^YOU MIGHT REMEMBER ! ^WHAT ? ^YOU MIGHT ! ^WHAT ? ^REMEMBER. ^YOU ALWAYS FORGET, YOU THROW AWAY THE SILVER PAPER. ^I WANT IT FOR MY BALL. ^NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY. ^IT'S GETTING QUITE BIG. ^WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IT'S THE SIZE OF THE ^ALBERT ^HALL ?
^TAKE IT TO THE ^COTTAGE ^HOSPITAL. ^I SHOULD JOLLY WELL THINK SO TOO. ^YOU ARE FUNNY. ^GIVE ME A CIGARETTE. ^I MUST FINISH. ^HOW IS IT ? ^HARD. ^OH, FOR A FOUR-STROKE. ^OH, FOR A ^MONARCH. ^MONARCH ? ^GRASS ^MONARCH. ^MARVELLOUS. ^COSTS THE EARTH. ^HERE YOU ARE, HERE'S A LITTLE BIT MORE. ^OH, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE! ^OH, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE! ^I'M VERY FOND OF A BIT OF FRESH MEAT, ^SO LET'S HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE! ^WAS THAT THE LAST ? ^UNLESS YOU'VE GOT SOME. ^HOW COULD ^I ? ^WELL, YOU DO. ^ONLY ON ^THURSDAYS. ^YOU KNOW, IT'S COMING ON. ^WHERE SHALL WE PUT THE NEMESIA THIS YEAR ? ^OVER THERE THEY'D MAKE A SHOW. ^I THOUGHT DAHLIAS BY THE FENCE. ^THEY DIDN'T DO MUCH LAST YEAR. ^NO, BUT ... ^YES, PERHAPS. ^WE'RE HELD BACK ALL THE TIME WITH NO GREENHOUSE. ^WE'LL HAVE ONE. ^WHEN ? ^MONEY !
^YOU GO ON SAYING THAT. ^I GO ON HAVING TO EARN IT. ^JACK ^FOSTER SAID HE MIGHT LOOK IN. ^WHEN ? ^SOMETIME. ^NO, WHEN DID YOU SEE HIM ? ^SHOPPING THIS MORNING. ^DOESN'T HE EVER DO ANY WORK ? ^HE SAYS HE'S DRAWING A STRIP CARTOON. ^ODD WAY TO LIVE. ^HE MAKES MONEY. ^OH YES. ^BUT YOU NEVER QUITE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. ^YOU PLAY GOLF WITH HIM. ^WELL HE'S A MEMBER, AND A NEIGHBOUR. ^NO, THERE'S NOTHING AGAINST HIM, ^I DON'T SAY THAT :, JUST THAT ^I'D NEVER BE SURPRISED TO SEE HIS NAME IN THE ^SUNDAYS. ^THAT'S PREJUDICE. ^ALL RIGHT, THAT'S PREJUDICE. ^WHEN DO YOU WANT TO EAT ? ^WHEN ^I'M FED. ^NO YOU WON'T, YOU SAY THAT BUT YOU NEVER DO AND THEN IT ALL GETS COLD WHILE YOU FINISH SOMETHING. ^WHAT IS IT ? ^WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ? ^WHAT IS THERE ? ^NOTHING MUCH. ^THEN ^I'LL HAVE IT COLD WITH PICKLES. ^THERE ISN'T TIME, IF ^I COOKED IT NOW IT WOULD TAKE TWO HOURS AND IT WOULDN'T BE COLD TILL MIDNIGHT. ^IT WAS ONLY A JOKE. ^I THOUGHT YOU MEANT THE JOINT. ^NO, YOU SAID NOTHING MUCH, AND ^I SAID ^I'D HAVE IT COLD WITH PICKLES. ^I'M NOT THERE. ^BECAUSE YOU SAID WHAT WOULD ^I HAVE AND ^I SAID WHAT WAS THERE, AND YOU SAID ... ^ALL RIGHT, EGGS ?
^YES, ^O.^K. ^HOW ? ^BACON. ^IF THERE IS. ^IF THERE ISN'T ^I'LL ... ^YES ? ^HAVE THEM ANY WAY YOU LIKE. ^NO, THAT'S NO GOOD. ^I MEAN IF YOU WANT AN OMELETTE THERE'S NO USE MY MAKING ONE NOW AND THEN YOU NOT COMING IN TO EAT IT. ^YOU MUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND. ^I CAN'T. ^THINK. ^ER ... WELL ... ^WE NEED MORE CIGARETTES. ^SO YOU'RE GOING DOWN. ^WELL, ^I'D BETTER. ^I MEAN TOMORROW'S ^SUNDAY. ^HOW LONG ? ^NO TIME. ^UNLESS YOU MEET SOMEBODY. ^NO, REALLY, JUST A DRINK AND THE CIGARETTES, THAT'S ALL. ^AND THE LAWN ? ^I'LL FINISH THE EDGE AND DO THE REST TOMORROW. ^DON'T BE TOO LONG. ^I COULD DO IT LATER. ^DARK. ^OH ^I DON'T KNOW, THE EVENINGS ARE LIGHTER THAN THEY WERE. ^WELL OF COURSE. ^THREE CHEERS FOR ME. ^IF ^I WENT DOWN NOW THERE'D BE PLENTY OF TIME AFTERWARDS.
