HVMORS ORDINARIE.
Where a man may be verie merrie, and exceeding vvell vsed for his Sixe-Pence
AT LONDON, Printed for William Firebrand, and are to be sold at his shop in Popeshead Pallace, right ouer against the Tauerne doore.
TO THE GENTLEmen Readers.
HVmours, is late crown'd king of Caueeleres,
Fantastique-follies, grac'd common fauour:
Ciuilitie, hath serued out his yeares,
And scorneth now to waite on good-behauiour.
Gallants, like
Richard the Vsurper swagger.
That had his hand continuall on his dagger.
Fashions is still consort with new
[...]ound shapes,
And feedeth daylie vpon strange disguise:
We shew our selues imitating Apes
Of all the toyes that Strangers heades▪ deuise;
For ther's no habit of hell-hatched sinne,
That we delight not to be cloathed in.
Some sweare, as though they Stares from heauen could pu
[...]
And all their speech is pointed with the stabbe,
When all men know it is some coward gull,
That is but Champion to a Shordich drabbe.
Whose feather is his heades lightnes-proclaimer,
Although he seeme some mightie monster-tamer.
Epicurisme, cares not how he liues,
But still pursueth brutish Appetite:
Disdaine, regardes not what abuse he giues,
Carelesse of wrongs, and vnregarding right,
Selfe-loue, (they say) to selfe-conceit is wed,
By which base match are vgly vices bred.
Pride, reuells like the roysting Prodigall,
Stretching his credit that his purse strings cracke,
Vntill in some distresfull gaile he fall,
Which wore of late a Lordship on his backe:
Where he till death must lie in pawne for debt:
"
Griefes night is neare, when pleasures sun is set.
Vaunting, hath got a mighty thundring voyce,
Looking that all men should applaude his sound,
His deedes are singular, his words be choyce;
On earth his equall is not to be found,
Thus
Vertu's hid with
Follies iugling mist,
And hees no man that is no humorist.
Samuel Rovvlands.
TO POETS.
GOod honest Poets let me craue a boone,
That you would write, I do not care how soon
Against the bastard humors howrely bred,
In euery mad, braind wit-worne, giddy head:
At such grosse follies doe not sit and winke,
Belabour these same Gulls with pen and inke:
You see some striue for faire hand-writing fame,
As
Peter Bales, his signe can proue the same,
Gracing his credit with a golden Pen:
I would haue Poets proue more taller men:
In perfect letters rested his contention,
But yours consists in Wits choise rare inuention.
Wil you stand spending your inuentions treasure,
To teach Stage Parrets speak for penny pleasure?
Whlle you your selues like musick-soūding Lutes
Fretted and strung, gaine them their silken sutes.
Leaue
Cupids cut, womens face-flattring praise,
Loues subiect growes too threed-bare now adais.
Change
Venus Swans, to write of
Vulcans Geese,
And you shall merit golden Pennes a peece.
MIrth pleaseth some, to others t'is offence,
Some wish
[...]'haue follies told; seme dislike that:
Some commend plaine conceits, some profound sense:
And most would haue, themselues they know not what.
Then he that would please all, and himselfe too,
Takes more in hand then he is like to doo.
SATIR.
EVen like the chalking Vintners at the barre,
That bids all welcome, what so e're they are:
So they passe quiet, in and out a doore,
And make no swaggering to discharge their score
I
Satir, stand at entrance of this booke,
And each kind guest may for my welcome looke:
All pleasant humours I inuite come here,
And with these
Epigrams make thē good cheere:
Let Melancholie walke most dogged by,
All sprightly
Poets doe the same defie,
To feast with wit he neuer had good tast,
I scorne to haue him at our Table plast.
Let him goe plod for leases, buy and sell,
And day by day his bags of money tell,
And grudge to giue himselfe a pint of Wine,
Out arrant Asse, he is no guest of mine.
But all mirths friends, I doe embrace most kind,
Better I wish, pray take such as you find.
EPIGRAMES.
EPIG. 1.
MOnsieur Domingo, is a skillfull man,
For much experience he hath lately got,
Prouing more Phisike in an Ale-house Can
Then may be found in any vintners pot,
Beere he protests is sodden and refin'd,
But this he speakes, being single peny lin'd.
For when his purse is swolne but sixpence bigge,
Why then he sweares; now by the Lord I thinke
All Beere in Europe is not worth afigge:
A cup of Claret is the onely drinke,
And thus his praise from Beere to Wine doth go,
Euen as his Purse in pence doth ebbe and flow.
EPIG. 2.
Who seekes to please all men each way,
And not himselfe offend:
He may begin his worke to day,
But God knowes when he'le end.
EPIG. 3. BOREAS.
HAng him base Gul, Ile stab him by the Lord,
If he presume to speake but halfe a word:
Ile paunch the villaine with my Rapiers point,
Or hew him with my Fauchon ioint by ioint,
Through both his checkes my Ponniard hee shall haue,
Or mincepie-like Ile mangle out the slaue.
Aske who I am, you whorson fries-gown patch?
Call me before the Constable, or watch?
Cannot a Captaine walk in the Kings high-way?
Swouns, who de speak to? know ye villaines, ha?
You drūken pesants, runs your tongs on wheels?
Long you to see your guts about your heeles?
Doost loue me Tom? let goe my Rapier then,
Perswade me not from killing nine or ten:
I care no more to kill them in brauado,
Then for to drinke a pipe of
Trinidado:
My minde to patience neuer will restore me,
Vntill their blood do gush in streams before me.
Thus doth Sir
Launcelot in his drunken stagger,
Sweare, curse & raile, threatē, protest, & swagger:
But being next day to sober answer brought,
Hee's not the man can breede so base a thought.
EPIG. 4.
WHen
Thraso meetes his friend, he sweares by God,
Vnto his chamber he shal welcome be:
Not that hee'le cloy him there with rost or sod,
Such vulgar diet with Cookes shops agree:
But hee'le present most kinde, exceeding franke,
The best
Tobacco that he euer dranke.
Such as himselfe did make a voyage for,
And with his own hands gather'd frō the ground:
All that which others fetch he doth abhor,
His grew vpon an Iland neuer found.
Oh rare compound, a dying horse to choke,
Of English fier, and of India smoke.
EPIG. 5.
DIogenes one day through
Athens went,
With burning Torch in Sun-shine: his intent
Was (as he said) some honest man to finde:
For such were rare to meete; or he was blinde.
One late, might haue don wel like light t'haue got,
That sought his wife, met her, and knew her not:
But stay, cry mercy, she had on her maske,
[Page]How could his eyes performe that spying taske?
T'is very true, t'was hard for him to doo
By Sun and Torch, let him take Lant-horne too.
EPIG. 6.
