Page 204] my troth, we that haue good wits, haue much to answer for: we shall be flouting: we cannot hold.
Good eu'n Audrey.
God ye good eu'n William.
And good eu'n to you Sir.
Good eu'n gentle friend. Couer thy head, couer thy head: Nay prethee bee eouer'd. How olde are you Friend?
Fiue and twentie Sir.
A ripe age: Is thy name William?
William, sir.
A faire name. Was't borne i' th Forrest heere?
I sir, I thanke God.
'Faith sir, so, so.
I sir, I haue a prettie wit.
Why, thou saist well. I do now remember a saying: The Foole doth thinke he is wise, but the wiseman knowes himselfe to be a Foole. The Heathen Philosopher, when he had a desire to eate a Grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby, that Grapes were made to eate, and lippes to open. You do loue this maid?
I do sit.
Giue me your hand: Art thou Learned?
No sir.
Then learne this of me, To haue, is to haue. For it is a figure in Rhetoricke, that drink being powr'd out of a cup into a glasse, by filling the one, doth empty the other. For all your Writers do consent, that ipse is hee: now you are not ipse, for I am he.
Which he sir?
He sir, that must marrie this woman: Therefore you Clowne, abandon: which is in the vulgar, leaue the societie: which in the boorish, is companie, of this female: which in the common, is woman: which together, is, abandon the society of this Female, or Clowne thou perishest: or to thy better vnderstanding, dyest; or (to wit) I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy libertie into bondage: I will deale in poyson with thee, or in bastinado, or in steele: I will bandy with thee in faction, I will ore-run thee with police: I will kill thee a hundred and fifty wayes, therefore tremble and depart.
Do good William.
God rest you merry sir.
Our Master and Mistresse seekes you: come away, away.
Trip Audry, trip Audry, I attend, I attend.
Scoena Secunda.
Is't possible, that on so little acquaintance you should like her? that, but seeing, you should loue her? And louing woo? and wooing, she should graunt? And will you perseuer to enioy her?
Neither call the giddinesse of it in question; the pouertie of her, the small acquaintance, my sodaine woing, nor sodaine consenting: but say with mee, I loue Aliena: say with her, that she loues mee; consent with both, that we may enioy each other: it shall be to your good: for my fathers house, and all the reuennew, that was old Sir Rowlands will I estate vpon you, and heere liue and die a Shepherd.
God saue you brother.
And you faire sister.
Oh my deere Orlando, how it greeues me to see thee weare thy heart in a scarfe.
It is my arme.
I thought thy heart had beene wounded with the clawes of a Lion.
Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a Lady.
Did your brother tell you how I counterfeyted to sound, when he shew'd me your handkercher?
I, and greater wonders then that.
O, I know where you are: nay, tis true: there was neuer any thing so sodaine, but the fight of two Rammes, and Cesars Thrasonicall bragge of I came, saw, and ouercome. For your brother, and my sister, no sooner met, but they look'd: no sooner look'd, but they lou'd; no sooner lou'd, but they sigh'd: no sooner sigh'd but they ask'd one another the reason: no sooner knew the reason, but they sought the remedie: and in these degrees, haue they made a paire of staires to marriage, which they will climbe incontinent, or else bee incontinent before marriage; they are in the verie wrath of loue, and they will together. Clubbes cannot part them.
They shall be married to morrow: and I will bid the Duke to the Nuptiall. But O, how bitter a thing it is, to looke into happines through another mans eies: by so much the more shall I to morrow be at the height of heart heauinesse▪ by how much I shal thinke my brother happie, in hauing what he wishes for.
Why then to morrow, I cannot serue your turne for Rosalind?
I can liue no longer by thinking.
I will wearie you then no longer with idle talking. Know of me then (for now I speake to some purpose) that I know you are a Gentleman of good conceit: I speake not this, that you should beare a good opinion of my knowledge: insomuch (I say) I know you arc:neither do I labor for a greater esteeme then may in some little measure draw a beleefe from you, to do your selfe good, and not to grace me. Beleeue then, if you please, that I can do strange things: I haue since I was three yeare old conuerst with a Magitian, most profound in his Art, and yet not damnable. If you do loue Rosalinde so neere the hart, as your gesture cries it out: when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marrie her. I know into what straights of Fortune she is driuen, and it is not impossible to me, if it appeare not inconuenient to you, [Page 205] to set her before your eyes to morrow, humane as she is, and without any danger.
Speak'st thou in sober meanings?
By my life I do, which I tender deerly, though I say I am a Magitian: Therefore put you in your best aray, bid your friends: for if you will be married to morrow, you shall: and to Rosalind if you will.
Good shepheard, tell this youth what 'tis to loue
And I for Ganimed.
And I for Rosalind.
And I for no woman.
And I for Ganimed.
And I for Rosalind.
And I for no woman.
And so am I for Ganimed.
And so am I for Rosalind.
And so am I for no woman.
If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?
If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?
If this be so, why blame you me to loue you?
Why do you speake too. Why blame you mee to loue you.
To her, that is not heere, nor doth not heare.
Pray you no more of this, 'tis like the howling of Irish Wolues against the Moone: I will helpe you if I can: I would loue you if I could: To morrow meet me altogether: I wil marrie you, if euer I marrie Woman, and Ile be married to morrow: I will satisfie you▪ if euer I satisfi'd man, and you shall bee married to morrow. I wil content you, if what pleases you contents you, and you shal be married to morrow: As you loue Rosalind meet, as you loue Phebe meet, and as I loue no woman, Ile meet: so fare you wel: I haue left you commands.
Ile not faile, if I liue.
Nor I.
Nor I.
Scoena Tertia.
To morrow is the ioyfull day Audrey, to morow will we be married.
I do desire it with all my heart: and I hope it is no dishonest desire, to desire to be a woman of y e world? Heere come two of the banish'd Dukes Pages.
Wel met honest Gentleman.
By my troth well met: come, sit, sit, and a song.
We are for you, sit i' th middle.
Shal we clap into't roundly, without hauking, or spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the onely prologues to a bad voice.
I faith, y' faith, and both in a tune like two gipsies on a horse.
Truly yong Gentlemen, though there vvas no great matter in the dittie, yet y e note was very vntunable
you are deceiu'd Sir, we kept time, we lost not our time.
By my troth yes: I count it but time lost to heare such a foolish song. God buy you, and God mend your voices. Come Audrie.
Scena Quarta.
That would I, had I kingdoms to giue with hir.
And you say you wil haue her, when I bring hir?
That would I, were I of all kingdomes King.
You say, you'l marrie me, if I be willing.
That will I, should I die the houre after.
So is the bargaine.
You say that you'l haue Phebe if she will.
Though to haue her and death, were both one thing.
There is sure another flood toward, and these couples are comming to the Arke. Here comes a payre of verie strange beasts, which in all tongues, are call'd Fooles.
Salutation and greeting to you all.
Good my Lord, bid him welcome: This is the Motley-minded Gentleman, that I haue so often met in the Forrest: he hath bin a Courtier he sweares.
If any man doubt that, let him put mee to my purgation, I haue trod a measure, I haue flattred a Lady, I haue bin politicke with my friend, smooth with mine enemie, I haue vndone three Tailors, I haue had foure quarrels, and like to haue fought one.
And how was that tane vp?
'Faith we met, and found the quarrel was vpon the seuenth cause.
How seuenth cause? Good my Lord, like this fellow.
I like him very well.
God [...]ild you sir, I desire you of the like: I presse in heere sir, amongst the rest of the Country copulatiues to sweare, and to forsweare, according as mariage binds and blood breakes: a poore virgin sir, an il-fauor'd thing sir, but mine owne, a poore humour of mine sir, to take that that no man else will: rich honestie dwels like a miser sir, in a poore house, as your Pearle in your foule oyster.
By my faith, he is very swift, and sententious
According to the fooles bolt sir, and such dulcet diseases.
But for the seuenth cause. How did you finde the quarrell on the seuenth cause?
Vpon a lye, seuen times remoued: (beare your bodie more seeming Audry) as thus sir: I did dislike the cut of a certaine Courtiers beard: he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, hee was in the minde it was: this is call'd the retort courteous. If I sent him word againe, it was not well cut, he wold send me word he cut it to please himselfe: this is call'd the quip modest. If againe, it was not well cut, he disabled my iudgment: this is called, the reply churlish. If againe it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true: this is call'd the reproofe valiant. If againe, it was not well cut, he wold say, I lie: this is call'd the counter-checke quarrelsome: and so to lye circumstantiall, and the lye direct.
And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?
I durst go no further then the lye circumstantial: nor he durst not giue me the lye direct: and so wee measur'd swords, and parted.
Can you nominate in order now, the degrees of the lye.
O sir, we quarrel in print, by the booke: as you haue bookes for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous: the second, the Quip-modest: the third, the reply Churlish: the fourth, the Reproofe valiant: the fift, the Counterchecke quarrelsome: the sixt, the Lye with circumstance: the seauenth, the Lye direct: all these you may auoyd, but the Lye direct: and you may auoide that too, with an If. I knew when seuen Iustices could not take vp a Quarrell, but when the parties were met themselues, one of them thought but of an If; as if you saide so, then I saide so: and they shooke hands, and swore brothers. Your If, is the onely peace-maker: much vertue in if.
Is not this a rare fellow my Lord? He's as good at any thing, and yet a foole.
He vses his folly like a stalking-horse, and vnder the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
If sight & shape be true, why then my loue adieu
He hath.
Stay, Iaques, stay.
It is not the fashion to see the Ladie the Epilogue: but it is no more vnhandsome, then to see the Lord the Prologue. If it be true, that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true, that a good play needes no Epilogue. Yet to good wine they do vse good bushes: and good playes proue the better by the helpe of good Epilogues: What a case am I in then, that am neither a good Epilogue, nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalfe of a good play? I am not furnish'd like a Begger, therefore to begge will not become mee. My way is to coniure you, and Ile begin with the Women. I charge you (O women) for the loue you beare to men, to like as much of this Play, as please you: And I charge you (O men) for the loue you beare to women (as I perceiue by your simpring, none of you hates them) that betweene you, and the women, the play may please. If I were a Woman, I would kisse as many of you as had beards that pleas'd me, complexions that lik'd me, and breaths that I defi'de not: And I am sure, as many as haue good beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths, will for my kind offer, when I make curt'sie, bid me farewell.
THE Taming of the Shrew.
Actus primus.
Scoena Prima.
ILe pheeze you in faith.
A paire of stockes you rogue.
Y' are a baggage, the Slies are no Rogues. Looke in the Chronicles, we came in with Richard Conqueror: therefore Paucas pallabris, let the world slide: Sessa.
You will not pay for the glasses you haue burst?
No, not a deniere: go by S. Ieronimie, goe to thy cold bed, and warme thee.
I know my remedie, I must go fetch the Head-borough.
Third, or fourth, or fift Borough, Ile answere him by Law. Ile not budge an inch boy: Let him come, and kindly.
I will my Lord.
What's heere? One dead, or drunke? See doth he breath?
He breath's my Lord. Were he not warm'd with Ale, this were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.
Beleeue me Lord, I thinke he cannot choose.
It would seem strange vnto him when he w [...]k'd
We thanke your Honor.
Do you intend to stay with me to night?
So please your Lordshippe to accept our dutie.
I thinke 'twas Soto that your honor meanes.
For Gods sake a pot of small Ale.
Wilt please your Lord drink a cup of sacke?
Wilt please your Honor taste of these Conserues?
What raiment wil your honor weare to day.
I am Christophero Sly, call not mee Honour nor Lordship: I ne're drank sacke in my life: and if you giue me any Conserues, giue me conserues of Beefe: nere ask me what raiment Ile weare, for I haue no more doublets then backes: no more stockings then legges: nor no more shooes then feet, nay sometime more feete then shooes, or such shooes as my toes looke through the ouer-leather.
What would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher Slie, old Sies sonne of Burton-heath, by byrth a Pedler, by education a Cardmaker, by transmutation a Beare-heard, and now by present profession a Tinker. Aske Marrian Hacket the fat Alewife of Wincot, if shee know me not: if she say I am not xiiii.d. on the score for sheere Ale, score me vp for the lyingst knaue in Christendome. What I am not bestraught: here's—
Oh this it is that makes your Ladie mourne.
Oh this is it that makes your seruants droop.
I, the womans maide of the house.
Now Lord be thanked for my good amends.
Amen.
I thanke thee, thou shalt not loose by it.
How fares my noble Lord?
Heere noble Lord, what is thy will with her?
I know it well, what must I call her?
Madam.
Alce Madam, or Ione Madam?
Madam, and nothing else, so Lords cal Ladies
I, it stands so that I may hardly tarry so long: But I would be loth to fall into my dreames againe: I wil therefore tarrie in despight of the flesh & the blood
Marrie I will let them play, it is not a Comontie, a Christmas gambold, or a tumbling tricke?
No my good Lord, it is more pleasing stuffe.
What, houshold stuffe.
It is a a kinde of history.
Master some shew to welcome vs to Towne.
From all such diuels, good Lord deliuer vs.
And me too, good Lord.
Well said M r, mum, and gaze your fill.
A pretty peate, it is best put finger in the eye, and she knew why.
Harke Tranio, thou maist heare Minerua speak.
You may go to the diuels dam: your guifts are so good heere's none will holde you: Their loue is not so great Hortensio, but we may blow our nails together, and fast it fairely out. Our cakes dough on both sides. Farewell: yet for the loue I beare my sweet Bianca, if I can by any meanes light on a fit man to teach her that wherein she delights, I will wish him to her father.
So will I signiour Gremio: but a word I pray: Though the nature of our quarrell yet neuer brook'd parle, know now vpon aduice, it toucheth vs both: that we may yet againe haue accesse to our faire Mistris, and be happie riuals in Bianca's loue, to labour and effect one thing specially.
What's that I pray?
Marrie sir to get a husband for her Sister.
A husband: a diuell.
I say a husband.
I say, a diuell: Think'st thou Hortensio, though her father be verie rich, any man is so verie a foole to be married to hell?
Tush Gremio: though it passe your patience & mine to endure her lowd alarums, why man there bee good fellowes in the world, and a man could light on them, would take her with all faults, and mony enough.
I cannot tell: but I had as lief take her dowrie with this condition; To be whipt at the hie crosse euerie morning.
Faith (as you say) there's small choise in rotten apples: but come, since this bar in law makes vs friends, it shall be so farre forth friendly maintain'd, till by helping Baptistas eldest daughter to a husband, wee set his yongest free for a husband, and then haue too t afresh: Sweet Bianca, happy man be his dole: hee that runnes fastest, gets the Ring: How say you signior Gremio?
I am agreed, and would I had giuen him the best horse in Padua to begin his woing that would thoroughly woe her, wed her, and bed her, and ridde the house of her. Come on.
I marry am I sir, and now 'tis plotted.
I haue it Tranio.
Tell me thine first.
It is: May it be done?
Where haue I beene? Nay how now, where are you? Maister, ha's my fellow Tranio stolne your cloathes, or you stolne his, or both? Pray what's the newes?
I sir, ne're a whit.
The better for him, would I were so too.
So could I 'faith boy, to haue the next wish after, that Lucentio indeede had Baptistas yongest daughter. But sirra, not for my sake, but your masters, I aduise you vse your manners discreetly in all kind of companies: When I am alone, why then I am Tranio: but in all places else, you master Lucentio.
My Lord you nod, you do not minde the play.
My Lord, 'tis but begun.
'Tis a verie excellent peece of worke, Madame Ladie: would 'twere done.
Knocke sir? whom should I knocke? Is there any man ha's rebus'd your worship?
Villaine I say, knocke me heere soundly.
Knocke you heere sir? Why sir, what am I sir, that I should knocke you heere sir.
Helpe mistris helpe, my master is mad.
Now knocke when I bid you: sirrah villaine.
How now, what's the matter? My olde friend Grumio, and my good friend Petruchio? How do you all at Verona?
Nay 'tis no matter sir, what he leges in Latine. If this be not a lawfull cause for me to leaue his seruice, looke you sir: He bid me knocke him, & rap him soundly sir. Well, was it fit for a seruant to vse his master so, being perhaps (for ought I see) two and thirty, a peepe out? Whom would to God I had well knockt at first, then had not Grumio come by the worst.
Knocke at the gate? O heauens: spake you not these words plaine? Sirra, Knocke me heere: rappe me heere: knocke me well, and knocke me soundly? And come you now with knocking at the gate?
Sirra be gone, or talke not I aduise you
Nay looke you sir, hee tels you flatly what his minde is: why giue him Gold enough, and marrie him to a Puppet or an Aglet babie, or an old trot with ne're a tooth in her head, though she haue as manie diseases as two and fiftie horses. Why nothing comes amisse, so monie comes withall.
I pray you Sir let him go while the humor lasts. A my word, and she knew him as wel as I do, she would thinke scolding would doe little good vpon him. Shee may perhaps call him halfe a score Knaues, or so: Why that's nothing; and he begin once, hee'l raile in his rope trickes. Ile tell you what sir, and she stand him but a litle, he wil throw a figure in her face, and so disfigure hir with it, that shee shal haue no more eies to see withall then a Cat: you know him not sir.
Heere's no knauerie. See, to beguile the olde-folkes, how the young folkes lay their heads together. Master, master, looke about you: Who goes there? ha.
A proper stripling, and an amorous.
Oh this learning, what a thing it is.
Oh this Woodcocke, what an Asse it is.
Peace sirra.
Grumio mum: God saue you signior Gremio.
Beloued of me, and that my deeds shal proue.
And that his bags shal proue.
No, sayst me so, friend? What Countreyman?
Will I liue?
Wil he woo her? I: or Ile hang her.
For he feares none.
And so we wil, prouided that he win her.
I would I were as sure of a good dinner.
He that ha's the two faire daughters: ist he you meane?
Euen he Biondello.
Hearke you sir, you meane not her to —
Perhaps him and her sir, what haue you to do?
Not her that chides sir, at any hand I pray.
I loue no chiders sir: Biondello, let's away.
Well begun Tranio.
And if I be sir, is it any offence?
No: if without more words you will get you hence.
But so is not she.
For what reason I beseech you.
That she's the chosen of signior Hortensio.
What, this Gentleman will out-talke vs all.
Sir giue him head, I know hee'l proue a Iade.
Hortensio, to what end are all these words?
Sir, sir, the first's for me, let her go by.
Oh excellent motion: fellowes let's be gon.
Minion thou lyest: Is't not Hortensio?
If that be iest, then all the rest was so.
Her silence flouts me, and Ile be reueng'd.
What in my sight? Bianca get thee in.
Good morrow neighbour Baptista.
Good morrow neighbour Gremio: God saue you Gentlemen.
And you good sir: pray haue you not a daughter, cal'd Katerina, faire and vertuous.
I haue a daughter sir, cal'd Katerina.
You are too blunt, go to it orderly.
I know him well: you are welcome for his sake.
Sauing your tale Petruchio, I pray let vs that are poore petitioners speake too? Bacare, you are meruaylous forward.
Oh, Pardon me signior Gremio, I would faine be doing.
Lucentio is your name, of whence I pray.
Of Pisa sir, sonne to Vincentio.
How now my friend, why dost thou looke so pale?
For feare I promise you, if I looke pale.
What, will my daughter proue a good Musitian?
Why then thou canst not break her to the Lute?
Why, what's a mouable?
A ioyn'd stoole.
Thou hast hit it: come sit on me.
Asses are made to beare, and so are you.
Women are made to beare, and so are you.
No such Iade as you, if me you meane.
Shold be, should: buzze.
Well tane, and like a buzzard.
Oh slow-wing'd Turtle, shal a buzard take thee?
I for a Turtle, as he takes a buzard.
Come, come you Waspe, y' faith you are too angrie.
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
My remedy is then to plucke it out.
I, if the foole could finde it where it lies.
Who knowes not where a Waspe does, weare his sting? In his taile.
In his tongue?
Whose tongue.
Yours if you talke of tales, and so farewell.
That Ile trie.
I sweare Ile cuffe you, if you strike againe.
A Herald Kate? Oh put me in thy bookes.
What is your Crest, a Coxcombe?
A comblesse Cocke, so Kate will be my Hen.
No Cocke of mine, you crow too like a crauen
Nay come Kate, come: you must not looke so sowre.
It is my fashion when I see a Crab.
Why heere's no crab, and therefore looke not sowre.
There is, there is.
Then shew it me.
Had I a glasse, I would.
What, you meane my face.
Well aym'd of such a yong one.
Now by S. George I am too yong for you.
Yet you are wither'd.
'Tis with cares.
I care not.
Nay heare you Kate. Insooth you scape not so.
I chafe you if I tarrie. Let me go.
Go foole, and whom thou keep'st command.
Where did you study all this goodly speech?
It is extempore, from my mother wit.
A witty mother, witlesse else her sonne.
Am I not wise?
Yes, keepe you warme.
Now Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?
Why how now daughter Katherine, in your dumps?
Ile see thee hang'd on sonday first.
Hark Petruchio, she saies shee'll see thee hang'd first.
Is this your speeding? nay thē godnight our part.
Tra. Amen say we, we will be witnesses.
Was euer match clapt vp so sodainly?
The gaine I seeke, is quiet me the match.
Yongling thou canst not loue so deare as I.
Gray-beard thy loue doth freeze.
But youth in Ladies eyes that florisheth.
That's but a cauill: he is olde, I young.
And may not yong men die as well as old?
Actus Tertia.
Sirra, I will not beare these braues of thine.
You'll leaue his Lecture when I am in tune?
That will be neuer, tune your instrument.
Where left we last?
Heere Madam: Hic Ibat Simois, hic est sigeria tellus, hic steterat Priamiregia Celsa senis.
Conster them.
Hic Ibat, as I told you before. Simois, I am Lucentio, hic est, sonne vnto Vincentio of Pisa, Sigeriatellus, disguised thus to get your loue, hic steterat, and that Lucentio that comes a wooing, priami, is my man Tranio, regia, bearing my port, celsa senis that we might beguile the old Pantalowne.
Madam, my Instrument's in tune.
Let's heare, oh fie, the treble iarres.
Spit in the hole man, and tune againe.
Now let mee see if I can conster it. Hic ibat simois, I know you not, hic est sigeria tellus, I trust you not, hic staterat priami, take heede he heare vs not, regia presume not, Celsa senis, despaire not.
Madam, tis now in tune.
All but the base.
The base is right, 'tis the base knaue that iars.
Why, I am past my gamouth long agoe.
Yet read the gamouth of Hortentio.
Farewell sweet masters both, I must be gone.
Faith Mistresse then I haue no cause to stay.
Would Katherine had neuer seen him though.
Master, master, newes, and such newes as you neuer heard of,
Is it new and olde too? how may that be?
Why, is it not newes to heard of Petruchio's comming?
Is he come?
Why no sir.
What then?
He is comming.
When will he be heere?
When he stands where I am, and sees you there.
But say, what to thine olde newes?
Why Petruchio is comming, in a new hat and an old ierkin, a paire of olde breeches thrice turn'd; a paire of bootes that haue beene candle-cases, one buckled, another lac'd: an olde rusty sword tane out of the Towne Armory, with a broken hilt, and chapelesse: with two broken points: his horse hip'd with an olde mothy saddle, and stirrops of no kindred: besides possest with the glanders, and like to mose in the chine, troubled with the Lampasse, infected with the fashions, full of Windegalls, sped with Spauins, raied with the Yellowes, past cure of the Fiues, starke spoyl'd with the Staggers, begnawne with the Bots, Waid in the backe, and shoulder-shotten, neere leg'd before, and with a halfe-chekt Bitte, & a headstall of sheepes leather, which being restrain'd to keepe him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now repaired with knots: one girth sixe times peec'd, and a womans Crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name, fairely set down in studs, and heere and there peec'd with packthred.
Who comes with him?
Oh sir, his Lackey, for all the world Caparison'd like the horse: with a linnen stock on one leg, and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartred with a red and blew lift; an old hat, & the humor of forty fancies prickt in't for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparell, & not like a Christian foot-boy, or a gentlemans Lacky.
I am glad he's come, howsoere he comes.
Why sir, he comes not.
Didst thou not say hee comes?
Who, that Petruchio came?
I, that Petruchio came.
No sir, I say his horse comes with him on his backe.
Why that's all one.
Nay by S. Iamy, I hold you a penny, a horse and a man is more then one, and yet not many.
Come, where be these gallants? who's at home?
You are welcome sir.
And yet I come not well.
And yet you halt not.
Not so well apparell'd as I wish you were.
Not I, beleeue me, thus Ile visit her.
But thus I trust you will not marry her.
Ile after him, and see the euent of this.
As willingly as ere I came from schoole.
And is the Bride & Bridegroom coming home?
Curster then she, why 'tis impossible.
Why hee's a deuill, a deuill, a very fiend.
Why she's a deuill, a deuill, the deuils damme.
What said the wench when he rose againe?
Trembled and shooke: for why, he stamp'd and swore, as if the Vicar meant to cozen him: but after many ceremonies done, hee calls for wine, a health quoth he, as if he had beene aboord carowsing to his Mates after a storme, quaft off the Muscadell, and threw the sops all in the Sextons face: hauing no other reason, but that his beard grew thinne and hungerly, and seem'd to aske him sops as hee was drinking: This done, hee tooke the Bride about the necke, and kist her lips with such a clamorous smacke, that at the parting all the Church did eccho: and I seeing this, came thence for very shame, and after mee I know the rout is comming, such a mad marryage neuer was before: harke, harke, I heare the minstrels play.
Is't possible you will away to night?
Let vs intreat you stay till after dinner.
It may not be.
Let me intreat you.
It cannot be.
Let me intreat you.
I am content.
Are you content to stay?
Now if you loue me stay.
Grumio, my horse.
I sir, they be ready, the Oates haue eaten the horses.
O Kate content thee, prethee be not angry.
I marry sir, now it begins to worke.
Nay, let them goe, a couple of quiet ones.
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
Of all mad matches neuer was the like.
Mistresse, what is your opinion of your sister?
That being mad her selfe, she's madly mated.
I warrant him Petruchio is Kated.
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?
She shall Lucentio: come gentlemen lets goe.
Fie, fie on all tired Iades, on all mad Masters, & all foule waies: was euer man so beaten? was euer man so raide? was euer man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are comming after to warme them: now were not I a little pot, & soone hot; my very lippes might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roofe of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me, but I with blowing the fire shall warme my selfe: for considering the weather, a taller man then I will take cold: Holla, hoa Curtis.
Who is that calls so coldly?
A piece of Ice: if thou doubt it, thou maist slide from my shoulder to my heele, with no [Page 221] greater a run but my head and my necke. A fire good Curtis.
Is my master and his wife comming Grumio?
Oh I Curtis I, and therefore fire, fire, cast on no water.
Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported.
She was good Curtis before this frost: but thou know'st winter tames man, woman, and beast: for it hath tam'd my old master, and my new mistris, and my selfe fellow Curtis.
Away you three inch foole, I am no beast.
Am I but three inches? Why thy horne is a foot and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complaine on thee to our mistris, whose hand (she being now at hand) thou shalt soone feele, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office.
I prethee good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
A cold world Curtis in euery office but thine, & therefore fire: do thy duty, and haue thy dutie, for my Master and mistris are almost frozen to death.
There's fire readie, and therefore good Grumio the newes.
Why Iacke boy, ho boy, and as much newes as wilt thou.
Come, you are so full of conicatching.
Why therefore fire, for I haue caught extreme cold. Where's the Cooke, is supper ready, the house trim'd, rushes strew'd, cobwebs swept, the seruingmen in their new fustian, the white stockings, and euery officer his wedding garment on? Be the Iackes faire within, the Gils fai [...] without, the Carpets laide, and euerie thing in order?
All readie: and therefore I pray thee newes.
First know my horse is tired, my master & mistris falne out.
How?
Out of their saddles into the durt, and thereby hangs a tale.
Let's ha't good Grumio.
Lend thine eare.
Heere.
There.
This 'tis to feele a tale, not to heare a tale.
And therefore 'tis cal'd a sensible tale: and this Cuffe was but to knocke at your eare, and beseech listning: now I begin, Inprimis wee came downe a fowle hill, my Master riding behinde my Mistris.
Both of one horse?
What's that to thee?
Why a horse.
Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crost me, thou shouldst haue heard how her horse fel, and she vnder her horse: thou shouldst haue heard in how miery a place, how she was bemoil'd, how hee left her with the horse vpon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the durt to plucke him off me: how he swore, how she prai'd, that neuer prai'd before: how I cried, how the horses ranne away, how her bridle was burst: how I lost my crupper, with manie things of worthy memorie, which now shall die in obliuion, and thou returne vnexperienc'd to thy graue.
By this reckning he is more shrew than she.
I, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall finde when he comes home. But what talke I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Ioseph, Nicholas, Phillip, Walter, Sugersop and the rest: let their heads bee slickely comb'd, their blew coats brush'd, and their garters of an indifferent knit, let them curtsie with their left legges, and not presume to touch a haire of my Masters horse-taile, till they kisse their hands. Are they all readie?
They are.
Call them forth.
Do you heare ho? you must meete my maister to countenance my mistris.
Why she hath a face of her owne.
Who knowes not that?
Thou it seemes, that cals for company to countenance her.
I call them forth to credit her.
Why she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Welcome home Grumio.
How now Grumio.
What Grumio.
Fellow Grumio.
How now old lad.
Welcome you: how now you: what you: fellow you: and thus much for greeting. Now my spruce companions, is all readie, and all things neate?
All things is readie, how neere is our master?
E'ne at hand, alighted by this: and therefore be not—Cockes passion, silence, I heare my master.
Heere, heere sir, heere sir.
Heere sir, as foolish as I was before.
Patience I pray you, 'twas a fault vnwilling.
I.
Who brought it?
I.
Peter didst euer see the like.
He kils her in her owne humor.
Where is he?
In her chamber, making a sermon of continencie to her, and railes, and sweares, and rates, that shee (poore soule) knowes not which way to stand, to looke, to speake, and sits as one new risen from a dreame. Away, away, for he is comming hither.
Now Mistris, profit you in what you reade?
What Master reade you first, resolue me that?
I reade, that I professe the Art to loue.
And may you proue sir Master of your Art.
While you sweet deere ptoue Mistresse of my heart.
Quicke proceeders marry, now tel me I pray, you that durst sweare that your mistris Bianca Lou'd me in the World so wel as Lucentio.
Tranio you iest, but haue you both forsworne mee?
Mistris we haue.
Then we are rid of Lisio.
God giue him ioy.
I, and hee'l tame her.
He sayes so Tranio.
Faith he is gone vnto the taming schoole.
The taming schoole: what is there such a place?
What is he Biondello?
And what of him Tranio?
Take me your loue, and then let me alone.
God saue you sir.
What Countreyman I pray?
Of Mantua.
My life sir? how I pray? for that goes hard.
Among them know you one Vincentio?
As much as an apple doth an oyster, & all one.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
No, no forsooth I dare not for my life.
What say you to a Neats foote?
'Tis passing good, I prethee let me haue it.
I like it well, good Grumio fetch it me.
A dish that I do loue to feede vpon.
I, but the Mustard is too hot a little.
Why then the Beefe, and let the Mustard rest.
Then both or one, or any thing thou wilt.
Why then the Mustard without the beefe.
How fares my Kate, what sweeting all a-mort?
Mistris, what cheere?
Faith as cold as can be.
I pray you let it stand.
I thanke you sir.
Heere is the cap your Worship did bespeake.
That will not be in hast.
I see shees like to haue neither cap nor gowne.
Why true, he meanes to make a puppet of thee.
She saies your Worship meanes to make a puppet of her.
I gaue him no order, I gaue him the stuffe.
But how did you desire it should be made?
Marrie sir with needle and thred.
But did you not request to haue it cut?
Thou hast fac'd many things.
I haue.
Face not mee: thou hast brau'd manie men, braue not me; I will neither bee fac'd nor brau'd. I say vnto thee, I bid thy Master cut out the gowne, but I did not bid him cut it to peeces. Ergo thou liest.
Why heere is the note of the fashion to testify.
Reade it.
The note lies in's throate if he say I said so.
Inprimis, a loose bodied gowne.
Master, if euer I said loose-bodied gowne, sow me in the skirts of it, and beate me to death with a bottome of browne thred: I said a gowne.
Proceede.
With a small compast cape.
I confesse the cape.
With a trunke sleeue.
I confesse two sleeues.
The sleeues curiously cut.
I there's the villanie.
Error i' th bill sir, error i' th bill? I commanded the sleeues should be cut out, and sow'd vp againe, and that Ile proue vpon thee, though thy little finger be armed in a thimble.
This is true that I say, and I had thee in place where thou shouldst know it.
I am for thee straight: take thou the bill, giue me thy meat-yard, and spare not me.
God-a-mercie Grumio, then hee shall haue no oddes.
Well sir in breefe the gowne is not for me.
You are i' th right sir, 'tis for my mistris.
Go take it vp vnto thy masters vse.
Villaine, not for thy life: Take vp my Mistresse gowne for thy masters vse.
Why sir, what's your conceit in that?
Why so this gallant will command the sunne.
Sirs, this is the house, please it you that I call.
Tut, feare not me.
But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista.
I praie the gods she may withall my heart.
I follow you.
Cambio.
What saist thou Biondello.
You saw my Master winke and laugh vpon you?
Biondello, what of that?
Faith nothing: but has left mee here behinde to expound the meaning or morrall of his signes and tokens.
I pray thee moralize them.
Then thus: Baptista is safe talking with the deceiuing Father of a deceitfull sonne.
And what of him?
His daughter is to be brought by you to the supper.
And then.
The old Priest at Saint Lukes Church is at your command at all houres.
And what of all this.
I cannot tell, expect they are busied about a counterfeit assurance: take you assurance of her, Cum preuilegio ad Impremendum solem, to th' Church take the Priest, Clarke, and some sufficient honest witnesses:
Hear'st thou Biondello.
I cannot tarry: I knew a wench maried in an afternoone as shee went to the Garden for Parseley to stuffe a Rabit, and so may you sir: and so adew sir, my Master hath appointed me to goe to Saint Lukes to bid the Priest be readie to come against you come with your appendix.
The Moone, the Sunne: it is not Moonelight now.
I say it is the Moone that shines so bright.
I know it is the Sunne that shines so bright.
Say as he saies, or we shall neuer goe.
I say it is the Moone.
I know it is the Moone.
Nay then you lye: it is the blessed Sunne.
Petruchio, goe thy waies, the field is won.
A will make the man mad to make the woman of him.
What is his name?
Lucentio gentle sir.
I doe assure thee father so it is.
Softly and swiftly sir, for the Priest is ready.
I flie Biondello; but they may chance to neede thee at home, therefore leaue vs.
Nay faith, Ile see the Church a your backe, and then come backe to my mistris as soone as I can.
I maruaile Cambio comes not all this while.
They're busie within, you were best knocke lowder.
What's he that knockes as he would beat downe the gate?
Is Signior Lucentio within sir?
He's within sir, but not to be spoken withall.
What if a man bring him a hundred pound or two to make merrie withall.
Keepe your hundred pounds to your selfe, hee shall neede none so long as I liue.
Nay, I told you your sonne was well beloued in Padua: doe you heare sir, to leaue friuolous circumstances, I pray you tell signior Lucentio that his Father is come from Pisa, and is here at the doore to speake with him.
Thou liest his Father is come from Padua, and here looking out at the window.
Art thou his father?
I sir, so his mother saies, if I may beleeue her.
Why how now gentleman: why this is flat knauerie to take vpon you another mans name.
Lay hands on the villaine, I beleeue a meanes to cosen some bodie in this Citie vnder my countenance.
I haue seene them in the Church together, God send'em good shipping: but who is here? mine old Master Ʋincentio: now wee are vndone and brough to nothing.
Come hither crackhempe.
I hope I may choose Sir.
Come hither you rogue, what haue you forgot mee?
Forgot you, no sir: I could not forget you, for I neuer saw you before in all my life.
What, you notorious villaine, didst thou neuer see thy Mistris father, Vincentio?
What my old worshipfull old master? yes marie sir see where he lookes out of the window.
Ist so indeede.
Helpe, helpe, helpe, here's a mad man will murder me.
Helpe, sonne, helpe signior Baptista.
Pree the Kate let's stand aside and see the end of this controuersie.
Sir, what are you that offer to beate my seruant?
What am I sir: nay what are you sir: oh immortall Goddes: oh fine villaine, a silken doubtlet, a veluet hose, a scarlet cloake, and a copataine hat: oh I am vndone, I am vndone: while I plaie the good husband at home, my sonne and my seruant spend all at the vniuersitie.
How now, what's the matter?
What is the man lunaticke?
Sir, you seeme a sober ancient Gentleman by your habit: but your words shew you a mad man: why sir, what cernes it you, if I weare Pearle and gold: I thank my good Father, I am able to maintaine it.
Thy father: oh villaine, he is a Saile-maker in Bergamo.
You mistake sir, you mistake sir, praie what do you thinke is his name?
His name, as if I knew not his name: I haue brought him vp euer since he was three yeeres old, and his name is Tronio.
Awaie, awaie mad asse, his name is Lucentio, and he is mine onelie sonne and heire to the Lands of me signior Vincentio.
Lucentio: oh he hath murdred his Master; laie hold on him I charge you in the Dukes name: oh my sonne, my sonne: tell me thou villaine, where is my son Lucentio?
Call forth an officer: Carrie this mad knaue to the Iaile: father Baptista, I charge you see that hee be forth comming.
Carrie me to the Iaile?
Staie officer, he shall not go to prison.
Talke not signior Gremio: I saie he shall goe to prison.
Take heede signior Baptista, least you be conicatcht in this businesse: I dare sweare this is the right Vincentio.
Sweare if thou dar'st.
Naie, I dare not sweare it.
Then thou wert best saie that I am not Lucentio.
Yes, I know thee to be signior Lucentio.
Awaie with the dotard, to the Iaile with him.
Thus strangers may be haild and abusd: oh monstrous villaine.
Oh we are spoil'd, and yonder he is, denie him, forsweare him, or else we are all vndone.
Pardon sweete father.
Liues my sweete sonne?
Pardon deere father.
How hast thou offended, where is Lucentio?
Here's packing with a witnesse to deceiue vs all.
Why, tell me is not this my Cambio?
Cambio is chang'd into Lucentio.
Ile slit the villaines nose that would haue sent me to the Iaile.
But doe you heare sir, haue you married my daughter without asking my good will?
Feare not Baptista, we will content you, goe to: but I will in to be reueng'd for this villanie.
And I to sound the depth of this knauerie.
Looke not pale Bianca, thy father will not frown.
Husband let's follow, to see the end of this adoe.
First kisse me Kate, and we will.
What in the midst of the streete?
What art thou asham'd of me?
Mo sir, God forbid, but asham'd to kisse.
Why then let's home againe: Come Sirra let's awaie.
Nay, I will giue thee a kisse, now praie thee Loue staie.
Actus Quintus.
Nothing but sit and sit, and eate and eate.
Padua affords this kindnesse, sonne Petruchio.
Padua affords nothing but what is kinde.
For both our sakes I would that word were true.
Now for my life Hortentio feares his Widow.
Then neuer trust me if I be affeard.
He that is giddie thinks the world turns round.
Roundlie replied.
Mistris, how meane you that?
Thus I conceiue by him.
Conceiues by me, how likes Hortentio that?
My Widdow saies, thus she conceiues her tale.
Verie well mended: kisse him for that good Widdow.
A verie meane meaning.
Right, I meane you.
And I am meane indeede, respecting you.
To her Kate.
To her Widdow.
A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.
That's my office
Spoke like an Officer: ha to the lad.
How likes Cremio these quicke witted folkes?
Beleeue me sir, they But together well.
I Mistris Bride, hath that awakened you?
I, but not frighted me, therefore Ile sleepe againe.
A good swift simile, but something currish.
Oh, oh Petruchio, Tranio hits you now.
I thanke thee for that gird good Tranio.
Confesse, confesse, hath he not hit you here?
Content, what's the wager?
Twentie crownes.
A hundred then.
Content.
A match, 'tis done.
Who shall begin?
Igoe.
Sonne, Ile be your halfe, Bianca comes.
How? she's busie, and she cannot come: is that an answere?
I hope better.
Sirra Biondello, goe and intreate my wife to come to me forthwith.
Oh ho, intreate her, nay then shee must needes come.
I am affraid sir, doe what you can
I know her answere.
What?
She will not.
The fouler fortune mine, and there an end.
Now by my hollidam here comes Katerina.
What is your will sir, that you send for me?
Where is your sister, and Hortensios wife?
They sit conferring by the Parler fire.
Here is a wonder, if you talke of a wonder.
And so it is: I wonder what it boads.
Fie what a foolish dutie call you this?
The more foole you for laying on my dutie.
Katherine I charge thee tell these head-strong women, what dutie they doe owe their Lords and husbands.
Come, come, your mocking: we will haue no telling.
Come on I say, and first begin with her.
She shall not.
I say she shall, and first begin with her.
Why there's a wench: Come on, and kisse mee Kate.
Well go thy waies olde Lad for thou shalt ha't.
Tis a good hearing, when children are toward.
But a harsh hearing, when women are froward,
Now goe thy wayes, thou hast tam'd a curst Shrow.
Tis a wonder, by your leaue, she wil be tam'd so.
ALL'S Well, that Ends Well.
Actus primus.
Scoena Prima.
IN deliuering my sonne from me, I burie a second husband.
And I in going Madam, weep ore my fathers death anew; but I must attend his maiesties command, to whom I am now in Ward, euermore in subiection.
You shall find of the King a husband Madame, you sir a father. He that so generally is at all times good, must of necessitie hold his vertue to you, whose worthinesse would stirre it vp where it wanted rather then lack it where there is such abundance.
What hope is there of his Maiesties amendment?
He hath abandon'd his Phisitions Madam, vnder whose practises he hath persecuted time with hope, and finds no other aduantage in the processe, but onely the loosing of hope by time.
This yong Gentlewoman had a father, O that had, how sad a passage tis, whose skill was almost as great as his honestie, had it stretch'd so far, would haue made nature immortall, and death should haue play for lacke of worke. Would for the Kings sake hee were liuing, I thinke it would be the death of the Kings disease.
How call'd you the man you speake of Madam?
He was famous sir in his profession, and it was his great right to be so: Gerard de Narbon.
He was excellent indeed Madam, the King very latelie spoke of him admiringly, and mourningly: hee was skilfull enough to haue liu'd stil, if knowledge could be set vp against mortallitie.
What is it (my good Lord) the King languishes of?
A Fistula my Lord.
I heard not of it before.
I would it were not notorious. Was this Gentlewoman the Daughter of Gerard de Narbon?
His sole childe my Lord, and bequeathed to my ouer looking. I haue those hopes of her good, that her education promises her dispositions shee inherits, which makes faire gifts fairer: for where an vncleane mind carries vertuous qualities, there commendations go with pitty, they are vertues and traitors too: in her they are the better for their simplenesse; she deriues her honestie, and atcheeues her goodnesse.
Your commendations Madam get from her teares.
'Tis the best brine a Maiden can season her praise in. The remembrance of her father neuer approches her heart, but the tirrany of her sorrowes takes all liuelihood from her cheeke. No more of this Helena, go too, no more least it be rather thought you affect a sorrow, then to haue—
I doe affect a sorrow indeed, but I haue it too.
Moderate lamentation is the right of the dead, excessiue greefe the enemie to the liuing.
If the liuing be enemie to the greefe, the excesse makes it soone mortall.
Maddam I desire your holie wishes.
How vnderstand we that?
Heauen blesse him: Farwell Bertram.
The best wishes that can be forg'd in your thoghts be seruants to you: be comfortable to my mother, your Mistris, and make much of her.
Farewell prettie Lady, you must hold the credit of your father.
Saue you faire Queene.
And you Monarch.
No.
And no.
Are you meditating on virginitie?
If you haue some staine of souldier in you: Let mee aske you a question. Man is enemie to virginitie, how may we barracado it against him?
Keepe him out.
But he assailes, and our virginitie though valiant, in the defence yet is weak: vnfold to vs some warlike resistance.
There is none: Man setting downe before you, will vndermine you, and blow you vp.
Blesse our poore Virginity from vnderminers and blowers vp. Is there no Military policy how Virgins might blow vp men?
Virginity beeing blowne downe, Man will quicklier be blowne vp: marry in blowing him downe againe, with the breach your selues made, you lose your Citty. It is not politicke, in the Common-wealth of Nature, to preserue virginity. Losse of Virginitie, is rationall encrease, and there was neuer Virgin goe, till virginitie was first lost. That you were made of, is mettall to make Virgins. Virginitie, by beeing once lost, may be ten times found: by being euer kept, it is euer lost: 'tis too cold a companion: Away with't.
I will stand for't a little, though therefore I die a Virgin.
There's little can bee saide in't, 'tis against the rule of Nature. To speake on the part of virginitie, is to accuse your Mothers; which is most infallible disobedience. He that hangs himselfe is a Virgin: Virginitie murthers it selfe, and should be buried in highwayes out of all sanctified limit, as a desperate Offendresse against Nature. Virginitie breedes mites, much like a Cheese, consumes it selfe to the very payring, and so dies with feeding his owne stomacke. Besides, Virginitie is peeuish, proud, ydle, made of selfe-loue, which is the most inhibited sinne in the Cannon. Keepe it not, you cannot choose but loose by't. Out with't: within ten yeare it will make it selfe two, which is a goodly increase, and the principall it selfe not much the worse. Away with't.
How might one do sir, to loose it to her owne liking?
Let mee see. Marry ill, to like him that ne're it likes. 'Tis a commodity wil lose the glosse with lying: The longer kept, the lesse worth: Off with't while 'tis vendible. Answer the time of request, Virginitie like an olde Courtier, weares her cap out of fashion, richly suted, but vnsuteable, iust like the brooch & the toothpick, which were not now: your Date is better in your Pye and your Porredge, then in your cheeke: and your virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French wither'd peares, it lookes ill, it eates drily, marry 'tis a wither'd peare: it was formerly better, marry yet 'tis a wither'd peare: Will you any thing with it?
What one ifaith?
That I wish well, 'tis pitty.
What's pitty?
Little Hellen farewell, if I can remember thee, I will thinke of thee at Court.
Monsieur Parolles, you were borne vnder a charitable starre.
Vnder Mars I.
I especially thinke, vnder Mars.
Why vnder Mars?
The warres hath so kept you vnder, that you must needes be borne vnder Mars.
When he was predominant.
When he was retrograde I thinke rather.
Why thinke you so?
You go so much backward when you fight.
That's for aduantage.
But the composition that your valour and feare makes in you, is a vertue of a good wing, and I like the weare well.
I am so full of businesses, I cannot answere thee acutely: I will returne perfect Courtier, in the which my instruction shall serue to naturalize thee, so thou wilt be capeable of a Courtiers councell, and vnderstand what aduice shall thrust vppon thee, else thou diest in thine vnthankfulnes, and thine ignorance makes thee away, farewell: When thou hast leysure, say thy praiers: when thou hast none, remember thy Friends: [Page 232] Get thee a good husband, and vse him as he vses thee: So farewell.
So tis reported sir.
What's he comes heere.
My thankes and dutie are your Maiesties.
Some six moneths since my Lord.
Thanke your Maiesty.
I will now heare, what say you of this gentlewoman.
Maddam the care I haue had to euen your content, I wish might be found in the Kalender of my past endeuours, for then we wound our Modestie, and make foule the clearnesse of our deseruings, whenof our selues we publish them.
What doe's this knaue heere? Get you gone sirra: the complaints I haue heard of you I do not all beleeue, 'tis my slownesse that I doe not: For I know you lacke not folly to commit them, & haue abilitie enough to make such knaueries yours.
'Tis not vnknown to you Madam, I am a poore fellow.
Well sir.
Wilt thou needes be a begger?
I doe beg your good will in this case.
In what case?
In Isbels case and mine owne: seruice is no heritage, and I thinke I shall neuer haue the blessing of God, till I haue issue a my bodie: for they say barnes are blessings.
Tell me thy reason why thou wilt marrie?
My poore bodie Madam requires it, I am driuen onby the flesh, and hee must needes goe that the diuell driues.
Is this all your worships reason?
Faith Madam I haue other holie reasons, such as they are.
May the world know them?
I haue beene Madam a wicked creature, as you and all flesh and blood are, and indeede I doe marrie that I may repent.
Thy marriage sooner then thy wickednesse.
I am out a friends Madam, and I hope to haue friends for my wiues sake.
Such friends are thine enemies knaue.
Y' are shallow Madam in great friends, for the knaues come to doe that for me which I am a wearie of: he that eres my Land, spares my teame, and giues mee leaue to Inne the crop: if I be his cuckold hee's my drudge; he that comforts my wife, is the cherisher of my flesh and blood; hee that cherishes my flesh and blood, loues my flesh and blood; he that loues my flesh and blood is my friend: ergo, he that kisses my wife is my friend: if men could be contented to be what they are, there were no feare in marriage, for yong Charbon the Puritan, and old Poysam the Papist, how somere their hearts are seuer'd in Religion, their heads are both one, they may ioule horns together like any Deare i' th Herd.
Wilt thou euer be a foule mouth'd and calumnious knaue?
A Prophet I Madam, and I speake the truth the next waie, for I the Ballad will repeate, which men full true shall finde, your marriage comes by destinie, your Cuckow sings by kinde.
Get you gone sir, Ile talke with you more anon.
May it please you Madam, that hee bid Hellen come to you, of her I am to speake.
Sirra tell my gentlewoman I would speake with her, Hellen I meane.
And gaue this sentence then, among nine bad if one be good, among nine bad if one be good, there's yet one good in ten.
What, one good in tenne? you corrupt the song sirra.
One good woman in ten Madam, which is a purifying ath' song: would God would serue the world so all the yeere, weed finde no fault with the tithe woman if I were the Parson, one in ten quoth a? and wee might haue a good woman borne but ore euerie blazing starre, or at an earthquake, 'twould mend the Lotterie well, a man may draw his heart out ere a plucke one.
Youle begone sir knaue▪ and doe as I command you?
That man should be at womans command, and yet no hurt done, though honestie be no Puritan, yet it will doe no hurt, it will weare the Surplis of humilitie ouer the blacke-Gowne of a bigge heart: I am going forsooth, the businesse is for Helen to come hither.
Well now.
I know Madam you loue your Gentlewoman intirely.
Faith I doe: her Father bequeath'd her to mee, and she her selfe without other aduantage, may lawfullie make title to as much loue as shee findes, there is more owing her then is paid, and more shall be paid her then sheele demand.
Madam, I was verie late more neere her then I thinke shee wisht mee, alone shee was, and did communicate to her selfe her owne words to her owne eares, shee thought, I dare vowe for her, they toucht not anie stranger sence, her matter was, shee loued your Sonne; Fortune shee said was no goddesse, that had put such difference betwixt their two estates: Loue no god, that would not extend his might onelie, where qualities were leuell, Queene of Virgins, that would suffer her poore Knight surpris'd without rescue in the first assault or ransome afterward: This shee deliuer'd in the most bitter touch of sorrow that ere I heard Virgin exclaime in, which I held my dutie speedily to acquaint you withall, sithence in the losse that may happen, it concernes you something to know it.
You haue discharg'd this honestlie, keepe it to your selfe, manie likelihoods inform'd mee of this before, which hung so tottring in the ballance, that I could neither beleeue nor misdoubt: praie you leaue mee, stall this in your bosome, and I thanke you for your honest care: I will speake with you further anon.
What is your pleasure Madam?
You know Hellen I am a mother to you.
Mine honorable Mistris.
That I am not.
I say I am your Mother.
Nor I your Mother.
Good Madam pardon me.
Do you loue my Sonne?
Your pardon noble Mistris.
Loue you my Sonne?
Doe not you loue him Madam?
Madam I had.
Wherefore? tell true.
This was your motiue for Paris, was it, speake?
Doo'st thou beleeue't?
I Madam knowingly.
Actus Secundus.
Health at your bidding serue your Maiesty.
Our hearts receiue your warnings.
Farewell, come hether to me.
Oh my sweet Lord y t you wil stay behind vs.
'Tis not his fault the spark.
Oh 'tis braue warres.
Most admirable, I haue seene those warres.
There's honour in the theft.
Commit it Count.
I am your accessary, and so farewell.
I grow to you, & our parting is a tortur'd body.
Farewll Captaine.
Sweet Mounsier Parolles.
Noble Heroes; my sword and yours are kinne, good sparkes and lustrous, a word good mettals. You shall finde in the Regiment of the Spinij, one Captaine Spurio his sicatrice, with an Embleme of warre heere on his sinister cheeke; it was this very sword entrench'd it: say to him I liue, and obserue his reports for me.
We shall noble Captaine.
Mars doate on you for his nouices, what will ye doe?
Stay the King.
Vse a more spacious ceremonie to the Noble Lords, you haue restrain'd your selfe within the List of too cold an adieu: be more expressiue to them; for they weare themselues in the cap of the time, there do muster true gate; eat, speake, and moue vnder the influence of the most receiu'd starre, and though the deuill leade the measure, such are to be followed: after them, and take a more dilated farewell.
And I will doe so.
Worthy fellowes, and like to prooue most sinewie sword-men.
Pardon my Lord for mee and for my tidings.
Ile see thee to stand vp.
No.
What her is this?
Thus he his speciall nothing euer prologues.
Nay, come your waies.
This haste hath wings indeed.
Now faire one, do's your busines follow vs?
I knew him.
Make thy demand.
But will you make it euen?
I by my Scepter, and my hopes of helpe.
Come on sir, I shall now put you to the height of your breeding.
I will shew my selfe highly fed, and lowly taught, I know my businesse is but to the Court.
To the Court, why what place make you speciall, when you put off that with such contempt, but to the Court?
Truly Madam, if God haue lent a man any manners, hee may easilie put it off at Court: hee that cannot make a legge, put off's cap, kisse his hand, and say nothing, has neither legge, hands, lippe, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the Court, But for me, I haue an answere will serue all men.
Marry that's a bountifull answere that fits all questions.
It is like a Barbers chaire that fits all buttockes, the pin buttocke, the quatch-buttocke, the brawn buttocke, or any buttocke.
Will your answere serue fit to all questions?
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an Atturney, as your French Crowne for your taffety punke, as Tibs rush for Toms fore-finger, as a pancake for Shroue-tuesday, a Morris for May-day, as the naile to his hole, the Cuckold to his horne, as a scolding queane to a wrangling knaue, as the Nuns lip to the Friers mouth, nay as the pudding to his skin.
Haue you, I say, an answere of such fitnesse for all questions?
From below your Duke, to beneath your Constable, it will fit any question.
It must be an answere of most monstrous size, that must fit all demands.
But a triflle neither in good faith, if the learned should speake truth of it: heere it is, and all that belongs to't. Aske mee if I am a Courtier, it shall doe you no harme to learne.
To be young againe if we could: I will bee a foole in question, hoping to bee the wiser by your answer.
I pray you sir, are you a Courtier?
O Lord sir theres a simple putting off: more, more, a hundred of them.
Sir I am a poore freind of yours, that loues you.
O Lord sir, thicke, thicke, spare not me.
I thinke sir, you can eate none of this homely meate.
O Lord sir; nay put me too't, I warrant you.
You were lately whipt sir as I thinke.
O Lord sir, spare not me.
Doe you crie O Lord sir at your whipping, and spare not me? Indeed your O Lord sir, is very sequent to your whipping: you would answere very well to a whipping if you were but bound too't.
I nere had worse lucke in my life in my O Lord sir: I see things may serue long, but not serue euer.
I play the noble huswife with the time, to entertaine it so merrily with a foole.
O Lord sir, why there't serues well agen.
Not much commendation to them.
Not much imployement for you, you vnderstand me.
Most fruitfully, I am there, before my legegs.
Hast you agen.
They say miracles are past, and we haue our Philosophicall persons, to make moderne and familiar things supernaturall and causelesse. Hence is it, that we make trifles of terrours, ensconcing our selues into seeming knowledge, when we should submit our selues to an vnknowne feare.
Why 'tis the rarest argument of wonder, that hath shot out in our latter times.
And so 'tis.
To be relinquisht of the Artists.
So I say both of Galen and Paracelsus.
Of all the learned and authenticke fellowes.
Right so I say.
That gaue him out incureable.
Why there 'tis, so say I too.
Not to be help'd.
Right, as 'twere a man assur'd of a—
Vncertaine life, and sure death.
Iust, you say well: so would I haue said.
I may truly say, it is a noueltie to the world.
It is indeede if you will haue it in shewing, you shall reade it in what do ye call there.
A shewing of a heauenly effect in an earthly Actor.
That's it, I would haue said, the verie same.
Nay 'tis strange, 'tis very straunge, that is the breefe and the tedious of it, and he's of a most facinerious spirit, that will not acknowledge it to be the—
Very hand of heauen.
I, so I say.
In a most weake—
And debile minister great power, grear trancendence, which should indeede giue vs a further vse to be made, then alone then recou'ry of the king, as to bee
Generally thankfull.
I would haue said it, you say well: heere comes the King.
Lustique, as the Dutchman saies: Ile like a maide the Better whil'st I haue a tooth in my head: why he's able to leade her a Carranto.
Mor du vinager, is not this Helen?
Fore God I thinke so.
Gentlemen, heauen hath through me, restor'd the king to health.
We vnderstand it, and thanke heauen for you.
And grant it.
Thankes sir, all the rest is mute.
I had rather be in this choise, then throw Ames-ace for my life.
No better if you please.
Do all they denie her? And they were sons of mine, I'de haue them whip'd, or I would send them to 'th Turke to make Eunuches of.
These boyes are boyes of Ice, they'le none [Page 238] haue heere: sure they are bastards to the English, the French nere got em.
Faire one, I thinke not so.
There's one grape yet, I am sure thy father drunke wine. But if thou best not an asse, I am a youth of fourteene: I haue knowne thee already.
Why then young Bertram take her shee's thy wife.
Know'st thou not Bertram what shee ha's done for mee?
Yes my good Lord, but neuer hope to know why I should marrie her.
Thou know'st shee ha's rais'd me from my sickly bed.
I cannot loue her, nor will striue to doo't.
Thou wrong'st thy selfe, if thou shold'st striue to choose.
I take her hand.
Do you heare Monsieur? A word with you.
Your pleasure sir.
Your Lord and Master did well to make his recantation.
Recantation? My Lord? my Master?
I: Is it not a Language I speake?
A most harsh one, and not to bee vnderstoode without bloudie succeeding My Master▪
Are you Companion to the Count Rosillion?
To any Count, to all Counts: to what is man.
To what is Counts man: Counts maister is of another stile.
You are too old sir: Let it satisfie you, you are too old.
I must tell thee sirrah, I write Man: to which title age cannot bring thee.
What I dare too well do, I dare not do.
I did thinke thee for two ordinaries: to bee a prettie wise fellow, thou didst make tollerable vent of thy trauell, it might passe: yet the scarffes and the bannerets about thee, did manifoldlie disswade me from beleeuing thee a vessell of too great a burthen. I haue now found thee, when I loose thee againe, I care not: yet art thou good for nothing but taking vp, and that th' ourt scarce worth.
Hadst thou not the priuiledge of Antiquity vpon thee.
Do not plundge thy selfe to farre in anger, least thou hasten thy triall: which if, Lord haue mercie on thee for a hen, so my good window of Lettice fare thee well, thy casement I neede not open, for I look through thee. Giue me thy hand.
My Lord, you giue me most egregious indignity.
I with all my heart, and thou art worthy of it.
I haue not my Lord deseru'd it.
Yes good faith, eu'ry dramme of it, and I will not b [...]te thee a scruple.
Well, I shall be wiser.
Eu'n as soone as thou can'st, for thou hast to pull at a smacke a' th contrarie. If euer thou bee'st bound in thy skarfe and beaten, thou shall finde what it is to be proud of thy bondage, I haue a desire to holde my acquaintance with thee, or rather my knowledge, that I may say in the default, he is a man I know.
My Lord you do me most insupportable vexation.
I would it were hell paines for thy sake, and my poore doing eternall: for doing I am past, as I will by thee, in what motion age will giue me leaue.
Well, thou hast a sonne shall take this disgrace off me; scuruy, old, filthy, scuruy Lord: Well, I must be patient, there is no fettering of authority. Ile beate him (by my life) if I can meete him with any conuenience, and he were double and double a Lord. Ile haue no more pittie of his age then I would haue of—Ile beate him, and if I could but meet him agen.
Sirra, your Lord and masters married, there's newes for you: you haue a new Mistris.
I most vnfainedly beseech your Lordshippe to make some reseruation of your wrongs. He is my good Lord, whom I serue aboue is my master.
Who? God.
I sir.
The deuill it is, that's thy master. Why dooest thou garter vp thy armes a this fashion? Dost make hose of thy sleeues? Do other seruants so? Thou wert best set thy lower part where thy nose stands. By mine Honor, If I were but two houres yonger, I'de beate thee: meethink'st thou art a generall offence, and euery man shold beate thee: I thinke thou wast created for men to breath themselues vpon thee.
This is hard and vndeserued measure my Lord.
Go too sir, you were beaten in Italy for picking a kernell out of a Pomgranat, you are a vagabond, and no true traueller: you are more sawcie with Lordes and honourable personages, then the Commission of your birth and vertue giues you Heraldry. You are not worth another word, else I'de call you knaue. I leaue you.
Good, very good, it is so then: good, very good, let it be conceal'd awhile.
Vndone, and forfeited to cares for euer.
What's the matter sweet-heart?
Although before the solemne Priest I haue sworne, I will not bed her.
What? what sweet heart?
There's letters from my mother: What th' import is, I know not yet.
Will this Caprichio hold in thee, art sure?
My mother greets me kindly, is she well?
She is not well, but yet she has her health, she's very merrie, but yet she is not well: but thankes be giuen she's very well, and wants nothing i' th world: but yet she is not well.
If she be verie wel, what do's she ayle, that she's not verie well?
Truly she's very well indeed, but for two things
What two things?
One, that she's not in heauen, whether God send her quickly: the other, that she's in earth, from whence God send her quickly.
Blesse you my fortunate Ladie.
I hope sir I haue your good will to haue mine owne good fortune.
You had my prayers to leade them on, and to keepe them on, haue them still. O my knaue, how do's my old Ladie?
Why I say nothing.
Marry you are the wiser man: for many a mans tongue shakes out his masters vndoing: to say nothing, to do nothing, to know nothing, and to haue nothing, is to be a great part of your title, which is within a verie little of nothing.
Away, th' art a knaue.
You should haue said sir before a knaue, th' art a knaue, that's before me th' art a knaue: this had beene truth sir.
Go too, thou art a wittie foole, I haue found thee.
Did you finde me in your selfe sir, or were you taught to finde me?
The search sir was profitable, and much Foole may you find in you, euen to the worlds pleasure, and the encrease of laughter.
What's his will else?
What more commands hee?
In euery thing I waite vpon his will.
I shall report it so,
I pray you come sirrah.
But I hope your Lordshippe thinkes not him a souldier.
Yes my Lord and of verie valiant approofe.
You haue it from his owne deliuerance.
And by other warranted testimonie.
Then my Diall goes not true, I tooke this Larke for a bunting.
I do assure you my Lord he is very great in knowledge, and accordinglie valiant.
I haue then sinn'd against his experience, and transgrest against his valour, and my state that way is dangerous, since I cannot yet find in my heart to repent: Heere he comes, I pray you make vs freinds, I will pursue the amitie.
These things shall be done sir.
Pray you sir whose his Tailor?
Sir?
O I know him well, I sir, hee sirs a good workeman, a verie good Tailor.
Is shee gone to the king?
Shee is.
Will shee away to night?
As you'le haue her.
A good Trauailer is something at the latter end of a dinner, but on that lies three thirds, and vses a known truth to passe a thousand nothings with, should bee once hard, and thrice beaten. God saue you Captaine.
Is there any vnkindnes betweene my Lord and you Monsieur?
I know not how I haue deserued to run into my Lords displeasure.
You haue made shift to run into't, bootes and spurres and all: like him that leapt into the Custard, and out of it you'le runne againe, rather then suffer question for your residence.
It may bee you haue mistaken him my Lord.
And shall doe so euer, though I tooke him at's prayers. Fare you well my Lord, and beleeue this of me, there can be no kernell in this light Nut: the soule of this man is his cloathes: Trust him not in matter of heauie consequence: I haue kept of them tame, & know their natures. Farewell Monsieur, I haue spoken better of you, then you haue or will to deserue at my hand, but we must do good against euill.
An idle Lord, I sweare.
I thinke so.
Why do you not know him?
Come, come, no more of that.
Pray sir your pardon.
Well, what would you say?
What would you haue?
I pray you stay not, but in hast to horse.
Brauely, Coragio.
Actus Tertius.
Be it his pleasure.
It hath happen'd all, as I would haue had it, saue that he comes not along with her.
By my troth I take my young Lord to be a verie melancholly man.
By what obseruance I pray you.
Why he will looke vppon his boote, and sing: mend the Ruffe and sing, aske questions and sing, picke his teeth, and sing: I know a man that had this tricke of melancholy hold a goodly Mannor for a song.
Let me see what he writes, and when he meanes to come.
I haue no minde to Isbell since I was at Court. Our old Lings, and our Isbels a' th Country, are nothing like your old Ling and your Isbels a' th Court: the brains of my Cupid's knock'd out, and I beginne to loue, as an old man loues money, with no stomacke.
What haue we heere?
I haue sent you a daughter-in-Law, shee hath recouered the King, and vndone me: I haue wedded her, not bedded her, and sworne to make the not eternall. You shall heare I am runne away, know it before the report come. If there bee bredth enough in the world, I will hold a long distance. My duty to you.
O Madam, yonder is heauie newes within betweene two souldiers, and my yong Ladie.
What is the matter.
Nay there is some comfort in the newes, some comfort, your sonne will not be kild so soone as I thoght he would.
Why should he be kill'd?
So say I Madame, if he runne away, as I heare he does, the danger is in standing too't, that's the losse of men, though it be the getting of children. Heere they come will tell you more. For my part I onely heare your sonne was run away.
Saue you good Madam.
Madam, my Lord is gone, for euer gone.
Do not say so.
Brought you this Letter Gentlemen?
I Madam, and for the Contents sake are sorrie for our paines.
I Madam.
And to be a souldier.
Returne you thither.
I Madam, with the swiftest wing of speed.
Finde you that there?
I Madame.
'Tis but the boldnesse of his hand haply, which his heart was not consenting too.
A seruant onely, and a Gentleman: whlch I haue sometime knowne.
Parolles was it not?
I my good Ladie, hee.
Indeed good Ladie the fellow has a deale of that, too much, which holds him much to haue.
Y' are welcome Gentlemen, I will intreate you when you see my sonne, to tell him that his sword can neuer winne the honor that he looses: more Ile intreate [Page 242] you written to beare along.
We serue you Madam in that and all your worthiest affaires.
Letter.
I know that knaue, hang him, one Parolles, a filthy Officer he is in those suggestions for the young Earle, beware of them Diana; their promises, entisements, oathes, tokens, and all these engines of lust, are not the things they go vnder: many a maide hath beene seduced by them, and the miserie is example, that so terrible shewes in the wracke of maiden-hood, cannot for all that disswade succession, but that they are limed with the twigges that threatens them. I hope I neede not to aduise you further, but I hope your owne grace will keepe you where you are, though there were no further danger knowne, but the modestie which is so lost.
You shall not neede to feare me.
I hope so: looke here comes a pilgrim, I know she will lye at my house, thither they send one another, Ile question her. God saue you pilgrim, whether are bound?
At the S. Francis heere beside the Port.
Is this the way?
Is it your selfe?
If you shall please so Pilgrime.
I thanke you, and will stay vpon your leisure.
you came I thinke from France?
I did so.
His name I pray you?
The Count Rossillion: know you such a one?
I surely meere the truth, I know his Lady.
What's his name?
Monsieur Parrolles.
The goddes forbid else.
Which is the Frenchman?
I like him well.
Which is he?
That Iacke an-apes with scarfes. Why is hee melancholly?
Perchance he [...]s hurt i' th battaile.
Loose our drum? Well.
He's shrewdly vext at something. Looke he has spyed vs.
Marrie hang you.
And your curtesie, for a ring-carrier.
Wee'l take your offer kindly.
Nay good my Lord put him too't: let him haue his way.
If your Lordshippe finde him not a Hilding, hold me no more in your respect.
On my life my Lord▪ a bubble.
Beleeue it my Lord, in mine owne direct knowledge, without any malice, but to speake of him as my kinsman, hee's a most notable Coward, an infinite and endlesse Lyar, an hourely promise-breaker, the owner of no one good qualitie, worthy your Lordships entertainment.
It were fit you knew him, least▪ reposing too farre in his vertue which he hath not, he might at some great and trustie businesse, in a maine daunger, fayle you.
I would I knew in what particular action to try him.
None better then to let him fetch off his drumme, which you heare him so confidently vndertake to do.
I with a troop of Florentines wil sodainly surprize [Page 244] him; such I will haue whom I am sure he knowes not from the enemie: wee will binde and hoodwinke him so, that he shall suppose no other but that he is carried into the Leager of the aduersaries, when we bring him to our owne tents: be but your Lordship present at his examination, if he do not for the promise of his life, and in the highest compulsion of base feare, offer to betray you, and deliuer all the intelligence in his power against you, and that with the diuine forfeite of his soule vpon oath, neuer trust my iudgement in anie thing.
O for the loue of laughter, let him fetch his drumme, he sayes he has a stratagem for't: when your Lordship sees the bottome of this successe in't, and to what mettle this counterfeyt lump of ours will be melted if you giue him not Iohn drummes entertainement, your inclining cannot be remoued. Heere he comes.
O for the loue of laughter hinder not the honor of his designe, let him fetch off his drumme in any hand.
How now Monsieur? This drumme sticks sorely in your disposition.
A pox on't, let it go, 'tis but a drumme.
But a drumme: Ist but a drumme? A drum so lost. There was excellent command, to charge in with our horse vpon our owne wings, and to rend our owne souldiers.
That was not to be blam'd in the command of the seruice: it was a disaster of warre that Caesar him selfe could not haue preuented, if he had beene there to command.
Well, wee cannot greatly condemne our successe: some dishonor wee had in the losse of that drum, but it is not to be recouered.
It might haue beene recouered.
It might, but it is not now.
It is to be recouered, but that the merit of seruice is sildome attributed to the true and exact performer, I would haue that drumme or another, or hic iacet.
Why if you haue a stomacke, too't Monsieur: if you thinke your mysterie in stratagem, can bring this instrument of honour againe into his natiue quarter, be magnanimious in the enterprize and go on, I wil grace the attempt for a worthy exploit: if you speede well in it, the Duke shall both speake of it, and extend to you what further becomes his greatnesse, euen to the vtmost syllable of your worthinesse.
By the hand of a souldier I will vndertake it.
But you must not now slumber in it.
Ile about it this euening, and I will presently pen downe my dilemma's, encourage my selfe in my certaintie, put my selfe into my mortall preparation: and by midnight looke to heare further from me.
May I bee bold to acquaint his grace you are gone about it.
I know not what the successe wil be my Lord, but the attempt I vow.
I loue not many words.
No more then a fish loues water. Is not this a strange fellow my Lord, that so confidently seemes to vndertake this businesse, which he knowes is not to be done, damnes himselfe to do, & dares better be damnd then to doo't.
You do not know him my Lord as we doe, certaine it is that he will steale himselfe into a mans fauour, and for a weeke escape a great deale of discoueries, but when you finde him out, you haue him euer after.
Why do you thinke he will make no deede at all of this that so seriouslie hee dooes addresse himselfe vnto?
None in the world, but returne with an inuention, and clap vpon you two or three probable lies: but we haue almost imbost him, you shall see his fall to night; for indeede he is not for your Lordshippes respect.
Weele make you some sport with the Foxe ere we case him. He was first smoak'd by the old Lord Lafew, when his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a sprat you shall finde him, which you shall see this verie night.
Your brother he shall go along with me.
As't please your Lordship, Ile leaue you.
But you say she's honest.
With all my heart my Lord.
Now I see the bottome of your purpose.
Actus Quartus.
He can come no other way but by this hedge corner: when you sallie vpon him, speake what terrible Language you will: though you vnderstand it not your selues, no matter: for we must not seeme to vnderstand him, vnlesse some one among vs, whom wee must produce for an Interpreter.
Good Captaine, let me be th' Interpreter.
Art not acquainted with him? knowes he not thy voice?
No sir I warrant you.
But what linsie wolsy hast thou to speake to vs againe.
E'n such as you speake to me.
He must thinke vs some band of strangers, i' th aduersaries entertainment. Now he hath a smacke of all neighbouring Languages: therefore we must euery one be a man of his owne fancie, not to know what we speak one to another: so we seeme to know, is to know straight our purpose: Choughs language, gabble enough, and good enough. As for you interpreter, you must seeme very politicke. But couch hoa, heere hee comes, to beguile two houres in a sleepe, and then to returne & swear the lies he forges.
Ten a clocke: Within these three houres 'twill be time enough to goe home. What shall I say I haue done? It must bee a very plausiue inuention that carries it. They beginne to smoake mee, and disgraces haue of late, knock'd too often at my doore: I finde my tongue is too foole-hardie, but my heart hath the feare of Ma [...]s before it, and of his creatures, not daring the reports of my tongue.
This is the first truth that ere thine own tongue was guiltie of.
What the diuell should moue mee to vndertake the recouerie of this drumme, being not ignorant of the impossibility, and knowing I had no such purpose? I must giue my selfe some hurts, and say I got them in exploit: yet slight ones will not carrie it. They will say, came you off with so little? And great ones I dare not giue, wherefore what's the instance. Tongue, I must put you into a Butter-womans mouth, and buy my selfe another of Baiazeths Mule, if you prattle mee into these perilles.
Is it possible he should know what hee is, and be that he is.
I would the cutting of my garments wold serue the turne, or the breaking of my Spanish sword.
We cannot affoord you so.
Or the baring of my beard, and to say it was in stratagem.
'Twould not do.
Or to drowne my cloathes, and say I was stript.
Hardly serue.
Though I swore I leapt from the window of the Citadell.
How deepe?
Thirty fadome.
Three great oathes would scarse make that be beleeued.
I would I had any drumme of the enemies, I would sweare I recouer'd it.
You shall heare one anon.
A drumme now of the enemies.
Throca movousus, cargo, cargo, cargo.
Cargo, cargo, cargo, villianda par corbo, cargo.
Boskos thromuldo boskos.
Boskos vauvado, I vnderstand thee, & can speake thy tongue: Kerelybonto sir, betake thee to thy faith, for seuenteene ponyards are at thy bosome.
Oh.
Oscorbidulchos voliuorc [...].
But wilt thou faithfully?
If I do not, damne me.
Captaine I will.
So I will sir.
Till then Ile keepe him darke and safely lockt.
They told me that your name was Fontybell.
No my good Lord, Diana.
She then was honest.
So should you be.
How haue I sworne.
Will you not my Lord?
A heauen on earth I haue won by wooing thee.
You haue not giuen him his mothers letter.
I haue deliu'red it an houre since, there is som thing in't that stings his nature: for on the reading it, he chang'd almost into another man.
He has much worthy blame laid vpon him, for shaking off so good a wife, and so sweet a Lady.
Especially, hee hath incurred the euerlasting displeasure of the King, who had euen tun'd his bounty to sing happinesse to him. I will tell you a thing, but you shall let it dwell darkly with you.
When you haue spoken it 'tis dead, and I am the graue of it.
Hee hath peruerted a young Gentlewoman heere in Florence, of a most chaste renown, & this night he fleshes his will in the spoyle of her honour: hee hath giuen her his monumentall Ring, and thinkes himselfe made in the vnchaste composition.
Now God delay our rebellion as we are our selues, what things are we.
Meerely our owne traitours. And as in the common course of all treasons, we still see them reueale themselues, till they attaine to their abhorr'd ends: so he that in this action contriues against his owne Nobility in his proper streame, ore-flowes himselfe.
Is it not meant damnable in vs, to be Trumpeters of our vnlawfull intents? We shall not then haue his company to night?
Not till after midnight: for hee is dieted to his houre.
That approaches apace: I would gladly haue him see his company anathomiz'd, that hee might take [Page 247] a measure of his owne iudgements, wherein so curiously he had set this counterfeit.
We will not meddle with him till he come; for his presence must be the whip of the other.
In the meane time, what heare you of these Warres?
I heare there is an ouerture of peace.
Nay, I assure you a peace concluded.
What will Count Rossillion do then? Will he trauaile higher, or returne againe into France?
I perceiue by this demand, you are not altogether of his councell.
Let it be forbid sir, so should I bee a great deale of his act.
Sir, his wife some two months since fledde from his house, her pretence is a pilgrimage to Saint Iaques le grand; which holy vndertaking, with most austere sanctimonie she accomplisht: and there residing, the tendernesse of her Nature, became as a prey to her greefe: in fine, made a groane of her last breath, & now she sings in heauen.
How is this iustified?
The stronger part of it by her owne Letters, which makes her storie true, euen to the poynt of her death: her death it selfe, which could not be her office to say, is come: was faithfully confirm'd by the Rector of the place.
Hath the Count all this intelligence?
I, and the particular confirmations, point from point, to the full arming of the veritie.
I am heartily sorrie that hee'l bee gladde of this.
How mightily sometimes, we make vs comforts of our losses.
And how mightily some other times, wee drowne our gaine in teares, the great dignitie that his valour hath here acquir'd for him, shall at home be encountred with a shame as ample.
The webbe of our life, is of a mingled yarne, good and ill together: our vertues would bee proud, if our faults whipt them not, and our crimes would dispaire if they were not cherish'd by our vertues.
How now? Where's your master?
He met the Duke in the street sir, of whom hee hath taken a solemne leaue: his Lordshippe will next morning for France. The Duke hath offered him Letters of commendations to the King.
They shall bee no more then needfull there, if they were more then they can commend.
They cannot be too sweete for the Kings tartnesse, heere's his Lordship now. How now my Lord, i'st not after midnight?
I haue to night dispatch'd sixteene businesses, a moneths length a peece, by an abstract of successe: I haue congied with the Duke, done my adieu with his neerest; buried a wife, mourn'd for her▪ writ to my Ladie mother, I am returning, entertain'd my Conuoy, & betweene these maine parcels of dispatch, affected many nicer needs: the last was the greatest, but that I haue not ended yet.
If the businesse bee of any difficulty, and this morning your departure hence, it requires hast of your Lordship.
I meane the businesse is not ended, as fearing to heare of it hereafter: but shall we haue this dialogue betweene the Foole and the Soldiour. Come, bring forth this counterfet module, ha [...]s deceiu'd mee, like a double-meaning Prophesier.
Bring him forth, ha's sate i' th stockes all night poore gallant knaue.
No matter, his heeles haue deseru'd it, in vsurping his spurres so long. How does he carry himselfe?
I haue told your Lordship alreadie: The stockes carrie him. But to answer you as you would be vnderstood, hee weepes like a wench that had shed her milke, he hath confest himselfe to Morgan, whom hee supposes to be a Friar, frō the time of his remembrance to this very instant disaster of his setting i' th stockes: and what thinke you he hath confest?
Nothing of me, ha's a?
His confession is taken, and it shall bee read to his face, if your Lordshippe be in't, as I beleeue you are, you must haue the patience to heare it.
A plague vpon him, muffeld; he can say nothing of me: hush, hush.
Hoodman comes: Portotartarossa.
He calles for the tortures, what will you say without em.
Bosko Chimurcho.
Boblibindo chicurmurco.
You are a mercifull Generall: Our Generall bids you answer to what I shall aske you out of a Note.
And truly, as I hope to liue.
First demand of him, how many horse the Duke is strong. What say you to that?
Fiue or sixe thousand, but very weake and vnseruiceable: the troopes are all scattered, and the Commanders verie poore rogues, vpon my reputation and credit, and as I hope to liue.
Shall I set downe your answer so?
Do, Ile take the Sacrament on't, how & which way you will: all's one to him.
What a past-sauing slaue is this?
Y'are deceiu'd my Lord, this is Mounsieur Parrolles the gallant militarist, that was his owne phrase that had the whole theoricke of warre in the knot of his scarfe, and the practise in the chape of his dagger.
I will neuer trust a man againe, for keeping his sword cleane, nor beleeue he can haue euerie thing in him, by wearing his apparrell neatly.
Well, that's set downe.
Fiue or six thousand horse I sed, I will say true, or thereabouts set downe, for Ile speake truth.
He's very neere the truth in this.
But I con him no thankes for't in the nature he deliuers it.
Poore rogues, I pray you say.
Well, that's set downe.
I humbly thanke you sir, a truth's a truth, the Rogues are maruailous poore.
Demaund of him of what strength they are a foot. What say you to that?
By my troth sir, if I were to liue this present houre, I will tell true. Let me see, Spurio a hundred & [Page 248] fiftie, Sebastian so many, Corambus so many, Iaques so many: Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowicke, and Gratij, two hundred fiftie each: Mine owne Company, Chitopher, Ʋaumond, Bentij, two hundred fiftie each: so that the muster file, rotten and sound, vppon my life amounts not to fifteene thousand pole, halfe of the which, dare not shake the snow from off their Cassockes, least they shake themselues to peeces.
What shall be done to him?
Nothing, but let him haue thankes. Demand of him my condition: and what credite I haue with the Duke.
Well that's set downe: you shall demaund of him, whether one Captaine Dumaine bee i' th Campe, a Frenchman: what his reputation is with the Duke, what his valour, honestie, and expertnesse in warres: or whether he thinkes it were not possible with well-waighing summes of gold to corrupt him to a reuolt. What say you to this? What do you know of it?
I beseech you let me answer to the particular of the intergatories. Demand them singly.
Do you know this Captaine Dumaine?
I know him, a was a Botchers Prentize in Paris, from whence he was whipt for getting the Shrieues fool with childe, a dumbe innocent that could not say him nay.
Nay, by your leaue hold your hands, though I know his braines are forfeite to the next tile that fals.
Well, is this Captaine in the Duke of Florences campe?
Vpon my knowledge he is, and lowsie.
Nay looke not so vpon me: we shall heare of your Lord anon.
What is his reputation with the Duke?
The Duke knowes him for no other, but a poore Officer of mine, and writ to mee this other day, to turne him out a' th band. I thinke I haue his Letter in my pocket.
Marry we'll search.
In good sadnesse I do not know, either it is there, or it is vpon a file with the Dukes other Letters, in my Tent.
Heere 'tis, heere's a paper, shall I reade it to you?
I do not know if it be it or no.
Our Interpreter do's it well.
Excellently.
Dian, the Counts a foole, and full of gold.
That is not the Dukes letter sir: that is an aduertisement to a proper maide in Florence, one Diana, to take heede of the allurement of one Count Rossillion, a foolish idle boy: but for all that very ruttish. I pray you sir put it vp againe.
Nay, Ile reade it first by your fauour.
My meaning in't I protest was very honest in the behalfe of the maid: for I knew the young Count to be a dangerous and lasciuious boy, who is a whale to Virginity and deuours vp all the fry it finds.
Damnable both-sides rogue.
He shall be whipt through the Armie with this rime in's forehead.
This is your deuoted friend sir, the manifold Linguist, and the army-potent souldier.
I could endure any thing before but a Cat, and now he's a Cat to me.
I perceiue sir by your Generals lookes, wee shall be faine to hang you.
My life sir in any case: Not that I am afraide to dye, but that my offences beeing many, I would repent out the remainder of Nature. Let me liue sir in a dungeon, i' th stockes, or any where, so I may liue.
Wee'le see what may bee done, so you confesse freely: therefore once more to this Captaine Dumaine: you haue answer'd to his reputation with the Duke, and to his valour. What is his honestie?
He will steale sir an Egge out of a Cloister: for rapes and rauishments he paralels Nessus. Hee professes not keeping of oaths, in breaking em he is stronger then Hercules. He will lye sir, with such volubilitie, that you would thinke truth were a foole: drunkennesse is his best vertue, for he will be swine-drunke, and in his sleepe he does little harme, saue to his bed-cloathes about him: but they know his conditions, and lay him in straw. I haue but little more to say sir of his honesty, he ha's euerie thing that an honest man should not haue; what an honest man should haue, he has nothing.
I begin to loue him for this.
For this description of thine honestie? A pox vpon him for me, he's more and more a Cat.
What say you to his expertnesse in warre?
Faith sir, ha's led the drumme before the English Tragedians: to belye him I will not, and more of his souldiership I know not, except in that Country, he had the honour to be the Officer at a place there called Mile-end, to instruct for the doubling of files. I would doe the man what honour I can, but of this I am not certaine.
He hath out-villain'd villanie so farre, that the raritie redeemes him.
A pox on him, he's a Cat still.
His qualities being at this poore price. I neede not to aske you, if Gold will corrupt him to reuolt.
Sir, for a Cardceue he will sell the fee-simple of his saluation, the inheritance of it, and cut th' intaile from all remainders, and a perpetuall succession for it perpetually.
What's his Brother, the other Captain Dumain?
Why do's he aske him of me?
What's he?
E'ne a Crow a' th same nest: not altogether so great as the first in goodnesse, but greater a great deale in euill. He excels his Brother for a coward, yet his Brother is reputed one of the best that is. In a retreate hee outrunnes any Lackey; marrie in comming on, hee ha's the Crampe.
If your life be saued, will you vndertake to betray the Florentine.
I, and the Captaine of his horse, Count Rossillion.
Ile whisper with the Generall, and knowe his pleasure.
Ile no more drumming, a plague of all drummes, onely to seeme to deserue well, and to beguile the supposition [Page 251] o' that lasciuious yong boy the Count, haue I run into this danger: yet who would haue suspected an ambush where I was taken?
There is no remedy sir, but you must dye: the Generall sayes, you that haue so traitorously discouerd the secrets of your army, and made such pestifferous reports of men very nobly held, can serue the world for no honest vse: therefore you must dye. Come headesman, off with his head.
O Lord sir let me liue, or let me see my death.
Good morrow noble Captaine.
God blesse you Captaine Parolles.
God saue you noble Captaine.
Captain, what greeting will you to my Lord Lafew? I am for France.
Good Captaine will you giue me a Copy of the sonnet you writ to Diana in behalfe of the Count Rossillion, and I were not a verie Coward, I'de compell it of you, but far you well.
You are vndone Captaine all but your scarfe, that has a knot on't yet.
Who cannot be crush'd with a plot?
If you could finde out a Countrie where but women were that had receiued so much shame, you might begin an impudent Nation. Fare yee well sir, I am for France too, we shall speake of you there.
No, no, no, your sonne was misled with a snipt taffata fellow there, whose villanous saffron wold haue made all the vnbak'd and dowy youth of a nation in his colour: your daughter-in-law had beene aliue at this houre, and your sonne heere at home, more aduanc [...]d by the King, then by that red-tail'd humble Bee I speak of.
I would I had not knowne him, it was the death of the most vertuous gentlewoman, that euer Nature had praise for creating. If she had pertaken of my flesh and cost mee the deerest groanes of a mother, I could not haue owed her a more rooted loue.
Twas a good Lady, 'twas a good Lady. Wee may picke a thousand sallets ere wee light on such another hearbe.
Indeed sir she was the sweete Margerom of the sallet, or rather the hearbe of grace.
They are not hearbes you knaue, they are nose-hearbes.
I am no great Nabuchadnezar sir, I haue not much skill in grace.
Whether doest thou professe thy selfe, a knaue or a foole?
A foole sir at a womans seruice, and a knaue at a mans.
Your distinction.
I would cousen the man of his wife, and do his seruice.
So you were a knaue at his seruice indeed.
And I would giue his wife my bauble sir to doe her seruice.
I will subscribe for thee, thou art both knaue and foole.
At your seruice.
No, no, no.
Why sir, if I cannot serue you, I can serue as great a prince as you are.
Whose that, a Frenchman?
Faith sir a has an English maine, but his fisnomie is more hotter in France then there.
What prince is that?
The blacke prince sir, alias the prince of darkenesse, alias the diuell.
Hold thee there's my purse, I giue thee not this to suggest thee from thy master thou talk'st off, serue him still.
I am a woodland fellow sir, that alwaies loued a great fire, and the master I speak of euer keeps a good fire, but sure he is the Prince of the world, let his Nobilitie remaine in's Court. I am for the house with the narrow gate, which I take to be too little for pompe to enter: some that humble themselues may, but the manie will be too chill and tender, and theyle bee for the flowrie way that leads to the broad gate, and the great fire.
Go thy waies, I begin to bee a wearie of thee, and I tell thee so before, because I would not fall out with thee. Go thy wayes, let my horses be wel look'd too, without any trickes.
If I put any trickes vpon em sir, they shall bee Iades trickes, which are their owne right by the law of Nature.
A shrewd knaue and an vnhappie.
So a is. My Lord that's gone made himselfe much sport out of him, by his authoritie hee remaines heere, which he thinkes is a pattent for his sawcinesse, and indeede he has no pace, but runnes where he will.
I like him well, 'tis not amisse: and I was about to tell you, since I heard of the good Ladies death, and that my Lord your sonne was vpon his returne home. I moued the King my master to speake in the behalfe of my daughter, which in the minoritie of them both, his Maiestie out of a selfe gracious remembrance did first propose, his Highnesse hath promis'd me to doe it, and to stoppe vp the displeasure he hath conceiued against your sonne, there is no fitter matter. How do's your Ladyship like it?
With verie much content my Lord, and I wish it happily effected.
His Highnesse comes post from Marcellus, of as able bodie as when he number'd thirty, a will be heere to morrow, or I am deceiu'd by him that in such intelligence hath seldome fail'd.
Ir reioyces me, that I hope I shall see him ere I die. I haue letters that my sonne will be heere to night: I shall beseech your Lordship to remaine with mee, till they meete together.
Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might safely be admitted.
You neede but pleade your honourable priuiledge.
Ladie, of that I haue made a bold charter, but I thanke my God, it holds yet.
O Madam, yonders my Lord your sonne with a patch of veluet on's face, whether there bee a scar vnder't or no, the Veluet knowes, but 'tis a goodly patch of Veluet, his left cheeke is a cheeke of two pile and a halfe, but his right cheeke is worne bare.
But it is your carbinado'd face.
Faith there's a dozen of em, with delicate fine hats, and most courteous feathers, which bow the head, and nod at euerie man.
Actus Quintus.
And you.
Sir, I haue seene you in the Court of France.
I haue beene sometimes there.
What's your will?
The Kings not heere.
Not heere sir?
Lord how we loose our paines.
This Ile do for you.
And you shall finde your selfe to be well thankt what e're falles more. We must to horse againe, Go, go, prouide.
Good M r Lauatch giue my Lord Lafew this letter, I haue ere now sir beene better knowne to you, when I haue held familiaritie with fresher cloathes: but I am now sir muddied in fortunes mood, and smell somewhat strong of her strong displeasure.
Truely, Fortunes displeasure is but sluttish if it smell so strongly as thou speak'st of: I will hencefoorth eate no Fish of Fortunes butt'ring. Pre thee alow the winde.
Nay you neede not to stop your nose sir: I spake but by a Metaphor.
Indeed sir, if your Metaphor stinke, I will stop my nose, or against any mans Metaphor. Prethe get thee further.
Pray you sir deliuer me this paper.
Foh, prethee stand away: a paper from fortunes close-stoole, to giue to a Nobleman. Looke heere he comes himselfe.
Heere is a purre of Fortunes sir, or of Fortunes Cat, but not a Muscat, that ha's falne into the vncleane fish-pond of her displeasure, and as he sayes is muddied withall. Pray you sir, vse the Carpe as you may, for he lookes like a poore decayed, ingenious, foolish, rascally knaue. I doe pittie his distresse in my smiles of comfort, and leaue him to your Lordship.
My Lord I am a man whom fortune hath cruelly scratch'd.
And what would you haue me to doe? 'Tis too late to paire her nailes now. Wherein haue you played the knaue with fortune that she should scratch you, who of her selfe is a good Lady, and would not haue knaues thriue long vnder? There's a Cardecue for you: Let the Iustices make you and fortune friends; I am for other businesse.
I beseech your honour to heare mee one single word▪
you begge a single peny more: Come you shall ha [...]t, saue your word.
My name my good Lord is Parrolles.
You begge more then word then. Cox my passion, giue me your hand: How does your drumme?
O my good Lord, you were the first that found mee.
Was I insooth? And I was the first that lost thee.
It lies in you my Lord to bring me in some grace for you did bring me out.
Out vpon thee knaue, doest thou put vpon mee at once both the offiee of God and the diuel: one brings thee in grace, and the other brings thee out. The Kings comming I know by his Trumpets. Sirrah, inquire further after me, I had talke of you last night, though you are a foole and a knaue, you shall eate, go too, follow.
I praise God for you.
I shall my Liege.
All that he is, hath reference to your Highnes.
Then shall we haue a match. I haue letters sent me, that sets him high in fame.
He lookes well on't.
Hers it was not.
I am sure I saw her weare it.
She neuer saw it.
I am wrap [...]d in dismall thinkings.
Ʋpon his many protestations to marrie mee when his wife was dead, I blush to say it, he wonne me. Now is the Count Rossillion a Widdower, his vowes are forfeited to mee, and my honors payed to him. Hee stole from Florence, taking no leaue, and I follow him to his Countrey for Iustice: Grant it me, O King, in you it best lies, otherwise a seducer flourishes, and a poore Maid is vndone.
I will buy me a sonne in Law in a faire, and toule for this. Ile none of him.
Now iustice on the doers.
Come hether Count, do you know these Women?
Why do you looke so strange vpon your wife?
She's none of mine my Lord.
your reputation comes too short for my daughter, you are no husband for her.
What saist thou to her?
I saw the man to day, if man he bee.
Finde him, and bring him hether.
She hath that Ring of yours.
I haue it not.
What Ring was yours I pray you?
Sir much like the same vpon your finger.
Know you this Ring, this Ring was his of late.
And this was it I gaue him being a bed.
I haue spoke the truth.
My Lord, I do confesse the ring was hers.
I, my Lord.
So please your Maiesty, my master hath bin an honourable Gentleman. Trickes hee hath had in him, which Gentlemen haue.
Come, come, to' th' purpose: Did hee loue this woman?
Faith sir he did loue her, but how.
How I pray you?
He did loue her sir, as a Gent. loues a Woman.
How is that?
He lou'd her sir, and lou'd her not.
As thou art a knaue and no knaue, what an equiuocall Companion is this?
I am a poore man, and at your Maiesties command.
Hee's a good drumme my Lord, but a naughtie Orator.
Do you know he promist me marriage?
Faith I know more then Ile speake.
But wilt thou not speake all thou know'st?
Yes so please your Maiesty: I did goe betweene them as I said, but more then that he loued her, for indeede he was madde for her, and talkt of Sathan, and of Limbo, and of Furies, and I know not what: yet I was in that credit with them at that time, that I knewe of their going to bed, and of other motions, as promising her marriage, and things which would deriue mee ill will to speake of, therefore I will not speake what I know.
Thou hast spoken all alreadie, vnlesse thou canst say they are maried, but thou art too fine in thy euidence, therefore stand aside. This Ring you say was yours.
I my good Lord.
Where did you buy it? Or who gaue it you?
It was not giuen me, nor I did not buy it.
Who lent it you?
It was not lent me neither.
Where did you finde it then?
I found it not.
I neuer gaue it him.
This womans an easie gloue my Lord, she goes off and on at pleasure.
This Ring was mine, I gaue it his first wife.
It might be yours or hers for ought I know.
Ile neuer tell you.
Take her away.
Ile put in baile my liedge.
I thinke thee now some common Customer.
By Ioue if euer I knew man 'twas you.
Wherefore hast thou accusde him al this while.
She does abuse our eares, to prison with her.
Both, both, O pardon.
Twelfe Night, Or what you will.
Actus Primus,
Scaena Prima.
Will you go hunt my Lord?
What Curio?
The Hart.
Scena Secunda.
What Country (Friends) is this?
This is Illyria Ladie.
It is perchance that you your selfe were saued.
O my poore brother, and so perchance may he be.
Who gouernes heere?
A noble Duke in nature, as in name.
What is his name?
Orsino.
What's shee?
I thanke thee: Lead me on.
Scaena Tertia.
What a plague meanes my Neece to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemie to life.
By my troth sir Toby, you must come in earlyer a nights▪ your Cosin, my Lady, takes great exceptions to your ill houres.
Why let her except, before excepted.
I, but you must confine your selfe within the modest limits of order.
Confine? Ile confine my selfe no finer then I am: these cloathes are good enough to drinke in, and so bee these boots too: and they be not, let them hang themselues in their owne straps.
That quaffing and drinking will vndoe you: I heard my Lady talke of it yesterday: and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here, to be hir woer
Who, Sir Andrew Ague-cheeke?
I he.
He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
What's that to th' purpose?
Why he ha's three thousand ducates a yeare.
I, but hee'l haue but a yeare in all these ducates: He's a very foole, and a prodigall.
Fie, that you'l say so: he playes o' th Viol-de-ga [...]-boys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without booke, & hath all the good gifts of nature.
He hath indeed, almost naturall: for besides that he's a foole, he's a great quarreller: and but that hee hath the gift of a Coward, to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickely haue the gift of a graue.
By this hand they are scoundrels and substractor▪ that say so of him. Who are they?
They that adde moreour, hee's drunke nightly in your company.
With drinking healths to my Neece: Ile drinke to her as long as there is a passage in my throat, & drinke in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystrill that will not drinke to my Neece▪ till his braines turne o' th toe, like a parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo: for here coms Sir Andrew Agueface.
Sir Toby Belch. How now sir Toby Belch?
Sweet sir Andrew.
Blesse you faire Shrew.
And you too sir.
Accost Sir Andrew, accost.
What's that?
My Neeces Chamber-maid.
Good Mistris accost, I desire better acquaintance
My name is Mary sir.
Good mistris Mary, accost.
You mistake knight: Accost, is front her, boord her, woe her, assayle her.
By my troth I would not vndertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of Accost?
Far you well Gentlemen.
And thou let part so Sir Andrew, would thou mightst neuer draw sword agen.
And you part so mistris, I would I might neuer draw sword agen: Faire Lady, doe you thinke you haue fooles in hand?
Sir, I haue not you by 'th hand.
Marry but you shall haue, and heeres my hand.
Now sir▪ thought is free: I pray you bring your hand to 'th Buttry barre, and let it drinke.
Wherefore (sweet-heart?) What's your Metaphor?
It's dry sir.
Why I thinke so: I am not such an asse, but I can keepe my hand dry. But what's your iest?
A dry iest Sir.
Are you full of them?
I Sir, I haue them at my fingers ends: marry now I let go your hand, I am barren.
O knight, thou lack'st a cup of Canarie: when did I see thee so put downe?
Neuer in your life I thinke, vnlesse you see Canarie put me downe: mee thinkes sometimes I haue no more wit then a Christian, or an ordinary man ha's: but I am a great eater of beefe, and I beleeue that does harme to my wit.
No question.
And I thought that, I'de forsweare it. Ile ride home to morrow sir Toby.
Pur-quoy my deere knight?
What is purquoy? Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I haue in fencing dancing, and beare-bayting; O had I but followed the Arts.
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of haire.
Why, would that haue mended my haire?
Past question, for thou seest it will not coole my nature
But it becoms we wel enough, dost not?
Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaffe: & I hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs, & spin it off.
Faith Ile home to morrow sir Toby, your niece wil not be seene, or if she be it's four to one, she'l none of me: the Count himselfe here hard by, wooes her,
Shee'l none o' th Count, she'l not match aboue hir degree, neither in estate, yeares, nor wit: I haue heard her swear't. Tut there's life in't man.
Ile stay a moneth longer. I am a fellow o' th strangest minde i' th world: I delight in Maskes and Reuels sometimes altogether.
Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?
As any man in Illyria, whatsoeuer he be, vnder the degree of my betters, & yet I will not compare with an old man.
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
Faith, I can cut a caper.
And I can cut the Mutton too't.
And I thinke I haue the backe-tricke, simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore haue these gifts a Curtaine before 'em? Are they like to take dust, like mistris Mals picture? Why dost thou not goe to Church in a Galliard, and come home in a Carranto? My verie walke should be a Iigge: I would not so much as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dooest thou meane? Is it a world to hide vertues in? I did thinke by the excellent constitution of thy legge, it was form'd vnder the starre of a Galliard.
I, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dam'd colour'd stocke. Shall we sit about some Reuels?
What shall we do else: were we not borne vnder Taurus?
Taurus? That sides and heart.
No sir, it is leggs and thighes: let me see thee caper. Ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent.
Scena Quarta.
If the Duke continue these fauours towards you Cesario, you are like to be much aduanc'd, he hath known you but three dayes, and already you are no stranger.
You either feare his humour, or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his loue. Is he inconstant sir, in his fauours.
No beleeue me.
I thanke you: heere comes the Count.
Who saw Cesario hoa?
On your attendance my Lord heere.
Say I do speake with her (my Lord) what then?
I thinke not so, my Lord.
Scena Quinta.
Nay, either tell me where thou hast bin, or I will not open my lippes so wide as a brissle may enter, in way of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Let her hang me: hee that is well hang'de in this world, needs to feare no colours.
Make that good.
He shall see none to feare.
A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where y t saying was borne, of I feare no colours.
Where good mistris Mary?
In the warrs, & that may you be bolde to say in your foolerie.
Well, God giue them wisedome that haue it: & those that are fooles, let them vse their talents.
Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent, or to be turn'd away: is not that as good as a hanging to you?
Many a good hanging, preuents a bad marriage: and for turning away, let summer beare it out.
You are resolute then?
Not so neyther, but I am resolu'd on two points
That if one breake, the other will hold: or if both breake, your gaskins fall.
Apt in good faith, very apt: well go thy way, if sir Toby would leaue drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eues flesh, as any in Illyria.
Peace you rogue, no more o' that: here comes my Lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.
Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling: those wits that thinke they haue thee, doe very oft proue fooles: and I that am sure I Iacke thee, may passe for a wise man. For what saies Quinapalus, Better a witty foole, then a foolish wit. God blesse thee Lady.
Take the foole away.
Do you not heare fellowes, take away the Ladie.
Go too, y' are a dry foole: Ile no more of you: besides you grow dis-honest.
Two faults Madona, that drinke & good counsell wil amend: for giue the dry foole drink, then is the foole not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself, if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if hee cannot, let the Botcher mend him: any thing that's mended, is but patch'd: vertu that transgresses, is but patcht with sinne, and sin that amends, is but patcht with vertue. If that this simple Sillogisme will serue, so: if it will not, vvhat remedy? [Page 258] As there is no true Cuckold but calamity, so beauties a flower; The Lady bad take away the foole, therefore I say againe, take her away.
Sir, I bad them take away you.
Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, Cucullus non facit monachum: that's as much to say, as I weare not motley in my braine: good Madona, giue mee leaue to proue you a foole.
Can you do it?
Dexteriously, good Madona.
Make your proofe.
