¶The treatyse answe­rynge the boke of Berdes. Compyled by Collyn clowte, dedy­catyd to Barnarde barber dwellynge in Banbery.

[figure]
¶To drynke with me, be not a ferde
For here ye se groweth neuer a berde▪
[figure]
¶I am a Foole of Cocke lorellys bote
Callyng al knaues, to pull therin a rope.

¶The preface, or the pystle.

TO the ryght wor­shypfulle (Barnarde Barber,) dwellynge in Banberye, Col­lyn▪ Clowte, surrendreth gretynge with immortall thankes.

IT was so worshypful syr, that at my last beynge in Mountpyllour I chaū sed to be assocyat with a doctor of Physyke / which at his retorne had set forth .iij. Bokes to be prynted ī Fleetstrete, within Temple barre, the whiche Bokes were compyled togyther ī one volume named the Introductorie of knowledge / wher­vpon there dyd not resort only vnto hym marchauntes, gentylmen, and wymen / but also knyghtes, and other great men, whiche were desyrous to knowe the effycacyte, and the effecte of his aforesayd bodis, and so amonge many thynges, they desyred to knowe his fansye, consernyn­ge the werynge of Berdes / He answeryd in great experyence. Some wyl weer berdis bycause theyr faces be pocky, maun­gy [Page] sausflewme, lyporous, & dysfygured / by the whiche many clene men were in­fected. So this done he desyred euery mā to be contentyd: Vvherfore I desyre no man to be dyspleasyd with me. And where as he was anymatyd to wryte his bo­ke to thende, that great men may laugh therat / I haue deuysed this answere to the entent: that ī the redyng they myght laughe vs bothe to scorne / And for that cause I wrote this boke, as god know­eth my pretence / who euer keape youre maystershyp in helthe.

¶Here foloweth a treatyse, made Answerynge the treatyse of doctor Borde vpon Berdes.

CAllynge to remembraunce your notable reproche gyuē vnto ber­des, I was cōstrayned to render the occasion therof, wherupon, I founde by longe surmyse and studye that ye had red the storye of Hellogobalus, & founde therin greate and stronge auctoryties / which by lykelyhode mouyd you to this [Page] Reformacyon of berdes. For ye knowe that Hellogobalus beynge gyuen moche to the desyre of the body, & that by moche superfluyte, ye thought it requysyght to cōmyt the fylthy syn̄e of lechey, vpon the receyptꝭ of delycate meatꝭ. For he caused his cokes to make & ordeyne suche hote meates that maye prouoke or st [...]t [...] hym the rather therunto. And ī ther so doyng he made them some of his preuye cham­bre some of his hed lordes of his counsell But yet the chefe and pryncypall presep­tes that he gaue vnto his cokꝭ, was this that they shulde not only polle theyr he­des, but also shaue theyr berdes. For this entente, that when he were dronkyn, or v [...]etynge rype by takyng excesse, that he myghte be well assuryd, that it came not by no heer of from his cokes heddes. For his delyght was not onely in the fe­minyne kynde / and also delyghted in wo [...]y mēn / yet [...] and his syne vnder­ [...]y [...] faces ledde not onely a [...]ytyous lyfe, but also made a shameful ende. Not withstandynge other that, or this storye folo­wynge was and [...]s the [...]alyon why yt [Page] abore berdes, and that was this at your laste beynge in Mowntpyllyer, Martyn the surgyen beyng there with you, & dyd accompany dayly with none so moch as with you: yf ye be remēbred, he brought you to dyner vpon a daye to one Hans smormowthes house a duche mā, in whiche house you were cupshore, otherwyse called dronkyn, at whiche tyme your berde was lōge / so then your assocyat mar­tyn brought you to bed / and with the re­mouyng your stomake tornyd, & so ye vometyd in his bosome, howbeit as moche as your berde myghte holde vpon youre berde remayned tyll the next daye in the morenyng. And when ye waked & smelt your owne berde, ye fel to it a fresshe, and callynge for your frende Martyn shew­ynge the cause of this laste myschaunce. wherupon ye desyred to shaue you. And so when ye sawe your berde ye sayd that it was a shamfull thynge on any mans face. And so it is in suche cases I not de­nye / yet shall ye consyder, that our En­glysshe men beynge in Englande dothe vse to kepe theyr berdes moche more clen

