BY this account, from the Earth to the Moone can be no lesse than three thousand furlongs, The occasion of the Dialogue. where wee tooke up our first lodging: from thence upwards to the Sunne, are about five hundred leagues: and from the Sunne to the heigth of Heaven, and the sublime seat of Jupiter himselfe, is as farre as a swift Eagle is able to reach in a whole dayes flight.

How now Menippus? Menippus was a cynick, in whose person our Author of­tentimes in­veighs against the Philosophers of his time. are you trading in Astro­nomie, and practising Arithmeticall conclusions so closely by your selfe? For as I followed after you, mee thought I heard you talke strangely of Suns and Moones, and leagues, and lodgings, and I cannot tell what.

Marvell not good friend, though I talke transcen­dently, and above the pitch of our common region, for I am making a summarie computation to my selfe of my late pe­regrination.

Why, good Sir, did you travell like The Phoenici­ans were very skilfull in Na­vigation and Astronomie: Plin. nat. hist. lib. 5. cap. 12. a Phenician, and score out your way by the course of the Starres?

I tell you no: for my journey lay among the very Starres themselves.

O Hercules, what a horrible long dreame were you taken withall, that could forget your selfe to be asleepe the travelling of so many leagues:

Why, friend, do you think I tell you a dream, and came from Jupiter but just now?

Say you so? is Menippus also falne downe from Jupiter amongst us?

I speake it seriously: I came but this day from [Page 10] that very Jupiter himselfe, where I both heard and saw matters exceeding all imagination: if you beleeve me not, I am the gladder of it, that my felicitie is not limited with­in the compasse of credite.

O divine and Olympicall Menippus, how should I, an earthly and mortall creature, distrust a man surmoun­ting the cloudes; Iliad lib. 5. v. 373. and, as Homer saith, one of the celestiall societie? yet I pray thee tell me, by what meanes thou got'st up so high, and how thou comm'st by a ladder of such a length: for I see no such beautie in thy face, that like a se­cond Ganymede was the Son of King Troös, whom, for his excellent beau­ty, Iupiter, transforming himselfe into an Eagle, tooke up into heaven, and made him his cup bearer, displacing Hebe the daughter of Juno, because that she, by rea­son of a fall as shee was atten­ding, had dis­grac'd her selfe before all the Gods. Ganymede, thou should'st be rapt up into heaven by an Eagle, to fill out wine to Jupiter.

I have found you flouting all this while: and I hold it no wonder though my strange reports be esteemed fabulous: But to accomplish my journey, I neither needed a ladder, nor to be belov'd of an Eagle, for I had wings of mine owne to doe it.

In this thou hast put downe Ovid. Metam. lib. 8. Daedalus to escape the tyranne of Minos, made artificiall wings for himself and his Son Icarus, and so flew out of Crete into Sicilie; but Icarus flying too high, th [...] waxe wherewith his wings were ioynted was melted by the Sun, and so he fell downe into the Sea, which afterwards bare his name: Icarus Icariis no­mina fecit aquis Ovid. Daedalus himselfe, and deceived us extreamly: for wee tooke thee for a man all this while, and now it seemes, thou art either some Kite or Crow.

Beleeve mee, friend, you are somewhat neere the marke: for that Daedalian invention of wings, was also put in practice by mee.

And how durst thou put thy selfe upon such an adventure, for feare of falling into the Sea, which after thy name might be called the Menippian Sea, as the other was called the Icarian.

I was secure of that: for Icaru's wings were cemented with waxe, which dissolving with the Sunne, he cast his feathers and could not chuse but fall: but my fea­thers were joynted with no such matter.

How then? for by little & little thou hast screw­ed me up, I cannot tell how, to imagine there may be some truth in thy narration.

Thus I did, I tooke a good bigge Eagle, and a strong Vulture, and cut off their wings at the first joynt: but it would doe better to tell you my whole conceit, from the first occasion, if your leisure will serve to heare it.

Exceeding well: for I am wholly intent to listen to your story, and in a longing to heare it all to the end: wherefore of all loves, deny me not; for I even hang as it were by the eares, to harken to your discourse.

Heare it then: for I should shew my selfe un­civill to leave a longing friend in such a plight: especially hanging by the eares, as you say, to heare it: and therefore thus it was. Pondering seriouslie with my selfe upon mat­ters pertaining to this life, I found all things affected by man, to be foolish, idle, and transitory: I meane, riches ho­nour, powerablenes, and the like: wherefore contemning them all, and all care to attaine them, and proposing to my selfe the study of things that were truly good, I endeavou­red to lift up my head, and to consider of the whole uni­verse in generall, which yeelded matter of much difficul­tie to my apprehension: First, that thing which wise men called the world: for I could never finde how it was made, nor who was the maker of it; nor what beginning it had, nor what end it should have. Next, I descended to parti­culars, which brought me into farre greater doubts then I was before: I saw the starres scattered up and downe the heaven carelesly, I know not how; and I much desired to learne what matter the Sunne was made of: But the greatest cause of marvell to mee was the Moone, whose course seemed contrary to all reason: and the often altera­tion of her shape I thought must needs proceed from some unknowne and secret cause: moreover, the suddain flash­es of lightning, the breaking out of the thunder, the raine, the snow, the falling downe of the haile, were utterly un­expressible to me, and I knew not what to thinke of them: being in this perplexitie, I thought I could not doe better, then to repaire to some of these Philosophers for my in­struction, who I thought were not to seeke in the true [Page 12] knowledge of any thing: The Philoso­phers desires. whereupon I made my choyce of the best among them, as well as I could guesse at them, by the grimnesse of their countenances, the palenes of their complexion, and the profunditie of their beards: for such men, I was perswaded could best speake deepe points of learning, and vvere best seene in celestiall matters: to them I committed my selfe, and gave them a good round summe of mony in hand, and more I promised to pay unto them, when I should attaine to be my Arts master in these points: for I had an incredible desire to talke like a learned man, and to have an insight into the order & course of all things: But I was so farre from being freed by their meanes out of my former ignorance, The distraction they put him in. that they brought me worse out of tune then I was before, every day filling my head with Be­ginnings, and Endings, and Atomes, and Vacuities, and Matters, and Formes, and I know not what. But that which most of all put me out of heart, was to heare how much they differed in opinions amongst themselves, thwar­ting, and overthwarting one another in every thing they spake: yet every man would have mee to bee a follow­er of his, and seeke to draw me to the bent of his owne bowe.

Strange it is, that wise men should bee at such oddes among themselves, as not to have the same opinion of the same things.

Beleeve me, friend, I know you could not chuse but laugh to heare their arrogant and prodigious speeches: that men confin'd to the earth, of no higher pitch then we that are with them, Their presum­ption. no sharper sighted then their neigh­bours dwelling nigh them, nay some of them, either through age or idlenesse, able to see nothing at all, should yet professe themselves to know the uttermost ends of hea­ven, to measure the compasse of the Sunne, to understand what is done above the Moone, and as if they had fallen from the Starres; describe the quantitie and fashion of eve­ry of them: and that they which oftentimes cannot truely [Page 13] tell you how farre it is betweene A City of At­tica little more then 20. Italian miles distant from Athens, so named in the raigne of Caros the son of Pho­roneus from the temples of Ceres which were there, built and so called Pausan. in At­tic. Their contra­dictions. Megara and Athens, should yet take upon them to tell how many cubits space it is betweene the Moone and the Sunne, and to measure out the height of the skie, the depth of the sea, and the compasse of the earth: and by making circles and circum­ferences, triangular, and quadrant dimensions, and by cer­taine round orbes, conclude upon the quantitie of heaven it selfe: but nothing doth more detect their ignorance and arrogancie, then their owne peremptory speeches about matters, vvhich all men know are to them unknowne: for they will affirme nothing upon likeliehood or possibilitie, but contend vvith all vehemency, (leaving no place for any other to outspeake them) and will almost take their oathes upon it, Anaxagoras. Diog. Laert. l. 1. that the Sunne is a lumpe of some kinde of mat­ter, made red hot with fire: Xenophanes. that the Moone is a region inhabitable, Heraclitus. and that the Starres drinke vvater by the help of the [...]unne, drawing vapours out of the Sea, as with a bucket, and bestowing it upon them all to drinke amongst them: but the contradiction of their opinions may easily be descried by any man, which I would have you take good notice of. and how little reconciliation is to be expected in such contrarieties. First, they varie in their opinions touching the vvorld: Melissus, and diverse others. Hee may seeme here to incline more to A­theisme then a­ny sect of Phi­losophie, but this is spoken in the person of Me­nippus, and not from his owne opinion. for some hold, it had no beginning, nor ever shall come to have an end: others as confidently affirme it had a maker, and describe the manner of the ma­king thereof. And these bee the men I most admire, that make some god to be the vvorkeman of all things, and yet tell us not from whence he came, or vvhere he stood vvhen he vvas about his vvorke: vvhereas, before the creation of the universe, it is impossible to imagine either time or place.

These are bold fellowes indeed, Menippus, and talke of strange matters.

What if you should heare them speake, sweete friend, of their Ideas and Incorporalities, Their tearmes. and how they ar­gue about finite and infinite, a quarell that can never be composed: for some confine the world to an end, others [Page 14] will have it without end: Xenophanes, vid. Laett. in e­jus vit. some give out that there are ma­ny worlds, and reprove them that talke as if there vvere but one: Heraclytus & Empedocles. another (some quarrelsome companion I warrant him) affirmes warre and falling out to be the originall of things: what should I trouble you to tell you of their gods? for to some The Pythago­reans. a certaine Arithmeticall number stands in steed of a god: Socrates. others sweare by dogges, geese, and plane trees: The Plato­nickes, Peripa­teticks &c. The­mistius the Phi­losopher, as it is recorded by So­crates in his Ec­clesiasticall Hi­storie, affirmes that there were above three hū ­dred severall o­pinions concer­ning God and Religion among the Heathen Philosophers. Soc. Eccl. Hist. lib. 4. c. 27. some would make a riddance of other gods, and ascribe the government of all things to one alone which drew mee in­to a great deale of distraction, to heare men hold such un­certainties of the gods: The Poets. others againe as liberally will al­low us gods enough, but they divide them into severall de­grees, calling one the chiefe god, and allotting the second place to others, and a third to the last: moreover, some hold opinion, that the godhead hath neither body, nor shape: and some are conceited of it as of a body: againe, all do not attribute to god, the provident disposing of our a [...]ires: The Epicureans. for there are some which exempt them from all care, as we do old men from bearing office, bringing them in, for all the world, like attendants in a stage play: Atheists others againe, go beyond all these, and will not beleeve there are any gods at all, but leave the world at randome to be carried about without governour or guide: when I heard all this, I could not but beleeve men that spake so bigge words and wore so bigge beards, yet knew not to what opinion to incline, where I might finde such certaintie as could not be confu­ted by others: and I was directly brought into such a case as Homer speakes of: The motives that caused him to undertak [...] this journey. for when I found my selfe many times apt enough to be led by some of them, suddenly a contrary conceipt would draw me another way. This brought mee into such a quandarie, that I despaired to have any true in­telligence in these matters upon earth, and thought there could be no better course to cleare my selfe from these un­certainties, then to get mee wings and make a journey into heaven, which I was brought in hope to effect, principally for the vehemencie of my desire, & next by the encourage­ment of [...], he is so termed by Plu­tarch, in his So­lon. but here by Lucian meerly in mockerie. Aesope the fable-maker; who made heaven per­vious [Page 15] to eagles, nay sometimes to beetles and camels: but to make feathers spring out of my flesh I thought it impossible by any devise I could imagine: yet if I could provide my selfe of wings either of a vulture or of an eagle (for they onely would be able to beare the weight of a mans body) then perhaps my project might proceed to some purpose: whereupon I got mee those birds, How hee fur­nished himselfe for it. and cut off the right wing of the one, and the left wing of the other which was the vulture, as handsomely as I could, and buckling them about mee, fastned them to my shoulders with thongs of strong leather, and at the ends of the uttermost feathers made mee loopes to put my hands through, and then be­gan to trie what I could do, leaping upwards at the first to begin withall, and sayling with my armes, lifted my bo­die a little from the ground, no higher then geese use to do, when they begin their flight, and keeping my selfe low, He practiseth to flie. often touched the earth with the top of my toes: but when I found by this, that my device was answerable to my hopes, I grew every day to bee more bold than other, and getting up to the top of the Castle, stew from thence, and alighted at the Theater. After so great a flight taken without any danger, my minde carried mee to matters of more eminencie: and beginning my course, sometimes at the Hill A hill in Ar­tica. Parnes, somtimes at Mount A Mountaine in Artica very fruitfull for Bees, where was a statua of Ju­piter, thence called Jupiter Hymettius. Pausan. in Ar­tic. Hym [...], would flie as farre as to A hill in Me­garis Thucyd. lib. 1. Garanea, and from thence up to The top of the Mountain han­ging over the Citie Corinth. Acr [...] ­corinthus: then over A Hill in Ar­cadia. Pholoe, and A Mountaine in Arcadia. Eryma [...]bus, and so to A Mountaine in Laconia. Pausan. in Lacon. Taygetus. When I had thus well practised my selfe in my new profession, and growne so perfect, that I could mount at pleasure, I thought my selfe a chicken no longer, but got me up to the top of A high Mountaine in Greece, bordering on the one side on Thessalie, on the other on Mace­donia. Paus. used by the Poets for Heaven. Olympus, and there furnishing my selfe with victuales as expeditely as I could, from thence took my He beginneth his journey.way directly towards Heaven: and at the first, the distance made mee somwhat dizzie for a time, but afterwards I endured it well enough: when I was got up [Page 16] as high as the Moone, by making way thorough so many cloudes, I found my selfe wearie, especially upon the left wing, which was of the Vulture: I therefore sate me down upon it to rest my selfe, from thence looking towards the Earth that was beneath me, Iliad 8. v. 51. and like Homers Jupiter, som­time beheld the horsemen of Thrace, and sometimes the Mysians: then if I pleas'd mee, would cast mine eye upon Greece, or upon Persia, or India, out of all which countries I was filled with varietie of rare delights.

Tell me that too, good Menippus: let no one par­ticular of your travels be left out, but whatsoever came to your view, though it were no appurtenance to your jour­ney, yet let me heare it: for I looke for no ordinary matter from you, but to bee inform'd what fashion the Earth was of, and all that was in it, as you beheld it from above.

Your expectation shall not faile you, my good friend: for, placing my selfe upon the Moone as well as I could, shee travelled with me in her usuall course, and holp mee to survey the order of all earthly things: and at the first, me thought I saw a very little kinde of Earth, far lesse than the Moone: and thereupon stooping downe, could not yet finde where such Mountaines were, or such a Sea, nor see The Rhodian Colossus was a statua of brasse 70. cubits high, so that the ships might sayle betwixt his legs: it was the workman­ship of Chares the Lyndian, and when it had stood about 56. yeares, was throwne downe by an Earth­quake: this and the Towre of Pharos in Ae­gypt, built by Sostratus the Gnidian, at the appointment of King Ptolome, which cost 800. Talents, were reckoned among the wonders of the world. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 34. cap. 7. & lib. 36. cap. 12. the Rhodian Colossus, or the Tower of Pharos (for you must know, the Earth was altogether hid from mee) though now they are eminent, and put up their heads above all other things: At the last, the glittering of the Ocean by the Sunne beames shining upon it, made me conjecture it was the Earth I saw, and fixing mine eyes more stedfastly on it, the whole life of man was made apparent to mee, not by Nations and Cities, but all particular sort of persons, Marriners, Souldiers, plough-men, Lawyers, Women, Beasts, Hom. Odys. lib. 11. v. 309. and whatsoever feedeth upon the face of the Earth.

Nay now, Menippus, you have overshot your selfe exceedingly, and contradicted what you said before: even now you were faine to looke narrowly to find out the Earth, & when the Colossus appear'd unto you, you thought [Page 17] it might perhaps be some other thing: how came you then upon a sudden to be such a Lynceus was one of the Ar­gonauts that went with Ja­son for the gol­den Fleece: hee was said to be so sharpe of sight, that hee could looke through a wall, or into the earth, and dis­cover the vaines of mineralls: Plinie sayes that he could see the new Moone in the signe A­ries, the 1. day of her chang, & that the name grew thence in­to a proverbe. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 2. cap. 17. Lynceus, as to discerne all that vvas upon the earth; men, beasts, yea almost the very nests of gnats?

I thanke you for your good remembring of me, for what did most concerne me to tell you, I know not how, was by me utterly omitted: for when mine eye hadled mee to the knowledge of the earth, and yet not a­ble to see any things else by reason of the distance which my sight could not attaine unto, it grieved me much, and I was in great anguish of minde: and being growne utterly disconsolate, and ready to shed teares for sorrow, sudden­ly behinde my back there stood the wise Empedocles the Philosopher flourished be­twixt the 80. and 90. Olym­piads. Empedacles, as blacke as a coale to looke to, and covered cleane over with ashes, as if he had beene broyled in the embers. and to tell you plaine, at the first, the sight made me agast, and I thought some lunarie spirit had appeared unto me: but he said, be of good cheare, Menippus, Homer. O­dyss. lib. 16. v. 187. thus be­ginnes Ulisses discovering him selfe to his son Telemachus. Diogenes La­ert. in vit. Emped. I am no god: take me not for one of the immortall: I am the Physicall: Empedo­cles, that tumbled my selfe headlong into the tunnells of mount Aetna, This Lucian addes to the story, we reade indeed of one of his slippers that was blowne backe againe, and by that meanes it was guest what became of him and was thence cast out againe by the strength of the smoake, and tost up hither, and now dwell in the Moone; and am carried about in the aire as shee is, feeding only upon the dew: the purpose of my comming is to free thee from thy present anxietie, for I know it doth afflict thee much, that thou canst not clearely discerne what is done upon the earth. Kindely done of you, honest Empedocles, said I; and as soon as my winges have brought me downe into Greece, I will remember to sacrifice unto you upon the tunnell of my chimney; and at every change, will there make my prayers in publike to the Moone: I sweare, said he, by Endymion, as some have thought, was a great A­stronomer, and therfore feigned by the Poets to be beloved of the Moon who was so taken with his beauty as he lay sleeping on mount Latmos, that to enjoy his company she left her chariot to be guided by her brother Endymion, I come in no such respect; A ve­ry fit altar for such a smoakie Deitie. [Page 18] onely, it grieved me at the heart to see thee in so great sor­row: but knowest thou any meanes how to amend thy sight and make it better; beleeve me no, said I, unlesse you, have somewhat that can wipe the weft of mine eyes, for I finde my selfe very dimme sighted: you have no need of any farther helpe, said he, for you have brought that from the earth with you, that can make you see well enough; and what may that bee, said I? Know you not, said hee, that you have the right wing of an Eagle about you? yes said I, but what is the wing to the eye? the Eagle, said he, by farre is the sharpest sighted of all creatures, and only able to looke against the Sunne, and she is thought the roy­allest, and truest begotten Eagle, that can behold t [...] bright Sunne without winking. So I have heard indeed, said I; and it much repenteth me, that when I undertooke a jour­ney hither, I had not pluckt out mine owne eyes, and put the eyes of an Eagle into my head: for I am now come un­perfect, and not royally prepared, but rather as a mis-be­gotten mungrell, cast off, and forsaken by my friends. It is in your power, said he, presently to make one of your eyes royall: How his sight was cleared. for if you will but arise alittle, and lay aside the wing of the Vulture, and onely keepe the other wing on, according to the situation of your wings your right eye shall be sensible of any thing: the other must continue darke doe what you can, because that side is defective: I care not, said I, if my right eye only be as apprehensive as an Eagle, it will serve my turne well enough: for I have noted, that Carpenters, when they would lay their line alight indeed to square out their timber, use to looke but with one eye: And with that word, I did as Empedocles had advised me who by little and little vanished away, and was dissolved into smoake. When I vvas vving'd as I ought to be, upon a suddaine a great light did shine round about me, and all things that before were hidden from me, were now per­spicuous and easie to bee discerned, wherefore, stouping downewards towards the earth, I perfectly descried both Cities and men, and every thing that was done; not onely [Page 19] under the open prospect of heaven, but vvhat vvas acted in private houses, vvhich men thought could never come to light. There saw I Ptolomie, The abominable acts, and tragi­call ends of de­verse wicked Princes and Tyrants. committing incest vvith his sister; Lysimachus, betraying by his sonne; Antiochus, the sonne of Seleucus, falling in love vvith Stratonice, his mo­ther in law: Alexander the Thessalian, slaine by his wife: Antigonus adulterating his sonnes wife, and Attalus poy­soned by his sonne: on the other side, I saw Arsaces killing his wife, and the Eunuch Arbaces drawing his sword a­gainst Arsaces: Spartinus the Median by his Guard dragg'd out from a banquet by the heeles, and his head wounded with a standing cup of gold: the like was to be seene done in Lysia, and among the Scythians and Thracians, in the Courts of their Kings, adulteries, murthers, treacheries, rapines, perjuries, feares, and false-heartednesse towards their friends: thus was I occupied in beholding the affaires of Kings. But the acts of private persons were farre more ridiculous, for I beheld them also, The base condi­tions of sundry Philosophers. and saw Hermodorus the Epicure, forswearing himselfe for a thousand Dragmes; Agathocles the Stoike, going to law with his Scholler for the hire of his teaching; Clinias the Rhetorician stealing a peece of Plate out of the Temple of Aesculapius, and Hero­philus the Cynick asleepe in a bawdy-house: what should I tell you of other men, of whom some were breakers up of houses, some wranglers in law-suits, some usurers, some exactors: indeede the sight was most variable and full of diversitie.

You have done friendly, Menippus, in imparting this unto mee, and I know it could not chuse but give you extraordinary content.

To deliver every thing in order, good friend, is altogether impossible, it was worke enough for mee to see it: but the totall of what was done, made such a shew as Iliad. 18. à v. 480. ad v. 608. Homer described upon Achilles shield: in one place were merrie meetings and marriages: in another tri­alls of suits and courts of justice: here was one sacrificing for joy of his good fortune; and his next neighbour in hea­vinesse [Page 20] and mourning: Hee speakes here according to the customes, conditions, and imployments of these severall Nations. when I looked towards the Getes I saw thē fighting, & turning my sight to the Scythians I saw them wandring about in wagons: then casting mine eyes on the other side, I beheld the Aegyptians tilling their land; the Phoenician trading in marchandise, and the Cilician practising pyracie, the Laconian was lasht with whips, and the Athenian was going to law: all these being in action at one instant, you may imagine what a confused apparition was presented to my view: as if many singing men should be brought into a roome together, or rather many quiers of singing men, and every man commanded to sing a seve­rall tune, and strive to make his owne song good, and with the strength of his voice to drowne the notes of the other. I beseech you what is your conceit of such a noise?

O Menippus, it must needs be both foolish and of­fensive to the eare.

Beleeve mee, friend, such singers as these, are all they that dwell upon the earth: and of such unmusicall discords, is the whole life of man composed: and not one­ly of untunable notes, but of disproportionable motions, and no man takes notice of it, untill the master of the quier drive them every man off the stage, and tell them hee hath no more cause to use them: then all at once are striken si­lent, and cease from that confused and disorderly song: but in this variable and disparible Theater of the world, though all things appeared most absurd and peevish, yet I thought I had most cause to deride them, that contend about the li­mits of their lands, and take much upon them because they have corne growing in Sicyon was a city of Pelo­ponnesus, be­tweene Corinth & Achaia. Pausan. in Attic. Sicyonia, or lands lying in that part of A town in At­tica. Thucy. l. 2. Marathen which borders upon A towne on the borders of Attica. Oenoe, or are Lords of a thousand acres among the Acharnae is a towne of Attica distant some 63 furlongs from Athens. Thuc. lib. 2. Acharnens: for all Greece in my eye exceeded not the bredth of foure fingers, of which the country of Attica was the least part: and I therefore could but conceive how little was left for our rich men to be proud of, when the greatest landed man amongst them seemed to possesse scarcely the quantitie of an The least quan­titie that can be imagined. Epicurean Atome: then casting mine eye upon Peloponnesus, and in it [Page] beholding the country of A territory betweene Argia and Laconia, towards the sea side, about which there was a bat­tle fought be­twixt the Lace­daemonians & Argives, where­in both sides thought they had the victory. Thucyd. lib. 5. Cynuria, I remembred how ma­ny Lacedaemonians and Argives lost their lives in one day for a plott of ground hardly so bigge as an Aegyptian beane: againe, when I saw men thinke well of themselves because they were so well stor'd with gold in rings and cupboords of plate, I could not possibly containe my laugh­ter, when whole A mountaine in Thrace aboue the Pierian bay. Thucyd. l. 2. Pangaeum and all the mettalls in it, were no bigger in quantitie then the smallest seede.

O happy Menippus, for injoying so rare a spe­ctacle! but I beseech you let mee heare somewhat of men and cities, what shew thy made when you were so high.

