<< *132 . JAMES SAUNDERS : NEIGHBOURS . PLAYS AND PLAYERS , SEPTEMBER 1967 . P. 19 - 27 . FIRST PERF. : 080567 . CHAR. : 01 WOMAN , 02 MAN >> $ #19 $ 01 COME IN . $ 02 HALLO . $ 01 HALLO . $ 02 DON'T GET UP . $ 01 I 'M UP . $ 02 YEAH . $ WELL IN THAT CASE SIT DOWN . $ AM I DISTURBING YOU ? $ I MEAN INTERRUPTING ANYTHING ? $ 01 NO , I WAS JUST HAVING SOME COFFEE - $ 02 NO , I MEAN YOU WERE READING - $ 01 IT 'S QUITE ALL RIGHT , REALLY ... $ 02 HM ... $ IN THAT CASE I 'LL COME IN . $ SIT DOWN , PLEASE SIT DOWN . $ SORRY , YOU DO WANT THE DOOR CLOSED ? $ SURE , IT WAS CLOSED WHEN I CAME IN , WASN'T IT ? $ 01 YES . $ 02 THAT IS , BEFORE I CAME IN , HM ? $ ONLY SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO LEAVE THEIR DOORS OPEN - SAY , YOU DO KNOW ME , DON'T YOU ? $ 01 YES , OF COURSE I DO - $ 03 FOURTH FLOOR ; I JUST WONDERED - $ 01 WE 'VE BEEN NODDING TO ONE ANOTHER LONG ENOUGH . $ 02 YEAH , SURE , THAT 'S A FACT . $ IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME , ONLY YOU KNOW PEOPLE CAN LOOK DIFFE RENT CLOSE UP - YOU KNOW ? $ 01 WE 'VE PASSED ON THE STAIRS ; THAT 'S CLOSE ENOUGH . $ 02 HOW D' YOU MEAN ? $ OH , SURE , THAT 'S CLOSE ENOUGH . $ 01 I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN THOUGH . $ 02 YOU DO . $ YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I 'M DOING HERE ; THE WAY IT IS , I WA NT TO CONSULT YOU ABOUT SOMETHING . $ 02 CONSULT ME ? $ 01 SURE . $ I WANT YOUR ADVICE , YOU SEE , ON A MATTER . $ 01 OH , I SEE ; I 'LL BE GLAD TO HELP YOU IF I CAN . $ 02 MHM . $ 02 THOUGH I 'M AFRAID I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ANYTHING ; I M EAN I 'M NOT VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE . $ WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN ? $ 02 THANKS , I 'M SURE ; IT 'S VERY KIND OF YOU ; I WAS WONDE RING WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO ASK ME . $ I SEE THAT 'S A ROCKING CHAIR YOU 'VE GOT THERE . $ 01 YES , IT IS . $ 02 I THOUGHT ROCKING CHAIRS WERE OLD-FASHIONED ; BUT THAT 'S A NEW CHAIR , ISN'T IT ? $ 01 I 'VE HAD IT A LITTLE WHILE . $ THEY MAKE THEM NOWADAYS . $ I MEAN CONTEMPORARY ONES . $ 02 THEY DO ? $ THAT 'S GREAT . $ I MUST GO OUT AND GET MYSELF A CONTEMPORARY ROCKING CHAIR ON E OF THESE DAYS . $ WHERE DID YOU GET IT ? $ 01 YOU CAN BUY THEM ANYWHERE . $ 02 BUT THIS ONE , WHERE 'D YOU GET THIS ONE ? $ WHERE ? $ 01 HEAL'S . $ IT 'S IN TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD . $ 02 IT 'S A LONG WAY TO GO FOR A CHAIR . $ 01 THEY USUALLY HAVE A GOOD SELECTION . $ 02 MHM . $ O.K. I 'LL GO TO THIS HEAL'S AND GET MYSELF ONE OF THESE ROC KING CHAIRS . $ 01 YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO GET ONE OF THESE . $ 02 YOU MEAN THEY KEEP THEM FOR SPECIAL CUSTOMERS ? $ 01 NO , THEY CHANGE THEIR STOCK . $ 02 HM . $ WELL , I CAN TRY ANYWAY . $ THEY CAN'T KICK ME OUT FOR ASKING , CAN THEY ? $ 01 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO ASK ME ABOUT ? $ 02 IT COULDN'T BE , COULD IT ? $ I MEAN I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU HAD A ROCKING CHAIR TILL I GOT IN HERE , DID I ? $ IT 'S THE FIRST TIME I 'VE SEEN IN YOUR ROOM . $ YOU KEEP YOUR DOOR CLOSED , DON'T YOU ? $ NO , WELL , YOU SEE , I DON'T WANT TO IMPOSE MYSELF ON A PER FECT STRANGER AND START RIGHT OFF ASKING HER ADVICE ON THIS AND THAT . $ 01 I 'M NOT A PERFECT STRANGER - $ 02 WELL , YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME , DO YOU - ? $ 01 AND ANYWAY I 'VE SAID I 'LL BE ONLY TOO GLAD TO HELP IF I CAN . $ 02 OH , SURE ; ONLY YOU HAVE TO THINK OF MY POINT OF VIEW . $ I MEAN I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU , I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME . $ 01 BUT I DON'T SEE ANYTHING SO TERRIBLE ABOUT ASKING MY ADVI CE ON SOMETHING WHETHER WE 'RE STRANGERS OR NOT . $ 02 NO , YOU DON'T ; BUT LIKE I SAY , I 'M TALKING ABOUT ME . $ AND I 'M THE ONE I HAVE TO CONSIDER . $ I LIVE IN HERE , YOU KNOW . $ 01 THIS IS ALL GETTING MUCH TOO SERIOUS . $ 02 THERE AREN'T ANY RULES , YOU SEE . $ NOT FOR ME . $ I MEAN , I HAVE TO PLAY IT BY EAR , YOU UNDERSTAND ME ? $ 01 PLAY WHAT ? $ 02 ME . $ THE WAY I ACT . $ THERE AREN'T ANY RULES , YOU SEE . $ 01 I 'M NOT SURE I KNOW WHAT WE 'RE TALKING ABOUT ANY MORE . $ 02 AH , CHRIST ... $ SORRY , DO YOU OBJECT TO BLASPHEMY ? $ 01 NO , NOT REALLY ... $ 02 NOT REALLY MEANS YES ? $ 01 NO , NO . $ 02 I 'LL LAY OFF BLASPHEMY ANYWAY ; IT GETS BORING ANYWAY . $ IT 'S JUST THAT LIVING ALONE , I GET TO BLASPHEMING ALL THE TIME ; IT COMES NATURAL , YOU KNOW ? $ #20 $ WHEN YOU 'RE ALONE IN THE ROOM , IT JUST GOES ON ALL THE TIM E . $ D' YOU FIND THAT ? $ YOU KNOW WHAT I DID ONCE . $ I BORROWED THIS TAPE-RECORDER AND LEFT IT RUNNING ONE EVENIN G UP IN THE ROOM , AND THEN I PLAYED IT BACK . $ YOU FORGET ABOUT IT AFTER A WHILE , FORGET IT 'S ON . $ YOU KNOW , THIS TAPE WAS FULL OF IMPRECATIONS - IS THAT THE WORD , OR IS IT INVOCATIONS ? $ RUSTLE , BANG , TAP , OH GOD , SILENCE , CHRIST , RUSTLE , T AP , GOD ALMIGHTY , IT WAS REALLY FUNNY . $ 01 I SUPPOSE IF THERE 'S NO ONE ELSE TO TALK TO IT 'S THE NA TURAL THING . $ 02 YEAH . $ I GET YOU . $ YES , THAT 'S GOOD . $ DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST ? $ 01 ERM . $ ... $ 02 NO , WELL , LEAVE THAT . $ YOU 'RE LETTING YOUR COFFEE GET COLD . $ 01 I 'M SORRY , WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP ? $ 02 DON'T MIND ME , YOU JUST DRINK IT UP . $ 01 NO , REALLY , WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE ? $ 02 IS THERE ANY IN THERE ? $ 01 I 'LL GET YOU A CUP . $ 01 I SAID NOT TO BOTHER ABOUT IT . $ 01 IT 'LL NOT TAKE A MINUTE TO MAKE SOME MORE . $ 02 I 'M CAUSING YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE . $ 01 IT 'S NO TROUBLE . $ YOU DON'T MIND INSTANT COFFEE , DO YOU ? $ 02 IS THERE SOME OTHER KIND ? $ 01 D' YOU WANT TO TRY IT ? $ 02 IT 'S YOUR CHAIR . $ 01 YOU 'RE NOT GOING TO BREAK IT , ARE YOU ? $ 02 YOU 'RE ASKING ME TO SIT IN IT ? $ 01 FOR GOODNESS SAKE , YES . $ D' YOU FIND IT COMFORTABLE ? $ 02 MHM ... $ I 'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU 'RE THINKING . $ 01 ALL RIGHT . $ 02 YOU 'RE THINKING I LOOK LIKE AN UNCLE REMUS . $ 01 HM ? $ 02 IN THE OLD ROCKING CHAIR . $ 01 I DON'T UNDERSTAND . $ 02 LET IT GO . $ YES , IT 'S A NICE CHAIR . $ YOU SIT HERE ALL THE TIME , HM ? $ 01 WHEN I 'M IN THE ROOM , YES . $ IN THE EVENINGS . $ 02 AND WHO SITS IN THAT ONE ? $ 01 FRIENDS . $ PEOPLE WHO DROP IN ; LIKE YOU . $ 02 ONLY I 'M IN THE ROCKING CHAIR . $ WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY WHEN I BLASPHEMED ... $ 01 YES ? $ 02 AS I SAID , I HAVE TO PLAY THINGS BY EAR - $ 01 WHAT ? $ 02 EVERYTHING . $ SO NOW AND THEN I FIND I 'VE GOT ON THE WRONG TRACK , AND TH EN I JUST HAVE TO BACKTRACK AND START AGAIN . $ YOU KNOW ? $ 01 NOT REALLY . $ 02 LIKE JUST NOW , I MEAN WHEN I CAME IN HERE , I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID I WANTED TO ASK YOUR ADVICE . $ 01 ISN'T IT TRUE ? $ 02 SURE IT 'S TRUE . $ BUT YOU DON'T BLURT OUT EVERYTHING THAT 'S TRUE JUST BECAUSE IT 'S TRUE . $ SOME THINGS YOU KEEP TILL LATER ; SOME THINGS YOU JUST NEVER MENTION AT ALL . $ 01 YES , BUT - $ 02 ESPECIALLY NOT WITH A STRANGER . $ 01 YOU MAKE COMMUNICATION SOUND VERY DIFFICULT . $ 02 COMMUNICATION ? $ 01 MEETING PEOPLE . $ 02 WELL , FOR GOD'S SAKE , I MEAN , LET 'S NOT KID OURSELVES . $ 01 I MEAN YOU MAKE IT SOUND AS THOUGH - $ 02 I MEAN DON'T TELL ME YOU FIND IT AS EASY TALKING TO ME AS YOU DO SITTING BY YOURSELF READING THAT BOOK . $ 01 OF COURSE ONE HAS TO MAKE SOME EFFORT - $ 02 THAT 'S WHAT I 'M SAYING . $ D' YOU SEE THE PALMS OF MY HANDS ? $ SWEAT ; D' YOU SEE ? $ I DON'T SWEAT READING BOOKS . $ AND I WON'T AKS YOU TO FEEL MY HEART , BUT IF YOU DID YOU 'D FIND IT WAS GOING BUMPITY BUMP LIKE SOME OLD DONKEY-ENGINE . $ CHRIST , YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR IT . $ 01 WHY ? $ 02 THAT 'S THE WAY IT GOES . $ 01 YOU SHOULD MEET MORE PEOPLE . $ 02 I 'D LOSE TOO MUCH SWEAT . $ YOU WANT TO READ AGAIN NOW ? $ 01 NO , OF COURSE NOT . $ 02 I THOUGHT THIS WAS A GENTLE HINT . $ 01 YOU HAVEN'T HAD YOUR COFFEE YET . $ 02 MHM . $ 01 WHEN I WANT YOU TO GO I 'LL SAY SO . $ 02 YOU DO THAT . $ THEN WHY DID YOU PICK THE BOOK UP ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW WHY I PICKED THE SILLY BOOK UP ! $ DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING ON IMPULSE ? $ 02 SURE I DO ; I DO MOST THINGS ON IMPULSE . $ BUT NOT UNLESS I CAN SEE SOME POINT IN IT . $ 01 THAT SOUNDS TO ME RATHER CONTRADICTORY . $ 02 MHM . $ 01 WELL , ISN'T IT ? $ HOW CAN YOU DO SOMETHING ON IMPULSE IF YOU DELIBERATE ON IT ? $ 02 I DON'T GET YOU . $ 01 NEVER MIND . $ 02 I MEAN IT 'S ALL IMPULSES ; WHEN YOU COME DOWN TO IT . $ YOU CAN'T MAKE THINGS UP OUT OF THIN AIR . $ YOU GET THESE IMPULSES TO DO THIS AND THAT - AND THEN YOU WO RK OUT WHETHER THERE 'S ANY POINT IN DOING IT . $ O.K. ? $ THAT KETTLE SHOULD BE BOILING . $ 01 IT 'LL WHISTLE WHEN IT BOILS . $ 02 WHAT I OUGHT TO 'VE SAID WAS I 'D JUST COME DOWN TO SAY H ALLO . $ THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE SPENDING YOUR TIME BOTHERING OVER WHAT IT IS I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT . $ 01 I 'M NOT BOTHERING . $ WELL ALL RIGHT , IF YOU PREFER IT THAT WAY ; YOU 'VE JUST CO ME DOWN TO SAY HALLO . $ 02 SURE : HUMOUR ME . $ 01 WOULD YOU LIKE A CIGARETTE ? $ 02 THANK YOU , I WOULD . $ 01 THEY 'RE ON THE TABLE THERE ; CAN YOU ... ? $ THERE 'S A LIGHTER THERE SOMEWHERE . $ 01 THAT 'S THE KETTLE . $ #21 $ 01 HERE YOU ARE . $ 02 HERE I AM . $ 01 WELL . $ ... $ 02 YES , ER . $ ... $ MAY I HELP MYSELF TO SUGAR ? $ 01 YES , OF COURSE . $ 02 YES , SOME PEOPLE LIKE ME TO KEEP THEIR DOORS OPEN . $ BACK IN THE WEST INDIES THEY DON'T THINK OF SHUTTING THEIR D OORS . $ THAT 'S WHY THEY GET DISLIKED WHEN THEY COME OVER HERE . $ PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT . $ THEY FEEL AS THOUGH IT 'S SOME KIND OF EFFRONTERY . $ 01 IT 'S WHAT ? $ 02 AN AFFRONT . $ HAVING TO LOOK INSIDE SOMEONE ELSE'S ROOM ; THEY DON'T LIKE IT . $ 01 WHY NOT ? $ 02 I CAN SEE THEIR POINT . $ THIS OLD LADY ON THE SECOND FLOOR , SHE LEAVES HER FRONT DOO R OPEN , YOU NOTICED THAT ? $ 01 MRS WATSON . $ 02 YOU GET HER COOKING SMELLS COMING OUT ON THE LANDING . $ I THINK SHE MUST BE BOILING UP OLD BONES FOR THAT DOG SHE KE EPS IN THERE . $ 01 I THINK SHE 'S RATHER SAD REALLY . $ 02 YEAH , SURE . $ SHE 'S GOT A LOT OF JUNK IN HER ROOM ; IT LOOKS LIKE AN OLD SPIDER'S WEB IN THERE , YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ? $ YOU LOOKED IN HER ROOM ? $ 01 NO . $ ... $ 02 YOU TAKE CARE NOT TO . $ 01 NO , IT ISN'T THAT - $ 02 I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE EXPECTS . $ SHE EXPECTS SOMEONE TO GO INTO THAT ROOM , JUST BECAUSE THE DOOR 'S OPEN ? $ NO ONE EVER WILL . $ 01 I EXPECT SHE 'S RATHER LONELY ; I 'VE BEEN MEANING TO CAL L IN ON HER . $ 02 WHAT , GIVE HER SOME OLD BONES TO BOIL UP . $ 01 I THOUGHT I MIGHT ... DO SOMETHING . $ ... $ 02 SHE MIGHT JUST AS WELL SHUT THE DOOR . $ KEEP THE SMELL OF HER OLD BONES TO HERSELF . $ BE LONELY IN PRIVATE . $ 01 ONE CAN'T HELP FEELING SORRY FOR OLD PEOPLE LIKE THAT - $ 02 THAT 'S WHAT I MEAN . $ WHAT 'S THE GOOD OF MAKING PEOPLE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN SH E NEVER TRIES TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT ? $ 01 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT HER TO DO ? $ 02 SHUT HER DOOR . $ 01 AND DIE , I SUPPOSE . $ 02 YEAH , SURE . $ JUST SO I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THOSE STAIRS TWO AT A TIME TO G ET PAST HER ROOM . $ 01 WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN HER PLACE ? $ 02 HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I 'D DO ? $ I KNOW WHAT I WOULDN'T DO ; I WOULDN'T MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORT ABLE JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT . $ 01 I 'M SURE SHE DOESN'T DO THAT . $ 02 IF I WANTED SOMETHING I 'D GO OUT AND GET IT . $ 01 AND IF YOU COULDN'T DO THAT ? $ 02 I 'D KEEP MY DOOR SHUT . $ 01 I