I must catechize you for it Madona, Good my Mouse of vertue answer mee.
Well sir, for want of other idlenesse, Ile bide your proofe.
Good Madona, why mournst thou?
Good foole, for my brothers death.
I thinke his soule is in hell, Madona.
I know his soule is in heauen, foole.
The more foole (Madona) to mourne for your Brothers soule, being in heauen. Take away the Foole, Gentlemen.
What thinke you of this foole Maluolio, doth he not mend?
Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake him: Infirmity that decaies the wise, doth euer make the better foole.
God send you sir, a speedie Infirmity, for the better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no Fox, but he wil not passe his word for two pence that you are no Foole.
How say you to that Maluolio?
I maruell your Ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascall: I saw him put down the other day, with an ordinary foole, that has no more braine then a stone. Looke you now, he's out of his gard already: vnles you laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gag'd. I protest I take these Wisemen, that crow so at these set kinde of fooles, no better then the fooles Zanies.
O you are ficke of selfe-loue Maluolio, and taste with a distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guitlesse, and of free disposition, is to take those things for Bird-bolts, that you deeme Cannon bullets: There is no slander in an allow'd foole, though he do nothing but rayle; nor no rayling, in a knowne discreet man, though hee do nothing but reproue.
Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou speak'st well of fooles.
Madam, there is at the gate, a young Gentleman, much desires to speake with you.
From the Count Orsino, is it?
I know not (Madam) 'tis a faire young man, and well attended.
Who of my people hold him in delay▪
Sir Toby Madam, your kinsman.
Fetch him off I pray you, he speakes nothing but madman: Fie on him. Go you Maluolio; If it be a [...] suit from the Count, I am sicke, or not at home. What you will, to dismisse it.
Now you see sir, how your fooling growes old, & people dislike it.
Thou hast spoke for vs (Madona) as if thy eldest sonne should be a foole: whose scull, Ioue cramme with braines, for heere he comes.
One of thy kin has a most weake Pia-mater.
By mine honor halfe drunke. What is he at the gate Cosin?
A Gentleman.
A Gentleman? What Gentleman?
'Tis a Gentleman heere. A plague o' these pickle herring: How now Sot.
Good Sir Toby.
Cosin, Cosin, how haue you come so earely by this Lethargie?
Letcherie, I defie Letchery: there's one at the gate.
I marry, what is he?
Let him be the diuell and he will, I care not: giue me faith say I. Well, it's all one.
What's a drunken man like, foole?
Go thou and seeke the Crowner, and let him sitte o' my Coz: for he's in the third degree of drinke: hee's drown'd: go looke after him.
He is but mad yet Madona, and the foole shall looke to the madman.
Madam, yond young fellow sweares hee will speake with you. I told him you were sicke, he takes on him to vnderstand so much, and therefore comes to speak with you. I told him you were asleepe, he seems to haue a fore knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speake with you. What is to be said to him Ladie, hee's fortified against any deniall.
Tell him, he shall not speake with me.
Ha's beene told so: and hee sayes hee'l stand at your doore like a Sheriffes post, and be the supporter to a bench, but hee'l speake with you.
What kinde o' man is he?
Why of mankinde.
What manner of man?
Of verie ill manner: hee'l speake with you, will you, or no.
Of what personage, and yeeres is he?
Not yet old enough for a man, nor yong enough for a boy: as a squash is before tis a pescod, or a Codling when tis almost an Apple: Tis with him in standing water, betweene boy and man. He is verie well-fauour'd, and he speakes verie shrewishly: One would thinke his mothers milke were scarse out of him.
Let him approach: Call in my Gentlewoman.
Gentlewoman, my Lady calles.
The honorable Ladie of the house, which is she?
Speake to me, I shall answer for her: your will.
Most radiant, exquisite, and vnmatchable beautie. I pray you tell me if this bee the Lady of the house, for I neuer saw her. I would bee loath to cast away my speech: for besides that it is excellently well pend, I haue taken great paines to con it. Good Beauties, let mee sustaine no scorne; I am very comptible, euen to the least sinister vsage.
Whence came you sir?
I can say little more then I haue studied, & that question's out of my part. Good gentle one, giue mee modest assurance, if you be the Ladie of the house, that [Page 259] may proceede in my speech.
Are you a Comedian?
No my profound heart: and yet (by the verie phangs of malice, I sweare) I am not that I play. Are you the Ladie of the house?
If I do not vsurpe my selfe, I am.
Most certaine, if you are she, you do vsurp your selfe: for what is yours to bestowe, is, not yours to reserue. But this is from my Commission: I will on with my speech in your praise, and then shew you the heart of my message.
Come to what is important in't: I forgiue you the praise.
Alas, I tooke great paines to studie it, and 'tis Poeticall.
It is the more like to be feigned, I pray you keep it in. I heard you were sawcy at my gates, & allowd your approach rather to wonder at you, then to heare you. If you be not mad, be gone: if you haue reason, be breefe: 'tis not that time of Moone with me, to make one in so skipping a dialogue.
Will you hoyst sayle sir, here lies your way.
No good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer. Some mollification for your Giant, sweete Ladie; tell me your minde, I am a messenger.
Sure you haue some hiddeous matter to deliuer, when the curtesie of it is so fearefull. Speake your office.
It alone concernes your eare: I bring no ouerture of warre, no taxation of homage; I hold the Olyffe in my hand: my words are as full of peace, as matter.
Yet you began rudely. What are you? What would you?
The rudenesse that hath appear'd in mee, haue I learn'd from my entertainment. What I am, and what I would, are as secret as maiden-head: to your eares, Diuinity; to any others, prophanation.
Most sweet Ladie.
A comfortable doctrine, and much may bee saide of it. Where lies your Text?
In Orsinoes bosome.
In his bosome? In what chapter of his bosome?
To answer by the method in the first of his hart.
O, I haue read it: it is heresie. Haue you no more to say?
Good Madam, let me see your face.
Haue you any Commission from your Lord, to negotiate with my face: you are now out of your Text: but we will draw the Curtain, and shew you the picture. Looke you sir, such a one I was this present: Ist not well done?
Excellently done, if God did all.
'Tis in graine sir, 'twill endure winde and weather.
O sir, I will not be so hard-hearted: I will giue out diuers scedules of my beautie. It shalbe Inuentoried and euery particle and vtensile labell'd to my will: As, Item two lippes indifferent redde, Item two grey eyes, with lids to them: Item, one necke, one chin, & so forth. Were you sent hither to praise me?
How does he loue me?
Why, what would you?
Heere Madam, at your seruice.
Madam, I will.
Actus Secundus,
Scaena prima.
Will you stay no longer: nor will you not that I go with you.
By your patience, no: my starres shine darkely ouer me; the malignancie of my fate, might perhaps distemper yours; therefore I shall craue of you your leaue, that I may beare my euils alone. It were a bad recompence for your loue, to lay any of them on you.
Let me yet know of you, whither you are bound.
No sooth sir: my determinate voyage is meere extrauagancie. But I perceiue in you so excellent a touch of modestie, that you will not extort from me, what I am willing to keepe in: therefore it charges me in manners, the rather to expresse my selfe: you must know of mee then Antonio, my name is Sebastian (which I call'd Rodorigo) my father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you haue heard of. He left behinde him, my selfe, and a sister, both borne in an houre: if the Heauens had beene pleas'd, would we had so ended. But you sir, alter'd that, for some houre before you tooke me from the breach of the sea, was my sister drown'd.
Alas the day.
A Lady sir, though it was said shee much resembled me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but [...]hogh I could not with such estimable wonder ouer-farre beleeue that, yet thus farre I will boldly publish her, shee bore a minde that enuy could not but call faire: Shee is drown'd already sir with salt water, though I seeme to drowne her remembrance againe with more.
Pardon me sir, your bad entertainment.
O good Antonio, forgiue me your trouble.
If you will not murther me for my loue, let mee be your seruant.
If you will not vndo what you haue done, that is kill him, whom you haue recouer'd, desire it not. Fare ye well at once, my bosome is full of kindnesse, and I am yet so neere the manners of my mother, that vpon the least occasion more, mine eyes will tell tales of me: I am bound to the Count Orsino's Court, farewell.
Scaena Secunda.
Were not you eu'n now, with the Countesse Oliuia?
Euen now sir, on a moderate pace, I haue since ariu'd but hither.
She returnes this Ring to you (sir) you might haue saued mee my paines, to haue taken it away your selfe. She adds moreouer, that you should put your Lord into a desperate assurance, she will none of him. And one thing more, that you be neuer so hardie: o come againe in his affaires, vnlesse it bee to report your Lords taking of this: receiue it so.
She tooke the Ring of me, Ile none of it.
Come sir, you peeuishly threw it to her: and her will is, it should be so return'd: If it bee worth stooping for, there it lies, in your eye: if not, bee it his that findes it.
Scoena Tertia.
Approach Sir Andrew: not to bee a bedde after midnight, is to be vp betimes, and Deliculo surgere, thou know'st.
Nay by my troth I know not: but I know, to be vp late, is to be vp late.
A false conclusion: I hate it as an vnfill'd Canne. To be vp after midnight, and to go to bed then is early: so that to go to bed after midnight, is to goe to bed betimes. Does not our liues consist of the foure Elements?
Faith so they say, but I thinke it rather consists of eating and drinking.
Th' art a scholler; let vs therefore eate and drinke Marian I say, a stoope of wine.
Heere comes the foole yfaith.
How now my harts: Did you neuer see the Picture of we three?
Welcome asse, now let's haue a catch.
By my troth the foole has an excellent breast. I had rather then forty shillings I had such a legge, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the foole has. Insooth thou wast in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spok'st of Pigrogromitus, of the Ʋapians passing the Equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas very good yfaith: I sent thee sixe pence [Page 261] for thy Lemon, hadst it?
I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose is no Whip-stocke. My Lady has a white hand, and the Mermidons are no bottle-ale houses.
Excellent: Why this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now a song.
Come on, there is sixe pence for you. Let's haue a song.
There's a testrill of me too: if one knight giue a
Would you haue a loue-song, or a song of good life?
A loue song, a loue song.
I, I. I care not for good life.
Excellent good, ifaith.
Good, good.
A mellifluous voyce, as I am true knight.
A contagious breath.
Very sweet, and contagious ifaith.
To heare by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall wee rowze the night-Owle in a Catch, that will drawe three soules out of one Weauer? Shall we do that?
And you loue me, let's doo't: I am dogge at a Catch.
Byrlady sir, and some dogs will catch well.
Most certaine: Let our Catch be, Thou Knaue.
Hold thy peace, thou Knaue knight. I shall be constrain'd in't, to call thee knaue, Knight.
'Tis not the first time I haue constrained one to call me knaue. Begin foole: it begins, Hold thy peace.
I shall neuer begin if I hold my peace.
Good ifaith: Come begin.
What a catterwalling doe you keepe heere? If my Ladie haue not call'd vp her Steward Maluolio, and bid him turne you out of doores, neuer trust me.
My Lady's a Catayan, we are politicians, Maluolios a Peg-a-ramsie, and Three merry men be wee. Am not I consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly vally. Ladie, There dwelt a man in Babylon, Lady, Lady.
Beshrew me, the knights in admirable fooling.
I, he do's well enough if he be dispos'd, and so do I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it more naturall.
O the twelfe day of December.
For the loue o' God peace.
My masters are you mad? Or what are you? Haue you no wit, manners, nor honestie, but to gabble like Tinkers at this time of night? Do yee make an Alehouse of my Ladies house, that ye squeak out your Coziers Catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
We did keepe time sir in our Catches. Snecke vp.
Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My Lady bad me tell you, that though she harbors you as her kinsman, she's nothing ally'd to your disorders. If you can separate your selfe and your misdemeanors, you are welcome to the house: if not, and it would please you to take leaue of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.
Farewell deere heart, since I must needs be gone.
Nay good Sir Toby.
His eyes do shew his dayes are almost done.
Is't euen so?
But I will neuer dye.
Sir Toby there you lye.
This is much credit to you.
Shall I bid him go.
What and if you do?
Shall I bid him go, and spare not?
O no, no, no, no, you dare not.
Out o' tune sir, ye lye: Art any more then a Steward? Dost thou thinke because thou art vertuous, there shall be no more Cakes and Ale?
Yes by S. Anne, and Ginger shall bee hotte y' th mouth too.
Th' art i' th right. Goe sir, rub your Chaine with crums. A stope of Wine Maria.
Mistris Mary, if you priz'd my Ladies sauour at any thing more then contempt, you would not giue meanes for this vnciuill rule; the shall know of it by this hand.
Go shake your eares.
'Twere as good a deede as to drink when a mans a hungrie, to challenge him the field, and then to breake promise with him, and make a foole of him.
Doo't knight, Ile write thee a Challenge: or Ile deliuer thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
Sweet Sir Toby be patient for to night: Since the youth of the Counts was to day with my Lady, she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Maluolio, let me alone with him: If I do not gull him into an ayword, and make him a common recreation, do not thinke I haue witte enough to lye straight in my bed: I know I can do it.
Possesse vs, possesse vs, tell vs something of him.
Marrie sir, sometimes he is a kinde of Puritane.
O, if I thought that, Ide beate him like a dogge.
What for being a Puritan, thy exquisite reason, deere knight.
I haue no exquisite reason for't, but I haue reason good enough.
The diu'll a Puritane that hee is, or any thing constantly but a time-pleaser, an affection'd Asse, that cons State without booke, and vtters it by great swarths. The best perswaded of himselfe: so cram'd (as he thinkes) with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith, that all that looke on him, loue him: and on that vice in him, will my reuenge finde notable cause to worke.
What wilt thou do?
I will drop in his way some obscure Epistles of loue, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his legge, the manner of his gate, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and complection, he shall finde himselfe most feelingly personated. I can write very like my Ladie your Neece, on a forgotten matter wee can hardly make distinction of our hands.
Excellent, I smell a deuice.
I hau't in my nose too.
He shall thinke by the Letters that thou wilt drop [Page 262] that they come from my Neece, and that shee's in loue with him.
My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.
And your horse now would make him an Asse.
Asse, I doubt not.
O twill be admirable.
Sport royall I warrant you: I know my Physicke will worke with him, I will plant you two, and let the Foole make a third, where he shall finde the Letter: obserue his construction of it: For this night to bed, and dreame on the euent: Farewell.
Good night Penthisilea.
Before me she's a good wench.
She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me: what o' that?
I was ador'd once too.
Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst neede send for more money.
If I cannot recouer your Neece, I am a foule way out.
Send for money knight, if thou hast her not i' th end, call me Cut.
If I do not, neuer trust me, take it how you will.
Come, come, Ile go burne some Sacke, tis too late to go to bed now: Come knight, come knight.
Scena Quarta.
He is not heere (so please your Lordshippe) that should sing it?
Who was it?
Fest [...] the lester my Lord, a foole that the Ladie Oliuiaes Father tooke much delight in. He is about the house.
Seeke him out, and play the tune the while.
A little, by your fauour.
What kinde of woman ist?
Of your complection.
She is not worth thee then. What yeares ifaith?
About your yeeres my Lord.
I thinke it well my Lord.
Are you ready Sir?
I prethee sing.
There's for thy paines.
No paines sir, I take pleasure in singing sir.
Ile pay thy pleasure then.
Truely sir, and pleasure will be paide one time, or another.
Giue me now leaue, to leaue thee.
Now the melancholly God protect thee, and the Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffata, for thy minde is a very Opall. I would haue men of such constancie put to Sea, that their businesse might be euery thing, and their intent euerie where, for that's it, that alwayes makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.
But if she cannot loue you sir.
It cannot be so answer'd.
I but I know.
What dost thou knowe?
And what's her history?
Scena Quinta.
Come thy wayes Signior Fabian.
Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport, let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly.
Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggardly Rascally sheepe-biter, come by some notable shame?
I would exult man: you know he brought me out o' fauour with my Lady, about a Beare-baiting heere.
To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againe, and we will foole him blacke and blew, shall we not sir Andrew?
And we do not, it is pittie of our liues.
Heere comes the little villaine: How now my Mettle of India?
Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's comming downe this walke, he has beene yonder i' the Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close in the name of ieasting, lye thou there: for heere comes the Trowt, that must be caught with tickling.
'Tis but Fortune, all is fortune. Maria once told me she did affect me, and I haue heard her self come thus neere, that should shee fancie, it should bee one of my complection. Besides she vses me with a more exalted respect, then any one else that followes her. What should I thinke on't?
Heere's an ouer-weening rogue.
Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey Cocke of him, how he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes.
Slight I could so beate the Rogue.
Peace I say.
To be Count Maluolio.
Ah Rogue.
Pistoll him, pistoll him.
Peace, peace.
There is example for't: The Lady of the Strachy, married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
Fie on him Iezabel.
O peace, now he's deepely in: looke how imagination blowes him.
Hauing beene three moneths married to her, sitting in my state.
O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye.
Calling my Officers about me, in my branch'd Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day bedde, where I haue left Oliuia sleeping.
Fire and Brimstone.
O peace, peace.
And then to haue the humor of state: and after a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my place, as I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my kinsman Toby.
Boltes and shackles.
Oh peace, peace, peace, now, now.
Seauen of my people with an obedient start, make out for him: I frowne the while, and perchance winde vp my watch, or play with my some rich Iewell: Toby approaches; curtsies there to me.
Shall this fellow liue?
Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars, yet peace.
I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my familiar smile with an austere regard of controll.
And do's not Toby take you a blow o' the lippes, then?
Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech.
What, what?
You must amend your drunkennesse.
Out scab.
Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our plot?
Besides you waste the treasure of your time, with a foolish knight.
That's mee I warrant you.
One sir Andrew.
I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole.
What employment haue we heere?
Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin.
Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate reading aloud to him.
By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her very C's▪ her Ʋ's, and her T's, and thus makes shee het great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand.
Her C's, her Ʋ's, and her T's: why that?
To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes: Her very Phra [...]es: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my Lady: To whom should this be?
This winnes him, Liuer and all.
Marrie hang thee brocke.
A fustian riddle.
Excellent Wench, say I.
M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first let me see, let me see, let me see.
What dish a poyson has she drest him?
And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
I may command, where I adore: Why shee may command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall position portend, if I could make that resemble something in me? Softly, M.O.A.I.
O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent.
Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee as ranke as a Fox.
M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name.
Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre is excellent at faults.
M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O. does.
And O shall end, I hope.
I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O.
And then I. comes behind.
I, and you had any eye behinde you, you [...] might see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before you.
M, O, A, I. This simulation is not as the former: and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for euery one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here followes prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to invre thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to touch Fortunes singers Farewell, Shee that would alter seruices with thee, tht fortunate vnhappy daylight and champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee proud, I will reade pollticke Authours, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this, that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-garter'd, and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, & with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd, euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, let it appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. Therefore in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou wilt haue me.
I will not giue my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
I could marry this wench for this deuice.
So could I too.
And aske no other dowry with her, but such another iest.
Nor I neither.
Heere comes my noble gull catcher.
Wilt thou set thy foote o' my necke.
Or o' mine either?
Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom thy bondslaue?
Ifaith, or I either?
Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad.
Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?
Like Aqua vite with a Midwife.
If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil see it follow me.
To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell of wit.
Ile make one too.
Actus Tertius,
Scaena prima.
Saue thee Friend and thy Musick: dost thou liue by thy Tabor?
No sir, I liue by the Church.
Art thou a Churchman?
No such matter sir, I do liue by the Church: For, I do liue at my house, and my house dooth stand by the Church
So thou maist say the Kings lyes by a begger, if a begger dwell neer him: or the Church stands by thy Tabor, if thy Tabor stand by the Church.
You haue said sir: To see this age: A sentence is but a cheu'rill gloue to a good witte, how quickely the wrong side may be turn'd outward.
Nay that's certaine: they that dally nicely with words, may quickely make them wanton.
I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir.
Why man?
Why sir, her names a word, and to dallie with that word, might make my sister wanton: But indeede, words are very Rascals, since bonds disgrac'd them.
Thy reason man?
Troth sir, I can yeeld you none without wordes, and wordes are growne so false, I am loath to proue reason with them.
I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for nothing.
Not so sir, I do care for something: but in my conscience sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing sir, I would it would make you inuisible.
Art not thou the Lady Oliuia's foole?
No indeed sir, the Lady Oliuia has no folly, shee will keepe no foole sir, till she be married, and fooles are as like husbands, as Pilchers are to Herrings, the Husbands the bigger, I am indeede not her foole, but hir corrupter of words.
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
Foolery sir, does walke about the Orbe like the Sun, it shines euery where. I would be sorry sir, but the Foole should be as oft with your Master, as with my Mistris: I thinke I saw your wisedome there.
Nay, and thou passe vpon me, Ile no more with thee. Hold there's expences for thee.
Now Ioue in his next commodity of hayre, send thee a beard.
By my troth Ile tell thee, I am almost sicke for one, though I would not haue it grow on my chinne. Is thy Lady within?
Would not a paire of these haue bred sir?
Yes being kept together, and put to vse.
I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sir, to bring a Cressida to this Troylus.
I vnderstand you sir, tis well begg'd.
The matter I hope is not great sir; begging, but a begger: Cressida was a begger. My Lady is within sir. I will conster to them whence you come, who you are, and what you would are out of my welkin, I might say Element, but the word is ouer-worne.
Saue you Gentleman.
And you sir.
Dieu vou guard Monsieur.
Et vouz ousie vostre seruiture.
I hope sir, you are, and I am yours.
Will you incounter the house, my Neece is desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.
I am bound to your Neece sir, I meane she is the list of my voyage.
Taste your legges sir, put them to motion.
My legges do better vnderstand me sir, then I vnderstand what you meane by bidding me taste my legs.
I meane to go sir, to enter.
I will answer you with gate and entrance, but we are preuented.
Most excellent accomplish'd Lady, the heauens raine Odours on you.
That youth's a rare Courtier, raine odours, wel.
My matter hath no voice Lady, but to your owne most pregnant and vouchsafed eare.
Odours, pregnant, and vouchsafed: Ile get 'em all three already.
Let the Garden doore be shut, and leaue mee to my hearing. Giue me your hand sir.
My dutie Madam, and most humble seruice [...]
What is your name?
Cesario is your seruants name, faire Princesse.
My seruant sir? 'Twas neuer merry world, Since lowly feigning was call'd complement: y' are seruant to the Count Orsino youth.
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours: your seruants seruant, is your seruant Madam.
Deere Lady.
I pittie you.
That's a degree to loue.
Stay: I prethee tell me what thou thinkst of me?
That you do thinke you are not what you are.
If I thinke so, I thinke the same of you.
Then thinke you right: I am not what I am.
I would you were, as I would haue you be.
Scoena Secunda.
No faith, Ile not stay a iot longer:
Thy reason deere venom, giue thy reason.
You must neede [...] yeelde your reason, Sir Andrew?
Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the Counts Seruing-man, then euer she bestow'd vpon mee: I saw't i' th Orchard.
Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that.
As plaine as I see you now.
This was a great argument of loue in her toward you.
S'light; will you make an Asse o'me.
I will proue it legitimate sir, vpon the Oathes of iudgement, and reason.
And they haue beene grand Iurie men, since before Noah was a Saylor.
Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight, onely to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your Heart, and brimstone in your Liuer: you should then haue accosted her, and with some excellent iests, fire-new from the mint, you should haue bangd the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your hand, and this was b [...]ulkt: the double gilt of this opportunitie you let time wash off▪ and you are now sayld into the North of my Ladies opinion, where you will hang like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beard, vnlesse you do redeeme it, by some laudable attempt, either of valour or policie.
And't be any way, it must be with Valour, for policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownist, as a Politician.
Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to sight with him hurt him in eleuen places, my Neece shall take note of it, and assure thy selfe, there is no loue-Broker in the world, can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman, then report of valour.
There is no way but this sir Andrew.
Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?
[...]o, write it in a martial hand, be curst and briefe: it is no matter how wittie, so it bee eloquent, and full of inuention: taunt hi [...] with the license of Inke: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amisse, and as many Lyes, as will lye in thy sheete of paper, although the sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in England, set 'em downe, go about it. Let there bee gaulle enough in thy inke, though thou write with a Goo [...]e-pen, no matter: about it.
Where shall I finde you?
Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.
This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby.
I haue beene deere to him lad, some two thousand strong, or so.
We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le not deliuer't.
Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were open'd and you finde so much blood in his Liuer, as will clog the foote of a flea, Ile eate the rest of th' anatomy.
And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no great presage of cruelty.
Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes.
If you desire the spleene, and will laughe your selues into stitches, follow me; yond gull Maluolio is turned Heathen, a verie Renegatho; for there is no christian that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightly, can euer beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in yellow stockings.
And crosse garter'd?
Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a Schoole i' th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murtherer. He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt, to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes, then is in the new Mappe, with the augmentation of the Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hardly forbeare hu [...]ling things at him, I know my Ladie will strike him: if shee doe, hee'l smile, and take't for a great fauour.
Come bring vs, bring vs where he is.
Scaena Tertia.
To morrow sir, best first go see your Lodging?
Belike you slew great number of his people.
Do not then walke too open.
Why I your purse?
To th' Elephant.
I do remember.
Scoena Quarta.
Why what's the matter, does he raue?
No Madam, he does nothing but smile: your Ladyship were best to haue some guard about you, if hee come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits.
Sweet Lady, ho, ho.
Smil'st thou? I sent for thee vpon a sad occasion.
Not blacke in my minde, though yellow in my legges: It did come to his hands, and Commaunds shall be executed. I thinke we doe know the sweet Romane hand.
Wilt thou go to bed Maluolio?
To bed? I sweet heart, and Ile come to thee.
God comfort thee: Why dost thou smile so, and kisse thy hand so oft?
How do you Maluolio?
Why appeare you with this ridiculous boldnesse before my Lady.
Be not afraid of greatnesse: 'twas well writ.
What meanst thou by that Maluolio?
Some are borne great.
Ha?
Some atcheeue greatnesse.
What sayst thou?
And some haue greatnesse thrust vpon them.
Heauen restore thee.
Remember who commended thy yellow stockings.
Thy yellow stockings?
And wish'd to see thee crosse garter'd.
Crosse garter'd?
Go too, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so.
Am I made?
If not, let me see thee a seruant still.
Why this is verie Midsommer madnesse.
Madame, the young Gentleman of the Count Orsino's is return'd, I could hardly entreate him backe: he attends your Ladyships pleasure.
Good Maria, let this fellow be look [...]d too. Where's my Cosine Toby, let some of my people haue a speciall care of him, I would not haue him miscarrie for the halfe of my Dowry.
Oh ho, do you come neere me now: no worse man then sir Toby to looke to me. This concurres directly with the Letter, she sends him on purpose, that I may appeare stubborne to him: for she incites me to that in the Letter. Cast thy humble slough sayes she: be opposite with a Kinsman, surly with seruants, let thy tongue langer with arguments of state, put thy selfe into the tricke of singularity: and consequently setts downe the manner how: as a sad face, a reuerend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habite of some Sir of note, and so foorth. I haue lymde her, but it is Ioues doing, and Ioue make me thankefull. And when she went away now, let this Fellow be look'd too: Fellow? not Maluolio, nor after my degree, but Fellow. Why euery thing adheres togither, that no dramme of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or vnsafe circumstance: What can be saide? Nothing that can be, can come betweene me, and the full prospect of my hopes. Well Ioue, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Which way is hee in the name of sanctity. If all the diuels of hell be drawne in little, and Legion himselfe possest him, yet Ile speake to him.
Go off, I discard you: let me enioy my priuate: go off.
Lo, how hollow the s [...]end speakes within him; did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my Lady prayes you to haue a care of him.
Ah ha, does she so?
Go too, go too: peace, peace, wee must deale gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Maluolio? How ist with you? What man, defie the diuell: consider, he's an enemy to mankinde.
Do you know what you say?
La you, and you speake ill of the diuell, how he takes it at heart Pray God he be not bewitch'd.
Carry his water to th' wise woman.
Marry and it shall be done to morrow morning if I liue. My Lady would not loose him for more then ile say.
How now mistris?
Oh Lord.
Prethee hold thy peace, this is not the way: Doe you not see you moue him? Let me alone with him.
No way but gentlenesse, gently, gently: the Fiend is rough, and will not be roughly vs'd.
Why how now my bawcock? how dost y u chuck?
Sir.
I biddy, come with me. What man, tis not for grauity to play at cherrie pit with sathan Hang him foul Col [...]i [...]r.
Get him to say his prayers, good sir Toby gette him to pray.
My prayers Minx.
No I warrant you, he will not heare of godlynesse.
Go hang your selues all: you are ydle shallowe things, I am not of your element, you shall knowe more heereafter.
Ist possible?
If this were plaid vpon a stage now, I could condemne it as an improbable fiction.
His very genius hath taken the infection of the deuice man.
Nay pursue him now, least the deuice take ayre, and taint.
Why we shall make him mad indeede.
The house will be the quieter.
Come, wee'l haue him in a darke room & bound. My Neece is already in the beleefe that he's mad: we may carry it thus for our pleasure, and his pennance, til our very pastime tyred out of breath, prompt vs to haue mercy on him: at which time, we wil bring the deuice to the bar and crowne thee for a finder of madmen: but see, but see.
More matter for a May morning.
Heere's the Challenge, reade it: I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't.
Ist so sawcy?
I, ist? I warrant him: do but read.
Good, and valiant.
Wonder not, nor admire not in thy minde why I doe call thee so, for I will shew thee no reason for't.
A good note, that keepes you from the blow of y e Law
Thou comst to the Lady Oliuia, and in my sight she vses thee kindly: but thou lyest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for.
Very breefe, and to exceeding good sence-lesse.
I will way-lay thee going home, where if it be thy chance to kill me.
Good.
Thou kilst me like a rogue and a villaine.
Still you keepe o' th windie side of the Law: good.
Fartheewell, and God haue mercie vpon one of our soules. He may haue mercie vpon mine, but my hope is better, and so looke to thy selfe. Thy friend as thou vsest him, & thy sworne enemie, Andrew Ague-cheeke.
You may haue verie sit occasion fot't: he is now in some commerce with my Ladie, and will by and by depart.
Go sir Andrew: scout mee for him at the corner of the Orchard like a bum-Baylie: so soone as euer thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw'st, sweare horrible: for [...]t comes to passe oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharpely twang'd off, giues manhoode more approbation, then euer proofe it selfe would haue earn'd him. Away.
Nay let me alone for swearing.
Now will not I deliuer his Letter: for the behauiour of the yong Gentleman, giues him out to be of good capacity, and breeding: his employment betweene his Lord and my Neece, confirmes no lesse. Therefore, this Letter being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will finde it comes from a Clodde-pole. But sir, I will deliuer his Challenge by word of mouth; set vpon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valor, and driue the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receiue it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, furie, and impetuositie. This will so fright them both, that they wil kill one another by the looke, like Cockatrices.
Heere he comes with your Neece, giue them way till he take leaue, and presently after him.
I wil meditate the while vpon some horrid message for a Challenge.
Nothing but this, your true loue for my master.
I will acquit you.
Gentleman, God saue thee.
And you sir.
That defence thou hast, betake the too't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I knowe not: but thy intercepter full of despight, bloody as the Hunter, attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tucke, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assaylant is quick, skilfull, and deadly.
You mistake sir I am sure, no man hath any quarrell to me: my remembrance is very free and cleere from any image of offence done to any man.
You'l finde it otherwise I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your gard: for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withall.
I pray you sir what is he?
He is knight dubb'd with vnhatch'd Rapier, and on carpet consideration, but he is a diuell in priuate brall, soules and bodies hath he diuorc'd three, and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none, but by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob, nob, is his word: giu't or take't.
I will returne againe into the house, and desire some conduct of the Lady. I am no fighter, I haue heard of some kinde of men, that put quarrells purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirke.
Sir, no: his indignation deriues it selfe out of a very computent iniurie, therefore get you on, and giue him his desire. Backe you shall not to the house, vnlesse you vndertake that with me, which with as much safetie you might answer him: therefore on, or strippe your sword starke naked: for meddle you must that's certain, or forsweare to weare iron about you.
This is as vnciuill as strange. I beseech you doe me this courteous office, as to know of the Knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.
I will doe so. Signiour Fabian, stay you by this Gentleman, till my returne.
Pray you sir, do you know of this matter?
I know the knight is incenst against you, euen to a mortall arbitrement, but nothing of the circumstance more.
I beseech you what manner of man is he?
Nothing of that wonderfull promise to read him by his forme, as you are like to finde him in the proofe of his valour. He is indeede sir, the most skilfull, bloudy, & fatall opposite that you could possibly haue found in anie part of Illyria: will you walke towards him, I will make your peace with him, if I can.
I shall bee much bound to you for't: I am one, that had rather go with sir Priest, then sir knight: I care not who knowes so much of my mettle.
Why man hee [...]s a verie diuell, I haue not seen such a firago: I had a passe with him, rapier, scabberd, and all: and he giues me the stucke in with such a mortall motion that it is ineuitable: and on the answer, he payes you as surely, as your feete hits the ground they step on. They say, he has bin Fencer to the Sophy.
Pox on't, Ile not meddle with him.
Plague on't, and I thought he had beene vallant, and so cunning in Fence, I'de haue seene him damn'd ere I'de haue challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slip, and Ile giue him my horse, gray Capilet.
Ile make the motion: stand heere, make a good shew on't, this shall end without the perdition of soules, marry Ile ride your horse as well as I ride you.
I haue his horse to take vp the quarrell, I haue perswaded him the youths a diuell.
He is as horribly conceited of him: and pants, & lookes pale, as if a Beare were at his heeles.
There's no remedie sir, he will fight with you for's oath sake: marrie hee hath better bethought him of his quarrell, and hee findes that now scarse to bee worth talking of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vowe, he protests he will not hurt you.
Pray God defend me: a little thing would make me tell them how much I lacke of a man.
Giue ground if you see him furious.
Come sir Andrew, there's no remedie, the Gentleman will for his honors sake haue one bowt with you: he cannot by the Duello auoide it: but hee has promised me, as he is a Gentleman and a Soldiour, he will not hurt you. Come on, too't.
Pray God he keepe his oath.
I do assure you tis against my will.
You sir? Why, what are you?
Nay, if you be an vndertaker, I am for you.
O good sir Toby hold: heere come the Officers.
Ile be with you anon.
Pray sir, put your sword vp if you please.
Marry will I sir: and for that I promis'd you Ile be as good as my word. Hee will beare you easily, and raines well.
This is the man, do thy Office.
Anthonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino
You do mistake me sir.
Come sir away.
I must entreat of you some of that money.
Oh heauens themselues.
Come sir, I pray you go.
What's that to vs, the time goes by: Away.
Leade me on.
Come hither Knight, come hither Fabian: Weel whisper ore a couplet or two of most sage sawes.
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward then a Hare, his dishonesty appeares, in leauing his frend heere in necessity, and denying him: and for his cowardship aske Fabian.
A Coward, a most deuout Coward, religious in it.
Slid Ile after him againe, and beate him.
Do, cuffe him soundly, but neuer draw thy sword
And I do not.
Come, let's see the euent.
I dare lay any money, twill be nothing yet.
Actus Quartus,
Scaena prima.
Will you make me beleeue, that I am not sent for you?
Well held our yfaith: No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to you by my Lady, to bid you come speake with her: nor your name is not Master C [...]sario, nor this is not my nose neyther: Nothing that is so, is so.
I prethee vent thy folly some-where else, thou know'st not me.
Vent my folly: He has heard that word of some great man, and now applyes it to a foole. Vent my folly: I am affraid this great lubber the World will proue a Cockney: I prethee now vngird thy strangenes, and tell me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to hir that thou art comming?
I prethee foolish greeke depart from me, there's money for thee, if you tarry longer, I shall giue worse paiment.
By my troth thou hast an open hand: these Wisemen that giue fooles money, get themselues a good report, after foureteene yeares purchase.
Now sir, haue I met you again: ther's for you.
Hold sir, or Ile throw your dagger ore the house.
This will I tell my Lady straight, I would not be in some of your coats for two pence.
Come on sir, hold.
Nay let him alone, Ile go another way to worke with him: Ile haue an action of Battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I stroke him first, yet it's no matter for that.
Let go thy hand.
Come sir, I will not let you go. Come my yong souldier put vp your yron: you are well flesh'd: Come on.
What, what? Nay then I must haue an Ounce or two of this malapert blood from you.
Hold Toby, on thy life I charge thee hold.
Madam.
Nay come I prethee, would thoud'st be rul'd by me
Madam, I will.
O say so, and so be.
Scoena Secunda.
Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard, make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curate, doe it quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst.
Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in [Page 271] such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good houskeeper goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great scholler. The Competitors enter.
Ioue blesse thee M. Parson.
Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson, am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
To him [...]r Topas.
What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison.
The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
Who cals there?
Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluolio the Lunaticke.
Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas goe to my Ladie.
Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?
Well said M. Parson.
Sir Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee heere in hideous darknesse.
Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones, that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou that house is darke?
As hell sir Topas.
Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as baricadoes, and the cleere stores toward the South north, are as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
I am not mad sir Topas, I say to you this house is darke.
Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the Aegyptians in their fogge.
I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was neuer man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are, make the triall of it in any constant question.
What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning Wilde-fowle?
That the soule of our grandam, might happily inhabite a bird.
What thinkst thou of his opinion?
I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue his opinion.
Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse, thou shalt hold th' opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dispossesse the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Sir Topas, sir Topas.
My most exquisite sir Topas.
Nay I am for all waters.
Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd and gowne, he sees thee not.
To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppeshot. Come by and by to my Chamber.
Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady does.
Foole.
My Lady is vnkind, perdie.
Foole.
Alas why is she so?
Foole, I say.
She loues another. Who calles, ha?
Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper: as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee for't.
M. Maluolio?
I good Foole.
Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie abus'd: I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art.
But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be no better in your wits then a foole.
They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they can to face me out of my wits.
Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere. Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: endeauour thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble babble.
Sir Topas.
Foole, foole, foole I say.
Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent for speaking to you.
Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in Illyria.
Well-a-day, that you were sir.
By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, paper, and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bearing of Letter did.
I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit.
Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true.
Scaena Tertia.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
Now as thou lou'st me, let me see his Letter.
Good M. Fabian, grant me another request.
Any thing.
Do not desire to see this Letter.
This is to giue a dogge, and in recompence desire my dogge againe.
Belong you to the Lady Oliuia, friends?
I sir, we are some of her trappings.
I know thee well: how doest thou my good Fellow?
Truely sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends.
Iust the contrary: the better for thy friends.
No sir, the worse.
How can that be?
Marry sir, they praise me, and make an asse of me, now my foes tell me plainly, I am an Asse: so that by my foes sir, I profit in the knowledge of my selfe, and by my friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kisses, if your foure negatiues make your two affirmatiues, why then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes.
Why this is excellent.
By my troth sir, no: though it please you to be one of my friends.
Thou shalt not be the worse for me, there's gold.
But that it would be double dealing sir, I would you could make it another.
O you giue me ill counsell.
Put your grace in your pocket sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer: there's another.
Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play, and the olde saying is, the third payes for all: the triplex sir, is a good tripping measure, or the belles of S. Bennet sir, may put you in minde, one, two, three.
You can foole no more money out of mee at this throw: if you will let your Lady know I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
Marry sir, lullaby to your bountie till I come agen. I go sir, but I would not haue you to thinke, that my desire of hauing is the sinne of couetousnesse: but as you say sir, let your bounty take a nappe, I will awake it anon.
Here comes the man sir, that did rescue mee.
How can this be?
When came he to this Towne?
Madam:
Gracious Oliuia.
What do you say Cesario? Good my Lord.
My Lord would speake, my dutie hushes me.
Still so cruell?
Still so constant Lord.
Euen what it please my Lord, that shal becom him
Where goes Cesario?
Aye me detested, how am I beguil'd?
Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Come, away.
Whether my Lord? Cesario, Husband, stay.
Husband?
I Husband. Can he that deny?
Her husband, sirrah?
No my Lord, not I.
My Lord, I do protest.
For the loue of God a Surgeon, send one presently to sir Toby.
What's the matter?
H'as broke my head a-crosse, and has giuen Sir Toby a bloody Coxcombe too: for the loue of God your helpe, I had rather then forty pound I were at home.
Who has done this sir Andrew?
The Counts Gentleman, one Cesario: we tooke him for a Coward, but hee's the verie diuell incardinate.
My Gentleman Cesario?
Odd's lifelings heere he is: you broke my head for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to do't by sir Toby.
If a bloody coxcombe be a hurt, you haue hurt me: I thinke you set nothing by a bloody Coxecombe. Heere comes sir Toby halting, you shall heare more: but if he had not beene in drinke, hee would haue tickel'd you other gates then he did.
How now Gentleman? how ist with you?
O he's drunke sir Toby an houre agone: his eyes were set at eight i' th morning.
Then he's a Rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I hate a drunken rogue.
Away with him? Who hath made this hauocke with them?
Ile helpe you sir Toby, because we'll be drest together.
Will you helpe an Asse-head, and a coxcombe, & a knaue: a thin fac'd knaue, a gull?
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd too.
Sebastian are you?
Fear'st thou that Anthonio?
Most wonderfull.
My father had a moale vpon his brow.
And so had mine.
Truely Madam, he holds Belzebub at the staues end as well as a man in his case may do: has heere writ a letter to you, I should haue giuen't you to day morning. But as a madmans Epistles are no Gospels, so it skilles not much when they are deliuer'd.
Open't, and read it.
Looke then to be well edified, when the Foole deliuers the Madman. By the Lord Madam.
How now, art thou mad?
No Madam, I do but reade madnesse: and your Ladyship will haue it as it ought to bee, you must allow Vox.
Prethee reade i' thy right wits.
So I do Madona: but to reade his right wits, is to reade thus: therefore, perpend my Princesse, and giue eare.
Read it you, sirrah.
Reads. By the Lord Madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: Though you haue put mee into darkenesse, and giuen your drunken Cosine rule ouer me, yet haue I the benefit of my senses as well as your Ladieship. I haue your owne letter, that induced mee to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not, but to do my selfe much right, or you much shame: thinke of me as you please. I leaue my duty a little vnthought of, and speake out of my iniury.
Did he write this?
I Madame.
This sauours not much of distraction.
A sister, you are she.
Is this the Madman?
I my Lord, this same: How now Maluolio?
Haue I Maluolio? No.
Alas poore Foole, how haue they baffel'd thee?
Why some are borne great, some atchieue greatnesse, and some haue greatnesse throwne vpon them. I was one sir, in this Enterlude, one sir Topas sir, but that's all one: By the Lotd Foole, I am not mad: but do you remember, Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascall, and you smile not he's gag'd: and thus the whirlegigge of time, brings in his reuenges.
Ile be reueng'd on the whole packe of you?
He hath bene most notoriously abus'd.
The Winters Tale.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
IF you shall chance (Camillo) to visit Bohemia, on the like occasion whereon my seruices are now on-foot, you shall see (as I haue said) great difference betwixt our Bohemia, and your Sicilia.
I thinke, this comming Summer, the King of Sicilia meanes to pay Bohemia the Visitation, which hee iustly owes him.
Wherein our Entertainment shall shame vs: we will be iustified in our Loues: for indeed—
'Beseech you—
Verely I speake it in the freedome of my knowledge: we cannot with such magnificence— in so rare— I know not what to say— Wee will giue you sleepie Drinkes, that your Sences (vn-intelligent of our insufficience) may, though they cannot prayse vs, as little accuse vs.
You pay a great deale to deare, for what's giuen freely.
'Beleeue me, I speake as my vnderstanding instructs me, and as mine honestie puts it to vtterance.
Sicilia cannot shew himselfe ouer-kind to Bohemia: They were trayn'd together in their Child-hoods; and there rooted betwixt them then such an affection, which cannot chuse but braunch now. Since their more mature Dignities, and Royall Necessities, made seperation of their Societie, their Encounters (though not Personall) hath been Royally attornyed with enter-change of Gifts, Letters, louing Embassies, that they haue seem'd to be together, though absent: shooke hands, as ouer a Vast; and embrac'd as it were from the ends of opposed Winds. The Heauens continue their Loues.
I thinke there is not in the World, either Malice or Matter, to alter it. You haue an vnspeakable comfort of your young Prince Mamillius: it is a Gentleman of the greatest Promise, that euer came into my Note.
I very well agree with you, in the hopes of him: it is a gallant Child; one, that (indeed) Physicks the Subiect, makes old hearts fresh: they that went on Crutches ere he was borne, desire yet their life, to see him a Man.
Would they else be content to die?
Yes; if there were no other excuse, why they should desire to liue.
If the King had no Sonne, they would desire to liue on Crutches till he had one.
Scoena Secunda.
No longer stay.
One Seue'night longer.
Very sooth, to morrow.
Wee'le part the time betweene's then: and in that Ile no gaine-saying.
Tongue-ty'd our Queene? speake you.
Well said, Hermione.
No, Madame.
Nay, but you will?
I may not verely.
Is he woon yet?
Hee'le stay (my Lord.)
Neuer?
Neuer, but once.
I, my good Lord.
Yes, if you will (my Lord.)
What meanes Sicilia?
He something seemes vnsetled.
How? my Lord?
What cheere? how is't with you, best Brother?
No (my Lord) Ile fight.
I am like you say.
I, my good Lord.
Didst note it?
At the good Queenes entreatie.
Businesse, my Lord? I thinke most vnderstand Bohemia stayes here longer.
Ha?
Stayes here longer.
I, but why?
Be it forbid (my Lord.)
Say it be, 'tis true.
No, no, my Lord.
Who do's infect her?
Ile do't, my Lord.
I wil seeme friendly, as thou hast aduis'd me.
Hayle most Royall Sir.
What is the Newes i' th' Court?
None rare (my Lord.)
I dare not know (my Lord.)
I may not answere.
On, good Camillo.
I am appointed him to murther you.
By whom, Camillo?
By the King.
For what?
How should this grow?
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
No, Ile none of you.
Why (my sweet Lord?)
And why so (my Lord?)
Who taught 'this?
Blew (my Lord.)
Merry, or sad, shal't be?
As merry as you will.
There was a man.
Nay, come sit downe: then on.
Come on then, and giu't me in mine care.
Was hee met there? his Traine? Camillo with him?
What is this? Sport?
Shall I be heard?
Goe, doe our bidding: hence.
Beseech your Highnesse call the Queene againe.
Hold your peaces.
Good my Lord.
What? lacke I credit?
Well done (my Lord.)
Scena Secunda.
A boy?
I do beleeue it.
Scaena Tertia.
My Lord.
How do's the boy?
You must not enter.
That's enough.
Who noyse there, hoe?
What? canst not rule her?
Good Queene?
Force her hence.
He dreads his Wife.
A nest of Traitors.
I am none, by this good light.
Once more take her hence.
Ile h [...]' thee burnt.
You're lyers all.
I will (my Lord.)
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Scoena Secunda.
Reade the Indictment.
Hermione, Queene to the worthy Leontes, King of Sicilia, thou art here accused and arraigned of High Treason, in committing Adultery with Polixenes King of Bohemia, and conspiring with Camillo to take away the Life of our Soueraigne Lord the King, thy Royall Husband: the pretence whereof being by circumstances partly layd open, thou (Hermione) contrary to the Faith and Allegeance of a true Subiect▪ didst counsaile and ayde them, for their better safetie, to flye away by Night.
You will not owne it.
All this we sweare.
Breake vp the Seales, and read.
Hermione is chast, Polixenes blamelesse, Camillo a true Subiect, Leontes a iealous Tyrant, his innocent Babe truly begotten, and the King shall liue without an Heire, if that which is lost, be not found.
Now blessed be the great Apollo.
Praysed.
Hast thou read truth?
I (my Lord) euen so as it is here set downe.
My Lord the King: the King?
What is the businesse?
How? gone?
Is dead.
What fit is this? good Lady?
The higher powres forbid.
Scaena Tertia.
I would there were no age betweene ten and three and twenty, or that youth would sleep out the rest: for there is nothing (in the betweene) but getting wenches with childe, wronging the Auncientry, stealing, fighting, hearke you now: would any but these boylde-braines of nineteene, and two and twenty hunt this weather? They haue scarr'd away two of my best Sheepe, which I feare the Wolfe will sooner finde then the Maister; if any where I haue them, 'tis by the sea-side, brouzing of Iuy▪ Good-lucke (and't be thy will) what haue we heere? Mercy on's, a Barne? A very pretty barne; A boy, or a Childe I wonder? (A pretty one, a verie prettie one) sure some Scape; Though I am not bookish▪ yet I [Page 289] can reade Waiting-Gentlewoman in the scape: this has beene some staire-worke, some Trunke-worke, some behinde-doore worke: they were warmer that got this, then the poore Thing is heere. Ile take it vp for pity, yet Ile tarry till my sonne come: he hallow'd but euen now. Whoa-ho-hoa.
Hilloa, loa.
What? art so neere? If thou'lt see a thing to talke on, when thou art dead and rotten, come hither: what ayl'st thou, man?
I haue seene two such sights, by Sea & by Land: but I am not to say it is a Sea, for it is now the skie, betwixt the Firmament and it, you cannot thrust a bodkins point.
Why boy, how is it?
I would you did but see how it chases, how it rages, how it takes vp the shore, but that's not to the point: Oh, the most pitteous cry of the poore soules, sometimes to see 'em, and not to see 'em: Now the Shippe boaring the Moone with her maine Mast, and anon swallowed with yest and froth, as you'ld thrust a Corke into a hogshead. And then for the Land-seruice, to see how the Beare tore out his shoulder-bone, how he cride to mee for helpe, and said his name was Antigonus, a Nobleman: But to make an end of the Ship, to see how the Sea flapdragon'd it: but first, how the poore soules roared, and the sea mock'd them: and how the poore Gentleman roared, and the Beare mock'd him, both roaring lowder then the sea, or weather.
Name of mercy, when was this boy?
Now, now: I haue not wink'd since I saw these sights: the men are not yet cold vnder water, nor the Beare halfe din'd on the Gentleman: he's at it now.
Would I had bin by, to haue help'd the olde man.
I would you had beene by the ship side, to haue help'd her; there your charity would haue lack'd footing.
Heauy matters, heauy matters: but looke thee heere boy. Now blesse thy selfe: thou met'st with things dying, I with things new borne Here's a sight for thee: Looke thee, a bearing-cloath for a Squires childe: looke thee heere, take vp, take vp (Boy:) open't: so, let's see, it was told me I should be rich by the Fairies. This is some Changeling: open't: what's within, boy?
You're a mad olde man: If the sinnes of your youth are forgiuen you, you're well to liue. Golde, all Gold.
This is Faiery Gold boy, and 'twill proue so: vp with't, keepe it close: home, home, the next way. We are luckie (boy) and to bee so still requires nothing but secrecie. Let my sheepe go: Come (good boy) the next way home.
Go you the next way with your Findings, Ile go see if the Beare bee gone from the Gentleman, and how much he hath eaten: they are neuer curst but when they are hungry: if there be any of him left, Ile bury it.
That's a good deed: if thou mayest discerne by that which is left of him, what he is, fetch me to th' sight of him.
'Marry will I: and you shall helpe to put him i' th' ground.
'Tis a lucky day, boy, and wee'l do good deeds on't
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
Scena Secunda.
I pray thee (good Camillo) be no more importunate: 'tis a sicknesse denying thee any thing: a death to grant this.
It is fifteene yeeres since I saw my Countrey: though I haue (for the most part) bin ayred abroad, I desire to lay my bones there. Besides, the penitent King (my Master) hath sent for me, to whose feeling sorrowes I might be some allay, or I oreweene to thinke so) which is another spurre to my departure.
As thou lou'st me (Camillo) wipe not out the rest of thy seruices, by leauing me now: the neede I haue of thee, thine owne [...] goodnesse hath made: better not to haue had thee, then thus to want thee, thou hauing made me Businesses, (which none (without thee) can sufficiently manage) must either stay to execute them thy selfe, or take away with thee the very seruices thou hast done: which if I haue not enough considered (as too much I cannot) to bee more thankefull to thee, shall bee my studie, and my profite therein, the heaping friendshippes. Of that fatall Countrey Sicillia, prethee speake no more, whose very naming, punnishes me with the remembrance [Page 290] of that penitent (as thou calst him) and reconciled King my brother, whose losse of his most precious Queene & Children, are euen now to be a-fresh lamented. Say to me, when saw'st thou the Prince Florizell my son? Kings are no lesse vnhappy, their issue, not being gracious, then they are in loosing them, when they haue approued their Vertues.
Sir, it is three dayes since I saw the Prince: what his happier affayres may be, are to me vnknowne: but I haue (missingly) noted, he is of late much retyred from Court, and is lesse frequent to his Princely exercises then formerly he hath appeared.
I haue considered so much (Camillo) and with some care, so farre, that I haue eyes vnder my seruice, which looke vpon his remouednesse: from whom I haue this Intelligence, that he is seldome from the house of a most homely shepheard: a man (they say) that from very nothing, and beyond the imagination of his neighbors, is growne into an vnspeakable estate.
I haue heard (sir) of such a man, who hath a daughter of most rare note: the report of her is extended more, then can be thought to begin from such a cottage
That's likewise part of my Intelligence: but (I feare) the Angle that pluckes our sonne thither. Thou shalt accompany vs to the place, where we will (not appearing what we are) haue some question with the shepheard; from whose simplicity, I thinke it not vneasie to get the cause of my sonnes resort thether. 'Prethe be my present partner in this busines, and lay aside the thoughts of Sicillia.
I willingly obey your command.
My best Camillo, we must disguise our selues.
Scena Tertia.
I haue seru'd Prince Florizell, and in my time wore three pile, but now I am out of seruice.
My Trafficke is sheetes: when the Kite builds, looke to lesser Linne [...]. My Father nam'd me Autolicus, who being (as I am) lytter'd vnder Mercurie, was likewise a snapper-vp of vnconsidered trifles: With Dye and drab, I purchas'd this Caparison, and my Reuennew is the silly Cheate. Gallowes, and Knocke, are too powerfull on the Highway. Beating and hanging are terrors to mee: For the life to come, I sleepe out the thought of it. A prize, a prize.
Let me see, euery Leauen-weather toddes, euery tod yeeldes pound and odde shilling: fifteene hundred shorne, what comes the wooll too?
If the sprindge hold, the Cocke's mine.
I cannot do't without Compters. Let mee see, what am I to buy for our Sheepe-shearing-Feast? Three pound of Sugar, fiue pound of Currence, Rice: What will this sister of mine do with Rice? But my father hath made her Mistris of the Feast, and she layes it on. Shee hath made-me four and twenty Nose-gayes for the shearers (three-man song-men, all, and very good ones) but they are most of them Meanes and Bases; but one Puritan amongst them, and he sings Psalmes to horne-pipes. I must haue Saffron to colour the Warden Pies, Mace: Dates, none: that's out of my note: Nutmegges, seuen; a Race or two of Ginger, but that I may begge: Foure pound of Prewyns, and as many of Reysons o' th Sun.
Oh, that euer I was borne.
I' th' name of me.
Oh helpe me, helpe mee: plucke but off these ragges: and then, death, death.
Alacke poore soule, thou hast need of more rags to lay on thee, rather then haue these off.
Oh sir, the loathsomnesse of them offend mee, more then the stripes I haue receiued, which are mightie ones and millions.
Alas poore man, a million of beating may come to a great matter.
I am rob'd sir, and beaten: my money, and apparrell tane from me, and these derestable things put vpon me.
What, by a horse-man, or a foot-man?
A footman (sweet sir) a footman.
Indeed, he should be a footman, by the garments he has left with thee: If this bee a horsemans Coate, it hath seene very hot seruice. Lend me thy hand, Ile helpe thee. Come, lend me thy hand.
Oh good sir, tenderly, oh.
Alas poore soule.
Oh good sir, softly, good sir: I feare (sir) my shoulder-blade is out.
How now? Canst stand?
Softly, deere sir: good sir, softly: you ha done me a charitable office.
Doest lacke any mony? I haue a little mony for thee.
No, good sweet sir: no, I beseech you sir: I haue a Kinsman not past three quarters of a mile hence, vnto whome I was going: I shall there haue money, or anie thing I want: Offer me no money I pray you, that killes my heart.
What manner of Fellow was hee that robb'd you?
A fellow (sir) that I haue knowne to goe about with Troll-my-dames: I knew him once a seruant of the Prince: I cannot tell good sir, for which of his Vertues it was, but hee was certainely Whipt out of the Court.
His vices you would say: there's no vertue whipt out of the Court: they cherish it to make it stay there; and yet it will no more but abide.
Vices I would say (Sir.) I know this man well, he hath bene since an Ape-bearer, then a Processe-seruer (a Bayliffe) then hee compast a Motion of the Prodigall sonne, and married a Tinkers wife, within a Mile where my Land and Liuing lyes; and (hauing flowne ouer many knauish professions) he setled onely in Rogue: some call him Autolicus.
Out vpon him: Prig, for my life Prig: he haunts Wakes, Faires, and Beare-baitings.
Very true sir: he sir hee: that's the Rogue that put me into this apparrell.
Not a more cowardly Rogue in all Bohemia; If you had but look'd bigge, and spit at him, hee'ld haue runne.
I must confesse to you (sir) I am no fighter: I am false of heart that way, & that he knew I warrant him.
How do you now?
Sweet sir, much better then I was: I can stand, and walke: I will euen take my leaue of you, & pace softly towards my Kinsmans.
Shall I bring thee on the way?
No, good fac'd sir, no sweet sir.
Then fartheewell, I must go buy Spices for our sheepe-shearing.
Prosper you sweet sir. Your purse is not hot enough to purchase your Spice: Ile be with you at your sheepe-shearing too: If I make not this Cheat bring out another, and the sheerers proue sheepe, let me be vnrold, and my name put in the booke of Vertue.
Scena Quarta.
So it is.
What? like a Coarse?
Ile sweare for 'em.
Come on: strike vp.
Mopsa must be your Mistris: marry Garlick to mend her kissing with.
Now in good time.
She dances fearly.
O Master: if you did but heare the Pedler at the doore, you would neuer dance againe after a Tabor and Pipe: no, the Bag-pipe could not moue you: hee singes seuerall Tunes, faster then you'l tell money: hee vtters them as he had eaten ballads, and all mens eares grew to his Tunes.
He could neuer come better: hee shall come in: I loue a ballad but euen too well, if it be dolefull matter merrily set downe: or a very pleasant thing indeede, and sung lamentably.
He hath songs for man, or woman, of all sizes: No Milliner can so fit his customers with Gloues: he has the prettiest Loue-songs for Maids, so without bawdrie (which is strange,) with such delicate burthens of Dildo's and Fadings: Iump-her, and thump-her; and where some stretch-mouth'd Rascall, would (as it were) meane mischeefe, and breake a fowle gap into the Matter, hee makes the maid to answere, Whoop, doe me no harme good man: put's him off, slights him, with Whoop, doe mee no harme good man.
This is a braue fellow.
Beleeee mee, thou talkest of an admirable conceited fellow, has he any vnbraided Wares?
Hee hath Ribbons of all the colours i' th Rainebow; Points, more then all the Lawyers in Bohemia, can learnedly handle, though they come to him by th' grosse: Inckles, Caddysses, Cambrickes, Lawnes: why he sings em ouer, as they were Gods, or Goddesses: you would thinke a Smocke were a shee-Angell, he so chauntes to the sleeue-hand, and the worke about the square on't:
Pre'thee bring him in, and let him approach singing.
Forewarne him, that he vse no scurrilous words in's tunes.
You haue of these Pedlers, that haue more in them, then youl'd thinke (Sister.)
I, good brother, or go about to thinke.
If I were not in loue with Mopsa, thou shouldst take no money of me, but being enthrall'd as I am, it will also be the bondage of certaine Ribbons and Gloues.
I was promis'd them against the Feast, but they come not too late now.
He hath promis'd you more then that, or there be lyars.
He hath paid you all he promis'd you: 'May be he has paid you more, which will shame you to giue him againe.
Is there no manners left among maids? Will they weare their plackets, where they should bear their faces? Is there not milking-time? When you are going to bed? Or kill-hole? To whistle of these secrets, but you must be tittle-tatling before all our guests? 'Tis well they are whispring: clamor your tongues, and not a word more.
I haue done; Come you promis'd me a tawdry-lace, and a paire of sweet Gloues.
Haue I not told thee how I was cozen'd by the way, and lost all my money.
And indeed Sir, there are Cozeners abroad, therfore it behooues men to be wary.
Feare not thou man, thou shalt lose nothing here
I hope so sir, for I haue about me many parcels of charge.
What hast heere? Ballads?
Pray now buy some: I loue a ballet in print, a life, for then we are sure they are true.
Here's one, to a very dolefull tune, how a Vsurers wife was brought to bed of twenty money baggs at a burthen, and how she long'd to eate Adders heads, and Toads carbonado'd.
Is it true, thinke you?
Very true, and but a moneth old.
Blesse me from marrying a Vsurer.
Here's the Midwiues name to't: one Mist. Tale-Porter, and fiue or six honest Wiues, that were present. Why should I carry lyes abroad?
'Pray you now buy it.
Come-on, lay it by: and let's first see moe Ballads: Wee'l buy the other things anon.
Here's another ballad of a Fish, that appeared vpon the coast, on wensday the fourescore of April, fortie thousand fadom aboue water, & sung this ballad against the hard hearts of maids: it was thought she was a Woman, and was turn'd into a cold fish, for she wold not exchange flesh with one that lou'd her: The Ballad is very pittifull, and as true.
Is it true too, thinke you.
Fiue Iustices hands at it, and witnesses more then my packe will hold.
Lay it by too; another.
This is a merry ballad, but a very pretty one.
Let's haue some merry ones.
Why this is a passing merry one, and goes to the tune of two maids wooing a man: there's scarse a Maide westward but she sings it: 'tis in request, I can tell you.
We can both sing it: if thou'lt beare a part, thou shalt heare, 'tis in three parts.
We had the tune on't, a month agoe.
I can beare my part, you must know 'tis my occupation: Haue at it with you.
Get you hence, for I must goe
Where it fits not you to know.
Whether?
O Whether?
Whether?
Or thou goest to th' Grange, or Mill,
If to either thou dost ill,
Neither.
What neither?
Neither:
Thou hast sworne my Loue to be,
Wee'l haue this song out anon by our selues: My Father, and the Gent▪ are in sad talke, & wee'll not trouble them: Come bring away thy pack after me, Wenches Ile buy for you both: Pedler let's haue the first choice; folow me girles.
And you shall pay well for 'em.
Mayster, there is three Carters, three Shepherds, three Neat-herds, three Swine-herds y t haue made [Page 294] themselues all men of haire, they cal themselues Saltiers, and they haue a Dance, which the Wenches say is a gally-maufrey of Gambols, because they are not in't: but they themselues are o' th' minde (if it bee not too rough for some, that know little but bowling) it will please plentifully.
Away: Wee'l none on't; heere has beene too much homely foolery already. I know (Sir) wee wearie you.
You wearie those that refresh vs: pray let's see these foure-threes of Heardsmen.
One three of them, by their owne report (Sir,) hath danc'd before the King: and not the worst of the three, but iumpes twelue foote and a halfe by th' squire.
Leaue your prating, since these good men are pleas'd, let them come in: but quickly now.
Why, they stay at doore Sir.
Do, and be witnesse too't.
And this my neighbour too?
Fairely offer'd.
This shewes a sound affection.
I haue: but what of him?
Knowes he of this?
He neither do's, nor shall.
Let him know't.
He shall not.
Prethee let him.
No, he must not.
Oh my heart.
Euen he, my Lord.
Be aduis'd.
This is desperate (sir.)
Ha, ha, what a Foole Honestie is? and Trust (his sworne brother) a very simple Gentleman. I haue sold all my Tromperie: not a counterfeit Stone, not a Ribbon, Glasse, Pomander, Browch, Table-booke, Ballad, Knife, Tape, Gloue, Shooe-tye, Bracelet, Horne-Ring, to keepe my Pack from fasting: they throng who should buy first, as if my Trinkets had beene hallowed, and brought a benediction to the buyer: by which meanes, I saw whose Purse was best in Picture; and what I saw, to my good vse, I remembred. My Clowne (who wants but something to be a reasonable man) grew so in loue with the Wenches Song, that hee would not stirre his Petty-toes, till he had both Tune and Words, which so drew the rest of the Heard to me, that all their other Sences stucke in Eares: you might haue pinch'd a Placket, it was sencelesse; 'twas nothing to gueld a Cod-peece of a Purse: I would haue fill'd Keyes of that hung in Chaynes: no hearing, no feeling, but my Sirs Song, and admiring the Nothing of it. So that in this time of Lethargie, I pickd and cut most of their Festiuall Purses: And had not the old-man come in with a Whoo-bub against his Daughter, and the Kings Sonne, and scar'd my Chowghes from the Chaffe, I had not left a Purse aliue in the whole Army.
And those that you'le procure from King Leontes?
Shall satisfie your Father.
If they haue ouer-heard me now: why hanging.
I am a poore Fellow, Sir.
Why, be so still: here's no body will steale that from thee: yet for the out-side of thy pouertie, we must make an exchange; therefore dis-case thee instantly (thou must thinke there's a necessitie in't) and change Garments with this Gentleman: Though the penny-worth (on his side) be the worst, yet hold thee, there's some boot.
I am a poore Fellow, Sir: (I know ye well enough.)
Nay prethee dispatch: the Gentleman is halfe fled already.
Are you in earnest, Sir? (I smell the trick on't.)
Dispatch, I prethee.
Indeed I haue had Earnest, but I cannot with conscience take it.
Adieu, Sir.
The swifter speed, the better.
I vnderstand the businesse, I heare it: to haue an open eare, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is necessary for a Cut-purse; a good Nose is requisite also, to smell out worke for th' other Sences. I see this is the time that the vniust man doth thriue. What an exchange had this been, without boot? What a boot is here, with this exchange? Sure the Gods doe this yeere conniue at vs, and we may doe any thing extempore. The Prince himselfe is about a peece of Iniquitie (stealing away from his Father, with his Clog at his heeles:) if I thought it were a peece of honestie to acquaint the King withall, I would not do't: I hold it the more knauerie to conceale it; and therein am I constant to my Profession.
Aside, aside, here is more matter for a hot braine: Euery Lanes end, euery Shop, Church, Session, Hanging, yeelds a carefull man worke.
See, see: what a man you are now? there is no other way, but to tell the King she's a Changeling, and none of your flesh and blood.
Nay, but heare me.
Nay; but heare me.
Goe too then.
She being none of your flesh and blood, your flesh and blood ha's not offended the King, and so your flesh and blood is not to be punish'd by him. Shew those things you found about her (those secret things, all but what she ha's with her:) This being done, let the Law goe whistle: I warrant you.
I will tell the King all, euery word, yea, and his Sonnes prancks too; who, I may say, is no honest man, neither to his Father, nor to me, to goe about to make me the Kings Brother in Law.
Indeed Brother in Law was the farthest off you could haue beene to him, and then your Blood had beene the dearer, by I know how much an ounce.
Very wisely (Puppies.)
Well: let vs to the King: there is that in this Farthell, will make him scratch his Beard.
I know not what impediment this Complaint may be to the flight of my Master.
'Pray heartily he be at' Pallace.
Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance: Let me pocket vp my Pedlers excrement. How now (Rustiques) whither are you bound?
To th' Pallace (and it like your Worship.)
Your Affaires there? what? with whom? the Condition of that Farthell? the place of your dwelling? your names? your ages? of what hauing? breeding, and any thing that is fitting to be knowne, discouer?
We are but plaine fellowes, Sir.
A Lye; you are rough, and hayrie: Let me haue no lying; it becomes none but Trades-men, and they often giue vs (Souldiers) the Lye, but wee pay them for it with stamped Coyne, not stabbing Steele, therefore they doe not giue vs the Lye.
Your Worship had like to haue giuen vs one, if you had not taken your selfe with the manner.
Are you a Courtier, and't like you Sir?
Whether it lke me, or no, I am a Courtier. Seest thou not the ayre of the Court, in these enfoldings? Hath not my gate in it, the measure of the Court? Receiues not thy Nose Court-Odour from me? Reflect I not on thy Basenesse, Court-Contempt? Think'st thou, for that I insinuate, at toaze from thee thy Businesse, I am therefore no Courtier? I am Courtier Cap-a-pe; and one that will eyther push-on, or pluck-back, thy Businesse there: whereupon I command thee to open thy Affaire.
My Businesse, Sir, is to the King.
What Aduocate ha'st thou to him?
I know not (and't like you.)
Aduocate's the Court-word for a Pheazant: say you haue none.
None, Sir: I haue no Pheazant Cock, nor Hen.
This cannot be but a great Courtier.
His Garments are rich, but he weares them not handsomely.
He seemes to be the more Noble, in being fantasticall: A great man, Ile warrant; I know by the picking on's Teeth.
The Farthell there? What's i' th' Farthell? Wherefore that Box?
Sir, there lyes such Secrets in this Farthell and Box, which none must know but the King, and which hee shall know within this houre, if I may come to th' speech of him.
Age, thou hast lost thy labour.
Why Sir?
The King is not at the Pallace, he is gone aboord a new Ship, to purge Melancholy, and ayre himselfe: for if thou bee'st capable of things serious, thou must know the King is full of griefe.
So 'tis said (Sir:) about his Sonne, that should haue marryed a Shepheards Daughter.
If that Shepheard be not in hand-fast, let him flye; the Curses he shall haue, the Tortures he shall feele, will breake the back of Man, the heart of Monster.
Thinke you so, Sir?
Not hee alone shall suffer what Wit can make heauie, and Vengeance bitter; but those that are Iermaine to him (though remou'd fiftie times) shall all come vnder the Hang-man: which, though it be great pitty, yet it is necessarie. An old Sheepe-whistiing Rogue, a Ram-tender, to offer to haue his Daughter come into grace? Some say hee shall be ston'd: but that death is too soft for him (say I:) Draw our Throne into a Sheep-Coat? all deaths are too few, the sharpest too easie.
Ha's the old-man ere a Sonne Sir (doe you heare) and't like you, Sir?
Hee ha's a Sonne: who shall be flayd aliue, then 'noynted ouer with Honey, set on the head of a Waspes Nest, then stand till he be three quarters and a dram dead: then recouer'd againe with Aquavite, or some other hot Infusion: then, raw as he is (and in the hotest day Prognostication proclaymes) shall he be set against a Brick-wall, (the Sunne looking with a South-ward eye vpon him; where hee is to behold him, with Flyes blown to death.) But what talke we of these Traitorly-Rascals, whose miseries are to be smil'd at, their offences being so capitall? [Page 298] Tell me (for you seeme to be honest plaine men) what you haue to the King: being something gently consider'd, Ile bring you where he is aboord, tender your persons to his presence, whisper him in your behalfes; and if it be in man, besides the King, to effect your Suites, here is man shall doe it.
He seemes to be of great authoritie: close with him, giue him Gold; and though Authoritie be a stubborne Be [...]re, yet hee is oft led by the Nose with Gold: shew the in-side of your Purse to the out-side of his hand, and no more adoe. Remember [...]on'd, and stay'd aliue.
And't please you (Sir) to vndertake the Businesse for vs, here is that Gold I haue: Ile make it as much more, and leaue this young man in pawne, till I bring it you.
After I hate done what I promised?
I Sir.
Well, giue me the Mo [...]: Are you a partie in this Businesse?
In so [...]e s [...]rt, Sir: but though my case be a pittifull one, I hope I shall not [...]s [...]d out o [...] it.
Oh, that's the case [...] the Shepheards Sonne: hang him, hee'le be ma [...] a [...] ex [...]le.
Comfort [...]ood co [...]. We must to the King, and she [...]our strange sights: [...] [...]st know 'tis none of your Daugh [...] [...] my [...] are gone else. Sir, I will giue you as much as this old man do's when the Businesse i [...] pe [...]s [...]ed, and remaine (as he sayes) your pawne till it be brough [...] you.
I will trust you. Walke before toward the Seaside, goe on the right hand, I will but looke vpon the Hedge, and follow you.
We are bless'd, in this man: as I may say, euen bless'd.
Let's before, as he bids vs: he was prouided to doe vs good.
If I had a mind to be honest, I see Fortune would not suffer m [...] [...]sh [...] d [...]s [...] in my mouth. I am courted now with a double [...]sion: (Gold, and a means to doe the Prince my Master [...]od▪ which, who knowes how that may turn backe to [...] [...]ncement?) I will bring these [...]wo M [...]aie [...], t [...]e [...]d-ones, aboord him▪ if he thinke it [...]it to shoare th [...] againe, and that the Complaint they haue [...]o [...] King▪ concernes him nothing, let him call me Rog [...]e, [...]o [...] being [...] farre officious, for I am proofe against that side, and what shame else belongs to't: To him will I present them, there may be matter in it.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
Neuer (Paulina) so be bless'd my Spirit.
Then good my Lords, beare witnesse to his Oath.
You tempt him ouer-much.
Good Madame, I haue done.
His Princesse (say you) with him?
How? not women?
Where's Bohemia? speake:
Who? Camillo?
You are marryed?
Scoena Secunda.
Beseech you (Sir) were you present at this Relation?
I was by at the opening of the Farthell, heard the old Shepheard deliuer the manner how he found it: Whereupon (after a little amazednesse) we were all commanded out of the Chamber: onely this (me thought) I heard the Shepheard say, he found the Child.
I would most gladly know the issue of it.
I make a broken deliuerie of the Businesse; but the changes I perceiued in the King, and Camillo, were very Notes of admiration: they seem'd almost, with staring on one another, to teare the Cases of their Eyes. There was speech in their dumbnesse, Language in their very gesture: they look'd as they had heard of a World [...]ansom'd, or one destroyed: a notable passion of Wonder appeared in them: but the wisest beholder, that knew no more but seeing, could not say, if th' importance were I [...]y, or Sorrow; but in the extremitie of the one, it must needs be.
Here comes a Gentleman, that happily knowes more: The Newes, Rogero.
Nothing but Bon-fires: the Oracle is fulfill'd: the Kings Daughter is found: such a deale of wonder is broken out within this houre, that Ballad-makers cannot be able to expresse it.
Here comes the Lady Paulina's Steward, hee can deliuer you more. How goes it now (Sir.) This Newes (which is call'd true) is so like an old Tale, that the veritie of it is in strong suspition: Ha's the King found his Heire?
Most true, if euer Truth were pregnant by Circumstance: That which you heare, you'le sweare you see, there is such vnitie in the proofes. The Mantle of Queene Hermiones: her Iewell about the Neck of it: the Letters of Antigonus found with it, which they know to be his Character: the Maiestie of the Creature, in resemblance of the Mother: the Affection of Noblenesse, which Nature shewes aboue her Breeding, and many other Euidences, proclayme her, with all certaintie, to be the Kings Daughter. Did you see the meeting of the two Kings?
No.
Then haue you lost a Sight which was to bee seene, cannot bee spoken of. There might you haue beheld one Ioy crowne another, so and in such manner, that it seem'd Sorrow wept to take leaue of them: for their Ioy waded in teares. There was casting vp of Eyes, holding vp of Hands, with Countenance of such distraction, that they were to be knowne by Garment, not by Fauor. [Page 301] Our King being ready to leape out of himselfe, for ioy of his found Daughter; as if that Ioy were now become a Losse, cryes, Oh, thy Mother, thy Mother: then askes Bohemia forgiuenesse, then embraces his Sonne-in-Law: then againe worryes he his Daughter, with clipping her. Now he thanks the old Shepheard (which stands by, like a Weather-bitten Conduit, of many Kings Reignes.) I neuer heard of such another Encounter; which lames Report to follow it, and vndo's description to doe it.
What, 'pray you, became of Antigonus, that carryed hence the Child?
Like an old Tale still, which will haue matter to rehearse, though Credit be asleepe, and not an eare open; he was torne to pieces with a Beare: This auouches the Shepheards Sonne; who ha's not onely his Innocence (which seemes much) to iustifie him, but a Hand-kerchief and Rings of his▪ that Paulina knowes.
What became of his Barke, and his Followers?
Wrackt the same instant of their Masters death, and in the view of the Shepheard: so that all the Instruments which ayded to expose the Child, were euen then loft, when it was found. But oh the Noble Combat, that 'twixt Ioy and Sorrow was fought in Paulina. Shee had one Eye declin'd for the losse of her Husband, another eleuated, that the Oracle was fulfill'd: Shee lifted the Princesse from the Earth, and so locks her in embracing, as if shee would pin her to her heart, that shee might no more be in danger of loosing.
The Dignitie of this Act was worth the audience of Kings and Princes, for by such was it acted.
One of the prettyest touches of all, and that which angl'd for mine Eyes (caught the Water, though not the Fish) was, when at the Relation of the Queenes death (with the manner how shee came to't brauely confess'd, and lamented by the King) how attentiuenesse wounded his Daughter, till (from one signe of dolour to another) shee did (with an Alas) I would faine say, bleed Teares; for I am sure, my heart wept blood. Who was most Marble, there changed colour: some swownded, all sorrowed: if all the World could haue seen't, the Woe had beene vniuersall.
Are they returned to the Court?
No: The Princesse hearing of her Mothers Statue (which is in the keeping of Paulina) a Peece many yeeres in doing, and now newly perform'd, by that rare Italian Master, Iulio Romaeno, who (had he himselfe Eternitie, and could put Breath into his Worke) would beguile Nature of her Custome, so perfectly he is her Ape: He so neere to Hermione, hath done Hermione, that they say one would speake to her, and stand in hope of answer. Thither (with all greedinesse of affection) are they gone, and there they intend to Sup.
I thought she had some great matter there in hand, for shee hath priuately, twice or thrice a day, euer since the death of Hermione, visited that remoued House. Shall wee thither, and with our companie peece the Reioycing?
Who would be thence, that ha's the benefit of Accesse? euery winke of an Eye, some new Grace will be borne: our Absence makes vs vnthriftie to our Knowledge. Let's along.
Now (had I not the dash of my former life in me) would Preferment drop on my head. I brought the old man and his Sonne aboord the Prince; told him, I heard them talke of a Farthell, and I know not what: but he at that time ouer-fond of the Shepheards Daughter (so he then tooke her to be) who began to be much Sea-sick, and himselfe little better, extremitie of Weather continuing, this Mysterie remained vndiscouer'd. But 'tis all one to me: for had I beene the finder-out of this Secret, it would not haue rellish'd among my other discredits.
Here come those I haue done good to against my will, and alreadie appearing in the blossomes of their Fortune.
Come Boy, I am past moe Children: but thy Sonnes and Daughters will be all Gentlemen borne.
You are well met (Sir.) you deny'd to fight with mee this other day, because I was no Gentleman borne. See you these Clothes? say you see them not, and thinke me still no Gentleman borne: You were best say these Robes are not Gentlemen borne. Giue me the Lye: doe: and try whether I am not now a Gentleman borne.
I know you are now (Sir) a Gentleman borne.
I, and haue been so any time these foure houres.
And so haue I, Boy.
So you haue: but I was a Gentleman borne before my Father: for the Kings Sonne tooke me by the hand, and call'd mee Brother: and then the two Kings call'd my Father Brother: and then the Prince (my Brother) and the Princesse (my Sister) call'd mv Father, Father; and so wee wept: and there was the first Gentleman-like teares that euer we shed.
We may liue (Sonne) to shed many more.
I: or else 'twere hard luck, being in so p [...]eposterous estate as we are.
I humbly beseech you (Sir) to pardon me all the faults I haue committed to your Worship, and to giue me your good report to the Prince my Master.
'Prethee Sonne doe: for we must be gentle, now we are Gentlemen.
Thou wilt amend thy life?
I, and it like your good Worship.
Giue me thy hand: I will sweare to the Prince, thou art as honest a true Fellow as any is in Bohemia.
You may say it, but not sweare it.
Not sweare it, now I am a Gentleman? Let Boores and Francklins say it, Ile sweare it.
How if it be false (Sonne?)
If it be ne're so false, a true Gentleman may sweare it, in the behalfe of his Friend: And Ile sweare to the Prince▪ thou art a tall Fellow of thy hands, and that thou wilt not be drunke: but I know thou art no tall Fellow of thy hands, and that thou wilt be drunke: but Ile sweare it, and I would thou would'st be a tall Fellow of thy hands.
I will proue so (Sir) to my power.
I, by any meanes proue a tall Fellow: if I do not wonder, how thou dar'st venture to be drunke, not being a tall Fellow, trust me not. Harke, the Kings and the Princes (our Kindred) are going to see the Queenes Picture. Come, follow vs: wee'le be thy good Masters.
Scaena Tertia.
Oh, not by much.
Doe not draw the Curtaine.
No: not these twentie yeeres.
She embraces him.
The Names of the Actors.
- LEontes, King of Sicillia.
- Mamillus, yong Prince of Sicillia.
- Camillo. Foure Lords of Sicillia.
- Antigonus. Foure Lords of Sicillia.
- Cleomines. Foure Lords of Sicillia.
- Dion. Foure Lords of Sicillia.
- Hermione, Queene to Leontes.
- Perdita, Daughter to Leontes and Hermione.
- Paulina, wife to Antigonus.
- Emilia, a Lady.
- Polixenes, King of Bohemia.
- Florizell, Prince of Bohemia.
- Old Shepheard, reputed Father of Perdita.
- Clowne, his Sonne.
- Autolicus, a Rogue.
- Archidamus, a Lord of Bohemia.
- Other Lords, and Gentlemen, and Seruants.
- Shepheards, and Shephearddesses.
The life and death of King Iohn.
Actus Primus,
Scaena Prima.
NOw say Chatillion, what would France with vs?
A strange beginning: borrowed Maiesty?
Silence (good mother) heare the Embassie.
What followes if we disallow of this?
Out strong possession, and our right for vs,
What art thou?
The son and heire to that same Faulconbridge.
Why what a mad-cap hath heauen lent vs here?
Nay, I would haue you go before me thither.
Our Country manners giue our betters way.
What i [...] thy name?
Philip [...]y Liege, so is my name begun, Philip, good old Sir Roberts wiues eldest sonne.
Iames Gournie, wilt thou giue vs leaue a while?
Good leaue good Philip.
Hast thou denied thy selfe a Faulconbridge?
As faithfully as I denie the deuill.
Scaena Secunda.
A noble boy, who would not doe thee right?
How much vnlook'd for, is this expedition.
Alack thou dost vsurpe authoritie.
Excuse it is to beat vsurping downe.
Who is it thou dost call vsurper France?
Let me make answer: thy vsurping sonne.
Theres a good mother boy, that blots thy father
Peace.
Heare the Cryer.
What the deuill art thou?
Come to thy grandame child.
His mother shames him so, poore boy hee weepes.
Thou monstrous slanderer of heauen and earth.
Bedl [...] haue done.
Who is it that hath warn'd vs to the walles?
'Tis France, for England.
Acknowledge then the King, and let me in.
Bastards and else.
To verifie our title with their liues.
As many and as well-borne bloods as those.
Some Bastards too.
Stand in his face to contradict his claime.
Amen, Amen, mount Cheualiers to Armes.
Peace, no more.
O tremble: for you heare the Lyon rore.
Speed then to take aduantage of the field.
Whose party do the Townesmen yet admit?
Speake Citizens for England, whose your king.
The king of England, when we know the king.
Know him in vs, that heere hold vp his right.
Let it be so: say, where will you assault?
I from the North.
Speake on with favour, we are bent to heare.
What sai'st thou boy? looke in the Ladies face.
What saie these yong-ones? What say you my Neece?
Speake then Prince Dolphin, can you loue this Ladie?
It likes vs well young Princes: close your hands
She is sad and passionate at your highnes Tent.
Actus Secundus
I do beseech you Madam be content.
Actus Tertius,
Scaena prima.
Lady Constance, peace.
O that a man should speake those words to me.
And hang a Calues-skin on those recreant limbs
Thou dar'st not say so villaine for thy life.
And hang a Calues-skin on those recreant limbs.
We like not this, thou dost forget thy selfe.
Heere comes the holy Legat of the Pope.
Brother of England, you blaspheme in this.
There's Law and Warrant (Lady) for my curse.
Look'st thou pale France? do not let go thy hand.
King Philip, listen to the Cardinall.
And hang a Calues-skin on his recreant limbs.
Well ruffian, I must pocket vp these wrongs, Because,
Your breeches best may carry them.
Philip, what saist thou to the Cardinall?
What should he say, but as the Cardinall?
That [...]s the curse of Rome.
The king is moud, and answers not to this.
O be remou'd from him, and answere well.
Doe so king Philip, hang no more in doubt.
Hang nothing but a Calues skin most sweet lout.
I am perplext, and know not what to say.
I may dis-ioyne my hand, but not my faith.
Rebellion, flat rebellion.
Father, to Armes.
I will denounce a curse vpon his head.
Thou shalt not need. England, I will fall frō thee.
O faire returne of banish'd Maiestie.
O foule reuolt of French inconstancy.
France, y u shalt rue this houre within this houre.
Lady, with me, with me thy fortune lies.
There where my fortune liues, there my life dies.
No more then he that threats. To Arms le'ts hie.
Scoena Secunda.
O this will make my mother die with griefe.
Farewell gentle Cosen.
Coz, farewell.
Come hether little kinsman, harke, a worde.
I am much bounden to your Maiesty.
Death.
My Lord.
A Graue.
He shall not liue.
My blessing goe with thee.
Scaena Tertia.
Courage and comfort, all shall yet goe well.
Lo; now: now see the issue of your peace.
Patience good Lady, comfort gentle Constance.
O faire affliction, peace.
Lady, you vtter madnesse, and not sorrow.
To England, if you will.
Binde vp your haires.
You hold too heynous a respect of greefe.
He talkes to me, that neuer had a sonne.
You are as fond of greefe, as of your childe.
I feare some out-rage, and Ile follow her.
All daies of glory, ioy and happinesse.
As heartily as he is glad he hath him.
But what shall I gaine by yong Arthurs fall?
And loose it, life and all, as Arthur did.
Actus Quartus,
Scaena prima.
I hope your warrant will beare out the deed.
Good morrow Hubert.
Good morrow; little Prince.
Indeed I haue beene merrier.
Yong Boy, I must.
And will you?
And I will.
Come forth: Do as I bid you do.
Giue me the Iron I say, and binde him heere.
Go stand within: let me alone with him.
I am best pleas'd to be from such a deede.
Come (Boy) prepare your selfe.
Is there no remedie?
None, but to lose your eyes.
Is this your promise? Go too, hold your toong
I can heate it, Boy.
But with my breath I can reuiue it Boy.
O heauen! I thanke you Hubert.
Scena Secunda.
Indeed we fear'd his sicknesse was past cure.
Vnder the Dolphin.
Thou idle Dreamer, wherefore didst thou so?
Fore-knowing that the truth will fall out so.
I will seeke them out.
The spirit of the time shall teach me speed.
With all my heart, my Liege.
My mother dead?
Fiue Moones?
No had (my Lord?) why, did you not prouoke me?
Heere is your hand and Seale for what I did.
My Lord.
Scoena Tertia.
Who brought that Letter from the Cardinall?
To morrow morning let vs meete him then.
What ere you thinke, good words I thinke were best.
Our greefes, and not our manners reason now.
Sir, sir, impatience hath his priuiledge.
'Tis t [...]ue, to hurt his master, no mans else.
This is the prison: What is he lyes heere?
Our soules religiously confirme thy words.
I am no villaine.
Must I rob the Law?
Your sword is bright sir, put it vp againe.
Not till I sheath it in a murtherers skin.
Out dunghill: dar'st thou braue a Nobleman?
Cut him to peeces.
Keepe the peace, I say.
Stand by, or I shall gaul you Faulconbridge.
Lord Bigot, I am none.
Who kill'd this Prince?
Away, toward Burie, to the Dolphin there.
Do but heare me sir.
Vpon my soule.
Actus Quartus,
Scaena prima.
That villaine Hubert told me he did liue.
Haue thou the ordering of this present time.
Scoena Secunda.
You looke but on the out-side of this worke.
Giue me leaue to speake.
No, I will speake.
Strike vp our drummes, to finde this danger out.
And thou shalt finde it (Dolphin) do not doubt
Scaena Tertia.
How goes the day with vs? oh tell me Hubert.
Badly I feare; how fares your Maiesty?
Tell him toward Swinsted, to the Abbey there.
Scena Quarta.
I did not thinke the King so stor'd with friends.
They say King Iohn sore sick, hath left the field.
Lead me to the Reuolts of England heere.
When we were happie, we had other names.
It is the Count Meloone.
Wounded to death.
May this be possible? May this be true?
Scena Quinta.
Where is my Prince, the Dolphin?
Heere: what newes?
Who euer spoke it, it is true my Lord.
Scena Sexta.
Whose there? Speake hoa, speake quickely, or I shoote.
A Friend. What art thou?
Of the part of England.
Whether doest thou go?
Hubert, I thinke.
Come, come: sans complement, What newes abroad?
Brcefe then: and what's the newes?
How did he take it? Who did taste to him?
Who didst thou leaue to tend his Maiesty?
Scena Septima.
How fares your Maiesty?
The life and death of King Richard the Second.
Actus Primus,
Scaena Prima.
I haue my Liege.
And Norfolke, throw downe hi [...]
Norfolke, throw downe, we bidde; there is no boote.
Scaena Secunda.
Where then (alas may I) complaint my selfe?
To heauen, the widdowes Champion to defence
Scena Tertia.
My L. Aumerle, is Harry Herford arm'd.
Yea, at all points, and longs to enter in.
Mine innocence, and S. George to thriue.
Strong as a towre in hope, I cry Amen.
Go beare this Lance to Thomas D. of Norfolke.
I sweare.
And I, to keepe all this.
Why Vncle, thou hast many yeeres to liue.
Thy greefe is but thy absence for a time.
Ioy absent, greefe is present for that time.
What is sixe Winters, they are quickely gone?
To men in ioy, but greefe makes one houre ten.
Call it a trauell that thou tak'st for pleasure.
Scoena Quarta.
I brought high Herford (if you call him so) but to the next high way, and there I left him.
And say, what store of parting tears were shed?
What said our Cosin when you parted with him?
what newes?
Where lyes he?
At Ely house.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
How fares our noble Vncle Lancaster?
What comfort man? How ist with aged Gaunt?
Can sicke men play so nicely with their names?
Should dying men flatter those that liue?
No, no, men liuing flatter those that dye.
Thou now a dying, sayst thou flatter'st me.
Oh no, thou dyest, though I the sicker be.
I am in health, I breath, I see the [...]ill.
My Liege, olde Gaunt commends him to your Maiestie.
What sayes he?
Well Lords, the Duke of Lancaster is dead.
And liuing too, for now his sonne is Duke.
Barely in title, not in reuennew.
Richly in both, if iustice had her right.
The Earle of Wiltshire hath the realme in Farme.
The Kings growne bankrupt like a broken man.
Reproach, and dissolution hangeth ouer him.
To horse, to horse, vrge doubts to them y t feare.
Hold out my horse, and I will first be there.
Scena Secunda.
Now God in heauen forbid.
Dispaire not Madam.
Heere comes the Duke of Yorke.
My Lord, your sonne was gone before I came.
What is't knaue?
An houre before I came, the Dutchesse di'de.
Wherein the king stands generally condemn'd
That's as Yorke thriues to beate back Bullinbroke
Scaena Tertia.
How farre is it my Lord to Berkley now?
I had thought, my Lord, to haue learn'd his health of you.
Why, is he not with the Queene?
Haue you forgot the Duke of Hereford (Boy.)
Then learne to know him now: this is the Duke.
Your presence makes vs rich, most Noble Lord.
And sure surmounts our labour to attaine it.
It is my Lord of Barkely, as I ghesse.
My Lord of Hereford, my Message is to you.
My gracious Vnckle.
The Noble Duke hath been too much abus'd.
It stands your Grace vpon, to doe him right.
Base men by his endowments are made great.
Scoena Quarta.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Scena Secunda.
Barkloughly Castle call you this at hand?
Comfort my Liege, why lookes your Grace so pale?
Comfort my Liege, remember who you are.
Peace haue they made with him indeede (my Lord.)
Is Bushie Greene, and the Earle of Wiltshire dead?
Yea all of them at Bristow lost their heads.
Where is the Duke my Father with his Power?
My Liege, one word.
Scaena Tertia.
The newes is very faire and good, my Lord, Richard, not farre from hence, hath hid his head.
Mistake not (Vnckle) farther then you should.
Royally? Why, it containes no King?
Oh, belike it is the Bishop of Carl [...]le.
Northumberland comes backe from Bullingbrooke.
What sayes his Maiestie?
My gracious Lord, I come but for mine owne.
Your owne is yours, and I am yours, and all.
Yea, my good Lord.
Then I must not say, no.
Scena Quarta.
Madame, wee'le play at Bowles.
Madame, wee'le Dance.
Madame, wee'le tell Tales.
Of Sorrow, or of Griefe?
Of eyther, Madame.
Madame, Ile sing.
I could weepe, Madame, would it doe you good.
What are they dead?
What thinke you the King shall be depos'd?
Actus Quartus.
Scoena Prima.
Then set before my face, the Lord Aumerle.
Cosin, stand forth, and looke vpon that man.
Bagot forbeare, thou shalt not take it vp.
Thou dar'st not (Coward) liue to see the day.
Now by my Soule, I would it were this houre.
Fitzwater thou art damn'd to hell for this.
Surrey, thou Lyest.
Why Bishop, is Norfolke dead?
As sure as I liue, my Lord.
In Gods Name, Ile ascend the Regall Throne.
I will be his Conduct.
I thought you had been willing to resigne.
Part of your Cares you giue me with your Crowne.
Are you contended to resigne the Crowne?
My Lord dispatch, reade o're these Articles.
My Lord.
Goe some of you, and fetch a Looking-Glasse.
Read o're this Paper, while y c Glasse doth come.
Fiend, thou torments me, ere I come to Hell.
Vrge it no more, my Lord Northumberland.
The Commons will not then be satisfy'd.
Name it, faire Cousin.
Yet aske.
And shall I haue?
You shall.
Then giue me leaue to goe.
Whither?
Whither you will, so I were from your sights.
Goe some of you, conuey him to the Tower.
A wofull Pageant haue we here beheld.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
And must we be diuided? must we part?
I, hand from hand (my Loue) and heart frō heart.
Banish vs both, and send the King with me.
That were some Loue, but little Pollicy.
Then whither he goes, thither let me goe.
So longest Way shall haue the longest Moanes.
Scoena Secunda.
Where did I leaue?
Alas poore Richard, where rides he the whilst?
Heere comes my sonne Aumerle.
For ought I know my Lord, they do.
You will be there I know.
If God preuent not, I purpose so.
My Lord, 'tis nothing.
I do beseech you pardon me, I may not shew it.
What's the matter, my Lord?
Why, what is't my Lord?
What is the matter?
Peace foolish Woman.
I will not peace. What is the matter Sonne?
Thy life answer?
Bring me my Boots, I will vnto the King.
Giue me my Boots, I say.
Away fond woman: were hee twenty times my Son, I would appeach him.
Make way, vnruly Woman.
Scoena Tertia.
And what said the Gallant?
Where is the King?
Haue thy desire.
Villaine, Ile make thee safe.
Stay thy reuengefull hand, thou hast no cause to feare.
What hoa (my Liege) for heauens sake let me in.
What shrill-voic'd Suppliant, makes this eager cry?
Sweet Yorke be patient, heare me gentle Liege.
Rise vp good Aunt.
Vnto my mothers prayres, I bend my knee.
Against them both, my true ioynts bended be.
Good Aunt stand vp.
Speake it in French (King) say Pardon'ne moy.
Good Aunt, stand vp.
I pardon him, as heauen shall pardon mee.
I pardon him with all my hart.
A God on earth thou art.
Come my old son, I pray heauen make thee new.
Those were his very words.
He did.
Scaena Quarta.
Haile Royall Prince.
So proudly, as if he had disdain'd the ground.
Fellow, giue place heere is [...] [...]nger [...]y.
If [...]hou loue me, [...] thou with away.
What thy tongue da [...]s not, that my heart shall say.
My Lord, will please you to fall too?
Taste of it first, as thou wer't wont to doo.
Helpe, helpe, helpe.
Scoena Quinta.
From your owne mouth my Lord, did I this deed.
The First Part of Henry the Fourth, with the Life and Death of HENRY Sirnamed HOT-SPVRRE.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
A Conquest for a Prince to boast of.
I will my Liege.
Scaena Secunda.
Now Hal, what time of day is it Lad?
Thou art so fat-witted with drinking of olde Sacke, and vnbuttoning thee after Supper, and sleeping vpon Benches in the afternoone, that thou hast forgotten to demand that truely, which thou wouldest truly know. What a diuell hast thou to do with the time of the day? vnlesse houres were cups of Sacke, and minutes Capons, and clockes the tongues of Bawdes, and dialls the signes of Leaping-houses, and the blessed Sunne himselfe a faire hot Wench in Flame-coloured Taffata; I see no reason, why thou shouldest bee so superfluous, to demaund the time of the day.
Indeed you come neere me now Hal, for we that take Purses, go by the Moone and seuen Starres, and not by Phoebus hee, that wand'ring Knight so faire. And I prythee sweet Wagge, when thou art King, as God saue thy Grace, Maiesty I should say, for Grace thou wilte haue none.
What, none?
No, not so much as will serue to be Prologue to an Egge and Butter.
Well, how then? Come roundly, roundly.
Marry then, sweet Wagge, when thou art King, let not vs that are Squires of the Nights bodie, bee call'd Theeues of the Dayes beautie. Let vs be Dianaes Forresters, Gentlemen of the Shade, Minions of the Moone; and let men say, we be men of good Gouernment, being gouerned as the Sea is, by our noble and chast mistris the Moone, vnder whose countenance we steale.
Thou say'st well, and it holds well too: for the fortune of vs that are the Moones men, doeth ebbe and flow like the Sea, beeing gouerned as the Sea is, by the Moone: as for proofe. Now a Purse of Gold most resolutely snatch'd on Monday night, and most dissolutely spent on Tuesday Morning; got with swearing, Lay by: and spent with crying, Bring in: now, in as low an ebbe as the foot of the Ladder, and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the Gallowes.
Thou say'st true Lad: and is not my Hostesse of the Tauerne a most sweet Wench?
As is the hony, my old Lad of the Castle: and is not a Buffe Ierkin a most sweet robe of durance?
How now? how now mad Wagge? What in thy quips and thy quiddities? What a plague haue I to doe with a Buffe-Ierkin?
Why, what a poxe haue I to doe with my Hostesse of the Tauerne?
Well, thou hast call'd her to a reck'ning many a time and oft.
Did I euer call for thee to pay thy part?
No, Ile giue thee thy due, thou hast paid al there.
Yea and elsewhere, so farre as my Coine would stretch, and where it would not, I haue vs'd my credit.
Yea, and so vs'd it, that were it heere apparant, that thou art Heire apparant. But I prythee sweet Wag, shall there be Gallowes standing in England when thou art King? and resolution thus fobb'd as it is, with the rustie curbe of old Father Anticke the Law? Doe not thou when thou art a King, hang a Theefe.
No, thou shalt.
Shall I? O rare! Ile be a braue Iudge.
Thou iudgest false already. I meane, thou shalt haue the hanging of the Theeues, and so become a rare Hangman.
Well Hal, well: and in some sort it iumpes with my humour, as well as waiting in the Court, I can tell you.
For obtaining of suites?
Yea, for obtaining of suites, whereof the Hangman hath no leane Wardrobe. I am as Melancholly as a Gyb-Cat, or a lugg'd Beate.
Or an old Lyon, or a Louers Lute.
Yea, or the Drone of a Lincolnshire Bagpipe.
What say'st thou to a Hare, or the Melancholly of Moore Ditch?
Thou hast the most vnsauoury smiles, and art indeed the most comparatiue rascallest sweet yong Prince. But Hal, I prythee trouble me no more with vanity, I wold thou and I knew, where a Commodity of good names were to be bought: an olde Lord of the Councell rated me the other day in the street about you sir; but I mark'd him not, and yet hee talk'd very wisely, but I regarded him not, and yet he talkt wisely, and in the street too.
Thou didst well: for no man regards it.
O, thou hast damnable iteration, and art indeede able to corrupt a Saint. Thou hast done much harme vnto me Hall, God forgiue thee for it. Before I knew thee Hal, I knew nothing: and now I am (if a man shold speake truly) little better then one of the wicked. I must giue ouer this life, and I will giue it ouer: and I do not, I am a Villaine. Ile be damn'd for neuer a Kings sonne in Christendome.
Where shall we take a purse to morrow, Iacke?
Where thou wilt Lad, Ile make one: and I doe not, call me Villaine, and bafflle me.
I see a good amendment of life in thee: From Praying, to Purse-taking.
Why, Hal, 'tis my Vocation Hal: 'Tis no sin for a man to labour in his Vocation.
Now shall wee know if Gads hill haue set a Watch. O, if men were to be saued by merit, what hole in Hell were hot enough for him? This is the most omnipotent Villaine, that euer cryed, Stand, to a true man.
Good morrow Ned.
Good morrow sweet Hal. What saies Monsieur Remorse? What sayes Sir Iohn Sacke and Sugar: Iacke? How agrees the Diuell and thee about thy Soule, that thou soldest him on Good-Friday last, for a Cup of Madera, and a cold Capons legge?
Sir Iohn stands to his word, the diuel shall haue his bargaine, for he was neuer yet a Breaker of Prouerbs: He will giue the diuell his due.
Then art thou damn'd for keeping thy word with the diuell.
Else he had damn'd for cozening the diuell.
But my Lads, my Lads, to morrow morning, by foure a clocke early at Gads hill, there are Pilgrimes going to Canterbury with rich Offerings, and Traders riding to London with fat Purses. I haue vizards for you all; you haue horses for your selues: Gads-hill lyes to night in Rochester, I haue bespoke Supper to morrow in Eastcheape; we may doe it as secure as sleepe: if you will go, I will stuffe your Purses full of Crownes: if you will not, tarry at home and be hang'd.
Heare ye Yed ward, if I tarry at home and go not, Ile hang you for going.
You will chops.
Hal, wilt thou make one?
Who, I rob? I a Theefe? Not I.
There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee, nor thou cam'st not of the blood-royall, if thou dar'st not stand for ten shillings.
Well then, once in my dayes Ile be a mad-cap.
Why, that's well said.
Well, come what will, Ile tarry at home.
Ile be a Traitor then, when thou art King.
I care not.
Sir Iohn, I prythee leaue the Prince & me alone, I will lay him downe such reasons for this aduenture, that he shall go.
Well, maist thou haue the Spirit of perswasion; and he the eares of profiting, that what thou speakest, may moue; and what he heares may be beleeued, that the true Prince, may (for recreation sake) proue a false theefe; for the poore abuses of the time, want countenance. Farwell, you shall finde me in Eastcheape.
Farwell the latter Spring. Farewell Alhollown Summer.