I am sure you have often seene a swarme of emets: how some of them trot up and downe: some issue out, some return again into their hold: one carries out filth: another snatcheth up a peece of a beane bull, or part of a wheat corne, and runnes away with it as fast as hee can: to these the life of man hath most resemblance: some build houses, some affect popularity, some authority, some will be Musicians, some Philosophers: and their cities not farre unlike the houses of emets: if you thinke it a poore com­parison to liken men to such small creatures, peruse the an­cient Most of the ancient fables of the Greekes had their begin­ning in Thessa­lie, & the coun­tries therabouts. Plin. Nat. Hist. l 4. in prooem. Thessalian fables, and you shall finde that the Iupiter at the prayer of his son Aeacus King of Aegin [...], an I­land of Greece, transformed a great multitude ef Ants, which he saw in a hollow oake into men, and gave them unto him, Juno having be­fore by a fearfull pestilence depopulated his whole country. They were called Myrmidons from [...], which signifieth in Greeke an Ant. Ovid Metam. Myr­midons, a warlike nation had their first originall from emets. When I had thus seene enough to serve my turne, and satisfied myselfe with laughter at it, I set my wings to­gether againe, to take my flight to the habitation of hea­venly Jove: and had not mounted a full furlong up, but the Moone with a feminine voice, spake to mee in this manner, Menippus, well may you speed: let mee intreat you to car­ry a thing from mee to Jupiter: what may it be said I, for I will not refuse you, unlesse it be heavie: onely a message, quoth shee, not offensive, but a petition, which I would have you preferre in my name to Jupiter: for I am weary of my life, Menippus, to heare so many monstrous speeches [Page 22] passe out of the mouthes of Philosophers concerning mee, who it seemes have nothing else to doe, but busie them­selves about mee, enquiring what I am made of, and of what quantitie I am, and for what cause I appeare some­times halfe, sometimes three quarters: some say I am a regi­on inhabitable, some that I hang over the sea like a looking glasse, and every man puts upon mee whatsoever comes in his owne conceipt, nay, they will not allow the very light I have to be mine owne, but say I stole it from another, and had it from the Sunne above, and never will let mee alone, but seeke to make debate and variance betwixt mee and him that is my brother, not satisfying themselves with the opprobrious speeches they have given out against him, vvhom they make no better then a stone, or some kinde of mettall made red-hot vvith fire: yet have I seene some villanies abominable and beastly committed in the night time by these men that looke so severely by daylight, and carrie so setled a countenance, that are so grave in their habit, and so much respected by simple men, which I for­bare to speake of, because I thought it unmannerly to pub­lish and reveale their nocturnall conversation, or bring their lives as it were upon the stage: for when I found any of thē, either playing the whoremaster, or the thiefe, or occupied in any such worke of darknesse, I would plucke in my head under a cloud, & cover my face, that every man should not see what was acted by old mē, adorn'd with such abundāt beards & carrying such an opinion of vertue and honesty: yet will they never give over to lacerate me with ill language, and abuse me in the highest degree: insomuch, that (I sweare unto thee, by the night) I have often beene in hand to re­move my seate further, to avoyde the being subject to their clamorous and chattering tongues: remember to ac­quaint Jupiter with this, and tell him farther, that it is im­possible for me to remaine in my region, unlesse he utterly confound these naturall Philosophers, and stop the mouthes of the Logicians, Three princi­pall Schooles for Philosophers, from whence as many sorts de­rive their names. blow up the Stoa, set fire on the Acade­mie, and suffer no more disputations to be held in Peripa­tus: [Page 23] so may I hap to live in peace, that am now daily dila­niated and quarterd out amongst them. It shall be done, said I, and so struck up directly towards Heaven, Odys. lib. 10. v. 98. and had soone lost sight of all that was done either by men or beasts, and within a while, the Moone it selfe began to be lessened, and the Earth was utterly hid from me: His arrivall at Heaven. then I left the Sun upon my right hand, and taking my flight thorow the Starres, the third day I arriv'd at Heaven. And at the first, thought it my best course, attired as I was, to presse in sud­denly amongst them, supposing I should easily rest undis­covered, because on the one halfe I was an Eagle, a fowle, which I knew of old, was very familiar with Jove: but afterwards I bethought my selfe, that my Vultures wing could not possibly be conceal'd; wherefore I held it best not to be too bold, but approaching more neere, knock't at the doore: Mercurie heard me by and by, and asked my name: The Messenger of the Gods. which, when I had delivered, hee went back againe as fast as he could, to tell it to Jupiter: within a while after I was called in, terribly trembling with feare, and found them all sitting together in the same taking, extreamly vex't with care and anxietie; for my strange adventure put them all in­to no small perplexitie, deeming all men would dare to wing themselves in the same manner, and doe as I had done. Jupiter then with a fierce and truculent aspect, fixing his eye upon me, said: Odys. 1. v. 107. What art thou for a man? from what Citie commest thou? and who are thy parents? At the sound of his voyce, I was stricken almost dead with feare, and stood like a dumbe man, astonished with the thunder of his words: but in a while, recovering my selfe, I delivered the whole matter to him from the beginning; My desire to bee taught in high points, my repaire to Philosophers for that purpose, the contradiction I found amongst them, my di­straction by that meanes, my device thereupon, my wings, and every thing else till my arrivall at Heaven, ultimating my speech with the message from the Moone: whereat hee smiling and clearing his countenance a little, what should wee talke of Two Gyants the Sonnes of Aloeus, that tore up Mount Ossa by the rootes, and set it on Olympus, and Pelion on that againe, that they might by that meanes reach to heaven and fight a­gainst the Gods, being but nine years old a piece. Otus and Ephialtes, said hee, when Menippus [Page 24] dare put such an adventure in practice? but for the present you shall be my guest: to morrow wee will sit in counsell upon the businesse you come for, and then you shall have your dispatch: vvith that, rising up, he vvent towards that part of heaven, where all things might best be heard, for it was time of day to attend to prayers: and by the way as he was going, questioned me upon earthly matters, vvhat price vvheat was in Greece, vvhether the last hard winter did not pinch us shrewdly, and vvhether grasse wanted not more raine: then he askt me vvhether any of Odys. 11. v. 311. A rare A­thenian Car­ver, and chiefly famed for the Image of Jupi­ter Olympius, which was wrought by him in Ivory, and accounted one of the seaven wonders of the world. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 7. cap. 38. & lib. 34. cap. 8. Phidias vvorkes were now to be had; vvhy the Athenians had gi­ven over the A yearly feast kept by the A­thenians here­tofore in the honour of Ju­piter. Diasia feast so many yeares, vvhether they intended to solemnise the Games and maisteries, as running wrast­ling, &c. So­lemnized every fifth yeare on mount Olym­pus, in honour of Jupiter, by which solemni­tie the Greci­ans reckoned their yeares, as the 1, 2, or 3. yeare of such an Olympiade. Olympian games, and vvhether the theeves were taken that robbed his temple at In this place there is a cold spring, into which, if a burning torch be dipp't, it will put it out, but being out before, it will set it on fire. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 2. cap. 103. Dodane. When I had answered him to these questions as I could, but tell me Menippus, I pray thee, said he, vvhat doe men thinke of me? that thou art a Lord of soveraigne majestie, said I, and king of all the Gods: O thou dost but jest, said he, for I know their froward dispositions well enough though thou never tell it. Indeed the time hath been, vvhen I vvas the onely Prophet, the onely Physitian, and all in all amongst them: every streete, every assemblie vvas filled with the fame of Jupiter: my temples of Dodone and A City in Achaia. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 4. cap. 5. He brings in Jupiter asking these idle questions, and making this complaint, to shew the vanitie of the Poets and others, who impose such weakenesses and triviall cares upon the Gods. Pisa carried away the credit from them all; the smoake of sacri­fices ascended up so thicke, that I was scarcely able to open mine eyes for it: but since Apollo erected his oracle in Delphus, and The god of Physicke. Aesculapius set up shop in Pergamus, The name of Dia­ana amongst the Thracians, [...] Hesych. Ber­dis had her temple in Thrace, Anubis in Aegypt, and Di­ana in Ephesus; all the vvorld goeth a gadding after them, there they keepe their solemne meetings, and consent to offer their A sacrifice of a hundred Oxen, or other Cattell. Hecatombes: but I am so far out of date with [Page 25] them, that they think it honour enough for me, if I be sacri­ficed unto every fifth yeare in Olympus: therefore you may finde mine altars more cold, then either Which were onely written, never practised. Plat [...]s lawes, or An old Logi­cian and quite out of use. Chrysippus syllogismes: with such talke as this we past away the time, till we came to the place where he was to sit downe and hearken to mens prayers: There were cer­taine holes in heaven, with little covers, set upon them in order one by another, like the liddes of wells: and by eve­ry one of them stood a chaire of gold: Jupiter therefore, senting himselfe in the first, and taking off the cover, gave care to those that made their prayers to him; The vain pray­ers and petiti­ons of men. and certainly there was great variety and repugnancie in their petitions: for I also stooping my selfe downewards, was made parta­ker of them, which were to this purpose. O Jupiter, that I might be a king: O Jupiter, send mine onions and gar­like to grow vvell this yeare: O Jupiter, that my father vvould die shortly: another prayed, O that I might sur­vive my vvife, O that my plot against my my brother may be concealed, O that I might prevaile in my suite at law, O that I might get the garland at Olympus: the Marriners prayed, some for a North winde, some for a South: The husbandman prayed for raine, and the fuller for Sun-shine: Jupiter heard them all, and seriously examined every mans prayers: yet, would not give way to every thing was as­ked, Iliad. lib. 16. v. 250. He derides in this the opinion of men in those times, who thought the gods had respect more to the value of the sacrifice, then the will of the offerer. but some he granted like a gracious father, and some he denied: the righteous prayers he admitted to come up to him through the hole, and laid them on his right hand: the unjust he sent backe againe vvithout their errand, and blew them downe, that they might never come nigh to heaven: yet, at one prayer I perceived he vvas put hard to it: for two men had made their petitions contrary, and pro­mised equall sacrifices upon performance; so that he knew not which way to encline, but was driven to an Academi­call suspence, not able to pronounce certainly of any thing, but like scepticall Who of a Painter became a Philosopher, and father of the Sceptick sect who profest no determination, or settled opini­on, but a conti­nuall doubting in all things. Pyrrhe, referr'd it to further know­ledge: When he had done his part at hearing prayers, he removed to the next chaire, and taking off the next cover, [Page 26] downewards to oathes and protestations, and when he had enough of them, A perjur'd Phi­losopher, see be­fore. and crusht in pieces Hermodorus the Epi­cure, he went to the next seate, and listned to oracles, an­swers, and auguries, and from thence shifted to the doore of sacrifices, through which the smoake ascended, and brought vvith it to Jupiter the name of every one that of­fered. Jupiter disposes of the weather. When he had done with these, hee was to take or­der with the vvinds, and the vveather what they should doe: to day let there bee raine in Scythia, lightning and thunder in Lybia, and snow in Greece: let the North winde blow in Lydia, and the South winde be still: let the West winde make tempestuous the Adriaticke sea, and let some thousand bushels of haile be scattered in Cappadocia. When hee had made a dispatch of all, wee went to supper, for it vvas high time to eate: so Mercurie tooke me, & placed me with Inferiour gods and of the low­est ranke. Pan, and the Corybantes, and Attis, and Sabazius: those inquiline and uncompleat Gods, where Ceres served us with bread, Bacchus with wine, Hercules with flesh, Venus with The Myrtle tree is consecra­ted to Venus. There was in Rome an anci­ent altar dedi­cated Veneri Myrteae. Plin. lib. 15. cap. 29. mirtle berries, and Neptune with fish. I had a tast also by chance of the Nectar and Ambrosia: for honest Ganymed, out of his love to mankinde, no sooner could see Jupiter looke another way, but hee would be sure to fit me with a cuppe or two of it presently. Yet, the prime gods (as Iliad. 5. v 341. Hee scoffes at Homers bolde determination. Homer saith in a certaine place, who I thinke had seen them as well as I) neither eate meate, nor drinke wine, but feede upon Ambrosia, and tipple one to another in Nectar: for their most pleasing diet, is the savour of the sacrifices carried up vvith the smoake, and the bloud of the oblati­ons vvhich sacrificers power upon their altars: But whilst wee were at supper, Apollo plaid upon his harpe, and Foster father, and tutor to Bacchus. Silenus daunced, the Muses stood up, and sung unto us Hesiodus his Theogonia, and the first Ode of Pindarus sonets, Iliad. 2. v. 1. and when wee were all well satisfied, every man went to his rest, Apollo is al­wayes pictur'd like a young man without a beard. to my thinking, reasonable well whittled: but, though men and gods slept all night long, yet I could take no rest, for many thoughts ranne in my head, which kept mee waking, especially, how Apollo could live to that [Page 27] age, and never have any beard: or how there should be night in heaven, and the Sunne still resident among them, and feast together with them. At the last I began to nodde a little: Jupiter cals the gods together. But Jupiter getting up betimes in the morning cau­sed an assembly to be proclaimed, and when they were all come together, beganne with them in this manner. The cause of my conventing you at this time, is the stranger that arrived here yesterday: I had formerly intended to tell you my minde touching these Philosophers, His speech a­gainst the Phi­losophers. chiefly incited there to by the Moone, and the abuses shee chargeth them withall, and therefore purpose not to trouble you with any further matter, for there is a kind of men lately spread in the world that are slouthfull, contentious, vain glorious, en­vious, gluttonous, foolish, arrogant, injurious, Iliad. lib. 18. v. 104. in the speech of Achil­les to his mother Thetis. and as Homer saith * an unprofitable burthen of the earth: these have cut themselves into sects, and devised many different and inex­tricable Labyrinthes of argumentation, some naming them­selves Stoicks, some Academickes, some Epicures, and some Peripatetickes, with many other more foolish titles then these: and involving themselves within the venerable name of vertue, carry their countenance aloft, and stroake out their beards at length, and traversing the world, under a counterfeit habit, cover most abominable conditions, like our ordinary actors in Tragedies, from whom if you de­tract their vizards and brave apparell, the remainder will be apish and discover a poore fellow, hired to play his part for a few pieces of silver: they being no better then these, yet live in contempt of all men and publish monstrous opi­nions of the gods: if they can draw in a simple yong man, they make vertue the common place of their discourse, and teach them to make intricate and indissoluble arguments, speaking to their scholler continually in praise of patience and temperance, & in detestation of riches & pleasure: but when they are alone by themselves, no such gluttons as they, no such lechers, yea, they will licke up the very drosse of silver: and which is most intolerable, they will be men of no function neither in publike not private, but a super­fluous [Page 28] kinde of people, Iliad. lib. 2. v. 202. The words of Vlisses to the common souldiers. without imployment either in warre or peace: and yet condemne all others, making it their onely practise, with multitude of bitter speeches and reviling tearmes to abuse other men: Hee is thought the bravest fellow amongst them that can brawle loudest, and hath the most audacious and temerarious tongue to deli­ver leud reports. If a man should aske one of these fellows, that inforce and straine themselves so farre to exclaime and crie out against others, I beseech you Sir, what are you good for your selfe, and what place in the common weale do you supply? hee must needs say, if hee will say justly, and accor­ding to truth, that, to be a sea-man, or a husbandman, or a souldier, or a tradesman, I hold it base: I roare, and goe in ragges, I wash in cold water, and weare no shoes in winter, yet, like a Momus, I can carpe at other men: if a rich man make a feast, or keepe his whore, I will be sure to have about with him, and hit him in the teeth with it: but if any deare friend of mine lie sicke and diseased, and like to perish for food or physicke, I will not owne him: These be the cattle I complaine of, O ye gods, and the worst among them all, are they that are called Epicures: for they be the men that do most abuse us, and goe nearest to the quicke, affirming that the gods are neither carefull of mens affaires, nor respectfull of any thing that is done it is therefore high time to looke about you; for if this doctrine should once be put into mens heads, you are like enough to starve for hun­ger: for who will offer you any sacrifice, and looke to be never the better for its ye likewise all heard by the stranger that came yesterday, what complaint the Moone hath made against them, which I beseech you consider well of, and take such order, as may best tend to the benefit of mankind, and the safetie of your selves: when Jupiter had said thus much, the whole assembly was moved, and cried out sud­denly all at once, destroy them with thunder, burne them up with lightning, cast them headlong into hell, into Tar­tarus, as were the gyants: but Jupiter againe commanding silence, said, your will shall be performed, and they all with [Page 29] all their Logick shall be confounded utterly: but at this pre­sent, I can by no meanes take punishment of any man: for you know wee are to keepe holiday these foure next mo­neths, during which time, I have taken truce with all the world: but the beginning of the next spring those accursed caitiffes shall cursedly perish, Iliad 1. v. 528. by the dismall dint of my terrible thunder dart, (which hee confirm'd with his royall assent) as for Menippus, said hee, this doome shall passe up­on him, his wings shall be taken from him, lest he should re­turne a second voyage, and Mercurie shall take him this day to set him againe upon the earth: and when hee had so said, he dismist the assemblie: and Mercurie taking hold of my right care, so carried me dangling downe, and on the morrow towards evening, set me in A street in A­thens, so called from Ceramus the son of Bac­chus and Ariad­ne. Paus. in Att. Ceramicus: You have heard all, my good friend, all the newes I can tell you out of heaven, and am now going to relate the same to the Phi­losophers that walke A porch or walke in A­thens, so called for the varietie of pictures wherewith it was adorned (for [...] in Greeke signifies variously coloured) In this porch were to be seene these peeces, First the Athenians set in battell aray against the Lacedaemonians in Oenoe a towne of the Argives. In the middle wall, Theseus leading the Athenians in fight against the Amazons. In the third place the battell of Marathon, in which the Persians were overthrowne by the Athenians, all pictured to the l [...]fe, and amongst the rest Miltiades, Echetlus, and Callimachus. Pausan. in Attic. in Poecile.

Is not this Menippus the Cynick? certainly it must needs be hee, or I never saw Menippus, but what meane these strange acontrements? a hat, a harpe, and [Page 30] a Lyons skinne: I will be so bold as salute him: Menippus, well met: out of what climate are you arrived, for you have not beene seene in the city this many a day:

Eurip. Hecub. v. 1. From dead mens cells, and gates of death I come,

Where hell is seated farre from sight of Sunne.

Good god, and hath Menippus beene dead, and revived againe, and no body aware of it?

Euripid.Not so, Hell gave me entrance though a living man.

What moved thee to take such an uncouth journey in hand?

Euripid. Youth set mee on, and boldnesse more then youth.

I pray thee no more of this Tragicke stuffe, but speake thy minde plainly to mee without any Iambickes: what meanes this habit? and what necessitie enforced thee to travell those low countries? I am sure the way could give thee no great content.

O my friend,

Is the man well in his wits? mee thinkes thou shouldst not rappe out verses so roundly to them that come to salute thee in love:

Pardon mee for it, honest friend, I pray you: I have beene lately so conversant with Euripides, and Homer, that my belly is ready to burst with verses: they tumble out of my mouth whether I will or no: but first let mee heare from you how the world goes upon earth, and what men do in the city.

Faith, follow the old fashion: they are no changelings: for still they extort with all extremitie, for­sweare themselves abominablie, oppresse one another most unconscionably, and get all they can, be it never so basely.

O miserable men, and most unhappy: little know they what lawes have past below, and what decrees are there established against rich men: which by A three head­ed dogge that keeps hell gates. Cerberus I sweare, they shall never be able to avoid.

Is it true indeed? are there any new edicts put [Page 31] out in those parts, touching matters done here above?

Many I assure you, which I may not reveale, nor disclose the secrets of the kingdome, lest a bill of im­pietie should be preferred against me, to Rhadamanthus. One of the Iudges of hell.

Nay, good Menippus, for gods sake, let me intreate you: envy not your friends the benefite of your relation: you shall utter it to him that knowes how to keepe counsell, and already initiated in those kinde of my­steries.

You enjoyne me a hard taske, which cannot bee undertaken with any great securitie: yet for your sake, I will make bold a little; for it is decreed there, that these rich and well monyed men, that keepe their gold as fast lockt as ever was The daughter of Acrisius kept close by her fa­ther in a brazen tower, but Ju­piter comming to her in a shower of gold, lay with her, and begot Per­seus. Ovid. Metam. lib. 6. The occasion of the journey. Danae,—

Nay, good sir, forbeare the decree, till you have told me that first, which I am first desirous to heare; namely, the cause of your journey, what guide you had to conduct you, and then in order, what you saw or heard there: for I know you a man so observant of rarities, that nothing worth the sight or hearing could escape you.

I will humour you in this also: for what will not a man doe, importuned by his friend? and first open mine owne conceit unto you, and the occasion that drew me to this descent: for vvhen I was a young boy, and heard what Homer and Hesiodus had written of vvarres and hur­liburlies that were, not onely among the demi-gods, but even the great gods themselves, their adulteries, their op­pressions, their rapines, their dissentions, Too much liber­ty used by the Poets in their reports of the gods. their expulsions of parents, and their marriages of brothers. I thought all this to bee very well done, and grew into a good liking of it: But comming to mans estate, I heard that the lawes gave precepts contrary to the Poets, forbidding all adulte­rie, dissention, and oppression: which brought mee into such a distemper, that I knew not what to doe with my selfe: Menippus for satisfaction re­p [...] [...] the Philosophers. for I imagined the gods vvould never have beene lecherous, or contentious, if they had not thought well of it, nor the law-makers have enjoined the contrary, if it had [Page 32] not beene for our good. Being driven into this kinde of difficultie, I thought I could not doe better, then betake my selfe to those kinde of men vvhom vvee call Philosophers, and become a disciple of theirs, beseeching them to doe what they would with me, so that they would settle mee in some direct and constant course of life: Their difference in opinion. With this in­tention, I committed my selfe to them, and unwittingly, as the proverbe saith, to shunne the smoake, cast my selfe into the fire: for among them, I found more ignorance and am­biguitie, then ever I was in before: insomuch, that they made me thinke it a golden life, to be an ignorant man still: for some exhorted wholly to pleasure, and onely to prose­cute that by all meanes, as wherein felicitie chiefly consi­sted: another would have us labour continually, and toyle, and afflict our bodies, In his workes and dayes, the first book. v. 287. live beggerly and basely, grumbling at every thing, and rayling at every man, and perpetually to have in our mouthes, the olde saying of Hesiodus, con­cerning vertue, and sweat, and the ascent of the height: some would have us despise money, and hold the possession thereof to bee a thing indifferent: others againe, affirme riches to be good: What should I stand now to speake of the vvorld, that daily heard so many contrarieties come from them in arguing about Ideas, The strangenes of their termes. and Incorporalities, and their Atoms, and Vacuities? and a multitude of such like termes as cannot bee imagined: And, which was most strange, every of them holding opinions as opposite as could be one to another, would produce arguments most strong and invincible to make his partie good: Their obstinacie in arguing. so that if a man should affirme any thing to be hot, and the same to be cold, yet could not for his life hold disputations vvith them, though he knew well enough, that nothing could be both hot and cold together at the same instant: and I found my selfe for all the world like a man in a slumber, somtimes nodding one way, sometimes another: but the worst was, to see the men that taught those lessons, practise the con­trary in their actions: Their lives con­trary to their rules. they that perswade others to despise money, were most earnest to get it themselves; fall out for [Page 33] money, teach young men for money, and undertake any thing for money: They that speake most against honour, wrought all the meanes they could to attaine it: & though most of them cried out against pleasure, yet in private they applyed nothing else. Seeing my selfe utterly deprived of this hope, I fell into a greater agony then before; yet, it was some comfort to me, (though I were an ignorant, and farre out of the way of truth) that I had wise men, and of deepe understanding to beare me company. But as I lay waking one night in my bed with thought hereof, musing with my selfe what to doe. His second reso­lution. I could hit upon no better de­vise, then to take a journey to Babylon, to some of the Ma­gicians there, that had beene Schollars and successors to Who was thought to be the first inven­ter of Magicke amongst the Persians, and was, as Plinie cites it from Eudorus, sixe thousand yeares before the death of Plato: it is said that hee li­ved in the wil­dernesse onely upon cheese for twenty yeares together. Plin. nat. hist. l. 30. cap. 1. & l. 11. cap. 42. He is taken by some to have bin Cham that accursed son of Noah. Zoroastres, to see what they could doe for me: for I had heard they vvere able vvith charmes and incantations, to breake open the gates of Hell, and bring any man safely thi­ther, and send him as safely backe againe: I therefore thought it best to purchase my passage thither at the hands of some of these men, and when I vvas got in, to seeke out A Prophet of Thebes, who having beene both man and woman, and so had experience of both sexes, was made judge in a controversie betwixt Jupiter and Juno, whether in the act of love received most delight, and judging it against Juno on the womans side, was by her strooke blinde: but recompenc'd by Jupiter with the gift of prophecie. Ovid. Metam. 3. Homer affirmes him to be the only wise man among the dead. Odyss. 10. v. 494. Tiresias the Boeotian, and learne from him, (who was both a Prophet and a vvise man) vvhat life it vvere best for mee to make choice of. With these cogitations, I start up with all speede to prepare for Babylon: vvhen I vvas come thi­ther, I soone fell in league with one of these Chaldaeans, a man of profound wisdome, and rare experience in the Art; for his head was all gray, and his beard of the largest size, demonstrating a great deale of gravitie: his name vvas Mithrobarzanes, and after many prayers and intreaties, had much adoe upon any termes to worke him to be my guide▪ but vvhen the man and I vvere agreed, hee first brought me downe to Euphrates, and there for nine and twenty dayes together, beginning with the Moone, from change [Page 34] to change, he vvasht me over: and every morning at the Sunne rising, muttered out many mumbling vvords, which I understood not: for they came from him, as from a stammering cryer, that vvants utterance to deliver his pro­clamations, After what mā ­ner the Magi­cian prepared him for the journey. Their meate. and therefore huddles them up so thicke, that they cannot be conceived: when the charme was ended, he spet thrice in my face, and so returned, not once look­ing upon any that met him: our food was nuts, our drinke milke, and hony mixed with wine, and the water of the river A river run­ing by Susa, of which water only the Kings of Persia did drink Herod. lib. 1. Choaspis, and our lodging, the greene grasse under the open skie: when I was sufficiently dieted for the pur­pose, he brought me about midnight to the river A river of Ar­menia running into Araxes. Plut. After what sort hee charmed him. Pythagoras was of opinion that sea onions being hung over a doore would stop the en­trāce of all not some things. Their attire. Tygris: there he purged mee and wiped mee cleane againe, and hal­lowed mee with a torch, with sea onions, and many other drugges, still mumbling the same charme, as hee was about it, and when hee had sufficiently enchanted mee, hee went round about mee, that no apparition might affright mee, and then returned to his house, bringing mee backe in such case as I was, and afterwards prepared for our passage by water: then did hee attire himselfe in a Magicall vestment, not much unlike to a Median roabe, and brought these things to mee, and set this A Lyons skin for Hercules, a harpe for Or­pheus, and a hat for Vlysses, according to the severall habits of these three persons. The two former are commonly knowne, the reason of the latter is this, Vlysses being sent fer by the rest of the Princes of Greece to joyne with them in the Trojan warre, loath to leave his wife and yong children counterfeited himselfe mad, and making as if he would goe to plough, yoaked an oxe and a horse together and put upon his head a ploughmans hat, in which habit beene ever since pictured. hat upon my head, put a lyons skinne upon my body, and delivered this harpe into my hand, injoyning mee, that if any man asked my name, I should not say I was Menippus, but either Hercules, or Vlys­ses, or Orpheus.

And why so, Menippus, I understand not the mysterie either of thy habit, or of thy names?

That may easily be conceived by any man, nei­ther is there any great danger in uttering it, for these per­sons living before our time, had all likewise descended in­to hell: and he thought that if hee could make mee carry [Page 35] any resemblance of any of them, I might the better escape the guard of Aeacus, and passe without controule: for they having seene the like before, might let mee slip by them in this Tragicke habit unsuspected. As soone as the day ap­peared, wee made to the river to set forwards on our jour­ney where his boat was ready for him, and the sacrifices, and the wine mixed with honey, and other matter fit for ceremonie: all which wee laded, Homer. Odyss. 11 [...]. v. 5. Spea­king of Vlysses iourney to hell. and then entred ourselves with sad cheare, shedding plentie of teares from our eyes, and so were carried a long the river, till wee came to the marish or lake, into which Euphrates emptieth it selfe: and passing over it, came to a certaine desert countrie, so thicke of woods He meanes the same perhaps with Homers Cimmerians. Odys. 11. The Magicians coniuration.. that a man could see no sunne, there we arrived, Mithrobarzanes leading the way: then first wee digged a pitte, and kill'd our sheepe, sprinkling the blood about the pits brimme: after that, the Magician taking a burning torch in his hand, muttered no more with a submisse voice, but roaring it out as loud as he could, call'd up­on all the spirits and divels in hell, the direfull furies, The moone as governesse of such workes of darkenesse. Nocturnall Hecate, and infernall The Queene of hell daughter to Ceres. Proserpine, adding sun­dry barbarous and unknowne names of many syllables in length: presently, the whole place wherein wee stood be­gan to stirre, and the force of the charme made the earth cleave in sunder, so that wee might heare Cerberus barke a farre off, and the businesse went on with a great deale of sadnesse and sorrow: the Prince of the dead below was ter­rified and astonied, for the greatest part of his kingdome was laid open to our view, the lake, the A fierie river in hell. Pyriphlegethon, and the pallace of Pluto himselfe. But for all that, wee were so bold as to venture in thorow the hole, and found Rhada­manthus almost dead with feare: Cerberus barkt apace, and began to stirre: but I had no sooner touched the strings of my harpe, but the musick brought him a sleepe immediate­ly: when we were come to the lake, we had like to have bin disappointed of our passage: for the barge had her full fraught before, of such as did nothing but houle and crie all the way they went: for they were all wounded men, some [Page 36] in the legge, some in the head, and some in other parts: I verily beleeve they came lately out of some skirmish: but honest Pluto's fer­riman. Charon, as soone as he saw the Lyons skinne, tooke mee for Hercules, and received mee into his barge, trans­porting mee very friendly, and when we got to shoare, di­rected us which way to goe: Being now in the darke Mi­throbarzanes, went before, and I followed him at the heeles, till wee came into a spacious medow, set all over with There are di­vers kindes of Asphodill, the white, the yel­low, the bulbouse &c. Hesiod. in his workes the 1. booke, com­mends it for a wholsome herbe to eate. [...]. Fooles, that half's more then all they cannot tell. Nor th' be­nefit of Malues and Asphodell: and hence it seemes the Po­ets faigne that the soules of the dead do feed up­on it. A­phodelus, where the ghosts of the dead, with a chirping voice, hovered and flickered about us, and going a little further, wee came to the judgement place of One of the three iudges of hell. Who are our accusers after death. Minos, who sate upon an high throne, and by him on the one side stood the tormenting spirits, the evill angels, and the furies: on the other side were brought in a great company tyed in a long chaine one after another, which they said were adul­terers, whoremongers, extortioners, flatterers, sycophants, and a whole rabble of such rascals as in their life time did they car'd not what: in another place by themselves were brought in the rich men, and the usurers, with pale counte­nances, side bellied, and gowtie limbes, every one in a collar and chaine that weighed two talents at the least: wee also were got into the roome amongst them, and saw all that was done, and heard what answer every man made for himselfe, for there were strange, and new found Rhetori­cians ready to accuse them.

Who might they be? let mee heare that also.

Dost thou remember the shadowes, that mens bodies do yeeld by light of the Sunne?

Very well.

The same are our accusers when we are dead, & beare witnesse against us, laying to our charge those things that were done by us in our life time, & their testimony is taken to be very authenticall, because they are alwaies pre­sent with us, & never relinquish us: But after that Minos had strictly examined thē all, he sent them every one to the re­gion of the unrighteous there to be punished according to the qualitie of their offence, especially taxing them that [Page 37] were so proud upon their riches and dignites, that they thought themselves worthy of adoration, much condem­ning their moment any statelinesse and contempt of others not remembring themselves to be mortall, and that all their happines was but caduke, and unlasting: And they, when they were stript of all their bravery, I meane riches, gen­tilitie, and authority, stood naked hanging downe their heads, which I was very glad to see: and him that I knew, I vvould closely creepe unto, and put him in remembrance what a jolly fellow he vvas in his life time, and how much he tooke upon him then, vvhen many vvould bee waiting every morning at his gates, attending his comming abroad, crowding, and pressing one upon another, when they were lockt out by his servants, and hardly at all procure to have a sight of him who never shewed himselfe, but glittering and shining, in purple and gold, and changeable colours; thinking he made him a fortunate man, to whom he would vouchsafe to give his hand to kisse, and this would vexe them to the very heart: yet Minos, me thought shewed himselfe partiall in one sentence that past from him: for Dionysius the Sicilian vvas by A noble man of Sicilie, fami­liar with Plato: he was brother in law to Dio­nysius the elder, and drove Dio­nysius the youn­ger out of Syra­cusa. Plutarch. Dion accused of many hai­nous & abbominable crimes, vvhich vvere justified against him, by the testimonie of the The schoole of the Stoicks. Stoa: but Aristippus, was a Philoso­pher, and a cour­tier, very great with Dionysius the tyrant of Si­cilie, & is ther­fore brought here by Lucian, speaking in his behalfe. Aristippus the Cy­renian stood forth to speake for him, (who is of great note among them, and may doe much in hell) and vvhen he was even at the point to be cast to the A mountaine in Lycia, whose upper part was full of Lyons, and burnt here­tofore like Aet­na, the middle was faire pa­sture ground, and the bottome full of snakes and serpents: it was first made inhabitable by Bellerophon, and hence arose that fable of the Poets, how he overcame the Chimaera, a wonderfull strange beast, which Homer in the 6. of his Iliads v. 81. describes thus. [...]. A Lyons fronte, Goats middle, Dragons tayle, which doth strange force of burning flames exhale. Chimaera, got the judge­ment reverst, alleaging how liberall hee had beene of his purse to many learned men: then leaving the court of judgement, vve came to the place of torment, vvhere vve heard and saw many things, my good friend, vvhich mo­ved me to great commiseration: the lashing of them that vvere vvhipt, the roaring of them that vvere broyled upon [Page 38] the coales, the rackes, the stockes, the vvheeles, Chimara dilaniating, and Cerberus devouring; all vvere tormented and punished together: the king and the slaue, the prince and the poore, the rich and the beggar, and every man be­wayled the vvickednesse of his life: some I saw vvhom I knew that had beene dead but of late, vvhich shrunke out of sight, and turned away from me for shame: if any chan­ced to cast their eye upon me, it was with a base and servile aspect: and who would thinke it, that were so majesticall and scornefull in their life time; but to the poorer sort, the one moitie of their pennance was remitted: for they had liberty to rest themselves sometimes, and then vvere call'd to it againe. There saw I all the fabulous stories acted be­fore mine eyes, Turn'd upon a whele. Ixion, and Rouling a great stone. Sisyphus, and the Phrygian Hungring and thirsting in the sight of meat & drink. Tantalus in a pittifull taking, and the And begotten by Jupiter, but attempting to ravish Latona, was shot to death by Apol­lo, and lies in hell with a vul­ture continual­ly tyring upon his entrailes. earth-born Tityus: good god, vvhat a huge creature he vvas? As Homer sayes 9. acres. Odys. 11. v. 577 he tooke up a vvhole plot of ground himselfe: passing over these vvee came to the Fields upon the bankes of Acheron, a ri­ver in hell. Acherusian fields, where vve found the semi-gods and goddesses, and many other dead persons conver­sing together by tribes and companies: of which some were so ancient, that they were rotten; and as Homer saith, had no strength in them: others vvere fresh and well compact especially, the It was the common man­ner of the E­gyptians to powder their dead bodies with salt 70. dayes before they buried them. Herod. lib. 2. Herodotus also in his 3. booke, speakes of a strange thing wherof himselfe was an eye witnesse, that perusing the bones of the dead in a place where the battle had beene fought betweene the Persians and Egypti­ans, he could easily know one nation from another by their sculls, the Persians being so rotten and brittle, that he could cracke them almost with a fillip, but the Egyptians so strong, that they were hardly to be broken with a stone; which hee attributes to the shaving of their heads in their youth. Aegyptians; because they had beene so well powdred: but the greatest difficultie was to know which was which, being all in a manner alike; and nothing but bare bones: much adoe I had with long looking to dis­cerne one from another, for they all lay obscurely on heaps, and without any note of difference; reserving nothing of the beauty they had amongst us: for I seeing so many wi­thered carkases lying in a place together, and all of one likenes, looking fearefully and gastly with their bare teeth [Page 39] to bee seene, made a question to my selfe, how I should know The most de­formed of all the Greeks that came to Troy. Hom. describes him in the 2. of his Iliad. v. 216. Thersites from the beautifull The most beau­tifull except A­chilles onely of all the Greekes that came to Troy. Homer. Iliad. 2. v. 674. Homer. Odyss. 18. v. 1. Nireus, or Irus the beggar from Alcinous, who furnisht Ulisses with a ship and men, to trans­port him into his owne coun­try, and bestow­ed upon him great store of treasure. O­dyll. 13. the king of the Phaeakes, or Pyrrhias the cooke from Agamemnon, for no ancient token was remay­ning upon them, but their bodies were all alike without marke or inscription, not to be distinguished by any man. Which when I beheld, I thought I might compare the life of man to nothing so well, as to a long shew or pageant, in which fortune was the setter out, and disposed every thing as pleased her selfe; and fitted every person with sundry and different habites: some she adornes in Princely roabes, garnisheth with attirings, appointeth a guard to attend them, and crowneth their heads with a diademe; others she sheltereth in the vveedes of a servant some she makes faire and beautifull, others mishapen and deformed, to make the more varietie in the shew: somtimes in the midst of the triumph, she changeth the state of some of them, and vvill not suffer them to march in the same ranke to the end, as they were first placed in, but altereth their habite, constraining him that at the first was King of Lydia and wonderfull rich. Croesus, to put on the garments of a servant or a captive: and poore Secretarie to Polycrates, King of the Sa­mians, and af­ter his death succeeded him in the Kingdome. Herodot lib. 3. Maan­drius, who before was an ordinary serving man, she atti­reth in the tyrannicall habite of Polycrates, and permits him to make use of that personage for a while: but when the time comes that the triumph must have an end, King of My­cena, and Gene­rall of all the Greekes then every man unclothes himselfe, and puts off his pro­portion together with his bodie, and becomes as hee vvas before, no better then another man, yet some are so insen­sible, that vvhen fortune comes to require her furniture a­gaine, they grieve and grudge at it, as if they had bin stript of their owne, loath to redeliver what they made so short use of. I suppose also, you have often seene these Tragi­call Actors, that are used in setting forth playes: that some­times they present A Tyrant of Thebes, slaine by Theseus. Creon, or King of Troy. Priamus, or Agamemnon: [Page 40] and the same man that a little before was so lustie as to counterfeit the countenance of The first foun­der and builder of Athens. Cecrops, or The same that Ericthonius a king of Athens. Hom. Iliad. l. 2. v. 47. Erechtheus, within a while after, if the Poet will have it so, must come forth in the shape of a poore servant, and when the play is ended, every man must be disrob'd of his gorgeous gar­ments, lay aside his vizard, step out of his buskins, and walke aloofe of like a forlorne fellow, no more Agamem­non the sonne of Atreus, or Creon the sonne of Menoeceus, but call'd by his owne name, The names of common stage-players. Polus, the sonne of Charicles, the Sunium is a towne and pro­montory of At­tica. Strab. l. 10. Sunian, or Satyrus the sonne of Theogiton the Mara­thonian: such is the life of man as it appeared then to my view.

But tell mee Menippus, they that have so cost­ly and stately tombes here upon earth: that have their pil­lars, their statues, their epitaphs, are they in no more respect then ordinary men that are dead?

What a question is that? I tell you, if you did but see Mausolus, I meane the Carian, that is so fam'd for his sumptuous A most mag­nificent sepul­chre built by Attemisia for her husband Mausolus king of Caria: for the largenesse and rare workman­ship ranked a­mōgst the won­ders of the world. Plin. lib. 36. c. 5. one of the judges of hell. The condition of the greatest Princes in death. sepulchre, I thinke you would never give over laughing whilst you liv'd, hee is cast out so contemp­tibly in a darke corner, that hee lies among the common sort of dead men, not to be seene, and I thinke all that hee got by his sepulchre is, that he carries the greater burthen upon his backe; for the truth is, my honest friend, vvhen Aeacus appoints every man his place, the greatest scope he allowes, is but the bredth of a foote, which upon necessitie he must be content withall, and contract himselfe within that compasse: but I thinke it would move you to laugh much, if you saw those that were Kings and Princes a­mongst us, beg their bread there, sell salt fish, and teach the A. B. C. for sustenance, and how they are scorned and boxed about the eares as the basest slaves in the world. It was my fortune to have a sight of The father of Alexander the great. Philip King of Macedon, and I thought I should have burst my heart with laughing: hee was shewed mee sitting in a little corner, cobling old shoes to get somewhat towards his living: many other were to be seene there also, begging by the high waies side, such as [Page 41] Two great kings of the Persians. Xerxes, Two great kings of the Persians. Darius, and Polycrates.

The tale you have told of Kings, I assure you, is strange indeed, and almost incredible: but what did So­crates there, and Diogenes, and others that were wise men?

Three wise Princes of the Grecians with whom Socrates that great Phi­losopher keepes company. Pala­medes is said in the time of the Trojan warre, to have added those foure let­ters to the greek Alphabet, [...]. Plin. lib. 7. c. 56. Socrates went up and downe confuting every man he met withall: and in his company Palamedes, Vlysses, Nestor, and other dead men that were the greatest talkers, but his legges were still swolne and puft up with the He was put to death in this manner by the Athenians, be­ing accused by Anytus & Me­litus for a cor­rupter of youth, and bringer in of new gods. poy­son hee drunke at his death: as for honest Diogenes the Cynicke is brought in gea­ring Sardana­palus that most voluptuous king of Assyria, and Mydas the rich king of Phrygia with all their now lost deli­cates and tr [...] ­sure. Diogones, hee would ever get him to Sardanapalus the Assyrian, or Mi­das the Phrygian or some rich man or other: and when hee heard them lament, and recount their former fortunes, hee would laugh and rejoyce at it, and many times lie along up­on his backe, and sing as loud as hee could to drowne the notes of their complaints, whereat the men tooke such of­fence, that they were minded to remove their lodging to be rid of Diogenes.