ALas
Delfridus keepes his bed God knowes;
Which is a signe his worship's very ill:
His griefe beyond the grounds of phisicke goes,
No Doctor that comes neare it with his skill:
Yet doth he eate drinke, talk, & sleepe profound,
Seeming to all mens iudgements healthful sound.
Then ges
[...]e the cause he thus to bed is drawne,
What, thinke you so; may such a hap procure it?
Well, faith t'is true, his hose is out at pawne,
A breechlesse chance is come he must indure it:
His Hose to Brokers Iayle committed are,
His singular and onely veluet paire.
EPIG. 7.
SPeake Gentlemen, what shall we doe to day▪
Drink some braue health vpō the dutch carous,
Or shall we to the
Globe and see a play,
Or visit
Shore-ditch for a bawdy-house?
[Page]Let's call for Cardes or Dice, and haue a game;
To sit thus idle, is both sinne and shame.
This speakes sir
Reuill, furnisht out with fashion,
From dish-crownd hat, vnto the shooes square toe,
That haunts a whore-house but for recreation,
Playes but at dice to cunny-catch, or so;
Drinks drunke in kindnes, for good fellowship:
Or to the play goes but some purse to nip.
EPIG. 8.
SIr Gall-Iade is a Horse-man eu'ry day,
His Boots, and Spurs, and legs do neuer part:
He rides a horse as passing cleane away,
As any that goes Tiburne-ward by Cart:
Yet honestly he payes for Hackneys hire:
But hang them Iades, he sells them when they tire.
He liues not like
Diogenes on rootes,
But proues a mince-pie guest vnto his Host:
He scornes to walke in
Pauls without his bootes;
And scores his diet on the Vitlers post:
And whē he knowes not where to haue his dinner,
He fasts, and sweares, a glutton is a sinner.
EPIG. 9. Drude.
THis Gentleman hath serued long in
France,
And is returned filthy▪ full of French,
In single combat being hurt by chance,
As he was closely foyling at a Wench:
Yet hote alarm's he hath indur'd good store,
But neuer in like pockie heate before.
He had no sooner drawne and ventred nie her,
Intending onely but to haue a bout,
When she his
[...]laske and touch box set on fire;
And till this houre the burning is not out.
Iudge▪ was not valour in this mortall wight,
That with a spit-fire Serpent thus durst fight:
EPIG. 10. In Meritricem.
FAith Gentlemen you moue me to offence,
In comming to me with vnchaste pretence.
Haue I the lookes of a lasciuious Dame,
That you should deeme me fit for wantons game?
I am not she will take lusts sinne vpon her;
Ile rather die, then dimme chaste glorious honor.
Tempt not mine eares, an grace of Christ I meane
To keepe my honest reputation cleane.
[Page]My hearing lets no such lewd sound come in,
My senses loath to surfet on sweete sinne.
Reuerse your minde, that goes from grace astray,
And God forgiue you, with my heart I pray.
The gallant notes her words, obserues her frowns
Then drawes his purse, & lets her view his crowns,
Vowing, that if her kindnes grant him pleasure,
She shall be Mistris to command his treasure.
The stormes are calm'd, the gust is ouer-blowne,
And she replies with;
Yours, or not her owne.
Desiring him to censure for the best,
T'was but her tricke to trie if men doe iest:
Her loue is lockt where he may picke the truncke.
Let
Singer iudge, if this be not a puncke.
EPIG. 11.
GAllus will haue no Barber prune his beard,
Yet is his chin cleane shauen and vnhear'd:
How comes he trimmed, you may aske me than:
His wenches doe it with their warming-pan.
EPIG. 12.
POlitike
Peter meetes his friend a shore,
That came from seas but newly tother day:
[Page]And giues him French embracements by the score;
Then followes:
Dicke, hast made good voyage, say?
But hearing
Richards shares be poore and sicke:
Peter has haste, and cannot drinke with
Dicke.
Well, then he meetes an other Caueleere,
Whom he salutes about the knees and thighes,
Welcome sweete
Iames, now by the Lord what cheer?
N'ere better
Peter, we haue got rich prize.
Come, come (saies
Peter) euen a welcome quart,
For by my faith weele drinke before we part.
Or thus,
Faith we must drinke, that's flat, before we part.
EPIG. 13.
SOme doe account it golden lucke,
They may be widdow-sped, for mucke:
Boyes on whose chinnes no downe appeares,
Marry old Croanes of threescore yeares:
But they are fooles to widdowes cleaue,
Let them take that which Maides doe leaue.
EPIG. 14.
FIne
Phillip comes into the Barbers shop,
Where's nitty locks must suffer reformation:
[Page]The chaire and cushion entertaine his slop:
The Barber craues to know his worships fashion:
His will is, shauen, for his beard is thin,
It was so lately banish'd from his chin.
But shauing oft will helpe it, he doth hope,
And therefore for the smooth-face cut he calles:
Then fie, these cloathes are washt with common sope,
Why dost thou vse such ordinary balles?
I scorne this common trimming like a Boore:
Yet with his heart he loues a common whoore.
EPIG. 15. Signieur Fantasticke.
I Scorne to meete an enemy in field,
Except he be a souldier (by this light)
I likewise scorne my reason for to yeeld;
Yea further, I doe wel nigh scorne to fight.
Moreouer, I doe scorne to be so vaine,
To draw my Rapier, and put vp againe.
I
[...]ke do scorne to walke without my man,
Yea, and I scorne good morrow and good den:
I also scorne to touch an Alehouse Can;
Thereto I scorne an ordinary queane.
Thus doth he scorne, disdainfull, proud and grim,
All but the Foole, onely he scornes not him.
EPIG. 16.
AMorous
Austin spends much balletting,
In riming Letters, and loue Sonnetting.
She that loues him, his Ink-horn shal bepaint her,
And with all
Venus titles hee'le acquaint her:
Vowing she is a perfect Angell right,
When she by waight is many graines too light:
Nay, all that doe but touch her with the stone,
Will be depos'd, that Angel she is none.
How can he proue her for an Angel then,
That proues her selfe a diuell, tempting men,
And draweth many to the fiery pit,
Where they are burned for their entring it?
I know no cause wherefore he tearmes her so,
Vnlesse he meanes, shee's one of them below,
Where
Lucifer chiefe Prince doth domineere:
If she be such, then (good my harts) stand cleere,
Come not within the compasse of her flight,
For such as doe, are haunted with a spright.
This Angel is not noted by her wings,
But by her taile, all full of prickes and stings.
And know this lust-blind Louer's vaine is led,
To praise his diuel in an Angels sted.
EPIG. 17.
WHen
Ca
[...]alero Rake hell is to rise
Out of his bed, he capers light and heddy:
Then wounds he swears, you arant whore he cries,
Why what's the cause that breakfast is not reddy?
Can men feede like
Camelions on the ayre?
This is the maner of his morning prayer.
Well, he sweares on vntill his breakfast comes;
And then with teeth he falls to worke apace,
Leauing his boy a banquet all of crummes.