Now, my good sweet Hony Lord, ride with vs to morrow. I haue a iest to execute, that I cannot mannage alone. Falstaffe, Haruey, Rossill, and Gads-hill, shall robbe those men that wee haue already way-layde, your selfe and I, wil not be there: and when they haue the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut this head from my shoulders.
But how shal we part with them in setting forth?
Why we wil set forth before or after them, and appoint them a place of meeting, wherin it is at our pleasure to faile; and then will they aduenture vppon the exploit themselues, which they shall haue no sooner atchieued, but wee'l set vpon them.
I, but tis like that they will know vs by our horses, by our habits, and by euery other appointment to be our selues.
Tut our horses they shall not see, Ile tye them in the wood, our vizards wee will change after wee leaue them: and sirrah, I haue Cases of Buckram for the nonce, to immaske our noted outward garments.
But I doubt they will be too hard for vs.
Well, for two of them, I know them to bee as true bred Cowards as euer turn'd backe: and for the third if he fight longer then he sees reason, Ile forswear Armes. The vertue of this Iest will be, the incomprehensible lyes that this fat Rogue will tell vs, when we meete at Supper: how thirty at least he fought with, what Wardes, what blowes, what extremities he endured; and in the reproofe of this, lyes the iest.
Well, Ile goe with thee, prouide vs all things necessary, and meete me to morrow night in Eastcheape, there Ile sup. Farewell.
Farewell, my Lord.
Scoena Tertia.
My Lord.
Brother, the King hath made your Nephew mad
Who strooke this heate vp after I was gone?
He did, my selfe did heare it.
I cry you mercy.
Heare you Cousin: a word.
At Barkley Castle.
I haue done insooth.
Of Yorke, is't not?
Before the game's a-foot, thou still let'st slip.
And so they shall.
Infaith it is exceedingly well aym'd.
He does, he does; wee'l be reueng'd on him.
Farewell good Brother, we shall thriue, I trust.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
Heigh-ho, an't be not foure by the day, Ile be hang'd. Charles waine is ouer the new Chimney, and yet our horse not packt. What Ostler?
Anon, anon.
I prethee Tom, beate Cuts Saddle, put a few Flockes in the point: the poore Iade is wrung in the withers, out of all cesse.
Pease and Beanes are as danke here as a Dog, and this is the next way to giue poore Iades the Bottes: This house is turned vpside downe since Robin the Ostler dyed.
Poore fellow neuer ioy'd since the price of oats rose, it was the death of him.
I thinke this is the most villanous house in al London rode for Fleas: I am stung like a Tench.
Like a Tench? There is ne're a King in Christendome, could be better bit, then I haue beene since the first Cocke.
Why, you will allow vs ne're a Iourden, and then we leake in your Chimney: and your Chamber-lye breeds Fleas like a Loach.
What Ostler, come away, and be hangd: come away.
I haue a Gammon of Bacon, and two razes of Ginger, to be deliuered as farre as Charing-crosse.
The Turkies in my Pannier are quite starued. What Ostler? A plague on thee, hast thou neuer an eye in thy head? Can'st not heare? And t'were not as good a deed as drinke, to break the pate of thee, I am a very Villaine. Come and be hang'd, hast no faith in thee?
Good-morrow Carriers. What's a clocke?
I thinke it be two a clocke.
I prethee lend me thy Lanthorne to see my Gelding in the stable.
Nay soft I pray ye, I know a trick worth two of that.
I prethee lend me thine.
I, when, canst tell? Lend mee thy Lanthorne (quoth-a) marry Ile see thee hang'd first.
Sirra Carrier: What time do you mean to come to London?
Time enough to goe to bed with a Candle, I warrant thee. Come neighbour Mugges, wee'll call vp the Gentlemen, they will along with company, for they haue great charge.
What ho, Chamberlaine?
At hand quoth Pick-purse.
That's euen as faire, as at hand quoth the Chamberlaine: For thou variest no more from picking of Purses, then giuing direction, doth from labouring. Thou lay'st the plot, how.
Good morrow Master Gads-Hill, it holds currant that I told you yesternight. There's a Franklin in the wilde of Kent, hath brought three hundred Markes with him in Gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at Supper; a kinde of Auditor, one that hath abundance of charge too (God knowes what) they are vp already, and call for Egges and Butter. They will away presently.
No, Ile none of it: I prythee keep that for the Hangman, for I know thou worshipst S. Nicholas as truly as a man of falshood may.
What talkest thou to me of the Hangman? If I hang, Ile make a fat payre of Gallowes. For, if I hang, old Sir Iohn hangs with mee, and thou know'st hee's no Starueling. Tut, there are other Troians that y u dream'st not of, the which (for sport sake) are content to doe the Profession some grace; that would (if matters should bee look'd into) for their owne Credit sake, make all Whole. I am ioyned with no Foot-land-Rakers, no Long-staffe six-penny strikers, none of these mad Mustachio-purplehu'd-Maltwormes, but with Nobility and Tranquilitie; Bourgomasters, and great Oneyers, such as can holde in, such as will strike sooner then speake; and speake sooner then drinke, and drinke sooner then pray: and yet I lye, for they pray continually vnto their Saint the Commonwealth; or rather, not to pray to her, but prey on her: for they tide vp & downe on her, and make hir their Boots.
What, the Commonwealth their Bootes? Will she hold out water in foule way?
She will, she will; Iustice hath liquor'd her. We steale as in a Castle, cocksure: we haue the receit of Fernseede, we walke inuisible.
Nay, I thinke rather, you are more beholding to the Night, then to the Fernseed, for your walking inuisible.
Nay, rather let mee haue it, as you are a false Theefe.
Goe too: Homo is a common name to all men. Bid the Ostler bring the Gelding out of the stable. Farewell ye muddy Knaue.
Scaena Secunda.
Come shelter, shelter, I haue remoued Falstafs Horse, and he frets like a gum'd Veluet.
Stand close.
Poines, Poines, and be hang'd Poines.
Peace ye fat-kidney'd Rascall, what a brawling dost thou keepe.
What Poines. Hal?
He is walk'd vp to the top of the hill, Ile go seek him.
I am accurst to rob in that Theefe company: that Rascall hath remoued my Horse, and tied him I know not where. If I trauell but foure foot by the squire further a foote, I shall breake my winde. Well, I doubt not but to dye a faire death for all this, if I scape hanging for killing that Rogue, I haue forsworne his company hourely any time this two and twenty yeare, & yet I am bewitcht with the Rogues company. If the Rascall haue not giuen me medicines to make me loue him, Ile behang'd; it could not be else: I haue drunke Medicines. Poines, Hal, a Plague vpon you both. Bardolph, Peto: Ile starue ere I rob a foote further. And 'twere not as good a deede as to drinke, to turne True-man, and to leaue these Rogues, I am the veriest Varlet that euer chewed with a Tooth. Eight yards of vneuen ground, is threescore & ten miles afoot with me: and the stony-hearted Villaines knowe it well enough. A plague vpon't, when Theeues cannot be true one to another.
a plague light vpon you all. Giue my Horse you
giue me my Horse, and be hang'd.
Peace ye fat guttes, lye downe, lay thine eare close to the ground, and list if thou can heare the tread of Trauellers.
Haue you any Leauers to lift me vp again being downe? Ile not beare mine owne flesh so far afoot again, for all the coine in thy Fathers Exchequer. What a plague meane ye to colt me thus?
Thou ly'st, thou art not colted, thou art vncolted.
I prethee good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good Kings sonne.
Out you Rogue, shall I be your Ostler?
Go hang thy selfe in thine owne heire-apparant-Garters: If I be tane, Ile peach for this: and I haue not Ballads made on all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a Cup of Sacke be my poyson: when a iest is so forward, & a foote too, I hate it.
Stand.
So I do against my will.
Case ye, case ye; on with your Vizards, there's mony of the Kings comming downe the hill, 'tis going to the Kings Exchequer.
You lie you rogue, 'tis going to the Kings Tauern.
There's enough to make vs all.
To he hang'd.
You foure shall front them in the narrow Lane: Ned and I, will walke lower; if they scape from your encounter, then they light on vs.
But how many be of them?
Some eight or ten.
Will they not rob vs?
What, a Coward Sir Iohn Paunch?
Indeed I am not Iohn of Gaunt your Grandfather; but yet no Coward, Hal.
Wee'l leaue that to the proofe.
Sirra Iacke, thy horse stands behinde the hedg, when thou need'st him, there thou shalt finde him. Farewell, and stand fast.
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd.
Ned, where are our disguises?
Heere hard by: Stand close.
Now my Masters, happy man be his dole, say I: euery man to his businesse.
Come Neighbor: the boy shall leade our Horses downe the hill: Wee'l walke a-foot a while, and ease our Legges.
Stay.
Iesu blesse vs.
Strike▪ down with them, cut the villains throats; a whorson Caterpillars: Bacon-fed Knaues, they hate vs youth; downe with them, fleece them.
O, we are vndone, both we and ours for euer.
Hang ye gorbellied knaues, are you vndone? No ye Fat Chuffes, I would your store were heere. On Bacons on▪ what ye knaues? Yong men must liue, you are Grand Iurers, are ye? Wee'l iure ye ifaith.
The Theeues haue bound the True-men: Now could thou and I rob the Theeues, and go merily to London, it would be argument for a Weeke, Laughter for a Moneth, and a good iest for euer.
Stand close, I heare them comming.
Come my Masters, let vs share, and then to horsse before day: and the Prince and Poynes bee not two arrand Cowards, there's no equity stirring. There's no moe valour in that Poynes, than in a wilde Ducke.
Your money.
Villaines.
Got with much ease. Now merrily to Horse: The Theeues are scattred, and possest with fear so strongly, that they dare not meet each other: each takes his fellow for an Officer. Away good Ned, Falstaffe sweates to death, and Lards the leane earth as he walkes along wer't not for laughing, I should pitty him.
How the Rogue roar'd.
Scoena Tertia.
But for mine owne part, my Lord, I could bee well contented to be there, in respect of the loue I beare your house.
[Page 55]He could be contented: Why is he not then? in respect of the loue he beares our house. He shewes in this, he loues his owne Barne better then he loues our house. Let me see some more. The purpose you vndertake is dangerous. Why that's certaine: 'Tis dangerous to take a Colde, to sleepe, to drinke: but I tell you (my Lord foole) out of this Nettle, Danger; we plucke this Flower, Safety. The purpose you vndertake is dangerous, the Friends you haue named vncertaine, the Time it selfe vnsorted, and your whole Plot too light, for the counterpoize of so great an Opposition. Say you so, say you so: I say vnto you againe, you are a shallow cowardly Hinde, and you Lye. What a lacke-braine is this? I protest, our plot is as good a plot as euer was laid; our Friend true and constant: A good Plotte, good Friends, and full of expectation: An excellent plot, very good Friends. What a Frosty-spirited rogue is this? Why, my Lord of Yorke commends the plot, and the generall course of the action. By this hand, if I were now by this Rascall, I could braine him with his Ladies Fan. Is there not my Father, my Vnckle, and my Selfe, Lord Edmund Mortimer, my Lord of Yorke, and Owen Glendour? Is there not besides, the Dowglas? Haue I not all their letters, to meete me in Armes by the ninth of the next Moneth? and are they not some of them set forward already? What a Pagan Rascall is this? An Infidell. Ha, you shall see now in very sincerity of Feare and Cold heart, will he to the King, and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could diuide my selfe, and go to buffets, for mouing such a dish of skim'd Milk with so honourable an Action. Hang him, let him tell the King we are prepared. I will set forwards to night.
How now Kate, I must leaue you within these two hours.
What ho; Is Gilliams with the Packet gone?
He is my Lord, an houre agone.
Hath Butler brought those horses frō the Sheriffe?
One horse, my Lord, he brought euen now.
What Horse? A Roane, a crop eare, is it not.
It is my Lord.
That Roane shall be my Throne. Well, I will backe him straight. Esperance, bid Butler lead him forth into the Parke.
But heare you, my Lord.
What say'st thou my Lady?
What is it carries you away?
Why, my horse (my Loue) my horse.
Out you mad-headed Ape, a Weazell hath not such a deale of Spleene, as you are tost with. In sooth Ile know your businesse Harry, that I will. I feare my Brother Mortimer doth stirre about his Title, and hath sent for you to line his enterprize. But if you go—
So farre a foot, I shall be weary, Loue.
Come, come, you Paraquito, answer me directly vnto this question, that I shall aske. Indeede Ile breake thy little finger Harry, if thou wilt not tel me true.
How so farre?
It must of force.
Scena Quarta.
Ned, prethee come out of that fat roome, & lend me thy hand to laugh a little.
Where hast bene Hall?
With three or foure Logger-heads, amongst 3. or fourescore Hogsheads. I haue sounded the verie base string of humility. Sirra, I am sworn brother to a leash of Drawers, and can call them by their names, as Tom, Dicke, and Francis. They take it already vpon their confidence, that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the King of Curtesie: telling me flatly I am no proud lack like Falstaffe, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy, and when I am King of England, I shall command al the good Laddes in East-cheape. They call drinking deepe, dying Scarlet; and when you breath in your watering, then [Page 56] they try hem, and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an houre, that I can drinke with any Tinker in his owne Language during my life. I tell thee Ned, thou hast lost much honor, that thou wer't not with me in this action: but sweet Ned, to sweeten which name of Ned, I giue thee this peniworth of Sugar, clapt euen now into my hand by an vnder Skinker, one that neuer spake other English in his life, then Eight shillings and six pence, and, You are welcome: with this shril addition, Anon, Anon sir, Score a Pint of Bastard in the Halfe Moone, or so. But Ned, to driue away time till Falstaffe come, I prythee doe thou stand in some by-roome, while I question my puny Drawer, to what end hee gaue me the Sugar, and do neuer leaue calling Francis, that his Tale to me may be nothing but, Anon: step aside, and Ile shew thee a President.
Francis.
Thou art perfect.
Francis.
Anon, anon sir; looke downe into the Pomgarnet, Ralfe.
Come hither Francis.
My Lord.
How long hast thou to serue, Francis?
Forsooth fiue yeares, and as much as to—
Francis.
Anon, anon sir.
Fiue yeares: Betlady a long Lease for the clinking of Pewter. But Francis, darest thou be so valiant, as to play the coward with thy Indenture, & shew it a faire paire of heeles, and run from it?
O Lord sir, Ile be sworne vpon all the Books in England, I could finde in my heart.
Francis.
Anon, anon sir.
How old art thou, Francis?
Let me see, about Michaelmas next I shalbe—
Francis.
Anon sir, pray you stay a little, my Lord.
Nay but harke you Francis, for the Sugar thou gauest me, 'twas a penyworth, was't not?
O Lord sir, I would it had bene two.
I will giue thee for it a thousand pound: Aske me when thou wilt, and thou shalt haue it.
Francis.
Anon, anon.
Anon Francis? No Francis, but to morrow Francis: or Francis, on thursday: or indeed Francis when thou wilt. But Francis.
My Lord.
Wilt thou rob this Leatherne Ierkin, Christall button, Not-pated, Agat ring, Puke stocking, Caddice garter, Smooth tongue, Spanish pouch.
O Lord sir, who do you meane?
Why then your browne Bastard is your onely drinke: for looke you Francis, your white Canuas doublet will sulley. In Barbary sir, it cannot come to so much.
What sir?
Francis.
What, stand'st thou still, and hear'st such a calling? Looke to the Guests within. My Lord, olde Sir Iohn with halfe a dozen more, are at the doore: shall I let them in?
Let them alone awhile, and then open the doore. Poines.
Anon, anon sir.
Sirra, Falstaffe and the rest of the Theeues, are at the doore, shall we be merry?
As merrie as Crickets my Lad. But harke yee, What cunning match haue you made with this iest of the Drawer? Come, what's the issue?
I am now of all humors, that haue shewed themselues humors, since the old dayes of goodman Adam, to the pupill age of this present twelue a clock at midnight. What's a clocke Francis?
Anon, anon sir.
That euer this Fellow should haue fewer words then a Parret, and yet the sonne of a Woman. His industry is vp-staires and down-staires, his eloquence the parcell of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percies mind, the Hotspurre of the North, he that killes me some sixe or seauen dozen of Scots at a Breakfast, washes his hands, and saies to his wife; Fie vpon this quiet life, I want worke. O my sweet Harry sayes she, how many hast thou kill'd to day? Giue my Roane horse a drench (sayes hee) and answeres, some fourteene, an houre after: a trifle, a trifle. I prethee call in Falstaffe, Ile play Percy, and that damn'd Brawne shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. Rino, sayes the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.
Welcome Iacke, where hast thou beene?
A plague of all Cowards I say, and a Vengeance too, marry and Amen. Giue me a cup of Sacke Boy. Ere I leade this life long, Ile sowe nether stockes, and mend them too. A plague of all cowards. Giue me a Cup of Sacke, Rogue. Is there no Vertue extant?
Didst thou neuer see Titan kisse a dish of Butter, pittifull hearted Titan that melted at the sweete Tale of the Sunne? If thou didst, then behold that compound.
You Rogue, heere's Lime in this Sacke too: there is nothing but Roguery to be found in Villanous man; yet a Coward is worse then a Cup of Sack with lime. A villanous Coward, go thy wayes old Iacke, die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood be not forgot vpon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten Herring: there lines not three good men vnhang'd in England, & one of them is fat, and growes old, God helpe the while, a bad world I say. I would I were a Weauer, I could sing all manner of songs. A plague of all Cowards, I say still.
How now Woolsacke, what mutter you?
A Kings Sonne? If I do not beate thee out of thy Kingdome with a dagger of Lath, and driue all thy Subiects afore thee like a flocke of Wilde-geese, Ile neuer weare haire on my face more. You Prince of Wales?
Why you horson round man? what's the matter?
Are you not a Coward? Answer me to that, and Poines there?
Ye fatch paunch, and yee call mee Coward, Ile stab thee.
I call thee Coward? Ile see thee damn'd ere I call the Coward: but I would giue a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your backe: Call you [Page 57] that backing of your friends? a plague vpon such backing: giue me them that will face me. Giue me a Cup of Sack, I am a Rogue if I drunke to day.
O Villaine, thy Lippes are scarce wip'd, since thou drunk'st last.
What's the matter?
What's the matter? here be foure of vs, haue ta'ne a thousand pound this Morning.
Where is it, Iack? where is it?
Where is it? taken from vs, it is: a hundred vpon poore foure of vs.
What, a hundred, man?
I am a Rogue, if I were not at halfe Sword with a dozen of them two houres together. I haue scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the Doublet, foure through the Hose, my Buckler cut through and through, my Sword hackt like a Hand-saw, ecce signum. I neuer dealt better since I was a man: all would not doe. A plague of all Cowards: let them speake; if they speake more or lesse then truth, they are villaines, and the sonnes of darknesse.
Speake sirs, how was it?
We foure set vpon some dozen.
Sixteene, at least, my Lord.
And bound them.
No, no, they were not bound.
You Rogue, they were bound, euery man of them, or I am a Iew else, an Ebrew Iew.
As we were sharing, some sixe or seuen fresh men set vpon vs.
And vnbound the rest, and then come in the other.
What, fought yee with them all?
All? I know not what yee call all: but if I fought not with fiftie of them, I am a bunch of Radish: if there were not two or three and fiftie vpon poore olde Iack, then am I no two-legg'd Creature.
Pray Heauen, you haue not murthered some of them.
Nay, that's past praying for, I haue pepper'd two of them: Two I am sure I haue payed, two Rogues in Buckrom Sutes. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a Lye, spit in my face, call me Horse: thou knowest my olde word: here I lay, and thus I bore my point; foure Rogues in Buckrom let driue at me.
What, foure? thou sayd'st but two, euen now.
Foure Hal, I told thee foure.
I, I, he said foure.
These foure came all a-front, and mainely thrust at me; I made no more adoe, but tooke all their seuen points in my Targuet, thus.
Seuen? why there were but foure, euen now.
In Buckrom.
I, foure, in Buckrom Sutes.
Seuen, by these Hilts, or I am a Villaine else.
Prethee let him alone, we shall haue more anon.
Doest thou heare me, Hal?
I, and marke thee too, Iack.
Doe so, for it is worth the listning too: these nine in Buckrom, that I told thee of.
So, two more alreadie.
Their Points being broken.
Downe fell his Hose.
Began to giue me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought, seuen of the eleuen I pay'd.
O monstrous! eleuen Buckrom men growne out of two?
But as the Deuill would haue it, three mis-begotten Knaues, in Kendall Greene, came at my Back, and let driue at me; for it was so darke, Hal, that thou could'st not see thy Hand.
These Lyes are like the Father that begets them, grosse as a Mountaine, open, palpable. Why thou Clay-brayn'd Guts, thou Knotty-pated Foole, thou Horson obscene greasie Tallow Catch.
What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth, the truth?
Why, how could'st thou know these men in Kendall Greene, when it was so darke, thou could'st not see thy Hand? Come, tell vs your reason: what say'st thou to this?
Come, your reason Iack, your reason.
What, vpon compulsion? No: were I at the Strappado, or all the Racks in the World, I would not tell you on compulsion. Giue you a reason on compulsion? If Reasons were as plentie as Black-berries, I would giue no man a Reason vpon compulsion, I.
Ile be no longer guiltie of this sinne. This sanguine Coward, this Bed-presser, this Hors-back-breaker, this huge Hill of Flesh.
Away you Starueling, you Elfe-skin, you dried Neats tongue, Bulles-pissell, you stocke-fish: O for breth to vtter. What is like thee? You Tailors yard, you sheath you Bow-case, you vile standing tucke.
Well, breath a-while, and then to't againe: and when thou hast tyr'd thy selfe in base comparisons, heare me speake but thus.
Marke Iacke.
We two, saw you foure set on foure and bound them, and were Masters of their Wealth: mark now how a plaine Tale shall put you downe. Then did we two, set on you foure, and with a word, outfac'd you from your prize, and haue it: yea, and can shew it you in the House. And Falstaffe, you caried your Guts away as nimbly, with as quicke dexteritie, and roared for mercy, and still ranne and roar'd, as euer I heard Bull-Calfe. What a Slaue art thou, to hacke thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight. What trick? what deuices? what starting hole canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparant shame?
Come, let's heare Iacke: What tricke hast thou now?
I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why heare ye my Masters, was it for me to kill the Heire apparant? Should I turne vpon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware Instinct, the Lion will not touch the true Prince: Instinct is a great matter. I was a Coward on Instinct: I shall thinke the better of my selfe, and thee, during my life: I, for a valiant Lion, and thou for a true Prince. But Lads, I am glad you haue the Mony. Hostesse, clap to the doores: watch to night, pray to morrow. Gallants, Lads, Boyes, Harts of Gold, all the good Titles of Fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? shall we haue a Play extempory.
Content, and the argument shall be, thy runing away.
A, no more of that Hall, and thou louest me.
My Lord, the Prince?
How now my Lady the Hostesse, what say'st thou to me?
Marry, my Lord, there is a Noble man of the Court at doore would speake with you: hee sayes, hee comes from your Father.
Giue him as much as will make him a Royall man▪ and send him backe againe to my Mother.
What manner of man is hee?
An old man.
Prethee doe Iacke.
'Faith, and Ile send him packing.
Now Sirs: you fought faire; so did you Peto, so did you Bardol: you are Lyons too, you ranne away vpon instinct: you will not touch the true Prince; no, fie.
'Faith, I ranne when I saw others runne.
Tell mee now in earnest, how came Falstaffes Sword so hackt?
Why, he hackt it with his Dagger, and said, hee would sweare truth out of England, but hee would make you beleeue it was done in fight, and perswaded vs to doe the like.
Yea, and to tickle our Noses with Spear-grasse, to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and sweare it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seuen yeeres before, I blusht to heare his monstrous deuices.
O Villaine, thou stolest a Cup of Sacke eighteene yeeres agoe, and wert taken with the manner, and euer since thou hast blusht extempore: thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ranst away; what instinct hadst thou for it?
My Lord, doe you see these Meteors? doe you behold these Exhalations?
I doe.
What thinke you they portend?
Hot Liuers, and cold Purses.
Choler, my Lord, if rightly taken.
No, if rightly taken, Halter.
Heere comes leane Iacke, heere comes bare-bone. How now my sweet Creature of Bombast, how long is't agoe, Iacke, since thou saw'st thine owne Knee?
My owne Knee? When I was about thy yeeres (Hal) I was not an Eagles Talent in the Waste, I could haue crept into any Aldermans Thumbe-Ring: a plague of sighing and griefe, it blowes a man vp like a Bladder. There's villanous Newes abroad: heere was Sir Iohn Braby from your Father; you must goe to the Court in the Morning. The same mad fellow of the North, Percy; and hee of Wales, that gaue Amamon the Bastinado, and made Lucifer Cuckold, and swore the Deuill his true Liege-man vpon the Crosse of a Welch-hooke; what a plague call you him?
O, Glendower.
Owen, Owen; the same, and his Sonne in Law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and the sprightly Scot of Scots, Dowglas, that runnes a Horse-backe vp a Hill perpendicular.
Hee that rides at high speede, and with a Pistoll kills a Sparrow flying.
You haue hit it.
So did he neuer the Sparrow.
Well, that Rascall hath good mettall in him, hee will not runne.
Why, what a Rascall art thou then, to prayse him so for running?
A Horse-backe (ye Cuckoe) but a foot hee will not budge a foot.
Yes Iacke, vpon instinct.
I grant ye, vpon instinct: Well, hee is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blew-Cappes more. Worcester is stolne away by Night: thy Fathers Beard is turn'd white with the Newes; you may buy Land now as cheape as stinking Mackrell.
Then 'tis like, if there come a hot Sunne, and this ciuill buffetting hold, wee shall buy Maiden-heads as they buy Hob-nayles, by the Hundreds.
By the Masse Lad, thou say'st true, it is like wee shall haue good trading that way. But tell me Hal, art not thou horrible afear'd? thou being Heire apparant, could the World picke thee out three such Enemyes againe, as that Fiend Dowglas, that Spirit Percy, and that Deuill Glendower? Art not thou horrible afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it?
Not a whit: I lacke some of thy instinct.
Well, thou wilt be horrible chidde to morrow, when thou commest to thy Father: if thou doe loue me, practise an answere.
Doe thou stand for my Father, and examine mee vpon the particulars of my Life.
Shall I? content: This Chayre shall bee my State, this Dagger my Scepter, and this Cushion my Crowne.
Thy State is taken for a Ioyn'd-Stoole, thy Golden Scepter for a Leaden Dagger, and thy precious rich Crowne, for a pittifull bald Crowne.
Well, and the fire of Grace be not quite out of thee now shalt thou be moued. Giue me a Cup of Sacke to make mine eyes looke redde, that it may be thought I haue wept, for I must speake in passion, and I will doe it in King Cambyses vaine.
Well, heere is my Legge.
And heere is my speech: stand aside Nobilitie.
This is excellent sport, yfaith.
Weepe not, sweet Queene, for trickling teares are vaine.
O the Father, how hee holdes his countenance?
O rare, he doth it as like one of these harlotry Players, as euer I see.
Peace good Pint-pot, peace good Tickle-braine. Harry, I doe not onely maruell where thou spendest thy time; but also, how thou art accompanied: For though the Camomile, the more it is troden, the faster it growes; yet Youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it weares. Thou art my Sonne: I haue partly thy Mothers Word, partly my Opinion; but chiefely, a villanous tricke of thine Eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether Lippe, that doth warrant me. If then thou be Sonne to mee, heere lyeth the point: why, being Sonne to me, art thou so poynted at? Shall the blessed Sonne of Heauen proue a Micher, and eate Black-berryes? a question not to bee askt. Shall the Sonne of England proue a Theefe, and take Purses? a question to be askt. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is knowne to [Page 59] many in our Land, by the Name of Pitch: this Pitch (as ancient Writers doe report) doth defile; so doth the companie thou keepest: for Harry, now I doe not speake to thee in Drinke, but in Teares; not in Pleasure, but in Passion; not in Words onely, but in Woes also: and yet there is a vertuous man, whom I haue often noted in thy companie, but I know not his Name.
What manner of man, and it like your Maiestie?
A goodly portly man yfaith, and a corpulent, of a chearefull Looke, a pleasing Eye, and a most noble Carriage, and as I thinke, his age some fiftie, or (byrlady) inclining to threescore; and now I remember mee, his Name is Falstaffe: if that man should be lewdly giuen, hee deceiues mee; for Harry, I see Vertue in his Lookes. If then the Tree may be knowne by the Fruit, as the Fruit by the Tree, then peremptorily I speake it, there is Vertue in that Falstaffe: him keepe with, the rest banish. And tell mee now, thou naughtie Varlet, tell mee, where hast thou beene this moneth?
Do'st thou speake like a King? doe thou stand for mee, and Ile play my Father.
Depose me: if thou do'st it halfe so grauely, so maiestically, both in word and matter, hang me vp by the heeles for a Rabbet-sucker, or a Poulters Hare.
Well, heere I am set.
And heere I stand: iudge my Masters.
Now Harry, whence come you?
My Noble Lord, from East-cheape.
The complaints I heare of thee, are grieuous.
Yfaith, my Lord, they are false: Nay, Ile tickle ye for a young Prince.
Swearest thou, vngracious Boy? henceforth ne're looke on me: thou art violently carryed away from Grace: there is a Deuill haunts thee, in the likenesse of a fat old Man; a Tunne of Man is thy Companion: Why do'st thou conuerse with that Trunke of Humors, that Boulting-Hutch of Beastlinesse, that swolne Parcell of Dropsies, that huge Bombard of Sacke, that stuft Cloake-bagge of Guts, that rosted Manning Tree Oxe with the Pudding in his Belly, that reuerend Vice, that grey Iniquitie, that Father Ruffian, that Vanitie in yeeres? wherein is he good, but to taste Sacke, and drinke it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carue a Capon, and eat it? wherein Cunning, but in Craft? wherein Craftie, but in Villanie? wherein Villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?
I would your Grace would take me with you: whom meanes your Grace?
That villanous abhominable mis-leader of Youth, Falstaffe, that old white-bearded Sathan.
My Lord, the man I know.
I know thou do'st.
But to say, I know more harme in him then in my selfe, were to say more then I know. That hee is olde (the more the pittie) his white hayres doe witnesse it: but that hee is (sauing your reuerence) a Whore-master, that I vtterly deny. If Sacke and Sugar bee a fault, Heauen helpe the Wicked: if to be olde and merry, be a sinne, then many an olde Hoste that I know, is damn'd: if to be fat, be to be hated, then Pharaohs leane Kine are to be loued. No, my good Lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poines: but for sweete Iacke Falstaffe, kinde Iacke Falstaffe, true Iacke Falstaffe, valiant Iacke Falstaffe, and therefore more valiant, being as hee is olde Iack Falstaffe, banish not him thy Harryes companie, banish not him thy Harryes companie; banish plumpe Iacke, and banish all the World.
I doe, I will.
O, my Lord, my Lord, the Sherife, with a most most monstrous Watch, is at the doore.
Out you Rogue, play out the Play: I haue much to say in the behalfe of that Falstaffe.
O, my Lord, my Lord.
Heigh, heigh, the Deuill rides vpon a Fiddle-sticke: what's the matter?
The Sherife and all the Watch are at the doore: they are come to search the House, shall I let them in?
Do'st thou heare Hal, neuer call a true peece of Gold a Counterfeit: thou art essentially made, without seeming so.
And thou a naturall Coward, without instinct.
I deny your Maior: if you will deny the Sherife, so: if not, let him enter. If I become not a Cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing vp: I hope I shall as soone be strangled with a Halter, as another.
Goe hide thee behinde the Arras, the rest walke vp aboue. Now my Masters, for a true Face and good Conscience.
Both which I haue had: but their date is out, and therefore Ile hide me.
Call in the Sherife.
Now Master Sherife, what is your will with mee?
First pardon me, my Lord. A Hue and Cry hath followed certaine men vnto this house.
What men?
One of them is well knowne, my gracious Lord, a grosse fat man.
As fat as Butter.
Good Night, my Noble Lord.
I thinke it is good Morrow, is it not?
Indeede, my Lord, I thinke it be two a Clocke.
This oyly Rascall is knowne as well as Poules: goe call him forth.
Falstaffe? fast asleepe behinde the Arras, and snorting like a Horse.
Harke, how hard he fetches breath: search his Pockets.
What hast thou found?
Nothing but Papers, my Lord.
Let's see, what be they? reade them.
O monstrous, but one halfe penny-worth of Bread to this intollerable deale of Sacke? What there is else, keepe close, wee'le reade it at more aduantage: there let him sleepe till day. Ile to the Court in the Morning: Wee must all to the Warres, and thy place shall be honorable. Ile procure this fat Rogue a Charge of Foot, and I know his death will be a Match of Twelue-score. The Money shall be pay'd backe againe with aduantage. Be with me betimes in the Morning: and so good morrow Peto.
Good morrow, good my Lord.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
And you in Hell, as oft as he heares Owen Glendower spoke of.
Why so it would haue done at the same season, if your Mothers Cat had but kitten'd, though your selfe had neuer beene borne.
I say the Earth did shake when I was borne.
The Heauens were all on fire, the Earth did tremble.
Peace Cousin Percy, you will make him mad.
I can call Spirits from the vastie Deepe.
Why, I can teach thee, Cousin, to command the Deuill.
Come, come, no more of this vnprofitable Chat.
Not winde? it shall, it must, you see it doth.
Ile haue it so, a little Charge will doe it.
Ile not haue it alter'd.
Will not you?
No, nor you shall not.
Who shall say me nay?
Why, that will I.
Let me not vnderstand you then, speake it in Welsh.
Come, you shall haue Trent turn'd.
Fie, Cousin Percy, how you crosse my Father.
Nay, if thou melt, then will she runne madde.
O, I am Ignorance it selfe in this.
Goe, ye giddy-Goose.
I had rather heare (Lady) my Brach howle in Irish.
Would'st haue thy Head broken?
No.
Then be still.
Neyther, 'tis a Womans fault.
Now God helpe thee.
To the Welsh Ladies Bed.
What's that?
Peace, shee sings.
Come, Ile haue your Song too.
Not mine, in good sooth.
I will not sing.
'Tis the next way to turne Taylor, or be Redbrest teacher: and the Indentures be drawne, Ile away within these two howres: and so come in, when yee will.
With all my heart.
Scaena Secunda.
Scena Tertia.
Bardolph, am I not falne away vilely, since this last action? doe I not bate? doe I not dwindle? Why my skinne hangs about me like an olde Ladies loose Gowne: I am withered like an olde Apple Iohn. Well, Ile repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some li [...]ing: I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall haue no strength to repent. And I haue not forgotten what the in-side of a Church is made of I am a Pepper Corne, a Brewers Horse, the in-side of a Church. Company, villanous Company hath beene the spoyle of me.
Sir Iohn, you are so fretfull, you cannot liue long.
Why there is it: Come, sing me a bawdy Song, make me merry: I was as vertuously giuen, as a Gentleman need to be; vertuous enough, swore little, dic'd not aboue seuen times a weeke, went to a Bawdy-house not aboue once in a quarter of an houre, payd Money that I borrowed, three or foure times; liued well, and in good compasse: and now I liue out of all order, out of compasse.
Why, you are so fat, Sir Iohn, that you must [...]edes bee out of all compasse; out of all reasonable compasse Sir Iohn.
Doe thou amend thy Face, and Ile amend thy Life: Thou art our Admirall, thou bearest the Lanterne in the Poope, but 'tis in the Nose of thee; thou art the Knight of the burning Lampe.
Why, Sir Iohn, my Face does you no harme.
No, Ile be sworne: I make as good vse of it, as many a man doth of a Deaths-Head, or a Memento Mori. I neuer see thy Face, but I thinke vpon Hell fire, and Diues that liued in Purple; for there he is in his Robes burning, burning. If thou wert any way giuen to vertue, I would sweare by thy Face; my Oath should bee, By this Fire: But thou art altogether giuen ouer; and wert indeede, but for the Light in thy Face, the Sunne of vtter Darkenesse. When thou ra [...]'st vp Gads-Hill in the Night, to catch my Horse▪ if I did not thinke that thou hadst beene an Ignis fatnus, or a Ball of Wild-fire, there's no Purchase in Money. O, thou art a perpetuall Triumph, an euerlasting Bone-fire-Light: thou hast saued me a thousand Markes in Linkes and Torches▪ walking with thee in the Night betwixt Tauerne and Tauerne: But the Sack that thou hast drunke me, would haue bought me Lights as good cheape, as the dearest Chandlers in Europe. I haue maintain'd that Salamander of yours with fire, any time this two and thirtie yeeres, Heauen reward me for it.
I would my Face were in your Belly.
So should I be sure to be heart-burn'd.
How now, Dame Partlet the Hen, haue you enquir'd yet who pick'd my Pocket?
Why Sir Iohn, what doe you thinke, Sir Iohn? doe you thinke I keepe Theeues in my House? I haue search'd, I haue enquired, so haz my Husband, Man by Man, Boy by Boy, Seruant by Seruant: the tight of a hayre was neuer lost in my house before.
Ye lye Hostesse: Bardolph was shau'd, and lost many a hayre; and Ile be sworne my Pocket was pick'd: goe to, you are a Woman, goe.
Who I? I defie thee: I was neuer call'd so in mine owne house before.
Goe to, I know you well enough.
No, Sir Iohn, you doe not know me, Sir Iohn: I know you, Sir Iohn: you owe me Money, Sir Iohn, and now you picke a quarrell, to beguile me of it: I bought you a dozen of Shirts to your Backe.
Doulas▪ filthy Doulas: I haue giuen them away to Bakers Wiues, and they haue made Boulters of them.
Now as I am a true Woman, Holland of eight shillings an Ell: You owe Money here besides, Sir Iohn, for your Dyet, and by-Drinkings, and Money lent you, foure and twentie pounds.
Hee had his part of it, let him pay.
Hee? alas hee is poore, hee hath nothing.
How? Poore? Looke vpon his Face: What call you Rich? Let them coyne his Nose, let them coyne his Cheekes, Ile not pay a Denier. What, will you make a Yo [...]ker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine Inne, but I shall haue my Pocket pick'd? I haue lost a Seale-Ring of my Grand-fathers, worth fortie Marke.
I haue heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft that that Ring was Copper.
How? the Prince is a Iacke, a Sneake-Cuppe: and if hee were heere, I would cudgell him like a Dogge, if hee would say so.
Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
My Lord, I pray you heare me.
What say'st thou, Mistresse Quickly? How does thy Husband? I loue him well, hee is an honest man.
Good, my Lord, heare mee.
Prethee let her alone, and lift to mee.
What say'st thou, Iacke?
The other Night I fell asleepe heere behind the Arras, and had my Pocket pickt: this House is turn'd Bawdy-house, they picke Pockets.
What didst thou lose, Iacke?
Wilt thou beleeue me, Hal? Three or foure Bonds of fortie pound apeece, and a Seale-Ring of my Grandfathers.
A Trifle, some eight-penny matter.
So I told him, my Lord; and I said, I heard your Grace say so: and (my Lord) hee speakes most vilely of you, like a foule-mouth'd man as hee is, and said, hee would cudgell you.
What hee did not?
There's neyther Faith, Truth, nor Woman-hood in me else.
There's no more faith in thee then a stu'de Prune; nor no more truth in thee, then in a drawne Fox: and for Wooman-hood, Maid-marian may be the Deputies wife of the Ward to thee. Go you nothing: go.
Say, what thing? what thing?
What thing? why a thing to thanke heauen on.
I am no thing to thanke heauen on, I wold thou shouldst know it: I am an honest mans wife: and setting thy Knighthood aside, thou art a knaue to call me so.
Setting thy woman-hood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.
Say, what beast, thou knaue thou?
What beast? Why an Otter.
An Otter, sir Iohn? Why an Otter?
Why? She's neither fish nor flesh; a man knowes not where to haue her.
Thou art vniust man in saying so; thou, or anie man knowes where to haue me, thou knaue thou.
Thou say'st true Hostesse, and he slanders thee most grossely.
So he doth you, my Lord, and sayde this other day, You ought him a thousand pound.
Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
A thousand pound Hal? A Million. Thy loue is worth a Million: thou ow'st me thy loue.
Nay my Lord, he call'd you Iacke, and said hee would cudgell you.
Did I, Bardolph?
Indeed Sir Iohn, you said so.
Yea, if he said my Ring was Copper.
I say 'tis Copper. Dar'st thou bee as good as thy word now?
Why Hal? thou know'st, as thou art but a man, I dare: but, as thou art a Prince, I feare thee, as I feare the roaring of the Lyons Whelpe.
And why not as the Lyon?
The King himselfe is to bee feared as the Lyon: Do'st thou thinke Ile feare thee, as I feare thy Father? nay if I do, let my Girdle breake.
O, if it should▪ how would thy guttes fall about thy knees. But sirra: There's no roome for Faith, Truth, nor Honesty, in this bosome of thine: it is all fill'd vppe with Guttes and Midriffe. Charge an honest Woman with picking thy pocket? Why thou horson impudent imbost Rascall, if there were any thing in thy Pocket but Tauerne Recknings, Memorandums of Bawdie-houses, and one poore peny-worth of Sugar-candie to make thee long-winded: if thy pocket were enrich'd with anie other iniuries but these, I am a Villaine: And yet you will stand to it, you will not Pocket vp wrong. Art thou not asham'd?
Do'st thou heare Hal? Thou know'st in the state of Innocency, Adam fell: and what should poore Iacke Falstaffe do, in the dayes of Villany? Thou seest, I haue more flesh then another man, and therefore more frailty. You confesse then you pickt my Pocket?
It appeares so by the Story.
O, I do not like that paying backe, 'tis a double Labour.
I am good Friends with my Father, and may do anything.
Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou do'st, and do it with vnwash'd hands too.
Do my Lord.
I haue procured thee Iacke, a Charge of Foot.
I would it had beene of Horse. Where shal I finde one that can steale well? O, for a fine theefe of two and twentie, or thereabout: I am heynously vnprouided. Wel God be thanked for these Rebels, they offend none but the Vertuous. I laud them, I praise them.
Bardolph.
My Lord.
Actus Quartus.
Scoena Prima.
These Letters come from your Father.
His Letters beares his minde, not I his minde.
I prethee tell me, doth he keepe his Bed?
Your Fathers sicknesse is a mayme to vs.
My Cousin Vernon, welcome by my Soule.
No harme: what more?
That's the worst Tidings that I heare of yet.
I by my faith, that beares a frosty sound.
What may the Kings whole Battaile reach vnto?
To thirty thousand.
Scaena Secunda.
Bardolph, get thee before to Couentry, fill me a Bottle of Sack, our Souldiers shall march through: wee'le to Sutton-cop-hill to Night.
Will you giue me Money, Captaine?
Lay out, lay out.
This Bottle makes an Angell.
And if it doe, take it for thy labour: and if it make twentie, take them all, He answere the Coynage. Bid my Lieutenant Peto meete me at the Townes end.
I will Captaine: farewell.
If I be not asham'd of my Souldiers, I am a sowc't-Gurnet: I haue mis-vs'd the Kings Presse damnably. I haue got, in exchange of a hundred and fiftie Souldiers, three hundred and odde Pounds. I presse me none but good House-holders, Yeomens Sonnes: enquire me out contracted Batchelers, such as had beene ask'd twice on the Banes: such a Commoditie of warme slaues, as had as lieue heare the Deuill, as a Drumme; such as feare the report of a Caliuer, worse then a struck-Foole, or a hurt wilde-Ducke, I prest me none but such Tostes and Butter, with Hearts in their Bellyes no bigger then Pinnes heads, and they haue bought out their seruices: And now, my whole Charge consists of Ancients, Corporals, Lieutenants, Gentlemen of Companies, Slaues as ragged as Lazarus in the painted Cloth, where the Gluttons Dogges licked his Sores; and such, as indeed were neuer Souldiers, but dis-carded vniust Seruingmen, younger Sonnes to younger Brothers, reuolted Tapsters and Ostlers, Trade-falne, the Cankers of a calme World, and long Peace, tenne times more dis-honorable ragged, then an old-fac'd Ancient; and such haue I to fill vp the roomes of them that haue bought out their seruices: that you would thinke, that I had a hundred and fiftie totter'd Prodigalls, lately come from Swine-keeping, from eating Draffe and Huskes. A mad fellow met me on the way, and told me, I had vnloaded all the Gibbets, and prest the dead bodyes. No eye hath seene such skar-Crowes: Ile not march through Couentry with them, that's flat. Nay, and the Villaines march wide betwixt the Legges, as if they had Gyues on; for indeede, I had the most of them out of Prison. There's not a Shirt and a halfe in all my Company: and the halfe Shirt is two Napkins tackt together, and throwne ouer the shoulders like a Heralds Coat, without sleeues: and the Shirt, to say the truth, stolne from my Host of S. Albones, or the Red-Nose Inne-keeper of Dauintry. But that's all one, they'le finde Linnen enough on euery Hedge.
How now blowne Iack? how now Quilt?
What Hal? How now mad Wag, what a Deuill do'st thou in Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmerland, I cry you mercy, I thought your Honour had already beene at Shrewsbury.
'Faith, Sir Iohn, 'tis more then time that I were there, and you too: but my Powers are there alreadie. The King, I can tell you, lookes for vs all: we must away all to Night.
Tut, neuer feare me, I am as vigilant as a Cat, to steale Creame.
I thinke to steale Creame indeed, for thy theft hath alreadie made thee Butter: but tell me, Iack, whose fellowes are these that come after?
Mine, Hal, mine.
I did neuer see such pittifull Rascals.
Tut, tut, good enough to tosse: foode for Powder, foode for Powder: they'le fill a Pit, as well as better: tush man, mortall men, mortall men.
I, but Sir Iohn, me thinkes they are exceeding poore and bare, too beggarly.
Faith, for their pouertie, I know not where they had that; and for their barenesse, I am sure they neuer learn'd that of me.
No, Ile be sworne, vnlesse you call three fingers on the Ribbes bare. But sirra, make haste, Percy is already in the field.
What, is the King encamp'd?
Hee is, Sir Iohn, I feare wee shall stay too long.
Well, to the latter end of a Fray, and the beginning of a Feast, fits a dull fighter, and a keene Guest.
Scoena Tertia.
Wee'le fight with him to Night.
It may not be.
You giue him then aduantage.
Not a whit.
Why say you so? lookes he not for supply?
So doe wee.
His is certaine, ours is doubtfull.
Good Cousin be aduis'd, stirre not to night.
Doe not, my Lord.
Yea, or to night.
Content.
To night, say I.
Tut, I came not to heare this.
Shall I returne this answer to the King?
I would you would accept of Grace and Loue.
And't may be, so wee shall.
Pray Heauen you doe.
Scena Quarta.
My good Lord, I guesse their tenor.
No, Mortimer is not there.
Doubt not my Lord, he shall be well oppos'd
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
You haue not sought it: how comes it then?
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
Peace, Chewet, peace.
I would it were bed time Hal, and all well.
Why, thou ow'st heauen a death.
'Tis not due yet: I would bee loath to pay him before his day. What neede I bee so forward with him, that call's not on me? Well, 'tis no matter, Honor prickes me on. But how if Honour pricke me off when I come on? How then? Can Honour set too a legge? No: or an arme? No: Or take away the greefe of a wound? No. Honour hath no skill in Surgerie, then? No. What is Honour? A word. What is that word Honour? Ayre: A trim reckoning. Who hath it? He that dy'de a Wednesday. Doth he feele it? No. Doth hee heare it? No. Is it insensible then? yea, to the dead. But wil it not liue with the liuing? No. Why? Detraction wil not suffer it, therfore Ile none of it. Honour is a meere Scutcheon, and so ends my Catechisme.
Scena Secunda.
'Twere best he did.
The King will bid you battell presently.
Defie him by the Lord of Westmerland.
Lord Dowglas: Go you and tell him so.
Marry and shall, and verie willingly.
There is no seeming mercy in the King.
Did you begge any? God forbid.
My Lord, heere are Letters for you.
My Lord prepare, the King comes on apace.
They tell thee true.
O Dowglas, hadst thou fought at Holmedon thus I neuer had triumphed o're a Scot.
All's done, all's won, here breathles lies the king
Where?
Heere.
The King hath many marching in his Coats.
Though I could scape shot-free at London, I fear the shot heere: here's no scoring, but vpon the pate. Soft who are you? Sir Walter Blunt, there's Honour for you: here's no vanity, I am as hot as molten Lead, and as heauy too; heauen keepe Lead out of mee, I neede no more weight then mine owne Bowelles. I haue led my rag of Muffins where they are pepper'd: there's not three of my 150. left aliue, and they for the Townes end, to beg during life. But who comes heere?
O Hal, I prethee giue me leaue to breath awhile: Turke Gregory neuer did such deeds in Armes, as I haue done this day. I haue paid Percy, I haue made him sure.
Nay Hal, if Percy bee aliue, thou getst not my Sword; but take my Pistoll if thou wilt.
Giue it me: What, is it in the Case?
I Hal, 'tis hot: There's that will Sacke a City.
What, is it a time to iest and dally now.
If Percy be aliue, Ile pierce him: if he do come in my way, so: if he do not, if I come in his (willingly) let him make a Carbonado of me: I like not such grinning honour as Sir Walter hath: Giue mee life, which if I can saue, so: if not, honour comes vnlook'd for, and ther's an end.
Scena Tertia.
I prethee Harry withdraw thy selfe, thou bleedest too much: Lord Iohn of Lancaster, go you with him.
Not I, my Lord, vnlesse I did bleed too.
Come my Lord, Ile leade you to your Tent.
O this Boy lends mettall to vs all.
Make vp to Clifton, Ile to Sir Nicholas Gausey.
If I mistake not, thou art Harry Monmouth.
Thou speak'st as if I would deny my name.
My name is Harrie Percie.
I can no longer brooke thy Vanities.
Well said Hal, to it Hal. Nay you shall finde no Boyes play heere, I can tell you.
Imbowell'd? If thou imbowell mee to day, Ile giue you leaue to powder me, and eat me too to morow. 'Twas time to counterfet, or that hotte Termagant Scot, had paid the scot and lot too, Counterfeit? I am no counterfeit; to dye, is to be a counterfeit, for hee is but the counterfeit of a man, who hath not the life of a man: But to counterfeit dying, when a man thereby liueth, is to be no counterfeit, but the true and perfect image of life indeede. The better part of Valour, is Discretion; in the which better part, I haue saued my life. I am affraide of this Gun-powder Percy though he be dead. How if hee should counterfeit too, and rise? I am afraid hee would proue the better counterfeit: therefore Ile make him sure: yea, and Ile sweare I kill'd him. Why may not hee rise as well as I: Nothing confutes me but eyes, and no-bodie sees me. Therefore sirra, with a new wound in your thigh come you along me.
Come Brother Iohn, full brauely hast thou flesht thy Maiden sword.
No, that's certaine: I am not a double man: but if I be not Iacke Falstaffe, then am I a Iacke: There is Percy, if your Father will do me any Honor, so: if not, let him kill the next Percie himselfe. I looke to be either Earle or Duke, I can assure you.
Why, Percy I kill'd my selfe, and saw thee dead.
Did'st thou? Lord, Lord, how the world is giuen to Lying? I graunt you I was downe, and out of Breath, and so was he, but we rose both at an instant, and fought a long houre by Shrewsburie clocke. If I may bee beleeued, so: if not, let them that should reward Valour, beare the sinne vpon their owne heads. Ile take't on my death I gaue him this wound in the Thigh: if the man vvere aliue, and would deny it, I would make him eate a peece of my sword.
This is the strangest Tale that e're I heard.
Ile follow as they say, for Reward. Hee that rewards me, heauen reward him. If I do grow great again, Ile grow lesse? For Ile purge, and leaue Sacke, and liue cleanly, as a Nobleman should do.
Scaena Quarta.
With all my heart.
The Second Part of Henry the Fourth, Containing his Death: and the Coronation of King Henry the Fift.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
INDVCTION.
Scena Secunda.
What shall I say you are?
Heere comes the Earle.
Good, and heauen will.
I cannot thinke (my Lord) your son is dead.
Sweet Earle, diuorce not wisedom from your Honor.
Scena Tertia.
Sirra, you giant, what saies the Doct. to my water?
He said sir, the water it selfe was a good healthy water: but for the party that ow'd it, he might haue more diseases then he knew for.
Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at mee: the braine of this foolish compounded Clay-man, is not able to inuent any thing that tends to laughter, more then I inuent, or is inuented on me. I am not onely witty in my selfe, but the cause that wit is in other men. I doe heere walke before thee, like a Sow, that hath o'rewhelm'd all her Litter, but one. If the Prince put thee into my Seruice for any other reason, then to set mee off, why then I haue no iudgement. Thou horson Mandrake, thou art fitter to be worne in my cap, then to wait at my heeles. I was neuer mann'd with an Agot till now: but I will sette you neyther in Gold, nor Siluer, but in vilde apparell, and send you backe againe to your Master, for a Iewell. The Iuuenall (the Prince your Master) whose Chin is not yet fledg'd, I will sooner haue a beard grow in the Palme of my hand, then he shall get one on his cheeke: yet he will not sticke to say, his Face is a Face-Royall. Heauen may finish it when he will, it is not a haire amisse yet: he may keepe it still at a Face-Royall, for a Barber shall neuer earne six pence out of it; and yet he will be crowing, as if he had writ man euer since his Father was a Batchellour. He may keepe his owne Grace, but he is almost out of mine, I can assure him. What said M. Dombledon, about the Satten for my short Cloake, and Slops?
He said sir, you should procure him better Assurance, then Bardolfe: he wold not take his Bond & yours, he lik'd not the Security.
Let him bee damn'd like the Glutton, may his Tongue be hotter, a horson Achitophel; a Rascally-yea-forsooth-knaue, to beare a Gentleman in hand, and then stand vpon Security? The horson smooth-pates doe now weare nothing but high shoes, and bunches of Keyes at their girdles: and if a man is through with them in honest Taking-vp, then they must stand vpon Securitie: I had as liefe they would put Rats-bane in my mouth, as offer to stoppe it with Security. I look'd hee should haue sent me two and twenty yards of Satten (as I am true Knight) and he sends me Security. Well, he may sleep in Security, for he hath the horne of Abundance: and the lightnesse of his Wife shines through it, and yet cannot he see, though he haue his owne Lanthorne to light him. Where's Bardolfe?
He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship a horse.
I bought him in Paules, and hee'l buy mee a horse in Smithfield. If I could get mee a wife in the Stewes, I were Mann'd, Hors'd, and Wiu'd.
Sir, heere comes the Nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him, about Bardolfe.
Wait close, I will not see him.
What's he that goes there?
Falstaffe, and't please your Lordship.
He that was in question for the Robbery?
He my Lord, but he hath since done good seruice at Shrewsbury: and (as I heare) is now going with some Charge, to the Lord Iohn of Lancaster.
What to Yorke? Call him backe againe.
Sir Iohn Falstaffe.
Boy, tell him, I am deafe.
You must speake lowder, my Master is deafe.
Sir Iohn.
What? a yong knaue and beg? Is there not wars? Is there not imployment? Doth not the K. lack subiects? Do not the Rebels want Soldiers? Though it be a shame to be [Page 77] on any side but one, it is worse shame to begge, then to be on the worst side, were it worse then the name of Rebellion can tell how to make it.
You mistake me Sir.
Why sir? Did I say you were an honest man? Setting my Knight-hood, and my Souldiership aside, I had lyed in my throat, if I had said so.
I pray you (Sir) then set your Knighthood and your Souldier-ship aside, and giue mee leaue to tell you, you lye in your throat, if you say I am any other then an honest man.
I giue thee leaue to tell me so? I lay a-side that which growes to me? If thou get'st any leaue of me, hang me: if thou tak'st leaue, thou wer't better be hang'd: you Hunt-counter, hence: Auant.
Sir, my Lord would speake with you.
Sir Iohn Falstaffe, a word with you.
My good Lord: giue your Lordship good time of the day. I am glad to see your Lordship abroad: I heard say your Lordship was sicke. I hope your Lordship goes abroad by aduise. Your Lordship (though not clean past your youth) hath yet some smack of age in you: some rellish of the saltnesse of Time, and I most humbly beseech your Lordship, to haue a reuerend care of your health.
Sir Iohn, I sent you before your Expedition, to Shrewsburie.
If it please your Lordship, I heare his Maiestie is return'd with some discomfort from Wales.
I talke not of his Maiesty: you would not come when I sent for you?
And I heare moreouer, his Highnesse is falne into this same whorson Apoplexie.
Well, heauen mend him. I pray let me speak with you.
This Apoplexie is (as I take it) a kind of Lethargie, a sleeping of the blood, a horson Tingling.
What tell you me of it? be it as it is.
It hath it originall from much greefe; from study and perturbation of the braine. I haue read the cause of his effects in Galen. It is a kinde of deafenesse.
I thinke you are falne into the disease: For you heare not what I say to you.
Very well (my Lord) very well: rather an't please you) it is the disease of not Listning, the malady of not Marking, that I am troubled withall.
To punish you by the heeles, would amend the attention of your eares, & I care not if I be your Physitian
I am as poore as Iob, my Lord; but not so Patient: your Lordship may minister the Potion of imprisonment to me, in respect of Pouertie: but how I should bee your Patient, to follow your prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of a scruple, or indeede, a scruple it selfe.
I sent for you (when there were matters against you for your life) to come speake with me.
As I was then aduised by my learned Councel, in the lawes of this Land-seruice, I did not come.
Wel, the truth is (sir Iohn) you liue in great infamy
He that buckles him in my belt, cānot liue in lesse.
Your Meanes is very slender, and your wast great.
I would it were otherwise: I would my Meanes were greater, and my waste slenderer.
You haue misled the youthfull Prince.
The yong Prince hath misled mee. I am the Fellow with the great belly, and he my Dogge.
Well, I am loth to gall a new-heal'd wound: your daies seruice at Shrewsbury, hath a little gilded ouer your Nights exploit on Gads-hill. You may thanke the vnquiet time, for your quiet o're-posting that Action.
My Lord?
But since all is wel, keep it so: wake not a sleeping Wolfe.
To wake a Wolfe, is as bad as to smell a Fox.
What? you are as a candle, the better part burnt out
A Wassell-Candle, my Lord; all Tallow: if I did say of wax, my growth would approue the truth.
There is not a white haire on your face, but shold haue his effect of grauity.
His effect of grauy, grauy, grauy.
You follow the yong Prince vp and downe, like his euill Angell.
Not so (my Lord) your ill Angell is light: but I hope, he that lookes vpon mee, will take mee without, weighing: and yet, in some respects I grant, I cannot go: I cannot tell. Vertue is of so little regard in these Costormongers, that true valor is turn'd Beare-heard. Pregnancie is made a Tapster, and hath his quicke wit wasted in giuing Recknings: all the other gifts appertinent to man (as the malice of this Age shapes them) are not woorth a Gooseberry. You that are old, consider not the capacities of vs that are yong: you measure the heat of our Liuers, with the bitternes of your gals: & we that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confesse, are wagges too.
Do you set downe your name in the scrowle of youth, that are written downe old, with all the Charracters of age? Haue you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a yellow cheeke? a white beard? a decreasing leg? an incresing belly? Is not your voice broken? your winde short? your wit single? and euery part about you blasted with Antiquity? and wil you cal your selfe yong? Fy, fy, fy, sir Iohn.
My Lord, I was borne with a white head, & somthing a round belly. For my voice, I haue lost it with hallowing and singing of Anthemes. To approue my youth farther, I will not: the truth is, I am onely olde in iudgement and vnderstanding: and he that will caper with mee for a thousand Markes, let him lend me the mony, & haue at him. For the boxe of th' eare that the Prince gaue you, he gaue it like a rude Prince, and you tooke it like a sensible Lord. I haue checkt him for it, and the yong Lion repents: Marry not in ashes and sacke-cloath, but in new Silke, and old Sacke.
Wel, heauen send the Prince a better companion.
Heauen send the Companion a better Prince: I cannot rid my hands of him.
Well, the King hath seuer'd you and Prince Harry, I heare you are going with Lord Iohn of Lancaster, against the Archbishop, and the Earle of Northumberland
Yes, I thanke your pretty sweet wit for it: but looke you pray, (all you that kisse my Ladie Peace, at home) that our Armies ioyn not in a hot day: for if I take but two shirts out with me, and I meane not to sweat extraordinarily: if it bee a hot day, if I brandish any thing but my Bottle, would I might neuer spit white againe: There is not a daungerous Action can peepe out his head, but I am thrust vpon it. Well, I cannot last euer.
Well, be honest, be honest, and heauen blesse your Expedition.
Will your Lordship lend mee a thousand pound, to furnish me forth?
Not a peny, not a peny: you are too impatient to beare crosses. Fare you well. Commend mee to my Cosin Westmerland.
If I do, fillop me with a three-man-Beetle. A man can no more separate Age and Couetousnesse, then he can part yong limbes and letchery: but the Gowt galles the [Page 78] one, and the pox pinches the other; and so both the Degrees preuent my curses. Boy?
Sir.
What money is in my purse?
Seuen groats▪ and two pence.
I can get no remedy against this Consumption of the purse. Borrowing onely lingers, and lingers it out, but the disease is incureable. Go beare this letter to my Lord of Lancaster, this to the Prince, this to the Earle of Westmerland, and this to old Mistris Ʋrsula, whome I haue weekly sworne to marry, since I perceiu'd the first white haire on my chin. About it: you know where to finde me. A pox of this Gowt, or a Gowt of this Poxe: for the one or th' other playes the rogue with my great toe: It is no matter, if I do halt, I haue the warres for my colour, and my Pension shall seeme the more reasonable. A good wit will make vse of any thing: I will turne diseases to commodity.
Scena Quarta.
With him, we may.
What is the King but fiue & twenty thousand?
Who is it like should lead his Forces hither?
Shall we go draw our numbers, and set on?
We are Times subiects, and Time bids, be gon.
Actus Secundus.
Scoena Prima.
Mr. Fang, haue you entred the Action?
It is enter'd.
Sirrah, where's Snare?
I, I, good M. Snare.
Heere, heere.
Snare, we must Arrest Sir Iohn Falstaffe.
I good M. Snare, I haue enter'd him, and all.
It may chance cost some of vs our liues: he wil stab
Alas the day: take heed of him: he stabd me in mine owne house, and that most beastly: he cares not what mischeefe he doth, if his weapon be out. Hee will foyne like any diuell, he will spare neither man, woman, nor childe.
If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
No, nor I neither: Ile be at your elbow.
If I but fist him once: if he come but within my Vice.
I am vndone with his going: I warrant he is an infinitiue thing vpon my score. Good M. Fang hold him sure: good M. Snare let him not scape, he comes continuantly to Py-Corner (sauing your manhoods) to buy a saddle, and hee is indited to dinner to the Lubbars head in Lombardstreet, to M. Smoothes the Silkman. I pra'ye, since my Exion is enter'd, and my Case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer: A 100. Marke is a long one, for a poore lone woman to beare: & I haue borne, and borne, and borne, and haue bin fub'd off, and fub'd-off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing, vnles a woman should be made an Asse and a Beast, to beare euery Knaues wrong.
Yonder he comes, and that arrant Malmesey-Nose Bardolfe with him. Do your Offices, do your offices: M. Fang, & M. Snare, do me, do me, do me your Offices.
How now? whose Mare's dead? what's the matter?
Sir Iohn, I arrest you, at the suit of Mist. Quickly.
Away Varlets, draw Bardolfe: Cut me off the Villaines head: throw the Queane in the Channel.
Throw me in the channell? Ile throw thee there. Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly rogue. Murder, murder, O thou Hony-suckle villaine, wilt thou kill Gods officers, and the Kings? O thou hony-seed Rogue, thou art a honyseed, a Man-queller, and a woman-queller.
Keep them off, Bardolfe.
A rescu, a rescu.
Good people bring a rescu. Thou wilt not? thou wilt not? Do, do thou Rogue: Do thou Hempseed.
Away you Scullion, you Rampallian, you Fustillirian: Ile tucke your Catastrophe.
What's the matter? Keepe the Peace here, hoa.
Good my Lord be good to mee. I beseech you stand to me.
Oh my most worshipfull Lord, and't please your Grace, I am a poore widdow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.
For what summe?
It is more then for some (my Lord) it is for all: all I haue, he hath eaten me out of house and home; hee hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his: but I will haue some of it out againe, or I will ride thee o' Nights, like the Mare.
I thinke I am as like to ride the Mare, if I haue any vantage of ground, to get vp.
How comes this, Sir Iohn? Fy, what a man of good temper would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not asham'd to inforce a poore Widdowe to so rough a course, to come by her owne?
What is the grosse summe that I owe thee?
Marry (if thou wer't an honest man) thy selfe, & the mony too. Thou didst sweare to mee vpon a parcell gilt Goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber at the round table, by a sea-cole fire, on Wednesday in Whitson week, when the Prince broke thy head for lik'ning him to a singing man of Windsor; Thou didst sweare to me then (as I was washing thy wound) to marry me, and make mee my Lady thy wife. Canst y u deny it? Did not good wife Keech the Butchers wife come in then, and cal me gossip Quickly? comming in to borrow a messe of Vinegar: telling vs, she had a good dish of Prawnes: whereby y u didst desire to eat some: whereby I told thee they were ill for a greene wound? And didst not thou (when she was gone downe staires) desire me to be no more familiar with such poore people, saying, that ere long they should call me Madam? And did'st y u not kisse me, and bid mee fetch thee 30.s? I put thee now to thy Book-oath, deny it if thou canst?
My Lord, this is a poore mad soule: and she sayes vp & downe the town, that her eldest son is like you. She hath bin in good case, & the truth is, pouerty hath distracted her: but for these foolish Officers, I beseech you, I may haue redresse against them.
Sir Iohn, sir Iohn, I am well acquainted with your maner of wrenching the true cause, the false way. It is not a confident brow, nor the throng of wordes, that come with such (more then impudent) sawcines from you, can thrust me from a leuell consideration, I know you ha' practis'd vpon the easie-yeelding spirit of this woman.
Yes in troth my Lord.
Prethee peace: pay her the debt you owe her, and vnpay the villany you haue done her: the one you may do with sterling mony, & the other with currant repentance.
My Lord, I will not vndergo this sneape without reply. You call honorable Boldnes, impudent Sawcinesse: If a man wil curt'sie, and say nothing, he is vertuous: No, my Lord (your humble duty remēbred) I will not be your sutor. I say to you, I desire deliu'rance from these Officers being vpon hasty employment in the Kings Affaires.
You speake, as hauing power to do wrong: But answer in the effect of your Reputation, and satisfie the poore woman.
Come hither Hostesse.
Now Master Gower; What newes?
As I am a Gentleman.
Nay, you said so before.
As I am a Gentleman. Come, no more words of it
By this Heauenly ground I tread on, I must be faine to pawne both my Plate, and the Tapistry of my dyning Chambers.
Glasses, glasses, is the onely drinking: and for thy walles a pretty slight Drollery, or the Storie of the Prodigall, or the Germane hunting in Waterworke, is worth a thousand of these Bed-hangings, and these Fly-bitten Tapistries. Let it be tenne pound (if thou canst.) Come, if it were not for thy humors, there is not a better Wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw thy Action: Come, thou must not bee in this humour with me, come, I know thou was't set on to this.
Prethee (Sir Iohn) let it be but twenty Nobles, I loath to pawne my Plate, in good earnest la.
Let it alone, Ile make other shift: you'l be a fool still.
Well, you shall haue it although I pawne my Gowne. I hope you'l come to Supper: You'l pay me altogether?
Will I liue? Go with her, with her: hooke-on, hooke-on.
Will you haue Doll Teare-sheet meet you at supper?
No more words. Let's haue her.
I haue heard bitter newes.
What's the newes (my good Lord?)
Where lay the King last night?
At Basingstoke my Lord.
I hope (my Lord) all's well. What is the newes my Lord?
Come all his Forces backe?
Comes the King backe from Wales, my noble L?
My Lord.
What's the matter?
Master Gowre, shall I entreate you with mee to dinner?
Sir Iohn, you loyter heere too long being you are to take Souldiers vp, in Countries as you go.
Will you sup with me, Master Gowre?
What foolish Master taught you these manners, Sir Iohn?
Master Gower, if they become mee not, hee was a Foole that taught them mee. This is the right Fencing grace (my Lord) tap for tap, and so part faire.
Now the Lord lighten thee, thou art a great Foole.
Scena Secunda.
Trust me, I am exceeding weary.
Is it come to that? I had thought wearines durst not haue attach'd one of so high blood.
It doth me: though it discolours the complexion of my Greatnesse to acknowledge it. Doth it not shew vildely in me, to desire small Beere?
Why, a Prince should not be so loosely studied, as to remember so weake a Composition.
Belike then, my Appetite was not Princely got▪ for (in troth) I do now remember the poore Creature, Small Beere. But indeede these humble considerations make me out of loue with my Greatnesse. What a disgrace is it to me, to remember thy name? Or to know thy face to morrow? Or to take note how many paire of Silk stockings y u hast? (Viz. these, and those that were thy peach-colour'd ones:) Or to beare the Inuentorie of thy shirts, as one for superfluity, and one other, for vse. But that the Tennis-Court-keeper knowes better then I, for it is a low ebbe of Linnen with thee, when thou kept'st not Racket there, as thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of thy Low Countries, haue made a shift to eate vp thy Holland.
How ill it followes, after you haue labour'd so hard, you should talke so idlely? Tell me how many good yong Princes would do so, their Fathers lying so sicke, as yours is?
Shall I tell thee one thing, Pointz?
Yes: and let it be an excellent good thing.
It shall serue among wittes of no higher breeding then thine.
Go to: I stand the push of your one thing, that you'l tell.
Why, I tell thee, it is not meer, that I should be sad now my Father is sicke: albeit I could tell to thee (as to one it pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend) I could be sad and sad indeed too.
Very hardly vpon such a subiect.
Thou think'st me as farre in the Diuels Booke, as thou, and Falstaffe, for obduracie and persistencie. Let the end try the man. But I tell thee, my hart bleeds inwardly, that my Father is so sicke: and keeping such vild company as thou art, hath in reason taken from me, all ostentation of sorrow.
The reason?
What would'st thou think of me, if I shold weep?
I would thinke thee a most Princely hypocrite.
It would be euery mans thought: and thou art a blessed Fellow, to thinke as euery man thinkes: neuer a mans thought in the world, keepes the Rode-way better then thine: euery man would thinke me an Hypocrite indee [...]e. And what accites your most worshipful thought to thinke so?
Why, because you haue beene so lewde, and so much ingraffed to Falstaffe.
And to thee.
Nay, I am well spoken of, I can heare it with mine owne eares: the worst that they can say of me is, that I am a second Brother, and that I am a proper Fellowe of my hands: and those two things I confesse I canot helpe. Looke, looke, here comes Bardolfe.
And the Boy that I gaue Falstaffe, he had him from me Christian, and see if the fat villain haue not transform'd him Ape.
Saue your Grace.
And yours, most Noble Bardolfe.
Come you pernitious Asse, you bashfull Foole, must you be blushing? Wherefore blush you now? what a Maidenly man at Armes are you become? Is it such a matter to get a Pottle-pots Maiden-head?
He call'd me euen now (my Lord) through a red Lattice, and I could discerne no part of his face from the [Page 81] window: at last I spy'd his eyes, and me thought he had made two holes in the Ale-wiues new Petticoat, & peeped through.
Hath not the boy profited?
Away, you horson vpright Rabbet, away.
Away, you rascally Altheas dreame, away.
Instruct vs Boy: what dreame, Boy?
Marry (my Lord) Althea dream'd, she was deliuer'd of a Firebrand, and therefore I call him hir dream.
A Crownes-worth of good Interpretation: There it is, Boy.
O that this good Blossome could bee kept from Cankers: Well, there is six pence to preserue thee.
If you do not make him be hang'd among you, the gallowes shall be wrong'd.
And how doth thy Master, Bardolph?
Well, my good Lord: he heard of your Graces comming to Towne. There's a Letter for you.
Deliuer'd with good respect: And how doth the Martlemas, your Master?
In bodily health Sir.
Marry, the immortall part needes a Physitian: but that moues not him: though that bee sicke, it dyes not.
I do allow this Wen to bee as familiar with me, as my dogge: and he holds his place, for looke you he writes.
Iohn Falstaffe Knight: (Euery man must know that, as oft as hee hath occasion to name himselfe:) Euen like those that are kinne to the King, for they neuer pricke their finger, but they say, there is som of the kings blood spilt. How comes that (sayes he) that takes vpon him not to conceiue? the answer is as ready as a borrowed cap: I am the Kings poore Cosin, Sir.
Nay, they will be kin to vs, but they wil fetch it from Iaphet. But to the Letter: — Sir Iohn Falstaffe, Knight, to the Sonne of the King, neerest his Father, Harrie Prince of Wales, greeting.
Why this is a Certificate.
Sure he meanes breuity in breath: short-winded. I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I leaue thee. Bee not too familiar with Pointz, for hee misuses thy Fauours so much, that he sweares thou art to marrie his Sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayst, and so farewell.
Thine, by yea and no: which is as much as to say, as thou vsest him. Iacke Falstaffe with my Familiars: Iohn with my Brothers and Sister: & Sir Iohn, with all Europe.
My Lord, I will steepe this Letter in Sack, and make him eate it.
May the Wench haue no worse Fortune. But I neuer said so.
Well, thus we play the Fooles with the time & the spirits of the wise, sit in the clouds, and mocke vs: Is your Master heere in London?
Yes my Lord.
Where suppes he? Doth the old Bore, feede in the old Franke?
At the old place my Lord, in East-cheape.
What Company?
Ephesians my Lord, of the old Church.
Sup any women with him?
None my Lord, but old Mistris Quickly, and M. Doll Teare-sheet.
What Pagan may that be?
A proper Gentlewoman, Sir, and a Kinswoman of my Masters.
I am your shadow, my Lord, Ile follow you.
I haue no tongue, sir.
And for mine Sir, I will gouerne it.
I warrant you, as common as the way betweene S. Albans, and London.
How might we see Falstaffe bestow himselfe to night, in his true colours, and not our selues be seene?
Put on two Leather Ierkins, and Aprons, and waite vpon him at his Table, like Drawers.
From a God, to a Bull? A heauie declension: It was Ioues case. From a Prince, to a Prentice, a low transformation, that shall be mine: for in euery thing, the purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me Ned.
Scena Tertia.
Scaena Quarta.
What hast thou brought there? Apple-Iohns? Thou know'st Sir Iohn cannot endure an Apple-Iohn.
Thou say'st true: the Prince once set a Dish of Apple-Iohns before him, and told him there were fiue more Sir Iohns: and, putting off his Hat, said, I will now take my leaue of these sixe drie, round, old-wither'd Knights. It anger'd him to the heart: but hee hath forgot that.
Why then couer, and set them downe: and see if thou canst finde out Sneakes Noyse; Mistris Teare-sheet would faine haue some Musique.
Sirrha, heere will be the Prince, and Master Points, anon: and they will put on two of our Ierkins, and Aprons, and Sir Iohn must not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word.
Then here will be old Vtis: it will be an excellent stratagem.
Ile see if I can finde out Sneake.
Sweet-heart, me thinkes now you are in an excellent good temperalitie: your Pulsidge beates as extraordinarily, as heart would desire; and your Colour (I warrant you) is as red as any Rose: But you haue drunke too much Canaries, and that's a maruellous searching Wine; and it perfumes the blood, ere wee can say what's this. How doe you now?
Better then I was: Hem.
Why that was well said: A good heart's worth Gold. Looke, here comes Sir Iohn.
When Arthur first in Court—(emptie the Iordan) and was a worthy King: How now Mistris Dol?
Sick of a Calme: yea, good-sooth.
So is all her Sect: if they be once in a Calme, they are sick.
You muddie Rascall, is that all the comfort you giue me?
You make fat Rascalls, Mistris Dol.
I make them? Gluttonie and Diseases make them, I make them not.
If the Cooke make the Gluttonie, you helpe to make the Diseases (Dol) we catch of you (Dol) we catch of you: Grant that my poore Vertue, grant that.
I marry, our Chaynes, and our Iewels.
Your Brooches, Pearles, and Owches: For to serue brauely, is to come halting off: you know, to come off the Breach, with his Pike bent brauely, and to Surgerie brauely; to venture vpon the charg'd-Chambers brauely.
Why this is the olde fashion: you two neuer meete, but you fall to some discord: you are both (in good troth) as Rheumatike as two drie Tostes, you cannot one beare with anothers Confirmities. What the good-yere? One must beare, and that must bee you: you are the weaker Vessell; as they say, the emptier Vessell.
Can a weake emptie Vessell beare such a huge full Hogs-head? There's a whole Marchants Venture of Burdeux-Stuffe in him: you haue not seene a Hulke better stufft in the Hold. Come, Ile be friends with thee Iacke: Thou art going to the Warres, and whether I shall euer see thee againe, or no, there is no body cares.
Sir, Ancient Pistoll is below, and would speake with you.
Hang him, swaggering Rascall, let him not come hither: it is the foule-mouth'dst Rogue in England.
If hee swagger, let him not come here: I must liue amongst my Neighbors, Ile no Swaggerers: I am in good name, and fame, with the very best: shut the doore, there comes no Swaggerers heere: I haue not liu'd all this while, to haue swaggering now: shut the doore, I pray you.
Do'st thou heare, Hostesse?
'Pray you pacifie your selfe (Sir Iohn) there comes no Swaggerers heere.
Do'st thou heare? it is mine Ancient.
Tilly-fally (Sir Iohn) neuer tell me, your ancient Swaggerer comes not in my doores. I was before Master Tisick the Deputie, the other day: and as hee said to me, it was no longer agoe then Wednesday last: Neighbour Quickly (sayes hee;) Master Dombe, our Minister, was by then: Neighbour Quickly (sayes hee) receiue those that are Ciuill; for (sayth hee) you are in an ill Name: now hee said so, I can tell whereupon: for (sayes hee) you are an honest Woman, and well thought on; therefore take heede what Guests you receiue: Receiue (sayes hee) no swaggering Companions. There comes none heere. You would blesse you to heare what hee said. No, Ile no Swaggerers.
Hee's no Swaggerer (Hostesse:) a tame Cheater, hee: you may stroake him as gently, as a Puppie Greyhound: hee will not swagger with a Barbarie Henne, if her feathers turne backe in any shew of resistance. Call him vp (Drawer.)
Cheater, call you him? I will barre no honest man my house, nor no Cheater: but I doe not loue swaggering; I am the worse when one sayes, swagger: Feele Masters, how I shake: looke you, I warrant you.
So you doe, Hostesse.
Doe I? yea, in very truth doe I, if it were an Aspen Leafe: I cannot abide Swaggerers.
'Saue you, Sir Iohn.
Welcome Ancient Pistol. Here (Pistol) I charge you with a Cup of Sacke: doe you discharge vpon mine Hostesse.
I will discharge vpon her (Sir Iohn) with two Bullets.
She is Pistoll-proofe (Sir) you shall hardly offend her.
Come, Ile drinke no Proofes, nor no Bullets: I will drinke no more then will doe me good, for no mans pleasure, I.
Then to you (Mistris Dorothie) I will charge you.
Charge me? I scorne you (scuruie Companion) what? you poore, base, rascally, cheating, lacke-Linnen-Mate: away you mouldie Rogue, away; I am meat for your Master.
I know you, Mistris Dorothie.
Away you Cut-purse Rascall, you filthy Bung, away: By this Wine, Ile thrust my Knife in your mouldie Chappes, if you play the sawcie Cuttle with me. Away you Bottle-Ale Rascall, you Basket-hilt stale Iugler, you. Since when, I pray you, Sir? what, with two Points on your shoulder? much.
I will murther your Ruffe, for this.
No, good Captaine Pistol: not heere, sweete Captaine.
Captaine? thou abhominable damn'd Cheater, art thou not asham'd to be call'd Captaine? If Captaines were of my minde, they would trunchion you out, for taking their Names vpon you, before you haue earn'd them. You a Captaine? you slaue, for what? for tearing a poore Whores Ruffe in a Bawdy-house? Hee a Captaine? hang him Rogue, hee liues vpon mouldie stew'd-Pruines, and dry'de Cakes. A Captaine? These Villaines will make the word Captaine odious: Therefore Captaines had neede looke to it.
'Pray thee goe downe, good Ancient.
Hearke thee hither, Mistris Dol.
Not I: I tell thee what, Corporall Bardolph, I could teare her: Ile be reueng'd on her.
'Pray thee goe downe.
Ile see her damn'd first: to Pluto's damn'd Lake, to the Infernall Deepe, where Erebus and Tortures vilde also. Hold Hooke and Line, say I: Downe: downe Dogges, downe Fates: haue wee not Hiren here?
Good Captaine Peesel be quiet, it is very late: I beseeke you now, aggrauate your Choler.
These be good Humors indeede. Shall Pack-Horses, and hollow-pamper'd Iades of Asia, which cannot goe but thirtie miles a day, compare with Caesar, and with Caniballs, and Troian Greekes? nay, rather damne them with King Cerberus, and let the Welkin roare: shall wee fall foule for Toyes?
By my troth Captaine, these are very bitter words.
Be gone, good Ancient: this will grow to a Brawle anon.
Die men, like Dogges; giue Crownes like Pinnes: Haue we not Hiren here?
On my word (Captaine) there's none such here. What the good-yere, doe you thinke I would denye her? I pray be quiet.
Then feed, and be fat (my faire Calipolis.) Come, giue me some Sack, Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contente. Feare wee broad-sides? No, let the Fiend giue fire: Giue me some Sack: and Sweet-heart lye thou there: Come wee to full Points here, and are et cetera's nothing?
Pistol, I would be quiet.
Sweet Knight, I kisse thy Neaffe: what? wee haue seene the seuen Starres.
Thrust him downe stayres, I cannot endure such a Fustian Rascall.
Thrust him downe stayres? know we not Galloway Nagges?
Quoit him downe (Bardolph) like a shoue-groat shilling: nay, if hee doe nothing but speake nothing, hee shall be nothing here.
Come, get you downe stayres.
What? shall wee haue Incision? shall wee embrew? then Death rocke me asleepe, abridge my dolefull dayes: why then let grieuous, gastly, gaping Wounds, vntwin'd the Sisters three: Come Atropos, I say.
Here's good stuffe toward.
Giue me my Rapier, Boy.
I prethee Iack, I prethee doe not draw.
Get you downe stayres.
Here's a goodly tumult: Ile forsweare keeping house, before Ile be in these tirrits, and frights. So: Murther I warrant now. Alas, alas, put vp your naked Weapons, put vp your naked Weapons.
I prethee Iack be quiet, the Rascall is gone: ah, you whorson little valiant Villaine, you.
Are you not hurt i' th' Groyne? me thought hee made a shrewd Thrust at your Belly.
Haue you turn'd him out of doores?
Yes Sir: the Rascall's drunke: you haue hurt him (Sir) in the shoulder.
A Rascall to braue me.
Ah, you sweet little Rogue, you: alas, poore Ape, how thou sweat'st? Come, let me wipe thy Face: Come on, you whorson Chops: Ah Rogue, I loue thee: Thou [Page 84] art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth fiue of Agamemnon, and tenne times better then the nine Worthies: ah Villaine.
A rascally Slaue, I will tosse the Rogue in a Blanket.
The Musique is come, Sir.
Let them play: play Sirs. Sit on my Knee, Dol. A Rascall, bragging Slaue: the Rogue fled from me like Quick-siluer.
And thou followd'st him like a Church: thou whorson little tydie Bartholmew Bore-pigge, when wilt thou leaue fighting on dayes, and foyning on nights, and begin to patch vp thine old Body for Heauen?
Peace (good Dol) doe not speake like a Deaths-head: doe not bid me remember mine end.
Sirrha, what humor is the Prince of?
A good shallow young fellow: hee would haue made a good Pantler, hee would haue chipp'd Bread well.
They say Poines hath a good Wit.
Hee a good Wit? hang him Baboone, his Wit is as thicke as Tewksburie Mustard: there is no more conceit in him, [...]hen is in a Mallet.
Why doth the Prince loue him so then?
Because their Legges are both of a bignesse: and hee playes at Quoits well and eates Conger and Fennell, and drinkes off Candles ends for Flap-dragons, and rides the wilde-Mare with the Boyes, and iumpes vpon Ioyn'd-stooles, and sweares with a good grace, and weares his Boot very smooth, like vnto the Signe of the Legge; and breedes no bate with telling of discreete stories: and such other Gamboll Faculties hee hath, that shew a weake Minde, and an able Body, for the which the Prince admits him; for the Prince himselfe is such another: the weight of an hayre will turne the Scales betweene their Haber-de-pois.
Would not this Naue of a Wheele haue his Eares cut off?
Let vs beat him before his Whore.
Looke, if the wither'd Elder hath not his Poll claw'd like a Parrot.
Is it not strange, that Desire should so many yeeres out-liue performance?
Kisse me Dol.
And looke whether the fierie Trigon, his Man, be not lisping to his Masters old Tables, his Note-Booke, his Councell-keeper?
Thou do'st giue me flatt'ring Busses.
Nay truely, I kisse thee with a most constant heart.
I am olde, I am olde.
I loue thee better, then I loue ere a scuruie young Boy of them all.
What Stuffe wilt thou haue a Kirtle of? I shall receiue Money on Thursday: thou shalt haue a Cappe to morrow. A merrie Song, come: it growes late, wee will to Bed. Thou wilt forget me, when I am gone.
Thou wilt set me a weeping, if thou say'st so: proue that euer I dresse my selfe handsome, till thy returne: well, hearken the end.
Some Sack, Francis.
Anon, anon, Sir.
Ha? a Bastard Sonne of the Kings? And art not thou Poines, his Brother?
Why thou Globe of sinfull Continents, what a Life do'st thou lead?
A better then thou: I am a Gentleman, thou art a Drawer.
Very true, Sir: and I come to draw you out by the Eares.
Oh, the Lord preserue thy good Grace: Welcome to London. Now Heauen blesse that sweete Face of thine: what, are you come from Wales?
Thou whorson mad Compound of Maiestie: by this light Flesh, and corrupt Blood, thou art welcome.
How? you fat Foole, I scorne you.
My Lord, hee will driue you out of your reuenge, and turne all to a merryment, if you take not the heat.
You whorson Candle-myne you, how vildly did you speake of me euen now, before this honest, vertuous, ciuill Gentlewoman?
'Blessing on your good heart, and so shee is by my troth.
Didst thou heare me?
Yes: and you knew me, as you did when you ranne away by Gads-hill: you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose, to trie my patience.
No, no, no: not so: I did not thinke, thou wast within hearing.
I shall driue you then to confesse the wilfull abuse, and then I know how to handle you.
No abuse (Hall) on mine Honor, no abuse.
Not to disprayse me? and call me Pantler, and Bread-chopper, and I know not what?
No abuse (Hal.)
No abuse?
No abuse (Ned) in the World: honest Ned none. I disprays'd him before the Wicked, that the Wicked might not fall in loue with him: In which doing, I haue done the part of a carefull Friend, and a true Subiect, and thy Father is to giue me thankes for it. No abuse (Hal:) none (Ned) none; no Boyes, none.
See now whether pure Feare, and entire Cowardise, doth not make thee wrong this vertuous Gentlewoman, to close with vs? Is shee of the Wicked? Is thine Hostesse heere, of the Wicked? Or is the Boy of the Wicked? Or honest Bardolph (whose Zeale burnes in his Nose) of the Wicked?
Answere thou dead Elme, answere.
The Fiend hath prickt downe Bardolph irrecouerable, and his Face is Lucifers Priuy-Kitchin, where hee doth nothing but rost Mault-Wormes: for the Boy, there is a good Angell about him, but the Deuill outbids him too.
For the Women?
For one of them, shee is in Hell alreadie, and burnes poore Soules: for the other, I owe her Money; and whether shee bee damn'd for that, I know not.
No, I warrant you.
No, I thinke thou art not: I thinke thou art quit for that. Marry, there is another Indictment vpon thee, for suffering flesh to bee eaten in thy house, contrary to the Law, for the which I thinke thou wilt howle.
All Victuallers doe so: What is a Ioynt of Mutton, or two, in a whole Lent?
You, Gentlewoman.
What sayes your Grace?
His Grace sayes that, which his flesh rebells against.
Who knocks so lowd at doore? Looke to the doore there, Francis?
Peto, how now? what newes?
Now comes in the sweetest Morsell of the night, and wee must hence, and leaue it vnpickt. More knocking at the doore? How now? what's the matter?
Pay the Musitians, Sirrha: farewell Hostesse, farewell Dol. You see (my good Wenches) how men of Merit are sought after: the vndeseruer may sleepe, when the man of Action is call'd on. Farewell good Wenches: if I be not sent away poste, I will see you againe, ere I goe.
I cannot speake: if my heart bee not readie to burst— Well (sweete Iacke) haue a care of thy selfe.
Farewell, farewell.
Well, fare thee well: I haue knowne thee these twentie nine yeeres, come Pescod-time: but an honester, and truer-hearted man— Well, fare thee well.
Mistris Teare-sheet.
What's the matter?
Bid Mistris Teare-sheet come to my Master.
Oh runne Dol, runne: runne, good Dol.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Many good-morrowes to your Maiestie.
Is it good-morrow, Lords?
'Tis One a Clock, and past.
We haue (my Liege.)
Scena Secunda.
Come-on, come-on, come-on: giue mee your Hand, Sir; giue mee your Hand, Sir: an early stirrer, by the Rood. And how doth my good Cousin Silence?
Good-morrow, good Cousin Shallow.
And how doth my Cousin, your Bed-fellow? and your fairest Daughter, and mine, my God-Daughter Ellen?
Alas, a blacke Ouzell (Cousin Shallow.)
By yea and nay, Sir, I dare say my Cousin William is become a good Scholler? hee is at Oxford still, is hee not?
Indeede Sir, to my cost.
Hee must then to the Innes of Court shortly: I was once of Clements Inne; where (I thinke) they will talke of mad Shallow yet.
You were call'd lustie Shallow then (Cousin.)
I was call'd any thing: and I would haue done any thing indeede too, and roundly too. There was I, and little Iohn Doit of Staffordshire, and blacke George Bare, and Francis Pick-bone, and Will Squele a Cot-sal-man, you had not foure such Swindge-bucklers in all the Innes of Court againe: And I may say to you, wee knew where the Bona-Roba's were, and had the best of them all at commandement. Then was Iacke Falstaffe (now Sir Iohn) a Boy, and Page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolke.
This Sir Iohn (Cousin) that comes hither anon about Souldiers?
The same Sir Iohn, the very same: I saw him breake Scoggan's Head at the Court-Gate, when hee was a Crack, not thus high: and the very same day did I fight with one Sampson Stock-fish, a Fruiterer, behinde Greyes-Inne. Oh the mad dayes that I haue spent! and to see how many of mine olde Acquaintance are dead?
Wee shall all follow (Cousin.)
Certaine: 'tis certaine: very sure, very sure: Death is certaine to all, all shall dye. How a good Yoke of Bullocks at Stamford Fayre?
Truly Cousin, I was not there.
Death is certaine. Is old Double of your Towne liuing yet?
Dead, Sir.
Dead? See, see: hee drew a good Bow: and dead? hee shot a fine shoote. Iohn of Gaunt loued him well, and betted much Money on his head. Dead? hee would haue clapt in the Clowt at Twelue-score, and carryed you a fore-hand Shaft at foureteene, and foureteene and a halfe, that it would haue done a mans heart good to see. How a score of Ewes now?
Thereafter as they be: a score of good Ewes may be worth tenne pounds.
And is olde Double dead?
Heere come two of Sir Iohn Falstaffes Men (as I thinke.)
Good-morrow, honest Gentlemen.
I beseech you, which is Iustice Shallow?
I am Robert Shallow (Sir) a poore Esquire of this Countie, and one of the Kings Iustices of the Peace: What is your good pleasure with me?
My Captaine (Sir) commends him to you: my Captaine, Sir Iohn Falstaffe: a tall Gentleman, and a most gallant Leader.
Hee greetes me well: (Sir) I knew him a good Back-Sword-man. How doth the good Knight? may I aske, how my Lady his Wife doth?
Sir, pardon: a Souldier is better accommodated, then with a Wife.
It is well said, Sir; and it is well said, indeede, too: Better accommodated? it is good, yea indeede is it: good phrases are surely, and euery where very commendable. Accommodated, it comes of Accommodo: very good, a good Phrase.
Pardon, Sir, I haue heard the word. Phrase call you it? by this Day, I know not the Phrase: but I will maintaine the Word with my Sword, to bee a Souldier-like Word, and a Word of exceeding good Command. Accommodated: that is, when a man is (as they say) accommodated: or, when a man is, being [Page 87] whereby he thought to be accommodated, which is an excellent thing.
It is very iust: Looke, heere comes good Sir Iohn. Giue me your hand, giue me your Worships good hand: Trust me, you looke well: and beare your yeares very well. Welcome, good Sir Iohn.
I am glad to see you well, good M. Robert Shallow: Master Sure-card as I thinke?
No sir Iohn, it is my Cosin Silence: in Commission with mee.
Good M. Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace.
Your good Worship is welcome.
Fye, this is hot weather (Gentlemen) haue you prouided me heere halfe a dozen of sufficient men?
Marry haue we sir: Will you sit?
Let me see them, I beseech you.
Where's the Roll? Where's the Roll? Where's the Roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see: so, so, so, so: yea marry Sir. Raphe Mouldie: let them appeare as I call: let them do so, let them do so: Let mee see, Where is Mouldie?
Heere, if it please you.
What thinke you (Sir Iohn) a good limb'd fellow: yong, strong, and of good friends.
Is thy name Mouldie?
Yea, if it please you.
'Tis the more time thou wert vs'd.
Ha, ha, ha, most excellent. Things that are mouldie, lacke vse: very singular good. Well saide Sir Iohn, very well said.
Pricke him.
I was prickt well enough before, if you could haue let me alone: my old Dame will be vndone now, for one to doe her Husbandry, and her Drudgery; you need not to haue prickt me, there are other men fitter to goe out, then I.
Go too: peace Mouldie, you shall goe. Mouldie, it is time you were spent.
Spent?
Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: Know you where you are? For the other sir Iohn: Let me see: Simon Shadow.
I marry, let me haue him to sit vnder: he's like to be a cold souldier.
Where's Shadow?
Heere sir.
Shadow, whose sonne art thou?
My Mothers sonne, Sir.
Thy Mothers sonne: like enough, and thy Fathers shadow: so the sonne of the Female, is the shadow of the Male: it is often so indeede, but not of the Fathers substance.
Do you like him, sir Iohn?
Shadow will serue for Summer: pricke him: For wee haue a number of shadowes to fill vppe the Muster-Booke.
Thomas Wart?
Where's he?
Heere sir.
Is thy name Wart?
Yea sir.
Thou art a very ragged Wart.
It were superfluous: for his apparrel is built vpon his backe, and the whole frame stands vpon pins: prick him no more.
Ha, ha, ha, you can do it sir: you can doe it: I commend you well.
Heere sir.
What Trade art thou Feeble?
A Womans Taylor sir.
Shall I pricke him, sir?
You may: But if he had beene a mans Taylor, he would haue prick'd you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemies Battaile, as thou hast done in a Womans petticote?
I will doe my good will sir, you can haue no more.
Well said, good Womans Tailour: Well sayde Couragious Feeble: thou wilt bee as valiant as the wrathfull Doue, or most magnanimous Mouse. Pricke the womans Taylour well Master Shallow, deepe Maister Shallow.
I would Wart might haue gone sir.
I would thou wert a mans Tailor, that y u might'st mend him, and make him fit to goe. I cannot put him to a priuate souldier, that is the Leader of so many thousands. Let that suffice, most Forcible Feeble.
It shall suffice.
I am bound to thee, reuerend Feeble. Who is the next?
Peter Bulcalfe of the Greene.
Yea marry, let vs see Bulcalfe.
Heere sir.
Trust me, a likely Fellow. Come, pricke me Bulcalfe till he roare againe.
Oh, good my Lord Captaine.
What? do'st thou roare before th' art prickt.
Oh sir, I am a diseased man.
What disease hast thou?
A whorson cold sir, a cough sir, which I caught with Ringing in the Kings affayres, vpon his Coronation day, sir.
Come, thou shalt go to the Warres in a Gowne: we will haue away thy Cold, and I will take such order, that thy friends shall ring for thee. Is heere all?
There is two more called then your number: you must haue but foure heere sir, and so I pray you go in with me to dinner.
Come, I will goe drinke with you, but I cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to see you in good troth, Master Shallow.
O sir Iohn, doe you remember since wee lay all night in the Winde-mill, in S Georges Field.
No more of that good Master Shallow: No more of that.
Ha? it was a merry night. And is Iane Night-worke aliue?
She liues, M. Shallow.
She neuer could away with me.
Neuer, neuer: she would alwayes say shee could not abide M. Shallow.
I could anger her to the heart: shee was then a Bona-Roba. Doth she hold her owne well.
Old, old, M. Shallow.
Nay, she must be old, she cannot choose but be [Page 88] old: certaine shee's old: and had Robin Night-worke, by old Night-worke, before I came to Clements Inne.
That's fiftie fiue yeeres agoe.
Hah, Cousin Silence, that thou hadst seene that, that this Knight and I haue seene: hah, Sir Iohn, said I well?
Wee haue heard the Chymes at mid-night, Master Shallow.
That wee haue, that wee haue; in faith, Sir Iohn, wee haue: our watch-word was, Hem-Boyes. Come, let's to Dinner; come, let's to Dinner: Oh the dayes that wee haue seene. Come, come.
Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend, and heere is foure Harry tenne shillings in French Crownes for you: in very truth, sir, I had as lief be hang'd sir, as goe: and yet, for mine owne part, sir, I do not care; but rather, because I am vnwilling, and for mine owne part, haue a desire to stay with my friends: else, sir, I did not care, for mine owne part, so much.
Go-too: stand aside.
And good Master Corporall Captaine, for my old Dames sake, stand my friend: shee hath no body to doe any thing about her, when I am gone: and she is old, and cannot helpe her selfe: you shall haue fortie, sir.
Go-too: stand aside.
I care not, a man can die but once: wee owe a death. I will neuer beare a base minde: if it be my destinie, so: if it be not, so: no man is too good to serue his Prince: and let it goe which way it will, he that dies this yeere, is quit for the next.
Well said, thou art a good fellow.
Nay, I will beare no base minde.
Come sir, which men shall I haue?
Foure of which you please.
Sir, a word with you: I haue three pound, to free Mouldie and Bull-calfe.
Go-too: well.
Come, sir Iohn, which foure will you haue?
Doe you chuse for me.
Marry then, Mouldie, Bull-calfe, Feeble, and Shadow.
Mouldie, and Bull-calfe: for you Mouldie, stay at home, till you are past seruice: and for your part, Bull-calfe, grow till you come vnto it: I will none of you.
Sir Iohn, Sir Iohn, doe not your selfe wrong, they are your likelyest men, and I would haue you seru'd with the best.
Will you tell me (Master Shallow) how to chuse a man? Care I for the Limbe, the Thewes, the stature, bulke, and bigge assemblance of a man? giue mee the spirit (Master Shallow.) Where's Wart? you see what a ragged appearance it is: hee shall charge you, and discharge you, with the motion of a Pewterers Hammer: come off, and on, swifter then hee that gibbets on the Brewers Bucket. And this same halfe-fac'd fellow, Shadow, giue me this man: hee presents no marke to the Enemie, the foe-man may with as great ayme leuell at the edge of a Pen-knife: and for a Retrait, how swiftly will this Feeble, the Womans Taylor, runne off. O, giue me the spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a Calyuer into Warts hand, Bardolph.
Hold Wart, Trauerse: thus, thus, thus.
Come, manage me your Calyuer: so▪ very well, go-too, very good, exceeding good. O, giue me alwayes a little, leane, old, chopt, bald Shot. Well said Wart, thou art a good Scab: hold, there is a Tester for thee.
Hee is not his Crafts-master, hee doth not doe it right. I remember at Mile-end-Greene, when I lay at Clements Inne, I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthurs Show: there was a little quiuer fellow, and hee would manage you his Peece thus: and hee would about, and about, and come you in, and come you in: Rah, tah, tah, would hee say, Bownce would hee say, and away againe would hee goe, and againe would he come: I shall neuer see such a fellow.
These fellowes will doe well, Master Shallow Farewell Master Silence, I will not vse many wordes with you: fare you well, Gentlemen both: I thanke you: I must a dozen mile to night. Bardolph, giue the Souldiers Coates.
Sir Iohn, Heauen blesse you, and prosper your Affaires, and send vs Peace. As you returne, visit my house. Let our old acquaintance be renewed: peraduenture I will with you to the Court.
I would you would, Master Shallow.
Go-too: I haue spoke at a word. Fare you well.
Fare you well, gentle Gentlemen. On Bardolph, leade the men away. As I returne, I will fetch off these Iustices: I doe see the bottome of Iustice Shallow. How subiect wee old men are to this vice of Lying? This same staru'd Iustice hath done nothing but prate to me of the wildenesse of his Youth, and the Feates hee hath done about Turnball-street, and euery third word a Lye, duer pay'd to the hearer, then the Turkes Tribute. I doe remember him at Clements Inne, like a man made after Supper, of a Cheese-paring. When hee was naked, hee was, for all the world, like a forked Radish, with a Head fantastically caru'd vpon it with a Knife. Hee was so forlorne, that his Dimensions (to any thicke sight) were inuincible. Hee was the very Genius of Famine: hee came euer in the rere-ward of the Fashion: And now is this Vices Dagger become a Squire, and talkes as familiarly of Iohn of Gaunt, as if hee had beene sworne Brother to him: and Ile be sworne hee neuer saw him but once in the Tilt-yard, and then he burst his Head, for crowding among the Marshals men. I saw it, and told Iohn of Gaunt, hee beat his owne Name, for you might haue truss'd him and all his Apparrell into an Eele-skinne: the Case of a Treble Hoe-boy was a Mansion for him: a Court: and now hath hee Land, and Beeues. Well, I will be acquainted with him, if I returne: and it shall goe hard, but I will make him a Philosophers two Stones to me. If the young Dace be a Bayt for the old Pike, I see no reason, in the Law of Nature, but I may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
What is this Forrest call'd?
'Tis Gualtree Forrest, and't shall please your Grace.
Wee haue sent forth alreadie.
Now? what newes?
What well-appointed Leader fronts vs here?
I thinke it is my Lord of Westmerland.
Well, by my will, wee shall admit no Parley.
My Lord, wee will doe so.
Your Grace of Yorke, in heauen's name then forward.
Before, and greet his Grace (my Lord) we come.
I take your Princely word, for these redresses.
To you▪ my Noble Lord of Westmerland.
I doe not doubt you.
Beleeue me, I am passing light in spirit.
So much the worse, if your owne Rule be true.
The word of Peace is render'd: hearke how they showt.
This had been chearefull, after Victorie.
They know their duties.
Is this proceeding iust, and honorable?
