<< *144 . JOHN MCGRATH : EVENTS WHILE GUARDING THE BOFORS GU N . LONDON , METHUEN , 1966 . 84 P. FIRST PERF. : 120466 CHA R. : 01 LANCE-BOMBARDIER EVANS , 02 GUNNER SHONE , 03 GUNNER FLYNN , 04 GUNNER CRAWLEY , 05 GUNNER ROWE , 06 GUNNER FEAT HERSTONE , 07 GUNNER O'ROURKE , 08 SERGEANT WALKER , 09 SECO ND LIEUTENANT PICKERING , 10 COOK-PRIVATE SAMUEL , 11 GERMAN , 12 OTHERS , 13 CHORUS , 14 ALL >> $ #7 $ < ACT ONE > $ < SCENE ONE > $ < THE SCENE IS THE CORNER OF A GUN-PARK IN THE BRITISH ZONE OF GERMANY , IN FEBRUARY 1954 . $ CENTRE STAGE IS A SMALL GUARD HUT , VERY BARE INDEED , WITH FOUR SMALL HOSPITAL BEDS , A TABLE AND A CHAIR . $ NO PILLOWS , NO BLANKETS , NOTHING TO COVER THE FLOOR-BOARDS . $ A BIT OF MILL-BOARD HANGS ON THE WALL , WITH GUARD-DUTIES ET C . $ OUTSIDE , TO THE LEFT OF THE HUT , IS A SMALL ACTING AREA WH ERE THE GUARD HALTS , AND IS INSPECTED ETC . $ IT IS THE END OF A ROAD , WHICH LEADS ROUND BEHIND THE HUT B ACK TO THE BARRACKS . $ THERE IS BARBED WIRE BEHIND THE HUT , AND DOWN ONE SIDE OF T HE STAGE , AND THERE IS A BARBED WIRE GATE INTO THE GUN-PARK . $ DOWNSTAGE OF THE HUT , AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE , THE FRONT O F A BOFORS GUN EMERGES FROM THE WINGS . $ ON THE OTHER SIDE , AGAINST THE BARBED WIRE , IS A PILE OF J ERRY-CANS , AND A FEW SMALL BOXES . $ IT IS SIX O'CLOCK ON A VERY COLD EVENING . $ INSIDE THE HUT , A GERMAN IN A KIND OF SUB-UNIFORM - DARK GR EEN , WITH A FORAGE CAP , BUT NO BADGES - IS FINISHING OFF P AINTING THE WINDOW-LEDGE . $ HE IS MUMBLING AND WHISTLING A 1954 GERMAN POP-SONG . $ HE FINISHES THE JOB METICULOUSLY , AND ADMIRES IT . $ AT THE MOMENT , A SQUAD OF SIX CAN BE HEARD OFF , MARCHING ; HEARING THEM , HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH AND UNHURRIEDLY PUTS A WAY HIS MATERIALS . > $ 01 < ( OFF ) > $ 'EFT-'IGH , 'EFT-'IGH , 'EFT-'IGH . $ < ( THIS DOES NOT SOUND VERY MILITARY NOR VERY CONVINCING . ) > $ KEEP IN STEP , THERE , CAN'T YOU ? $ < ( A SQUAD OF SIX GUNNERS COMES ON BEHIND THE HUT . $ ON THE COMMAND " LEFT WHEEL ! " FROM THE LANCE-BOMBARDIER , THEY WHEEL IN TO THE SIDE OF THE HUT , WHERE THE DOOR IS . $ THEY STOP IN THE LIGHT OF A NAKED BULB ABOVE THE DOOR . ) > $ 01 GUARD : HALT ! $ RIGHT TURN ! $ ORDER ARMS ! $ STANNA' - EASE ! $ STANEASY - $ < ( THEY ARE ALL DRESSED IN BERETS WITH ROYAL ARTILLERY BADG ES , GREATCOATS , FULL WEBBING-PACKS , BELTS , ETC. , ON THE OUTSIDE , AND CARRY RIFLES - THE OLD LEA-ENFIELD TYPE . $ THEY ARE NOT PARTICULARLY SMART , NOR PARTICULARLY SHAMBOLIC . $ THE LANCE-BOMBARDIER HAS ONE STRIPE ON EACH ARM , AND DOES N OT CARRY WEBBING OR A RIFLE . $ HE IS OBVIOUSLY NERVOUS , AND VERY YOUNG . $ HE FACES THE GUARD . $ THEY ARE : $ #8 $ 02 A TWENTY-YEAR-OLD LANCASHIRE MAN , ALMOST AT THE END OF H IS NATIONAL SERVICE . $ HE IS PRACTICAL AND STUPID , BUT FRIENDLY . $ 03 A THIRTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD HARD MAN ; A BITTER EX-IRISH PROTES TANT , WITH NO PATIENCE FOR ANYTHING OR ANYBODY , EXCEPT POS SIBLY EVANS , WITH WHOM HE IS FRIENDLY . $ IT IS POSSIBLE THAT HE STUDIED PHILOSOPHY AT A UNIVERSITY , BUT MORE LIKELY THAT HE ACQUIRED A FEW IDEAS WHICH SIMPLY BO LSTERED UP HIS ALREADY-DEVELOPED FEELINGS FROM EXTENSIVE PRI VATE STUDY . $ HE IS THIN-LIPPED AND HAS A MELODIOUS VOICE . $ 04 AT TWENTY-THREE HE IS FINISHING OFF A FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMEN T . $ A LARGE , THICK-SET , SOLID YORKSHIREMAN WITH AN AGGRESSIVEL Y LOUD VOICE , AND AN UNCOMPROMISING MANNER . $ HE PLAYS THE MOUTH-ORGAN , VERY BADLY , BUT WITH ENTHUSIASM . $ 05 A SMALL , INEFFECTIVE , WEAK , WELL-SPOKEN DEVON OR SOMER SET MAN , WHO TRIES NOT TO EXIST . $ HE ONLY GETS ANGRY - UNCONTROLLABLY ANGRY - WHEN WOKEN UP . $ HE KEEPS A PET RABBIT IN THE COKE-CELLAR , AND WILL GO INTO A SHOE-SHOP WHEN HIS NATIONAL SERVICE IS OVER . $ 06 A ROUGH COCKNEY , A REGULAR SOLDIER OF TWENTY-FIVE , AND A LARGE POXY MAN . $ HE HAS OBVIOUSLY GOT A RECORD , IN THE ARMY AND OUT OF IT , BUT IS QUITE RESTRAINED IN THE COMPANY OF HIS MATE , WHO IS $ 07 AGE TWENTY-NINE . $ TALL , WILD AND DESPERATE . $ AN IRISH BANDIT WITH A TERRIFYING DEATH-WISH , A DESPERADO W HOSE HUMOUR , VICIOUSNESS , DRUNKENNESS AND ULTIMATE DESPAIR COME FROM DEEP WITHIN . $ TO SAY HE IS BITTER IS TO UNDERESTIMATE HIS SCORN FOR HIMSEL F AND ALL LIFE . $ HE IS UNCONTROLLABLE , MANIC . $ 01 IS A NICE BOY , TRYING HARD TO BE LIKED , AND NOT REALLY SUCCEEDING : HE LACKS A BASIC LEVEL OF HUMANITY . $ HE IS A GRAMMAR SCHOOL BOY FROM THE SUBURBS OF MANCHESTER , WHO HAS WON A SCHOLARSHIP IN MATHEMATICS TO CAMBRIDGE . $ THIS IS HIS FIRST WEEK AS AN N.C.O. AND HE IS VERY UNHAPPY A BOUT IT BUT MANAGES A KIND OF NERVOUS SENSE OF HUMOUR ABOUT HIS SITUATION . $ HE IS EIGHTEEN AND A HALF . ) > $ #9 $ 01 < ( TO GUARD ) > $ ERM - YOU ALL HEARD THE , ER-ORDERS FOR THIS GUARD . $ TWO MEN ON DUTY : ONE MAN PATROLS THE PERIMETER-WIRE , THE O THER MAN GUARDS THE GUN-PARK ITSELF - MAKE SURE NOBODY MUCKS ABOUT WITH THE TRUCKS - PETROL TANKS , SPARE TYRES , TOOL K ITS AND SO ON , AND KEEP AN EYE ON THE BOFORS GUNS - MAKE SU RE NOBODY INTERFERES WITH THEM . $ 07 < ( COMING TO ATTENTION LOUDLY ) > $ QUESTION - SAH ! $ 01 < ( SIGHS . ) > $ 07 IS IT TONIGHT WE WERE EXPECTING THE RUSSIANS TO ATTACK , WOULD YOU SAY ? $ 01 LOOK , O'ROURKE , I KNOW THIS IS MY FIRST GUARD AS GUARD- COMMANDER , AND I KNOW YOU HAVE ALL BEEN OUT HERE IN GERMANY SEVERAL MONTHS OR EVEN YEARS LONGER THAN ME , BUT I 'D BETT ER TELL YOU THAT I WILL NOT BE MUCKED ABOUT , ALL RIGHT ? $ STAND AT EASE , O'ROURKE . $ 07 PERMISSION TO SPEAK AGAIN - SAH ! $ 01 YES , WHAT IS IT ? $ 07 NOW WHY WOULD YOU SAY WE WERE GUARDING THE BOFORS , LANCE -BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 BECAUSE SOMEBODY MIGHT NEED THEM LATER ON , WHEN THE TIME COMES . $ 04 < ( COMING TO ATTENTION LAZILY ) > $ BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 YES . $ 04 IT 'S COLD . $ 01 RIGHT , DETAILS . $ GUNNER FLYNN , GUNNER SHONE . $ 03 02 < ( COMING TO ATTENTION ) > $ SAH ! $ 01 FIRST DETAIL . $ YOU WILL BE ON WATCH FROM SIX TO EIGHT AND TWELVE TO TWO : U NDERSTOOD ? $ 03 02 SAH ! $ < ( THEY STAND AT EASE . ) > $ 01 GUNNER CRAWLEY , GUNNER ROWE . $ < ( THEY COME TO ATTENTION , SAY 'SAH' VAGUELY . ) > $ SECOND DETAIL , EIGHT TO TEN , TWO TO FOUR , STAND AT EASE , GUNNER FEATHERSTONE , GUNNER O'ROURKE - $ #10 $ 06 07 < ( THEY STAMP THEIR FEET VIOLENTLY AND YELL ) > $ SAH ! $ 01 < ( PAUSE : CONTINUES ) > $ YOU WILL BE ON GUARD FROM TEN TO MIDNIGHT AND FOUR IN THE MO RNING UNTIL SIX IN THE MORNING . $ UNDERSTOOD ? $ 06 07 < ( YELLING ) > $ YESSAH ! $ 01 RIGHT . $ SUPPER WILL ARRIVE AT SEVEN-THIRTY , FIRST DETAIL WILL EAT A FTER CHANGE-OVER . $ WE 'LL KEEP IT WARM . $ KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR SERGEANT WALKER , ORDERLY SERGEANT , AND/OR MR. PICKERING , ORDERLY OFFICER . $ YOU CAN EXPECT THEM TO VISIT AT ANY TIME , AND THEY WILL DEF INITELY TURN OUT THE GUARD ONCE DURING THE NIGHT . $ WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF READINESS , AND THAT MEANS TURN OUT IN TEN SECONDS . $ O.K. ? $ RIGHT . $ FIRST DETAIL - DETAIL - SHUN ! $ SLOPE ARMS ! $ LEFT-TURN ! $ TO YOUR POSTS - QUICK MARCH ! $ - EFT , IGH , - EFT , IGH - EFT , IGH . $ < ( FLYNN AND SHONE MARCH OFF STAGE . ) > $ REMAINDER - REMAINDER , SHUN ! $ SLOPE ARMS ! $ FALL-OUT ! $ < ( THEY DO SO : SHARP LEFT TURN , THREE PACES QUICK MARCH A ND THEN SHAMBLES . $ O'ROURKE HOWEVER IGNORES THIS , AND BY THE TIME THEY HAVE FI NISHED HE IS IN THE HUT . $ HE SNIFFS LOUDLY , AND GAZES AT THE GERMAN , WHO IS ALMOST R EADY TO GO . ) > $ 07 THIS PLACE STINKS OF PAINT . $ 12 OH , NO , STROLL ON , BLOODY HELL , ETC . $ 07 AND WHO MADE IT STINK OF PAINT ? $ BEHOLD THE CULPRIT . $ 06 IT 'S A NATIVE . $ 07 LOOK AT THE STATE OF HIM . $ HE 'S DRIPPED ALL OVER HIMSELF . $ < ( TO GERMAN ) > $ ACH , GUTEN ABEND , MEIN KRAUT . $ < ( THE GERMAN LOOKS RATHER SOUR , AND TURNS AWAY TO FINISH PACKING HIS BAG , DISTRUSTFULLY . $ EVANS COMES TO THE DOOR . ) > $ 01 LEAVE HIM ALONE , FOR GOD'S SAKE , O'ROURKE . $ WHAT 'S HE DONE TO YOU ? $ 07 DO YOU THINK HE 'S A HERO OF THE RESISTANCE . $ #11 $ 11 PLEASE ? $ 01 LET HIM PAST , O'ROURKE . $ 07 < ( CHARMING ) > $ OF COURSE . $ 01 < ( TO GERMAN ) > $ FOR CLEANING THE PLACE UP , WE WOULD LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU . $ 11 < ( NOT UNDERSTANDING ) > $ BITTE ? $ 01 ER - DANKE . $ 11 DANKE ? $ 01 JA - ER - DANKE . $ 11 OH - BITTE . $ BITTE . $ 01 BITTE ? $ 11 JA - BITTESCHON . $ 01 OH - DANKESCHON . $ 11 PLEASE ? $ < ( O'ROURKE TAPS THE GERMAN ON THE SHOULDER . $ WHEN HE TURNS , O'ROURKE SCREAMS . ) > $ 07 < ( TO GERMAN ) > $ HEIL HITLER . $ < ( O'ROURKE SALUTES . $ THE ASTOUNDED GERMAN MAKES TO REPLY AND STOPS . ) > $ 01 O'ROURKE ! $ 07 < ( SNARLS ) > $ HA-HA-HA . $ 01 O'ROURKE ! $ 07 AH ROT OFF , FRITZ . $ < ( THE GERMAN GOES . ) > $ 01 WHY COULDN'T YOU LEAVE THE POOR BASTARD ALONE ? $ WHAT 'S HE DONE TO YOU ? $ 07 < ( SHOUTING AFTER GERMAN ) > $ YOU KNOW WHAT GERMAN HOUSE PAINTERS GROW UP INTO , DON'T YOU , FRITZ ? $ 11 < ( TURNS DEFIANTLY , BUT NOT QUITE SURE WHAT HE IS SAYIN G ) > $ BAW-LAWKS . $ 07 OH , DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID ? $ < ( LAUGHING , PLEASED WITH THE GERMAN ) > $ CUNNING LITTLE BUGGER - FANCY HIM SAYING THAT TO ME . $ < ( MEANWHILE , THE OTHERS HAVE LAID THEMSELVES FLAT OUT ON THE BEDS , AND LIT UP CIGARETTES . ) > $ #12 $ HERE , WHY HAVE I GOT THE BED BY THE DOOR ? $ I 'LL GET EARACHE . $ LISTEN , IS YOUR NAME ROWE ? $ 05 YES , WHAT OF IT ? $ 07 WELL , ROWE YOURSELF OVER TO THE OTHER PIT , WE 'RE DOING A SWAP . $ 05 BUT I GOT HERE FIRST . $ 07 THAT MAY WELL BE , BUT WHAT YOU 'RE NOT TAKING INTO ACCOU NT IS THAT I AM BIGGER , AND STRONGER , THAN YOU ARE , AND A DAMN SIGHT MORE DESPERATE . $ SO SHIFT . $ < ( THEY STARE EACH OTHER OUT . $ EVANS LOOKS ON , POWERLESS . $ EVENTUALLY ROWE BREAKS . ) > $ 05 < ( SHRUGGING ) > $ AH , SOD IT . $ 07 < ( BLESSING HIM ) > $ IN NOMINE PATRIS ET FILII - $ GO WITH GOD , MY CHILD , AND GO IN GLADNESS , FOR THE FIRST SHALL BE THE LAST , AND THE LAST SHALL BE THE FIRST . $ AND BLESSED ARE THE PURE OF HEART . $ < ( STRETCHES OUT . ) > $ AAH . $ IT 'S MAN'S LIFE IN THE REGULAR ARMY , PUSH US A FAG , CRAWL EY . $ < ( CRAWLEY PASSES HIM A PACKET , FROM WHICH HE TAKES ONE , AND THEN THROWS THE PACKET BACK . $ HE STRETCHES OUT AN IMPERIAL ARM FOR A LIGHT , AND CRAWLEY P ASSES HIM HIS CIGARETTE , WHICH HE USES AND PASSES BACK . $ HE EXHALES WITH A SIGH . $ THEN HE CHUCKLES QUIETLY AND HAPPILY TO HIMSELF . ) > $ BAWLAWKS . $ FANCY THAT NOW . $ < ( IMITATES THE GERMAN ) > $ BAW-LAWKS , HA . $ < ( HE SUBSIDES . $ SILENCE . $ ESTABLISH THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE PLACE , THE FATIGUE , THE WA ITING , THE WARMTH . $ EVANS SITS , HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS , GAZING INTO SPACE . $ THE OTHERS LIE ON THE BEDS , SMOKING , DREAMING . $ CRAWLEY IS SITTING UP A BIT , CONCENTRATING . ) > $ 04 < ( SLOWLY ) > $ WHO WORKS OUT WHO DOES WHAT NIGHT ? $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 06 EH ? $ 04 WHAT ROTTEN POX-ETTEN BOMBARDIER WORKS OUT WHO DOES WHAT GUARD WHEN ? $ < ( PAUSE . $ THEY IGNORE HIM . ) > $ #13 $ WHAT I MEAN IS , WHAT BOMBARDIER SITTING ON WHAT POTTY PUTS ME ON GUARD EVERY PAY-NIGHT ? $ 07 IT 'S JUST YOUR HORRIBLE LUCK , SOLDIER . $ 06 'ERE , ARE YOU A CATHOLIC , O'ROURKE ? $ 07 BALLS . $ 06 I THOUGHT YOU WAS . $ HOW OLD ARE YOU ? $ 04 < ( PERSISTING ) > $ WHAT PISSY-KNICKERED BOMBARDIER SITS DOWN EVERY FRIDAY IN TH E REGIMENTAL SERGEANT MAJOR'S BUNGALOW , SPITS THE BOOT POLI SH OUT OF HIS MOUTH FROM LICKING THE R.S.M.'S BOOTS , AND SA YS TO HIMSELF : " RIGHT , GUNNER CRAWLEY 307 , NO PAY NIGHT PISS-UP FOR YOU , GUNNER , NO REVELS WITH YOUR MUCKERS IN TH E NAAFI , NO TWO SAUSAGE , EGG AND CHIPS FOR YOU , MATE , NO WUNDERBAR WUNDERBEER DOWNTOWN IN THE Y.M. , NO - NOTHING LI KE THAT , SOLDIER - YOU 'RE ON ROTTEN GUARD . " $ WHO IS IT SAYS THAT , THEN ? $ 07 I 'M THREE HUNDRED AND TWO . $ 04 < ( THROWING SOMETHING AT ROWE ) > $ WHO IS IT SAYS THAT ? $ HAVE YOU ALL GONE DEAF ? $ 05 I DON'T KNOW . $ I SOMETIMES WONDER IF THE ALMIGHTY MIGHT NOT HAVE A FINGER I N IT . $ 06 < ( MIMICKING ) > $ OH , 'E WONDAHS IF THE ORMAGHTEY MATE NOT 'EV A FINGAH UP IT . $ 04 < ( TO ROWE , SCORNFULLY ) > $ WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT ? $ 05 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING , FEATHERSTONE ? $ 06 NO , ROWE , I DON'T KNOW . $ WHAT WAS YOU GOING TO IMPART ? $ 05 < ( TURNING AWAY ) > $ AH ... $ 06 WHAT ? $ GO ON , SAY IT , BROTHER ROWE , LET 'S HEAR IT . $ 05 < ( TO THE WALL ) > $ YOU 'VE GOT B.O. $ 06 EH ? $ 05 < ( WHIPPING ROUND AND WHISPERING LOUDLY RIGHT INTO HIS F ACE ) > $ BEE OH .... $ 06 < ( NOT BATTING AN EYELID ) > $ DO YOU FIND IT OFFENSIVE THEN ? $ < ( THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER , THEN WITH A CALCULATED , NONEM OTIONAL RESPONSE , FEATHERSTONE TAKES HIM WITH ONE HAND BY T HE BACK OF THE NECK . ) > $ #14 $ LOOK , SONNY , YOU 'RE GOING THE RIGHT WAY TO GET YOUR LITTL E HEAD KNOCKED OFF . $ < ( HE GETS MORE VICIOUS , PULLS HIS HEAD VERY CLOSE TO HIM , AND FORCES HIS MOUTH OPEN BY SQUEEZING HIS CHEEKS TOGETHER WITH THUMB AND FINGER . ) > $ COME A BIT CLOSER , GUNNER ROWE . $ LET UNCLE FREDDIE SMELL YOUR BREATH . $ OPEN WIDE . $ < ( HE EXAMINES HIS MOUTH , THEN GETS SUDDENLY QUITE SERIOUS . ) > $ HEY , YOUR GUMS ARE ROTTING . $ BLOODY HELL HE 'S GOT SIPHYLITIC TEETH . $ LOOK AT THAT . $ LOOK , IT 'S TRUE ISN'T IT ? $ HERE - HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO CATCH POX THERE THEN - YOU DIRTY BASTARD . $ < ( CRAWLEY GOES OVER AND LOOKS . ) > $ 04 < ( PROFESSIONALLY ) > $ TRENCH-MOUTH . $ 06 SINCE WHEN HAS HE BEEN IN A TRENCH ? $ BOMBARDIER ! $ BOMBARDIER ! $ EH BOM , I OBJECT . $ < ( HE PUSHES ROWE AWAY WHO RUBS HIS FACE . $ HE DOES NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST ABOUT HAVING TRENCH-MOUTH . ) > $ IT 'S UNHYGENIC . $ I 'VE GOT MY RIGHTS , AND I OBJECT TO BEING OBLIGED TO KIP , ALL NIGHT , IN A LITTLE HUT WITH AN INFECTED SEX-MANIAC . $ SO IF IT 'S ALL RIGHT BY YOU , BOM , CAN I GO HOME ? $ EH ? $ < ( THEY LOOK AT EVANS , WHO IS SITTING , WITH HIS ELBOWS ON THE TABLE , HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS , AND HIS FINGERS PLUGGED IN HIS EARS , GAZING , LOST , INTO SPACE . ) > $ HEY , LOOK AT HIM . $ IS IT PAST YOUR BED-TIME , LITTLE MAN ? $ HAVE YOU HAD A BUSY DAY ? $ AH - IT MUST BE HARD . $ < ( AS THEY REALISE HE 'S NOT WITH THEM , AND CAN'T HEAR A W ORD , THEY SIT UP AND GET INTERESTED . ) > $ 04 < ( HAVING A GO ) > $ OH BOMBARDIER OH BOMBARDIER , THEY SAY YOU CAN'T HOLD HALF A BEER . $ < ( THEY LAUGH . $ HE TAKES NO NOTICE . ) > $ 05 HEY , SOMEBODY TOLD ME HE 'S ALL LINED UP TO BE AN OFFICE R . $ 04 WHAT HIM ? $ 05 MM . $ HE FAILED HIS WASP OR SOMETHING , BUT THEY 'RE SENDING HIM B ACK TO BLIGHTY , TO TRY IT AGAIN . $ #15 $ 04 WHAT 'S A WASP ? $ 05 TO BE AN OFFICER . $ 06 STROLL ON . $ DID YOU HEAR THAT , ROURKEY ? $ 07 I HEAR YOU SOLDIER . $ HE 'LL MAKE A BEAUTIFUL SUBALTERN . $ LOVELY BONE-STRUCTURE . $ FINE ARSE ON HIM . $ 04 EH , IS IT TRUE THAT ALL THE SECOND LIEUTENANTS HAVE TO B END OVER FOR THE C.O. ? $ 07 TRUE ? $ BY JESUS , THEY 'D BE COURT-MARTIALLED AND CASHIERED AND RED UCED TO THE RANKS AT THE DOUBLE IF THEY DIDN'T . $ < ( TO EVANS ) > $ ISN'T THAT SO , MY BEAUTY ? $ LOOK AT HIM BLUSH . $ I SWEAR HE CAN HEAR US . $ < ( LAUGHS , MAKING KISSING NOISES ) > $ GIVE US A KISS . $ 04 < ( SINGS AGAIN ) > $ OH BOMBARDIER OH BOMBARDIER THEY SAY YOU 'RE LOOKING MIGHTY QUEER . $ 06 DO YOU THINK HE 'S KOSHER ? $ 07 NOT HIM , DEVIL A BIT OF IT . $ A FANCY-BOY MAY BE , BUT HE 'S TOO PIG-IGNORANT FOR A JEW . $ AREN'T YOU TERRY EVANS ? $ 04 BLOODY HELL , HE 'S A GOOD WAY OFF INTO DREAMLAND ALL THE SAME . $ 06 I TELL YOU WHAT , LET 'S DROP THE BASTARD IN IT . $ LET 'S ALL SCARPER . $ 04 LET 'S ALL GET PISSED . $ 07 LET 'S DO FOR HIM , THE KIND-HEARTED GOBSHITE . $ 04 WE COULD ALL CREEP OFF TO THE NAAFI ONE BY ONE , UNTIL WH EN THE ORDERLY OFFICER CAME TO TURN OUT THE GUARD , THE WHOL E BLOODY LOT WAS AWAY WITH THE MIXER . $ 05 AH NOW , THAT 'S A BIT UNCALLED FOR . $ HE MEANS WELL , I THINK . $ BESIDES HE MIGHT DROP US IN IT FIRST , YOU NEVER CAN TELL . $ 07 < ( LAUGHS . ) > $ 06 SH ! $ HE 'S COMING ROUND . $ < ( EVANS SHAKES HIS HEAD , AND GAZES ROUND . ) > $ 01 HOW GOES THE ENEMY ? $ 06 MM ? $ #16 $ 04 THE ENEMY ? $ 07 THE RUSSIANS IS IT ? $ 01 SORRY . $ < ( YAWNS ) > $ I MEANT THE TIME . $ 06 HAVEN'T YOU GOT A WATCH THEN , LANCE-BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 ME ? $ OH YES , SO I HAVE : ARMY ISSUE , GUARD-COMMANDERS FOR THE U SE OF . $ < ( PULLS ONE OUT OF HIS POCKET . ) > $ OH DEAR . $ HOURS TO SUPPER-TIME . $ < ( HE GETS UP , APPARENTLY VERY RELAXED , GOES OUT AND ROUN D THE BACK OF THE HUT , WHERE THERE IS A LATRINE . ) > $ 04 AH , HE 'S NO MORE THAN A LAD , BLESS HIS HEART . $ HE 'S NO MORE THAN A BOY . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 06 MAYBE IT 'S UP TO US TO TURN HIM INTO A SOLDIER . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 07 YOU 'RE AN EVIL MAN , FEATHERSTONE , AN EVIL-MINDED MAN . $ < ( HE SINGS ) > $ OH I WASN'T DRUNK AND I WASN'T BLIND WHEN I LEFT MY TWO FINE LEGS BEHIND : FOR A CANNON-BALL ON THE FIFTH OF MAY TOOK MY TWO FINE LEGS FROM THE KNEES AWAY . $ WITH A TOORI-AH , TOORI-ADDY-AH TOORI-OORI-OORI-AH . $ < ( AT THE END OF O'ROURKE'S SONG , CRAWLEY PLUNGES WITH FEE LING INTO A ROMANTIC BALLAD ON THE MOUNTH-ORGAN . $ THE OTHERS LIE BACK , SLEEP , SMOKE , SCRATCH THEMSELVES ETC . $ EVANS APPEARS FROM THE BACK OF THE HUT , BUT DOESN'T GO IN . HE WALKS TO THE DOWNSTAGE CORNER OF THE HUT AND LOOKS OUT OV ER THE GUN-PARK , HUDDLED UP , HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKET , TO KEEP HIMSELF FROM FREEZING . ) > $ 01 ROT THIS FOR A LIFE . $ < ( SMILES . $ GOES INTO SLIGHT ROUTINE ) > $ I SAY , I SAY , I SAY - IT WAS SO COLD - IT WAS SO COLD , DO YOU KNOW , - NO , IT 'S TRUE . $ IT WAS SO COLD I SAW A DOG FROZEN TO A TREE . $ FRESH FROZEN PEES . $ #17 $ < ( LAUGHTER . $ THEN SEES SOMETHING ON THE HORIZON . ) > $ LOOK AT THAT . $ THE SIZE OF THAT MOON IS JUST NOT NATURAL . $ IT 'S NOT NATURAL . $ < ( AS HE STARES IN WONDER AT THE MOON , FLYNN ENTERS STAMPI NG HIS FEET AND BLOWING QUIETLY ON HIS HANDS ON THE OTHER SI DE OF THE STAGE . $ EVANS AND FLYNN ARE FRIENDS , AND SHARE A BARRACK-ROOM , BUT THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT TYPES , AND THERE 'S A WARINESS OF EACH OTHER AS WELL AS WARMTH . ) > $ 01 BILL ! $ 03 YES , WHO 'S THAT ? $ 01 ME . $ TERRY . $ 03 OH , HELLO . $ TAKING THE AIR ? $ 01 < ( CROSSING DOWN TO HIM ) > $ YES . $ THAT HUT STINKS OF BODIES . $ 03 ALREADY ? $ YOU WAIT TILL SIX IN THE MORNING . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 DID YOU NOTICE THE MOON ? $ IS IT NATURAL TO HAVE SUCH AN ENORMOUS MOON ? $ 03 < ( NOT LOOKING ) > $ AH NOW IT MUST BE THEM H. BOMBS . $ WHO 'S THAT PLAYING THE MOUTH ORGAN ? $ HE OUGHT TO LEARN NOT TO BLOW WHEN HE 'S SUPPOSED TO BE SUCK ING . $ 01 < ( STILL THINKING OF THE MOON ) > $ MM - $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE A HARVEST-SIZE MOON , BILL ? $ 03 IN FEBRUARY ? $ NO , I BELIEVE IT 'S WHAT THEY CALL A HUNTER'S MOON : THOUGH I DON'T SUPPOSE ANYBODY HUNTS BY IT . $ EXCEPT FOXES , OF COURSE . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 DO YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING , BILL ? $ 03 MM ? $ WHAT 'S THAT ? $ 01 I 'VE ONLY GOT TO-NIGHT TO PUSH . $ 03 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? $ 01 I 'VE ONLY GOT TO GET THROUGH TO-NIGHT , BILL , AND I 'M OFF : I 'M GOING BACK HOME TOMORROW FOR AN OFFICER SELECTION BOARD . $ I JUST FOUND OUT . $ FOUR O'CLOCK TRAIN . $ NIGHT-BOAT FROM THE HOOK . $ HARWICH SUNDAY MORNING . $ #18 $ WOOLWICH SUNDAY AFTERNOON . $ MANCHESTER SUNDAY NIGHT . $ HOW ABOUT THAT ? $ 03 < ( PLEASED ) > $ YOU CRAFTY BUGGER . $ FANCY NOT LETTING ON . $ 01 I SWEAR TO YOU I JUST FOUND OUT , BUT DON'T TELL THE OTHE RS , BILL - $ 03 WELL WELL , WHAT ABOUT THAT : I CAN'T PRETEND I 'M NOT JE ALOUS . $ IN FACT I 'M GREEN WITH ENVY , SOD YOU . $ BUT THAT 'S GREAT . $ REALLY GREAT . $ 01 I 'M GLAD YOU 'RE PLEASED . $ 03 WELL WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ I THOUGHT - WELL - PRIVILEGES , GETTING ON : THEY 'RE NOT PO PULAR . $ 03 < ( LAUGHING ) > $ HA , YOU 'RE GOING TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MAN , TERRY , AND THER E 'S NO POINT IN FIGHTING IT ; AND YOU WANT IT , DON'T YOU ? $ 01 IF IT COMES , IT COMES , IF IT DOESN'T , SOD IT . $ MY DAD SELLS PARAFFIN IN WYTHENSHAWE . $ WHAT DO I WANT TO BE AN OFFICER FOR ? $ 03 OF COURSE . $ 01 I SUPPOSE YOU DON'T ? $ 03 WHAT ? $ I DON'T WHAT ? $ 01 WANT TO GET ON . $ 03 AH WELL , NOT REALLY . $ NO , I DON'T THINK I DO . $ < ( PAUSE . $ EVANS IS WORRIED BY THIS . ) > $ 01 ER - IS IT TRUE BILL THAT YOU WOULDN'T TAKE A STRIPE ? $ 03 IF I WOULDN'T TAKE A PIP , I WOULDN'T TAKE A STRIPE NOW W OULD I ? $ 01 DO YOU MEAN YOU - $ 03 I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR IMPROVEMENT . $ BESIDES , YOU 'VE NEVER BEEN IN AN OFFICERS' MESS , HAVE YOU ? $ 01 ER - NO , I DON'T SUPPOSE I HAVE . $ 03 WELL I HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO BE BROUGHT UP IN ONE TO THE AGE OF TEN . $ A STRICT SORT OF INFANCY IT WAS . $ 01 REALLY ? $ 03 I 'VE NEVER BEEN INTO AN OFFICERS' MESS , SINCE . $ NOR SHALL I . $ I PREFER ANIMALS . $ #19 $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ BESIDES , MY FATHER WAS SHOT . $ 01 I 'M SORRY . $ I DIDN'T KNOW . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ I WONDERED WHY YOU HADN'T GOT ON . $ 03 < ( LAUGHS A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY ) > $ DEAR OLD LANCE-BOMBARDIER , YOU 'RE A TERRIBLY NICE BLOKE , BUT YOU MUST ADMIT YOU 'RE A BIT OF A SIMPLETON - $ 01 AM I ? $ 03 DO YOU SUPPOSE EVERYBODY WANTS TO GET ON ? $ 01 WELL - IN A WAY . $ 03 < ( LAUGHS AGAIN ) > $ THAT 'S THE STUFF THAT BUILT THE EMPIRE . $ WELL , TELL ME , WHY ISN'T O'ROURKE A SERGEANT AND FEATHERST ONE A COLONEL ? $ BECAUSE THEY 'RE TOO STUPID , DO YOU THINK ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ BUT SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO BE AN OFFICER , AND CARRY THE CAN . $ 03 DON'T LET IT BE ME , THAT 'S ALL I ASK . $ NEVER BE ON THE SIDE OF THE JUDGES , TERRY - MY MOTTO FOR TH E DAY . $ 01 NO . $ I SUPPOSE NOT . $ 03 I DESPISE PEOPLE WHO ARE TAKEN IN : BY PIPS AND STRIPES A ND WIGS AND CHAINS . $ 01 DOES THAT INCLUDE ME BILL ? $ < ( A LONG SILENCE . $ THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER . $ THEN FLYNN BREAKS IT , SMILES , PATS EVANS ON THE SHOULDER A FFECTIONATELY AND SAYS ) > $ 03 GOOD LUCK WITH IT , TERRY . $ I MEAN THAT . $ < ( FLYNN MOVES OFF LEAVING EVANS ALONE . $ PAUSE . $ HE GETS UP . $ HE GOES OVER AND INTO THE HUT . $ HE OPENS THE DOOR , AND STANDS HALF INSIDE LOOKING AT THE MO ON . $ THE OTHERS LOOK UP AGRESSIVELY . ) > $ 13 SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR ! $ < ( HE COMES IN . ) > $ 07 ANYTHING TO REPORT , SIR ? $ ARE THE CHINESE ADVANCING ? $ 01 HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ? $ THE CHINESE ADVANCE SIDEWAYS . $ #20 $ 07 OHOHO , SHOW AS YOUR LEGS . $ 01 THAT 'LL DO , O'ROURKE . $ DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY . $ 07 I WON'T , BOM , I PROMISE I WON'T . $ BESIDES , THE NIGHT IS YOUNG . $ < ( THE PHONE RINGS . $ EVANS ANSWERS IT . $ THE OTHERS LISTEN . $ HE USES HIS BEST VOICE . ) > $ 01 GUN-PARK GUARD ROOM ... BOMBARDIER EVANS SPEAKING SIR ... VERY GOOD SIR , I 'LL SEE TO THAT SIR ... $ < ( LAUGHS ) > $ WELL YES I WAS HOPING TO SIR ... $ < ( BEAMS , PLEASED ) > $ THANK YOU VERY MUCH SIR ... $ GOODNIGHT TO YOU SIR . $ < ( HE PUTS THE PHONE DOWN , BUT THE AURA , THE FIXED SMILE OF CONVERSATION WITH A SUPERIOR REMAINS MOMENTARILY . $ THE OTHERS GAZE UPON IT , NUDGE EACH OTHER , AND WINK . ) > $ 07 NOW WHO WAS THAT , BOM . $ IT SOUNDED DREADFULLY IMPORTANT TO ME . $ 01 IF THE TEMPERATURE DROPS BELOW TEN DEGREES FAHRENHEIT , W E 'VE GOT TO WAKE UP THE DRIVERS . $ THEY ' LL HAVE TO EMPTY THE RADIATORS IN CASE THE ANTI-FREEZ E FREEZES . $ 07 HE SOUNDED MOST CHARMING . $ 01 < ( IGNORES THIS ) > $ DON'T FORGET THEN . $ THERE 'S A THERMOMETER ON THE RADIATOR OF THE FIFTEEN HUNDRE DWEIGHT UNDER THE LIGHT - CHECK IT EVERY HOUR OR SO . $ 07 < ( SALUTING ) > $ YES BOM . $ < ( EVANS BEGINS TO PUT HIS PAPERS IN ORDER . ) > $ 06 ER , TERRY - $ 01 YES ? $ I - I SUPPOSE YOU 'D BETTER CALL ME BOMBARDIER , DO YOU MIND ? $ 06 NO , I DON'T MIND . $ I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT MIND , REALLY . $ IT 'S NOT WHAT YOU CALL MATEY , HAVING ALL YOUR MATES CALL Y OU BOMBARDIER . $ STILL - IF THAT 'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT , TERRY , AMEN , SO B E IT . $ 01 IT 'S NOT SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO BE CALLED BOMBARDIER , I T 'S JUST - WELL , I THINK IT MIGHT BE BETTER - DO YOU SEE W HAT I MEAN ? $ 06 YES . $ SO WE KNOW WHERE WE STAND SORT OF THING . $ 07 < ( LOOKING AT THE CEILING ) > $ THAT 'S RIGHT , SO WE ALL KNOW OUR PLACE : SOME RUN WITH THE FOXES , SOME HUNT WITH THE HOUNDS . $ #21 $ 01 WELL , IT 'S NOT SO MUCH THAT EVEN - $ 07 A - A . $ CAN'T RUN WITH BOTH NOW , BOMBARDIER , CAN WE ? $ 01 WELL NO , BUT - $ 07 < ( SITS UP ) > $ TELL ME THOUGH , DO YOU FEEL YOURSELF , - AT HEART , YOU KNO W - DO YOU FEEL YOURSELF TO BE A FOX MAN OR A HOUND MAN ? $ THAT INTERESTS ME THAT . $ 01 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ I 'M AGAINST BLOOD SPORTS , ON THE WHOLE . $ 07 < ( CACKLES ) > $ IS THAT SO ? $ BY GOD YOU 'RE THE CLEVER BASTARD AT GETTING OUT OF THINGS , I 'LL HAND YOU THAT . $ WOULDN'T YOU SAY THAT NOW . $ FEATHERSTONE MY OLD BUTTY ? $ 06 DEFINITELY . $ < ( NOT KNOWING WHAT THE QUESTION WAS . ) > $ 07 IGNORANT ENGLISHMAN . $ 06 WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IS : DOES THE BOMBARDIER REALISE THAT TONIGHT IS PAY-NIGHT ? $ 01 ER - YES , HE DOES . $ 06 THAT BEING THE CASE , I ASK MYSELF , WOULD THE BOMBARDIER GRANT HIS KIND PERMISSION TO ME AND MY FRIEND O'ROURKE HERE , TO SWAN OFF INTO THE NAAFI AND BUY OURSELVES OUR LITTLE F AG RATION , BEFORE THEY ALL GO ? $ 04 HERE , - LEAVE OFF , DO - YOU 'RE NOT ON GUARD TILL TEN O 'CLOCK , I 'M ON AT BLOODY EIGHT . $ BY THE TIME I COME OFF AT TEN , THE NAAFI 'LL BE CLOSED . $ 06 OH NO IT BLOODY WON'T MATE ... $ 04 < ( LOUD ) > $ OF COURSE IT BLOODY WILL , DON'T BE STUPID , TEN O'CLOCK . $ 06 LOOK , WHO ASKED FIRST ? $ 07 FIRST COME , FIRST SERVED , CRAWLEY ME OLD MATE . $ 04 < ( LOUDER ) > $ OH DO LEAVE OFF , CAN'T YOU ? $ - ROWE , HERE , ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LIE THERE AND LET THEM TWO ROTTEN BASKETS GET AWAY WITH IT ? $ WELL ARE YOU ? $ < ( ROWE HAS HIS FACE TO THE WALL , LYING ON HIS BED . ) > $ 06 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ HERE , HE 'S HAVING A CRAFTY J. ARTHUR . $ 04 < ( IMPRESSED ) > $ THE SNEAKY HYPOCRITE . $ < ( TO ROWE ) > $ HERE , YOU 'LL GROW HAIRS ON THE PALM OF YOUR HANDS IF YOU D O THAT , LAD . $ #22 $ < ( SUDDENLY ROWE DOES A VIOLENT SNORT , AND TURNS OVER . $ HE IS FAST ASLEEP . ) > $ 07 AW NOW ISN'T THAT LOVELY ? $ HE 'S FAST ASLEEP . $ WILL YOU LOOK AT THE LITTLE SECRET SMILE HE HAS ON HIM . $ TELL US , GUNNER ROWE , WHAT 'S YOUR INNER MAN SO PLEASED AT ? $ 06 HERE , I 'LL TELL YOU WHY HE 'S LAUGHING , HERE - $ < ( HE WHISPERS A FEW WORDS TO O'ROURKE , WHO IS NOT AMUSED AND PUSHES HIM AWAY SHARPLY . ) > $ 07 YOU 'RE A DISGUSTING OBSCENE PIG , FEATHERSTONE , LIKEWIS E ALL COCKNEYS . $ I NEVER KNEW ONE WITH A PENNYWORTH OF TASTE . $ YOU 'VE A VILE TONGUE AND A VILE MIND , AND WHEREAS I DON'T GIVE A SILENT FART FOR INDECENT EXPRESSIONS , THE DWELLING O N SPERM THAT GOES ON IN YOUR MIND IS REPELLENT TO SAY THE LE AST . $ TELL ME , GUNNER FEATHERSTONE , DO YOU COCKNEYS HAVE PROBLEM S ? $ 06 I 'D DO YOU FOR THAT , O'ROURKE , IF YOU WASN'T A LUNATIC ... $ 07 HA HA ... $ 06 DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DONE THE OTHER NIGHT ? $ HE PUT HIS HAND IN THE STOVE IN THE FRONT GUARD-ROOM , AND P ULLED OUT A RED-HOT LUMP OF COKE . $ DIDN'T YOU ? $ AND HE HELD IT THERE TILL IT BURNT A GREAT BIG HOLE IN HIS H AND . $ GO ON , SHOW THE PEOPLE . $ < ( O'ROURKE LOOKS AT IT HIMSELF , BUT WILL NOT SHOW THE OTH ERS . ) > $ I TOLD YOU , YOU 'RE A LUNATIC . $ < ( TO OTHERS ) > $ HE 'S MORE TO BE PITIED , REALLY . $ 01 WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR ? $ 07 < ( HARSHLY ) > $ ARE YOU TALKING TO ME , BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 ER , YES - I WONDERED WHAT MADE YOU DO IT , THAT 'S ALL . $ 07 I 'M GLAD YOU FIND ME OF INTEREST , BOMBARDIER . $ 01 I 'M SORRY . $ I DIDN'T MEAN TO SOUND PATRONISING . $ I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO KNOW . $ 07 < ( SPITEFULLY ) > $ YOU WOULD , WOULD YOU - WELL I 'LL TELL YOU . $ IT WAS THE COMPANY . $ I COULDN'T STAND THE COMPANY I WAS IN . $ DO YOU FOLLOW ME ? $ WEAKLINGS AND HYPOCRITES - BED-WETTERS ONE AND ALL . $ #23 $ 04 DID YOU GO SICK ? $ 07 OF COURSE NOT . $ IT WAS A GESTURE , NO MORE . $ < ( AWKWARD PAUSE . ) > $ 06 YES , WELL . $ WHO MAKES THE GESTURE OF GOING FOR THE FAGS THEN ? $ < ( TO CRAWLEY ) > $ YOU , OR US ? $ 01 CAN'T ONE OF YOU GET THEM FOR EVERYBODY ? $ 04 NO , BOM , WE CAN'T , BECAUSE OF THE CHITTIES . $ NO MAN GETS MORE THAN TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY CHEAP FAGS PER W EEK , - IT 'S SCANDALOUS . $ I KNOW A BLOKE WHO SAVED UP CHITTIES FOR SEVEN THOUSAND CHEA CHEAP FAGS , FOR WHEN HE WENT HOME . $ HE WOULD HAVE MADE A FORTUNE IN WOOLWICH . $ THEN OUT COMES THIS NEW REGULATION IN THE NAAFI , AND WHERE IS HE ? $ THE BOTTOM 'S FALLEN OUT OF THE MARKET . $ HE HAS TO SELL THEM OFF AT TWOPENCE FOR A TWENTY CHITTY TO B LOKES WHO SMOKE MORE THAN TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FAGS A WEEK . $ WELL , THAT 'S NO LIFE , IS IT ? $ 06 STILL , IF HE SELLS SEVEN THOUSAND AT TWOPENCE FOR TWENTY , HE MAKES A BOB OR TWO , YOU KNOW . $ 04 HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SAY HE 'D GET , ALL TOGETHER ? $ 06 I 'M GLAD YOU ASKED ME THAT , BECAUSE I CAN TELL YOU . $ 04 GET AWAY . $ GO ON THEN , HOW MUCH ? $ 06 WELL HE 'D GET TENPENCE FOR A HUNDRED , THAT 'S EIGHT AND FOURPENCE FOR A THOUSAND , ISN'T IT , THAT 'S SEVEN TIMES T EN BOB IS THREE POUNDS TEN LESS SEVEN EIGHTPENCES THAT 'S FI FTY-SIX IS FOUR AND EIGHTPENCE , SO HE 'D GET THREE POUNDS F IVE AND FOURPENCE LESS SEVEN SHILLINGS IS TWO POUNDS EIGHTEE N SHILLINGS AND FOURPENCE - LESS INCOME TAX . $ 04 BASTARD STROLL ON . $ THAT 'S NOT MUCH , IS IT ? $ 06 HE COULDN'T LIVE ON IT , NOT AT TWO POUNDS EIGHTEEN AND F OURPENCE FOR TWO YEARS ' WORK . $ DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WORKS OUT AT PER WEEK ? $ 04 DON'T BOTHER , MASTERMIND , WE CAN GUESS . $ 06 WELL , IT 'S ... $ 07 FORGET IT , CAN'T YOU ? $ DON'T GO SHOWING OFF YOUR AFFLICTION TO THE NICE BOMBARDIER . $ #24 $ < ( GETS UP . ) > $ NOW THEN , WHO 'S FOR THE CANTEEN ? $ I THINK WE 'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BLOODY SHED . $ 01 HAVE YOU ALL GOT TO GO ? $ 06 WELL , IT 'S ONLY FAIR , BOM , I MEAN , WHY SHOULD WE BE PENALISED JUST BECAUSE WE 'RE ON GUARD-DUTY ? $ IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND , SHOULDN'T IT ? $ I MEAN , IF WE HAVE TO LEAVE IT TILL TOMORROW THEY 'LL HAVE RUN OUT , AND THEN WE WON'T GET OUR FAGS TILL MONDAY . $ WELL , THAT 'S HARDLY JUSTICE , IS IT ? $ 01 I SUPPOSE IT 'S NOT . $ BUT CRAWLEY AND ROWE HAD BETTER GO FIRST . $ YOU CAN'T ALL GO AT ONCE , THAT 'S FOR CERTAIN , AND I 'M NO T SURE THAT ANY OF YOU SHOULD GO WHEN YOU 'RE ON GUARD - $ 04 AW EH , BOMBARDIER .... $ 01 SO IT 'S ROWE AND CRAWLEY NOW , AND FEATHERSTONE AND O'RO URKE , AFTER SUPPER . $ AND NO MUCKING ABOUT . $ IS THAT CLEAR ? $ < ( ALL SAY : ' YES , YES , ABSOLUTELY , DEPEND ON US , ' ET C. $ O'ROURKE IS STANDING , READY TO GO , BUT DECIDES AGAINST HAV ING A SHOWDOWN SO SOON . ) > $ 07 YOU CAN RELY ON US , BOMBARDIER . $ NO MUCKING ABOUT . $ < ( HE GIVES A LARGE , OBVIOUS WINK AT FEATHERSTONE , AND CR OSSES BACK TO HIS BED WITH AN AIR OF DEFIANCE . $ EVANS NOTICES , BUT PRETENDS NOT TO . ) > $ 01 RIGHT , WELL - $ < ( LOOKS AT WATCH ) > $ - I SUPPOSE THE FIRST TWO HAD BETTER PUSH OFF NOW , BEFORE T HE MEAL GETS HERE : THERE 'S NOT SO LONG . $ 04 WILL I WAKE ROWE , BOM ? $ 01 ER , YES , GIVE HIM A SHAKE . $ < ( CRAWLEY LIFTS THE TOP OF ROWE'S BED AND DROPS IT . $ ROWE IS DEEPLY ASLEEP AND CHILDISHLY ANNOYED . $ HE SITS UP , FURIOUS . ) > $ 05 WHO DID THAT ? $ 04 I DID . $ BOMBARDIER'S ORDERS . $ 05 WELL ROT HIM . $ < ( HE GOES BACK TO SLEEP . $ CRAWLEY LIFTS THE HEAD AND DROPS IT AGAIN . ) > $ #25 $ 05 ROT OFF ! $ < ( CRAWLEY DOES IT AGAIN , CHEERFULLY . ) > $ 04 ROWE ! $ OH WAKE UP YOU DAFT GET , COME ON . $ < ( ROWE BELLOWS , LYING . ) > $ 05 WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME IN PEACE ? $ 04 BECAUSE THE BOMBARDIER SAID WE WERE BOTH TO GO TO THE NAA FI , TO PICK UP OUR FAGS . $ 05 JESUS CHRIST ! $ 04 WELL COME ON . $ 05 I DON'T BLOODY SMOKE , THAT 'S ALL . $ < ( HE GOES BACK TO SLEEP . $ CRAWLEY SHRUGS . ) > $ 04 RIGHT THEN . $ I 'LL GO ON MY OWN . $ CAN I FETCH ANYTHING FOR YOU BOM ? $ A BEER OR SOMETHING ? $ 01 NO THANKS , CRAWLEY . $ NOT IN THE GUARD-ROOM . $ BUT THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT . $ 04 OH THAT 'S ALL RIGHT , BOMBARDIER . $ I JUST THOUGHT THAT AS YOU WAS A NOTORIOUS DRINKING MAN , YO U MIGHT BEGIN TO GET DESPERATE FOR A PINT BEFORE THE NIGHT ' S OUT . $ NEVER MIND . $ YOU CAN ALWAYS TAKE SNUFF . $ < ( HE GOES , LOUDLY WHISTLING AWAY . ) > $ 06 STUPID SWEDE HE IS . $ < ( LIES BACK COMFORTABLY . $ MIMICS . ) > $ WOULD YOU LIKE A BEER BOMBARDIER ? $ THAT 'S LANCASHIRE WIT , THAT IS ! $ 07 < ( LYING ON HIS BACK ) > $ DID I EVER TELL YOU , FEATHERSTONE , ABOUT THE TIME I WAS A SERGEANT IN THE IRISH DRAGOONS ? $ 06 < ( IMITATING THE GERMAN) > $ BAW-LAWKS . $ 07 NO , IT 'S TRUE , QUITE TRUE . $ I REMEMBER IT WELL . $ < ( SINGS ) > $ THERE WAS A TROOP OF IRISH DRAGOONS CAME RIDING DOWN TO FIVE Y - OH --- $ WHERE THE HELL DID I PUT MY MATCHES ? $ 01 WERE YOU REALLY A SERGEANT ONCE , O'ROURKE ? $ 07 DON'T QUESTION ME ABOUT MT PAST , BOMBARDIER . $ I PREFER TO LET IT RECEDE INTO THE MISTS OF SWEET FORGETFULN ESS . $ #26 $ < ( THERE IS A SILENCE . $ THE WIND WHISTLES . $ THE LIGHTS DIM IMPERCEPTIBLY . $ FEATHERSTONE SITS UP , LIGHTS O'ROURKE'S FAG . $ THEN HE MAKES SPOOKY MUSIC NOISES , QUIETLY . ) > $ 06 ISN'T THAT SPOOKY ? $ HERE , SHALL I TELL YOU THIS FILM I SEEN ? $ 01 WHAT WAS IT CALLED ? $ 06 I DON'T KNOW . $ IT WAS ALL ABOUT THIS MAN WHO SEEN THE DEVIL : IN A GRAVEYAR D . $ 01 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ IN A GRAVEYARD ? $ 07 I KNOW A FELLOW SAW THE DEVIL : IN A FIELD . $ AND THIS WAS NO FILM . $ 01 OH COME ON , NOW , O'ROURKE - DON'T GIVE US THE BLARNEY . . $ 07 YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IT , BOMBARDIER , BUT THIS FELLER WAS A DAILY COMMUNICANT , A TOTAL ABSTAINER AND A PIONEER OF TW ELVE YEARS STANDING , AND I DO . $ 06 WHERE WAS THIS THEN , DANNY ? $ 07 IT WAS IN IRELAND . $ IN SLIGO . $ IN A FIELD . $ IN DAYLIGHT . $ 06 GET AWAY . $ 07 HE SAID HE WAS A LITTLE FELLOW , YOU KNOW - NOT SO MUCH O F A DWARF - MORE OF A MANIKIN KIND OF A THING . $ PERFECT IN EVERY WAY . $ ABSOLUTELY PERFECT . $ EXCEPT FOR A HUMP ON HIS BACK . $ A LITTLE HUMP . $ 01 AH NOW , YOU GOT THAT FROM A SONG , THE HUMP ON HIS BACK . $ 07 NOT AT ALL , IT 'S A WELL-KNOWN FACT . $ 06 ANYWAY . $ WHAT WAS HE DOING ? $ 07 THE DEVIL ? $ WELL NOW , I DON'T WANT TO SHOCK YOU , BUT HE WAS INTERFERIN G WITH THE LIVESTOCK . $ 06 DIRTY DEVIL . $ 07 NOT IN THE WAY THAT IMMEDIATELY SPRINGS TO YOUR SPERM-RID DEN IMAGINATION , FEATHERSTONE , BUT IN A MOST PECULIAR FASH ION . $ YOU SEE , THIS COW HAD JUST HAD A CALF , AND YOU KNOW AFTER THEY 'VE CALVED , THEY GIVE OFF THIS TERRIBLE DENSE YELLOW M ILK , LIKE NESTLE'S A BIT ? $ 01 DO THEY REALLY ? $ #27 $ 07 IT 'S WELL SEEN YOU 'RE A TOWN BOY . $ ANYWAY THEY DO . $ IT 'S DISGUSTING STUFF- THEY FEED IT TO OLD MEN FOR RHEUMATI SM , WHO INSTANTLY DIE . $ HOWEVER THIS , THIS YELLOW STUFF , IS , IT APPEARS , THE DEV IL'S OWN FAVOURITE TIPPLE , FOR MY FRIEND THE PIONEER SWEARS TO GOD THAT HE SEEN HIM , ON HANDS AND KNEES , SUCKING THE TITTIES OF A POST-NATAL GUERNSEY , - AND KEEPING THE CALF AT BAY WITH HIS SPIKY TAIL . $ AND HE SAID - AND IT 'S TRUE , - THAT AFTER HE 'D SUCKED THE M , THEY WITHERED AWAY . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ O'ROURKE , YOU 'RE A FINE STORY -TELLER . $ < ( O'ROURKE SUDDENLY JUMPS UP AND SLAMS HIS HAND ON THE TAB LE UNDER EVANS' NOSE . $ HE IS WILDLY ANGRY . ) > $ 07 YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE THAT OF COURSE , MY TWEE LITTLE BOMBAR DIER ? $ 01 I - WELL , YOU DIDN'T EXPECT - $ OH COME ON , O'ROURKE , I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING . $ OR YOUR FRIEND WAS . $ 07 PIONEERS DON'T JOKE : AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE HIM I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE WRINKLED TEATS I SAW MYSELF , WITH MY OWN EYES . $ PERHAPS YOU 'LL BELIEVE THAT . $ 01 WELL YES , OF COURSE . $ 07 AHA . $ YOU DON'T DOUBT ME , DO YOU ? $ 01 NO NO , OF COURSE NOT . $ 07 GOOD . $ BECAUSE I 'M TELLING THE TRUTH TO-NIGHT . $ I DON'T KNOW WHY . $ < ( HE GOES BACK TO HIS BED , SLIGHTLY MORE RELAXED . ) > $ ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH , SON , MY FATHER USED TO SAY TO ME . $ NEVER LIE , SON , IT 'LL ONLY CAUSE TROUBLE . $ AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT LYING BASTARD TOLD ME , ON THE DAY HE DIED ? $ HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD KILLED HIS OWN BROTHER , AT THE AGE O F EIGHT , BY HOLDING HIS HEAD UNDER WATER UNTIL HE WAS DROWN ED . $ AND HE NEVER LET ON TO A SOUL . $ 06 YOUR OLD MAN TOLD YOU THAT ? $ 07 HE DID SO . $ FOUR HOURS BEFORE HE DIED . $ AND HE OBLIGED ME , LIKEWISE , TO KEEP IT A SECRET UNTIL - A H WELL , THE OLD BUGGER WON'T BE WORRYING NOW , WHEREVER HE IS , WILL HE ? $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ DO YOU DOUBT ME , BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 ER - $ NO , I DON'T . $ #28 $ 06 UNTIL WHEN DANNY ? $ 07 OH , YOU KNOW - THE DAY I DIE OR SOMETHING . $ 01 REALLY ! $ < ( O'ROURKE , ON HEARING THIS , GIVES A MANIC LAUGH , HALF- DERISIVE AND HALF HYSTERICAL , AND THEN STOPS , WINKS AT FEA THERSTONE , SITS ON HIS BED , AND HUMS LOUDLY AND VIOLENTLY , THE AIR OF THE " TROOP OF IRISH DRAGOONS " , AS THE LIGHTS DIM TO BLACKOUT . ) > $ < SCENE TWO > $ < FADE UP . $ THE SAME , AN HOUR LATER . $ EVANS IS SLEEPING IN THE CHAIR , HIS HEAD ON THE TABLE . $ THE OTHERS , EXCEPT O'ROURKE , SLEEP ON THE BEDS . $ O'ROURKE IS SITTING UP STRAIGHT , STARING INTO SPACE . $ O'ROURKE FINISHES THE SONG . $ A NOISE OFF-STAGE , AND SAMUEL , A COOK-PRIVATE , APPROACHES , CARRYING FOOD-CANS AND WHISTLING . $ HE KICKS AT THE DOOR , AND O'ROURKE GOES AND OPENS IT WITH A FLOURISH . $ THE OTHERS , EXCEPT ROWE , WAKE UP DOZILY , AND PAY ATTENTIO N . $ O'ROURKE'S MOOD CHANGES VIOLENTLY . $ 07 AH THE PICNIC HAS ARRIVED AT LAST . $ WHAT IS IT TO-NIGHT , SAMUEL ? $ 10 CAULIFLOWER CHEESE . $ 07 I CAN'T WAIT . $ 10 HOPE IT CHOKES YOU . $ 01 IS SERGEANT WALKER CREEPING AROUND , DID YOU NOTICE? $ 10 I DON'T KNOW , DO I ? $ HERE , SIGN THAT . $ < ( EVANS SIGNS A CHITTY . $ SAMUEL TAKES IT AND GOES . ) > $ 07 < ( SHOUTING DOWN ROWE'S EAR ) > $ NOSEBAG-TIME , GUNNER ROWE ! $ < ( HE PICKS UP ROWE'S BED AND DROPS IT . $ THERE IS A PAUSE THEN ROWE SITS UP AND LOOKS AT O'ROURKE . ) > $ 05 WHY DON'T YOU GO INTERFERE WITH YOUR MOTHER , IRISHMAN ? $ < ( O'ROURKE WALKS QUIETLY OVER TO HIM , HITS HIM VERY HARD IN THE STOMACH , WHICH DOUBLES HIM UP ON THE BED , AND LOOKS AT HIM . ) > $ #29 $ 07 DON'T PROVOKE ME , ROWE . $ < ( HE TURNS AWAY AND SITS ON THE END OF A BED . $ FEATHERSTONE IS DISHING OUT THE FOOD ON THE FLOOR . ) > $ GET ME SOME OF THE SWILL , FEATHERSTONE . $ < ( FEATHERSTONE MAKES UP A MEAL AND HANDS IT UP TO HIM . $ ROWE IS MAKING RETCHING NOISES BEHIND HIM . $ HE TAKES THE MEAL , AND TURNS TO ROWE . ) > $ HOW ARE WE EXPECTED TO EAT WITH THAT NOISE GOING ON ? $ CONTROL YOURSELF , CAN'T YOU ? $ < ( HE SITS LOOKING AT THE MEAL IN DISGUST , AND LISTENING T O ROWE . $ THEN HE STANDS , LOOKS AT ROWE , GOES TO THE DOOR AND SLINGS HIS FOOD OUT INTO THE FIRE-BUCKET OUTSIDE . $ HE COMES BACK IN AND SITS ON THE BED AGAIN . $ THE SILENCE IS RESUMED . $ THEN ) > $ WELL , BOMBARDIER ; WHY DON'T YOU PUT ME ON A CHARGE ? $ 01 < ( STRONGLY ) > $ THAT WAS PRETTY BLOODY STUPID , O'ROURKE , AND UNNECESSARY . $ I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR CAULIFLOWER CHEESE , BUT THERE WAS NO JUSTIFICATION FOR HITTING ROWE LIKE THAT , NONE WHATEVER . $ 07 WELL WHY DON'T YOU PUT ME ON A CHARGE ? $ 01 I KNOW HE INSULTED YOU , AND THAT 'S BAD , BUT - $ 07 < ( HARSH ) > $ I HIT HIM FOR NO REASON . $ 01 DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT , O'ROURKE , THERE IS NO POIN T IN INVITING DISASTER . $ ALL I AM SAYING IS THAT YOU WERE STUPID AND RASH TO ACT IN T HAT WAY , AND - $ 07 BOMBARDIER ! $ I 'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF YOUR INNERMOST THOUGHTS , AND I 'M HERE TO TELL YOU YOU 'RE NO BLOODY EINSTEIN - WILL YOU ANSWE R ME STRAIGHT : DO I GET ON A CHARGE OR DON'T I ? $ 01 NO . $ I SEE NO POINT IN THAT - $ 07 THANK YOU . $ I 'LL SAY THREE HAIL MARYS , AND PRAY GOD FOR FORGIVENESS . $ < ( TAKES PLATE OFF THE FLOOR , HANDS IT TO ROWE . ) > $ HERE , ROWE , EAT UP YOUR DIN-DINS . $ NEXT TIME I 'LL KILL YOU . $ < ( ROWE TAKES THE PLATE , AND AVOIDING O'ROURKE'S EYE , HE BEGINS TO EAT . $ O'ROURKE MOVES INTO HIS OWN BED , STRETCHES OUT , TAKES A CI GARETTE OUT OF HIS POCKET , LIGHTS IT AND THROWS THE PACK AW AY . ) > $ #30 $ I HOPE CRAWLEY 'S BACK QUICK . $ THIS IS MY LAST . $ < ( A MOODY SILENCE WHILE THE OTHERS EAT , AND O'ROURKE SMOK ES HIS CIGARETTE . $ ROWE SNIFFS SEVERAL TIMES . ) > $ STOP SNIFFING ROWE , I 'VE SAID MY THREE HAIL MARYS . $ < ( THE OTHERS LOOK UP , THEN CARRY ON EATING . $ O'ROURKE IS TENSE , HIS BODY IS RIGID AND HIS FOOT IS TAPPIN G AGAINST THE END OF THE BED . $ HE SINGS , HARSHLY . ) > $ OH THEN TED ME BOY , THE WIDOW CRIED , YER TWO FINE LEGS WER E YE MAMMY'S PRIDE . $ THEM STUMPS OF A TREE WOULDN'T DO AT ALL , WHY DIDN'T YOU RU N FROM THE BIG CANNON BALL ? $ WITH A TOORI-AH , TOORI-ADDY-AH , TOORI , OORI , OORI-AH . $ < ( MORE TENSION , MORE TAPPING ON THE BED . $ HE ROLLS OVER AND SAYS TO FEATHERSTONE , WHO IS BY NOW LYING ON THE NEXT BED . ) > $ I 'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA , ALEXANDER . $ I THINK I 'M GOING TO GET PISSED AND JUMP OFF THE WATER-TOWE R . $ 06 AH SHUT UP , DANNY , YOU 'RE GIVING ME THE CURSE . $ 07 DO YOU THINK I 'M JOKING ? $ I AM NOT SO . $ 01 O'ROURKE ! $ 07 HEY-HO , ANOTHER PORTION OF CONFESSIONAL ADVICE . $ YES , SONNY , WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ? $ 01 I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU , FOR ONE , ARE NOT GETTING P ISSED TONIGHT . $ 07 < ( STANDS , VIOLENT MOVEMENT ) > $ WHERE 'S CRAWLEY ? $ HE 'S ON GUARD IN TEN MINUTES , WHERE IS HE ? $ 06 AH LEAVE OFF , DANNY - $ 07 I NEED SOME FAGS , I TELL YOU , THIS IS MY LAST . $ 06 HERE , HAVE ONE OF MINE . $ 07 NOT AT ALL , I 'M SMOKING . $ 06 WELL WHAT 'S UP WITH YOU THEN ? $ 07 I CAN'T GET ON WITHOUT A FULL PACKET OF FAGS - I LIKE THE WEIGHT OF THEM , IN THE POCKET . $ PLEASANT TO FINGER . $ 06 I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE . $ #31 $ 07 WHAT ? $ WHAT 'S THAT ? $ 06 SIT DOWN AND RELAX , DANNY . $ YOU 'RE LIKE AN OLD METHS-DRINKER THERE . $ YOU AND YOUR CRAVING . $ 07 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ? $ < ( TO EVANS ) > $ HE 'S SUGGESTING THAT I 'M AN ALCOHOLIC , BOMBARDIER , DID Y OU HEAR THAT ? $ 01 HE 'S PROBABLY DEAD RIGHT . $ 07 < ( LAUGHS AGAIN , PLEASED ) > $ WHERE THE HELL 'S CRAWLEY ? $ 06 GIVE US ANOTHER SONG , DANNY . $ THAT 'LLL CHEER YOU UP . $ ONE OF THEM JIGGY ONES . $ 07 AH ROT OFF ! $ 06 NO , GO ON . $ I LIKE THEM JIGGY ONES , THEY 'RE VERY IRISH . $ 07 AND HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW ? $ 06 WELL , YOU CAN TELL . $ 07 DO YOU MEAN LIKE " KNEES UP MOTHER BROWN " , NOW THAT 'S VERY IRISH . $ 06 WHAT 'S GOT INTO YOU TONIGHT ? $ NEEDING YOUR OATS OR SOMETHING ? $ 07 I HAD WHAT YOU CALL MY OATS LAST NIGHT . $ I DO NOT NEED THEM AGAIN TONIGHT . $ AS A MATTER OF FACT , AFTER LAST NIGHT'S EXPERIENCES , I SHA LL NEVER NEED THEM AGAIN . $ WHERE THE HELL IS CRAWLEY ? $ HE 'S GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE CHANGE OVER . $ WHERE IS HE ? $ 06 RELAX , CAN'T YOU ? $ HE 'LL GET HERE . $ ANYWAY , FLYNN SHOULD BE DOING THE WORRYING , NOT YOU . $ 07 FLYNN ? $ IS HE THAT SMART FELLER , THE TIGHT-LIPPED BASTARD ? $ IT 'LL DO HIM GOOD TO WAIT IN THE COLD , THAT 'S ONE CONSOLA TION . $ 06 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING : I THINK THAT BLOKE 'S AN IRON - $ 07 A WHAT ? $ 06 A POUF . $ 05 WHAT ? $ FLYNN ? $ OF COURSE HE 'S NOT . $ 06 AND HOW DO YOU KNOW HE 'S NOT ? $ 07 HE 'S TRIED HIM . $ #32 $ 06 I RECKON HE 'S BENT : DON'T YOU BOMBARDIER ? $ BESIDES , O'ROURKE 06 OH , I THOUGHT HE WAS A FRIEND OF YOURS . $ < ( PAUSE . $ THEN . ) > $ 05 FOR YOUR INFORMATION , FEATHERSTONE , OLD FLYNN HAD MORE CARNAL KNOWLEDGE BEFORE HE WAS SIXTEEN , THEN YOU 'LL HAVE I N THE REST OF YOUR LIFE . $ 06 YOU 'RE JOKING OF COURSE . $ 05 AS A MATTER OF FACT , I 'M NOT . $ 06 GET ON . $ HOW 'S THAT THEN ? $ 05 HE HAD THIS SCHOOLGIRL , HIM AND HIS MATE . $ 06 GET AWAY . $ 05 HE WAS FOURTEEN , AND SHE WAS TWELVE . $ HE TOLD ME . $ HIM AND HIS MATE USED TO TAKE IT IN TURNS . $ EVERY NIGHT . $ FIVE TIMES A NIGHT . $ FOR TWO YEARS . $ 06 THEN WHAT HAPPENED ? $ WHY DID HE STOP ? $ 05 SHE GOT ONE IN THE OVEN ; SHE 'S GONE DOWN IN MEDICAL HIS TORY . $ 06 IS THAT TRUE ? $ 05 ABSOLUTELY . $ 06 AND WHAT HAPPENED TO FLYNN ? $ 05 I DON'T KNOW . $ I SUPPOSE HE MISSES IT . $ 06 THERE YOU ARE , I TOLD YOU HE WAS A POUF . $ 01 DON'T BE RIDICULOUS . $ 06 WHAT DO YOU THINK , DANNY , ISN'T HE A POUF . $ 07 DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK ? $ 06 WHAT 'S THAT THEN ? $ 07 I THINK THE ENTIRE ENGLISH ARE A RACE OF FRUSTRATED SEX-C RIMINALS , AND THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU 'S PERVERTED . $ AS A MATTER OF FACT YOU MAKE ME SICK . $ 06 WELL WELL . $ < ( OFF , THE SOUNDS OF CRAWLEY'S APPROACH . ) > $ 07 HERE 'S CRAWLEY ! $ < ( HE GRABS HIS GREAT-COAT HASTILY AND STARTS PULLING IT ON . ) > $ COME ON , FEATHERSTONE , THE NAAFI AWAITS . $ ENGLAND EXPECTS THIS NIGHT EVERY MAN TO DO HIS DUTY . $ #33 $ < ( CRAWLEY COMES IN , CLOSES THE DOOR , AND HEADS FOR THE S TOVE . $ HE HAS HAD A PINT OR TWO , BUT IS NOT DRUNK . $ HE GETS TO THE FIRE AND BELCHES . ) > $ GRAND NIGHT , CRAWLEY ! $ 04 BRASS MONKEY WEATHER . $ I JUST SEEN ONE WEARING A SUPPORT . $ MY ADVICE : STAY AT HOME . $ 07 OH BUT WE CAN'T DO THAT . $ THE BOMBARDIER SAYS WE MUST GUARD THE BOFORS GUN : FOR WHO W ILL DO IT , IF NOT US ? $ 04 HERE ARE YOU GOING ON SECOND TURN ? $ 07 NO , WE ARE NOT . $ WE ARE GOING TO THE NAAFI CANTEEN . $ < ( WINKS . ) > $ FOR FAGS . $ 01 < ( STANDS UP TO THEM ) > $ LOOK , O'ROURKE AND FEATHERSTONE - YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO GO TO THE NAAFI , BUY YOUR CIGARETTE RATION FOR THE WEEK , AND THEN COME STRAIGHT BACK . $ IS THAT QUITE CLEAR ? $ 06 YES , BOM . $ 07 ABSOLUTELY , BOM . $ < ( THEY ARE AT THE DOOR . ) > $ ER - BY THE WAY , BOM , WHAT 'LL YOU DO IF WE DON'T , LIKE , SETTLE FOR FAGS ? $ 01 YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT I 'D HAVE TO DO . $ INFORM SERGEANT WALKER . $ WHAT ELSE COULD I DO ? $ 07 YOU 'D NEVER CHARGE US YOURSELF , LIKE ? - $ OH NO , OF COURSE , NO NO , YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT , WOULD YOU ? $ YOU 'RE SUCH A NICE , GENTLE CREATURE , SUCH A - SAINTLY MAN , ALMOST . $ MY MOTHER WOULD THINK HE WAS A SURE TIP FOR A SAINT , DO YOU KNOW THAT ? $ SAINT TERENCE - VIRGIN AND MARTYR . $ 01 < ( STANDING ) > $ O'ROURKE , YOU REALLY MAKE ME THINK I SHOULD CHARGE YOU HERE AND NOW . $ 07 < ( LOOKING AT HIM LEVELLY ) > $ YOU ARE A FOOL NOT TO . $ I SHOULD NOT BE AT LARGE . $ 01 PISS OFF . $ 07 A - A . $ THAT 'S NOT NICE . $ BESIDES IT 'S IRRESPONSIBLE . $ 01 MAKE SURE YOU ARE BACK WITHIN HALF AN HOUR . $ #34 $ 07 GOOD-NIGHT , BOMBARDIER . $ < ( THEY GO . $ THE OTHERS GAZE AT EVANS . $ AFTER A WHILE , ROWE GENTLY BREAKS THE SILENCE . ) > $ 05 THEY 'LL NOT COME BACK , YOU KNOW , BOMBARDIER . $ 01 OH I THINK THEY WILL . $ THEY 'RE NOT AS BAD AS THEY LET ON TO BE . $ 05 THEY 'RE HALF INSANE . $ BESIDES , O'ROURKE 'S WELL-KNOWN TO BE ALMOST AN ALCOHOLIC . $ AND EVERY TIME HE GETS DRUNK HE RUNS AMOK . $ 01 OH DON'T BE LIKE THAT . $ IF YOU TRUST PEOPLE , THEY WON'T MUCK YOU ABOUT . $ IT 'S ALL THESE RESTRICTIONS THAT DO THE HARM . $ 04 LAST CHRISTMAS IT TOOK FOUR M.P.'S TO STOP HIM BREAKING U P THIS DANCE-HALL . $ AND THEM . $ AND HIMSELF . $ 05 AND THREE MONTHS BEFORE THAT , OUT ON AN EXERCISE , HE CL IMBED UP A PYLON , PISSED AS A FART , AND SWUNG HAND OVER HA ND ALONG THE WIRE ; THEN HE DROPPED OFF , INTO A POND , AND THEY HAD TO CARRY HIM BACK TO THE DUG-OUT . $ AND BEFORE THAT , LAST SUMMER - $ 01 THANK YOU , ROWE . $ I THINK I GET THE PICTURE . $ < ( LOOKS AT HIS WATCH . ) > $ IT 'S TIME TO CHANGE OVER . $ 05 OH , RIGHTO BOM : WE ' RE NEARLY READY . $ < ( THEY PUT ON THEIR GEAR QUICKLY , TAKE THEIR RIFLES , AND GO . ) > $ 05 < ( AT THE DOOR ) > $ I HOPE IT 'S ALL RIGHT , BOM . $ < ( THEY GO . $ EVANS IS ALONE . $ HE IS VERY WORRIED . ) > $ < BLACKOUT > < SCENE THREE > < ( FADE UP . $ NO CURTAIN . $ IN THE HUT , THE MAIN LIGHT IS OUT , AND FLYNN AND SHONE ARE SLEEPING . $ EVANS SITS AT THE TABLE , GAZING INTO SPACE . $ IT IS 9.35 , AND THE OTHERS ARE NOT BACK . $ DOWNSTAGE , CRAWLEY IS SITTING ON A GUN-WHEEL , OR A BOX , S MOKING SECRETLY , AND MAKING VERY QUIET , NON-CONSEQUENT NOI SES ON