^IS THERE ANYTHING IN THE CUPBOARD ? ^NOT REALLY. ^SOME GIN. ^WELL, YES. ^THERE IS SOME. ^BUT IF SOMEONE CAME. ^THERE'S SHERRY. ^OH YES, QUITE A BIT. ^SHALL ^I GET YOU A GLASS ? O, EY CAN HAVE SHERRY IF THEY COME. ^WHO ? ^YOU SAID IF SOMEONE. ^YES, BUT ^I LIKE TO HAVE SOME GIN TO OFFER. ^WELL, OF ALL THE SELFISH... ^SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE SHERRY. ^AND ^I'M ONE OF THEM, BUT CAN ^I HAVE GIN ? ^OH NO, IT'S BEING KEPT FOR YOUR FRIENDS. ^OR YOURS. ^WHAT FRIENDS HAVE ^I ? ^THERE'S ^BERYL AND ^MURIEL, AND THAT ^GREEN WOMAN. ^GREEN ? ^WITH A HUSBAND IN CEMENT. ^HESTER ^BROWN. ^ALL RIGHT THEN, THAT ^BROWN WOMAN. ^THEY ARE NOT FRIENDS. ^I HARDLY EVER SEE THEM. ^I THOUGHT YOU HAD COFFEE TOGETHER EVERY MORNING. ^THAT'S NOT BEING FRIENDS. ^WHAT IS ? ^KNOWING PEOPLE, KNOWING THEM WELL, PEOPLE YOU LIKE. ^WE HAD A PARTY. ^PARTIES DON'T MEAN ANYTHING. ^I WISH YOU'D TOLD ME THAT BEFORE YOU MADE ME HAVE IT. ^MADE YOU ! ^IS THERE ANYTHING TO PUT IN THIS ? ^PINK. ^I WOULDN'T HAVE DREAMT OF HAVING A PARTY.
^YOU SUGGESTED IT. ^I HATE PINK. ^I...? ^OH NO ! ^OH NO NO NO. ^ISN'T THERE ANY TONIC ? ^ORANGE SQUASH, BOTTOM SHELF. ^BUT IT WAS YOUR IDEA, ^I SWEAR IT WAS. ^HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ? ^YOU SAID WE OUGHT TO RETURN SOME HOSPITALITY. ^WE COULDN'T GO TO OTHER PEOPLE'S PARTIES AND DO NOTHING. ^NO NEED TO DO ANYTHING, HAVE THEM IN ONE OR TWO AT A TIME, FOR DRINKS OR DINNER. ^IT COSTS MORE IN THE LONG RUN. ^IN THE LONG RUN. ^YOU SAID SO. ^THE PARTY TOOK A CRACKING GREAT SLICE IN THE SHORT RUN. ^OH, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. ^THAT'S HOW IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN. ^WHEN WE WERE MARRIED. ^THAT'S HOW IT IS. ^YOU EARN MORE THAN YOU DID THEN. ^EARN, YES. ^WELL, WHY THEN ? ^WE'VE GOT A HOUSE, NOT A TWO-ROOMED FLAT, GARDEN, SCHOOL FEES FOR ^ROGER, HIGHER FARES, MORE TAXES, EVERYTHING. ^YOU CAN'T HAVE PARTIES AND THE SORT OF LIFE YOU WANT TO LEAD. ^ME ? ^YOU ! ^OH, NOW, NOW REALLY, LOOK NOW, NOW. ^I MEAN, WELL ! ^DO YOU THINK ^I NEED ALL THIS ? ^OH NO, ^I COULD LIVE IN ONE ROOM. ^IF YOU HADN'T GOT ME AS A BURDEN. ^NO, ^I DON'T MEAN THAT. ^BUT DON'T BLAME ME FOR NOT EARFNING MORE, ^I DO MY BEST. ^YES, OF COURSE. ^IT'S THE WAY IT IS TODAY.
^AND YET THERE ARE RICH PEOPLE. ^HOW DO THEY DO IT ? ^THEY GET BORN AS ^GREEKS, OR ^JEWS, OR ^YANKS, OR ANYTHING BUT POOR BLOODY ^ENGLISHMEN. ^YES ^I SUPPOSE... ^YOU KNOW, ^I HATE TO FEEL ^I'M A DRAG ON YOU. ^NOT A DRAG. ^NO BUT, OH YOU KNOW. ^I NEVER SAID YOU WERE A DRAG. ^I WANT TO BE A HELP. ^OH YOU ARE. ^NO ^I'M NOT, YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT, ^I'M A DRAG. ^NO, LOOK ^I DIDN'T SAY THAT, ^I NEVER SAID ANY SUCH THING. ^I MEAN, ^I MARRIED YOU... ^FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, YES, WHY SHOULDN'T YOU DO A LITTLE BETTER. ^DARLING, YOU DO AS WELL AS, WELL, AS WELL AS ANYONE COULD. ^NO, ^I COULD DO BETTER, SUPPOSING ^I GOT A JOB ? ^OH NO, OH NO, NOT ON YOUR ^ELEANOR. ^MY WHAT ? ^NELLIE. ^WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? ^OH, NEVER MIND. ^BUT NO. ^WHY NOT ? ^WHY ON EARTH NOT ? ^BECAUSE... ^I DON'T SEE WHY NOT. ^WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL HOLIDAYS ? ^WE COULD MANAGE. ^PEOPLE DO. ^LAURA ^HICKS. ^OH WELL... ^BUT SHE DOES. ^THREE CHILDREN AND A JOB SPEECH-TRAINING. ^WE OUGHT TO HAVE THEM ROUND SOME TIME. ^IT'S DIFFERENT FOR HER, SHE'S QUALIFIED. ^A ^FRIDAY NIGHT WOULD BE BEST. ^OR A ^SATURDAY. ^YOU MIGHT GIVE ME A DRINK. ^BUT WE OUGHT TO HAVE SOMEONE TO MEET THEM.