Is your Assembly so?
Will you thus breake your faith?
What's your Name, Sir? of what Condition are you? and of what place, I pray?
Well then, Colleuile is your Name, a Knight is your Degree, and your Place, the Dale. Colleuile shall still be your Name, a Traytor your Degree, and the Dungeon your Place, a place deepe enough: so shall you be still Colleuile of the Dale.
Are not you Sir Iohn Falstaffe?
As good a man as he sir, who ere I am: doe yee yeelde sir, or shall I sweate for you? if I doe sweate, they are the drops of thy Louers, and they weep for thy death, therefore rowze vp Feare and Trembling, and do obseruance to my mercy.
I thinke you are Sir Iohn Falstaffe, & in that thought yeeld me.
I haue a whole Schoole of tongues in this belly of mine, and not a Tongue of them all, speakes anie other word but my name: and I had but a belly of any indifferencie, I were simply the most actiue fellow in Europe: my wombe, my wombe, my wombe vndoes mee. Heere comes our Generall.
I would bee sorry (my Lord) but it should bee thus: I neuer knew yet, but rebuke and checke was the reward of Valour. Doe you thinke me a Swallow, an Arrow, or a Bullet? Haue I, in my poore and olde Motion, the expedition of Thought? I haue speeded hither with the very extremest ynch of possibilitie. I haue fowndred nine score and odde Postes: and heere (trauell-tainted as I am) haue, in my pure and immaculate Valour, taken Sir Iohn Colleuile of the Dale, a most furious Knight, and valorous Enemie: But what of that? hee saw mee, and yeelded: that I may iustly say with the hooke-nos'd fellow of Rome, I came, saw, and ouer-came.
It was more of his Courtesie, then your deseruing.
I know not: heere hee is, and heere I yeeld him: and I beseech your Grace, let it be book'd, with the rest of this dayes deedes; or I sweare, I will haue it in a particular Ballad, with mine owne Picture on the top of it ( Colleuile kissing my foot:) To the which course, if I be enforc'd, if you do not all shew like gilt two-pences to me; and I, in the cleare Skie of Fame, o're-shine you as much as the Full Moone doth the Cynders of the Element (which shew like Pinnes-heads to her) beleeue not the Word of the Noble: therefore let mee haue right, and let desert mount.
Thine's too heauie to mount.
Let it thine then.
Thine's too thick to shine.
Let it doe something (my good Lord) that may doe me good, and call it what you will.
Is thy Name Colleuile?
It is (my Lord.)
A famous Rebell art thou, Colleuile.
And a famous true Subiect tooke him.
I know not how they sold themselues, but thou like a kinde fellow, gau'st thy selfe away; and I thanke thee, for thee.
Haue you left pursuit?
Retreat is made, and Execution stay'd.
My Lord, I beseech you, giue me leaue to goe through Gloucestershire: and when you come to Court, stand my good Lord, 'pray, in your good report.
I would you had but the wit: 'twere better then your Dukedome. Good faith, this same young sober-blooded Boy doth no [...] loue me, nor a man cannot make him laugh: but that's no maruaile, hee drinkes no Wine. There's neuer any of these demure Boyes come to any proofe: for thinne Drinke doth so ouer-coole their blood, and making many Fish-Meales, that they fall into a kinde of Male Greene-sicknesse: and then, when they marry, they get Wenches. They are generally Fooles, and Cowards; which some of vs should be too, but for inflamation. A good Sherris-Sack hath a two-fold operation in it: it ascends me into the Braine, dryes me there all the foolish, and dull, and cruddie Vapours, which enuiron it: makes it apprehensiue, quicke, forgetiue, full of nimble, fierie, and delectable shapes; which deliuer'd o're to the Voyce, the Tongue, which is the Birth, becomes excellent Wit. The second propertie of your excellent Sherris, is, the warming of the Blood: which before (cold, and setled) left the Liuer white, and pale; which is the Badge of Pusillanimitie, and Cowardize: but the Sherris warmes it, and makes it course from the inwards, to the parts extremes: it illuminateth the Face, which (as a Beacon) giues warning to all the rest of this little Kingdome (Man) to Arme: and then the Vitall Commoners, and in-land pettie Spirits, muster me all to their Captaine, the Heart; who great, and pufft vp with his Retinue, doth any Deed of Courage: and this Valour comes of Sherris. So, that skill in the Weapon is nothing, without Sack (for that sets it a-worke:) and Learning, a meere Hoord of Gold, kept by a Deuill, till Sack commences it, and sets it in act, and vse. Hereof comes it, that Prince Harry is valiant: for the cold blood hee did naturally inherite of his Father, hee hath, like leane, stirrill, and bare Land, manured, husbanded, and tyll'd, with excellent endeauour of drinking good, and good store of fertile Sherris, that hee is become very hot, and valiant. If I had a thousand Sonnes, the first Principle I would teach them, should be to forsweare thinne Potations, and to addict themselues to Sack.
How now Bardolph?
The Armie is discharged all, and gone.
Let them goe: Ile through Gloucestershire, and there will I visit Master Robert Shallow, Esquire: I haue him alreadie tempering betweene my finger and my thombe, and shortly will I seale with him. Come away.
Scena Secunda.
Humphrey (my Sonne of Gloucester) where is the Prince, your Brother?
I thinke hee's gone to hunt (my Lord) at Windsor.
And how accompanied?
I doe not know (my Lord.)
Is not his Brother, Thomas of Clarence, with him?
No (my good Lord) hee is in presence heere.
What would my Lord, and Father?
I shall obserue him with all care, and loue.
Why art thou not at Windsor with him (Thomas?)
Hee is not there to day: hee dines in London.
And how accompanyed? Canst thou tell that?
With Pointz, and other his continuall followers.
Comfort your Maiestie.
Oh, my Royall Father.
My Soueraigne Lord, cheare vp your selfe, looke vp.
Speake lower (Princes) for the King recouers.
This Apoplexie will (certaine) be his end.
Ca [...] for the Musicke in the other Roome.
Set me the Crowne vpon my Pillow here.
His eye is hollow, and hee changes much.
Lesse noyse, lesse noyse.
Who saw the Duke of Clarence?
I am here (Brother) full of heauinesse.
How now? Raine within doores, and none abroad? How doth the King?
Exceeding ill.
Hee alter'd much, vpon the hearing it.
Let vs with-draw into the other Roome.
Wil't please your Grace to goe along with vs?
Warwicke, Gloucester, Clarence.
Doth the King call?
What would your Maiestie? how fares your Grace?
Why did you leaue me here alone (my Lords?)
The Prince of Wales? where is hee? let mee see him.
This doore is open, hee is gone this way.
Hee came not through the Chamber where wee stayd.
Where is the Crowne? who tooke it from my Pillow?
When wee with-drew (my Liege) wee left it heere.
I neuer thought to heare you speake againe.
My Lord of Warwicke.
Doth any name particular, belong [...] [...]he Lodging, where I first did swoon'd?
'Tis call'd Ierusalem, my Noble Lord.
Actus Quintus.
Scoena Prima.
You must excuse me, M. Robert Shallow.
I will not excuse you: you shall not be excused.
Excuses shall not be admitted: there is no excuse shall serue: you shall not be excus'd.
Heere sir.
Dauy, Dauy, Dauy, let me see (Dauy) let me see: William Cooke, bid him come hither. Sir Iohn, you shal not be excus'd.
Marry sir, thus: those Precepts cannot bee seru'd: and againe sir, shall we sowe the head-land with Wheate?
With red Wheate Dauy. But for William Cook: are there no yong Pigeons?
Let it be cast, and payde: Sir Iohn, you shall not be excus'd.
Sir, a new linke to the Bucket must needes bee had: And Sir, doe you meane to stoppe any of Williams Wages, about the Sacke he lost the other day, at Hinckley Fayre?
He shall answer it:
Some Pigeons Dauy, a couple of short-legg'd Hennes: a ioynt of Mutton and any pretty little tine Kickshawes, tell William Cooke.
Doth the man of Warre, stay all night sir?
Yes Dauy:
I will vse him well. A Friend i' th Court, is better then a penny in purse. Vse his men well Dauy, for they are arrant Knaues, and will backe-bite.
No worse then they are bitten. sir: For, they haue maruellous fowle linnen.
Well conceited Dauy: about thy Businesse, Dauy.
I beseech you sir,
To countenance William Ʋisor of Woncot, against Clement Perkes of the hill.
There are many Complaints Dauy, against that Ʋisor, that Ʋisor is an arrant Knaue, on my knowledge.
I graunt your Worship, that he is a knaue Sir:) But yet heauen forbid Sir, but a Knaue should haue some Countenance, at his Friends request. An honest man sir, is able to speake for himselfe, when a Knaue is not. I haue seru'd your Worshippe truely sir, these eight yeares: and if I cannot once or twice in a Quarter beare out a knaue, against an honest man, I haue but a very litle credite with your Worshippe. The Knaue is mine honest Friend Sir, therefore I beseech your Worship, let him bee Countenanc'd.
I am glad to see your Worship.
Ile follow you, good Master Robert Shallow. Bardolfe, looke to our Horsses. If I were saw'de into Quantities, I should make foure dozen of such bearded Hermites staues, as Master Shallow. It is a wonderfull thing to see the semblable Cohetence of his mens spirits, and his: They, by obseruing of him, do beare themselues like foolish Iustices: Hee, by conuersing with them, is turn'd into a Iustice-like Seruingman. Their spirits are so married in Coniunction, with the participation of Society, that they flocke together in consent, like so many Wilde-Geese. If I had a suite to Mayster Shallow, I would humour his men, with the imputation of beeing neere their Mayster. If to his Men, I would currie with Maister Shallow, that no man could better command his Seruants. It is certaine, that either wise bearing, or ignorant Carriage is caught, as men take diseases, one of another: therefore, let men take heede of their Companie. I will deuise matter enough out of this Shallow, to keepe Prince Harry in continuall Laughter, the wearing out of sixe Fashions (which is foure Tearmes) or two Actions, and he shall laugh with Interuallums. O it is much that a Lye (with a flight Oath) and a iest (with [...] sadde brow) will doe, with a Fellow, that neuer had the Ache in his shoulders. O you shall see him laugh, till his Face be like a wet Cloake, ill laid vp.
Sir Iohn.
I come Master Shallow, I come Master Shallow.
Scena Secunda.
How now, my Lord Chiefe Iustice, whether away?
How doth the King?
I hope, not dead.
Indeed I thinke the yong King loues you not.
Alas, I feare, all will be ouer-turn'd.
Good morrow Cosin Warwick, good morrow.
Cla. Good morrow, Cosin.
We meet, like men, that had forgot to speake.
Well: Peace be with him, that hath made vs heauy
Peace be with vs, least we be heauier.
Heere comes the Prince.
Good morrow: and heauen saue your Maiesty
We hope no other from your Maiesty.
Scena Tertia.
Nay, you shall see mine Orchard: where, in an Arbor we will eate a last yeares Pippin of my owne graffing, with a dish of Carrawayes, and so forth (Come Cosin Silence, and then to bed.
You haue heere a goodly dwelling, and a rich.
Barren, barren, barren: Beggers all, beggers all Sir Iohn: Marry, good ayre. Spread Dauy, spread Dauie: Well said Dauie.
This Dauie serues you for good vses: he is your Seruingman, and your Husband.
A good Varlet, a good Varlet, a very good Varlet, Sir Iohn: I haue drunke too much Sacke at Supper. A good Varlet. Now sit downe, now sit downe: Come Cosin.
Ah sirra (quoth-a) we shall doe nothing but eate, and make good cheere, and praise heauen for the merrie yeere: when flesh is cheape, and Females deere, and lustie Lads rome heere, and there: so merrily, and euer among so merrily.
There's a merry heart, good M. Silence, Ile giue you a health for that anon.
Good M. Bardolfe: some wine, Dauie.
Sweet sir, sit: Ile be with you anon: most sweete sir, sit. Master Page, good M. Page, sit: Proface. What you want in meate, wee'l haue in drinke: but you beare, the heart's all.
Be merry M. Bardolfe, and my little Souldiour there, be merry.
I did not thinke M. Silence had bin a man of this Mettle.
Who I? I haue beene merry twice and once, ere now.
There is a dish of Lether-coats for you.
Dauie.
Your Worship: Ile be with you straight. A cup of Wine, sir?
A Cup of Wine, that's briske and fine, & drinke vnto the Leman mine: and a merry heart liues long-a.
Well said, M. Silence.
If we shall be merry, now comes in the sweete of the night.
Health, and long life to you, M. Silence.
Fill the Cuppe, and let it come. Ile pledge you a mile to the bottome.
Honest Bardolfe, welcome: If thou want'st any thing, and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart. Welcome my little tyne theefe, and welcome indeed too: Ile drinke to M. Bardolfe, and to all the Cauileroes about London.
I hope to see London, once ere I die.
If I might see you there, Dauie.
You'l cracke a quart together? Ha, will you not M. Bardolfe?
Yes Sir, in a pottle pot.
I thanke thee: the knaue will sticke by thee, I can assure thee that. He will not out, he is true bred.
And Ile sticke by him, sir.
Why now you haue done me right.
Do me right, and dub me Knight, Samingo. Is't not so?
'Tis so.
Is't so? Why then say an old man can do somwhat.
If it please your Worshippe, there's one Pistoll come from the Court with newes.
Sir Iohn, 'saue you sir.
What winde blew you hither, Pistoll?
Not the ill winde which blowes none to good, sweet Knight: Thou art now one of the greatest men in the Realme.
Indeed, I thinke he bee, but Goodman Puffe of Barson.
Puffe? puffe in thy teeth, most recreant Coward base. Sir Iohn, I am thy Pistoll, and thy Friend: helter skelter haue I rode to thee, and tydings do I bring, and luckie ioyes, and golden Times, and happie Newes of price.
I prethee now deliuer them, like a man of this World.
And Robin-hood, Scarlet, and Iohn.
Why then Lament therefore.
Giue me pardon, Sir.
If sir, you come with news from the Court, I take it, there is but two wayes, either to vtter them, or to conceale them. I am Sir, vnder the King, in some Authority.
Vnder King Harry.
Harry the Fourth? or Fift?
Harry the Fourth.
What, is the old King dead?
What? I do bring good newes.
Carrie Master Silence to bed: Master Shallow, my Lord Shallow, be what thou wilt, I am Fortunes Steward. Get on thy Boots, wee I ride all night. Oh sweet Pistoll: Away Bardolfe: Come Pistoll, vtter more to mee: and withall deuise something to do thy selfe good. Boote, boote Master Shallow, I know the young King is sick for mee. Let vs take any mans Horsfes: The Lawes of England are at my command'ment. Happie are they, which haue beene my Friendes: and woe vnto my Lord Chiefe Iustice.
Scena Quarta.
No, thou arrant knaue: I would I might dy, that I might haue thee hang'd: Thou hast drawne my shoulder out of ioynt.
The Constables haue deliuer'd her ouer to mee: and shee shall haue Whipping cheere enough, I warrant her. There hath beene a man or two (lately) kill'd about her.
Nut-hooke, nut-hooke, you Lye: Come on, Ile tell thee what, thou damn'd Tripe-visag'd Rascall, if the Childe I now go with, do miscarrie, thou had'st better thou had'st strooke thy Mother, thou Paper-fac'd Villaine.
O that Sir Iohn were come, hee would make this a bloody day to some body. But I would the Fruite of her Wombe might miscarry.
If it do, you shall haue a dozen of Cushions againe, you haue but eleuen now. Come, I charge you both go with me: for the man is dead, that you and Pistoll beate among you.
Ile tell thee what, thou thin man in a Censor; I will haue you as soundly swindg'd for this, you blew-Bottel'd Rogue: you filthy famish'd Correctioner, if you be not swing'd, Ile forsweare halfe Kirtles.
Come, come, you shee-Knight-arrant, come.
O, that right should thus o'recome might. Wel of sufferance, comes ease.
Yes, come you staru'd Blood-hound.
Goodman death, goodman Bones.
Thou Anatomy, thou.
Very well.
Scena Quinta.
More Rushes, more Rushes.
The Trumpets haue sounded twice.
It will be two of the Clocke, ere they come from the Coronation.
Stand heere by me, M. Robert Shallow, I will make the King do you Grace. I will leere vpon him, as he comes by: and do but marke the countenance that hee will giue me.
Blesse thy Lungs, good Knight.
Come heere Pistol, stand behind me. O if I had had time to haue made new Liueries, I would haue bestowed the thousand pound I borrowed of you. But it is no matter, this poore shew doth better: this doth inferre the zeale I had to see him.
It doth so.
It shewes my earnestnesse in affection.
It doth so.
My deuotion.
It doth, it doth, it doth.
It is most certaine,
But to stand stained with Trauaile, and sweating with desire to see him, thinking of nothing else, putting all affayres in obliuion, as if there were nothing els to bee done, but to see him.
'Tis semper idem: for obsque hoc nihil est. 'Tis all in euery part.
'Tis so indeed.
My Knight, I will enflame thy Noble Liuer, and make thee rage. Thy Dol, and Helen of thy noble thoghts is in base Durance, and contagious prison: Hall'd thither by most Mechanicall and durty hand. Rowze vppe Reuenge from Ebon den, with fell Alecto's Snake, for Dol is in. Pistol, speakes nought but troth.
I will deliuer her.
There roar'd the Sea: and Trumpet Clangour sounds.
Saue thy Grace, King Hall, my Royall Hall.
The heauens thee guard, and keepe, most royall Impe of Fame.
'Saue thee my sweet Boy.
My Lord Chiefe Iustice, speake to that vaine man.
My King, my Ioue; I speake to thee, my heart.
Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pound.
I marry Sir Iohn, which I beseech you to let me haue home with me.
That can hardly be, M. Shallow, do not you grieue at this: I shall be sent for in priuate to him: Looke you, he must seeme thus to the world: feare not your aduancement: I will be the man yet, that shall make you great.
I cannot well perceiue how, vnlesse you should giue me your Doublet, and stuffe me out with Straw. I beseech you, good Sir Iohn, let mee haue fiue hundred of my thousand.
Sir, I will be as good as my word. This that you heard, was but a colour.
A colour I feare, that you will dye, in Sir Iohn.
My Lord, my Lord.
Si fortuna me tormento, spera me contento.
And so they are.
He hath.
EPILOGVE.
FIRST, my Feare: then, my Curtsie: last, my Speech. My Feare, is your Displeasure: My Curtsie, my Dutie: And my speech, to Begge your Pardons. If you looke for a good speech now, you vndoe me: For what I haue to say, is of mine owne making: and what (indeed) I should say, will (I doubt) prooue mine owne marring. But to the Purpose, and so to the Venture. Be it knowne to you (as it is very well) I was lately heere in the end of a displeasing Play, to pray your Patience for it, and to promise you a Better: I did meane (indeede) to pay you with this, which if (like an ill Venture) it come vnluckily home, I breake; and you, my gentle Creditors lose. Heere I promist you I would be, and heere I commit my Bodie to your Mercies: Bate me some, and I will-pay you some, and (as most Debtors do) promise you infinitely.
If my Tongue cannot entreate you to acquit me: will you command me to vse my Legges? And yet that were but light payment, to Dance out of your debt: But a good Conscience, will make any possible satisfaction, and so will I. All the Gentlewomen heere, haue forgiuen me, if the Gentlemen will not, then the Gentlemen do not agree with the Gentlewowen, which was neuer seene before, in such an Assembly.
One word more, I beseech you: if you be not too much cloid with Fat Meate, our humble Author will continue the Story (with Sir Iohn in it) and make you merry, with faire Katherine of France: where (for any thing I know) Falstaffe shall dye of a sweat, vnlesse already he be kill'd with your hard Opinions: For Old-Castle dyed a Martyr, and this is not the man. My Tongue is wearie, when my Legs are too, I will bid you good night; and so kneele downe before you: But (indeed) to pray for the Queene.
THE ACTORS NAMES.
- RVMOVR the Presentor.
- King Henry the Fourth.
- Prince Henry, afterwards Crowned King Henrie the Fift.
- Prince Iohn of Lancaster.
- Humphrey of Gloucester.
- Thomas of Clarence.
- Sonnes to Henry the Fourth, & brethren to Henry 5.
- Northumberland.
- The Arch Byshop of Yorke.
- Mowbray.
- Hastings.
- Lord Bardolfe.
- Trauers.
- Morton.
- Coleuile.
- Opposites against King Henrie the Fourth.
- Warwicke.
- Westmerland.
- Surrey.
- Gowre.
- Harecourt.
- Lord Chiefe Iustice.
- Of the Kings Partie.
- Pointz.
- Falstaffe.
- Bardolphe.
- Pistoll.
- Peto.
- Page.
- Irregular Humorists.
- Shallow.
- Silence.
- Both Country Iustices.
- Dauie, Seruant to Shallow.
- Phang, and Snare, 2. Sericants
- Mouldie.
- Shadow.
- Wait.
- Feeble.
- Bullcalfe.
- Country Soldiers
- Drawers
- Beadles.
- Groomes
- Northumberlands Wife.
- Percies Widdow.
- Hostesse Quickly.
- Doll Teare-sheete.
- Epilogue.
The Life of Henry the Fift.
Enter Prologue.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
But how my Lord shall we resist is now?
This would drinke deepe.
'Twould drinke the Cup and all.
But what preuention?
The King is full of grace, and faire regard.
And a true louer of the holy Church.
We are blessed in the Change.
How did this offer seeme receiu'd, my Lord?
What was th' impediment that broke this off?
It is.
Ile wait vpon you, and I long to heare it.
Where is my gracious Lord of Canterbury?
Not here in presence.
Send for him, good Vnckle.
Shall we call in th' Ambassador, my Liege?
May I with right and conscience make this claim?
What Treasure Vncle?
Tennis balles, my Liege.
This was a merry Message.
Well met Corporall Nym.
Good morrow Lieutenant Bardolfe.
What, are Ancient Pistoll and you friends yet?
For my part, I care not: I say little: but when time shall serue, there shall be smiles, but that shall be as it may. I dare not fight, but I will winke and holde out mine yron: it is a simple one, but what though? It will toste Cheese, and it will endure cold, as another mans sword will: and there's an end.
I will bestow a breakfast to make you friendes, and wee'l bee all three sworne brothers to France: Let't be so good Corporall Nym.
Faith, I will liue so long as I may, that's the certaine of it: and when I cannot liue any longer, I will doe as I may: That is my rest, that is the rendeuous of it.
It is certaine Corporall, that he is marryed to Nell Quickly, and certainly she did you wrong, for you were troth-plight to her.
I cannot tell, Things must be as they may: men may sleepe, and they may haue their throats about them at that time, and some say, kniues haue edges: It must be as it may, though patience be a tyred name, yet shee will plodde, there must be Conclusions, well, I cannot tell.
Heere comes Ancient Pistoll and his wife: good Corporall be patient heere. How now mine Hoaste Pistoll?
Base Tyke, cal'st thou mee Hoste, now by this hand I sweare I scorne the terme: nor shall my Nel keep Lodgers.
No by my troth, not long: For we cannot lodge and board a dozen or fourteene Gentlewomen that liue honestly by the pricke of their Needles, but it will bee thought we keepe a Bawdy-house straight. O welliday Lady, if he be not hewne now, we shall see wilful adultery and murther committed.
Good Lieutenant, good Corporal offer nothing heere.
Pish.
Pish for thee, Island dogge: thou prickeard cur of Island.
Good Corporall Nym shew thy valor, and put vp your sword.
Will you shogge off? I would haue you solus.
Solus, egregious dog? O Viper vile; The solus in thy most meruailous face, the solus in thy teeth, and in thy throate, and in thy hatefull Lungs, yea in thy Maw perdy; and which is worse, within thy nastie mouth. I do retort the solus in thy bowels, for I can take, and Pistols cocke is vp, and flashing fire will follow.
I am not Barbason, you cannot coniure mee: I haue an humor to knocke you indifferently well: If you grow fowle with me Pistoll, I will scoure you with my Rapier, as I may, in fayre tearmes. If you would walke off, I would pricke your guts a little in good tearmes, as I may, and that's the humor of it.
Heare me, heare me what I say: Hee that strikes the first stroake, Ile run him vp to the hilts, as I am a soldier.
I will cut thy throate one time or other in faire termes, that is the humor of it.
Couple a gorge, that is the word. I defie thee againe. O hound of Creet, think'st thou my spouse to get? No, to the spittle goe, and from the Poudring tub of infamy, fetch forth the Lazar Kite of Cressids kinde, Doll Teare-sheete, she by name, and her espouse. I haue, and I will hold the Quondam Quickely for the onely shee: and Pauca, there's enough to go to.
Mine Hoast Pistoll, you must come to my Mayster, and your Hostesse: He is very sicke, & would to bed. Good Bardolfe, put thy face betweene his sheets, and do the Office of a Warming-pan: Faith, he's very ill.
Away you Rogue.
By my troth he'l yeeld the Crow a pudding one of these dayes: the King has kild his heart. Good Husband come home presently.
Come, shall I make you two friends. Wee must to France together: why the diuel should we keep kniues to cut one anothers throats?
Let stoods ore-swell, and fiends for food howle on.
You'l pay me the eight shillings I won of you at Betting?
Base is the Slaue that payes.
That now I wil haue: that's the humor of it.
As manhood shal compound: push home.
Sword is an Oath, & Oaths must haue their course
Coporall Nym, & thou wilt be friends be frends, and thou wilt not, why then be enemies with me to: prethee put vp.
A Noble shalt thou haue, and present pay, and Liquor likewise will I giue to thee, and friendshippe shall combyne, and brotherhood. Ile liue by Nymme, & Nymme shall liue by me, is not this iust? For I shal Surler be vnto the Campe, and profits will accrue. Giue mee thy hand.
I shall haue my Noble?
In cash, most iustly payd.
Well, then that the humor of't.
As euer you come of women, come in quickly to sir Iohn: A poore heart, hee is so shak'd of a burning quotidian Tertian, that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him.
The King hath run bad humors on the Knight, that's the euen of it.
Nym, thou hast spoke the right, his heart is fracted and corroborate.
The King is a good King, but it must bee as it may: he passes some humors, and carreeres.
Let vs condole the Knight, for (Lambekins) we will liue.
Fore God his Grace is bold to trust these traitors
They shall be apprehended by and by.
No doubt my Liege, if each man do his best.
O let vs yet be mercifull.
So may your Highnesse, and yet punish too.
So did you me my Liege.
And I my Royall Soueraigne.
To which we all appeale.
'Prythee honey sweet Husband, let me bring thee to Staines.
No: for my manly heart doth erne. Bardolph, be blythe: Nim, rowse thy vaunting Veines: Boy, brissle thy Courage vp: for Falstaffe hee is dead, and wee must erne therefore.
Would I were with him, wheresomere hee is, eyther in Heauen, or in Hell.
Nay sure, hee's not in Hell: hee's in Arthurs Bosome, if euer man went to Arthurs Bosome: a made a finer end, and went away and it had beene any Christome Child: a parted eu'n iust betweene Twelue and One, eu'n at the turning o' th' Tyde: for after I saw him sumble with the Sheets, and play with Flowers, and smile vpon his fingers end, I knew there was but one way: for his Nose was as sharpe as a Pen, and a Table of greene fields. How now Sir Iohn (quoth I?) what man? be a good cheare: so a cryed out, God, God, God, three or foure times: now I, to comfort him, bid him a should not thinke of God; I hop'd there was no neede to trouble himselfe with any such thoughts yet: so a bad me lay more Clothes on his feet: I put my hand into the Bed, and felt them, and they were as cold as any stone: then I felt to his knees, and so vp-peer'd, and vpward, and all was as cold as any stone.
They say he cryed out of Sack.
I, that a did.
And of Women.
Nay, that a did not.
Yes that a did, and said they were Deules incarnate.
A could neuer abide Carnation, 'twas a Colour he neuer lik'd.
A said once, the Deule would haue him about Women.
A did in some sort (indeed) handle Women: but then hee was rumatique, and talk'd of the Whore of Babylon.
Doe you not remember a saw a Flea sticke vpon Bardolphs Nose, and a said it was a blacke Soule burning in Hell.
Well, the fuell is gone that maintain'd that fire: that's all the Riches I got in his seruice.
Shall wee shogg? the King will be gone from Southampton.
Come, let's away. My Loue, giue me thy Lippes: Looke to my Chattels, and my Moueables: Let Sences rule: The world is, Pitch and pay: trust none: for Oathes are Strawes, mens Faiths are Wafer-Cakes, and hold-fast is the onely Dogge: My Ducke, therefore Caueto bee thy Counsailor. Goe, cleare thy Chrystalls. Yoke-fellowes in Armes, let vs to France, like Horse-leeches [Page 76] my Boyes, to sucke, to sucke, the very blood to sucke.
And that's but vnwholesome food, they say.
Touch her soft mouth, and march.
Farwell Hostesse.
I cannot kisse, that is the humor of it: but adieu.
Let Huswiferie appeare: keepe close, I thee command.
Farwell: adieu.
From our Brother of England?
Or else what followes?
To morrow shall you know our mind at full.
Actus Secundus.
On, on, on, on, on, to the breach, to the breach.
'Pray thee Corporall stay, the Knocks are too hot: and for mine owne part, I haue not a Case of Liues: the humor of it is too hot, that is the very plaine-Song of it.
The plaine-Song is most iust: for humors doe abound: Knocks goe and come: Gods Vassals drop and dye: and Sword and Shield, in bloody Field, doth winne immortall fame.
Would I were in an Ale-house in London, I would giue all my fame for a Pot of Ale, and safetie.
And I: If wishes would preuayle with me, my purpose should not fayle with me; but thither would I high.
As duly, but not as truly, as Bird doth sing on bough.
Vp to the breach, you Dogges; auaunt you Cullions.
Be mercifull great Duke to men of Mould: abate thy Rage, abate thy manly Rage; abate thy Rage, great Duke. Good Bawcock bate thy Rage: vse lenitie sweet Chuck.
These be good humors: your Honor wins bad humors.
As young as I am, I haue obseru'd these three Swashers: I am Boy to them all three, but all they three, though they would serue me, could not be Man to me; for indeed three such Antiques doe not amount to a man: for Bardolph, hee is white-liuer'd, and red-fac'd; by the meanes whereof, a faces it out, but fights not: for Pistoll, hee hath a killing Tongue, and a quiet Sword; by the meanes whereof, a breakes Words, and keepes whole Weapons: for Nim, hee hath heard, that men of few Words are the best men, and therefore hee scornes to say his Prayers, lest a should be thought a Coward: but his few bad Words are matcht with as few good Deeds; for a neuer broke any mans Head but his owne, and that was against a Post, when he was drunke. They will steale any thing, and call it Purchase. Bardolph stole a Lute-case, bore it twelue Leagues, and sold it for three halfepence. Nim and Bardolph are sworne Brothers in filching: and in Callice they stole a fire-shouell. I knew by that peece of Seruice, the men would carry Coales. They would haue me as familiar with mens Pockets, as their Gloues or their Hand-kerchers: which makes much against my Manhood, if I should take from anothers Pocket, to put into mine; for it is plaine pocketting vp of Wrongs. I must leaue them, and seeke some better Seruice: their Villany goes against my weake stomacke, and therefore I must cast it vp.
Captaine Fluellen, you must come presently to the Mynes; the Duke of Gloucester would speake with you.
To the Mynes? Tell you the Duke, it is not so good to come to the Mynes: for looke you, the Mynes is not according to the disciplines of the Warre; the concauities of it is not sufficient: for looke you, th' athuersarie, you may discusse vnto the Duke, looke you, is digt himselfe foure yard vnder the Countermines: by Cheshu, I thinke a will plowe vp all, if there is not better directions.
The Duke of Gloucester, to whom the Order of the Siege is giuen, is altogether directed by an Irish man, a very valiant Gentleman yfaith.
It is Captaine Makmorrice, is it not?
I thinke it be.
By Cheshu he is an Asse, as in the World, I will verifie as much in his Beard: he ha's no more directions in the true disciplines of the Warres, looke you, of the Roman disciplines, then is a Puppy-dog.
Here a comes, and the Scots Captaine, Captaine Iamy, with him.
Captaine Iamy is a maruellous falorous Gentleman, that is certain, and of great expedition and knowledge in th' aunchiant Warres, vpon my particular knowledge of his directions: by Cheshu he will maintaine his Argument as well as any Militarie man in the World, in the disciplines of the Pristine Warres of the Romans.
I say gudday, Captaine Fluellen.
Godden to your Worship, good Captaine Iames.
How now Captaine Mackmorrice, haue you quit the Mynes? haue the Pioners giuen o're?
By Chrish Law tish ill done: the Worke ish giue ouer, the Trompet sound the Retreat. By my Hand I sweare, and my fathers Soule, the Worke ish ill done: it ish giue ouer: I would haue blowed vp the Towne, so Chrish saue me law, in an houre. O tish ill done, tish ill done: by my Hand tish ill done.
Captaine Mackmorrice, I beseech you now, will you voutsafe me, looke you, a few disputations with you, as partly touching or concerning the disciplines of the Warre, the Roman Warres, in the way of Argument, looke you, and friendly communication: partly to satisfie my Opinion, and partly for the satisfaction, looke you, of my Mind: as touching the direction of the Militarie discipline, that is the Point.
It fall be vary gud, gud feith, gud Captens bath, and I fall quit you with gud leue, as I may pick occasion: that fall I mary.
It is no time to discourse, so Chrish saue me: the day is hot, and the Weather, and the Warres, and the King, and the Dukes: it is no time to discourse, the Town is beseech'd: and the Trumpet call vs to the breech, and we talke, and be Chrish do nothing, tis shame for vs all: so God sa'me tis shame to stand still, it is shame by my hand: and there is Throats to be cut, and Workes to be done, and there ish nothing done, so Christ sa'me law.
By the Mes, ere theise eyes of mine take themselues to slomber, ayle de gud seruice, or Ile ligge i' th' grund for it; ay, or goe to death: and Ile pay't as valorously as I may, that fal I suerly do, that is the breff and the long: mary, I wad full faine heard some question tween you tway.
Captaine Mackmorrice, I thinke, looke you, vnder your correction, there is not many of your Nation.
Of my Nation? What ish my Nation? Ish a Villaine, and a Basterd, and a Knaue, and a Rascall. What ish my Nation? Who talkes of my Nation?
Looke you, if you take the matter otherwise then is meant, Captaine Mackmorrice, peraduenture I shall thinke you doe not vse me with that affabilitie, as in discretion you ought to vse me, looke you, being as good a man as your selfe, both in the disciplines of Warre, and in the deriuation of my Birth, and in other particularities.
I doe not know you so good a man as my selfe: so Chrish saue me, I will cut off your Head.
Gentlemen both, you will mistake each other.
A, that's a foule fault.
The Towne sounds a Parley.
Captaine Mackmorrice, when there is more better oportunitie to be required, looke you, I will be so bold as to tell you, I know the disciplines of Warre: and there is an end.
Alice, tu as este en Augleterre, & tu bien parlas le Language.
En peu Madame.
Ie te prie m'ensigniez, il faut que ie apprend a parlen: Comient appelle vous le main en Anglois?
Le main il & appelle de Hand.
De Hand.
Ele doyts.
Le doyts, ma foy Ie oublie, e doyt mays, ie me souemeray le doyts ie pense qu'ils ont appelle de fingres, on de fingres.
Le main de Hand, le doyts le Fingres, ie pense que ie suis, le bon escholier.
I' ay gaynie diux mots d' Anglois vistement, coment appelle vous le ongles?
Le ongles, les appellons de Nayles.
De Nayles escoute: dites moy, si ie parle bien: de Hand, de Fingres, e de Nayles.
Cest bien dict Madame, il & fort bon Anglois.
Dites moy l' Anglois pour le bras.
De Arme, Madame.
E de coudee.
D' Elbow.
D' Elbow: Ie men fay le repiticio de touts les mots que vous maves, apprins des a present.
Il & trop difficile Madame, comme Ie pense.
Excuse moy Alice escoute, d' Hand, de Fingre, de Nayles, d' Arma, de Bilbow.
D' Elbow, Madame.
O Seigneur Dieu, ie men oublie d' Elbow, coment appelle vous le col.
De Nick, Madame.
De Nick, e le menton.
De Chin.
De Sin: le col de Nick, le menton de Sin.
Ouy. Sauf vostre honneur en verite vous pronouncies les mots ausi droict, que le Natifs d' Angleterre.
Ie ne doute point d' apprendre par de grace de Dieu, & en peu de temps.
N' aue vos y desia oublie ce que ie vous a enfignie.
Nome ie recitera a vous promptement, d' Hand, de Fingre, de Maylees.
De Nayles, Madame.
De Nayles, de Arme, de Ilbow.
Sans vostre honeus d' Elbow.
Ainsi de ie d' Elbow, de Nick, & de Sin: coment appelle vous les pied & de roba.
Le Foot Madame, & le Count.
Le Foot, & le Count: O Seignieur Dieu, il sont le mots de son mauvais corruptible grosse & impudique, & non pour lo Dames de Honeur d' vser: le ne voudray pronouncer ce mots deuant le Seigneurs de France, pour toute le monde, fo le Foot & le Count, neant moys, Ie recitera vn autrefoys ma lecon ensembe, d' Hand, de Fingre, de Nayles, d' Arme, d' Elbow, de Nick, de Sin, de Foot, le Count.
Excellent, Madame.
C' est asses pour vne foyes, alons nous a diner.
'Tis certaine he hath past the Riuer Some.
How now Captaine Fluellen, come you from the Bridge?
I assure you, there is very excellent Seruices committed at the Bridge.
Is the Duke of Exeter safe?
The Duke of Exeter is as magnanimous as Agamemnon, and a man that I loue and honour with my soule, and my heart, and my dutie, and my liue, and my liuing, and my vttermost power. He is not, God be praysed and blessed, any hurt in the World, but keepes the Bridge most valiantly, with excellent discipline. There is an aunchient Lieutenant there at the Pridge, I thinke in my very conscience hee is as valiant a man as Marke Anthony, and hee is a man of no estimation in the World, but I did see him doe as gallant seruice.
What doe you call him?
Hee is call'd aunchient Pistoll.
I know him not.
Here is the man.
Captaine, I thee beseech to doe me fauours: the Duke of Exeter doth loue thee well.
I, I prayse God, and I haue merited some loue at his hands.
Bardolph, a Souldier firme and sound of heart, and of buxome valour, hath by cruell Fate, and giddie Fortunes furious fickle Wheele, that Goddesse blind, that stands vpon the rolling restlesse Stone.
By your patience, aunchient Pistoll: Fortune is painted blinde, with a Muffler afore his eyes, to signifie to you, that Fortune is blinde; and shee is painted also with a Wheele, to signifie to you, which is the Morall of it, that shee is turning and inconstant, and mutabilitie, and variation: and her foot, looke you, is fixed vpon a Sphericall Stone, which rowles, and rowles, and rowles: in good truth, the Poet makes a most excellent description of it: Fortune is an excellent Morall.
Fortune is Bardolphs foe, and frownes on him: for he hath stolne a Pax, and hanged must a be: a damned death: let Gallowes gape for Dogge, let Man goe free, and let not Hempe his Wind-pipe suffocate: but Exeter hath giuen the doome of death, for Pax of little price. Therefore goe speake, the Duke will heare thy voyce; and let not Bardolphs vitall thred bee cut with edge of Penny-Cord, and vile reproach. Speake Captaine for his Life, and I will thee requite.
Aunchient Pistoll, I doe partly vnderstand your meaning.
Why then reioyce therefore.
Certainly Aunchient, it is not a thing to reioyce at: for if, looke you, he were my Brother, I would desire the Duke to vse his good pleasure, and put him to execution; for discipline ought to be vsed.
Dye, and be dam'd, and Figo for thy friendship.
It is well.
The Figge of Spaine.
Very good.
Why, this is an arrant counterfeit Rascall, I remember him now: a Bawd, a Cut-purse.
Ile assure you, a vtt'red as praue words at the Pridge, as you shall see in a Summers day: but it is very well: what he ha's spoke to me, that is well I warrant you, when time is serue.
Why 'tis a Gull, a Foole, a Rogue, that now and then goes to the Warres, to grace himselfe at his returne into London, vnder the forme of a Souldier: and such fellowes are perfit in the Great Commanders Names, and they will learne you by rote where Seruices were done; at such and such a Sconce, at such a Breach, at such a Conuoy: who came off brauely, who was shot, who disgrac'd, what termes the Enemy stood on: and this they conne perfitly in the phrase of Warre; which they tricke [Page 81] vp with new-tuned Oathes: and what a Beard of the Generalls Cut, and a horride Sute of the Campe, will doe among foming Bottles, and Ale-washt Wits, is wonderfull to be thought on: but you must learne to know such slanders of the age, or else you may be maruellously mistooke.
I tell you what, Captaine Gower: I doe perceiue hee is not the man that hee would gladly make shew to the World hee is: if I finde a hole in his Coat, I will tell him my minde: hearke you the King is comming, and I must speake with him from the Pridge.
God plesse your Maiestie.
How now Fluellen, cam'st thou from the Bridge?
I, so please your Maiestie: The Duke of Exeter ha's very gallantly maintain'd the Pridge; the French is gone off, looke you, and there is gallant and most praue passages: marry, th' athuersarie was haue possession of the Pridge, but he is enforced to retyre, and the Duke of Exeter is Master of the Pridge: I can tell your Maiestie, the Duke is a praue man.
What men haue you lost, Fluellen?
The perdition of th' athuersarie hath beene very great, reasonnable great: marry for my part, I thinke the Duke hath lost neuer a man, but one that is like to be executed for robbing a Church, one Bardolph, if your Maiestie know the man: his face is all bubukles and whelkes, and knobs, and flames a fire, and his lippes blowes at his nose, and it is like a coale of fire, sometimes plew, and sometimes red, but his nose is executed, and his fire's out.
Wee would haue all such offendors so cut off: and we giue expresse charge, that in our Marches through the Countrey, there be nothing compell'd from the Villages; nothing taken, but pay'd for: none of the French vpbrayded or abused in disdainefull Language; for when Leuitie and Crueltie play for a Kingdome, the gentler Gamester is the soonest winner.
You know me by my habit.
Well then, I know thee: what shall I know of thee?
My Masters mind.
Vnfold it.
Thus sayes my King: Say thou to Harry of England, Though we seem'd dead, we did but sleepe: Aduantage is a better Souldier then rashnesse. Tell him, wee could haue rebuk'd him at Harflewe, but that wee thought not good to bruise an iniurie, till it were full ripe. Now wee speake vpon our Q. and our voyce is imperiall: England shall repent his folly, see his weakenesse, and admire our sufferance. Bid him therefore consider of his ransome, which must proportion the losses we haue borne, the subiects we haue lost, the disgrace we haue digested; which in weight to re-answer, his pettinesse would bow vnder. For our losses, his Exchequer is too poore; for th' effusion of our bloud, the Muster of his Kingdome too faint a number; and for our disgrace, his owne person kneeling at our feet, but a weake and worthlesse satisfaction. To this adde defiance: and tell him for conclusion, he hath betrayed his followers, whose condemnation is pronounc't: So farre my King and Master; so much my Office.
What is thy name? I know thy qualitie.
Mountioy.
I shall deliuer so: Thankes to your Highnesse.
I hope they will not come vpon vs now.
Tut, I haue the best Armour of the World: would it were day.
You haue an excellent Armour; but let my Horse haue his due.
It is the best Horse of Europe.
Will it neuer be Morning?
My Lord of Orleance, and my Lord High Constable, you talke of Horse and Armour?
You are as well prouided of both, as any Prince in the World.
What a long Night is this? I will not change my Horse with any that treades but on foure postures: ch' ha: he bounds from the Earth, as if his entrayles were hayres: le Cheual volante, the Pegasus, ches les na [...]nes de feu. When I bestryde him, I soare, I am a Hawke: he trots the ayre: the Earth sings, when he touches it: the basest horne of his hoose, is more Musicall then the Pipe of Hermes.
Hee's of the colour of the Nutmeg.
And of the heat of the Ginger. It is a Beast for Perseus: hee is pure Ayre and Fire; and the dull Elements of Earth and Water neuer appeare in him, but only in patient stillnesse while his Rider mo [...]nts him: hee is indeede a Horse, and all other Iades you may call Beasts.
Indeed my Lord, it is a most absolute and excellent Horse.
It is the Prince of Palfrayes, his Neigh is like the bidding of a Monarch, and his countenance enforces Homage.
No more Cousin.
Nay, the man hath no wit, that cannot from the rising of the Larke to the lodging of the Lambe, varie deserued prayse on my Palsray: it is a Theame as fluent as the Sea: Turne the Sands into eloquent tongues, and my Horse is argument for them all: 'tis a subiect for a Soueraigne to reason on, and for a Soueraignes Soueraigne to ride on: And for the World, familiar to vs, and vnknowne, to lay apart their particular Functions, and wonder at him, I once writ a Sonnet in his prayse, and began thus, Wonder of Nature.
I haue heard a Sonnet begin so to ones Mistresse.
Then did they imitate that which I compos'd to my Courser, for my Horse is my Mistresse.
Your Mistresse beares well.
Me well, which is the prescript prayse and perfection of a good and particular Mistresse.
Nay, for me thought yesterday your Mistresse shrewdly shooke your back.
So perhaps did yours.
Mine was not bridled.
O then belike she was old and gentle, and you rode like a Kerne of Ireland, your French Hose off, and in your strait Strossers.
You haue good iudgement in Horsemanship.
Be warn'd by me then: they that ride so, and ride not warily, fall into foule Boggs: I had rather haue my Horse to my Mistresse.
I had as liue haue my Mistresse a Iade.
I tell thee Constable, my Mistresse weares his owne hayre.
I could make as true a boast as that, if I had a Sow to my Mistresse.
Le chien est retourne a son propre vemissement est la leuye lauee au bourbier: thou mak'st vse of any thing.
Yet doe I not vse my Horse for my Mistresse, or any such Prouerbe, so little kin to the purpose.
My Lord Constable, the Armour that I saw in your Tent to night, are those Starres or Sunnes vpon it?
Starres my Lord.
Some of them will fall to morrow, I hope.
And yet my Sky shall not want.
That may be, for you beare a many superfluously, and 'twere more honor some were away.
Eu'n as your Horse beares your prayses, who would trot as well, were some of your bragges dismounted.
Would I were able to loade him with his desert. Will it neuer be day? I will trot to morrow a mile, and my way shall be paued with English Faces.
I will not say so, for feare I should be fac't out of my way: but I would it were morning, for I would faine be about the eares of the English.
Who will goe to Hazard with me for twentie Prisoners?
You must first goe your selfe to hazard, ere you haue them.
'Tis Mid-night, Ile goe arme my selfe.
The Dolphin longs for morning.
He longs to eate the English.
I thinke he will eate all he kills.
By the white Hand of my Lady, hee's a gallant Prince.
Sweare by her Foot, that she may tread out the Oath.
He is simply the most actiue Gentleman of France.
Doing is actiuitie, and he will still be doing.
He neuer did harme, that I heard of.
Nor will doe none to morrow: hee will keepe that good name still.
I know him to be valiant.
I was told that, by one that knowes him better then you.
What's hee?
Marry hee told me so himselfe, and hee sayd hee car'd not who knew it.
Hee needes not, it is no hidden vertue in him.
By my faith Sir, but it is: neuer any body saw it, but his Lacquey: 'tis a hooded valour, and when it appeares, it will bate.
Ill will neuer sayd well.
I will cap that Prouerbe with, There is flatterie in friendship.
And I will take vp that with, Giue the Deuill his due.
Well plac't: there stands your friend for the Deuill: haue at the very eye of that Prouerbe with, A Pox of the Deuill.
You are the better at Prouerbs, by how much a Fooles Bolt is soone shot.
You haue shot ouer.
'Tis not the first time you were ouer-shot.
My Lord high Constable, the English lye within fifteene hundred paces of your Tents.
Who hath measur'd the ground?
The Lord Grandpree.
A valiant and most expert Gentleman. Would it were day? Alas poore Harry of England: hee longs not for the Dawning, as wee doe.
What a wretched and peeuish fellow is this King of England, to mope with his fat-brain'd followers so farre out of his knowledge.
If the English had any apprehension, they would runne away.
That they lack: for if their heads had any intellectuall Armour, they could neuer weare such heauie Head-pieces.
That Iland of England breedes very valiant Creatures; their Mastiffes are of vnmatchable courage.
Foolish Curres, that runne winking into the mouth of a Russian Beare, and haue their heads crusht like rotten Apples: you may as well say, that's a valiant Flea, that dare eate his breakefast on the Lippe of a Lyon.
Iust, iust: and the men doe sympathize with the Mastiffes, in robustious and rough comming on, leauing their Wits with their Wiues: and then giue them great Meales of Beefe, and Iron and Steele; they will eate like Wolues, and fight like Deuils.
I, but these English are shrowdly out of Beefe.
Then shall we finde to morrow, they haue only stomackes to eate, and none to fight. Now is it time to arme: come, shall we about it?
Actus Tertius.
We shall, my Liege.
Shall I attend your Grace?
The Lord in Heauen blesse thee, Noble Harry.
God a mercy old Heart, thou speak'st chearefully.
Che vous la?
A friend.
Discusse vnto me, art thou Officer, or art thou base, common, and popular?
I am a Gentleman of a Company.
Trayl'st thou the puissant Pyke?
Euen so: what are you?
As good a Gentleman as the Emperor.
Then you are a better then the King.
The King's a Bawcock, and a Heart of Gold, a Lad of Life, an Impe of Fame, of Parents good, of Fist most valiant: I kisse his durtie shooe, and from heartstring I loue the louely Bully. What is thy Name?
Harry le Roy.
Le Roy? a Cornish Name: art thou of Cornish Crew?
No, I am a Welchman.
Know'st thou Fluellen?
Yes.
Tell him Ile knock his Leeke about his Pate vpon S. Dauies day.
Doe not you weare your Dagger in your Cappe that day, least he knock that about yours.
Art thou his friend?
And his Kinsman too.
The Figo for thee then.
I thanke you: God be with you.
My name is Pistol call'd.
It sorts well with your fiercenesse.
Captaine Fluellen.
'So, in the Name of Iesu Christ, speake fewer: it is the greatest admiration in the vniuersall World, when the true and aunchient Prerogatifes and Lawes of the Warres is not kept: if you would take the paines but to examine the Warres of Pompey the Great, you shall finde, I warrant you, that there is no tiddle tadle nor pibble bable in Pompeyes Campe: I warrant you, you shall finde the Ceremonies of the Warres, and the Cares of it, and the Formes of it, and the Sobrietie of it, and the Modestie of it, to be otherwise.
Why the Enemie is lowd, you heare him all Night.
If the Enemie is an Asse and a Foole, and a prating Coxcombe; is it meet, thinke you, that wee should also, looke you, be an Asse and a Foole, and a prating Coxcombe, in your owne conscience now?
I will speake lower.
I pray you, and beseech you, that you will.
Brother Iohn Bates, is not that the Morning which breakes yonder?
I thinke it be: but wee haue no great cause to desire the approach of day.
Wee see yonder the beginning of the day, but I thinke wee shall neuer see the end of it. Who goes there?
A Friend.
Vnder what Captaine serue you?
Vnder Sir Iohn Erpingham.
A good old Commander, and a most kinde Gentleman: I pray you▪ what thinkes he of our estate?
Euen as men wrackt vpon a Sand, that looke to be washt off the next Tyde.
He hath not told his thought to the King?
No: nor it is not meet he should: for though I speake it to you, I thinke the King is but a man, as I am: the Violet smells to him, as it doth to me; the Element shewes to him, as it doth to me; all his Sences haue but humane Conditions: his Ceremonies layd by, in his Nakednesse he appeares but a man; and though his affections are higher mounted then ours, yet when they stoupe, they stoupe with the like wing: therefore, when he sees reason of feares, as we doe; his feares, out of doubt, be of the same rellish as ours are: yet in reason, no man should possesse him with any appearance of feare; least hee, by shewing it, should dis-hearten his Army.
He may shew what outward courage he will: but I beleeue, as cold a Night as 'tis, hee could wish himselfe in Thames vp to the Neck; and so I would he were, and I by him, at all aduentures, so we were quit here.
By my troth, I will speake my conscience of the King: I thinke hee would not wish himselfe any where, but where hee is.
Then I would he were here alone; so should he be sure to be ransomed, and a many poore mens liues saued.
I dare say, you loue him not so ill, to wish him here alone: howsoeuer you speake this to feele other mens minds, me thinks I could not dye any where so contented, as in the Kings company; his Cause being iust, and his Quarrell honorable.
That's more then we know.
I, or more then wee should seeke after; for wee know enough, if wee know wee are the Kings Subiects: if his Cause be wrong, our obedience to the King wipes the Cryme of it out of vs.
But if the Cause be not good, the King himselfe hath a heauie Reckoning to make, when all those Legges, and Armes, and Heads, chopt off in a Battaile, shall ioyne together at the latter day, and cry all, Wee dyed at such a place, some swearing, some crying for a Surgean; some vpon their Wiues, left poore behind them; some vpon the Debts they owe, some vpon their Children rawly left: I am afear'd, there are few dye well, that dye in a Battaile: for how can they charitably dispose of any thing, when Blood is their argument? Now, if these men doe not dye well, it will be a black matter for the King, that led them to it; who to disobey, were against all proportion of subiection.
So, if a Sonne that is by his Father sent about Merchandize, doe sinfully miscarry vpon the Sea; the imputation of his wickednesse, by your rule, should be imposed vpon his Father that sent him: or if a Seruant, vnder his Masters command, transporting a summe of Money, be assayled by Robbers, and dye in many irreconcil'd Iniquities; you may call the businesse of the Master the author of the Seruants damnation: but this is not so: The King is not bound to answer the particular endings of his Souldiers, the Father of his Sonne, nor the Master of his Seruant; for they purpose not their death, when they purpose their seruices. Besides, there is no King, be his Cause neuer so spotlesse, if it come to the arbitrement of Swords, can trye it out with all vnspotted Souldiers: some (peraduenture) haue on them the guilt of premeditated and contriued-Murther; some, of beguiling Virgins with the broken Seales of Periurie; some, making the Warres their Bulwarke, that haue before gored the gentle Bosome of Peace with Pillage and Robberie. Now, if these men haue defeated the Law, and outrunne Natiue punishment; though they can out-strip men, they haue no wings to flye from God. Warre is his Beadle, Warre is his Vengeance: so that here men are punisht, for before breach of the Kings Lawes▪ in now the Kings Quarrell: where they feared the death, they haue borne life away; and where they would bee safe, they perish. Then if they dye vnprouided, no more is the King guiltie of their damnation, then hee was before guiltie of those Impieties, for the which they are now visited. Euery Subiects Dutie is the Kings, but euery Subiects Soule is his owne. Therefore should euery Souldier in the Warres doe as euery sicke man in his Bed, wash euery Moth out of his Conscience: and dying so, Death is to him aduantage; or not dying, the time was blessedly lost, wherein such preparation was gayned: and in him that escapes, it were not sinne to thinke, that making God so free an offer, he let him outliue that day, to see his Greatnesse, and to teach others how they should prepare.
'Tis certaine, euery man that dyes ill, the ill vpon his owne head, the King is not to answer it.
I doe not desire hee should answer for me, and yet I determine to fight lustily for him.
I my selfe heard the King say he would not be ransom'd.
I, hee said so, to make vs fight chearefully: but when our throats are cut, hee may be ransom'd, and wee ne're the wiser.
If I liue to see it, I will neuer trust his word after.
You pay him then: that's a perillous shot out of an Elder Gunne, that a poore and a priuate displeasure can doe against a Monarch: you may as well goe about to turne the Sunne to yee, with fanning in his face with a Peacocks feather: You'le neuer trust his word after; come, 'tis a foolish saying.
Your reproofe is something too round, I should be angry with you, if the time were conuenient.
Let it bee a Quarrell betweene vs, if you liue.
I embrace it.
How shall I know thee againe?
Giue me any Gage of thine, and I will weare it in my Bonnet: Then if euer thou dar'st acknowledge it, I will make it my Quarrell.
Heere's my Gloue: Giue mee another of thine.
There.
This will I also weare in my Cap: if euer thou come to me, and say, after to morrow, This is my Gloue, by this Hand I will take thee a box on the eare.
If euer I liue to see it, I will challenge it.
Thou dar'st as well be hang'd.
Well, I will doe it, though I take thee in the Kings companie.
Keepe thy word: fare thee well.
Be friends you English fooles, be friends, wee haue French Quarrels enow, if you could tell how to reckon.
Indeede the French may lay twentie French Crownes to one, they will beat vs, for they beare them on their shoulders: but it is no English Treason to cut French Crownes, and to morrow the King himselfe will be a Clipper.
I shall doo't, my Lord.
My Liege.
The Sunne doth gild our Armour vp, my Lords.
Monte Cheual: My Horse, Ʋerlot Lacquay: Ha.
Oh braue Spirit.
Viales swes & terre.
Rien puis le air & f [...].
Hearke how our Steedes, for present Seruice neigh.
The English are embattail'd, you French Peeres.
Where is the King?
The King himselfe is rode to view their Battaile.
Of fighting men they haue full threescore thousand.
There's fiue to one, besides they all are fresh.
Farwell kind Lord: fight valiantly to day.
All things are ready, if our minds be so.
Perish the man, whose mind is backward now.
Thou do'st not wish more helpe from England, Couze?
Who hath sent thee now?
The Constable of France.
I feare thou wilt once more come againe for a Ransome.
My Lord, most humbly on my knee I begge The leading of the Vaward.
Yeeld Curre.
Ie pense que vous estes le Gentilhome de bon qualitee.
Qualtitie calmie cuslure me. Art thou a Gentleman? What is thy Name? discusse.
O Seigneur Dieu.
O Signieur Dewe should be a Gentleman: perpend my words O Signieur Dewe, and marke: O Signieur Dewe, thou dyest on point of Fox, except O Signieur thou doe giue to me egregious Ransome.
O prennes miserecordie aye pitez de moy.
Moy shall not serue, I will haue fortie Moyes: for I will fetch thy rymme out at thy Throat, in droppes of Crimson blood.
Est il impossible d'eschapper le force de ton bras.
Brasse▪ Curre? thou damned and luxurious Mountaine Goat, offer'st me Brasse?
O perdonne moy.
Say'st thou me so? is that a Tonne of Moyes? Come hither boy, aske me this slaue in French what is his Name.
Escoute comment estes vous appelle?
Mounsieur le Fer.
He sayes his Name is M. Fer.
M. Fer: Ile fer him, and firke him, and ferret him: discusse the same in French vnto him.
I doe not know the French for fer, and ferret, and firke.
Bid him prepare, for I will cut his throat.
Que dit il Mounsieur?
Il me commande a vous dire que vous faite vous prost, car ce soldat icy est disposee tout asture de couppes vostre gorge.
Owy, cuppele gorge permafoy pesant, vnlesse thou giue me Crownes, braue Crownes▪ or mangled shalt thou be by this my Sword.
O Ie vous supplie pour l'amour de Dieu: ma pardonner, Ie suis le Gentilhome de bon maison, garde ma vie, & Ie vous donneray deux cent escus.
What are his words?
He prayes you to saue his life, he is a Gentleman of a good house, and for his ransom he will giue you two hundred Crownes.
Tell him my fury shall abate, and I the Crownes will take.
Petit Monsieur que dit il?
Encore qu il et contra son Iurement, de pardonner aucune prisonner: neant-mon [...] pour les escues que vous layt a promets, il est content a vous donnes lo liberie le franchisement.
Sur mes genoux se vous donnes milles remercious, et Ie me estime heurex que Ie intombe, entre les main. d'vn Cheualier Ie peuse le plus brane valiant et tres distinie signieur d' Anglererre.
Expound vnto me boy.
He giues you vpon his knees a thousand thanks, and he esteemes himselfe happy, that he hath falne into the hands of one (as he thinker) the most braue, valorous and thrice-worthy signeur of England.
As I sucke blood, I will some mercy shew. Follow mee.
Saaue vous lo grand Capitaine? I did neuer know so full a voyce issue from so emptie a heart: but the saying is true. The empty vessel makes the greatest sound, Bardolse and Nym had tenne times more valour, then this roaring diuell i' th olde play, that euerie one may payre his nayles with a woodden dagger, and they are both hang'd, and so would this be, if hee durst steale any thing adueuturously. I must stay with the Lackies with the luggage of our camp, the French might haue a good pray of vs, if he knew of it, for there is none to guard it but boyes.
O Diable.
O signeur le iour et perdia, toute et perdie.
Why all our rankes are broke.
Is this the King we sent too, for his ransome?
The D. of York commends him to your Maiesty
Actus Quartus.
Kill the poyes and the luggage, 'Tis expressely against the Law of Armes, tis as arrant a peece of knauery marke you now, as can bee offert in your Conscience now, is it not?
Tis certaine, there's not a boy left aliue, and the Cowardly Rascalls that ranne from the battaile ha' done this slaughter: besides they haue burned and carried away all that was in the Kings Tent, wherefore the King most worthily hath caus'd euery soldiour to cut his prisoners throat. O 'tis a gallant King.
Alexander the Great.
Why I pray you, is not pig, great? The pig, or the great, or the mighty, or the huge, or the magnanimous, are all one reckonings, saue the phrase is a litle variations.
I thinke Alexander the Great was borne in Macedon, his Father was called Phillip of Macedon, as I take it.
I thinke it is in Macedon where Alexander is [Page 89] porne: I tell you Captaine, if you looke in the Maps of the Orld, I warrant you sall finde in the comparisons betweene Macedon & Monmouth, that the situations looke you, is both alike. There is a Riuer in Macedon, & there is also moreouer a Riuer at Monmouth, it is call'd Wye at Monmouth: but it is out of my praines, what is the name of the other Riuer: but 'tis all one, tis alike as my fingers is to my fingers, and there is Salmons in both. If you marke Alexanders life well, Harry of Monmouthes life is come after it indifferent well, for there is figures in all things. Alexander God knowes, and you know, in his rages, and his furies, and his wraths, and his chollers, and his moodes, and his displeasures, and his indignations, and also being a little intoxicates in his praines, did in his Ales and his angers (looke you) kill his best friend Clytus.
Our King is not like him in that, he neuer kill'd any of his friends.
It is not well done (marke you now) to take the tales out of my mouth, ere it is made and finished. I speak but in the figures, and comparisons of it: as Alexander kild his friend Clytus, being in his Ales and his Cuppes; so also Harry Monmouth being in his right wittes, and his good iudgements, turn'd away the fat Knight with the great belly doublet: he was full of iests, and gypes, and knaueries, and mockes, I haue forgot his name.
Sir Iohn Falstaffe.
That is he: Ile tell you, there is good men porne at Monmouth.
Heere comes his Maiesty.
Here comes the Herald of the French, my Liege
His eyes are humbler then they vs'd to be.
The day is yours.
They call it Agincourt.
Your Grandfather of famous memory (an't please your Maiesty) and your great Vncle Edward the Placke Prince of Wales, as I haue read in the Chronicles, fought a most praue pattle here in France.
They did Fluellen.
Your Maiesty sayes very true: If your Maiesties is remembred of it, the Welchmen did good seruice in a Garden where Leekes did grow, wearing Leekes in their Monmouth caps, which your Maiesty know to this houre is an honourable badge of the seruice: And I do beleeue your Maiesty takes no scorne to weare the Leeke vppon S. Tau [...]es day.
All the water in Wye, cannot wash your Maiesties Welsh plood out of your pody, I can tell you that: God plesse it, and preserue it; as long as it pleases his Grace, and his Maiesty too.
Thankes good my Countrymen.
By leshu, I am your Maiesties Countreyman, I care not who know it: I will confesse it to all the Orld, I need not to be ashamed of your Maiesty, praised be God so long as your Maiesty is an honest man.
Souldier, you must come to the King.
Souldier, why wear'st thou that Gloue in thy Cappe?
And't please your Maiesty, tis the gage of one that I should fight withall, if he be aliue.
An Englishman?
And't please your Maiesty, a Rascall that swagge [...]'d with me last night: who if aliue, and euer dare to challenge this Gloue, I haue sworne to take him a boxe a' th ere: or if I can see my Gloue in his cappe, which he swore as he was a Souldier he would weare (if aliue) I wil strike it out soundly.
What thinke you Captaine Fluellen, is it fit this souldier keepe his oath.
Hee is a Crauen and a Villaine else, and't please your Maiesty in my conscience.
It may bee, his enemy is a Gentleman of great sort quite from the answer of his degree.
Though he be as good a Ientleman as the diuel is, as Lucifer and Belzebub himselfe, it is necessary (looke your Grace) that he keepe his vow and his oath: If hee bee periur'd (see you now) his reputation is as arrant a villaine and a lacke sawce, as euer his blacke shoo trodd vpon Gods ground, and his earth, in my conscience law
Then keepe thy vow sirrah, when thou meet'st the fellow.
So, I wil my Liege, as I liue.
Who seru'st thou vnder?
Vnder Captaine Gower, my Liege.
Gower is a good Captaine, and is good knowledge and literatured in the Warres.
Call him hither to me, Souldier.
I will my Liege.
Here Fluellen, weare thou this fauour for me, and sticke it in thy Cappe: when Alanson and my selfe were downe together, I plackt this Gloue from his Helme: If any man challenge this, hee is a friend to Alanson, and an enemy to our Person; if thou encounter any such, apprehend him, and thou do'st me loue.
Your Grace doo's me as great Honors as can be desir'd in the hearts of his Subiects: I would faine see the man, that ha's but two legges, that shall find himselfe agreesd at this Gloue; that is all: but I would faine see it once, and please God of his grace that I might see.
Know'st thou Gower?
He is my deare friend, and please you.
Pray thee goe seeke him, and bring him to my Tent.
I will fetch him.
I warrant it is to Knight you, Captaine.
Gods will, and his pleasure, Captaine, I beseech you now, come apace to the King: there is more good toward you peraduenture, then is in your knowledge to dreame of.
Sir, know you this Gloue?
Know the Gloue? I know the Gloue is a Gloue.
I know this, and thus I challenge it.
'Sbl [...]d, an arrant Traytor as anyes in the Vniuersall World, or in France, or in England.
How now Sir? you Villaine.
Doe you thinke Ile be forsworne?
Stand away Captaine Gower, I will giue Treason his payment into plowes, I warrant you.
I am no Traytor.
That's a Lye in thy Throat. I charge you in his Maiesties Name apprehend him, he's a friend of the Duke Alansons.
How now, how now, what's the matter?
My Lord of Warwick, heere is, praysed be God for it, a most contagious Treason come to light, looke you, as you shall desire in a Summers day. Heere is his Maiestie.
How now, what's the matter?
My Liege, heere is a Villaine, and a Traytor, that looke your Grace, ha's strooke the Gloue which your Maiestie is take out of the Helmet of Alanson.
My Liege, this was my Gloue, here is the fellow of it: and he that I gaue it to in change, promis'd to weare it in his Cappe: I promis'd to strike him, if he did: I met this man with my Gloue in his Cappe, and I haue been as good as my word.
Your Maiestie heare now, sauing your Maiesties Manhood, what an arrant rascally, beggerly, lowsie Knaue it is: I hope your Maiestie is peare me testimonie and witnesse, and will auouchment, that this is the Gloue of Alanson, that your Maiestie is giue me, in your Conscience now.
And please your Maiestie, let his Neck answere for it, if there is any Marshall Law in the World.
How canst thou make me satisfaction?
All offences, my Lord, come from the heart: neuer came any from mine, that might offend your Maiestie.
It was our selfe thou didst abuse.
Your Maiestie came not like your selfe: you appear'd to me but as a common man; witnesse the Night, your Garments, your Lowlinesse: and what your Highnesse suffer'd vnder that shape, I beseech you take it for your owne fau [...]t, and not mine: for had you beene as I tooke you for, I made no offence; therefore I beseech your Highnesse pardon me.
By this Day and this Light, the fellow ha's mettell enough in his belly: Hold, there is twelue-pence for you, and I pray you to serue God, and keepe you out of prawles and prabbles, and quarrels and dissentions, and I warrant you it is the better for you.
I will none of your Money.
It is with a good will: I can tell you it will serue you to mend your shooes: come, wherefore should you be so pashfull, your shooes is not so good: 'tis a good silling I warrant you, or I will change it.
Now Herauld, are the dead numbred?
Heere is the number of the slaught'red French.
What Prisoners of good sort are taken, Vnckle?
'Tis wonderfull.
Is it not lawfull and please your Maiestie, to tell how many is kill'd?
Yes, my conscience, he did vs great good.
Actus Quintus.
Nay, that's right: but why weare you your Leeke to day? S. Dauies day is past.
There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things: I will tell you asse my friend, Captaine Gower; the rascally, scauld, beggerly, lowsie, pragging Knaue Pistoll, which you and your selfe, and all the World, know to be no petter then a fellow, looke you now, of no merits: hee is come to me, and prings me pread and sault yesterday, looke you, and bid me eate my Leeke: it was in a place where I could not breed no contention with him; but I will be so bold as to weare it in my Cap till I see him once againe, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.
Why heere hee comes, swelling like a Turkycock.
'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his Turkycocks. God plesse you aunchient Pistoll: you scuruie lowsie Knaue, God plesse you.
Ha, art thou bedlam? doest thou thirst, base Troian, to haue me fold vp Parcas fatall Web? Hence; I am qualmish at the smell of Leeke.
I peseech you heartily, scuruie lowsie Knaue, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eate, looke you, this Leeke; because, looke you, you doe not loue it, nor your affections, and your appetites and your disgestions doo's not agree with it, I would desire you to eate it.
Not for Cadwallader and all his Goats.
Base Troian, thou shalt dye.
You say very true, scauld Knaue, when Gods will is: I will desire you to liue in the meane time, and eate your Victuals: come, there is sawce for it. You call'd me yesterday Mountaine-Squier, but I will make [Page 92] you to day a squire of low degree. I pray you fall too, if you can mocke a Leeke, you can eate a Leeke.
Enough Captaine, you haue astonisht him.
I say, I will make him eate some part of my leeke, or I will peate his pate foure dayes: bite I pray you, it is good for your greene wound, and your ploodie Coxecombe.
Must I bite.
Yes certainly, and out of doubt and out of question too, and ambiguities.
By this Leeke, I will most horribly reuenge I eate and eate I sweare.
Eate I pray you, will you haue some more sauce to your Leeke: there is not enough Leeke to sweare by.
Qu [...]et thy Cudgell, thou dost see I eate.
Much good do you scald knaue, heartily. Nay▪ pray you throw none away, the skinne is good for your broken Coxcombe; when you take occasions to see Leekes heereafter, I pray you mocke at 'em, that is all.
Good.
I, Leekes is good: hold you, there is a groat to heale your pate.
Me a groat?
Yes verily, and in truth you shall take it, or I haue another Leeke in my pocket, which you shall eate.
I take thy groat in earnest of reuenge.
If I owe you any thing, I will pay you in Cudgels, you shall be a Woodmonger, and buy nothing of me but cudgels: God bu'y you, and keepe you, & heale your pate.
All hell shall stirre for this.
Go, go, you are a counterfeit cowardly Knaue, will you mocke at an ancient Tradition began vppon an honourable respect, and worne as a memorable Trophee of predeceased valor, and dare not auouch in your deeds any of your words. I haue seene you gleeking & galling at this Gentleman twice or thrice. You thought, because he could not speake English in the natiue garb, he could not therefore handle an English Cudgell: you finde it otherwise, and henceforth let a Welsh correction, teach you a good English condition, fare ye well.
Doeth fortune play the huswife with me now? Newes haue I that my Doll is dead i' th Spittle of a malady of France, and there my rendeuous is quite cut off: Old I do waxe, and from my wearie limbes honour is Cudgeld. Well, Baud Ile turne, and something leane to Cut-purse of quicke hand: To England will I steale, and there Ile steale:
To cry A men to that, thus we appeare.
You English Princes all, I doe salute you.
She hath good leaue.
Your Maiestie shall mock at me, I cannot speake your England.
O faire Katherine, if you will loue me soundly with your French heart, I will be glad to heare you confesse it brokenly with your English Tongue. Doe you like me, Kate?
Pardonne moy, I cannot tell wat is like me.
An Angell is like you Kate, and you are like an Angell.
Que dit il que Ie suis semblable a les Anges?
Ouy verayment (sauf vostre Grace) ainsi dit il.
I said so, deare Katherine, and I must not blush to affirme it.
O bon Dieu, les langues des hommes sont plein de tromperies.
What sayes she, faire one? that the tongues of men are full of deceits?
Ouy, dat de tongeus of de mans is be full of deceits: dat is de Princesse.
The Princesse is the better English-woman: yfaith Kate, my wooing is fit for thy vnderstanding, I am glad thou canst speake no better English, for if thou could'st, thou would'st finde me such a plaine King, that thou wouldst thinke, I had sold my Farme to buy my Crowne. I know no wayes to mince it in loue, but directly to say, I loue you; then if you vrge me farther, then to say, Doe you in faith? I weare out my suite: Giue me your answer, yfaith doe, and so clap hands, and a bargaine: how say you, Lady?
Sauf vostre honeur, me vnderstand well.
Marry, if you would put me to Verses, or to Dance for your sake, Kate, why you vndid me: for the one I haue neither words nor measure; and for the other, I haue no strength in measure, yet a reasonable measure in strength. If I could winne a Lady at Leape-frogge, or by vawting into my Saddle, with my Armour on my backe; vnder the correction of bragging: be it spoken. I should quickly leape into a Wife: Or if I might buffet for my Loue, or bound my Horse for her fauours, I could lay on like a Butcher, and sit like a Iack an Apes, neuer off. But before God Kate, I cannot looke greenely, nor gaspe out my eloquence, nor I haue no cunning in protestation; onely downe-right Oathes, which I neuer vse till vrg'd, nor neuer breake for vrging. If thou canst loue a fellow of this temper, Kate, whose face is not worth Sunne-burning? that neuer lookes in his Glasse, for loue of any thing he sees there? let thine Eye be thy Cooke. I speake to thee plaine Souldier: If thou canst loue me for this, take me? if not? to say to thee that I shall dye, is true; but for thy loue, by the L. No: yet I loue thee too. And while thou liu'st, deare Kate, take a fellow of plaine and vncoyned Constancie, for he perforce must do thee right, because he hath not the gift to wooe in other places: for these fellowes of infinit tongue, that can ryme themselues into Ladyes sauours, they doe alwayes reason themselues out againe. What? a speaker is but a prater, a Ryme is but a Ballad; a good Legge will fall, a strait Backe will stoope, a blacke Beard will turne white, a curl'd Pate will grow bald, a faire Face will wither, a full Eye will wax hollow: but a good Heart, Kate, is the Sunne and the Moone, or rather the Sunne, and not the Moone; for it shines bright, and neuer changes, but keepes his course truly. If thou would haue such a one, take me? and take me; take a Souldier: take a Souldier; take a King. And what say'st thou then to my Loue? speake my faire, and fairely, I pray thee.
Is it possible dat I sould loue de ennemie of Fraunce?
No, it is not possible you should loue the Enemie of France, Kate; but in louing me, you should loue the Friend of France: for I loue France so well, that I will not part with a Village of it; I will haue it all mine: and Kate, when France is mine, and I am yours; then yours is France, and you are mine.
I cannot tell wat is dat.
No, Kate? I will tell thee in French, which I am sure will hang vpon my tongue, like a new-married Wife about her Husbands Necke, hardly to be shooke off; Ie quand sur le possession de Fraunce, & quand vous aues le possession de moy. (Let mee see, what then? Saint Dennis bee my speede) Donc vostre est Fraunce, & vous estes mienne. It is as easie for me, Kate, to conquer the Kingdome, as to speake so much more French: I shall neuer moue thee in French, vnlesse it be to laugh at me.
Sauf vostre honeur, le Francois ques vous parleis, il & melieus que l' Anglois le quel Ie parle.
No faith is't not, Kate: but thy speaking of my Tongue, and I thine, most truely falsely, must needes be graunted to be much at one. But Kate, doo'st thou vnderstand thus much English? Canst thou loue mee?
I cannot tell.
Can any of your Neighbours tell, Kate? Ile aske them. Come, I know thou louest me: and at night, when you come into your Closet, you'le question this Gentlewoman about me; and I know, Kate, you will to her disprayse those parts in me, that you loue with your heart: but good Kate, mocke me mercifully, the rather gentle Princesse, because I loue thee cruelly. If euer thou beest mine, Kate, as I haue a sauing Faith within me tells me thou shalt; I get thee with skambling, and thou must therefore needes proue a good Souldier-breeder: Shall not thou and I, betweene Saint Dennis and Saint George, compound a Boy, halfe French halfe English, [Page 94] that shall goe to Constantinople, and take the Turke by the Beard. Shall wee not? what say'st thou, my faire Flower-de-Luce.
I doe not know dat.
No: 'tis hereafter to know, but now to promise: doe but now promise Kate, you will endeauour for your French part of such a Boy; and for my English moytie, take the Word of a King, and a Batcheler. How answer you. La plus belle Katherine du monde mon trescher & deuin deesse.
Your Maiestee aue fause Frenche enough to deceiue de most sage Damoiscil dat is en Fraunce.
Now fye vpon my false French: by mine Honor in true English, I loue thee Kate; by which Honor, I dare not sweare thou louest me, yet my blood begins to flatter me, that thou doo'st; notwithstanding the poore and vntempering effect of my Visage. Now beshrew my Fathers Ambition, hee was thinking of Ciuill Warres when hee got me, therefore was I created with a stubborne out-side, with an aspect of Iron, that when I come to wooe Ladyes, I fright them: but in faith Kate, the elder I wax, the better I shall appeare. My comfort is, that Old Age, that ill layer vp of Beautie, can doe no more spoyle vpon my Face. Thou hast me, if thou hast me, at the worst; and thou shalt weare me, if thou weare me, better and better: and therefore tell me, most faire Katherine, will you haue me? Put off your Maiden Blushes, auouch the Thoughts of your Heart with the Lookes of an Empresse, take me by the Hand, and say, Harry of England, I am thine: which Word thou shalt no sooner blesse mine Eare withall, but I will tell thee alowd, England is thine, Ireland is thine, France is thine, and Henry Plantaginet is thine; who, though I speake it before his Face, if he be not Fellow with the best King, thou shalt finde the best King of Good-fellowes. Come your Answer in broken Musick; for thy Voyce is Musick, and thy English broken: Therefore Queene of all, Katherine, breake thy minde to me in broken English; wilt thou haue me?
Dat is as it shall please de Roy mon pere.
Nay, it will please him well, Kate; it shall please him, Kate.
Den it fall also content me.
Vpon that I kisse your Hand, and I call you my Queene.
Laisse mon Seigneur, laisse, laisse, may foy: Ie ne veus point que vous abbaisse vostre grandeus, en baisant le main d'une nostre Seigneur indignie seruiteur excuse moy. Ie vous supplie mon tres-puissant Seigneur.
Then I will kisse your Lippes, Kate.
Les Dames & Damoisels pour estre baisee deuant leur nopcese il net pas le costume de Fraunce.
Madame, my Interpreter, what sayes shee?
Dat it is not be de fashon pour le Ladies of Fraunce; I cannot tell wat is buisse en Anglish.
To kisse.
Your Maiestee entendre bettre que moy.
It is not a fashion for the Maids in Fraunce to kisse before they are marryed, would she say?
Ouy verayment.
O Kate, nice Customes cursie to great Kings. Deare Kate, you and I cannot bee confin'd within the weake Lyst of a Countreyes fashion: wee are the makers of Manners, Kate; and the libertie that followes our Places, stoppes the mouth of all finde-faults, as I will doe yours, for vpholding the nice fashion of your Countrey, in denying me a Kisse: therefore patiently, and yeelding. You haue Witch-craft in your Lippes, Kate: there is more eloquence in a Sugar touch of them, then in the Tongues of the French Councell; and they should sooner perswade Harry of England, then a generall Petition of Monarchs. Heere comes your Father.
God saue your Maiestie, my Royall Cousin, teach you our Princesse English?
I would haue her learne, my faire Cousin, how perfectly I loue her, and that is good English.
Is shee not apt?
Our Tongue is rough, Coze, and my Condition is not smooth: so that hauing neyther the Voyce nor the Heart of Flatterie about me, I cannot so coniure vp the Spirit of Loue in her, that hee will appeare in his true likenesse.
Pardon the franknesse of my mirth, if I answer you for that. If you would coniure in her, you must make a Circle: if coniure vp Loue in her in his true likenesse, hee must appeare naked, and blinde. Can you blame her then, being a Maid, yet ros'd ouer with the Virgin Crimson of Modestie, if shee deny the apparance of a naked blinde Boy in her naked seeing selfe? It were (my Lord) a hard Condition for a Maid to consigne to.
Yet they doe winke and yeeld, as Loue is blind and enforces.
They are then excus'd, my Lord, when they see not what they doe.
Then good my Lord, teach your Cousin to consent winking.
I will winke on her to consent, my Lord, if you will teach her to know my meaning: for Maides well Summer'd, and warme kept, are like Flyes at Bartholomew-tyde, blinde, though they haue their eyes, and then they will endure handling, which before would not abide looking on.
This Morall tyes me ouer to Time, and a hot Summer; and so I shall catch the Flye, your Cousin, in the latter end, and shee must be blinde to.
As Loue is my Lord, before it loues.
It is so: and you may, some of you, thanke Loue for my blindnesse, who cannot see many a faire French Citie for one faire French Maid that stands in my way.
Yes my Lord, you see them perspectiuely: the Cities turn'd into a Maid; for they are all gyrdled with Maiden Walls, that Warre hath entred.
Shall Kate be my Wife?
So please you.
I am content, so the Maiden Cities you talke of, may wait on her: so the Maid that stood in the way for my Wish, shall shew me the way to my Will.
Wee haue consented to all tearmes of reason.
Is't so, my Lords of England?
Amen.
Amen.
The first Part of Henry the Sixt.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
How were they lost? what trecherie was vs'd?
What? wherein Talbot ouercame, is't so?
Be it so.
Where's the Prince Dolphin? I haue newes for him.
Bastard of Orleance, thrice welcome to vs.
Faire Maid, is't thou wilt doe these wondrous feats?
She takes vpon her brauely at first dash.
Then come a Gods name, I feare no woman.
And while I liue, Ile ne're flye from a man.
Christs Mother helpes me, else I were too weake.
Meane time looke gracious on thy prostrate Thrall.
My Lord me thinkes is very long in talke.
Shall wee disturbe him, since hee keepes no meane?
What shee sayes, Ile confirme: wee'le fight it out.
Leaue off delayes, and let vs rayse the Siege.
Who's there, that knocks so imperiously?
It is the Noble Duke of Gloster.
Who ere he be, you may not be let in.
Villaines, answer you so the Lord Protector?
What noyse is this? what Traytors haue wee here?
How now ambitious Vmpheir, what meanes this?
Piel'd Priest, doo'st thou command me to be shut out?
Doe what thou dar'st, I beard thee to thy face.
Gloster, thou wilt answere this before the Pope.
I will not answer thee with words, but blowes.
Maior farewell: thou doo'st but what thou may'st.
Yet tell'st thou not, how thou wert entertain'd.
I thinke at the North Gate, for there stands Lords.
And [...] heere, at the Bulwarke of the Bridge.
O Lord haue mercy on vs, wretched sinners.
O Lord haue mercy on me, wofull man.
Come, come, 'tis onely I that must disgrace thee.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
A Maid, they say.
A Maid? And be so martiall?
Ascend braue Talbot, we will follow thee.
Agreed; Ile to yond corner.
And I to this.
Arme, arme, the enemy doth make assault.
How now my Lords? What all vnreadie so?
Vnready? I and glad we scap'd so well.
I thinke this Talbot be a Fiend of Hell.
If not of Hell, the Heauens sure fauour him.
Here commeth Charles, I maruell how he sped?
Tut, holy Ioane was his defensiue Guard.
Mine was secure.
And so was mine, my Lord.
Here is the Talbot, who would speak with him?
I doe my Lord, and meane accordingly.
Madame, I will.
And he is welcome: what? is this the man?
Madame, it is.
If thou be he, then art thou Prisoner.
Prisoner? to whom?
Ha, ha, ha.
Why? art not thou the man?
I am indeede.
Then haue I substance too.
Iudge you, my Lord of Warwicke, then betweene vs.
And I.
Well, well, come on, who else?
Now Somerset, where is your argument?
Hath not thy Rose a Canker, Somerset?
Hath not thy Rose a Thorne, Plantagenet?
Turne not thy scornes this way, Plantagenet.
Prowd Poole, I will, and scorne both him and thee.
Ile turne my part thereof into thy throat.
Haue with thee Poole: Farwell ambitious Richard.
How I am brau'd, and must perforce endure it?
In your behalfe still will I weare the same.
And so will I.
My Lord, your louing Nephew now is come.
Richard Plantagenet, my friend, is he come?
Of which, my Lord, your Honor is the last.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Am I not Protector, sawcie Priest?
And am not I a Prelate of the Church?
Vnreuerent Glocester.
Rome shall remedie this.
Yes, when his holy State is toucht so neere.
What tumult's this?
Nay, if we be forbidden Stones, wee'le fall to it with our Teeth.
Doe what ye dare, we are as resolute.
He shall submit, or I will neuer yeeld.
Here Winchester, I offer thee my Hand.
So helpe me God, as I intend it not.
Content, Ile to the Surgeons.
And so will I.
And I will see what Physick the Tauerne affords.
As will the rest, so willeth Winchester.
Welcome high Prince, the mighty Duke of Yorke.
Perish base Prince, ignoble Duke of Yorke.
Your Ships alreadie are in readinesse.
Scoena Secunda.
Che la.
Enter, goe in, the Market Bell is rung.
Now Roan, Ile shake thy Bulwarkes to the ground.
Your Grace may starue (perhaps) before that time.
Oh let no words, but deedes, reuenge this Treason.
Dare yee come forth, and meet vs in the field?
Seignior no.
My Vowes are equall partners with thy Vowes.
Couragious Bedford, let vs now perswade you.
Whither away Sir Iohn Falstaffe, in such haste?
What? will you flye, and leaue Lord Talbot?
I, all the Talbots in the World, to saue my life.
Cowardly Knight, ill fortune follow thee.
What wills Lord Talbot, pleaseth Burgonie.
Scaena Tertia.
A Parley with the Duke of Burgonie.
Who craues a Parley with the Burgonie?
The Princely Charles of France, thy Countrey-man.
What say'st thou Charles? for I am marching hence.
Speake Pucell, and enchaunt him with thy words.
Speake on, but be not ouer-tedious.
Done like a Frenchman: turne and turne againe.
Welcome braue Duke, thy friendship makes vs fresh.
And doth beget new Courage in our Breasts.
Scoena Quarta.
Yes, if it please your Maiestie, my Liege▪
Sirrha, thy Lord I honour as he is.
Why, what is he? as good a man as Yorke.
Hearke ye: not so: in witnesse take ye that.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
Lord Bishop set the Crowne vpon his head.
God saue King Henry of that name the sixt.
What? doth my Vnckle Burgundy reuolt?
He doth my Lord, and is become your foe.
Is that the worst this Letter doth containe?
It is the worst, and all (my Lord) he writes.
Grant me the Combate, gracious Soueraigne.
And me (my Lord) grant me the Combate too.
This is my Seruant, heare him Noble Prince.
And this is mine (sweet Henry) fauour him.
With him (my Lord) for he hath done me wrong.
And I with him, for he hath done me wrong.
Will not this malice Somerset be left?
There is my pledge, accept it Somerset.
Nay, let it rest where it began at first.
Confirme it so, mine honourable Lord.
O send some succour to the distrest Lord.
How now Sir William, whether were you sent?
Yorke set him on, Yorke should haue sent him ayde.
If he be dead, braue Talbot then adieu.
His Fame liues in the world. His Shame in you.
Flye, to reuenge my death, if I be slaine.
He that flyes so, will ne're returne againe.
If we both stay, we both are sure to dye.
Shall all thy Mothers hopes lye in one Tombe?
I rather then Ile shame my Mothers Wombe,
Vpon my Blessing I command thee goe.
To fight I will, but not to flye the Foe.
Part of thy Father may be sau'd in thee.
No part of him, but will be shame in mee.
Thou neuer hadst Renowne, nor canst not lose it.
Yes, your renowned Name: shall flight abuse it?
Thy Fathers charge shal cleare thee from y t staine.
O my deare Lord, loe where your Sonne is borne.
On what submissiue message art thou sent?
Go take their bodies hence.
Scena secunda.
SENNET.
How doth your Grace affect their motion?
I will attend vpon your Lordships leysure.
Scoena Tertia.
What tidings send our Scouts? I prethee speak.
Then on my Lords, and France be fortunate.
Chang'd to a worser shape thou canst not be:
Fell banning Hagge, Inchantresse hold thy tongue.
I prethee giue me leaue to curse awhile.
Curse Miscreant, when thou comst to the stake
Why speak'st thou not? What ransom must I pay?
Wilt thou accept of ransome, yea or no?
I were best to leaue him, for he will not heare.
There all is marr'd: there lies a cooling card.
He talkes at randon: sure the man is mad.
And yet a dispensation may bee had.
And yet I would that you would answer me:
He talkes of wood: It is some Carpenter.
Heare ye Captaine? Are you not at leysure?
Lady, vouchsafe to listen what I say.
Sweet Madam, giue me hearing in a cause.
Tush, women haue bene captiuate ere now.
Lady, wherefore talke you so?
I cry you mercy, 'tis but Quid for Quo.
Why what concernes his freedome vnto mee?
What?
His loue.
I am vnworthy to be Henries wife.
And if my Father please, I am content.
To whom?
To me.
Speakes Suffolke as he thinkes?
And heere I will expect thy comming.
And this withall.
Bring forth that Sorceresse condemn'd to burne.
Gracelesse, wilt thou deny thy Parentage?
I, I: away with her to execution.
Now heauen forfend, the holy Maid with child?
A married man, that's most intollerable.
It's signe she hath beene liberall and free.
Actus Quintus.
I greefe I feare me, both at first and last.
The second Part of Henry the Sixt, with the death of the Good Duke HVMFREY.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
Long liue Qu. Margaret, Englands happines.
We thanke you all.
Inprimis, It is agreed betweene the French K. Charles, and William de la Pole Marquesse of Suffolke, Ambassador for Henry King of England, That the said Henry shal espouse the Lady Margaret, daughter vnto Reignier King of Naples, Sicillia, and Ierusalem, and Crowne her Queene of England, ere the thirtieth of May next ensuing.
Item, That the Dutchy of Aniou, and the County of Main, shall be released and deliuered to the King her father.
Vnkle, how now?
Vnckle of Winchester, I pray read on.
Item, It is further agreed betweene them, That the Dutchesse of Aniou and Maine, shall be released and deliuered ouer to the King her Father, and shee sent ouer of the King of Englands owne proper Cost and Charges, without hauing any Dowry.
Nay be not angry, I am pleas'd againe.
I go. Come Nel thou wilt ride with vs?
Iesus preserue your Royall Maiesty.
What saist thou? Maiesty: I am but Grace.
My Masters, let's stand close, my Lord Protector will come this way by and by, and then wee may deliuer our Supplications in the Quill.
Marry the Lord protect him, for hee's a good man, Iesu blesse him.
Here a comes me thinkes, and the Queene with him: Ile be the first sure.
Come backe foole, this is the Duke of Suffolk, and not my Lord Protector.
How now fellow: would'st any thing with me?
I pray my Lord pardon me, I tooke ye for my Lord Protector.
To my Lord Protector? Are your Supplications to his Lordship? Let me see them: what is thine?
Mine is, and't please your Grace, against Iohn Goodman, my Lord Cardinals Man, for keeping my House, and Lands, and Wife and all, from me.
Thy Wife too? that's some Wrong indeede. What's yours? What's heere? Against the Duke of Suffolke, for enclosing the Commons of Melforde. How now, Sir Knaue?
Alas Sir, I am but a poore Petitioner of our whole Towneship.
Against my Master Thomas Horner, for saying, That the Duke of Yorke was rightfull Heire to the Crowne.
What say'st thou? Did the Duke of Yorke say, hee was rightfull Heire to the Crowne?
That my Mistresse was? No forsooth: my Master said, That he was, and that the King was an Vsurper.
Who is there?
Take this fellow in, and send for his Master with a Purseuant presently: wee'le heare more of your matter before the King.
Come, let's be gone.
Ambitious Warwicke, let thy betters speake.
The Cardinall's not my better in the field.
All in this presence are thy betters, Warwicke.
Warwicke may liue to be the best of all.
Because the King forsooth will haue it so.
Sweet Aunt be quiet, 'twas against her will.
Peace head-strong Warwicke.
Image of Pride, why should I hold my peace?
Doth any one accuse Yorke for a Traytor?
What mean'st thou, Suffolke? tell me, what are these?
Say man, were these thy words?
And't shall please your Maiestie, I neuer sayd nor thought any such matter: God is my witnesse, I am falsely accus'd by the Villaine.
By these tenne bones, my Lords, hee did speake them to me in the Garret one Night, as wee were scowring my Lord of Yorkes Armor.
Alas, my Lord, hang me if euer I spake the words: my accuser is my Prentice, and when I did correct him for his fault the other day, he did vow vpon his knees he would be euen with me: I haue good witnesse of this; therefore I beseech your Maiestie, doe not cast away an honest man for a Villaines accusation.
Vnckle, what shall we say to this in law?
I humbly thanke your Royall Maiestie.
And I accept the Combat willingly.
Alas, my Lord, I cannot fight; for Gods sake pitty my case: the spight of man preuayleth against me. O Lord haue mercy vpon me, I shall neuer be able to fight a blow: O Lord my heart.
Sirrha, or you must fight, or else be hang'd.
Away with them to Prison: and the day of Combat, shall be the last of the next moneth. Come Somerset, wee'le see thee sent away.
Come my Masters, the Duchesse I tell you expects performance of your promises.
Master Hume, we are therefore prouided: will her Ladyship behold and heare our Exorcismes?
I, what else? feare you not her courage.
I haue heard her reported to be a Woman of an inuincible spirit: but it shall be conuenient, Master Hume, that you be by her aloft, while wee be busie below; and so I pray you goe in Gods Name, and leaue vs.
Mother Iordan, be you prostrate, and grouell on the Earth; Iohn Southwell reade you, and let vs to our worke.
Well said my Masters, and welcome all: To this geere, the sooner the better.
Ad sum.
Aske what thou wilt; that I had sayd, and done.
First of the King: What shall of him become?
What fates await the Duke of Suffolke?
By Water shall he dye, and take his end.
What shall befall the Duke of Somerset?
I thought as much, hee would be aboue the Clouds.
The Treasurie of euerlasting Ioy.
As who, my Lord?
Why Suffolke, England knowes thine insolence.
And thy Ambition, Gloster.
Faith holy Vnckle, would't were come to that.
Marry, when thou dar'st.
How now, my Lords?
Why how now, Vnckle Gloster?
Medice te [...]psum, Protector see to't well, protect your selfe.
A Miracle, a Miracle.
Come to the King, and tell him what Miracle.
Borne blinde, and't please your Grace.
I indeede was he.
What Woman is this?
His Wife, and't like your Worship.
Hadst thou been his Mother, thou could'st haue better told.
Where wert thou borne?
At Barwick in the North, and't like your Grace.
What, art thou lame?
I, God Almightie helpe me.
How cam'st thou so?
A fall off of a Tree.
A Plum-tree, Master.
How long hast thou beene blinde?
O borne so, Master.
What, and would'st climbe a Tree?
But that in all my life, when I was a youth.
Too true, and bought his climbing very deare.
'Masse, thou lou'dst Plummes well, that would'st venture so.
Alas, good Master, my Wife desired some Damsons, and made me climbe, with danger of my Life.
Yes Master, cleare as day, I thanke God and Saint Albones.
Say'st thou me so: what Colour is this Cloake of?
Red Master, Red as Blood.
Why that's well said: What Colour is my Gowne of?
Black forsooth, Coale-Black, as Iet.
And yet I thinke, Iet did he neuer see.
But Cloakes and Gownes, before this day, a many.
Neuer before this day, in all his life.
Tell me Sirrha, what's my Name?
Alas Master, I know not.
What's his Name?
I know not.
Nor his?
No indeede, Master.
What's thine owne Name?
Saunder Simpcoxe, and if it please you, Master.
O Master, that you could?
Yes, my Lord, if it please your Grace.
Then send for one presently.
Sirrha, goe fetch the Beadle hither straight.
Now fetch me a Stoole hither by and by.
Now Sirrha, if you meane to saue your selfe from Whipping, leape me ouer this Stoole, and runne away.
Alas Master, what shall I doe? I am not able to stand.
O God, seest thou this, and bearest so long?
It made me laugh, to see the Villaine runne.
Follow the Knaue, and take this Drab away.
Alas Sir, we did it for pure need.
Duke Humfrey ha's done a Miracle to day.
True: made the Lame to leape and flye away.
What Tidings with our Cousin Buckingham?
My Lord, I long to heare it at full.
But William of Hatfield dyed without an Heire.
Long liue our Soueraigne Richard, Englands King.
My Lord, breake we off; we know your minde at full.
Welcome is Banishment, welcome were my Death.
Here Neighbour Horner, I drinke to you in a Cup of Sack; and feare not Neighbor, you shall doe well enough.
And here Neighbour, here's a Cuppe of Charneco.
And here's a Pot of good Double-Beere Neighbor: drinke, and feare not your Man.
Let it come yfaith, and Ile pledge you all, and a figge for Peter.
Here Peter, I drinke to thee, and be not afraid.
I thanke you all: drinke, and pray for me, I pray you, for I thinke I haue taken my last Draught in this World. Here Robin, and if I dye, I giue thee my Aporne; and Will, thou shalt haue my Hammer: and here Tom, take all the Money that I haue. O Lord blesse me. I pray God, for I am neuer able to deale with my Master, hee hath learnt so much fence already.
Peter forsooth.
Peter? what more?
Thumpe.
Thumpe? Then see thou thumpe thy Master well.
Masters, I am come hither as it were vpon my Mans instigation, to proue him a Knaue, and my selfe an honest man: and touching the Duke of Yorke, I will take my death, I neuer meant him any ill, nor the King, nor the Queene: and therefore Peter haue at thee with a downe-right blow.
Hold Peter, hold, I confesse, I confesse Treason.
Take away his Weapon: Fellow thanke God, and the good Wine in thy Masters way.
O God, haue I ouercome mine Enemies in this presence? O Peter, thou hast preuayl'd in right.
Tenne, my Lord.
So please your Grace, wee'le take her from the Sherife.
No, stirre not for your liues, let her passe by.
Be patient, gentle Nell, forget this griefe.
Must you, Sir Iohn, protect my Lady here?
So am I giuen in charge, may't please your Grace.
What, gone my Lord, and bid me not farewell?
Witnesse my teares, I cannot stay to speake.
It is my Office, and Madame pardon me.
All health vnto my gracious Soueraigne.
Welcome Lord Somerset: What Newes from France?
Cold Newes, Lord Somerset: but Gods will be done.
It serues you well, my Lord, to say so much.
I say no more then truth, so helpe me God.
But I can giue the loser leaue to chide.
Sirs, take away the Duke, and guard him sure.
What, will your Highnesse leaue the Parliament?
So that by this, you would not haue him dye.
Ah Yorke, no man aliue, so faine as I.
So the poore Chicken should be sure of death.
Thrice Noble Suffolke, 'tis resolutely spoke.
Here is my Hand, the deed is worthy doing.
And so say I.
What, worse then naught? nay, then a shame take all.
And in the number, thee, that wishest shame.
I will, my Lord, so please his Maiestie.
Ile see it truly done, my Lord of Yorke.
Here comes my Lord.
Now Sirs, haue you dispatcht this thing?
I, my good Lord, hee's dead.
'Tis, my good Lord.
Away, be gone.
Ile call him presently, my Noble Lord.
I thanke thee Nell, these wordes content mee much.
Dead in his Bed, my Lord: Gloster is dead.
Marry God forfend.
How fares my Lord? Helpe Lords, the King is dead.
Rere vp his Body, wring him by the Nose.
Runne, goe, helpe, helpe: Oh Henry ope thine eyes.
He doth reuiue againe, Madame be patient.
Oh Heauenly God.
How fares my gracious Lord?
Comfort my Soueraigne, gracious Henry comfort.
Ah woe is me for Gloster, wretched man.
Come hither gracious Soueraigne, view this body.
What dares not Warwick, if false Suffolke dare him?
What noyse is this?
An answer from the King, my Lord of Salisbury.
An answer from the King, or wee will all breake in.
Oh Henry, let me pleade for gentle Suffolke.
Whether goes Vaux so fast? What newes I prethee?
I go.
And take my heart with thee.
This way for me.
How fare's my Lord? Speake Beauford to thy Soueraigne.
Beauford, it is thy Soueraigne speakes to thee.
See how the pangs of death do make him grin.
Disturbe him not, let him passe peaceably.
So bad a death, argues a monstrous life.
What is my ransome Master, let me know.
A thousand Crownes, or else lay down your head
And so much shall you giue, or oft goes yours.
Ile giue it sir, and therefore spare my life.
And so will I, and write home for it straight.
Be not so rash, take ransome, let him liue.
The Duke of Suffolke, muffled vp in ragges?
I, but these ragges are no part of the Duke.
Speak Captaine, shall I stab the forlorn Swain.
First let my words stab him, as he hath me.
Base slaue, thy words are blunt, and so art thou.
Thou dar'st not for thy owne.
Water: W. Come Suffolke, I must waft thee to thy death.
Pine gelidus timor occupat artus, it is thee I feare.
My gracious Lord intreat him, speak him fair.
Come and get thee a sword, though made of a Lath, they haue bene vp these two dayes.
They haue the more neede to sleepe now then.
I tell thee, Iacke Cade the Cloathier, meanes to dresse the Common-wealth and turne it, and set a new nap vpon it.
So he had need, for 'tis thred-bare. Well, I say, it was neuer merrie world in England, since Gentlemen came vp.
O miserable Age: Vertue is not regarded in Handy-crafts men.
The Nobilitie thinke scorne to goe in Leather Aprons.
Nay more, the Kings Councell are no good Workemen.
True: and yet it is said, Labour in thy Vocation: which is as much to say, as let the Magistrates be labouring men, and therefore should we be Magistrates.
Thou hast hit it: for there's no better signe of a braue minde, then a hard hand.
I see them, I see them: There's Bests Sonne, the Tanner of Wingham.
Hee shall haue the skinnes of our enemies, to make Dogges Leather of.
And Dicke the Butcher.
Then is sin strucke downe like an Oxe, and iniquities throate cut like a Calfe.
And Smith the Weauer.
Argo, their thred of life is spun.
Come, come, let's fall in with them.
Wee Iohn Cade, so tearm'd of our supposed Father.
Or rather of stealing a Cade of Herrings.
For our enemies shall faile before vs, inspired with the spirit of putting down Kings and Princes. Command silence.