Enough of this, now let me heare the decree, which you said before was confirmed against rich men.

In good time you have put mee in minde of it: for being the maine subject of my narration, I have digres­sed in my speech I know not how farre: for during the time of my abode amongst them, the Magistrates called a councell to consult about state businesse: and I seing many throng in together, thrust my selfe also among the dead for company and past for one of them. Many matters were there decided: and lastly that concerning rich men: against whom sundry grievances were objected, as violence, arro­gancie, scornfulnesse, and injustice, at the last a certaine O­rator started up, and uttered this decree against them:

This decree being made a­mongst the dead he derives these names from things belonging to them, wittily playing in the Greeke upon these words [...] a skull, [...] a dry carcasse, [...] a deed man, or a heape of dead men, [...] dead: as if wee should say in English Scull­man, the son of Dribone, of the tribe of the dead. Cranion, the sonne of Sceleton, the Necusian, of the tribe of Alibantias, published this decree, and upon the reading of it, the magistrates concluded it, and the people confirmed it, Hecate howled, Cerberus barked, and so it was perfected and past for currant: thus much for the assembly:

Then went I about my owne businesse, to seeke out Ti­resias, and when I had found him, I told him the whole truth of the matter, and besought him to tell mee what kinde of life he thought to be the best: whereat he laughed (for he is a little old man, and blind, of a pale complexion and low voice) O my sonne, said hee, I know the cause of thy griefe well enough, and that it is long of these Philoso­phers that cannot agree in opinion among themselves: but helpe you I cannot, for I may tell you nothing: Rhadaman­thus himselfe hath so commanded: I hope not so, good fa­ther, said I, tell mee I beseech you, and suffer mee not to wander in the world in a blinder case then your selfe; with that hee drew mee aside, and when hee had got mee a good way from company, laid his mouth close to my eare, saying, the simple mans life is the best and the honestest, for hee is free from affecting knowledge in matters above his reach, and from searching after endings and beginnings, rejecting these profound sophisticall syllogismes, and holding them all to be idle, and indeavouring nothing in the world, but how to spend the present time well, run over every thing with laughter, and addict himselfe too much to nothing: when hee had thus said, hee lightly skipt againe into the fields of Asphodelus, and I seeing it grow somewhat late, [Page 43] come on, Mithrobarzanes, said I, why make wee stay here, and not againe hast home to the earth? take you no care for that, Menippus, said hee, for I will direct you a short cut, and a plaine path to lead you, without any trouble: so hee brought mee to another place darker then the former, and with his finger pointed to a little dimme glimmering a far off, like the light that shines through a bic hole: that, said hee, is the Temple of This Temple was in Leba­dia, a towne in Boeotia nere to Coronia, be­tween Helicon, and Cheronea. Strab. l. 9. They that would know any thing from the Oracle Trophonius went downe through a nar­row hole that was there under ground, and staying some certaine daies returned backe with their answer. Trophonius, and there do they de­scend that come out of Boeotia: make upwards that way, and thou shalt find thy selfe in Greece before thou be aware: I was glad to heare of that, and taking my leave of the Ma­gician, with much a doe crept up thorow that hole, and sud­denly, I know not how, found my selfe to be in Lebadia.

NOw Jupiter himselfe confound thee, The Cobler ex­claimes against the Cocke. thou filthy, despitefull, and clamorous Cocke, that with thy hideous and piercing cries hast wakened mee, sweetly dreaming that I had great riches in my possession, and that I abounded with all kinde of happinesse: so that by thy meanes I can­not enjoy so much as the night time free from the remem­brance of my poverty: a thing farre more hatefull unto mee then thou art. And yet as farre as I can conjecture by the stilnesse of the night, and coldnesse of the aire, which doth [Page 44] not so pinch mee as it is wont towards morning (for this is an infallible token to mee that the day is at hand) it is yet scarcely midtime of the night: neverthelesse this sleeplesse creature, as though hee were to watch The golden fleece that Jasō and the Argo­nauts went to fetch, was kept by a monstrous dragon that ne­ver slept. Ovid. Met. the golden fleece, beginnes to fall a crowing, almost as soone as the day is shut in: but be sure I will make thee have small comfort of it: for I will cudgell thee welfavouredly for this geare, as soone, as daylight will give me leave: for it would be a trouble to mee to finde the out in the darke.

Master Micyllus, I thought I had rather deserved thankes at your hands for my earely crowing, because be­ing wakened thou mightest goe about thy worke the soo­ner: for if thou canst but get so much time in the morning, as to cobble one shoe before sunne rising, it will be a good furtherance towards thy dayes worke: notwithstanding if it be so that thou take more pleasure to sleepe in thy bed, I will be well content to let thee take thy rest, and thou shalt finde mee as mute as Aristotle in his 2. booke de anima cap. 9. speakes of vocall fishes in the ri­ver Achelous, Plutarch, and Athenaeus sup­pose that the Pythagoreans abstained from eating fish be­cause of their silence, thinking it irrelegious to eate of them that observe the same pre­cepts with them­selves. any fish, The like ad­vise is given by a fisher-man in Theocritus Ei­dyl. 22. to his fellow that dreamed he had taken a golden fish. [...]. A fish indeed, friend, is your sleepes best theame, Lest you be starv'd, though in a golden dreame. but take heede, I say, least thy dreaming of riches do not make thee hunger when thou awakest.

O miraculous Jupiter, and mighty Hercules, what evill doth this portend, that my Cocke speaketh with a mans voice?

Doth this seeme so great a wonder unto thee that I should speake with the voice of a man?

How can I chuse but thinke it strange, and mon­strous? god send mee good fortune after it.

O Micyllus, thou now shewest thy selfe a very illiterate fellow, and never to have beene conversant in Homers verses: for in them thou mayest read how ^d Xan­thus, Achilles his horse, forgetting his neighing, stood talking in the middest of the battell, uttering many whole verses together, and spake not in prose as I doe now: yea, hee prophecied, and foretold things to come, yet was it thought no wonder, neither did hee which heard it, crie out upon the gods, as if he had heard a prodigie: but what [Page 45] if the The first ship that ever was built, in which Jason with 54. other Heroes of Thessalia sayled to Colchos for the goldē fleece: the keele of this ship was made of the trees of Dodone, a wood in Epirus, sacred to Jupi­piter; which trees the Poets say did speake. keele of the ship Argo should speake unto thee, as in times past the beech tree of Dodone did utter prophecies with a mans voyce: or if thou shouldst see the the Oxen of the sun, which Ulisses compa­nions kill'd and rosted. Odyss. l. 12. v. 395. All this is spo­ken in derision of Homers poe­ticall fictions. skinnes of Oxen creeping about, and heare the flesh lowing when it vvas halfe sodde or rosted, and thrust through vvith a spit, how vvouldst thou then vvonder? But I am much conver­sant with The Cocke is therefore said to be conversant with Mercurie, because that learning and skill both under Mercuries pro­tection, require watchfulnes. Mercurie, Mercurie is the god of Elo­quence among the Heathen. Homer. Odyss. 8. v. 267. Ovid. Met. lib. 4. & lib. 2. de arte amandi. the most talkative of all the gods, and besides, brought up and nourished amongst you men, and therfore it can be accounted no hard matter for me to have the speech and voyce of a man. Notwithstanding, if thou vvilt promise me to keepe my counsell, I vvill not sticke to tell thee the very true cause indeed of this my speech, and by what meanes I came by it.

But doe I not dreame that my Cock speaketh thus unto me? if not, then tell me, good Cock, what other cause there is of thy speech? and as for silence thou needst not doubt that I will reveale it to any man: for if I should, who would beleeve me?

Give eare unto me then: and I know Micyllus, I shall tell thee a strange tale: for I whom thou now seest to be a cocke, was of late a man as thou art.

I have heard of such a matter as that, concer­ning you Cocks long agoe: how that a certaine young man, called Alector, vvas very familiar with Mars, and accu­stomed to banket and make merry with the god, and him hee made privie to all his love: so that whensoever Mars went to lie vvith Venus, he tooke this Alector along with him, and for that he was greatly in feare lest the Sun should espie him, and discover him to Vulcan, hee alwayes left this young man without at the doore, to bring him word vvhen the Sunne approached: but as it chanced on a time, Alector fell asleepe, and unwillingly betrayed the charge committed to him, and the Sunne entred in secretly and stood by Venus and Mars, vvho tooke their rest with­out care, because they thought Alector vvould give them warning if any were comming. Then Vulcan, having no­tice given him by the Sunne, took them napping together, [Page 46] and wrapt them both within a net hee had before provided for that purpose 1.533se:] Alector turned into a cocke. but Mars, as soone as he was set loose, in a great rage with this Alector, turned him into this kinde of bird, with the same furniture which he then had, and in­steed of an helmet, set such a combe as that upon his head: for this cause are yee Cockes abhorred by Mars, as crea­tures good for nothing; yet, to this day, when you thinke the Sunne is towards rising, you crowe out a great vvhile before to give knowledge of his approaching.

Thus the story sayes indeed; Micyllus, but I mean another matter: for I was thus transformed into a cock but a little while sithence.

And by what meanes, I pray thee? I vvould give any thing in the vvorld to bee truely informed of that.

Didst thou know Pythagoras the Samian Philosopher was the son of Mne­sarchus, a car­ver of rings: he held that the soules, the bo­dy dying, passed straight into some other, and according to the life that it had formerly ledde, was honoured with a better, as of a Philosopher or other famous man; or punish: with a base one, as of a dogge, or asse, and to maintaine the truth of this opinion averr'd that hee could well remember that he himselfe had beene in time past in the Trojan warres: Euphorbùs the sonne of Panthus, who was brother to He­cuba, which Euphorbus was slaine by Menelaus. Ovid. Met. 15. of the rest of his tenets, see his life in Diog. Laert. Pythagoras?

Meanest thou the Sophister? that idle fellow that made a rule that men should taste no flesh, nor eate any beanes, the best meate I can feede upon, and as I think most wholesome: the same man also commanded his schollers to keepe silence for the space of five whole yeares together.

Then know this also, that the same man before he came to be Pythagoras, was Euphorbus.

Thou speakest strangely, Cocke; as though he were one of them that could change his shape by enchant­ments, and doe such like wonders.

That very same Pythagoras am I; therefore for­beare I pray thee to use hard speeches: for thou art alto­gether ignorant of his manner of life.

Why this is the greatest wonder of all the rest; my Cocke a Philosopher? I pray thee thou sonne of Mno­sarchus, how hapned it that of a man thou art become a [Page 47] bird, and of a Samian, a A city of Boe­otia, Pausan. in Boeot. in which Lucian places the scene of this Dialogue, be­cause it was ve­ry famous in former times for cockes of the game. Plin. lib. 10. cap. 21. He closely taxes the vaine opini­ons of Pythago­ras, and shewes how in some things hee is re­pugnant to him­selfe. Tanagrian: thou canst hardly per­swade me it is so, Nay, it is almost incredible; for I have already noted in thee two things, vvhich are contrary to the doctrine of Pythagoras.

And vvhat are those?

One is, that thou art given to prate and bab­ble; but he, as I remember, enjoyned silence to his schol­lers for five yeares space. The other is likewise repugnant to his rules; for I, having no other thing to give thee, brought thee beanes to day, as thou knowest; and thou without any scruple, pickst them up: Therefore, either thou lyest and art not Pythagoras, or transgressest against thine owne decrees in eating beanes, vvhich he said was as great a wickednesse, as for a man to devoure his owne fa­thers head.

O Micyllus, thou knowest not the cause hereof, nor what is convenient for the life of every creature: I did then eate no beanes, for I was a Philosopher: but now I feed upon them, because it is a diet fit for birds of my kinde. But if you will give me leave, thou shalt heare how of Py­thagoras, I came to take this shape upon me, and how ma­ny kinde of lives I have past, and what benefit I had by e­very alteration.

Tell me, for the love of God; for thou canst not please me better: so that if it were put to my choice, whether I had rather heare thee discourse of thy life, or see againe that sweet and happy dreame I had even now, I know not to vvhich part I should encline: so like doe I judge thy speeches to those sweet visions, that I hold thy talke, and my most delectable dreames to bee of equall content.

Dost thou yet ponder upon thy dreames, and still revolve in thy minde those idle fantasies, printing that vaine and fruitlesse pleasure, as the Poet saith, Homer. Odyss. lib. 19. in thy me­morie?

Nay, know this Cocke, that I will never for­get that vision vvhilst I have a day to live: such a hony [Page 48] sweetnes did that dreame vvhen it departed, leave in mine eyes, that I could not open mine eye liddes, but they would straight fall to sleepe againe: and even as a fether stirred in ones eare, such a tickling did that vision make in me.

O the great love that dreames haue to thee, if it be as thou sayest: whereas they being Virgil. Aeneid lib. 4. Par levibus vē ­tis volucríque simillima som­no: & Tibullus Eleg. 2. Póstque venit tacitus fulvis circudatus alis somnus, &c. winged (as some say) and having not commission to tarry with a man longer then sleepe, would for thy sake passe their bounds, and infix their sweetnes and force, even within thy waking eyes: I would gladly therefore heare what it was that did so de­light thee.

And I am as ready to tell thee, for the very remembrance and talke of it, doth exceedingly content me: but when wilt thou, Pythagoras, tell me of thy sundry trans­formations.

As soone, Micyllus, as thou shalt make an end of thy dreame, and wipe away that hony from thine eyes: yet tell mee this one thing first, for my learning: came thy dreame flying unto thee through gates of Ivorie, or of horne?

Neither, Pythagoras.

Odyss. l. 19. v. 562. True dreames come through the gates of horne, & false through those of Ivorie. Virgill imitates this of Homer in Aeneid. l. 6. Sunt geminae somni portae, quarum altera fertur Cor­nea, &c. Why Homer makes mention onely of these two passages?

A pinne for that foolish Poet, vvho never knew what dreames were; yet, it may bee that poore common dreames come through such gates, such as hee himselfe saw, and that was nothing at all, for He likens Mi­cyllus for his desire of gold, to Midas the Phrygian king, who having enter­tained Bacchus, & being by him promised whatsoever he would aske, desired that whatsoever he toucht might become gold: which being granted him so, that his very meate and drinke was turned into gold, hunger and necessity compelled him to repent the vanity of his wish. he was blinde: but my sweetest dreame came flying to me through a gate of gold, being gold it selfe, and compassed on every side with gold; bringing abundance of gold with it.

Herodotus and Plutarch say that his right name was Melesigenes so called from the river neare unto which he was borne: but afterwards called Homer by the Cumaeans who call a blinde man [...]. Good Midas talke not so much of thy gold: thy [Page 49] dreame and his wish being alike in all respects; for thou likewise imaginest thou hadst whole mines of gold.

Abundance of gold I saw, Pythagoras, abun­dance: O thou wouldst not thinke how it did glister and shine most gloriously; I pray thee put me in remembrance, (if thou knowest it) what Pindarus speaketh in the com­mendation of it, where he saith, that water is the best thing, yet prayseth gold above all, uttering the commendation thereof in the very beginning of the principall of all his sonets. Pind. Olymp. Od. 1. v. 1. Pindarus is much in the commendation of gold, as in Isth. 3. and o­ther places, in­somuch that some have gi­ven him the name of [...], a lover of money.

Are these the verses thou meanest▪

The very same: and I verily thinke Pindarus had sometime seene my dreame, because he so commended gold: vvherefore, O thou most prudent Cocke that ever I knew, hearken a little unto me, and thou shalt know what my dreame was: yesterday, if thou remember, thou hadst not thy dinner; for the rich Eucrates meeting mee in the market place, bad me It was the cu­stome in ancient times for man to bathe and annoynt them­selves with oyle before they went to a feast or sa­crifice, as wee may see in Ho­mer. Iliad. 10. v. 577. speaking of Ulisses and Diomedes. goe and bath my selfe, and when it was dinner time, come and feast with him.

I remember it very well, by the same token that I fasted all day, and thou camest drunken home at night, and didst then bring me those five beanes; a poore pittance, God knowes, for a cocke of the game, Pythagoras was well skill'd and practis'd in the Olympicke exercises Diog. Laert. that had tryed ma­steries publikely in the Olympian sports.

When I was come from the feast, and had gi­ven thee those beanes, I went straight to bed, and then (as Homer saith) Iliad. 2. v. 56. a heavenly dreame indeed came to me in the dead time of the night.

First Micyllus, tell me what was done at Eucra­tes house at the feast, what kinde of banket it was, and what hapned therein: for it will be as good as another meale to [Page 50] thee, to enter, as it were, into a second dreame of what thou hadst then, and to chew in thy memorie the good cheare thou hadst eaten before.

I thought the report of that vvould haue beene troublesome to thee: but because thou of thy selfe desirest to heare it, thou shalt haue it: I never in my life, O Pytha­goras, The description of his invitati­on and dinner with Eucrates, which was the occasion of his dreame. did feast at any rich mans table before; and yesterday by good fortune I met with Eucrates, and saluting him, as I use to doe, by the name of Lord, passed by him, because I thought it would bee a disparagement to him to bee seene talking with one in a thread-bare cloake. But hee calling me to him, said; Micyllus, I celebrate this day my daugh­ters birth, and haue bidden many of my friends: but one of them, saith he, is sicke and unable to dine with mee; doe thou therefore, when thou hast bathed, come in his turne, unlesse he which is bidden, say he will come himselfe, for I am in doubt of it: vvhen I heard this, I made low cur­tesie and went my way, powring out many prayers to all the gods in heaven, and beseeching them to send either the quotidian ague, or the pleurisie, or the gout to that sicke man, whose substitute I was appointed to bee at the feast: and I thought it a whole yeare, till the time of bathing came; still watching how the shadow of the diall went forwards, and when it would be time to vvash: at the last, when the houre was come, I plunged in with as much speed as I could, and departed, trimming up my selfe hand­somely, and turned my cloake the best side outwards: when I came, I found many at his gates, and amongst them, that sicke man, whose turne I was to take at dinner: and very sicke hee was indeed, for he groaned very pittifully, and coughed, and vomited from the bottome of his stomacke filth, which hee could hardly get up; his countenance vvas pale, and his body swolne: he was about threescore yeares of age. They said, that hee was one of these Philosophers, which now adayes teach men so many foolish toyes. Hee had a monstrous long beard, which stood in great need of a barber: but when Alchibias the Physitian blamed him [Page 51] for comming abroad in that case, hee answered; dutie must not bee neglected, especially by a Philosopher, He takes occasion here to in­veigh against such hypocriti­ [...] Stoicks, & other Philoso­phers as made such an out­ward shew of temperance and strictnesse above others, and yet would not loose a good meale, or the honour of being entertai­ned, though it were to the ha­zard of their lives. though a thousand diseases stood to resist me, for then might Eucra­tes well thinke, we contemned him: nay, said I, hee would rather commend you, if you would die at your house, a [...] not breath out life and fleame together in the midst of the banquet at his table: but he was so stout, that he made as if hee understood not how I came over him. Presently, as soone as hee had washed, came Eucrates, and seeing there Thesmopolis, for so was that Philosopher named, said: this is well done, master, that you are come your selfe, I vvish you take no harme by it: but you should have fared never the worse, for though you had beene absent, yet would I haue sent you all things needfull. And when he had said so to him, he went in, giving his hand to the sicke man, vvho vvas held up by the servants: then did I make my selfe rea­dy to be gone: but Eucrates, turning him about, and mu­sing a little to himselfe; at the last, seeing me looke so hea­vily on the matter, said, come thou in too, Micyllus, and dine vvith us: for I vvill cause my sonne to eate with his mother in the chamber, that thou mayst haue roome at the table. Then, like a foole, went I in, gaping about me The Wolfe having lost his prey runnes ga­ping up and downe, and hence grew the proverbe, [...], a gaping Wolfe, and is applyed to thē, as are preven­ted of their pur­pose. al­most like a wolfe, I vvas so ashamed, because I thought it long of mee, that Eucrates sonne should loose his place at the feast. When the time was come that wee should sit downe, first they tooke up Thesmopolis to place him; but with much adoe, God knowes: five tall young men vvere about him at the least, which did bolster him up with pil­lowes on either side, to make him fit upright, and bee up­held by them, as much as was possible. And when no man else could endure to sit neare him, they appointed mee to be his camerade at the table. Then went we to dinner, Py­thagoras, vvhere wee had great cheare, and great store of dainties: all the meate was served in gold and silver plate; our drinking cups were all of gold, and proper serving men were appointed to attend upon us: vve had our Musicians, our gesters, and all kinde of mirth to passe away the time [Page 52] withall: Onely one thing troubled me, and that was Thes­mopolis, The Philoso­phers absurd be­haviour. who angred me at the heart to heare him discourse of vertue, and teaching mee, how two negatives make an affirmative; and how that when it is day, it is not night: sometimes he said I had hornes, with such like fond talke, making a long Philosophicall discourse to him that answe­red never a word; so that he marde all our mirth: for nei­ther the Musicians that played on instruments, nor the sin­gers could be heard for him: thus was our banquet.

And no great feast to thee Micyllus, to be match't at the table with such a doting old man.

The Coblers dreame.Now heare my dreame: I know not how, but me thought that Eucrates being childlesse, and like to die, sent for me, and in his Will made me heire of all hee pos­sest, and within a short space deceased. Then I entring in­to his house, measured up the gold and silver by vvhole loades, vvhich flowed upon mee, like the streames of a running river: and all his other goods, as apparell, tables, vessels, and servants were all indeed mine owne. Then was I carryed in a chariot drawne vvith vvhite horses, wherein I sate, reverenced and regarded of all that saw me: many vvent before me, many rode about me, and more followed me. And I having his gorgeous apparrell on my backe, and great rings as many as would serve sixteene fingers, com­manded a sumptuous feast to bee prepared: vvhereunto I might invite my friends. They, as it is in dreames, were soone come to me, my meate was prepared, the drinke set ready in a place by it selfe: I being busied herein, and taking a golden cup in my hand to drink a health to all my friends, the broath being now set on the table, in an evill houre thou beganst to fall a crowing, thou troubledst our feast, over­turned the tables, scattered abroad those riches, and brought them all to nothing: and doest thou thinke I complaine of thee without a cause, whereas I would gladly have seene that sweet vision three whole nights together?

Doest thou so doate upon gold and riches, Micyl­lus, that thou delightest only in them: and thinkest thou [Page 53] it a happy thing to have a great deale of money?

I am not the onely man, Pythagoras, of that opinion, but even thou thy selfe when thou wast Homer. Iliad. lib. 17. v. 50. speaking of Eu­phorbus slaine by Menelaus. [...]. [...]. With noyse, his clattring armes his corps did quell, And blood his Grace-like tres­ses did besmeare Which with pure gold and silver platted were. Danaë, vid. the Necromantie. Omnis enim res virtus, fama decus, divina humanáque pulchris Divitiis parent, quas qui con­struxerit, ille Clarus erit, fortis, justus, sapiens etiam & rex. Horat. serm. lib. 2. fat. 3. Euphor­bus, hadst thy haire curled with silver and gold wier, when thou vventest to fight against the Gracians; and in battaile I should thinke it better to bee vvell furnished vvith iron then with gold: yet thou in thy greatest perill, tookest pleasure to have thy haire platted therewith: which made Homer say, thou hadst haire like the Graces; because it was bound together with gold and silver: and no doubt it must needes shew the braver, for gold platted in haire vvill make it have a glorious lustre: therefore vvhen thou wast the sonne of Panthus, thou seemedst to be delighted vvith gold: yea, the father of all gods and men, even Jupiter himselfe, the sonne of Saturne and Rhea, vvhen hee vvas in loue with that Argolian maide, knowing no more lovely thing vvhereinto hee might convert himselfe, or vvinne the favour of Acrisius guard; became, as thou hast heard, gold: and entring in through the roofe of the house, ob­tained his loue. And to vvhat end should I use further speeches in the prayse thereof? how many benefits doth gold bring vvith it? for vvhoso is furnisht therevvith, is made both beautifull, wise, and valiant: it is accompani­ed vvith credit and honour of base and meane persons, it maketh in short space famous and honourable: for I am sure thou knowest my neighbour Simon, a cobler as I am, vvho supped vvith mee not long agoe, and put two peeces of pudding in the pot, vvhen I sodde pease at the feastes of Saturnalia, it was a great and joyfull feast amongst the Romans, celebrated in the month of Decem­ber: friends sending gifts and invitations unto each other, and during this feast, every one was allowed a freedome and liberty of speech without being lyable to any exception: Whence some authors have intitled part of their writings by this name, as Macrobius and others. Saturne.

I knew him vvell, hee is a short fellow vvith a hooked nose: hee stole away our earthen pipkin under his [Page 54] cloake when he had supped, which was all the houshold-stuffe we had: I saw him doe it, Micyllus.

And yet the knave sorswore it vvhen I charged him with it: but why didst thou not then give me warning, and crowe as loud as thou couldst vvhen thou sawest us so spoyled of our goods, and robbed?

I chackled apace, and that was all that I could do: but vvhat of him? me thinkes thou art about to say some­what of him.

This Simon had a cousen that vvas an excee­ding rich man; his name vvas Drimylus: he as long as hee lived, would not bestow one halfe-penny on this Simon. And no marvell, for he could never finde in his heart to be­stow any thing upon himselfe. But vvhen he dyed, all his goods by the law came to this Simon: so that hee that vvas wont to goe in a bare patcht cloake, and glad to licke the dishes, is now cloathed in purple and violet, hath servants, chariots, Aspetius nihil est humili, cùm furgit in altum. Claud. golden drinking vessels, and tables of Ivorie: and so reverenced by all men, that he will not so much as looke on me; for I hapning by chance to see him not long agoe, came to him and saluted him; saying, Simon, God save you: but hee being offended hereat, said to his servants; bid this beggar not clip my name: I am not Simon, but Who was a famous Lyrike Poet. Pausan. Simonides. And vvhich is most to bee noted, vvomen doe now fall in love with him; and to some of them hee makes the matter daintie, and regards them not: to others he is favourable, and doth grant them his loue: and they that are forsaken, seeme so much affectioned, that they threaten to kill them­selves. Thou seest then how many good things gold is the cause of, so that it altereth the very shape of a man; making the uncomely looke handsome and lovely, like the The girdle of Venus, which was of that force and effica­cie, that whoso­ever wore it, it made her seeme most amiable and beautifull: and therefore Juno being to lie with Jupi­ter, borrowed this girdle of Venus. Iliad. 14. v. 219. Euripid. Poeti­call Cestum: thou hast heard what the Poet saith, O gold, thou art the sweetest and the welcomest possession. And againe, it is the gold that hath the dominion amongst all men: but, good cocke, why doest thou laugh so now?

To see how ignorance hath deceived thee; Mi­cyllus, as most men are, in these rich men: for be it knowne [Page 55] unto thee, that they liue a farre more miserable and wretch­ed life then poore men doe: I speake by experience, that have beene both rich and poore oftentimes, and have tryed all sorts of life, and so shalt thou doe shortly as well as I.

Indeed the time now serveth well for thee to tell me of thy transformations, and what things thou know­est were done in every one of those lives.

Heare me, and I will tell thee: The meane e­state the better. but this one thing I will make known unto thee to begin withall, that I never yet saw a more happy life then thou leadest.

Then I, Cocke? such a life God send thee: thou makest mee fret to heare thee: yet tell mee all, beginning from the time thou wast Euphorbus, untill thou wast chan­ged into Pythagoras; and from thence in order till thou be­camest a Cocke: for I perswade my selfe, thou must needes see and indure many contrarieties, being turned into so ma­ny diverse shapes.

Pythagoras begins to relate his severall transmutations From the first time that my soule came flying from Apollo, and on the earth inclosed in mans body, it would be too long to tell thee what misery it indured: and further, it is neither lawfull for me to speake it, nor for thee to heare of such matters: but at the last I became Euphorbus.

Micyllus his digression.And I pray thee hartily, before thou proceed in the discourse of thine own life, that thou wouldst tell me whether I had ever any other shape, or not.

Yes indeed hadst thou.

And canst thou tell mee what creature I vvas? I would very faine know that.

Thou wast an These Indi­an emmets are some of the big­nes of a dogge, some of a wolfe, of wonderfull swiftnes, lying in holes under ground amongst the sands of gold, as our em­mets doe in ant-hills. Herodot. lib. 3. Indian Emmet, one of them that digge up gold out of the earth.

And what a rogue was I, that I could not pro­vide some of those scrappes for my selfe to live upon now? but I pray thee what shall I bee after I am gone out of this life? I do not think but thou canst tell me that too: & if it be so, that I shall hereafter bee in any good estate, Cleombrotus the Ambrociot having read in Plato of the immortality of the soule, threw himselfe downe from an high place, and so died. I vvill goe straight and hang my selfe upon the beame thou sittest on.

That thou canst know by no meanes: but I, when I was Euphorbus, (for thither will I turne my tale againe) was a souldier at Troy, and slaine by Menelaus: afterwards in time, I came to bee Pythagoras; but all the interim, my soule was carryed about without any body to dwell in, un­till at the last, my father Mnesarchus framed an habitation for me.

I pray thee, livedst thou all that time without meate or drinke?

Why not, Micyllus? for those things are conve­nient for the body onely.

Then tell me first what was done at Troy, were all things acted as Homer reported them to be?

How could he, Micyllus, know the truth of what was done there? for in the time of those warres, he was a camell in As hee brought before, Homer against Pytha­goras, so now hee brings Py­thagoras a­gainst Homer. A province of Scythia. Bactria: I, for my part, in these matters can informe thee how much he overshot himselfe: for neither was Pausanias in his Atticks sayes as hee is infor­med by one My­sus, that the round bones of the knee, (which wee commonly call the panne) of Telamon A­jax was as big as the greatest coite wherewith those that strove in the five exer­cises of Greece, and therefore called Pentathli, did play: from whence may be gathered the proportion of his whole body. Ajax so mighty, nor He alludes here to the fable, which sayes that Jupiter in the likenesse of a Swanne lay with Laeda, and shee brought forth an egge, of which were borne Castor, Pollux, and Helena. Helen so faire as he vvould have them to be: onely, I remember shee had a long white necke, whereby may be judged, shee had a swanne to her father: but her other beauty, it was worne with age, for she was almost as old as The wife of Priamus, mother to Hector and Paris. Hecuba. At which time she could not in any likelyhood be lesse then 15. Now Hercules destroyed Troy 31. yeares before the last besieging of it, to which if we adde the other ten yeares of the siege, beside the time betweene her carrying away by Theseus, and the destruction of Troy by Hercules, it will amount to 56. yeares, so that by this computation she could not be much younger then Hecuba. For first Theseus tooke her away with him, and kept her in Aphidna: and he lived in the time of Hercules. Now Hercules destroyed Troy be­fore, in our fathers time which then lived: whereby wee may conjecture of her age. These things, vvhen I vvas very young, my father Panthus vvas vvont to discourse of unto me, who said that he had seene Hercules.

But vvas Achilles so vvorthy a man as the [Page 59] speech is? or is that also a fable?

I never met him in the field, Micyllus, neither can I so perfectly describe the Graecians unto thee, because they were our enemies: He fasty boa­steth the killing of Patroclus, who was woun­ded by Euphor­bus, but slaine by Hector. Ili­ad. 16. v. 826. but I easily slew his friend Pa­troclus, for I thrust him through with a speare.

But with farre more ease did Menelaus kill thee, and that soone after; but enough of these matters: tell me now somewhat concerning Pythagoras.

Without doubt, Micyllus, I was a subtile fellow, (for I will tell thee the truth plainly) & not unlearned, nor ignorant of the most commendable arts: Diverse of the auncient Philo­sophers, travel­led into Ae­gypt, and Chal­daea, because in former times learning flouri­shed in those parts. for I went into Aegypt, to bee instructed in wisedome by their Prophets, where I secretly learned the bookes of Orus, or Ho­rus was the son of Isis, and O­siris: these three were the first that instructed the Aegyptians in the know­ledge of letters: and therefore honoured by them as gods: they likewise in­vented the way of writing in Hieroglyphicks, expressing what they meant by the shapes and figures of living things, &c. In which kinde of writing, all their secret and mysterious knowledge was recor­ded, which they so highly reverenced, that they thought it irreligious, to prophane it with a common character. Orus, & Isis: from thence I sayled into How Pythagoras set up schoole in Italie, and by what precepts and ceremonies his schollers were distinguisht from other sects, see Diog. Laert. in his life, Gel­lius, Justine, Livie, lib. 1. Italy, and delivered such doctrine to the Graecians that dwelt there, that they honoured mee as a God.

I have heard no lesse my selfe: thou also taught­est that men when they were dead should revive againe, and shewedst unto them a It is said that the naked hippe of Pythagoras being discove­red, seemed to be of pure gold: Hermippus of Pythagoras in Laertius. knuckle bone of gold: but what came in thy head, so straightly to forbid the eating of flesh and beanes?

Aske me not that question, good Micyllus, I pray thee.

Why so?

Because I am ashamed to tell the true cause there­of.

Be not abasht to tell it mee that am thy fellow and friend: for I will now no longer account my selfe thy master.