THINK IT 'S AWFUL WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO OLD PEOPLE IN LOND ON . $ THEY SPEND THEIR LIVES WORKING AND BRINGING UP CHILDREN . $ THE HUSBAND DIES , THE CHILDREN GO OFF AND GET MARRIED AND M OVE TO OTHER PLACES . $ ... $ AND NOBODY BOTHERS ABOUT THEM . $ ... $ I THINK PEOPLE REALLY WOULD BE RELIEVED IF THEY ALL DID DIE JUST AS SOON AS THEY 'D DONE THEIR JOBS IN SOCIETY . $ ... $ I THINK IT 'S TERRIBLE . $ 02 SURE . $ 01 THEY DESERVE SOMETHING . $ THEY DON'T ASK MUCH . $ 02 THEY DON'T ASK ANYTHING . $ THEY JUST PUT OUT THEIR COOKING SMELLS . $ 01 WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ? $ THAT 'S WHAT OLD PEOPLE ARE LIKE ! $ ALL THEY 'VE GOT LEFT IS THEIR INDEPENDENCE . $ YOU CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO COME QUEUEING UP FOR RELIEF . $ 02 WELL , THERE SHE IS . $ HER DOOR 'S OPEN . $ YEAH , THERE 'S A WHOLE LOT OF MISFITS HANGING AROUND LONDON . $ PEOPLE YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW , KNOW WHAT I MEAN ? $ YOU 'RE REALLY TAKING IT OUT ON THAT CIGARETTE END . $ I MEAN , WHAT 'S THAT CIGARETTE END DONE TO YOU ? $ I KNOW ABOUT THIS , YOU SEE ; I USED TO LEAVE MY DOOR OPEN . $ NOT THAT I BOILED BONES UP THERE ; I JUST LEFT THE DOOR OPEN . $ TILL I GOT WISE TO IT . $ ALL I WAS DOING WAS CAUSING DRAUGHTS THROUGH THE PLACE . $ ONLY KIDS EVER GO THROUGH DOORS JUST BECAUSE THEY 'RE OPEN . $ 01 MORE COFFEE ? $ 02 THANK YOU . $ I CLOSED YOUR BOOK . $ 01 WHAT ? $ 02 I 'VE LOST YOUR PLACE IN THE BOOK . $ I PICKED IT UP TO HAVE A LOOK AT IT . $ 01 IT DOESN'T MATTER . $ 02 YOU 'LL FIND THE PLACE AGAIN ? $ 01 I DARESAY I SHALL . $ 02 IS IT A GOOD BOOK ? $ 01 NOT REALLY ; BUT IT 'S QUITE GRIPPING . $ 02 SOMETHING TO DO . $ 01 IT 'S A RELAXATION , I SUPPOSE . $ 02 TAKES YOU OUT OF YOURSELF . $ 01 I DON'T READ FOR THAT REASON ; I JUST LIKE READING . $ 02 I MEAN IT 'S LIKE A WAY OF ESCAPING . $ 01 I 'VE GOT NOTHING TO ESCAPE FROM . $ DON'T YOU READ ? $ WHY NOT ? $ 02 DOES ONE NEED A REASON ? $ 01 ARE YOU STILL PLAYING IT BY EAR ? $ 02 I 'M SORRY , I DON'T QUITE GET YOU . $ 01 I MEAN YOU ... $ 02 MM ? $ 01 NOTHING , I 'M SORRY . $ 02 GRANTED . $ 01 YOU 'RE FROM THE WEST INDIES ? $ 02 NOT AS FAR AS I KNOW . $ 01 OH , I THOUGHT YOU SAID - $ 02 I MIGHT BE . $ I MEAN IT 'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE . $ 01 BUT YOU WERE - YOU WERE BORN IN ENGLAND . $ 02 SURE . $ LIKE YOU , I SUPPOSE . $ ... $ I MEAN , WHAT MY ANCESTORS WERE UP TO IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS . $ I 'VE NOT EXAMINED THE FAMILLY TREE . $ 01 OH , I SEE ... $ 02 MY MOTHER WAS ENGLISH . $ 01 YES ? $ 02 LIKE ME . $ 01 AND YOUR FATHER ? $ 02 MY FATHER WAS A BASTARD . $ YEAH , HE WAS ENGLISH , TOO . $ SO I 'M TOLD . $ AND WHAT ABOUT YOU ? $ YOU CAN OFFER ME A BISCUIT IF YOU LIKE . $ 01 OH , I 'M SORRY . $ ... $ 02 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING . $ I JUST LIKE BISCUITS . $ 01 PLEASE HELP YOURSELF . $ 02 I CAN HAVE ONE ? $ 01 I SAID HELP YOURSELF . $ 02 A BISCUIT BARREL . $ THAT 'S ANOTHER THING I MUST GET MYSELF , A BISCUIT BARREL . $ WHEN I WAS A KID SOME OTHER KID INVITED ME BACK HOME ONE DAY . $ THEY HAD A BISCUIT BARREL ON THEIR SIDEBOARD . $ WALNUT WITH SILVER BANDS ROUND . $ THIS PUT THEM STRAIGHT IN THE ARISTOCRACY . $ 01 THIS WAS IN LONDON ? $ 02 BIRMINGHAM . $ 01 IT 'S STRANGE , YOU ALMOST SEEM TO HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCEN T . $ 02 OH SURE . $ 01 YOU 'VE BEEN TO AMERICA ? $ 02 NO ; I JUST PICKED IT UP . $ IT 'S NOT DIFFICULT . $ 01 YOU MEAN YOU PICKED IT UP ON PURPOSE ? $ 02 SURE ; LIKE YOU GOT THAT BISCUIT BARREL . $ 01 I GOT THAT BECAUSE I NEEDED IT . $ 02 YEAH , SURE . $ BUT NOT TO PUT BISCUITS IN . $ YOU CAN PUT BISCUITS IN ANYTHING . $ YOU NEEDED A BISCUIT BARREL . $ 01 BUT WHY SHOULD ANYONE NEED AN AMERICAN ACCENT ? $ 02 WHY DOES ANYONE NEED ANYTHING ? $ IT 'S A COVER-UP , SEE ? $ IT TURNS YOU INTO SOMETHING . $ IT 'S LIKE ANOTHER SKIN . $ 01 OR A MASK . $ 02 SURE . $ INSIDE , YOU 'RE O.K. $ YOU CAN FLY BLIND FOR A WHILE . $ YOU 'VE SET THE COURSE . $ 01 BUT WHAT ABOUT THE REAL PERSON INSIDE ? $ 02 I 'M SORRY , I DON'T FOLLOW YOU . $ YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I LIKE BISCUITS ? $ ME AND MY KID USED TO COME HOME FROM SCHOOL , YOU SEE , MIDD AY , AND MUM WOULD 'VE LEFT SIXPENCE FOR US TO GET SOMETHING WITH . $ #22 $ WELL , YOU COULD GET A POUND OF BISCUITS FOR SIXPENCE - BROK EN BISCUITS ; SO WE 'D EAT THOSE BISCUITS . $ 01 A POUND ? $ 02 SURE . $ I 'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE DID WITH THE CRUMBS THAT WERE LEFT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BAG . $ WE 'D TIP THOSE CRUMBS INTO A SAUCER , AND WE 'D DROP SOME J AM ON TOP , AND MIX IT UP WITH A SPOON AND EAT IT . $ ARE YOU GOING TO OFFER ME ANOTHER BISCUIT ? $ DID I SAY SOMETHING FUNNY ? $ 01 WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I SAID NO ? $ 02 NO WHAT ? $ 01 NO BISCUIT . $ 02 ARE YOU GOING TO OFFER ME ANOTHER BISCUIT ? $ 01 NO . $ 02 O.K. $ ARE YOU GOING TO OFFER ME ANOTHER BISCUIT ? $ 01 NO . $ 02 WILL YOU OFFER ME A BISCUIT ? $ 01 YES . $ 02 GO ON , THEN . $ 01 WHAT ? $ 02 OFFER ME ONE . $ 01 BUT I 'VE - $ ... $ PLEASE HAVE A BISCUIT . $ 02 THANK YOU . $ I NOTICE YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY SCARLATTI . $ 01 HM ? $ 02 I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR DISCS . $ YOU LIKE CLASSICS . $ 01 OH , I PLAY IT NOW AND THEN , NOT A GREAT DEAL . $ 02 I 'VE HEARD YOU PLAYING IT . $ 01 OH , I 'M SORRY - $ 02 YOU 'RE SORRY AGAIN . $ 01 I MEAN I HOPE IT DOESN'T DISTURB YOU . $ 02 WHY SHOULD IT ? $ 01 I WONDERED IF I PLAYED IT TOO LOUDLY . $ 02 I SHOULDN'T THINK SO . $ ONLY THE BRAHMS COMES RIGHT UP INTO THE ROOM . $ THAT BRAHMS HAS GOT PENETRATING POWER ; IT COMES RIGHT THROU GH THE FLOORBOARDS . $ 01 I 'M - $ ... $ 02 IT DOESN'T WORRY ME . $ YOU 'VE GOT NO SCARLATTI , THOUGH . $ 01 NO , DO YOU LIKE SCARLATTI ? $ 02 I CAN TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT , DO YOU ? $ 01 YES , I - QUITE - LIKE IT . $ 02 HANG ON . $ I 'VE GOT A RECORD BY SCARLATTI . $ I 'LL FETCH IT . $ 02 SIT DOWN , PLEASE . $ SHALL I PUT IT ON ? $ 01 ERM . $ ... $ 02 YOU CAN PUT IT ON IF YOU LIKE . $ IT 'S YOUR RECORD PLAYER . $ 01 NO - NO , PLEASE PUT IT ON . $ OH , OF COURSE , I 'VE HEARD IT , HAVEN'T I ? $ I 'VE HEARD YOU PLAYING IT ? $ 02 SURE , I PLAY IT A LOT . $ IT 'S MY RECORD . $ 01 YOUR ONLY RECORD ? $ 02 YEAH . $ I 'M NOT SURE IT 'S EVEN MINE . $ IF IT IS , IT 'S MINE BY - ER - ACQUISITION . $ 01 HOW ? $ 02 THE SAME WAY I GOT THIS FLAT , I GUESS . $ THIS BED-SITTER WITH KITCHENETTE . $ I MEAN , DON'T YOU FIND IT - ER - GROTESQUE , THAT I SHOULD HAVE A FLAT IN THIS HOUSE ? $ I MEAN IN THIS DISTRICT ? $ 01 WH - WHY ? $ 02 AND PLAYING SCARLATTI AND ALL . $ WELL I 'LL TELL YOU . $ THIS FRIEND OF MINE HAD THIS FLAT ; WELL , LETS SAY A BUSINE SS ACQUAINTANCE . $ 01 I KNOW , I USED TO SEE HIM NOW AND THEN . $ I WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM . $ 02 WHAT HAPPENED , HE 'S GONE ABROAD FOR A YEAR ; SO HE SUBL ET IT . $ TO ME . $ I THINK THAT 'S FUNNY , DON'T YOU , HE 'S GONE TO SOUTH AFRI CA FOR A YEAR SO HE SUBLET THE FLAT TO ME . $ 01 YOU MEAN YOU ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD ? $ 02 LET 'S SAY IT WAS ONE OF THOSE IMPULSES . $ HE 'S GOT A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR . $ AND HE LEFT THIS RECORD . $ 01 JUST ONE ? $ 02 SURE . $ SO WHAT COULD I DO BUT PICK UP A RECORD PLAYER TO PLAY IT WI TH ? $ YOU EVER SEEN THE LANDLORD ? $ 01 YES , ONCE , WHEN WE MOVED IN . $ 02 WE ? $ 01 I WAS MARRIED . $ 02 MHM . $ 01 HE SEEMED QUITE A NICE PERSON . $ 02 THE LANDLORD ? $ 01 YES . $ 02 SURE . $ THEY ALL ARE . $ ONE OF THESE DAYS HE 'LL TAKE A LOOK ROUND HIS PROPERTY AND FIND IT BEING SUBLET . $ HE 'LL SAY , ' WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ? ' AND I 'LL SAY , ' I 'M SUBLETTING , IS THAT ALL RIGHT ? ' $ AND HE 'LL TELL ME TO GET TO HELL OUT , AND I 'LL GO . $ PROBABLY . $ 01 HE MAY NOT . $ 02 MHM . $ YOU LIKE THIS ? $ 01 YES . $ 02 YOU DON'T HAVE TO . $ I 'LL SWITCH IT OFF IF YOU WANT ME TO . $ 01 NO , PLEASE LEAVE IT ON . $ 02 SO YOU COULD HEAR ME PLAYING THIS UPSTAIRS . $ 01 YES . $ I DIDN'T MIND . $ 02 I 'M NOT APOLOGISING . $ WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU HEARD IT ? $ 01 OF THE MUSIC ? $ 02 NO . $ I MEAN HERE 'S SOME MUSIC COMING INTO YOUR PRIVATE ROOM UNIN VITED . $ YOU KNOW SOMEONE 'S AT THE OTHER END , RESPONSIBLE FOR IT . $ 01 I DIDN'T REALISE IT WAS YOU ; I MEAN I DIDN'T CONNECT IT WITH YOU . $ 02 THAT 'S UNDERSTANDABLE . $ 01 IT WAS JUST MUSIC . $ 02 YOU DIDN'T FEEL OUTRAGED ? $ 01 OF COURSE NOT . $ DID YOU , WHEN YOU HEARD THE BRAHMS ? $ 02 WHO AM I TO FEEL OUTRAGED ? $ DO YOU HAVE A VISITOR THIS EVENING ? $ 01 WELL - YES , AS A MATTER OF FACT . $ I THINK SOMEONE IS COMING LATER . $ 02 MHM . $ 01 WHAT WAS IT YOU WANTED TO ASK ME ? $ YOU SAID YOU WANTED SOME ADVICE . $ 02 YES , NOW ... IF YOU RING THESE PEOPLE UP , TELL THEM NOT TO COME THIS EVENING ... THEN YOU CAN ASK ME TO GO TO BED W ITH YOU . $ 01 WOULD YOU MIND GETTING OUT ? $ 02 YOU 'RE ASKING ME TO GO ? $ 01 I 'M TELLING YOU TO GO . $ 02 O.K. $ SO I 'M COLOURED . $ 01 HOW DARE YOU ! $ GET OUT ! $ PLEASE GET OUT ! $ WHO IS IT ? $ 02 CAN I HAVE MY DISC BACK ? $ MY DISC . $ I FORGOT TO TAKE MY DISC . $ MY SCARLATTI . $ #23 $ 01 COME IN . $ PLEASE CLOSE THE DOOR . $ 02 WHICH SIDE OF IT DO YOU WANT ME TO BE ON ? $ 01 I 'VE ASKED YOU TO COME IN . $ WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ? $ 02 WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ? $ 01 YOU KNOCKED - $ 02 YOU ASKED ME TO COME IN ... $ YOU KNEW IT WAS ME OUT THERE . $ HERE I AM . $ 01 I DON'T WANT PEOPLE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR ALL THE EVENING , THAT 'S ALL . $ IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING MORE TO SAY TO ME , SAY IT , AND THEN YOU CAN GO . $ WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ? $ 02 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF ME , YOU KNOW . $ 01 DON'T BE RIDICULOUS , I 'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ; I CAN LOOK AFTER MYSELF . $ 02 SURE YOU CAN . $ YOU 'RE THE RIGHT COLOUR . $ 01 I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY WHATEVER ELSE IT IS YOU WANT TO SA Y , GET YOUR GRIEVANCES OFF YOUR CHEST , SO THAT I SHAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH YOU AGAIN . $ 02 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BOTHERED WITH ME . $ JUST TELL ME TO GO AND I 'LL GO . $ 01 AND A MINUTE LATER YOU 'LL BE BACK KNOCKING AGAIN . $ 02 I WOULDN'T DO THAT . $ 01 YOU 'VE ALREADY DONE IT ONCE . $ 02 SURE , THAT 'S WHY I WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN . $ THAT 'D BE A LEGAL OFFENCE . $ WHAT IS IT , COMMITTING A NUISANCE , ISN'T THAT IT ? $ I CAN'T AFFORD TO COMMIT ANY OFFENCES . $ ALL YOU 'D HAVE TO DO IS RING THE POLICE STATION , SAY ' LOO K , I 'M BEING PESTERED HERE BY THIS COLOURED GENTLEMAN WHO SHOULDN'T BE HERE AT ALL ANYWAY , HE 'S ONLY SUBLETTING ; ' THEY 'D BE ROUND LIKE A SHOT . $ THEY 'LL BELIEVE YOU . $ COME TO THAT , YOU COULD DO IT NOW . $ RING UP AND TELL THEM I 'VE BEEN KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR ALL E VENING AND WON'T GO AWAY . $ IF YOU LIKE YOU COULD SAY I TRIED TO RAPE YOU ; THAT 'D BRIN G THEM ROUND HERE REALLY FAST . $ THEN YOU CAN RING THE LANDLORD , THIS PLEASANT FELLOW , DO Y OU HAVE HIS NUMBER ? $ TELL HIM I 'M LIVING HERE . $ HE 'LL BE HERE IN THE MORNING . $ YOU SEE , LIKE I SAY , YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY . $ 01 WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DO YOU THINK I AM ? $ 02 LOOK , I DON'T KNOW YOU , DO I ? $ I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME . $ I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF A PERSON YOU ARE . $ I 'M JUST MAKING A FEW SUGGESTIONS , TO PUT YOUR MIND AT RES T . $ 01 VERY WELL . $ I 'M WHITE , I DON'T DISLIKE NEGROES , I THINK THEY HAVE A - A RAW DEAL , I DISLIKE YOU AND