Silence.
My Father was a Mortimer.
He was an honest man, and a good Bricklayer.
My mother a Plantagenet.
I knew her well, she was a Midwife.
My wife descended of the Lacies.
She was indeed a Pedlers daughter, & sold many Laces.
But now of late, not able to trauell with her furr'd Packe, she washes buckes here at home.
Therefore am I of an honorable house.
I by my faith, the field is honourable, and there was he borne, vnder a hedge: for his Father had neuer a house but the Cage.
Valiant I am.
A must needs, for beggery is valiant.
I am able to endure much.
No question of that: for I haue seene him whipt three Market dayes together.
I feare neither sword, nor fire.
He neede not feare the sword, for his Coate is of proofe.
But me thinks he should stand in feare of fire, being burnt i' th hand for stealing of Sheepe.
Be braue then, for your Captaine is Braue, and Vowes Reformation. There shall be in England, seuen halfe peny Loaues sold for a peny: the three hoop'd pot, shall haue ten hoopes, and I wil make it Fellony to drink small Beere. All the Realme shall be in Common, and in Cheapside shall my Palfrey go to grasse: and when I am King, as King I will be.
God saue your Maiesty.
I thanke you good people. There shall bee no mony, all shall eate and drinke on my score, and I will apparrell them all in one Liuery, that they may agree like Brothers, and worship me their Lord.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the Lawyers.
Nay, that I meane to do. Is not this a lamentable thing, that of the skin of an innocent Lambe should be made Parchment; that Parchment being scribeld ore, should vndoe a man. Some say the Bee stings, but I say, 'tis the Bees waxe: for I did but seale once to a thing, and I was neuer mine owne man since. How now? Who's there?
The Clearke of Chartam: hee can write and reade, and cast accompt.
O monstrous.
We tooke him setting of boyes Copies.
Here's a Villaine.
Ha's a Booke in his pocket with red Letters in't
Nay then he is a Coniurer.
Nay, he can make Obligations, and write Court hand.
I am sorry for't: The man is a proper man of mine Honour: vnlesse I finde him guilty, he shall not die. Come hither sirrah, I must examine thee: What is thy name?
Emanuell.
They vse to writ it on the top of Letters: 'Twill go hard with you.
Let me alone: Dost thou vse to write thy name? Or hast thou a marke to thy selfe, like a honest plain dealing man?
Sir I thanke God, I haue bin so well brought vp, that I can write my name.
He hath confest: away with him: he's a Villaine and a Traitor.
Away with him I say: Hang him with his Pen and Inke-horne about his necke.
Where's our Generall?
Heere I am thou particular fellow.
Fly, fly, fly, Sir Humfrey Stafford and his brother are hard by, with the Kings Forces.
Stand villaine, stand, or Ile fell thee downe: he shall be encountred with a man as good as himselfe. He is but a Knight, is a?
No.
To equall him I will make my selfe a knight presently; Rise vp Sir Iohn Mortimer. Now haue at him.
And Adam was a Gardiner.
And what of that?
Marry, this Edmund Mortimer Earle of March, married the Duke of Clarence daughter, did he not?
I sir.
By her he had two children at one birth.
That's false.
Nay, 'tis too true, therefore he shall be King.
Sir, he made a Chimney in my Fathers house, & the brickes are aliue at this day to testifie it: therefore deny it not.
And will you credit this base Drudges Wordes, that speakes he knowes not what.
I marry will we: therefore get ye gone.
Iacke Cade, the D. of York hath taught you this.
He lyes, for I inuented it my selfe. Go too Sirrah, tell the King from me, that for his Fathers sake Henry the fift, (in whose time, boyes went to Span-counter for French Crownes) I am content he shall raigne, but Ile be Protector ouer him:
And furthermore, wee'l haue the Lord Sayes head, for selling the Dukedome of Maine.
And good reason: for thereby is England main'd And faine to go with a staffe, but that my puissance holds it vp. Fellow-Kings, I tell you, that that Lord Say hath gelded the Commonwealth, and made it an Eunuch: & more then that, he can speake French, and therefore hee is a Traitor.
O grosse and miserable ignorance.
Nay answer if you can: The Frenchmen are our enemies: go too then, I ask but this: Can he that speaks with the tongue of an enemy, be a good Councellour, or no?
No, no, and therefore wee'l haue his head.
They are all in order, and march toward vs.
But then are we in order, when we are most out of order. Come, march forward.
Where's Dicke, the Butcher of Ashford?
Heere sir.
They fell before thee like Sheepe and Oxen, & thou behaued'st thy selfe, as if thou hadst beene in thine owne Slaughter-house: Therfore thus will I reward thee, the Lent shall bee as long againe as it is, and thou shalt haue a License to kill for a hundred lacking one.
I desire no more.
And to speake truth, thou deseru'st no lesse. This Monument of the victory will I beare, and the bodies shall be dragg'd at my horse heeles, till I do come to London, where we will haue the Maiors sword born before vs.
If we meane to thriue, and do good, breake open the Gaoles, and let out the Prisoners.
Feare not that I warrant thee. Come, let's march towards London.
What answer makes your Grace to the Rebells Supplication?
Lord Say, Iacke Cade hath sworne to huae thy head.
I, but I hope your Highnesse shall haue his.
No my Loue, I should not mourne, but dye for thee.
How now? What newes? Why com'st thou in such haste?
Oh gracelesse men: they know not what they do.
Then linger not my Lord, away, take horse.
Come Margaret, God our hope will succor vs.
My hope is gone, now Suffolke is deceast.
Farewell my Lord, trust not the Kentish Rebels
Trust no body for feare you betraid.
How now? Is Iacke Cade slaine?
Iacke Cade, Iacke Cade.
Knocke him downe there.
If this Fellow be wise, hee'l neuer call yee Iacke Cade more, I thinke he hath a very faire warning.
My Lord, there's an Army gathered together in Smithfield.
I haue a suite vnto your Lordship.
Bee it a Lordshippe, thou shalt haue it for that word.
Onely that the Lawes of England may come out of your mouth.
Masse 'twill be sore Law then, for he was thrust in the mouth with a Speare, and 'tis not whole yet.
Nay Iohn, it wil be stinking Law, for his breath stinkes with eating toasted cheese.
I haue thought vpon it, it shall bee so. Away, burne all the Records of the Realme, my mouth shall be the Parliament of England.
And hence-forward all things shall be in Common.
My Lord, a prize, a prize, heeres the Lord Say, which sold the Townes in France. He that made vs pay one and twenty Fifteenes, and one shilling to the pound, the last Subsidie.
Well, hee shall be beheaded for it ten times: Ah thou Say, thou Surge, nay thou Buckram Lord, now art thou within point-blanke of our Iurisdiction Regall. What canst thou answer to my Maiesty, for giuing vp of Normandie vnto Mounsieur Basimecu, the Dolphine of France? Be it knowne vnto thee by these presence, euen the presence of Lord Mortimer, that I am the Beesome that must sweepe the Court cleane of such filth as thou art: Thou hast most traiterously corrupted the youth of the Realme, in erecting a Grammar Schoole: and whereas before, our Fore-fathers had no other Bookes but the Score and the Tally, thou hast caused printing to be vs'd, and contrary to the King, his Crowne, and Dignity, thou hast built a Paper-Mill. It will be prooued to thy Face, that thou hast men about thee, that vsually talke of a Nowne and a Verbe, and such abhominable wordes, as no Christian eare can endure to heare. Thou hast appointed Iustices of Peace, to call poore men before them, about matters they were not able to answer. Moreouer, thou hast put them in prison, and because they could not reade, thou hast hang'd them, when (indeede) onely for that cause they haue beene most worthy to liue. Thou dost ride in a foot-cloth, dost thou not?
What of that?
Marry, thou ought'st not to let thy horse weare a Cloake, when honester men then thou go in their Hose and Doublets.
And worke in their shirt to, as my selfe for example, that am a butcher.
You men of Kent.
What say you of Kent.
Nothing but this: 'Tis bona terra, mala gens.
Away with him, away with him, he speaks Latine.
Tut, when struck'st thou one blow in the field?
O monstrous Coward! What, to come behinde Folkes?
These cheekes are pale for watching for your good
Giue him a box o' th' eare, and that wil make 'em red againe.
Ye shall haue a hempen Candle then, & the help of hatchet.
Why dost thou quiuer man?
The Palsie, and not feare prouokes me.
Nay, he noddes at vs, as who should say, Ile be euen with you. Ile see if his head will stand steddier on a pole, or no: Take him away, and behead him.
I feele remorse in my selfe with his words: but Ile bridle it: he shall dye, and it bee but for pleading so well for his life. Away with him, he ha's a Familiar vnder his Tongue, he speakes not a Gods name. Goe, take him away I say, and strike off his head presently, and then breake into his Sonne in Lawes house, Sir Iames Cromer, and strike off his head, and bring them both vppon two poles hither.
It shall be done.
Away with him, and do as I command ye: the proudest Peere in the Realme, shall not weare a head on his shoulders, vnlesse he pay me tribute: there shall not a maid be married, but she shall pay to me her Mayden-head ere they haue it: Men shall hold of mee in Capite. And we charge and command, that their wiues be as free as heart can wish, or tongue can tell.
Marry presently.
O braue.
Vp Fish-streete, downe Saint Magnes corner, kill and knocke downe, throw them into Thames:
God saue the King, God saue the King.
What Buckingham and Clifford are ye so braue? And you base Pezants, do ye beleeue him, will you needs be hang'd with your Pardons about your neckes? Hath my sword therefore broke through London gates, that you should leaue me at the White-heart in Southwarke. I thought ye would neuer haue giuen out these Armes til you had recouered your ancient Freedome. But you are all Recreants and Dastards, and delight to liue in slauerie to the Nobility. Let them breake your backes with burthens, take your houses ouer your heads, rauish your Wiues and Daughters before your faces. For me, I will make shift for one, and so Gods Cursse light vppon you all.
Was euer Feather so lightly blowne too & fro, as this multitude? The name of Henry the fift, hales them to an hundred mischiefes, and makes them leaue mee desolate. I see them lay their heades together to surprize me. My sword make way for me, for heere is no staying: in despight of the diuels and hell, haue through the verie middest of you, and heauens and honor be witnesse, that no want of resolution in mee, but onely my Followers base and ignominious treasons, makes me betake mee to my he [...]les.
Health and glad tydings to your Maiesty.
God saue the King, God saue the King.
Fye on Ambitions: fie on my selfe, that haue a sword, and yet am ready to famish. These fiue daies haue I hid me in these Woods, and durst not peepe out, for all the Country is laid for me: but now am I so hungry, that if I might haue a Lease of my life for a thousand yeares, I could stay no longer. Wherefore on a Bricke wall haue I climb'd into this Garden, to see if I can eate Grasse, or picke a Sallet another while, which is not amisse to coole a mans stomacke this hot weather: and I think this word Sallet was borne to do me good: for many a time but for a Sallet, my braine-pan had bene cleft with a brown Bill; and many a time when I haue beene dry, & brauely marching, it hath seru'd me insteede of a quart pot to drinke in: and now the word Sallet must serue me to feed on.
Heere's the Lord of the soile come to seize me for a stray, for entering his Fee-simple without leaue. A Villaine, thou wilt betray me, and get a 1000. Crownes of the King by carrying my head to him, but Ile make thee eate Iron like an Ostridge, and swallow my Sword like a great pin ere thou and I part.
Braue thee? I by the best blood that euer was broach'd, and beard thee to. Looke on mee well, I haue eate no meate these fiue dayes, yet come thou and thy fiue men, and if I doe not leaue you all as dead as a doore naile, I pray God I may neuer eate grasse more.
By my Valour: the most compleate Champion that euer I heard. Steele, if thou turne the edge, or cut not out the burly bon'd Clowne in chines of Beefe, ere thou sleepe in thy Sheath, I beseech Ioue on my knees thou mayst be turn'd to Hobnailes.
O I am slaine, Famine and no other hath slaine me, let ten thousand diuelles come against me, and giue me but the ten meales I haue lost, and I'de defie them all. Wither Garden, and be henceforth a burying place to all that do dwell in this house, because the vnconquered soule of Cade is fled.
Iden farewell, and be proud of thy victory: Tell Kent from me, she hath lost her best man, and exhort all the World to be Cowards: For I that neuer feared any, am vanquished by Famine, not by Valour.
Yorke, if thou meanest wel, I greet thee well.
Vpon thine Honor is he Prisoner?
Vpon mine Honor he is Prisoner.
Then what intends these Forces thou dost bring?
I was, an't like your Maiesty.
How art thou call'd? And what is thy degree?
And here comes Clifford to deny their baile.
Health, and all happinesse to my Lord the King.
Will you not Sonnes?
I Noble Father, if our words will serue.
And if words will not, then our Weapons shal.
Why what a brood of Traitors haue we heere?
Nay we shall heate you thorowly anon.
Take heede leaft by your heate you burne your selues:
Hast thou not sworne Allegeance vnto me?
I haue.
Canst thou dispense with heauen for such an oath?
A subtle Traitor needs no Sophister.
Call Buckingham, and bid him arme himselfe.
The first I warrant thee, if dreames proue true
Foule stygmaticke that's more then thou canst tell.
If not in heauen, you'l surely sup in hell.
How now my Noble Lord? What all a-foot.
Of one or both of vs the time is come.
My soule and bodie on the action both.
A dreadfull lay, addresse thee instantly.
La fia Corrone les eumenes.
Away my Lord, you are slow, for shame away.
Can we outrun the Heauens? Good Margaret stay.
The third Part of Henry the Sixt, with the death of the Duke of YORKE.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
I Wonder how the King escap'd our hands?
Speake thou for me, and tell them what I did.
Such hope haue all the line of Iohn of Gaunt.
Thus do I hope to shake King Henries head.
Wee'le all assist you: he that flyes, shall dye:
Arm'd as we are, let's stay within this House.
If I be not, Heauens be reueng'd on me.
The hope thereof, makes Clifford mourne in Steele.
Be patient, gentle Earle of Westmerland.
Well hast thou spoken, Cousin be it so.
But when the Duke is slaine, they'le quickly flye.
I am thine.
For shame come downe, he made thee Duke of Yorke.
It was my Inheritance, as the Earledome was.
Thy Father was a Traytor to the Crowne.
Whom should hee follow, but his naturall King?
True Clifford, that's Richard Duke of Yorke.
And shall I stand, and thou sit in my Throne?
It must and shall be so, content thy selfe.
Be Duke of Lancaster, let him be King.
Poore Clifford, how I scorne his worthlesse Threats.
Talke not of France, sith thou hast lost it all.
Sweet Father doe so, set it on your Head.
Sound Drummes and Trumpets, and the King will flye.
Sonnes peace.
Peace thou, and giue King Henry leaue to speake.
Proue it Henry, and thou shalt be King.
Henry the Fourth by Conquest got the Crowne.
'Twas by Rebellion against his King.
What then?
Art thou against vs, Duke of Exeter?
His is the right, and therefore pardon me.
Why whisper you, my Lords, and answer not?
My Conscience tells me he is lawfull King.
All will reuolt from me, and turne to him.
Depos'd he shall be, in despight of all.
Oh Clifford, how thy words reuiue my heart.
What wrong is this vnto the Prince, your Sonne?
What good is this to England, and himselfe?
Base, fearefull, and despayring Henry.
How hast thou iniur'd both thy selfe and vs?
I cannot stay to heare these Articles.
Nor I.
Come Cousin, let vs tell the Queene these Newes.
Turne this way Henry, and regard them not.
They seeke reuenge, and therefore will not yeeld.
Ah Exeter.
Why should you sigh, my Lord?
This Oath I willingly take, and will performe.
Long liue King Henry: Plantagenet embrace him.
And long liue thou, and these thy forward Sonnes.
Now Yorke and Lancaster are reconcil'd.
Accurst be he that seekes to make them foes.
Farewell my gracious Lord, Ile to my Castle.
And Ile keepe London with my Souldiers.
And I to Norfolke with my follower [...].
And I vnto the Sea, from whence I came.
And I with griefe and sorrow to the Court.
Exeter so will I.
Nay, goe not from me, I will follow thee.
Be patient gentle Queene, and I will stay.
Stay gentle Margaret, and heare me speake.
Thou hast spoke too much already: get thee gone.
Gentle Sonne Edward, thou wilt stay me?
I, to be murther'd by his Enemies.
Come Sonne away, we may not linger thus.
And I, I hope, shall reconcile them all.
Brother, though I bee youngest, giue mee leaue.
No, I can better play the Orator.
But I haue reasons strong and forceable.
No Quarrell, but a slight Contention.
About what?
Mine Boy? not till King Henry be dead.
Your Right depends not on his life, or death.
I tooke an Oath, that hee should quietly reigne.
No: God forbid your Grace should be forsworne.
I shall be, if I clayme by open Warre.
Ile proue the contrary, if you'le heare mee speake.
Thou canst not, Sonne: it is impossible.
Shee shall not neede, wee'le meete her in the field.
What, with fiue thousand men?
And I, my Lord, will beare him company.
Souldiers, away with him.
Such pitty as my Rapiers point affords.
I neuer did thee harme: why wilt thou slay me?
Thy Father hath.
No cause? thy Father slew my Father: therefore dye.
Dij faciant laudis summa sit ista tuae.
Yeeld to our mercy, proud Plantagenet.
I, I, so striues the Woodcocke with the Gynne.
So doth the Connie struggle in the Net.
What would your Grace haue done vnto him now?
That is my Office, for my Fathers sake.
Nay stay, let's heare the Orizons hee makes.
Heere's for my Oath, heere's for my Fathers Death.
And heere's to right our gentle-hearted King.
Dazle mine eyes, or doe I see three Sunnes?
Oh speake no more, for I haue heard too much.
Say how he dy'de, for I will heare it all.
How now faire Lords? What faire? What newes abroad?
How now? what newes?
Why then it sorts, braue Warriors, let's away.
Why that is spoken like a toward Prince.
I good my Lord, and leaue vs to our Fortune.
Why, that's my fortune too, therefore Ile stay.
Be it with resolution then to fight.
Are you there Butcher? O, I cannot speake.
'Twas you that kill'd yong Rutland, was it not?
I, and old Yorke, and yet not satisfied.
For Gods sake Lords giue signall to the fight.
Then 'twas my turne to fly, and now 'tis thine:
You said so much before, and yet you fled.
'Twas not yout valor Clifford droue me thence.
No, nor your manhood that durst make you stay.
I slew thy Father, cal'st thou him a Child?
Haue done with words (my Lords) and heare me speake.
Defie them then, or els hold close thy lips.
Stay Edward.
How now my Lord, what happe? what hope of good?
Was euer sonne, so rew'd a Fathers death?
Was euer Father so bemoan'd his Sonne?
Ile beare thee hence, where I may weepe my fill.
Clifford, aske mercy, and obtaine no grace.
Clifford, repent in bootlesse penitence.
Clifford, deuise excuses for thy faults,
While we deuise fell Tortures for thy faults.
Thou didd'st loue Yorke, and I am son to Yorke.
Thou pittied'st Rutland, I will pitty thee.
Where's Captaine Margaret, to fence you now?
Ile stay aboue the hill, so both may shoot.
Heere comes a man, let's stay till he be past:
Why linger we? Let vs lay hands vpon him.
Forbeare a-while, wee'l heare a little more.
Say, what art thou talk'st of Kings & Queens?
I, but thou talk'st, as if thou wer't a King.
Why so I am (in Minde) and that's enough.
But if thou be a King, where is thy Crowne?
But did you neuer sweare, and breake an Oath.
No, neuer such an Oath, nor will not now.
Where did you dwell when I was K. of England?
Heere in this Country, where we now remaine.
No, for we were Subiects, but while you wer king
We are true Subiects to the king, King Edward.
It were no lesse, but yet Ile make a pawse.
Hee knowes the Game, how true hee keepes the winde?
Silence.
I feare her not, vnlesse she chance to fall.
God forbid that, for hee'le take vantages.
How many Children hast thou, Widow? tell me.
I thinke he meanes to begge a Child of her.
Nay then whip me: hee'le rather giue her two.
Three, my most gracious Lord.
You shall haue foure, if you'le be rul'd by him.
'Twere pittie they should lose their Fathers Lands.
Be pittifull, dread Lord, and graunt it then.
Lords giue vs leaue, Ile trye this Widowes wit.
Now tell me, Madame, doe you loue your Children?
I, full as dearely as I loue my selfe.
And would you not doe much to doe them good?
To doe them good, I would sustayne some harme.
Then get your Husbands Lands, to doe them good.
Therefore I came vnto your Maiestie.
Ile tell you how these Lands are to be got.
So shall you bind me to your Highnesse seruice.
What seruice wilt thou doe me, if I giue them?
What you command, that rests in me to doe.
But you will take exceptions to my Boone.
No, gracious Lord, except I cannot doe it.
I, but thou canst doe what I meane to aske.
Why then I will doe what your Grace commands.
Hee plyes her hard, and much Raine weares the Marble.
As red as fire? nay then, her Wax must melt.
Why stoppes my Lord? shall I not heare my Taske?
An easie Taske, 'tis but to loue a King.
That's soone perform'd, because I am a Subiect.
Why then, thy Husbands Lands I freely giue thee.
I take my leaue with many thousand thankes.
The Match is made, shee seales it with a Cursie.
But stay thee, 'tis the fruits of loue I meane.
The fruits of Loue, I meane, my louing Liege.
No, by my troth, I did not meane such loue.
Why then you meane not, as I thought you did.
But now you partly may perceiue my minde.
To tell thee plaine, I ayme to lye with thee.
To tell you plaine, I had rather lye in Prison.
Why then thou shalt not haue thy Husbands Lands.
Therein thou wrong'st thy Children mightily.
Then No, my Lord: my suit is at an end.
The Widow likes him not, shee knits her Browes.
Hee is the bluntest Wooer in Christendome.
You cauill, Widow, I did meane my Queene.
'Twill grieue your Grace, my Sonnes should call you Father.
The Ghostly Father now hath done his Shrift.
When hee was made a Shriuer, 'twas for shift.
Brothers, you muse what Chat wee two haue had.
The Widow likes it not, for shee lookes very sad.
You'ld thinke it strange, if I should marrie her.
To who, my Lord?
Why Clarence, to my selfe.
That would be tenne dayes wonder at the least.
That's a day longer then a Wonder lasts.
By so much is the Wonder in extremes.
Why say, faire Queene, whence springs this deepe despaire?
The more wee stay, the stronger growes our Foe.
The more I stay, the more Ile succour thee.
What's hee approacheth boldly to our presence?
Our Earle of Warwicke, Edwards greatest Friend.
Welcome braue Warwicke, what brings thee to France?
If that goe forward, Henries hope is done.
Iniurious Margaret.
And why not Queene?
And I the House of Yorke.
Heauens graunt, that Warwickes wordes bewitch him not.
Thereon I pawne my Credit, and mine Honor.
But is hee gracious in the Peoples eye?
The more, that Henry was vnfortunate.
Now Sister, let vs heare your firme resolue.
To Edward, but not to the English King.
Warwicke, this is some poste to vs, or thee.
I like it well, that our faire Queene and Mistris Smiles at her newes, while Warwicke frownes at his.
Nay marke how Lewis stampes as he were netled. I hope, all's for the best.
Mine such, as fill my heart with vnhop'd ioyes.
Mine full of sorrow, and hearts discontent.
My quarrel, and this English Queens, are one.
And mine faire Lady Bona, ioynes with yours.
Let me giue humble thankes for all, at once.
My Lords, forbeare this talke: heere comes the King.
And his well-chosen Bride.
I minde to tell him plainly what I thinke.
Yea, Brother Richard, are you offended too?
But the safer, when 'tis back'd with France.
I heare, yet say not much, but thinke the more.
Now Messenger, what Letters, or what Newes from France?
So God helpe Mountague, as hee proues true.
And Hastings, as hee fauours Edwards cause.
Now, Brother Richard, will you stand by vs?
I, in despight of all that shall withstand you.
Feare not that, my Lord.
What, will he not to Bed?
'Tis the Lord Hastings, the Kings chiefest friend.
'Tis the more honour, because more dangerous.
Vnlesse our Halberds did shut vp his passage.
Who goes there?
Stay, or thou dyest.
What are they that flye there?
Richard and Hastings: let them goe, heere is the Duke.
Madam, what makes you in this sodain change?
No, but the losse of his owne Royall person.
Then is my Soueraigne slaine?
But whether shall we then?
Wel guest beleeue me, for that was my meaning
Stanley, I will requite thy forwardnesse.
But wherefore stay we? 'tis no time to talke.
Better do so, then tarry and be hang'd.
Come then away, lets ha no more adoo.
And I chuse Clarence onely for Protector.
What answeres Clarence to his Soueraignes will?
What else? and that Succession be determined.
I, therein Clarence shall not want his part.
It shall bee done, my Soueraigne, with all speede.
My Liege, it is young Henry, Earle of Richmond.
What newes, my friend?
Vnsauorie newes: but how made he escape?
My Liege, Ile knocke once more, to summon them.
True, my good Lord, I know you for no lesse.
I, say you so? the Gates shall then be opened.
A wise stout Captaine, and soone perswaded.
Welcome Sir Iohn: but why come you in Armes?
Why Brother, wherefore stand you on nice points?
Away with scrupulous Wit, now Armes must rule.
Edward the Fourth, by the Grace of God, King of England and France, and Lord of Ireland, &c.
Long liue Edward the Fourth.
Let's leuie men, and beat him backe againe,
Farewell my Hector, and my Troyes true hope.
In signe of truth, I kisse your Highnesse Hand.
Well-minded Clarence, be thou fortunate.
Comfort, my Lord, and so I take my leaue.
And thus I seale my truth, and bid adieu.
Farewell, sweet Lords, let's meet at Couentry.
The doubt is, that he will seduce the rest.
Hearke, hearke, my Lord, what Shouts are these?
By this at Dunsmore, marching hitherward.
By this at Daintry, with a puissant troope.
Then Clarence is at hand, I heare his Drumme.
Who should that be? belike vnlook'd for friends.
They are at hand, and you shall quickly know.
Goe, Trumpet, to the Walls, and sound a Parle.
See how the surly Warwicke mans the Wall.
Is not a Dukedome, Sir, a goodly gift?
'Twas I that gaue the Kingdome to thy Brother.
Why then 'tis mine, if but by Warwickes gift.
'Tis euen so, yet you are Warwicke still.
Oh chearefull Colours, see where Oxford comes.
Oxford, Oxford, for Lancaster.
The Gates are open, let vs enter too.
Oh welcome Oxford, for we want thy helpe.
Mountague, Mountague, for Lancaster.
Somerset, Somerset, for Lancaster.
Welcome good Clarence, this is Brother-like.
Oh passing Traytor, periur'd and vniust.
Away, away, to meet the Queenes great power.
Thankes gentle Somerset, sweet Oxford thankes.
And take his thankes, that yet hath nothing else.
But hee's deceiu'd, we are in readinesse.
This cheares my heart, to see your forwardnesse.
Here pitch our Battaile, hence we will not budge.
For my part, Ile not trouble thee with words.
Nor I, but stoupe with patience to my fortune.
It is, and loe where youthfull Edward comes.
Ah, that thy Father had beene so resolu'd.
By Heauen, Brat, Ile plague ye for that word.
I, thou wast borne to be a plague to men.
For Gods sake, take away this Captiue Scold.
Nay, take away this scolding Crooke-backe, rather.
Peace wilfull Boy, or I will charme your tongue.
Vntutor'd Lad, thou art too malapert.
Take that, the likenesse of this Rayler here.
Sprawl'st thou? take that, to end thy agonie.
And ther's for twitting me with periurie.
Oh, kill me too.
Marry, and shall.
Hold, Richard, hold, for we haue done too much.
Why should shee liue, to fill the World with words.
What? doth shee swowne? vse meanes for her recouerie.
What? what?
Tower, the Tower.
Away with her, go beare her hence perforce.
By heauen, I will not do thee so much ease.
Good Clarence do: sweet Clarence do thou do it.
Did'st thou not heare me sweare I would not do it?
Away I say, I charge ye beare her hence,
So come to you, and yours, as to this Prince.
Where's Richard gone.
Good day, my Lord, what at your Booke so hard?
Sirra, leaue vs to our selues, we must conferre.
Think'st thou I am an Executioner?
Thy Son I kill'd for his presumption.
Thanke Noble Clarence, worthy brother thanks.
The Tragedy of Richard the Third: with the Landing of Earle Richmond, and the Battell at Bosworth Field.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
Vpon what cause?
Because my name is George.
With this (my Lord) my selfe haue nought to doo.
What one, my Lord?
Her Husband Knaue, would'st thou betray me?
We know thy charge Brakenbury, and wil obey.
I know it pleaseth neither of vs well.
I must perforce: Farewell.
Good time of day vnto my gracious Lord.
What newes abroad?
He is.
Go you before, and I will follow you.
Scena Secunda.
Stay you that beare the Coarse, & set it down.
My Lord stand backe, and let the Coffin passe.
Sweet Saint, for Charity, be not so curst.
But I know none, and therefore am no Beast.
O wonderfull, when diuels tell the truth!
By such dispaire, I should accuse my selfe.
Say that I slew them not.
I did not kill your Husband.
Why then he is aliue.
Nay, he is dead, and slaine by Edwards hands.
I graunt ye.
The better for the King of heauen that hath him.
He is in heauen, where thou shalt neuer come.
And thou vnfit for any place, but hell.
Yes one place else, if you will heare me name it.
Some dungeon.
Your Bed-chamber.
Ill rest betide the chamber where thou lyest.
So will it Madam, till I lye with you.
I hope so.
Thou was't the cause, and most accurst effect.
Blacke night ore-shade thy day, & death thy life.
I would I were, to be reueng'd on thee.
His better doth not breath vpon the earth.
He liues, that loues thee better then he could.
Name him.
Plantagenet.
Why that was he.
The selfesame name, but one of better Nature.
Where is he?
Would it were mortall poyson, for thy sake.
Neuer came poyson from so sweet a place.
Thine eyes (sweet Lady) haue infected mine.
Would they were Basiliskes, to strike thee dead.
Then bid me kill my selfe, and I will do it.
I haue already.
I would I knew thy heart.
'Tis figur'd in my tongue.
I feare me, both are false.
Then neuer Man was true.
Well, well, put vp your Sword.
Say then my Peace is made.
That shalt thou know heereafter.
But shall I liue in hope.
What is it?
Bid me farwell.
Towards Chertsey, Noble Lord?
Scena Tertia.
If he were dead, what would betide on me?
No other harme, but losse of such a Lord.
The losse of such a Lord, includes all harmes.
Is it concluded he shall be Protector?
Here comes the Lord of Buckingham & Derby.
Good time of day vnto your Royall Grace.
God make your Maiesty ioyful, as you haue bin
Saw you the King to day my Lord of Derby.
What likelyhood of his amendment Lords.
Madam good hope, his Grace speaks chearfully.
God grant him health, did you confer with him?
To who in all this presence speaks your Grace?
She may my Lord, for—
What marry may she?
A murth'rous Villaine, and so still thou art.
Which God reuenge.
Wert thou not banished, on paine of death?
So iust is God, to right the innocent.
Tyrants themselues wept when it was reported.
No man but prophecied reuenge for it.
Northumberland, then present, wept to see it.
Haue done thy Charme, y u hateful wither'd Hagge.
Margaret.
Richard.
Ha.
I call thee not.
'Tis done by me, and ends in Margaret.
Thus haue you breath'd your Curse against your self.
Foule shame vpon you, you haue all mou'd mine.
Were you wel seru'd, you would be taught your duty.
Dispute not with her, shee is lunaticke.
Good counsaile marry, learne it, learne it Marquesse.
It touches you my Lord, as much as me.
Peace, peace for shame: If not, for Charity.
Haue done, haue done.
What doth she say, my Lord of Buckingham.
Nothing that I respect my gracious Lord.
My haire doth stand an end to heare her curses.
And so doth mine, I muse why she's at libertie.
I neuer did her any to my knowledge.
Catesby I come, Lords will you go with mee.
We wait vpon your Grace.
We will my Noble Lord.
Scena Quarta.
Why lookes your Grace so heauily to day.
What was your dream my Lord, I pray you tel me
Awak'd you not in this sore Agony?
I will my Lord, God giue your Grace good rest.
Ho, who's heere?
What would'st thou Fellow? And how camm'st thou hither.
I would speak with Clarence, and I came hither on my Legges.
What so breefe?
What, shall we stab him as he sleepes.
No: hee'l say 'twas done cowardly, when he wakes
Why he shall neuer wake, vntill the great Iudgement day.
Why then hee'l say, we stab'd him sleeping.
The vrging of that word Iudgement, hath bred a kinde of remorse in me.
What? art thou affraid?
I thought thou had'st bin resolute.
So I am, to let him liue.
Ile backe to the Duke of Glouster, and tell him so.
How do'st thou feele thy selfe now?
Some certaine dregges of conscience are yet within mee.
Remember our Reward, when the deed's done.
Come, he dies: I had forgot the Reward.
Where's thy conscience now.
O, in the Duke of Glousters purse.
When hee opens his purse to giue vs our Reward, thy Conscience flyes out.
'Tis no matter, let it goe: There's few or none will entertaine it.
What if it come to thee againe?
Ile not meddle with it, it makes a man a Coward: A man cannot steale, but it accuseth him: A man cannot Sweare, but it Checkes him: A man cannot lye with his Neighbours Wife, but it detects him. 'Tis a blushing shamefac'd spirit, that mutinies in a mans bosome: It filles a man full of Obstacles. It made me once restore a Pursse of Gold that (by chance) I found: It beggars any man that keepes it: It is turn'd out of Townes and Citties for a dangerous thing, and euery man that means to liue well, endeuours to trust to himselfe, and liue vvithout it.
'Tis euen now at my elbow, perswading me not to kill the Dkue.
I am strong fram'd, he cannot preuaile with me.
Take him on the Costard, with the hiltes of thy Sword, and then throw him into the Malmesey-Butte in the next roome.
O excellent deuice; and make a sop of him.
Soft, he wakes.
Strike.
No, wee'l reason with him.
Where art thou Keeper? Giue me a cup of wine.
You shall haue Wine enough my Lord anon.
In Gods name, what art thou?
A man, as you are.
But not as I am Royall.
Nor you as we are, Loyall.
Thy voice is Thunder, but thy looks are humble.
My voice is now the Kings, my lookes mine owne.
To, to, to—
To murther me?
I, I.
Offended vs you haue not, but the King.
I shall be reconcil'd to him againe.
Neuer my Lord, therefore prepare to dye.
What we will do, we do vpon command.
And he that hath commanded, is our King.
Whom thou was't sworne to cherish and defend.
My Brothers loue, the Diuell, and my Rage.
I so we will.
I Milstones, as he lessoned vs to weepe.
O do not slander him, for he is kinde.
Make peace with God, for you must die my Lord.
What shall we do?
Relent? no: 'Tis cowardly and womanish.
Looke behinde you, my Lord.
How now? what mean'st thou that thou help'st me not? By Heauen the Duke shall know how slacke you haue beene.
Actus Secundus.
Scoena Prima.
So thriue I, as I truly sweare the like.
So prosper I, as I sweare perfect loue.
And I, as I loue Hastings with my heart,
And so sweare I.
All-seeing heauen, what a world is this?
Looke I so pale Lord Dorset, as the rest?
Is Clarence dead? The Order was reuerst.
A boone my Soueraigne for my seruice done.
I prethee peace, my soule is full of sorrow.
I will not rise, vnlesse your Highnes heare me.
Then say at once, what is it thou requests.
We wait vpon your Grace.
Scena Secunda.
Good Grandam tell vs, is our Father dead?
No Boy.
And so will I.
Thinke you my Vnkle did dissemble Grandam?
I Boy.
I cannot thinke it. Hearke, what noise is this?
What meanes this Scene of rude impatience?
Ah for our Father, for our deere Lord Clarence.
Alas for both, both mine Edward and Clarence.
What stay had I but Edward, and hee's gone?
What stay had we but Clarence? and he's gone.
What stayes had I, but they? and they are gone.
Was neuer widdow had so deere a losse.
Were neuer Orphans had so deere a losse.
And so say I.
Scena Tertia.
Good morrow Neighbour, whether away so fast?
Yes, that the King is dead.
Neighbours, God speed.
Giue you good morrow sir.
Doth the newes hold of good king Edwards death?
I sir, it is too true, God helpe the while.
Then Masters looke to see a troublous world.
No, no, by Gods good grace, his Son shall reigne.
Woe to that Land that's gouern'd by a Childe.
Why so hath this, both by his Father and Mother.
Come, come, we feare the worst: all will be well.
Marry we were sent for to the Iustices.
And so was I: Ile beare you company.
Scena Quarta.
I Mother, but I would not haue it so.
Why my good Cosin, it is good to grow.
And so no doubt he is, my gracious Madam.
I hope he is, but yet let Mothers doubt.
I prythee pretty Yorke, who told thee this?
Grandam, his Nursse.
His Nurse? why she was dead, ere y u wast borne.
If 'twere not she, I cannot tell who told me.
A parlous Boy: go too, you are too shrew'd.
Good Madam, be not angry with the Childe.
Pitchers haue eares.
Heere comes a Messenger: What Newes?
Such newes my Lord, as greeues me to report.
How doth the Prince?
Well Madam, and in health.
What is thy Newes?
Who hath committed them?
The mighty Dukes, Glouster and Buckingham.
For what offence?
Stay, I will go with you.
You haue no cause.
Actus Tertius.
Scoena Prima.
My Lord, the Maior of London comes to greet you.
God blesse your Grace, with health and happie dayes.
And in good time, heere comes the sweating Lord.
Welcome, my Lord: what, will our Mother come?
I goe, my Lord.
Vpon record, my gracious Lord.
So wise, so young, they say doe neuer liue long.
What say you, Vnckle?
What, my gracious Lord?
Short Summers lightly haue a forward Spring.
Now in good time, heere comes the Duke of Yorke.
Richard of Yorke, how fares our Noble Brother?
Well, my deare Lord, so must I call you now.
How fares our Cousin, Noble Lord of Yorke?
He hath, my Lord.
And therefore is he idle?
Oh my faire Cousin, I must not say so.
Then he is more beholding to you, then I.
I pray you, Vnckle, giue me this Dagger.
My Dagger, little Cousin? with all my heart.
A Begger, Brother?
A greater gift then that, Ile giue my Cousin.
A greater gift? O, that's the Sword to it.
I, gentle Cousin, were it light enough.
It is too weightie for your Grace to weare.
I weigh it lightly, were it heauier.
What, would you haue my Weapon, little Lord?
I would that I might thanke you, as, as, you call me.
How?
Little.
What, will you goe vnto the Tower, my Lord?
My Lord Protector will haue it so.
I shall not sleepe in quiet at the Tower.
Why, what should you feare?
I feare no Vnckles dead.
Nor none that liue, I hope.
What think'st thou then of Stanley? Will not hee?
Hee will doe all in all as Hastings doth.
Good Catesby, goe effect this businesse soundly.
My good Lords both, with all the heed I can.
Shall we heare from you, Catesby, ere we sleepe?
You shall, my Lord.
At Crosby House, there shall you find vs both.
Ile clayme that promise at your Graces hand.
Scena Secunda.
My Lord, my Lord.
Who knockes?
One from the Lord Stanley.
What is't a Clocke?
Vpon the stroke of foure.
Cannot my Lord Stanley sleepe these tedious Nights?
What then?
Ile goe, my Lord, and tell him what you say.
Many good morrowes to my Noble Lord.
I, my good Lord.
God keepe your Lordship in that gracious minde.
The better, that your Lordship please to aske.
God hold it, to your Honors good content.
Gramercie fellow: there, drinke that for me.
I thanke your Honor.
Well met, my Lord, I am glad to see your Honor.
Ile wait vpon your Lordship.
Nay like enough, for I stay Dinner there.
Ile wait vpon your Lordship.
Scena Tertia.
You liue, that shall cry woe for this heereafter.
Dispatch, the limit of your Liues is out.
Make haste, the houre of death is expiate.
Scaena Quarta.
Is all things ready for the Royall time?
It is, and wants but nomination.
To morrow then I iudge a happie day.
Your Grace, we thinke, should soonest know his minde.
In happie time, here comes the Duke himselfe.
Mary and will, my Lord, with all my heart.
Withdraw your selfe a while, Ile goe with you.
If they haue done this deed, my Noble Lord.
Come, come, dispatch, 'tis bootlesse to exclaime.
He is, and see he brings the Maior along.
Lord Maior.
Looke to the Draw-Bridge there.
Hearke, a Drumme.
Catesby, o're-looke the Walls.
Lord Maior, the reason we haue sent.
Looke back, defend thee, here are Enemies.
God and our Innocencie defend, and guard vs.
Be patient, they are friends: Ratcliffe, and Louell.
Had he done so?
How now, how now, what say the Citizens?
Toucht you the Bastardie of Edwards Children?
And did they so?
Now Catesby, what sayes your Lord to my request?
Ile signifie so much vnto him straight.
Marry God defend his Grace should say vs nay.
See where his Grace stands, tweene two Clergie men.
Else wherefore breathe I in a Christian Land.
Do good my Lord, your Citizens entreat you.
Refuse not, mightie Lord, this proffer'd loue.
O make them ioyfull, grant their lawfull suit.
God blesse your Grace, wee see it, and will say it.
Amen.
To morrow may it please you to be Crown'd.
Euen when you please, for you will haue it so.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
As much to you, good Sister: whither away?
The King? who's that?
I meane, the Lord Protector.
I am their Fathers Mother, I will see them.
Despightfull tidings, O vnpleasing newes.
Be of good cheare: Mother, how fares your Grace?
Come, Madame, come, I in all haste was sent.
Poore heart adieu, I pittie thy complaining.
No more, then with my soule I mourne for yours.
Farewell, thou wofull welcommer of glory.
Adieu, poore soule, that tak'st thy leaue of it.
Scena Secunda.
Stand all apart. Cousin of Buckingham.
My gracious Soueraigne.
Still liue they, and for euer let them last.
Say on my louing Lord.
Why Buckingham, I say I would be King.
Why so you are, my thrice-renowned Lord.
Ha? am I King? 'tis so: but Edward liues.
True, Noble Prince.
Your Grace may doe your pleasure.
The King is angry, see he gnawes his Lippe.
My Lord.
What is his Name?
His Name, my Lord, is Tirrell.
Iames Tyrrel, and your most obedient subiect.
Art thou indeed?
Proue me, my gracious Lord.
Dar'st thou resolue to kill a friend of mine?
I will dispatch it straight.
Well, let that rest: Dorset is fled to Richmond.
I heare the newes, my Lord.
Stanley, hee is your Wiues Sonne: well, looke vnto it.
What sayes your Highnesse to my iust request?
May it please you to resolue me in my suit.
Thou troublest me, I am not in the vaine.
Kinde Tirrell, am I happy in thy Newes.
But did'st thou see them dead.
I did my Lord.
And buried gentle Tirrell.
I humbly take my leaue.
My Lord.
Good or bad newes, that thou com'st in so bluntly?
Scena Tertia.
When holy Harry dyed, and my sweet Sonne.
My words are dull, O quicken them with thine.
Why should calamity be full of words?
Who intercepts me in my Expedition?
Where is the gentle Riuers, Ʋaughan, Gray?
Where is kinde Hastings?
Art thou my Sonne?
I, I thanke God, my Father, and your selfe.
Then patiently heare my impatience.
O let me speake.
Do then, but Ile not heare.
I will be milde, and gentle in my words.
And breefe (good Mother) for I am in hast.
And came I not at last to comfort you?
I prythee heare me speake.
You speake too bitterly.
So.
Stay Madam, I must talke a word with you.
Wrong not her Byrth, she is a Royall Princesse.
To saue her life, Ile say she is not so.
Her life is safest onely in her byrth.
And onely in that safety, dyed her Brothers.
Loe at their Birth, good starres were opposite.
No, to their liues, ill friends were contrary.
All vnauoyded is the doome of Destiny.
You speake as if that I had slaine my Cosins?
Th' aduancement of your children, gentle Lady
Vp to some Scaffold, there to lose their heads.
My daughters Mother thinkes it with her soule.
What do you thinke?
Well then, who dost y u meane shallbe her King.
What, thou?
Euen so: How thinke you of it?
How canst thou woo her?
And wilt thou learne of me?
Madam, with all my heart.
Say that I did all this for loue of her.
Inferre faire Englands peace by this Alliance.
Which she shall purchase with stil lasting warre.
Tell her, the King that may command, intreats.
That at her hands, which the kings King forbids.
Say she shall be a High and Mighty Queene.
To vaile the Title, as her Mother doth.
Say I will loue her euerlastingly.
But how long shall that title euer last?
Sweetly in force, vnto her faire liues end.
But how long fairely shall her sweet life last?
As long as Heauen and Nature lengthens it.
As long as Hell and Richard likes of it.
Say, I her Soueraigne, am her Subiect low.
But she your Subiect, lothes such Soueraignty.
Be eloquent in my behalfe to her.
An honest tale speeds best, being plainly told.
Then plainly to her, tell my louing tale.
Plaine and not honest, is too harsh a style.
Your Reasons are too shallow, and to quicke.
Prophan'd, dishonor'd, and the third vsurpt.
I sweare.
Then by my Selfe.
Thy Selfe, is selfe-misvs'd.
Now by the World.
'Tis full of thy foule wrongs.
My Fathers death.
Thy life hath it dishonor'd.
Why then, by Heauen.
The time to come.
Shall I be tempted of the Diuel thus?
I, if the Diuell tempt you to do good.
Shall I forget my selfe, to be my selfe.
I, if your selfes remembrance wrong your selfe.
Yet thou didst kil my Children.
Shall I go win my daughter to thy will?
And be a happy Mother by the deed.
Here, my good Lord.
Catesby, flye to the Duke.
I will, my Lord, with all conuenient haste.
I goe.
What, may it please you, shall I doe at Salisbury?
Why, what would'st thou doe there, before I goe?
Your Highnesse told me I should poste before.
Richmond is on the Seas.
I know not, mightie Soueraigne, but by guesse.
Well, as you guesse.
Vnlesse for that, my Liege, I cannot guesse.
No, my good Lord, therefore mistrust me not.
No, my good Lord, my friends are in the North.
So deale with him, as I proue true to you.
My Lord, the Armie of great Buckingham.
Such Proclamation hath been made, my Lord.
Scena Quarta.
At Penbroke, or at Hertford West in Wales.
What men of Name resort to him.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
Will not King Richard let me speake with him?
No my good Lord, therefore be patient.
It is.
Scena Secunda.
I doubt not but his Friends will turne to vs.
My heart is ten times lighter then my lookes.
My Lord of Norfolke.
Heere most gracious Liege.
We must both giue and take my louing Lord.
Six or seuen thousand is their vtmost power.
What is't a Clocke?
It's Supper time my Lord, it's nine a clocke.
It is my Liege: and all things are in readinesse.
S [...]ir with the Larke to morrow, gentle Norfolk.
I warrant you my Lord.
Ratcliffe.
My Lord.
My Lord.
Saw'st the melancholly Lord Northumberland?
It is my Lord.
Fortune, and Victory sit on thy Helme.
Thinke vpon Grey, and let thy soule dispaire.
My Lord.
Who's there?
O Ratcliffe, I feare, I feare.
Nay good my Lord, be not affraid of Shadows.
Good morrow Richmond.
How haue you slept my Lord?
Vpon the stroke of foure.
What said Northumberland as touching Richmond?
That he was neuer trained vp in Armes.
He said the truth: and what said Surrey then?
He smil'd and said, the be [...]ter for our purpose.
Not I my Lord.
My Lord.
Arme, arme, my Lord: the foe vaunts in the field.
My Lord, he doth deny to come.
Off with his sonne Georges head.
A Horse, a Horse, my Kingdome for a Horse.
Withdraw my Lord, Ile helpe you to a Horse
What men of name are slaine on either side?
Iohn Duke of Norfolke, Walter Lord Ferris, Sir Robert Brokenbury, and Sir William Brandon.
The Famous History of the Life of King HENRY the Eight.
THE PROLOGƲE.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
Oh you go farre.
I pray you who, my Lord?
Marry is't.
Heere so please you.
Is he in person, ready?
I, please your Grace.
Say not treasonous.
Faith, and so it did.
Your Office Sergeant: execute it.
A Monke o' th' Chartreux.
O Michaell Hopkins?
He.
Scena Secunda.
Nay, we must longer kneele; I am a Suitor.
Lady mine proceed.
Speake freely.
What was that Henton?
How know'st thou this?
Let him on: Goe forward.
I can my Liedge.
Proceed.
A Gyant Traytor.
God mend all.
Ther's somthing more would out of thee; what say'st?
Scaena Tertia.
What is't for?
I am your Lordships.
Scena Quarta.
You are young Sir Harry Guilford ▪
Faith how easie?
As easie as a downe bed would affoord it.
Was he mad Sir?
You cannot shew me.
I told your Grace, they would talke anon.
What's that?
Looke out there, some of ye.
How now, what is't?
My Lord.
Your Grace.
I will my Lord.
What say they?
Yes, my Lord.
I feare too much.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
Whether away so fast?
Were you there?
Yes indeed was I.
Pray speake what ha's happen'd.
You may guesse quickly what.
Is he found guilty?
I am sorry fort.
So are a number more.
But pray how past it?
After all this, how did he beare himselfe?
I doe not thinke he feares death.
Let's stand close and behold him.
Scena Secunda.
MY Lord, the Horses your Lordship sent for, with all the care I had, I saw well chosen, ridden, and furnish'd. They were young and handsome, and of the best breed in the North. When they were ready to set out for London, a man of my Lord Cardinalls, b [...] Commission, and maine power tooke 'em from me, with this reason: his maister would bee seru'd before a Subiect, if not before the King, which stop'd our mouthes Sir.
I feare he will indeede; well, let him haue them; hee will haue all I thinke.
Well met my Lord Chamberlaine.
Good day to both your Graces.
How is the King imployd?
What's the cause?
And free vs from his slauery.
Thankes my good Lord Chamberlaine.
How sad he lookes; sure he is much afflicted.
Who's there? Ha?
Pray God he be not angry.
We are busie; goe.
This Priest ha's no pride in him?
If it doe, Ile venture one; haue at him.
I another.
Come hither Gardiner.
Yes, he was.
Was he not held a learned man?
Yes surely.
How? of me?
Scena Tertia.
Nay, good troth.
Yes troth, & troth; you would not be a Queen?
No, not for all the riches vnder Heauen.
No in truth.
Now I pray God, Amen.
My honour'd Lord.
This is strange to me.
Come you are pleasant.
What doe you thinke me —
Scena Quarta.
Bee't so, proceed.
Say, Henry K. of England, come into the Court.
Henry King of England, &c.
Heere.
Lord Cardinall, to you I speake.
Your pleasure, Madam.
Be patient yet.
Call her againe.
Katherine▪ Q of England, come into the Court.
Ʋsh. Madam, you are cald backe.
Very well my Liedge.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
How now?
Would they speake with me?
They wil'd me say so Madam.
Peace to your Highnesse.
Tanta est erga te mentis integritas Regina serenissima.
How Sir?
He tels you rightly.
Your rage mistakes vs.
Your feares are worse.
Pray heare me.
Scena Secunda.
Most strangely.
O how? how?
Ha's the King this?
Beleeue it.
Will this worke?
Would he had.
My Amen too't.
All mens.
Marry Amen.
So I heare.
Obserue, obserue, hee's moody.
To his owne hand, in's Bed-chamber.
Look'd he o' th' inside of the Paper?
Is he ready to come abroad?
I thinke by this he is.
He's discontented.
He is vex'd at something.
The King, the King.
You haue said well.
What should this meane?
The Lord increase this businesse.
The King that gaue it.
It must be himselfe then.
Thou art a proud Traitor, Priest.
I forgiue him.
I haue no power to speake Sir.
How does your Grace.
God blesse him.
The next is, that Sir Thomas Moore is chosen Lord Chancellor, in your place.
That's Newes indeed.
Good Sir, haue patience.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
Y' are well met once againe.
So are you.
The Order of the Coronation.
A liuely Flourish of Trumpets.
Then, two Iudges.
Lord Chancellor, with Purse and Mace before him.
Quirristers singing.
Maior of London, bearing the Mace. Then Garter, in his Coate of Armes, and on his head he wore a Gilt Copper Crowne.
Marquesse Dorset, bearing a Scepter of Gold, on his head, a Demy Coronall of Gold. With him, the Earle of Surrey, bearing the Rod of Siluer with the Doue, Crowned with an Earles Coronet. Collars of Esses.
Duke of Suffolke, in his Robe of Estate, his Coronet on his head, bearing a long white Wand, as High Steward. With him, the Duke of Norfolke, with the Rod of Marshalship, a Coronet on his head. Collars of Esses.
A Canopy, borne by foure of the Cinque-Ports, vnder it the Queene in her Robe, in her haire, richly adorned with Pearle, Crowned. On each side her, the Bishops of London, and Winchester.
The Olde Dutchesse of Norfolke, in a Coronall of Gold, wrought with Flowers bearing the Queenes Traine.
Certaine Ladies or Countesses, with plaine Circlets of Gold, without Flowers.
'Tis the same: high Steward.
And that my Lord of Norfolke?
Yes.
It is, and all the rest are Countesses.
No more of that.
God saue you Sir. Where haue you bin broiling?
You saw the Ceremony?
That I did.
How was it?
Well worth the seeing.
Good Sir, speake it to vs?
But what follow'd?
Who may that be, I pray you.
He will deserue more.
You may command vs Sir.
Scena Secunda.
How do's your Grace?
Alas poore man▪
Madam, we are heere.
None Madam.
She is going Wench. Pray, pray.
Heauen comfort her.
And't like your Grace—
Madam the same. Your Seruant.
Madam, in good health.
No Madam.
Most willing Madam.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
It's one a clocke Boy, is't not.
It hath strooke.
Came you from the King, my Lord?
Many good nights, my Lord, I rest your seruant.
Sir, I did neuer win of you before.
Alas good Lady.
Ha? Canterbury?
I my good Lord.
'Tis true: where is he Denny?
He attends your Highnesse pleasure.
Bring him to Vs.
Come backe: what meane you?
Louell.
Sir.
Scena Secunda.
Why?
Your Grace must waight till you be call'd for.
So.
Ile shew your Grace the strangest fight.
What's that Buts?
I thinke your Highnesse saw this many a day.
Body a me: where is it?
Ha's he had knowledge of it?
Yes.
Who waits there?
Without my Noble Lords?
Yes.
Let him come in.
Your Grace may enter now.
Why my Lord?
Not sound?
Not sound I say.
I shall remember this bold Language.
I haue done.
And I.
We are.
This is the Kings Ring.
'Tis no counterfeit.
May it please your Grace;—
Come, come my Lord, you'd spare your spoones; You shall haue two noble Partners with you: the old Duchesse of Norfolke, and Lady Marquesse Dorset? will these please you?
Scena Tertia.
You'l leaue your noyse anon ye▪ Rascals: doe you take the Court for Parish Garden: ye rude Slaues, leaue your gaping:
Good M. Porter I belong to th' Larder.
Belong to th' Gallowes, and be hang'd ye Rogue: Is this a place to roare in? Fetch me a dozen Crab-tree staues, and strong ones; these are but switches to 'em: Ile scratch your heads; you must be seeing Christenings? Do you looke for Ale, and Cakes heere, you rude Raskalls?
How got they in, and be hang'd?
You did nothing Sir.
Do you heare M. Porter?
What would you haue me doe?
What should you doe,
But knock 'em downe by th' dozens? Is this More fields to muster in? Or haue wee some strange Indian with the great Toole, come to Court, the women so besiege vs? Blesse me, what a fry of Fornication is at dore? On my Christian Conscience this one Christening will beget a thousand, here will bee Father, God-father, and all together.
The Spoones will be the bigger Sir: There is a fellow somewhat neere the doore, he should be a Brasier by his face, for o' my conscience twenty of the Dog-dayes now reigne in's Nose; all that stand about him are vnder the Line, they need no other pennance: that Fire-Drake did I hit three times on the head, and three times was his Nose discharged against mee; hee stands there like a Morter-piece to blow vs. There was a Habberdashers Wife of small wit, neere him, that rail'd vpon me, till her pinck'd porrenger fell off her head, for kindling such a combustion in the State. I mist the Meteor once, and hit that Woman, who cryed out Clubbes, when I might see from farre, some forty Truncheoners draw to her succour, which were the hope o' th' Strond where she was quartered; they fell on, I made good my place; at length they came to th' broome staffe to me, I defide 'em stil, when sodainly a File of Boyes behind 'em, loose shot, deliuer'd such a showre of Pibbles, that I was faine to draw mine Honour in, and let 'em win the Worke, the Diuell was amongst 'em I thinke surely.
These are the youths that thunder at a Playhouse, and fight for bitten Apples, that no Audience but the tribulation of Tower Hill, or the Limbes of Limehouse, their deare Brothers are able to endure. I haue some of 'em in Limbo Patrum, and there they are like to dance these three dayes; besides the running Banquet of two Beadles, that is to come.
Make way there, for the Princesse.
Scena Quarta.
Elizabeth.
Amen.
Thou speakest wonders.
THE EPILOGVE.
The Prologue.
THE TRAGEDIE OF Troylus and Cressida.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
Will this geere nere be mended?
Well, I haue told you enough of this: For my part, Ile not meddle nor make no farther. Hee that will haue a Cake out of the Wheate, must needes tarry the grinding.
Haue I not tarried?
I the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting.
Haue I not tarried?
I the boulting; but you must tarry the leau'ing.
Still haue I tarried.
I, to the leauening: but heeres yet in the word hereafter, the Kneading, the making of the Cake, the heating of the Ouen, and the Baking; nay, you must stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burne your lips.
And her haire were not somewhat darker then Helens, well go too, there were no more comparison betweene the Women. But for my part she is my Kinswoman, I would not (as they tearme it) praise it, but I wold some-body had heard her talke yesterday as I did: I will not dispraise your sister Cassandra's wit, but—
I speake no more then truth.
Thou do'st not speake so much.
Faith, Ile not meddle in't: Let her be as shee is, if she be faire, 'tis the better for her: and she be not, she ha's the mends in her owne hands.
Good Pandarus: How now Pandarus?
I haue had my Labour for my trauell, ill thought on of her, and ill thought on of you: Gone betweene and betweene, but small thankes for my labour.
What art thou angry Pandarus? what with me?
Because she's Kinne to me, therefore shee's not so faire as Helen, and she were not kin to me, she would be as faire on Friday, as Helen is on Sunday. But what care I? I care not and she were a Black-a-Moore, 'tis all one to me.
Say I she is not faire?
I doe not care whether you doe or no. Shee's a Foole to stay behinde her Father: Let her to the Greeks, and so Ile tell her the next time I see her: for my part, Ile meddle nor make no more i' th' matter.
Pandarus?
Not I.
Sweete Pandarus.
Pray you speake no more to me, I will leaue all as I found it, and there an end.
That Paris is returned home, and hurt.
By whom Aeneas?
Troylus by Menelaus.
Harke what good sport is out of Towne to day.
In all swift hast.
Come goe wee then togither.
Who were those went by?
Queene Hecuba, and Hellen.
And whether go they?
What was his cause of anger?
Good; and what of him?
They say he is a very man per se and stands alone.
So do all men, vnlesse they are drunke, sicke, or haue no legges.
This man Lady, hath rob'd many beasts of their particular additions, he is as valiant as the Lyon, churlish as the Beare, slow as the Elephant: a man into whom nature hath so crowded humors, that his valour is crusht into folly, his folly sauced with discretion: there is no man hath a vertue, that he hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint, but he carries some staine of it. He is melancholy without cause, and merry against the haire, hee hath the ioynts of euery thing, but euery thing so out of ioynt, that hee is a gowtie Briareus, many hands and no vse; or purblinded Argus, all eyes and no sight.
But how should this man that makes me smile, make Hector angry?
They say he yesterday cop'd Hector in the battell and stroke him downe, the disdaind & shame whereof, hath euer since kept Hector fasting and waking.
Who comes here?
Madam your Vncle Pandarus.
Hectors a gallant man.
As may be in the world Lady.
What's that? what's that?
Good morrow Vncle Pandarus.
Good morrow Cozen Cressid: what do you talke of? good morrow Alexander: how do you Cozen? when were you at Illium?
This morning Vncle.
What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector arm'd and gon ere yea came to Illium? Hellen was not vp? was she?
Hector was gone but Hellen was not vp?
E'ene so; Hector was stirring early.
That were we talking of, and of his anger.
Was he angry?
So he saies here.
True he was so; I know the cause too, heele lay about him to day I can tell them that▪ and there's Troylus will not come farre behind him, let them take heede of Troylus; I can tell them that too.
What is he angry too?
Oh Iupiter; there's no comparison.
What not betweene Troylus and Hector? do you know a man if you see him?
I, if I euer saw him before and knew him.
Well I say Troylus is Troylus.
No not Hector is not Troylus in some degrees.
'Tis iust, to each of them he is himselfe.
Himselfe? alas poore Troylus I would he were.
So he is.
Condition I had gone bare-foote to India.
He is not Hector.
Himselfe? no? hee's not himselfe, would a were himselfe: well, the Gods are aboue, time must friend or end: well Troylus well, I would my heart were in her body; no, Hector is not a better man then Troylus.
Excuse me.
He is elder.
Pardon me, pardon me.
Th' others not come too't, you shall tell me another tale when th' others come too't: Hector shall not haue his will this yeare.
He shall not neede it if he haue his owne.
Nor his qualities.
No matter.
Nor his beautie.
'Twould not become him, his own's better.
You haue no iudgement Neece; Hellen her selfe swore th' other day, that Troylus for a browne fauour (for so 'tis I must confesse) not browne neither.
No, but browne.
Faith to say truth, browne and not browne.
To say the truth, true and not true.
She prais'd his complexion aboue Paris.
Why Paris hath colour inough.
So, he has.
Then Troylus should haue too much, if she prasi'd him aboue, his complexion is higher then his, he hauing [Page 80] colour enough, and the other higher, is too flaming a praise for a good complexion, I had as lieue Hellens golden tongue had commended Troylus for a copper nose.
Then shee's a merry Greeke indeed.
Nay I am sure she does, she came to him th' other day into the compast window, and you know he has not past three or foure haires on his chinne.
Indeed a Tapsters Arithmetique may soone bring his particulars therein, to a totall.
Why he is very yong, and yet will he within three pound lift as much as his brother Hector.
Is he is so young a man, and so old a lifter?
But to prooue to you that Hellen loues him, she came and puts me her white hand to his clouen chin.
Iuno haue mercy, how came it clouen?
Oh he smiles valiantly.
Dooes hee not?
Oh yes, and 'twere a clow'd in Autumne.
Why go to then, but to proue to you that Hellen loues Troylus.
Troylus? why he esteemes her no more then I esteeme an addle egge.
If you loue an addle egge as well as you loue an idle head, you would eate chickens i' th' shell.
I cannot chuse but laugh to thinke how she tickled his chin, indeed shee has a maruel's white hand I must needs confesse.
Without the racke.
And shee takes vpon her to spie a white haire on his chinne.
Alas poore chin? many a wart is richer.
But there was such laughing, Queene Hecuba laught that her eyes ran ore.
With Milstones.
And Cassandra laught.
But there was more temperate fire vnder the pot of her eyes: did her eyes run ore too?
And Hector laught.
At what was all this laughing?
Marry at the white haire that Hellen spied on Troylus chin.
And t' had beene a greene haire, I should haue laught too.
They laught not so much at the haire, as at his pretty answere.
What was his answere?
Quoth shee, heere's but two and fifty haires on your chinne; and one of them is white.
This is her question.
That's true, make no question of that, two and fiftie haires quoth hee, and one white, that white haire is my Father, and all the rest are his Sonnes. Iupiter quoth she, which of these haires is Paris my husband? The forked one quoth he, pluckt out and giue it him: but there was such laughing, and Hellen so blusht, and Paris so chaft, and all the rest so laught, that it past.
So I does.
Ile be sworne 'tis true, he will weepe you an'twere a man borne in Aprill.
And Ile spring vp in his teares, an'twere a nettle against May.
Harke they are comming from the field, shal we stand vp here and see them, as they passe toward Illium, good Neece do, sweet Neece Cressida.
At your pleasure.
Heere, heere, here's an excellent place, heere we may see most brauely, Ile tel you them all by their names, as they passe by, but marke Troylus aboue the rest.
Speake not so low'd.
That's Aeneas, is not that a braue man, hee's one of the flowers of Troy I can you, but merke Troylus, you shal see anon.
Who's that?
That's Antenor, he has a shrow'd wit I can tell you, and hee's a man good inough, hee's one o' th soundest iudgement in Troy whosoeuer, and a proper man of person: when comes Troylus? Ile shew you Troylus anon, if hee see me, you shall see him him nod at me.
Will he giue you the nod?
You shall see.
If he do, the rich shall haue, more.
That's Hector, that, that, looke you, that there's a fellow. Goe thy way Hector, there's a braue man Neece, O braue Hector! Looke how hee lookes? there's a countenance; ist not a braue man?
O braue man!
Is a not? It dooes a mans heart good, looke you what hacks are on his Helmet, looke you yonder, do you see? Looke you there? There's no iesting, laying on, tak't off, who ill as they say, there be hacks.
Be those with Swords?
Swords, any thing he cares not, and the diuell come to him, it's all one, by Gods lid it dooes ones heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris: looke yee yonder Neece, ist not a gallant man to, ist not? Why this is braue now: who said he came hurt home to day? Hee's not hurt, why this will do Hellens heart good now, ha? Would I could see Troylus now, you shall Troylus anon.
Whose that?
That's Hellenus, I maruell where Troylus is, that's Helenus, I thinke he went not forth to day: that's Hellenus.
Can Hellenus fight Vncle?
Hellenus no: yes heele fight indifferent, well, I maruell where Troylus is; harke, do you not haere the people crie Troylus? Hellenus is a Priest.
What sneaking fellow comes yonder?
Where? Yonder? That's Daphobus. 'Tis Troylus! Ther's a man Neece, hem▪ Braue Troylus, the Prince of Chiualrie.
Peace, for shame peace.
Marke him, not him: O braue Troylus: looke well vpon him Neece, looke you how his Sword is bloudied, and his Helme more hackt then Hectors, and how he [Page] lookes, and how he goes. O admirable youth! he ne're saw three and twenty. Go thy way Troylus, go thy way, had I a sister were a Grace, or a daughter a Goddesse, hee should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris is durt to him, and I warrant, Helen to change, would giue money to boot.
Heere come more.
Asses, fooles, dolts, chaffe and bran, chaffe and bran; porredge after meat. I could liue and dye i' th' eyes of Troylus. Ne're looke, ne're looke; the Eagles are gon, Crowes and Dawes, Crowes and Dawes: I had rather be such a man as Troylus, then Agamemnon, and all Greece.
There is among the Greekes Achilles, a better man then Troylus.
Achilles? a Dray-man, a Porter, a very Camell.
Well, well.
Well, well? Why haue you any discretion? haue you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good-shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gentlenesse, vertue, youth, liberality, and so forth: the Spice, and salt that seasons a man?
I, a minc'd man, and then to be bak'd with no Date in the pye, for then the mans dates out.
You are such another woman, one knowes not at what ward you lye.
Vpon my backe, to defend my belly; vpon my wit, to defend my wiles; vppon my secrecy, to defend mine honesty; my Maske, to defend my beauty, and you to defend all these: and at all these wardes I lye at, at a thousand watches.
Say one of your watches.
Nay Ile watch you for that, and that's one of the cheefest of them too: If I cannot ward what I would not haue hit, I can watch you for telling how I took the blow, vnlesse it swell past hiding, and then it's past watching.
You are such another.
Sir, my Lord would instantly speake with you.
Where?
At your owne house.
Adieu Vnkle.
Ile be with you Neece by and by.
To bring Vnkle.
I, a token from Troylus.
What Trumpet? Looke Menelaus.
From Troy.
What would you 'fore our Tent?
Is this great Agamemnons Tent, I pray you?
Euen this.
How?
Sir, you of Troy, call you your selfe Aeneas?
I Greeke, that is my name.
What's your affayre I pray you?
Sir pardon, 'tis for Agamemnons cares▪
Now heauens forbid such scarsitie of youth.
Amen.
Nestor.
What sayes Vlysses?
What is't?
Wel, and how?
And wake him to the answer, thinke you?
I see them not with my old eies: what are they?
Thersites?
Agamemnon, how if he had Biles (ful) all ouer generally.
Thersites?
And those Byles did runne, say so; did not the General run, were not that a botchy core?
Dogge.
The plague of Greece vpon thee thou Mungrel beefe-witted Lord.
Speake then you whinid'st leauen speake, I will beate thee into handsomnesse.
I shal sooner rayle thee into wit and holinesse: but I thinke thy Horse wil sooner con an Oration, then y u learn a prayer without booke: Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red Murren o' th thy Iades trickes.
Toads stoole, learne me the Proclamation.
Doest thou thinke I haue no sence thou strik'st me thus?
The Proclamation.
Thou art proclaim'd a foole, I thinke.
Do not Porpentine, do not; my fingers itch.
I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee, I would make thee the lothsom'st scab in Greece.
I say the Proclamation.
Thou grumblest & railest euery houre on Achilles, and thou art as ful of enuy at his greatnes, as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty. I, that thou barkst at him.
Mistresse Thersites.
Thou should'st strike him.
Coblofe.
He would pun thee into shiuers with his fist, as a Sailor breakes a bisket.
You horson Curre.
Do, do.
Thou stoole for a Witch.
I, do, do, thou sodden-witted Lord: thou hast no more braine then I haue in mine elbows: An Asinico may tutor thee. Thou scuruy valiant Asse, thou art heere but to thresh Troyans, and thou art bought and solde among those of any wit, like a Barbarian slaue. If thou vse to beat me, I wil begin at thy heele and tel what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels thou.
You dogge.
You scuruy Lord.
You Curre.
Mars his Ideot: do rudenes, do Camell, do, do.
You see him there, do you?
I, what's the matter.
Nay looke vpon him.
So I do: what's the matter?
Nay but regard him well.
Well, why I do so.
But yet you looke not well vpon him: for who some euer you take him to be, he is Aiax.
I know that foole.
I, but that foole knowes not himselfe.
Therefore I beare thee.
Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he vtters: his euasions haue eares thus long. I haue bobb'd his Braine more then he has beate my bones: I will buy nine Sparrowes for a peny, and his Piamater is not worth the ninth part of a Sparrow. This Lord (Achilles) Aiax who wears his wit in his belly, and his guttes in his head, Ile tell you what I say of him.
What?
I say this Aiax—
Nay good Aiax.
Has not so much wit.
Nay, I must hold you.
As will stop the eye of Helens Needle, for whom he comes to fight.
Peace foole.
I would haue peace and quietnes, but the foole will not: He there, that he, looke you there.
O thou damn'd Curre, I shall—
Will you set your wit to a Fooles.
No I warrant you, for a fooles will shame it.
Good words Thersites.
What's the quarrell?
I bad thee vile Owle, goe learne me the tenure of the Proclamation, and he rayles vpon me.
I serue thee not.
Well, go too, go too.
I serue heere voluntary.
Your last seruice was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary, no man is beaten voluntary: Aiax was heere the voluntary▪ and you as vnder an Impresse.
E'neso, a great deale of your wit too lies in your sinnewes, or else there be Liars Hector shall haue a great catch, if he knocke out either of your braines, he were as good cracke a fustie nut with no kernell.
What with me to Thersites?
There's Vlysses, and old Nestor, whose Wit was mouldy ere their Grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you like draft-Oxen, and make you plough vp the warre.
What? what?
Yes good sooth, to Achilles, to Aiax, to—
I shall cut out your tongue.
'Tis no matter, I shall speake as much as thou afterwards.
No more words Thersites.
I will hold my peace when Achilles Brooch bids me, shall I?
There's for you Patroclus.
I wil see you hang'd like Clotpoles ere I come any more to your Tents; I will keepe where there is wit stirring, and leaue the faction of fooles.
A good riddance.
Farewell? who shall answer him?
O meaning you, I wil go learne more of it.
What's aught, but as 'tis valew'd?
Cry Troyans, cry.
What noyse? what shreeke is this?
'Tis our mad sister, I do know her voyce.
Cry Troyans.
It is Cassandra.
Peace sister, peace.
How now Thersites? what lost in the Labyrinth of thy furie? shall the Elephant Aiax carry it thus? he beates me, and I raile at him: O worthy satisfaction, would it were otherwise: that I could beate him, whil'st he rail'd at me: Sfoote, Ile learne to coniure and raise Diuels, but Ile see some issue of my spitefull execrations. Then ther's Achilles, a rare Enginer. If Troy be not taken till these two vndermine it, the wals will stand till they fall of themselues. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Ioue the King of gods: and Mercury, loose all the Serpentine craft of thy Caduceus, if thou take not that little little lesse then little wit from them that they haue, which short-arm'd ignorance it selfe knowes, is so abundant scarse, it will not in circumuention deliuer a Flye from a Spider, without drawing the massie Irons and cutting the web: after this, the vengeance on the whole Camp, or rather the bone-ach, for that me thinkes is the curse dependant on those that warre for a placket. I haue said my prayers and diuell, enuie, say Amen: What ho? my Lord Achilles?
Who's there? Thersites. Good Thersites come in and raile.
If I could haue remembred a guilt counterfeit, thou would'st not haue slipt out of my contemplation, but it is no matter, thy selfe vpon thy selfe. The common curse of mankinde, follie and ignorance be thine in great reuenew; heauen blesse thee from a Tutor, and Discipline come not neere thee. Let thy bloud be thy direction till thy death, then if she that laies thee out sayes thou art a faire coarse, Ile be sworne and sworne vpon't she neuer shrowded any but Lazars, Amen. Wher's Achilles?
What art thou deuout? wast thou in a prayer?
I, the heauens heare me.
Who's there?
Thersites, my Lord.
Where, where, art thou come? why my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not seru'd thy selfe into my Table, so many meales? Come, what's Agamemnon?
Thy Commander Achilles, then tell me Patroclus, what's Achilles?
Thy Lord Thersites: then tell me I pray thee, what's thy selfe?
Thy knower Patroclus: then tell me Patroclus, what art thou?
Thou maist tell that know'st.
O tell, tell.
Ile declin the whole question: Agamemnon commands Achilles, Achilles is my Lord, I am Patroclus knower, and Patroclus is a foole.
You rascall.
Peace foole, I haue not done.
He is a priuiledg'd man, proceede Thersites.
Agamemnon is a foole, Achilles is a foole, Thersites is a foole, and as aforesaid, Patroclus is a foole.
Deriue this? come?
Agamemnon is a foole to offer to command Achilles, Achilles is a foole to be commanded of Agamemon, Thersites is a foole to serue such a foole: and Patroclus is a foole positiue.
Why am I a foole?
Make that demand to the Creator, it suffises me thou art. Looke you, who comes here?
Patroclus, Ile speake with no body: come in with me Thersites.
Here is such patcherie, such iugling, and such knauerie: all the argument is a Cuckold and a Whore, a good quarrel to draw emulations, factions, and bleede to death vpon: Now the dry Suppeago on the Subiect, and Warre and Lecherie confound all.
Where is Achilles?
Within his Tent, but ill dispos'd my Lord.
I shall so say to him.
Yes, Lyon sicke, sicke of proud heart; you may call it Melancholly if will fauour the man, but by my head, it is pride; but why, why, let him show vs the cause? A word my Lord.
What moues Aiax thus to bay at him?
Achillis hath inueigled his Foole from him.
Who, Thersites?
He.
Then will Aiax lacke matter, if he haue lost his Argument.
No, you see he is his argument that has his argument Achilles.
All the better, their fraction is more our wish then their faction; but it was a strong counsell that a Foole could disunite.
The amitie that wisedome knits, not folly may easily vntie.
No Achilles with him?
I shall, and bring his answere presently.
What is he more then another?
No more then what he thinkes he is.
Is he so much, doe you not thinke, he thinkes himselfe a better man then I am?
No question.
Will you subscribe his thought, and say he is?
No, Noble Aiax, you are as strong, as valiant, as wise, no lesse noble, much more gentle, and altogether more tractable
Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not what it is.
Your minde is the cleerer Aiax, and your vertues the fairer; he that is proud, eates vp himselfe; Pride is his owne Glasse, his owne trumpet, his owne Chronicle, and what euer praises it selfe but in the deede, deuoures the deede in the praise.
I do hate a proud man, as I hate the ingendring of Toades.
Yet [...]e [...]oues himselfe: Is't not strange?
Achilles will not to the field to morrow.
What's his excuse?
O this is well, he rubs the veine of him.
And how his silence drinkes vp this applause.
If I goe to him, with my armed fist, Ile pash him ore the face.
O no, you shall not goe.
And a be proud with me, ile phese his pride: let me goe to him.
Not for the worth that hangs vpon our quarrel.
A paultry insolent fellow.
How he describes himselfe.
Can he not be sociable?
The Rauen chides blacknesse.
Ile let his humours bloud.
He will be the Physitian that should be the patient.
And all men were a my minde.
Wit would be out of fashion.
A should not beare it so, a should eate Swords first: shall pride carry it?
And 'twould, you'ld carry halfe.
A would haue ten shares.
I will knede him, Ile make him supple, hee's not yet through warme.
Force him with praises, poure in, poure in: his ambition is dry.
My L. you feede too much on this dislike.
Our noble Generall, doe not doe so.
You must prepare to fight without Achilles.
'Know the whole world, he is as valiant.
A horson dog, that shal palter thus with vs, would he were a Troian.
What a vice were it in Aiax now—
If he were proud.
Or couetous of praise.
I, or surley borne.
Or strange, or selfe affected.
Shall I call you Father?
I my good Sonne.
Be rul'd by him Lord Aiax.
Friend, you, pray you a word: Doe not you follow the yong Lord Paris?
I sir, when he goes before me.
You depend vpon him I meane?
Sir, I doe depend vpon the Lord.
You depend vpon a noble Gentleman: I must needes praise him.
The Lord be praised.
You know me, doe you not?
Faith sir, superficially.
Friend know me better, I am the Lord Pandarus.
I hope I shall know your honour better.
I doe desire it.
You are in the state of Grace?
Grace, not so friend, honor and Lordship are my title: What Musique is this?
I doe but partly know sir: it is Musicke in parts.
Know you the Musitians.
Wholly sir.
Who play they to?
To the hearers sir.
At whose pleasure friend?
At mine sir, and theirs that loue Musicke.
Command, I meane friend.
Who shall I command sir?
Friend, we vnderstand not one another: I am too courtly, and thou art too cunning. At whose request doe these men play?
That's too't indeede sir: marry sir, at the request of Paris my L. who's there in person; with him the mortall Venus, the heart bloud of beauty, loues inuisible soule.
Who? my Cosin Cressida.
No sir, Helen, could you not finde out that by her attributes?
It should seeme fellow, that thou hast not seen the Lady Cressida. I come to speake with Paris from the Prince Troylus: I will make a complementall assault vpon him, for my businesse seethes.
Sodden businesse, there's a stewed phrase indeede.
Faire be to you my Lord, and to all this faire company: faire desires in all faire measure fairely guide them, especially to you faire Queene, faire thoughts be your faire pillow.
Deere L. you are full of faire words.
You speake your faire pleasure sweete Queene: faire Prince, here is good broken Musicke.
You haue broke it cozen: and by my life you shall make it whole againe, you shall peece it out with a peece of your performance. Nel, he is full of harmony.
Truely Lady no.
O sir.
Rude in sooth, in good sooth very rude.
Well said my Lord: well, you say so in fits.
I haue businesse to my Lord, deere Queene: my Lord will you vouchsafe me a word.
Nay, this shall not hedge vs out, weele heare you sing certainely.
Well, sweete Queene you are pleasant with me, but, marry thus my Lord, my deere Lord, and most esteemed friend your brother Troylus.
My Lord Pandarus, hony sweete Lord.
Sweete Queene, sweete Queene, that's a sweete Queene I faith—
And to make a sweet Lady sad, is a sower offence.
Nay, that shall not serue your turne, that shall it not in truth la. Nay, I care not for such words, no, no. And my Lord he desires you, that if the King call for him at Supper, you will make his excuse.
My Lord Pandarus?
What saies my sweete Queene, my very, very sweete Queene?
What exploit's in hand, where sups he to night?
Nay but my Lord?
What saies my sweere Queene? my cozen will fall out with you.
You must not know where he sups.
With my disposer Cressida.
No, no; no such matter, you are wide, come your disposer is sicke.
Well, Ile make excuse.
I good my Lord: why should you say Cressida? no, your poore disposer's sicke.
I spie.
Why this is kindely done?
My Neece is horrible in loue with a thing you haue sweete Queene.
She shall haue it my Lord, if it be not my Lord Paris.
Hee? no, sheele none of him, they two are twaine.
Falling in after falling out, may make them three.
Come, come, Ile heare no more of this, Ile sing you a song now.
I, I, prethee now: by my troth sweet Lord thou hast a fine fore-head.
I you may, you may.
Loue? I that it shall yfaith.
I, good now loue, loue, no thing but loue.
In good troth it begins so.
In loue yfaith to the very tip of the nose.
He eates nothing but doues loue, and that breeds hot bloud, and hot bloud begets hot thoughts, and hot thoughts beget hot deedes, and hot deedes is loue.
Is this the generation of loue? Hot bloud, hot thoughts, and hot deedes, why they are Vipers, is Loue a generation of Vipers?
Sweete Lord whose a field to day?
Hector, Deiphoebus, Helenus, Anthenor, and all the gallantry of Troy. I would faine haue arm'd to day, but my Nell would not haue it so.
How chance my brother Troylus went not?
He hangs the lippe at something; you know all Lord Pandarus?
To a hayre.
Farewell sweete Queene.
Commend me to your Neece.
I will sweete Queene.
How now, where's thy Maister, at my Couzen Cressidas?
No sir, he stayes for you to conduct him thither.
O here he comes: How now, how now?
Sirra walke off.
Haue you seene my Cousin?
Walke here ith' Orchard, Ile bring her straight.
Shee's making her ready, sheele come straight; you must be witty now, she does so blush, & fetches her winde so short, as if she were fraid with a sprite: Ile fetch her; it is the prettiest villaine, she fetches her breath so short as a new tane Sparrow.
Come, come, what neede you blush?
Shames a babie; here she is now, sweare the oathes now to her, that you haue sworne to me. What are you gone againe, you must be watcht ere you be made tame, must you? come your wayes, come your wayes, and you draw backward weele put you i' th fils: why doe you not speak to her? Come draw this curtaine, & let's see your picture. Alasse the day, how loath you are to offend day light? and 'twere darke you'ld close sooner: So, so▪ rub on, and kisse the mistresse; how now, a kisse in fee-farme? build there Carpenter, the ayre is sweete. Nay, you shall fight your hearts out ere I part you. The Faulcon, as the Tercell, for all the Ducks ith Riuer: go too▪ go too.
You haue bereft me of all words Lady.
Words pay no debts; giue her deedes: but sheele bereaue you 'oth' deeds too, if shee call your actiuity in question: what billing againe? here's in witnesse whereof the Parties interchangeably. Come in, come in, Ile go get a fire?
Will you walke in my Lord?
O Cressida, how often haue I wisht me thus?
Wisht my Lord? the gods grant? O my Lord.
What should they grant? what makes this pretty abruption: what too curious dreg espies my sweete Lady in the fountaine of our loue?
More dregs then water, if my eares haue eyes.
Feares make diuels of Cherubins, they neuer see truely.
Blinde feare, that seeing reason leads, findes safe footing, then blinde reason, stumbling without feare: to feare the worst, oft cures the worse.
Not nothing monstrous neither?
Nothing but our vndertakings, when we vowe to weepe seas, liue in fire, eate rockes, tame Tygers; thinking it harder for our Mistresse to deuise imposition inough, then for vs to vndergoe any difficultie imposed. This is the monstruositie in loue Lady, that the will is infinite, and the execution confin'd; that the desire is boundlesse, and the act a slaue to limit.
They say all Louers sweare more performance then they are able, and yet reserue an ability that they neuer performe: vowing more then the perfection of ten; and discharging lesse then the tenth part of one. They that haue the voyce of Lyons, and the act of Hares: are they not Monsters?
Are there such? such are not we: Praise vs as we are tasted, allow vs as we proue: our head shall goe bare till merit crowne it: no perfection in reuersion shall haue a praise in present: wee will not name desert before his birth, and being borne his addition shall be humble: few words to faire faith. Troylus shall be such to Cressid, as what enuie can say worst, shall be a mocke for his truth; and what truth can speake truest, not truer then Troylus.
Will you walke in my Lord?
What blushing still? haue you not done talking yet?
Well Vnckle, what folly I commit, I dedicate to you.
I thanke you for that: if my Lord get a Boy of you, youle giue him me: be true to my Lord, if he flinch, chide me for it.
You know now your hostages: your Vnckles word and my firme faith.
Nay, Ile giue my word for her too: our kindred though they be long ere they are wooed, they are constant being wonne: they are Burres I can tell you, they'le sticke where they are throwne.
Boldnesse comes to mee now, and brings mee heart: Prince Troylus, I haue lou'd you night and day, for many weary moneths.
Why was my Cressid then so hard to win?
And shall, albeit sweete Musicke issues thence.
Pretty yfaith.
Your leaue sweete Cressid?
Leaue: and you take leaue till to morrow morning.
Pray you content you.
What offends you Lady?
Sir, mine owne company.
You cannot shun your selfe.
Well know they what they speake, that speakes so wisely.
In that Ile warre with you.
Go too, a bargaine made: seale it, seale it, Ile be the witnesse here I hold your hand: here my Cousins, feuer you proue false one to another, since I haue taken such paines to bring you together, let all pittifull goers betweene be cal'd to the worlds end after my name: call them all Panders; let all constant men be Troylusses, all false women Cressids, and all brokers betweene, Panders: say, Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Whereupon I will shew you a Chamber, which bed, because it shall not speake of your prettie encounters, presse it to death: away.
What would'st thou of vs Troian? make demand?
What saies Achilles, would he ought with vs?
Would you my Lord ought with the Generall?
No.
Nothing my Lord.
The better.
Good day, good day.
How doe you? how doe you?
What, do's the Cuckold scorne me?
How now Patroclus?
Good morrow Aiax?
Ha.
Good morrow.
I, and good next day too.
What meane these fellowes? know they not Achilles?
Now great Thetis Sonne.
What are you reading?
Ha? knowne?
Shall Aiax fight with Hector?
I, and perhaps receiue much honor by him.
A wonder.
What?
Aiax goes vp and downe the field, asking for himselfe.
How so?
Hee must fight singly to morrow with Hector, and is so prophetically proud of an heroicall cudgelling, that he raues in saying nothing.
How can that be?
Why he stalkes vp and downe like a Peacock, a stride and a stand: ruminates like an hostesse, that hath no Arithmatique but her braine to set downe her reckoning: bites his lip with a politique regard, as who should say, there were wit in his head and twoo'd out; and so there is: but it lyes as coldly in him, as fire in a flint, which will not shew without knocking. The mans vndone for euer; for if Hector breake not his necke i' th' combat, heele break't himselfe in vaine-glory. He knowes not mee: I said, good morrow Aiax; And he replyes, thankes Agamemnon, What thinke you of this man, that takes me for the Generall? Hee's growne a very land-fish, languagelesse, a monster: a plague of opinion, a man may weare it on both sides like a leather Ierkin.
Thou must be my Ambassador to him Thersites.
Who, I: why▪ heele answer no body: he professes not answering; speaking is for beggers: he weares his tongue in's armes: I will put on his presence; let Patroclus make his demands to me, you shall see the Pageant of Aiax.
To him Patroclus; tell him, I humbly desire the valiant Aiax, to inuite the most valorous Hector, to come vnarm'd to my Tent, and to procure safe conduct for his person, of the magnanimious and most illustrious, sixe or feauen times honour'd Captaine, Generall of the Grecian Armie Agamemnon, &c. doe this.
Ioue blesse great Aiax.
Hum.
I come from the worthy Achilles.
Ha?
Who most humbly desires you to inuite Hector to his Tent.
Hum.
And to procure safe conduct from Agamemnon.
Agamemnon?
I my Lord.
Ha?
What say you too't.
God buy you with all my heart.
Your anfwer sir.
If to morrow be a faire day, by eleuen a clocke it will goe one way or other; howsoeuer, he shall pay for me ere he has me.
Your answer sir.
Fare you well withall my heart.
Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?
No, but he's out a tune thus: what musicke will be in him when Hector has knockt out his braines, I know not: but I am sure none, vnlesse the Fidler Apollo get his sinewes to make catlings on.
Come, thou shalt beare a Letter to him straight.
Let me carry another to his Horse; for that's the more capable creature.
Would the Fountaine of your minde were cleere againe, that I might water an Asse at it: I had rather be a Ticke in a Sheepe, then such a valiant ignorance.
See hoa, who is that there?
It is the Lord Aeneas.
That's my minde too: good morrow Lord Aeneas.
We know each other well.
We doe, and long to know each other worse.
I was sent for to the King; but why, I know not.
Good morrow all.
You are too bitter to your country-woman.
Deere trouble not your selfe: the morne is cold.
Good morrow then.
I prithee now to bed.
Are you a weary of me?
Night hath beene too briefe.
What's all the doores open here?
It is your Vnckle.
Come, come, beshrew your heart: youle nere be good, nor suffer others.
Ha, ha: alas poore wretch: a poore Chipochia, hast not slept to night? would he not (a naughty man) let it sleepe: a bug-beare take him.
Did not I tell you? would he were knockt ith' head. Who's that at doore? good Vnckle goe and see.
Ha, ha.
Who's there? what's the matter? will you beate downe the doore? How now, what's the matter?
Good morrow Lord, good morrow.
Who's there my Lord Aeneas? by my troth I knew you not: what newes with you so early?
Is not Prince Troylus here?
Here? what should he doe here?
Is he here say you? 'tis more then I know, Ile be sworne: For my owne part I came in late: what should he doe here?
Who, nay then: Come, come, youle doe him wrong, ere y' are ware: youle be so true to him, to be false to him: Doe not you know of him, but yet goe fetch him hither, goe.
How now, what's the matter?
Is it concluded so?
Is't possible? no sooner got but lost: the diuell take Anthenor; the yong Prince will goe mad: a plague vpon Anthenor; I would they had brok's necke.
How now? what's the matter? who was here?
Ah, ha!
Why sigh you so profoundly? wher's my Lord? gone? tell me sweet Vnckle, what's the matter?
Would I were as deepe vnder the earth as I am aboue.
O the gods! what's the matter?
Prythee get thee in: would thou had'st nere been borne; I knew thou would'st be his death. O poore Gentleman: a plague vpon Anthenor.
Good Vnckle I beseech you, on my knees, I beseech you what's the matter?
Thou must be gone wench, thou must be gone; thou art chang'd for Anthenor: thou must to thy Father, and be gone from Troylus: 'twill be his death: 'twill be his baine, he cannot beare it▪
O you immortall gods! I will not goe.
Thou must.
Doe, doe.
Be moderate, be moderate.
Here, here, here, he comes, a sweet ducke.
O Troylus, Troylus!
What a paire of spectacles is here? let me embrace too: oh hart, as the goodly saying is; O heart, heauie heart, why sighest thou without breaking? where he answers againe; because thou canst not ease thy smart by friendship, nor by speaking: there was neuer a truer rime; let vs cast away nothing, for we may liue to haue neede of such a Verse: we see it, we see it: how now Lambs?
Haue the gods enuie?
I, I, I, I, 'tis too plaine a case.
And is it true, that I must goe from Troy?
A hatefull truth.
What, and from Troylus too?
From Troy, and Troylus.
Ist possible?
My Lord, is the Lady ready?
Where are my teares? raine, to lay this winde, or my heart will be blowne vp by the root.
I must then to the Grecians?
No remedy.
A wofull Cressid 'mong'st the merry Greekes.
When shall we see againe?
Here me my loue: be thou but true of heart.
I true? how now? what wicked deeme is this?
O heauens: be true againe?
O heauens, you loue me not!
Doe you thinke I will:
Nay, good my Lord?
Come kisse, and let vs part.
Brother Troylus?
My Lord, will you be true?
Harke, Hectors Trumpet.
'Tis Troylus fault: come, come, to field with him.
Let vs make ready straight.
No Trumpet answers.
'Tis but early dayes.
Is not yong Diomed with Calcas daughter?
Is this the Lady Cressid?
Euen she.
Most deerely welcome to the Greekes, sweete Lady.
Our Generall doth salute you with a kisse.
Yet is the kindenesse but particular; 'twere better she were kist in generall.
And very courtly counsell: Ile begin. So much for Nestor.
Ile take that winter from your lips faire Lady Achilles bids you welcome.
I had good argument for kissing once.
Oh this is trim.
Paris and I kisse euermore for him.
Ile haue my kisse sir: Lady by your leaue.
In kissing doe you render, or receiue.
Both take and giue.
Ile giue you boote, Ile giue you three for one.
You are an odde man, giue euen, or giue none.
An odde man Lady, euery man is odde.
You fillip me a' th' head.
No, Ile be sworne.
You may.
I doe desire it.
Why begge then?
I am your debtor, claime it when 'tis due.
Neuer's my day, and then a kisse of you.
Lady a word, Ile bring you to your Father.
A woman of quicke sence.
The Troians Trumpet.
Yonder comes the troope.
Which way would Hector haue it?
He cares not, heele obey conditions.
If not Achilles sir, what is your name?
If not Achilles, nothing.
A maiden battaile then? O I perceiue you.
They are oppos'd already.
What Troian is that same that lookes so heauy?
They are in action.
Now Aiax hold thine owne.
Hector, thou sleep'st, awake thee.
His blowes are wel dispos'd there Aiax.
You must no more.
Princes enough, so please you.
I am not warme yet, let vs fight againe.
As Hector pleases.
Great Agamemnon comes to meete vs here.
I thanke thee most imperious Agamemnon.
My well-fam'd Lord of Troy, no lesse to you.
Who must we answer?
The Noble Menelaus.
Name her not now sir, she's a deadly Theame.
O pardon, I offend.
'Tis the old Nestor.
I would they could.
Ha? by this white beard I'ld fight with thee to morrow. Well, welcom, welcome: I haue seen the time.
Is this Achilles?
I am Achilles.
Stand faire I prythee, let me looke on thee.
Behold thy fill.
Nay, I haue done already.
I tell thee yea.
Thy hand vpon that match.
Heere comes Thersites.
Why thou picture of what thou seem'st, & I doll of Ideot-worshippers, here's a Letter for thee.
From whence, Fragment?
Why thou full dish of Foole, from Troy.
Who keepes the Tent now?
The Surgeons box, or the Patients wound.
Well said aduersity, and what need these tricks?
Prythee be silent boy, I profit not by thy talke, thou art thought to be Achilles male Varlot.
Male Varlot you Rogue? What's that?
Why his masculine Whore. Now the rotten diseases of the South, guts-griping Ruptures, Catarres, Loades a grauell i' th' backe, Lethargies, cold Palsies, and the like, take and take againe, such prepostrous discoueries.
Why thou damnable box of enuy thou, what mean'st thou to curse thus?
Do I curse thee?
Why no, you ruinous But, you whorson indistinguishable Curre.
No? why art thou then exasperate, thou idle, immateriall skiene of Sleyd silke; thou greene Sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassell of a Prodigals purse thou:
Ah how the poore world is pestred with such water-flies, diminutiues of Nature.
Out gall.
Finch Egge.
With too much bloud, and too little Brain, these two may run mad: but if with too much braine, and too little blood, they do, Ile be a curer of madmen. Heere's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loues Quailes, but he has not so much Braine as eare-wax; and the goodly transformation of Iupiter there his Brother, the Bull, the primatiue Statue, and oblique memoriall of Cuckolds, a thrifty shooing-horne in a chaine, hanging at his Brothers legge, to what forme but that he is, shold wit larded with malice, and malice forced with wit, turne him too: to an Asse were nothing; hee is both Asse and Oxe; to an Oxe were nothing, hee is both Oxe and Asse: to be a Dogge, a Mule, a Cat, a Fitchew, a Toade, a Lizard, an Owle, a Puttocke, or a Herring without a Roe, I would not care: but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against Destiny. Aske me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites: sot I care not to bee the lowse of a Lazar, so I were not Menelaus. Hoy-day, spirits and fires.
We go wrong, we go wrong.
No yonder'tis, there where we see the light.
I trouble you.
No, not a whit.
Heere comes himselfe to guide you?
Welcome braue Hector, welcome Princes all.
Thanks, and goodnight to the Greeks general.
Goodnight my Lord.
Goodnight sweet Lord Menelaus.
Sweet draught: sweet quoth-a? sweet sinke, sweet sure.
Goodnight and welcom, both at once, to those that go, or tarry.
Goodnight.
Giue me your hand.
Sweet sir, you honour me.
And so good night.
Come, come, enter my Tent.
That same Diomed's a false-hearted Rogue, a most vniust Knaue; I will no more trust him when hee leeres, then I will a Serpent when he hisses: he will spend his mouth & promise, like Brabler the Hound; but when he performes, Astronomers foretell it, that it is prodigious, there will come some change; the Sunne borrowes of the Moone when Diomed keepes his word. I will rather leaue to see Hector, then not to dogge him: they say, he keepes a Troyan Drab, and vses the Traitour Chalcas his Tent. Ile after—Nothing but Letcherie? All incontinent Varlets.
What are you vp here ho? speake?
Who cals?
Diomed, Chalcas (I thinke) wher's you Daughter?
She comes to you.
Stand where the Torch may not discouer vs.
Cressid comes forth to him.
How now my charge?
Now my sweet gardian: harke a word with you.
Yea, so familiar?
She will sing any man at first sight.
And any man may finde her, if he can take her life: she's noted.
Will you remember?
Remember? yes.
Nay, but doe then; and let your minde be coupled with your words.
What should she remember?
List?
Sweete hony Greek, tempt me no more to folly.
Roguery.
Nay then.
Ile tell you what.
Fo, fo, come tell a pin, you are a forsworne.—
In faith I cannot: what would you haue me do?
A iugling tricke, to be secretly open.
What did you sweare you would bestow on me?
Good night.
Hold, patience.
How now Troian?
Diomed.
No, no, good night: Ile be your foole no more.
Thy better must.
Harke one word in your eare.
O plague and madnesse!
Behold, I pray you.
I pray thee stay?
You haue not patience, come.
And so good night.
Nay, but you part in anger.
Doth that grieue thee? O withered truth!
Why, how now Lord?
By Ioue I will be patient.
Gardian? why Greeke?
Fo, fo, adew, you palter,
In faith I doe not: come hither once againe.
You shake my Lord at something; will you goe? you will breake out.
She stroakes his cheeke.
Come, come.
How the diuell Luxury with his fat rumpe and potato finger, tickles these together: frye lechery, frye.
But will you then?
In faith I will lo; neuer trust me else.
Giue me some token for the surety of it.
Ile fetch you one.
You haue sworne patience.
Now the pledge, now, now, now.
Here Diomed, keepe this Sleeue.
O beautie! where is thy Faith?
My Lord.
I will be patient, outwardly I will.
Whose was't?
Now she sharpens: well said Whetstone.
I shall haue it.
What, this?
I that.
Nay, doe not snatch it from me.
He that takes that, rakes my heart withall.
I had your heart before, this followes it.
I did sweare patience.
I will haue this: whose was it?
It is no matter.
Come tell me whose it was?
Whose was it?
I doe not like this fooling.
Nor I by Pluto: but that that likes not me, pleases me best.
What shall I come? the houre.
I, come: O Ioue! doe, come: I shall be plagu'd.
Farewell till then.
Al's done my Lord.
It is.
Why stay we then?
I cannot coniure Troian.
She was not sure.
Most sure she was.
Why my negation hath no taste of madnesse?
Nor mine my Lord: Cressid was here but now.
What hath she done Prince, that can soyle our mothers?
Nothing at all, vnlesse that this were she.
Will he swagger himselfe out on's owne eyes?
Heele tickle it for his concupie.
Ile bring you to the Gates.
Accept distracted thankes.
Would I could meete that roague Diomed, I would croke like a Rauen: I would bode, I would bode: Patroclus will giue me any thing for the intelligence of this whore: the Parrot will not doe more for an Almond, then he for a commodious drab: Lechery, lechery, still warres and lechery, nothing else holds fashion. A burning diuell take them.
My dreames will sure proue ominous to the day.
No more I say.
Where is my brother Hector?
O, 'tis true.
Ho? bid my Trumpet sound.
No notes of sallie, for the heauens, sweet brother.
Begon I say: the gods haue heard me sweare.
Cassandra, call my father to perswade.
What vice is that? good Troylus chide me for it.
O 'tis faire play.
Fooles play, by heauen Hector.
How now? how now?
Fie sauage, fie.
Hector, then 'tis warres.
Troylus, I would not haue you fight to day.
I, but thou shalt not goe,
O Priam, yeelde not to him.
Doe not deere father.
Away, away.
Farewell: the gods with safetie stand about thee.
Doe you heare my Lord? do you heare?
What now?
Here's a Letter come from yond poore girle.
Let me reade.
A whorson tisicke, a whorson rascally tisicke, so troubles me; and the foolish fortune of this girle, and what one thing, what another, that I shall leaue you one o' th's dayes: and I haue a rheume in mine eyes too; and such an ache in my bones; that vnlesse a man were curst, I cannot tell what to thinke on't. What sayes shee there?
Why, but heare you?
Now they are clapper-clawing one another, Ile goe looke on: that dissembling abhominable varlet Diomede, has got that same scuruie, doting, foolish yong knaues Sleeue of Troy, there in his Helme: I would faine see them meet; that, that same yong Troian asse, that loues the whore there, might send that Greekish whore-maisterly villaine, with the Sleeue, backe to the dissembling luxurious drabbe, of a sleeuelesse errant. O' th' tother side, the pollicie of those craftie swearing rascals; that stole old Mouse-eaten dry cheese, Nestor: and that same dog-foxe Vlisses is not prou'd worth a Black-berry. They set me vp in pollicy, that mungrill curre Aiax, against that dogge of as bad a kinde, Achilles. And now is the curre Aiax prouder then the curre Achilles, and will not arme to day. Whereupon, the Grecians began to proclaime barbarisme; and pollicie growes into an ill opinion.
Soft, here comes Sleeue, and th' other.
Hold thy whore Grecian: now for thy whore Troian: Now the Sleeue, now the Sleeue.
No, no: I am a rascall: a scuruie railing knaue: a very filthy roague.
I doe beleeue thee, liue.
God a mercy, that thou wilt beleeue me; but a plague breake thy necke—for frighting me: what's become of the wenching rogues? I thinke they haue swallowed one another. I would laugh at that miracle—yet in a sort, lecherie eares it selfe: Ile seeke them.