O Micyllus, it was no point of sound vvisedome that mov'd me to it: but when I considered, that if I should prescribe any common forme of doctrine that was agree­able to other mens rules, few would bee drawne to follow it, Things that are new & strange are alwayes most admired. because it was not strange: I thought that how much the more contrary my doctrine was to other mens, so much the more rare it would appeare: and this was the cause that I devised those new rules, that diverse men having diverse opinions of them, might all of them remaine doubtfull and uncertaine of the meaning, as they did in those darke and double intending oracles.

Seest thou? thou hast partly made a foole of me, as well as thou didst of those Certaine cities of Italie, a­mongst whom Pythagoras li­ved. Crotonians, Metaponti­ans, Tarentines, and such like simple fellowes which fol­lowed thy precepts, and walked in those erring steppes which thou leavest for them to tread in: but when thou didst put off Pythagoras, vvith vvhat body vvast thou then inclosed?

I then came to bee Pericles a great nobleman and generall of the Athenians, was so taken with the beauty and eloquence of this Aspasia, that he marry­ed her, and as some thinke, for her sake onely undertooke the Samian warre. Aspasia, that famous strum­pet of Miletus.

I am ashamed to heare: Why Pythagoras, a­mong all other beasts, wast thou also a vvoman? the time hath beene then, gentle Cocke, that thou vvast an Henne, and laidst an egge, vvhen thou vvast Aspasia and got with child by Pericles: then didst thou card and spinne, and doe all other worke as vvomen ought to doe.

All this did I; and not I only, but before me both Necrom. 1. Tiresias, and How Caene­us the sonne of Elatus, was changed from a faire woman to a man: see O­vid. Met. lib. 12. Caeneus the sonne of Elates were both men and vvomen: therefore if thou deride mee for that, thou scornest them as much.

And which was the merryer life of the two? vvhen thou vvast a man, or when thou wast got with child by Pericles.

Doest thou not know how dangerous a question this is, and what punishment Tiresias himselfe had for as­soyling it?

Well, though thou resolve it not, In the person of Medea, who being forsaken by her husband Jason, makes a great complaint against mens cruelty and wo­mens misery, and amongst the rest comes out with this. [...]. We live they say at home frō perills free, Whilst they doe fight at push of pike, but see Their error, for thrice standing to my shield, I'd rather fight, then once bring forth a child. yet hath Euripides, in my judgement sufficiently determined this doubt: who saith, hee had rather beare a sheild in battaile three times, then beare a child once.

When thou art in childbed, Micyllus, I will then put thee in minde of this question: for thou likewise shalt oftentimes become a vvoman in the circuit and compasse of thy lives.

Is it not a death to thee, Cock, to thinke all men are Milesians, or Samians? For it is said, that thou, being Pythagoras, Pythagoras was very beau­tifull, insomuch that his schol­lers supposed him to be Apol­lo. Laert. and of rare beauty, wast many times Aspasia to the tyrant: but after Aspasia who wast thou then, a man, or againe a woman?

I vvas A Thebane Philosopher, scholler to Diogenes. Grates the Cynicke.

Mighty gods, what a transmutation was that from a vvhore to a Philosopher?

And then a King, and then a beggar; and shortly after a Duke: then a horse, and a cowe, and a frogge, and a thousand things else: for it would be long to rehearse them all. Lastly, I have beene a Cocke oftentimes, for I deligh­ted in that life, and served many, He returnes to the former discourse concerning riches and poverty. both kings, poore men, and rich men, and now am come to be thy Cocke, where I dayly laugh to heare thee complaine and grudge at thy po­verty, and thinke so well of rich men, whereas thou art ig­norant of all those evills which accompany them: for if thou didst know the many cares wherewith they are op­prest, thou wouldst laugh at thy selfe, for ever thinking a rich man to be happy.

Wherefore, O Pythagoras, or whatsoever thou wouldst be called (for I would be loath to offend thee with calling thee sometimes one name, and sometimes ano­ther.)

It makes no matter whether thou call mee Eu­phorbus, or Pythagoras, or Aspasia, or Crates, for I am all these: yet thou shalt doe best to call me as thou seest me, a [Page 62] Cocke, and thinke it no reproach unto me to be called as a poore bird, for I have the lives of many within me.

Then, Cocke, forasmuch as thou hast made try­all almost of all kind of lives, and knewest them all, tell me in good sadnesse, how rich men, and how poore men live, that I may know whether it be true as thou sayest, that we are more happy then the rich.

Marke then, Micyllus, and consider well of it: for thou art not troubled with any rumours of wars, The inconveni­ences that at­tend rich men, and on the con­trary, the free­dome of the poo­rer sort in time of warre. when newes comes that the enemies are in the countrey: then hast thou no care, neither of the spoyling of thy lands, nor breaking downe of thy parkes, nor the vvasting of thy vines: but as soone as thou hearest the trumpet sound, thou lookest about thee, vvhither to turne thy selfe for thy safe­ty, and where to be out of perill: but those rich men, what care are they in with all their retinewe? they grieve to see from the walles their substance and goods destroyed in the fields: and if any thing bee to be brought to the Citie, they are called to doe it: or if a sallie must bee made a­gainst the enemy, Their happines above the rich in the time of peace. Especially wher there is a popu­lar government. Whereof wee may find many examples, both amongst the Romans and Graecians; but chiefly whilst the common-wealth was go­verned by the people. The power of the common people when they beare the sway. they are sure to be formost in perill, al­wayes appointed for Captaines and leaders in the battaile, but thou vvith a strong pike in thy hand, standest vvell prepared for thy defence, and ready to take part of the Captaines feast, vvhen hee sacrificeth to the Gods after victory. Againe, in the time of peace, thou, as one of the comnaltie, goest to the publike meetings in the judge­ment place, where thou raignest as king over these rich men: for they stand in feare and doubt of thee, and glad to get thy favour with gifts, labouring to make publike bathes, playes and pageants to please thee withall, and thou viewest and examinest them as exactly as if thou were a lord; sometimes thou vvilt not so much as speake to them: and, if it please thee, thou mayst either drive them away with stones, or confiscate their goods. Thou neither fea­rest the crafty Lawyer should beguile thee, nor the theefe steale away thy gold, by clyming over thy walles, or brea­king up the house: neither art thou troubled vvith any [Page 63] reckonings, nor demanding debts, nor beating evill ser­vants, nor in care for thine accounts: but vvhen thou hast cobled a shooe, hast seaven halfe-pence for thy labour: and rising from thy vvorke at sunne set, (at vvhich time thou mayst bathe thy selfe, if it please thee) thou buyest thee some fishes, or herrings, or a few heads of garlike, The benefit of a labouring life, and hard diet. vvherewith thou makest merry, singing for the most part all the day long, and practising Philosophie in thy sweet poverty: this makes thee strong and healthfull in body, and able to abide the cold: for labour hardneth thee to vvithstand courageously those things vvhich other men thinke indurable, and none of these hurtfull diseases can lay hold on thee: for if thou be at any time touched vvith a grudging of an ague, thou sufferest it not to tarry long vvith thee, but shakest it off speedily, and drivest it away even with very hunger, so that it soone departs as if it were in feare to stay with thee, when it seeth thee drinke cold water so heartily, The diseases & evills that pro­ceed from ryo­tousnesse. and not abide the dayly cures of the Physitians: but those miserable men, how many evills doth their ill diet bring upon them? as gouts, vomitings, impostures of the lungs, and dropsies: for these bee, as it were, the children of delicate and vvell furnished feasts. Therefore those men, vvhich like Icarus, still soare to get aloft, and seeke to approach the sunne, Icaromenipp. c. not remembring that their vvings are fastned vvith waxe, many times have a grievous fall even headlong into the midst of the sea, but as many as vvith Daedalus, climbe not into the skies, nor set their mindes on high places, but flecke neare the ground, that their vvings may sometimes bee moist­ned vvith salt water, those men for the most part flie in safety.

Thou meanest orderly and discreet men.

For the others, thou knowest what shamefull wrackes and falls they have beene subject to. As The rich Ly­dian king, over­come by Cyrus the Persian, & being ready to be burnt, at his earnest prayer to Apollo, the fire was quen­ched with a great shower of raine, and so was saved. He­rodot. lib. 1. Croesus, who had his plumes pluckt by the Persians, and by them laughed to scorne, when he was cast on the pile of wood rea­dy to be burnt: The younger tyrant of Sicilie. likewise Dionysius, being deposed from his [Page 64] kingdome, taught a grammar schoole in Corinth, and after so pompous a raigne, was forced to teach children to read for his living.

But tell me Cock of thine owne life, when thou raignest, (for thou also, as thou sayest, hast bin a king) what experience thou hast of a kings life. I thinke thou vvast then filled vvith all kinde of felicitie, because thou didst possesse that vvhich was the head and spring of all plea­sures.

Good Micyllus, give me no cause to remember it: I vvas then so miserable a vvretch, that I tremble to heare of it: indeed as thou sayest, to those that beheld mee outwardly, I was thought to be happy and fortunate, but within me, I had infinite millions of miseries dwelling and abiding.

And what were those? for it is strange it should be so, neither can I beleeve it.

I raigned, Micyllus, over no small region; which flowed with plenty of all kinde of fruits: and for multitude of inhabitants, The unhappie condition and estate of Ty­rants. and beauty of cities, to be accounted amongst the most flourishing kingdomes: many navigable rivers ranne through it, the sea yeelding many commodious ha­vens, and stations for shippes: I had a huge army of soul­diers, horsemen in great number, and pikemen infinite, a strong navy, coine innumerable, plenty of gold plate, and all other things belonging to the pompe of a kingdome in great abundance. When I went abroad, many honoured and reverenced me, as if they had seene a deitie: they would runne one over another to have a sight of me, and climbe up the house tops, thinking it a great matter to haue a full view of the chariot, the purple roabe, the diadem, of those that went before, and those that followed: but I alone, knowing how many things did trouble and disquiet mee, could not but condemne them of follie, and bewayle mine owne misery. Three famous Carvers. The resem­blance of a Ty­rannie. For I compared my selfe to such gallant I­mages and Colossus, as Phidias, Myron, and Praxiteles haue carved, for they in outward shew resemble the shapes of [Page 65] Jupiter, or Neptune, brave and comely in countenance, all wrought over with gold and pearle; having either the thunder or lightning, or the three forked mace in his right hand. But if thou stoope down to see what is within them, then thou shalt discerne the barres, the wedges, the nayles wherewith the whole body is fastned and buckled toge­ther: the pieces of wood, the pinnes,, the pitch, the morter, Iliad. 10. v. 1. and such like filth wherewith it is filled within: beside the multitude of flyes and spiders that have their dwelling there: such a thing is a kingdome.

Now compare the morter, barres, and wed­ges, to the inner part of a kingdome, and shew what like­nesse the filth of the one hath to the other; (if there bee any) as thou hast likened that which is seen, carryed abroad, ruling over so many men, and worshipped so devoutly, to the wonderfull Image of Colossus; for indeed either of them have a seemely outside: tell me therefore now, what resem­blance there is betweene the one and the other for their in­ward parts.

Their troubles and vexations.What should I rehearse unto you, Micyllus, their feares, griefes, and suspicions; the hatred and conspiracies of those that are nearest to them, their short and unsound sleepes; their fearefull dreames, their variable thoughts, and ever evill hopes, their troubles and vexations, their collections of money, and judgment of controversies, their militarie affaires, and warlike expeditions, their edicts and proclamations, their leagues and treaties, their reckonings and accounts, which suffer them not once to enjoy a quiet dreame, but they are compel'd alone to have an eye in all things, & a thousand businesses to trouble them. Great Aga­memnon, the son of Atreus, could not enjoy a quiet nights rest for the cares that occupied his head, no not when all the Gracians else were asleepe: what a griefe was it to the Croesus sen­ding to the ora­cle at Delphos to know some­thing concer­ning his sonne that was dumbe was answered that he had no great reason to desire that his sonne should speake, for that day in which he should first hear it, would be the most unfortu­nate to him that ever he saw, which fell out according­ly, for Sardis his regall Citie being taken by Cyrus: a com­mon souldier of the Persians meeting with Croesus and his sonne, not know­ing him to be the king, was about to kill him, at which his sonne that was dumbe before, suddenly cryed out, doe not kill Croesus. Herodot. lib. 1. Lydian king to have his sonne dumbe? how did A Persian Captaine that tooke part with Cyrus, against his brother Ar­taxerxes. Plutarch. Clear­chus [Page 66] vexe the Persian Artaxerxes, when hee mustred soul­diers against him, to serve his brother Cyrus? Dionysius the younger. another was offended at Dion, because hee used but private speeches with the Syracusians: another was troubled to heare but Some of the chiefe captaines of Alexander the great, who sharing his dominions amongst them after his death, fell at length to dead­ly hatred, and bloudy warres with one ano­ther. Necrom. 10. Parmenio praysed: Perdiccas envied Ptolome, and Pto­lome, Seleucus: but if there be but some speech of a rebelli­on, Lord, what feare are they in then, if they see any three or foure of their guard talking together. But the greatest misery of all is, that they alwayes suspect those most, that are their greatest friends, still looking for mischiefe at their hands. One is poysoned by his owne child; and he againe used in the same sort by his friend: and hee too perhaps within a short time, served with the same sawce by ano­ther.

Fie upon them; what horrible things are these, Cocke? I see now, it is a farre safer kinde of life for me, to labour at cobling shooes, then to drinke out of a golden cup, poyson and venome mixt with the wine. The grea­test danger I am in, is least my paring knife should runne awry in cutting my leather; and so hurt some of my fin­gers. But those men make deadly banquets one for ano­ther, dayly inuring themselves to infinite villanies: but when they are once fallen, then they rightly resemble, in my opinion these players of Tragedies: amongst whom, a man may see many that for a time beare the persons of Ce­crops, A sturdy thief slaine by The­seus king of A­thens, hee is feigned by the Poets continu­ally to roule a great stone in hell. Sisyphus, or King of the Mysians. Telephus, having crownes on their heads, swords with Ivorie hilts, glistering haire, & cloakes embrodered with gold: but if (as it chanceth sometimes) any of them be beaten and throwne downe upon the stage, then is he a laughing stocke to all that see him, when his vizard and his crowne shall bee torne in peeces; the bloud running downe from his broken pate, and his neather parts turned up; shewing his patcht and beggerly cloathes, with his buskins ill favouredly buckled upon his legges, and far unmeete for his feete. This similitude is often used by Lucian. Seest thou, good Cocke, what a si­militude thou hast taught me to make? for when thou wast a king, thy estate was like unto this: but when thou be­camest [Page 67] a horse, or a dogge, or a fish, or frogge, how couldst thou away with this kinde of life?

Thou movest a question that would aske long speeches, and not to this present purpose: Hee concludes man to lead the most unhappie life, because the most vitious of all creatures. but the summe of all is this: I could finde no life to be so full of trouble as the life of man, if it be considered onely according to the na­turall inclination and uses thereof: for thou canst not finde either an horse to be an usurer, or a frogge a back­biter, or a crow a sophister, or a gnat voluptuous, or a cocke lascivious, and so of all the rest: for those vices which yee are daily subject unto, thou canst not perceive in them.

Herein thou sayest true indeed Cocke, neither will I for my part be ashamed to tell thee vvhat cares I have indured: for never could I yet put out of my minde, the desires I had from my youth to become rich, but even in my dreames I have gold often presented unto mine eies: and chiefly this knave Simon doth anger mee at the heart, to see him live in such wealth.

I will soone ease thee of that griefe, Micyllus, and therefore rise up now whilst it is night and follow mee: I will bring thee to Simon himselfe, and to the houses of other rich men, that thou mayest see vvhat case they are in.

How canst thou do it? for their gates are now shut: and wouldst thou have mee breake thorough their walls?

No Micyllus, but Mercurie, Certaine crea­tures have been thought by the ancients to ap­pertaine peculi­arly unto each of the gods, and therefore conse­crated to them, as the Eagle to Iupiter, the Pea­cocke to Iuno, the Grashopper to the Muses, & the Cocke to Mercurie. Why see above [...]. to whom I am con­secrate, hath given a certaine propertie to the longest fea­ther of my taile, that which is so weake, that it bends downewards.

But thou hast two such feathers:

Then it is that on the right side; for whomsoe­ver I shall suffer to take it, as oft as I will, hee may open therewith any doore, and see any in the house, and not be seene himselfe.

I thinke, Cocke, thou goest about to cheate me now with some trickes of legerdemaine: for if thou suffer mee once to have it, thou shalt soone see all Simons goods in my house, for I will bring them away as fast as I can, and make him againe halt of his old sore, and glad to set on patches to get himselfe drinke.

That thou mayst not, for Mercurie hath com­manded me, that if he which hath the feather goe about any such matter, I should presently crowe out and make him taken.

The poets feigne Mercurie to be the patron and protectour of theives.That's very unlike, as if Mercurie being so cunning a theefe himselfe, would mislike the same in ano­ther? yet, let us goe: for I will abstaine from the gold, if I can.

First, Micyllus, plucke off that feather: but what meanest thou to pull them off both?

Because I would be sure to have the right, and thou the lesse deformed: else, the one halfe of thy tayle would be as it were maimed.

Be it so then; but shall we goe first to Simon, or to some other rich man?

Nay to Simonides for Simon. Simon, I pray thee, because he was so proud of his riches, that hee would have had his name lon­ge [...] by two syllables: see, we are at his gates already, what sh [...] I doe with this feather?

Put it into the locke.

I have done so: O Hercules, how the doare o­peneth as it were with a key!

Doest thou not see him now watching about his reckonings?

Yes, I see him sit by a small dimme light: and how pale he lookes? I know not why: unlesse hee pine and consume himselfe with cares, for I have not heard that hee hath beene sicke.

Hearken what hee saith, and thou shalt know the whole matter.

He describes the cares and perplexities of rich men, with their wonder­full distractions.These seventy There are di­verse sorts of talents, as the Aegyptian, Sy­rian, Antiochi­an, Syracusan, &c. but that which is most commonly un­derstood by au­thors, is the At­tike talent, the the value wher­of amounts to 600. French crownes. Budeus de affe. talents, I have hid safe enough [Page 69] under my bed, and no man knowes where they be: but the sixteene talents, Sosylus the horse-keeper saw me when I hid them under the manger: yet hee is one that hath no great care of the stable, and but a loyterer in his businesse, and like enough to steale a greater summe then that from me: but how should Tibias be able to buy so much poude­red meate, as he did yesterday? they say also, that he bought an earing for his wife that cost him five groats: certainly, they be goods stolne from me, that these men do thus waste and consume: and my plate here, me thinkes, being so much of it, stands not very safely, and I feare lest some false knave or other will breake downe my wall and take it away: ma­ny do envie and seeke to deceive mee, and chiefly my friend Micyllus.

Thou liest like a knave: thou thinkest I am like thee, that stole away my pitcher under thy cloake:

Peace Micyllus, lest wee be taken:

It is good to be warie of that watchfull fellow, therefore goe I round about my house, and search every corner; who is there? I see thee well enough thou wouldst faine breake into my house, but thou art hapned against a pillar. That's good lucke: I will goe and tell my gold over againe lest any slipt by before. See: I heare some noise a­gaine: as I live, all men are set against mee and lay wait for mee: where is my wood-knife if I chance to take the thiefe: now will I goe burie my gold againe.

This is Simons life, Micyllus, let us goe now to some other place, for there is but a little of the night left.

O wretched creature! what a life leads he? I wish all mine enemies rich in such sort: Diogenes the Cynicke being asked the reason why gold lookt pale, answered, that it was for feare, being there are so ma­ny that lay in wait to catch it. I will give him one boxe on the eare, and then be gone.

Who strake mee now? alas poore wretch as I am: there are surely theeves in my house.

Crie out, watch, make thy face as pale as the gold: pine away thy selfe. Now Cocke, if thou wilt let us go see Gniphon the usurer, hee dwelleth not farre hence: loe, his doore openeth of it selfe.

Marke then how carefully hee watcheth to ac­count his gaines upon his fingers ends, consuming himselfe in that manner, and yet must shortly leave all these vanities, and come to be some moth, gnat, or flie.

I see that miserable foolish fellow well enough, who in this very life is in no better estate then a flie or a gnat: how hath he withered himself away with reckoning: but let us goe to another.

To thy old friend Eucrate, if thou wilt: his doore is open, therefore let us goe in.

All these riches were lately mine.

Dost thou still thinke upon thy Dreame of riches? behold Eucrates himselfe, that old man, lying with one of his servants.

I see most abominable beastlinesse, and most un­naturall filthinesse, not beseeming any man to commit: be­hold also his wife, in another corner of the house, playing the adulterous harlot with her cooke.

Wouldst thou wish then, Micyllus, to inherit all that Eucrates hath, and to be heire of this his wickednesse?

No certainly, Cocke, rather would I die for hunger, than do such villanie: farewell gold and daintie fare: I have more riches, possessing but two halfe-pence, than they that are in continuall feare to be robd by their servants.

The Conclusion.So then let us now be gone to our owne home for the day is ready to breake, the rest I will acquaint thee withall at another time.

THou seest, One of the three fatall Sisters. Atro­pos, Clotho, and Lachesis, the daughters of Night and Erebus. Clotho, our Barge hath beene ready this good while, and all things prepa­red, meet for our passage: the pumpe is clean­sed, the top-mast is reared, the sailes are spread, and all the cares bound fast in their places, and there is no let in mee, but that we may weigh anchor and be gon: only Mercurie playes the loyterer, who should have beene here long agoe, which makes our vessell, as you see, unfraught with passen­gers, otherwise we might have crost the River three times by this: it is now well in the after noone, and wee have not gotten one halfe-pennie this day: I am sure Pluto will thinke the stay was in mee, and I must beare the blame for an others default; whereas, that honest man Mercurie, being the Messenger of the Gods. whose office it is to conduct unto us those that are dead, as if he had dranke upon earth of an other fountaine of A River in hell, which whe­soever drinks of, forgets all that hath beene done in his life time. Le­the, hath quite forgot to come back againe unto us, but is either These quali­ties are appro­priate to Mer­curie, because they that are borne under this Planet, are naturally thus addicted. Hee is placed by the Poets betweene heaven and hell, because hee is the God of speech; by the use of which, there is a mutuall commerce betwixt those of the highest and the lowest ranke. — & jus per limen ntrumque Solus habet, geminóque facit commercia mundo. Claud. trying masteries with some youths that are his com­panions, or is playing upon his harpe, or is framing some speech or other, wherein to expresse his vanitie, or perhaps practising to place the theeves as he comes along, for that is a maine point of his profession: but wee suffer him to have his owne will so much, that he cares not whether ever hee come among us, though he belong ^f halfe to our domi­nion.

Thou knowest not, Charon, what important bu­sinesse may bee imposed upon him, being one Jupiter makes so much use of in his superiour affaires, by whom, you know, he is to be commanded.

But yet, Clotho, hee ought not so extreamly to domineer over his fellow-officers, who never offer to de­taine him when hee hath occasion to absent himselfe: but I know the cause why: for wee have nothing with us, but the hearb Necromantie. n. Asphodelus, with the oblations, parentations, and memoriall sacrifices for the dead: the rest is all obscure cloudes, mists, and darknesse, whereas in heaven all things are perspicuous and cleare: there they have Ambrosia by the belly, and Nectar their fill, and therefore I cannot blame him, if hee like that place the better: for which hee goes from us, he flies away as fast, as if hee were to make an es­cape out of a gaole; but when his turne is to come hither, he is as slow and dull, as if he came with no good will.

Be patient, good Charon, hee is now at hand, as you may see, and brings a great company with him, or ra­ther drives them before him with his rod, as if they were some Heard of Goats: but how hapneth it, that one amongst them is bound, an other comes laughing? a third I see with a scrip about his neck, and a staffe in his hand, casting a sterne countenance upon them, and hastning them for­wards: and see you not Mercurie himselfe, how he sweats, and how his feet are all covered with dust, how hee pants and blowes, scarcely able to take his breath? What's the matter with thee Mercurie? what makes thee so earnest? and what hath troubled thee so long?

Nothing, Clotho, but following this paultrie fellow, that ranne away from mee so farre, that I thought I should not have seene you to day.

Who may hee bee? or what was his meaning in running away?

You may soone know that, because hee would rather live still, than be amongst you: hee is some King or Tyrant, I know by the moane hee makes, and the matter of [Page 73] his laments, crying out, that he is deprived of some incom­parable and unspeakable felicitie.

Did the foole thinke, by running away to attaine to life againe, his thread being wholly spun up, and quite cut asunder?

Runne away, sayest thou? nay, if this honest fellow here with the staffe, had not holp mee to take and binde him, Tyrants very unwilling to die. I thinke he would have made an escape from us all: for since the time that Atropos delivered him up into my hands, he never ceased all the way we came, to struggle and hang-an-arse, and to pitch both his feete against the ground so fast, that we had much adoe to get him forwards. Somtimes againe hee would speake us faire, intreate, and beseech us to beare with him a while, promising us great rewards, if wee would doe so much for him: but I would give no eare to his impossible petition: and when we were come to the very mouth of the passage, where I used to de­liver to Rhadaman­thus, Minos, and Aeacus were all three Kings, for their justice called the Sonnes of Jupi­ter; and for their sincerity, fained by the Poets to bee Iudges in Hell. Aeacus the dead by account, and hee to take the number of them, according to a hill sent unto him from your Sister, I know not how this poultrie fellow, had pri­vily given us the slip, and I was one too short of my tale: with that Aeacus casting an angrie countenance upon mee, Mercurie, said hee, practise not to play the thiefe with all that comes to your hands: you may sport your selfe enough in this kinde, vvhen you are in heaven: the number of the dead is certaine, and you cannot deceive mee in that: you see there are set downe in your Bill 1004. and you have brought one too short of the number, unlesse you will say, that Atropos did misreckon you: I blushing at this speech of his, suddenly called my selfe to minde what had happe­ned upon the way: and looking about me, this fellow vvas not to be found: then I knew vvell enough hee vvas fled, and after him I followed as fast as I could the direct vvay that led towards the light, and this good honest man fol­lowed after mee of his owne minde, and vve ran together, as if vvee should have runne for a vvager, and at the last o­vertooke him, just vvhen vvee vvere come to A Promon­tory of Laco­nia, from whence, as the Poets fained, there was a passage into Hell. Taenarus, [Page 74] so neare was hee got to make an escape.

Then Charon, Mercurie may well be excused for any negligence committed in this service.

But why do we still trifle out the time, as if wee had not loitered enough already?

Come on then, let them come aboard: I will sit up­on the ship ladder, as I was used to doe, and taking the scrowle in my hand, examine every one that enters, who, and whence hee is, and by what meanes he tooke his death. And thou, Mercurie, receiving them at my hands, place them in order accordingly: but let yong infants take the first turne, for they are not able to answer for themselves.

Here Ferriman take them to thee, in number three hundred with the fondlings.

O brave, here's a quarrie indeed: thou hast brought them rotten that were never yet ripe.

Shall they come next, Clotho, that were past being mourned for?

Because their death comes not unexpected, and therefore not so much to be be­wailed.Old men thou meanest, do so if thou wilt, for what should I trouble my selfe to examine matters past before the time of This Euclide was governour of Athens pre­sently after the 30. Spartans that ruled over them were cast out, in the time of whose tyran­nie, many out­rages were on all sides committed, insomuch that having now regain'd their for­mer libertie, to take away all remembrance of past injuries, and to establish peace and quiet­nesse amongst themselves, they by a generall consent enacted, that whatsover had beene done in Athens before the time of Euclides government, should stand utterly void, and not so much as be questioned or spoken of, and hence it seemes the Author takes the proverbe. Euclide: All yee that exceede the age of three score yeares, make your appearance: what's the matter? they are so deafe with age they cannot heare mee: Nay then take them without more adoe, and away with them.

The next are foure hundred lacking two: all mellow and full ripe; gathered in good time.

Indeed these are well withered: now Mercurie, bring those that are hurt and wounded, and tell mee first how you came by your deaths: but it were better for mee to peruse my scroule, and see what is set downe of them: yesterday they dyed in fight in the countrie of Media, foure score and foure, and with them Gobares, the sonne of A King of the Bactrians. Oxy­artes.

Heere they are ready.

Seven that kill'd themselves for love, and Hee brings these particu­lars, not as things truly done, but to shew the various meanes and causes of mens ends, and that neither the name and re­putation of a Philosopher can free a man from vice or passion, nor the practice and skill of a Physician secure the professour from sicknesse or death. Thea­genes the Philosopher, for his whore at Megara.

They are all at hand.

Where is hee that was kill'd by his wife, and hee that made him cuckold?

You may see him the next man to you.

Then bring those that tooke their death by course of Law, I meane that were hang'd, or prest to death: and those elveen men that were kill'd by theeves, where are they Mercurie?

The wounded men which you see are they: but is it your pleasure that I should bring in the women also?

What else? and they that perished by shipwrack, for they all died together, and in the same manner: put them together also that died of an ague, & with them Agathocles the Physician: but where is the Philosopher Cyniscus, who was to die upon a surfeit of hard egges, and raw fish, at the It was a cu­stome among the Greekes, to celebrate the supper of He­cate, called also the Eleusine Feast, every new moone in this manner: The rich men set forth at night into the streets bread, fish, hard egges, and lupines or fig-beane, which was eaten and carried away by the poore, and this Supper was thus prepared in every part of the town, where three wayes met together, because that Hecate is called triformis, triple-sha­ped, being feigned by the Poets to be Diana on earth, the Moone in heaven, and in hell Pro­serpina. Feast of Hecate?

In the person of this Cyniscus, who was a Cynick, hee here commends that sort of Philosophers for their strictnesse of life, and resolution in death, of whom it seemes hee was farre better opinion'd than of the rest.Ready long since, good Clotho: and what have I offended, I pray you, that you should let mee continue a­live so long? you have suffered my spindle to runne on, till the quill was almost quite spun up: and I was many times minded to cut the thread in sunder, and come to you: but I know not how, it was more than I could doe.

I did let thee alone, because I would have thee left for an over-looker, and a curer of mens defaults, but now come and welcome.

Not I, unlesse this fellow that is bound may bee embarkt before mee: for I feare hee will overcome thee with faire words.

Let me see: what is hee?

In the person of Megapenthes hee describes the miserable and wretched condi­tion of Tyrants. Megapenthes, the sonne of Lacydes, the Tyrant.

Come a-boord, sirrha.

Not so, good Ladie Clotho, I beseech thee forbeare mee, suffer mee to ascend againe a little while, and then I will come to you of mine owne accord without any call.

What is it that makes thee so willing to be gone?

It seemes to be spoken in i­mitation of Homers Prote­silaus, Iliad. 2. v. 702. of which hereafter in the Surveyors. a.Give mee leave first to make an end of building my house, which I have left but halfe finished.

You doe but trifle the time, away I say.

I will aske no long libertie of you: give mee but one dayes respite, sweete Clotho, that I may give my wife intelligence of my money, where I have great store of trea­sure hidden.

Content thy selfe, it shall not be so.

And shall so much gold be lost?

Not lost, I warrant you: take you no care for that: for your Cousin Megacles shall finger it all.

O disgracefull indignitie! what, mine enemie? what a base-minded wretch was I, that had not kill'd him before.

Hee is the man: and hee shall continue alive after thee fortie yeares and upwards to enjoy thy Concubines, thy apparell, and all the gold thou hadst.

This is an intolerable abuse, Clotho, to bestow what was mine upon mine enemie.

I beseech you, sir, did not you come by Cydimaclus goods by murthering him, and cut his childrens throats also, before the breath was out of his body?

But now they were mine.

And it may suffice you have enjoy'd them so long.

A word with you, Clotho, in your eare; I would faine speake with you so that no man else may bee within hearing: friend, off a litle I pray you: If you will give me leave to runne away, I promise to bestow upon you a thousand talents of wrought gold, before this day bee at an end.

What a foole art thou, to have any thought of gold or talents.

I will give thee two standing-cups more into the match, if thou wilt, which I got by killing Cleocritus, either of them weighes an hundred talents of molten gold.

Away with him, for hee lookes as if hee would ne­ver come on willingly.

I beseech you be good to mee: the Citie wall, and the harbour for shipping which I was about to make, are not yet finished: if I had lived but five dayes longer, I should have made an end of them both.

Content thy selfe, the wall shall bee made up by an other.

Yet let me obtaine one request at your hands, which is so reasonable that you cannot deny it.

What may that bee?

Let mee live but so long, as to subdue the Pisidians, and bring the Lydians under tribute, and erect a sumptuous monument for my selfe, whereupon I may engrave all the great and warlike exploits that have beene performed by mee in my life time.

I thanke you sir: is this your one dayes respite? why twenty yeares will not serve his turne for this.

I will give you pledges for my speedie returne: or if you will, I will pawne my favorite to answer for me, man for man.

O villaine, how often have I heard thee wish, that hee might be thy surviver.

I have wished so indeed in my time, but now I am better advised.

Thou shalt have him here with thee before it bee long, for thy next successor will be sure to make a hand with him.

Yet, good Destinie, deny me not this one thing.

What is that?

I would faine know what shall betide after my death, and in what manner things shall be carried.

Heare me then to thy further vexation: Midas thy bond-slave shall marrie thy wife, for hee hath kept her this many a day.

That villaine? whom I by my wifes perswasion made a free-man,

Thy daughter shall be one of the next Tyrants con­cubines: the images and statues which the Citie aforetime erected for thine honour, are all overthrowne, and derided by every one that lookes upon them.

Have I no friends then, that were offended to see mee so abused?

What friend hast thou? or for what just cause could any man be thy friend? dost thou not know, that eve­ry one that honoured thee, and praised all that thou saidst or didst, did it out of feare or hope, as friends to thy Soverain­ty, and observing the time onely?