^I'M SORRY. ^SOMEONE TO MEET THEM MAKES US SIX, AND IT NEVER REALLY WORKS, THE TABLE ISN'T BIG ENOUGH. ^WE'VE HAD EIGHT AT ^CHRISTMAS, AND YOU'VE NEVER COMPLAINED BEFORE. ^AH, ^CHRISTMAS. ^THAT'S DIFFERENT. ^MY GRANDFATHER USED TO HAVE DINNER PARTIES OF SIXTEEN BEFORE THE WAR, OF COURSE, WHEN WE HAD ^LESS-WAYS. ^EVERYONE DID IN THOSE DAYS. ^I KNOW THEY DID, ^I WAS JUST SAYING. ^NOT THAT WE DON'T NEED A LARGER TABLE. ^NEED, NEED, NEED, OH, YES ! ^THAT'S THE SORT OF THING ^I MEAN, IF ^I HAD A JOB, WE COULD AFFORD TO BUY ONE OR TWO THINGS. ^NO USE HAVING A TABLE AND NOTHING TO EAT OFF IT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T TIME TO COOK. ^AH, NOW ^I SEE ! ^I SEE ! ^ALL YOU'RE THINKING OF IS YOURSELF. ^AND WHO ARE YOU ? ^I'M THINKING OF BEING A USEFUL PERSON, NOT JUST A CABBAGE SLAVING AWAY IN THE HOUSE. ^CABBAGES DON'T. ^LIKE THAT WOMAN IN THAT PLAY. ^WHAT PLAY ? ^OH, ^I DON'T KNOW, ^STRINDBERG. ^DON'T GO HIGHBROW ON ME. ^I THOUGHT EVERYONE KNEW THAT. ^DO GO DOWN IF YOU'RE GOING. ^ALL RIGHT. ^WHY DON'T WE HAVE THEM IN FOR A DRINK? ^THE ^HICKS ? ^AND ONE OR TWO OTHERS, NOT A PARTY. ^WE COULD. ^WHEN ? ^SOMETIME. ^NO, BUT YOU MUST SAY, IF WE DON'T DO ANYTHING, WE WON'T DO ANYTHING. ^NEXT MONTH. ^WE'RE OVERSPENT ON THIS ONE. ^I ONLY BOUGHT SOME SEEDS.
^THAT'S ALL RIGHT, QUITE ALL RIGHT. ^I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE, JUST THAT WE ARE. ^HULLO, TWO-SEVEN-DOUBLE-FIVE. ^WHO ? ^YES. ^ME ? ^SOME FOREIGN WOMAN. ^YES, YES IT IS. ^OH YES. ^YES, ^I SUPPOSE SO. ^WHERE ARE YOU ? ^ALL RIGHT. ^IT'S CALLED ^WHITE ^WALLS ABOUT HALF-WAY DOWN THE ROAD ON THE RIGHT. ^YES. ^WHO ON EARTH IS IT ? ^OH, JUST A WOMAN. ^GRACE PUT ME ON TO HER. ^WHAT SORT OF A WOMAN ? ^A DRESSMAKER. ^SHE'S COMING ROUND NOW. ^I THOUGHT YOU WENT TO THEM. ^YOU DO, BUT SHE HAPPENED TO BE HERE. ^SHE RANG FROM THE BOX ON THE CORNER. ^I'LL GO DOWN THEN. ^YES, SHE'LL BE HERE IN A MOMENT. ^NOT IF SHE KNOWS HER LEFT FROM HER RIGHT. ^IT'S ONLY A STEP. ^BUT YOU SAID ON THE RIGHT, IT'S ON THE LEFT COMING THAT WAY. ^WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ? ^HOW WAS ^I TO KNOW WHERE SHE WAS ? ^YOU KNEW SHE WAS TELEPHONING. ^CHRIST, THERE ARE TWO MILLION TELEPHONES IN THE ^LONDON AREA. ^COUNTED THEM ? ^DON'T BE CHILDISH. ^IT'S YOU THAT'S BEING CHILDISH. ^YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN SHE WAS SOMEWHERE NEAR FROM THE WAY ^I SPOKE. ^AS A MATTER OF FACT, ^I WAS DOING A JOB FOR THE ^G.^P.^O. THE OTHER DAY. ^BIG CONTRACT. ^SO ? ^SO ^I DO KNOW HAW MANY TELEPHONES THERE ARE. ^YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
^NO, BUT ^I'M NOT THE COMPLETE FOOL YOU SEEM TO THINK ^I AM. ^ANYWAY, SHE'S FOUND IT. ^THAT ONLY MEANS SHE DOESN'T KNOW HER LEFT FROM HER RIGHT EITHER. ^WELL, ARE YOU GOING ? ^YES, ^I'LL LET HER IN AND GO. ^DON'T BE TOO LONG. ^ONLY CIGARETTES. ^YES, DO COME IN, MY WIFE'S IN HERE. ^GOOD EVENING. ^DO SIT DOWN....ER..... ^PIMOSZ. ^I'M SORRY ? ^LEONIE ^PIMOSZ, LIKE PRIMROSE BUT HAVING NO R'S. ^OH YES. ^WOULD YOU LIKE A GLASS OF SHERRY ? ^NO GIN ? ^I'M AFRAID THIS IS THE LAST OF IT. ^THEN SHERRY, YES, ALL RIGHT. ^YOU WANT TO WORK ? ^YOU SAW MY ADVERTISEMENT. ^YES. ^HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME ? ^I ONLY PUT THE TELEPHONE NUMBER. ^I FIND OUT. ^YOU SMOKE ? ^THANK YOU. ^MY HUSBAND'S JUST GONE OUT FOR SOME. ^THAT YOU HUSBAND ?
^YES. ^WHY DO YOU WANT TO WORK ? ^WELL YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. ^MY SON'S AWAY AT SCHOOL AND ^I HAVE SOME SPARE TIME. ^BESIDES, ONE CAN ALWAYS USE MONEY, CAN'T ONE ? ^ONE CAN. ^THESE DAYS WITH TAXATION AND SCHOOL FEES, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS. ^I KNOW WHAT IT IS. ^YOU ARE NOT ASKING FOR MUCH, ONLY TO KEEP WHAT YOU HAVE AND EACH YEAR THAT IS MORE DIFFICULT. ^WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND ? ^IN BUSINESS. ^HA! ^SO ARE WE ALL IN BUSINESS. ^HE WORKS FOR A FIRM THAT MAKES OFFICE FURNITURE. ^GOOD MONEY ? ^OH, HE DOESN'T DO TOO BADLY. ^WHAT JOB HAD YOU IN MIND FOR ME ? ^JOB, YES. ^A JOB TO MAKE MONEY YOU WANT, ^I THINK ? ^AND FOR SOMETHING TO DO, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. ^ONE LIKES TO FEEL USEFUL. ^YES, USEFUL. ^MONEY. ^FOR YOU. ^NO. ^HERE, YES FOR YOU, TAKE. ^FIFTY POUNDS, COUNT IF YOU LIKE. ^I DON'T WANT IT. ^I THINK YOU HAD BETTER GO. ^NOT YET. ^LET US START AGAIN. ^HERE TAKE, OR ^I DO THE SAME.