THE MOUTH-ORGAN . $ ROWE COMES ON , WHISPERING . ) > $ 05 CRAWLEY ! $ PSST , CRAWLEY ! $ < ( HE COMES UP BEHIND HIM , THEN , LOUDER . ) > $ CRAWLEY ! $ < ( CRAWLEY JUMPS UP , PALMS HIS CIGARETTE AND TURNS , EXPEC TING THE ORDERLY OFFICER . ) > $ 04 ROWE ! $ YOU ROTTEN BASKET . $ 05 WHAT 'S UP ? $ 04 I VERY NEARLY SWALLOWED MY MOUTH-ORGAN . $ 05 SORRY . $ 04 SO YOU SHOULD BE . $ YOU COULD HAVE DONE ME A FEARFUL INJURY . $ 05 OH . $ 04 WHY AREN'T YOU OUT ON THE PERIMETER , ANYWAY , FIGHTING O FF THE MARTIANS ? $ 05 I GOT LONELY . $ < ( THEY SIT DOWN AGAIN , RELAX . ) > $ 04 HERE , WHAT WOULD YOU DO , IF THE MARTIANS WAS TO LAND ? $ RIGHT THERE , ON YOUR PERIMETER ? $ 05 SHIT MYSELF . $ 04 THAT WOULD BE USEFUL . $ 05 MM. $ 04 LISTEN , DON'T YOU THINK THEY OUGHT TO GIVE US LIVE AMMUN ITION ? $ 05 WHAT FOR ? $ I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT , ANYWAY . $ 04 YES , BUT IT 'S DANGEROUS . $ I MEAN : WHAT IF SOMEBODY CAME TO ATTACK US ? $ 05 WE 'VE GOT OUR RIFLES . $ 04 YES , BUT WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM ? $ USE THEM AS CLUBS ? $ WE WOULDN'T STAND A CHANCE . $ THEY 'RE PRETTY SHARP CUSTOMERS , THESE GANGS . $ 05 EH ? $ WHAT GANGS ? $ 04 WELL I HEARD THAT THE KRAUTS HAD STARTED UP SOME KIND OF RESISTANCE MOVEMENT . $ #36 $ 05 WHAT ? $ 04 STRAIGHT UP . $ THEY RECKON THAT BECAUSE WE DON'T INVADE RUSSIA WE 'RE NOT O N THEIR SIDE . $ 05 OH . $ 04 THEY 'RE DEAD RIGHT , MATE . $ WE 'RE NOT . $ 05 BUT SURELY THEY DON'T ATTACK ANYBODY ? $ 04 OH NO ? $ I HEARD THEY WAS USING THE OLD GUERRILLA TACTICS , ON THE BR ITISH : CHEESE-WIRES , STILETTOES , THE LOT . $ GERMAN GHURKAS . $ THEY CUT OFF VARIOUS PARTS OF THE BODY OF BRITISH SOLDIERS , JUST TO EXPRESS THEIR DISAPPROVAL FOR US NOT INVADING RUSSI A . $ 05 HA BLOODY HA . $ 04 DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME ? $ YOU ASK SERGEANT-MAJOR WEST IN 232 BATTERY - HE 'LL TELL YOU . $ HE 'S JUST COME FRESH FROM H.Q. , AND HE KNOWS . $ IT 'S PLAIN FACT , HUSHED UP . $ 05 HERE , I 'M NOT GOING OUT ON THAT PERIMETER WIRE AGAIN . $ I KEEP HEARING THINGS AS IT IS ; I 'D DROP DEAD IF I HAD TO GO OUT THERE ON MY OWN THINKING ABOUT THAT . $ 04 WELL DON'T YOU THINK THEY OUGHT TO GIVE US LIVE AMMO ? $ 05 KRAUTS WITH CHEESE-WIRES . $ I FEEL QUITE ILL . $ 04 OH , YOU 'LL BE QUITE SAFE : ALL YOU 'VE GOT TO DO IS CAL L FOR THE BOMBARDIER : HE 'LL COME TO YOUR RESCUE . $ 05 HIM ? $ I 'LL MANAGE , THANK YOU . $ HE 'S HALF DAFT . $ I CAN'T IMAGINE HIM GRAPPLING WITH THE GERMAN GHURKAS . $ 04 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ HERE , IF THEY WANTED TO CUT VARIOUS BITS OFF HIS ANATOMY , THEY 'D HAVE A JOB FINDING THEM , WOULDN'T THEY ? $ TALKING ABOUT THAT , O'ROURKE AND FEATHERSTONE HAVEN'T GOT B ACK FROM THE NAAFI YET . $ 05 HE 'LL BE LUCKY TO SEE THEM TONIGHT . $ 04 HE WILL ? $ WHAT ABOUT US ? $ THEY BETTER BLOODY HAD COME BACK , WE 'RE OFF AT TEN O'CLOCK : AND WHAT TIME IS IT NOW ? $ 05 QUARTER TO . $ 04 ROLL ON TEN - $ < ( PAUSE . $ THEY SIT STARING AT THE GROUND . ) > $ I 'M SO NUMB , I CAN'T THINK . $ DO YOU REALISE IT 'S THE COLDEST WINTER FOR FOURTEEN YEARS , ACCORDING TO A.F.N. $ #37 $ 05 FOURTEEN YEARS . $ 1940 . $ THINK OF THAT , THEN - $ 04 IS THAT WHEN FOURTEEN YEARS AGO WAS ? $ BLOODY HELL . $ THAT WAS OUR FINEST HOUR , WASN'T IT ? $ 05 I CAN'T REMEMBER , I WAS ONLY FIVE . $ 04 YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED MUCH THOUGH , HAVE YOU ? $ WAS YOU ALWAYS AFRAID OF THE DARK ? $ 05 NO . $ IT WAS ONLY AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER . $ 04 AYE . $ WELL , YOU 'D BETTER GET BACK TO THE BOUNDARY IN CASE THE OR DERLY SERGEANT PAYS ONE OF HIS LITTLE CALLS . $ 05 HAVE I GOT TO ? $ 04 SUIT YOURSELF . $ IF YOU LIKE , I 'LL GO NOW AND YOU CAN DO THE PERIMETER ON S ECOND SHIFT . $ 05 AT TWO IN THE MORNING ? $ YOU WIN . $ < ( GETS UP . ) > $ DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO . $ 04 I 'VE GOT MY MOUTH-ORGAN TO PLAY WITH : WHAT ORGAN HAVE Y OU GOT ? $ 05 DON'T BE LIKE THAT . $ SEE YOU AT TEN . $ 04 ROLL ON TEN . $ < ( ROWE TIPTOES OFF . $ CRAWLEY CONTINUES QUIETLY BLOWING NOTES ON THE MOUTH-ORGAN , AS THE LIGHTS COME UP IN THE HUT A LITTLE , AND DIM ON CRAW LEY . $ EVANS IS STILL GAZING INTO SPACE , SHONE STILL SLEEPING , FL YNN SMOKING ON THE EDGE OF HIS BED LOOKING AT EVANS . ) > $ 03 WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SIT WRAPPED AROUND YOUR STOMACH LIKE THAT FOR ? $ IT 'S MOST PECULIAR . $ 01 I 'VE GOT A PAIN . $ RIGHT THERE , IN THE V OF THE RIBS . $ 03 AH , EVERYBODY GETS THAT . $ IT 'S HOMESICKNESS . $ 01 I DREAM ALL DAY ABOUT HOME , BUT THE LAUGH IS , WHEN I 'M THERE I CAN'T STAND THE PLACE . $ I DON'T KNOW WHAT I 'M DOING HERE , NOR WHY , NOR WHO FOR , NOT EVEN WHERE I AM ON THE MAP ALL THAT ACCURATELY . $ ALL I KNOW IS THAT I HAVE TO GO HOME . $ I WILL EVEN OFFER MYSELF AS A JUMPED-UP EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD JO KE OF A SECOND-LIEUTENANT FOR JUST ONE CHANCE TO GET HOME . $ < ( PAUSE . $ FLYNN APPEARS TO BE ASLEEP . ) > $ SWEET DREAMS . $ #38 $ < ( PAUSE . $ HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH AND JUMPS . ) > $ CHRIST ALMIGHTY ! $ < ( HE RUNS TO THE PATH AND LOOKS DOWN IT , THEN WALKS INTO THE HUT AND SHAKES SHONE , WHO RELUCTANTLY STIRS . ) > $ SHONE ! $ SHONE ! $ 02 STAND TO THE GUARD IS IT ? $ 01 NO , OF COURSE NOT . $ LISTEN . $ ARE YOU AWAKE YET ? $ 02 HANG ON . $ < ( HE SHAKES HIS HEAD VIOLENTLY , THEN MAKES A NOISE LIKE A HORSE , WHICH WAKES UP FLYNN . ) > $ 03 WHAT 'S GOING ON HERE ? $ 01 THOSE TWO BASTARDS HAVEN'T COME BACK . $ 03 < ( SITTING UP ) > $ WHAT ? $ 02 WHAT TIME IS IT ? $ 01 IT 'S GONE QUARTER TO TEN . $ ALMOST TEN TO . $ 03 OH CHRIST . $ 02 THAT 'S JUST WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY . $ 03 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ SEND SHONE TO HAVE A LOOK FOR THEM . $ 02 WHY ME ? $ 01 BECAUSE THEY HATE HIS GUTS . $ 02 OH - WELL ALL RIGHT . $ WHERE MUST I LOOK ? $ IN THE NAAFI . $ 01 I SUPPOSE SO . $ SURELY THEY WON'T HAVE GONE INTO TOWN . $ 03 THEY COULDN'T . $ SERGEANT WALKER 'D SPOT THEM GOING THROUGH THE MAIN GUARD RO OM . $ 01 < ( TO SHONE ) > $ TRY THE CANTEEN . $ THEN TRY THEIR BARRACK-ROOM , IT 'S IN C. BLOCK SOMEWHERE . $ THEN COME BACK . $ DON'T HANG ABOUT . $ 02 I MIGHT HAVE A BEVVY WHILE I 'M THERE . $ 01 LOOK , DON'T MUCK ABOUT ; BE BACK HERE IN TEN MINUTES . $ O.K.? $ 02 ALL RIGHT . $ DON'T PANIC . $ < ( HE PULLS ON HIS GREATCOAT , SLOWLY AND DELIBERATELY . $ WHILE THE OTHERS WATCH , IN MOUNTING IMPATIENCE . ) > $ #39 $ 01 HURRY UP , CAN'T YOU ? $ 02 PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE . $ EVERYTHING COMES TO HIM WHO WAITS . $ 01 COME ON , I 'M GOING MAD HERE . $ 02 I 'M NEARLY READY . $ < ( HE DOES UP HIS BUTTONS WITH PAINFUL SLOWNESS , STRAIGHTE NS HIS BERET , AND PUTS ON HIS GLOVES , AS HE SINGS ) > $ LITTLE BO-PEEP HAS LOST HER SHEEP AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND THEM , LEAVE THEM ALONE , AND THEY WILL COME HOME , WAG GING THEIR TAILS BEHIND THEM . $ TA-TA. $ < ( HE GOES OUT . $ EVANS RUSHES TO THE DOOR , AND CALLS AFTER HIM . ) > $ 01 YOU 'VE GOT TEN MINUTES - IS THAT CLEAR ? $ < ( THERE IS NO ANSWER . $ HE COMES BACK IN . $ HE AND FLYNN SIT DOWN , UNCOMFORTABLY AWARE OF EACH OTHER , AND WORRIED ABOUT O'ROURKE . $ FOR A WHILE THEY FIDGET , AND DON'T SPEAK . ) > $ 03 YOU 'LL HAVE TO CHARGE THEM , TERRY . $ 01 NO , $ < ( THEN , MORE CONTROLLED ) > $ I MEAN , I WON'T HAVE TO . $ NOT UNLESS WALKER TURNS UP . $ 03 WHAT 'S WRONG WITH YOU ? $ 01 < ( SHARPLY ) > $ I CAN'T PUT ANYBODY ON A CHARGE TONIGHT . $ IT 'S TOO RISKY . $ 03 < ( TAKING THIS AS INTENDED TO PUT HIM DOWN ) > $ I SEE . $ SOD YOU THEN . $ 01 I 'M SORRY BILL . $ I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY . $ 03 I DON'T CARE WHICH WAY YOU MEAN IT . $ IT DOESN'T WORRY ME - YOU 'RE THE BOMBARDIER . $ 01 O.K. BILL , DON'T LET 'S GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN . $ LISTEN : I TRUST YOU , AND I BELIEVE YOU . $ LET 'S LEAVE IT AT THAT . $ #40 $ 01 LEAVE IT WHERE YOU LIKE , WHY SHOULD I WORRY ? $ 01 DON'T BE LIKE THAT . $ 03 LIKE WHAT ? $ 01 LIKE YOU ARE . $ 03 WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH LIKE I AM ? $ 01 NOTHING , NOTHING , NOTHING . $ 03 DON'T STRAIN YOURSELF . $ AND WHAT 'S ALL THIS ABOUT O'ROURKE HATING MY GUTS ? $ THAT 'S NOVEL . $ I DIDN'T THINK HE KNEW I EXISTED . $ 01 OH IT WAS NOTHING . $ YOU 'RE BEING A BIT TOUCHY , BILL . $ 03 MAYBE . $ I FEEL TOUCHY . $ BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING . $ NOW WHAT ? $ 01 OH , I DON'T KNOW . $ IT WAS FEATHERSTONE , ANYWAY . $ NOT O'ROURKE . $ 03 WHEN ? $ 01 JUST NOW , WHEN YOU WERE OUT ON GUARD . $ 03 AHA . $ AND HOW DID I ARISE , SO TO SPEAK , AS A TOPIC FOR THEIR GEN TEEL CONVERSATION ? $ 01 OH LOOK - WELL , IT WAS ROWE , I SUPPOSE , REALLY , TELLI NG US ABOUT YOUR EXTRAORDINARY SEXUAL PUBERTY . $ 03 THAT WAS BIG OF HIM . $ WHAT DID HE REVEAL ? $ 01 OH , JUST SOME STORY HE SAID YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU , AND SOME FRIEND , AND AN INSATIABLE SCHOOLGIRL . $ IT SEEMED HARMLESS ENOUGH . $ 03 HARMLESS ? $ 01 WELL , YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN . $ YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT IT , THOUGH . $ 03 NO . $ I PROBABLY THOUGHT YOU 'D BE DISGUSTED . $ 01 SHOULD I BE ? $ 03 SUIT YOURSELF . $ IT DOESN'T WORRY ME . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ IT 'S TRUE OF COURSE . $ EVERY SALTY WORD OF IT . $ 01 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE - I MEAN , SHE GOT PREGNANT , DIDN'T SHE ? $ 03 ABORTED . $ LEGALLY ABORTED IN THE THIRD MONTH . $ AND SHE NEVER SAID A WORD . $ SHE PROMISED TO FORGET , AND SHE DID . $ #41 $ 01 FANTASTIC . $ YOU LUCKY BASTARD . $ 03 LUCKY ? $ 0U WELL , I MEAN . $ DO YOU EVER - ER - SEE HER ? $ 03 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ NOT OFTEN . $ NOT IN THAT WAY . $ NEVER . $ SHE MOVED TO A NEW HOUSING ESTATE IN THE COUNTRY , AND FOUND A TIMID LITTLE BOY-FRIEND . $ SHE 'LL PROBABLY MARRY HIM . $ 01 AND DOES HE KNOW - $ 03 I TOLD YOU . $ SHE PROMISED TO FORGET . $ LAST TIME I SAW HER I SWEAR TO GOD NOT A FLICKER OF MEMORY C ROSSED HER RESTLESS MIND . $ SHE ACTUALLY SHOOK MY HAND , AND GIGGLED LIKE A VIRGIN . $ 01 WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY THING . $ 03 EXTRAORDINARY ? $ < ( SMILES , LOOKS AT HIS WATCH . ) > $ SIX MINUTES TO GO . $ < ( EVANS' MIND FLITS TEMPORARILY BACK TO HIS IMMEDIATE PROB LEMS . $ FLYNN NOW COMES INTO THE ATTACK . ) > $ WELL , TELL US ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL EXPERIENCES , THEN , BOMBAR DIER . $ 01 ER - WELL - THERE 'S NOT MUCH TO TELL , REALLY . $ 03 YOU AND I MUST GO HUNTING TOGETHER , TERRY . $ IT 'S BETTER THAT WAY . $ 01 REALLY ? $ 03 I THINK SO . $ < ( JOKING ) > $ THEN IF WE DON'T FIND ANYTHING , WE CAN ALWAYS AMUSE OURSELV ES . $ OR EACH OTHER . $ 01 < ( UNEASY , JOCULAR ) > $ FEATHERSTONE SAID YOU WERE A POUF ... $ 03 < ( ANGRY ) > $ SO THAT 'S WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT . $ WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE , AH ? $ 01 WELL - IT WASN'T SERIOUS ... $ 03 < ( SUDDENLY SOFT AGAIN ) > $ AH WELL . $ DO YOU THINK I AM , TERRY ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING REALLY . $ 03 < ( LAUGHING ) > $ WELL , YOU 'RE QUITE SAFE , NEVER FEAR . $ I SHAN'T INTERFERE WITH YOUR VIRGINITY , ONE WAY OR THE OTHE R . $ DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ? $ #42 $ 01 WELL YES , OF COURSE I DO . $ LOOK , BILL LET 'S FORGET ABOUT IT , SHALL WE ? $ 03 YES . $ THAT 'S RIGHT . $ FORGET . $ < ( EVANS SITS AT THE TABLE , THINKING ABOUT ALL THAT . $ FLYNN WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR , AND GAZES OUT . $ CRAWLEY , DOWNSTAGE , PLAYS A SLOW DIRGE TO HIMSELF . $ FLYNN CALLS EVANS OVER . $ THEY STAND SIDE BY SIDE AT THE DOOR , LAUGHING AT CRAWLEY . ) > $ THE SOLDIER'S LAMENT . $ 01 I FEEL SICK . $ 03 DO YOU ? $ WAS IT ALL TOO MUCH FOR YOU ? $ 01 NOT SICK AT YOU . $ SICK WITH FEAR . $ IS THERE ANY SIGN ? $ 03 < ( GOES AND LOOKS UP THE ROAD , COMES BACK ) > $ NOT A MURMUR . $ < ( LOOKS AT HIS WATCH AGAIN . ) > $ THREE MINUTES . $ 01 CRAWLEY AND ROWE WON'T BE PLEASED . $ 03 THEY CAN LIKE IT OR LUMP IT . $ IT 'S NOT YOUR FAULT . $ 01 PERHAPS YOU OUGHT TO GO AND GET THEM , BILL . $ AND THAT SHONE . $ I 'LL KILL THAT BASTARD . $ 03 NOT TO WORRY . $ THEY 'LL GET BACK BEFORE SERGEANT WALKER PAYS HIS VISIT . $ YOU 'LL BE O.K. $ 01 HE 'S A GOOD BLOKE , SERGEANT WALKER . $ 03 HE FANCIES HIMSELF AS EVERYBODY'S DADDY . $ I DON'T TRUST HIM . $ BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS PLAY ON HIS SYMPATHY . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ YOUR MAMMOTH MOON 'S CREPT UP A BIT . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ DO YOU NOT FIND TIME THE MOST ALARMING THING OF ALL ? $ 01 THIS COLD MAKES YOU GIDDY . $ 03 YOU 'RE TERRIFIED OF NOT BEING LIKED , AREN'T YOU , TERRY ? $ 01 WELL - YES AND NO . $ 03 NOT TO WORRY , OF COURSE . $ YOU 'RE ON THE ISLAND IN A BIG WAY . $ 01 WELL - NOT QUITE , AM I ? $ #43 $ 03 MM ? $ 01 I MEAN , THERE 'S TONIGHT . $ WE 'RE NOT THROUGH TONIGHT YET . $ 03 OH DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT ..... $ 01 OH NO ? $ WHY DO YOU THINK I FEEL SO BLOODY NAUSEOUS ? $ SNOTTY-NOSED LITTLE SECOND-LIEUTENANT PICKERING WILL BE ROUN D HERE TO TURN OUT THE GUARD , AND THERE 'LL BE NOTHING TO T URN OUT . $ THEY 'LL ALL BE PARALYTIC IN THE NAAFI . $ 03 NOT AT ALL . $ THEY 'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE . $ LOOK , YOU HANG ON HERE , AND I 'LL GO AND SEE WHAT 'S HAPPE NING . $ < ( CRAWLEY'S VOICE COMES COMPLAINING FROM OFF-STAGE . ) > $ 04 OI ! $ 01 WHO 'S THAT ? $ 04 ME . $ CRAWLEY . $ 01 WHAT DO YOU WANT ? $ 04 HOW MUCH LONGER HAVE I GOT TO HANG AROUND OUT HERE ? $ 01 THEY 'RE ON THEIR WAY BACK . $ 04 HA BLOODY HA . $ HERE , HAS IT GONE TEN ? $ 03 < ( QUICKLY , BEFORE EVANS TELLS THE TRUTH ) > $ NO . $ 01 IT WON'T BE LONG . $ TRY ONCE MORE ROUND THE WIRE . $ 04 STROLL ON . $ < ( HE SHAMBLES OFF DARKLY . $ STOPS . ) > $ HERE . $ 01 WHAT ? $ 04 WHAT TIME IS IT THEN ? $ 03 ROT OFF ! $ 04 I 'M NOT TALKING TO YOU , FLYNN . $ WHAT TIME IS IT ? $ 01 FIVE TO TEN . $ 04 I HOPE YOU 'RE RIGHT . $ YOU WOULDN'T BE HAVING ME ON NOW , WOULD YOU ? $ 03 ROT OFF ! $ 04 I 'LL DO YOU , FLYNN , IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN . $ < ( PAUSE . $ SILENCE . $ HE SHAMBLES AWAY . ) > $ #44 $ 01 PHEW ! $ 03 STUPID BLOODY SWEDE . $ TAKE NO NOTICE . $ RIGHT , I 'LL GO THEN . $ < ( HE GOES IN TO GET HIS GREATCOAT . $ ANOTHER VOICE , ROWE'S , COMES FROM ANOTHER DIRECTION . ) > $ 05 OI ! $ 01 WHAT ? - $ 05 IT 'S TEN PAST TEN . $ 01 SO ? $ 05 SO WHERE 'S THE RELIEF ? $ 01 IN THE NAAFI . $ 05 OH NO ! $ 01 DO YOU MIND HANGING ON ? $ 05 IT 'S BLOODY COLD , YOU KNOW . $ 01 I KNOW . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 05 THERE 'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO , IS THERE ? $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 THANKS . $ < ( ROWE GOES OFF GLOOMILY . $ FLYNN REAPPEARS . ) > $ 01 CHRIST , WHERE ARE THEY ? $ 03 I 'LL GO SEE . $ 01 THANKS . $ AND BRING THEM BACK , WHATEVER HAPPENS . $ DEAD OR ALIVE . $ 03 LISTEN , TERRY , THAT O'ROURKE CAN BE VERY UNPLEASANT , N OT TO SAY DANGEROUS . $ FOR GOD'S SAKE KEEP YOUR EYE ON HIM , PARTICULARLY IF HE 'S HAD A DROP . $ 01 DON'T WORRY , I WILL . $ 03 AND DON'T LOOK SO NERVOUS . $ 01 I 'M SCARED STIFF . $ 03 DON'T BE RIDICULOUS . $ YOU 'LL GET HOME ALL RIGHT . $ HERE . $ < ( GIVES HIM A PACKET OF CIGARETTES . ) > $ SMOKE YOURSELF TO DEATH . $ I WON'T BE LONG . $ #45 < ( HE GOES OFF . $ EVANS , VERY WORRIED , GOES INTO THE HUT . ) > $ 01 SEVENTEEN DEGREES FAHRENHEIT . $ FIFTEEN DEGREES OF FROST . $ IT 'S MAD . $ THE WHOLE COUNTRY 'S MAD . $ WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE ANYWAY ? $ OCCUPYING THE RHINE . $ BLOODY HELL . $ < ( HE OPENS THE TIN OF CIGARETTES THAT FLYNN GAVE HIM ) > $ CHRIST - WORMS ! $ < ( HE IS LOOKING AT THEM , WHEN CRAWLEY BURSTS IN , ANGRY . $ HE SWINGS ROUND IN TERROR AS THE DOOR OPENS . ) > $ 04 HERE , I JUST SAW BLOODY ROWE . $ IT 'S VERY NEARLY QUARTER PAST TEN . $ WHAT 'S GOING ON THEN ? $ 01 < ( WITH RELIEF ) > $ CRAWLEY . $ 04 YES , OF COURSE IT 'S ME . $ WHO THE HELL DID YOU THINK IT WAS ? $ < ( IT DAWNS ON HIM . $ HE POINTS AT EVANS . ) > $ YOU 'RE SITTING THERE CACKING YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WAS THE ORDERLY OFFICER , AREN'T YOU ? $ SO YOU BLOODY SHOULD BE . $ I WOULDN'T LIKE TO BE IN YOUR SWEATY BOOTS WHEN HE GETS HERE . $ WHERE ARE THEY , ANYWAY , THE ROTTEN CACKBAGS ? $ 01 I WISH I KNEW . $ 04 THEY 'RE AT THE ROTTEN NAAFI , THAT 'S WHERE THEY ARE , A LL OF THEM . $ WHERE 'S THAT FLYNN ? $ HE 'S GONE AS WELL , HAS HE ? $ CHEEKY TWIT . $ I 'LL THUMP THAT GET ONE OF THESE DAYS . $ THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH POXY MURDER - WELL HE POXY CAN'T . $ HERE , GIVE US A SNOUT . $ 01 LOOK , $ < ( GIVING HIM ONE ) > $ TAKE IT OUT BEHIND A TRUCK OR SOMETHING . $ CAN'T YOU ? $ 04 I 'M NOT GOING OUT THERE AGAIN . $ WHAT , AND DO O'ROURKE'S BASH WHILE HE SITS POURING GUINNESS DOWN HIM , - NOT ON YOUR SMELLY NELLY . $ 01 LOOK , SOMEBODY 'S GOT TO BE ON GUARD , HAVEN'T THEY ? $ 04 WHY ? $ 01 BECAUSE THAT 'S WHAT WE 'RE HERE FOR . $ 04 AND DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK SOME DAFT TWIT OF A RUSSIAN IS GOING TO CREEP ALL THE WAY UP HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIG HT , AND TOW ONE OFF TO MOSCOW ? $ 01 < ( STANDING UP , SHARPLY : HE IS NOT TOTALLY WITHOUT COM MAND ) > $ #46 $ CRAWLEY ! $ WHEN YOU ARE SPEAKING TO ME , YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS BOMBARD IER . $ YOU WILL PUT YOUR HEELS TOGETHER , AND YOU WILL NOT GIVE ME LIP . $ FURTHERMORE , WHEN YOU ARE ON GUARD , YOUR TOUR OF DUTY CONT INUES UNTIL YOU ARE RELIEVED : LEAVING YOUR POST BEFORE THAT TIME AMOUNTS TO DESERTION . $ IF YOU DON'T GET BACK ON GUARD IN DOUBLE TIME , I 'LL THROW THE LOT AT YOU , BOOK AND ALL . $ DO YOU HEAR ? $ RIGHT . $ < ( THEN , MORE NATURALLY . ) > $ WHATEVER TIME O'ROURKE AND FEATHERSTONE MISS , THEY WILL MAK E UP TO YOU ON YOUR NEXT SHIFT , BETWEEN TWO AND FOUR IN THE MORNING . $ DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK . $ NOW GET OUT . $ 04 YES , BUT .... $ 01 OH ROT OFF , CAN'T YOU ? $ 04 < ( GOING ) > $ BLOODY HELL ... $ < ( SHONE STAGGERS UP TO THE DOOR , PUSHES IT OPEN , AND STU MBLES IN . $ THEN HE STANDS , SOMEWHAT GLAZED , AND STUPIFIED . ) > $ 01 WELL - ? $ 02 EH ? $ 01 YOU BASTARD . $ < ( GOES OVER TO HIM . ) > $ YOU ROTTEN , STINKING PARASITE : I TRUSTED YOU , SHONE . $ 02 I 'M NOT JARRED , I 'VE BEEN ON THE BEVVY , BUT I 'M NOT JARRED . $ 01 YOU 'RE NOT JARRED : WHAT 'S THE MATTER WITH YOU THEN ? $ CHRIST , HOW DID YOU MANAGE IT IN A QUARTER OF AN HOUR ? $ YOU ROTTEN BASTARD . $ < ( SHONE SOLEMNLY SHAKES HIS HEAD , SLOWLY AND DELIBERATELY . $ EVANS STOPS . ) > $ HERE , WH - WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $ WHAT IS IT ? $ 02 IT 'S O'ROURKE . $ 01 WHAT - WHAT ABOUT HIM ? $ 02 HE GOT BLACK DRUNK . $ ANYBODY COULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING ALL NIGHT . $ < ( PASSIONATELY ) > $ YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING , JUST AS MUCH AS ANYBODY . $ 01 < ( SHOUTS BACK ) > $ WELL WHAT HAPPENED ? $ #47 $ 02 THEY SAY HE WENT BERSERK IN HIS BARRACK-ROOM . $ THEN HE CHUCKED HIMSELF OUT OF THE WINDOW . $ 01 WHAT ? $ IS HE DEAD ? $ 02 LUCKY FOR YOU , NO . $ HE WERE THAT DRUNK HE FELL LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES . $ NEVER SO MUCH AS BROKE A BONE . $ 01 WELL WHERE IS HE ? $ 02 WE TOOK HIM BACK TO HIS ROOM TO SOBER UP . $ FEATHERSTONE AND SOME OF HIS MATES ARE SEEING TO HIM . $ 01 JESUS CHRIST . $ DID ANYBODY SEE HIM ? $ 02 THAT 'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT , ISN'T IT ? $ CAN I HAVE SOME COCOA ? $ 01 YOU 'D BETTER . $ < ( HE SITS , STUNNED . ) > $ WELL , WHAT AM I TO DO ? $ GO ON , TELL ME , WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ? $ 02 I 'VE NO IDEA . $ YOU 'D NEVER CHARGE HIM . $ 01 WHY NOT ? $ IT 'S HIM OR ME . $ 02 AYE , I SUPPOSE IT IS . $ WELL , GO ON THEN , PICK UP TELL ELEPHONE , CONTACT THE DUTY SERGEANT , AND HAVE HIM ARRESTED . $ SUIT YOURSELF . $ 01 IS IT REALLY THAT EASY FOR YOU ? $ 02 NOT A BIT . $ I 'D NEVER CHARGE HIM . $ BUT I 'D NEVER BE A BOMBARDIER . $ I 'M PUTTING MYSELF IN YOUR BOOTS . $ AND I SUPPOSE YOU MUST , BY AND LARGE . $ 01 DID YOU SEE FLYNN ? $ 02 FLYNN ? $ NO . $ WHERE 'S HE GONE ? $ 01 PERHAPS HE 'LL GET HIM HERE . $ PERHAPS HE 'LL CARRY THE BASTARD HERE . $ DON'T YOU THINK ? $ 02 LOOK , DON'T KEEP ASKING ME . $ YOU GET THE EXTRA NINEPENCE A DAY , BOMBARDIER . $ 01 < ( THINKS . $ THEN ) > $ OH CHRIST , WHAT IS O'ROURKE , ANYWAY ? $ A STUPID , DRUNKEN IRISHMAN , - WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER TO HIM WHETHER HE 'S IN A CELL OR OUT OF ONE ? $ < ( HE PICKS UP THE PHONE TO RING THE DUTY SERGEANT . ) > $ 02 IT 'S A COURT-MARTIAL OFFENCE , OF COURSE . $ ABSENT FROM GUARD-DUTY . $ DRUNK ON GUARD . $ ATTEMPTED SUICIDE . $ WHICHEVER WAY YOU LOOK AT IT , HE 'LL GET EIGHTEEN MONTHS . $ #48 $ 01 DO YOU THINK SO ? $ 02 BLOODY CERTAIN . $ MORE LIKELY THREE YEARS . $ < ( EVANS PUTS THE PHONE DOWN . ) > $ 01 THREE YEARS ? $ 02 COULD BE FIVE . $ COULDN'T BE LESS THAN EIGHTEEN MONTHS , THOUGH , COULD IT ? $ I MEAN , HE 'S GOT A RECORD AS LONG AS YOUR ARM - THEY COULD N'T GIVE HIM LESS IF THEY TRIED - $ 01 BUT - $ OH JESUS , I COULDN'T DO THAT TO ANY MAN . $ < ( SHONE PREPARES HIS BED , TAKES OFF HIS GREAT-COAT , B D JACKET , GAITERS , AND FINISHES HIS FAG THROUGHOUT THE NEXT PART OF THE SCENE , VERY SLOWLY AND COMFORTABLY . ) > $ 02 OF COURSE , AS YOU SAY , IF YOU DON'T CHARGE HIM AND THEY FIND OUT , THEY 'LL CHARGE YOU . $ YOU 'LL NOT GET TWELVE MONTHS , BUT YOU CAN KISS YOUR LITTLE STRIPE TATA . $ 01 YES , AND BLIGHTY , AND ... WELL . $ 02 AND WHAT ? $ 01 NOTHING . $ 02 YOU WAS GOING TO SAY : AND MY LITTLE PIP , WEREN'T YOU ? $ I HEARD THEY WERE GOING TO SEND YOU BACK TO BLIGHTY TO BE AN OFFICER . $ IS THAT RIGHT ? $ 01 YES . $ THEY WERE . $ THEY STILL ARE . $ OH ROT YOU , O'ROURKE , ROT YOU IN HELL . $ WHY DOES HE HAVE TO GO SHOWING OFF TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS ? $ 02 HE WASN'T SHOWING OFF , YOU KNOW . $ 01 NO ? $ I DOUBT IT . $ 02 NO , HE WASN'T . $ HE BLOODY MEANT IT . $ < ( HE LIES DOWN ON THE BED . ) > $ 01 < ( TO HIMSELF ) > $ I CAN'T CHARGE HIM . $ HOW COULD I DO THAT ? $ 02 CAN WE HAVE THE LIGHT OUT ? $ 01 MIGHT AS WELL . $ 02 PUT IT OUT FOR US THEN , BOM . $ I 'VE JUST GOT SETTLED . $ < ( EVANS REACHES OUT AND PUTS THE LIGHT OUT . ) > $ 01 < ( SARCASTICALLY ) > $ ANYTHING ELSE ? $ 02 AYE , I 'D LIKE A NICE FAT TART WITH A WOBBLY JELLY-ROLL AND A MIND LIKE A CAIRO SEWER . $ THAT 'D BE FAVOURITE . $ #49 $ 01 YOU FILTHY-MINDED BASKET , GO TO SLEEP . $ < ( HE DOES SO , NOISILY . $ EVANS PROWLS AROUND FOR A LITTLE , EVENTUALLY SITS , HEAD IN HAND , FINGERS IN HIS EARS , WITH HIS BACK TO THE DOOR . $ THEN THE DOOR OPENS SLOWLY , AND A LARGE BULKY , BREATHING F IGURE IS STANDING THERE . $ EVANS' HEAD IS HANGING LIMP IN HIS HANDS , NOT NOTICING , HE ARING OR SEEING . $ SUDDENLY THE LIGHT GOES ON . $ SHONE SITS BOLT UPRIGHT , AND EVANS TURNS WITH A JUMP . $ SERGEANT WALKER IS STANDING THERE . $ HE SAYS , QUIETLY , AFTER LOOKING AT THE EMPTY BEDS . ) > $ 08 WELL , BOMBARDIER , TURN OUT YOUR GUARD . $ < FADE TO BLACKOUT . > $ < CURTAIN > $ #50 $ < ACT TWO > $ < SCENE ONE > $ < THE SAME SET . $ THEY ARE OUTSIDE THE HUT , WITH SHONE STANDING TO ATTENTION . $ EVANS TREMBLING TO ATTENTION AT RIGHT ANGLES TO HIM , AND SE RGEANT WALKER GRAVELY LOOKING ON . $ DURING THE FOLLOWING SCENE HE NEVER RAISES HIS VOICE , IS CA LM , ALMOST SERENE , AND PLAYS WHAT HE CONSIDERS TO BE A STE RN , IF KINDLY , FATHER-FIGURE . $ EVANS SALUTES . > $ 01 GUARD READY FOR INSPECTION - SAH ! $ 08 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SALUTE ME LAD , I 'M ONLY A SERGEANT , ALL RIGHT ? $ 01 YESSIR . $ 08 NOW THEN , DID I HEAR YOU REPORT THIS GUARD PRESENT AND C ORRECT , BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 NO SIR . $ 08 OH REALLY . $ WHY NOT ? $ 01 I 'M AFRAID IT IS NOT PRESENT AND CORRECT AT THE MOMENT , SIR . $ 08 OH , WHY IS THAT THEN , BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 < ( FALTERS , LOOKS AT SHONE , BACK ) > $ BECAUSE - I DON'T KNOW SERGEANT . $ 08 I SEE . $ WELL MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE CHAT ABOUT THAT IN A MOMENT OR TWO . $ AFTER WE 'VE HAD A LOOK AT THE BIT THAT IS PRESENT AND CORRE CT , EH SHONE . $ 02 SAH . $ < ( HE WALKS IN FRONT OF SHONE , AND BEHIND HIM . ) > $ 08 GUNNER SHONE . $ 02 SAH . $ 08 WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU 'RE ON ? $ 02 S - $ 08 DON'T ANSWER ME BACK , BOY . $ TELL ME , GUNNER SHONE , ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPERSONATE A SOL DIER ? $ < ( SHONE MOVES TO ANSWER YES , THEN STOPS . ) > $ 02 NO SIR . $ 08 SERGEANT . $ 02 NO , SERGEANT . $ #51 $ 08 I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WEREN'T . $ TELL ME WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPERSONATE , EH , LADDIE ? $ < ( SHONE IS DUMB . ) > $ RIGHT , GET YOURSELF OUT OF HERE . $ BUT BEFORE YOU GO , I 'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU . $ YOU , GUNNER SHONE , ARE ON A CHARGE . $ YOU 'RE ON A CHARGE FOR APPEARING ON GUARD TURN-OUT WITH YOU R BOOT-LACES UNDONE . $ YOU 'RE ON ANOTHER FOR YOUR LEFT GAITER , YOU 'RE ON ANOTHER FOR YOUR BELT ON UPSIDE-DOWN , AND YOU 'RE ON ANOTHER FOR Y OUR FLY-BUTTON - LEAVE IT ALONE , BOY , LEAVE IT BE . $ THIS IS GERMANY , SHONE , NOT THE BOYS' BRIGADE . $ WE 'RE HERE TO SHOW THESE BASTARDS HOW TO BEHAVE : RIGHT ? $ 02 YES , SERGEANT . $ 08 YOUR BREATH SMELLS OF BEER , GUNNER SHONE . $ HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING BEER WHILE ON GUARD-DUTY ? $ 02 NO , SERGEANT . $ 08 HAS HE , BOMBARDIER ? $ 01 NO , SERGEANT . $ 08 AH WELL , I AM VERY GLAD TO HEAR THAT . $ BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY SERIOUS CHARGE INDEED : DR INKING BEER WHILE ON GUARD-DUTY IS PRACTICALLY A HANGING-CHA RGE . $ BUT NOW THAT I KNOW YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DRINKING ON GUARD , I SUPPOSE I 'LL BE ABLE TO FORGET ABOUT IT . $ FALL HIM OUT , BOMBARDIER . $ 01 < ( OVER-SHRILL ) > $ GUARD - SLOPE-ARMS . $ GUARD , DIS-MISS . $ < ( SHONE DISMISSES . $ AS HE DOES SO WALKER SAYS FIRMLY . ) > $ 08 BATTERY-COMMANDER'S ORDERS , EIGHT-THIRTY SHARP , GUNNER . $ BEST BOOTS , BEST B.D. - SMILING - UNDERSTAND ? $ 02 YES SARGE . $ 08 RIGHT . $ SCARPER . $ BOMBARDIER . $ 01 SERGEANT ? $ < ( THEY WATCH SHONE GO INTO THE HUT . $ HE INSTANTLY LIES DOWN ON THE BED . ) > $ 08 I THINK YOU AND I HAD BETTER HAVE A WORD . $ 01 YES , SERGEANT . $ 08 RELAX , BOY , RELAX . $ 01 THANK YOU , SERGEANT . $ #52 $ 08 SMOKE ? $ 01 OH THANK YOU , SARGE . $ < ( HE TAKES THE OFFERED CIGARETTE , LIGHTS THE SERGEANT'S F IRST , CAREFULLY , THEN HIS OWN . ) > $ 08 YOU 'RE VERY LUCKY IT 'S ME TONIGHT , BOMBARDIER EVANS . $ MANY ANOTHER SERGEANT I KNOW WOULD HAVE HAD YOU IN IRONS BY NOW , TURNING OUT LIKE THAT . $ < ( PAUSE . $ NO RESPONSE FROM EVANS , BEYOND A GLOOMY NOD OF ACKNOWLEDGEM ENT . ) > $ YOU 'RE ALSO VERY LUCKY THAT I CAME ON A LITTLE PRIVATE VISI T OF MY OWN . $ 01 YES , SARGE . $ 08 BECAUSE IF I 'D BROUGHT THE ORDERLY OFFICER ALONG BOMBARD IER , YOUR FEET WOULDN'T HAVE TOUCHED THE GROUND UNTIL YOU W ERE INSIDE . $ 01 YES , SARGE . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 08 WELL , WHERE ARE THEY ? $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ ER - BEFORE YOU BEGIN . $ I 'D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT TO YOU THAT I AM WHAT IS KNOWN A S AN OLD SOLDIER . $ I KNOW ALL THE GAGS , SO YOU 'D BETTER LET ME HAVE IT STRAIG HT . $ O.K. ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW , SARGE . $ 08 I DO , BOY . $ STRAIGHT OR NOTHING . $ WHERE ARE THEY ? $ 01 WELL TWO WENT BACK TO THE COOKHOUSE WITH THE SUPPER-CANS , SERGEANT , AND ASKED COULD THEY DROP INTO THE NAAFI FOR TH EIR FAGS : IT 'S FRIDAY . $ 08 I SEE . $ 01 AND FLYNN 'S GONE TO LOOK FOR THEM . $ 08 BUT THE NAAFI IS CLOSED . $ 01 YES , SARGE . $ 08 SOME THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES AGO . $ 01 YES , SARGE . $ 08 SO WHERE ARE THEY ? $ 01 WELL THAT 'S WHY I SENT FLYNN TO LOOK FOR THEM , SARGE . $ #53 $ 08 ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME SON ? $ < ( SILENCE . ) > $ ARE YOU ? $ < ( SILENCE . $ FLYNN APPEARS QUIETLY ROUND THE CORNER OF THE HUT , AND WATC HES . ) > $ COME ON , BOMBARDIER . $ YOUR STORY 'S A LOAD OF OLD BULLSHINE . $ LOOK , ARE YOU TRYING TO COVER UP FOR SOMEBODY ? $ 01 NO , SARGE . $ 08 YOU 'D BE WELL ADVISED , YOU KNOW , TO TELL ME NOW . $ NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU . $ YOU 'VE GOT TO DROP SOMEBODY IN IT , YOU KNOW , SOONER OR LA TER : BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T , BOY , THEY 'LL CERTAINLY DROP Y OU IN IT , AND MAKE NO MISTAKE . $ 01 < ( DETERMINED ) > $ I 'M EXPECTING THEM BACK ANY MINUTE , SARGE . $ < ( WALKER GIVES HIM A GOOD LONG LOOK . $ HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON , AND IS HURT BY THIS LACK OF CONFIDENCE . ) > $ 08 VERY GOOD , BOMBARDIER . $ YOU 'RE A FOOL . $ YOU 'RE A STUPID BLOODY FOOL . $ AND WE 'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT . $ < ( FLYNN MOVES . $ WALKER SWINGS ROUND . ) > $ WHO GOES THERE ? $ 03 ME , SARGE . $ 08 WELL , WHERE ARE THEY ? $ 03 JUST COMING SARGE . $ THEY 'RE GETTING SOME EXTRA COCOA FROM THE COOKHOUSE , I BEL IEVE . $ < ( FLYNN HAS NOT BOTHERED TO LIE VERY WELL . $ WALKER LOOKS FROM ONE TO THE OTHER . $ HE DOESN'T BELIEVE A WORD . ) > $ 08 THANK YOU , FLYNN . $ OFF YOU GO . $ 03 SARGE . $ < ( HE GOES INTO THE HUT . ) > $ 08 O.K. BOMBARDIER . $ YOU 'VE MADE YOUR BED . $ NOW YOU MUST BLOODY LIE IN IT . $ NEXT TIME I COME AROUND WILL BE WITH THE ORDERLY OFFICER , M R . PICKERING , - AND BY CHRIST , YOU 'D BETTER TURN OUT THA T GUARD : FAST AND DRESSED , BULLED AND BEAUTIFUL : AND ALL PRESENT AND CORRECT . $ BECAUSE YOU 'VE REJECTED ME , BOMBARDIER , JUST AS YOU HAVE REJECTED YOUR CLEAR LINE OF DUTY . $ AND A REJECTED MAN IS A BITTER ENEMY . $ CLEAR ? $ 01 YES , SARGE . $ #54 $ 08 ANYTHING TO SAY ? $ 01 YES , SARGE . $ 08 WHAT IS IT ? $ 01 I GO TO BLIGHTY TOMORROW , SARGE . $ 08 DO YOU ? $ YOU BLOODY HOPE YOU DO . $ FALL OUT . $ < ( HE DOES SO . $ WALKER GOES , ABRUPTLY , SOMEWHAT HUMILIATED . ) > $ < ( EVANS GOES QUICKLY IN TO THE HUT . $ SHONE IS FLAT OUT ON THE BED , SNORING . $ AS EVANS COMES IN HE DOES A SNORT AND TURNS OVER . $ FLYNN IS SITTING AT THE TABLE . $ THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER . $ EVANS SITS ON THE END OF A BED . $ SILENCE . ) > $ 01 WHAT HAPPENED ? $ 03 THEY 'LL BE HERE IN TEN MINUTES . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ YOU 'RE MAD , TERRY . $ 01 < ( LOOKING AT SHONE ) > $ IS HE OFF ? $ < ( THEY LISTEN TO DEEP BREATHING , THEN ) > $ WALKER JUST PUT HIM ON A CHARGE . $ 03 YOU 'RE JOKING . $ 01 I 'M NOT . $ 03 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ THE IRONY IS SWEET . $ 01 I 'M GLAD SOMETHING PLEASES YOU . $ I GATHER I DO NOT . $ 03 ACH , YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS . $ 01 IS THAT SO ? $ 03 WHOSE SIDE DO YOU THINK YOU 'RE ON , ANYWAY ? $ 01 LOOK , BILL , I 'M ONLY STANDING UP FOR YOUR MATES - YOU 'D EXPECT ME TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU , WOULDN'T YOU ? $ 03 MY MATES ? $ 01 WELL , MINE THEN . $ 03 YOURS ? $ AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU RECKON TO BE YOUR MATES ? $ 01 YES , BUT STILL - $ 03 IF YOU IMAGINE FOR ONE MINUTE THAT EITHER OF THOSE TWO RO TTEN GOBSHITES WILL THINK ANY THE BETTER OF YOU , YOU 'RE DR EAMING . $ TELL ME , DO YOU SEE O'ROURKE EMBRACING YOU WITH TEARS IN HI S EYES AND A LUMP IN HIS THROAT , AND FEATHERSTONE GETTING I N THE BEER AND THE THREE OF YOU SINGING AND DANCING ROUND TH E PIANO - IS THAT WHAT YOU SEE , OR WHAT IS IT , BECAUSE I D ON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL . $ #55 $ 01 LOOK , BILL , ARE YOU SETTING OUT TO HURT ME ? $ BECAUSE IF YOU ARE , I CAN DO WITHOUT IT . $ 03 I 'M NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU , TERRY , I 'M TRYING TO BRIN G YOU TO YOUR SENSES . $ 01 OH , IS THAT WHAT YOU 'RE TRYING TO DO ? $ 03 LOOK , WHAT KIND OF USELESS GESTURE WAS THAT YOU MADE JUS T NOW ? $ WHY DID YOU NOT TELL SERGEANT WALKER EXACTLY WHAT WAS HAPPEN ING ? $ 01 OH - I WISH I HAD . $ 03 RING HIM . $ HERE - $ < ( HE HOLDS OUT THE PHONE . ) > $ IT 'S NOT TOO LATE . $ HE 'S A DECENT MAN . $ 01 NO . $ I CAN'T . $ 03 ARE YOU CRAZY ? $ HERE , LET ME DIAL THE SERGEANTS' MESS . $ 01 THANK YOU , NO . $ 03 ACH , DON'T BE WITLESS . $ 01 < ( RISING ) > $ NO ! $ < ( PAUSE . $ FLYNN STOPS IN MID-DIAL . ) > $ 03 WHY NOT ? $ 01 BECAUSE HE 'LL CHARGE HIM . $ HE 'LL HAVE TO . $ 03 NOT AT ALL . $ 01 OF COURSE HE WILL . $ HE CAN'T CHARGE THIS ONE FOR A GAITER-STRAP UNDONE , AND LET THE OTHERS GO SCOT-FREE FOR WHAT AMOUNTS TO DESERTING THEIR POST . $ 03 SO ? $ SO WHAT IF HE CHARGES THEM ? $ THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING THEY GET . $ 01 I CANNOT SEND A MAN TO PRISON FOR EIGHTEEN MONTHS OF HIS LIFE , MAYBE MORE , MUCH MORE . $ 03 WHY NOT ? $ IF HE BREAKS THE LAW , HE MUST GO TO PRISON ; AND SOME POOR BASTARD LIKE YOU HAS GOT TO SEND THEM THERE . $ DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ? $ #56 $ 01 YES . $ 03 AM I RIGHT ? $ 01 YES . $ 03 DO YOU ACCEPT THAT ? $ 01 YES . $ 03 SO WILL YOU TELEPHONE ? $ 01 < ( HE SHAKES HIS HEAD ) > $ NO . $ I CAN'T . $ < ( FLYNN LOOKS AT HIM , MOTIONLESS . ) > $ 03 SO YOU ARE A COWARD . $ 01 OF COURSE I 'M NOT . $ WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? $ 03 I SEE . $ SO YOU 'RE A DETERMINED REBEL MAN , IS THAT IT ? $ YOU 'RE MAYBE A SECRET REVOLUTIONARY , WORKING FOR MOSCOW BE HIND MY BACK , I 'D NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT . $ DESPERATE MEN . $ BANDITS ALL . $ 01 OH , DON'T BE RIDICULOUS , BILL , YOU KNOW - $ 03 WELL WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU STAND FOR ? $ 01 < ( SHOUTS ) > $ OH , LEAVE ME ALONE ! $ 03 GOOD . $ FINE . $ GET ANGRY . $ GO ON , I 'D LOVE TO SEE YOU GET ANGRY . $ I 'D LOVE TO SEE YOU BURSTING WITH SOMETHING . $ 01 < ( FEELING WEAK ) > $ WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY , BILL ? $ 03 ONE THING OR THE OTHER . $ I WANT YOU TO SAY EITHER GOD'S CURSE ON THOSE TWO BLACK BAST ARDS , I 'LL PUT THEM AWAY FOR A LIFETIME , OR BUGGER THE LO T OF IT , ROT ALL THE BOFORS , I 'M OFF TO THE NAAFI TO JOIN THEM . $ ONE OR THE OTHER . $ LIFE 'S TOO SHORT . $ 01 I WISH IT WAS SO SIMPLE . $ IT ISN'T , OF COURSE , AND YOU KNOW IT ISN'T . $ 03 ACH , YOU MAKE ME SICK . $ 01 I LIKE O'ROURKE . $ 03 JESUS ! $ 01 I 'VE NEVER BEEN INSIDE A MILITARY PRISON , BUT I CAN GUE SS , AND I 'VE HEARD . $ SO HAVE YOU . $ I DON'T THINK HE DESERVES IT . $ I DON'T THINK HE DESERVES TO LOSE FIVE YEARS OUT OF HIS LIFE , EITHER . $ IT 'S WRONG . $ IT WILL DO HIM NO GOOD . $ IT WILL DO HIM POSITIVE HARM . $ SO I AM PREPARED TO TAKE A CALCULATED RISK ON MY OWN FUTURE . $ IT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER TO REPORT HIM . $ #57 $ IT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER TO MAKE A " CLEAR-CUT " DECISION . $ BUT I CAN'T . $ 03 YOU 'RE LYING , TERRY . $ 01 I 'M TRYING NOT TO . $ 03 OWN UP . $ 01 I 'M NOT AFRAID OF O'ROURKE , IF THAT 'S WHAT YOU 'RE THI NKING . $ 03 NO , BUT YOU ARE AFRAID . $ IT 'S WRITTEN ALL OVER YOU . $ 01 IF THAT BLOKE HAD A DECENT CHANCE , HE 'D BE PERFECTLY AL L RIGHT . $ 03 CRAP ! $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 03 < ( HAVING CALCULATED ) > $ IF YOU WERE TO CHARGE O'ROURKE TONIGHT , YOU WOULDN'T BE ON THAT TRAIN TOMORROW , WOULD YOU , TERRY ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ I SUPPOSE I WOULDN'T . $ 03 TOO BLOODY RIGHT YOU WOULDN'T . $ YOU WOULDN'T GET AWAY FOR A MONTH , WITH A COURT-MARTIAL TO SEE TO , AND A SERIOUS ONE AT THAT . $ 01 IF I DON'T GO TOMORROW , I DON'T GO AT ALL . $ 03 WHY 'S THAT ? $ 01 I 'VE WORKED IT OUT . $ IT WOULDN'T BE WORTH THEIR WHILE . $ LOOK : I 'VE DONE SEVEN MONTHS NOW , RIGHT ? $ 03 RIGHT . $ 01 IF I GO NOW , AND PASS THE BOARD , IN FIVE MONTHS' TIME I 'LL BE AN OFFICER : RIGHT - RIGHT , THAT MEANS A YEAR TO PU SH ; FAIR ENOUGH - BUT IF I DON'T GO NOW , THERE 'LL NOT BE ANOTHER PLACE ON THE BOARD FOR THREE MONTHS , RIGHT , EVEN A SSUMING THEY STILL THOUGHT ME SUITABLE . $ THEN , IF I PASS , ANOTHER FIVE MONTHS , THEN A SPOT OF LEAV E AND A BIT OF WAITING AROUND AND I 'LL BE PRACTICALLY OUT O F THE ARMY BEFORE THEY START TO GET THEIR MONEYSWORTH . $ THEY 'LL NEVER BOTHER . $ AND HERE I 'LL BE , FOR ANOTHER YEAR AND A HALF . $ I THINK I 'D GO MAD . $ 03 YOU 'RE JUST SHIT-SCARED , YOU 'RE LIKE A FRIGHTENED LITT LE LAD , WHO WANTS TO RUN HOME TO HIS MAMMY . $ 01 NO ! $ < ( HE BREAKS DOWN UNDER THE STRAIN . $ THEN HE GETS UP AND GOES OUT . $ #58 $ FLYNN FOLLOWS HIM . ) > $ 03 YOU 'RE QUITE RIGHT . $ IT 'S TOO BLOODY HOT IN HERE FOR COMFORT , AND I THINK THE C OKE-FUMES ARE DANGEROUS - CARBON MONOXIDE AND OTHER SUCH SEC RET KILLERS ABOUND . $ < ( GETS UP . ) > $ HERE , LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND . $ < ( THEY GO OUT OF THE DOOR . $ EVANS LEANS AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE HUT . ) > $ 01 THAT 'S BETTER . $ < ( FAINT NOISES . ) > $ < ( HE SMILES , RUEFULLY ) > $ SOUNDS LIKE IT 'S BEEN A GREAT NIGHT AT THE NAAFI . $ < ( HE BREATHES IN DEEPLY , TO RESTORE OXYGEN TO HIS BLOODST REAM . ) > $ YOU GO IN , BILL . $ IT 'S BLOODY COLD OUT HERE . $ I 'LL BE ALL RIGHT IN A SECOND OR TWO . $ 03 NO , NO . $ I 'LL KEEP AN EYE ON YOU . $ YOU NEED SOMEONE TO DO THAT . $ 01 < ( NODS ) > $ I 'M IN A COLD SWEAT , BILL . $ 03 AH , OF COURSE YOU ARE . $ I 'D BE IN A BIT OF A PANIC MYSELF . $ HERE , HAVE A FAG . $ 01 THANKS . $ < ( THEY LIGHT UP . ) > $ LOOK BILL , I MEANT WHAT I SAID ABOUT O'ROURKE . $ I DON'T WANT TO SEND HIM TO PRISON . $ IF I DON'T CHARGE HIM , IT 'S NOT JUST AN EXCUSE FOR GETTING ME SAFE HOME . $ 03 NO , BUT IT HELPS . $ 01 OH FOR GOD'S SAKE - $ 03 HE SHOULD BE UNDER LOCK AND KEY , - FOR HIS OWN SAFETY . $ THAT 'S ALL THERE IS TO IT . $ 01 ER , BILL . $ 03 YES . $ 01 YOU KNOW YOU DROPPED ME A PACKET OF FAGS JUST NOW . $ 03 MM . $ < ( HE MOVES AWAY , SHARPLY , EMBARRASSED . ) > $ #59 $ 01 WELL - IT - THERE WERE . $ DO YOU KNOW WHAT I 'M TALKING ABOUT , OR AREN'T YOU LISTENIN G ? $ 03 I 'M LISTENING . $ 01 WELL , THERE WERE WHAT APPEARED TO BE DEAD WORMS IN IT . $ NOT FAGS , JUST WORMS . $ 03 AHA . $ 01 DID YOU MEAN TO PUT THEM IN , OR WAS IT A JOKE ? $ 03 < ( COVERING UP ) > $ NO , NO , IT WASN'T A JOKE . $ I - ER - I GAVE YOU THE WRONG TIN . $ 01 WELL WHAT DO YOU KEEP THOSE WORMS FOR ? $ 03 WELL , AS A MATTER OF FACT , I FISH . $ 01 REALLY ? $ 03 YES . $ I FISH THE CANAL . $ ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON . $ 01 ON YOUR OWN ? $ 03 PREFERABLY ON MY OWN . $ I FIND IT RELAXING . $ < ( HE MORE OR LESS REFUSES TO SAY ANY MORE ON THE SUBJECT . ) > $ 01 I SEE : THAT MUST BE A NICE CHANGE . $ 03 IT IS . $ < ( HE GOES INTO THE HUT , PUTS ON HIS GREAT-COAT AND RE-EME RGES . ) > $ 01 WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? $ 03 TO FETCH O'ROURKE . $ IT 'S TIME HE WAS BACK . $ < ( HE GOES OFF , HUDDLED UP IN HIS COAT . $ EVANS STAYS , LEANING AGAINST THE HUT . $ MORE NOISES OF REVELRY . $ THEN CRAWLEY TIP-TOES OUT OF THE GLOOM . ) > $ 04 OI ! $ 01 WHAT ? $ 04 HAS HE GONE ? $ 01 WHO ? $ 04 THAT SERGEANT . $ 01 WHAT 'S IT LOOK LIKE ? $ 04 RIGHT . $ 01 RIGHT WHAT ? $ 04 I 'M COMING IN . $ #60 $ 01 OH NO YOU 'RE NOT . $ < ( IN SPITE OF EVANS TRYING TO GRAB HIM , CRAWLEY MARCHES I N , PUTS DOWN HIS RIFLE , TAKES OFF HIS WEBBING , OPENS HIS GREAT-COAT , AND PROCEEDS TO WARM HIMSELF AT THE STOVE THROU GHOUT HIS NEXT SCENE . ) > $ CRAWLEY ! $ 04 YES , BOM . $ 01 ARE YOU GOING TO GO ON DUTY OR ARE YOU NOT ? $ 04 I COULDN'T RIGHTLY SAY . $ I 'M NOT SURE , BOM . $ 01 WELL , I 'M TELLING YOU YOU ARE . $ 04 ARE YOU , BOM ? $ 01 YES , I BLOODY AM . $ 04 < ( PEACEABLY ) > $ A - A . $ DON'T SWEAR AT ME , BOM . $ YOU 'LL HAVE ME WRITING TO MY M.P. $ I 'VE GOT A VERY SENSITIVE EAR FOR THAT KIND OF THING . $ AS A MATTER OF FACT , MY DAD IS AN ELDER OF THE BETHESDA CHA PEL . $ 01 LOOK , CRAWLEY , REFUSING TO OBEY AN ORDER IS AN OFFENCE . $ 04 HERE , WHERE 'S MY MATE O'ROURKE , THEN ? $ < ( HE LOOKS AROUND . ) > $ AT THE COOKHOUSE , IS HE ? $ WITH FEATHERSTONE ? $ 01 I 'M GOING TO BE OBLIGED TO CHARGE YOU , IF YOU 'RE NOT V ERY CAREFUL . $ < ( PAUSE . $ SHONE WAKES UP AND LOOKS AT WHAT 'S GOING ON . ) > $ 04 WAS YOU JUST THEN TALKING ABOUT CHARGING PEOPLE ? $ EVENING , SHONE , GLAD TO SEE YOU 'RE WITH US . $ 01 I WAS TALKING ABOUT CHARGING YOU . $ 04 AND WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING ABOUT CHARGING THOSE OTHER TWO LAYABOUTS ? $ - IT 'S THEIR TOUR OF DUTY , BOMBARDIER , IT 'S NO LONGER MI NE . $ IT CEASED BEING MINE THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR AGO . $ YOU CAN'T OBLIGE ME TO PERFORM THEIR DUTY FOR THEM JUST BECA USE THEY 'RE ON THE BEVVY , MATE . $ IF YOU 'RE GOING TO CHARGE ANYBODY , CHARGE THEM . $ 02 HEAR , HEAR ! $ THEM TWO GET PARALYTIC PLASTERED IN THE ROTTEN BLOODY NAAFI , MISS THEIR TOUR AND RUN BERSERK , AND I 'M THE POOR ROTTEN SOD WHO GETS PUT ON A FIZZER . $ AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT ? $ 01 WELL , WHOSE FAULT IS IT ? $ #61 $ 04 < ( TO EVANS ) > $ WELL WHAT I SAY IS , DON'T ADD INSULT TO INJURY . $ I 'VE DONE YOU A FAVOUR OUT OF KINDNESS , STOPPING OUT THERE STAMPING MY FEET UP AND DOWN THE PERIMETER , FORTY MINUTES BEYOND MY LEGAL ENTITLEMENT : DON'T TURN ON ME NOW , AFTER A LL THAT , AND SAY YOU 'RE GOING TO PUT ME IN THE GUARD-HOUSE . $ FAIR DOS , BOM : I WENT OUT WHEN YOU ASKED ME , DIDN'T I ? $ 02 ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT ONE INNOCENT PARTY HAS BEEN SHAT UPO N ? $ 01 LOOK , CRAWLEY , IT 'S ONE THING TO HAVE NOBODY HANGING A ROUND HERE , - THAT 'S BAD ENOUGH , THAT 'S QUITE SUFFICIENT TO GET ME BUSTED AND EVERYBODY ELSE TWENTY EIGHT DAYS INSID E , - BUT IF THE ORDERLY OFFICER WERE TO ARRIVE AND FIND NOB ODY ACTUALLY ON GUARD , WE 'D ALL BE INSIDE FOR YEARS . $ DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ? $ 04 THAT APPEARS TO BE YOUR PROBLEM , BOMBARDIER . $ 01 NOW LOOK HERE , CRAWLEY - $ < ( THE DOOR HAS BEEN FLUNG OPEN AND ROWE WALKS IN . $ HE CLOSES THE DOOR FIRMLY BEHIND HIM , THROWS HIS RIFLE WITH A CLATTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR , AND CALMLY LIES DOWN ON A BED . $ HE DOES NOT LOOK AT ANYBODY OR BOTHER ABOUT ANYBODY . $ THERE IS A BRIEF SILENCE . ) > $ ROWE , GET BACK ON DUTY AT ONCE . $ < ( SILENCE . ) > $ GUNNER ROWE , I ORDER YOU TO RETURN TO YOUR POST . $ < ( PAUSE . $ THEN ROWE SPEAKS QUIETLY . ) > $ 05 ROT THAT FOR A LARK . $ I 'VE GOT FROST-BITE . $ 04 HAVE YOU ? $ 05 YES , I BLOODY HAVE . $ 04 SO HAVE I . $ WHERE 'S YOURS ? $ 05 THE TEN FINGERS OF MY HANDS , THE TEN TOES OF MY FEET , A ND THE TWO CHEEKS OF MY BACKSIDE . $ IF I STAY OUT THERE ONE MINUTE LONGER , I 'LL HAVE A FROST-B ITTEN COCK , WHICH I DO NOT INTEND TO HAVE . $ I 'M SORRY , BOMBARDIER . $ I JUST CAN'T HELP YOU . $ < ( THERE IS A STUNNED SILENCE . $ EVANS TURNS AWAY AND GAZES AT THE TELEPHONE . $ HE GOES AND SITS AT THE TABLE , AND PICKS IT UP . $ THEN HE PUTS IT DOWN AND LOOKS AT THEM ALL AGAIN . $ THEY ARE WATCHING HIM , EXCEPT ROWE , WHO IS LYING ON HIS BA CK , RUBBING HIS HANDS . $ AS HE PICKS IT UP AND BEGINS TO DIAL , FLYNN COMES IN WITH A COCOA THERMOS . $ #62 $ HE HAS BEEN RUNNING . $ EVANS PUTS THE PHONE DOWN . ) > $ 01 WELL ? $ WHERE ARE THEY ? $ 03 < ( OUT OF BREATH , NODS , POINTS ) > $ OUT THERE . $ < ( HE POINTS TO THE THERMOS . ) > $ COCOA . $ 02 GREAT , CAN WE HAVE IT NOW , BOM ? $ 01 WHAT 'S HAPPENING ? $ < ( SHONE POURS COCOA FOR HIMSELF , ROWE AND CRAWLEY . $ THEN FOR FLYNN AND EVANS THROUGHOUT THIS SCENE . ) > $ 03 I FOUND THEM WHERE I LEFT THEM , IN THE COOKHOUSE . $ O'ROURKE WAS VOMITING GUINNESS AND BLOOD , FINE AND DANDY AT THE COOKHOUSE DOOR . $ 04 HERE , WHAT 'S BEEN GOING ON THEN ? $ 02 THAT MAD O'ROURKE CHUCKED HIMSELF THROUGH A WINDOW . $ TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE . $ 04 GET AWAY . $ 02 I TELL YOU NO LIES , BROTHER . $ 03 HE ALSO , AT ONE TIME , HAD AM AXE . $ HE AIMED TO REVENGE HIMSELF ON THE REGIMENT BY SYSTEMATICALL Y CHOPPING IT UP , BEGINNING WITH THE MASCOT . $ 04 02 WHAT ABOUT THAT ? $ BLOODY HELL . $ 03 HE NO LONGER HAS THE AXE . $ BUT HE 'S FAR FROM BENEVOLENT . $ ANYWAY , THE MAIN THING IS THAT BROTHER FEATHERSTONE IS SUPP ORTING HIM , SINGLE-HANDED , EVEN NOW , ALONG THE DARK BACK ALLEYS OF THE CAMP , TO THIS VERY SHED . $ HE 'LL BE HERE IN TWO MINUTES , I PROMISE . $ 01 THANK GOD FOR THAT . $ < ( A PAUSE . $ THEY SIT , LIE OR STAND , THINKING OF O'ROURKE'S GREAT GLOOM , WHICH THEY ALL UNDERSTAND AND TO SOME EXTENT FEEL . $ AT THIS MOMENT , O'ROURKE ASSUMES HEROIC STATURE IN THEIR MI NDS . ) > $ 02 HE 'S RIGHT DESPERATE TONIGHT , POOR BASTARD . $ 05 < ( LAUGHS SOFTLY ) > $ CHRIST , I 'D LOVE TO HAVE SEEN HIM WITH THAT CHOPPER . $ 03 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ HE 'S A MANIAC , AND NEEDS TO BE PUT OUT OF HIS MISERY . $ #63 $ 02 I SEEN HIM HIT THE DECK . $ HE COME FLYING THROUGH THIS WINDOW , TWENTY FEET IN THE AIR , AND CRUMPLED UP ON THE DECK , LIKE A CART-HORSE ON ICE ; G ENTLE , BUT DEFINITE . $ THUMP . $ AND I LOOKED UP , AND THERE WERE THESE FLAMES FLICKERING IN THE WINDOW , AND AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS A FIRE , BUT NO - - WHAT HE 'D DONE , HE 'D PUT ALL HIS GEAR IN A BIG PILE ON THE BED , AND SET A MATCH TO IT . $ THEN HE JUMPED . $ 04 WAS HE HURT ? $ 02 NOT A SCRATCH . $ NOT A MARK ON HIM . $ JUST CRUMPLED LIKE AN OVERCOAT . $ IT WAS ME PICKED HIM UP , I TELL YOU NO LIES . $ 05 WAS HE CONSCIOUS ? $ 02 HE WAS DRUNK . $ WHEN I SHOOK HIM TO SEE WAS HE DEAD , HE SNORTED LIKE A PIG , AND THEN HE LAUGHED LIKE A BIG , DAFT DRUNK . $ I THINK HE WOULD HAVE FALLEN FAST ASLEEP , THERE ON THE DECK , IF I HADN'T MOVED HIM - ME AND FEATHERSTONE . $ < ( PAUSE . $ THEY THINK ABOUT HIM AGAIN . ) > $ 01 WHEN HE GETS HERE , HE 'D BETTER GO STRAIGHT OUT ON GUARD , - AND STAY OUT TILL THE TURN-OUT 'S OVER . $ WE 'LL CART HIM AWAY , RIGHT TO THE FAR END OF THE GUN-PARK , SO EVEN IF THEY LOOK FOR HIM THEY 'LL NEVER FIND HIM . $ I THINK THAT 'S THE BEST THING . $ THEN WE 'RE ALL IN THE CLEAR . $ 04 IT SOUNDS TO ME AS IF HE 'LL DO WHAT HE WANTS , AND NOTHI NG BUT WHAT HE WANTS . $ 02 OH , I DON'T KNOW . $ HE 'LL BE GETTING A BIT , YOU KNOW , STUPID NOW . $ HE 'LL BE SINKING INTO A MIGHTY STUPOR . $ HE 'LL NOT GIVE MUCH TROUBLE . $ < ( A NOISE OFF . ) > $ 02 SOUND LIKE HIM . $ 01 SH ! $ < ( SLOWLY FEATHERSTONE COMES IN SIGHT , DRAGGING THE INERT , BLOOD-STAINED , FILTHY , VOMIT-COVERED CARCASS OF O'ROURKE . $ THE OTHERS GO TO THE DOOR AND GAZE ON THIS SIGHT , NOT MOVIN G TO HELP . $ O'ROURKE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF , AND BELLOWS FROM TIME TO TIME . ) > $ 07 < ( INCOHERENT ) > $ I AM NOT GOING ON GUARD , I AM NOT GOING ON GUARD , ROT THE BOFORS , I WANT TO REST . $ ROT THE BOFORS GUNS , I AM NOT GOING ON GUARD TONIGHT . $ #64 $ 06 GIVE US A HAND , CAN'T YOU ? $ DON'T JUST STAND THERE . $ < ( SHONE AND CRAWLEY GO AND HELP HIM , GINGERLY , AND TOGET HER THEY GET HIM INTO THE HUT , AND LAY HIM ON A BED . $ FEATHERSTONE IS SWEATING AND HALF-DRUNK HIMSELF ANYWAY . $ HE SITS ON ANOTHER BED , NEXT TO O'ROURKE , AND GIVES IN TO FATIGUE . ) > $ JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY , WHAT A NIGHT . $ PAH ! $ I 'M COVERED IN THAT ROTTEN BASTARD'S SPEW . $ GIVE US A RAG , SOMEBODY . $ 02 < ( HOLDING OUT COTTON-WASTE FROM THE WASTE-BIN ) > $ HERE . $ IT 'S A BIT OILY , BUT IT 'LL DO . $ BLOODY HELL , LOOK AT THE STATE OF HIM ! $ IT 'LL NEED A BIT MORE THAN A BIT OF COTTON-WASTE TO CLEAN H IM UP AND THAT 'S NO LIE . $ < ( HE GOES AND SCRUTINISES O'ROURKE , WHO LIES INERT , MUMB LING . ) > $ HERE , HE 'S PASSED OUT . $ EH , HE 'S ALL WHITE AND QUIVERING . $ I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THIS : LOOK AT THAT , BOMBARDIER - HE LOOKS DANGEROUSLY ILL TO ME . $ 01 < ( GOES AND LOOKS AT HIM DUBIOUSLY ) > $ MM . $ OH , I DON'T KNOW , HE DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD , REALLY . $ 03 < ( SHARPLY ) > $ YOU SHOULD SEND FOR THE M.O. RIGHT AWAY . $ 06 YOU 'LL DO NO SUCH THING . $ OVER MY DEAD BODY THAT BLOODY DOCTOR WALKS IN HERE . $ 03 DON'T BE SO BLOODY STUPID . $ HE COULD BE DYING FOR ALL WE KNOW . $ 06 DYING OF WHAT ? $ HE WAS ALL RIGHT TEN MINUTES AGO , YOU SAW HIM YOURSELF . $ HE WAS WALKING ON HIS OWN TWO FEET WHEN WE LEFT THE COOKHOUS E . $ IT 'S JUST CAUGHT UP WITH HIM , THAT 'S ALL . $ 03 HE COULD BE BLEEDING TO DEATH FROM INTERNAL HEAMORRAGE FO R ALL YOU KNOW - HE FELL FROM A WINDOW , DIDN'T HE ? $ 06 HE JUMPED . $ 03 RIGHT THEN , SO I SUPPOSE HE 'S GOT TO TAKE WHAT 'S COMIN G TO HIM ? $ 06 < ( STANDING UP AND GETTING HOLD OF FLYNN'S LAPELS ) > $ LOOK , YOU PHILOSOPHISED IRISH BUM BOY . $ WHO ASKED YOU TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH , EH ? $ WHO ASKED YOUR LITTLE OPINION , EH ? $ CAN'T YOUR LITTLE FRIEND SPEAK FOR HIMSELF - CAN'T HE ? $ 01 < ( TRYING TO BREAK IT UP ) > $ ALL RIGHT , THAT 'LL DO FEATHERSTONE . $ #65 $ THERE 'S ENOUGH BLOOD ABOUT THE PLACE ALREADY . $ NOW LISTEN , THERE CAN BE NO QUESTION OF SENDING ANYBODY FOR THE M.O. - $ 03 YOU 'RE MAD . $ < ( EVANS IGNORES HIM . $ HE TURNS AWAY FROM FEATHERSTONE AND SITS ON HIS BED . ) > $ 01 NOR CAN THERE BE ANY QUESTION OF HIM LYING THERE . $ FOR YOUR INFORMATION , FEATHERSTONE , THE ORDERLY SERGEANT H AS ALREADY BEEN - $ 02 AYE , AND PUT ME ON A ROTTEN CHARGE - $ 01 - AND HE KNOWS YOU 'VE BEEN OUT . $ HE 'S COMING BACK . $ WITH MR. PICKERING . $ WHEN HE COMES