It hath beene alwayes the use of parasites and flitterers, to sweare by the names of Prin­ces.Yet would they run on heapes to the place where they heard I was to dine, and with loud acclamations wish mee all happinesse, every one protesting himselfe readie, if it were possible, to die before me, insomuch that they tooke their oathes and sware by my name.

Therefore one of the number, who feasted you ye­sterday made a quick dispatch, and gave you a drench for your last, which sent you hither.

Me thought indeed it went downe somewhat bit­ter: but what reason had hee to use mee so?

You propose many questions, but you are to goe about an other matter.

Yet there is one thing, sweet Destinie, that vexeth mee more than all the rest, and puts mee into a longing to recover the light againe for a while.

And what may that be? some great matter I warrant you.

My man Carion, as soone as hee saw I was dead, about sunne-setting, came into the chamber where I lay, when all things were at quiet (for then no body was to look unto mee) and pulling to the doore after him, tooke his [Page 79] pleasure of my Concubine Glicerie (whom I thinke he had kept long before) as if there had beene no man present: and when he had satisfied his desire, he lookes backe upon me, and sayes, thou wretched carle, thou hast many a time bea­ten me without a cause: and with that he pull'd me by the beard, and gave me a boxe on the eare; and hawking with open mouth, spat in my face, and so bidding me be packing to the pit of hell, hee went his wayes. I was vehemently kindled against him, but knew not what to doe to him, for I was stiffe and cold: but that cursed chamber-maid of mine as soone as she heard the noyse of some that were comming in, moistned her eyes with spittle as if she had wept for me, and howling out, called upon my name, and so went out of the roome: but if I could catch them.

Threaten not too much now, but away your selfe: for it is time you should be brought to the barre.

And who dare be so bold, as to give sentence against a King?

Against a King, no man: but against a dead man, Rhadamanthus will doe it, whom you shall quickly finde to be just, and one that will give every man his due: but now make no longer stay.

The like is spoken by the ghost of Achil­les to Ulysses. Hom. Od. 11. v. 488. [...]. [...]. [...]. Renown'd U­lysses, name not death to me, A plowman far, or slave I'd rather be To some poore man that pines for want of bread, Than have do­minion over all the dead. Sweet destinie, make me a private man, make me a poore man; nay, make me a slave instead of a formerly King, so that I may revive againe.

Where is the man with the staffe? and thou Mer­curie, take him betweene you, and hoyse him into the ship: for he will never come of himselfe.

Come Runaway: follow mee now: take him to thee Ferry-man, and make him sure to the maine Mast.

By right I ought to sit in the best place.

Why so?

Because when I was a King, I had ten thousand attendants to guard and waite upon me.

Did not thy man Carion well then in pulling thee by the Beard, seeing thee to be such a foole? but now thou wilt finde thy tyrannie bitter enough to thee, when [Page 80] thou shalt taste of this staffe.

And dare Cyniscus stretch out his staffe against me, whom for the liberty of his tongue, his bitternesse and sharpe reproofes, I was lately like enough to have nayled to a post?

And therefore now shalt thou be nayled to the Mast.

I pray you Clotho, am I no body amongst you? or because I am poore, must I therefore be the last that shall be shipt?

Who art thou?

See the Cocke. Mycillus the Cobler.

Art thou angry because thou tarryest too long? seest thou not how much the Tyrant hath promised to give us, to be dismist for a small time, and why should not delay be as welcome to thee?

Heare me, thou best of all the fates: this kind of Ulysses being in the denne of Polyphemus, a Gyant that had one eye onely, and that in the midst of his forehead, called himselfe by the name of [...], that is, Nobo­dy, obtaining only this favour in promise from the Cyclops, that hee should be the last man that hee would eate of all his company: but afterwards U­lysses having put out his eye, and hee crying out for helpe, being asked who had hurt him, could only an­swer that No­bodie had done it. Hom. Od. 9. Cyclops curtesie can never content me, who promised, Vtis shall be the last man I will eate: for whether I bee first or last, the same teeth will still be ready for me: and beside, the cause stands not with me as it doth with rich men, but ra­ther our conditions, as they say, are in opposition one to a­nother: the Tyrant in his life time seemed a happy man, every man stood in feare of him, every man cast his eye upon him, and he left so much gold and silver, and apparell, so many horses, banquets, beautifull boyes, and comelie women behinde him, that hee had cause to complaine, and grieve to bee distracted from them: for, I know not how, the soule is as it were glewed to such delights as these, and will not easilie be brought to leave them, after it hath been long inured to them: or rather linkt fast in some indissoluble band, which makes them mourne and lament when they are to part from them: and though upon other occasions they are bold and hardy enough, yet are they found to be feare­full and timorous, when they are to take this journey in hand, and turne still backwards like a forsaken lover, and covet to behold from a farre off what is done in the light, [Page 81] as this vaine man lately did, that ranne away as he was com­ming, and thought now to prevaile by intreating: but I had no such ingagements in my life time, no familie, no lands, no gold, no houshold-stuffe, no honour, no statues; Poore men have no allurements to make them in love with li­ving: and are therefore farre more willing to leave the world than the rich. and therefore could not chuse but be succinct and nimble: no sooner could Atropes give me a becke, but I suddenly cast downe my cutting-knife and my patches, and the slipper that was in my hand, leapt off my seat lustily, barefoot as I was, and staid not so much as to wipe off the blacking, but followed as fast as I could, or rather led the way; looking still forwards, and nothing behind could recall me, or make me turne againe. And in good sadnesse I see nothing a­mongst you but pleaseth me passing well: for in that we are all now of equall condition, and no difference betwixt man and man, it gives me a great deale of content: here is no calling for debts, no paying of subsidies, and, which is best of all, I shall not here starve for cold in the winter, nor bee troubled with sicknesse, nor be beaten by my betters: all is peace, and the world turn'd upside downe, for we that are poore doe laugh and bee merry, and the rich men lament and mourne.

I have observed your laughter, Mycillus, this good while: what is it that hath made you so merry?

Hearken then to me, most reverent goddesse: I dwelt upon earth neare unto the Tyrant, and perfectly saw all that he did, and could thinke no otherwise but that hee was a kinde of God: for when I beheld his glorious purple robe, the multitude of his attendance, his gold, his goblets beset with precious stones, and his Bedsteads of silver; I could not but thinke him a happy man: nay, the very smoak of the dishes that were prepared for his dinner made me almost madde, so that I thought him to be more than a man, and the most fortunate of all other; yea, to be indued with greater beauty and comelinesse than any man else, ad­vanced by fortune the heigth of a large cubit above all other men: his gate was stately, he vaunted himselfe proudly, and all he met withall he put out of countenance. But when he [Page 82] was dead and spoyled of all his pompe, me thought I could not chuse but laugh at him, and much more at my selfe to see what a foole I was to admire so vile an animal, and think him happy by the smell of his platters, or fortunate for ha­ving his roabes died in the bloud of the A shell fish, called the pur­ple. Plin. nat. hist. lib. 9. cap. 36. Arist. hist. animal. lib. 5. cap. 15. Fish taken in the Laconian Sea. Moreover, when I saw Gniphon the usurer bemoaning himselfe, and repenting that he had not taken the benefit of his riches in his life time, but to die and never have any taste of them; leaving them to Rhodocharis the unthrift, who was his nearest kinsman, and next heire by the Law: I knew not how to suppresse my laughter, especi­ally, when I bethought my selfe of his pale complexion, his miserable condition, his carefull countenance, and that hee was rich onely in his fingers, wherewith he counted his ta­lents and his millions, gathering that by little and little, which honest Rhodocharis would soon set That which is evill gotten by oppression and usurie, the next heire commonly consumes in ry­ot and prodiga­lity.flying: But why are we not going? the rest wee will laugh at when we are under sayle, and shall see them mourne and weepe.

Come in then that the Barge-man may weigh anker.

Whether goe you so fast, sirrah? the boate is full already: tarrie there, and I will fetch thee over betimes to morrow.

I hope, Charon, you will not serve me so: leave a man behind thee that is perfectly dead. I will complaine to Rhadamanthus, beleeve it: Lord, what ill lucke have I: they are all upon their way, and I am left here alone by my selfe: I cannot doe better than to swimme after them, for I am out of danger of drowning being dead already, and the rather, because I have never an halfepenny to pay for my passage.

What meanest thou by that, Mycillus? tarry I say, it is not lawfull for thee to passe over in such a fashion.

But for all that, I may hap to get over as soone as you.

It may not be so: therefore let us make towards him, and take him aboord: helpe, Mercurie, to hoist him to us.

Where shall he sit now hee is here? for you see the barge is as full as it can hold.

If it please you upon the shoulders of the tyrant.

That will do wondrous well, Mercurie, in faith ascend therefore, and bestride the necke of this notorious villaine, and let us be gone with speed.

Charon, I cannot chuse now, but deliver the truth unto you, half-pennie I have none to pay for my fare, and nothing left mee but this scrip which you see, and this staffe: but if you will have any service at my hands, either to cast out water or handle an oare, I am readie for it: and I hope you will not be offended, if you finde mee sufficient and able to rowe.

Let us have thy helpe then, and that shall be all I will crave of thee.

Shall wee have never a call of encouragement all the way we goe?

By all means if thou knowest any marriners song fit for the purpose.

I know many, Charon, of that kinde, but heare is such crying and howling that it cannot be heard. The complaint of the rich. The rich men: Alas for my goods: alas my lands: woe is mee what a house have I left behinde mee? how many talents shall my heire have of mee to squander away idlie: alas, alas, for my yong children: who shall gather the grapes of the vines I set the last yeare?

But, Micyllus, hast thou nothing to lament for? no man must passe this Ferrie without teares.

Away, away, I have no cause in the world to la­ment, if I may have a good passage.

Yet let mee heare thee crie a little for fashion sake. Micyllus mockt them.

Why you shall, Mercurie, If you will have it so: Alas for my leather-patches: alas for mine old slippers: alas for my rotten shoes: wretched man that I am, I shall never more sit without victuals from morning no night: I shall never more goe unshod and halfe naked in the winter, nor my teeth chatter in my head with cold; who shall have my [Page 84] cutting-knife? who shall have mine awle? I thinke I have done well for my part, for wee are almost got to the shoare.

Come on my masters, first pay mee your fare before you goe any further: you, and you, and you: so, I have all now but of Micyllus: cum sirrha, give mee an half-penny from you.

I hope, Charon, you do but jest; or, as they say, write in the water, do you hope to have a half-pennie from Micyllus? why man, for my part I know not a half-pennie whether it be round or square.

A rich voyage, I have made a good daies worke of this: but away, that I may go backe to fetch the horses, oxen, dogges, and other creatures that are to be transpor­ted.

Bring them with you, Mercurie, and I will passe over to the further side of the river to bring along with me Indopates, and Herimathres two Syrians, who are dead in fight one against another about the limits of their lands.

Come my masters, on afore, or rather all in order follow mee.

O Hercules, how darke it is? where is now the beautifuls Megillus? or how should a man know here which is the fairer creature Two Grecian strumpets. Phrine or Simmiche? all are alike, and all of one colour: A beautifull young man of Corinth. nothing is either faire or more faire: my thred-bare coate which I lately thought to be such a poore wearing, is now as much respected as the Kings purple roabe, for they are both un-apparant, and drencht in the same degree of darknesse: but Cyniscus where art thou?

I tell thee I am here, Micyllus, and if thou wilt let us goe together.

With all my heart: give mee thy hand, and tell me good Cyniscus, for thou hast beene initiated into the The feasts of Ceres which were alwaies solemnized by night. Eleusinian ceremonies, do not they much resemble the manner of this place?

As right as may bee: but see here is one com­ming towards us with a torch in her hand: what a ter­rible [Page 85] grimme countenance shee hath: is it not one of the Furies?

It should seeme so by her shape.

Here, One of the [...] ­ries, whose spe­ciall office it is to punish mur­ther. Tisiphone: take these with thee, in num­ber a thousand and foure.

I can tell you, Rhadamanthus hath tarried for you this good while.

Bring them neare Furie, and doe thou Mercurie make a proclamation, and call them by their names.

Good Rhadamanthus, for thy deare fathers sake, let mee be the first that shall be examined.

Why so?

I have occasion to accuse some of the companie, of misdemeanours committed by them in their life time: and my testimonie will not be taken, untill it be first knowne what I am my selfe, and in what manner I have led my life.

And who art thou?

Cyniscus good sir, by profession a Philosopher.

Come neare then, and be the first that shall undergoe our sentence: call his accusers?

If any man have any thing to say against Cy­niscus let him come into the Court: no man appeares: but yet, Cyniscus, this is not enough: strip your selfe that wee may see, what markes you have upon you:

Doe you thinke I have beene burnt with a hot iron?

Plato (with whose opinions Lucian often cavills) at the later end of his Gorgias, hath a storie to this purpose, which is imita­ted by Claudian in his 2 booke in Ruffia. Quid demens manifesta ne­gas: en pectus inustae Deformant maculae— Looke how many evills any of you have committed in his life time, so many spots will appeare up­on his soule.

Looke then for I am starke-naked: see if you can finde any of those markes upon mee.

This man is cleare all over, unlesse for three or foure spots that are, very dimme and hard to be discer­ned: but what is the reason of this? I finde here prints and markes where thou hast beene burnt, and yet I know [Page 86] not how they are smitten out and wiped away againe: how comes this to passe Cyniscus? or by what meanes art thou made so cleare?

The benefit of Philosophie.I will tell you, at the first I was evill for want of good breeding, and by that meanes procured my selfe so many markes: but as soone as I began to study Philosophie, by little and little, the spots, were all worne off my soule.

You applyed an excellent and most present remedie, depart therefore into the Certaine Is­lands, as some have thought, about the straights of Gi­braker, as others upon the Nor­therne part of great Brittaine, fained by the Poets to be the blessed habitati­on of good men after death. Ilands of the blessed, and associate your selfe with the best: but first you are to accuse the Tyrant you spake of, & then call for other.

There is little to be said to mee also, Rhada­manthus, and a short examination will serve my turne: for you see I am so naked already, that you may take full view of mee.

Who art thou?

Micyllus the cobler.

Honest Micyllus, thou art cleare indeed, and hast no tokens upon thee: goe thy way with this Cy­niscus: now call the Tyrant.

Megapenthes, the sonne of Lacydes, come into the Court: whither dost thou turne thy selfe? come forth I say Tyrant, thou art called: bring him in Tisiphone, whe­ther hee will or no: now Cyniscus lay what you can to his charge, he is here face to face.

I shall not need to speak much in the matter, for you will quickly find what he is, The instruments commonly used to set up Tyran­nie, and the meanes that maintaine it. by the marks he hath upō him, yet will I open the man unto you, and in words make him known more apparantly: what villanies were commit­ted by this varlet when he was in the state of a private man, I will not trouble you withall: but when he woone to him­selfe the love of slanderous & desperate ruffians, & advan­ced by their gard, made himself Tyrant over the city, hee put to death above ten thousand persons without judgmēt, & confiscated all their goods, What vices continually at­tend it by which meanes having at­tained to riches infinite be suffered himselfe to be free from no kinde of filthinesse, but practised all crueltie and villa­nie [Page 87] against the poore Citizens: Virgines hee deflowred, yong men he unnaturally abused, and lewdly insulted over all his Subjects: his scornefulnes, pride, & insolent carriage towards all that came neare him, were so notorious, that it is not possible you should take so much punishment of him, as he deserves: a man might as safely behold the Sun with open eyes, as looke upon him: who can expresse the strange kinde of torments he devised to satisfie his cruelty, from which his nearest familiars could not be free: and that this my accusation is not fained, or frivolous; you shall presently understand, if you will call before you the men whom hee hath murthered: but see, they are all in place without any call, and stand so thicke about him, that they are ready to stifle him. All these, Rhadamanthus, have been put to death by this murtherer: some were laid hands on, because they had faire women to their wives: some, be­cause they grieved to have their children taken from them to be abused: some, because they were rich: and some, be­cause they were discreet understanding men, and could not brooke his proceedings.

What say you to this sir knave?

The murthers that are objected, I acknow­ledge my selfe guilty of: but for the rest, the adulteries, As before in the Necromantie he brings in mens shaddowes to accuse them after death: so here he produces the Bedde and Lamp of the Tyrant, as wit­nesses of his vil­lanies, accor­ding to the opi­nion of some Greeke Philo­sophers, who held everything to have a soule. the abusing of young men, and the deflowring of maidens, Cyniscus hath belyed mee in them all.

I will bring good witnesse, Rhadamanthus, to prove it.

What witnesse canst thou bring?

Call hither Mercurie, his lampe, and his bed: they will testifie whē they come, what they know by him.

The bed, and the lampe of Megapenthes, come into the Court, you have done well to appeare.

Declare your knowledge against this Me­gapenthes, and let the bed speake first.

What Cyniscus hath objected against him, is nothing but truth: for I am ashamed, Lord Rhadamanthus, to deliver what he hath done upon me.

Your testimony is good, though you can­not indure to publish it: now Lamp, what say you?

What was done by him in day time, I have nothing to doe withall; for I was not present: but what he did or suffered in the time of night, I abhorre to speak of: many things I saw not fit to be uttered, the villanies he cō ­mitted were so monstrous as exceeded all measure, so that oftentimes I would not suck in any oyle willingly, because I would have beene glad to be put out, yet would he bring me nearer of purpose to see what he did, seeking to pollute my light by all the meanes he could.

This is enough: now sirrha, put off your purple roabe, that I may see how many spots you have: good god, he is all of the colour of clay, mark't all over blacke and blew, with spots from top to toe: what punish­ment shall we have for him? Vid Necro­mant. L. shall he be cast into Pyriphle­geton, or delivered up to Cerberus?

Neither: but if it please you, I will devise a fit and a new kinde of torture for him.

Tell mee what it is, and I will bee most thankfull to thee.

Vid. c.I thinke it be a custome among you, that the dead should drinke of the water of Lethe.

True.

There can be no greater torment to such wretch­ed men as have bin happie, than the remēbrance of their former felicitie, joyned with the feeling of their present misery.Let him be the onely man that shall bee depri­ved of that draught.

And why?

It will be torment enough for him to remem­ber what a fellow hee hath beene, how powerfull in his life time, and to thinke upon his delights then.

You say well, and this sentence shall passe upon him: let him be carried to Tantalus, and there bound, that he may remember what he did when he was alive.

WHy laughest thou Charon? and why hast thou left thy barge to put thy selfe into the light of the day, that never yet hadst any thing to doe in these superiour parts?

O Mercurie, I had an intollerable desire to see the passages of mans life, and how they bestowed them­selves therein, and what they are bereft of, that they all make such pitifull moane when they come to us, no man is able to crosse the streame without abundance of teares: This put me on (as did the Protesilaus the sonne of I­phictus, one of the Princes of Greece, and the first man of thē that was slaine at their landing before Troy. Il. 2. v. 702. he was but new­ly married to Laodamia, the daughter of A­castus, who hea­ring of his death, besought the gods that she might enjoy him one onely day againe on earth, which having obtain'd, she her selfe ex­pir'd in his em­braces. youthfull Thessalian) to begge a play-day of Pluto for once, that I might have leave to see what is done in the light: and here my good fortune is to meete with you, who I know will bee my guide, and walke the round with me, to shew me all things: for no­thing is unknowne to you.

Faith Ferry-man, I cannot a while goe with thee now: I am upon a businesse to Jupiter that concernes mankinde; and you know how passionate hee is in his hu­mour: and I feare, if I should stay longer than my time, See the Ty­rant. he would leave me to you for good and all, and put me into perpetuall darkenesse: or serve me as sometime he did Vulcan the god of fire, was (as some say) the sonne of Jupiter, but being none of the hand­somest, was kickt by his father out of heaven, and having consum'd a whole day in his des­cent, was at last taken up in Lemnus an Iland in the Aegaean Sea, and ever after lame of the fall. Hom. Il. 1. v. 590. Vulcan, kicke me out of heaven by the head and shoul­ders, and so lame me with the fall, that all the gods may [Page 90] laugh at my limping when I fill him out wine.

And wil you then let me goe up and downe like a vagabond upon earth, that am your friend, your Ferry­mate and fellow conductor? remember your selfe, Mercurie was the sonne of Iu­piter and Maia. honest sonne of Maia, that I never wisht you to doe so much as cast water out of the boate, or take an oare in hand, as long as you were with mee, though your bones bee bigge enough to worke: all that you did there, was to lie along upon the hatches, & sleep till you snort again, or get some dead body or other to find you talk by the way: when I, an aged man, am faine to play the sculler my self, and labour at it both hands at once: but good Mercurie, for thy good fa­thers sake, leave mee not so; shew mee all that is done in this life, that I may see somewhat before I goe downe a­gaine: for if you forsake me, I shall be in no better case than a blinde man: and as they stumble and fall in the darke, so shall I be doated in the light: and therefore doe thus much for me, sweet A name of Mercurie from Cyllena, a moū taine in Arca­dia, where he is said to be borne. Virg. lib. 8. Ae­neid. Cyllenius, and whilest I live, I will bee your servant.

This will cost me a swinging, I am sure of it, and the hier of my directions I know will not be paid me under a boxe on the earth: notwithstanding, I will doe it for thee: for who can refuse a friend in a case of such ne­cessitie? but Ferry-man, for you to have a perfect sight of all things, is altogether impossible: it would require many yeares tarriance to attaine it: and then would Iupiter send hue and crie after me, as if I were runne away from him, and thou shouldst be sure to bee put out of office from ha­ving any thing to doe with the workes of death. Plutoes Kingdome would be impoverished for want of dead peo­ple, and Aeacus the rent-gatherer would bee quite out of heart, if hee should receive no halfe-pence all that while: but for the principall matters now in action, I will doe what I can to procure you a sight of them.

Please your selfe, Mercurie, you can best tell what you have to doe: for I am a meere stranger upon earth, and know nothing.

The onely way is this, Charon, to get up to some high ground, and from thence looke about us to see what is done if it were possible forthee to step up to hea­ven, I should thinke my labour well bestowed, for thence, as out of a watch-towre, thou mightest have a perfect sight of all things: but because it is not lawfull for thee, that hast beene continually conversant with ghosts, and grisley spirits to approach the pallace of Jupiter, wee must looke out some high mountaine or other fit for our pur­pose.

You know, Mercurie, A similitude. what I have beene wont to say to the company, when wee were on shipboard toge­ther: for if any storme arose that crost our course, and made the waters grow rough & troublesome, then though none of them knew what to say, yet one would crie, strike saile, another let loose the halser, another runne with the weather: But I bid them all hold their tongues, for I know best what I have to doe: so must you now, Mercurie, do even what you will your selfe: you shall be the pilot, I the passenger: and sit quietly ready to doe you service.

Well said, and I will thinke upon somewhat that is to be done, and finde out some convenient spie-place or other for us: let mee see, will not A very high mountaine in the north part of Asia, divi­ding India from Scythia. Caucasus do well? or Mountaines in Greece. Pernassus, for that is the higher of the two: or Mountaines in Greece. Olympus, higher than them both? and now I looke upon Olympus, a project comes in my pate that may serve our turnes well: but you must take some paines then, and helpe mee with your labour.

With all my heart, do but command, and I will toile as long as I am able to stand.

The Poet Homer saith, that Otus and E­phialtes, Hom. Odyss. 11. v. 311. See Icaromenip. 16. the two sonnes of Aloeus, when they were but children, devised a tricke to teare up mount Mountaines in Thessalie. Ossa by the roots, and clap it upon the top of Olympus, and Mountaines in Thessalie. Pelion upon that againe, supposing these three mountaines would make a ladder long e­nough to helpe them up to heaven: but they were young­lings and wanted wit, and therefore smarted for their pre­sumption: [Page 92] but we having no ill intent against the gods, me thinkes might bee bold to frame such a building and tum­ble those mountaines one upon another, to make the place higher for us, that we may see the better.

Alas Mercurie, wee are but two of us, and how should we be able to carrie Pelion, or Ossa betweene us?

And why not Charon? we are gods, and doest thou thinke us weaker than those sillie infants?

Not so, but I thinke the doing of it to be a worke that surmounts all possibilitie.

He speakes this in derision of Homer, and his impossible ficti­ons, whom hee likewise prose­cutes through the whole Dia­logue.In your conceit, Charon, for you are a sillie fellow, and have not beene conversant with the poets: but honest Homer with onely two verses, will make heaven passable presently, and heape mountaine upon mountaine with a trice: and I wonder you should thinke this so hard a matter that know A great A­stronomer and therefore feig­ned by the Po­ets to beare heaven on his shoulders. Atlas so well, who being but a lone man, yet carryeth the pole upon his shoulders him­selfe, wherein all we are contained: and it may be you have heard of my brother This is said to be done by Her­cules, when he learned Astro­nomie of Atlas. Hom. Od. 11. v. 315. Hercules, how hee sometime tooke Atlas office out of hands, whom hee eased of his burden, and undertooke it himselfe.

I have heard as much, but whether it be true or no, Mercurie, you and your Poets looke to that.

Doest thou make any question of it, Charon? as if wise men would trouble themselves to write lyes: wherefore let us first poise mount Ossa out of his place, for the verse begins with that first, and so did our arts-master Homer, and then set shadie Pelion on the top of Ossa: see you not how easily and poetically we have brought this to passe? goe to now, I will get up first, and see whether it be high enough to serve our turnes; or that wee must lay on more. Alas, alas, we are but in a vale yet, scarce got up to the skirt of heaven, for Eastward I hardly have sight of Jo­nia and Lydia: and on the West part, I can see no more but Italy and Sicily: and Northward, onely the parts about the river The same that Danubius, it runs through all Austria, and a great part of Germanie. Ister: and this way, An Iland in the Mediterra­nean Sea. Crete is hardly to be dis­cerned: wee must to worke againe Ferry-man, and fetch [Page 93] mount A mountaine neare Thermo. pylae. Oeta hither also, and thou set Parnassus upon the top of them all.

Let us doe so then: but beware wee make not our foundation too weake, being of so wonderfull a heigth, lest it and we tumble all downe together, and make a wo­full experiment of Homers Architecture, if we breake our neckes in the service.

I warrant thee, all shall be sure enough; bring mount Oeta hither: now let Parnassas bee set uppermost, and I will once againe ascend. O brave, I see every thing: doe thou come up to now.

Give me thy hand, Mercurie, and helpe me, for it it is no small pile you are to place me upon.

Why, Charon, you will needes have a fight of all: & you cannot both see all, and stand on sure ground to: here, hold my hand, and take good footing: well done, now thou art mounted as well as I; and because Parnassus hath a Herodotus calls one of these tops Thithore­us, and the o­ther Hyampeus lib. 8. A briefe de­scription of the world. The Sea. forked top, either of us will get upon one, and there seate our selves: looke round about thee now, and behold every thing.

I see a great deale of earth, and a huge lake running about it, and mountaines and rivers, much big­ger than Rivers in hell. Cocytus, or Peryphlegethon, and men to: but they are very little ones, and certaine dennes of theirs.

Those are Cities man, which thou thinkest to be dennes.

Know Mercurie, that for all this I am never the better: our labour is all lost in dragging Parnassus from Castalia, and Oeta, and the rest of the moun­taines.

How so?

I can see nothing perfectly from such a heigth; and my desire was, not only to see mountaines and Cities, as they are described in a mappe, but to see the men them­selves, and what they doe, and heare what they say: as I did, when at our first meeting you found mee laughing, and ask't mee what I laught at: for then I heard a thing, [Page 94] which made mee exceeding merrie.

What was that?

A man was invited by one of his friends, I thinke to supper: The uncertain­tie of mans life. and promised faithfully to be with him the next day: no sooner was the word out of his mouth, but a tile­stone, loosened by some mischance, fell off the house upon his head, and killed him, and I could not chuse but laugh to see what ill lucke he had to breake his promise: and now I thinke I must be faine to creepe downe againe, that I may see and heare the better.

Be patient and I will have a plaister for this also, and make your sight sharpe enough I warrant you, I can fetch a charme out of Homer will do the deed: and when I have said the verses, looke that thou be darke no more, but quick sighted.

Pronounce them then.

Whats this?

Icarome nip. 2.Dost thou see yet?

Exceeding perfectly: Lynceus himselfe is but a bussard to mee: now proceed to your direction, and an­swer to such questions as I shall aske of you: but will you give mee leave to propose them in Homers stile, for I would have you know, I am not altogether so unlearned as you imagine?

I pray thee how cam'st thou to know any thing of his, that art but a boat-man and tyed to thy oare?

Upbraid mee not I pray you, with my profes­sion: for when I transported him at his death, I heard him pronounce many verses, of which I have kept some in my remembrance to this day: by the same token a fog­gie storme had like to have cast us all away: Odyss. 5. v. 291. &c. for as hee was singing (an unluckie poeme for sailers, wee may [Page 95] say) how Neptune gathered the clouds, and stirred the seas with his trident like a ladle in a pot, how hee raised all the windes and tumbled all the waves together, a sud­daine tempest with a darknesse fell upon us that had like to have overturned our boate, and made him so sea-sicke that hee Homer was anciently pictu­red vomitting, or making wa­ter in a bason, and the rest of the Poets stan­ding round a­bout, and drink­ing everyone a part, to shew that they recei­ved their excel­lence from him. vomitted up a great deale of his poeme, vvith his Scylla, his Charybdis, and all his Cyclops.

Then thou mightest easily keepe some for thy selfe, when thou sawest him to lay about him so lu­stilie.

Now tell mee

This is He began with a sucking calfe, and as that grew, so still his strength increa­sed, so that at length by conti­nuall exercise and custome he grew able to carrie a bull. Milo, the Champion of A citie in Ita­lie very famous for men of acti­vitie, insomuch that at one Olympicke feast, all the Victors were of this towne, and hence grew that pro­verbe. Qui Crotoniatatum postremus est, is reliquorum Graecorum primus est. Craton, so much magnified by the Grecians for bearing a bull upon his backe, thorow the Which was a mile long. Olympian [...]ace.

How much greater cause have they to magnifie mee, that must shortly hoise up Milo himselfe when hee comes to us, and put him into a little boat, after hee hath beene foiled by that invincible Antagonist, death, who shall trip up his heeles, and give him a fall he knowes not how? then will hee crie and lament to us, when hee remembers the garlands and acclamations that have beene made on earth for him, though he now strut it out like a brave fel­low, admired onely for carrying of a bull: but what may we thinke of him Mercurie? that he ever had any thought of death?

How should hee remember death, that is in the prime of all his strength?

Let us then leave him: for we shall laugh enough at him hereafter, when wee have him on ship-board, not able to carrie the weight of a gnat, much lesse to weild a bull: now tell mee what stately majesticall person this is, for by his habit hee should not be a Grecian.

Herodot. lib. 1. Iustine. See the rocke 16 18.It is Cyrus, Charon, that formerly raigned over the Medians, and at this time King of the Persians: he late­ly vanquished the Assyrians, and brought Babylon under his subjection, and is now preparing an armie against Lydia, to subdue Croesus, and make himselfe King over all.

And where is that Croesus?

Looke that way towards the great Castle compassed with a triple wall: that is Sardis, and there you may see Croesus sitting upon a bed of gold talking with One of the 7. wise men of Greece, and Lawgiver to the Athenians. He writ his laws about the 33. yeare of Tar­quinius Pris­cus raigning in Rome. Gellius lib 17. c 21. Solon the Athenian: shall wee listen to heare what they say?

By all meanes.

O thou Athenian stranger, thou hast seene my riches and my treasure, the abundance of gold I have yet unwrought, and the costly furniture of my pallace: tell me now what man thou thinkest to be most happie.

What will Solon say to this?

Take you no care for that Charon, for hee will answer him bravely:

O Croesus, fortunate men are few, but of all I know, I thinke Two yong men the sonnes of an Argive woman-Priest, who ha­ving drawne their mother in her chariot to the Temple, shee in recompence of their pietie besought the god [...] to bestow upon them that thing whatsoe­ver it were that it was best for man to have, whereupon ha­ving supped with their mo­ther, and then betaking them­selves to their rest, in the mor­ning they were both found dead. Herod. lib. 1. No man is to be accoūted happy before his death. Cleobis and Biton to be the most happy, that were sonnes of a woman priest.

Hee meanes the two Argives, that dyed toge­ther, after they had drawne, their mother in her chariot to the Temple.

Be it so: put them in the first place of happinesse: but who shall be the second?

Tellus the Athenian, who led an honest life and di­ed in defence of his countrie.

Thou base beggarly fellow: dost thou not hold mee to be a happie man?

I know not yet, Croesus, what to say of that till you come to the end of your time, death is the true touchstone of happinesse, and a continuance of prosperitie to the end of life.

God-a-mercie, Solon, that thou art not unmind­full of us, but makest the paying of their fare the true [Page 97] Judge of felicitie: but who doth Croesus now send out from him, and what is it they beare upon their shoulders?

Plates of gold, to consecrate as an offering to Apollo in liew of his Oracles, Croesus sen­ding to the Ora­cle at Delphos to know the issue of his warre, and continuance of his Kingdome was answered to the first, that if hee made warre with the Persians, hee should over­throw a great Kingdome, and to the second, that his estate should suffer no alteration till such time as a mule should raigne over the Medes: thus hee making con­struction of the former, the best way for him­selfe, and groun­ding upon the impossibilitie of the later brought his Kingdome to destruction, and himself to ruine, but afterwards questioning Apollo for the truth of the Oracle, was answer­ed that the Oracle was not in the fault, but his owne misconstruction, for by the great king­dome was not meant the Persians but his owne, and that of the mule was made good in Cy­rus his Conquerour, who was borne of parents of divers countries, his mother being daughter to Astyages King of the Medes, and his father a Persian and a subject, and was so in all things like a mule which is begotten by a hee asse and a mare being more noble by the mo­thers side than the fathers. Herod. Clio. which will shortly bring him to ruine: for the man is overmuch addict to vaticina­tion.