I goe my Lord.
Troylus, thou coward Troylus.
I, there, there.
So, so, we draw together.
Troylus, thou coward Troylus, shew thy head.
Troylus, I say, wher's Troylus?
What would'st thou?
I would correct him.
Ha, art thou there?
Ile fight with him alone, stand Diomed.
He is my prize, I will not looke vpon.
Come both you coging Greekes, haue at you both.
Yea Troylus? O well fought my yongest Brother.
Now doe I see thee; haue at thee Hector.
Pause if thou wilt.
The Cuckold and the Cuckold maker are at it: now bull, now dogge, lowe; Paris lowe; now my double hen'd sparrow; lowe Paris, lowe; the bull has the game: ware hornes ho?
Turne slaue and fight.
What art thou?
A Bastard Sonne of Priams.
I am a Bastard too, I loue Bastards, I am a Bastard begot, Bastard instructed, Bastard in minde, Bastard in valour, in euery thing illegitimate: one Beare will not bite another, and wherefore should one Bastard? take heede, the quarrel's most ominous to vs: if the Sonne of a whore fight for a whore, he tempts iudgement: farewell Bastard.
The diuell take thee coward.
I am vnarm'd, forgoe this vantage Greeke.
The Troian Trumpets sounds the like my Lord.
Harke, harke, what shout is that?
Peace Drums.
Achilles, Achilles, Hector's slaine, Achilles.
The bruite is, Hector's slaine, and by Achilles.
Hector is slaine.
Hector? the gods forbid.
My Lord, you doe discomfort all the Hoste.
But heare you? heare you?
A goodly medcine for mine aking bones: oh world, world, world! thus is the poore agent disp [...]sde: Oh traitours and bawdes; how earnestly are you set aworke, and how ill requited? why should our indeuour be so desir'd, and the performance so loath'd? What Verse for it? what instance for it? let me see.
The Tragedy of Coriolanus.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
BEfore we proceed any further, heare me speake.
Speake, speake.
You are all resolu'd rather to dy then to famish?
Resolu'd, resolu'd.
First you know, Caius Martius is chiefe enemy to the people.
We know't, we know't.
Let vs kill him, and wee'l haue Corne at our own price. Is't a Verdict?
No more talking on't; Let it be done, away, away
One word, good Citizens.
We are accounted poore Citizens, the Patricians good: what Authority surfets one, would releeue vs. If they would yeelde vs but the superfluitie while it were wholsome, wee might guesse they releeued vs humanely: But they thinke we are too deere, the leannesse that afflicts vs, the obiect of our misery, is as an inuentory to particularize their abundance, our sufferance is a gaine to them. Let vs reuenge this with our Pikes, ere we become Rakes. For the Gods know, I speake this in hunger for Bread, not in thirst for Reuenge.
Would you proceede especially against Caius Martius.
Against him first: He's a very dog to the Commonalty.
Consider you what Seruices he ha's done for his Country?
Very well, and could bee content to giue him good report for't, but that hee payes himselfe with beeing proud.
Nay, but speak not maliciously.
I say vnto you, what he hath done Famouslie, he did it to that end: though soft conscienc'd men can be content to say it was for his Countrey, he did it to please his Mother and to be partly proud, which he is, euen to the altitude of his vertue.
What he cannot helpe in his Nature, you account a Vice in him: You must in no way say he is couetous.
If I must not, I neede not be barren of Accusations he hath faults (with surplus) to tyre in repetition.
What showts are these? The other side a' th City is risen: why stay we prating heere? To th' Capitoll.
Come, come.
Soft, who comes heere?
Worthy Menenius Agrippa, one that hath alwayes lou'd the people.
He's one honest enough, wold al the rest wer so.
Our busines is not vnknowne to th' Senat, they haue had inkling this fortnight what we intend to do, w t now wee'l shew em in deeds: they say poore Suters haue strong breaths, they shal know we haue strong arms too.
Why Masters, my good Friends, mine honest Neighbours, will you vndo your selues?
We cannot Sir, we are vndone already.
Care for vs? True indeed, they nere car'd for vs yet. Suffer vs to famish, and their Store-houses cramm'd with Graine: Make Edicts for Vsurie, to support Vsurers; repeale daily any wholsome Act established against the rich, and prouide more piercing Statutes daily, to chaine vp and restraine the poore. If the Warres eate vs not vppe, they will; and there's all the loue they beare vs.
Well sir, what answer made the Belly.
Well, what then?
Y' are long about it.
I sir, well, well.
It was an answer, how apply you this?
I the great Toe? Why the great Toe?
We haue euer your good word.
What is graunted them?
This is strange.
Go get you home you Fragments.
Where's Caius Martius?
Heere: what's the matter?
The newes is sir, the Volcies are in Armes.
You haue fought together?
It is your former promise.
Oh true-bred.
Lead you on: Follow Cominius, we must followe you, right worthy you Priority.
Noble Martius.
Hence to your homes, be gone.
Was euer man so proud as is this Martius?
He has no equall.
When we were chosen Tribunes for the people.
Mark'd you his lip and eyes.
Nay, but his taunts.
Being mou'd, he will not spare to gird the Gods.
Bemocke the modest Moone.
Such a Nature, tickled with good successe, disdaines the shadow which he treads on at noone, but I do wonder, his insolence can brooke to be commanded vnder Cominius?
Let's along.
The Gods assist you.
And keepe your Honors safe.
Farewell.
Farewell.
Farewell.
I pray you daughter sing, or expresse your selfe in a more comfortable sort: If my Sonne were my Husband, I should freelier reioyce in that absence wherein he wonne Honor, then in the embracements of his Bed, where he would shew most loue. When yet hee was but tender-bodied, and the onely Sonne of my womb; when youth with comelinesse pluck'd all gaze his way; when for a day of Kings entreaties, a Mother should not sel him an houre from her beholding; I considering how Honour would become such a person, that it was no better then Picture-like to hang by th' wall, if renowne made it not stirre, was pleas'd to let him seeke danger, where he was like to finde fame: To a cruell Warre I sent him, from whence he return'd, his browes bound with Oake. I tell thee Daughter, I sprang not more in ioy at first hearing he was a Man-child, then now in first seeing he had proued himselfe a man.
But had he died in the Businesse Madame, how then?
Then his good report should haue beene my Sonne, I therein would haue found issue. Heare me professe sincerely, had I a dozen sons each in my loue alike, and none lesse deere then thine, and my good Martius, I had rather had eleuen dye Nobly for their Countrey, then one voluptuously surfet out of Action.
Madam, the Lady Valeria is come to visit you.
Beseech you giue me leaue to retire my selfe.
His bloody Brow? Oh Iupiter, no blood.
Heauens blesse my Lord from fell Auffidius.
My Ladies both good day to you.
Sweet Madam.
I am glad to see your Ladyship.
How do you both? You are manifest house-keepers. What are you sowing heere? A fine spotte in good faith. How does your little Sonne?
I thanke your Lady-ship: Well good Madam.
He had rather see the swords, and heare a Drum, then looke vpon his Schoolmaster.
A my word the Fathers Sonne: Ile sweare 'tis a very pretty boy. A my troth, I look'd vpon him a Wensday halfe an houre together: ha's such a confirm'd countenance. I saw him run after a gilded Butterfly, & when he caught it, he let it go againe, and after it againe, and ouer and ouer he comes, and vp againe: catcht it again: or whether his fall enrag'd him, or how 'twas, hee did so set his teeth, and teare it. Oh, I warrant how he mammockt it.
One on's Fathers moods.
Indeed la, tis a Noble childe.
A Cracke Madam.
Come, lay aside your stitchery, I must haue you play the idle Huswife with me this afternoone.
Not out of doores?
She shall, she shall.
Indeed no, by your patience; Ile not ouer the threshold, till my Lord returne from the Warres.
I will wish her speedy strength, and visite her with my prayers: but I cannot go thither.
Why I pray you.
'Tis not to saue labour, nor that I want loue.
You would be another Penelope: yet they say, all the yearne she spun in Vlisses absence, did but fill Athica full of Mothes. Come, I would your Cambrick were sensible as your finger, that you might leaue pricking it for pitie. Come you shall go with vs.
No good Madam, pardon me, indeed I will not foorth.
In truth la go with me, and Ile tell you excellent newes of your Husband.
Oh good Madam, there can be none yet.
Verily I do not iest with you: there came newes from him last night.
Indeed Madam.
In earnest it's true; I heard a Senatour speake it. Thus it is: the Volcies haue an Army forth, against whō Cominius the Generall is gone, with one part of our Romane power. Your Lord, and Titus Lartius, are set down before their Citie Carioles, they nothing doubt preuailing, and to make it breefe Warres. This is true on mine Honor, and so I pray go with vs.
Giue me excuse good Madame, I will obey you in euery thing heereafter.
Well, then farewell.
My horse to yours, no.
Tis done.
Agreed.
Say, ha's our Generall met the Enemy?
They lye in view, but haue not spoke as yet.
So, the good Horse is mine.
Ile buy him of you.
How farre off lie these Armies?
Within this mile and halfe.
Oh they are at it.
Their noise be our instruction. Ladders hoa.
Foole-hardinesse, not I.
Nor I.
See they haue shut him in.
To th' pot I warrant him.
What is become of Martius?
Slaine (Sir) doubtlesse.
Looke Sir.
This will I carry to Rome.
And I this.
A Murrain on't, I tooke this for Siluer.
Aboue an houre, my Lord.
Come I too late?
Come I too late?
Flower of Warriors, how is't with Titus Lartius?
But how preuail'd you?
Feare not our care Sir.
If I flye Martius, hollow me like a Hare.
Beare th' addition Nobly euer?
I shall, my Lord.
Tak't, 'tis yours: what is't?
Martius, his Name.
The Towne is ta'ne.
'Twill be deliuer'd backe on good Condition.
He's the diuell.
Will not you go?
I shall sir.
Actus Secundus.
The Agurer tels me, wee shall haue Newes to night.
Good or bad?
Not according to the prayer of the people, for they loue not Martius.
Nature teaches Beasts to know their Friends.
Pray you, who does the Wolfe loue?
The Lambe.
I, to deuour him, as the hungry Plebeians would the Noble Martius.
He's a Lambe indeed, that baes like a Beare.
Well sir.
In what enormity is Martius poore in, that you two haue not in abundance?
He's poore in no one fault, but stor'd withall.
Especially in Pride.
And topping all others in boasting.
This is strange now: Do you two know, how you are censured heere in the City, I mean of vs a' th' right hand File, do you?
Why? ho ware we censur'd?
Because you talke of Pride now, will you not be angry.
Well, well sir, well.
Why 'tis no great matter: for a very little theefe of Occasion, will rob you of a great deale of Patience: Giue your dispositions the reines, and bee angry at your pleasures (at the least) if you take it as a pleasure to you, in being so: you blame Martius for being proud.
We do it not alone, sir.
I know you can doe very little alone, for your helpes are many, or else your actions would growe wondrous single: your abilities are to Infant-like, for dooing much alone. You talke of Pride: Oh, that you could turn your eyes toward the Napes of your neckes, and make but an Interiour suruey of your good selues. Oh that you could.
What then sir?
Why then you should discouer a brace of vnmeriting, proud, violent, testie Magistrates (alias Fooles) as any in Rome.
Menenius, you are knowne well enough too.
I am knowne to be a humorous Patritian, and one that loues a cup of hot Wine, with not a drop of alaying Tiber in't: Said, to be something imperfect in fauouring the first complaint, hasty and Tinder-like vppon, to triuiall motion: One, that conuerses more with the Buttocke of the night, then with the forhead of the morning. What I think, I vtter, and spend my malice in my breath. Meeting two such Weales men as you are (I cannot call you Licurgusses,) if the drinke you giue me, touch my Palat aduersly, I make a crooked face at it, I can say, your Worshippes haue deliuer'd the matter well, when I finde the Asse in compound, with the Maior part of your syllables. And though I must be content to beare with those, that say you are reuerend graue men, yet they lye deadly, that tell you haue good faces, if you see this in the Map of my Microcosme, followes it that I am knowne well enough too? What harme can your beesome Conspectuities gleane out of this Charracter, if I be knowne well enough too.
Come sir come, we know you well enough.
You know neither mee, your selues, nor any thing: you are ambitious, for poore knaues cappes and legges: you weare out a good wholesome Forenoone, in hearing a cause betweene an Orendge wife, and a Forsetseller, and then reiourne the Controuersie of three-pence to a second day of Audience. When you are hearing a matter betweene party and party, if you chaunce to bee pinch'd with the Collicke, you make faces like Mummers, set vp the bloodie Flagge against all Patience, and in roaring for a Chamber-pot, dismisse the Controuersie bleeding, the more intangled by your hearing: All the peace you make in their Cause, is calling both the parties Knaues. You are a payre of strange ones.
Come, come, you are well vnderstood to bee a perfecter gyber for the Table, then a necessary Bencher in the Capitoll.
Our very Priests must become Mockers, if they shall encounter such ridiculous Subiects as you are, when you speake best vnto the purpose. It is not woorth the wagging of your Beards, and your Beards deserue not so honourable a graue, as to stuffe a Botchers Cushion, or to be intomb'd in an Asses Packe-saddle; yet you must bee saying, Martius is proud: who in a cheape estimation, is worth all your predecessors, since Deucalion, though peraduenture some of the best of 'em were hereditarie hangmen. Godden to your Worships, more of your conuersation would infect my Braine, being the Heardsmen of the Beastly Plebeans. I will be bold to take my leaue of you.
How now (my as faire as Noble) Ladyes, and the Moone were shee Earthly, no Nobler; whither doe you follow your Eyes so fast?
Honorable Menenius, my Boy Martius approches: for the loue of Iuno let's goe.
Ha? Martius comming home?
I, worthy Menenius▪ and with most prosperous approbation.
Take my Cappe Iupiter, and I thanke thee: hoo, Martius comming home?
Nay, 'tis true.
Looke, here's a Letter from him, the State hath another, his Wife another, and (I thinke) there's one at home for you.
Yes certaine, there's a Letter for you, I saw't.
A Letter for me? it giues me an Estate of seuen yeeres health; in which time, I will make a Lippe at the Physician: The most soueraigne Prescription in Galen, is but Emperick qutique; and to this Preseruatiue, of no better report then a Horse-drench. Is he not wounded? he was wont to come home wounded?
Oh no, no, no.
Oh, he is wounded, I thanke the Gods for't.
So doe I too, if it be not too much: brings a Victorie in his Pocket? the wounds become him.
On's Browes: Menenius, hee comes the third time home with the Oaken Garland.
Ha's he disciplin'd Auffidius soundly?
Titus Lartius writes, they fought together, but Auffidius got off.
And 'twas time for him too, Ile warrant him that: and he had stay'd by him, I would not haue been so fiddious'd, for all the Chests in Carioles, and the Gold that's in them. Is the Senate possest of this?
Good Ladies let's goe. Yes, yes, yes: The Senate ha's Letters from the Generall, wherein hee giues my Sonne the whole Name of the Warre: he hath in this action out-done his former deeds doubly.
In troth, there's wondrous things spoke of him.
Wondrous: I, I warrant you, and not without his true purchasing.
The Gods graunt them true.
True? pow waw.
True? Ile be sworne they are true: where is hee wounded, God saue your good Worships? Martius is comming home: hee ha's more cause to be prowd: where is he wounded?
Ith' Shoulder, and ith' left Arme: there will be large Cicatrices to shew the People, when hee shall stand for his place: he receiued in the repulse of Tarquin seuen hurts ith' Body.
One ith' Neck, and two ith' Thigh, there's nine that I know.
Hee had, before this last Expedition, twentie fiue Wounds vpon him.
Now it's twentie seuen; euery gash was an Enemies Graue. Hearke, the Trumpets.
Welcome to Rome, renowned Coriolanus.
No more of this, it does offend my heart: pray now no more.
Looke, Sir, your Mother.
Oh! you haue, I know, petition'd all the Gods for my prosperitie.
Now the Gods Crowne thee.
And liue you yet? Oh my sweet Lady, pardon.
Euer right.
Menenius, euer, euer.
Giue way there, and goe on.
On, to the Capitall.
On the suddaine, I warrant him Consull.
Then our Office may, during his power, goe sleepe.
In that there's comfort.
'Tis right.
I wish no better, then haue him hold that purpose, and to put it in execution.
'Tis most like he will.
It shall be to him then, as our good wills; a sure destruction.
What's the matter?
Haue with you.
Come, come, they are almost here: how many stand for Consulships?
Three, they say: but 'tis thought of euery one, Coriolanus will carry it.
That's a braue fellow: but hee's vengeance prowd, and loues not the common people.
'Faith, there hath beene many great men that haue flatter'd the people, who ne're loued them; and there be many that they haue loued, they know not wherefore: so that if they loue they know not why, they hate vpon no better a ground. Therefore, for Coriolanus neyther to care whether they loue, or hate him, manifests the true knowledge he ha's in their disposition, and out of his Noble carelesnesse lets them plainely see't.
If he did not care whether he had their loue, or no, hee waued indifferently, 'twixt doing them neyther good, nor harme: but hee seekes their hate with greater deuotion, then they can render it him; and leaues nothing vndone, that may fully discouer him their opposite. Now to seeme to affect the mallice and displeasure of the People, is as bad, as that which he dislikes, to flatter them for their loue.
Hee hath deserued worthily of his Countrey, and his assent is not by such easie degrees as those, who hauing beene supple and courteous to the People, Bonnetted, without any further deed, to haue them at all into their estimation, and report: but hee hath so planted his Honors in their Eyes, and his actions in their Hearts, that for their Tongues to be silent, and not confesse so much, were a kinde of ingratefull Iniurie: to report otherwise, were a Mallice, that giuing it selfe the Lye, would plucke reproofe and rebuke from euery Eare that heard it.
No more of him, hee's a worthy man: make way, they are comming.
We are conuented vpon a pleasing Treatie, and haue hearts inclinable to honor and aduance the Theame of our Assembly.
Which the rather wee shall be blest to doe, if he remember a kinder value of the People, then he hath hereto priz'd them at.
That's off, that's off: I would you rather had been silent: Please you to heare Cominius speake?
Most willingly: but yet my Caution was more pertinent then the rebuke you giue it.
He loues your People, but tye him not to be their Bed-fellow: Worthie Cominius speake.
Sir, I hope my words dis-bench'd you not?
Pray now sit downe.
Worthy man.
He cannot but with measure fit the Honors which we deuise him.
Hee's right Noble, let him be call'd for.
Call Coriolanus.
He doth appeare.
The Senate, Coriolanus, are well pleas'd to make thee Consull.
I doe owe them still my Life, and Seruices.
It then remaines, that you doe speake to the People.
Marke you that.
To Coriolanus come all ioy and Honor.
You see how he intends to vse the people.
Once if he do require our voyces, wee ought not to deny him.
We may Sir if we will.
We haue power in our selues to do it, but it is a power that we haue no power to do: For, if hee shew vs his wounds, and tell vs his deeds, we are to put our tongues into those wounds, and speake for them: So if he tel vs his Noble deeds, we must also tell him our Noble acceptance of them. Ingratitude is monstrous, and for the multitude to be ingratefull, were to make a Monster of the multitude; of the which, we being members, should bring our selues to be monstrous members.
And to make vs no better thought of a little helpe will serue: for once we stood vp about the Corne, he himselfe stucke not to call vs the many-headed Multitude.
We haue beene call'd so of many, not that our heads are some browne, some blacke, some Abram, some bald; but that our wits are so diuersly Coulord; and truely I thinke, if all our wittes were to issue out of one Scull, they would flye East, West, North, South, and their consent of one direct way, should be at once to all the points a' th Compasse.
Thinke you so? Which way do you iudge my wit would flye.
Nay your wit will not so soone out as another mans will, 'tis strongly wadg'd vp in a blocke-head: but if it were at liberty, 'twould sure Southward.
Why that way?
To loose it selfe in a Fogge, where being three parts melted away with rotten Dewes, the fourth would returne for Conscience sake, to helpe to get thee a Wife.
You are neuer without your trickes, you may, you may.
Are you all resolu'd to giue your voyces? But that's no matter, the greater part carries it, I say. If hee would incline to the people, there was neuer a worthier man.
Heere he comes, and in the Gowne of humility, marke his behauiour: we are not to stay altogether, but to come by him where he stands, by ones, by twoes, & by threes. He's to make his requests by particulars, wherein euerie one of vs ha's a single Honor, in giuing him our own voices with our owne tongues, therefore follow me, and Ile direct you how you shall go by him.
Content, content.
We do Sir, tell vs what hath brought you too't.
Mine owne desert.
Your owne desert.
I, but mine owne desire.
How not your owne desire?
No Sir, 'twas neuer my desire yet to trouble the poore with begging.
You must thinke if we giue you any thing, we hope to gaine by you.
Well then I pray, your price a' th' Consulship.
The price is, to aske it kindly.
Kindly sir, I pray let me ha't: I haue wounds to shew you, which shall bee yours in priuate: your good voice Sir, what say you?
You shall ha't worthy Sir.
A match Sir, there's in all two worthie voyces begg'd: I haue your Almes, Adieu.
But this is something odde.
And 'twere to giue againe: but 'tis no matter.
Pray you now, if it may stand with the tune of your voices, that I may bee Consull, I haue heere the Customarie Gowne.
You haue deserued Nobly of your Countrey, and you haue not deserued Nobly.
Your Aenigma.
You haue bin a scourge to her enemies, you haue bin a Rod to her Friends, you haue not indeede loued the Common people.
You should account mee the more Vertuous, that I haue not bin common in my Loue, I will sir flatter my sworne Brother the people to earne a deerer estimation of them, 'tis a condition they account gentle▪ & since the wisedome of their choice, is rather to haue my Hat, then my Heart, I will practice the insinuating nod, and be off to them most counterfetly, that is sir, I will counterfet the bewitchment of some popular man, and giue it bountifull to the desire [...]s: Therefore beseech you, I may be Consull.
Wee hope to finde you our friend: and therefore giue you our voices heartily.
You haue receyued many wounds for your Countrey.
I wil not Seale your knowledge with shewing them. I will make much of your voyces, and so trouble you no farther.
The Gods giue you ioy Sir heartily.
Hee ha's done Nobly, and cannot goe without any honest mans Voyce.
Therefore let him be Consull: the Gods giue him ioy, and make him good friend to the People.
Amen, Amen. God saue thee, Noble Consull.
Worthy Voyces.
Is this done?
Where? at the Senate-house?
There, Coriolanus.
May I change these Garments?
You may, Sir.
Ile keepe you company. Will you along?
We stay here for the People.
Fare you well.
How now, my Masters, haue you chose this man?
He ha's our Voyces, Sir.
We pray the Gods, he may deserue your loues.
Certainely, he flowted vs downe-right.
No, 'tis his kind of speech, he did not mock vs.
Why so he did I am sure.
No, no: no man saw 'em.
Hee's not confirm'd, we may deny him yet.
I twice fiue hundred & their friends, to piece 'em.
We will so: almost all repent in their election.
Actus Tertius.
Tullus Auffidius then had made new head.
Saw you Auffidius?
Spoke he of me?
He did, my Lord.
How? what?
At Antium liues he?
At Antium.
Passe no further.
Hah? what is that?
It will be dangerous to goe on— No further.
What makes this change?
The matter?
Hath he not pass'd the Noble, and the Common?
Cominius, no.
Haue I had Childrens Voyces?
Tribunes giue way, he shall toth' Market place.
The People are incens'd against him.
Stop, or all will fall in broyle.
Be calme, be calme.
Why this was knowne before.
Not to them all.
Haue you inform'd them sithence?
How? I informe them?
You are like to doe such businesse.
Not vnlike each way to better yours.
Let's be calme.
Not now, not now.
Not in this heat, Sir, now.
Well, no more.
No more words, we beseech you.
'Twere well we let the people know't.
What, what? His Choller?
'Twas from the Cannon.
Well, on to' th' Market place.
Well, well, no more of that.
Thogh there the people had more absolute powre I say they norisht disobedience: fed, the ruin of the State.
Come enough.
Enough, with ouer measure.
Has said enough.
Manifest Treason.
This a Consull? No.
The Ediles hoe: Let him be apprehended:
Hence old Goat.
Wee'l Surety him.
Ag'd sir, hands-off.
Helpe ye Citizens.
On both sides more respect.
Heere's hee, that would take from you all your power.
Seize him Aediles.
Downe with him, downe with him.
Peace, peace, peace, stay, hold, peace.
Heare me, People peace.
Let's here our Tribune: peace, speake, speake, speake.
Fie, fie, fie, this is the way to kindle, not to quench.
To vnbuild the Citie, and to lay all flat.
What is the Citie, but the People?
True, the People are the Citie.
By the consent of all, we were establish'd the Peoples Magistrates.
You so remaine.
And so are like to doe.
This deserues Death.
Aediles seize him.
Yeeld Martius, yeeld.
Heare me one word, 'beseech you Tribunes, heare me but a word.
Peace, peace.
Downe with that Sword, Tribunes withdraw a while.
Lay hands vpon him.
Helpe Martius, helpe: you that be noble, helpe him young and old.
Downe with him, downe with him.
Get you gone.
Stand fast, we haue as many friends as enemies.
Shall it be put to that?
Come Sir, along with vs.
On faire ground, I could beat fortie of them.
I could my selfe take vp a Brace o' th' best of them, yea, the two Tribunes.
Nay, come away.
This man ha's marr'd his fortune.
I would they were a bed.
You worthy Tribunes.
He shall sure out.
Sir, sir.
Peace.
Consull? what Consull?
The Consull Coriolanus.
He Consull.
No, no, no, no, no.
He's a Disease that must be cut away.
This is cleane kamme.
If it were so?
Go not home.
Pray you let's to him.
You do the Nobler.
Let go.
Let them hang.
I, and burne too.
Come, come, you haue bin too rough, somthing too rough: you must returne, and mend it.
What must I do?
Returne to th' Tribunes.
Well, what then? what then?
Repent, what you haue spoke.
Tush, tush.
A good demand.
Why force you this?
Onely faire speech.
I thinke 'twill serue, if he can thereto frame his spirit.
Come, come, wee'le prompt you.
Do your will.
I, but mildely.
Well mildely be it then, Mildely.
Hee's comming.
How accompanied?
I haue: 'tis ready.
Haue you collected them by Tribes?
I haue.
I shall informe them.
Very well.
Well, heere he comes.
Calmely, I do beseech you.
Amen, Amen.
A Noble wish.
Draw neere ye people.
First heare me speake.
Well, say: Peace hoe.
I am Content.
Well, well, no more.
Answer to vs.
Say then: 'tis true, I ought so
How? Traytor?
Nay temperately: your promise.
Marke you this people?
To' th' Rocke, to' th' Rocke with him.
But since he hath seru'd well for Rome.
What do you prate of Seruice.
I talke of that, that know it.
You?
Is this the promise that you made your mother.
Know, I pray you.
Heare me my Masters, and my common friends.
He's sentenc'd: No more hearing.
We know your drift. Speake what?
It shall be so, it shall be so.
The peoples Enemy is gone, is gone.
Our enemy is banish'd, he is gone: Hoo, oo.
Actus Quartus.
Oh heauens! O heauens!
Nay, I prythee woman.
O the Gods!
Giue me thy hand, come.
Dismisse them home. Here comes his Mother.
Let's not meet her.
Why?
They say she's mad.
They haue tane note of vs: keepe on your way.
Peace, peace, be not so loud.
Are you mankinde?
Oh blessed Heauens!
What then?
What then? Hee'ld make an end of thy posterity
Come, come, peace.
I would he had.
Pray let's go.
Well, well, wee'l leaue you.
Fie, fie, fie.
I know you well sir, and you know mee: your name I thinke is Adrian.
It is so sir, truly I haue forgot you.
I am a Roman, and my Seruices are as you are, against 'em. Know you me yet.
Nicanor: no.
The same sir.
You had more Beard when I last saw you, but your Fauour is well appear'd by your Tongue. What's the Newes in Rome: I haue a Note from the Volcean state to finde you out there. You haue well saued mee a dayes iourney.
There hath beene in Rome straunge Insurrections: The people, against the Senatours, Patricians, and Nobles.
Hath bin; is it ended then? Our State thinks not so, they are in a most warlike preparation, & hope to com vpon them, in the heate of their diuision
The maine blaze of it is past, but a small thing would make it flame againe. For the Nobles receyue so to heart, the Banishment of that worthy Coriolanus, that they are in a ripe aptnesse, to take al power from the people, and to plucke from them their Tribunes for euer. This lyes glowing I can tell you, and is almost mature for the violent breaking out.
Coriolanus Banisht?
Banish'd sir.
You will be welcome with this intelligence Nicanor.
The day serues well for them now. I haue heard it saide, the fittest time to corrupt a mans Wife, is when shee's falne out with her Husband. Your Noble Tullus Auffidius well appeare well in these Warres, his great Opposer Coriolanus being now in no request of his countrey.
He cannot choose: I am most fortunate, thus accidentally to encounter you. You haue ended my Businesse, and I will merrily accompany you home.
I shall betweene this and Supper, tell you most strange things from Rome: all tending to the good of their Aduersaries. Haue you an Army ready say you?
A most Royall one: The Centurions, and their charges distinctly billetted already in th' entertainment, and to be on foot at an houres warning.
I am ioyfull to heare of their readinesse, and am the man I thinke, that shall set them in present Action. So sir, heartily well met, and most glad of your Company.
You take my part from me sir, I haue the most cause to be glad of yours.
Well, let vs go together.
And you.
Direct me, if it be your will, where great Auffidius lies: Is he in Antium?
He is, and Feasts the Nobles of the State, at his house this night.
Which is his house, beseech you?
This heere before you.
Wine, Wine, Wine: What seruice is heere? I thinke our Fellowes are asleepe.
Where's Cotus: my M. cals for him: Cotus.
I haue deseru'd no better entertainment, in being Coriolanus.
Whence are you sir? Ha's the Porter his eyes in his head, that he giues entrance to such Companions? Pray get you out.
Away.
Away? Get you away.
Now th' art troublesome.
Are you so braue: Ile haue you talkt with anon
What Fellowes this?
A strange one as euer I look'd on: I cannot get him out o' th' house: Prythee call my Master to him.
What haue you to do here fellow? Pray you auoid the house.
Let me but stand, I will not hurt your Harth.
What are you?
A Gentleman.
A maru'llous poore one.
True, so I am.
Pray you poore Gentleman, take vp some other station: [Page 22] Heere's no place for you, pray you auoid: Come.
Follow your Function, go, and batten on colde bits.
What you will not? Prythee tell my Maister what a strange Guest he ha's heere.
And I shall.
Where dwel'st thou?
Vnder the Canopy.
Vnder the Canopy?
I.
Where's that?
I' th City of Kites and Crowes.
I' th City of Kites and Crowes? What an Asse it is, then thou dwel'st with Dawes too?
No, I serue not thy Master.
How sir? Do you meddle with my Master?
I, tis an honester seruice, then to meddle with thy Mistris: Thou prat'st, and prat'st, serue with thy trencher: Hence.
Where is this Fellow?
Here sir, I'de haue beaten him like a dogge, but for disturbing the Lords within.
If Tullus not yet thou know'st me, and seeing me, dost not thinke me for the man I am, necessitie commands me name my selfe.
What is thy name?
Prepare thy brow to frowne: knowst y u me yet?
I know thee not? Thy Name?
You blesse me Gods.
Heere's a strange alteration?
By my hand, I had thoght to haue stroken him with a Cudgell, and yet my minde gaue me, his cloathes made a false report of him.
What an Arme he has, he turn'd me about with his finger and his thumbe, as one would set vp a Top.
Nay, I knew by his face that there was some-thing in him. He had fir, a kinde of face me thought, I cannot [Page 23] tell how to tearme it.
He had so, looking as it were, would I were hang'd but I thought there was more in him, then I could think.
So did I, Ile be sworne: He is simply the rarest man i' th' world.
Who my Master?
Nay, it's no matter for that.
Worth six on him.
Nay not so neither: but I take him to be the greater Souldiour.
Faith looke you, one cannot tell how to say that: for the Defence of a Towne, our Generall is excellent.
I, and for an assault too.
Oh Slaues, I can tell you Newes, News you Rascals
What, what, what? Let's partake.
I would not be a Roman of all Nations; I had as liue be a condemn'd man.
Wherefore? Wherefore?
Why here's he that was wont to thwacke our Generall, Caius Martius.
Why do you say, thwacke our Generall?
I do not say thwacke our Generall, but he was alwayes good enough for him▪
Come we are fellowes and friends: he was euer too hard for him, I haue heard him say so himselfe.
He was too hard for him directly, to say the Troth on't before Corioles, he scotcht him, and notcht him like a Carbinado.
And hee had bin Cannibally giuen, hee might haue boyld and eaten him too.
But more of thy Newes.
Why he is so made on heere within, as if hee were Son and Heire to Mars, set at vpper end o' th' Table: No question askt him by any of the Senators, but they stand bald before him. Our Generall himselfe makes a Mistris of him, Sanctifies himselfe with's hand, and turnes vp the white o' th' eye to his Discourse. But the bottome of the Newes is, our Generall is cut i' th' middle, & but one halfe of what he was yesterday. For the other ha's halfe, by the intreaty and graunt of the whole Table. Hee'l go he sayes, and sole the Porter of Rome Gates by th' eares. He will mowe all downe before him, and leaue his passage poul'd.
And he's as like to do't, as any man I can imagine.
Doo't? he will doo't: for look you sir, he has as many Friends as Enemies: which Friends sir as it were, durst not (looke you sir) shew themselues (as we terme it) his Friends, whilest he's in Directitude.
Directitude? What's that?
But when they shall see sir, his Crest vp againe, and the man in blood, they will out of their Burroughes (like Conies after Raine) and reuell all with him.
But when goes this forward:
To morrow, to day, presently, you shall haue the Drum strooke vp this afternoone: 'Tis as it were a parcel of their Feast, and to be executed ere they wipe their lips.
Why then wee shall haue a stirring World againe: This peace is nothing, but to rust Iron, encrease Taylors, and breed Ballad-makers.
Let me haue Warre say I, it exceeds peace as farre as day do's night: It's sprightly walking, audible, and full of Vent. Peace, is a very Apoplexy, Lethargie, mull'd, deafe, sleepe, insensible, a getter of more bastard. Children, then warres a destroyer of men.
'Tis so, and as warres in some sort may be saide to be a Rauishen, so it cannot be denied, but peace is a great maker of Cuckolds.
I, and it makes men hate one another.
Reason, because they then lesse neede one another: The Warres for my money. I hope to see Romanes as cheape as Volcians. They are rising, they are rising.
In, in, in, in.
We stood too't in good time. Is this Menenius?
'Tis he, 'tis he: O he is grown most kind of late: Haile Sir.
Haile to you both.
Your Coriolanus is not much mist, but with his Friends: the Commonwealth doth stand, and so would do, were he more angry at it.
All's well, and might haue bene much better, if he could haue temporiz'd.
Where is he, heare you?
The Gods preserue you both.
Gooden our Neighbours.
Gooden to you all, gooden to you all.
Liue, and thriue.
Now the Gods keepe you.
Farewell, farewell.
And affecting one sole Throne, without assistāce
I thinke not so.
Come, what talke you of Martius.
Tell not me: I know this cannot be.
Not possible.
What more fearefull?
This is most likely.
The very tricke on't.
Oh you haue made good worke.
What newes? What newes?
What's the newes? What's the newes?
Hee I shake your Rome about your eares.
But is this true sir?
Say not, we brought it.
Faith, we heare fearfull Newes.
And so did I.
And so did I: and to say the truth, so did very many of vs, that we did we did for the best, and though wee willingly consented to his Banishment, yet it was against our will.
Y' are goodly things, you Voyces.
Oh I, what else?
The Gods bee good to vs: Come Masters let's home, I euer said we were i' th wrong, when we banish'd him.
So did we all. But come, let's home.
I do not like this Newes.
Nor I.
Pray let's go.
Do they still flye to' th' Roman?
Sir, I beseech you, think you he'l carry Rome?
Actus Quintus.
He would not seeme to know me.
Do you heare?
Very well, could he say lesse.
No: Ile not meddle.
Pray you go to him.
What should I do?
Hee'l neuer heare him.
Not.
Stay: whence are you.
Stand, and go backe.
From whence?
From Rome.
You may not passe, you must returne: our Generall will no more heare from thence.
Faith Sir, if you had told as many lies in his behalfe, as you haue vttered words in your owne, you should not passe heere: no, though it were as vertuous to lye, as to liue chastly. Therefore go backe.
Prythee fellow, remember my name is Menenius, alwayes factionary on the party of your Generall.
Howsoeuer you haue bin his Lier, as you say you haue, I am one that telling true vnder him, must say you cannot passe. Therefore go backe.
Ha's he din'd can'st thou tell? For I would not speake with him, till after dinner.
You are a Roman, are you?
I am as thy Generall is.
Then you should hate Rome, as he do's. Can you, when you haue pusht out your gates, the very Defender of them, and in a violent popular ignorance, giuen your enemy your shield, thinke to front his reuenges with the easie groanes of old women, the Virginall Palms of your daughters, or with the palsied intercession of such a decay'd Dotant as you seeme to be? Can you think to blow out the intended fire, your City is ready to flame in, with such weake breath as this? No, you are deceiu'd, therfore backe to Rome, and prepare for your execution: you are condemn'd, our Generall has sworne you out of repreeue and pardon.
Come, my Captaine knowes you not.
I meane thy Generall.
My Generall cares not for you. Back I say, go: least I let forth your halfe pinte of blood. Backe, that's the vtmost of your hauing, backe.
Nay but Fellow, Fellow.
What's the matter?
Now you Companion: Ile say an arrant for you: you shall know now that I am in estimation: you shall perceiue, that a Iacke gardant cannot office me from my Son Coriolanus, guesse but my entertainment with him: if thou stand'st not i' th state of hanging, or of some death more long in Spectatorship, and crueller in suffering, behold now presently, and swoond for what's to come vpon thee. The glorious Gods sit in hourely Synod about thy particular prosperity, and loue thee no worse then thy old Father Menenius do's. O my Son, my Soul thou art preparing fire for vs: looke thee, heere's water to quench it. I was hardly moued to come to thee: but beeing assured none but my selfe could moue thee, I haue bene blowne out of your Gates with sighes: and coniure thee to pardon Rome, and thy petitionary Countrimen. The good Gods asswage thy wrath, and turne the dregs of it, vpon this Varlet heere: This, who like a blocke hath denyed my accesse to thee.
Away.
How? Away?
You keepe a constant temper.
Now sir, is your name Menenius?
Do you heare how wee are shent for keeping your greatnesse backe?
What cause do you thinke I haue to swoond?
I neither care for th' world, nor your General: for such things as you. I can scarse thinke ther's any, y' are so slight. He that hath a will to die by himselfe, feares it [Page 27] not from another: Let your Generall do his worst. For you, bee that you are, long; and your misery encrease with your age. I say to you, as I was said to, Away.
A Noble Fellow I warrant him.
My Lord and Husband.
These eyes are not the same I wore in Rome.
Your knee, Sirrah.
That's my braue Boy.
I was mou'd withall.
See you yon'd Coin a' th Capitol, you [...] corner stone?
Why what of that?
If it be possible for you to displace it with your little finger, there is some hope the Ladies of Rome, especially his Mother, may preuaile with him. But I say, there is no hope in't, our throats are sentenc'd, and stay vppon execution.
Is't possible, that so short a time can alter the condition of a man.
There is differency between a Grub & a Butterfly, yet your Butterfly was a Grub: this Martius, is growne from Man to Dragon: He has wings, hee's more then a creeping thing.
He lou'd his Mother deerely.
So did he mee: and he no more remembers his Mother now, then an eight yeare old horse. The rarenesse of his face, sowres ripe Grapes. When he walks, he moues like an Engine, and the ground shrinkes before his Treading. He is able to pierce a Corflet with his eye: Talkes like a knell, and his hum is a Battery. He sits in his State, as a thing made for Alexander. What he bids bee done, is finisht with his bidding. He wants nothing of a God but Eternity, and a Heauen to Throne in.
Yes, mercy, if you report him truly.
I paint him in the Character. Mark what mercy his Mother shall bring from him: There is no more mercy in him, then there is milke in a male-Tyger, that shall our poore City finde: and all this is long of you.
The Gods be good vnto vs.
No, in such a case the Gods will not bee good vnto vs. When we banish'd him, we respected not them: and he returning to breake our necks, they respect not vs.
What's the Newes?
Sir, we haue all great cause to giue great thanks.
They are neere the City.
Almost at point to enter.
Wee'l meet them, and helpe the ioy.
Welcome Ladies, welcome.
How is it with our Generall?
Euen so, as with a man by his owne Almes impoyson'd, and with his Charity slaine.
Say no more. Heere come the Lords▪
You are most welcome home.
We haue.
He approaches, you shall heare him.
Traitor? How now?
I Traitor, Martius.
Martius?
Hear'st thou Mars?
Name not the God, thou boy of Teares.
Ha?
No more.
Peace [...]oth, and heare me speake.
Let him dye for't.
Insolent Villaine.
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill him.
Hold, hold, hold, hold.
My Noble Masters, heare me speake.
O Tullus.
Thou hast done a deed, whereat Valour will weepe.
The Lamentable Tragedy of Titus Andronicus.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
Tribunes, and me, a poore Competitor.
O cruell irreligious piety.
Was euer Scythia halfe so barbarous?
Titus, thou shalt obtaine and aske the Emperie.
Proud and ambitious Tribune can'st thou tell?
Patience Prince Saturninus.
Lord Titus by your leaue, this Maid is mine.
How sir? Are you in earnest then my Lord?
And that he will and shall, if Lucius liue.
Surpris'd, by whom?
Follow my Lord▪ and Ile soone bring her backe.
My Lord you passe not heere.
What villaine Boy, bar'st me my way in Rome?
Helpe Lucius helpe.
O monstrous, what reproachfull words are these?
These words are Razors to my wounded hart.
What would you bury him in my despight?
He is not himselfe, let vs withdraw.
Not I tell Mutius bones be buried.
Brother, for in that name doth nature plea'd.
Father, and in that name doth nature speake.
Speake thou no more if all the rest will speede.
Renowned Titus more then halfe my soule.
Deare Father, soule and substance of vs all.
That on mine honour heere I do protest.
Away and talke not, trouble vs no more.
Be it so Titus, and Gramercy to.
Actus Secunda.
Clubs, clubs, these louers will not keep the peace.
I Boy, grow ye so braue?
To atcheive her, how?
I, and as good as Saturnius may.
I so the turne were serued.
Aaron thou hast hit it.
Faith not me.
Not me, so I were one.
Thy counsell Lad smells of no cowardise.
Lauinia, how say you?
The King my Brother shall haue notice of this.
Why I haue patience to endure all this?
This is a witnesse that I am thy Sonne.
Oh Tamora, thou bear'st a woman face.
I will not heare her speake, away with her.
Sweet Lords intreat her heare me but a word.
I know not what it meanes, away with her.
What beg'st thou then? fond woman let me go?
My sight is very dull what ere it bodes.
If it be darke, how doost thou know 'tis he?
Nor I no strength to clime without thy help.
Where is my Lord the King?
Heere Tamora, though grieu'd with killing griefe.
Where is thy brother Bassianus?
My gracious Lord heere is the bag of Gold.
Andronicus himselfe did take it vp.
See how with signes and tokens she can scowle.
And t' were my cause, I should goe hang my selfe.
Actus Tertius.
My gracious Lord, no Tribune heares you speake.
Will it consume me? Let me see it then.
This was thy daughter.
Why Marcus so she is.
Aye me this obiect kils me.
Speake gentle sister, who hath martyr'd thee?
Patience deere Neece, good Titus drie thine eyes.
Ah my Lauinia I will wipe thy cheekes.
My hand shall goe.
By heauen it shall not goe.
Agree betweene you, I will spare my hand.
Then Ile goe fetch an Axe.
But I will vse the Axe.
But yet let reason gouerne thy lament.
When will this fearefull slumber haue an end?
Ha, ha, ha,
Why dost thou laugh? it fits not with this houre.
At that that I haue kil'd my Lord, a Flys
Alas (my Lord) I haue but kild a flie.
Actus Quartus.
Stand by me Lucius, doe not feare thy Aunt.
She loues thee boy too well to doe thee harme
I when my father was in Rome she did.
What meanes my Neece Lauinia by these signes?
Lucius I will.
Lucius what booke is that she tosseth so?
See brother see, note how she quotes the leaues
And Vncle so will I, and if I liue.
I with my dagger in their bosomes Grandsire:
I some mad message from his mad Grandfather.
A charitable wish, and full of loue.
Heere lack's but you mother for to say, Amen.
And that would she for twenty thousand more.
Pray to the deuils, the gods haue giuen vs ouer.
Why do the Emperors trumpets flourish thus?
Belike for ioy the Emperour hath a sonne.
Soft, who comes heere?
To whom?
I meane she is brought a bed?
A deuill.
Why then she is the Deuils Dam: a ioyfull issue.
Villaine what hast thou done?
That which thou canst not vndoe.
Thou hast vndone our mother.
It shall not liue.
It shall not die.
Aaron it must, the mother wils it so.
Wilt thou betray thy noble mistris thus?
By this our mother is for euer sham'd.
Rome will despise her for this foule escape.
The Emperour in his rage will doome her death.
I blush to thinke vpon this ignominie.
Aaron what shall I say vnto the Empresse?
How many women saw this childe of his?
Aaron I see thou wilt not ttust the ayre with secrets.
Why there it goes, God giue your Lordship ioy.
Ho the Iibbetmaker, he sayes that he hath taken them downe againe, for the man must not be hang'd till the next weeke.
But what sayes Iupiter I aske thee?
Why villaine art not thou the Carrier?
I of my Pigions sir, nothing else.
Why, did'st thou not come from heauen?
From heauen? Alas sir, I neuer came there, God forbid I should be so bold, to presse to heauen in my young dayes. Why I am going with my pigeons to the Tribunall Plebs, to take vp a matter of brawle, betwixt my Vncle, and one of the Emperialls men.
Why sir, that is as fit as can be to serue for your Oration, and let him deliuer the Pigions to the Emperour from you.
Tell mee, can you deliuer an Oration to the Emperour with a Grace?
Nay truely sir, I could neuer say grace in all my life.
I sir
Then here is a Supplication for you, and when you come to him, at the first approach you must kneele, then kisse his foote, then deliuer vp your Pigeons, and then looke for your reward. Ile be at hand sir, see you do it brauely.
I warrant you sir, let me alone.
God be with you sir, I will.
Come Marcus let vs goe, Publius follow me.
Yea forsooth, and your Mistership be Emperiall.
Empresse I am, but yonder sits the Emperour.
Goe take him away, and hang him presently.
How much money must I haue?
Come sirrah you must be hang'd.
Hang'd? ber Lady, then I haue brought vp a neck to a faire end.
What newes with thee Emillius?
Why should you feare? Is not our City strong?
But he will not entreat his Sonne for vs.
Your bidding shall I do effectually.
Then goe successantly and plead for him.
Actus Quintus.
Touch not the Boy, he is of Royall blood.
Sweare that he shall, and then I will begin.
Euen by my God I sweare to to thee I will.
Oh most Insatiate luxurious woman!
Oh barbarous beastly villaines like thy selfe!
What canst thou say all this, and neuer blush?
I, like a blacke Dogge, as the saying is.
Art thou not sorry for these hainous deedes?
Sirs stop his mouth, & let him speake no more.
What saies our Generall?
Titus, I am come to talke with thee,
I am, therefore come downe and welcome me.
These are my Ministers, and come with me.
Are them thy Ministers, what are they call'd?
What would'st thou haue vs doe Andronicus?
Shew me a Murtherer, Ile deale with him.
This will I do, and soone returne againe.
Madam depart at pleasure, leaue vs heere.
I know thou doo'st, and sweet reuenge farewell.
Tell vs old man, how shall we be imploy'd?
What is your will?
Know you these two?
Villaines forbeare, we are the Empresse Sonnes.
And ours with thine befall, what Fortune will.
What, hath the Firemament more Suns then one?
What bootes it thee to call thy selfe a Sunne?
Marcus we will.
Why art thou thus attir'd Andronicus?
We are beholding to you good Andronicus?
It was Andronicus.
Your reason, Mighty Lord?
What hast done, vnnaturall and vnkinde?
What was she rauisht? tell who did the deed,
Why hast thou slaine thine onely Daughter?
Go fetch them hither to vs presently.
Die franticke wretch, for this accursed deed.
THE TRAGEDIE OF ROMEO and IVLIET.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
GRegory: A my word wee'l not carry coales.
No, for then we should be Colliars.
I mean, if we be in choller, wee'l draw.
I, While you liue, draw your necke out o' th Collar.
I strike quickly, being mou'd.
But thou art not quickly mou'd to strike.
A dog of the house of Mountague, moues me.
That shewes thee a weake slaue, for the weakest goes to the wall.
True, and therefore women being the weaker Vessels, are euer thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Mountagues men from the wall, and thrust his Maides to the wall.
The Quarrell is betweene our Masters, and vs their men.
'Tis all one, I will shew my selfe a tyrant: when I haue fought with the men, I will bee ciuill with the Maids, and cut off their heads.
The heads of the Maids?
They must take it sence, that feele it▪
'Tis well thou art not Fish: If thou had'st, thou had'st beene poore Iohn. Draw thy Toole, here comes of the House of the Mountagues.
My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I wil back thee
How? Turne thy backe, and run.
Feare me not.
No marry: I feare thee.
Let vs take the Law of our sides▪ let them begin.
I wil frown as I passe by, & let thē take it as they list
Nay, as they dare. I wil bite my Thumb at them, which is a disgrace to them, if they beare it.
Do you bite your Thumbe at vs sir?
I do bite my Thumbe, sir.
Do you bite your Thumb at vs, sir?
Is the Law of our side, if I say I?
No.
No sir, I do not bite my Thumbe at you sir: but I bite my Thumbe sir.
Do you quarrell sir?
Quarrell sir? no sir.
If you do sir, I am for you, I serue as good a man as you
No better?
Well sir.
Say better: here comes one of my masters kinsmen.
Yes, better.
You Lye.
Draw if you be men. Gregory, remember thy washing blow.
Part Fooles, put vp your Swords, you know not what you do.
What art thou drawne, among these heartlesse Hindes? Turne thee Benuolio, looke vpon thy death.
What noise is this? Giue me my long Sword ho.
A crutch, a crutch: why call you for a Sword?
Thou villaine▪ Capulet. Hold me not, let me go
Thou shalt not stir a foote to seeke a Foe.
My Noble Vncle doe you know the cause?
I neither know it, nor can learne of him.
Haue you importun'd him by any meanes?
Good morrow Cousin.
Is the day so young?
But new strooke nine.
Not hauing that, which hauing, makes them short
In loue.
Out.
Of loue.
Out of her fauour where I am in loue.
No Coze, I rather weepe.
Good heart, at what?
At thy good hearts oppression.
Tell me in sadnesse, who is that you loue?
What shall I grone and tell thee?
Grone, why no: but sadly tell me who.
I aym'd so neare, when I suppos'd you lou'd.
A right good marke man, and shee's faire I loue
A right faire marke, faire Coze, is soonest hit.
Be rul'd by me, forget to thinke of her.
O teach me how I should forget to thinke.
Ile pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.
Younger then she, are happy mothers made.
Find them out whose names are written. Heere it is written, that the Shoo-maker should meddle with his Yard, and the Tayler with his Last, the Fisher with his Pensill, and the Painter with his Nets. But I am sent to find those persons whose names are writ, & can neuer find what names the writing person hath here writ (I must to the learned) in good time.
Your Plantan leafe is excellent for that.
For what I pray thee?
For your broken shin.
Why Romeo art thou mad?
Godgigoden, I pray sir can you read?
I mine owne fortune in my miserie.
I, if I know the Letters and the Language.
Ye say honestly, rest you merry.
Vp.
Whither? to supper?
To our house.
Whose house?
My Maisters.
Indeed I should haue askt you that before.
Now Ile tell you without asking. My maister is the great rich Capulet, and if you be not of the house of Mountagues I pray come and crush a cup of wine. Rest you merry.
Nurse wher's my daughter? call her forth to me.
How now, who calls?
Your Mother.
Madam I am heere, what is your will?
This is the matter: Nurse giue leaue awhile, we [Page 56] must talke in secret. Nurse come backe againe, I haue remembred me, thou'se heare our counsell. Thou knowest my daughter's of a prety age.
Faith I can tell her age vnto an houre.
Shee's not fourteene.
A fortnight and odde dayes.
Euen or odde, of all daies in the yeare come Lammas Eue at night shall she be fourteene. Susan & she, God rest all Christian soules, were of an age. Well Susan is with God, she was too good for me. But as I said, on Lamas Eue at night shall she be fourteene, that shall she marie, I remember it well. 'Tis since the Earth-quake now eleuen yeares, and she was wean'd I neuer shall forget it, of all the daies of the yeare, vpon that day: for I had then laid Worme-wood to my Dug sitting in the Sunne vnder the Douehouse wall, my Lord and you were then at Mantua, nay I doe beare a braine. But as I said, when it did tast the Worme-wood on the nipple of my Dugge, and felt it bitter, pretty foole, to see it teachie, and fall out with the Dugge, Shake quoth the Doue-house, 'twas no neede I trow to bid mee trudge: and since that time it is a eleuen yeares, for then she could stand alone, nay bi' th' roode she could haue runne, & wadled all about: for euen the day before she broke her brow, & then my Husband God be with his soule, a was a merrie man, tooke vp the Child, yea quoth hee, doest thou fall vpon thy face? thou wilt fall backeward when thou hast more wit, wilt thou not Iule? And by my holy-dam, the pretty wretch lefte crying, & said I: to see now how a Iest shall come about. I warrant, & I shall liue a thousand yeares, I neuer should forget it: wilt thou not Iulet quoth he? and pretty foole it stinted, and said I.
Inough of this, I pray thee hold thy peace.
Yes Madam, yet I cannot chuse but laugh, to thinke it should leaue crying, & say I: and yet I warrant it had vpon it brow, a bumpe as big as a young Cockrels stone? A perilous knock, and it cryed bitterly. Yea quoth my husband, fall'st vpon thy face, thou wilt fall backward when thou commest to age: wilt thou not Iule? It stinted: and said I.
And stint thou too. I pray thee Nurse, say I.
Peace I haue done: God marke thee too his grace thou wast the prettiest Babe that ere I nurst, and I might liue to see thee married once, I haue my wish.
It is an houre that I dreame not of.
An houre, were not I thine onely Nurse, I would say thou had'st suckt wisedome from thy teat.
A man young Lady, Lady, such a man as all the world. Why hee's a man of waxe.
Veronas Summer hath not such a flower.
Nay hee's a flower, infaith a very flower.
No lesse, nay bigger: women grow by men.
Speake briefly, can you like of Paris loue?
Madam, the guests are come, supper seru'd vp, you cal'd, my young Lady askt for, the Nurse cur'st in the Pantery, and euery thing in extremitie: I must hence to wait, I beseech you follow straight.
We follow thee, Iuliet, the Countie staies.
Goe Gyrle, seeke happ [...]e nights to happy daies.
Nay gentle Romeo, we must haue you dance.
Nay that's not so.
Why may one aske?
I dreampt a dreame to night.
And so did I.
Well what was yours?
That dreamers often lye.
In bed a sleepe while they do dreame things true.
O then I see Queene Mab hath beene with you: She is the Fairies Midwife, & she comes in shape no bigger then Agat-stone, on the fore-finger of an Alderman, drawne with a teeme of little Atomies, ouer mens noses as they lie asleepe: her Waggon Spokes made of long Spinners legs: the Couer of the wings of Grashoppers, her Traces of the smallest Spiders web, her coullers of the Moonshines watry Beames, her Whip of Crickets bone, the Lash of Philome, her Waggoner, a small gray-coated Gnat, not halfe so bigge as a round little Worme, prickt from the Lazie-finger of a man. Her Chariot is an emptie Haselnut, made by the Ioyner Squirrel or old Grub, time out a mind, the Faries Coach-makers: & in this state she gallops night by night, through Louers braines: and then they dreame of Loue. On Courtiers knees, that dreame on Cursies strait: ore Lawyers fingers, who strait dreamt on Fees, ore Ladies lips, who strait on kisses dreame, which oft athe angry Mab with blisters plagues, because their breath with Sweet meats tainted are. Sometime she gallops ore a Courtiers nose, & then dreames he of smelling out asute: & somtime comes she with Tith pigs tale, tickling a Parsons nose as a lies asleepe, then he dreames of another Benefice. Sometime she driueth ore a Souldiers necke, & then dreames he of cutting Forraine throats, of Breaches, Ambuscados, Spanish Blades: Of Healths fiue Fadome deepe, and then anon drums in his eares, at which he startes and wakes; and being thus frighted, sweares a prayer or two & sleepes againe: this is that very Mab that plats the manes of Horses in the night: & bakes the Elk-locks in foule sluttish haires, which once vntangled, much misfortune bodes,
Strike Drum.
When good manners, shall lie in one or two mens hands, and they vnwasht too, 'tis a foule thing.
Away with the Ioynstooles, remoue the Courtcubbord, looke to the Plate: good thou, saue mee a piece of Marchpane, and as thou louest me, let the Porter let in Susan Grindstone, and Nell, Anthonie and Potpan.
I Boy readie.
You are lookt for, and cal'd for, askt for, & sought for, in the great Chamber.
Berlady thirty yeares.
I know not sir.
Young Romeo is it?
'Tis he, that Villaine Romeo.
Why Vncle, 'tis a shame.
Haue not Saints lips, and holy Palmers too?
I Pilgrim, lips that they must vse in prayer.
Then haue my lips the sin that they haue tooke.
You kisse by' th' booke.
Madam your Mother craues a word with you.
What is her Mother?
Away, be gone, the sport is at the best.
I so I feare, the more is my vnrest.
The Sonne and Heire of old Tyberio.
What's he that now is going out of doore?
Marrie that I thinke be young Petruchio.
What's he that follows here that would not dance?
I know not.
What's this? whats this?
Romeo, my Cozen Romeo, Romeo.
And if he heare thee thou wilt anger him.
Ay me.
Shall I heare more, or shall I speake at this?
Neither faire Maid, if either thee dislike.
If they do see thee, they will murther thee.
I would not for the world they saw thee here.
By whose direction found'st thou out this place?
If my hearts deare loue.
O wilt thou leaue me so vnsatisfied?
Th' exchange of thy Loues faithfull vow for mine.
So thriue my soule.
A thousand times goodnight.
Romeo.
My Neece.
By the houre of nine.
Let me stand here till thou remember it.
I would I were thy Bird.
Sleepe dwell vpon thine eyes, peace in thy brest.
Good morrow Father.
That last is true, the sweeter rest was mine.
God pardon sin: wast thou with Rosaline?
That's my good Son, but wher hast thou bin then?
Thou chid'st me oft for louing Rosaline.
For doting not for louing pupill mine.
And bad'st me bury Loue.
O let vs hence, I stand on sudden hast.
Wisely and slow, they stumble that run fast.
Where the deu [...]le should this Romeo be? came he not home to night?
Not to his Fathers, I spoke with his man.
Why that same pale hard-harted wench, that Rosaline torments him so, that he will sure run mad.
Tibalt, the kinsman to old Capulet, hath sent a Letter to his Fathers house.
A challenge on my life.
Romeo will answere it.
Any man that can write, may answere a Letter.
Nay, he will answere the Letters Maister how he dares, being dared.
Alas poore Romeo, he is already dead stab'd with a white wenche [...] blacke eye, runne through the eare with a Loue song, the very pinne of his heart, cleft with the blind Bowe-boyes but-shaft, and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?
Why what is Tibalt?
More then Prince of Cats. Oh hee's the Couragious Captaine of Complements: he fights as you sing pricksong, keeps time, distance, and proportion, he rests his minum, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a Dualist, a Dualist: a Gentleman of the very first house of the first and second cause: ah the immortall Passado, the Punto reuerso, the Hay.
The what?
The Pox of such antique lisping affecting phantacies, these new tuners of accent: Iesu a very good blade, a very tall man, a very good whore. Why is not this a lamentable thing Grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies: these fashion Mongers, these pardon-mee's, who stand so much on the new form, that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench. O their bones, their bones.
Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.
Without his Roe, like a dryed Hering. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified? Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his Lady, was a kitchen wench, marrie she had a better Loue to be rime her: Dido a dowdie, Cleopatra a Gipsie, Hellen and Hero, hildinsgs and Harlots: Thisbie a gray eie or so, but not to the purpose. Signior Romeo, Bon iour, there's a French salutation to your [Page 62] French slop: you gaue vs the the counterfait fairely last night.
Good morrow to you both, what counterfeit did I giue you?
The slip sir, the slip, can you not conceiue?
Pardon Mercutio, my businesse was great, and in such a case as mine, a man may straine curtesie.
That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.
Meaning to cursie.
Thou hast most kindly hit it.
A most curteous exposition.
Nay, I am the very pinck of curtesie.
Pinke for flower.
Right.
Why then is my Pump well flowr'd.
Sure wit, follow me this ieast, now till thou hast worne out thy Pump, that when the single sole of it is worne, the ieast may remaine after the wearing, sole-singular.
Come betweene vs good Benuolio, my wits faints.
Nay, if our wits run the Wild-Goose chase, I am done: For thou hast more of the Wild-Goose in one of thy wits, then I am sure I haue in my whole fiue. Was I with you there for the Goose?
Thou wast neuer with mee for any thing, when thou wast not there for the Goose.
I will bite thee by the eare for that iest.
Nay, good Goose bite not.
And is it not well seru'd into a Sweet-Goose?
Oh here's a wit of Cheuerell, that stretches from an ynch narrow, to an ell broad.
I stretch it out for that word, broad, which added to the Goose, proues thee farre and wide, abroad Goose.
Why is not this better now, then groning for Loue, now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo: now art thou what thou art, by Art as well as by Nature, for this driueling Loue is like a great Naturall, that runs lolling vp and downe to hid his bable in a hole.
Stop there, stop there.
Thou desir'st me to stop in my tale against the haire.
Thou would'st else haue made thy tale large.
O thou art deceiu'd, I would haue made it short, or I was come to the whole depth of my tale, and meant indeed to occupie the argument no longer.
Two, two: a Shirt and a Smocke.
Peter?
Anon.
My Fan Peter?
God ye good morrow Gentlemen.
God ye gooden faire Gentlewoman.
Is it gooden?
'Tis no lesse I tell you: for the bawdy hand of the Dyall is now vpon the pricke of Noone.
Out vpon you: what a man are you?
By my troth it is said, for himselfe to, mar quatha: Gentlemen, can any of you tel me where I may find the young Romeo?
I can tell you: but young Romeo will be older when you haue found him, then he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.
You say well.
She will endite him to some Supper.
A baud, a baud, a baud. So no.
What hast thou found?
I will follow you.
I pray you sir, what sawcie Merchant was this that was so full of his roperie?
A Gentleman Nurse, that loues to heare himselfe talke, and will speake more in a minute, then he will stand to in a Moneth.
And a speake any thing against me, Ile take him downe, & a were lustier then he is, and twentie such Iacks: and if I cannot, Ile finde those that shall: scuruie knaue, I am none of his flurt-gils, I am none of his skaines mates, and thou must stand by too and suffer euery knaue to vse me at his pleasure.
I saw no man vse you at his pleasure: if I had, my weapon should quickly haue beene out, I warrant you, I dare draw assoone as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrell, and the law on my side.
Now afore God, I am so vext, that euery part about me quiuers, skuruy knaue: pray you sir a word: and as I told you, my young Lady bid me enquire you out, what she bid me say, I will keepe to my selfe: but first let me tell ye, if ye should leade her in a fooles paradise, as they say, it were a very grosse kind of behauiour, as they say: for the Gentlewoman is yong: & therefore, if you should deale double with her, truely it were an ill thing to be offered to any Gentlewoman, and very weake dealing.
Nurse commend me to thy Lady and Mistresse, I protest vnto thee.
What wilt thou tell her Nurse? thou doest not marke me?
I will tell her sir, that you do protest, which as I take it, is a Gentleman-like offer.
No truly sir not a penny.
Go too, I say you shall.
This afternoone sir? well she shall be there.
Now God in heauen blesse thee: harke you sir,
What saist thou my deare Nurse?
Is your man secret, did you nere heare say two may keepe counsell putting one away.
Warrant thee my man as true as steele.
Well sir, my Mistresse is the sweetest Lady, Lord, Lord, when 'twas a little pra [...]ing thing. O there is a Noble man in Towne one Paris, that would faine lay knife aboard: but she good soule had as leeue a see Toade, a very Toade as see him: I anger her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the propere [...] man, but Ile warrant you, when I say so, shee lookes as pale as any clout in the versall world. Doth not Rosemarie and Romeo begin both with a letter?
I Nurse, what of that? Both with an R
A mocker that's the dogs name, R. is for the no, I know it begins with some other letter, and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and Rosemary, that it would do you good to heare it.
Commend me to thy Lady.
I a thousand times. Peter?
Anon.
Before and apace.
Peter stay at the gate.
Well, you haue made a simple choice, you know not how to chuse a man: Romeo, no not he though his face be better then any mans, yet his legs excels all mens, and for a hand, and a foote, and a body, though they be not to be talkt on, yet they are past compare: he is not the flower of curtesie, but Ile warrant him as gentle a Lambe: go thy waies wench, serue God. What haue you din'd at home?
Heere's such a coile, come what saies Romeo?
Haue you got leaue to go to shrift to day?
I haue.
Hie to high Fortune, honest Nurse, farewell.
Good euen to my ghostly Confessor.
Romeo shall thanke thee Daughter for vs both.
As much to him, else in his thanks too much.
Thou art like one of these fellowes, that when he enters the confines of a Tauerne, claps me his Sword vpon the Table, and sayes, God send me no need of thee: and by the operation of the second cup, drawe [...] him on the Drawer, when indeed there is no need.
Am I like such a Fellow?
Come, come, thou art as hot a Iacke in thy mood, as any in Italie: and assoone moued to be moodie, and assoone moodie to be mou'd.
And what too?
Nay, and there were two such, we should haue none shortly, for one would kill the other: thou, why thou wilt quarrell with a man that hath a haire more, or a haire lesse in his beard, then thou hast: thou wilt quarrell with a man for cracking Nuts, hauing no other reason, but because thou hast hasell eyes: what eye, but such an eye, would spie out such a quarrell? thy head is as full of quarrels, as an egge is full of meat, and yet thy head hath bin beaten as addle as an egge for quarreling: thou hast quarrel'd with a man for coffing in the street, because he hath wakened thy Dog that hath laine asleepe in the Sun. Did'st thou not fall out with a Tailor for wearing his new Doublet before Easter? with another, for tying his new shooes with old Riband, and yet thou wilt Tutor me from quarrelling?
And I were so apt to quarell as thou art, any man should buy the Fee-simple of my life, for an houre and a quarter.
The Fee-simple? O simple.
By my head here comes the Capulets.
By my heele I care not.
And but one word with one of vs? couple it with something, make it a word and a blow.
You shall find me apt inough to that sir, and you will giue me occasion.
Could you not take some occasion without giuing?
Mercutio thou consort'st with Romeo.
Consort? what dost thou make vs Minstrels? & thou make Minstrels of vs, looke to heare nothing but discords: heere's my fiddlesticke, heere's that shall make you daunce. Come consort.
Well peace be with you sir, here comes my man.
What woulds thou haue with me?
Good King of Cats, nothing but one of your nine liues, that I meane to make bold withall, and as you shall vse me hereafter dry beate the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your Sword out of his Pilcher by the eares? Make hast, least mine be about your eares ere it be out.
I am for you.
Gentle Mercutio, put thy Rapier vp.
Come sir, your Passado.
What art thou hurt?
Courage man, the hurt cannot be much.
No: 'tis not so deepe as a well, nor so wide as a Church doore, but 'tis inough, 'twill serue: aske for me to morrow, and you shall find me a graue man. I am pepper'd I warrant, for this world: a plague a both your houses. What, a Dog, a Rat, a Mouse, a Cat to scratch a man to death: a Braggart, a Rogue, a Villaine, that fights by the booke of Arithmeticke, why the deu'le came you betweene vs? I was hurt vnder your arme.
I thought all for the best.
Here comes the Furious Tybalt backe againe.
This shall determine that.
O! I am Fortunes foole.
Why dost thou stay?
There lies that Tybalt.
Where are the vile beginners of this Fray?
Benuolio, who began this Fray?
I, I, the Cords.
Can heauen be so enuious?
O Serpent heart, hid with a flowring face.
Then fond Mad man, heare me speake.
O thou wilt speake againe of banishment.
O then I see, that Mad men haue no eares.
Let me dispaire with thee of thy estate,
Welcome then.
Nurse.
Ah sir, ah sir, deaths the end of all.
Do so, and bid my Sweete prepare to chide.
How well my comfort is reuiu'd by this.
Monday my Lord.
More light & light, more darke & darke our woes.
Madam.
Nurse.
Then window let day in, and let life out.
Farewell, farewell, one kisse and Ile descend.
O thinkest thou we shall euer meet againe?
Ho Daughter, are you vp?
Why how now Iuliet?
Madam I am not well.
Yet let me weepe, for such a feeling losse.
What Villaine, Madam?
That same Villaine Romeo.
That is because the Traitor liues.
Madam in happy time, what day is this?
Fie, fie, what are you mad?
You are too hot.
Speakest thou from thy heart?
Amen.
What?
Marrie I will, and this is wisely done.
On Thursday sir? the time is very short.
Happily met, my Lady and my wife.
That may be sir, when I may be a wife.
That may be, must be Loue, on Thursday next.
What must be shall be.
That's a certaine text.
Come you to make confession to this Father?
To answere that, I should confesse to you.
Do not denie to him, that you Loue me.
I will confesse to you that I Loue him.
So will ye, I am sure that you Loue me.
Poore soule, thy face is much abus'd with teares.
Thou wrong'st it more then teares with that report.
Thy face is mine, and thou hast slaundred it.
Giue me, giue me, O tell not me ofcare.
You shall haue none ill sir, for Ile trie if they can licke their fingers.
How canst thou trie them so?
Marrie sir, 'tis an ill Cooke that cannot licke his owne fingers: therefore he that cannot licke his fingers goes not with me.
Go be gone, we shall be much vnfurnisht for this time: what is my Daughter gone to Frier Lawrence?
I forsooth.
No not till Thursday, there's time inough.
What are you busie ho? need you my help?
They call for Dates and Quinces in the Pastrie.
Things for the Cooke sir, but I know not what.
What noise is heere?
O lamentable day.
What is the matter?
Looke, looke, oh heauie day.
For shame bring Iuliet forth, her Lord is come.
Shee's dead: deceast, shee's dead: alacke the day.
Alacke the day, shee's dead, shee's dead, shee's dead.
O Lamentable day!
O wofull time.
Come, is the Bride ready to go to Church?
Faith we may put vp our Pipes and be gone.
I by my troth, the case may be amended.
Why hearts ease;
Not a dump we, 'tis no time to play now.
You will not then?
No.
I will then giue it you soundly.
What will you giue vs?
Then will I giue you the Seruing creature.
Then will I lay the seruing Creatures Dagger on your pate. I will carie no Crochets, Ile Re you, Ile Fa you, do you note me?
And you Re vs, and Fa vs, you Note vs.
Mary sir, because siluer hath a sweet sound.
Pratest, what say you Hugh Rebicke?
I say siluer sound, because Musitions sound for siluer
Pratest to, what say you Iames Sound-Post?
Faith I know not what to say.
What a pestilent knaue is this same?
Hang him Iacke, come weele in here, tarrie for the Mourners, and stay dinner.
No my good Lord.
Who call's so low'd?
My pouerty, but not my will consents.
I pray thy pouerty, and not thy will.
Holy Franciscan Frier, Brother, ho?
Who bare my Letter then to Romeo?
Brother Ile go and bring it thee.
I will be gone sir, and not trouble you
Wilt thou prouoke me? Then haue at thee Boy.
O Lord they fight, I will go call the Watch.
Here's one, a Friend, & one that knowes you well.
Who is it?
Romeo.
How long hath he bin there?
Full halfe an houre.
Go with me to the Vault.
Lead Boy, which way?
Hold him in safety, till the Prince come hither.
A great suspition, stay the Frier too.
What should it be that they so shrike abroad?
What feare is this which startles in your eares?
Looke: and thou shalt see.
Then say at once, what thou dost know in this?
THE LIFE OF TYMON OF ATHENS.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
GOod day Sir.
I am glad y'are well.
I haue not seene you long, how goes the World?
It weares sir, as it growes.
I know them both: th' others a Ieweller.
O 'tis a worthy Lord.
Nay that's most fixt.
I haue a Iewell heere.
O pray let's see't. For the Lord Timon, sir?
If he will touch the estimate. But for that—
'Tis a good forme.
And rich: heere is a Water looke ye.
You are rapt sir, in some worke, some Dedication to the great Lord.
A Picture sir: when comes your Booke forth?
'Tis a good Peece.
So 'tis, this comes off well, and excellent.
Indifferent.
How this Lord is followed.
The Senators of Athens, happy men.
Looke moe.
How shall I vnderstand you?
I saw them speake together.
I marry, what of these?
Imprison'd is he, say you?
Your Lordship euer bindes him.
All happinesse to your Honor.
Lord Timon, heare me speake.
Freely good Father.
Thou hast a Seruant nam'd Lucilius.
I haue so: What of him?
Most Noble Timon, call the man before thee.
Attends he heere, or no? Lucillius.
Heere at your Lordships seruice.
Well: what further?
The man is honest.
Does she loue him?
Loue you the Maid?
I my good Lord, and she accepts of it.
Three Talents on the present; in future, all.
The Gods preserue ye.
What my Lord, dispraise?
Well mock'd.
Looke who comes heere, will you be chid?
Wee'l beare with your Lordship.
Hee'l spare none.
Why dost thou call them Knaues, thou know'st them not?
Are they not Athenians?
Yes.
Then I repent not.
You know me, Apemantus?
Thou know'st I do, I call'd thee by thy name.
Thou art proud Apemantus?
Of nothing so much, as that I am not like Timon
Whether art going?
To knocke out an honest Athenians braines.
That's a deed thou't dye for.
Right, if doing nothing be death by th' Law.
How lik'st thou this picture Apemantus?
The best▪ for the innocence.
Wrought he not well that painted it.
He wrought better that made the Painter, and yet he's but a filthy peece of worke.
Y' are a Dogge.
Thy Mothers of my generation: what's she, if I be a Dogge?
Wilt dine with me Apemantus?
No: I eate not Lords.
And thou should'st, thoud'st anger Ladies.
That's a lasciuious apprehension.
How dost thou like this Iewell, Apemantus?
Not so well as plain-dealing, which wil not cast a man a Doit.
What dost thou thinke 'tis worth?
How now Philosopher?
Thou lyest.
Art not one?
Yes.
Then I lye not.
Art not a Poet?
Yes.
That's not feign'd, he is so.
Yes he is worthy of thee, and to pay thee for thy labour. He that loues to be flattered, is worthy o' th flatterer. Heauens, that I were a Lord.
What wouldst do then Apemantus?
E'ne as Apemantus does now, hate a Lord with my heart.
What thy selfe?
I.
Wherefore?
I Apemantus.
Traffick confound thee, if the Gods will not.
If Trafficke do it, the Gods do it.
What Trumpets that?
So, so; their Aches contract, and sterue your supple ioynts: that there should bee small loue amongest these sweet Knaues, and all this Curtesie. The straine of mans bred out into Baboon and Monkey.
What time a day is't Apemantus?
Time to be honest.
That time serues still.
The most accursed thou that still omitst it.
Thou art going to Lord Timons Feast.
I, to see meate fill Knaues, and Wine heat fooles.
Farthee well, farthee well.
Thou art a Foole to bid me farewell twice.
Why Apemantus?
Should'st haue kept one to thy selfe, for I meane to giue thee none.
Hang thy selfe.
I will flye like a dogge, the heeles a' th' Asse.
A Noble spirit.
My Lord, we alwaies haue confest it.
Ho ho, confest it? Handg'd it? Haue you not?
O Apermantus, you are welcome.
I take no heede of thee: Th' art an Athenian, therefore welcome: I my selfe would haue no power, prythee let my meate make thee silent.
I scorne thy meate, 'twould choake me: for I should nere flatter thee. Oh you Gods! What a number of men eats Timon, and he sees 'em not? It greeues me to see so many dip there meate in one mans blood, and all the madnesse is, he cheeres them vp too.
There's much example for't, the fellow that sits next him, now parts bread with him, pledges the breath of him in a diuided draught: is the readiest man to kill him, 'Tas beene▪ proued, if I were a huge man I should feare to drinke at meales, least they should spie my wind-pipes dangerous noates, great men should drinke with harnesse on their throates.
My Lord in heart: and let the health go round.
Let it flow this way my good Lord.
Flow this way? A braue fellow. He keepes his tides well, those healths will make thee and thy state looke ill, Timon.
Captaine, Alcibiades, your hearts in the field now.
My heart is euer at your seruice, my Lord.
You had rather be at a breakefast of Enemies, then a dinner of Friends.
So they were bleeding new my Lord, there's no meat like 'em, I could wish my best friend at such a Feast.
Would all those Flatterers were thine Enemies then, that then thou might'st kill 'em: & bid me to 'em.
Might we but haue that happinesse my Lord, that you would once vse our hearts, whereby we might expresse some part of our zeales, we should thinke our selues for euer perfect.
Oh no doubt my good Friends, but the Gods themselues haue prouided that I shall haue much helpe from you: how had you beene my Friends else. Why haue you that charitable title from thousands? Did not you chiefely belong to my heart? I haue told more of you to my selfe, then you can with modestie speake in your owne behalfe. And thus farre I confirme you. Oh you Gods (thinke I,) what need we haue any Friends; if we should nere haue need of' em? They were the most needlesse Creatures liuing; should we nere haue vse for 'em? And would most resemble sweete Instruments hung vp in Cases, that keepes there sounds to themselues. Why I haue often wisht my selfe poorer, that I might come neerer to you: we are borne to do benefits. And what better or properer can we call our owne, then the richer of our Friends? Oh what a pretious comfort 'tis, to haue so many like Brothers commanding one anothers Fortunes. Oh ioyes, e'ne made away er't can be borne: mine eies cannot hold out wate [...]me thinks▪ to forget their Faults. I drinke to you.
Thou weep'st to make them drinke, Timon.
Ho, ho: I laugh to thinke that babe a bastard.
I promise you my Lord you mou'd me much.
Much.
What meanes that Trumpe? How now?
Ladies? what are their wils?
There comes with them a fore-runner my Lord, which beares that office, to signifie their pleasures.
I pray let them be admitted.
Haile to thee worthy Timon and to all that of his Bounties taste: the fiue best Sencesa cknowledge thee their Patron, and come freely to gratulate thy plentiou [...] bosome.
They'r wecome all, let 'em haue kind admittance. Musicke make their welcome.
You see my Lord, how ample y' are belou'd.
My Lord you take vs euen at the best.
Faith for the worst is filthy, and would not hold taking, I doubt me.
Most thankfully, my Lord.
Flauius.
My Lord.
The little Casket bring me hither.
Where be our men?
Heere my Lord, in readinesse.
Our Horses.
I am so farre already in your guifts.
So are we all.
My Lord, there are certaine Nobles of the Senate newly alighted, and come to visit you.
They are fairely welcome.
I beseech your Honor, vouchsafe me a word, it does concerne you neere.
I scarse know how.
Please you my Lord, that honourable Gentleman Lord Lucullus, entreats your companie to morrow, to hunt with him, and ha's sent your Honour two brace of Grey-hounds.
O he's the very soule of Bounty.
And now I remember my Lord, you gaue good words the other day of a Bay Courser I rod on. Tis yours because you lik'd it.
Oh, I beseech you pardon mee, my Lord, in that.
You may take my word my Lord: I know no man can iustly praise, but what he does affect. I weighe my Friends affection with mine owne: Ile tell you true, Ile call to you.
O none so welcome.
I, defil'd Land, my Lord.
We are so vertuously bound.
And so am I to you.
So infinitely endeer'd.
All to you. Lights, more Lights.
Ready for his Friends.
What a coiles heere, seruing of beckes, and iutting out of bummes. I doubt whether their Legges be worth the summes that are giuen for 'em.
No, Ile nothing; for if I should be brib'd too, there would be none left to raile vponthee, and then thou wouldst sinne the faster. Thou giu'st so long Timon (I feare me) thou wilt giue away thy selfe in paper shortly. What needs these Feasts, pompes, and Vaine-glories?
Nay, and you begin to raile on Societie once, I am sworne not to giue regard to you. Farewell, & come with better Musicke.
Heere sir, what is your pleasure.
I go sir.
I will Sir.
Go.
Good euen Varro: what, you come for money?
Is't not your businesse too?
It is, and yours too, Isidore?
It is so.
Would we were all discharg'd.
I feare it,
Heere comes the Lord.
My Lord, heere is a note of certaine dues.
Dues? whence are you?
Of Athens heere, my Lord.
Go to my Steward.
Nay, good my Lord.
Containe thy selfe, good Friend.
One Varroes seruant, my good Lord.
From Isidore, he humbly prayes your speedy payment.
If you did know my Lord, my Masters wants.
'Twas due on forfeyture my Lord, sixe weekes, and past.
Do so my Friends, see them well entertain'd.
Pray draw neere.
Stay, stay, here comes the Foole with Apemantus, let's ha some sport with 'em.
Hang him, hee'l abuse vs.
A plague vpon him dogge.
How dost Foole?
Dost Dialogue with thy shadow?
I speake not to thee.
No 'tis to thy selfe. Come away.
There's the Foole hangs on your backe already.
No thou stand'st single, th' art not on him yet.
Where's the Foole now?
He last ask'd the question. Poore Rogues, and Vsurers men, Bauds betweene Gold and want.
What are we Apemantus?
Asses.
Why?
That you ask me what you are, & do not know your selues. Speake to 'em Foole.
How do you Gentlemen?
She's e'ne setting on water to scal'd such Chickens as you are. Would we could see you at Corinth.
Good, Gramercy.
Looke you, heere comes my Masters Page.
Would I had a Rod in my mouth, that I might answer thee profitably.
Prythee Apemantus reade me the superscription of these Letters, I know not which is which.
Canst not read?
No.
There will litle Learning dye then that day thou art hang'd. This is to Lord Timon, this to Alcibiades. Go thou was't borne a Bastard, and thou't dye a Bawd.
Will you leaue me there?
I would they seru'd vs.
Are you three Vsurers men?
I Foole.
I thinke no Vsurer, but ha's a Foole to his Seruant. My Mistris is one, and I am her Foole: when men come to borrow of your Masters, they approach sadly, and go away merry: but they enter my Masters house merrily, and go away sadly. The reason of this?
I could render one.
Do it then, that we may account thee a Whoremaster, and a Knaue, which notwithstanding thou shalt be no lesse esteemed.
What is a Whoremaster Foole?
A Foole in good cloathes, and something like thee. 'Tis a spirit, sometime t' appeares like a Lord, somtime like a Lawyer, sometime like a Philosopher, with two stones moe then's artificiall one. Hee is verie often like a Knight; and generally, in all shapes that man goes vp and downe in, from fourescore to thirteen, this spirit walkes in.
Thou art not altogether a Foole.
That answer might haue become Apemantus.
Aside, aside, heere comes Lord Timon.
Come with me (Foole) come.
I do not alwayes follow Louer, elder Brother, aad Woman, sometime the Philosopher.
Let all my Land be sold.
To Lacedemon did my Land extend.
You tell me true.
Prythee no more.
Assurance blesse your thoughts.
My Lord, my Lord.
I will dispatch you seuerally.
You to Lord Lucius, to Lord Lucullus you, I hunted with his Honor to day; you to Sempronius; commend me to their loues; and I am proud say, that my occasions haue found time to vse 'em toward a supply of mony: let the request be fifty Talents.
As you haue said, my Lord.
Lord Lucius and Lucullus? Humh.
Is't true? Can't be?
I haue told my Lord of you, he is comming down to you.
I thanke you Sir.
Heere's my Lord.
One of Lord Timons men? A Guift I warrant. Why this hits right: I dreampt of a Siluer Bason & Ewre to night. Flaminius, honest Flaminius, you are verie respectiuely welcome sir. Fill me some Wine. And how does that Honourable, Compleate, Free-hearted Gentleman of Athens, thy very bountifull good Lord and Mayster?
His health is well sir.
I am right glad that his health is well sir: and what hast thou there vnder thy Cloake, pretty Flaminius?
Faith, nothing but an empty box Sir, which in my Lords behal [...] I come to intreat your Honor to supply: who hauing great and instant occasion to vse fiftie Talents, hath sent to your Lordship to furnish him: nothing doubting your present assistance therein.
La, la, la, la: Nothing doubting sayes hee? Alas good Lord, a Noble Gentleman 'tis, if he would not keep so good a house. Many a time and often I ha din'd with him, and told him on't, and come againe to supper to him of purpose, to haue him spend lesse, and yet he wold embrace no counsell, take no warning by my comming, euery man has his fault, and honesty is his. I ha told him on't, but I could nere get him from't.
Please your Lordship, heere is the Wine.
Your Lordship speakes your pleasure.
I haue obserued thee alwayes for a towardlie prompt spirit, giue thee thy due, and one that knowes what belongs to reason; and canst vse the time wel, if the time vse thee well. Good parts in thee; get you gone sirrah. Draw neerer honest Flaminius. Thy Lords a bountifull Gentleman, but thou art wise, and thou know'st well enough (although thou com'st to me) that this is no time to lend money, especially vpon bare friendshippe without securitie. Here's three Solidares for thee, good Boy winke at me, and say thou saw'st mee not. Fare thee well.
Ha? Now I see thou art a Foole, and sit for thy Master.
Who the Lord Timon? He is my very good friend and an Honourable Gentleman.
We know him for no lesse, thogh we are but strangers to him. But I can tell you one thing my Lord, and which I heare from common rumours, now Lord Timons happie howres are done and past, and his estate shrinkes from him.
Fye no, doe not beleeue it: hee cannot want for money.
But beleeue you this my Lord, that not long agoe, one of his men was with the Lord Lucullus, to borrow so many Talents, nay vrg'd extreamly for't, and shewed [Page 86] what necessity belong'd too't, and yet was deny'de.
How?
I tell you, deny'de my Lord.
What a strange case was that? Now before the Gods I am asham'd on't. Denied that honourable man? There was verie little Honour shew'd in't. For my owne part, I must needes confesse, I haue receyued some small kindnesses from him, as Money, Plate, Iewels, and such like Trifles; nothing comparing to his: yet had hee mistooke him, and sent to me, I should ne're haue denied his Occasion so many Talents.
See, by good hap yonders my Lord, I haue swet to see his Honor. My Honor'd Lord.
Seruilius? You are kindely met sir. Farthewell, commend me to thy Honourable vertuous Lord, my very exquisite Friend.
May it please your Honour, my Lord hath sent—
Ha? what ha's he sent? I am so much endeered to that Lord; hee's euer sending: how shall I thank him think'st thou? And what has he sent now?
Has onely sent his present Occasion now my Lord: requesting your Lordship to supply his instant vse with so many Talents.
Dost thou speake seriously Seruilius?
Vpon my soule, 'tis true Sir.
What a wicked Beast was I to disfurnish my self against such a good time, when I might ha shewn my selfe Honourable? How vnluckily it hapned, that I shold Purchase the day before for a little part, and vndo a great deale of Honour? Seruilius▪ now before the Gods I am not able to do (the more beast I say) I was sending to vse Lord Timon my selfe, these Gentlemen can witnesse; but I would not for the wealth of Athens I had done't now. Commend me bountifully to his good Lordship, and I hope his Honor will conceiue the fairest of mee, because I haue no power to be kinde. And tell him this from me, I count it one of my greatest afflictions say, that I cannot pleasure such an Honourable Gentleman. Good Seruilius, will you befriend mee so farre, as to vse mine owne words to him?
Yes sir, I shall.
Do you obserue this Hostilius?
I, to well.
Religion grones at it.
Excellent: Your Lordships a goodly Villain: the diuell knew not what he did, when hee made man Politicke; he crossed himselfe by't: and I cannot thinke, but in the end, the Villanies of man will set him cleere. How fairely this Lord striues to appeare foule? Takes Vertuous Copies to be wicked: like those, that vnder hotte ardent zeale, would set whole Realmes on fire, of such a nature is his politike loue.
Well met, goodmorrow Titus & Hortensius
The like to you kinde Varro.
Lucius, what do we meet together?
So is theirs, and ours.
And sir Philotus too.
Good day at once.
Labouring for Nine.
So much?
Is not my Lord seene yet?
Not yet.
I wonder on't, he was wont to shine at seauen.
I am of your feare, for that.
Most true, he doe's.
It is against my heart.
Fiue thousand mine.
One of Lord Timons men.
Flaminius? Sir, a word: Pray is my Lord readie to come forth?
No, indeed he is not.
We attend his Lordship: pray signifie so much.
I need not tell him that, he knowes you are too diligent.
Do you heare, sir?
By your leaue, sir.
What do ye aske of me, my Friend.
We waite for certaine Money heere, sir.
I, but this answer will not serue.
How? What does his casheer'd Worship mutter?
No matter what, hee's poore, and that's reuenge enough. Who can speake broader, then hee that has no house to put his head in? Such may rayle against great buildings.
Oh heere's Seruilius: now wee shall know some answere.
If I might beseech you Gentlemen, to repayre some other houre, I should deriue much from't. For tak't of my soule, my Lord leanes wondrously to discontent: His comfortable temper has forsooke him, he's much out of health, and keepes his Chamber.
Good Gods.
Seruilius helpe, my Lord, my Lord.
Put in now Titus.
My Lord, heere is my Bill.
Here's mine.
And mine, my Lord.
And ours, my Lord.
All our Billes.
Knocke me downe with 'em, cleaue mee to the Girdle.
Alas, my Lord.
Cut my heart in summes.
Mine, fifty Talents.
Tell out my blood.
Fiue thousand Crownes, my Lord.
My Lord.
My Lord.
Teare me, take me, and the Gods fall vpon you.
Faith I perceiue our Masters may throwe their caps at their money, these debts may well be call'd desperate ones, for a madman owes 'em.
They haue e'ene put my breath from mee the slaues. Creditors? Diuels.
My deere Lord.
What if it should be so?
My Lord.
Ile haue it so. My Steward?
Heere my Lord.
O my Lord, you onely speake from your distracted soule; there's not so much left to, furnish out a moderate Table.
Most true; the Law shall bruise 'em.
Honor, health, and compassion to the Senate.
Now Captaine.
My Lord.
You breath in vaine.
What's that?
He dyes.
How?
Call me to your remembrances.
What.
The good time of day to you, sir.
I also wish it to you: I thinke this Honorable Lord did but try vs this other day.
Vpon that were my thoughts tyring when wee encountred. I hope it is not so low with him as he made it seeme in the triall of his seuerall Friends.
It should not be, by the perswasion of his new Feasting.
I should thinke so. He hath sent mee an earnest inuiting, which many my neere occasions did vrge mee to put off: but he hath coniur'd mee beyond them, and I must needs appeare.
In like manner was I in debt to my importunat businesse, but he would not heare my excuse. I am sorrie, when he sent to borrow of mee, that my Prouision was out.
I am sicke of that greefe too, as I vnderstand how all things go.
Euery man heares so: what would hee haue borrowed of you?
A thousand Peeces.
A thousand Peeces?
What of you?
He sent to me sir—Heere he comes.
With all my heart Gentlemen both; and how fare you?
Euer at the best, hearing well of your Lordship.
The Swallow followes not Summer more willing, then we your Lordship.
Nor more willingly leaues Winter, such Summer Birds are men. Gentlemen, our dinner will not recompence this long stay: Feast your eares with the Musicke awhile: If they will fare so harshly o' th' Trumpets sound: we shall too't presently.
I hope it remaines not vnkindely with your Lordship, that I return'd you an empty Messenger.
O sir, let it not trouble you.
My Noble Lord.
Ah my good Friend, what cheere?
My most Honorable Lord, I am e'ne sick of shame, that when your Lordship this other day sent to me, I was so vnfortunate a Beggar.
Thinke not on't, sir.
If you had sent but two houres before.
All couer'd Dishes.
Royall Cheare, I warrant you.
Doubt not that, if money and the season can yeild it
How do you? What's the newes?
Alcibiades is banish'd: heare you of it?
Alcibiades banish'd?
'Tis so, be sure of it.
How? How?
I pray you vpon what?
My worthy Friends, will you draw neere?
Ile tell you more anon. Here's a Noble feast toward
This is the old man still.
Wilt hold? Wilt hold?
It do's: but time will, and so.
I do conceyue.
Each man to his stoole, with that spurre as hee would to the lip of his Mistris: your dyet shall bee in all places alike. Make not a Citie Feast of it, to let the meat coole, ere we can agree vpon the first place. Sit, sit. The Gods require our Thankes.
‘You great Benefactors, sprinkle our Society with Thankefulnesse. For your owne guifts, make your selues prais'd: But reserue still to giue, least your Deities be despised. Lend to each man enough, that one neede not lend to another. For were your Godheads to borrow of men, men would forsake the Gods. Make the Meate be beloued, more then the Man that giues it. Let no Assembly of Twenty, be without a score of Villaines. If there sit twelue Women at the Table, let a dozen of them bee as they are. The rest of your Fees, O Gods, the Senators of Athens, together with the common legge of People, what is amisse in them, you Gods, make suteable for destruction. For these my present Friends, as they are to mee nothing, so in nothing blesse them, and to nothing are they welcome.’Vncouer Dogges, and lap.
What do's his Lordship meane?
I know not.
How now, my Lords?
Know you the quality of Lord Timons fury?
Push, did you see my Cap?
I haue lost my Gowne.
He's but a mad Lord, & nought but humors swaies him. He gaue me a Iewell th' other day, and now hee has beate it out of my hat.
Did you see my Iewell?
Did you see my Cap.
Heere 'tis.
Heere lyes my Gowne.
Let's make no stay.
Lord Timons mad.
I feel't vpon my bones.
One day he giues vs Diamonds, next day stones.
All broken Implements of a ruin'd house.
What art thou there? speake.
Thy lips rot off.
How came the Noble Timon to this change?
Noble Timon, what friendship may I do thee?
None, but to maintaine my opinion.
What is it Timon?
Promise me Friendship, but performe none. If thou wilt not promise, the Gods plague thee, for thou art a man: if thou do'st performe, confound thee, for thou art a man.
I haue heard in some sort of thy Miseries.
Thou saw'st them when I had prosperitie.
I see them now, then was a blessed time.
As thine is now, held with a brace of Harlots.
Is this th' Athenian Minion, whom the world Voic'd so regardfully?
Art thou Timandra?
Yes.
Be a whore still, they loue thee not that vse thee, giue them diseases, leauing with thee their Lust. Make vse of thy salt houres, season the slaues for Tubbes and Bathes, bring downe Rose-checkt youth to the Pubfast, and the Diet.
Hang thee Monster.
I prythee beate thy Drum, and get thee gone.
I am thy Friend, and pitty thee deere Timon.
Keepe it, I cannot eate it.
When I haue laid proud Athens on a heape.
Warr'st thou 'gainst Athens.
I Timon, and haue cause.
Why me, Timon?
Hast thou Gold yet, Ile take the Gold thou giuest me, not all thy Counsell.
Dost thou or dost thou not, Heauens curse vpon thee.
Giue vs some Gold good Timon, hast y u more?
More counsell with more Money, bounteous Timon.
More whore, more Mischeefe first, I haue giuen you earnest.
Strike vp the Drum towardes Athens, farewell Timon: if I thriue well, Ile visit thee againe.
If I hope well, Ile neuer see thee more.
I neuer did thee harme.
Yes, thou spok'st well of me.
Call'st thou that harme?
We but offend him, strike.
Were I like thee, I'de throw away my selfe.
A Foole of thee: depart.
I loue thee better now, then ere I did.
I hate thee worse.
Why?
Thou flatter'st misery.
I flatter not, but say thou art a Caytiffe.
Why do'st thou seeke me out?
To vex thee.
I.
What, a Knaue too?
Art thou proud yet?
I, that I am not thee.
I, that I was no Prodigall.
Heere, I will mend thy Feast.
First mend thy company, take away thy selfe.
So I shall mend mine owne, by' th' lacke of thine
What would'st thou haue to Athens?
Heere is no vse for Gold.
Where lyest a nights Timon?
Where my stomacke findes meate, or rather where I eate it.
Would poyson were obedient, & knew my mind
Where would'st thou send it?
To sawce thy dishes.
The middle of Humanity thou neuer knewest, but the extremitie of both ends. When thou wast in thy Gilt, and thy Perfume, they mockt thee for too much Curiositie: in thy Ragges thou know'st none, but art despis'd for the contrary. There's a medler for thee, eate it.
On what I hate, I feed not.
Do'st hate a Medler?
I, though it looke like thee.
And th' hadst hated Medlers sooner, y u should'st haue loued thy selfe better now. What man didd'st thou euer know vnthrift, that was beloued after his meanes?
Who without those meanes thou talk'st of, didst thou euer know belou'd?
My selfe.
I vnderstand thee: thou had'st some meanes to keepe a Dogge.
What things in the world canst thou neerest compare to thy Flatterers?
Women neerest, but men: men are the things themselues. What would'st thou do with the world Apemantus, if it lay in thy power?
Giue it the Beasts, to be rid of the men.
Would'st thou haue thy selfe fall in the confusion of men, and remaine a Beast with the Beasts.
I Timon.
A beastly Ambition, which the Goddes graunt thee t' attaine to. If thou wert the Lyon, the Fox would beguile thee▪ if thou wert the Lambe, the Foxe would eate thee: if thou wert the Fox, the Lion would suspect thee, when peraduenture thou wert accus'd by the Asse: If thou wert the Asse, thy dulnesse would torment thee; and still thou liu'dst but as a Breakefast to the Wolfe. If thou wert the Wolfe, thy greedinesse would afflict thee, & oft thou should'st hazard thy life for thy dinner. Wert thou the Vnicorne, pride and wrath would confound thee, and make thine owne selfe the conquest of thy fury. Wert thou a Beare, thou would'st be kill'd by the Horse: wert thou a Horse, thou would'st be seaz'd by the Leopard: wert thou a Leopard, thou wert Germane to the Lion, and the spottes of thy Kindred, were Iurors on thy life. All thy safety were remotion, and thy defence absence. What Beast could'st thou bee, that were not subiect to a Beast: and what a Beast art thou already, that seest not thy losse in transformation.
How ha's the Asse broke the wall, that thou art out of the Citie.
Would thou would'st burst.
Away thou tedious Rogue, I am sorry I shall lose a stone by thee.
Beast.
Slaue.
Toad.
Throng'd too?
I.
Thy backe I prythee.
Liue, and loue thy misery.
Long liue so, and so dye. I am quit.
Where should he haue this Gold? It is some poore Fragment, some slender Ort of his remainder: the meere want of Gold, and the falling from of his Friendes, droue him into this Melancholly.
Let vs make the assay vpon him, if he care not for't, he will supply vs easily: if he couetously reserue it, how shall's get it?
Is not this hee?
Where?
'Tis his description.
He? I know him.
Saue thee Timon.
Now Theeues.
Soldiers, not Theeues.
Both too, and womens Sonnes.
Has almost charm'd me from my Profession, by perswading me to it.
'Tis in the malice of mankinde, that he thus aduises vs not to haue vs thriue in our mystery.
Let vs first see peace in Athens, there is no time so miserable, but a man may be true.
Away: what art thou?
Haue you forgot me, Sir?
An honest poore seruant of yours.
O let me stay, and comfort you, my Master.
As I tooke note of the place, it cannot be farre where he abides.
Haile worthy Timon.
Our late Noble Master.
I, you are honest man.
So, so, my Lord.
You'l take it ill.
Most thankefully, my Lord.
Will you indeed?
Doubt it not worthy Lord.
Do we, my Lord?
I know none such, my Lord.
Nor I.
Name them my Lord, let's know them.
Worthy Timon.
The Senators of Athens, greet thee Timon.
Therefore Timon.
Stay not, all's in vaine.
We speake in vaine.
That's well spoke.
Commend me to my louing Countreymen.
These words become your lippes as they passe thorow them.
I like this well, he will returne againe.
Trouble him no further, thus you still shall Finde him.
His discontents are vnremoueably coupled to Nature.
It requires swift foot.
We stand much hazard, if they bring not Timon.
Heere come our Brothers.
'Tis most Nobly spoken.
Descend, and keepe your words.
THE ACTORS NAMES.
- TYMON of Athens.
- Lucius, And Lucullus, two Flattering Lords.
- Appemantus, a Churlish Philosopher.
- Sempronius another flattering Lord.
- Alcibiades, an Athenian Captaine.
- Poet.
- Painter.
- Jeweller.
- Merchant.
- Certaine Senatours.
- Certaine Maskers.
- Certaine Theeues.
- Flaminius, one of Tymons Seruants.
- Seruilius, another.
- Caphis. Seuerall Seruants to Vsurers.
- Ʋarro. Seuerall Seruants to Vsurers.
- Philo. Seuerall Seruants to Vsurers.
- Titus. Seuerall Seruants to Vsurers.
- Lucius. Seuerall Seruants to Vsurers.
- Hortensis Seuerall Seruants to Vsurers.
- Ʋentigius. one of Tymons false Friends.
- Cupid.
- Sempronius.
- With diuers other Seruants,
- And Attendants.
THE TRAGEDIE OF IVLIVS CAESAR.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
Why Sir, a Carpenter.
Truely Sir, in respect of a fine Workman, I am but as you would say, a Cobler.
But what Trade art thou? Answer me directly.
A Trade Sir, that I hope I may vse, with a safe Conscience, which is indeed Sir, a Mender of bad soules.
What Trade thou knaue? Thou naughty knaue, what Trade?
Nay I beseech you Sir, be not out with me: yet if you be out Sir, I can mend you.
What mean'st thou by that? Mend mee, thou sawcy Fellow?
Why sir, Cobble you.
Thou art a Cobler, art thou?
Truly sir, all that I liue by, is with the Aule: I meddle with no Tradesmans matters, nor womens matters; but withal I am indeed Sir, a Surgeon to old shooes: when they are in great danger, I recouer them. As proper men as euer trod vpon Neats Leather, haue gone vpon my handy-worke.
Truly sir, to weare out their shooes, to get my selfe into more worke. But indeede sir, we make Holyday to see Caesar, and to reioyce in his Triumph.
Calphurnia.
Peace ho, Caesar speakes.
Calphurnia.
Heere my Lord.
Caesar, my Lord.
Set on, and leaue no Ceremony out.
Caesar.
Ha? Who calles?
Bid euery noyse be still: peace yet againe.
Beware the Ides of March.
What man is that?