^QUITE MAD. ^NO, VERY RICH. ^YOU MUST SEE ^I CAN'T TAKE MONEY FROM YOU LIKE THIS. ^YOU HAVE, IT'S YOURS. ^THERE'S SOMETHING YOU WOULD CARE TO BUY? ^BUT ^I CAN'T JUST BE GIVEN MONEY. ^I WANT TO WORK. ^GOOD THEN. ^AN ADVANCE OF SALARY, YOU WORK FOR ME. ^WHAT AS ? ^IN THE AFTERNOONS, FROM TWO O'CLOCK, SAY, TO SIX. ^BUT WHAT DO ^I DO ? ^WHEN YOU ARE TELEPHONED YOU COME TO MY FLAT. ^WHERE IS THAT ? ^IN ^WIMPOLE ^STREET, YOU KNOW ? ^YES, ^I KNOW ^WIMPOLE ^STREET. ^DOCTORS, DENTISTS.... ^YES. ^IS IT A RECEPTIONIST'S JOB ? ^RECEPTIONIST ? ^MAKING APPOINTMENTS, AND SO ON... ^I MAKE APPOINTMENTS. ^FOR YOU. ^FOR ME ? ^WHO WITH ? ^CLIENTS. ^WHAT FOR ? ^TWENTY-FIVE GUINEAS EACH TIME. ^NO, ^I MEAN...^TWENTY-FIVE GUINEAS ? ^MORE IF THEY ARE GENEROUS. ^BUT THESE CLIENTS, WHO ARE THEY ? ^SOME BUSINESSMEN, SOME VISITORS. ^ALL GENTLEMEN, ALL RICH. ^I DON'T THINK IT'S QUITE THE SORT OF THING ^I WAS LOOKING FOR. ^NO ? ^SOME SORT OF CLUB, ^I SUPPOSE. ^NO NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT. ^CLUBS ARE NOT GOOD. ^THIS IS QUITE PRIVATE, QUITE RESPECTABLE. ^HERE IS MY CARD, AND HERE, IF YOU WISH, TWO MORE DAYS ADVANCE. ^OH NO! ^I MEAN ^I HAVEN'T REALLY DECIDED TO TAKE A JOB AT ALL.
^YOU ADVERTISED. ^YES, BUT ^I'VE SINCE FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND'S VERY MUCH AGAINST IT. ^HE IS HERE IN THE AFTERNOONS ? ^ONLY WEEK-ENDS. ^BUT HE'D HAVE TO KNOW AND ^I'M SURE HE WOULDN'T APPROVE OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS. ^OR LIKE THIS ? ^MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING. ^ALL THE LADIES ^I OFFER JOBS TO SAY THAT. ^BUT HERE WE SIT; MONEY IS THIS HOUSE, THIS GARDEN, THESE CLOTHES, THIS DRINK. ^WHAT PLEASE IS NOT MONEY ? ^IT'S RATHER HARD TO EXPLAIN. ^TO AN OLD ^JEWESS, YES. ^I'M SORRY. ^I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT IT'S ALL SO VAGUE, ISN'T IT ? ^COULDN'T YOU BE MORE PRECISE ? ^YES, ^I COULD. ^I MEAN, YOU CAN'T EXPECT ANYONE TO TAKE A JOB ON WITHOUT KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. ^AS ^I SAID, THEN, YOU WAIT FOR ME TO TELEPHONE, THEN YOU COME TO THAT ADDRESS. ^YOU HAVE A KEY TO THE SIDE DOOR SO THAT YOU WILL MEET NOBODY EXCEPT MYSELF...AND YOUR CLIENT, OF COURSE. ^BUT WHAT EXACTLY WOULD ^I DO ? ^GO AWAY, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. ^I'LL CALL THE POLICE. ^WHAT FOR ? ^YOU KNOW WHAT FOR. ^I HAVE SAID NOTHING. ^YOU'VE SUGGESTED... ^THAT YOU MAKE MONEY. ^IN THE MOST REVOLTING WAY ONE CAN. ^ME! ^DID YOU THINK ^I'D THINK OF IT ?
^YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO DOES. ^WHO ? ^OH NO, WE ARE DISCREET. ^THAT'S EASY TO SAY. ^I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, NOT A WORD. ^PEOPLE ROUND HERE WOULDN'T DO THAT SORT OF THING. ^YOU DON'T REALIZE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE LIKE. ^UNLESS IT'S ONE OF THE TRADESMEN'S WIVES YOU'RE THINKING OF OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT. ^I'M THINKING OF A LADY WITH A NICE HOUSE, WHO KEEPS IT NICE, WHO HAS NO MORE WORRIES ABOUT MONEY, WHO IS VERY HAPPY; SO COULD YOU BE. ^I'D RATHER DO ANYTHING, DIE! ^HOW VERY FAR YOU ARE FROM DEATH TO SAY SUCH A THING. ^YOU THINK ALL THIS LASTS FOR EVER, AND IT LASTS FOR YOU ? ^I TELL YOU SOMETHING. ^THIS HOUSE, IT DON'T KNOW YOU'RE HERE, NOTHING KNOWS ABOUT YOU, NOTHING CARES; WHAT YOU DO IS UP TO YOU. ^ONCE THERE WAS A TIME WHEN ^I THOUGHT THE WAY THAT YOU THINK NOW, BUT ^I AM ^POLISH. ^I WAS IN A CAMP AT YOUR AGE. ^I DON'T CARE. ^I'M SORRY, BUT ^I DON'T. ^NOBODY CARES, WHY SHOULD THEY ? ^I'M SURE IT WAS ALL VERY TERRIBLE BUT YOU REALLY CAN'T MAKE IT AN EXCUSE FOR COMING HERE AND OFFERING ME MONEY TO...DO THAT. ^YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE MONEY. ^YOU FILTHY WOMAN. ^IT'S DISGUSTING. ^NOTHING IS DISGUSTING, UNLESS YOU ARE DISGUSTED. ^I AM. ^NOT ME. ^YOU! ^YES, ME. ^LOOK, ^I REMEMBER WHEN THE ^NAZIS SAID ^I WAS DISGUSTING. ^WE WERE ALL DISGUSTING, BUT WE WERE NOT DISGUSTED. ^NOTHING YOU ARE OR DO YOURSELF OFFENDS YOURSELF. ^DISGUST IS ONLY HATE AND HATE IS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. ^YOU'RE EVIL. ^YES YOU ARE, EVIL!
^SO ARE WE ALL TO OTHERS, BUT WHAT WE DO IS NOTHING. ^I SHALL TELL THE POLICE. ^THEN THEY WILL PERHAPS ARREST ME. ^I HOPE THEY PUT YOU IN PRISON. ^OH YES, THEY WILL, AND ^I SHALL ADMIT EVERYTHING; HOW YOU APPROACHED ME, YES, AND WE DISCUSSED IT, YES, BUT THE TERMS DID NOT SUIT. ^THAT'S NOT TRUE! ^THEY DO NOT SEEM TO SUIT. ^YOU CAME TO ME. ^I SHALL SAY. ^AND THAT YOU ADVERTISED. ^NOT TO YOU. ^TO THE WORLD. ^DO PLEASE GO, PLEASE. ^YOU WILL THINK ABOUT IT AND TELEPHONE. ^I SHALL FORGET YOU EVER CAME. ^NO POLICE THEN, GOOD. ^I DON'T KNOW YET, ^I SHALL HAVE TO THINK. ^AND THEN TELEPHONE, YES. ^GET OUT! ^GET OUT! ^GET OUT! ^DO NOT RING BEFORE TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, PLEASE. ^GOOD EVENING KIDDIES, THIS IS THE MAD GHOUL CALLING.
^JACK! ^OH, YOU HORROR. ^WHO WAS THAT WENT OUT AS ^I CAME IN ? ^YOUR AUNT ^BECKY ? ^A DRESSMAKER. ^BERNARD'S AT THE PUB. ^AND ^I AM HERE, MY GREAT MOMENT. ^ALONE AT LAST. ^AH, BUT YOU WERE SEEN COMING IN BY THE NEIGHBOURS. ^OH, NO, ^I CREPT THROUGH THE SHRUBBERY LIKE THE CAT IN THE CRYPT. 'ID BEHIND THE 'OLLY'OCKS. ^THERE AREN'T ANY HOLLYHOCKS. ^NO! ^JENNY DON'T TALK GARDENING. ^YOU KNOW ^I CAN'T BEAR IT. ^WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BEER ? ^IS THAT ALL THERE IS ? ^NO THANKS. ^TOO WET. ^HOW D'YOU LIKE HER ? ^I LIKE THE HAT. ^IS SHE YOURS ? ^ALL MINE. ^WHY DO YOU GIVE THEM SUCH LONG LEGS? ^IT'S THE FASHION. ^AND ^I LIKE IT. ^BUT IT'S DISAPPOINTING WHEN YOU BUY THINGS, YOU NEVER DO LOOK LIKE THE DRAWINGS. ^OH, ^I WOULDN'T SAY THAT, ^I THINK YOU COULD MANAGE IT. ^NOT THAT ^I CAN AFFORD THE SORT OF CLOTHES YOU PUT YOUR MODELS INTO. ^I DON'T HAVE MODELS, AND EVEN IF ^I DID THEY'D BE PUT INTO THEIR CLOTHES BY SOME TOUGH NUMBER WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PINS. ^LIKE HER. ^WHO ? ^YOUR DRESSMAKER WOMAN. ^OH YES. ^THE VERY TYPE. ^YOU CAN TELL 'EM A MILE OFF. ^G^O^O^D ^S^O^L^I^D ^F^L^I^N^T ^F^R^O^M ^T^H^E ^I^N^S^I^D^E ^O^U^T. ^HARD ? ^YOU HAVE TO BE IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE MONEY IN THAT TRADE, WHICH THEY DO. ^AT THE EXPENSE OF THE POOR AND HONEST, LIKE ME. ^ARE YOU POOR ?
