Ho! Histrio! I thought a presse had swallowed you all, tis so long since I saw a Comedie: haue you not for want of exercise forgot your quality? Can you stroddle as wide, and talke as loud as you were wont to doe? Wee will Sir stretch legs and mouth to doe your seruice; though in this dead vacation the one hath beene onely employed in the others errands; the feet had little else to doe but to walke away the stomacke. Well I am glad the gagg is out of your mouth; wee haue had a great dearth of witt all ouer the tauernes and ordinaryes, for want of new wordes, and had you been longer suppresst, wee must either haue new studyed Eupheus, or returned to Greene's Arcadia, or haue cald in fidlers and said nothing - drinking in silence would haue come up againe. It has beene a wretched time with us I'me sure all ouer the towne, such an alteration cleane through 'um. A fellow that has been big enough to play Hercules, is fallen away so many Cubitts, all the cloths in our wardrope will not stuffe him up to the stature - a paire of silke stockings seru'd six of 'um from June to October - another had nothing to eat for a fortnight togeather but a propertie buckler. Hard of digestion! What play haue you today? One newly reuiu'd, the Hungry courtier. The Hungry Courtier - no - let it be the hungry plaier - I would not sit on any stage in the towne this twelue month, for if they gape as wide as they used to doe, I should suspect a further danger. There is just occasion to feare the Actors will deuowre the audience - what thinke you of a play nothing but ghosts? Would it not be excellently fitted for the persons? Neuer a Comedie where a pudding is eaten? Or bowling with penny loaues? O for a I would hardly trust thee at one of your woodden pyes. Faith how haue you liued? Does the Lady at fifty hold out? Prethee show mee how and by what miracle you haue been preseru'd. Faith Sir I'le tell you. Some of us haue begged in blanke verse; others haue acted Tamberlaine to a butcher and spoke themselues of the score for a sheepshead; many haue peeped into rooms like fidlers, with Gentlemen will you heare any speeches? Oh prethee now let mee see that. If you will giue us a supper I doe thinke I shall perswade 'um to it. With all my heart; in troth I pitty their miseryes - wee feed and cloth them with monyes, and they line us with witt. What? Easily perswaded? I Sir, looke you, this is a great Captaine. ((enter Captaine)) Frost ceize my bloud if I can beare the dov were I a pigmie, 'twould exalt my wrath to gyant bignesse. Resolution awake and rise. Put on thy cloaths of fury and draw thy sword and martch along with mee. Call for the traine band, sure hee'l take the towne. Fixed is my will and danger doe thy worst - were bones of matrons and the sculls of virgins rauished and slaughtered, built into a bullwarke - I would goe on spight of muskels teeth the Canons mouth or Jaw of Culverin: death meet me in the horridst face thou hast Joue set thy thunders to oppose my ayme Mars and Bellona fyery daggers draw yet I resolue as men of valour should to tast and eat this piece of pasty crust. A desperate piece of seruice. I would make him a Captaine at least, if I meant to assault a Cupbord, or beseidge an alms-tub - here - eat. Sir I haue seene others then plaiers this dead time, not very fatt; twas a Lent with us, and I beleiue an Ember weeke with some of you; when you haue kept your Frydays and fasted foure in a messe at hospitable Humphryes - but here comes a Louer. Ah cruell Cupid till I knew thy flames happy I liu'd - now I lament and water earth with my teares; the winds haue heard my sighs and mountaines ecchoed with perpetuall grones, the nightingale listning to my Complaints sings out of tune, and beares a part with mee And canst thou bee so cruell, when I languish in flames of thy affection? Gentle death lend mee thy curteous hand, o learne not thou scorne and disdaine from him. Sir in what desert or wildernesse were you brought up? What Tyger Leopard or Lyonesse suckled you with bloud that you can be so sauadge to deny your poore despaireing Thisbe, halfe a crowne to vampe her bootes. It breeds compunction in mee - alas poore Lady - haue you any more Inhabitants of the Land of famine? Yes Sir here they are - 2 Rorers - brothers of the knife that haue fallen out, who shall eat the others nose first - you know the meaning - the quarrell must be taken up. And let it be at your charge. At my charge! I understand you. I will unnose thy face; sowce up thy cheekes and cut thy body into fleetch and gammon. Yeild mee a chine, a surloine, and a shoulder or I will reeze the rest in sutt and smoke till Martlemasse. Then sword supply reuenge. Die then, and be in brawny collars boyld bare as thou art. Wilt thou yeild up a legg! For I must carue thee. Not the least of pestes. A wing shall serue. No, if thou meane escape resigne a Collop. If not so, to pott. Sword cut, and send him to the dressing board. What doe you meane Gentlemen! Pray be not so earnest in these unciuill quarrells. my thirsty steele, it must haue bloud and drinke. Thinke not leane Rhetorique can abate the edge of hungry blade, it must haue flesh and feed. I know you haue both good stomacks - pray be reconcil'd - walke downe the stayres, and chew the cud with my seruingmen. Then sword to sleepe in Scabbard - knife awake. Thou art by miracle preserued - all friends. Say grace aforehand, lest it breed delay. I cannot, hauing said none many a day. This is well ended - so and how haue you liud? What Camaelion shar'd Comons with you? What speech haue you knawed on? Faith my gutts are noe great storers, a little serues mee, and you seldome heard a pismire complaine of a dearth of Corne yet. Who's this? How has hee liud? Hee has liud by speaking the prologue to this play: hee might haue done pennance too, had not that dischargd his ordinary on a desperate day. I shall heare that in the Cockpit, well you shall sup with mee; Ile send my boy to bespeake one dish. An oxe, with a pudding in his belly, and perchance for second course a dozen of Calues in a dish, and so I shall expect you. ****