Dispatch you Rogue: my Rapier: that's his grace.
So forth he walkes, his stomacke must goe shift,
To dine and sup abroad, by deed of guift.
EPIG. 18.
AWofull exclamation late I heard,
Wherewith
Tobacco takers may be feard.
One at the point with pipe and leafe to part,
Did vow
Tobacco worse then Deaths blacke dart:
And prou'd it thus: you know (quoth he) my frinds
Death onely stabbes the heart, and so life ends:
But this same poison, steeped
India weede,
In head, hart, lungs, doth soote & cobwebs breede.
With that he gasp'd, & breath'd out such a smoke.
That all the standers by were like to choke.
EPIG. 19.
CA
[...]s would gladly drink, but wants his purse,
Nay, wanteth mony, which is ten times worse
For as he vowes himselfe, he hath not seene
[Page]In three daies space the picture of the Queene.
Yet if he meete a friend neare Tauerne signe,
Straight he intreats him take a pint of wine:
For he will giue it, that he will; no nay.
What will he giue? the other leaue to pay.
He calleth: Boy, fill vs the tother quart;
I will bestow it euen with all my hart.
Then doth he diue into his slops profound,
Where not a poore Port cullice can be found.
Meane while his friend discharges all the wine:
Stay, stay (quoth he) or well, next shall be mine.
EPIG. 20.
FRancke in name, and Francke by nature,
Francis is a most kinde creature:
Her selfe hath suffered many a fall,
In striuing how to pleasure all.
EPIG. 21.
SOto can proue, such as are drunke by noone,
Are long liu'd men: the pox he can as soone.
Nay, heare his reason ere you doe condemne,
And if you finde it foolish, hisse and hem.
He saies; Good bloud is euen the life of man:
I grant him that (say you) well, go-to than:
More drinke, the more good bloud. O thats a lie:
The more you drinke, the sooner drunke, say I.
Now he protests, you doe him mighty wrong;
Swearing a man in drinke, is three men strong:
And he will pawne his head against a penny,
[Page]One right mad-drunk, wil brawle & fight with any.
Well, you reply; that argument is weake,
How can a drunkard brawle, that cannot speake?
Or how can he vse weapon in his hand,
Which cannot guide his feete to goe or stand?
Hark what an oath the drunken slaue doth sweare
He is a man by that, a man may heare:
And when you see him stagger, reele, and winke,
He is a man and more; I by this drinke.
EPIG. 22.
WHen signieur
Sacke &
Suger drink-drown'd reeles,
He vowes to hew the spurs from's fellowes heeles;
When calling for a quart of
Charnico,
Into a louing league they present grow:
Then instantly vpon a cup or twaine,
Out Poniards goes, and to the stab againe.
Friends vpon that, they drinke, and so embrace:
Straight bandy daggers at each others face.
This is the humour of a mad-drunke foole,
In Tauerne pots that keeps his Fencing-schoole.
EPIG. 23.
COrnutus was exceeding sicke and ill,
Paind as it seemed chiefly in his hed:
He call'd his friends, meaning to make his will;
Who found him drunk, with hose & shooes abed.
To whom he said. Oh good my Maisters see,
Drinke with his darthath all bestabbed me.
[Page]I here bequeath, if I doe chance to die,
To you kinde friends, & boone companions all,
A pound of good
Tobacco, sweete and drio,
To drinke amongst you at my E
[...]erall:
Besides, a barrell of the best strong Beere,
And Pickle-herrings, for to domineere.
EPIG. 24.
VVE men, in many faults abound;
But two in women can be found:
The worst that from their sexe proceedes,
Is naught in words, and naught in deedes.
EPIG. 25.
BIdme goe sleepe? I scorne it with my heeles,
I know my selfe as good a man as thee.
Let goe mine arme I say, leade him that reeles;
I am a right good fellow: doost thou see?
I know what longs to drinking; and I can
Abuse my selfe as well as any man.
I care no more for twenty hundred pound;
(Before the Lord) then for a very straw:
Ile fight with any he aboue the ground;
Tut, tell not me whats what, I know the law.
Rapier and dagger: hey, a kingly fight;
Ile now try falles with any, by this light.
EPIG. 26.
BE hold, a most accomplish'd Caualeere,
That the worlds Ape of fashions doth appeare,
[Page]Walking
[...] his humours to disclose,
In the French Doublet, and the Germane hose:
The Muffes, Cloake, Spanish Hat, Tolledo blade
Italian russe, a Shooe right Flemish made.
Like Lord of mis-rule, where he comes heele reuel
And
[...] for w
[...]g
[...]is, with the lying'st diuel.
EPIG. 27.
ASke
Humors what a Feather he doth weare.
It is his humor (by the Lord) heele sweare.
Or what he doth with such a horse-taile locke:
Or why vpon a whore he spends his stocke.
He hath a
[...] doth determine so
Why in the stop-thro
[...] fashion doth he goe,
With scarfe about his necke,
[...]at without band?
It is his humor
[...] sweete Sir vnderstand.
What cause his p
[...]s
[...] is so extreame distrest,
That often times
[...] scarcely pe
[...]y blest?
Onely a humor. If you question why?
His tongue is nere vnfurnisht with a lye.
It is his humor too he doth protest.
Or why with Sergants he is so opprest,
That like to ghosts they haunt him e'rie day?
A rascall humor doth not loue to pay.
Object, why bootes and spurres are still in season?
His humor answers; Humor is his reason.
If you perceiue his wits in wetting shrunke.
It commeth of a humor to be drunke.
When you be hold his looks pale, thin, and poore,
Th'occasion is, his humor, and a whoore.
[Page]And euery thing that he doth vndertake,
It is a vaine, for sencelesse Humors sake.
EPIG. 28.
THree high-way standers hauing cros-lesse curse,
did greet my frind with, Sir giue vs your purse
Though he were true man, they agreed in one,
For purse and coine betwixt them foure was none.
EPIG. 29.
A Gentlewoman of the dealing trade,
Procur'd her owne sweet picture to be made:
Which being done, she from her word did slip,
And would not pay full due for workmanship.
The Painter swore, she nere should haue it so:
She bad him keepe it, and away did go.
He chollcricke, and mighty discontent,
Straight tooke his Pensill, and to worke he went:
Making the dog she held, a grim cats face,
And hung it in his shop, to her disgrace.
some of her friends that saw it, to her went,
In iesting manner, asking what she ment
To haue her picture hang where gazers swarme,
Holding a filthy cat within her arme?
She in a shamefull heate in haste did hie,
The Painter to content and satisfie:
Right glad to giue a French Crowne for his pain,
To turne her Cat into a Dog againe.
EPIG. 30.