^I WOULD BE IF ^I WERE HONEST. ^WHY ? ^LOOK AROUND. ^WHAT AT ? ^YOUR PICTURES. ^THERE'S ONE IN THE HALL. ^AND DOZENS IN HERE. ^ONE NEVER SEEMS TO HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT FOR PICTURES. ^WHY DON'T ^I GIVE YOU ONE, ^JENNY ? ^AN EARLY ^FOSTER. ^COME UP TO MY FLAT AND CHOOSE IT. ^I MIGHT. ^MONDAY ? ^I'M HAVING COFFEE WITH ^BERYL, CAN ^I ^BBRING HER ALONG ? ^I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE. ^SHE'S INTERESTED IN ART. ^PERHAPS WE COULD SEND HER TO THE ^NATIONAL ^GALLERY. ^NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, ^JENNY...^WELL, FAIRLY SERIOUSLY. ^BERNARD! ^CURSES, FOILED AGAIN! ^HULLO, ^JACK. ^HAS THE OLD GIRL GONE ? ^YES. ^ANY GOOD ? ^TOO EXPENSIVE. ^A MEMBER OF THE CHOSEN RACE, ^I SHOULD SAY. ^DID YOU GET ANOTHER BOTTLE OF GIN ? ^LORD NO, ^I CAN'T GIVE THE ^GOVERNMENT ALL THAT MONEY MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK. ^AH WELL, ^I THINK ^I'LL CREEP OUT THE WAY ^I CREP' IN. ^ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL ? ^WHAT ? ^OH. ^YES. ^WHAT DID HE WANT ? ^GIN, OR WHISKY. ^FUNNY CHAP. ^HE TOLD ^TOM ^PALMER THE OTHER DAY THAT HE'D
LIKE TO SEE THE WHOLE OF ^WOODFIELD BLOWN TO BITS. ^DIDN'T SAY WHY. ^TIGHT OF COURSE. ^BUT YOU WANT TO BE CAREFUL. ^OF HIM ? ^NO, ^I'M NOT HIS TYPE. ^MY LEGS ARE TOO STUMPY. ^OH, ^I WOULDN'T SAY THAT. ^WHO WAS IN THE PUB ? ^NOBODY MUCH. ^BILL. ^WHAT DID HE SAY ? ^NOTHING. ^FUN FOR YOU BOTH. ^IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW, HE SAID '^GOOD EVENING! ^I SAID '^HELLO! ^HE SAID '^WHAT IS IT, A PINT ?' AND ^I SAID, '^THANK YOU VERY MUCH! ^BUT WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT ? ^THE ^TEST SELECTION AND ASPARAGUS. ^HOW DULL. ^YOU ASKED. ^ANYWAY ^I WAS ONLY DOWN THERE FOR A SECOND. ^HE'S GETTING A SECOND CAR. ^WAS ^BERYL WITH HIM ? ^NO, SHE'D BEEN UP IN ^TOWN. ^BERYL HAD ? ^WHY NOT ? ^I WONDER WHAT FOR. ^SHE HAS HER HAIR DONE AT ^YVETTE'S IN THE ^HIGH ^STREET, LIKE ME. ^YOU CAN GO TO ^TOWN FOR OTHER THINGS THAN HAIR. ^YES, BUT SHE SAID SHE WAS FED UP WITH ^PEGGY. ^WHO'S SHE ? ^OH YOU KNOW, ^PEGGY, ^I TOLD YOU, THE GIRL WHO DOES US BOTH. ^NOT ME. ^BERYL. ^SHE'S NOT BAD, AS LEAST ^I DON'T THINK SO. ^BUT SHE'S A BIT CASUAL, OF COURSE THEY ALL ARE THESE DAYS. ^THEY GET SO MUCH MONEY. ^LET'S BECOME HAIRDRESSERS, THEN. '^MAISON ^ACTON ^COIFFEUR DES ^DAMES' - AND ^I'LL HAVE A WHITE COAT AND A PAIR OF CURLING TONGS. ^THEY DON'T USE THOSE. ^WELL. ^A COMB STICKING OUT OF MY POCKET. ^YOU'D HAVE A WHITE COAT TOO. ^AND A BLUE RINSE.
^YOU'D LOOK FETCHING IN A WHITE COAT. ^NICE. ^NICER. ^YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF. ^I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, IT SAYS SO IN THE ^PRAYER ^BOOK. ^AND THAT ^I'VER HEARD BEFORE. ^LET ME GO OR YOU WON'T GET ANYTHING TO EAT. ^DON'T WANT ANYTHING. ^YES, YOU DO. ^ALL RIGHT, CUT OFF THE JOINT. ^NOT NOW. ^THIS VERY MOMENT. ^DO YOU REMEMBER ^BERNARD THE ^BLOOD- SUCKING ^BAT ? ^OW! ^OH, DO BE CAREFUL. ^OO, BURNT MY HAND. ^THE TIP'S GONE ON THE FLOOR. ^WHERE IS IT ? ^QUICK! ^IT HURT LIKE HELL. ^LOOK FOR IT, IT'LL BURN THE CARPET. ^ARE YOU SURE IT CAME OFF ? ^YES, CERTAIN. ^YOU ARE A CLUMSY OAF. ^I WAS CHERISHING YOU. ^LIKE IT SAYS ^I SHOULD. ^THIS CARPET'S BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT ANOTHER GREAT BURNT HOLE IN IT. ^BOW WOW! ^CAN YOU SMELL IT ? ^LET'S PLAY BEARS. ^OH, DON'T BE A FOOL. ^ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT PLAY BEARS. ^OW! ^DAMN!
^FOUND IT ? ^PUT MY HAND ON IT. ^IT STINKS. ^NO LARGE DAMAGE. ^BUT ^I MUST SAY.... ^I'M EXHAUSTED. ^I'M LACERATED. ^THERE'S SOME STUFF IN THE BATHROOM. ^ALL FOR TRYING TO DO WHAT ^I WOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO DO WITH MY WIFE'S AUNT'S NIECE. ^WELL YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS. ^YOU'RE NOT MY WIFE'S AUNT'S NIECE, YOU'RE MY WIFE. ^IT'S CATCHING. ^LET'S GO OUT. ^WHERE ? ^TO EAT. ^I'M BORED. ^THERE'S NOWHERE MUCH OPEN NOW. ^THE ^SHIP ^HOTEL. ^THAT COSTS A QUID BEFORE YOU GET THROUGH THE DOOR. ^I'VE GOT SOME MONEY. ^HOW MUCH ? ^ENOUGH. ^FOR DINNER AT THE ^SHIP ? ^YES. ^HOW ? ^M.Y.O.B. ^HAVE YOU BEEN SAVING ? ^PERHAPS. ^YOU SAID YOU HADN'T A PENNY ON ^MONDAY. ^I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING. ^YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING SILLY ? ^I DON'T THINK SO.