I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE . $ IS THAT ENOUGH ? $ 02 MHM . $ SURE . $ I MEAN YOU 'RE WHAT THEY CALL A LIBERAL , AREN'T YOU ? $ YOU 'RE LIBERAL MINDED ; OLD WOMEN , NEGROES . $ ... $ YEAH , TELL ME - WHO ARE THESE NEGROES YOU DON'T DISLIKE ? $ MAYBE I KNOW ONE OR TWO OF THEM . $ ... $ YOU WANT ME TO GO , YOU JUST TELL ME TO GO . $ 01 AND YOU WON'T BE BACK . $ 02 TELL ME TO GO AND I 'LL GO ; I WON'T BE BACK TODAY . $ 01 SO I 'M TO EXPECT YOU AT BREAKFAST TIME ? $ 02 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT . $ I GET UP PRETTY LATE SOME MORNINGS . $ WHAT TIME DO YOU EAT BREAKFAST ? $ NO , WELL , YOU SEE , I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY PROMISES ONE WAY OR THE OTHER . $ I MEAN , WE 'RE NEIGHBOURS , ISN'T THAT SO ? $ ONE OVER THE OTHER , IS THAT NEIGHBOURS , OR DO THEY HAVE TO BE SIDE BY SIDE ? $ I MEAN , IF I FIND I 'VE GOT ANY MORE , YOU KNOW , IF I WANT TO ASK YOUR ADVICE AGAIN ON SOME MATTER , I MIGHT GIVE A NE IGHBOURLY KNOCK ONE DAY , ONE MORNING OR EVENING - $ 01 I 'D BETTER TELL YOU THAT IF YOU DO ANNOY ME ANY FURTHER I SHALL CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY . $ 02 SURE ; THAT 'S WHAT I WAS SAYING . $ 01 AND NOW PLEASE GO . $ 02 OK . $ YEAH . $ ONLY WE 'D BETTER JUST GET IT STRAIGHT , HADN'T WE ? $ I MEAN , CAN WE GET IT STRAIGHT FIRST ? $ 01 WHAT ? $ 02 WHAT I 'M ALLOWED TO DO . $ I WANT TO BE CAREFUL , I MEAN IN MY POSITION I HAVE TO BE CA REFUL NOT TO OVERSTEP THE MARK . $ SO IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE THE MARK IS I 'LL TAKE CARE NOT TO OVERSTEP IT . $ I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TO MY ROOM ONE DAY AND FIND THE POL ICE THERE WAITING FOR ME , OR THE LANDLORD , THIS PLEASANT C HAP . $ SO YOU JUST TELL ME THE RULES OF THE GAME . $ KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR FOR INSTANCE , NOW I TAKE IT I 'M NOT TO KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR ANY MORE . $ THAT 'S FOR EVER , IS IT ? $ I MEAN , FOR INSTANCE , IF I WAKE UP ONE NIGHT AND THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE , AND I KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR , WILL YOU CALL THE P OLICE IN ? $ I WANT TO COVER MYSELF , YOU SEE . $ NOT THAT I CAN EVER COVER MYSELF , BECAUSE YOU 'RE THE ONE T HEY 'LL BELIEVE , BUT IT 'LL HELP PUT MY MIND AT REST IF THE RE 'S SOME KIND OF , ER , RULE OF THUMB , YOU KNOW ? $ ALL THESE PEOPLE YOU LIBERALS DON'T DISLIKE , WE 'RE CRAZY A BOUT RULES OF THUMB . $ WE 'RE KIND OF QUAINT THAT WAY . $ WE DON'T LIKE GETTING OUR BOTTOMS KICKED , IT 'S AN IDIOSYNC RASY , SO WE GET OURSELVES THESE RULES OF THUMB . $ WE STILL GET KICKED ANYWAY , THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING , BUT THAT WAY WE CAN BLAME OURSELVES FOR IT INSTEAD OF WHOEVER 'S DOING THE KICKING . $ 01 LOOK , YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I - $ 02 NOT EXACTLY ; THAT 'S THE POINT I 'M TRYING TO MAKE , YOU SEE , WE NEVER KNOW EXACTLY . $ NOW , AS TO PASSING YOU ON THE STAIRS , WHICH AS YOU SAY IS NEAR ENOUGH . $ I CAN'T SEE HOW I CAN AVOID PASSING YOU ON THE STAIRS NOW AN D THEN , UNLESS WE WORK OUT SOME KIND OF TIMETABLE , WHO 'S TO BE ON THE STAIRS WHEN , AND YOU WOULDN'T LIKE THAT , IT ' D INTERFERE WITH YOUR FREEDOM . $ AND I CAN'T GET OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW , NOT ON THE FOURTH F LOOR , SO WE 'RE STUCK WITH IT UNLESS YOU LIKE TO RING THE L ANDLORD , THIS GOOD CHAP , AND THEN YOU WON'T SEE ME ON THE STAIRS ANY MORE . $ FAILING THAT , AM I TO NOD TO YOU OR NOT ? $ I DON'T WANT TO OVERSTEP THE MARK , BUT I DON'T WANT YOU THI NKING I 'M BEING INSOLENT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BY IGNORING YOU . $ YOU SEE MY POINT ? $ 01 GO AWAY , PLEASE , GO AWAY . $ 02 SURE , SURE , JUST ONE LAST POINT . $ ABOUT MY SCARLATTI . $ 01 WHAT ABOUT IT ? $ YOU 'VE GOT IT , HAVEN'T YOU ? $ 02 SURE , ONLY THE POINT IS , YOU SEE , AM I TO BE ALLOWED T O PLAY IT ? $ 01 YOU CAN DO AS YOU LIKE AS LONG AS YOU KEEP OUT OF MY WAY . $ 02 MHM . $ ONLY IT 'S NOT THAT SIMPLE , IS IT ? $ I MEAN , AS YOU SAY , WHEN I PLAY MY SCARLATTI IT DOESN'T ST AY IN MY ROOM , IT COMES DOWN INTO YOUR ROOM AS WELL . $ I SUPPOSE IN A WAY YOU COULD CALL IT TRESPASSING ; I DON'T I MAGINE YOU WANT MY SCARLATTI WANDERING AROUND YOUR ROOM UNIN VITED . $ I MEAN , YOUR BRAHMS , THAT 'S ALL RIGHT , AFTER ALL I 'M NO T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE , I 'M ONLY SUBLETTING . $ 01 YOU CAN PLAY YOUR RECORD AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE , IT DOESN'T WORRY ME . $ 02 MHM . $ 01 IF YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A CHILD I 'LL TREAT YOU LI KE ONE . $ 02 THAT 'S RIGHT , YOU DO THAT . $ THAT 'S WHAT I WANT . $ YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD , IT 'LL MAKE ME FEEL AT HOME . $ WE 'RE ALL JUST GREAT SIMPLE CHILDREN , EVERYONE KNOWS THAT . $ 01 VERY WELL . $ NOW WILL YOU GO ? $ 02 DON'T ASK ME , TELL ME . $ I MEAN YOU ASK A KID TO DO THINGS HE WANTS TO DO ; IF THERE 'S SOMETHING HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO , YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM . $ 01 GO THEN . $ GO . $ CLEAR OUT . $ 02 THAT 'S IT . $ WE UNDERSTAND THAT . $ AUTHORITY ; THAT 'S WHERE WE FEEL AT HOME . $ #24 $ ER ... THAT OLD LADY , OLD MRS ... OLD MRS WATSON . $ ... $ IF YOU 'VE GOT ANY OLD BONES IN THE KITCHEN , YOU MIGHT TAKE THEM DOWN THERE SOME TIME FOR HER TO BOIL UP . $ SHE 'D APPRECIATE THAT ! $ I MEAN SHE 'D FEEL GRATEFUL , YOU KNOW ? $ YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IN THERE ... $ JUST LEAVE THEM OUTSIDE THE DOOR ... $ AND , ER , THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP . $ I 'LL TELL MY FRIENDS . $ I WOULD , THAT IS , IF I HAD ANY . $ ... $ 01 WAIT ! $ HOW DARE YOU ... ? $ HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT ? $ 02 YOU WANT ME TO GO OR NOT ? $ 01 I WANT YOU TO GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT FIRST . $ 02 MHM . $ YOU WANT THE DOOR OPEN