VVHen
Tarlton clown'd it in a pleasant vaine,
And with conceits did good opinions gaine slop:
Vpon the stage, his merry humors shop,
Clownes knew the Clowne by his great clownish
But now th'are gulld; for present fashion sayes,
Dicke Tarletons part, Gentlemens breeches playes:
In euery streete where any Gallant goes,
The swagg'ring slop, is
Tarltons clownish hose.
EPIG. 31. To Lutius.
ONe newly practiz'd in Astronomie,
That neuer dealt in weather-wit before;
Would scrape (for sooth) acquaintance of the skie,
And by his Art, goe knocke at heauen dore.
Meane while a scholler in his studie slips,
And taught his wife skill in the Moones eclips.
Next night that friend perswades him walk alone
Into the field, to gather starres that fell,
To mix them with Philosophers rare stone,
That begets gold: he likt the motion well:
And went to watch, where stars dropt very thin,
But raine so showr'd, it wet his foole-case skin.
EPIG. 32.
VVHat gallant's that whose oaths flie through mine eares?
How like a lord of
Plutoes court he sweares:
How braue in such a bawdy-house he fought;
How rich his empty purse is outside wrought;
[Page]How dutchman-like he swallows down his drink,
How sweete he takes
Tobacco till he stinke:
How lofty sprited he disdaines a Boore,
How faithfull hearted he is to a ( )
How cocke: taile proud he doth himselfe aduance,
How rare his spurres doering the morris-dance.
Now I protest by Mistris
Susans fan.
He and his boy, will make a propper man.
EPIG. 33.
LAugh good my Maisters if you can intend it;
For yonder comes a foole that will defend it.
Saw you a verier Asse in all your life,
That makes himselfe a pack-horse to his wife?
I would his nose where I could with were warme▪
For carrying Pearle so pretty vnder's arme,
Pearle, his wiues dog, a pretty sweet-fac'd curre,
That barkes a nights at the least fart doth sturre;
Is now not well, his cold is scarcely broke,
Therefore good husband wrap him in your cloke:
And sweet-hart, prethee helpe me to my maske;
Hold Peatle but tender, for he Hath the saske:
Here, take muffe, and doe you here good man,
Now giue me Pearle, and carry you my fanne.
Alacke poore Pearle, the wretch is full of paine,
Husband take Pearle, giue me my fanne againe:
See how he quakes; faith I am like to weepe:
Come to me pearle, my scarfe good husband keep
To be with me
I know my Puppy loues;
Why Pearle I say: Husband, take vp my gloues.
[Page]Thus goodman Idiot thinks himselfe an Earle,
That he can please his wife, and carry Pearle:
But others iudge his state to be no higher:
Then a dogs yeoman, or some pippin squier.
EPIG. 34.
WHat's he that sits and takes a nap,
Faced like the North winde of a map:
And sleeping, to the wind doth nod?
T'is
Bacchus coosen, belly-god.
EPIG. 35.
SEuerus is extreame in eloquence,
In perfum'd words, plung'd ouer head & eares,
He doth create rare phrase, but rarer sence,
Fragments of
Latine all about he beares.
Vnto his Seruing-man,
alias his boy,
He vtters speech exceeding quaint and coy.
Deminitiue, and my defectiue slaue,
Reach my corps couerture immediately:
My pleasures pleasure is the same to haue,
T' insconce my person from frigiditie.
His man beleeues all's Welch his Maister spoke,
Till he railes English; Roague, go fetch my cloke.
EPIG. 36.
WHy should the Mercers trade a sattin sute,
With Cookes grease be so wickedly polute?
The reason is, the scandall and defame
Grew, that a greasie slouen wore the same.
EPIG. 37.
AN honest Vicker, and a kind consort,
That to the Alehouse friendly would resort,
To haue a game at Tables now and than,
Or drinke his pot as soone as any man:
As faire a gamster, and as free from braull,
As cuer man shall neede to play withall:
Because his Hostesse pledg'd him not carouse,
Rashly in choller did for sweare her house.
Taking the glasse, this was the oath he swore,
Now by this drinke, Ile nere come hither more▪
But mightily his Hostesse did repent,
For all her guests to the next Alehouse went,
Following their Vickers steps in euery thing.
He led the parish euen in a string.
At length his ancient Hostesse did complaine
She was vndone, vnlesse he came againe:
Desiring certaine friends others and his,
To vse a pollicy, which should be this:
Because with coming he should not for swere him;
To saue his oath, they on their backs might beare
[...]him.
Of this good course the
Vicker wel did think,
And so they alwaies carried him to drinke.
FINIS.
Your Sceane is done, depart you
Epigrammes:
Enter Goat-footed Satyrs, but like Rammes:
Come
[...]bly forth; Why stand you on delay?
O-ho, the Musicke taning makes you stay.
Well, friske it out nimbly: you slaues begin,
For now me thinks the Fidlers bands are in.
SATYRS.
SATYR. 1.
VVHo haue we here? be hold him & be mute;
Some mighty man Ile warrant by his sute.
If all the Mercers in Cheap-side shew such,
Ile giue them leaue to giue me twice as much.
I thinke the stuffe is namelesse he doth weare:
But what so ere it be, it is huge geare:
Marke but his gate, and giue him then his due.
Some swaggering fellow I may say to you.
It seemes Ambition in his big lookes shroudes;
Some Centaure sure, begotten of the cloudes.
Now a shame take the buzard; is it hee?
I know the ruffian, now his face I see:
On a more gull the Sun did neuer shine:
How with a vengeance comes the foole so fine:
Some Noblemans cast sute is fallen vnto him;
For buying Hose and Doublet would vndoo him.
But wot you now whither the buzard walkes?
I, into Pauls forsooth, and there he talkes
Of forraine tumults, vttring his aduice,
And prouing warres euen like a game at dice:
For this (saies he) as euery gamster knowes,
Where one side winnes, the other side must lose.
Next speech he vttors, is his stomacks care,
Which ordinaric yeelds the cheapest fare:
Or if his purse be out of tune to pay,
[Page]Then he remembers tis a fasting day:
And then he talketh much against excesse,
Swearing all other Nations eate farre lesse
Then Englishmen: experience you may get
In France and Spaine: where he was neuer yet.
With a score of figges, and halfe a pint of wine,
Some foure or fiue will very hugely dine.
Me thinks this tale is very huge in sound,
That halfe a pint should serue fiue to drink round,
And twenty figges could feede them full and fat:
But trauellers may lye? who knowes not that?
Then why not he that trauells in conceit
From east to west, when he can get no meat?
His iourney is in Pauls in the backe Isles,
where's stomack counts each pace a hūdred miles
A tedious thing, though chance will haue it such▪
To trauell so long baitlesse, sure tis much.