[...]
As [...]ge as any berdes be worne
Mockynge shall not be forborne
But yet al length his is the scorne.
I fere it not
¶with berdyd men, he wyll not drynke
Bycause it doth in theyr berdes synke
The cause therof, ye may soone thynke
His berde in Flaunders ones dyd stynke
whiche by dystulacyon
Of a vomytacyon
Made suche dysturbacyon
That it abored the nacyon.
I fere it not
¶Some berdꝭ he saith doth grow a pace
To hyde an euyll roleryd face
In fayth his had an homlye grace
when he was in that dronkyn case
But sythe he doth this matter stere
To make that shauynge shuld be dere
I thynke it doth full well appere
That foles had neuer lesse wyt in a yere
I fere it not
¶A berde sayth he, wyl breyd moch care
If that he with his mayster compare
Hi [...] may ye proue a wy [...] full dare
That iudgeth so a man to fare
[Page]what mā lyuyng, I wold fayne knowe
That for comꝑason letꝭ his berde growe
But yet though that a spyghtfull shrow
His spyghtful wordes, abrode doth blow
I fere it not, &c
¶Of berdes he sayth, ther cōms no gay­nes
& berdꝭ quycknyth not the braynes
Lo how in Physyke, he taketh paynes
He merytes a busshel of brwers graynes
He warneth also euery estate
To auoyde berdes, for fere of debate
If men, lyke hym shuld vse to prate
His warnyng then shuld come to late.
I fere it not
¶If berdes also a purse doth pycke
As ye compare them to be lyke
yet ye haue gotte more in one wycke
Then berdes in .x. togyther may stryke
For by castynge of a pyspotte
ye haue pollyd many a grote
yea and moche more god wotte
By falshede ye haue gotte.
I fere it not
¶yet one thynge more, I wyll assayle
The daūger of drynkyng ye do bewayle
Beleue ye me, yf all do fayle
[Page]In stede of a cup, ye shall haue a payle
For you haue gyuen warnynge playne
That berdyd men, shall be full fayne
To brynge a cup, for theyr owne gayne
The more fole you, so to dysdayne,
I fere it not
¶Note me well, for it is trewe
Thoughe berdyd men, ye wyll eschewe
There be moche honyster men than you
That wyl drynke long, or they do spewe
As you haue done, I knowe or this
wherfore I say, though so it is
I wyll not tell that is amys
yet wyll I tell, some trewyth yewys.
I fere it not
¶yet of one thynge, that ye do treate
Howe that a berde, in a great swete
By lyke doth catche, a kauysshe hete
Therby ye do a great prayse gete
For trewely vnfayned
your honyste is dystayned
All though ye haue dysdayned
Men knowe ye haue sustayned.
I fere it not
¶Though in the wynter, a dew wyl lye
That dystylleth from the nose pryuelye
[Page]To refrayne your cup, ye pray thē hartly
And all is for superflous glotonye
For glotony, is of suche a kynde
That ende of excesse, he can none fynde
Tyll past is both, the wyt and mynde
So one of those ye be assynde.
I fere it not

The seconde parte of that songe.

I Lytell thought, ye were so wyse
Berdes to deuyse of the new guyse
But truely, for your enterpryse
ye may go cast your wyt at dyse
At syncke or syse, whiche so doth fall
Fere ye not to cash at all
For yf you lose your lostes be small
It is to dere, a tenys ball.
I fere it not
¶A berde vpon his ouer lyppe
ye saye wyll be a proper tryppe
wherby ye shall the better skyppe
Go your wayes. I dare let you slyppe
where as be many more
I thynke by .xx. score
In cocke lorelles [...]ote before
[Page]ye maye take anore.
I fere it not
¶yet though that ye one thing do craue
which is a muster deuyles berde to haue
ye make me study, so god me saue
If this peticion, came not of a knaue
Perhapes some other man dyd make it
And so ye dyd vp take it
But best ye were forsake it
For fere of Pears go nakyt.
Nowe fere you that
¶ye say some berdes be lyke lābes woll
with lytell wyt within theyr skull
who goth a myle, to sucke a bull
Comes home a fole, and yet not full
And where ye wyshe thē pekt with pyes
That weres a berde, vnto theyr lyes
Be wyse take hede, suche homely spyes
O tymes can spye your crafty lyes.
I fere it not
¶But syr I praye you, yf you tell can
Declare to me when god made man
I meane by our forefather Adam
whyther that he had a berde than
And yf he had, who dyd hym shaue
Syth that a [...], he coulde no [...] haue
[Page]well then ye proue hym there a knaue
Bycause his berde, he dyd so saue.
I fere it not
¶Christ & his apostles, ye haue declaryd
That theyr berdes myght not be sparyd
Nor to theyr berdes, no berdes cōparyd
Trewe it is, yet we repayryd
By his vocacion, to folowe in generall
His disciples, both great and small
And folowyng ther vse we shuld not fal
Nothynge exceptynge our berdes at all
I fere it not
¶Sāpson with many thousandes more
Of aūcient phylosophers, full great store
wolde not be shauen, to dye therfore
why shulde you then, repyne so sore
Amyt that men doth Imytate
Thynges of antyquite, and noble state
Such coūterfeat thīgꝭ oftymes do myty­gate
Moche ernest yre, and debate.
I fere it not
¶Therfore to cease, I thynke be best
For berdyd men, wolde lyue in rest
you proue your selfe, a homly gest
So folyfshely, to rayle and iest
For if I wolde go make in ryme
[Page]Howe new shauyd mē, loke lyke scraped fwyne
& so rayle forth, frō tyme to tyme
A knauysshe laude, then shulde be myne
I fere it not
¶what shulde auayle, me to do so
yf I shulde teache, howe men shulde go
Thynkynge my wyt, moche better lo
Then any other, frende or fo
I myght be imputed trewly
For a foole, that doth gloryfye
In my nowne selfe onelye
I thynke you wyll it veryfye.
I fere it not
And thus farewel, though I do wryght
To answere for berdes, by reason ryght
yet vnberdyd men, I do not spyght
Though ye on berdes therin delyght
And in concludynge, of this thynge
I praye god, laue our noble kynge
Berdes & vnberdyd, to heuen vs brynge
Where as is Ioye euerlastynge.
I fere it not. &c.
¶Finis,

❧Barnes in the de­fence of the Berde.

[figure]
BArnes I say yf thou be shent
Bycause thou wantyst eloquence
Desyre them that thyne entent
May sto [...]de all tymes for thy defence
Consyderynge that thy hole pretence
was more desyrous of vnyte
Then to enuent curyosyte.
R W

¶Ad imprimendum solum.

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