Is that shining thing gold, that glitters with a pale ruddie colour? I have heard much of it, but I never saw any before.

That renouned name it carries, and this is it that men so fight for.

I cannot see what goodnesse is in it: onely it lades them shrewdly that carrie it.

Little dost thou know the warres that have beene made for it, the treacheries, the robberies, the perju­ries, the murthers, the imprisonments, the long voyages, the trafficks and the slaveries.

For this, Mercurie, that lookes so like brasse? for brasse I am well acquainted with: you know I receive a halfe-pennie of everie man that crosseth the ferrie.

True, but brasse is common, and therefore not in so great request: for they that worke in the mines, must digge a great depth to finde a little of this: for it growes in the earth, as lead and other mettals doe.

O the madnesse of mankind to be so besotted with such a pale and ponderous kinde of mettall!

Solon you see doth not so much doate upon it, for hee derides Croesus, and all his barbarous ostentation: but it seemes he is to say somewhat more unto him: let us therefore harken what it is.

I beseech you, Croesus, tell mee whether you thinke Apollo hath any need of these plates.

Yes verily for hee hath not such an offering in Delphus.

Do you thinke you shall adde any happinesse to the god, if beside the rest of his riches, you furnish him with these plates also?

I thinke I shall.

Beleeve mee, Croesus, you make heaven a poore place indeed, if they must be faine to send to Lydia for gold when they lacke it.

The river Pa­ctolus runnes through Lydia, whose sands are all of gold.And where is there so much gold in any place, as amongst us?

Doth not iron grow in Lydia?

Not at all.

Then you want the better mettall.

What, iron better than gold?

If you will answer mee with patience, it shall plain­ly appeare so.

What is your question, Solon?

Which are the better, they that save others, or they that be saved?

They that save others.

Then if Cyrus bring an armie against the Lydians, as they say hee will, shall your souldiers fight with golden swords, or is iron fitter for their purpose?

Iron no doubt.

I, were it not for iron, your gold might be carried captive into Persia.

For speake us not, I pray you.

God forbid it should be soe: but then you must needs confesse iron to be the better.

Should I then consecrate iron plates, and revoke my gold againe?

Hee hath as little need of your iron: but be it brasse or gold you dedicate, it will come to some mens hands one day, that will make rich use of your offering, for either [Page 99] the The Phocens, and Boeotians made warre for the Temple of Delphos, and oftentimes spoy­led it. Herodot. Clio. The Tyrant. 1. Phocens, or the The Phocens, and Boeotians made warre for the Temple of Delphos, and oftentimes spoy­led it. Herodot. Clio. The Tyrant. 1. Boeotians, or the Delphians themselves or some sacrilegious tyrant or other, will make good prise of them: god doth little regard your gold workes.

Thou art ever quarrelling & grumbling at my riches.

Thou seest, Charon, the Lydian King cannot a­way with his plaine dealing, nor indure to have the truth told him: but hee shall have good cause to remember Solon shortly, when hee shall be taken captive by Cyrus, and cast upon a pile of wood to be burnt: Herod. l. 2.3. for I lately heard Clotho read over her booke of destinies, and among the rest this was also written, that Croesus should be taken prisoner by Cyrus, and that Cyrus should be slaine by yonder Queene of the Massagetes: dost thou not see that Scythian Ladie there, that rides upon a white horse?

Yes.

That is Tomyris: shee shall cut of the head of Cyrus, and cast it into a vessell full of blood: dost thou not also see his sonne, that yong man with him? that is, Camby­ses, who shall raigne after his father, and failing of his en­terprises every way in Lybia and Aethiopia, in the end shall die mad, after they have killed A calfe which the Aegyptians worshipped for a god, having these markes, it was all over blacke except a square white in the forehead, & on his backe the figure of an eagle, two white haires in his tale and a bettle upō his tongue. Herod. Thalia. Apis.

O most ridiculous follie! now, who dare looke upon them when they are in their ruffe? or who would be­leeve, that so soone after, the one should be taken prisoner, the other have his head cast into a vessell of blood? but who is this, Merc. with the purple cassock buckled about him, and a diademe upon his head, to whom his cooke de­livers a ring, cut out of a fishes bellie, taken in the sea? hee is sure some King at the least. Hom. Odyss. 1.

Well spied out, Charon, for thou hast now found All things suc­ceeding prospe­rously even to admiration with Polycrates, Amasis K. of Ae­gypt with whom he had made a firme league of friendship sent him this advise, that since fortune was a fickle and unconstant goddess [...], seeing that she now so exceedingly flattered him, hee feared shee would sometime or other as enviously crosse him, and that he would therefore counsell him to temper his prosperitie with some vo­luntary misfortune, that so hee might be prepared for any alteration that might befall him, which he might do if considering with himselfe what thing in the world hee esteemed most hee threw it quite away, never to come in his sight again. Polycrates receiving this counsell, and be thinking himselfe tooke a ring wherein was a smaragd signet, as the thing which hee most valued in the world, and taking boat cast it into the sea, but not long after a fisher-man presenting a very large fish, which he had taken, to the King the very same ring was found in the fishes bellie. Po­lycrates, [Page 100] the tyrant of the Samians, the happiest man alive: yet his servant Necrom. 7. Moeandrius, that stands there by him, shall betray him into the hands of Oraetes, who shall hang him upon a gibbet: and thus shall the wretched man fall from his happinesse in a moment: this I also heard from Clotho.

Bravely done, Clotho, serve them all in their right kinde, cut off their heads, hang them up, that they may know themselves to be but men: let their advancement be onely to make their fall the more bitter: how I shall laugh to see them all naked in my little boat, and bring with them neither purple, diademe, nor bed of gold.

Enough of these: now behold the actions of or­dinary men, Charon, of which thou seest some are sailers, some souldiers, some lawyers, some plough-men, some usu­rers, and some beggers.

I see a confused throng of sundrie sorts of people, and a life full of vexation and trouble, and their cities like hives of bees, in which every bee hath a particular sting to himselfe, wherewith he girdeth him that is next him, and some among them, that like waspes spoyle and oppresse the weaker: but I see a multitude of somewhat else, ob­scurely hovering about them: what may they bee?

A description of mans life.They are hopes, Charon, and feares, and follies, and covetousnesse, and angers, and hatreds, and the like: of which, follie, and hatred, and anger, and jealousie, and igno­rance, and povertie are mixed among them, and dwell in the citie with them: but feares and hopes flie aloft: the one when it falls upon them, makes them amazed, and sometimes glad to keepe close, but the hopes still flie over their heads: and when a man thinkes to have sure hold of them, they take their flight and are gone, leaving them gaping after them, as you have seene Tantalus below after the water: But if you looke more narrowly, you shall see how the destinies have spunne every man a spindle a­bove, Mans frailnesse. from which they all hang by slender twines: doe you not see little threds as small as spiders webbes com­ming [Page 101] downe to everie man from the spindles?

I see a slender threed for every man: but many of them crosse from one to another, and goe in and out like a nett, this to him, and the same againe to another.

So it must bee, Ferriman: for it is this mans destinie to be kild by him, and hee by another: this man must be heire to him that hath the shorter thread, and ano­ther againe to him: this is the reason of that crossing: do you not see how little a line they all hang by? and he that is drawne on high, shall the sooner downe againe by the brea­king of the thread, when it is not strong enough to hold his waight, and make a great noise in the fall: whereas hee that is drawne up but little, though he fall, it shall be with­out noise, for his next neighbour shall hardly heare it.

This makes mee laugh indeed, Mercurie.

It cannot be exprest in words, Charon, how much they deserve to be derided, especially to see how ernest they are upon it, and yet they must be gone in the midst of their hopes when they are clapt in the necke by honest death, who you see, hath many messengers and of­ficers attending upon him for that purpose, as chilling a­gues, burning feavers, consumptions, inflammations of the lungs, swords, theeves, poysons, Judges, and Tyrants: Deaths officers. yet none of all this comes in their heads as long as they are in health: but when once they fall sicke, then they crie, alas, alas, woe is mee, what shall I doe: whereas if at the first they did consider with themselves that they are mor­tall, Few men prepa­red for it. and were to bestow but a little time as strangers in this life, and so to depart againe, as out of a dreame, leaving all earthly things behinde them, they would live more tempe­rately, and take their deaths more patiently: but now be­cause they hope after a perpetuitie of things present, when the officer comes to call them, and takes them aside, and fetters them fast with some fever or consumption, they grieve and take on at their departure, because they never dreamed of such a separation: what would hee doe, thinke you, that is busie in building him a new house, and hastens [Page 102] his workmen forward as fast as hee can, if hee knew it should hasten his end also, and that as soone as he raised the roofe, hee was to be gone, and leave his heire to enjoy it, himselfe, miserable man, not once making a meale in it? or he that is jocund because his wife hath brought him a male child, and feasts his friends for joy, and sets the fathers name upon him, Epictet. c. 8. &c. if hee knew the child should die, as soone as hee came to seven yeares of age? do you thinke hee would take so great comfort in his birth? the reason is, be­cause they take great notice of him that is fortunate in his child, if he prove to be a Champion, and get the mastrie in Olympus: but if their next neighbour carrie a child to buriall, they never thinke upon it, nor what webbe hee hung by: thou seest also many, that strive and contend for the limits of their lands, and that gather and heape up riches in abundance, yet before they can take benefit of them, are called aside by those messengers and officers I be­fore told you of.

I see all this: and muse in my selfe what pleasure they take in this life, and what that is, they are so loath to leave behinde them.

If a man should examine the state of their Kings, who are thought to attaine the highest degree of happinesse (excepting onely the uncertaintie of fickle for­tune) hee shall finde them filled with more vexation than pleasure: as feares, troubles, hatreds, trecheries, angers and flatteries: for to them all these are incident: I omit their sorrows, sicknesses, and misfortunes, which domineer over them in equall authoritie: than if their condition be so ill, you may easily conjecture how it fares with private men.

I will tell you, Mercurie, my conceipt, and what I thinke men, and their whole manner of life, are most like unto: A comparison of mans life. I have often seene those bubbles that rise now and then by the fall of water out of some spring: I meane those swelling things whereof froth is engendred: and I have noted that some of them are small, which break quick­ly [Page 103] and are soon dissolved: some againe last longer and by the addition of others grow bigger and bigger till they swell to a great height: yet in the end they burst also: for it cannot be avoided: such is the life of man, they are all puft up with winde, some more, some lesse: some have a short continuance of swelling: and some vanish as soone as they are risen: but all must needs burst in the end.

Well said, Charon, Iliad. 6. v. 146. thou hast made as good a comparison as Homer, for he likens the generation of men to the leaves of trees.

They are no better, Mercurie, and yet you see how busie they are, and what a stirre they make in striving for dignities, honours and possessions, which they must all leave behinde them, and bring but one poore halfe-pennie with them when they come to us: what if I should call a­loud unto them, now wee are got to such a height, and ex­hort them to abstaine from their vaine imployments, and to live, as having death alwaies before their eyes, and say un­to them, O foolish men, why do you bestow your time up­on such trifles? mis-spend not your travels to so ill purpose: ye shall not live for ever: nothing you here affect can be perpetuall neither shall any man bring any of it away with him at his death, but of necessitie he must come starke na­ked, and leave his house, his land, and money behinde him, to be for ever in the possession of others, and subject to the changes of many masters: if I should proclaime this and the like amongst them, out of a place whence all might heare mee, do you not thinke it would do a great deale of good, and make them more warie in their carriage?

O honest Charon, little dost thou know how they are bewitched with ignorāce & error, & their eares so stopt, that they can hardly be boared open with an awgar: Vlysses could not make his followers eares more fast with waxe from hearing the Syrens: you may breake your heart with calling before they will harken to you: Od. 12. v. 177, for look what ver­tue the water of Lethe hath with you, the same operation hath ignorance with them: yet there are some few amongst [Page 104] them, that will suffer no waxe to be crammed into their eares, but are attentive to the truth, see perfecty how the world goes, and able to judge of it accordingly.

What if I call to them?

It were bootelesse to tell them what they know alreadie: you see how they stand aloofe off from the mul­titude, and deride their actions, taking no contentment in them: perceive you not how they are upon consultation to turne fugitives out of this life, and runne to you? for they are hated of all men because they reprove their igno­rance.

Few men wise.Well done honest hearts: but Mercurie mee thinkes there be but few of them.

These are all: let us now downe againe.

One thing more, Mercurie, I desire to heare from you: let mee know but that, and you shall make your gui­dance compleat: I would faine see the places where dead bodies lye when they are cast into the earth.

They are called monuments, Charon, and tombes, and sepulchers: dost thou not see those heapes of earth that are cast up before their cities? and the pillars, & the The Aegypti­an sepulchers built by their Kings at a won­derfull charge. Pyramides? those are all store-houses and receptacles of dead carcases.

But why do they crowne those stones with gar­lands, and annoint them with sweet ointments? some make a great pile of wood before those heapes of earth upon which they burne costly and delicate banquets: The manner of buriall in anci­ent times. and digge a pitt in the earth, into which they powre, as I suppose, wine, and honey mixt with it.

Beleeve mee Ferriman, I do not know wha [...] good all this can doe to them that are in hell: but perhaps they are perswaded, the soules below, come up againe to feed upon the savour, and smoake of the feast as they flie about it, and to drinke of the liquor in the pit.

They eate or drinke, whose sculls are withered & dried up? but I am a foole to say so much to you that con­duct them every day, and know it unpossible for them to [Page 105] get up againe when they are once under the earth: I were in a poore case then indeed, and should have somewhat to doe, if I were not onely to bring them downe, but also car­ry them up againe to drinke: O vaine men and ignorant, not knowing upon what termes the state of dead and li­ving men depend, nor the manner of our beeing, where

O Hercules, what a deale of Homer hast thou pumpt up together! but now thou hast put it into my head, I will shew thee Achilles tombe: see where it stands upon the sea shoare: for that is the Both Promon­tories nere unto Troy. Trojan Sigeum, and over a­gainst it is Ajax entombed in Both Promon­tories nere unto Troy. Rhoetium.

These are no such great monuments, Mercurie: but now let mee see those famous cities we have heard of below, as Ninivie. Ninus, the citie of Sardanapalus, and Babylon, and Ancient cities of Greece. Mycenae and Ancient cities of Greece. Cleonae, and the citie of Troy: for I re­member I have transported many a man from thence: All the time of the Trojan warre. tenne yeares together I had no time to draw up my boat into the dock, nor once to make it cleane.

Ninus, ferriman, is utterly vanisht, no token of it remaining, neither can any man tell where it stood: but Babylon you may see yonder, the citie that hath so many towres, and takes up so great a circuit of ground, shortly to be sought after as well as the other: as for Mycenae and Cle­onae, I am ashamed to shew them, and especially Troy: for I know when you are got downe againe, you will have about with Homer for magnifying them so much in his ver­ses: yet in former time they have beene famous places, though now decayed, for cities must die, Ferriman, as well as men: & which is more to be admired, even whole rivers [Page 106] are perished from having any beeing: A river said to be in the countrie Argos. Inachus hath not so much as a sepulchre to be seen in all the countrie of Argos.

Alas good Homer, that thou shouldst commend them so highly, and set them forth with such stately titles, as sacred Ilium, spacious Ilium, beautifull Cleonae: but whilst wee are busie in talke, who are they that are fighting yon­der, and kill one another so desperately?

There thou seest the Argives and Lacedaemo­nians in battell, Charon, and Othryades their captaine, halfe dead [...]. Others will have it, [...], writing a tro­phie of the vi­ctorie with his owne blood. The Lacedae­monians and the Argives be­ing to fight for the countrie of Thyria, it was at last agreed upon betwixt them that three hundred of each side should end the controversie, of which there were onely three left alive: of the Argives, Alcinor, and Cromius who returned to Argos supposing that they had got the vi­ctory: of the Lacedaemonians Othryades, who remained in the field, spoyled the bodies of his slaine enemies, and wrote his name in his shield with his owne blood in token of the victo­rie. and writing downe his owne name, as a trophie of the victorie.

What do they fight for, Mercurie?

For the same countrie they fight in.

O grosse ignorance: they know not, that although every man amongst them had as much as all The greatest peninsula of all Europe, joyned to the rest of Greece by the Corinthian Isthmus, it is now called Morea. Peloponnesus in his possession, yet Aeacus would allow no more, than a plot of a foote broad for a man to abide in: and this coun­trey must often be plowed up by man after man, which many times with their plow shares shall turne up trophies out of the depth of the earth.

This must be so: therefore now let us downe againe and depart: I, to the businesse I was sent about, thou to thy boat, and I will bring thee passengers, as spedily as I can.

You have done mee a friendly favour, Mercurie, and I will record you for my benefactor everlastingly: for by your meanes I have got knowledge of matters appur­tenant to miserable mankinde, and have seene Kings, plates of gold, sacrifices, and battels: but not a word of Charon.

O Jupiter, that art also Names deri­ved from the severall offices of Jupiter. called Philius, and Xenius, and Hetaerius, and Ephestius, and Asteropetes, and Hercius, and Nephelegere­tes, and Erigdupus, and I know not how ma­ny names else, which the braine-sick poets have beene used to put upon thee, especial­ly when they want words to make up their meeter: for then thou art a plaine aliàs dictus among them, and they call thee they care not what, Timons com­plaint. wherewith thou supportest the ruines of their rythmes, and closest up the crannies of their verses: whats now become of thy fiery flashes of lightning, thy clattering claps of thunder, and thy dread­full horrible terrible thunderbolt? all these are now come to nothing, no more esteemed than a poeticall fume, were it not for the noise of their names onely: and that renowned farre fetching engine of thine, that was readie at all assaies, I know not by what meanes is now utterly quencht, and coold: not the least sparke of wrath reserved to be darted out against malefactors: No knight of the post, nor cōmon perjuror but stands more in dread of the dead snuffe of a candle, than of the all consuming heat of thy thunderbolt, and they make no more account of it, than of a darke torch held over their heads, that yeelds neither fire nor smoake, & think all the hurt it can do them, is to fill them with sutt. This made True Hist, l. 2. d. Salmoneus already presume to answer thee again with thunder: a bold daring braggadochio, that knew how coole Joves anger would be well enough: for how should it be otherwise? thou being surprised with so dead a sleepe [Page 152] as if thou hadst eaten Ibid. g. Mandrakes, neither able to heare them that commit perjurie, nor see them that are actors of vilany, but art either so purblind or so hoodwinkt that thou canst discerne nothing that is done, and thy eares as deafe as a doting old mans. Indeed when thou wast in thy yon­ger blood, and hadst thy spirits about thee, and thy choller apt to be stirred, thou didst worke wonders against those that were unjust and violent, and wouldst never take any truce, or come to any composition with them, but thy thunderbolt was ever in action, thy target redy brandish­ed, thy tempest roared, thy lightning flasht amaine to fetch them off at length, thy earth-quakes were like riddles, thy snow fell downe by heapes, and hailestones as bigge as rocks, and to tell the home indeed, thy shoures of raine were all impetuous and violent, every drop as bigge as a river, which suddenly made such a The generall deluge. Ovid. Met. 1.1. Deucalion, that all things were drencht under the flouds, and surely one small caske remained to arrive at The place where Deucali­on and Pyrrha escaped from the flood. Licoreus, which preserved a poore sparke of humane seed for the generation of greater mischiefes. Wherefore thou reapest at their hands a just reward of thy sluggishnesse for no man now doth sacrifice unto thee, or so much as set a garland upon thy head, unlesse it be slightly at the games of Olympus, holding it no mat­ter of dutie neither, but onely for forme and fashion sake: and in a while, they will make thee, that art the prime me­tropolitane of all the gods, to become a second The father of Jupiter and throwne by him out of his king­dome. Saturne, and utterly despoile thee of thy soveraignty: I forbeare to tell how often times they have robbed thy temples, yea how some have beene so bold as, to lay hands on thy sa­cred person in thy Olympian temple, whilst thou, the high and mightie thunderer, wouldest not take so much paines as to waken a dogge, or call neighbours about thee to helpe to apprehend them, when they were all preparing to runne away: but thou, that worthy wight, that hadst confounded the giants and vanquished the Giants the sonnes of Titan, elder brother of Saturne who made warre a­gainst Jupiter. Ti­tans, satst still and didst nothing, whilst A proverbe importing ex­traordinarie stupiditie. they clipt thy haire round about thy head, and yet hadst a thunderbolt in [Page 153] thy hand, tenne eubits long at the least. When shall this su­pine carelesnesse come to an end, good Jupiter? and when wilt thou revenge thy selfe upon so great in-justice? how many True Hist. lib. 1. g. Phaethons? how many Dencalions would suffice to purge this immesurable abuse of life? for to omit other men, and come to my selfe, that have set so many Atheni­ans floate, of miserable beggers have made them wealthie men, and succoured all that craved assistance at my hands, nay rather powred out my riches by heapes to do my friends good, yet when by that meanes I grew poore and fell into decay, I could never be acknowledged by them, nor they once so much as cast an eye towards mee, who before crouched and kneeled unto mee, and wholy depen­ded upon my becke. If I chance to meete with any of them upon the way, they passe by mee as though I were a grave stone, laid over some man that had beene dead long before, and now worne to peeces, and will not tarrie so much as to read the inscription. Others, if they see mee a farre of, will turne aside and take another way, a if I were some dismall and unluckie object to be lookt upon: who, not long before, had beene their founder and benefactor. These indignities have made mee betake my selfe to this solitary place, to cloth my selfe in this lether garment, and labour in the earth for foure half-pence a day, here practising Phi­losophie, with solitarinesse and my mattocke: and thinke I shall gaine enough by the match, in that I shall have no sight of many that are rich men without desert: for that would grieve mee more then all the rest. Now therefore thou sonne of Saturne and Rhea, shake off at the length, Iliad. 2. v. 2. this profound and dead sleepe, wherein thou hast laid drowsing longer than ever did Proverb. who was sent by his father Agia­sarchus into the field to looke to cattell, and be­ing wearie laid himselfe downe in a cave and fell asleepe, and waked not again till 47. yeares were expired. Laert. & Plin. Epimenides: give thy thunderbolt a fresh heat, or set whole mount Oeta on fire to make it hot: deliver some shew of a lustie and youthfull Jupiter, unlesse it be true indeed that the Crotans tell of thee, and of thy sepulcher.

Who may hee be, Mercurie, that makes such ex­clamation in the countrie of Athens, at the foote of [Page 154] mount Icaromen. r. Hymettus? a miserable poore wretch hee seems to be, The Philoso­phers blasphe­mous against the gods. See Icaromen. clad all in leather, and by the action of his body it appeares hee is digging in the earth: yet I finde hee hath tongue at will and boldnesse enough to use it: is he not one of these philosophers? for none but they would be so im­piously blasphemous against us.

Why father, know you not Timon, the sonne of Echecratides, the Colyttean? this is hee that hath often entertained us with sacrifices of the best sort: that was so rich of late, that he offered whole Hecatombes unto us: with whom wee were wont to have so good cheare at the feasts of Icaromen. s. Diasia.

Ah us, what an alteration is this? that good man, that rich man, that had so many friends? how came hee to be in such a case? miserably distressed, faine to digge and labour for his living, as appeares by holding so heavie a mattocke in his hands.

Some say his bountie undid him, and his kind­nesse, and commiseration towards all that craved of him: but in plaine termes, it was his folly, simplicitie & indiscre­tion in making choice of his friends, not knowing that hee bestowed his liberalitie upon crowes and wolves, that tare out the very entrails of that miserable man, like so many vultures: he tooke them for men that loved him well, and such as came to him for goodwill, when they tooke plea­sure in nothing but devouring, eating of the flesh to the bare bones: and if there were any marrow remaining within, they would be sure to suck it out cleane before they went away, and so leave him withered and quite cut up by the rootes, taking no knowledge of him afterwards nor once looking towards him, but will be sure to be farre enough of when they should helpe him, or do the like by him a­gaine: this hath made him as you see, betake himselfe to his mattocke and his pelt, and forsaking the citie for very shame, works in the field for day wages, halfe madd with melancholy to thinke upon his misfortunes, and to see them that were made by him passe along so proudly, that they [Page 155] will take no notice of the name of Timon if they heare it pronounced unto them.

This man must not be unremembred, nor let a­lone so: I finde hee had cause to complaine upon his grie­vances: and therefore if we also should be carelesse of him, wee should do as those damned flatterers have done, and bee unmindfull of a man, that hath sacrificed so many droves of oxen and goates unto us upon our altars, that the savour of them sticks in my nostrils to this day: but my Icaromenip. x businesse hath beene so urgent, and I have had so much adoe with perjurers, oppressors, and theeves, beside the feare I stand in of temple robbers (who are many in number and hard to be prevented) that I have had no lea­sure for a long time to turne mine eyes another way, See Jupiters speeech against the Philosophers in the end of Icaromenip. or so much as looke towards the countrie of Athens, especi­ally since philosophie, and contentious disputatious have beene in request amongst them: but of necessitie must either sit still and stoppe mine eares, or applie my selfe to them, whilst with open mouthes they make much adoe about vertue, and incorporalities, and such like trifles, which vvas the cause vvee could not have that care of him, as of a man no way ill deserving: but now Mercu­rie, take The God of riches, among the heathen. Plutus with you and repaire to him with all speede, and let Plutus take treasure along with him also, and let them both make their abode with Timon, and not depart with him lightly, unlesse hee will againe be so good as to force them out of his doores by violence. As for those flatterers, and the ingratitude they have ex­prest towards him, wee will consider of it another time, and they shall be sure to pay for it, as soone as my thunder­bolt is in case: for two of the greatest tines of it vvere broken or blunted the other day, vvhen I darted it furi­ously at the sophister This Philoso­pher held that the world was created and go­verned by an eternall spirit: and was there­fore thought by the Heathen to denie that there was any god. Hee was very great with Pe­ricles. See Plu­tarch in his life. Anaxagoras, who was perswading his schollers that we were no gods: but I mist of my marke, for Pericles held up his hand before him, and it strake side­wise into the temple of Castor and Pollux, which it set on fire, & it selfe was almost broke in pieces against a rock: but [Page 156] for the present, it will be plague enough unto them, to see Timon rich againe.

This it is to be clamorous, importunate, and and bold, not onely among them that plead for matter of right, The benefit of importunacie. but is usefull also, it seemes, to men in their prayers. Now must Timon from a poore beggerly wretch, be made a rich man againe for his exclamation sake: and his audaci­tie in prayer hath made Jupiter turne his eye towards him, whereas if hee had digged in silence, hee might have dig­ged long enough and never have beene looked upon.

For my part, Jupiter, to be plaine with you, I will not come at him.

Why so, good Plutus, knowing it is my plea­sure?

The complaint of Plutus.Because hee hath used mee ill, Jupiter, drave mee out of his doores, and cut mee into a thousand peeces though I had evermore beene a true friend to his father, yet would hee needes cast mee out of his house, as it were with a forke, or as men would cast fire out of their hands: should I goe againe to him, to be scattered among flat­terers, parasites, and harlots? send mee to those men, Ju­piter that are sensible of my worth, and will be carefull of mee, that honour mee, and are in love with mee: as for such grosse-headed gulls as these, let povertie be their companion on gods name, because they have prefer'd her before us, and from her hands let them receive a leather pelt and a mattocke, and content themselves, like mise­rable men, to earne foure halfe-pence a day, that have erst thought it nothing to cast away gifts of tenne talents worth at a time.

Timon will use thee so no more: his mattocke I trow, hath tutor'd him well enough for that: and the creeke hee hath caught in his backe can teach him, how much thou art to be prefer'd before povertie: but this is strange to my eare, and thou shewest thy selfe too too que­rulous, and to be apt to complaine how ever the world go: Now thou criest out upon Timon, who set his doores wide [Page 157] open to thee, and suffered thee to walke at pleasure with­out restraint, or conceiving any jealous opinion of thee, whereas at other times thou hast found fault with the con­trary: how thou hadst beene used by rich men, saying, that thou wast shut up by them under locke and key, with their seales set upon thee so sure, that it was impossible for thee to put out thy head into the light, or once looke a broad: this hast thou been wont to complaine of to me, and to tell me, that thou wast almost stifled in extreme darknes, which made thee look so pale and wanne, to be filled with care and anxietie, that thou didst threaten to runne away from them, if ever thou couldst finde a fit oportunitie: thou didst make a shew then as if thou thoughtst thy selfe to be in great extremitie to be constrained to lead a vir­gins life like a second Necroman. c. Danae, kept in a closet of brasse or iron, there to be fed up with interest mony and reckonings under the custodie of exact and cruell keepers: thou wouldest tell mee how strange and absurd a course they tooke, who loving thee so tenderly, and it being in their power to have fruition of thee, yet durst not adventure upon thee, nor use their loves freely, though they were Lords over thee, but kept themselves waking to keepe thee, and their eies continually bent upon the seale and the bolt without winking; and thought in so doing they en­joy'd thee well enough, not in having benefit of thee them­selves, but in barring others from having any part in thee, Proverb. like the dogge in the manger, that could neither eate barley himselfe, nor suffer the hungrie horse to have any: thou wouldst also deride their parsimonie and warinesse, and which was more strange than all the rest, to see how jealous they were even of themselves, not knowing that some roguish servant or cosening steward, or cheating schoolmaster should secretly intrude himselfe, and domi­neer over that unluckie and unlovely owner, whilst hee sate watching his interest money, by the poore dimme light of a drie rush candle: How can this hang together, to complaine so much of them, and now to find fault with the contrarie?

This Dialogue is for the most part an imita­tion of Aristo­phanes his Plu­tus.If you will rightly conceive of it, I thinke I may be well excused in blaming them both: for as Timons un­thriftinesse and carelesnesse may be a strong argument how little account he made of mee, so, they that keepe mee pri­soner, shut up in darknesse under locke and key, to have mee grow bigger, fatter and groser by their carefull hee­dinesse, not once so much as touching mee, or bringing mee to light lest I should be seene of any, I hold them no better then fondlings and abusers of mee, in suffering mee to be eaten with rust, that never did them any wrong: not considering that they must shortly take their farewell of mee, and leave mee to some other fortunate man. I nei­ther commend these, nor those that are so redie to be ridde of mee, but they that take a moderate course betweene both, which is best of all, and neither altogether ab­staine from mee, nor be utterly lavish of mee: consider of it, but thus, good Jupiter: if a man should joyne himselfe in marriage with a yong wife, faire, and beautifull, and then carry no eye over her, but suffer her to gad abroad at her pleasure night and day, and accompanie with every one that would: nay more, should offer to perswade her to play the harlot, Riches compa­red to a wife set open his doores, be bawde him­selfe, and allure all hee could to come and visite her, could such a man be thought to love his wife? I am sure, Jupiter, you will never say so, that have so often beene in love your selfe. Againe, if a man should joyne in wedlocke with an honest woman, and bring her to his own home, with purpose to beget children of her, and then nei­ther touch her himselfe, though shee were a flourishing, and lovely damsell, nor suffer any other to come at her, or so much as to looke upon her, but keepe her a virgin, under locke and key, unfruitfull and barren, and yet pro­fesse himselfe to love her dearely, and gives instance of no lesse by the Which are the symptomes of love. palenesse of his complexion, the fading of his flesh, and the hollownesse of his eies, may not hee be well thought to be out of his wits, it being in his power to do the part of an husband, and take fruition of his marriage [Page 159] bedde, and yet will suffer a lovely and well lookt virgin to pine and wither away as a Nunne in a cloister all the daies of her life. This is it that I complaine upon, when some dis­gracefully kicke mee out of doores, consume and exhaust mee idle, others keepe mee fast in fetters, as if I were some fugitive servant.

Let neither of these sorts of men trouble thy pa­tience, they both are plagued according as they deserve: the one like The sonne of Jupiter and Plote father of Pelops, and granfather of Agamemnon and Menelaus, who entertain­ing the gods feasted them with the fl [...]sh of his owne son, but they sore displeased with the unnatural­nesse of the act, restor'd his son to life, but him they thrust into hell, where hee is continually tormented with extreme hun­ger and thirst, standing in a cleare river un­to the chinne & delicate fruit hanging over his head, but can neither touch the one nor the other. Tantalus, neither eate nor drinke, though their mouth be drie, but continue still gaping upon their gold: the other like A King of Arcadia who was thus punished by the gods, for putting out the eyes of his owne sonne. Phineus, have their food snatcht out of their very choppes by the Ravening birds with eagles claws, and womens faces. Virg. Enead. Harpies, before they can swallow it downe: but for your part, get you packing to Timon, whom you shall now finde to be a man of much better temper.

But will hee ever give over to set mee a running, as it were liquor out of a rotten vessell, and hast to powre mee out, before I can be all put in, to prevent an inundation lest for want of meanes to exhaust mee, I should wholy choake and drowne him up? certainly for ought that I can finde, I do no more but powre water into Proverb. Fiftie sisters the daughters of D [...]naus, King of the Argives, brother to Aegyptus, who in one night slew all their husband, the sonnes of Aegyptus, except Hypermnestra, who saved her hus­band Lynceus. The rest were condemned for this wicked act, continually to poure water in [...]in [...]otubbes boared full of holes in the botome, they are also called Belides from their grandfather. the tubbes of the Da­naides, and vainly seeke to fill a concavitie that will hold nothing: but before I can get in, almost all is runne out, the holes of the vessell have so wide a vent, that nothing can stop the passage.