OR CLOSED THEN ? $ I MEAN , THAT DEAR OLD LADY DOWNSTAIRS , SHE 'LL BE LISTENIN G IN WITH HER DOOR OPEN ... $ 01 WHAT KIND OF CHIP IT IS YOU CARRY ON YOUR SHOULDER IS NON E OF MY BUSINESS ; I 'M JUST NOT INTERESTED . $ I ONLY WANT TO MAKE IT QUITE CLEAR THAT I 'VE TREATED YOU ON LY AS I WOULD HAVE TREATED ANYONE WHO CAME IN HERE AND MADE THE - KIND OF SUGGESTION YOU MADE . $ I THINK YOU 'VE BEHAVED IN A - DISGUSTING WAY , AND THE MOST DESPICABLE THING OF ALL IS TO - TRY TO EXCUSE YOURSELF , TR Y TO PUT THE BLAME ON ME BY MAKING OBLIQUE REMARKS ABOUT YOU R COLOUR . $ I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT COLOUR YOU ARE . $ BUT I TELL YOU THIS MUCH ; IF YOU 'D BEEN A WHITE MAN AND CO ME IN HERE AND ASKED ME A THING LIKE THAT , I 'D NOT HAVE WA ITED SO LONG BEFORE KICKING YOU OUT , AND YOU 'D HAVE HAD YO UR FACE SMACKED INTO THE BARGAIN . $ ... $ AS IT WAS , I DID MY BEST TO BE FRIENDLY TO YOU . $ ... $ I DID MY BEST . $ ... $ OH , LEAVE ME ALONE . $ GO AWAY , GET OUT OF MY SIGHT . $ I THINK YOU 'RE DISGUSTING . $ 02 YOU THINK I 'VE LET THE SIDE DOWN . $ 01 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN . $ 02 I MEAN , AS YOU SAY , IF I 'D BEEN WHAT YOU CALL A WHITE MAN YOU 'D HAVE JUST SLAPPED MY FACE AND KICKED ME OUT , AND THAT WOULD 'VE BEEN THAT . $ 01 I DON'T WANT TO ARGUE ANY LONGER . $ AS FAR AS I 'M CONCERNED THAT 'S THAT ANYWAY . $ 02 NO , BUT IT ISN'T , YOU SEE . $ DON'T WORRY , I DON'T MEAN I 'M GOING TO PESTER YOU . $ 01 THEN WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? $ 02 WELL , I MEAN , IF IT HAD BEEN A WHITE MAN IT WOULDN'T HA VE WORRIED YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE MEN ARE LIKE THAT , ISN'T THA T SO ? $ I MEAN , MEN ARE BASTARDS . $ WELL , YOU 'VE BEEN MARRIED , YOU KNOW THAT . $ BUT , ER , COLOURED PEOPLE , YOU EXPECT THEM TO BE DIFFERENT . $ 01 I 'VE TOLD YOU THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH COLOUR . $ 02 OH , SURE , I UNDERSTAND THAT . $ I ACTED LIKE A BASTARD , THERE 'S NO DENYING THAT . $ WELL , LOOK WHAT HAPPENS ; HERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE YOU , I MEAN LIBERAL PEOPLE , PROGRESSIVES , YOU KNOW , GOING OUT OF THE IR WAY TO BE NICE TO US PEOPLE AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND US AND MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR US AND WHAT HAPPENS ? $ AS SOON AS YOU REALLY DO MEET ONE HE DOES A THING LIKE THIS . $ I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU 'VE MET MANY COLOURED PEOPLE , HAVE YOU ? $ I MEAN NOT RECENTLY . $ 01 WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY ? $ 02 OH , I 'M NOT EXCUSING MYSELF . $ DON'T GET ME WRONG . $ I 'M NOT SAYING WE JUST HAVE TO ACT THIS WAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY WE 'RE TREATED - $ 01 I THINK THAT 'S ABSOLUTELY - $ 02 YEAH , ABSOLUTELY , THAT 'S TRUE . $ THERE 'S NO EXCUSE FOR ME TO COME IN HERE AND AFTER YOU 'VE TRIED TO BE EXTRA NICE AND UNDERSTANDING TO ME BECAUSE I 'M COLOURED , TO GO AND SAY A THING LIKE THAT THING I SAID . $ 01 ARE YOU TRYING TO APOLOGISE ? $ 02 I SUPPOSE THAT 'S WHAT I AM DOING . $ ... $ YES , I 'M SAYING I 'M SORRY FOR SAYING THAT . $ ASKING YOU OFF THE CUFF LIKE THAT TO GO TO BED WITH A COLOUR ED PERSON . $ ... $ 01 WHY DO YOU KEEP BRINGING THAT UP ! $ I TELL YOU IT 'S NOTHING TO ME ! $$ I - LOOK , YOU 'VE APOLOGISED ; AT LEAST I THINK YOU 'VE APO LOGISED ; I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU 'RE TRYING TO GET AT ; I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY ; I 'M SORRY TOO ; I 'M SORRY IT EVE R HAPPENED ; PERHAPS I WAS - TOO FRIENDLY OR SOMETHING ; NOW W CAN WE - FORGET THE WHOLE THING AND LEAVE IT AT THAT ? $ 02 MHM . $ OK . $ THOUGH I 'D , ER , JUST LIKE TO SAY THIS ONE THING . $ IF I MAY . $ 01 YES . $ 02 OH , BUT I 'VE BEEN FORGETTING , YOUR , ER , YOUR VISITOR . $ 01 HM ? $ 02 THIS PERSON YOU 'RE EXPECTING THIS EVENING . $ I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU LATE ; I MEAN YOU 'LL WANT TO GET R EADY , AND ANYWAY YOU WON'T WANT HIM COMING AND FINDING ME H ERE . $ 01 WHY NOT ? $ 02 NOW DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME ; I KNOW YOU DON'T MIND ; ONLY SOME PEOPLE MIGHT , I MEAN THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE THAT ABOUT , AREN'T THERE ? $ 01 HE 'S A FRIEND OF MINE . $ 02 SURE , YES . $ 01 YOU REALLY HAVE AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX , DON'T YOU ? $ 02 YES . $ I SUPPOSE IT 'S LIKE THAT JOKE , YOU KNOW ? $ WHERE THIS PSYCHIATRIST SAYS TO THE PATIENT , ' I 'VE AT LAS T DISCOVERED WHAT 'S WRONG WITH YOU . $ YOU REALLY ARE INFERIOR . ' $ YES , JUST THIS ONE ER , THING I WANTED TO SAY ; BEFORE I GO ; SO YOU CAN GET READY FOR YOUR VISITOR . $ ... $ ALL I WANTED TO SAY WAS THIS . $ ... $ JUST BECAUSE I CAME IN HERE AND ACTED , ER ... ACTED OUT OF TURN , I SHOULDN'T LIKE TO THINK THIS IS GOING TO AFFECT YOU R ATTITUDE TOWARDS US IN GENERAL . $ 01 TOWARDS . $ ... $ 02 US . $ 01 WHY ON EARTH SHOULD IT ? $ 02 WHY SHOULDN'T IT ? $ I MEAN - $ 01 I DON'T HAVE ANY ATTITUDE . $ I THOUGHT I 'D MAKE THAT CLEAR . $ 02 WELL , YES , IN THAT CASE I SEE , IN THAT CASE WHAT I DID COULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO MY - LET 'S SAY MY BROTHERS . $ IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ATTITUDE . $ I JUST THOUGHT YOU DID HAVE . $ 01 THEN YOU THOUGHT WRONG . $ 02 SURE , THAT 'S MY INFERIORITY COMPLEX OUT AGAIN . $ ONLY I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU TREATED COLOURED PEOPLE DIFFEREN T FROM THE OTHERS - $ 01 I SAID NO SUCH THING - $ 02 LIKE YOU WOULD 'VE - SLAPPED MY FACE IF I 'D BEEN WHITE . $ 01 WELL OF COURSE I - $ 02 YOU TRY TO MAKE ALLOWANCES . $ 01 PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE SLAPPED YOUR FACE , IS THAT WHAT YO U WANTED ! $ AM I SUPPOSED TO APOLOGISE NOW FOR NOT SLAPPING YOUR FACE ! $ 02 NO , LOOK , I THINK YOU 'RE MISUNDERSTANDING ME . $ GOOD LORD , WHO AM I TO TELL YOU HOW TO BEHAVE ? $ 01 FOR GOD'S SAKE , WHAT 