A Sooth-sayer bids you beware the Ides of March
Set him before me, let me see his face.
Fellow, come from the throng, look vpon Caesar.
What sayst thou to me now? Speake once againe.
Beware the Ides of March.
He is a Dreamer, let vs leaue him: Passe.
Will you go see the order of the course?
Not I.
I pray you do.
Caska will tell vs what the matter is.
Antonio.
Caesar.
You pul'd me by the cloake, would you speake with me?
Why you were with him, were you not?
I should not then aske Caska what had chanc'd.
Why there was a Crowne offer'd him; & being offer'd him, he put it by with the backe of his hand thus, and then the people fell a shouting.
What was the second noyse for?
Why for that too.
They shouted thrice: what was the last cry for?
Why for that too.
Was the Crowne offer'd him thrice?
I marry was't, and hee put it by thrice, euerie time gentler then other; and at euery putting by, mine honest Neighbors showted.
Who offer'd him the Crowne?
Why Antony.
Tell vs the manner of it, gentle Caska.
I can as well bee hang'd as tell the manner of it: It was meere Foolerie, I did not marke it. I sawe Marke Antony offer him a Crowne, yet 'twas not a Crowne neyther, 'twas one of these Coronets: and as I told you, hee put it by once: but for all that, to my thinking, he would faine haue had it. Then hee offered it to him againe: then hee put it by againe: but to my thinking, he was very loath to lay his fingers off it. And then he offered it the third time; hee put it the third time by, and still as hee refus'd it, the rabblement howted, and clapp'd their chopt hands, and threw vppe their sweatie Night-cappes, and vttered such a deale of stinking breath, because Caesar refus'd the Crowne, that it had (almost) choaked Caesar: for hee swoonded, and fell downe at it: And for mine owne part, I durst not laugh, for feare of opening my Lippes, and receyuing the bad Ayre.
But soft I pray you: what, did Caesar swound?
He fell downe in the Market-place, and foam'd at mouth, and was speechlesse.
'Tis very like he hath the Falling sicknesse.
I know not what you meane by that, but I am sure Caesar fell downe. If the tag-ragge people did not clap him, and hisse him, according as he pleas'd, and displeas'd them, as they vse to doe the Players in the Theatre, I am no true man.
What said he, when he came vnto himselfe?
Marry, before he fell downe, when he perceiu'd the common Heard was glad he refus'd the Crowne, he pluckt me ope his Doublet, and offer'd them his Throat to cut: and I had beene a man of any Occupation, if I would not haue taken him at a word, I would I might goe to Hell among the Rogues, and so hee fell. When he came to himselfe againe, hee said, If hee had done, or said any thing amisse, he desir'd their Worships to thinke it was his infirmitie. Three or foure Wenches where I stood, cryed, Alasse good Soule, and forgaue him with all their hearts: But there's no heed to be taken of them; if Caesar had stab'd their Mothers, they would haue done no lesse.
And after that, he came thus sad away.
I.
Did Cicero say any thing?
I, he spoke Greeke.
To what effect?
Nay, and I tell you that, Ile ne're looke you i' th' face againe. But those that vnderstood him, smil'd at one another, and shooke their heads: but for mine owne part, it was Greeke to me. I could tell you more newes too: Murrellus and Flauius, for pulling Scarffes off Caesars Images, are put to silence. Fare you well. There was more Foolerie yet, if I could remember it.
Will you suppe with me to Night, Caska?
No, I am promis'd forth.
Will you Dine with me to morrow?
Good, I will expect you.
Doe so: farewell both.
Why, saw you any thing more wonderfull?
Farewell Cicero.
Who's there?
A Romane▪
Caska▪ by your Voyce.
A very pleasing Night [...] s [...]en▪
Who euer knew the Heauens menace so?
Stand close a while, for heere comes one in haste.
To finde out you: Who's that, Metellus Cymber?
Am I not stay'd for? tell me.
Actus Secundus.
Call'd you, my Lord?
I will, my Lord.
I know not, Sir.
Looke in the Calender, and bring me word.
I will, Sir.
Sir, March is wasted fifteene dayes.
Is he alone?
No, Sir, there are moe with him.
Doe you know them?
He is welcome hither.
This, Decius Brutus.
He is welcome too.
This, Caska; this, Cinna; and this, Metellus Cymber.
Shall I entreat a word?
Here lyes the East: doth not the Day breake heere?
No.
Giue me your hands all ouer, one by one.
And let vs sweare our Resolution.
Let vs not leaue him out.
No, by no meanes.
Then leaue him out.
Indeed, he is not fit.
Shall no man else be toucht, but onely Caesar?
Peace, count the Clocke.
The Clocke hath stricken three.
'Tis time to part.
Nay, we will all of vs, be there to fetch him▪
By the eight houre, is that the vttermost?
Be that the vttermost, and faile not then.
Brutus, my Lord.
I am not well in health, and that is all.
Why so I do: good Portia go to bed.
Kneele not gentle Portia.
Heere is a sicke man that would speak with you.
Vouchsafe good morrow from a feeble tongue.
But are not some whole▪ that we must make sicke?
Follow me then.
My Lord.
I will my Lord.
Say he is sicke.
And this way haue you well expounded it.
Good morrow Caesar.
Caesar, 'tis strucken eight.
So to most Noble Caesar.
Caesar, beware of Brutus, take heede of Cassius; come not [Page 118] neere Caska, haue an eye to Cynna, trust not Trebonius, marke well Metellus Cymber, Decius Brutus loues thee not: Thou hast wrong'd Caius Ligarius. There is but one minde in all these men, and it is bent against Caesar: If thou beest not Immortall, looke about you: Security giues way to Conspiracie. The mighty Gods defend thee.
To know my errand Madam.
I heare none Madam.
Sooth Madam, I heare nothing.
Come hither Fellow, which way hast thou bin?
At mine owne house, good Lady.
What is't a clocke?
About the ninth houre Lady.
Is Caesar yet gone to the Capitoll?
Thou hast some suite to Caesar, hast thou not?
Why know'st thou any harme's intended towards him?
Actus Tertius.
The Ides of March are come.
I Caesar, but not gone.
Haile Caesar: Read this Scedule.
What touches vs our selfe, shall be last seru'd.
Delay not Caesar, read it instantly.
What, is the fellow mad?
Sirra, giue place.
I wish your enterprize to day may thriue.
What enterprize Popillius?
Fare you well.
What said Popillius Lena?
Looke how he makes to Caesar: marke him.
He is addrest: presse neere, and second him.
Caska, you are the first that reares your hand.
What Brutus?
O Caesar.
Hence: Wilt thou lift vp Olympus?
Great Caesar.
Doth not Brutus bootlesse kneele?
Speake hands for me.
Et Tu Brutè?—Then fall Caesar.
Go to the Pulpit Brutus.
And Cassius too.
Where's Publius?
Heere, quite confounded with this mutiny.
Where is Antony?
What, shall we forth?
Soft, who comes heere? A friend of Antonies.
Ile fetch him presently.
I know that we shall haue him well to Friend.
Mark Antony.
You shall Marke Antony.
I know not what may fall, I like it not.
I do Marke Antony.
Caesar did write for him to come to Rome.
He lies to night within seuen Leagues of Rome.
We will be satisfied: let vs be satisfied▪
I will heare Brutus speake.
The Noble Brutus is ascended: Silence.
Be patient till the last. Romans, Countrey-men, and Louers, heare mee for my cause, and be silent, that you may heare. Beleeue me for mine Honor, and haue respect to mine Honor, that you may beleeue. Censure me in your Wisedom, and awake your Senses, that you may the better Iudge. If there bee any in this Assembly, any deere Friend of Caesars, to him I say, that Brutus loue to Caesar, was no lesse then his. If then, that Friend demand, why Brutus rose against Caesar, this is my answer: Not that I lou'd Caesar lesse, but that I lou'd Rome more. Had you rather Caesar were liuing, and dye all Slaues; then that Caesar were dead, to liue all Free-men? As Caesar lou'd mee, I weepe for him; as he was Fortunate, I reioyce at it; as he was Valiant, I honour him: But, as he was Ambitious, I slew him. There is Teares, for his Loue: Ioy, for his Fortune: Honor, for his Valour: and Death, for his Ambition. Who is heere so base, that would be a Bondman? If any, speak, for him haue I offended. Who is heere so rude, that would not be a Roman? If any, speak, for him haue I offended. Who is heere so vile, that will not loue his Countrey? If any, speake, for him haue I offended. I pause for a Reply.
None Brutus, none.
Then none haue I offended. I haue done no more to Caesar, then you shall do to Brutus. The Question of his death, is inroll'd in the Capitoll: his Glory not extenuated, wherein he was worthy; nor his offences enforc'd, for which he suffered death.
Heere comes his Body, mourn'd by Marke Antony, who though he had no hand in his death, shall receiue the benefit of his dying, a place in the Cōmonwealth, as which of you shall not. With this I depart, that as I slewe my best Louer for the good of Rome, I haue the same Dagger for my selfe, when it shall please my Country to need my death.
Liue Brutus, liue, liue.
Bring him with Triumph home vnto his house.
Giue him a Statue with his Ancestors.
Let him be Caesar.
My Country-men.
Peace, silence, Brutus speakes.
Peace ho.
Stay ho, and let vs heare Mark Antony.
For Brutus sake, I am beholding to you.
What does he say of Brutus?
'Twere best he speake no harme of Brutus heere?
This Caesar was a Tyrant.
Peace, let vs heare what Antony can say.
You gentle Romans.
Peace hoe, let vs heare him.
Me thinkes there is much reason in his sayings.
Ha's hee Masters? I feare there will a worse come in his place.
If it be found so, some will deere abide it.
Poore soule, his eyes are red as fire with weeping.
There's not a Nobler man in Rome then Antony.
Now marke him, he begins againe to speake.
Wee'l heare the Will, reade it Marke Antony.
The Will, the Will; we will heare Caesars Will.
They were Traitors: Honourable men?
The Will, the Testament.
They were Villaines, Murderers: the Will, read the Will.
Come downe.
Descend.
You shall haue leaue.
A Ring, stand round.
Stand from the Hearse, stand from the Body.
Roome for Antony, most Noble Antony.
Nay presse not so vpon me, stand farre off.
Stand backe: roome, beare backe.
O pitteous spectacle!
O Noble Caesar!
O wofull day!
O Traitors, Villaines!
O most bloody sight!
Stay Country-men.
Peace there, heare the Noble Antony.
Wee'l heare him, wee'l follow him, wee'l dy with him.
Wee'l Mutiny.
Wee'l burne the house of Brutus.
Away then, come, seeke the Conspirators.
Yet heare me Countrymen, yet heare me speake
Peace hoe, heare Antony, most Noble Antony.
Most true, the Will, let's stay and heare the Wil.
Most Noble Caesar, wee'l reuenge his death.
O Royall Caesar.
Heare me with patience.
Peace hoe
Go fetch fire.
Plucke downe Benches.
Plucke downe Formes, Windowes, any thing.
Sir, Octauius is already come to Rome.
Where is hee?
He and Lepidus are at Caesars house.
What is your name?
Whether are you going?
Where do you dwell?
Are you a married man, or a Batchellor?
Answer euery man directly.
I, and breefely.
I, and wisely.
I, and truly, you were best.
What is my name? Whether am I going? Where do I dwell? Am I a married man, or a Batchellour? Then to answer euery man, directly and breefely, wisely and truly: wisely I say, I am a Batchellor.
That's as much as to say, they are fooles that marrie: you'l beare me a bang for that I feare: proceede directly.
Directly I am going to Caesars Funerall.
As a Friend, or an Enemy?
As a friend.
That matter is answered directly.
For your dwelling: breefely.
Breefely, I dwell by the Capitoll.
Your name sir, truly.
Truly, my name is Cinna.
Teare him to peeces, hee's a Conspirator.
I am Cinna the Poet I am Cinna the Poet.
Teare him for his bad verses, teare him for his bad Verses.
I am not Cinna the Conspirator.
It is no matter, his name's Cinna, plucke but his name out of his heart, and turne him going.
Teare him, tear him; Come Brands hoe, Firebrands: to Brutus, to Cassius, burne all. Some to Decius House, and some to Caska's; some to Ligarius: Away, go.
Actus Quartus.
These many then shall die, their names are prickt
Your Brother too must dye: consent you Lepidus?
I do consent.
Pricke him downe Antony.
What? shall I finde you heere?
Or heere, or at the Capitoll.
Stand ho.
Giue the word ho, and Stand.
What now Lucillius, is Cassius neere?
Stand ho.
Most Noble Brother, you haue done me wrong.
You wrong'd your selfe to write in such a case.
Chasticement?
Go too: you are not Cassius.
I am.
I say, you are not.
Away slight man.
Is't possible?
O ye Gods, ye Gods, Must I endure all this?
Is it come to this?
If you did, I care not.
When Caesar liu'd, he durst not thus haue mou'd me.
Peace, peace, you durst not so haue tempted him.
I durst not.
No.
What? durst not tempt him?
For your life you durst not.
I deny'd you not.
You did.
I do not, till you practice them on me.
You loue me not.
I do not like your faults.
A friendly eye could neuer see such faults.
When I spoke that, I was ill temper'd too.
Do you confesse so much? Giue me your hand.
And my heart too.
O Brutus!
What's the matter?
You shall not come to them.
Nothing but death shall stay me.
How now? What's the matter?
Ha, ha, how vildely doth this Cynicke rime?
Get you hence sirra: Sawcy Fellow, hence.
Beare with him Brutus, 'tis his fashion.
And come your selues, & bring Messala with you Immediately to vs.
Lucius, a bowle of Wine.
I did not thinke you could haue bin so angry.
O Cassius, I am sicke of many greefes.
No man beares sorrow better. Portia is dead.
Ha? Portia?
She is dead.
And dy'd so?
Euen so.
O ye immortall Gods!
Portia, art thou gone?
My selfe haue Letters of the selfe-same Tenure.
With what Addition.
Cicero one?
No Messala.
Nor nothing in your Letters writ of her?
Nothing Messala.
That me thinkes is strange.
No my Lord.
Now as you are a Roman tell me true.
Euen so great men, great losses shold indure.
I do not thinke it good.
Your reason?
Heare me good Brother.
Euery thing is well.
Good night my Lord.
Good night good Brother.
Good night Lord Brutus.
Heere in the Tent.
Varrus, and Claudio.
Cals my Lord?
I was sure your Lordship did not giue it me.
I my Lord, an't please you.
It is my duty Sir.
I haue slept my Lord already.
Thy euill Spirit Brutus?
Why com'st thou?
To tell thee thou shalt see me at Philippi.
Well: then I shall see thee againe?
I, at Philippi.
The strings my Lord, are false.
My Lord.
Did'st thou dreame Lucus, that thou so cryedst out?
My Lord, I do not know that I did cry.
Yes that thou did'st: Did'st thou see any thing?
Nothing my Lord.
My Lord.
My Lord.
Why did you so cry out sirs, in your sleepe?
Did we my Lord?
I: saw you any thing?
No my Lord, I saw nothing.
Nor I my Lord.
It shall be done my Lord.
Actus Quintus.
Vpon the right hand I, keepe thou the left.
Why do you crosse me in this exigent.
I do not crosse you: but I will do so.
They stand, and would haue parley.
[...] fast Titinius, we must out and talke.
Mark Antony, shall we giue signe of Battaile?
Stirre not vntill the Signall.
Words before blowes: is it so Countrymen?
Not that we loue words better, as you do.
Good words are better then bad strokes Octauius.
Not stinglesse too.
Old Cassius still.
Ho Lucillius, hearke, a word with you.
My Lord.
Messala.
What sayes my Generall?
Beleeue not so.
Euen so Lucillius.
They are, my Lord.
I will be heere againe, euen with a thought.
Aboue. O my Lord.
What newes?
These tydings will well comfort Cassius.
Is not that he that lyes vpon the ground?
He lies not like the Liuing. O my heart!
Is not that hee?
What Pindarus? Where art thou Pindarus?
Where, where Messala, doth his body lye?
Loe yonder, and Titinius mourning it.
Titinius face is vpward.
He is slaine.
Yet Country-men: O yet, hold vp your heads.
Yeeld, or thou dyest.
We must not: a Noble Prisoner.
Roome hoe: tell Antony, Brutus is tane.
Where is hee?
Come poore remaines of friends, rest on this Rocke.
What I, my Lord? No, not for all the World.
Peace then, no words.
Ile rather kill my selfe.
Hearke thee, Dardanius.
Shall I doe such a deed?
O Dardanius.
O Clitus.
What ill request did Brutus make to thee?
To kill him, Clitus: looke he meditates.
Come hither, good Ʋolumnius, list a word.
What sayes my Lord?
Not so, my Lord.
That's not an Office for a friend, my Lord.
Fly, flye my Lord, there is no tarrying heere.
Fly my Lord, flye.
Giue me your hand first. Fare you wel my Lord.
What man is that?
My Masters man. Strato, where is thy Master?
I, if Messala will preferre me to you.
Do so, good Messala.
How dyed my Master Strato?
I held the Sword, and he did run on it.
THE TRAGEDIE OF MACBETH.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
That will be ere the set of Sunne.
Where the place?
Vpon the Heath.
There to meet with Macbeth.
I come, Gray-Malkin.
Scena Secunda.
O valiant Cousin, worthy Gentlemen.
Dismay'd not this our Captaines, Macbeth and Banquoh?
The worthy Thane of Rosse.
God saue the King.
Whence cam'st thou, worthy Thane?
Great happinesse.
Ile see it done.
What he hath lost, Noble Macbeth hath wonne.
Scena Tertia.
Where hast thou beene, Sister?
Killing Swine.
Sister, where thou?
Ile giue thee a Winde.
Th' art kinde.
And I another.
Shew me, shew me.
So foule and faire a day I haue not seene.
Speake if you can: what are you?
All haile Macbeth, haile to thee Thane of Glamis.
All haile Macbeth, haile to thee Thane of Cawdor.
All haile Macbeth, that shalt be King hereafter.
Hayle.
Hayle.
Hayle.
Lesser then Macbeth, and greater.
Not so happy, yet much happyer.
Banquo, and Macbeth, all haile.
Your Children shall be Kings.
You shall be King.
And Thane of Cawdor too: went it not so?
Toth' selfe-same tune▪ and words: who's here?
What, can the Deuill speake true?
Looke how our Partner's rapt.
Worthy Macbeth, wee stay vpon your leysure.
Very gladly.
Scena Quarta.
My worthy Cawdor.
Scena Quinta.
They met me in the day of successe: and I haue learn'd by the perfect'st report, they haue more in them, then mortall knowledge. When I burnt in desire to question them further▪ they made themselues Ayre, into which they vanish'd. Whiles I stood rapt in the wonder of it, came Missiues from the King, who all-hail'd me Thane of Cawdor, by which Title before, these weyward Sisters saluted me, and referr [...]d me to the comming on of time, with haile King that shalt be. This haue I thought good to deliuer thee (my dearest Partner of Greatnesse) that thou might'st not loose the dues of reioycing by being ignorant of what Greatnesse is promis'd thee. Lay it to thy heart, and farewell.
The King comes here to Night.
And when goes hence?
To morrow, as he purposes.
We will speake further.
Scena Sexta.
Scena Septima.
He has almost supt: why haue you left the chamber?
Hath he ask'd for me?
Know you not, he ha's?
If we should faile?
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
How goes the Night, Boy?
The Moone is downe: I haue not heard the Clock.
And she goes downe at Twelue.
I take't, 'tis later, Sir.
A Friend.
At your kind'st leysure.
Good repose the while.
Thankes Sir: the like to you.
Scena Secunda.
Who's there? what hoa?
When?
Now.
As I descended?
I.
Hearke, who lyes i' th' second Chamber?
Donalbaine.
This is a sorry sight.
A foolish thought, to say a sorry sight.
There are two lodg'd together.
Consider it not so deepely.
What doe you meane?
Scena Tertia.
Here's a knocking indeede: if a man were Porter of Hell Gate, hee should haue old turning the Key. Knock. Knock, Knock, Knock. Who's there i' th' name of Belzebub? Here's a Farmer, that hang'd himselfe on th' expectation of Plentie: Come in time, haue Napkins enow about you, here you'le sweat for't. Knock. Knock, knock. Who's there in th' other Deuils Name? Faith here's an Equiuocator, that could sweare in both the Scales against eyther Scale, who committed Treason enough for Gods sake, yet could not equiuocate to Heauen: oh come in, Equiuocator. Knock. Knock, Knock, Knock. Who's there? 'Faith here's an English Taylor come hither, for stealing out of a French Hose: Come in Taylor, here you may rost your Goose. Knock. Knock, Knock. Neuer at quiet: What are you? but this place is too cold for Hell. Ile Deuill-Porter it no further: I had thought to haue let in some of all Professions, that goe the Primrose way to th' euerlasting Bonfire. Knock. Anon, anon, I pray you remember the Porter.
What three things does Drinke especially prouoke?
Marry, Sir▪ Nose-painting, Sleepe, and Vrine. Lecherie, Sir, it prouokes, and vnprouokes: it prouokes the desire, but it takes away the performance. Therefore much Drinke may be said to be an Equiuocator with Lecherie: it makes him, and it marres him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it perswades him, and dis-heartens him; makes him stand too, and not stand too: in conclusion, equiuocates him in a sleepe, and giuing him the Lye, leaues him.
I beleeue, Drinke gaue thee the Lye last Night.
That it did, Sir, i' the very Throat on me: but I requited him for his Lye, and (I thinke) being too strong for him, though he tooke vp my Legges sometime, yet I made a Shift to cast him.
Good morrow, Noble Sir.
Good morrow both.
Is the King stirring, worthy Thane?
Not yet.
Ile bring you to him.
Ile make so bold to call, for 'tis my limitted seruice.
Goes the King hence to day?
He does: he did appoint so.
'Twas a rough Night.
What's the matter?
What is't you say, the Life?
Meane you his Maiestie?
What is amisse?
Your Royall Father's murther'd.
Oh, by whom?
Wherefore did you so?
Helpe me hence, hoa.
Looke to the Lady.
And so doe I.
So all.
Well contented.
Scena Quarta.
'Tis said, they eate each other.
Why see you not?
Is't known who did this more then bloody deed?
Those that Macbeth hath slaine.
Where is Duncans body?
Will you to Scone?
No Cosin, Ile to Fife.
Well, I will thither.
Farewell, Father.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Heere's our chiefe Guest.
Ride you this afternoone?
I, my good Lord.
Faile not our Feast.
My Lord, I will not.
I, my good Lord: our time does call vpon's.
They are, my Lord, without the Pallace Gate.
It was, so please your Highnesse.
You made it knowne to vs.
We are men, my Liege.
Both of you know Banquo was your Enemie.
True, my Lord.
Though our Liues—
We are resolu'd, my Lord.
Scena Secunda.
Is Banquo gone from Court?
I, Madame, but returnes againe to Night.
Madame, I will.
You must leaue this.
But in them, Natures Coppie's not eterne.
What's to be done?
Scena Tertia.
But who did bid thee ioyne with vs?
Macbeth.
Hearke, I heare Horses.
Giue vs a Light there, hoa.
His Horses goe about.
A Light, a Light.
'Tis hee.
Stand too't.
It will be Rayne to Night.
Let it come downe.
Who did strike out the Light?
Was't not the way?
There's but one downe: the Sonne is fled.
Well, let's away, and say how much is done.
Scaena Quarta.
Thankes to your Maiesty.
'Tis Banquo's then.
My Lord his throat is cut, that I did for him.
May't please your Highnesse sit.
The Table's full.
Heere is a place reseru'd Sir.
Where?
Which of you haue done this?
What, my good Lord?
Gentlemen rise, his Highnesse is not well.
What? quite vnmann'd in folly.
If I stand heere, I saw him.
Fie for shame.
Our duties, and the pledge.
What sights, my Lord?
A kinde goodnight to all.
Almost at oddes with morning, which is which.
Did you send to him Sir?
You lacke the season of all Natures, sleepe.
Scena Quinta.
Why how now Hecat, you looke angerly?
Scaena Sexta.
Sent he to Macduffe?
Ile send my Prayers with him.
Actus Quar [...]s.
Scena Prima.
Thrice the brinded Cat hath mew'd.
Thrice, and once the Hedge-Pigge whin'd.
Harpier cries, 'tis time, 'tis time.
A deed without a name.
Speake.
Demand.
Wee'l answer.
Call 'em: let me see 'em.
Tell me, thou vnknowne power.
Macbeth, Macbeth, Macbeth.
Had I three eares, Il'd heare thee.
Listen, but speake not too't.
Seeke to know no more.
Shew.
Shew.
Shew.
What's your Graces will.
Saw you the Weyard Sisters?
No my Lord.
Came they not by you?
No indeed my Lord.
Fled to England?
I, my good Lord.
Scena Secunda.
What had he done, to make him fly the Land?
You must haue patience Madam.
As Birds do Mother.
What with Wormes, and Flyes?
With what I get I meane, and so do they.
Nay how will you do for a Husband?
Why I can buy me twenty at any Market.
Then you'l by 'em to sell againe.
Was my Father a Traitor, Mother?
I, that he was
What is a Traitor?
Why one that sweares, and lyes.
And be all Traitors, that do so.
And must they all be hang'd, that swear and lye?
Euery one.
Who must hang them?
Why, the honest men.
Then the Liars and Swearers are Fools: for there are Lyars and Swearers enow, to beate the honest men, and hang vp them.
If he were dead, youl'd weepe for him: if you would not, it were a good signe, that I should quickely haue a new Father.
Poore pratler, how thou talk'st?
Where is your Husband?
He's a Traitor.
Thou ly'st thou shagge-ear'd Villaine.
Scaena Tertia.
I am not treacherous.
I haue lost my Hopes.
What should he be?
O Scotland, Scotland.
I thanke you Doctor.
What's the Disease he meanes?
See who comes heere.
My Countryman: but yet I know him nor.
My euer gentle Cozen, welcome hither.
Sir, Amen.
Stands Scotland where it did?
Oh Relation; too nice, and yet too true.
What's the newest griefe?
How do's my Wife?
Why well.
And all my Children?
Well too.
The Tyrant ha's not batter'd at their peace?
No, they were wel at peace, when I did leaue 'em
Be not a niggard of your speech: How gos't?
Humh: I guesse at it.
My Children too?
Wife, Children, Seruants, all that could be found.
And I must be from thence? My wife kil'd too?
I haue said.
Dispute it like a man.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
I haue too Nights watch'd with you, but can perceiue no truth in your report. When was it shee last walk'd?
Since his Maiesty went into the Field, I haue seene her rise from her bed, throw her Night-Gown vppon her, vnlocke her Closset, take foorth paper, folde it, write vpon't, read it, afterwards Seale it, and againe returne to bed; yet all this while in a most fast sleepe.
A great perturbation in Nature, to receyue at once the benefit of sleep, and do the effects of watching. In this slumbry agitation, besides her walking, and other actuall performances, what (at any time) haue you heard her say?
That Sir, which I will not report after her.
You may to me, and 'tis most meet you should.
How came she by that light?
Why it stood by her: she ha's light by her continually, 'tis her command.
You see her eyes are open.
I but their sense are shut.
It is an accustom'd action with her, to seeme thus washing her hands: I haue knowne her continue in this a quarter of an houre.
Yet heere's a spot.
Heark, she speaks, I will set downe what comes from her, to satisfie my remembrance the more strongly.
Out damned spot: out I say. One: Two: Why then 'tis time to doo't: Hell is murky. Fye, my Lord, fie, a Souldier, and affear'd? what need we feare? who knowes it, when none can call our powre to accompt: yet who would haue thought the olde man to haue had so much blood in him.
Do you marke that?
The Thane of Fife, had a wife: where is she now? What will these hands ne're be cleane? No more o' that my Lord, no more o' that: you marre all with this starting.
She ha's spoke what shee should not, I am sure of that: Heauen knowes what she ha's knowne.
What a sigh is there? The hart is sorely charg'd.
I would not haue such a heart in my bosome, for the dignity of the whole body.
Well, well, well.
Pray God it be sir.
This disease is beyond my practise: yet I haue knowne those which haue walkt in their sleep, who haue dyed holily in their beds.
Wash your hands, put on your Night-Gowne, looke not so pale: I tell you yet againe Banquo's buried; he cannot come out on's graue.
Euen so?
To bed, to bed: there's knocking at the gate: Come, come, come, come, giue me your hand: What's done, cannot be vndone. To bed, to bed, to bed.
Will she go now to bed?
Directly.
Good night good Doctor.
Scena Secunda.
Who knowes if Donalbane be with his brother?
What do's the Tyrant.
Scaena Tertia.
There is ten thousand.
Geese Villaine?
Souldiers Sir.
The English Force, so please you.
What's your gracious pleasure?
What Newes more?
All is confirm'd my Lord, which was reported.
'Tis not needed yet.
Scena Quarta.
We doubt it nothing.
What wood is this before vs?
The wood of Birnane.
It shall be done.
Scena Quinta.
It is the cry of women, my good Lord.
The Queene (my Lord) is dead.
Well, say sir.
Lyar, and Slaue.
Scena Sexta.
Scena Septima.
What is thy name?
Thou'lt be affraid to heare it.
My name's Macbeth.
No: nor more fearefull.
Enter Sir, the Castle.
Turne Hell-hound, turne.
I would the Friends we misse, were safe arriu'd.
Macduffe is missing, and your Noble Sonne.
Then he is dead?
Had he his hurts before?
I, on the Front.
Haile King of Scotland.
THE TRAGEDIE OF HAMLET, Prince of Denmarke.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
WHo's there?
Nay answer me: Stand & vnfold your selfe.
Long liue the King.
Barnardo?
He.
You come most carefully vpon your houre.
'Tis now strook twelue, get thee to bed Francisco.
Haue you had quiet Guard?
Not a Mouse stirring.
Well, goodnight. If you do meet Horatio and Marcellus, the Riuals of my Watch, bid them make hast.
I thinke I heare them. Stand: who's there?
Friends to this ground.
And Leige-men to the Dane.
Giue you good night.
O farwel honest Soldier, who hath relieu'd you?
Barnardo ha's my place: giue you goodnight.
Holla Barnardo.
Say, what is Horatio there?
A peece of him.
Welcome Horatio, welcome good Marcellus.
What, ha's this thing appear'd againe to night.
I haue seene nothing.
Tush, tush, 'twill not appeare.
In the same figure, like the King that's dead.
Thou art a Scholler; speake to it Horatio.
Lookes it not like the King? Marke it Horatio.
Most like: It harrowes me with fear & wonder
It would be spoke too.
Question it Horatio.
It is offended.
See, it stalkes away.
Stay: speake; speake: I Charge thee, speake.
'Tis gone, and will not answer.
Is it not like the King?
Shall I strike at ir with my Partizan?
Do, if it will not stand.
'Tis heere.
'Tis heere.
It was about to speake, when the Cocke crew.
Scena Secunda.
In that, and all things, will we shew our duty.
A little more then kin, and lesse then kinde.
How is it that the Clouds still hang on you?
Not so my Lord, I am too much i' th' Sun.
I Madam, it is common.
Haile to your Lordship.
My good Lord.
A truant disposition, good my Lord.
My Lord, I came to see your Fathers Funerall.
Indeed my Lord, it followed hard vpon.
Oh where my Lord?
In my minds eye (Horatio)
I saw him once; he was a goodly King.
My Lord, I thinke I saw him yesternight.
Saw? Who?
My Lord, the King your Father.
The King my Father?
For Heauens loue let me heare.
But where was this?
My Lord vpon the platforme where we watcht.
Did you not speake to it?
Tis very strange.
We doe my Lord.
Arm'd, say you?
Arm'd, my Lord.
From top to toe?
My Lord, from head to foote.
Then saw you not his face?
O yes, my Lord, he wore his Beauer vp.
What, lookt he frowningly?
A countenance more in sorrow then in anger.
Pale, or red?
Nay very pale.
And fixt his eyes vpon you?
Most constantly.
I would I had beene there.
It would haue much amaz'd you.
Very like, very like: staid it long?
While one with moderate hast might tell a hundred.
Longer, longer.
Not when I saw't.
His Beard was grisly? no.
Ile watch to Night; perchance 'twill wake againe.
I warrant you it will.
Our duty to your Honour.
Scena Tertia.
Doe you doubt that?
No more but so.
Most humbly doe I take my leaue, my Lord.
The time inuites you, goe, your seruants tend.
Farewell.
What ist Ophelia he hath said to you?
So please you, somthing touching the L. Hamlet.
I do not know, my Lord, what I should thinke.
I, fashion you may call it, go too, go too.
I shall obey my Lord.
The Ayre bites shrewdly: is it very cold?
It is a nipping and an eager ayre.
What hower now?
I thinke it lacks of twelue.
No, it is strooke.
Is it a custome?
Looke my Lord, it comes.
Doe not my Lord.
It wafts me still: goe on, Ile follow thee.
You shall not goe my Lord.
Hold off your band.
Be rul'd, you shall not goe.
He waxes desperate with imagination.
Let's follow; 'tis not fit thus to obey him.
Haue after, to what issue will this come?
Something is rotten in the State of Denmarke.
Heauen will direct it.
Nay, let's follow him.
Where wilt thou lead me? speak; Ile go no further.
Marke me.
I will.
Alas poore Ghost.
Speake, I am bound to heare.
So art thou to reuenge, when thou shalt heare.
What?
Oh Heauen!
Reuenge his foule and most vnnaturall Murther.
Murther?
O my Propheticke soule: mine Vncle?
My Lord, my Lord.
Lord Hamlet.
Heauen secure him.
So be it.
Illo, ho, ho, my Lord.
Hillo, ho, ho, boy; come bird, come.
How ist't my Noble Lord?
What newes, my Lord?
Oh wonderfull!
Good my Lord tell it.
No you'l reueale it.
Not I, my Lord, by Heauen.
Nor I, my Lord.
I, by Heau'n, my Lord.
There needs no Ghost my Lord, come from the Graue, to tell vs this.
These are but wild and hurling words, my Lord.
There's no offence my Lord.
What is't my Lord? we will.
Neuer make known what you haue seen to night.
My Lord, we will not.
Nay, but swear't.
Infaith my Lord, not I.
Nor I my Lord: in faith.
Vpon my sword.
We haue sworne my Lord already.
Indeed, vpon my sword, Indeed.
Sweare.
Ah ha boy, sayest thou so. Art thou there true-penny? Come one you here this fellow in the selleredge Consent to sweare.
Propose the Oath my Lord.
Sweare.
Sweare.
Oh day and night: but this is wondrous strange.
Sweare.
Actus Secundus.
Giue him his money, and these notes Reynoldo.
I will my Lord.
My Lord, I did intend it.
I, very well my Lord.
As gaming my Lord.
My Lord that would dishonour him.
But my good Lord.
Wherefore should you doe this?
I my Lord, I would know that.
Very good my Lord.
My Lord I haue.
God buy you; fare you well.
Good my Lord.
Obserue his inclination in your selfe.
I shall my Lord.
And let him plye his Musicke.
Well, my Lord.
Alas my Lord, I haue beene so affrighted.
With what, in the name of Heauen?
Mad for thy Loue?
My Lord, I doe not know: but truly I do feare it.
What said he?
Scena Secunda.
Thankes Rosincrance, and gentle Guildensterne.
Amen.
Thou still hast bin the Father of good Newes.
Oh speake of that, that I do long to heare.
More matter, with lesse Art.
Came this from Hamlet to her.
Good Madam stay awhile, I will be faithfull.
O deere Ophelia, I am ill at these Numbers: I haue not Art to reckon my grones; but that I loue thee best, oh most Best beleeue it. Adieu.
But how hath she receiu'd his Loue?
What do you thinke of me?
As of a man, faithfull and Honourable.
Do you thinke 'tis this?
It may be very likely.
Not that I know.
How may we try it further?
So he ha's indeed.
We will try it.
But looke where sadly the poore wretch Comes reading.
Well, God-a-mercy.
Do you know me, my Lord?
Excellent, excellent well: y' are a Fishmonger.
Not I my Lord.
Then I would you were so honest a man.
Honest, my Lord?
I sir, to be honest as this world goes, is to bee one man pick'd out of two thousand.
That's very true, my Lord.
I haue my Lord.
Let her not walke i' th' Sunne: Conception is a blessing, but not as your daughter may conceiue. Friend looke too't.
How say you by that? Still harping on my daughter: yet he knew me not at first; he said I was a Fishmonger: he is farre gone, farre gone: and truly in my youth, I suffred much extreamity for loue: very neere this. Ile speake to him againe. What do you read my Lord?
Words, words, words.
What is the matter, my Lord?
Betweene who?
I meane the matter you meane, my Lord.
Slanders Sir: for the Satyricall slaue saies here, that old men haue gray Beards; that their faces are wrinkled; their eyes purging thicke Amber, or Plum-Tree Gumme: and that they haue a plentifull locke of Wit, together with weake Hammes. All which Sir, though I most powerfully, and potently beleeue; yet I holde it not Honestie to haue it thus set downe: For you your selfe Sir, should be old as I am, if like a Crab you could go backward.
Into my Graue?
You cannot Sir take from me any thing, that I will more willingly part withall, except my life, my life.
Fare you well my Lord.
These tedious old fooles.
You goe to seeke my Lord Hamlet; there hee is.
God saue you Sir.
Mine honour'd Lord?
My most deare Lord?
My excellent good friends? How do'st thou Guildensterne? Oh, Rosincrane▪ good Lads: How doe ye both?
As the indifferent Children of the earth.
Happy, in that we are not ouer-happy: on Fortunes Cap, we are not the very Button.
Nor the Soales of her Shoo?
Neither my Lord.
Then you liue about her waste, or in the middle of her fauour?
Faith, her priuates, we.
In the secret parts of Fortune? Oh, most true [...] she is a Strumpet. What's the newes?
None my Lord; but that the World's growne honest.
Then is Doomesday neere: But your newes is not true. Let me question more in particular: what haue you my good friends, deserued at the hands of Fortune, that she sends you to Prison hither?
Prison, my Lord?
Denmark's a Prison.
Then is the World one.
A goodly one, in which there are many Confines, Wards, and Dungeons; Denmarke being one o' th' worst.
We thinke not so my Lord.
Why then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so: to me it is a prison.
Why then your Ambition makes it one: 'tis too narrow for your minde.
O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count my selfe a King of infinite space; were it not that I haue bad dreames.
Which dreames indeed are Ambition: for the very substance of the Ambitious, is meerely the shadow of a Dreame.
A dreame it selfe is but a shadow.
Truely, and I hold Ambition of so ayry and light a quality, that it is but a shadowes shadow.
Then are our Beggers bodies; and our Monarchs and out-stretcht Heroes the Beggers Shadowes: shall wee to th' Court: for, by my fey I cannot reason?
Wee'l wait vpon you.
No such matter. I will not sort you with the rest of my seruants: for to speake to you like an honest man: I am most dreadfully attended; but in the beaten way of friendship. What make you at Elsonower?
To visit you my Lord, no other occasion.
Begger that I am, I am euen poore in thankes; but I thanke you: and sure deare friends my thanks are too deare a halfepeny; were you not sent for? Is it your owne inclining? Is it a free visitation? Come, deale iustly with me: come, come; nay speake.
What should we say my Lord?
Why any thing. But to the purpose; you were sent for; and there is a kinde confession in your lookes; which your modesties haue not craft enough to color, I know the good King & Queene haue sent for you.
To what end my Lord?
That you must teach me: but let mee coniure you by the rights of our fellowship, by the consonancy of our youth, by the Obligation of our euer-preserued loue, and by what more deare, a better proposer could charge you withall; be euen and direct with me, whether you were sent for or no.
What say you?
Nay then I haue an eye of you: if you loue me hold not off.
My Lord, we were sent for.
I will tell you why; so shall my anticipation preuent your discouery of your secricie to the King and Queene: moult no feather, I haue of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth, forgone all custome of exercise; and indeed, it goes so heauenly with my disposition; that this goodly frame the Earth, seemes to me a sterrill Promontory; this most excellent Canopy the Ayre, look you, this braue ore-hanging, this Maiesticall Roofe, fretted with golden fire: why, it appeares no other thing to mee, then a foule and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of worke is a man! how Noble in Reason? how infinite in faculty? in forme and mouing how expresse and admirable? in Action, how like an Angel? in apprehension, how like a God? the beauty of the world, the Parragon of Animals; and yet to me, what is this Quintessence of Dust? Man delights not me; no, nor Woman neither; though by your smiling you seeme to say so.
My Lord, there was no such stuffe in my thoughts.
Why did you laugh, when I said, Man delights not me?
To thinke, my Lord, if you delight not in Man, what Lenton entertainment the Players shall receiue from you: wee coated them on the way, and hither are they comming to offer you Seruice.
He that playes the King shall be welcome; his Maiesty shall haue Tribute of mee: the aduenturous Knight shal vse his Foyle and Target: the Louer shall not sigh gratis, the humorous man shall end his part in peace: the Clowne shall make those laugh whose lungs are tickled a' th' sere: and the Lady shall say her minde freely; or the blanke Verse shall halt for't: what Players are they?
Euen those you were wont to take delight in the Tragedians of the City.
How chances it they trauaile? their residence both in reputation and profit was better both wayes.
I thinke their Inhibition comes by the meanes of the late Innouation?
Doe they hold the same estimation they did when I was in the City? Are they so follow'd?
No indeed, they are not.
How comes it? doe they grow rusty?
Nay, their indeauour keepes in the wonted pace; But there is Sir an ayrie of Children, little Yases, that crye out on the top of question; and are most tyrannically clap't for't: these are now the [Page 263] fashion, and so be-ratled the common Stages (so they call them) that many wearing Rapiers, are affraide of Goose-quils, and dare scarse come thither.
What are they Children? Who maintains 'em? How are they escoted? Will they pursue the Quality no longer then they can sing? Will they not say afterwards if they should grow themselues to common Players (as it is like most if their meanes are not better) their Writers do them wrong, to make them exclaim against their owne Succession.
Faith there ha's bene much to do on both sides: and the Nation holds it no sinne, to tarre them to Controuersie. There was for a while, no mony bid for argument, vnlesse the Poet and the Player went to Cuffes in the Question.
Is't possible?
Oh there ha's beene much throwing about of Braines.
Do the Boyes carry it away?
I that they do my Lord. Hercules & his load too.
It is not strange: for mine Vnckle is King of Denmarke, and those that would make mowes at him while my Father liued; giue twenty, forty, an hundred Ducates a peece, for his picture in Little. There is something in this more then Naturall, if Philosophie could finde it out.
There are the Players.
Gentlemen, you are welcom to Elsonower: your hands, come: The appurtenance of Welcome, is Fashion and Ceremony. Let me comply with you in the Garbe, left my extent to the Players (which I tell you must shew fairely outward) should more appeare like entertainment then yours. You are welcome: but my Vnckle Father, and Aun [...] Mother are deceiu'd.
[...] [...]hat my deere Lord?
[...] but mad North, North-West: when the Winde is Southerly [...] know a Hawke from a Handsaw.
Well be with you Gentlemen.
Hearke you Guildensterne, and you too: at each care a hearer: that great Baby you see there, is not yet out of his swathing clouts.
Happily he's the second time come to them: for they say, an old man is twice a childe.
I will Prophesie. Hee comes to tell me of the Players. Mark it, you say right Sir: for a Monday morning 'twas so indeed.
My Lord, I haue Newes to tell you.
The Actors are come hither my Lord.
Buzze, buzze.
Vpon mine Honor.
Then can each Actor on his Asse —
The best Actors in the world, either for Tragedie, Comedie, Historie, Pastorall: Pastoricall-Comicall-Historicall-Pastorall: Tragicall-Historicall: Tragicall-Comicall-Historicall-Pastorall: Scene indiuible, or Poem vnlimited. Seneca cannot be too heauy, nor Plautus too light, for the law of Writ, and the Liberty. These are the onely men.
O Iephta Iudge of Israel, what a Treasure had'st thou?
What a Treasure had he, my Lord?
Still on my Daughter.
Am I not i' th' right old Iephta?
If you call me Iephta my Lord, I haue a daughter that I loue passing well.
Nay that followes not.
What followes then, my Lord?
Why, As by lot, God wot: and then you know, It came to passe, as most like it was: The first rowe of the Pons Chans [...]n will shew you more. For looke where my Abridgements come.
Y' are welcome Masters, welcome all. I am glad to see thee well: Welcome good Friends. O my olde Friend? Thy face is valiant since I saw thee last: Com'st thou to beard me in Denmarke? What, my yong Lady and Mistris? Byrlady your Ladiship is neerer Heauen then when I saw you last, by the altitude of a Choppine. Pray God your voice like a peece of vncurrant Gold be not crack'd within the ring. Masters, you are all welcome: wee'l e'ne to't like French Faulconers, flie at any thing we see: wee'l haue a Speech straight. Come giue vs a tast of your quality: come, a passionate speech.
What speech, my Lord?
I heard thee speak me a speech once, but it was neuer Acted: or if it was, not aboue once, for the Play I remember pleas'd not the Million, 'twas Cauiarie to the Generall: but it was (as I receiu'd it, and others, whose iudgement in such matters, cried in the top of mine) an excellent Play: well digested in the Scoenes, set downe with as much modestie, as cunning. I remember one said, there was no Sallets in the lines, to make the matter sauoury; nor no matter in the phrase, that might indite the Author of affectation, but cal'd it an honest method. One cheefe Speech in it, I cheefely lou'd, 'twas Aeneas Tale to Dido, and thereabout of it especially, where he speaks of Priams slaughter. If it liue in your memory, begin at this Line, let me see, let me see: The rugged Pyrrhus like th' Hyrcanian Beast. It is not so: it begins with Pyrrhus
Fore God, my Lord, well spoken, with good accent▪ and good discretion.
This is too long.
It shall to 'th Barbars, with your beard. Prythee say on: He's for a Iigge, or a tale of Baudry, or hee sleepes. Say on; come to Hecuba.
But who, O who, had seen the inobled Queen.
The inobled Queene?
That's good: Inobled Queene is good.
Looke where he ha's not turn'd his colour, and ha's teares in's eyes. Pray you no more.
'I is well, Ile haue thee speake out the rest, soone. Good my Lord, will you see the Players wel bestow'd. Do ye heare, let them be well vs'd: for they are the Abstracts and breefe Chronicles of the time. After your death, you were better haue a bad Epitaph, then their ill report while you liued.
My Lord, I will vse them according to their desart.
Gods bodykins man, better. Vse euerie man after his desart, and who should scape whipping: vse them after your own Honor and Dignity. The lesse they deserue, the more merit is in your bountie. Take them in.
Come sirs.
Follow him Friends: wee'l heare a play to morrow. Dost thou heare me old Friend, can you play the murther of Gonzago?
I my Lord.
Wee'l ha't to morrow night. You could for a need study a speech of some dosen or sixteene lines, which I would set downe, and insert in't? Could ye not?
I my Lord.
Very well. Follow that Lord, and looke you mock him not. My good Friends, Ile leaue you til night you are welcome to Elsonower?
Good my Lord.
Did he receiue you well?
Most like a Gentleman.
But with much forcing of his disposition.
Did you assay him to any pastime?
We shall my Lord.
Madam, I wish it may.
I heare him comming, let's withdraw my Lord.
I humbly thanke you: well, well, well.
No, no, I neuer gaue you ought.
Ha, ha: Are you honest?
My Lord.
Are you faire?
What meanes your Lordship?
That if you be honest and faire, your Honesty should admit no discourse to your Beautie.
Could Beautie my Lord, haue better Comerce then your Honestie?
I trulie: for the power of Beautie, will sooner transforme Honestie from what it is, to a Bawd, then the force of Honestie can translate Beautie into his likenesse. This was sometime a Paradox, but now the time giues it proofe. I did loue you once.
Indeed my Lord, you made me beleeue so.
You should not haue beleeued me. For vertue cannot so innocculate our old stocke, but we shall-rellish of it. I loued you not.
I was the more deceiued.
Get thee to a Nunnerie. Why would'st thou be a breeder of Sinners? I am my selfe indifferent honest, but yet I could accuse me of such things, that it were better my Mother had not borne me. I am very prowd, reuengefull, Ambitious, with more offences at my becke, then I haue thoughts to put them in imagination, to giue them shape, or time to acte them in. What should such [Page 266] Fellowes as I do, crawling betweene Heauen and Earth. We are arrant Knaues all, beleeue none of vs. Goe thy wayes to a Nunnery. Where's your Father?
At home, my Lord.
Let the doores be shut vpon him, that he may play the Foole no way, but in's owne house. Farewell.
O helpe him, you sweet Heauens.
If thou doest Marry, Ile giue thee this Plague for thy Dowrie. Be thou as chast as Ice, as pure as Snow, thou shalt not escape Calumny. Get thee to a Nunnery. Go, Farewell. Or if thou wilt needs Marry, marry a fool: for Wise men know well enough, what monsters you make of them. To a Nunnery go, and quickly too. Farwell.
O heauenly Powers, restore him.
I haue heard of your pratlings too wel enough. God has giuen you one pace, and you make your selfe another: you gidge, you amble, and you lispe, and nickname Gods creatures, and make your Wantonnesse, your Ignorance. Go too, Ile no more on't, it hath made me mad. I say, we will haue no more Marriages. Those that are married already, all but one shall liue, the rest shall keep as they are. To a Nunnery, go.
Speake the Speech I pray you, as I pronounc'd it to you trippingly on the Tongue: But if you mouth it, as many of your Players do, I had as liue the Town-Cryer had spoke my Lines: Nor do not saw the Ayre too much your hand thus, but vse all gently; for in the verie Torrent, Tempest, and (as I may say) the Whirle-winde of Passion, you must acquire and beget a Temperance that may giue it Smoothnesse. O it offends mee to the Soule, to see a robustious Pery-wig-pated Fellow, teare a Passion to tatters, to verie ragges, to split the eares of the Groundlings: who (for the most part) are capeable of nothing, but inexplicable dumbe shewes, & noise: I could haue such a Fellow whipt for o're-doing Termagant: it out- Herod's Herod. Pray you auoid it.
I warrant your Honor.
Be not too tame neyther: but let your owne Discretion be your Tutor. Sute the Action to the Word, the Word to the Action, with this speciall obseruance: That you ore-stop not the modestie of Nature; for any thing so ouer-done, is frō the purpose of Playing, whose end both at the first and now, was and is, to hold as 'twer the Mirrour vp to Nature; to shew Vertue her owne Feature, Scorne her owne Image, and the verie Age and Bodie of the Time, his forme and pressure. Now, this ouer-done, or come tardie off, though it make the vnskilfull laugh, cannot but make the Iudicious greeue; The censure of the which One, must in your allowance o're-way a whole Theater of Others. Oh, there bee Players that I haue seene Play, and heard others praise, and that highly (not to speake it prophanely) that neyther hauing the accent of Christians, nor the gate of Christian, Pagan, or Norman, haue so strutted and bellowed, that I haue thought some of Natures Iouerney-men had made men, and not made them well, they imitated Humanity so abhominably.
I hope we haue reform'd that indifferently with vs, Sir.
O reforme it altogether. And let those that play your Clownes, speake no more then is set downe for them. For there be of them, that will themselues laugh, to set on some quantitie of barren Spectators to laugh too, though in the meane time, some necessary Question of the Play be then to be considered: that's Villanous, & shewes a most pittifull Ambition in the Foole that vses it. Go make you readie.
And the Queene too, and that presently.
We will my Lord.
What hoa, Horatio?
Heere sweet Lord, at your Seruice.
O my deere Lord.
How fares our Cosin Hamlet?
Excellent Ifaith, of the Camelions dish: I eate the Ayre promise-cramm'd, you cannot feed Capons so.
I haue nothing with this answer Hamlet, these words are not mine.
No, nor mine. Now my Lord, you plaid once i' th' Vniuersity, you say?
That I did my Lord, and was accounted a good Actor.
And what did you enact?
It was a bruite part of him, to kill so Capitall a Calfe there. Be the Players ready?
I my Lord, they stay vpon your patience.
Come hither my good Hamlet, sit by me.
No good Mother, here's Mettle more attractiue.
Oh ho, do you marke that?
Ladie, shall I lye in your Lap?
No my Lord.
I meane, My Head vpon your Lap?
I my Lord.
Do you thinke I meant Country matters?
I thinke nothing, my Lord.
That's a faire thought to ly between Maids legs
What is my Lord?
Nothing.
You are merrie, my Lord?
Who I?
I my Lord.
Oh God, your onely Iigge-maker: what should a man do, but be merrie. For looke you now cheerefully my Mother lookes, and my Father dyed within's two Houres.
Nay, 'tis twice two moneths, my Lord.
So long? Nay then let the Diuel weare blacke, for Ile haue a suite of Sables. Oh Heauens! dye two moneths ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's hope, a great mans Memorie, may out-liue his life halfe a yeare: But byrlady he must builde Churches then: or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with the Hoby-horsse, whose Epitaph is, For o, For o, the Hoby-horse is forgot.
What meanes this, my Lord?
Marry this is Miching Malicho, that meanes Mischeefe.
Belike this shew imports the Argument of the Play?
We shall know by these Fellowes: the Players cannot keepe counsell, they'l tell all.
Will they tell vs what this shew meant?
I, or any shew that you'l shew him. Bee not you asham'd to shew, hee'l not shame to tell you what it meanes.
You are naught, you are naught, Ile marke the Play.
Is this a Prologue, or the Poesie of a Ring?
Wormwood, Wormwood.
If she should breake it now.
Madam, how like you this Play?
The Lady protests to much me thinkes.
Oh but shee'l keepe her word.
Haue you heard the Argument, is there no Offence in't?
No, no, they do but iest, poyson in iest, no Offence i' th' world.
What do you call the Play?
The Mouse-trap: Marry how? Tropically: This Play is the Image of a murder done in Vienna: Gonzago is the Dukes name, his wife Baptista: you shall see anon: 'tis a knauish peece of worke: But what o' that? Your Maiestie, and wee that haue free soules, it touches vs not: let the gail d [...]iade winch: our withers are vnrung.
This is one Lucianus nephew to the King.
You are a good Chorus, my Lord.
I could interpret betweene you and your loue: if I could see the Puppets dallying.
You are keene my Lord, you are keene.
It would cost you a groaning, to take off my edge.
Still better and worse.
He poysons him i' th Garden for's estate: His name's Gonzago: the Story is extant and writ in choyce Italian. You shall see anon how the Murtherer gets the loue of Gonzago's wife.
The King rises.
What, frighted with false fire.
How fares my Lord?
Giue o're the Play.
Giue me some Light. Away.
Lights, Lights, Lights.
Would not this Sir, and a Forrest of Feathers, if the rest of my Fortunes turne Turke with me; with two Prouinciall Roses on my rac'd Shooes, get me a Fellowship in a crie of Players sir.
Halfe a share.
You might haue Rim'd.
Oh good Horatio, Ile take the Ghosts word for a thousand pound. Did'st perceiue?
Verie well my Lord.
Vpon the talke of the poysoning?
I did verie well note him.
Good my Lord, vouchsafe me a word with you.
Sir, a whole History.
The King, sir.
I sir, what of him?
Is in his retyrement, maruellous distemper'd.
With drinke Sir?
No my Lord, rather with choller.
Your wisedome should shew it selfe more richer, to signifie this to his Doctor: for for me to put him to his Purgation, would perhaps plundge him into farre more Choller.
Good my Lord put your discourse into some frame, and start not so wildely from my affayre.
I am tame Sir, pronounce.
The Queene your Mother, in most great affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you.
You are welcome.
Nay, good my Lord, this courtesie is not of the right breed. If it shall please you to make me a wholsome answer, I will doe your Mothers command'ment: if not, your pardon, and my returne shall bee the end of my Businesse.
Sir, I cannot.
What, my Lord?
Make you a wholsome answere: my wits diseas'd. But sir, such answers as I can make, you shal command: or rather you say, my Mother: therfore no more but to the matter. My Mother you say.
Then thus she sayes: your behauior hath stroke her into amazement, and admiration.
Oh wonderfull Sonne, that can so astonish a Mother. But is there no sequell at the heeles of this Mothers admiration?
She desires to speake with you in her Closset, ere you go to bed.
My Lord, you once did loue me.
So I do still, by these pickers and stealers.
Good my Lord, what is your cause of distemper? You do freely barre the doore of your owne Libertie, if you deny your greefes to your Friend.
Sir I lacke Aduancement.
How can that be, when you haue the voyce of the King himselfe, for your Succession in Denmarke?
I, but while the grasse growes, the Prouerbe is something musty.
O the Recorder. Let me see, to withdraw with you, why do you go about to recouer the winde of mee, as if you would driue me into a toyle?
O my Lord, if my Dutie be too bold, my loue is too vnmannerly.
I do not well vnderstand that. Will you play vpon this Pipe?
My Lord, I cannot.
I pray you.
Beleeue me, I cannot.
I do beseech you.
I know no touch of it, my Lord.
'Tis as easie as lying: gouerne these Ventiges with your finger and thumbe, giue it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most excellent Musicke. Looke you, these are the stoppes.
But these cannot I command to any vtterance of hermony, I haue not the skill.
Why looke you now, how vnworthy a thing you make of me: you would play vpon mee; you would seeme to know my stops: you would pluck out the heart of my Mysterie; you would sound mee from my lowest Note, to the top of my Compasse: and there is much Musicke, excellent Voice, in this little Organe, yet cannot you make it. Why do you thinke, that I am easier to bee plaid on, then a Pipe? Call me what Instrument you will, though you can fret me, you cannot play vpon me. God blesse you Sir.
My Lord; the Queene would speak with you, and presently.
Do you see that Clowd? that's almost in shape like a Camell.
By' th' Misse, and it's like a Camell indeed.
Me thinkes it is like a Weazell.
It is back'd like a Weazell.
Or like a Whale?
Verie like a Whale.
I will say so.
We will haste vs.
Mother, mother, mother.
Now Mother, what's the matter?
Hamlet, thou hast thy Father much offended.
Mother, you haue my Father much offended.
Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue.
Go, go, you question with an idle tongue.
Why how now Hamlet?
Whats the matter now?
Haue you forgot me?
Nay, then Ile set those to you that can speake.
What hoa, helpe, helpe, helpe.
How now, a Rat? dead for a Ducate, dead.
Oh I am slaine.
Oh me, what hast thou done?
Nay I know not, is it the King?
Oh what a rash, and bloody deed is this?
As kill a King?
Aye me; what act, that roares so lowd, & thunders in the Index.
No more.
Alas he's mad.
How is it with you Lady?
To who do you speake this?
Do you see nothing there?
Nothing at all, yet all that is I see.
Nor did you nothing heare?
No, nothing but our selues.
What shall I do?
I must to England, you know that?
Alacke I had forgot: 'Tis so concluded on.
Ah my good Lord, what haue I seene to night?
What Gertrude? How do's Hamlet?
Safely stowed.
Hamlet, Lord Hamlet.
What haue you done my Lord with the dead body?
Compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis Kinne.
Do not beleeue it.
Beleeue what?
That I can keepe your counsell, and not mine owne. Besides, to be demanded of a Spundge, what replication should be made by the Sonne of a King.
Take you me for a Spundge, my Lord?
I sir, that sokes vp the Kings Countenance, his Rewards, his Authorities (but such Officers do the King best seruice in the end. He keepes them like an Ape in the corner of his iaw, first mouth'd to be last swallowed, when he needes what you haue glean'd, it is but squeezing you, and Spundge you shall be dry againe.
I vnderstand you not my Lord.
I am glad of it: a knauish speech sleepes in a foolish eare.
My Lord, you must tell vs where the body is, and go with vs to the King.
The body is with the King, but the King is not with the body. The King, is a thing —
A thing my Lord?
Of nothing: bring me to him, hide Fox, and all after.
But where is he?
Without my Lord, guarded to know your pleasure.
Bring him before vs.
Hoa, Guildensterne? Bring in my Lord.
Now Hamlet, where's Polonius?
At Supper.
At Supper? Where?
Not where he eats, but where he is eaten, a certaine conuocation of wormes are e'ne at him. Your worm is your onely Emperor for diet. We fat all creatures else to fat vs, and we fat our selfe for Magots. Your fat King, and your leane Begger is but variable seruice to dishes, but to one Table that's the end.
What dost thou meane by this?
Nothing but to shew you how a King may go a Progresse through the guts of a Begger.
Where is Polonius.
In heauen, send thither to see. If your Messenger finde him not there, seeke him i' th other place your selfe: but indeed, if you finde him not this moneth, you shall nose him as you go vp the staires into the Lobby.
Go seeke him there.
He will stay till ye come.
For England?
I Hamlet.
Good.
So is it, if thou knew'st our purposes.
I see a Cherube that see's him: but come, for England. Farewell deere Mother.
Thy louing Father Hamlet.
My Mother: Father and Mother is man and wife: man & wife is one flesh, and so my mother. Come, for England.
I will doo't, my Lord.
Go safely on.
I will not speake with her.
She is importunate, indeed distract, her moode will needs be pittied.
What would she haue?
Where is the beauteous Maiesty of Denmark.
How now Ophelia?
Alas sweet Lady: what imports this Song?
Nay but Ophelia.
Alas, looke heere my Lord.
How do ye, pretty Lady?
Well, God dil'd you. They say the Owle was a Bakers daughter. Lord, wee know what we are, but know not what we may be. God be at your Table.
Conceit vpon her Father.
Pray you let's haue no words of this: but when they aske you what it meanes, say you this:
Pretty Ophelia.
Indeed la? without an oath Ile make an end out.
How long hath she bin this?
I hope all will be well. We must bee patient, but I cannot choose but weepe, to thinke they should lay him i' th' cold ground: My brother shall knowe of it, and so I thanke you for your good counsell. Come, my Coach: Goodnight Ladies: Goodnight sweet Ladies: Goodnight, goodnight.
Alacke, what noyse is this?
The doores are broke.
Where is the King, sirs? Stand you all without.
No, let's come in.
I pray you giue me leaue.
We will, we will.
Calmely good Laertes.
Where's my Father?
Dead.
But not by him.
Let him demand his fill.
Who shall stay you?
None but his Enemies.
Will you know them then.
Had'st thou thy wits, and did'st perswade Reuenge, it could not moue thus.
You must sing downe a-downe, and you call him a-downe-a. Oh, how the wheele becomes it? It is the false Steward that stole his masters daughter.
This nothings more then matter.
A document in madnesse, thoughts & remembrance fitted.
There's Fennell for you, and Columbines: ther's Rew for you, and heere's some for me. Wee may call it Herbe-Grace a Sundaies: Oh you must weare your Rew with a difference. There's a Daysie, I would giue you some Violets, but they wither'd all when my Father dyed: They say, he made a good end;
Do you see this, you Gods?
What are they that would speake with me?
Saylors sir, they say they haue Letters for you.
God blesse you Sir.
Let him blesse thee too.
Hee shall Sir, and't please him. There's a Letter for you Sir: It comes from th' Ambassadours that was bound for England, if your name be Horatio, as I am let to know it is.
When thou shalt haue ouerlook'd this, giue these Fellowes some meanes to the King: They haue Letters for him. Ere we were two dayes old at Sea, a Pyrate of very Warlicke appointment gaue vs Chace. Finding our selues too slow of Saile, we put on a compelled Valour. In the Grapple, I boorded them: On the instant they got cleare of our Shippe, so I alone became their Prisoner. They haue dealt with mee, like Theeues of Mercy, but they knew what they did. I am to doe a good turne for them. Let the King haue the Letters I haue sent, and repaire thou to me with as much hast as thou wouldest flye death. I haue words to speake in your eare, will make thee-dumbe, yet are they much too light for the bore of the Matter. These good Fellowes will bring thee where I am. Rosincrance and Guildensterne, hold their course for England. Of them I haue much to tell thee, Farewell.
Letters my Lord from Hamlet. This to your Maiesty: this to the Queene.
From Hamlet? Who brought them?
High and Mighty, you shall know I am set naked on your Kingdome. To morrow shall I begge leaue to see your Kingly Eyes. When I shall (first asking your Pardon thereunto) recount th' Occasions of my sodaine, and more strange returne.
Know you the hand?
'Tis Hamlets Character, naked and in a Postscript here he sayes alone: Can you aduise me?
If so you'l not o're rule me to a peace.
A Norman was't?
A Norman.
Vpon my life Lamound.
The very same.
Why out of this, my Lord?
Why aske you this?
To cut his throat i' th' Church.
Drown'd! O where?
Alas then, is she drown'd?
Drown'd, drown'd.
Is she to bee buried in Christian buriall, that wilfully seekes her owne saluation?
I tell thee she is, and therefore make her Graue straight, the Crowner hath sate on her, and finds it Christian buriall.
How can that be, vnlesse she drowned her selfe in her owne defence?
Why 'tis found so.
It must be Se offendendo, it cannot bee else: for heere lies the point; If I drowne my selfe wittingly, it argues an Act: and an Act hath three branches. It is an Act to doe and to performe; argall she drown'd her selfe wittingly.
Nay but heare you Goodman Deluer.
Giue me leaue; heere lies the water; good: heere stands the man; good: If the man goe to this water and drowne himsele; it is will he nill he, he goes; marke you that? But if the water come to him & drowne him; hee drownes not himselfe. Argall, hee that is not guilty of his owne death, shortens not his owne life.
But is this law?
I marry is't, Crowners Quest Law.
Will you ha the truth on't: if this had not beene a Gentlewoman, shee should haue beene buried out of Christian Buriall.
Why there thou say'st. And the more pitty that great folke should haue countenance in this world to drowne or hang themselues, more then their euen Christian. Come, my Spade; there is no ancient Gentlemen, but Gardiners, Ditchers and Graue-makers; they hold vp Adams Profession.
Was he a Gentleman?
He was the first that euer bore Armes.
Why he had none.
What, ar't a Heathen? how dost thou vnderstand the Scripture? the Scripture sayes Adam dig'd; could hee digge without Armes? Ile put another question to thee; if thou answerest me not to the purpose, confesse thy selfe—
Go too.
What is he that builds stronger then either the Mason, the Shipwright, or the Carpenter?
The Gallowes maker; for that Frame outliues a thousand Tenants.
I like thy wit well in good faith, the Gallowes does well; but how does it well? it does well to those that doe ill: now, thou dost ill to say the Gallowes is built stronger then the Church: Argall, the Gallowes may doe well to thee. Too't againe, Come.
Who builds stronger then a Mason, a Shipwright, or a Carpenter?
I, tell me that, and vnyoake.
Marry, now I can tell.
Too't.
Masse, I cannot tell.
Cudgell thy braines no more about it; for your dull Asse will not mend his pace with beating; and when you are ask't this question next, say a Graue-maker: the Houses that he makes, lasts till Doomesday: go, get thee to Yaughan, fetch me a stoupe of Liquor.
Ha's this fellow no feeling of his businesse, that he sings at Graue-making?
Custome hath made it in him a property of easinesse.
'Tis ee'n so; the hand of little Imployment hath the daintier sense.
That Scull had a tongue in it, and could sing once: how the knaue iowles it to th' grownd as if it were Caines Iaw-bone, that did the first murther: It might be the Pate of a Polititian which this Asse o're Offices: one that could circumuent God, might it not?
It might, my Lord.
Or of a Courtier, which could say, Good Morrow sweet Lord: how dost thou, good Lord? this might be my Lord such a one, that prais'd my Lord such a ones Horse, when he meant to begge it; might it not?
I, my Lord.
Why ee'n so: and now my Lady Wormes, Chaplesse, and knockt about the Mazard with a Sextons Spade; heere's fine Reuolution, if wee had the tricke to see't. Did these bones cost no more the breeding▪ but to play at Loggets with 'em? mine ake to thinke on't.
There's another: why might not that bee the Scull of of a Lawyer? where be his Quiddits now? his Quillets? his Cases? his Tenures, and his Tricks? why doe's he suffer this rude knaue now to knocke him about the Sconce with a dirty Shouell, and will not tell him of his Action of Battery? hum. This fellow might be in's time a great buyer of Land, with his Statutes, his Recognizances, his Fines, his double Vouchers, his Recoueries: Is this the fine of his Fines, and the recouery of his Recoueries, to haue his fine Pate full of fine Dirt? will his Vouchers vouch him no more of his Purchases, and double ones too, then the length and breadth of a paire of Indentures? the very Conueyances of his Lands will hardly lye in this Boxe; and must the Inheritor himselfe haue no more? ha?
Not a iot more, my Lord.
Is not Parchment made of Sheep-skinnes?
I my Lord, and of Calue-skinnes too.
They are Sheepe and Calues that seek out assurance in that. I will speake to this fellow: whose Graue's this Sir?
I thinke it be thine indeed: for thou liest in't.
You lye out on't Sir, and therefore it is not yours: for my part, I doe not lye in't; and yet it is mine.
Thou dost lye in't, to be in't and say 'tis thine: 'tis for the dead, not for the quicke, therefore thou lyest.
'Tis a quicke lye Sir, 'twill a way againe from me to you.
What man dost thou digge it for?
For no man Sir.
What woman then?
For none neither.
Who is to be buried in't?
One that was a woman Sir; but rest her Soule, shee's dead.
How absolute the knaue is? wee must speake by the Carde, or equiuocation will vndoe vs: by the Lord Horatio, these three yeares I haue taken note of it, the Age is growne so picked, that the toe of the Pesant comes so neere the heeles of our Courtier, hee galls his Kibe. How long hast thou been a Graue-maker?
Of all the dayes i' th' yeare, I came too't that day that our last King Hamlet o're came Fortinbras.
How long is that since?
Cannot you tell that? euery foole can tell that: It was the very day, that young Hamlet was borne, hee that was mad, and sent into England.
I marry, why was he sent into England?
Why, because he was mad; hee shall recouer his wits there; or if he do not, it's no great matter there.
Why?
'Twill not be seene in him, there the men are as mad as he.
How came he mad?
Very strangely they say.
How strangely?
Faith e'ene with loosing his wits.
Vpon what ground?
Why heere in Denmarke: I haue bin sixeteene heere, man and Boy thirty yeares.
How long will a man lie 'i th' earth ere he rot?
I faith, if he be not rotten before he die (as we haue many pocky Coarses now adaies, that will scarce hold the laying in) he will last you some eight yeare, or nine yeare. A Tanner will last you nine yeare.
Why he, more then another?
Why sir, his hide is so tan'd with his Trade, that he will keepe out water a great while. And your water, is a sore Decayer of your horson dead body. Heres a Scull now: this Scul, has laine in the earth three & twenty years.
Whose was it?
Nay, I know not.
A pestlence on him for a mad Rogue, a pou'rd a Flaggon of Renish on my head once. This same Scull Sir, this same Scull sir, was Yoricks Scull, the Kings Iester.
This?
E'ene that.
Let me see. Alas poore Yorick, I knew him Horatio, a fellow of infinite Iest; of most excellent fancy, he hath borne me on his backe a thousand times: And how abhorred my Imagination is, my gorge rises at it. Heere hung those lipps, that I haue kist I know not how oft. VVhere be your libes now? Your Gambals? Your Songs? Your flashes of Merriment that were wont to set the Table on a Rore? No one now to mock your own Ieering? Quite chopfalne? Now get you to my Ladies Chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thicke, to this fauour she must come. Make her laugh at that: prythee Horatio tell me one thing.
What's that my Lord?
Dost thou thinke Alexander lookt o' this fashion i' th' earth?
E'ene so.
And smelt so? Puh.
E'ene so, my Lord.
To what base vses we may returne Horatio. Why may not Imagination trace the Noble dust of Alexander, till he find it stopping a bunghole.
'Twere to consider: to curiously to consider so.
No faith, not a iot. But to follow him thether with modestie enough, & likeliehood to lead it; as thus. Alexander died: Alexander was buried: Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make Lome, and why of that Lome (whereto he was conuerted) might they not stopp a Beere-barrell?
What Cerimony else?
That is Laertes, a very Noble youth: Marke.
What Cerimony else?
Must there no more be done?
What, the faire Ophelia?
The deuill take thy soule.
Pluck them asunder.
Hamlet, Hamlet.
Good my Lord be quiet.
Oh my Sonne, what Theame?
Oh he is mad Laertes,
For loue of God forbeare him.
Remember it my Lord?
That is most certaine.
Ist possible?
I beseech you.
I, good my Lord.
How was this seal'd?
So Guildensterne and Rosincrance, go too't.
Why, what a King is this?
Peace, who comes heere?
Your Lordship is right welcome back to Denmarke.
I humbly thank you Sir, dost know this waterflie?
No my good Lord.
Thy state is the more gracious; for 'tis a vice to know him: he hath much Land, and fertile; let a Beast be Lord of Beasts, and his Crib shall stand at the Kings Messe; 'tis a Chowgh; but as I saw spacious in the possession of dirt.
I will receiue it with all diligence of spirit; put your Bonet to his right vse, 'tis for the head.
I thanke your Lordship, 'tis very hot.
No, beleeue mee 'tis very cold, the winde is Northerly.
It is indifferent cold my Lord indeed.
Mee thinkes it is very soultry, and hot for my Complexion.
Exceedingly, my Lord, it is very soultry, as 'twere I cannot tell how: but my Lord, his Maiesty bad me signifie to you, that he ha's laid a great wager on your head: Sir, this is the matter.
I beseech you remember.
Nay, in good faith, for mine ease in good faith: Sir, you are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is at his weapon.
What's his weapon?
Rapier and dagger.
That's two of his weapons; but well.
The sir King ha's wag'd with him six Barbary Horses, against the which he impon'd as I take it, sixe French Rapiers and Poniards, with their assignes, as Girdle, Hangers or so: three of the Carriages infaith are very deare to fancy, very responsiue to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberall conceit.
What call you the Carriages?
The Carriages Sir, are the hangers.
The phrase would bee more Germaine to the matter: If we could carry Cannon by our sides; I would it might be Hangers till then; but on sixe Barbary Horses against sixe French Swords: their Assignes, and three liberall conceited Carriages, that's the French but against the Danish; why is this impon'd as you call it?
The King Sir, hath laid that in a dozen passes betweene you and him, hee shall not exceed you three hits; He hath one twelue for mine, and that would come to imediate tryall, if your Lordship would vouchsafe the Answere.
How if I answere no?
I meane my Lord, the opposition of your person in tryall.
Sir, I will walke heere in the Hall; if it please his Maiestie, 'tis the breathing time of day with me; let the Foyles bee brought, the Gentleman willing, and the King hold his purpose; I will win for him if I can: if not, Ile gaine nothing but my shame, and the odde hits.
Shall I redeliuer you ee'n so?
To this effect Sir, after what flourish your nature will.
I commend my duty to your Lordship.
Yours, yours; hee does well to commend it himselfe, there are no tongues else for's tongue.
This Lapwing runs away with the shell on his head.
He did Complie with his Dugge before hee suck't it: thus had he and mine more of the same Beauy that I know the drossie age dotes on; only got the tune of the time, and outward habite of encounter, a kinde of yesty collection, which carries them through & through the most fond and winnowed opinions; and doe but blow them to their tryalls: the Bubbles are out.
You will lose this wager, my Lord.
I doe not thinke so, since he went into France, I haue beene in continuall practice; I shall winne at the oddes: but thou wouldest not thinke how all heere about my heart: but it is no matter.
Nay, good my Lord.
It is but foolery; but it is such a kinde of gain-giuing as would perhaps trouble a woman.
If your minde dislike any thing, obey. I will forestall their repaire hither, and say you are not fit.
Not a whit, we defie Augury; there's a speciall Prouidence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come: if it bee not to come, it will bee now: if it be not now; yet it will come; the readinesse is all, since no man ha's ought of what he leaues. What is't to leaue betimes?
Come Hamlet, come, and take this hand from me.
Come one for me.
You mocke me Sir.
No by this hand.
I my good Lord.
Come on sir.
Come on sir.
One.
No.
Iudgement.
A hit, a very palpable hit.
Well: againe.
A touch, a touch, I do confesse.
Our Sonne shall win.
Good Madam.
Gertrude, do not drinke.
It is the poyson'd Cup, it is too late.
Come, let me wipe thy face.
My Lord, Ile hit him now.
I do not thinke't.
And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.
Say you so? Come on.
Nothing neither way.
Haue at you now.
Part them, they are incens'd.
Nay come, againe.
Looke to the Queene there hoa.
How is't Laertes?
How does the Queene?
She sounds to see them bleede.
Treason, Treason.
O yet defend me Friends, I am but hurt.
Where is this sight?
THE TRAGEDIE OF KING LEAR.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
I Thought the King had more affected the Duke of Albany, then Cornwall.
It did alwayes seeme so to vs: But now in the diuision of the Kingdome, it appeares not which of the Dukes hee valewes most, for qualities are so weigh'd, that curiosity in neither, can make choise of eithers moity.
Is not this your Son, my Lord?
His breeding Sir, hath bin at my charge. I haue so often blush'd to acknowledge him, that now I am braz'd too't.
I cannot conceiue you.
Sir, this yong Fellowes mother could; wherevpon she grew round womb'd, and had indeede (Sir) a Sonne for her Cradle, ere she had a husband for her bed. Do you smell a fault?
I cannot wish the fault vndone, the issue of it, being so proper.
But I haue a Sonne, Sir, by order of Law, some yeere elder then this; who, yet is no deerer in my account, though this Knaue came somthing sawcily to the world before he was sent for: yet was his Mother fayre, there was good sport at his making, and the horson must be acknowledged. Doe you know this Noble Gentleman, Edmond?
No, my Lord.
My seruices to your Lordship.
I must loue you, and sue to know you better.
Sir, I shall study deseruing.
He hath bin out nine yeares, and away he shall againe. The King is comming.
Attend the Lords of France & Burgundy, Gloster.
I shall, my Lord.
What shall Cordelia speake? Loue, and be silent.
Nothing my Lord.
Nothing?
Nothing.
Nothing will come of nothing, speake againe.
But goes thy heart with this?
I my good Lord.
So young, and so vntender?
So young my Lord, and true.
Good my Liege.
The bow is bent & drawne, make from the shaft.
Kent, on thy life no more.
Out of my sight.
Now by Apollo,
O Vassall! Miscreant.
Cor. Deare Sir forbeare.
Heere's France and Burgundy, my Noble Lord.
I know no answer.
Nothing, I haue sworne, I am firme.
Bid farwell to your Sisters.
Prescribe not vs our dutie.
Come my faire Cordelia.
That's most certaine, and with you: next moneth with vs.
You see how full of changes his age is, the obseruation we haue made of it hath beene little: he alwaies lou'd our Sister most, and with what poore iudgement he hath now cast her off, appeares too grossely.
'Tis the infirmity of his age, yet he hath euer but slenderly knowne himselfe.
The best and soundest of his time hath bin but rash, then must we looke from his age, to receiue not alone the imperfections of long ingrafted condition, but therewithall the vnruly way wardnesse, that infirme and cholericke yeares bring with them.
Such vnconstant starts are we like to haue from him, as this of Kents banishment.
There is further complement of leaue-taking betweene France and him, pray you let vs sit together, it our Father carry authority with such disposition as he beares, this last surrender of his will but offend vs.
We shall further thinke of it.
We must do something, and i' th' heate.
Scena Secunda.
So please your Lordship, none.
Why so earnestly seeke you to put vp y t Letter?
I know no newes, my Lord.
What Paper were you reading?
Nothing my Lord.
No? what needed then that terrible dispatch of it into your Pocket? The quality of nothing, hath not such neede to hide it selfe. Let's see: come, if it bee nothing, I shall not neede Spectacles.
I beseech you Sir, pardon mee; it is a Letter from my Brother, that I haue not all ore-read; and for so much as I haue perus'd, I finde it not fit for your ore-looking.
Giue me the Letter, Sir.
Let's see, let's see.
I hope for my Brothers iustification, hee wrote this but as an essay, or taste of my Vertue.
This policie, and reuerence of Age, makes the world bitter to the best of our times: keepes our Fortunes from vs, till our oldnesse cannot rellish them. I begin to finde an idle and fond bondage, in the oppression of aged tyranny, who swayes not as it hath power, but as it is suffer'd. Come to me, that of this I may speake more. If our Father would sleepe till I wak'd him, you should enioy halfe his Reuennew for euer, and liue the beloued of your Brother.
Hum? Conspiracy? Sleepe till I wake him, you should enioy halfe his Reuennew: my Sonne Edgar, had hee a hand to write this? A heart and braine to breede it in? When came you to this? Who brought it?
It was not brought mee, my Lord; there's the cunning of it. I found it throwne in at the Casement of my Closset.
You know the character to be your Brothers?
If the matter were good my Lord, I durst swear it were his: but in respect of that, I would faine thinke it were not.
It is his.
It is his hand, my Lord: but I hope his heart is not in the Contents.
Has he neuer before sounded you in this busines?
Neuer my Lord. But I haue heard him oft maintaine it to be fit, that Sonnes at perfect age, and Fathers declin'd, the Father should bee as Ward to the Son, and the Sonne manage his Reuennew.
O Villain, villain: his very opinion in the Letter. Abhorred Villaine, vnnaturall, detested, brutish Villaine; worse then brutish: Go sirrah, seeke him: Ile apprehend him. Abhominable Villaine, where is he?
I do not well know my L. If it shall please you to suspend your indignation against my Brother, til you can deriue from him better testimony of his intent, you shold run a certaine course: where, if you violently proceed against him, mistaking his purpose, it would make a great gap in your owne Honor, and shake in peeces, the heart of his obedience. I dare pawne downe my life for him, that he hath writ this to feele my affection to your Honor, & to no other pretence of danger.
Thinke you so?
If your Honor iudge it meere, I will place you where you shall heare vs conferre of this, and by an Auricular assurance haue your satisfaction, and that without any further delay, then this very Euening.
He cannot bee such a Monster. Edmond seeke him out: winde me into him, I pray you: frame the Businesse after your owne wisedome. I would vnstate my selfe, to be in a due resolution.
I will seeke him Sir, presently: conuey the businesse as I shall find meanes, and acquaint you withall.
These late Eclipses in the Sun and Moone portend no good to vs: though the wisedome of Nature can reason it thus, and thus, yet Nature finds it selfe scourg'd by the sequent effects. Loue cooles, friendship falls off, Brothers diuide. In Cities, mutinies; in Countries, discord; in Pallaces, Treason; and the Bond crack'd, 'twixt Sonne and Father. This villaine of mine comes vnder the prediction; there's Son against Father, the King fals from by as of Nature, there's Father against Childe. We haue seene the best of our time. Machinations, hollownesse, treacherie, and all ruinous disorders follow vs disquietly to our Graues. Find out this Villain▪ Edmond, it shall lose thee nothing, do it carefully: and the Noble & true-harted Kent banish'd; his offence, honesty. 'Tis strange.
This is the excellent foppery of the world, that when we are sicke in fortune, often the surfers of our own behauiour, we make guilty of our disasters, the Sun, the Moone, and Starres, as if we were villaines on necessitie, Fooles by heauenly compulsion, Knaues, Theeues, and Treachers by Sphericall predominance. Drunkards, Lyars, and Adulterers by an inforc'd obedience of Planatary influence; and all that we are euill in, by a diuine thrust [...]ng on. An admirable euasion of Whore-master-man, to lay his Goatish disposition on the charge of a Starre, My father compounded with my mother vnder the Dragons taile, and my Natiuity was vnder Vrsa Maior, so that it followes, I am rough and Leacherous. I should haue bin that I am, had the maidenlest Starre in the Firmament twinkled on my bastardizing.
Pat: he comes like the Catastrophe of the old Comedie: my Cue is villanous Melancholly, with a sighe like Tom o' Bedlam. — O these Eclipses do portend these diuisions. Fa, Sol, La, Me.
How now Brother Edmond, what serious contemplation are you in?
I am thinking Brother of a prediction I read this other day, what should follow these Eclipses.
Do you busie your selfe with that?
The night gone by.
Spake you with him?
I, two houres together.
Parted you in good termes? Found you no displeasure in him, by word, nor countenance?
None at all,
Bethink your selfe wherein you may haue offended him: and at my entreaty forbeare his presence, vntill some little time hath qualified the heat of his displeasure, which at this instant so rageth in him, that with the mischiefe [Page 287] of your person, it would scarsely alay.
Some Villaine hath done me wrong.
That's my feare, I pray you haue a continent forbearance till the speed of his rage goes slower: and as I say, retire with me to my lodging, from whence I will fitly bring you to heare my Lord speake: pray ye goe, there's my key: if you do stirre abroad, goe arm'd.
Arm'd, Brother?
Brother, I aduise you to the best, I am no honest man, if ther be any good meaning toward you: I haue told you what I haue seene, and heard: But faintly, Nothing like the image, and horror of it, pray you away.
Shall I heare from you anon?
Scena Tertia.
Did my Father strike my Gentleman for chiding of his Foole?
I Madam.
He's comming Madam, I heare him.
Well Madam.
And let his Knights haue colder lookes among you: what growes of it no matter, aduise your fellowes so, Ile write straight to my Sister to hold my course; prepare for dinner.
Scena Quarta.
Let me not stay a iot for dinner, go get it ready: how now, what art thou?
A man Sir.
What dost thou professe? What would'st thou with vs?
I do professe to be no lesse then I seeme; to serue him truely that will put me in trust, to loue him that is honest, to conuerse with him that is wise and saies little, to feare iudgement, to fight when I cannot choose, and to eate no fish.
What art thou?
A very honest hearted Fellow, and as poore as the King.
If thou be'st as poore for a subiect, as hee's for a King, thou art poore enough. What wouldst thou?
Seruice.
Who wouldst thou serue?
You.
Do'st thou know me fellow?
No Sir, but you haue that in your countenance, which I would faine call Master.
What's that?
Authority.
What seruices canst thou do?
I can keepe honest counsaile, ride, run, marre a curious tale in telling it, and deliuer a plaine message bluntly: that which ordinary men are fit for, I am quallified in, and the best of me, is Dilligence.
How old art thou?
Not so young Sir to loue a woman for singing, nor so old to dote on her for any thing. I haue yeares on my backe forty eight.
Follow me, thou shalt serue me, if I like thee no worse after dinner, I will not part from thee yet. Dinner ho, dinner, where's my knaue? my Foole? Go you and call my Foole hither. You you Sirrah, where's my Daughter?
So please you —
What saies the Fellow there? Call the Clot-pole backe: wher's my Foole? Ho, I thinke the world's asleepe, how now? Where's that Mungrell?
He saies my Lord, your Daughters is not well.
Why came not the slaue backe to me when I call'd him?
Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner, he would not.
He would not?
My Lord, I know not what the matter is, but to my iudgement your Highnesse is not entertain'd with that Ceremonious affection as you were wont, theres a great abatement of kindnesse appeares as well in the generall dependants, as in the Duke himselfe also, and your Daughter.
Ha? Saist thou so?
I beseech you pardon me my Lord, if I bee mistaken, for my duty cannot be silent, when I thinke your Highnesse wrong'd.
Thou but remembrest me of mine owne Conception, I haue perceiued a most faint neglect of late, which I haue rather blamed as mine owne iealous curiositie, then as a very pretence and purpose of vnkindnesse; I will looke further intoo't [...]: but where's my Foole? I haue not seene him this two daies.
No more of that, I haue noted it well, goe you and tell my Daughter, I would speake with her. Goe you call hither my Foole; Oh you Sir, you, come you hither Sir, who am I Sir?
My Ladies Father.
My Ladies Father? my Lords knaue, you whorson dog, you slaue, you curre.
Do you bandy lookes with me, you Rascall?
Ile not be strucken my Lord.
Nor tript neither, you base Foot-ball plaier.
Come sir, arise, away, Ile teach you differences: away, away, if you will measure your lubbers length againe, tarry, but away, goe too, haue you wisedome, so.
Now my friendly knaue I thanke thee, there's earnest of thy seruice.
Let me hire him too, here's my Coxcombe.
How now my pretty knaue, how dost thou?
Sirrah, you were best take my Coxcombe.
Why my Boy?
Why? for taking ones part that's out of fauour, nay, & thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch colde shortly, there take my Coxcombes why this fellow ha's banish'd two on's Daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will, if thou follow him, thou must needs weare my Coxcombe. How now Nunckle? would I had two Coxcombes and two Daughters.
Why my Boy?
If I gaue them all my liuing, I'ld keepe my Coxcombes my selfe, there's mine, beg another of thy Daughters.
Take heed Sirrah, the whip.
Truth's a dog must to kennell, hee must bee whipt out, when the Lady Brach may stand by' th' fire and stinke.
A pestilent gall to me.
Sirha, Ile teach thee a speech.
Do.
This is nothing Foole.
Then 'tis like the breath of an vnfeed Lawyer, you gaue me nothing for't, can you make no vse of nothing Nuncle?
Prythee tell him, so much the rent of his land comes to, he will not beleeue a Foole.
A bitter Foole.
Do'st thou know the difference my Boy, betweene a bitter Foole, and a sweet one.
No Lad, teach me.
Nunckle, giue me an egge, and Ile giue thee two Crownes.
What two Crownes shall they be?
Why after I haue cut the egge i' th' middle and eate vp the meate, the two Crownes of the egge: when thou clouest thy Crownes i' th' middle, and gau'st away both parts, thou boar'st thine Asse on thy backe o're the durt, thou had'st little wit in thy bald crowne, when thou gau'st thy golden one away; if I speake like my selfe in this, let him be whipt that first findes it so.
When were you wont to be so full of Songs sirrah?
I haue vsed it Nunckle, ere since thou mad'st thy Daughters thy Mothers, for when thou gau'st them the rod, and put'st downe thine owne breeches, then they
And you lie sirrah, wee'l haue you whipt.
I maruell what kin thou and thy daughters are, they'l haue me whipt for speaking true: thou'lt haue me whipt for lying; and sometimes I am whipt for holding my peace. I had rather be any kind o' thing then a foole, and yet I would not be thee Nunckle, thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides, and left nothing i' th' middle; heere comes one o' the parings.
How now Daughter? what makes that Frontlet on? You are too much of late i' th' frowne.
Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for her frowning, now thou art an O without a figure, I am better then thou art now, I am a Foole, thou art nothing. Yes forsooth I will hold my tongue, so your face bids me, though you say nothing.
For you know Nunckle, the Hedge-Sparrow fed the Cuckoo so long, that it's had it head bit off by it young, so out went the Candle, and we were left darkling.
Are you our Daughter?
Lears shadow.
Your name, faire Gentlewoman?
You strike my people, and your disorder'd rable, make Seruants of their Betters.
Pray Sir be patient.
What's the matter, Sir?
Do you marke that?
Well, you may feare too farre.
I Madam.
Nay then —
Well, well, the'uent.
Scena Quinta.
Go you before to Gloster with these Letters; acquaint my Daughter no further with any thing you know, then comes from her demand out of the Letter, if your Dilligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.
I will not sleepe my Lord, till I haue deliuered your Letter.
If a mans braines were in's heeles, wert not in danger of kybes?
I Boy.
Then I prythee be merry, thy wit shall not go slip-shod.
Ha, ha, ha.
Shalt see thy other Daughter will vse thee kindly, for though she's as like this, as a Crabbe's like an Apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.
What can'st tell Boy?
She will taste as like this as, a Crabbe do's to a Crab: thou canst tell why ones nose stands i' th' middle on's face?
No.
Why to keepe ones eyes of either side's nose, that what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.
I did her wrong.
Can'st tell how an Oyster makes his shell?
No.
Nor I neither; but I can tell why a Snaile ha's a house.
Why?
Why to put's head in, not to giue it away to his daughters, and leaue his hornes without a case.
I will forget my Nature, so kind a Father? Be my Horsses ready?
Thy Asses are gone about 'em; the reason why the seuen Starres are no mo then seuen, is a pretty reason.
Because they are not eight.
Yes indeed, thou would'st make a good Foole.
To tak't againe perforce; Monster Ingratitude!
If thou wert my Foole Nunckle, Il'd haue thee beaten for being old before thy time.
How's that?
Thou shouldst not haue bin old, till thou hadst bin wise.
O let me not be mad, not mad sweet Heauen▪ keepe me in temper, I would not be mad. How now are the Horses ready?
Ready my Lord.
Come Boy.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
Saue thee Curan.
How comes that?
Nay I know not, you haue heard of the newes abroad, I meane the whisper'd ones, for they are yet but ear [...]-kissing arguments.
Not I: pray you what are they?
Not a word.
I am sure on't, not a word.
Now Edmund, where's the villaine?
But where is he?
Looke Sir, I bleed.
Where is the villaine, Edmund?
Fled this way Sir, when by no meanes he could.
Pursue him, ho: go after. By no meanes, what?
O Madam, my old heart is crack'd, it's crack'd.
O Lady, Lady, shame would haue it hid.
I know not Madam, 'tis too bad, too bad.
Yes Madam, he was of that consort.
It was my duty Sir.
Is he pursued?
I my good Lord.
I shall serue you Sir truely, how euer else.
For him I thanke your Grace.
You know not why we came to visit you?
Scena Secunda.
Good dawning to thee Friend, art of this house?
I.
Where may we set our horses?
I' th' myre.
Prythee, if thou lou'st me, tell me.
I loue thee not.
Why then I care not for thee.
If I had thee in Lipsbury Pinfold, I would make thee care for me.
Why do'st thou vse me thus? I know thee not.
Fellow I know thee.
What do'st thou know me for?
A Knaue, a Rascall, an eater of broken meates, a base, proud, shallow, beggerly, three-suited-hundred pound, filthy woosted-stocking knaue, a Lilly-liuered, action-taking, whoreson glasse-gazing super-seruiceable finicall Rogue, one Trunke-inheriting slaue, one that would'st be a Baud in way of good seruice, and art nothing but the composition of a Knaue, Begger, Coward, Pandar, and the Sonne and Heire of a Mungrill Bitch, one whom I will beate into clamours whining, if thou deny'st the least sillable of thy addition.
Why, what a monstrous Fellow art thou, thus to raile on one, that is neither knowne of thee, nor knowes thee?
What a brazen-fac'd Varlet art thou, to deny thou knowest me? Is it two dayes since I tript vp thy heeles, and beate thee before the King? Draw you rogue, [Page 292] for though it be night, yet the Moone shines, Ile make a sop oth' Moonshine of you, you whoreson Cullyenly Barber-monger, draw.
Away, I haue nothing to do with thee.
Draw you Rascall, you come with Letters against the King, and take Vanitie the puppets part, against the Royaltie of her Father: draw you Rogue, or Ile so carbonado your shanks, draw you Rascall, come your waies.
Helpe, ho, murther, helpe.
Strike you slaue: stand rogue, stand you neat slaue, strike.
Helpe hoa, murther, murther.
How now, what's the matter? Part.
Weapons? Armes? what's the matter here?
Keepe peace vpon your liues, he dies that strikes againe, what is the matter?
The Messengers from our Sister, and the King?
What is your difference, speake?
I am scarce in breath my Lord.
No Maruell, you haue so bestir'd your valour, you cowardly Rascall, nature disclaimes in thee: a Taylor made thee.
Thou art a strange fellow, a Taylor make a man?
A Taylor Sir, a Stone-cutter, or a Painter, could not haue made him so ill, though they had bin but two yeares oth' trade.
Speake yet, how grew your quarrell?
This ancient Ruffian Sir, whose life I haue spar'd at sute of his gray-beard.
Thou whoreson Zed, thou vnnecessary letter: my Lord, if you will giue me leaue, I will tread this vnboulted villaine into morter, and daube the wall of a Iakes with him. Spare my gray-beard, you wagtaile?
Yes Sir, but anger hath a priuiledge.
Why art thou angrie?
What art thou mad old Fellow?
How fell you out, say that?
His countenance likes me not.
No more perchance do's mine, not his, nor hers.
What mean'st by this?
To go out of my dialect, which you discommend so much; I know Sir, I am no flatterer, he that beguild you in a plaine accent, was a plaine Knaue, which for my part I will not be, though I should win your displeasure to entreat me too't.
What was th' offence you gaue him?
Till noone? till night my Lord, and all night too.
Sir, being his Knaue, I will.
Ile answere that.
Come my Lord, away.
Haile to thee Noble Master.
Ha? Mak'st thou this shame ahy pastime?
No my Lord.
Hah, ha, he weares Cruell Garters Horses are tide by the heads, Dogges and Beares by' th' necke, Monkies by' th' loynes, and Men by' th' legs: when a man ouerlustie at legs, then he weares wodden nether-stocks.
No.
Yes.
No I say.
I say yea.
By Iupiter I sweare no.
By Iuno, I sweare I.
Wirh the Earle Sir, here within.
Follow me not, stay here.
And thou hadst beene set i' th' Stockes for that question, thoud'st well deseru'd it.
Why Foole?
Where learn'd you this Foole?
Not i' th' Stocks Foole.
Well my good Lord, I haue inform'd them so.
Inform'd them? Do'st thou vnderstand me man.
I my good Lord.
I would haue all well betwixt you.
Oh me my heart! My rising heart! But downe.
Cry to it Nunckle, as the Cockney did to the Ecles, when she put 'em i' th' Paste aliue, she knapt 'em o' th' coxcombs with a sticke, and cryed downe wantons, downe; 'twas her Brother, that in pure kindnesse to his Horse buttered his Hay.
Good morrow to you both.
Haile to your Grace.
I am glad to see your Highnesse.
Say? How is that?
My curses on her.
Fye sir. fie.
Good Sir, to' th' purpose.
Who put my [...] an i' th' Stockes?
What Trumpet's that?
What meanes your Grace?
You? Did you?
At your choice Sir.
Is this well spoken?
I gaue you all.
And in good time you gaue it.
And speak't againe my Lord, no more with me.
What need one?
Let vs withdraw, 'twill be a Storme.
Followed the old man forth, he is return'd.
The King is in high rage.
Whether is he going?
He cals to Horse, but will I know not whether.
'Tis best to giue him way, he leads himselfe.
My Lord, entreate him by no meanes to stay.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Who's there besides foule weather?
One minded like the weather, most vnquietly.
I know you: Where's the King?
But who is with him?
I will talke further with you.
Scena Secunda.
O Nunkle, Court holy-water in a dry house, is better then this Rain-water out o' doore. Good Nunkle, in, aske thy Daughters blessing, heere's a night pitties neither Wisemen, nor Fooles.
Who's there?
Marry here's Grace, and a Codpiece, that's a Wiseman, and a Foole.
True Boy: Come bring vs to this Houell.
Scaena Tertia.
Alacke, alacke Edmund, I like not this vnnaturall dealing; when I desired their leaue that I might pity him, they tooke from me the vse of mine owne house, charg'd me on paine of perpetuall displeasure, neither to spea [...]e of him entreat for him, or any way sustaine him.
Most sauage and vnnaturall.
Go too; say you nothing. There is diuision betweene the Dukes, and a worsse matter then that: I haue receiued a Letter this night, 'tis dangerous to be spoken, I haue lock'd the Letter in my Closset, these iniuries the King now beares, will be reuenged home; ther is part of a Power already footed, we must incline to the King, I will looke him, and priuily relieue him; goe you and maintaine talke with the Duke, that my charity be not of him perceiued; If he aske for me, I am ill, and gone to bed, if I die for it, (as no lesse is threatned me) the King my old Master must be relieued. There is strange things toward Edmund, pray you be carefull.
Scena Quarta.
Let me alone.
Good my Lord enter heere.
Wilt breake my heart?
Good my Lord enter here.
Fathom, and halfe, Fathom and halfe; poore Tom.
Come not in heere Nuncle, here's a spirit, helpe me, helpe me.
Giue me thy hand, who's there?
A spirite, a spirite, he sayes his name's poore Tom.
What art thou that dost grumble there i' th' straw? Come forth.
Away, the foule Fiend followes me, through the sharpe Hauthorne blow the windes. Humh, goe to thy bed and warme thee.
Did'st thou giue all to thy Daughters? And art thou come to this?
Who giues any thing to poore Tom? Whom the foule fiend hath led though Fire, and through Flame, through Sword, and Whirle-Poole, o're Bog, and Quagmire, that hath laid Kniues vnder his Pillow, and Halters in his Pue, set Rats-bane by his Porredge, made him Proud of heart, to ride on a Bay trotting Horse, ouer foure incht Bridges, to course his owne shadow for a Traitor. Blisse thy fiue Wits, Toms a cold. O do, de, do, de, do de, blisse thee from Whirle-Windes, Starre-blasting, and taking, do poore Tom some charitie, whom the foule Fiend vexes. There could I haue him now, and there, and there againe, and there.
Nay, he reseru'd a Blanket, else we had bin all sham'd.
He hath no Daughters Sir.
Pillicock sat on Pillicock hill, alow: alow, loo, loo.
This cold night will turne vs all to Fooles, and Madmen.
Take heed o' th' foole Fiend, obey thy Parents, keepe thy words Iustice, sweare not, commit not, [Page 298] with mans sworne Spouse: set not thy Sweet-heart on proud array. Tom [...]s a cold.
What hast thou bin?
A Seruingman? Proud in heart, and minde; that curl'd my haire, wore Gloues in my cap; seru'd the Lust of my Mistris heart, and did the acte of darkenesse with her. Swore as many Oathes as I spake words, & broke them in the sweet face of Heauen. One, that slept in the contriuing of Lust, and wak'd to doe it. Wine lou'd I deerely, Dice deerely; and in Woman, out-Paramour'd the Turke. False of heart, light of eare, bloody of hand; Hog in sloth, Foxe in stealth, Wolfe in greedinesse, Dog in madnes, Lyon in prey. Let not the creaking of shooes, Nor the rustling of Silkes, betray thy poore heart to woman. Keepe thy foote out of Brothels, thy hand out of Plackets, thy pen from Lenders Bookes, and defye the foule Fiend. Still through the Hauthorne blowes the cold winde: Sayes suum, mun, nonny, Dolphin my Boy, Boy Sesey: let him trot by.
Thou wert better in a Graue, then to answere with thy vncouer'd body, this extremitie of the Skies. Is man no more then this? Consider him well. Thou ow'st the Worme no Silke; the Beast, no Hide; the Sheepe, no Wooll; the Cat, no perfume. Ha? Here's three on's are sophisticated. Thou art the thing it selfe; vnaccommodated man▪ is no more but such a poore, bare, forked Animall as thou art. Off, off you Lendings: Come, vnbutton heere.
Prythee Nunckle be contented, 'tis a naughtie night to swimme in. Now a little fire in a wilde Field, were like an old Letchers heart, a small spark, all the rest on's body, cold: Looke, heere comes a walking fire.
How fares your Grace?
What's he?
Who's there? What is't you seeke?
What are you there? Your Names?
What, hath your Grace no better company?
The Prince of Darkenesse is a Gentleman. Modo he's call'd, and Mahu.
Our flesh and blood, my Lord, is growne so vilde, that it doth hate what gets it.
Poore Tom's a cold.
How to preuent the Fiend, and to kill Vermine.
Let me aske you one word in priuate.
Tom's a cold.
In fellow there, into th' Houel; keep thee warm.
Come, let's in all.
This way, my Lord.
Take him you on.
Sirra, come on: go along with vs.
Come, good Athenian.