Some other time, stumbling on wealthy chu
[...]es
Worthy gulling: then he swaggers all in hu
[...]es,
And tells them of a prize he was at taking,
wil be the ship-boyes childrens children making:
And that a mouse could finde no roome in hold,
It was so pestered all with pearle and gold:
Vowing to pawne his head, if it were tride,
They had more Rubies then wold paue Cheapside
A thousand other grosse and odious lies
He dares auou
[...]h, to blind dull Iudgements eyes:
Not caring what he speake, or what he sweare,
So he gaine credit at his hearers care.
Sometimes into the Royall Exchange hee'l drop,
Clad in the ruines of a Brokers shop:
[Page]And there his tongue runs byas on affaires,
No talke but of commodities and wares▪
And what great wealth he lookes for
[...]rie wind,
Frō God knowes where, the place is hard to find.
If newes be harkened for, then he preuailes,
Setting his min
[...] a worke to coyne false tales.
His tongs-end is be
[...]ipt with forged chat,
Vt
[...]ing rare lyes to be admired at:
Heele tell you of a tree that he doth know,
Vpon the which Rapiers and Daggers grow,
As good as Fleetstreet hath in any shop,
Which being ripe, downe into scabbards drop.
He hath a very peece of that same chaire,
In which Caesar was stabb'd: Is it not rare?
He with his feete vpon the stones did tread,
That Sathan brought, & bad Christ make thē bread.
His wondrous trauells challenge such renowne,
That Sir Iohn Maundiuell is quite put downe.
Men without heads, and Pigmies hand-bredth hie,
Those with one leg that on their backes doe lie,
And doe the weathers iniurie disdaine,
Making their legges a penthouse for the raine,
Are tut, and tush: not any thing et all.
His knowledge knowes, what no mans notice shal
This is a mate vnmeete for euery groome,
And where he comes, peace, giue his lying roome.
He saw a Hollander▪ in Middleborow,
As he was s
[...]ashing of a browne laofe thorow,
Whereto the hast of hunger had inclin'd him,
Cut himself through, & two that stood behind him.
Besides, he saw a fellow put to death,
[Page]Could drinke a whole Beere barrell at a breath.
Oh this is he that will say any thing,
That to himselfe will any profit bring.
Gainst whosoere he doth speake he cares not:
For what is it that such a villaine dares not?
And though in conscience he doth not denie,
The All-commander saith, Thou shalt not lie.
Yet he will answer, (carelesse of soules state)
Truth-telling is a thing obtaineth hate.
SATYR. 2.
A Man may tell his friend his fault in kindnes:
To winke at folly, is a foolish blindnes.
God saue you Sir; saluteth with a grace,
One he could wish neuer to see his face.
But doth not he vse meere dissimulation,
That's inside hate, and outside salutation?
Yes as I take it, yet his answer sayes,
Fashions and customes vse it now adayes.
A Gentleman perhaps may chance to meete
His Liuing-griper face to face in streete:
And though his lookes are odious vnto sight,
Yet will he doe him the French congès right,
And in his heart wish him as lowe as hell,
When in his words hee's glad to see him well.
Then being thus, a man may soone suppose,
There is, God saue you Sir, sometimes twixt foes.
Oh sir▪ why that's as true as you are heere,
With one example I will make it cleere:
And farre to fetch the same I will not go,
But into Houns-ditch to the Brokers row:
[Page]Or any place where that trade doth remaine,
Whether at Holborne Conduit, or Long lane:
If thither you vouchsafe to turne your eye,
And see the pawnes that vnder forfaitlye,
Which are forth comming sir, and safe enough,
Saies goodman Broker, in his new print russe:
He will notstand too strictly on a day,
Encouraging the party to delay,
With all good words the kindest may be spoke,
He turnes the Gentleman out of his cloke:
And yet betweene them both at euery meeting,
God saue you Sir, is their familiar greeting.
This is much kindnes sure, I pray commend him,
With great good words he highly doth defend him:
It is a fauour at a pinch indeed,
A pinching friendship, and a pinching deed.
The slaue may weare his suites of sattin so,
And like a man of reputation go,
When all he hath in house, or on his backe,
It is his owne by forfaitures shipwracke.
See you the brooch that long in's hat hath bin?
It may be there, it cost him not a pin:
His sundry sorts of diuers mens attire,
He weares them cheape, euen at his owne desire.
Shame ouertake the pessant for his paine,
That he should pray on losses, to his gaine:
In drawing wardrops vnder his subiection,
Being a knaue in manners and complexion:
Iumpe like to Vsurie, his nearest kin,
That weares a mony bag vnder his chin:
A bunch that doth resemble such a shape,
[Page]And haired like a Parris-garden Ape,
Foaming about the chaps like some wilde Boore▪
As swart and tawnie as an Indian Moore:
With narrow brow, and Squirrill eyes, he showe
[...] ▪
His faces chiefest ornament is nose,
Full furnished with many a Clarret staine,
As large as any Codpiece of a Dane.
Embossed curious, euery eye doth iudge:
His Iacket faced with Moath-eaten Budge:
To which a paire of sattin sleeues he weares,
Wherein two pound of grease about he beares.
His spectacles doe in a copper case,
Hang dangling about his pissing place:
His breeches and his hose, and all the rest,
Are sutable: his gowne (I meane his hest)
Is full of threeds, intitl'd right threed bare;
But wooll thereon is wondrous scant and rare:
The welting hath him in no charges stood,
Being the ruines of a cast French-hood.
Excesse is sinfull, and he doth defie it,
A sparing wherson in attire and diet,
Onely excesse is lawfull in his chest,
For there he makes a golden Angels nest;
And vowes no farder to be found a lender,
Then that most pretious mettall doth engender:
Begetting daily more and more encrease:
His moneys slaue till wretched life surcease.
This is the Iew alyed very neare
Vnto the Broker: for they both doe beare
Vndoubted testimonies of their kinne:
A brace of Rascalls in a league of sinne.
[Page]Two filthy Curres that will on no man fawne,
Before they tast the sweetnesse of his pawne.
And then the slaues will be as kind forsooth,
Not as Kind-hart, in drawing out a tooth:
For hee doth ease the patient of his paine,
But they disease the borrower of his gaine.
Yet neither of them vse extremitie,
They can be villaines euen of charitie.
To lend our Brother it is meete and fit,
Giue him rostmeate and beate him with the spit
Vserie sure is requisite and good,
And so is Brokeage, rightly vnderstood:
But soft a litle, what is he sayes so?
One of the twaine (vpon my life) I know.
SATYRE. 3.
OH, let the Gentlewoman haue the wall,
I know her well, tis Mistris, what d'ye call.
It woulde be shee both by her Mask and Fanne:
And yet it should not, by her seruing-man;
For if mine eyes do not mistake the foole,
He is the Vsher of some Dauncing Schole:
The reason why I do him such suppose,
Is this; Mee thinkes he daunceth as he goes.
An actiue fellow, though he be but pore,
Eyther to vault vpon a horse, or &c.