^NO, ^I MEAN THAT JOB YOU TALKED ABOUT. ^YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE BEHIND MY BACK ? ^SUPPOSE ^I DID. ^YOU COULD JOLLY WELL GO AND UN-GET-IT. ^WHY? ^WHY? ^WHY? ^HAVE YOU ? ^NO, ^I HAVEN'T. ^BUT WHY SHOULDN'T ^I ? ^WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. ^NO WE HAVEN'T. ^WE STARTED AND THEN YOU WENT ON ABOUT ^LAURA ^HICKS AND HAVING A PARTY. ^ME! ^THAT ^I DO LIKE. ^NO DARLING, DON'T BE HORRID. ^I'M QUITE SERIOUS. ^BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO ? ^I MEAN YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK IN A SHOP DO YOU ? ^NO, BUT THERE MUST BE SOMETHING, AS A MATTER OF FACT ^I HAVE MADE A START. ^WHAT ? ^I'VE ADVERTISED. ^NO ? ^IN THE LOCAL PAPER. ^IN THE NEWSAGENT. ^YOU HAVEN'T ? ^AS THOUGH YOU WERE A LOT OF OLD GRAMO- PHONE RECORDS OR A PRAM OR A TART. ^WHAT ? ^THAT'S WHAT THEY DO THESE DAYS. '^MODEL AGED 25, 34-44-54.' ^YOU DIDN'T PUT OUR ADDRESS ? ^TELEPHONE NUMBER. ^THAT'S BAD ENOUGH; WELL, OUT IT COMES TOMORROW. ^IT DOES ANYWAY, THE WEEK'S UP. ^YOU HAVEN'T HAD ANY CALLS ? ^ONE. ^WHO ? ^SOME WOMAN. ^WHAT SORT OF JOB ? ^I DON'T KNOW. ^I DIDN'T GO INTO IT. ^I DIDN'T LIKE THE SOUND OF HER MUCH.
^YOU ARE INCREDIBLE, DARLING, YOU REALLY ARE. ^WHAT A THING TO DO. ^IT SEEMED CHEAP. ^AND VERY NASTY, DARLING. ^BUT HONESTLY, SUPPOSING SOME- ONE WE KNEW HAD SEEN IT, JUST SUPPOSING. ^IF THEY'D SEEN THE NUMBER AND KNOWN. ^BILL FOR INSTANCE, OR ^BERYL. ^WHO ARE THEY TO MIND ? ^NOBODY, BUT WE'D NEVER HAVE HEARD THE END OF IT. ^HE'D PROBABLY HAVE RUNG YOU UP AS A JOKE AND OFFERED YOU SOMETHING QUITE APPALLING. ^YES, ^I SUPPOSE HE MIGHT. ^OH, WHAT HELL PEOPLE ARE. ^OH, NOW LOOK, DARLING. ^YES, THEY ARE, THEY ARE! ^I'M NOT A PERSON AT ALL. ^I'M JUST A SORT OF BELONGING OF YOURS, AND IF ^I TRY TO DO ANYTHING ELSE YOU EITHER TREAT IT AS A JOKE OR YOU GET ANGRY. ^NO, DARLING. ^YES YOU DO. ^NO, LOOK, LOOK HERE... ^MOP UP. ^THEN YOU CAN TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER. ^CAN ^I ? ^WITH YOUR MISER' HOARD. ^HOW MUCH IS THERE ? ^ABOUT A FIVER. ^CLEVER, CLEVER GIRL. ^YOU'D BETTER PUT THINGS AWAY IN THE GARDEN. ^AND WASH. ^SHOULD ^I CHANGE ? ^YOU LOOK ALL RIGHT. ^WOULD ^I BE BETTER IN MY GREY SKIRT AND RED TOP ? ^YOU LOOK FINE AS YOU ARE. ^BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK ? ^GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT. ^IT DOESN'T MAKE ME LOOK SKINNY ? ^BIG ^CHIEF ^BERNARD SAY HE LIKE-UM SKINNY SQUAW. ^SKINNY SQUAW SAY '^HOW!'
^BIG ^CHIEF ^BERNARD SHOW-UM HOW. ^BIG ^CHIEF ^BERNARD BOASTING. ^SQUAW GETTING SKINNIER EVERY MINUTE. ^LET'S GO AND EAT. ^AND THEN COME BACK TO THE WIGWAM. ^WE'D BETTER HURRY OR THEY'LL BE SHUT! PUT SOME FACE ON AND WE'LL GO.
^PUT THE CLOTH ON. ^WHERE IS IT ? ^WHERE IT ALWAYS IS. ^WHY DOES ONE HAVE A TABLE-CLOTH FOR BREAKFAST ? ^IT'S BETTER. ^THEN WHY NOT FOR OTHER MEALS ? ^THAT'S DIFFERENT. ^SOMETHING TO DO WITH MARMALADE ^I SUPPOSE. ^DO YOU WANT AN EGG ? ^ARE YOU HAVING ONE ? ^DO YOU WANT ONE ? ^IF YOU'RE HAVING ONE ^I WILL, OTHERWISE NO. ^YOU ARE A LAZY DEVIL. ^NO, IT'S JUST THAT ^I DON'T WANT AN EGG ENOUGH TO START EVERYTHING GOING TOWARDS COOKING IT, BUT IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO ONE FOR YOURSELF, WELL ^I'D WANT IT ENOUGH FOR THAT. ^I DON'T THINK ^I'LL HAVE ONE. ^I'LL DO YOU ONE IF YOU LIKE. ^YOU DO WANT ONE ? ^NO ^I DON'T, ^I'LL JUST DO YOU ONE. ^YOU OUGHT TO EAT. ^TOAST. ^IT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU. ^OH MY ^GOD! ^CORNFLAKES.