BACK , WHICH COULD BE AT ANY MOMENT , NEITHER YOU NOR O'ROURKE CAN POSSIBLY BE IN THIS GUARD-ROOM . $ IS THAT QUITE CLEAR ? $ UGH HE 'D BLOODY DIE . $ HE 'D DIE OF PNEUMONIA . $ 01 NOT IF WE WRAP HIM UP . $ WE CAN PARK HIM AGAINST A GUN , OUT OF THE WIND . $ 06 HE 'LL DIE THE DEATH MATE , DO ME A FAVOUR . $ LOOK , WHY CAN'T WE ROLL HIM UP IN A BLANKET , AND STUFF HIM UNDER THE BED ? $ THEY 'D NEVER SEE HIM . $ THEN YOU COULD STILL SAY HE WAS OUT DOING THE PERIMETER , CO ULDN'T YOU ? $ 01 HE HAS GOT TO GO OUT ON DUTY . $ 03 AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE LITTLE SECOND-LIEUTENANT INSI STS ON SEEING HIM ? $ WHERE ARE YOU THEN ? $ YOU 'RE BOTH CRAZY , THE PAIR OF YOU . $ 06 YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS , FLYNN , OR I 'LL THUMP YOU STUPID . $ 01 LISTEN , BILL , AS LONG AS HE 'S OUT THERE ON GUARD - $ 03 LOOK , IF YOU WANT TO GET HOME AS BADLY AS YOU SAY YOU DO , WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NAIVE ? $ 01 LET ME DO THIS MY OWN WAY . $ 03 YOUR OWN WAY . $ 01 < ( ANGRY ) > $ I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT . $ 03 GO AHEAD . $ DIG YOUR OWN GRAVE . $ IT SHOULD BE AMUSING TO WATCH . $ 01 RIGHT . $ GOOD . $ NOW . $ LET 'S CLEAN HIM UP . $ FEATHERSTONE , DO SOMETHING WILL YOU ? $ #66 $ 06 WHAT ? $ 01 GET SOME OF THE CRUD OFF HIM , BEFORE IT HARDENS . $ GIVE HIM A HAND , WILL YOU , ROWE ? $ 06 OH , EH , BOM .... $ 01 < ( FIRMLY ) > $ DO IT . $ 06 OH , BLOODY HELL . $ 01 SHONE , GO TO THE LATRINE ROUND THE BACK , GET SOME WATER IF THE TAP 'S NOT FROZEN . $ QUICK , ON THE DOUBLE . $ WE CAN'T MUCK ABOUT . $ 02 WHAT SHALL I FETCH IT IN ? $ 03 FETCH IT IN YOUR BOY SCOUT'S HAT - IT 'S YOUR GOOD DEED F OR THE DAY . $ 01 < ( THRUSTING A MUG IN HIS HAND ) > $ HERE . $ QUICK . $ < ( SHONE GOES . ) > $ BILL , IF YOU 'RE NOT GOING TO HELP , GET OUT OF THE WAY . $ < ( FLYNN GRINS , AND BLOWS HIM A KISS , IRONICALLY . ) > $ 06 < ( MAKING DABS AT O'ROURKE ) > $ UGH ! $ BLOODY ROTTEN HELL . $ NO GREATER LOVE HATH MAN THAN THIS : TO WASH HIS MATE'S VOMI T OFF THE INSIDE OF HIS COLLAR . $ 05 < ( HELPING HIM , INEFFECTUALLY ) > $ TO THINK THIS ROTTEN BASTARD PUNCHED ME EARLIER ON . $ HERE , I COULD GET MY OWN BACK , COULDN'T I ? $ I COULD SPIT IN HIS EAR-HOLE . $ DEAFEN HIM FOR LIFE . $ 06 I WOULDN'T ADVISE IT , SON , NOT IF I WAS YOU . $ HE 'S GOT TO WAKE UP SOMETIME . $ 05 I DOUBT IT . $ STILL . $ WHAT A BLOODY MESS - $ 06 HERE , HAS HE STOPPED BREATHING ? $ 05 SH ] $ NO , NO SUCH LUCK . $ CHRIST , LOOK AT THAT ! $ DID HE LAND ON HIS HEAD WHEN HE JUMPED OUT OF THAT WINDOW ? $ 06 HE MUST HAVE . $ < ( LAUGHS . ) > $ BY GOD , HE 'S GOING TO HAVE SOME KIND OF HANG-OVER IN THE M ORNING . $ 05 < ( SEEING BLOOD TRICKLING DOWN HIS SLEEVE , ALARMED ) > $ EH , BOM , WHAT ABOUT THAT ? $ 01 < ( GLANCES : COLDLY ) > $ YES . $ WIPE IT UP . $ 03 ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU COULD BE KILLING HIM ? $ #67 $ 06 < ( SLOWLY , DELIBERATELY ) > $ WHY DON'T YOU GO AWAY , INTO A CORNER , AND ABUSE YOURSELF ? $ EH ? $ < ( SHONE COMES IN WITH A MUG OF WATER , PLEASED . ) > $ 02 HERE , IT 'S WARM . $ I MADE IT MYSELF . $ 06 YOU DIRTY BUGGER . $ YOU DIDN'T ? $ 02 OF COURSE I DID . $ THAT TAP GOT FROZEN UP THREE MONTHS AGO , IT HASN'T THAWED S INCE LAST OCTOBER . $ 06 WELL YOU CAN'T PUT THAT ON HIM . $ 02 WHY NOT ? $ IT 'S PURE . $ 06 BLOODY HELL . $ 02 HERE , LEND US YOUR HANKY . $ 06 NOT LIKELY . $ USE YOUR OWN . $ 02 ALL RIGHT THEN . $ HERE GOES . $ < ( HE DIPS HIS HANDKERCHIEF IN THE MUG , AND MOPS THE BLOOD GENTLY OFF O'ROURKE'S FACE AND FOREHEAD . $ THE OTHERS WATCH HIM . $ SLOWLY , O'ROURKE COMES ROUND , WITH GREAT OATHES AND GROANS . ) > $ HERE - IT 'S DOING THE TRICK ALL RIGHT . $ IT MUST BE THE AMMONIA CONTENT - DO YOU THINK ? $ 01 O.K. , SHONE , THAT 'S ENOUGH . $ LET HIM WAKE UP . $ < ( O'ROURKE MAKES SEVERAL VIOLENT , FEVERISH MOVEMENTS , TH EN GROANS AND SITS UP , HIS EYES CLOSED . ) > $ 07 O - O - OH - A - A - AH . $ WHAT 'S THAT ? $ WHAT 'S THAT YOU SAY ? $ WHA-A-A-AT ? $ DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT . $ NOT AT ALL ! $ < ( HE OPENS HIS EYES , SEES THEM ALL STARING AT HIM , AND L AUGHS WILDLY . ) > $ WHAT 'S UP WITH YOU ? $ WHAT 'S GOT INTO YOU ? $ DO I FRIGHTEN YOU ALL OR WHAT IS IT ? $ < ( SINGS JEERINGLY ) > $ OH I WASN'T DRUNK AND I WASN'T BLIND WHEN I LEFT MY TWO FINE LEGS BEHIND FOR A CANNON-BALL ON THE FIFTH OF MAY TOO MY TW O FINE LEGS FROM THE KNEES AWAY . $ < ( HE STOPS , LOOKS AT THE EFFECT , LAUGHS AGAIN . ) > $ HAVE NO FEAR , I AM NOT DEAD , - I 'VE BUMPED MY BUM , AND I 'VE HURT MY HEAD . $ HOW 'S THAT ? $ #68 $ 01 O'ROURKE , CAN YOU STAND UP ? $ WE 'VE NO TIME TO LOSE . $ 07 < ( STANDING UP ) > $ OH , OH NO , WE HAVE NOT A MOMENT TO WASTE , FOR THE SHERRIF F WILL ARRIVE WITH HIS POSSE BEFORE WE HAVE BAGGED ALL THE S WAG . $ MAKE HASTE , MAKE HASTE , DO NOT DELAY , FOR BOMBARDIER EVAN S IS FAST ON HIS WAY . $ 06 YOU FELL ON YOUR HEAD ALL RIGHT , DIDN'T YOU ? $ 07 AH , FEATHERSTONE , MY STOUT SUPPORT , - I FEEL MIGHTY UN WELL . $ 06 SO YOU SHOULD . $ 07 I THINK I 'LL GO BACK TO SLEEP . $ < ( HE FALLS BACK , APPARENTLY DEAD TO THE WORLD . ) > $ 02 SHALL I GIVE HIM A SHAKE ? $ 01 NO , LEAVE HIM . $ WE 'LL CARRY HIM OUT . $ 06 DO WHAT ? $ 01 CARRY HIM . $ 06 YOU MUST BE JOKING . $ 01 I DON'T SEE WHY NOT . $ HERE , GIVE ME A HAND , ROWE - TAKE HIS FEET OR SOMETHING . $ < ( HE TRIES TO TAKE O'ROURKE BY THE SHOULDERS . ) > $ RIGHT , COME ON . $ < ( SUDDENLY O'ROURKE BURSTS INTO ACTION , SENDING ROWE FLYI NG ONE WAY AND EVANS THE OTHER . $ HE STANDS UP MENACINGLY . ) > $ 07 WHO DID THAT ? $ WHO TOUCHED ME ? $ DON'T TOUCH ME , DO YOU HEAR - JUST DON'T TOUCH ME . $ O.K. - ROWE ? $ 01 LOOK , O'ROURKE , WE ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU . $ YOU 'RE IN TROUBLE , DO YOU UNDERSTAND ? $ 07 OHO , THE LAUGHING BOMBARDIER . $ HOW 'S YA BLEEDING HEART ? $ 01 RIGHT , THAT 'S ENOUGH . $ THERE IS NO TIME TO FOOL AROUND . $ YOU 'RE TO GO OUT ON GUARD , AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE , AT TH E TOP CORNER OF THE WIRE , AND STAY OUT OF SIGHT . $ IF THE DUTY-OFFICER COMES TOO CLOSE , THAT 'S YOUR HORRIBLE LUCK , SOLDIER . $ IS THAT CLEAR ? $ 07 I HEAR YOU , LITTLE BROTHER . $ 01 GOOD . $ GET YOUR WEBBING ON . $ #69 $ 07 A - A . $ ONE MOMENT , LITTLE BROTHER . $ THERE IS ONE SMALL THING . $ 01 < ( SHARP ) > $ WHAT ? $ 07 HE 'S QUITE THE LITTLE MAN , NOW , ISN'T HE ? $ ALTOGETHER THE PERFECT-IN-EVERY-DETAIL POCKET-SIZE PIXIE . $ 01 I 'M SORRY , O'ROURKE , BUT WE 'VE GOT NO TIME TO WASTE L ISTENING TO YOUR STUPID ABUSE . $ COME ON NOW . $ < ( HE GOES TO TAKE O'ROURKE BY THE ARM , BUT HE THROWS HIM OFF VIOLENTLY , STUBBORNLY . ) > $ 07 DON'T TOUCH ME ! $ NOW I WARNED YOU . $ DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU . $ I WON'T HAVE PEOPLE TOUCHING ME . $ PUSHING AND PULLING , WITH THEIR CLAMMY , SWEATY PINK HANDS . $ IS THAT CLEAR NOW ? $ 01 YOU BASTARD , O'ROURKE . $ YOU GIVE ME A PAIN . $ 07 A-A . $ DON'T TURN NASTY . $ I DETECT A DISTINCTLY SOUR TONE IN YOUR VOICE . $ DON'T FORGET : YOU 'RE THE FELLOW WITH THE HELPING HAND . $ 03 < ( IN DISGUST ) > $ YOU MAKE ME PUKE , O'ROURKE . $ I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL . $ 07 IS THAT SO ? $ DO YOU REALLY ? $ 03 YES I BLOODY DO . $ 07 AHA , WELL I THINK WE ALL KNOW YOUR POSITION THEN , FLYNN . $ OR DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO ADD ? $ 03 NOTHING . $ 07 THAT 'S FINE THEN . $ YOUR PROTESTANT CONSCIENCE IS IN THE CLEAR , I HOPE . $ 03 THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RELIGION . $ 07 ONCE A PROTESTANT , ALWAYS A PROTESTANT , FLYNN . $ YOU 'LL DIE WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE , AND A SMIRK ON YOUR JU STIFIED LIPS . $ 03 DON'T BE CHILDISH , O'ROURKE . $ THE WORLD HAS MOVED ON BEYOND TIRED OLD WARS LIKE THAT ONE . $ 07 YOU 'RE A CLEVER BASTARD , FLYNN . $ BUT IF I HAD HALF A CHANCE , I 'D SLIT YOUR PROTESTANT THROA T , SO I WOULD . $ 03 IT 'S MUTUAL , THEN . $ < ( AND FLYNN TURNS AWAY . ) > $ 01 LOOK , O'ROURKE , THERE 'S NOTHING FOR IT , YOU 'VE JUST GOT TO GO OUT ON GUARD . $ #70 $ 07 AHA . $ < ( HE SITS , LOOKS AT EVANS . $ EVANS LOOKS AT THE PHONE , O'ROURKE SEES THIS . ) > $ COME ON THEN , MAKE ME . $ 01 DON'T PLAY ABOUT , O'ROURKE , I 'M SERIOUS . $ 07 SHALL I TELL YOU SOMETHING ? $ 01 JUST SAY YES OR NO , O'ROURKE . $ I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ELSE . $ 07 BOMBARDIER - FOR SUCH IS WHAT YOU ARE - BOMBARDIER , I HA VE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY TELEPHONE TO THE LATE KING GEO RGE THE SIXTH HIMSELF AND REPORT ME , FOR I DON'T GIVE A FAR T . $ I HOPE I DON'T SHOCK YOU , BUT IT 'S TRUE . $ BECAUSE , BOMBARDIER , - FOR SUCH IS WHAT YOU ARE - I HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD . $ < ( HE SITS AND LOOKS AT THEM ALL . $ FLYNN EVENTUALLY LAUGHS , A SHORT , DERISIVE SNORT . ) > $ 03 HA ! $ 07 THERE SPEAKS THE TRUE VOICE OF INDUSTRIAL PROTESTANTISM : COLD , HEARTLESS , CYNICAL AND AFRAID . $ NO WONDER ENGLAND 'S DEVOID OF FEELING : A MAN OPENS HIS HEA RT TO YOU , AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SNORT . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 04 HAVE YOU SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU THEN O'ROURKE ? $ < ( NO ANSWER . ) > $ 06 YOU 'VE NOT GOT - SOMETHING WRONG , HAVE YOU DANNY ? $ 07 HAVEN'T I ? $ 06 OH WHY DON'T YOU TALK SENSE , YOU CONTRARY BUGGER ? $ 01 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ LISTEN , O'ROURKE , I DON'T KNOW QUITE WHAT YOU MEANT BY ALL THAT , BUT I 'M AFRAID YOU HAVE TO GO ON GUARD . $ THERE 'S BEEN NOBODY OUT THERE FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG , AND PICKERING WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE : WHATEVER HAPPENS , YOU C AN'T STAND THERE TO BE INSPECTED BY PICKERING . $ NOT IN THAT STATE . $ I DON'T CARE HOW LONG YOU 'VE GOT TO LIVE . $ 07 DO ME NO FAVOURS , BOMBARDIER . $ 01 I 'VE DONE YOU ENOUGH ALREADY . $ #71 $ < ( EVANS TURNS AWAY AND SITS AT THE TABLE . $ O'ROURKE LOOKS AT HIM , ALMOST KINDLY , AND DECIDES TO GO . $ HE SIGHS HEAVILY . ) > $ 07 OH , WELL , COME ON , YOU . $ I 'LL NEED SUPPORT . $ THANKS . $ < ( CRAWLEY AND ROWE SUPPORT HIM OUT . $ THEY GO OFF-STAGE . $ EVANS PICKS UP A RIFLE AND HANDS IT TO SHONE . ) > $ 01 HERE , TAKE HIM THAT . $ AND TELL THEM TO TAKE HIM AS FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS THEY POSS IBLY CAN . $ FEATHERSTONE - $ 06 YES , BOM . $ 01 GET YOURSELF TIDIES UP , PUT YOUR WEBBING ON AND GET OUT ON WATCH ... $ 06 YES , BOM . $ 01 AND DON'T COME IN TILL I TELL YOU . $ O.K. ? $ 06 YES , BOM . $ < ( HE DOES SO QUICKLY . $ HE IS ABOUT TO GO . ) > $ 01 AND KEEP AN EYE OPEN FOR PICKERING . $ < ( FEATHERSTONE NODS AND GOES OUT OF THE HUT . $ EVANS AND FLYNN ARE ALONE . $ HE COLLAPSES ON A BED WITH RELIEF . ) > $ 01 THANK GOD FOR THAT . $ < ( HE TURNS AND LOOKS AT FLYNN . ) > $ WELL , BILL ? $ 03 SO FAR , SO GOOD . $ 01 OH , THERE 'S NOT MUCH CAN GO WRONG NOW . $ 03 YOU THINK NOT ? $ 01 I HOPE NOT . $ DO YOU ? $ 03 YOU 'RE VERY YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE , TERRY . $ 01 MAYBE . $ WHY DO YOU SAY THAT ? $ 03 OH - WELL . $ I DON'T KNOW . $ 01 I THOUGHT IT WOULD NEVER END . $ 03 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING ? $ 01 WHAT ? $ 03 I SHOULD KEEP AN EYE ON HIM IF I WERE YOU . $ I 'VE GOT A FEELING THAT THAT BASTARD HASN'T EVEN BEGUN . $ < ( EVANS DESPAIRS . $ FLYNN TRIUMPHS . ) > $ < BLACKOUT . > $ #72 $ < SCENE TWO > $ < THE SAME . $ IF POSSIBLE , THE BOFORS GUN SHOULD BE MORE IN EVIDENCE . $ UNDERNEATH IT SIT FEATHERSTONE , AND ON THE GROUND , PROPPED UP AGAINST A WHEEL , O'ROURKE , ASLEEP . $ IN THE HUT THE FOUR OTHERS QUIETLY PLAY CARDS FOR CIGARETTES . $ EVANS SITS AT THE TABLE , WORRYING . $ AFTER A GLANCE FROM FLYNN , HE GETS UP , PUTS ON HIS GREATCO AT , AND GOES OUT WITHOUT A WORD . $ HE LOOKS AROUND , AND ON HEARING FEATHERSTONE COUGH , HE GOE S OVER TO THE GUN , AND LOOKS IN DISMAY AT O'ROURKE . $ 01 WH - ? $ 06 < ( SHRUGS ) > $ HE CAME BACK , BOM . $ SAID HE FELT LONELY ON THE PERIMETER . $ 01 ON NO . $ 06 HE 'LL NEVER STAY THERE YOU KNOW . $ NOT ON HIS OWN . $ 01 < ( COVERING UP HIS ANNOYANCE ) > $ WELL , I SUPPOSE YOU 'D BETTER GO OUT THERE THEN . $ AND I 'LL KEEP AN EYE ON HIM . $ DO YOU MIND ? $ 06 ME ? $ NO . $ I DON'T MIND . $ MAKES NO ODDS TO ME . $ 01 THANKS . $ < ( AS FEATHERSTONE GETS UP AND PREPARES TO GO , SERGEANT WA LKER AND SECOND LIEUTENANT PICKERING APPEAR AROUND THE HUT . $ PICKERING IS AN EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD NATIONAL SERVICE SUBALTERN FROM AN ECCLESIASTICAL PUBLIC SCHOOL WITH A HIGH VOICE AND CLEAR , HIGH SENSE OF DUTY . ) > $ 06 < ( TO EVANS ) > $ EH , BOM - $ < ( NODS TOWARDS THEM . ) > $ 01 < ( WHISPERS ) > $ CHALLENGE THEM . $ OVER THERE . $ < ( FEATHERSTONE STEPS OVER TOWARDS THEM . ) > $ 06 HALT ! $ WHO GOES THERE ! $ 08 ORDERLY OFFICER , ORDERLY SERGEANT . $ WHO 'S THAT ? $ 06 GUNNER FEATHERSTONE , SIR . $ 08 WELL DONE , LAD . $ KEEP ON YOUR TOES . $ < ( FEATHERSTONE SALUTES . $ PICKERING RETURNS THE SALUTE . ) > $ 09 CARRY ON . $ < ( FEATHERSTONE GOES OFF . $ WALKER AND PICKERING GO BACK TO THE DOOR OF THE HUT . $ #73 $ WALKER OPENS THE DOOR AND GOES IN . $ THEY ALL STAND UP . $ PICKERING WAITS NONCHALANTLY OUTSIDE . ) > $ 08 < ( CALM ) > $ WHERE 'S THE BOMBARDIER ? $ FLYNN ? $ 03 ER , VISITING THE SENTRIES , SERGEANT . $ HE WON'T BE LONG . $ 08 OH YES . $ 03 WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COCOA , SERGEANT ? $ 08 THAT 'S VERY KIND OF YOU , FLYNN , BUT I HAVE MR. PICKERI NG WAITING OUTSIDE . $ AS THE , ER , BOMBARDIER IS VISITING THE SENTRIES , MR. PICK ERING AND I WILL HAVE TO TAKE OURSELVES OFF TO THE SERGEANTS ' MESS , TO PUT OURSELVES INTO A BETTER FRAME OF MIND . $ 03 YES , SERGEANT . $ 08 AND DO PUT YOUR BELT ON THE RIGHT WAY UP , SHONE . $ 02 YES , SERGEANT . $ 08 ALL RIGHT THEN . $ GOODNIGHT , LADS . $ 03 WILL YOU BE BACK , SARGE ? $ 08 I SHOULDN'T THINK SO . $ OFF THE RECORD . $ < ( HE WINKS . ) > $ GOODNIGHT . $ 14 GOODNIGHT , SERGEANT . $ < ( HE GOES OUT , TALKS QUIETLY TO PICKERING . ) > $ 08 THE GUARD COMMANDER IS PAYING A BRIEF VISIT TO THE SENTRI ES AT THE MOMENT , SIR . $ MAY I RECOMMEND THAT WE ADJOURN TO THE SERGEANTS' MESS ? $ 09 CERTAINLY , SARNT . $ DELIGHTED . $ < ( LOOKS AT HIS WATCH . ) > $ WE WILL COME BACK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES . $ 08 DO YOU THINK WE NEED TO , SIR ? $ 09 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ OF COURSE . $ 08 < ( CRESTFALLEN ) > $ VERY GOOD , SIR . $ 09 < ( AS THEY GO ) > $ TELL ME , SARNT WALKER , ISN'T THE BOMBARDIER THE CHAP WE 'R E SENDING FOR AN OFFICER SELECTION BOARD .... ? $ < ( THEY GO OFF , LEAVING O'ROURKE ASLEEP , AND EVANS SITTIN G ON THE BOFORS . ) > $ #74 $ < ( O'ROURKE BEGINS TO STIR . $ SLOWLY , WITH GREAT GROANS , HE COMES TO . $ HE BLINKS AND LOOKS AROUND , AND SITS UP , ASTONISHED . ) > $ 07 AM I ON GUARD ? $ 01 WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE ? $ 07 AHA . $ JESUS , MY HEAD . $ I 'M SO COLD . $ 01 TAKE A WALK . $ RESTORES THE CIRCULATION . $ 07 I WILL . $ GIVE US A HAND . $ < ( HE DOES . $ O'ROURKE STAGGERS AROUND A BIT . ) > $ WHAT ARE YOU GOING HERE ? $ 01 MAKING SURE YOU DON'T DIE . $ 07 DAMN DECENT OF YOU . $ 01 DON'T MENTION IT . $ 07 < ( LOOKING UP ) > $ THE MOON 'S VERY BIG TONIGHT . $ 01 I 'VE NOTICED THAT . $ 07 AH , BUT YOU 'RE THE NOTICING KIND , NOW AREN'T YOU ? $ JEEZ , I MUST SIT DOWN AGAIN . $ MY HEAD 'S AFLOAT . $ HERE , WILL YOU SHOVE UP A BIT . $ 01 OF COURSE . $ 07 AH , THAT 'S BETTER . $ < ( THEY SIT IN SILENCE , INCONGRUOUSLY TOGETHER . $ O'ROURKE PUTS HIS ARM ROUND EVANS' NECK FOR SUPPORT . ) > $ DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING BOY ? $ 01 WHAT 'S THAT ? $ 07 HOW OLD WOULD YOU SAY I WAS , BOY ? $ 01 I SUPPOSE YOU OUGHT TO CALL ME BOMBARDIER , O'ROURKE . $ 07 IS THAT SO ? $ NOW I 'LL TELL YOU - YOU ARE NINETEEN : RIGHT ? $ 01 EIGHTEEN . $ 07 HOLY COW . $ EIGHTEEN . $ THE BOY BOMBARDIER . $ 01 MM - HMM . $ 07 DON'T UMM - HMMM ME , BOY-BOMBARDIER . $ I 'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING . $ 01 ARE YOU ? $ #75 $ 07 I AM . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ HOW OLD WOULD YOU SAY I WAS NOW ? $ 01 I 'VE NO IDEA . $ 07 BEARING IN MIND THAT I 'M NOTHING , BEARING IN MIND THAT I 'M A HEAP OF SHIT , AND YOU - EVEN YOU I HAVE TO LICK THE BOOTS OF - NOW - WHAT WOULD YOU SAY MY NEXT BIRTHDAY WOULD M AKE ME ? $ 01 I 'VE NO IDEA . $ TWENTY EIGHT ? $ 07 NO . $ 01 THIRTY EIGHT ? $ 07 NO . $ 01 THIRTY TWO ? $ 07 NEARER . $ 01 OH , I GIVE UP . $ WHAT IS IT ? $ 07 WHAT DAY IS IT ? $ 01 FRIDAY . $ 07 AND WHAT DATE ? $ 01 < ( PULLS OUT WATCH ) > $ VERY EARLY THE EIGHT OF FEBRUARY 1954 . $ 07 AH WELL NOW , ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ? $ AND HERE I AM , A BIG , TEARSOME HEAP OF NOTHING , AND FAR F AR FROM HOME . $ 01 AH , YOU 'RE JUST MOODY DRUNK , O'ROURKE , AND NO WONDER . $ 07 DON'T YOU HEAR ME , BOY ? $ DON'T YOU BOMBARDILLAS HEAR A BLIND ROTTEN WORD ? $ ARE YOU NOT CAPABLE ? $ 01 I WAS TRYING TO BE SYMPATHETIC , DANNY . $ 07 AH , GET AWAY FROM ME WITH YOUR HANDS ACROSS THE SEA AND YOUR FINGER UP ME BUM . $ 01 LOOK , DAN , I 'M ONLY TRYING TO CHEER YOU UP - $ 07 DO YOU THINK BETTER MEN THAN YOU HAVEN'T TRIED AND FAILED , AH ? $ DO YOU THINK YOU CAN SUCCEED WHERE ST. FRANCIS XAVIER DEFEAT ED ? $ AH ? $ GO BEAT ON YOU DRUM BOY . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ #76 $ ARE YOU CATHOLIC ARE YOU , OR WHAT ? $ 01 ME ? $ 07 WHO ELSE ? $ 01 WELL , NO . $ 07 WELL , WHAT ARE YOU ? $ 01 OH , I DON'T KNOW . $ IT 'S VERY DIFFICULT TO DEFINE , REALLY , EXACTLY WHERE I ST AND . $ 07 AHA . $ < ( SMILES . ) > $ BUT YOU DO YOUR BEST FOR GOD , LIKE ? $ 01 NO , I - WELL , AS I WAS - $ 07 I HATE HIM . $ 01 GOD ? $ 07 WHO ELSE ? $ 01 WELL THAT SEEMS HARDLY - WELL , I MEAN , IF YOU HATE HIM , YOU MUST BELIEVE IN HIM . $ AND IF YOU BELIEVE IN HIM , SURELY YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT HIS GO ODNESS . $ WELL , YOU CAN HARDLY HATE THAT . $ 07 I HATE ALL GOODNESS , BOY , PARTICULARLY DIVINE . $ 01 SURELY - AH WELL , I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW YOUR OWN MIND . $ 07 I DO . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 AND IS THAT WHY YOU - TOOK THE LEAP , SO TO SPEAK ? $ 07 WHAT ? $ BECAUSE OF GOD ? $ BECAUSE OF THE ALMIGHTY IS IT ? $ JESUS , BOY , YOU 'RE ADRIFT . $ 01 WELL , I DIDN'T MEAN THAT LITERALLY , BUT IS THAT WHAT 'S AT THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM ? $ 07 THE ROOT ... $ THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM ... $ < ( HE BROODS , WITH HEAVY IRONY . ) > $ DO YOU KNOW LANCE-BOMBARDIER , I HONESTLY DON'T THINK IT IS . $ NO . $ 01 OH . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 07 I SUPPOSE YOU 'RE STUCK NOW . $ STUMPED IS IT ? $ 01 WELL , I MEAN , IT 'S NOT REALLY UP TO ME TO PRY INTO THE SE THINGS IS IT ? $ #77 $ ANYWAY , I 'M OFF TO ENGLAND - TOMORROW - SO IT MAKES NO ODD S TO ME , EITHER WAY . $ 07 IT WOULD IF I TRIED AGAIN . $ WOULDN'T IT ? $ < ( LAUGHS . ) > $ BY CHRIST . $ YES , IT WOULD . $ I MIGHT BE DEAD , BUT YOU 'D BE IN THE MIRE , WOULDN'T YOU ? $ < ( LAUGHS . ) > $ 01 WOULD YOU TRY AGAIN ? $ 07 AHA , I HAVE YOU WORRIED NOW , MY BEAUTY . $ 01 I 'M NOT WORRIED FOR MY SAKE - BUT - $ 07 OF COURSE YOU ARE . $ WHAT ODDS DOES IT MAKE TO YOU WHETHER I 'M ALIVE OR DEAD ? $ YOU SAID SO YOURSELF - NONE AT ALL . $ IN FACT , I THINK YOU 'D PREFER ME DEAD . $ YOU FIND ME AN EMBARRASSMENT , DON'T YOU ? $ 01 OF COURSE I WOULDN'T PREFER YOU DEAD - $ 07 I WORRY YOU DON'T I ? $ 01 OF COURSE YOU DO , BUT - $ 07 OF COURSE - I MIGHT NOT DECIDE HOWEVER , TO GO IT ALONE : HAD YOU THOUGHT OF THAT ? $ 01 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? $ 07 < ( LOOKS AT HIM ) > $ I MEAN , IF I WAS TO STICK THIS BAYONET IN YOU , MY PRIME YO UNG LANCE-BOMBARDIER , FIRST - I COULD TAKE YOU WITH ME , AS IT WERE . $ A KIND OF CLEAN SWEEP : DON'T YOU THINK ? $ 01 I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD DAN . $ 07 OH REALLY ? $ YOU DON'T THINK IT WOULD GIVE ME GREAT PLEASURE TO PUT AN EN D TO YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE ? $ YOU DON'T THINK I OWE IT TO THE WORLD AS MY FINAL AND ONLY C ONTRIBUTION TO PROGRESS ? $ 01 OH COME OFF IT , DANNY . $ 07 < ( SHARP ) > $ CALL ME O'ROURKE . $ CALL ME GUNNER O'ROURKE , LANCE-BOMBARDIER . $ EVEN A HEAP OF SHIT CAN BE CALLED BY ITS RIGHTFUL NAME . $ 01 AH , NOW , DAN ..... $ 07 YOU HEARD ME . $ < ( HE REACHES FOR HIS RIFLE . ) > $ #78 $ 01 PUT THAT BAYONET AWAY , DAN . $ < ( O'ROURKE FIXES THE BAYONET ON THE END OF THE RIFLE WITH A SHARP CLICK , AND LOOKS AT EVANS . $ HE IS TORMENTING HIM BECAUSE HE GENUINELY DESPISES HIM . ) > $ NOW LISTEN TO ME , O'ROURKE . $ 07 THAT 'S BETTER . $ THAT 'S A LOT BETTER , LANCE-BOMBARDIER . $ NOW THEN - $ < ( HE WAVES THE RIFLE VAGUELY ) > $ WHAT DO YOU THINK , WHAT WOULD YOU SAY WAS THE REASON I TOOK THE LEAP , AS YOU CALL IT ? $ COME AHEAD , SPEAK UP NOW . $ 01 WELL , I 'VE REALLY NO IDEA . $ PERHAPS SOME MARITAL PROBLEM . $ I MEAN , IT 'S NORMALLY SOMETHING TO DO WITH PEOPLE'S PRIVAT E LIFE ISN'T IT ? $ 07 IS THAT SO ? $ 01 I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU 'RE MARRIED OR NOT . $ 07 I 'M THIRTY , NOT EIGHTY - I 'VE SLEPT WITH EVERY CLASS O F TART FROM SIBERIANS TO POLYNESIANS , HAD THEM ALL , NO BOT HER AT ALL . $ I DON'T NEED A WIFE - I HIRE ONE BY THE HOUR . $ 01 DO YOU ? $ 07 I DO SON . $ NO WIFE , NO MARITAL PROBLEM . $ SO YOU 'RE WRONG . $ TRY AGAIN . $ 01 WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO GO THROUGH THIS ? $ 07 IT PASSES THE TIME . $ 01 YOU DO KNOW , I HOPE , THAT I COULD HAVE HAD YOU CHARGED ALREADY ON ABOUT SIX OR EIGHT COUNTS , NOT INCLUDING THREATE NING ME WITH THAT BAYONET . $ 07 COME ON - GUESS . $ 01 GUESS WHAT ? $ 07 COME ON . $ FOR THE SPORT . $ WHY ? $ THINK WHY ? $ 01 I DON'T KNOW WHY . $ YOU COULD HAVE HAD SYPHILIS OF THE THIRD DEGREE FOR ALL I KN OW . $ 07 WRONG . $ A GOOD TRY , BUT WRONG . $ NO CLAP , NO CHANCRES , NO SYPHILIS : I HAVE NEVER SUFFERED FROM POX OF ANY DESCRIPTION . $ I ALWAYS TAKE EXTREME CARE NOT TO . $ GUESS ON . $ 01 OH , FOR GOD'S SAKE , THIS IS STUPID . $ LOOK , O'ROURKE , I 'M DOING YOU A FAVOUR . $ 07 DO ME NO FAVOURS KIDDY . $ 01 LOOK , YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR POST , GOT DRUNK ON GUARD , YOU 'VE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE , BROKEN WINDOWS , VOMITED ON YOUR BE ST BATTLEDRESS , AND THREATENED ME WITH A BAYONET . $ YOU 'RE DROPPED ME IN IT , RIGHT , LEFT AND CENTRE , WITH SE RGEANT WALKER , AND WITH CRAWLEY AND ROWE , AND PROBABLY WIT H THE ORDERLY OFFICER WHEN HE TURNS UP . $ #79 $ AND STILL I HAVEN'T CHARGED YOU . $ 07 AH , ROT OFF . $ 01 LET 'S GET THIS CLEAR , O'ROURKE . $ I AM DOING YOU A FAVOUR . $ 07 I SAID DO ME NO FAVOURS . $ IF YOU WANT TO , REPORT AWAY . $ I COULDN'T GIVE A MONKEY'S FART . $ 01 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU 'RE SAYING . $ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU 'RE TALKING ABOUT . $ 07 OH YES I DO , KIDDY . $ OH YES , I DO . $ I 'VE BEEN THERE , MANY A TIME . $ HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU ? $ 01 AND YOU WANT TO GO BACK ? $ FOR THREE YEARS ? $ 07 NOBODY PITIES ME , BOMBARDIER . $ FORGET IT . $ 01 OH , COME ON , NOW , DAN - $ 07 < ( MIMICKING ) > $ OH , COME ON , NOW , DAN - YOU KNOW WHY YOU WON'T REPORT ME , DON'T YOU ? $ BECAUSE IF YOU REPORT ME , YOU 'VE CRAPPED IT , HAVEN'T YOU ? $ YOU 'VE FAILED TO KEEP A GRIP ON YOUR LITTLE GUARD HAVEN'T Y OU , AND YOU HAVE BLOTTED YOUR COPY BOOK , AND YOU WON'T BE SENT TO BLIGHTY FOR AN OFFICER AFTER ALL , YOU 'LL HAVE TO S TAY OUT HERE , LIKE ALL OF US POOR BASTARDS , UNTIL JANUARY NINETEEN FIFTY ROTTEN SIX . $ WON'T YOU ? $ YOU DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME - YOU 'RE JUST MAKING A MESS IN YOUR TROUSERS IN CASE THEY FIND OUT ABOUT YOU . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ THAT 'S NOT THE WHOLE TRUTH DANNY . $ 07 < ( LAUGHS ) > $ BUT THE THOUGHT HAD CROSSED YOUR MIND MAYBE ? $ < ( HE LOOKS AT EVANS , ALMOST WITH SYMPATHY . ) > $ I TOLD YOU I WAS A SERGEANT ONCE DID I ? $ 01 I THINK SO . $ 07 < ( SMILES ) > $ IT DIDN'T LAST LONG . $ I GOT THREE YEARS FOR LOOTING IN PALESTINE . $ AND THEN THREE MONTHS FOR INCORRECT DRESS AT THE BATTLE OF I MCHON IN KOREA . $ MY FLIES WERE UNDONE ON MORNING PARADE , AND THE OFFICER DID N'T LIKE ME . $ #80 $ WE FOUGHT THE BATTLE , THEN I GOT CHARGED . $ I HOPED THE BASTARD WOULD GET SHOT , BUT THE CHINESE ARE NOT ORIOUSLY CROSS-EYED WHEN IT COMES TO MARKSMANSHIP . $ THEN THREE MONTHS IN GRAVESEND FOR DRUNK AND DISORDERLY . $ THEN SIX MONTHS IN MOASCAR , FOR THUMPING AN EGYPTIAN - APPA RENTLY THE ONE I CHOSE TO THUMP WAS ONE OF OURS . $ AND NOW ? $ 01 I THINK YOU 'VE DONE ENOUGH . $ 07 < ( LAUGHS VICIOUSLY , SUDDEN CHANGE OF TONE ) > $ SO GUESS . $ 01 GUESS WHAT ? $ 07 GUESS WHY - WHY , WHY , WHY - GO ON . $ 01 I 'VE NO IDEA . $ 07 THINK OF SOMETHING . $ ANYTHING . $ 01 OH . $ 07 GO ON . $ PASS THE TIME . $ 01 I DON'T KNOW . $ MONEY . $ DO YOU OWE MONEY ? $ 07 NO . $ AGAIN . $ 01 WELL - PERHAPS SOMEBODY DIED - MOTHER , GIRL - $ 07 NO . $ NO . $ NO . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 01 I KNOW . $ IS IT - $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ HAVE YOU GOT CANCER ? $ < ( O'ROURKE LAUGHS VIOLENTLY . ) > $ NO ? $ < ( O'ROURKE SHAKES HIS HEAD , STILL LAUGHING . ) > $ SOME OTHER DISEASE ? $ 07 NO . $ < ( STILL LAUGHING . ) > $ NO DISEASE . $ 01 < ( SHOUTS ) > $ WELL , WHAT THEN ? $ I 'VE NO BLOODY IDEA WHY YOU WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF YOUR ROTT EN WINDOW . $ AND I DON'T BLOODY WELL CARE . $ < ( SILENCE . ) > $ 07 < ( QUIETLY ) > $ NO . $ I DON'T THINK YOU DO . $ #81 $ < ( AT THAT MOMENT , SERGEANT WALKER AND SECOND LIEUTENANT P ICKERING COME ROUND THE CORNER AGAIN . $ WALKER BELTS ON THE DOOR OF THE HUT , THROWS IT OPEN AND , S TANDING OUTSIDE , SHOUTS ) > $ 08 STAND TO THE GUARD ! $ < ( THE FOUR SOLDIERS GRAB RIFLES , BERETS ETC. , AND TURN O UT SMARTLY AND QUICKLY , AND STAND TO ATTENTION IN A LINE . ) > $ WHERE 'S THE BOMBARDIER ? $ FLYNN ? $ 03 STILL VISITING THE SENTRIES , SAH ! $ 08 < ( SHOUTS ) > $ BOMBARDIER ! $ BOMBARDIER EVANS ! $ BOMBARDIER EVANS ! $ < ( PICKERING STANDS CASUALLY TAPPING HIS LEG WITH HIS CANE SWAGGER-STICK , LOOKING VERY RELAXED . ) > $ 07 AWAY WIT' YA , LITTLE MANNY , CAN'T YA HEAR YA DADDY CALL IN' YA HOME ? $ 01 DON'T YOU MOVE , O'ROURKE - GOT THAT ? $ DON'T YOU BLOODY WELL MOVE . $ AND FOR CHRISSAKE DON'T PUKE . $ 07 AWAY TO YOUR DA . $ 01 COMING SERGEANT . $ < ( HE TROTS OVER TO THE GUARD , AND STANDS IN HIS POSITION AT THE HEAD . $ HE TAKES A SHARP , MILITARY STEP FORWARD AND SAYS ) > $ GUARD PRESENT AND CORRECT , SAH ! $ < ( AS PICKERING AND WALKER SILENTLY , SOLEMNLY INSPECT THE GUARD , AND THEN DISMISS THEM AND REMAIN TALKING TO EVANS IN THE BACKGROUND , QUIETLY , O'ROURKE SPEAKS DOWNSTAGE . ) > $ 07 FOR CHRISSAKE DON'T PUKE . $ IT 'S NOT POSSIBLE . $ < ( HE GETS UP AND WALKS AROUND , LAUGHING . $ THEN HE STOPS AND LOOKS AT THE BAYONET , WHICH IS STILL ON T HE END OF THE RIFLE . ) > $ PIG-STICKER ! $ GIVE ME TIME . $ GIVE ME TIME . $ < ( HE LOOKS OVER TO THE GUARD INSPECTION . ) > $ YOU BASTARDS WON'T , WILL YOU ? $ YOU BASTARDS WON'T GIVE ME TIME TO SCRATCH ME BUM . $ < ( WHILE THE GUARD INSPECTION GOES ON , O'ROURKE VERY EFFIC IENTLY TAKES OFF HIS GREATCOAT , BATTLEDRESS TOP , PUTS THEM NEATLY IN A PILE , COUNTS HIS MONEY , PUTS HIS CIGARETTES O N THE SIDE OF THE GUN , AND PICKS UP THE RIFLE AND BAYONET . $ #82 $ THE INSPECTION , QUICK AND PERFUNCTORY , IS OVER . $ EVANS DISMISSES THE GUARD . ) > $ 01 GUARD DIS - MISS ! $ < ( THEY DISMISS . $ AS THEY GO INTO THE HUT ) > $ 09 NOW I WANT TO INSPECT YOUR SENTRIES BOMBARDIER . $ WHERE ARE THEY ? $ 01 OH - OVER THAT WAY SIR . $ 09 LEAD ON , BOMBARDIER . $ WHO ARE THEY ? $ 01 OH , ER - FEATHERSTONE , SIR , AND O'ROURKE . $ 09 YES . $ I WANT TO SEE THEM . $ < ( EVANS LEADS PICKERING AND WALKER AWAY IN THE OPPOSITE DI RECTION FROM O'ROURKE , WHO IS WATCHING THIS WITH INTEREST . $ THE OTHERS ARE IN THE HUT . $ THEY TURN OUT THE LIGHT AND LIE ON THE BED . $ O'ROURKE TURNS TO THE AUDIENCE . ) > $ 07 THE BOFORS GUN , SIRS , IS A MIGHTY FINE THING . $ IT IS PRIMARILY A LIGHT ANTI-AIRCRAFT GUN , DESIGNED - BEAUT IFULLY DESIGNED , YOU WILL AGREE - FOR THE ROLE OF PROTECTIN G INFANTRY IN THE FIELD AND FORWARD HEADQUARTERS OF ALL KIND S FROM LOW-FLYING ENEMY AIRCRAFT . $ YOU HAVE OBSERVED WHAT WE CALL THE MAGAZINE , INTO WHICH WE SLIP THE LITTLE SHELLS , FOUR AT A TIME . $ BY JOVE , SIRS , WHEN SHE FIRES ONE SINGLE SHOT , 'TIS THUND ER , BUT WHEN SHE CHALLENGES THE STRAFING ATTACKER ON NON-ST OP REPEAT , OHO , SIRS , SHE BUCKS AND SWEATS AND STRAINS WI TH JOY , AND DELIVERS HERSELF OF THIRTY-TWO GREAT LITTLE ROU NDS PER MINUTE , BELITTLING THE THUNDER , AND DEAFENING THE VERY WELKIN ITSELF . $ YOU MAY HAVE OBSERVED ALSO , SIRS , THE TWO GRAND LITTLE SEA TS , WHERE THE OPERATORS OPERATE . $ ONE FINDS THE HEIGHT , HIS BUTTY THE ANGLE , AND DO YOU KNOW , SIRS , THAT IN THE LATEST MODEL OF ALL , THEY SAY THAT ON E MAN DOES BOTH , WITH THE AID OF ELECTRICAL ASSISTANCE . $ IT IS INDEED A FINE GUN , THE BOFORS LIGHT ACK-ACK . $ IT HAS BEEN , OF COURSE , OBSOLETE SINCE 1942 , THE YEAR IT WAS PUT ON THE MARKET , AND EVEN THE ULTIMATE IN BOFORS GUNS HAS NO PARTICULAR ROLE TO PLAY IN THE EVENT OF GENUINE WAR , WITH ITS NUCLEAR FISSION . $ EVEN , NEED I SAY IT , IN THE EVENT OF A MORE CONVENTIONAL C ONFLICT , IT WILL BE FOUND TO BE VERY RARELY IN THE SAME SPO T AS THE MORE MOBILE AIRCRAFT OF TODAY , AND EVEN IF IT WERE , THEY ARE TOO FAST , AND TOO SMALL , TO PRESENT A SUITABLE TARGET . $ IT IS AN INEFFICIENT AND OBSOLETE WEAPON , SIRS , OF WHICH O UR ARMY HAS MANY THOUSANDS : AND YOU HAVE , IN YOUR WISDOM , ASKED ME , GUNNER O'ROURKE , TO GUARD IT WITH MY LIFE , THI NKING THAT , AS MY THIRTIETH YEAR LOOMS UP TO STRIKE ME BETW EEN THE EYES , I WOULD INDEED DO ANYTHING , ANYTHING , TO PR ESERVE AND SHELTER FROM ALL BOLSHEVIK HARM , A THING SO BEAU TIFULLY USELESS , SO POIGNANTLY PAST IT , SO WISTFULLY OUTDA TED , AS MY YOUTH , OR A BOFORS GUN . $ #83 $ I WOULD , AND I SHALL , LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR IT . $ I HAVE TRIED ALREADY , AND FAILED . $ HERE , IN THE SACRED PRESENCE OF THE BOFORS GUN , I CAN ONLY SUCCEED . $ < ( HE SETS THE RIFLE AND BAYONET UP AGAINST THE WHEEL OF TH E GUN , AND IS ABOUT TO DROP ONTO IT , WHEN PICKERING , WALK ER AND EVANS REAPPEAR BY THE HUT . ) > $ 09 I INSIST ON FINDING HIM , BOMBARDIER . $ IS THAT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ? $ 01 YES , SIR . $ 09 RIGHT . $ WE 'LL SPREAD OUT . $ YOU GO THAT WAY , SERGEANT WALKER THAT WAY , AND I 'LL GO TH IS WAY . $ < ( THEY SPREAD OUT , WALKER AND PICKERING GOING OFF AGAIN , LEAVING EVANS AT THE HUT . $ O'ROURKE FALLS ONTO THE BAYONET DURING PICKERING'S LAST LINE . $ EVANS HURRIES OVER TO THE GUN . $ HE FINDS O'ROURKE ON HIS FACE , AND THINKS HE IS ASLEEP . ) > $ 01 WAKE UP ! $ FOR GOD'S SAKE , WAKE UP , O'ROURKE - LOOK - $ < ( HE TURNS HIM OVER AND SEES BLOOD ALL OVER HIS STOMACH . ) > $ OH . $ < ( HE BITES HIS LIP , NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO . $ HE TRIES TO FIND OUT IF O'ROURKE IS STILL ALIVE . $ THEN A LONG PAUSE AS HE REALISES THAT HE IS DEAD . $ HE GETS UP SLOWLY . $ A WILD RAGE COMES OVER . ) > $ YOU BASTARD . $ YOU - $ < ( HE KICKS HIM . ) > $ YOU VICIOUS BASTARD . $ I 'LL GET YOU FOR THIS . $ YOU 'RE ON A CHARGE . $ < ( KNEELS DOWN , WHISPERS . ) > $ DO YOU HEAR THAT - YOU 'RE ON A FIZZER - $ ALL RIGHT ? $ BATTERY COMMANDER'S ORDERS , EIGHT THIRTY IN THE MORNING , B EST BOOTS , BEST B.D. - SMILING , UNDERSTAND ? $ < ( SERGEANT WALKER COMES BACK TO THE HUT . ) > $ 08 BOMBARDIER ! $ BOMBARDIER EVANS ! $ #84 $ 01 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME , DID YOU ? $ YOU WANTED TO . $ YOU WANTED TO . $ 08 < ( COMING OVER ) > $ BOMBARDIER ! $ < ( HE SEES EVANS KNEELING BESIDE O'ROURKE . ) > $ IS THAT HIM ? $ IS HE DRUNK , BOY ? $ IF HE 'S PASSED OUT , YOU 'RE FOR IT BOY . $ < ( HE THEN SEES O'ROURKE IS DEAD . ) > $ HOLY JESUS ! $ 01 W - WILL I GET TO BLIGHTY TOMORROW , DO YOU THINK , SARGE ? $ 08 IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY ? $ 01 DON'T - DON'T SHOUT AT ME JUST YET , SARGE . $ I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE . $ I MEAN - WHAT ELSE IS THERE ? $ 08 IS HE DEAD ? $ 01 YES . $ < ( PAUSE . ) > $ 08 YOU WON'T BE GOING HOME , YOU KNOW . $ NOT FOR DONKEY'S YEARS . $ < ( LOUD . ) > $ SAH ! $ MR. PICKERING SAH ! $ WE HAVE FOUND GUNNER O'ROURKE ! $ < ( TO EVANS ) > $ STAND UP , BOMBARDIER . $ THAT 'S IT , LAD , STAND TO ATTENTION , HERE COMES THE ORDER LY OFFICER . $ NOW THEN . $ STAND AT - EASE ! $ ATTEN - SHUN ! $ AS YOU WERE - SHUN ! $ AS YOU WERE - SHUN ! $ AS YOU WERE - SHUN ! $ < ( AS THE CURTAIN BEGINS TO COME DOWN , PICKERING APPEARS . ) > $ BOMBARDIER EVANS , SIR , AND GUNNER O'ROURKE . $ < ( TO EVANS ) > $ SALUTING ! $ TO THE FRONT - SALUTE ! $ < ( EVANS SALUTES . ) > $ MARK - TIME ! $ < ( HE MARKS TIME , SALUTING , LIKE A PANTOMINE CHORUS , AS PICKERING LOOKS SHARPLY AT WALKER , AND WALKER INDICATES THE BODY . ) > $ GUNNER O'ROURKE , SIR . $ < CURTAIN > $