If hee do not now close up those gaps, that all may not gush out at once to give thee a present issue, hee may soone find his pelt & mattock again in the lees of the vessel but for this time get you gone, and enrich him once more, And you, Mercurie, remember as you returne to bring the [Page 160] Gyants with one eye in their fore-head, the sonnes of Nep­tune and Am­phitrite, and workemen of Vulcan, they are said by the poets to be the smiths that make Jupiters thun­derbolts, and that mount Aet­na in Sicilie, which flames on the top with fire is their forge. Love and riches are both blinde. Riches come but slowly to the good. But goe away nimblie. Cyclops to us from Aetna, to sharpen our thunderbolt, and make it fit for use, for wee must needs have it new whetted upon a sudden.

Then let us be gone, Plutus. But what is the matter with thee now? what makes the halt? I have beene mistaken in thee all this while, for I thought thee to be on­ly blind, and now I perceive thou art lame also.

I am not so at all times, Mercurie, for when I goe to any man as sent from Jupiter, I know not how, I fall lame, and so decrepite on both legges, that I can hardly get to my journeies end, before the man grow old that is to enjoy mee: but when the time of my departure comes, you shall see mee with wings on my backe flie away more swiftly then a bird: A metaphor taken from horse-races. no sooner can the lash be given, but I shall have got to the end of the gole, and be proclaimed victor, when the beholders some times could scarce have any sight of mee.

I cannot beleeve thee in that: for I could name ma­ny unto thee, that as yesterday had not a halfepennie to buy themselves an halter, and this day come to be rich and wealthie men, drawne up and downe with a paire of white coach-horses, that never were worth an asse of their owne before: traverse the streets clothd in purple, with gold rings on their fingers, when I verily thinke, they scarcely beleeve themselves that their riches are any more than a dreame.

Thats another matter, Mercurie: for I do not then goe upon mine owne feete, He must needs goe that the di­vell drives. neither is it Jupiter, but Pluto that sets mee a worke to goe to them, who is also a bounti­full bestower of riches, as his name imports: for when the time comes that I am to be conveyed from one to another, they enter mee first into wills and testaments, The discription of an inheri­tance. and seale them up surely, then they take mee by heapes and carrie mee away, after they have cast the dead man into some darke corner of the house, Assured. and covered his carcase within an old linnen ragge, which are readie to goe together by the eares for. In the meane space, they that are competi­tors [Page 161] in the prise, stand gaping in the market place, as Expected. Iliad. 2. yong swallowes for their damme that hovers about them: but when the seale is once taken off, and the string cut in two, Obtained by base meanes. and the writing opened, and my new master published (whether it be some kinsman, or parasite, or obscenous slave kept for sodomiticall sinfulnesse, his masters minion, that still keepes his chinne, close shaven) in liew of so ma­ny and manifold pleasures which in his elder age hee sup­plied him withall, that worthy wight shall receive mee as a plentifull hire for his paines. Then hee whosoever he be, snatching mee up, together with the letters testament, carries mee away cleare, and instead of him that was lately called The names of slaves and ser­vants. Pyrrhias, or Dromo, or Tibias, will now have his name altered to Names of Princes and great men. Megacles, or Megabyzus, or Protarchus, leaving the other silly fooles behinde him, gaping one upon another with griefe of heart to see Proverbe. Those that are base by nature can never change their conditions though they be raised to the greatest for­tunes. what a fish had esca­ped their net, without swallowing downe any part of the bait: when he hath thus made mee sure to himselfe, (being an ignorant sot, without wit or breeding, still fearing to be bound and whipt, but pricks up his eares, and stands in as much awe of It was a pu­nishment a­mongst the Ro­mans to make their slaves grinde corne in a mill-house, where they were whipped and lashed like horses. a mill house as of a temple) hee then grows intollerable among his companions, wrongs the free-man, beates his fellow servants to prove if there be any such power in him or not, till in the end, hee either drop into some bawdie house, or set his heart upon keeping race-horses, or give himselfe up to be led by flatterers that will sweare and stare he is more beautifull than Nireus, an anci­enter gentleman than Necrom. c. ib. k. Cecrops, or Codrus, a wiser man than The wisest man and great­est Polititian of all the Greci­ans. Vlysses, and richer than sixteene such as Croesus, and so in a short space hee shall be guld of all that which was so long in getting, by so many perjuries, rapines, and deceits.

You are in the right for that; but going as thou dost, still on foot, without a guide, and being blinde withall, I marvell how thou canst finde out the way, or learne out to whom thou art sent by Jupiter, and take notice they are worthy to be made rich.

Do you thinke I am able to finde them out? And riotously wasted.

I do not thinke thou canst: otherwise thou wouldst never have skipt over A most just noble man of Athens, who died so poore, that hee had not money enough to pay for his bu­riall. Aristides to bestow thy selfe upon Rich Atheni­ans but of base condition. Scho­liast. in Ari­stoph. Batrach. Hipponicus and Callias, and many other Athe­nians, that never deserved to be made worth an half-penny: but what dost thou doe when thou art sent upon such an arrant? what course dost thou take?

I wander up and downe like a vagrant, till I light upon one or other that lookt not for mee: and hee that first findes mee, carries mee away with him, returning ma­ny thankes to thee, Mercurie, for his unexpected good fortune.

Mercurie was thought by the heathen to be a god that holpe men to wealth and was there­fore by them surnamed [...]. i. enrich­ing. A good man hard to be found.Is Jupiter then deceived? who according to his good meaning imagineth thou makest none rich but whom he thinkes worthy?

Hee may thanke himselfe for that, for he knowes well enough how blinde I am, and yet will send mee to seeke out a thing so hard to be found, and so long agoe va­nished from having any beeing, that Icaromen. b. Lynceus himselfe could hardly light upon it, it is so obscure and insensible: for which cause, there being so few good men to be found, and such swarmes of the worser, that they fill the citie from one end to the other, I may the more easily meete with them in my progresse, and be circumvented by them.

But when thou art to forsake them, how canst thou escape with any ease, not knowing the way?

My sight is then sharpe enough, and my legges well able to carrie mee off, onely for the time of my de­parture.

Let mee aske thee one question more: thy sight being defective, (for I will speake my minde freely) Cock. d▪ thy complexion discoloured, and thy limbes so feeble and de­crepit, how comes it to passe that thou hast so many lo­vers, and that all men affect thee, thinking themselues for­tunate if they can attaine thee, and their life livelesse, if they cannot enjoy thee: I have knowne some, and not a few, that have beene so farre besotted with thee, that they have An imitation of Theogius. v. 176. & 176. cast themselves into the deepe sea, and from the top of [Page 163] steepe rocks doubting lest they were despised by thee, be­cause thou never wouldst vouchsafe to afford them any grace: & I am sure thou wilt freely confesse, if thou kn [...]w­est thy selfe, that they are all mad men to dote upon such a love.

Do you thinke I appeare to them to be such as I am indeede, lame, blinde, vvith all my other imperfe­ctions?

What else, Plutus, unlesse they be all as blinde as thou.

Blinde they are not, good Mercurie, but ignorance and error, which now-a-daies are predominant, do cast a mist before their eyes: and for my owne part, Riches have on­ly a faire out­side. because I would not appeare altogether deformed, I put a lovely vi­sard upon my face, wrought over with gold, and thicke beset with pearle, and cloth my selfe with costly garments when I come unto them, which makes them thinke they see beautie in her owne colours, whereupon they fall so farre in love with mee, that they even perish if they can­not enjoy mee: whereas if a man should shew mee to them naked, & stript of my accoutrements, no doubt they would condemne themselves, for being so deceived, and for lo­ving so unlovely and mishapen a thing.

But when they are growne rich, and have put the same visard upon their owne faces, why are they yet deceived, and rather would lose their heads from their shoulders, then suffer themselves to be unmask'd by any: mee thinkes they should not then be ignorant that thy comelinesse was but counterfeit, when they have full sight of the inside.

There are many things that afford mee good helpe, Mercurie, in this case.

What may they bee?

At my first coming to any man, when hee sets o­pen his doores to receive mee, there enter privily with mee, pride, follie, presumption, effeminacie, contempt, Vices and infir­mities that ac­company riches. delu­sion, and infinite of the same stampe, which do so possesse [Page 164] the soule of the silly fellow, that hee admires things not worthy of estimation, and covets after things that are to be eschewed, and doth so do at upon mee, that am the father of all this cursed crew, and continually attended by them, that hee would endure any thing, rather then suffer himselfe to be deprived of mee.

Riches are slip­perie.But thou hast another fault, Plutus, thou art so nimble and slipperie, so hard to bee held, and so fleete in flying away, that thou wilt give a man no fast hold, but like an eele or a snake, slip thorow his fingers I know not how: whereas povertie is apt to be apprehended, and quickly caught, But povertie is easie to be laid hold on. having an hundred sort of fish-hookes, fast­ned to every part of her bodie, wherewith shee suddenly catcheth hold upon all that come neare her, and will not ea­sily be unloosed againe. But while I spend the time in this trifling talke, we have beene forgetfull of that which wee had most reason to remember.

What is that?

To bring treasure along with us, who is a principall partie in this service.

Take you no care for that: I left him safe in the earth when I ascended to you, charging him to keepe home, and the doore shut, and to open to no man, unlesse he heare mee call.

Let us then be travelling towards Attica: take hold by my cloake and follow mee, untill we are come to the confines of the countree.

You doe well, Mercurie, to be my guide, for if you leave mee, I am like enough to be caught up by A seller of lamps in A­thens, who was a very knave, and dealt almost in all kindes of trades (as our chandlers do) he grew rich by mixing lead with the copper of his lampes and so cozened the buyer. Scho­liast. on Ari­stoph. A leather-sel­ler one of the same stampe. Aristoph. Vertues accom­panying pover­tie. Hyperbo­lus or Cleon, as I rome I know not whither. But what noise is this I heare, as it were iron grating against a stone.

It is Timon, who is opening the earth hard by upon the side of a rockie mountaine. But what shall wee do with him? I see hee hath got povertie to him, and la­bour, and sufferance and wisedome, and fortitude and a whole regiment, of the same ranke, mustered up by hun­ger: [Page 165] a troope of more worth than thou wilt be able to fur­nish him withall.

Let us tarrie no longer then, good Mercurie I pray you: for wee shall never do good of a man guarded with such attendants.

Jupiter hath otherwise determined, and there­fore wee must not shrinke in the service.

Mercurie, whither do you lead this man?

Wee are sent to Timon here, by Jupiter him­selfe.

Comes Plutus now to Timon, whom I enter­tained, and tooke up, when hee was in ill case, God knows, and utterly spent with riot and disorder? is povertie so contemptible a creature with you, and so fit a subject to receive injurie, that you come to deprive mee of the onely possession I thought my selfe sure of, and whom I had trai­ned up to all degrees of vertue, that Plutus may againe take him to his tuition, and then give him over to insolencie & pride, which will make him as effeminate base and foolish, as ever he was before, and so returne him againe to mee, no better that a ragged clout?

O Povertie, it is Joves pleasure to have it so:

Then I will give place: and you my old fami­liars, labour, wisedome, and the rest, follow mee, and hee shall soone finde what a friend he hath foregone, how true a companion in his labour, and how good a teacher of the best things: in whose societie, his bodie was healthfull, See the Cocke. his minde valorous and constant, and hee lived like a man de­pending upon himselfe, and holding matters of superfluity, and the like to be, as they are indeed, nothing appertaining to him.

They are all departed, therefore let us drawe neare.

what are you, ye damned wretches, or what make you here, to molest a labouring man, that workes for his living? yea shall dearely buy it before you goe, base villains as you are, for with clods and stones I will let drive at you as fast as I can.

Forbeare good Timon, and cast not at us: mis­take us not: wee are not men: I am Mercurie, this is Plu­tus whom Jupiter hearing thy prayers hath sent unto thee: wherefore, in good time receive thy happie fortune and desist from thy labour.

I will make you both repent it, though yee be gods: for I hate all alike both gods and men: and this blind knave, whosoever hee be, shall soone finde to his cost the weight of my mattocke.

For gods sake Mercurie let us be gone, the man is sure more than madde, and will do mee a mischiefe before I shall get from him.

Be not selfe vvill'd Timon, I pray you, but lay aside this fiercenesse and bitternesse: stretch out your hands, receive good fortune, be rich againe and the chiefe among the Athenians, live in despight of those ungratefull wret­ches, and no man happie but thy selfe.

I tell you plainly I have no occasion to use you: trouble mee not: this mattocke is riches enough for mee: and for all other matters, I thinke my self best at ease, when no man comes neere mee.

Good sir, will you shew your selfe so ill bred, as to Iliad. l. 15. v. 202. Iris to Neptune. returne such a harsh and unmannerly answer to Ju­piter? though you have some cause to hate mankinde that have dealt dishonestly with you, yet be not a hater of god by any meanes, considering how redie the gods have beene to relieve you.

For your part, Mercurie, and so I say for Jupi­ter, I yeeld you heartie thankes, for the care you have had of mee: but for this Plutus, I will have nothing to do with him.

What is your reason for that?

Because hee hath beene the meanes of the infinite miseries that have betide unto mee, betrayed mee into the hands of flatterers, delivered mee up to those that lay in wait for mee, Riches the meanes of di­vers evils. stirred up hatred against mee, undid mee with voluptuous pleasures, caused every man to envie mee, [Page 167] and at the last most treacherously and perfidiously forsook mee: The benefits of povertie. whereas honest povertie exercised mee in manlike labours, brought mee acquainted with truth and plaine dea­ling, furnished mee with necessaries when I was sicklie, and taught mee to repose the hopes of my life onely in my selfe, and to contemne all other things. Shewed mee what riches I had by her meanes, which neither the flatterer by faire speeches, nor the sycophant by subornation, nor the people by their indignation, nor the judge by indirect sen­tence, nor the tyrant by all his trecheries and pollicies are able to deprive mee of. Wherefore beeing enabled by la­bour, I dig in this plot of ground with a love to my worke, and out of sight of those vilanies that are practised in the citie, my mattocke furnishing mee sufficiently with food to my content. Backe again therefore, good Mercurie, the same way you came, and take Plutus along with you to Ju­piter for I desire no more but this, to be a perpetuall vexa­tion to all men from the yongest to the oldest everlastingly.

You are to blame in that, I must tell you, for all men deserve not such a measure of extremitie: therefore cast off this pettish and childish kind of humor, and accept of Plutus, Iliad. l 3. v. 65. Paris to He­ctor. gifts sent from Jupiter are not to be rejected.

VVill you give mee leave, Timon, to tell you truth? and will you not take it ill at my hands?

Speake then, but be short: make no proeme, as the damned Rhetoritians are wont to doe: for I am content to heare a word or two from thee, for this honest Mercuries sake.

Your objections have bin so many, that perhaps they require a longer answer than so: Plutus excuseth himselfe to Ti­mon. notwithstanding consider with your selfe whether I be guilty of such wrongs as you have charged mee withall: for I have bin the author of all your greatest delights, honor, prerogative, ornaments, & all the delicacies you ever enjoyed. In that you have bin respec­ted, reverenced & affected by all men, it was by my means: if you have been abused by flatterers, the fault is not in mee, for I have more cause to say I have bin ill used at your hands, [Page 168] in prostituting mee basely to lewd and vile persons, that bewitched you with prayses, so to get mee into their fin­gers: at the last you say I proved treacherous towards you, when contrariwise, I may more justly condemne you, for driving mee away by all the devises you could ima­gine, and thrusting mee out of your house by head and shoulders. Wherefore instead of costly rayment, venerable povertie hath put this pelt upon you: and Mercury him­selfe can witnesse with mee, how earnest a suiter I was to Jupiter, that I might never more come at you, for using mee so discourteously before.

But now, Plutus, you see hee is another man­ner of man, wherefore take a good heart unto you, and goe dwell with him; you Timon, digge as you did before, and do thou Plutus conveigh treasure unto him under his mat­tocke, for he will heare thee at the first call.

I am content for this once, Mercurie, to be rul'd by you, and to be made a rich man againe: for what can a man do withall, when the gods do so importune him? but consider I beseech you, what a pecke of troubles you plunge mee miserable man into, that have lately lived most happily, and must now suddenly be indowed with such a masse of gold, without doing any injurie, and taking so ma­ny cares upon mee.

Indure it all, Timon, for my sake: unlesse in your discretion you thinke it hainous to have your former flat­terers burst with envie: for I will take my flight over mount Aetna, and so into heaven.

Hee is gone, I perceive by the fluttering of his wings: but abide thou there, or if thou like better of it strike with thy mattock into the earth. Ho treasure! gol­den treasure I say, attend to this Timon, and deliver thy selfe to be taken up by him. Digge now Timon as deepe as thou canst, I will give way unto you.

Come on then my good mattocke, strengthen thy selfe for my sake, and bee not tired with provoking trea­sure to shew himselfe openly, out of the bowels of the [Page 169] earth: O miraculous Jupiter, and yee friendly Corybantes, and auspicious Mercurie, how should so much gold come hither? or is all this but a dreame? Proverb. I doubt I shall finde it to be but coales when I awake: nay certainly, this is pure gold, ruddie, weighty, and lovely to looke upon? Pindarus O­lymp. 1. O Gold, that deservest the best welcome mortall men are able to give thee, that glitterest as gloriously night and day, as the cleare flaming fire: come to mee sweete friend, and dearest love: well may I now beleeve that Jupiter sometime tur­ned himselfe into a showre of gold: for what virgin would not with open armes embrace so beautifull a lover, falling into the roome thorow the roofe of the house? The Cock. m ib. q. O Midas, and Croesus, and yee The Surveior. b consecrated gifts of Delphos, how poore are you in respect of Timon and Timons riches, to whom the Persian King is not to be compared: O my sweet mattocke, and my deare pelt, I will consecrate you as an offering to The sheep­heards god. Timons reso­lution. Pan, I will purchase the whole confines of this countrie, and build a towre over my treasure bigge enough for my selfe alone to live in, and which I purpose shall be my sepulchre at my death: and for the remainder of my ensuing life. I will resolve upon these rules: to ac­companie no man, to take notice of no man, and to live in contempt of all men: the title of friend, or guest, or com­panion, or the altar of mercie, are but meere toies, not worth a straw to be talkt of: to be sorrie for him that weepes, or helpe him that wants, shall be a transgres­sion and breach of our lawes: I will eate alone as wolves do, & have but one friend in the world to beare mee com­panie, and that shall be Timon: all others shall be enemies and traitors, and to have speech with any of them, an abso­lute piacle: If I do but see a man, that day shall be dismall and accursed: I will make no difference betweene them and statues of stone and brasse: I will admit no messen­ger from them, nor contract any truce with them, but so litarinesse shall be the maine limit betwixt mee and them: to be of the same tribe, the same fraternitie, the same people, or the same countrie, shall bee but poore, and un­profitable [Page 170] termes to be respected by none but fooles, let Timon alone be rich, and live in despight of all other, let him revell alone by himselfe, farre from flattery, and odious commendations: let him sacrifice to the gods, and make good cheare alone, as a neighbour conjoyned only to him­selfe, discarding all other: and let it be further enacted, that it shall be lawfull for him onely to shake himselfe by the hand, that is, either when hee is about to die, or to set a crowne upon his head: and the welcomest name to him in the world is to be called Manhater: the notes and en­signes of his conditions, shall be austeritie, crueltie, fro­wardnesse, anger and inhumanitie: if thou see any man in the fire ready to be burnt, and he intreat to have it quencht, poure into it pitch and oyle: if any man be driven downe the streame in a flood, and shall stretch out his hands to thee for helpe, give him a knock on the pate, and send him to the botome, that hee may never be able to put up his head againe: so shall they receive according to their desert. Hee alludes here to the com­mon forme and manner of pub­lishing statutes and decrees in those times: so doth he likewise before Necro­mant. x. and by and by again in the speech of Demeas. Timon the sonne of Echecratides, the Colyttean, hath pub­lished this law: and the same Timon in parliament hath confirmed it: so it is: so have we decreed, and will constant­ly persist therein. Now it would do mee good at the heart, to have all men take notice of mine abundant riches, for it would be as bad as a hanging to them to heare of it: but how comes this to passe? good god upon a sudden? how they come running in every way, as soone as they had re­covered, I know not by what meanes, the sent of this gold? whether were it best for mee to ascend this hill, and from the higher ground drive them away with stones, or di­spence with mine owne order for once, and enter confe­rence with them to their greater vexation, when they shall see themselves despised? It shall be so: I will therefore re­ceive them and tarrie their comming: But let mee see: VVho is the formost man of the companie? who but A common name for a pa­rasite. The base condi­tion of flatter­ers described. Gna­thonides the flatterer: whose benevolence I craved not long agoe, and hee held mee out a halter, who had many times spewed whole tubfulls at my table, hee hath done [Page 171] well in repairing hither so speedily, for hee is the first that shall repent it.

Have I not alwaies said, that the gods would never be forgetfull of Timon, so good a man? Haile Timon, the comliest of all creatures, the most pleasing of all com­panions, and the flowre of all good fellowship.

And thou Gnathonides, the most ravenous of all vultures, and the vilest of all men.

O Sir, you alwaies love to breake jests up­on your friends, but where shall wee meete and sup toge­ther? I have brought you here a new song of the last editi­on which I have lately learned.

But I will first make thee sing a sorrowfull Elegie under this Mattocke.

What's the matter now? dost thou strike mee Timon? beare witnesse, alas, alas: I warne the to ap­peare at Areopagus the court of A­thens. Mars his hill, upon an action of batterie.

If thou tarrie a little longer, thou shalt have cause to warne mee upon an action of manslaughter.

I will none of that: yet I pray you make mee a plaister of gold to lay upon my wound: for I have heard it hath an excellent vertue in staunching blood.

Art thou here yet?

Nay then I am gone, and little joy shall it be to thee, of so courteous a man, to become so cruell.

What bald-pated fellow is this that comes next? it is Philiades, the impurest parasite that ever lived: this knave had from mee a whole Lord-ship, Another Para­site. and two talents I gave his daughter to her marriage, because hee once com­mended my singing: for when all the company beside were silent, hee alone extold mee to the skies, and sware I had a sweeter voice than ever had swanne: but when he saw mee sickly a while agoe, and that I came to him to crave his re­liefe, the rascall fell a beating of mee.

O Impudencie do you now acknowledge Ti­mon? would Gnathonides now be his friend, & play-fellow? wherefore his reward hath bin righteous, in respect of his [Page 172] ingratitude: whereas I, that have beene his old acquain­tance, brought up with him from a child, and of the same tribe, do yet so moderate my selfe, that I may not seeme to be an intruder. Haile noble Timon, and I beseech you free your selfe from these base flatterers that come onely to fill their bellies, and are indeed no better than cormorants. No man is to be trusted now adaies: all are unthankfull and wicked: I was bringing a talent along with mee, to helpe to furnish you with necessaries: but being upon the way, I heard of wonderfull riches that were come to your hands: whereupon, I made the cause of my visitation to be onely to give you good counsell, though I know you are indued with such wisdome, that you needed not to be advised by mee, but are able to tell An ancient and wise Prince of the Gre­cians, who liv­ed thrice the age of an ordinary man. Nestor himself what he hath to do. Timon. It may be so, Philiades, but come a little nearer, that I may see, how vvell I can welcome you with this Mattocke.

Helpe neighbours: this unthankfull man hath broke my head, because I counselled him for his good.

Behold a third man, Demeas, the Rhetorician with a decree in his hand, who professeth himselfe to bee one of our kinred: I payed to the citie for this fellow, eleven talents in one day, which hee was fin'd in, and committed untill hee should make payment: and for pittie set him at libertie: yet the other day, when it was his lot to distribute At the times of publick plaies or sacrifices, there was distri­buted a certaine quantitie of mo­ny to every citi­zen. dole money among the Erechthean tribe, and I came to him to crave my share, hee said he could not tell whetherd were a cittizen.

All haile, Timon, a bounteous benefactor towards your kindred, the bulwarke of Athens, and the ornament of Greece, the people, and both the counsells are all assem­bled, expecting your comming long agoe: but first, I pray you, Extreme flatte­ry. harken to this decree, which I have pend downe for you. In imitation of the forme as before. ‘For as much as Timon, the sonne of Echecratides, the Colyttean, a man not onely honest and vertuous, but so wise and discreet withall, that his like againe is not to be found in Greece) hath evermore sought the good of [Page 173] the citie, and hath got the best prize at combating, wrast­ling, and running at the Olympian games in one day, be­side the race chariot and coursing horses.’

VVhy man, I never went to see the Olympian "games, in all my life.

What then? you may see them hereafter: and for such matters as these, it is better the mention of them should precede then follow. ‘Hee also fought brave­ly of late in the quarrell of his countrie, against the A­charnens, and cut in pieces two companies of the Lace­daemonians.’

What's that? I protest for my part, because I had no skill in armes, I was never yet inrold into any militarie companie.

You speake to poorely of your selfe: but wee might be thought unthankfull if wee should not remem­ber it: moreover: ‘By publishing Decrees, by giving good counsell, and by good command in warre, he hath procu­red no small benefite to the citie: for all which conside­rations, be it enacted by the counsell and the people, and the highest court of the citie, according to their tribes, and all the multitude in particular and generall, that a golden statue shall be erected to Timon in the castle, and placed next to the image of Minerva, holding a thun­derbolt in his right hand, and the sun-beames shining a­bout his head, and hee be crowned with seven crownes of gold, and this to be publikely proclaimed this day in the new tragedies of Bacchus: for the feasts of Bacchus are to be celebrated by him this day: this sentence is pro­nounced by Demeas the Rhetoritian, his kinsman in the nearest degree of blood, and his scholler beside, for Ti­mon is also a good Rhetoritian, & good at every thing else whatsoever hee will.’ This is the Decree that I have fra­med for you. Moreover, my purpose is to bring my sonne unto you shortly, and after your name to call him Timon.

How should that be, Demeas, when thou never hadst any wife that I ever heard of.

The very ima­gination of in­heriting Ti­mons wealth makes him build these castles in the aire.But I meane to be married, god willing the next yeare, and will beget a child, and the infant that shall be borne, for it must be a boy, I will have called Timon.

I know not whether it will be your fortune ever to come to marriage, friend mine, if this blow with my Mattocke do but fall aright.

Alas, alas: what meanest thou by this? dost thou tyrannize, Timon, and beate freemen, that art no true free­man, The treasure of Athens was kept in the castle. nor cittizen thy selfe? but be sure of it, I will crie quit­tance winh thee out of hand one way or other: especially for burning the castle.

No such matter: for that thou seest stands un­burnt, and therefore thou shewest thy selfe a plaine syco­phant.

But thou art rich, and hast broken in thorow the backe doore.

Neither is that broken up: and therefore thou art idle every way.

But broken up it will be: and thou hast already got into thy hands all the riches that were within it.

Take one blow more for that.

O my backe: what shall I doe?

Dost thou crie? I have yet a third blow to bestow upon thee if thou tarry, The Character of a pretender to Philosophie. it would be a shame for mee, that could cut in pieces two companies of the Lacedoemo­nians without armes and should not now be able to con­found one withered fellow: in vaine it was then, that I got the prise at Olympus, for wrastling and running: but who comes now? is it not Thrasycles the Philosopher? it can be no other: see how he stroakes his beard at length, lifts up his eie browes, and comes muttering somewhat to him­selfe, looking like a This is often used by Lucian for a fierce and truculent a­spect, as in Ica­romenip. &c. Titan, and the haire of his forehead cast backe like some The North­winde. Boreas or A Sea-god, and Neptunes trumpeter. Triton pictured by An excellent painter. Zeu­xis: this man that hath such a grave countenance, such a sober gate: and is so succinct in his apparell: hee that in a morning will deliver you a thousand precepts for vertue, crie out upon them that are addicted to pleasure, and [Page 175] speake in praise of frugalitie, as soone as hee hath bathed and come in to supper, and his boy fill'd him one full bowle (for hee loves a cup of good wine with all his heart) as if hee drunke of the water of Lethe, will pleasantly give an instance contrary to his forenoone speeches, strike at the meate like a kite at his pray, justle his next neighbour out of his place, slabber all his beard over with sawce, and cramme in like any curre dogge, hanging his head perpe­tually over the platters, as if hee meant to finde out ver­tue in the bottome of the dishes, and wipes them every one with his fore-finger as cleane as a cup, because hee would not leave a drop of sawce behinde him: hee is as sure a card at his cup as at his meat, and will be as drunke as any ape, not onely to the heighth of singing; and dauncing, but till it make him brabble, and fall out: then will hee passe many speeches over the pot, and talke of nothing else but temperance and sobrietie, when hee is all-to-peeces himselfe, and brings out his words so scurvily, that all the company laughs him to scorne: then falls hee to spew­ing, untill at the last some take him away, and carrie him out of the roome, though hee catch hold upon some of the wenches as strongly as hee can: but when hee is at the best, hee shall subscribe to no man for lying, and audacious­nesse, and covetousnesse: he is the prime of all parasites, and the easiest drawne to commit perjurie: imposture leads the way with him, and impudencie followes after: yet would hee seeme to be wholy made of wisdome, and eve­ry way forth absolute and perfect. I will make him smoake for it, as soone as hee comes, for his goodnesse sake. What's the reason that Thrasycles hath beene so slow in comming to visit mee?

I come not, Timon, with the same intent as other men doe, which aime at thy riches, Grosse dissimu­lation. and runne them­selves out of breath in hope to get silver gold and good cheare by thee, expressing a great deale of flattery towards a man so honest and plaine as thou art, and so ready to im­part of any thing that is within thy power: as for mee, [Page 176] you know a piece of barley bread will serve mee to supper sufficiently, and no better victuals with it, than a sallade of of time, and cresses, or if I list to exceed, a bit or two of powdred meat: my drinke is no other but cleare The water of a fountaine in Athens which hath 9 spouts, and is therefore called [...]: it is also called Cal­lirrhoe. Pausan. 1.1. fountaine water, and this thred-bare cassock I preferre before the richest purple you can desire: but for gold I have it in no more estimation, than the rubbish that lies upon the sea shore: for your sake it is that I am come hither, lest this mischievous and most deceitfull possession of riches should corrupt you, which hath oftentimes beene the cause of in­curable mischiefes to many men: wherefore if you will be ruled by mee, take it and cast it all into the sea as an un­necessarie clogge to a good man that is able to discerne the riches of Philosophie: I meane not into the maine sea, good Sir, By no meanes. but that you would goe into it as farre as a man is fork­ed before the going forth of the tide, and suffer no man to see you but my selfe: or if you like not well of this take another course, which perhaps may do better: disburden your selfe of it so soone as you can, leave not one halfe-pen­nie, but distribute it to all that stand in need: to one man, five drachmes, to another, a pound, to a third a talent: but if any Philosopher come in your way, you cannot upon your conscience, but give him twise or thrice as much as any other: for my part I crave nothing for my selfe: but to bestow upon my friends that are in want, and I shall hold my selfe well satisfied, An indifferent size for a scrip if you will but fill mee this satchell, which doth not altogether containe two bushels of Aegi­na measure: for a Philosopher ought to be content with a little, & observe the meane, and never stretch his thoughts wider than his scrip.

I commend thee Thrasycles, for this in faith: but before I deale with thy scrip, let mee trie whether I can fill thy head with blowes and measure them out with my mattocke.

Popular go­vernment.O Democracie, and lawes: I am beaten by a rebellious wretch in a free citie.

Why dost thou complaine, my honest Thrasycles? [Page 177] have I deceived thee in thy measure? I am sure I put in foure quarts more than was thy due. But what's the mat­ter of this? they come now tumbling in by heapes: there is Blepsias, and Laches, and Gniphon, and a whole rabble of such rascalls as shall be sure to rue for it: I will therefore ascend this rocke, and forbeare the use of my mattocke a while, which hath made mee over wearie, and lay as many stones as I can on heaps together, and dung amongst them as thicke as haile.

You may save your selfe that labour, Timon, for wee will be going.

But I hope, not The Greekes called a victorie gotten without blood [...]: and the Latines, Incru­enta victoria: for which, Ovation onely was due to the Conquerour but not a Triumph. Lucian here allude: to this, bringing in Timon desirous to triumph over his enemies. without blood or blowes.

What hee touches upon else where by the by concer­ning the lives and manners of some pretenders to Philosophie, is here descri­bed to the full, in a meeting of theirs at a cer­taine feast, where divers of severall sects and opinions fortuned to be, and falling out among them­selves, most ri­diculously be­tray their seve­rall infirmities. I Heare there was much adoe amongst you yesterday, Lucinus, at Aristoenetus house at supper, and that certaine Philosophers made some speeches there, which begot so great a quarrell in the companie, if Chari­nus told mee true, that they grew at the last to blowes, and could not conclude but in blood.

How came Charinus to have such knowledge in the matter Philo, and was not amongst us?

Hee had it, as hee said, from Dionicus the physici­an, and Dionicus I suppose was one of them that was at sup­per with you.

True: but Dionicus was not there soone enough to know how it began: for he came late in, about the midst of the brabble, a little before they fell to blowes, and there­fore could not deliver any certaintie, not knowing where­upon the quarrell grew, that it should proceed so farre, as to end in blood.