No words, no words, hush.
Scena Quinta.
I will haue my reuenge, ere I depart his house.
How my Lord, I may be censured, that Nature thus giues way to Loyaltie, something feares mee to thinke of.
I now perceiue, it was not altogether your Brothers euill disposition made him seeke his death: but a prouoking merit set a-worke by a reprouable badnesse in himselfe.
How malicious is my fortune, that I must repent to be iust? This is the Letter which hee spoake of; which approues him an intelligent partie to the aduantages of France. O Heauens! that this Treason were not; or not I the detector.
Go with me to the Dutchesse.
If the matter of this Paper be certain, you haue mighty businesse in hand.
True or false, it hath made thee Earle of Gloucester: seeke out where thy Father is, that hee may bee ready for our apprehension.
If I finde him comforting the King, it will stuffe his suspition more fully. I will perseuer in my course of Loyalty, though the conflict be sore betweene that, and my blood.
I will lay trust vpon thee: and thou shalt finde a deere Father in my loue.
Scena Sexta.
Heere is better then the open ayre▪ take it thankfully: I will peece out the comfort with what addition I can: I will not be long from you.
All the powre of his wits, haue giuen way to his impatience: the Gods reward your kindnesse.
Fraterretto cals me, and tells me Nero is an Angler in the Lake of Darknesse: pray Innocent, and beware the foule Fiend.
Prythee Nunkle tell me, whether a madman be a Gentleman, or a Yeoman.
A King, a King.
No, he's a Yeoman, that ha's a Gentleman to his Sonne: for hee's a mad Yeoman that sees his Sonne a Gentleman before him.
Blesse thy fiue wits.
Then let them Anatomize Regan: See what breeds about her heart. Is there any cause in Nature that make these hard-hearts. You sir, I entertaine for one of my hundred; only, I do not like the fashion of your garments. You will say they are Persian; but let them bee chang'd.
Now good my Lord, lye heere, and rest awhile.
Make no noise, make no noise, draw the Curtaines: so, so, wee'l go to Supper i' th' morning.
And Ile go to bed at noone.
Here Sir, but trouble him not, his wits are gon.
Scena Septima.
Poste speedily to my Lord your husband, shew him this Letter, the Army of France is landed: seeke out the Traitor Glouster.
Hang him instantly.
Plucke out his eyes.
Leaue him to my displeasure. Edmond, keepe you our Sister company: the reuenges wee are bound to take vppon your Traitorous Father, are not fit for your beholding. Aduice the Duke where you are going, to a most festiuate preparation: we are bound to the like. Our Postes shall be swift, and intelligent betwixt vs. Farewell deere Sister, farewell my Lord of Glouster.
How now? Where's the King?
Get horses for your Mistris.
Farewell sweet Lord, and Sister.
Ingratefull Fox, 'tis he.
Binde fast his corky armes.
Binde him I say.
Hard, hard: O filthy Traitor.
Vnmercifull Lady, as you are, I'me none.
So white, and such a Traitor?
Be simple answer'd, for we know the truth.
And what confederacie haue you with the Traitors, late footed in the Kingdome?
Cunning.
And false.
Where hast thou sent the King?
To Douer.
Wherefore to Douer? Let him answer that.
Wherefore to Douer?
One side will mocke another: Th' other too.
If you see vengeance.
How now, you dogge?
My Villaine?
Nay then come on, and take the chance of anger.
Giue me thy Sword. A pezant stand vp thus?
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
You cannot see your way.
How now? who's there?
'Tis poore mad Tom.
Fellow, where goest?
Is it a Beggar-man?
Madman, and beggar too.
Is that the naked Fellow?
I, my Lord.
Alacke sir, he is mad.
Sirrah, naked fellow.
Poore Tom's a cold. I cannot daub it further.
Come hither fellow.
Know'st thou the way to Douer?
Both style, and gate; Horseway, and foot-path: poore Tom hath bin scarr'd out of his good wits. Blesse thee good mans sonne, from the foule Fiend.
I Master.
Scena Secunda.
Yours in the rankes of death.
Madam, here come's my Lord.
I haue beene worth the whistle.
Oh vaine Foole.
Glousters eyes.
Come with my Lady hither.
He is not heere.
No my good Lord, I met him backe againe.
Knowes he the wickednesse?
Scena Tertia.
Scena Quarta.
But are my Brothers Powres set forth?
I Madam▪
Himselfe in person there?
Lord Edmund spake not with your Lord at home?
No Madam.
What night import my Sisters Letter to him?
I know not, Lady.
I must needs after him, Madam, with my Letter.
Madam, I had rather—
I, Madam?
Fare thee well.
Scena Quinta.
When shall I come to th' top of that same hill?
You do climbe vp it now. Look how we labor.
Me thinkes the ground is eeuen.
No truly.
Me thinkes y' are better spoken.
Set me where you stand.
Now fare ye well, good Sir.
With all my heart.
Away, and let me dye.
But haue I falne, or no?
Too well, too well.
A poore vnfortunate Beggar.
No, they cannot touch me for crying. I am the King himselfe.
O thou side-piercing sight!
Nature's aboue Art, in that respect. Ther's your Presse-money. That fellow handles his bow, like a Crow-keeper: draw mee a Cloathiers yard. Looke, looke, a Mouse: peace, peace, this peece of toasted Cheese will doo't. There's my Gauntlet, Ile proue it on a Gyant. Bring vp the browne Billes. O well flowne Bird: i' th' clout, i' th' clout: Hewgh. Giue the word.
Sweet Mariorum.
Passe.
I know that voice.
Ha! Gonerill with a white beard? They flatter'd me like a Dogge, and told mee I had the white hayres in my Beard, ere the blacke ones were there. To say I, and no, to euery thing that I said: I, and no too, was no good Diuinity. When the raine came to wet me once, and the winde to make me chatter: when the Thunder would not peace at my bidding, there I found 'em, there I smelt 'em out. Go too, they are not men o' their words; they told me, I was euery thing: 'Tis a Lye, I am not Agu-proofe.
O let me kisse that hand.
I remember thine eyes well enough: dost thou squiny at me? No, doe thy worst blinde Cupid, Ile not loue. Reade thou this challenge, marke but the penning of it.
Were all thy Letters Sunnes, I could not see.
Read.
What with the Case of eyes?
Oh ho, are you there with me? No eies in your head, nor no mony in your purse? Your eyes are in a heauy case, your purse in a light, yet you see how this world goes.
I see it feelingly.
What, art mad? A man may see how this world goes, with no eyes. Looke with thine eares: See how yond Iustice railes vpon yond simple theefe. Hearke in thine eare: Change places, and handy-dandy, which is the Iustice, which is the theefe: Thou hast seene a Farmers dogge barke at a Beggar?
I Sir.
And the Creature run from the Cur: there thou might'st behold the great image of Authoritie, a Dogg's obey'd in Office. Thou, Rascall Beadle, hold thy bloody hand: why dost thou lash that Whore? Strip thy owne backe, thou hotly lusts to vse her in that kind, for which thou whip'st her. The Vsurer hangs the Cozener. Thorough [Page 304] tatter'd cloathes great Vices do appeare: Robes, and Furr'd gownes hide all. Place sinnes with Gold, and the strong Lance of Iustice, hurtlesse breakes: Arme it in ragges, a Pigmies straw do's pierce it. None do's offend, none, I say none, Ile able 'em; take that of me my Friend, who haue the power to seale th' accusers lips. Get thee glasse-eyes, and like a scuruy Politician, seeme to see the things thou dost not. Now, now, now, now. Pull off my Bootes: harder, harder, so.
Alacke, alacke the day.
You shall haue any thing.
You are a Royall one, and we obey you.
Haile gentle Sir.
Sir, speed you: what's your will?
Do you heare ought (Sir) of a Battell toward.
I thanke you Sir, that's all.
I thanke you Sir.
Well pray you Father.
Now good sir, what are you?
Let go Slaue, or thou dy'st.
Good Gentleman goe your gate, and let poore volke passe: and 'chud ha' bin zwaggerd out of my life, 'twould not ha'bin zo long as 'tis, by a vortnight. Nay, come not neere th' old man: keepe out che vor'ye, or ice try whither your Costard, or my Ballow be the harder; chill be plaine with you.
Out Dunghill.
Chill picke your teeth Zir: come, no matter vor your foynes.
What, is he dead?
LEt our reciprocall vowes be remembred. You haue manie opportunities to cut him off: if your will want not, time and place will be fruitfully offer'd. There is nothing done. If hee returne the Conqueror, then am I the Prisoner, and his bed, my Gaole, from the loathed warmth whereof, deliuer me, and supply the place for your Labour.
Scaena Septima.
Madam sleepes still.
Kind and deere Princesse.
Madam do you, 'tis fittest.
Sir, do you know me?
You are a spirit I know, where did you dye?
Still, still, farre wide.
And so I am: I am.
No cause, no cause.
Am I in France?
In your owne kingdome Sir.
Do not abuse me.
Wilt please your Highnesse walke?
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
Our Sisters man is certainely miscarried.
'Tis to be doubted Madam.
In honour'd Loue.
No by mine honour, Madam.
Feare not, she and the Duke her husband.
Why is this reasond?
Sister you'le go with vs?
No.
'Tis most conuenient, pray go with vs.
Oh ho, I know the Riddle, I will goe.
Ile ouertake you, speake.
Stay till I haue read the Letter.
Why farethee well, I will o're-looke thy paper.
We will greet the time.
Scena Secunda.
Grace go with you Sir.
No further Sir, a man may rot euen heere.
And that's true too.
Scena Tertia.
Take them away.
Ile do't my Lord.
That were the most, if he should husband you.
Iesters do oft proue Prophets.
Meane you to enioy him?
The let alone lies not in your good will.
Nor in thine Lord.
Halfe-blooded fellow, yes.
Let the Drum strike, and proue my title thine.
An enterlude.
Sicke, O sicke.
If not, Ile nere trust medicine.
My sicknesse growes vpon me.
IF any man of qualitie or degree, within the lists of the Army, will maintaine vpon Edmund, supposed Earle of Gloster, that he is a manifold Traitor, let him appeare by the third sound of the Trumpet: he is bold in his defence.
Againe.
Againe.
Which is that Aduersary?
What's he that speakes for Edmund Earle of Gloster?
Himselfe, what saist thou to him?
Saue him, saue him.
Most monstrous! O, know'st thou this paper?
Aske me not what I know.
Go after her, she's desperate, gouerne her.
Worthy Prince I know't.
Helpe, helpe: O helpe.
What kinde of helpe?
Speake man.
What meanes this bloody Knife?
'Tis hot, it smoakes, it came euen from the heart of—O she's dead.
Who dead? Speake man.
Here comes Kent.
Alacke, why thus?
Euen so: couer their faces.
Run, run, O run.
Hast thee for thy life.
The Gods defend her, beare him hence awhile.
Is this the promis'd end?
Or image of that horror.
Fall and cease.
O my good Master.
Prythee away.
'Tis Noble Kent your Friend.
'Tis true (my Lords) he did.
This is a dull sight, are you not Kent?
No my good Lord, I am the very man.
Ile see that straight.
Your are welcome hither.
I so I thinke.
Very bootlesse.
Edmund is dead my Lord.
He faints, my Lord, my Lord.
Breake heart, I prythee breake.
Looke vp my Lord.
He is gon indeed.
THE TRAGEDIE OF Othello, the Moore of Venice.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
By heauen, I rather would haue bin his hangman.
I would not follow him then.
Heere is her Fathers house, Ile call aloud.
What hoa: Brabantio, Siginor Brabantio, hoa.
Signior is all your Familie within?
Are your Doores lock'd?
Why? Wherefore ask you this?
What, haue you lost your wits?
Most reuerend Signior, do you know my voice?
Not I: what are you?
My name is Rodorigo.
Sir, Sir, Sir.
Patience good Sir.
Sir: you are one of those that will not serue God, if the deuill bid you. Because we come to do you seruice, and you thinke we are Russians, you'le haue your Daughter couer'd with a Barbary horse, you'le haue your Nephewes neigh to you, you'le haue Coursers for Cozens: and Gennets for Germaines.
What prophane wretch art thou?
I am one Sir, that comes to tell you, your Daughter and the Moore, are making the Beast with two backs.
Thou art a Villaine.
You are a Senator.
This thou shalt answere. I know thee Rodorigo.
Truely I think [...] they are.
Yes Sir: I haue indeed.
Scena Secunda.
'Tis better as it is.
By Ianus, I thinke no.
What is the matter, thinke you?
Aunciant, what makes he heere?
I do not vnderstand.
He's married.
To who?
Marry to — Come Captaine, will you go?
Haue with you.
Here comes another Troope to seeke for you.
Holla, stand there.
Signior, it is the Moore.
Downe with him, Theefe.
You, Rodorigoc? Cme Sir, I am for you.
Keepe vp your bright Swords, for the dew will rust them. Good Signior, you shall more command with yeares, then with your Weapons.
Scaena Tertia.
And mine a Hundred fortie.
What hoa, what hoa, what hoa.
A Messenger from the Gallies.
Now? What's the businesse?
How say you by this change?
Nay, in all confidence he's not for Rhodes.
Here is more Newes.
I, so I thought: how many, as you guesse?
He's now in Florence.
Here comes Brabantio, and the Valiant Moore.
Why? What's the matter?
My Daughter: oh my Daughter!
Dead?
We are verie sorry for't.
What in your owne part, can you say to this?
Nothing, but this is so.
Fetch Desdemona hither.
Say it Othello.
The Turke with a most mighty Preparation makes for Cyprus: Othello, the Fortitude of the place is best knowne to you. And though we haue there a Substitute of most allowed sufficiencie; yet opinion, a more soueraigne Mistris of Effects, throwes a more safer voice on you: you must therefore be content to slubber the glosse of your new Fortunes, with this more stubborne, and boystrous expedition.
Why at her Fathers?
I will not haue it so.
Nor I.
What would you Desdemona?
You must away to night.
With all my heart.
Adieu braue Moore, vse Desdemona well.
Iago.
What saist thou Noble heart?
What will I do, think'st thou?
Why go to bed and sleepe.
I will incontinently drowne my selfe.
If thou do'st, I shall neuer loue thee after. Why thou silly Gentleman?
It is sillynesse to liue, when to liue is torment: and then haue we a prescription to dye, when death is our Physition.
Oh villanous: I haue look'd vpon the world for foure times seuen yeares, and since I could distinguish betwixt a Benefit, and an Iniurie: I neuer found man that knew how to loue himselfe. Ere I would say, I would drowne my selfe for the loue of a Gynney Hen, I would change my Humanity with a Baboone.
What should I do? I confesse it is my shame to be so fond, but it is not in my vertue to amend it.
Vertue? A figge, 'tis in our selues that we are thus, or thus. Our Bodies are our Gardens, to the which, our Wills are Gardiners. So that if we will plant Nettels, or sowe Lettice: Set Hisope, and weede vp Time▪ Supplie it with one gender of Hearbes, or distract it with many: either to haue it sterrill with idlenesse, or manured with Industry, why the power, and Corrigeable authoritie of this lies in our Wills. If the braine of our liues had not one Scale of Reason, to poize another of Sensualitie, the blood, and basenesse of our Natures would conduct vs to most prepostrous Conclusions. But we haue Reason to coole our raging Motions, our carnall Stings, or vnbitted Lusts: whereof I take this, that you call Loue, to be a Sect, or Seyen.
It cannot be.
It is meerly a Lust of the blood, and a permission of the will. Come, be a man: drowne thy selfe? Drown Cats, and blind Puppies. I haue profest me thy Friend, and I confesse me knit to thy deseruing, with Cables of perdurable toughnesse. I could neuer better steed thee then now. Put Money in thy purse: follow thou the Warres, defeate thy fauour, with an vsurp'd Beard. I say put Money in thy purse. It cannot be long that Desdemona should continue her loue to the Moore. Put Money in thy purse: nor he his to her. It was a violent Commencement in her, and thou shalt see an answerable Sequestration, put but Money in thy purse. These Moores are changeable in their wils: fill thy purse with Money. The Food that to him now is as lushious as Locusts, shalbe to him shortly, as bitter as Coloquintida. She must change for youth: when she is sated with his body she will find the errors of her choice. Therefore, put Money in thy purse. If thou wilt needs damne thy selfe, do it a more delicate way then drowning. Make all the Money thou canst: If Sanctimonie, and a fraile vow, betwixt an erring Barbarian, and super-subtle Venetian be not too hard for my wits, and all the Tribe of hell, thou shalt enioy her: therefore make Money: a pox of drowning thy selfe, it is cleane out of the way. Seeke thou rather to be hang'd in Compassing thy ioy, then to be drown'd, and go without her.
Wilt thou be fast to my hopes, if I depend on the issue?
Thou art sure of me: Go make Money: I haue told thee often, and I re-tell thee againe, and againe, I hate the Moore. My cause is hearted; thine hath no lesse reason. Let vs be coniunctiue in our reuenge, against him. If thou canst Cuckold him, thou dost thy selfe a pleasure, me a sport. There are many Euents in the Wombe of Time, which wilbe deliuered. Trauerse, go, prouide thy Money. We will haue more of this to morrow. Adieu.
Where shall we meete i' th' morning?
At my Lodging.
Ile be with thee betimes.
Go too, farewell. Do you heare Rodorigo?
Ile sell all my Land.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
What from the Cape, can you discerne at Sea?
How? Is this true?
Is he well ship'd?
A Saile, a Saile, a Saile.
What noise?
My hopes do shape him for the Gouernor.
I shall.
But good Lieutenant, is your Generall wiu'd?
'Tis one Iago, Auncient to the Generall.
What is she?
A Saile, a Saile.
Alas: she ha's no speech.
You haue little cause to say so.
Come on, come on: you are Pictures out of doore: Bells in your Parlours: Wilde-Cats in your Kitchens: Saints in your Iniuries: Diuels being offended: Players in your Huswiferie, and Huswiues in your Beds.
Oh, fie vpon thee, Slanderer.
You shall not write my praise.
No, let me not.
What would'st write of me, if thou should'st praise me?
I Madam.
Worse, and worse.
How if Faire, and Foolish?
These are old fond Paradoxes, to make Fooles laugh i' th' Alehouse. What miserable praise hast thou for her that's Foule, and Foolish.
Oh heauy ignorance: thou praisest the worst best. But what praise could'st thou bestow on a deseruing woman indeed? One, that in the authorithy of her merit, did iustly put on the vouch of very malice it selfe.
To do what?
To suckle Fooles, and chronicle small Beere.
Oh most lame and impotent conclusion. Do not learne of him Aemillia, though he be thy husband. How say you (Cassio) is he not a most prophane, and liberall Counsailor?
He speakes home (Madam) you may rellish him more in the Souldier, then in the Scholler.
He takes her by the palme: I, well said, whisper. With as little a web as this, will I ensnare as great a Fly as Cassio. I smile vpon her, do: I will giue thee in thine owne Courtship. You say true, 'tis so indeed. If such tricks as these strip you out of your Lieutenantrie, it had beene better you had not kiss'd your three fingers so oft, which now againe you are most apt to play the Sir, in. Very good: well kiss'd, and excellent Curtsie: 'tis so indeed. Yet againe, your fingers to your lippes? Would they were Cluster-pipes for your sake.
The Moore I know his Trumpet.
'Tis truely so.
Let's meete him, and recieue him.
Loe, where he comes.
O, my faire Warriour.
My deere Othello.
Oh you are well tun'd now: But Ile set downe the peggs that make this Musicke, as honest as I am.
Do thou meet me presently at the Harbour. Come thither, if thou be'st Valiant, (as they say base men being in Loue, haue then a Nobilitie in their Natures, more then is natiue to them) lift-me; the Lieutenant to night watches on the Court of Guard. First, I must tell thee this: Desdemona, is directly in loue with him.
With him? Why, 'tis not possible.
Lay thy finger thus: and let thy soule be instructed. Marke me with what violence she first lou'd the Moore, but for bragging, and telling her fantasticall lies. To loue him still for prating, let not thy discreet heart thinke it. Her eye must be fed. And what delight shall she haue to looke on the diuell? When the Blood is made dull with the Act of Sport, there should be a game to enflame it, and to giue Satiety a fresh appetite. Louelinesse in fauour, simpathy in yeares, Manners, and Beauties: all which the Moore is defectiue in. Now for want of these requir'd Conueniences, her delicate tendernesse wil finde it selfe abus'd, begin to heaue the, gorge, disrellish and abhorre the Moore, very Nature wil instruct her in it, and compell her to some second choice. Now Sir, this granted (as it is a most pregnant and vnforc'd position) who stands so eminent in the degree of this Forune, as Cassio do's: a knaue very voluble: no further conscionable, then in putting on the meere forme of Ciuill, and Humaine seeming, for the better compasse of his salt, and most hidden loose Affection? Why none, why none: A slipper, and subtle knaue, a finder of occasion: that he's an eye can stampe, and counterfeit Aduantages, though true Aduantage neuer present it selfe. A diuelish knaue: besides, the knaue is handsome, young: and hath all those requisites in him, that folly and greene mindes looke after. A pestilent compleat knaue, and the woman hath found him already.
I cannot beleeue that in her, she's full of most bless'd condition.
Bless'd figges-end. The Wine she drinkes is made of grapes. If shee had beene bless'd, shee would neuer haue lou'd the Moore: Bless'd pudding. Didst thou not see her paddle with the palme of his hand? Didst not marke that?
Yes, that I did: but that was but curtesie.
Leacherie by this hand: an Index, and obscure prologue to the History of Lust and foule Thoughts. They met so neere with their lippes, that their breathes embrac'd together. Villanous thoughts Rodorigo, when these mutabilities so marshall the way, hard at hand comes the Master, and maine exercise, th' incorporate conclusion: Pish. But Sir, be you rul'd by me. I haue brought you from Venice. Watch you to night: for the Command, Ile lay't vpon you. Cassio knowes you not: Ile not be farre from you. Do you finde some occasion to anger Cassio, either by speaking too loud, or tainting his discipline, or from what other course you please, which the time shall more fauorably minister.
Well.
Sir, he's rash, and very sodaine in Choller: and happely may strike at you, prouoke him that he may: for euen out of that will I cause these of Cyprus to Mutiny. Whose qualification shall come into no true taste againe, but by the displan [...]ng of Cassio. So shall you haue a shorter iourney to your desires, by the meanes I shall then haue to preferre them. And the impediment most profitably remoued, without the which there were no expectation of our prosperitie.
I will do this, if you can bring it to any opportunity.
I warrant thee. Meete me by and by at the Cittadell. I must fetch his Necessaries a Shore. Farewell.
Adieu.
Scena Secunda.
It is Othello's pleasure, our Noble and Valiant Generall. That vpon certaine tydings now arriu'd, importing the meere perdition of the Turkish Fleete: euery man put himselfe into Triumph. Some to daunce, some to make Bonfires, each man, to what Sport and Reuels his addition leads him. For besides these beneficiall Newes, it is the Celebration of his Nuptiall. So much was his pleasure should be proclaimed. All offices are open, & there is full libertie of Feasting from this [Page 319] present houre of fiue, till the Bell haue told eleuen. Blesse the Isle of Cyprus, and our Noble Generall Othello.
Welcome Iago: we must to the Watch.
Not this houre Lieutenant: 'tis not yet ten o' th' clocke. Our Generall cast vs thus earely for the loue of his Desdemona: Who, let vs not therefore blame; he hath not yet made wanton the night with her: and she is sport for Ioue.
She's a most exquisite Lady.
And Ile warrant her, full of Game.
Indeed shes a most fresh and delicate creature.
She is indeed perfection.
Well: happinesse to their Sheetes. Come Lieutenant, I haue a stope of Wine, and heere without are a brace of Cyprus Gallants, that would faine haue a measure to the health of blacke Othello.
Not to night, good Iago, I haue very poore, and vnhappie Braines for drinking. I could well wish Curtesie would inuent some other Custome of entertainment.
Oh, they are our Friends: but one Cup, Ile drinke for you.
I haue drunke but one Cup to night, and that was craftily qualified too: and behold what inouation it makes heere. I am infortunate in the infirmity, and dare not taske my weakenesse with any more.
What man? 'Tis a night of Reuels, the Gallants desire it.
Where are they?
Heere, at the doore: I pray you call them in.
Ile do't, but it dislikes me.
'Fore heauen, they haue giuen me a rowse already.
Good-faith a litle one: not past a pint, as I am a Souldier.
'Fore Heauen: an excellent Song.
I learn'd it in England: where indeed they are most potent in Potting. Your Dane, your Germaine, and your swag-belly'd Hollander, (drinke hoa) are nothing to your English.
Is your Englishmen so exquisite in his drinking?
Why, he drinkes you with facillitie, your Dane dead drunke. He sweates not to ouerthrow your Almaine. He giues your Hollander a vomit, ere the next Pottle can be fill'd.
To the health of our Generall.
I am for it Lieutenant: and Ile do you Iustice.
Why this is a more exquisite Song then the other.
Will you heare't againe?
No: for I hold him to be vnworthy of his Place, that do's those things. Well: heau'ns aboue all: and there be soules must be saued, and there be soules must not be saued.
It's true, good Lieutenant.
For mine owne part, no offence to the Generall, nor any man of qualitie: I hope to be saued.
And so do I too Lieutenant.
I: (but by your leaue) not before me. The Lieutenant is to be saued before the Ancient. Let's haue no more of this: let's to our Affaires. Forgiue vs our sinnes: Gentlemen let's looke to our businesse. Do not thinke Gentlemen, I am drunke: this is my Ancient, this is my right hand, and this is my left. I am not drunke now: I can stand well enough, and I speake well enough.
Excellent well.
Why very well then: you must not thinke then, that I am drunke.
To th' Platforme (Masters) come, let's set the Watch.
But is he often thus?
You Rogue: you Rascall.
What's the matter Lieutenant?
Beate me?
Dost thou prate, Rogue?
Come, come: you're drunke.
Drunke?
What is the matter heere?
I bleed still, I am hurt to th' death. He dies.
Hold for your liues.
How comes it (Michaell) you are thus forgot?
I pray you pardon me, I cannot speake.
What is the matter (Deere?)
What are you hurt Lieutenant?
I, past all Surgery.
Marry Heauen forbid.
Reputation, Reputation, Reputation: Oh I haue lost my Reputation. I haue lost the immortall part of myselfe, and what remaines is bestiall. My Reputation, Iago, my Reputation.
As I am an honest man I had thought you had receiued some bodily wound; there is more sence in that then in Reputation. Reputation is an idle, and most false imposition; oft got without merit, and lost without deseruing. You haue lost no Reputation at all, vnlesse you repute your selfe such a looser. What man, there are more wayes to recouer the Generall againe. You are but now cast in his moode, (a punishment more in policie, then in malice) euen so as one would beate his offencelesse dogge, ro affright an Imperious Lyon. Sue to him againe, and he's yours.
I will rather sue to be despis'd, then to deceiue so good a Commander, with so slight, so drunken, and so indiscreet an Officer. Drunke? And speake Parrat? And squabble? Swagger? Sweare? And discourse Fustian with ones owne shadow? Oh thou invisible spirit of Wine, if thou hast no name to be knowne by, let vs call thee Diuell.
What was he that you follow'd with your Sword? What had he done to you?
I know not.
Is't possible?
I remember a masse of things, but nothing distinctly: a Quarrell, but nothing wherefore. Oh, that men should put an Enemie in their mouthes, to steale away their Braines? that we should with ioy, pleasance, reuell and applause, transforme our selues into Beasts.
Why? But you are now well enough: how came you thus recouered?
It hath pleas'd the diuell drunkennesse, to giue place to the diuell wrath, one vnpe [...]fectnesse, shewes me another to make me frankly despise my selfe.
Come, you are too seuere [...] a Moraller. As the Time, the Place, & the Condition of this Country stands I could hartily wish this had not befalne: but since it is, as it is, mend it for your owne good.
I will aske him for my Place againe, he shall tell me, I am a drunkard: had I as many mouthes as Hydra, such an answer would stop them all. To be now a sensible man, by and by a Foole, an [...] presently a Beast. Oh strange! Euery inordinate cup is vnbless'd, and the Ingredient is a diuell.
Come, come: good wine, is a good famillar Creature, if it be well vs'd: exclaime no more against it. And good Lieutenant, I thinke, you thinke I loue you.
I haue well approued it, Sir. I drunke?
You, or any man liuing, may be drunke at a time man. I tell you what you shall do: Our General's Wife, is now the Generall. I may say so, in this respect, for that he hath deuoted, and giuen vp himselfe to the Contemplation, marke: and deuotement of her parts and Graces. Confesse your selfe freely to her: Importune her helpe to put you in your place againe. She is of so free, so kinde, so apt, so blessed a disposition, she holds it a vice in her goodnesse, not to do more then she is requested. This broken ioynt betweene you, and her husband, entreat her to splinter. And my Fortunes against any lay worth naming, this cracke of your Loue, shall grow stronger, then it was before.
You aduise me well.
I protest in the sinceritie of Loue, and honest kindnesse.
I thinke it freely: and betimes in the morning, I will beseech the vertuous Desdemona to vndertake for me: I am desperate of my Fortunes if they check me.
You are in the right: good night Lieutenant, I must to the Watch.
Good night, honest Iago.
I do follow heere in the Chace, not like a Hound that hunts, but one that filles vp the Crie. My Money is almost spent; I haue bin to night exceedingly well Cudgell'd: And I thinke the issue [Page 322] will bee, I shall haue so much experience for my paines; And so, with no money at all, and a little more Wit, returne againe to Venice.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Why Masters, haue your Instruments bin in Naples, that they speake i' th' Nose thus?
How Sir? how?
Are these I pray you, winde Instruments?
I marry are they sir.
Oh, thereby hangs a tale.
Whereby hangs a tale, sir?
Marry sir, by many a winde Instrument that I know. But Masters, heere's money for you: and the Generall so likes your Musick, that he desires you for loues sake to make no more noise with it.
Well Sir, we will not.
If you haue any Musicke that may not be heard, too't againe. But (as they say) to heare Musicke, the Generall do's not greatly care.
We haue none such, sir.
Then put vp your Pipes in your bagge, for Ile away. Go, vanish into ayre, away.
Dost thou heare me, mine honest Friend?
Prythee keepe vp thy Quillets, ther's a poore peece of Gold for thee: if the Gentlewoman that attends the Generall be stirring, tell her, there's one Cassio entreats her a little fauour of Speech. Wilt thou do this?
She is stirring sir: if she will stirre hither, I shall seeme to notifie vnto her.
In happy time, Iago.
You haue not bin a-bed then?
I am much bound to you.
Scoena Secunda.
Well, my good Lord, Ile doo't.
This Fortification (Gentlemen) shall we see't?
Well waite vpon your Lordship.
Scoena Tertia.
Madam, heere comes my Lord.
Madam, Ile take my leaue.
Why stay, and heare me speake.
Well, do your discretion.
Hah? I like not that,
What dost thou say?
Nothing my Lord; or if—I know not what.
Was not that Cassio parted from my wife?
I do beleeue 'twas he.
Who is't you meane?
Went he hence now?
Not now (sweet Desdemon) some other time.
But shall't be shortly?
The sooner (Sweet) for you.
Shall't be to night, at Supper?
No, not to night.
To morrow Dinner then?
Shall I deny you? No: farewell my Lord.
Farewell my Desdemona, Ile come to thee strait.
My Noble Lord.
What dost thou say, Iago?
Why of thy thought, Iago?
I did not thinke he had bin acquainted with hir.
O yes, and went betweene vs very oft.
Indeed?
Honest, my Lord?
Honest? I, Honest.
My Lord, for ought I know.
What do'st thou thinke?
Thinke, my Lord?
My Lord, you know I loue you.
I thinke so too.
Certaine, men should be what they seeme.
Why then I thinke Cassio's an honest man.
What dost thou meane?
Ile know thy Thoughts.
Ha?
O miserie.
Dost thou say so?
And so she did.
I am bound to thee for euer.
I see this hath a little dash'd your Spirits:
Not a iot, not a iot.
I will not.
And yet how Nature erring from it selfe.
My Lord, I take my leaue.
Feare not my gouernment.
I once more take my leaue.
I am too blame.
I haue a paine vpon my Forehead, heere.
I am very sorry that you are not well.
How now? What do you heere alone?
Do not you chide: I haue a thing for you.
Hah?
To haue a foolish wife.
What Handkerchiefe?
Hast stolne it from her?
A good wench, giue it me.
What will you do with't, that you haue bene so earnest to haue me filch it?
Why, what is that to you?
Ha, Ha, false to mee?
Why how now Generall? No more of that.
How now, my Lord?
I am sorry to heare this?
Is't possible my Lord?
Is't come to this?
My Noble Lord.
Nay stay: thou should'st be honest.
Would? Nay, and I will.
Death, and damnation. Oh!
Giue me a liuing reason she's disloyall.
O monstrous! monstrous!
Nay, this was but his Dreame.
Ile teare her all to peeces.
I gaue her such a one: 'twas my first gift.
If it be that.
Yet be content.
Oh blood, blood, blood.
Patience I say: your minde may change.
I am your owne for euer.
Scaena Quarta.
Do you know Sirrah, where Lieutenant Cassio lyes?
I dare not say he lies any where.
Why man?
He's a Soldier, and for me to say a Souldier lyes, 'tis stabbing.
Go too: where lodges he?
To tell you where he lodges, is to tel you where I lye.
Can any thing be made of this?
I know not where he lodges, and for mee to deuise a lodging, and say he lies heere, or he lies there, were to lye in mine owne throat.
Can you enquire him out? and be edified by report?
I will Catechize the world for him, that is, make Questions, and by them answer.
Seeke him, bidde him come hither: tell him, I haue moou'd my Lord on his behalfe, and hope all will be well.
To do this, is within the compasse of mans Wit, and therefore I will attempt the doing it.
Where should I loose the Handkerchiefe, Aemilia?
I know not Madam.
Is he not iealious?
Looke where he comes.
Well, my good Lord.
It hath felt no age, nor knowne no sorrow.
What promise, Chucke?
I haue sent to bid Cassio come speake with you.
Heere my Lord.
That which I gaue you.
I haue it not about me.
Not?
No indeed, my Lord.
Is't possible?
Indeed? Is't true?
Most veritable, therefore looke too't well.
Then would to Heauen, that I had neuer seene't?
Ha? wherefore?
Why do you speake so startingly and rash?
Is't lost? Is't gon? Speak, is't out o' th' way?
Blesse vs.
Say you?
It is not lost: but what and if it were?
How?
I say it is not lost.
Fetcht, let me see't.
Come, come: you'l neuer meete a more sufficient man.
The Handkerchiefe.
The Handkerchiefe.
Insooth, you are too blame.
Away.
Is not this man iealious?
How now (good Cassio) what's the newes with you?
Is my Lord angry?
Alas the day, I neuer gaue him cause.
Heauen keepe the Monster from Othello's mind.
Lady, Amen.
I humbly thanke your Ladyship.
'Saue you (Friend Cassio.)
Why, who's is it?
Leaue you? Wherefore?
Why, I ptay you?
Not that I loue you not.
'Tis very good: I must be circumstanc'd.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
Will you thinke so?
Thinke so, Iago?
What, to kisse in priuate?
An vnauthoriz'd kisse?
What then?
I: what of that?
That's not so good now.
Hath he said any thing?
What hath he said?
Why, that he did: I know not what he did.
What? What?
Lye.
With her?
With her? On her: what you will.
Lye with her? lye on her? We say lye on her, when they be-lye-her. Lye with her: that's fullsome: Handkerchiefe: Confessions: Handkerchiefe. To confesse, and be hang'd for his labour. First, to be hang'd, and then to confesse: I tremble at it. Nature would not inuest her selfe in such shadowing passion, without some Instruction. It is not words that shakes me thus, (pish) Noses, Eares, and Lippes: is't possible. Confesse? Handkerchiefe? O diuell.
What's the matter?
Rub him about the Temples.
Dost thou mocke me?
A Horned man's a Monster, and a Beast.
Did he confesse it?
Oh, thou art wise: 'tis certaine.
Alas poore Caitiffe.
Looke how he laughes already.
I neuer knew woman loue man so.
Alas poore Rogue, I thinke indeed she loues me.
Now he denies it faintly: and laughes it out.
Do you heare Cassio?
Ha, ha, ha.
Do ye triumph, Romaine? do you triumph?
So, so, so, so: they laugh, that winnes.
Why the cry goes, that you marry her.
Prythee say true.
I am a very Villaine else.
Haue you scoar'd me? Well.
Iago becomes me: now he begins the story.
She was heere euen now: she haunts me in euery place. I was the other day talking on the Sea-banke with certaine Venetians, and thither comes the Bauble, and falls me thus about my neck.
Crying oh deere Cassio, as it were: his iesture imports it.
Now he tells how she pluckt him to my Chamber: oh, I see that nose of yours, but not that dogge, I shall throw it to.
Well, I must leaue her companie.
Before me: looke where she comes.
Let the diuell, and his dam haunt you: what did you meane by that same Handkerchiefe, you gaue me euen now? I was a fine Foole to take it: I must take out the worke? A likely piece of worke, that you should finde it in your Chamber, and know not who left it there. This is some Minxes token, & I must take out the work [...]? There, giue it your Hobbey-horse, wheresoeuer you had it, Ile take out no worke on't.
By Heauen, that should be my Handkerchiefe.
If you'le come to supper to night you may, if you will not, come when you are next prepar'd for.
After her: after her.
I must, shee'l rayle in the streets else.
Will you sup there?
Yes, I intend so.
Well, I may chance to see you: for I would very fame speake with you.
Prythee come: will you?
Go too: say no more.
How shall I murther him, Iago.
Did you perceiue how he laugh'd at his vice?
Oh, Iago.
And did you see the Handkerchiefe?
Was that mine?
Yours by this hand: and to see how he prizes the foolish woman your wife: she gaue it him, and he hath giu'n it his whore.
Nay, you must forget that.
I, let her [...]ot and perish, and be damn'd to night, for she shall not liue. No, my heart is turn'd to stone: I strike it, and it hurts my hand. Oh, the world hath not a sweeter Creature: she might lye by an Emperours side, and command him Taskes.
Nay, that's not your way.
Hang her, I do but say what she is: so delicate with her Needle: an admirable Musitian. Oh she will sing the Sauagenesse out of a Beare: of so high and plenteous wit, and inuention?
She's the worse for all this.
I too gentle.
If you are so fond ouer her iniquitie: giue her pattent to offend, for if it touch not you, it comes neere no body.
I will chop her into Messes: Cuckold me?
Oh, 'tis foule in her.
With mine Officer?
That's fouler.
Get me some poyson, Iago, this night. Ile not expostulate with her: least her body and beautie vnprouide my mind againe: this night Iago.
Excellent good: What Trumpet is that same?
Saue you worthy Generall.
With all my heart Sir.
The Duke, and the Senators of Venice greet you.
I kisse the Instrument of their pleasures.
And what's the newes, good cozen Lodouico?
I thanke you: how do's Lieutenant Cassio?
Liues Sir,
Are you sure of that?
My Lord?
This faile you not to do, as you will —
Fire, and brimestone.
My Lord.
Are you wise?
What is he angrie?
Trust me, I am glad on't.
Indeed?
My Lord?
I am glad to see you mad.
Why, sweete Othello?
Diuell.
I haue not deseru'd this.
I will not stay to offend you.
Mistris.
My Lord.
What would you with her, Sir?
Who I, my Lord?
He is much chang'd.
Are his wits safe? Is he not light of Braine?
What? Strike his wife?
I am sorry that I am deceiu'd in him.
Scena Secunda.
You haue seene nothing then?
Nor euer heard: nor euer did suspect.
Yes; you haue seene Cassio, and she together.
What? Did they neuer whisper?
Neuer my Lord.
Nor send you out o' th' way?
Neuer.
To fetch her Fan, her Gloues, her Mask, nor nothing?
Neuer my Lord.
That's strange.
My Lord, what is your will?
Pray you Chucke come hither.
What is your pleasure?
Let me see your eyes: looke in my face.
What horrible Fancie's this?
Why? What art thou?
Your wife my Lord: your true and loyall wife.
Come sweare it: damne thy selfe, least being like one of Heauen, the diuells themselues should feare to ceaze thee. Therefore be double damn'd: sweare thou art honest.
Heauen doth truely know it.
Heauen truely knowes, that thou art false as hell.
Ah Desdemon, away, away, away.
I hope my Noble Lord esteemes me honest.
Alas, what ignorant sin haue I committed?
By Heauen you do me wrong.
Are not you a Strumpet?
What, not a Whore?
No, as I shall be sau'd.
Is't possible?
Oh Heauen forgiue vs.
Faith, halfe a sleepe.
With who?
Why, with my Lord, Madam?
Who is thy Lord?
He that is yours, sweet Lady.
Heere's a change indeed.
What is the matter Lady?
Am I that name, Iago?
What name (faire Lady?)
Such as she said my Lord did say I was.
Why did he so?
I do not know: I am sure I am none such.
Do not weepe, do not weepe: alas the day.
It is my wretched Fortune.
Nay, Heauen doth know.
Fie, there is no such man: it is impossible.
If any such there be, Heauen pardon him.
Speake within doore.
You are a Foole: go too.
If 'twere no other.
What in the contrarie?
Euery day thou dafts me with some deuise Iago, and rather, as it seemes to me now, keep'st from me all conueniencie, then suppliest me with the least aduantage of hope: I will indeed no longer endure it. Nor am I yet perswaded to put vp in peace, what already I haue foolishly suffred.
Will you heare me Rodorigo?
I haue heard too much: and your words and Performances are no kin together.
You charge me most vniustly.
With naught but truth: I haue wasted my selfe out of my meanes. The Iewels you haue had from me to deliuer Desdemona, would halfe haue corrupted a Votarist. You haue told me she hath receiu'd them, and return'd me expectations and comforts of sodaine respect, and acquaintance, but I finde none.
Well, go too: very well.
Very well▪ go too: I cannot go too, (man) nor tis not very well. Nay I think it is scuruy: and begin to finde my selfe fopt in it.
Very well.
I tell you, 'tis not very well: I will make my selfe knowne to Desdemona. If she will returne me my Iewels, I will giue ouer my Suit, and repent my vnlawfull solicitation. If not, assure your selfe, I will seeke satisfaction of you.
You haue said now.
I: and said nothing but what I protest intendment of doing.
Why, now I see there's mettle in thee: and euen from this instant do build on thee a better opinion then euer before: giue me thy [...]and Rodorigo. Thou hast taken against me a most iust exception: but yet I protest I haue dealt most directly in thy Affaire.
It hath not appeer'd.
I grant indeed it hath not appeer'd: and your suspition is not without wit and iudgement. But Rodorigo, if thou hast that in thee indeed, which I haue greater reason to▪ beleeue now then euer (I meane purpose, Courage, and Valour) this night shew it. If thou the next night following enioy not Desdemona, take me from this world with Treacherie, and deuise Engines for my life.
Well: what is it? Is it within, reason and compasse?
Sir, there is especiall Commission come from Venice to depute Cassio in Othello's place.
Is that true? Why then Othello and Desdemona returne againe to Venice.
Oh no: he goes into Mauritania and taketh away with him the faire Desdemona, vnlesse his abode be lingred heere by some accident. Wherein none can be so determinate, as the remouing of Cassio.
How do you meane remouing him?
Why, by making him vncapable of Othello's place: knocking out his braines.
And that you would haue me to do.
I: if you dare do your selfe a profit, and a right. He sups to night with a Harlotry: and thither will I go to him. He knowes not yet of his Honourable Fortune, if you will watch his going thence (which I will fashion to fall out betweene twelue and one) you may take him at your pleasure. I will be neere to second your Attempt, and he shall fall betweene vs. Come, stand not amaz'd at it, but go along with me: I will shew you such a necessitie in his death, that you shall thinke your selfe bound to put it on him. It is now high supper time: and the night growes to wast. About it.
I will heare further reason for this.
And you shalbe satisfi'd.
Scena Tertia.
I do beseech you Sir, trouble your selfe no further.
Oh pardon me: 'twill do me good to walke.
Madam, good night: I humbly thanke your Ladyship.
Your Honour is most welcome.
Will you walke Sir? Oh Desdemona.
My Lord.
Get you to bed on th' instant, I will be return'd forth with: dismisse your Attendant there: look't be done.
I will my Lord.
How goes it now? He lookes gentler then he did.
Dismisse me?
I, would you had neuer seene him.
I haue laid those Sheetes you bad me on the bed.
Come, come: you talke.
Shall I go fetch your Night-gowne?
A very handsome man.
He speakes well.
I know a Lady in Venice would haue walk'd barefoot to Palestine for a touch of his nether lip.
It's the wind.
'Tis neyther heere, nor there.
There be some such, no question.
Would'st thou do such a deed for all the world?
Why, would not you?
No, by this Heauenly light.
Would'st thou do such a deed for al the world?
Introth, I thinke thou would'st not.
Introth I thinke I should, and vndoo't when I had done. Marry, I would not doe such a thing for a ioynt Ring, nor for measures of Lawne, nor for Gownes, Petticoats, nor Caps, nor any petty exhibition. But for all the whole world: why, who would not make her husband a Cuckold, to make him a Monarch? I should venture Purgatory for't.
Why, the wrong is but a wrong i' th' world; and hauing the world for your labour, 'tis a wrong in your owne world, and you might quickly make it right.
I do not thinke there is any such woman.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
Be neere at hand, I may miscarry in't.
Heere, at thy hand: Be bold, & take thy stand.
I know his gate, 'tis he: Villaine thou dyest.
Oh, I am slaine.
The voyce of Cassio▪ Iago keepes his word.
O Villaine that I am.
It is euen so.
Oh helpe hoa: Light, a Surgeon.
'Tis some mischance, the voyce is very direfull.
Oh helpe.
Hearke.
Oh wretched Villaine.
Nobody come: then shall I bleed to death.
Hearke.
Here's one comes in his shirt, with Light, and Weapons.
We do not know.
Do not you heare a cry?
Heere, heere: for heauen sake helpe me.
What's the matter?
This is Othello's Ancient, as I take it.
The same indeede, a very valiant Fellow.
What are you heere, that cry so greeuously?
O helpe me there.
That's one of them.
Oh murd'rous Slaue! O Villaine!
O damn'd Iago! O inhumane Dogge▪
As you shall proue vs, praise vs.
Signior Lodouico?
He Sir.
I cry you mercy: here's Cassio hurt by Villaines.
Cassio?
How is't Brother?
My Legge is cut in two.
What is the matter hoa? Who is't that cry'd?
Who is't that cry'd?
No.
Alas he faints. Oh Cassio, Cassio, Cassio.
What, of Venice?
Euen he Sir: Did you know him?
Know him? I.
I am glad to see you.
How do you Cassio? Oh▪ a Chaire, a Chaire.
Rodorigo?
None in the world: nor do I know the man?
Alas good Gentleman: alas good Cassio.
He supt at my house, but I therefore shake not.
O did he so? I charge you go with me.
Oh fie vpon thee Strumpet.
As I? Fie vpon thee.
Scoena Secunda.
Who's there? Othello?
I Desdemona.
Will you come to bed, my Lord?
Haue you pray'd to night, Desdemon?
I my Lord.
Talke you of killing?
I, I do.
Then Heauen haue mercy on mee.
Amen, with all my heart.
If you say, I hope you will not kill me.
Humh.
Thinke on thy sinnes.
They are Loue [...] I beare to you.
I, and for that thou dy'st.
Peace, and be still.
I will so: What's the matter?
I, but not yet to dye.
O Heauen haue mercy on me.
I say, Amen.
He hath confest.
What, my Lord?
That he hath vs'd thee.
How? vnlawfully?
I.
He will not say so.
Oh, my feare interprets. What is he dead?
Alas, he is betray'd, and I vndone.
Out Strumpet: weep'st thou for him to my face?
O banish me, my Lord, but kill me not.
Downe Strumpet.
Kill me to morrow, let me liue to night.
Nay, if you striue.
But halfe an houre.
Being done, there is no pawse.
But while I say one prayer.
It is too late.
What hoa? my Lord, my Lord?
Who's there?
Oh good my Lord, I would speake a word with you.
Oh my good Lord, yonders foule Murthers done.
What? now?
But now, my Lord.
Rodorigo kill'd? and Cassio kill'd?
No▪ Cassio is not kill'd.
O falsely, falsely murder'd.
Alas! what cry is that?
That? What?
A guiltlesse death, I dye.
Oh who hath done this deed?
Why, how should she be murdred?
Alas: who knowes?
You heare her say her selfe, it was not I.
She said so: I must needs report the truth.
Oh the more Angell she, and you the blacker Diuell.
She turn'd to folly: and she was a whore.
Thou do'st bely her, and thou art a diuell.
She wa [...] false as water.
My Husband?
Thy Husband.
That she was false to Wedlocke?
My Husband?
My Husband?
Hah?
Peace, you were best.
What is the matter? How now Generall?
What is the matter?
I did.
Oh Heauens, foresend.
And your reports haue set the Murder on.
'Tis a strange Truth.
O monstrous Acte.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh Heauen! oh heauenly Powres!
Come, hold your peace.
Be wise, and get you home.
I will not.
Fye, your Sword vpon a Woman.
Villanous Whore.
Filth, thou lyest.
I, I: oh lay me by my Mistris side.
Hee's gone, but his wife's kill'd.
What is the matter?
Where is this rash, and most vnfortunate man?
That's he that was Othello: heere I am.
Wrench his Sword from him.
I bleed Sir, but not kill'd.
I.
Deere Generall, I neuer gaue you cause.
What? not to pray?
Torments will ope your lips.
Well, thou dost best.
O Villaine!
Most Heathenish, and most grosse.
O Foole, foole, foole!
Oh bloody period.
All that is spoke, is marr'd.
The Names of the Actors.
- OThello, the Moore.
- Brabantio, Father to Desdemona.
- Cassio, an Honourable Lieutenant.
- Iago, a Villaine.
- Rodorigo, a gull'd Gentleman.
- Duke of Venice.
- Senators.
- Montano, Gouernour of Cyprus.
- Gentlemen of Cyprus.
- Lodouico and Gratiano, two Noble Venetians.
- Saylors.
- Clowne.
- Desdemona, Wife to Othello.
- Aemilia, Wife to Iago.
- Bianca, a Curtezan.
THE TRAGEDIE OF Anthonie, and Cleopatra.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
If it be Loue indeed, tell me how much.
There's beggery in the loue that can be reckon'd
Ile set a bourne how farre to be belou'd.
Then must thou needes finde our new Heauen, new Earth.
Newes (my good Lord) from Rome.
Grates me, the summe.
How, my Loue?
Heare the Ambassadors.
Is Caesar with Anthonius priz'd so slight?
I am full sorry, that hee approues the common Lyar, who thus speakes of him at Rome; but I will hope of better deeds to morrow. Rest you happy.
L. Alexas, sweet Alexas, most any thing Alexas, almost most absolute Alexas, where's the Soothsayer that you prais'd so to' th' Queene? Oh that I knewe this Husband, which you say, must change his Hornes with Garlands.
Soothsayer.
Your will?
Is this the Man? Is't you sir that know things?
In Natures infinite booke of Secrecie, a little I can read.
Shew him your hand.
Good sir, giue me good Fortune.
I make not, but foresee.
Pray then, foresee me one.
You shall be yet farre fairer then you are.
He meanes in flesh.
No, you shall paint when you are old.
Wrinkles forbid.
Vex not his prescience, be attentiue.
Hush.
You shall be more belouing, then beloued.
I had rather heate my Liuer with drinking.
Nay, heare him.
Good now some excellent Fortune: Let mee be married to three Kings in a forenoone, and Widdow them all: Let me haue a Childe at fifty, to whom Herode of Iewry may do Homage. Finde me to marrie me with Octauius Caesar, and companion me with my Mistris.
You shall out-liue the Lady whom you serue.
Oh excellent, I loue long life better then Figs.
You haue seene and proued a fairer former fortune, then that which is to approach.
If euery of your wishes had a wombe, & foretell euery wish, a Million.
Out Foole, I forgiue thee for a Witch.
You thinke none but your sheets are priuie to your wishes.
Nay come, tell Iras hers.
Wee'l know all our Fortunes.
Mine, and most of our Fortunes to night, shall be drunke to bed.
There's a Palme presages Chastity, if nothing els.
E'ne as the o're-flowing Nylus presageth Famine.
Go you wilde Bedfellow, you cannot Soothsay.
Nay, if an oyly Palme bee not a fruitfull Prognostication, I cannot scratch mine eare. Prythee tel her but a worky day Fortune.
Your Fortunes are alike.
But how, but how, giue me particulars.
I haue said.
Am I not an inch of Fortune better then she?
Well, if you were but an inch of fortune better then I: where would you choose it.
Not in my Husbands nose.
Our worser thoughts Heauens mend.
Come, his Fortune, his Fortune. Oh let him mary a woman that cannot go, sweet Isis, I beseech thee, and let her dye too, and giue him a worse, and let worse follow worse, till the worst of all follow him laughing to his graue, fifty-fold a Cuckold. Good Isis heare me this Prayer, though thou denie me a matter of more waight: good Isis I beseech thee.
Amen, deere Goddesse, heare that prayer of the people. For, as it is a heart-breaking to see a handsome man loose-Wiu'd, so it is a deadly sorrow, to beholde a foule Knaue vncuckolded: Therefore deere Isis keep decorum, and Fortune him accordingly.
Amen.
Lo now, if it lay in their hands to make mee a Cuckold, they would make themselues Whores, but they'ld doo't.
Hush, heere comes Anthony.
Not he, the Queene.
Saue you, my Lord.
No Lady.
Was he not heere?
No Madam.
Madam.
Seeke him, and bring him hither: wher's Alexias?
Against my Brother Lucius?
Well, what worst.
The Nature of bad newes infects the Teller.
Anthony thou would'st say.
Oh my Lord.
At your Noble pleasure.
From Scicion how the newes? Speake there.
He stayes vpon your will.
Fuluia thy wife is dead.
Where dyed she.
What's your pleasure, Sir?
I must with haste from hence.
Why then we kill all our Women. We see how mortall an vnkindnesse is to them, if they suffer our departure death's the word.
I must be gone.
Vnder a compelling an occasion, let women die. It were pitty to cast them away for nothing, though betweene them and a great cause, they should be esteemed nothing. Cleopatra catching but the least noyse of this, [...] instantly: I haue seene her dye twenty times vppon fa [...] [...]orer moment: I do think there is mettle in death, which [...]mits some louing acte vpon her, she hath such a celerity in dying.
She is cunning past mans thought.
Alacke Sir no, her passions are made of nothing but the finest part of pure Loue. We cannot cal her winds and waters, sighes and teares: They are greater stormes and Tempests then Almanackes can report. This cannot be cunning in her; if it be, she makes a showre of Raine as well as Ioue.
Would I had neuer seene her.
Oh sir, you had then left vnseene a wonderfull peece of worke, which not to haue beene blest withall, would haue discredited your Trauaile.
Fuluia is dead.
Sir.
Fuluia is dead.
Fuluia?
Dead.
Why sir, giue the Gods a thankefull Sacrifice: when it pleaseth their Deities to take the wife of a man from him, it shewes to man the Tailors of the earth: comforting therein, that when olde Robes are worne out, there are members to make new. If there were no more Women but Fuluia, then had you indeede a cut, and the case to be lamented: This greefe is crown'd with Consolation, your old Smocke brings foorth a new Petticoate, and indeed the teares liue in an Onion, that should water this sorrow.
And the businesse you haue broach'd heere cannot be without you, especially that of Cleopatra's, which wholly depends on your abode.
I shall doo't.
Where is he?
I did not see him since.
What should I do, I do not?
In each thing giue him way, crosse him in nothing.
Thou teachest like a foole: the way to lose him.
I am sicke, and sullen.
I am sorry to giue breathing to my purpose.
Now my deerest Queene.
Pray you stand farther from mee.
What's the matter?
The Gods best know.
Cleopatra.
Most sweet Queene.
How now Lady?
You'l heat my blood no more?
You can do better yet: but this is meetly.
Now by Sword.
Ile leaue you Lady.
Heere's more newes.
'Tis pitty of him.
Doubt not sir, I knew it for my Bond.
Charmian.
Madam.
Ha, ha, giue me to drinke Mandragora.
Why Madam?
You thinke of him too much.
O 'tis Treason.
Madam, I trust not so.
Thou, Eunuch Mardian?
What's your Highnesse pleasure?
Yes gracious Madam.
Indeed?
Soueraigne of Egypt, haile.
Mine eare must plucke it thence.
What was he sad, or merry?
Who's borne that day, when I forget to send to Anthonie, shall dye a Begger. Inke and paper Charmian. Welcome my good Alexas. Did I Charmian, euer loue Caesar so?
Oh that braue Caesar!
The valiant Caesar.
Know worthy Pompey, that what they do delay, they not deny.
Whiles we are sutors to their Throne, decayes the thing we sue for.
Where haue you this? 'Tis false.
From Siluius, Sir.
'Tis not a time for priuate stomacking.
Euery time serues for the matter that is then borne in't.
But small to greater matters must giue way.
Not if the small come first.
And yonder Caesar.
I do not know Mecenas, aske Agrippa.
Welcome to Rome.
Thanke you.
Sit.
Sit sir.
Nay then.
My being in Egypt Caesar, what was't to you?
How intend you, practis'd?
You praise your selfe, by laying defects of iudgement to me: but you patcht vp your excuses.
Would we had all such wiues, that the men might go to Warres with the women.
You haue broken the Article of your oath, which you shall neuer haue tongue to charge me with.
Soft Caesar.
To lend me Armes, and aide when I requir'd them, the which you both denied.
'Tis Noble spoken.
Worthily spoken Mecenas.
Or if you borrow one anothers Loue for the instant, you may when you heare no more words of Pompey returne it againe: you shall haue time to wrangle in, when you haue nothing else to do.
Thou art a Souldier, onely speake no more.
That trueth should be silent, I had almost forgot.
You wrong this presence, therefore speake no more.
Go too then: your Considerate stone.
Giue me leaue Caesar.
Speake Agrippa.
Say not, say Agrippa; if Cleopater heard you, your proofe were well deserued of rashnesse.
I am not marryed Caesar: let me heere Agrippa further speake.
Will Caesar speake?
Happily, Amen.
Where lies he?
About the Mount-Mesena.
What is his strength by land?
Let vs Lepidus not lacke your companie.
Noble Anthony, not sickenesse should detaine me.
Welcome from Aegypt Sir.
Halfe the heart of Caesar, worthy Mecenas. My honourable Friend Agrippa.
Good Enobarbus.
We haue cause to be glad, that matters are so well disgested: you staid will by't in Egypt.
I Sir, we did sleepe day out of countenaunce: and made the night light with drinking.
Eight Wilde-Boares rosted whole at a breakfast: and but twelue persons there. Is this true?
This was but as a Flye by an Eagle: we had much more monstrous matter of Feast, which worthily deserued noting.
She's a most triumphant Lady, if report be square to her.
When she first met Marke Anthony, she purst vp his heart vpon the Riuer of Sidnis.
There she appear'd indeed: or my reporter deuis'd well for her.
Oh rare for Anthony.
Rare Egiptian.
Now Anthony, must leaue her vtterly.
Let vs go. Good Enobarbus, make your selfe my guest, whilst you abide heere.
Humbly Sir I thanke you.
All which time, before the Gods my knee shall bowe my ptayers to them for you.
Goodnight.
Now sirrah: you do wish your selfe in Egypt?
Would I had neuer come from thence, nor you thither.
If you can, your reason?
Say to me, whose Fortunes shall rise higher Caesars or mine?
Speake this no more.
Trouble your selues no further: pray you hasten your Generals after.
Sir▪ Marke Anthony, will e'ne but kisse Octauia, and weele follow.
We shall: as I conceiue the iourney, be at Mount before you Lepidus.
Your way is shorter, my purposes do draw me much about, you'le win two dayes vpon me.
Sir good successe.
Farewell.
Giue me some Musicke: Musicke, moody foode of vs that trade in Loue.
The Musicke, hoa.
Let it alone, let's to Billards: come Charmian.
My arme is sore, best play with Mardian.
As well a woman with an Eunuch plaide, as with a woman. Come you'le play with me Sir?
As well as I can Madam.
'Twas merry when you wager'd on your Angling, when your diuer did hang a salt fish on his hooke which he with feruencie drew vp.
Madam, Madam.
First Madam, he is well.
Good Madam heare me.
Wilt please you heare me?
Madam, he's well.
Well said.
And Friends with Caesar.
Th' art an honest man.
Caesar, and he, are greater Friends then euer.
Make thee a Fortune from me.
But yet Madam.
For what good turne?
For the best turne i' th' bed.
I am pale Charmian.
Madam, he's married to Octauia.
The most infectious Pestilence vpon thee.
Good Madam patience.
He's married Madam.
Rogue, thou hast liu'd too long.
He is afeard to come.
I haue done my duty.
He's married Madam.
Should I lye Madame?
I craue your Highnesse pardon.
He is married?
Good your Highnesse patience.
In praysing Anthony, I haue disprais'd Caesar.
Many times Madam.
Take your time.
There's the point.
And what may follow to try a larger Fortune.
That's our offer.
Since I saw you last, ther's a change vpon you.
Well met heere.
That's the next to do.
That will I Pompey.
No Anthony take the lot: but first or last, your fine Egyptian cookerie shall haue the same, I haue heard that Iulius Caesar, grew fat with feasting there.
You haue heard much.
I haue faire meaning Sir.
And faire words to them.
No more that: he did so.
What I pray you?
A certaine Queene to Caesar in a Matris.
I know thee now, how far'st thou Souldier?
Shew's the way, sir.
Come.
Thy Father Pompey would ne're haue made this Treaty. You, and I haue knowne sir.
At Sea, I thinke.
We haue Sir.
You haue done well by water.
And you by Land.
I will praise any man that will praise me, thogh it cannot be denied what I haue done by Land.
Nor what I haue done by water.
Yes some-thing you can deny for your owne safety: you haue bin a great Theefe by Sea.
And you by Land.
There I deny my Land seruice: but giue mee your hand Menas, if our eyes had authority, heere they might take two Theeues kissing.
All mens faces are true, whatsomere their hands are.
But there is neuer a fayre Woman, ha's a true Face.
No slander, they steale hearts.
We came hither to fight with you.
For my part, I am sorry it is turn'd to a Drinking. Pompey doth this day laugh away his Fortune.
If he do, sure he cannot weep't backe againe.
Y' haue said Sir, we look'd not for Marke Anthony heere, pray you, is he married to Cleopatra?
Caesars Sister is call'd Octauia.
True Sir, she was the wife of Caius Marcellus.
But she is now the wife of Marcus Anthonius.
Pray 'ye sir.
'Tis true.
Then is Caesar and he, for euer knit together.
If I were bound to Diuine of this vnity, I wold not Prophesie so.
I thinke the policy of that purpose, made more i [...] the Marriage, then the loue of the parties.
I thinke so too. But you shall finde the band that seemes to tye their friendship together, will bee the very strangler of their Amity: Octauia is of a holy, cold, and still conuersation.
Who would not haue his wife so?
Not he that himselfe is not so: which is Marke Anthony: he will to his Egyptian dish againe: then shall the sighes of Octauia blow the fire vp in Caesar, and (as I said before) that which is the strength of their Amity, shall proue the immediate Author of their variance. Anthony will vse his affection where it is. Hee married but his occasion heere.
I shall take it sir: we haue vs'd our Throats in Egypt.
Come, let's away.
Heere they'l be man: some o' th' their Plants are ill rooted already, the least winde i' th' world wil blow them downe.
Lepidus is high Conlord.
They haue made him drinke Almes drinke.
As they pinch one another by the disposition, hee cries out, no more; reconciles them to his entreatie, and himselfe to' th' drinke.
But it raises the greatet warre betweene him & his discretion.
Why this it is to haue a name in great mens Fellowship: I had as liue haue a Reede that will doe me no seruice, as a Partizan I could not heaue.
To be call'd into a huge Sphere, and not to be seene to moue in't, are the holes where eyes should bee, which pittifully disaster the cheekes.
Y' haue strange Serpents there?
I Lepidus.
Your Serpent of Egypt, is bred now of your mud by the operation of your Sun: so is your Crocodile.
They are so.
Sit, and some Wine: A health to Lepidus.
Not till you haue slept: I feare me you'l bee in till then.
Nay certainly, I haue heard the Ptolomies Pyramisis are very goodly things: without contradiction I haue heard that.
Pompey, a word.
Say in mine eare, what is't.
What manner o' thing is your Crocodile?
It is shap'd sir like it selfe, and it is as broad as it hath bredth; It is iust so high as it is, and mooues with it owne organs. It liues by that which nourisheth it, and the Elements once out of it, it Transmigrates.
What colour is it of?
Of it owne colour too.
'Tis a strange Serpent.
'Tis so, and the teares of it are wet.
Will this description satisfie him?
With the Health that Pompey giues him, else he is a very Epicure.
I thinke th' art mad: the matter?
I haue euer held my cap off to thy Fortunes.
Thou hast seru'd me with much faith: what's else to say? Be iolly Lords.
Wilt thou be Lord of all the world?
What saist thou?
How should that be?
But entertaine it, and though thou thinke me poore. I am the man will giue thee all the world.
Hast thou drunke well.
Shew me which way?
This health to Lepidus.
Heere's to thee Menas.
Enobarbus, welcome.
Fill till the cup be hid.
There's a strong Fellow Menas.
Why?
A beares the third part of the world man: seest not?
The third part, then he is drunk: would it were all, that it might go on wheeles.
Drinke thou: encrease the Reeles.
Come.
This is not yet an Alexandrian Feast.
I could well forbear't, it's monstrous labour when I wash my braine, and it grow fouler.
Be a Child o' th' time.
Possesse it, Ile make answer: but I had rather fast from all, foure dayes, then drinke so much in one.
Ha my braue Emperour, shall we daunce now the Egyptian Backenals, and celebrate our drinke?
Let's ha't good Souldier.
Ile try you on the shore.
And shall Sir, giues your hand.
Hoo saies a there's my Cap.
Hoa, Noble Captaine, come.
Thou hast Ventidius that, without the which a Souldier and his Sword graunts scarce distinction: thou wilt write to Anthony.
Where is he now?
What are the Brothers parted?
'Tis a Noble Lepidus.
A very fine one: oh, how he loues Caesar.
Nay but how deerely he adores Mark Anthony.
Caesar? why he's the Iupiter of men.
What's Anthony, the God of Iupiter?
Spake you of Caesar? How, the non-pareill?
Oh Anthony, oh thou Arabian Bird!
Would you praise Caesar, say Caesar go no further.
Indeed he plied them both with excellent praises.
Both he loues.
Good Fortune worthy Souldier, and farewell.
No further Sir.
Make me not offended, in your distrust.
I haue said.
My Noble Brother.
Sir▪ looke well to my Husbands house: and —
What Octauia?
Ile tell you in your eare.
Will Caesar weepe?
He ha's a cloud in's face.
He were the worse for that were he a Horse, so is he being a [...]man.
Adieu, be happy.
Farewell, farewell.
Farewell.
Where is the Fellow?
Halfe afeard to come.
Go too, go too: Come hither Sir.
Good Maiestie: Herod of Iury dare not looke vpon you, but when you are well pleas'd.
That Herods head, Ile haue: but how? When Anthony is gone, through whom I might commaund it: Come thou neere.
Most gratious Maiestie.
Did'st thou behold Octauia?
I dread Queene.
Where?
Madam in Rome, I lookt her in the face: and saw her led betweene her Brother, and Marke Anthony.
Is she as tall as me?
She is not Madam.
Madam, I heard her speake, she is low voic'd.
That's not so good: he cannot like her long.
Like her? Oh Isis: 'tis impossible.
Is this certaine?
Or I haue no obseruance.
Three in Egypt cannot make better note.
Excellent.
Guesse at her yeares, I prythee.
Madam, she was a widdow.
Widdow? Charmian, hearke.
And I do thinke she's thirtie.
Bear'st thou her face in mind? is't long or round?
Round, euen to faultinesse.
For the most part too, they are foolish that are so. Her haire what colour?
A proper man.
Nothing Madam.
The man hath seene some Maiesty, and should know.
Hath he seene Maiestie? Isis else defend: and seruing you so long.
I haue one thing more to aske him yet good Charmian: but 'tis no matter, thou shalt bring him to me where I will write; all may be well enough.
I warrant you Madam.
How now Friend Eros?
Ther's strange Newes come Sir.
What man?
Caesar & Lepidus haue made warres vpon Pompey.
This is old, what is the successe?
Caesar hauing made vse of him in the warres 'gainst Pompey: presently denied him riuality, would not let him partake in the glory of the action, and not resting here, accuses him of Letters he had formerly wrote to Pompey. Vpon his owne appeale seizes him, so the poore thir [...] is vp, till death enlarge his Confine.
Then would thou hadst a paire of chaps no more, and throw betweene them all the food thou hast, they'le grinde the other. Where's Anthony?
Our great Nauies rig'd.
'Twill be naught, but let it be: bring me to Anthony.
Come Sir,
This in the publike eye?
Let Rome be thus inform'd.
Who does he accuse?
Sir, this should be answer'd.
Hee'l neuer yeeld to that.
Nor must not then be yeelded to in this.
Haile Caesar, and my L [...] haile most deere Caesar.
That euer I should call thee Cast-away.
You haue not call'd me so, nor haue you cause.
Do not say so, my Lord.
My Lord, in Athens.
Welcome Lady.
Is it so sir?
I will be euen with thee, doubt it not.
But why, why, why?
Well: is it, is it.
If not, denounc'd against vs, why should not we be there in person.
Well, I could reply: if wee should serue with Horse and Mares together, the Horse were meerly lost: the Mares would beare a Soldiour and his Horse.
What is't you say?
Nay I haue done, here comes the Emperor.
By Sea, what else?
Why will my Lord, do so?
For that he dares vs too't.
So hath my Lord, dar'd him to single fight.
By Sea, by Sea.
Ile fight at Sea.
I haue sixty Sailes, Caesar none better.
The Newes is true, my Lord, he is descried, Caesar ha's taken Toryne.
Well, well, away.
By Hercules I thinke I am i' th' right.
You keepe by Land the Legions and the Horse whole, do you not?
Who's his Lieutenant, heare you?
They say, one Towrus.
Well, I know the man.
The Emperor cals Camidius.
Towrus?
My Lord.
Gods, & Goddesses, all the whol synod of them!
What's thy passion.
How appeares the Fight?
Alacke, alacke.
I, are you thereabouts? Why then goodnight indeede.
Toward Peloponnesus are they fled.
Fly? Not wee.
Nay gentle Madam, to him, comfort him.
Do most deere Queene.
Do, why, what else?
Let me sit downe: Oh Iuno.
No, no, no, no, no.
See you heere, Sir?
Oh fie, fie, fie.
Madam.
Madam, oh good Empresse.
Sir, sir.
Ah stand by.
The Queene my Lord, the Queene.
Well then, sustaine me: Oh.
Sir, the Queene.
Oh my pardon.
Pardon, pardon.
Approach, and speake.
Bee't so, declare thine office.
Fortune pursue thee.
Caesar, I go.
Caesar, I shall.
What shall we do, Enobarbus?
Thinke, and dye.
Is Anthony, or we in fault for this?
Prythee peace.
Is that his answer?
I my Lord.
He sayes so.
That head my Lord?
A Messenger from Caesar.
Caesars will.
Heare it apart.
None but Friends: say boldly.
So haply are they Friends to Anthony.
Go on, right Royall.
Oh.
What's your name?
My name is Thidias.
Fauours? By Ioue that thunders. What art thou Fellow?
You will be whipt.
Marke Anthony.
Good my Lord.
Oh, is't come to this?
Wherefore is this?
Soundly, my Lord.
Cried he? and begg'd a Pardon?
He did aske fauour.
Haue you done yet?
I must stay his time?
Not know me yet?
Cold-hearted toward me?
That's my braue Lord.
We will yet do well.
Call all his Noble Captaines to my Lord.
He will not fight with me, Domitian?
No?
Why should he not?
Ile strike, and cry, Take all.
What meanes this?
The Gods forbid.
What does he meane?
To make his Followers weepe.
Brother, goodnight: to morrow is the day.
Nothing: what newes?
Belike 'tis but a Rumour, good night to you.
Well sir, good night.
Souldiers, haue carefull Watch.
And you: Goodnight, goodnight.
'Tis a braue Army, and full of purpose.
Peace, what noise?
List list.
Hearke.
Musicke i' th' Ayre.
Vnder the earth.
It signes well, do's it not?
No.
Peace I say: What should this meane?
How now Maisters?
How now? how now do you heare this?
I, is't not strange?
Do you heare Masters? Do you heare?
Content: 'Tis strange.
Eros, mine Armour Eros.
Sleepe a little.
Briefely Sir.
Is not this buckled well?
The Morne is faire: Good morrow Generall.
Good morrow Generall.
Please you retyre to your Chamber?
The Gods make this a happy day to Anthony.
Whose gone this morning?
What sayest thou?
Sir he is with Caesar.
Sir, his Chests and Treasure he has not with him.
Is he gone?
Most certaine.
Caesar, I shall.
Anthony is come into the Field.
I giue it you.
Thou bleed'st apace.
They do retyre.
Ile halt after.
This last day was a shrew'd one too's.
Oh beare me witnesse night.
What man is this?
Stand close, and list him.
Enobarbus?
Peace: Hearke further.
Let's speake to him.
Let's do so, but he sleepes.
Go we to him.
Awake sir, awake, speake to vs.
Heare you sir?
Come on then, he may recouer yet.
For both, my Lord.
Why is my Lord enrag'd against his Loue?
Eros, thou yet behold'st me?
I Noble Lord.
I my Lord.
It does my Lord.
Dead then?
Dead.
What would my Lord?
I would not see't.
Oh sir, pardon me.
Loe thee.
My sword is drawne.
'Tis said man, and farewell.
Farewell great Chiefe. Shall I strike now?
Now Eros.
What's the noise?
The Starre is falne.
And time is at his Period.
Alas, and woe.
Let him that loues me, strike me dead.
Not I.
Nor I.
Nor any one.
Where's Anthony?
There Diomed there.
Liues he: wilt thou not answer man?
When did shee send thee?
Now my Lord.
Where is she?
Too late good Diomed: call my Guard I prythee.
Most heauy day.
Oh Charmian, I will neuer go from hence.
Be comforted deere Madam.
Oh quicke, or I am gone.
A heauy sight.
They do not go together.
Oh quietnesse, Lady.
She's dead too, our Soueraigne.
Lady.
Madam.
Oh Madam, Madam, Madam.
Royall Egypt: Empresse.
Peace, peace, Iras.
Caesar, I shall.
What is't thou say'st?
I say (Oh Caesar) Anthony is dead.
His taints and Honours, wag'd equal with him.
So the Gods preserue thee.
Caesar I shall.
Gallus, go you along: where's Dolabella, to second Proculeius?
Dolabella.
What's thy name?
My name is Proculeius.
Royall Queene.
Oh Cleopatra, thou art taken Queene.
Quicke, quicke, good hands.
What of death too that rids our dogs of languish
Oh temperance Lady.
Say, I would dye.
Most Noble Empresse, you haue heard of me.
I cannot tell.
Assuredly you know me.
I vnderstand not, Madam.
If it might please ye.
Most Soueraigne Creature.
Cleopatra.
Gentle Madam, no.
I am loath to tell you what, I would you knew.
Nay pray you sir.
Though he be Honourable.
Hee'l leade me then in Triumph.
Madam he will, I know't.
Make way there Caesar.
Which is the Queene of Egypt.
It is the Emperor Madam.
And may through all the world: tis yours, & we your Scutcheons, and your signes of Conquest shall Hang in what place you please. Here my good Lord.
You shall aduise me in all for Cleopatra.
Heere Madam.
What haue I kept backe.
Enough to purchase what you haue made known
Good Queene, let vs intreat you.
Forbeare Seleucus.
My Master, and my Lord.
Not so: Adieu.
Madam, I will.
Where's the Queene?
Behold sir.
Dolabella.
Dolabella, I shall remaine your debter.
The Gods forbid.
O the good Gods!
Nay that's certaine.
This is the man.
Truly I haue him: but I would not be the partie that should desire you to touch him, for his byting is immortall: those that doe dye of it, doe seldome or neuer recouer.
Remember'st thou any that haue dyed on't?
Very many, men and women too. I heard of one of them no longer then yesterday, a very honest woman, but something giuen to lye, as a woman should not do, but in the way of honesty, how she dyed of the byting of it, what paine she felt: Truely, she makes a verie good report o' th' worme: but he that wil beleeue all that they say, shall neuer be saued by halfe that they do: but this is most falliable, the Worme's an odde Worme.
Get thee hence, farewell.
I wish you all ioy of the Worme.
Farewell.
You must thinke this (looke you,) that the Worme will do his kinde.
I, I, farewell.
Looke you, the Worme is not to bee trusted, but in the keeping of wise people: for indeede, there is no goodnesse in the Worme.
Take thou no care, it shall be heeded.
Very good: giue it nothing I pray you, for it is not worth the feeding.
Will it eate me?
You must not think I am so simple, but I know the diuell himselfe will not eate a woman: I know, that a woman is a dish for the Gods, if the diuell dresse her not. But truly, these same whorson diuels doe the Gods great harme in their women: for in euery tenne that they make, the diuels marre fiue.
Well, get thee gone, farewell.
Yes forsooth: I wish you ioy o' th' worm.
Oh Easterne Starre.
O breake! O breake!
Where's the Queene?
Speake softly, wake her not.
Caesar hath sent
There's Dolabella sent from Caesar: call him.
How goes it heere?
All dead.
A way there, a way for Caesar.
Who was last with them?
Poyson'd then.
THE TRAGEDIE OF CYMBELINE.
Actus Primus.
Scoena Prima.
But what's the matter?
None but the King?
And why so?
You speake him farre.
What's his name, and Birth?
How long is this ago?
Some twenty yeares.
I do well beleeue you.
Scena Secunda.
Alacke, the King.
Past Grace? Obedience?
Past hope, and in dispaire, that way past Grace.
No, I rather added a lustre to it.
O thou vilde one!
My Lord your Sonne, drew on my Master.
I am very glad on't.
I humbly thanke your Highnesse.
Pray walke a-while.
Scena Tertia.
Sir, I would aduise you to shift a Shirt; the Violence of Action hath made you reek as a Sacrifice: where ayre comes out, ayre comes in: There's none abroad so wholesome as that you vent.
No faith: not so much as his patience.
Hurt him: His bodie's a passable Carkasse if he bee not hurt. It is a through-fare for Steele if it be not hurt.
His Steele was in debt, it went o' th' Backe-side the Towne.
The Villaine would not stand me.
No, but he fled forward still, toward your face.
As many Inches, as you haue Oceans (Puppies.)
I would they had not come betweene vs.
So would I, till you had measur'd how long a Foole you were vpon the ground.
And that shee should loue this Fellow, and refuse mee.
If it be a sin to make a true election, she is damn'd.
Sir, as I told you alwayes: her Beauty & her Braine go not together. Shee's a good signe, but I haue seene small reflection of her wit.
Come, Ile to my Chamber: would there had beene some hurt done.
I wish not so, vnlesse it had bin the fall of an Asse, which is no great hurt.
You'l go with vs?
Ile attend your Lordship.
Nay come, let's go together.
Well my Lord.
Scena Quarta.
It was his Queene, his Queene.
Then wau'd his Handkerchiefe?
And kist it, Madam.
Madam, so I did.
Madam, I shall.
Scena Quinta.
Beleeue it Sir, I haue seene him in Britaine; hee was then of a Cressent note, expected to proue so woorthy, as since he hath beene allowed the name of. But I could then haue look'd on him, without the help of Admiration, though the Catalogue of his endowments had bin rabled by his side, and I to peruse him by Items.
You speake of him when he was lesse furnish'd, then now hee is, with that which makes him both without, and within.
I haue seene him in France: wee had very many there, could behold the Sunne, with as firme eyes as hee.
This matter of marrying his Kings Daughter, wherein he must be weighed rather by her valew, then his owne, words him (I doubt not) a great deale from the matter.
And then his banishment.
I, and the approbation of those that weepe this lamentable diuorce vnder her colours, are wonderfully [Page 372] to extend him, be it but to fortifie her iudgement, which else an easie battery might lay flat, for taking a Begger without lesse quality. But how comes it, he is to soiourne with you? How creepes acquaintance?
His Father and I were Souldiers together, to whom I haue bin often bound for no lesse then my life.
Heere comes the Britaine. Let him be so entertained among'st you, as suites with Gentleman of your knowing, to a Stranger of his quality. I beseech you all be better knowne to this Gentleman, whom I commend to you, as a Noble Friend of mine. How Worthy he is, I will leaue to appeare hereafter, rather then story him in his owne hearing.
Sir, we haue knowne togither in Orleance.
Since when, I haue bin debtor to you for courtesies, which I will be euer to pay, and yet pay still.
Sir, you o're-rate my poore kindnesse, I was glad I did attone my Countryman and you: it had beene pitty you should haue beene put together, with so mortall a purpose, as then each bore, vpon importance of so slight and triuiall a nature.
By your pardon Sir, I was then a young Traueller, rather shun'd to go euen with what I heard, then in my euery action to be guided by others experiences: but vpon my mended iudgement (if I offend to say it is mended) my Quarrell was not altogether slight.
Faith yes, to be put to the arbiterment of Swords, and by such two, that would by all likelyhood haue confounded one the other, or haue falne both.
Can we with manners, aske what was the difference?
Safely, I thinke, 'twas a contention in publicke, which may (without contradiction) suffer the report. It was much like an argument that fell out last night, where each of vs fell in praise of our Country-Mistresses. This Gentleman, at that time vouching (and vpon warrant of bloody affirmation) his to be more Faire, Vertuous, Wise, Chaste, Constant, Qualified, and lesse attemptible then any, the rarest of our Ladies in Fraunce.
That Lady is not now liuing; or this Gentlemans opinion by this, worne out.
She holds her Vertue still, and I my mind.
You must not so farre preferre her, 'fore ours of Italy.
Being so farre prouok'd as I was in France: I would abate her nothing, though I professe my selfe her Adorer, not her Friend.
As faire, and as good: a kind of hand in hand comparison, had beene something too faire, and too good for any Lady in Britanie; if she went before others. I haue seene as that Diamond of yours out-lusters many I haue beheld, I could not beleeue she excelled many: but I haue not seene the most pretious Diamond that is, nor you the Lady.
I prais'd her, as I rated her: so do I my Stone.
What do you esteeme it at?
More then the world enioyes.
Either your vnparagon'd Mistirs is dead, or she's out-priz'd by a trifle.
You are mistaken: the one may be solde or giuen, or if there were wealth enough for the purchases, or merite for the guift. The other is not a thing for sale, and onely the guift of the Gods.
Which the Gods haue giuen you?
Which by their Graces I will keepe.
You may weare her in title yours: but you know strange Fowle light vpon neighbouring Ponds. Your Ring may be stolne too, so your brace of vnprizeable Estimations, the one is but fraile, and the other Casuall;. A cunning Thiefe, or a (that way) accomplish'd Courtier, would hazzard the winning both of first and last.
Your Italy, containes none so accomplish'd a Courtier to conuince the Honour of my Mistris: if in the holding or losse of that, you terme her fraile, I do nothing doubt you haue store of Theeues, notwithstanding I feare not my Ring.
Let vs leaue heere, Gentlemen?
Sir, with all my heart. This worthy Signior I thanke him, makes no stranger of me, we are familiar at first.
With fiue times so much conuersation, I should get ground of your faire Mistris; make her go backe, euen to the yeilding, had I admittance, and opportunitie to friend.
No, no.
I dare thereupon pawne the moytie of my Estate, to your Ring, which in my opinion o're-values it something: but I make my wager rather against your Confidence, then her Reputation. And to barre your offence heerein to, I durst attempt it against any Lady in the world.
You are a great deale abus'd in too bold a perswasion, and I doubt not you sustaine what y' are worthy of, by your Attempt.
What's that?
A Repulse though your Attempt (as you call it) deserue more; a punishment too.
Gentlemen enough of this, it came in too sodainely, let it dye as it was borne, and I pray you be better acquainted.
Would I had put my Estate, and my Neighbors on th' approbation of what I haue spoke,
What Lady would you chuse to assaile?
Yours, whom in constancie you thinke stands so safe. I will lay you ten thousands Duckets to your Ring, that commend me to the Court where your Lady is, with no more aduantage then the opportunitie of a second conference, and I will bring from thence, that Honor of hers, which you imagine so reseru'd.
I will wage against your Gold, Gold to it: My Ring I holde deere as my finger, 'tis part of it.
You are a Friend, and there in the wiser: if you buy Ladies flesh at a Million a Dram, you cannot preseure it from tainting; but I see you haue some Religion in you, that you feare.
This is but a custome in your tongue: you beare a grauer purpose I hope.
I am the Master of my speeches, and would vnder-go what's spoken, I sweare.
Will you? I shall but lend my Diamond till your returne: let there be Couenants drawne between's. My Mistris exceedes in goodnesse, the hugenesse of your vnworthy thinking▪ I dare you to this match: heere's my Ring.
I will haue it no lay.
By the Gods it is one: if I bring you no sufficient testimony that I haue enioy'd the deerest bodily part of your Mistris: my ten thousand Duckets are yours, [Page 373] so is your Diamond too: if I come off, and leaue her in such honour as you haue trust in; Shee your Iewell, this your Iewell, and my Gold are yours: prouided. I haue your commendation, for my more free entertainment.
I embrace these Conditions, let vs haue Articles betwixt vs: onely thus farre you shall answere, if you make your voyage vpon her, and giue me directly to vnderstand, you haue preuayl'd, I am no further your Enemy, shee is not worth our debate. If shee remaine vnseduc'd, you not making it appeare otherwise: for your ill opinion, and th' assault you haue made to her chastity, you shall answer me with your Sword.
Your hand, a Couenant: wee will haue these things set downe be lawfull Counsell, and straight away for Britaine, least the Bargaine should catch colde, and sterue: I will fetch my Gold, and haue our two Wagers recorded.
Agreed.
Will this hold, thinke you.
Scena Sexta.
I Madam.
Hearke thee, a word.
I humbly take my leaue.
Scena Septima.
He is one of the Noblest note, to whose kindnesses I am most infinitely tied. Reflect vpon him accordingly, as you value your trust.
What makes your admiration?
What is the matter trow?
Well, Madam.
Is he dispos'd to mirth? I hope he is.
Will my Lord say so?
Not he I hope.
What do you pitty Sir?
Two Creatures heartyly.
Let me heare no more.
What hoa, Pisanio?
Let me my seruice tender on your lippes.
You make amends.
Pray what is't?
O no, no.
Actus Secundus.
Scena Prima.
Was there euer man had such Iucke? when I kist the Iacke vpon an vp-cast, to be hit away? I had a hundred pound on't: and then a whor [...]on Iacke-an-Apes, [Page 376] mu [...]t take me vp for swearing, as if I borrowed mine oa [...]ne [...] of him, and might not spend them at my pleasure.
What got he by that? you haue broke his pate with your Bowle.
If his wit had bin like him that broke it: it would haue run all out.
When a Gentleman is dispos'd to sweare: it is not for any standers by to curtall his oathes. Ha?
No my Lord; nor crop the eares of them.
Whorson dog: I gaue him satisfaction? would he had bin one of my Ranke.
To haue smell'd like a Foole.
I am not vext more at any thing in th' earth: a pox on't. I had rather not be so Noble as I am: they dare not fight with me, because of the Queene my Mother: euery Iacke-Slaue hath his belly full of Fighting, and I must go vp and downe like a Cock, that no body can match.
Sayest thou?
No, I know that: but it is fit I should commit offence to my inferiors.
I, it is fit for your Lordship onely.
Why so I say.
Did you heere of a Stranger that's come to Court night?
A Stranger, and I not know on't?
He's a strange Fellow himselfe, and knowes it not.
There's an Italian come, and 'tis thought one of Leonatus Friends.
Leonatus? A banisht Rascall; and he's another, whatsoeuer he be. Who told you of this Stranger?
One of your Lordships Pages.
Is it fit I went to looke vpon him? Is there no de [...]ogation in't?
You cannot derogate my Lord.
Not easily I thinke.
You are a Foole graunted, therefore your Issues being foolish do not derogate.
Come, Ile go see this Italian: what I haue lost to day at Bowles, Ile winne to night of him. Come: go.
Scena Secunda.
Who's there? My woman: Helene?
Please you Madam.
What houe is it?
Almost midnight, Madam.
Scena Tertia.
Your Lordship is the most patient man in losse, the most coldest that euer turn'd vp Ace.
It would make any man cold to loose.
But not euery man patient after the noble temper of your Lordship; You are most hot, and furious when you winne.
Winning will put any man into courage: if I could get this foolish Imogen, I should haue Gold enough: it's almost morning, is't not?
Day, my Lord.
I would this Musicke would come: I am aduised to giue her Musicke a mornings, they say it will penetrate.
Come on, tune: If you can penetrate her with your fingering, so: wee'l try with tongue too: if none will do, let her remaine: but Ile neuer giue o're. First, a very excellent good conceyted thing [...] after a wonderful sweet aire, with admirable rich words to it, and then let her consider.
So, get you gone: if this pen [...]trate, I will consider your Musicke the better: if it do not, it is a voyce in her eares which Horse-haires, and Calues-guts, nor the voyce of vnpaued Eunuch to boot, can neuer amed.
Heere comes the King.
I am glad I was vp so late, for that's the reason I was vp so earely: he cannot choose but take this Seruice I haue done, fatherly. Good morrow to your Maiesty, and to my gracious Mother.
I haue assayl'd her with Musickes, but she vouchsafes no notice.
Senselesse? Not so.
Who's there that knockes?
A Gentleman.
No more.
Yes, and a Gentlewomans Sonne.
Your Ladies person, is she ready?
I, to keepe her Chamber.
Good morrow fairest, Sister your sweet hand.
Still I sweare [...] loue you.
This is no answer.
Fooles are not mad Folkes.
Do you call me Foole?
The South-Fog rot him.
His Garments? Now the diuell.
To Dorothy my woman hie thee presently.
His Garment?
'Twill not be lost.
I hope so: go and search.
I will enforme your Father.
Scena Quarta.
What meanes do you make to him?
See Iachimo.
Welcome Sir.
Heere are Letters for you.
Their tenure good I trust.
'Tis very like.
The Stones too hard to come by.
Proceed.
She writes so to you? doth shee?
By Iupiter, I had it from her Arme.
Will you heare more?
Ile be sworne.
Ile deny nothing.
With all my heart.
Actus Tertius.
Scena Prima.
Now say, what would Augustus Caesar with vs?
Come, there's no more Tribute to be paid: our Kingdome is stronger then it was at that time: and (as I said) there is no mo such Caesars, other of them may haue crook'd Noses, but to owe such straite Armes, none.
Son, let your Mother end.
We haue yet many among vs, can gripe as hard as Cassibulan, I doe not say I am one: but I haue a hand. Why Tribute? Why should we pay Tribute? If Caesar can hide the Sun from vs with a Blanket, or put the Moon in his pocket, we will pay him Tribute for light: else Sir, no more Tribute, pray you now.
Let proofe speake.
His Maiesty biddes you welcome. Make pastime with vs, a day, or two, or longer: if you seek vs afterwards in other tearmes, you shall finde vs in our Salt-water-Girdle: if you beate vs out of it, it is yours: if you fall in the aduenture, our Crowes shall fare the better for you: and there's an end.
So sir.
Scena Secunda.
How now Pisanio?
Madam, heere is a Letter from my Lord.
IVstice, and your Fathers wrath (should he take me in his Dominion) could not be so cruell to me, as you: (oh the deerest of Creatures) would euen renew me with your eyes. Take notic [...] [...] I am in Cambria at Milford-Hauen: what your owne Loue, will out of this aduise you, follow. So he wishes you all happinesse, that remaines loyall to his Vow, and your encreasing in Loue.
Madam, you're best consider.
Scena Tertia.
Haile Heauen.
Haile Heauen.
Vncertaine fauour.
Scena Quarta.
THy Mistris (Pisanio) hath plaide the Strumpet in my Bed: the Testimonies whereof, lyes bleeding in me. I speak not out of weake Surmises, but from proofe as strong as my greefe, and as certaine as I expect my Reuenge. Th [...] [...], thou (Pisanio) must acte for me, if thy Faith be not tainted with the breach of hers; let thine owne hands take away her life: I shall giue thee opportunity at Milford Hauen. She hath my Letter for the purpose; where, if thou feare to strike, and to make mee certaine it is done, thou art the Pander to her dishonour, and equally to me disloyall.
Alas good Lady.
Good Madam, heare me.
Doo't, and to bed then.
Ile wake mine eye-balles first.
Some Roman Curtezan?
If you'l backe to' th' Court.
Amen: I thanke thee.
Scena Quinta.
Thus farre, and so fare well.
Your hand, my Lord.
Sonne, I say, follow the King.
Oh, good my Lord.
Oh, my all-worthy Lord.
Humh.
Sirra, is this Letter true?
Sir, as I thinke.
It is Posthumus hand, I know't. Sirrah, if thou would'st not be a Villain, but do me true seruice: vndergo those Imployments wherin I should haue cause to vse thee with a serious industry, that is, what villainy soere I bid thee do to performe it, directly and truely, I would thinke thee an honest man: thou should'st neither want my meanes for thy releefe, nor my voyce for thy preferment.
Well, my good Lord.
Wilt thou serue mee? For since patiently and constantly thou hast stucke to the bare Fortune of that Begger Posthumus, thou canst not in the course of gratitude, but be a diligent follower of mine. Wilt thou serue mee?
Sir, I will.
Giue mee thy hand, heere's my purse. Hast any of thy late Masters Garments in thy possession?
I haue (my Lord) at my Lodging, the same Suite he wore, when he tooke leaue of my Ladie & Mistresse.
The first seruice thou dost mee, fetch that Suite hither, let it be thy first seruice, go.
I shall my Lord.
Meet thee at Milford-Hauen: (I forgot to aske him one thing, Ile remember't anon:) euen there, thou villaine Posthumus will I kill thee. I would these Garments were come. She saide vpon a time (the bitternesse of it, I now belch from my heart) that shee held the very Garment of Posthumus, in more respect, then my Noble and naturall person; together with the adornement of my Qualities. With that Suite vpon my backe wil I rauish her: first kill him, and in her eyes; there shall she see my valour, which wil then be a torment to hir contempt. He on the ground, my speech of insulment ended on his dead bodie, and when my Lust hath dined (which as I say, to vex her, I will execute in the Cloathes that she so prais'd:) to the Court Ile knock her backe, foot her home againe. She hath despis'd mee reioycingly, and Ile bee merry in my Reuenge.
Be those the Garments?
I, my Noble Lord.
How long is't since she went to Milford-Hauen?
She can scarse be there yet.
Bring this Apparrell to my Chamber, that is the second thing that I haue commanded thee. The third is, that thou wilt be a voluntarie Mute to my designe. Be but dutious, and true preferment shall render it selfe to thee. My Reuenge is now at Milford, would I had wings to follow it. Come, and be true.
Scena Sexta.
Scena Septima.
I am throughly weary.
I am weake with toyle, yet strong in appetite.
What's the matter, Sir?
Money? Youth.
Whether bound?
To Milford-Hauen.
What's your name?
He wrings at some distresse.
Would I could free't.
Hearke Boyes.
Pray draw neere.
Thankes Sir.
I pray draw neere.
Scena Octaua.
Is Lucius Generall of the Forces?
I.
Remaining now in Gallia?
We will discharge our duty.
Actus Quartus.
Scena Prima.
I am neere to' th' place where they should meet, if Pisanio haue mapp'd it truely. How fit his Garments serue me? Why should his Mistris who was made by him [Page 387] that made the Taylor, not be fit too? The rather (sauing reuerence of the Word) for 'tis saide a Womans fitnesse comes by fits: therein I must play the Workman, I dare speake it to my selfe, for it is not Vainglorie for a man, and his Glasse, to confer in his owne Chamber; I meane, the Lines of my body are as well drawne as his; no lesse young, more strong, not beneath him in Fortunes, beyond him in the aduantage of the time, aboue him in Birth, alike conuersant in generall seruices, and more remarkeable in single oppositions; yet this imperseuerant Thing loues him in my despight. What Mortalitie is? Posthumus, thy head (which now is growing vppon thy shoulders) shall within this houre be off, thy Mistris inforced, thy Garments cut to peeces before thy face: and all this done, spurne her home to her Father, who may (happily) be a little angry for my so rough vsage: but my Mother hauing power of his testinesse, shall turne all into my commendations. My Horse is tyed vp safe, out Sword, and to a sore purpose: Fortune put them into my hand: This is the very description of their meeting place and the Fellow dares not deceiue me.
Scena Secunda.
Go you to Hunting, Ile abide with him.
What? How? how?
Brother, farewell.
I wish ye sport.
You health.—So please you Sir.
Wee'l not be long away.
How Angell-like he sings?
But his neate Cookerie?
It is great morning. Come away: Who's there?
What's thy name?
Cloten, thou Villaine.
Art not afeard?
No Companie's abroad?
None in the world: you did mistake him sure.
What hast thou done?
We are all vndone.
Is he at home?
He went hence euen now.
Where?
Say, where shall's lay him?
By good Euriphile, our Mother.
Wee'l speake it then.
'Tis true.
Come on then, and remoue him.
So, begin.
SONG.
Feare no more the Lightning flash.
Nor th' all-dreaded Thunderstone.
Feare not Slander, Censure rash.
Thou hast finish'd Ioy and m [...]ne.
No Exorcis [...]r harme thee,
Nor no witch-craft charme thee.
Ghost vnlaid forbeare thee.
Nothing ill come neere thee.
But what from Rome?
When expect you them?
With the next benefit o' th' winde.
Hee's aliue my Lord.
Thy name?
Fidele Sir.
Scena Tertia.
Scena Quarta.
The noyse is round about vs.
Let vs from it.
So say I, Amen.
Actus Quintus.
Scena Prima.
Scena Secunda.
Stand, stand, and fight.
'Tis their fresh supplies.
Scena Tertia.
Cam'st thou from where they made the stand?
I did.
Where was this Lane?
Nay, be not angry Sir.
Farewell, you're angry.
Scena Quarta.
I, or a stomacke.
Since (Iupiter) our Son is good, take off his miseries.
Helpe (Iupiter) or we appeale, and from thy iustice flye.
Thankes Iupiter.
WHen as a Lyons whelpe, shall to himselfe vnknown, without seeking finde, and bee embrac'd by a peece of tender Ayre: And when from a stately Cedar shall be lopt branches, which being dead many yeares, shall after reuiue, bee ioynted to the old Stocke, and freshly grow, then shall Posthumus end his miseries, Britaine be fortunate, and flourish in Peace and Plentie.
Come Sir, are you ready for death?
Ouer-roasted rather: ready long ago.
Hanging is the word, Sir, if you bee readie for that, you are well Cook'd.
So if I proue a good repast to the Spectators, the dish payes the shot.
A heauy reckoning for you Sir: But the comfort is you shall be called to no more payments, fear no more Tauerne Bils, which are often the sadnesse of parting, as the procuring of mirth: you come in faint for want of meate, depart reeling with too much drinke: sorrie that you haue payed too much, and sorry that you are payed too much: Purse and Braine, both empty: the Brain the heauier, for being too light; the Purse too light, being drawne of heauinesse. Oh, of this contradiction you shall now be quit: Oh the charity of a penny Cord, it summes vp thousands in a trice: you haue no true Debitor, and Creditor but it: of what's past, is, and to come, the discharge: your necke (Sis) is Pen, Booke, and Counters; so the Acquittance followes.
I am merrier to dye, then thou art to liue.
Indeed Sir, he that sleepes, feeles not the Tooth-Ache: but a man that were to sleepe your sleepe, and a Hangman to helpe him to bed, I think he would change places with his Officer: for, look you Sir, you know not which way you shall go.
Yes indeed do I, fellow.
Your death has eyes in's head then: I haue not seene him so pictur'd: you must either bee directed by some that take vpon them to know, or to take vpon your selfe that which I am sure you do not know: [...]or iump the after-enquiry on your owne perill: and how you shall speed in your iournies end, I thinke you'l neuer returne to tell one.
I tell thee, Fellow, there are none want eyes, to direct them the way I am going, but such as winke, and will not vse them.
What an infinite mocke is this, that a man shold haue the best vse of eyes, to see the way of blindnesse: I am sure hanging's the way of winking.
Knocke off his Manacles, bring your Prisoner to the King.
Thou bring'st good newes, I am call'd to bee made free.
Ile be hang'd then.
Thou shalt be then freer then a Gaoler; no bolt, [Page 395] for the dead.
Vnlesse a man would marry a Gallowes, & beget yong Gibbets, I neuer saw one so prone: yet on my Conscience, there are verier Knaues desire to liue, for all he be a Roman; and there be some of them too that dye against their willes; so should I, if I were one. I would we were all of one minde, and one minde good: O there were desolation of Gaolers and Galowses: I speake against my present profit, but my wish hath a preferment in't.
Scena Quinta.
No tydings of him?
Prythee say.
Heard you all this, her Women?
We did, so please your Highnesse.
I humbly thanke your Highnesse.
Wherefore ey'st him so?
Fidele Sir.
Is not this Boy reuiu'd from death?
The same dead thing aliue.
But we see him dead.
Be silent: let's see further.
What's that to him?
How? me?
All that belongs to this.
I stand on fire. Come to the matter.
Nay, nay, to' th' purpose.
Peace my Lord, heare, heare.
Does the world go round?
How comes these staggers on mee?
Wake my Mistris.
How fares my Mistris?
The tune of Imogen.
New matter still.
It poyson'd me.
What's this, Cornelius?
Most like I did, for I was dead.
My Boyes, there was our error.
This is sure Fidele.
Your blessing, Sir.
I am sorry for't, my Lord.
Let me end the Story: I slew him there.
I haue spoke it, and I did it.
He was a Prince.
That headlesse man I thought had bin my Lord
In that he spake too farre.
And thou shalt dye for't.
Your danger's ours.
And our good his.
What of him? He is a banish'd Traitor.
Nursing of my Sonnes?
How? my Issue.
Did you ere meete?
I my good Lord.
By the Queenes Dramme she swallow'd.
My good Master, I will yet do you seruice.
Happy be you.
Philarmonus.
Heere, my good Lord.
WHen as a Lyons whelpe, shall to himselfe vnknown, without seeking finde, and bee embrac'd by a peece of tender Ayre: And when from a stately Cedar shall be lopt branches, which being dead many yeares, shall after reuiue, bee ioynted to the old Stocke, and freshly grow, then shall Posthumus end his miseries, Britaine be fortunate, and flourish in Peace and Plentie.
This hath some seeming.
Printed at the Charges of W. Jaggard, Ed. Blount, I. Smithweeke, and W. Aspley, 1623.