'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ? $ I TRY TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE , I TRY TO BE KIND , YOU COME IN HERE AND YOU 'RE OBVIOUSLY LONELY AND I - I TRY TO REDRESS T HE BALANCE A LITTLE ! $ THAT 'S ALL ! $ DO YOU THINK I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THE WORLD ISN'T QUITE FAI R TO , TO - COLOURED PEOPLE ? $ IT 'S NOT MY FAULT , YOU KNOW . $ THERE 'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT ! $ ALL I CAN DO IS TRY AND - SWING THE BALANCE A LITTLE IN THE OTHER DIRECTION , TO GO OUT OF MY WAY TO BE NICER AND - MORE UNDERSTANDING THAN I USUALLY WOULD . $ VERY WELL , IN FUTURE I 'LL TREAT EVERYONE THE SAME , IF THA T 'S WHAT YOU WANT ; I 'LL SLAP THEIR FACES AS SOON AS THEY DO ANYTHING I DON'T LIKE ! $ 02 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ATTITUDE TOWARDS COLOURED PEOPLE - $ 01 WELL IF THAT 'S WHAT YOU MEAN BY ATTITUDE - $ 02 THAT 'S ALL I MEANT . $ #25 $ 01 ALL RIGHT , MY ATTITUDE TOWARDS COLOURED PEOPLE IS DIFFER ENT FROM MY ATTITUDE TOWARDS WHITE PEOPLE . $ I 'M VERY SORRY . $ 02 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY . $ 01 THEN WHY DO YOU MAKE SNIDE REMARKS ABOUT IT ? $ 02 I DIDN'T MAKE ANY SNIDE REMARKS . $ ALL I SAID WAS YOU HAD AN ATTITUDE , AND YOU SAID YOU HADN'T , THAT 'S ALL . $ I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE , DID I ? $ WHAT I SAID WAS , I HOPED WHAT I DID WOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR AT TITUDE . $ 01 WHAT DO YOU WANT ? $ WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ? $ WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY ? $ WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ? $ 02 THERE WAS ONLY THAT ONE THING . $ ... $ JUST TO BE SURE YOU WON'T THINK DIFFERENTLY JUST BECAUSE OF MY BEHAVIOUR . $ 01 YOU PUT MY MENTALITY PRETTY LOW , DON'T YOU , TO THINK I 'D DO THAT ? $ 02 NO , I DON'T , REALLY . $ I THINK YOU 'RE A VERY INTELLIGENT PERSON , IF I MAY SAY SO . $ 01 DO YOU WANT A CIGARETTE ? $ 02 NO , THANK YOU . $ 01 THANK YOU . $ AS FAR AS I 'M CONCERNED PEOPLE ARE INDIVIDUALS . $ I DON'T MAKE UP GENERAL RULES , I THOUGHT I 'D EXPLAINED THA T . $ 02 YES , ONLY YOU DO TREAT US PEOPLE BETTER THAN YOU DO THE WHITE ONES , SO I SUPPOSE YOU THINK WE DESERVE IT . $ OR NEED IT . $ I 'D JUST HATE TO THINK YOU WERE GOING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND A BOUT THAT AND DECIDE YOU OUGHT TO TREAT US WORSE THAN THE WH ITES . $ AFTER ALL , YOU MUST HAVE MADE UP THE RULE IN THE FIRST PLAC E , THERE 'S NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN'T CHANGE IT NOW YOU ' VE ACTUALLY MET A NEGRO . $ 01 DO YOU THINK I HAVEN'T MET NEGROES BEFORE ? $ 02 WELL , I DON'T KNOW . $ I MEAN , I EXPECT I 'M THE FIRST TO SET FOOT IN THIS ROOM FO R INSTANCE . $ AND I DON'T IMAGINE YOU 'VE EVER HAD ONE TO DINNER , SAY - $ 01 IF I KNEW ANY NEGROES I WOULD ! $ 02 SURE , THAT 'S WHAT I 'M SAYING . $ THIS VISITOR , IS HE A NEGRO ? $ 01 LOOK - $ LOOK , I 'M FEELING A LITTLE TIRED . $ ... $ AS FAR AS I 'M CONCERNED I DON'T BEAR ANY GRUDGE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ; I 'M WILLING TO FORGET IT EVER DID HAPPEN . $ AND , OF COURSE , ANY EVENING YOU FEEL LIKE DROPPING IN - FO R A FEW MINUTES I 'LL BE DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU . $ BUT NOW I REALLY HAVE GOT SOME THINGS I MUST DO AND - $ 02 AND THE VISITOR . $ 01 YES , AND THE VISITOR . $ 02 MHM . $ THERE 'S NO VISITOR . $ 01 HM ? $ 02 THERE ISN'T ANY VISITOR . $ IS THERE ? $ THERE ISN'T ANY BLOODY VISITOR . $ 01 OH GOD . $ ... $ 02 IS THERE ? $ IS THERE ? $ 01 NO !!! $ 02 THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU SAY THERE WAS ? $ DON'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH SUPERIORITY ALREADY , COULDN'T YOU JUS T SAY , LOOK , I 'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU , NOW I WANT YOU TO G O , DO YOU HAVE TO LIE AS WELL ? $ 01 I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT OF MYSELF TO YOU ! $ 02 DON'T YOU ! $ YOU 'RE THE SUPERIOR BEING , ISN'T THAT JUST WHAT YOU DO HAV E TO DO ! ? $ 01 ALRIGHT , I WAS LYING . $ THERE 'S NO VISITOR . $ AND NOW I 'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU , SO GET OUT ! $ GET OUT , BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE ! $ 02 CALL THEM , THEN ! $ CALL THE BLOODY POLICE . $ GO ON , GO ON ! $ WHAT 'S THE MATTER , CAN'T YOU THINK OF A COMPLAINT ? $ CAN'T YOU MAKE UP ANY MORE LIES ? $ HERE , I 'LL HELP YOU ! $ J S BACH . $ HERE 'S ANOTHER . $ MOZART . $ GET THE POLICE , THEN , GET THEM . $ HOW MANY MORE DO YOU NEED ? $ 01 PLEASE DON'T ... PLEASE , DON'T . $ ... $ I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME . $ ... $ I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME . $ ... $ 02 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT ? $ IF YOU 'VE GOT SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT , YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS . $ 01 WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ? $ YOU WANT TO ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING ? $ ACCUSE ME , THEN , COME OUT INTO THE OPEN WITH IT . $ WHAT HAVE I REALLY DONE TO YOU ? $ WHAT ? $ 02 YOU THINK IF YOU KNOW MY NAME IT 'LL MAKE EVERYTHING OK ? $ 01 IS IT THE WAY I NODDED TO YOU ON THE STAIRS ? $ DIDN'T I NOD HARD ENOUGH , OR SHOULDN'T I HAVE NODDED AT ALL ? $ WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ? $ 02 IT 'S RASTUS . $ I 'M NOT REALLY ENGLISH , YOU 'VE GUESSED THAT ALREADY . $ I WAS BORN IN A LOG CABIN ON THE BANKS OF THE MISSISSIPPI . $ YAS SAH . $ AH REMEMBER MAH DEAH OLE MAMMY SAYING TO ME , RASTUS , SHE S AY , NOW DON'T YOU NEVER FERGIT TO BE A GOOD LI'L PICCANINNY AN DO AS THE MASSA TELLS YOU - $ 01 FOR GOD'S SAKE , CAN I HELP IT IF YOU 'RE COLOURED ? $ 02 NO , MAAM . $ YOU KNOW WHAT I DID ONCE WHEN I WAS A KID ? $ I WAS ALONE IN THE HOUSE , EVERYONE ELSE WAS OUT . $ SO I TOOK SOME OF THIS STUFF YOU USE FOR SCOURING OUT THE BA TH - NOT THAT WE HAD ANY BATH , I MEAN , YOU CAN'T HAVE EVER YTHING , CAN YOU ? $ I THOUGHT TO MYSELF , IF IT GETS STAINS OFF BATHS AND LAVATO RY BOWLS LIKE IT SAYS ON THE PACKET , IT 'LL GET THIS OFF SU RE ENOUGH . $ SO I WENT TO WORK ON THE BACK OF MY HAND WITH THIS STUFF AND SOME HOT WATER AND A SCRUBBING BRUSH . $ YAS , SAH . $ ... $ NO , YOU 'RE QUITE RIGHT . $ YOU CAN'T HELP IT IF I 'M COLOURED . $ YOU 'RE LIBERAL , I KNOW THAT . $ IF YOU COULD MAKE ME WHITE , YOU 'D MAKE ME WHITE . $ YAS SAH . $ ... $ 01 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ? $ GO TO BED WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU 'RE COLOURED ? $ 02 WELL , NOW , THAT 'D BE KINKY , WOULDN'T IT ? $ I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO DO A THING LIKE THAT . $ ON THE OTHER HAND , NOW IF IT WAS IN SPITE OF MY BEING COLOU RED , THAT 'S A CHRISTIAN THING TO DO , ISN'T THAT RIGHT ? $ LIKE KISSING THE LEPER . $ 01 IS THAT THE WAY YOU LIKE TO THINK OF YOURSELF ? $ 02 IS THERE SOME OTHER WAY ? $ 01 WHY DON'T YOU SEE A PSYCHIATRIST ? $ 02 SURE . $ YOU KNOW ANY GOOD COLOURED ONES ? $ NOT THAT THAT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE TO YOU . $ 01 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? $ 02 I MEAN YOU 'RE ONE OF THOSE LIBERALS , AREN'T YOU ? $ IF SOMEONE 'S GOT A BIT OF A KINK SOMEWHERE , YOU DON'T COND EMN THEM BECAUSE OF THAT , DO YOU , ANY MORE THAN YOU CONDEM N COLOURED PEOPLE FOR BEING COLOURED ? $ GOOD GOD , NO , LIBERALS AREN'T LIKE THAT . $ YOU MAKE ALLOWANCES , ISN'T THAT SO , YOU TRY TO BE EXTRA KI ND TO THEM BECAUSE IT 'S NOT REALLY THEIR FAULT , I MEAN LET 'S BE PROGRESSIVE . $ YOU TRY TO BE EXTRA KIND AND UNDERSTANDING TO THEM AND AT TH E SAME TIME YOU TREAT THEM JUST EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU 'D T REAT ANYONE ELSE , ISN'T THAT SO ? $ ISN'T THAT SO ? $ 01 MY GOD , YOU 'RE JUST PLAYING ON IT , AREN'T YOU ? $ 02 YEAH , THAT 'S AN EXTRA KINK I GOT , PLAYING ON MY KINK . $ THAT MAKES IT A DOUBLE KINK . $ PLUS I 'M COLOURED . $ IF ONLY I COULD WET MY BED AT NIGHTS I 'D HAVE A FULL HOUSE , A REAL WINNING HAND . $ YOU LIBERALS 'D BE FALLING OVER BACKWARDS . $ YOU WANT TO BLAME ME FOR SOMETHING ? $ YOU WANT TO BLAME ME FOR BEING NEUROTIC ? $ OK THEN . $ YOU SEE , MAAM , WHAT YOU 'VE GOT IS A REAL CASE ON YOUR HAN DS ; BUT YOU 'RE LIBERAL MINDED , YOU CAN COPE WITH THAT . $ #26 $ ISN'T THAT SO ? $ OR DOESN'T YOUR LIBERALISM STRETCH QUITE THAT FAR ? $ 01 PLEASE DON'T TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME - $ 02 OH , I GET IT . $ YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF . $ LIKE YOU 'LL BE PROGRESSIVE TILL IT KILLS YOU , JUST SO LONG AS NOBODY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF YOU . $ YEAH , SURE ; AND WHEN YOU PASS A BLIND MAN IN THE STREET WI TH HIS CAP OUT , WHAT DO YOU DO ? $ YOU ASK TO SEE HIS DOCTOR'S CERTIFICATE AND BANK ACCOUNT . $ 01 YOU 'RE TWISTING EVERYTHING I SAY ! - $ 02 SURE I AM , THAT 'S THE WAY I AM . $ I TWIST . $ I 'M TWISTED . $ LIKE I SAY , YOU 'VE GOT A REAL SOLID CASE ON YOUR HANDS . $ WELL , OK , YOU 'RE THE SANE ONE , YOU 'RE THE BALANCED ONE , YOU 'RE THE WHITE ONE , YOU 'RE THE LIBERAL - HUMOUR ME ! $ BE KIND TO ME ! $ UNDERSTAND ME !! $ 01 WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY LIFE ? $ WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ... ? $ 02 WELL NOW . $ ... $ I GUESS WE 'RE BOTH IN THE SAME BOAT ; WE 'RE AT EVENS . $ YOU 'VE RUN OUT OF LIBERALISM , AND I 'VE RUN OUT OF IMPULSE S . $ 01 RUN OUT ? $ OR AREN'T THEY NECESSARY ANY MORE ... ? $ OF COURSE , THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO , ISN'T IT ? $ STRIP JACK NAKED , ISN'T THAT IT ? $ ONLY I MUSTN'T SAY YOU WERE TRYING TO DO IT . $ IT 'S ALL DONE BY IMPULSES , ISN'T IT ? $ ISN'T THERE ANY POINT AT WHICH YOU BEGIN TO BE RESPONSIBLE F OR YOURSELF ? $ 02 YOU ... TELL ... ME . $ 01 YOU REALLY RUN DEEP , DON'T YOU ? $ 02 MY KIND DO . $ ... $ 01 NOT YOUR KIND ; YOU . $ YOU CAN DROP THAT LINE NOW . $ AS YOU SAY , I 'VE RUN OUT OF LIBERALISM , I DON'T GENERALIS E ANY MORE . $ ... $ AND NOW WE 'RE AT EVENS . $ ... $ OR HAVE YOU WON ? $ 02 I GUESS GETTING EVEN IS WINNING . $ 01 SO WHAT NOW ? $ THE PRESENTATION OF THE TROPHY ? $ GIVE ME ANOTHER CIGARETTE , PLEASE . $ 02 YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH . $ 01 PLEASE GIVE ME A CIGARETTE . $ LIGHT IT FOR ME . $ HOW RIGHT YOU ARE . $ I 'VE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT . $ YOU 'VE DONE NOTHING TO ME . $ THERE 'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO . $ LET 'S HAVE SOME MUSIC , SHALL WE ? $ WELL ... ? $ OR DO YOU WANT IT WITH THE LIGHT ON ... ? $ 02 OH GOD !!! $ 01 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $ 02 DON'T TURN THE LIGHT ON ! $ IT 'S GREAT , ISN'T IT . $ ... $ THAT WHEN IT FINALLY COMES DOWN TO IT - I 'M INCAPABLE ! $ 01 YOU WANT TO BLAME ME FOR THAT TOO ? $ 02 THAT 'S WHAT WE GET BY ON , YOU KNOW ? $ THAT MYTH . $ THAT 'S ALL THEY ALLOW US . $ ... $ I MEAN WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY CULTURE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT . $ AND ALL WE 'VE GOT TO GO WITH IT IS THIS GREAT ... MYTH ... MYTH . $ 01 YOU WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN ? $ DO YOU ... ? $ ... $ IT 'S NOTHING . $ IT HAPPENS . $ FOR GOODNESS SAKE , DON'T YOU KNOW THAT ? $ WELL , SAY SOMETHING . $ 02 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY ? $ THANK YOU ? $ #27 $ #27 $ 01 YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU DAMNED WELL LIKE ; JUST DON'T SIT TH ERE ACCUSING ME ! $ 02 I 'M NOT ACCUSING YOU - $ 01 NO ? $ THEN WHAT ? $ WHAT ARE YOU SITTING THERE FOR ? $ WHAT MORE DO YOU EXPECT OF ME ? $ WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW ? $ THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO ... ? $ FOR GOD 'S SAKE - GO AWAY , AND LEAVE ME ALONE . $ ... $ 02 I 'D BE OK IN MY ROOM . $ ... $ IF YOU 'D COME UP ... TO MY ROOM ... I 'D BE OK . $ ... $ 01 PLEASE GET OUT . $ WILL YOU PLEASE GO , WILL YOU PLEASE GO " $ WILL YOU PLEASE GO ! ? $ < BLACKOUT > $