See you the huge bum Dagger at his backe,
To which no Hilt nor Iron hee doth lacke,
Oh with that blade he kepees the queanes in awe
Brauely be hacked, like a two-hand Saw,
Stamps on the ground, and by teth both his thoms
[Page]Vnlesse he be comaunder where he comes
You damned wheres, where are you? quicke cōe here,
Dry this Tobacco, Fill a dosen of beere:
Will you be brife? or long you to be bang'd?
Hold take this Match, goe ligh it and be hang'd.
Where stay these whores when Gent. do call?
Heer's no attendaunce (by the Lord) at all.
Then downe the staires the pots in rage he throws
And in a damned vaine of swearing growes:
For he will challinge any vnder heau'n,
To sweare with him, and giue him sixe at seuen.
Oh, he is an accomplish'd Gentleman,
And many rare conceited knackes he can:
Which yeld to him a greater store of gaine,
Then iuggling Kinges, hey Passe ledger demaine:
His witt's his lyuing: one of quaint deuice,
For Bowling-allies. Cockpits, Cards, or Dice,
To those exployts he euer stands prepar'd:
A Villaine excellent at a Bum card.
The Knaue of Clubbes he any time can burne,
And finde him in his bosome, for his turne.
Tut, he hath Cards for any kind of game,
Primero, Saunt, or what soeuer name:
Make him but dealer, all his fellowes sweares
If you doe finde good dealing, take his eares.
But come to Dice: why thats his only trade,
Michell Mum-chaunce his owne invention made.
He hath a stocke whereon his liuing stayes,
And they are
[...]ullams and Bardquarter-trayes:
His Langrets, with his Hie men, and his low,
Are ready what his pleasure is to throw.
[Page]His stopt Dice with Quick-siluer neuer misse.
He calles for come on fiue, and there it is:
Or else heele haue it with fiue and a reach,
Although it cost his neck the Halter streach.
Besides all this same kinde of cheating art,
The Gentleman hath some good other part,
well seene in Magicke and Astrologie,
Flinging a figuer woundrous handsomlie:
Which if it doth not misse, it sure doth hit.
Of troth the man hath great store of small wit:
And note him whethersoeuer he goes,
His booke of Characters is in his hose.
His dinner he will not persume to take,
Ere he aske counsell of Almanacke.
Heele finde if one proue false vnto his wife,
Onelie with Oxe blood and a rustie knife.
He can transforme himselfe vnto an Asse,
Shew you the Diuell in a Christall glasse:
The Diuell say you? why I, is that such wonder:
Being consortes, they will not be a sunder.
Alcumie in his braines so sure doth settle,
He can make golde of any copper ket'le;
With in a three weekes space, or such a thing,
Riches vpon the whole world he could bring,
But in his one purse one shall hardly spie it,
Witnesse his Hostesse, for a twelue-months diet:
Who would be glad of gold or siluer neither.
But sweares by chalke, & post, she can get neither.
More, he will teach any to gaine there loue,
As thus (saies he) Take me a turtle Doue,
And in an Ouen let her lye and bake
[Page]So dry that you may powder of her make:
Which being put into a cup of wine,
The wench that drinks it will to loue inclinee
And shall not sleepe in quiet in her bed
Till she be eased of her maiden-head.
This is p
[...]obatum, and it hath bin tride,
Or else the Cunning-man cunningly lide:
It may be so, a lye is not so strange,
Perhaps he spake it when the Moone did change?
And thereupon no doubt th'occasion sprung,
Vnconstant Luna ouer-rul'd his tongue.
Astronomers that traffique with the skie,
By common censure sometime meete the lie:
Although indeede their blame is not so much.
When Stars and Planets faile, and keep not tutch,
And so this fellow with his large profession,
That ends his triall in a faire digression:
Philosophers be queathed him their stone,
To make gold with, yet can his purse hold none.
SATYR. 4.
MEllfluuius sweete Rose-watred eloquence,
Thou that hast hunted Barbarisme hence,
And taught the Goodman C
[...]bbin at his Plow,
To be as eloquent as Tullie now:
Who nominates his bread and cheese a name,
(That doth vntrusse the nature of the same)
His stomacke stayer. How dee like the phrase?
Are Plough-men simple fellowes nowadaies?
Not so my Maisters: what meanes Singer then
And Pope the Clowne, to speake so Boorish, when
[Page]They counterfait the Clownes vpon the Stage?
Since Country fellowes grow in this same age
To be so quaint in their new printed speech,
That cloth will now compare with Veluet breech
Let him discourse euen where and when he dare,
Talke nere so Inkhorne, learnedly, and rare,
Sweare, Cloth breech is a pessant (by the Lord)
Threaten to draw his (wrath-venger) his sword:
Tush, Cloth-breech doth deride him with a laugh,
And lets him see Bone-baster, thats his staffe:
Then tels him, brother, friend, or so forth, heare ye,
Tis not your Knitting-needle makes me feare ye.
If to ascention you are so declinde,
I haue a restitution in my minde:
For though your beard do stand so fine mustated,
Perhaps your nose may be transfisticated.
Man, I dare challenge thee to throw the sledge,
To iumpe or leape ouer a ditch or hedge,
To wrastle, play at stoole ball, or to runne,
To pitch the barre, or to shoote off a gunne.
To play at loggets, nine-holes, or ten pinnes,
To try it out at foote-ball by the shinnes:
At tichtacke, Irish, noddy, maw, and ruffe,
At hot-cockles, leap-frog, or blindman-buffe,
To drinke halfe pots, or deale at the whole can,
To play at base, or pen and ink-horne, sir Than:
To dance the morris, play at barly breake,
At all exploits a man can thinke or speake,
At shoue-groat, venter point, or crosse and pile,
At beshrew him thats last at yonder stile,
At leaping ore a midsommer bone-fier,
[Page]Or at the drawing Dun out of the myer:
At any of these, or all these presently,
Wag but your finger, I am for you, I.
I scorne (that am a youngster of our towne)
To let a Bow-bell cockney put me downe.
This is a gallant farre beyond a gull,
For very valour fills his pockets full.
wit showers vpon him wisedomes raine in plenty,
For heele be hang'd, if any man finde twenty
In all their parish, whatsoere they be,
Can shew a head so pollitike as he.
It was his fathers lucke of late to die
Vntestate; he about the Legacie
To London came, inquiring all about,
How he might finde a Ciuil-villaine out:
Being vnto a Ciuill-lawyer sent,
Pray sit (quoth he) ase you the man I meant,
That haue a certaine kinde of occupation,
About dead men that leaue things out of fashion:
Death hath done that which t'answer he's not able
My father he is dyed destable:
I being his eldest heire, he did prefer
Me sir, to be his executioner:
And very briefly my request to finish,
Pray how may I by law, his goods diminish:
Was this a Clowne? tell true, or was a none?
You make fat Clownes, if such as he be one:
A man may sweare, if he were vrg'd to it,
Foolisher fellowes, haue not so much wit.