For which cause Charinus wish't us to repaire to you, Lucinus, if wee desired to be fully informed in the whole carriage of the businesse, for that Dionicus told him, hee was not there at the first: but that you knew all that [Page 179] was done to a haire, and remembred every word that was spoken, not carelesly suffering any thing to slippe from you, but attentively noting it with all diligence: wherefore you shall not escape us, without sweetning our lippes also with your daintie junkets, for to mee, no banquet in the world can be more pleasing than your reports: and the ra­ther because wee may here feast together soberly and qui­etly out of danger of blowes or bloodshed, whether they be old men or yong, that shall so farre abuse themselves in drinke, as to say or doe they care not what.

Why Philo, do you thinke it fit, that matters of this nature should be communicated to all men, and every thing publisht that is done in wine and drunkennesse? These kinde of businesses ought rather to be committed to for­getfulnesse, and construed to be the workes of the great god Bacchus, who will not suffer any of his Orgies to be curtai­led or uncompleat: it is the propertie of ill conditioned persons strictly to examine that which ought rather to be supprest in silence: and you know the Proverbe: Odi memorem compotorem. I hate a memorative companion: Neither hath Dionicus done well in making it knowne to Charinus, or in scattering abroad what past among philosophicall persons: and for my part I will not speake a word of it.

Do you make the matter strange Lucinus? betwixt you and mee, it shall not be so, for I am sure of this, that you are in a greater longing to tell it, than I to heare it: and I do not thinke, but for want of auditors, you would be glad to creepe to some pillar or statue of stone and there poure it all out with open mouth, if I should but offer to leave you, I know you would not suffer mee to stir a foote from you untill I had heard it all: but would come to mee, follow after mee, and intreat mee to tarrie it out, I will therefore be as strange to you as you to mee, god speede you well, if you be so minded, wee will be gone to heare it from some other, and not be beholding to you.

Nay, rather than you should take it ill, I will hasard the telling of it all, if you be desirous to heare [Page 180] it: but I would not have you make all the world acquaint­ed with it.

Either I have forgot Lucinus, or you will be the apter man your selfe to disperse such newes as this, and therefore you neede not to intreat mee that: but tell mee first: did Aristoenetus make that feast for the marriage of his sonne Zeno?

No, but hee gave his daughter Cleanthis in mar­riage to a young student in Philosophie, the sonne of Eu­critus the Usurer.

He is a prettie youth indeed, but a little too young, not yet ripe enough for marriage.

I know not where hee could have matcht her better: for hee seemes to be a well governd young man, and to have a good liking to learning: beside, hee is the onely child of Eucritus, who is a rich man, and therefore choice was made of him for a bridegrome before all others.

Eucritus riches had been motive sufficient to make up the match: but who were the guests Lucinus, that were bid to the feast?

I cannot tell you the names of them all, but for Philosophers and learned men, which I thinke you are most desirous to heare of, Philosophers in­vited to the feast. there was old Zenothemis the Stoicke, and with him came Diphilus, surnamed the Labyrinth, for hee was tutor to Zeno, Aristoenetus sonne. Of the sect of the Peripatetikes, came Cleodemus: dost thou not know that fowle-mouth'd fellow, that wrangler? his schollers call him the sword and dagger. There came also Hermo the Epicure, These two sects are directly op­posite one to the other, the Sto­icks professing a strictnesse and austeritie of life, the Epicure affirming plea­sure to be the chiefe felicitie. who was no sooner within the doore, but present­ly the Stoickes began to looke a sconce, and turned the one shoulder towards him, that all the companie might per­ceive how bitterly they abhord him, as if hee had beene some parricide or execrable person: these were invited as friends and anciently acquainted with Aristoenetus him­selfe, and with them came Hestiaeus the Grammarian, and Dionysodorus the Rhetorician. And for the bridegrome Choereas sake, Io the Platonist, was also invited, who was [Page 181] his tutor: [...] grave man, & of a comely personage, expressing a great deale of moderation in his countenance, he is com­monly called by the name of Canon, because of the true direction of his judgement, when hee came in, they all rose up, and saluted him as the better man, and the presence of the precious Io was as welcome to them, as if some god had appeared amongst them: It was now time to sit to meare, for almost all the guests were come: on the right hand as you enter the roome, the women tooke up all the seats on that side, for they were many, and among them the bride, covered with a vaile from top to toe, and envi­roned round with a whole flocke of females: right before the doore sate the rest of the companie, every man in his degree: over against the women: first sate Eucritus, and after him Aristoenetus: then the question was, who should sit next Zenothemis the Stoicke, because he was an old man, or Hermo the Epicure, for he was the priest of Castor and Pollux, and one of the best gentlemen in the citie: but Ze­nothemis had soone assoiled that doubt: for Aristoenetus, said hee, if you thinke mee to be no better a man than this fellow Hermo, who, to speake no worse of him, is one of E­pecurus sect, I will be gone and leave all your feast to your selfe, and with that calling his man, made as though hee would depart: But Hermo answered, nay tarrie, and take the better seate, good Zenothemis, though it had beene good manners in you to have given place, if for no other respect, yet because I am a priest: speake of Epicurus as ill as you can: I scorne, said Zenothemis an Epicure priest and so sate him down, and next to him, for all that, sate Hermo: then Cleodemus the Peripatetike, then Io, and next to him the bridegrome, then my selfe, and after mee Diphilus, and beneath him Zeno his scholler: then the Rhetorician Dio­nysodorus, and Hestiaeus the Grammarian.

Good god, Lucinus, call you this a feast? you may rather terme it a schoole of many learned and discreet men: and I commend Aristoenetus, for inviting men of such wis­dome to take part of his good cheare at such a joyfull [Page 182] meeting, filling up his feast with the prime flo [...]es of eve­ry sect, not making choice of one, and leaving out another, but coupling them all together for companie.

Indeed, friend, many rich men use not that cir­cumspection: but hee hath beene alwaies inclin'd to lear­ning, and hath spent the most part of his time in conver­sing with such: but to the matter: wee did eate our meate in great quiet for a while, and plentifull provision was made for us: I neede not rehearse the sundrie sorts of brothes, baked meats, and banquetting dishes that were prepared in abundance: but whilst wee were busie at it, Cleodemus bowing his head to Io, see you not, said hee yonder old fellow, meaning Zenothemis (for I over­heard him) how fast hee crammes it in, that all his coat is covered over with slabber, and vvhat a deale of meate hee hath given to his man that stands behinde him, thinking no bodie lookes upon him, nor remembring vvhat companie hee is in? I pray you shew it to Luci­nus that hee may be witnesse with us, but I needed no in­formation from Io, for I saw it plaine enough before. No sooner were these words out of Cleodemus mouth, but in comes Alcidamus the Cynick unsent for, and instead of some pleasing insinuation, bolted out this old worne pro­verbe, Il. [...]. Menelaus comes though not invited: but all the companie thought it an impudent part, and replyed againe with verses of the same stampe: Il. n. 109. one said, thou art a foole Menelaus: Il. [...]. 29. another, but Agamemnon Atreus sonne, was not well pleased with this, and other conceited jests fit for the occasion: but all with a low voice, for no man durst make him any open answer, they stood in such feare of Alcidamus, who was so notorious a brawler, that he would make more noise than all the Cynicks besides, and for that gift was ter­rible to all men: but Aristoenetus bade him welcome, and wisht him to take a stoole and sit downe by Hestiaeus, and Dionysodorus, which he refused, saying, it was a meere womanish devise to sit upon chaires and stooles, or to feast as you do now, lying almost along upon a soft bed, and a [Page 183] purple coverlet spread under you: I meane to take my meate standing, and vvalke about at pleasure, if I be wea­rie, I vvill spread my mantle on the floare, and there lye downe opon one elbow, like the Hercules is commonly so painted. picture of Hercules: As it please you, said Aristoenotus, and so hee began to tra­verse his ground, taking his supper like a A wandring nation who kept no constant a­bode in any place. Scythian, fleet­ing continually from place to place, to see vvhere he could finde best pasture: thus vvandred hee like a vagrant among the waiters that brought in meate, eating and prating all at once about vice and vertue, scoffing at gold and silver, and asking Aristoenetus vvhat hee vvould give for so ma­ny earthen pots of the same making, that should be of e­quall vveight, but vvhen hee began to be troublesome, Aristoenetus stopt his mouth for a time, by commanding his man to fill him a great cup of wine up to the brimme: this hee thought hee had done for the best: but little did hee know how many mischiefes that bowle vvould bring after it: Alcidamus tooke it, and vvas silent for a while: but afterwards, casting himselfe upon the floare, as hee before said hee vvould doe, lay along halfe naked upon his elbow, and held the pot in his right hand, as Hercu­les is painted drinking vvith A Centaure, the son of Ixi­on, begotten on the cloud, which hee embraced instead of Juno, who entertain­ed Hercules as hee went to Pi­rithous wed­ding. Pholus: then the cup be­gan to walke merrily among the rest of the companie, there was drinking and talking of all hands, till lights were brought in. In the meane time I perceived the boy that waited upon Cleodemus, a prettie smirke youth, and a vvell faced cuppe-bearer, sometimes smile a little, (for I must tell you all, even the very appendancies to the feast, especially, if any thing vvere done that might move delight) I therefore watcht as narrowly as I could, to finde out what it vvas hee smiled at: and not long af­ter hee came to take the cup from Cleodemus, vvho gi­ving him a crush on the finger together vvith the cuppe, gave him, I thinke two pieces of silver: the boy, at the crush of his finger smiled againe, but I imagine hee vvas not aware of any money: for, receiving it not, the pieces fell downe and clattered in the floure, vvhere­at [Page 182] [...] [Page 183] [...] [Page 184] they both blusht exceedingly: yet they that [...]re next knew not whose money it was, the boy denying that hee let fall any, and Cleodemus, neare unto whom the noise was, would not acknowledge hee cast any downe: so it was let slippe,, and nothing said of it: for there were not many that saw it, but onely I thinke Aristoenetus: for within a while after, the boy was sent packing out of the roome, and an old withered fellow, I thinke some muleter, or horse keeper, commanded to waite in his place: thus the matter was husht up, which would have beene a great dis­credit to Cleodemus, if it should have beene knowne open­ly, & not smoothered, as Aristoenetus discreetly did, impu­ting it to much wine: but Alcidamus, the Cynike, who by this time had got a pot in his pate, when hee had learned out the name of the bride, commanded silence with a loud voice, and turning himselfe towards the women: a health to thee, O Cleanthis, said hee, and Hercules be thy good guide: and when all the companie laught at him, laugh you, said hee, base scabbs, because I drunke to the bride in the name of The Cynickes honoured Her­cules above all other gods, whom they would likewise seeme to imi­tate in their manner of life, going barefoote, wearing onely a mantle about them, and a club in their hands. our god Hercules? I would have you know this, if shee pledge mee not, shee shall never be mother of such a sonne as I am, of firme strength, free minde, and able bodie: and with that shewed his naked limbes so farre as was beyond all shame: whereat the companie laught again: but hee rising up in rage, cast a crabbed countenance upon them, as if his fingers itcht to have a bout with some of them, and no doubt some or other should have paid for't, if in the very nicke, a huge tart had not beene served in which drew his eyes that way, and made him grow more calme, and his anger well allaid: for hee walkt the round still the same way it went, and cramm'd in as fast as hee could: by this time most of the companie was drunke, and began to roare a pace: Dionysodorus made some speeches by fits, & was commended by the servants that stood behind: Hestiaeus the Grammarian spake verses, making a mingle mangle of Pindarus, Hesiodus, and Anacreon, out of them all to patch up one absurd poeme: and these verses were [Page 185] ever in his mouth prophesying what would succeed: their shields did clatter one against another: Il. 4.448.451. and mens wofull cries, and joyfull showts were heard there both at once: Zenothemis read somewhat out of a little booke which his man brought with him: but in the distance, as many times it happens, before the comming in of the second course, Aristoeuetus unwilling to have that time lost without de­light, call'd for his jester to come in, to say or doe some­what to make the companie merrie: and presently comes an ill-shapt fellow, with his head Iesters and mimicks were in those times all of this cut. shav'd all over, except a few haires that were left standing upright upon the top of his pate, who began to dance and shew tricks, turning him­selfe every way to appeare the more ridiculous, hudling up many verses together which hee pronounced in an Ae­gyptian kinde of dialect, and in the end he began to breake jests upon the companie, every man laughing at what was said, and tooke it all in good part, but when hee thought to be as bold with Alcidamus, and called him the The Cynicks were so called from [...], a dog, because of their snarlings and currish hu­mors: this pro­perly signifies such a dogge as wee call a foy­sting curre. little curre of Malta, hee grew angrie, being not well content with him before, because hee saw hee was pleasing to the com­panie, and detaining them in beholding his sports: where­fore suddenly casting off his cassocke, hee challenged him to cuffes, which if hee refused, hee threatned to make him feele the weight of his cudgell: whereupon poore Satyrion, for so was the jester named, settled himselfe to buffets: and better sport in this world could not be made, than to see a Philosopher oppose himselfe against a jester, to strike and be striken againe by such a fellow as hee: the companie were some ashamed, and some laught, untill Alcidamus gave over in the plaine field, quite beaten out of the pit by a poore fellow, put upon him of purpose, which made them all laugh heartily, & at that very instant Dionicus the Physician came in, a little after the combate: for hee was constrained, as hee said, A tricke of a mad man. to stay somewhat longer than hee thought to have done, to give phisicke to Polyprepon the Musician, who was lately taken with a phrensie: and he told us a merrie jest that befell him up on that occasion: for [Page 186] comming, as hee said, into the roome to him, not thinking to have found him in his fit, the sicke man suddenly rose up, and locking the doore upon him, drew his sword, and delivering his pipes into his hands, commanded him to play, and because he would not, began to beat him, hol­ding a lash in his hands aloft over him: being in this ex­tremitie, hee devised to put this tricke upon him: hee challenged him to play upō the pipe with him for a wager, which should be for a certaine number of stripes, to be gi­ven him that did worst: and when he had plaid first, (but ill-favouredly enough god knowes) he delivered him the pipe, and tooke the lash into his owne hands: and stepping suddenly to the sword, cast it out of the window into the open court, and calling in neighbours to breake open the doore, by that meanes escaped: then hee shewed the prints of the blowes hee had received, and some blacke and blew spots upon his face. This narration of Dionicus, was as pleasing as all the gesters merriments, and so hee thrust in by Hestiaeus, and supt upon the remainder of that was left. And no doubt it was the providence of some god, that sent him so seasonably amongst us, to do good offices for the companie in businesses that fell out afterwards: for sudden­ly in the midst amongst us all appeared a servant, sent, as he said, from Etoemocles the Stoicke, with a little writing in his hand, which he told us his master commanded him to read publikely, that all the companie might heare it, and then come backe to him againe: which when Aristoenetus had given way unto, hee went nearer to the light, and there read it.

Was it any thing tending to the commendation of the bride, or some A marriage song. Epithalamium, which are used to be made upon such occasion?

Indeed I had thought it had beene some such mat­ter, but it fell out otherwise, for the contents of the wri­tings were these. Etoemocles the Philosopher, to Aristoene­tus: ‘How I stand affected to feasting, the whole course of my fore-passed life, can give large testimonie: for [Page 187] though I am daily invited by many, far richer men than your self, yet can I by no means indure to be drawn unto it, knowing how subject such meetings are to disorders & drunkennesse: but you are the man, above all others, An impudent and foolish let­tter of a grave Philosopher. I have most reason to complaine mee of, whom I have so long observed, with all carefull diligence, and now not thought worthy to be numbred amongst your other friends, but the onely man that could have no part with you, though dwelling so neare a neighbour to you, which makes my griefe the greater, that you should shew your selfe so unkinde: I repose felicitie, neither in the limbe of a wild boare, nor in the leg of a hare, nor in a piece of a march-pane: I can have all this plentifully from others, that are not to learn their duty: for I was this day invited to supper by my scholler Pammenes, where I should have fared richly: but, like a foole, I reserved my selfe for you, and you have utterly pretermitted mee, & imparted your good cheare to others: very good: for you are not able to discerne the better frō the worse, nor have yet attained the apprehensive faculty: but I know who are the men that have wrought mee this, it proceeds all frō your rare Philosophers, Zenothemis & the Labyrinth, whose mouths, without envy be it spoken, I am perswaded I could quick­ly stop with one poore syllogisme: let any of them tell mee, if they can, what Philosophy is, or the first elements of learning: the difference betwixt a strong disposition and a habit, or, not to speake of more difficult points, what is A dilemma. a horned reason, what a Sorites, what a colle­ctive argument: but much good may it do you with them: I that hold only goodnesse to be happinesse, can ea­sily digest these indignities. And to cut of all excuse, you may fortune hereafter to fly unto, as to say, you had for­got mee among so great a multitude, or that you had so many matters in your head, [I tell you, I spake to you twice this day: first in the morning at your house, and afterwards, when you were sacrificing to Castor and Pollux, if you thinke it much I should take offence [Page 188] for losing a feast, do but remember King of Ca­lydonia. Oeneus, and you shall see how angrie Diana was, because he omitted her alone from being a guest at his sacrifice, and feasted all the gods beside: Homer speaks of it in this manner: Il. 1.533.Either he forgot, or not regarded, Which great neglect was wrathfully rewarded, and Euripides, Calydonia is a part of Pelops countrie found By sea right opposite to us, a fertile happy ground: And Sophocles, A monstrous This bore was afterwards slaine by Mele­ager and his companie. Ovid. Met. 8. swine was into Oeneus land Sent in revenge, by great Diana's hand. These few verses, out of many, have I produc't, that you may know, what a man you have relinquisht to entertain Diphilus, and committed your sonne to his tuition: very good: indeed he is sweete and loving to the young man, and couples with him for affection sake: but if it were not a shame for mee to deliver such filthy matter, I could tell you more, which you may learne if you will from Zopyrus, his schoolmaster: for it is true: but I have no desire to be troublesome at your marriage feast, nor to accuse others of crimes so abominable: though Diphilus have beene thought worthy to deprive mee of two schollers, yet for Philosophers sake, I will be silent. My servant I have commanded, that if you should offer him any part of your wild boare, or of your venison, or of your banquetting dishes, in way of excuse for my not being at supper with you, that hee should not receive it, lest hee might be thought to be sent for that purpose.’ Whilst this letter was reading, I protest unto you, good friend, that the sweat ranne downe my face for very shame, and I wisht that even the earth would open and swallow mee up, There wants not such in these times. when I saw how the companie laught at every word they heard, especially such as knew Etoemocles to be-a gray headed man, and to carrie such a shew of gravitie: [Page 189] and I mused how hee could conceale himselfe, being such a one, and cosen others onely with the length of his beard, and his formall countenance: but as farre as I could gather, Aristoenetus left him out, not as carelesse, but doubt­full lest hee would not come at him if he were invited, nor expose himselfe to such a man, where he thought best not to tempt him at all: when the servant had done reading, all the guests cast their eies upon Zeno, and Diphilus, to see how pitifull and pale they lookt upon it, their very coun­tenance bewraying the guilt of the crime that Etoemocles, laid to their charge, which much troubled Aristoenetus, and fill'd him with vexation: notwithstanding, hee wisht us to drinke and be merrie, setting as good a face as hee could upon the matter, and with a little smile, sent away the servant, saying, hee would be carefull to looke to such matters: soone after, Zeno conveied himselfe closely from the table, his schoolemaster beckoning to him to be gone, because it was his fathers will. But Cleodemus, who had long lookt for some occasion to be doing with the Stoicks, and was even mad with himselfe that no oportuni­tie was offered, had now good hold given him by this E­pistle. These are, said he, the rare workes of the excellent Chiefe foun­ders of the sect of the Stoicks. Chrysippus, admired Zeno, & famous Cleanthes, miserable poore stuffe, bare questions onely, and seeming philosophie: for any matter else, the most of them are but such as Etoemo­cles, whose Epistles you see how well they become a man of his yeares, concluding Aristoenetus to be Oeneus, and E­toemocles Diana: a proper peece of worke, and well becom­ming a marriage feast: but Hermo (who sate next above him, and I thinke had heard of a wilde swine that was drest for Aristoenetus supper, & therefore thought the Calydoni­an boare might be oportunely remembred) I beseech you Aristoenetus, said he, send him the first cutting, lest the old man should pine for hunger, & consume away as did The sonne of Oeneus and Al­thaea, who ha­ving slaine with the helpe of his companions, the monstrous boare sent by Diana, which miserably wasted his fa­thers countrie, gave the head of it to Atalan­ta the daughter of Jasius King of the Argives, shee being the first that had drawne blood of him: which Plexippus and Toxeus his unkle by the mo­thers side great­ly stomaking, would have taken it from her, but hee opposing himselfe against them slew them both, for which cause his mother threw the fatall brand, by which the destinies had proportioned the length of his life into the fire, and so as that consum'd he wasted away and died. Ovid. Met. 8. Me­leager: [Page 190] though it be all one to him, for Chrysippus holds all these things to be indifferent. And dare you mention the name of Chrysippus, said Zenothemis (rousing up himselfe, and roaring it out as loud as he could) and by the absurdi­tie of one onely man, I meane that unworthy Philosopher, Etoemooles the sorcerer, conclude against Cleanthes, and Zeno, men of such profound wisdome? what are yee your selves that you censure so audaciously of others? didst not thou Hermo clip of the haire that was upon the heads of The Dioscuri brothers to He­lena. The Cocke. a Bravely done of Philosophers. Castor and Pollux, which was all of gold, and for that fact delivered to the tormenter to be punished? and didst not thou Cleodemus, abuse the wife of Sostratus thy schol­ler and being taken in the manner, didst, suffer shamefully for it? cannot you keepe silence of others, that know so much by your selves? but I was never bawd to my owne vvife, said Cleodemus, as thou art: nor ever tooke any nevv schollers exhibition into my hands as a pawne, and forsweare it vvhen I had done: nor set out money to loane for foure groats interest, nor persecute my schollers, if they paid mee not at their day: but thou canst not de­ny, said Zenothemis, that thou sold'st Crito a drench to poyson his father vvithall: and taking up the bowle to drinke, cast all hee left in it betweene them, almost halfe a cup: vvhereof Io had part for neighbourhood sake, and vvell worthie of it: but Hermo stooping forwards, vvip'd the wine of his pate, shewing all the company how hee was abssed: Cleodemus for vvant of a cup, to answer him the like, spit in Zenothemis face, and laying hold on his beard with his left hand, vvas about to give him a boxe on the eare, which sure would have kill'd the old man, if Aristoenetus had not held his hand, and step­ping in beyond Zenothemis, set himselfe betweene them to divide them, by his interposition to make them keepe the peace: There is good use to be made of other mens ill actions. vvhile this businesse vvas in hand, ma­ny cogitations came into my head: first, that to know learning was to little purpose unlesse a man did frame his life the better thereby: seeing now, men that were [Page 191] so excellent at speaking, None shew themselves in passion so ridi­culous as they that pretend most wisdome and greatest gravity. shew themseselves so ridicu­lous in their actions: next, I began to doubt, lest the com­mon saying should be true indeed, that learning brings them out of their right mindes, who apply themselves onely to their bookes, and perpetually ponder upon them: for among so many philosophers as were there, a man could hardly cast his eye upon any that were free from taxation, but some were filthy in their actions, other more filthy in their speeches: neither could it be imputed all to drunkennesse, considering what Etoemocles a fasting man had written: but all was turned the cleane contra­rie way: The vulgar, eate their meate orderly not seene either to exceed in drinke, or to behave themselves un­mannerly: onely, they laught, and could not chuse, I thinke, but censure them, whom they before admired as men of worth, in respect of their habit: but the wise men were past all shame: they raild, and were drunke, and scolded, and went together by the eares: as for the admirable Alcidamus, hee shewed himselfe so shame­lesse a knave, as to pisse in the midst among them, with­out reverence of the women. And certainly a man could not liken this feast to any thing better, then to that which the Poets speake of the goddesse The goddesse of contention. Eris: for shee being not invited to The father of Achilles, upon the golden apple was this inscrip­tion, let it be given to the fairest which Paris judged to be Venus, for which shee be­stowed upon him Helena, which was the occasion of the Trojan warre. Peleus wedding, cast an apple into the roome amongst them, which occasioned all the stirre that was at Troy: in like manner, Etoemocles cast his epistle into the companie instead of an apple, to worke such another mis­chiefe as the Trojan warre: for Zenothemis, and Cleodemus would never give over brawling, though Aristoenetus sate betweene them. It is enough said Cleodemus, for this time, that you are prov'd to be unlearned persons: to morrow I will revenge my selfe in such manner as it should be: for answer mee, Zenothemis, if thou canst, thy selfe, or the doughtie Diphilus, in vvhat respect you say the pos­session of riches is a thing indifferent, and yet care for nothing so much as to get more: this makes you intrude your selves among the rich, to become usurers, and set [Page 192] forth money to loane, and to teach young men for money: again you hate pleasure, and exclaime against Epicures, and yet do, and suffer all manner of filthinesse for pleasures sake: if a man invite you not to his feast, you will take pep­per in the nose, if you be invited, you will gorge your selves and cramme in till your gutts do cracke, beside what you give away to your servants: and with that word, he snatcht at the napkin which Zenothemis man had about him, (for it was full of all sorts of good flesh) which hee would have loosed, and cast them all into the floate, but the fellow held hard, and would not let it goe: well done, Cleodemus, said Hermo: let them tell mee now, why they crie out against pleasure, and yet strive for it more than any other? no, said Zenothemis, but do thou tell mee Cleo­demus, in what respect thou holdest riches to be not indif­ferent: no said hee, but answer thou mee, and thus they were at it a great while, till Io stept forth and said, I pray you be silent, & I will propose a fit argument to be handled at this present, onely, you shall speake your mindes every man without contending, and listen, as if you were busie at disputation in the presence of our Plato. All that were pre­sent praised him for this: especially Aristoenetus and Eucri­tus hoping now to be freed from their vexation, insomuch that Aristoenetus shifted into his owne place againe, expe­cting nothing but peace: then came in that service, which is called, the With us the second course. accomplishing of the feast, which was to e­very man a fowle, a peece of the boares flesh, a share, a fish fried, and sugar cakes: eate what they would, and the rest they might carrie away: yet every man had not a private platter to himselfe, for Aristoenetus and Eucritus had but one dish in common betwixt them, and either of them was to take that for his part which was next to him: in like manner another dish was in common betweene Zenothemis the Stoike and Hermo the Epicure: the next in order were Cleodemus, and Io, after them the bridegrome, and my selfe, and then Diphilus, who had two parts set before him, for Zeno his scholler, that should have beene his partner, was [Page 193] risen from the table, remember this good Philo for much matter depends upon it.

I will not forget it I warrant you:

Then said Io: the first speaker shall be my selfe, The speech of Io the Platonist. if it please you: then pausing a little: it were most seemely for mee, said hee, in the presence of such men, to speake of Ideas, and incorporalities, and the immortalitie of the soule, but because I would not be oppugned by Philosophers which hold otherwise, I will forbeare, and speake my minde of marriage: for I hold it the best course not to mar­ry at all, but to be ruled by See true Hist. l. 2. b. & e. Spoke like a Platonist. Plato and Socrates, and bestow our love upon boies: for such are the onely men that attain the perfection of vertue: but if marrie wee must, let us take Plato's course in that, and have our wives in com­mon, for so shall jealausie be avoided: They all burst out in laughter at this, as spoken in a season most unseasonable: for Dionysodorus said to him for shame give over this ru­sticall and barbarous speech where can wee finde jealousie now, or in whom? are you a prating you rogue, Th [...]ma­rians ri [...]us stuffe. said the o­ther? and I thinke Dionysodorus paid him in the same coine againe. But honest Hestiaeus the Grammarian, peace, said hee, and I will read an This Epitha­lamium in the originall is in verse, which for the meannesse of the Greeke poetry, the tran­slator, I believe thought not worthy to be put into the like in English, yet for the readers sa­tisfaction, I have indeavoured to make it expresse the rudenesse of the Greeke as neare as I can. Divine Cleanthis choicely like a Queene Bred in her fathers faire house such is seen, All other virgin: shee doth farre excell And frō the Moon or Venus bears the bell. And bridegrome haile of yong men best in truth Stronger than Nercus, or Thetis youth. And we will often chant this bridall song Vnto you, that doth to you both belong. Epithalamium amongst you: and so began to read his elegie, which was this, as I remember: ‘Such is the daughter of Aristoenetus, divine Cleanthis, cu­riously brought up in his house, as a Queene, the prime of all virgins, surpassing Venus or the moone: and haile bridegrome the worthiest of all worthies, more puissant than Nereus and Thetis sonne: this bridall song shall often bee chaunted over in praise of you both:’ At this they were all ready to burst, as good reason they had: but now the time was come to take away what was set on the table: so Aristoenetus and Eucritus tooke either of them what [Page 194] was before them: so did I and the bridegroome what was set before him, & Io and Cleodemus in like manner: but Di­philus would have had also what was set before Zeno who was gone, contesting that they were set onely to him, and strave with the waiters, who held it fast from him: and ta­king hold of the bird dragg'd and drawed it, like the dead Who fighting in Achilles ar­mour was slaine by Hector, and a bloody battle ensued betweene the Grecians and Trojans which should have his body. body of Patroclus: but in the end he proved too weake, and let his hold goe, which stirred much more laughter a­mong the guests, and most of all to see in how ill part hee tooke it, as if he had beene wronged in the highest degree: likewise Hermo and Zenothemis sate together, as I before told you: Zenothemis above and the other next to him, and all viands were set betweene them in an equall proportion, which they parted peaceably: onely the fowle that was be­fore Hermo, was the fatter, which I thinke was meere chance, and these they were to take away, either of them his owne: but then Zenothemis, (now, Philo, let mee in­treat your diligent attention for wee draw neare to the best part of the pageant) Zenothemis I say, overskipping that which belonged to himselfe, would have taken that away which was set to Hermo (for as I told you, it was the better fed) and Hermo laid hands on it to keepe it, and would not suffer him to have any other than what was due to him: then there was an outcrie betweeene them, and they fell together by the eares, beating the birds about one anothers face, and either of them catching hold upon the others beard, call'd for helpe Hermo for Cleodemus: and Zenothemis for Alcidamus and Diphilus: and all tooke parts, some with the one, and some with the other, onely Io excepted, who reserved himselfe indifferent betweene them: the rest all fought grappled together pell-mell: but Zenothemis, taking a bowle from off the table, that stood before Aristoenetus, flung it at Hermo, but mist of his marke, and fell upon another, for it hit the bridegrome a cruell blow on the head, and brake his pate pittifully: then the women shriekt and thrust in betweene them, especi­ally the mother of the young man, when shee saw the blood [Page] runne about her sonnes eares: the bride also leapt off the seat where she sate. But Alcidamus all this while plaid the divell in taking Zenothemis part, and with his staffe brake Cleodemus head, and gave Hermo a soare blow on the jawe bone, and wounded some of the servants that came to help them: yet for all that, the other side would not give it over so, but Cleodemus with the point of his finger, tare one of Zenothemis eies, and closing with him, bit of his nose: and as Diphilus was comming to aid Zenothemis, Hermo flung him of his stoole to the ground with his head forwards: Hestiaeus the Grammarian caught a blow amongst them too, for Cleodemus, I thinke, gave him a kicke in the mouth, mistaking him for Diphilus: and there lay the poore fellow, as Homer saith, spewing up his blood, all was full of tumult and teares: the women howled out pittifully compassing Choerea, but the most kept themselves out of the shrape: for Alcidamus did more mischiefe then all the rest, laying about him on every side, and striking hee car'd not who, and many more I am sure had fallen if his staffe had held: but I standing up against the wall, durst not for my life once come among them, for Hestiaeus had shewed mee a president, how dangerous it was to part such a bu­sinesse. A man would have thought hee had seene the At the wed­ding of Pirith­us and Hippo­damia, Ovid. Met. Which gives the title to the Dia­logue. La­pithes and the Centaures together by the eares: tables were overturned, blood runne downe, and bowles flung about: but at the last Alcidamus strake out the light, and we were all in darkenesse, and farre worse than wee were be­fore: for another light could hardly be brought in a­mongst us, so that many mischiefes were done in the darke. In the end when a light came in, though it were long first, Alcidamus was found lifting at a wenches cloathes, and would have ravish'd her in the darke whe­ther shee would or no: Dionysodorus also was taken in the manner with another tricke: for rising up from the place where hee sate, a silver bowle fell out of his bosome: but hee excused the matter and said, that Io tooke it up in the tumult, and gave it him to keepe lest it should be lost: and [Page 196] Io, to save his honestie, affirmed it to be so: Thus was the feast broken up in teares: and some againe laught as fast at Alcidamus, Dionysodorus, and Io: the wounded men were faine to be carried out of the roome, in ill case, especially old Zenothemis, who tooke grievously the losse of his eyes and his nose, and cryed out that hee was almost dead with paine: The Stoicks [...] things to be indifferent which are not in our owne power. then Hermo thought his owne case were bad enough for two of his teeth were striken out, yet could not chuse but upbraid him, saying, remember now Zenothemis, that henceforth you never hold paine to be a thing indifferent. The bridegrome after Dionicus had laid a plaister to his wound, was led into the house, and when they had bound up his head close with linnen clothes, they put him into the coach which came from the bride and carried him away: a wofull wedding day poore wretch to him. Others, Dionicus lookt unto us as well as hee could, and when they were falne asleepe, the rest were had home, most of them spewing all the way they went: but Alcidamus tar­ried there still [...] for all the house were not able to get him out of doares: when hee had once cast himselfe overthwart the bed and so fell asleepe: this was the end of our feast, honest Philo, whereunto the tragicke verses may be well applyed:

for Ile be sworne, I little thought of such a businesse as this, but I have got this for my learning, that it is no safe course for quiet men to feast with Philosophers.