Oh such as he, are euen the onely men,
Loue-letters in a Milke-maides praise to pen:
[Page]Lines that will worke the curftest sullen shrow,
To loue a man whether she will or no.
Being most wonderous patheticall,
To make Sisse out a cry in loue withall:
He scornes that master schoolmaister should think
He wants his ayde in halfe a pen of incke:
All that he doth, it commeth euery whit.
From Natures dry-fat, his owne mother wit. Or thus:
Thou hony suckle of the hawthorne hedge,
Vouchsafe in Cupids cup my heart to pledge:
My hearts deare blood sweete Sisse, is thy carouse
Worth all the Ale in gammer Gubbins house:
I say no more, affaires call me away,
My fathers horse for prouender doth stay.
Be thou the Lady Cressit-light to me,
Sir Trollololle I will proue to thee.
Written in haste: farewell my Cowslippe sweete,
Pray lets a Sunday at the Ale-house meete.
SATYR. 5.
TIs a bad world, the common speech doth go,
And he complaines that helpes to make it so:
Yet euery man th'imputed crime would shunne,
Hypocrisie with a fine threed is spunne.
Each striues to shew the very best in seeming,
Honest enough, if honest in esteeming,
Praise waites vpon him now with much renowne,
That wraps vp vices vnder Vertues gowne:
Commending with good words religious deedes,
To helpe the poore, supply our neighbours needs:
[Page]Do no man wrong, giue euery man his owne,
Be friend to all, and enemie to none,
Haue charitie, auoid contentious strife.
Oft he speakes thus, that
[...]ere did good in's life.
Diuision hath an ore in euery boate,
In's neighbours eye he quickely spies a
[...]oate:
But the great beame thats noted in his own,
He lets remaine, and neuer thinks thereon.
Some doe report he beares about a sacke,
Halfe hanging forwards, halfe behinde at's backe,
And▪ his owne faults, (quite out of sight & minde)
He casts into the part that hangs behinde:
But other mens he putteth in before,
And into them he looketh euermore.
Contempt comes very neare to th'others vaine,
He hates all good deserts with proud disdaine.
Rashnesse is his continuall walking mate,
Costly appareld, loftie in his gate:
Vp to the eares in double ruffes and starch,
God blesse your
[...]y
[...]ight when you see him march
Statutes and lawes, he dare presume to breake,
Against superiors cares not what he speake.
It is his humors recreation fits,
To beate Constables, and resist all writs:
Swearing, the ripest wits are childish young,
Vnlesse they gaine instructions from his tongue.
Theres nothing done amongst the very best,
But hee'le deride it with some bitter iest.
It's meate and drinke vnto him alwaies, when
He may be censuring of other men.
If a man doe but toward a Tauerne looke,
[Page]He is a drunkard hee'le sweare on a booke:
Or if one part a fray of good intention,
He is a quarreller, and loues dissention.
Those that with silence vaine discourses breake▪
Are proud fantastickes, that disdaine to speake.
Such as speake soberly with wisedomes leasure,
Are fooles, that in affected speech take pleasure.
If he heare any that reproueth vice,
He saies, theres none but hypocrites so nice.
No honest woman that can passe along,
But must endure some scandall from his tongue.
She deales crosse blowes her husband neuer feeles,
This Gentlewoman weareth capering heeles.
There minces Mall, to see what youth will like her,
Her eyes doe beare her witnes shee's a striker.
Wonders, a wench new dipt in beauties blaze▪
She is a maide, as maides go nowadaies.
And thus Contempt makes choysest recreation,
In holding euery one in detestation:
His common gate is of the ietting size,
He hath a paire ofeuer-staring eyes,
And lookes a man so hungry in the face,
As he would eate him vp, and nere say grace.
A little low, crownd hat he alwaies weares,
And fore-horse like therein a feather beares:
Goodly curld lockes, but surely tis great pitty,
For want of kembing▪ they are beastly nitty.
His doublet is a cut cast sattin one,
He scorns to buy new now, that nere bought none
Spotted in diuers places with pure fat:
Knowne for a right tall trencher-man by that.
[Page]His breeches that came to him by befrending,
Are desperate like himselfe, & quite past mending
He takes a common course to goe vntrust,
Except his shirt's a washing; then he must
Goe woollward for the time: he scornes it he,
That worth two shirts his Laundresse should him see.
The weapons that his humors doe afford,
Is bum-dagger, and basket-hilted swoard:
And these in euery Bawdy house are drawne
Twice in a day, vnlesse they be at pawne.
If any fall together by the eares,
To field cries he, why zownes (to field) he sweares
Shew your selues men: hey, slash it out with blowes
Let one make tothers gut garter his hose:
Make steele and yron vmpires to the fray,
You shall haue me goe with, to see faire play▪
Let me alone, for I will haue a care
To see that one doe kill the other faire,
This is Contempt, thats euery ones disdainer,
The strife pursuer, and the peace refrainer:
Hates thunderbolt, damn'd: Murders larum-bell,
A neare deare kinsman to the diuell of hell:
And he whom Sathan to his humor brings,
Is th'only man for all detested things.
SATYR. 6.
TOm's no good fellow, nor no honest man:
Hang him, he would not pledge Raph halfe a can:
But if a friend may speak as he doth thinke,
Will is a right good fellow by this drinke.
Oh William, William, th'art as kinde a youth
As euer I was drunke with, thats the trueth.
[Page]Tom is no more like thee then chalk's like cheese,
To pledge a health, o
[...] to drinke vp-se freese:
Fill him his beaker, he will neuer flinch,
To giue a full quart pot the empty pinch.
Hee'le looke vnto your water well enough,
And hath an eye that no man leaues a snuffe:
A pox of peece-meale drinking (William saies)
Play it away, weele haue no stops and staies:
Blowne drinke is odious, what man can disgest it?
No faithfull drunkard but he doth detest it.
I hate halfe this; out with it, and an end,
He is a buzard will notpledge his friend,
But stands as though his drinkes malt-sacke were closed
With, Here'st'yee Sir Against you are disposed?
How say my friend, and may I be so bold?
Blowing on's beere like broth, to make it cold,
Keeping the full glasse till it stand and sower
Drinking but halfe a mile an hower:
Vnworthy to make one, or gaine a place,
Where boone companions gage the pots apace.
A mans a man, and therewithall an end,
Good fellowship was bred and borne to spend:
No man ere saw a pound of sorrow yet,
Could be alowd to pay an ounce of debt.
We may be here to day, and gone to morrow,
Call me for six pots more, come on, hang sorrow,
Tut, lacke an other day, why tis all one,
When we are dead, then all the world is gone.
Begin to me good Ned, what, hast gone right?
Is it the same that tickled me last night?
We gaue the Brewers diet-drinke a wipe,
[Page]Braue Malt-Tobacco in a quart pot pipe:
It netled me, and did my braines inspire:
I haue forsworne your drinking smoke and fier:
Out vpon Cane and leafe Tobacco smell,
Diuells take home your drinke, keepe it in hell.
Carowse in Canon Trinidado smoake,
Drinke healths to one an other till you choake,
And let the Indians pledge you till they sweate,
Giue me the element that drowneth heate:
Strong sodden water is a vertuous thing,
It makes one sweare and swagger like a King,
And hath more hidden vertue then you thinke:
For Ile maintaine, good liquor's meate and drink:
Nay, Ile goe further with you, for in troth
It is as good as meate, and drinke, and cloth:
For he that is in Malt-mans Hall inrolde,
Cares not a point for hunger nor for colde.
If he be cold, he drinketh till he sweate,
If he be hot, he drinkes to lay the heate:
So that how ere it be, cold or hot,
To precious vse he doth apply the pot:
And will approue it phisically sound,
If it be drunke vpon the Danish round,
Or taken with a pickle-herring or two,
As Flemmings at Saint Katherines vse to do:
Which fish hath vertue, eaten salt and raw,
To pull drinke to it, euen as leate doth straw,
Oh tis a very whetstone to the braine,
A March beere shewer puts downe A prill raine;
It makes a man actiue to leape and spring,
To dance and vault, to carowle and to sing.
[Page]For all exploits it doth a man enable,
T'outleape mens heads, and caper ore the table:
To burne sacke with a candle till he reeles,
And then to trip vp his companions heeles:
To sing like the great Organ-pipe in Poules,
And censure all men vnder his controules:
Against all commers ready to maintaine,
That deepest wit is in a drunken braine.
I marry is it, that it is he knowes it,
And by this drinke, at all times will depose it.
He sayes, that day is to a minute shrunke,
In which he makes not some good fellow drunke:
As for nine worthies on his Hostes wall,
He knowes three worthy drunkards passe them all
The first of them in many a Tauerne tride,
At last subdued by Aquauitae, dide.
His second Worthines date was brought to fine,
Feasting with Oysters and braue Renish wine.
The third, whom diuers Dutch men held ful deare
Was stabb'd by pickeld herrings & strong beere:
Well, happy is the man doth rightly know,
The vertue of three cups of Charnico,
Being taken fasting, th'onely cure for fleam,
It worketh wonders on the braine, extreame
A pottle of wine at morning, or at night,
Drunke with an apple, is employed right,
To rince the Liner, and to purifie
A dead sicke heart from all infirmitie.
SATYR. 7
LIu'd the Philosopher Heraclitus
In Troynouant, as once in Ephesus.
[Page]Were not Democrites liue, s-date full done,
But he with vs an's glasse some sand to runne?
How would the first, dry-weepe his watry eyes?
And th'others laughter eccho through the skies?
For while they in this world were resident,
Heraclitus for vertues banishment,
Perform'd a pensiue teare complaining part:
Democrites, he laugh'd euen from his hart,
Spending his time in a continuall iest,
To see base Vice so highly in request.
Weepe Vertues want, and giue sad sighes to boote:
Vice rides on horsedacke, Vertue goes on foote:
Yet laugh againe as fast on th'others side,
To see so vile a scumme prefer'd to ride.
But what wilt helpe to figh on flinty sin?
T'will not be mollifide as it hath bin:
Tis farre more highly fauour'd
[...]hen before,
Sin's no beggar standing at the dore,
That by his patches doth his want dispute,
But a right welcome Sir, for's costly sute:
And maske about with such an ostentation:
World saies; Vice-haters loues no recreation.
You shall haue smooth-fac'd neate dissimulation,
A true What lacke ye? by his occupation:
Will (I in trueth, yes truely) shew you ware,
All London cannot with his stuffe compare:
Nay, if you match it (go from him to any)
Take his for nothing, pay him not a penny.
At this, my simple honest Country-man
Takes Trueth and Truely for a Puritan;
And dares in's conscience sweare he loues no lying
[Page]But that they deale for, he giues him the buying.
To let him haue a pe
[...]worth he is willing,
Yet for a groates worth makes him pay a shilling;
Giues goodman Trollop one thing for an other,
And saies, hee'le vse him as he were his brother:
But while his eares with brothers tearms he feeds,
He proueth but a Coosen in his deedes:
Brotherhood once in kindred bore the sway,
But that dates out, and Coosnage hath the day.
The foregone ages that are spent and donne,
The old time past, that calls time present, Sonne;
[...]aw better years, & more plaine meaning howers
Then presently, or future following ours.
The world is naught, and now vpon the ending,
Grows worse & worse, & fardest off frō mending
Seuen grand diuels bred and borne in hell,
Are grac'd like Monarchs on the earth to dwell:
where they comand the worlds whole globy roūd
Leauing poore Vertuous life no dwelling ground.
Pride is the first, and he began with Eue,
Whose cognisance still's worne on womens sleeue
He fits the humors of them in their kinde,
With euery moneth, new liueries to their minde:
A buske, a maske, a fanne, a monstrous ruffe,
A boulster for their buttockes, and such stuffe:
More light & toyish then the wind blowne chaffe
As though they meant to make the diuell laffe.
The next that marcheth is the roote of euill,
Call'd Couetousnesse, a greedy rascall deuill:
To fill old yron barred chests, he rakes,
great rents for little Cottages he takes:
Hordeth vp corne, in hope to haue a yeere,
[Page]Fit for hit cut-thro at humor to sell desre.
Then is there a notorious hawdy feend,
Nam'd Lech
[...]rie, who all his time doth spend,
In two wheeld Coach, and bason occupation
Making a vaulting house his recreation,
Vnto his doore in summer howerly marches,
And euery Tearme looke for him in the Arches.
Enuie's the fourth, a Diuell dogged sprighted;
In others harmes he chiefly is delighted:
His heart against all charity is steeld,
His frownes are all challenges to the field:
Though nothing crosse him, yet he murmers euer
He langhes at somemans losse, or els laughs neuer.
Wrath is the next, that swaggers, fights, & sweares,
In Fleetstreete brauely at if by the eares:
Parboild in rage, pepperd in heate ofire,
Hot liuerd, and as chollericke as fire.
Vitlers and Sergants are beholden to him,
Till halter destenie, of life vndo him.
Sixe lubberly got belled deuill great,
Is Gluttony, swolne with excesse of meate:
His belliship containes th'insatiate gut,
Paunch'd liquor proofe, an'twere a Malmsie-but,
Dulled with drinke: this is his vsuall phraise,
Yet one quart, and a morsell more, he saies.
The last is Sloth, a lazie diuelish cur,
So trust in Idlenesse, he scarce can stur:
Lumpish and heauy thoughts, of Sathans giuing,
That rather begs, then labours for his liuing.
These seuen are feends come forth of Hells darke
On earth seducing soules, misguiding men.
FINIS.