^WHY CORNFLAKES ? ^ROGER'S HOME TODAY, HAD YOU FORGOTTEN ? ^MATCHES. ^NO OF COURSE ^I HADN'T, PUT DOWN ENVELOPES. ^THERE ARE SOME. ^NO THERE AREN'T, ^I WAS WRITING A LETTER LAST NIGHT AND THERE'S ONLY THE BELT THING THAT GOES ROUND THEM. ^ALL RIGHT, AND A DISH-MOP. ^WHO WERE YOU WRITING TO ? ^WE'VE GOT A DISH-MOP. ^WE NEED A NEW ONE. ^DID YOU WRITE TO ^AUNT ^EDITH ? ^NO, ^I PAID THE COAL BILL, FOURTEEN POUNDS NINE AND THREE- PENCE. ^WE'VE GOT TO HAVE IT. ^I SUPPOSE SO. ^WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? ^PAPERS. ^NOT YET ON A ^SATURDAY. ^YES THEY ARE, ^I HEARD THEM. ^SHALL WE GO TO THE CINEMA ON ^MONDAY ? ^WHY ? ^SOMETHING FOR ^ROGER. ^YOU TWO GO. ^OH COME TOO. ^WASTE OF MONEY. ^YOU'LL SPEND TWICE AS MUCH IN THE PUB. ^I SHAN'T GO TO THE PUB. ^YOU WILL. ^MIGHT NOT. ^WELL, GIVE ME A PAPER. ^YOU'RE READING THAT ONE. ^NO ^I WAS ONLY LOOKING AT IT. ^ANYONE WOULD THINK ^I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND THE ^TELEGRAPH. < ^P 168> ^HAVE IT IF YOU LIKE. ^NO NO, THIS'LL DO. ^THEY'VE GOT MARVELLOUS GREENHOUSES HERE FOR THIRTY POUNDS. ^OH, FOR ^GOD'S SAKE! ^WELL, THEY HAVE. ^DO YOU KNOW YOU'VE MADE THREE SUGGESTIONS IN THE LAST THREE MINUTES AND THEY ALL MEAN SPENDING MONEY. ^I HAVEN'T. ^DISH-MOP, CINEMA, GREENHOUSE. ^WELL! ^I KNOW, ^I KNOW, ^I KNOW, BUT THERE IT IS AND FOURTEEN POUNDS NINE AND THREEPENCE OF COAL. ^AND THERE ARE A WHOLE LOT MORE BILLS ^I BET YOU. ^THINGS LOOK BAD IN ^AFRICA. ^WHAT ? ^AFRICA. ^AFRICA ? ^THINGS LOOK BAD. ^FROM ^MARY ^VERRALL. ^GAS, PLUMBER. ^WHAT THE HELL'S THIS ? ^MARY'S HAVING ANOTHER. ^JENNY! ^WHAT ? ^MONEY! ^MONEY ? ^NOTES. ^LOOK. ^HOW MUCH ? ^IT'S INCREDIBLE. ^ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN, SEVENTEEN, EIGHTEEN, NINETEEN, TWENTY, TWENTY-ONE, TWENTY-TWO, TWENTY-THREE, TWENTY-FOUR, TWENTY-FIVE, TWENTY-SIX, TWENTY-SEVEN, TWENTY-EIGHT, TWENTY-NINE, THIRTY, IN FIVERS MAKING A HUNDRED AND FIFTY AND... FORTY-EIGHT IN ONES MAKING A HUNDRED AND NINETY-EIGHT POUNDS. ^NOT TWO HUNDRED ? ^NO, YOU COUNT. ^NO NO, IF YOU SAY SO, YOU'RE BETTER AT COUNTING THAN ME. ^A HUNDRED AND NINETY-EIGHT POUNDS. ^A HUNDRED AND NINETY-EIGHT POUNDS JUST LIKE THAT, FROM NOWHERE. ^NO MESSAGE, NOTHING, WHO ? ^AREN'T YOU PLEASED ? ^IT'S SO DAMNED ODD. ^I MEAN, WHY ? ^WHERE FROM ? ^THERE'S NO SENSE IN IT. ^BUT IT'S MONEY. ^I SUPPOSE SO. ^OF COURSE ^I CAN'T KEEP IT. ^WHAT! ^OH NO, NO, WOULDN'T DO AT ALL. ^I'LL TAKE IT TO THE POLICE. ^NO! ^OF COURSE. ^THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG SOMEWHERE. ^BUT IT'S ADDRESSED TO YOU, IT CAME THROUGH THE POST, IT'S NOT AS THOUGH YOU HAD FOUND IT. ^SOMEONE MEANS YOU TO HAVE IT. ^WHO ? ^PERHAPS YOU DID SOMEONE A GOOD TURN. ^THOSE SORT OF THINGS DON'T HAPPEN. ^NOT TO ^JOE ^SOAP. ^THIS HAS HAPPENED. ^THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN ^I GAVE MY SEAT TO IN THE TUBE THE OTHER DAY, SHE SEEMED AWFULLY GRATEFUL, BUT SHE DIDN'T LOOK RICH. ^REALLY RICH PEOPLE NEVER DO. ^BUT HOW WOULD SHE KNOW WHERE ^I LIVED ? ^SHE GOT OUT AT ^GREEN ^PARK. ^PERHAPS SHE HAD YOU FOLLOWED. ^NO, NO, IT COULDN'T BE HER.
^CAN ^I HAVE ONE? ^OH, ^I'M SORRY. ^THERE'S A CHAP WHO OFTEN SITS OPPOSITE ME IN THE TRAIN, HE ALWAYS SEEMS VERY INTERESTED IN ME. ^YOU KNOW, HE ASKS ME QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW ^I MANAGE ON MY SALARY AND THAT SORT OF THING, PERHAPS HE'S A MILLIONAIRE. ^MATCH. ^OH, YES. ^THANK YOU. ^I WONDER. ^AT WORK OF COURSE ^I MEET PEOPLE, YOU KNOW - CLIENTS, DIRECTORS OF BIG FIRMS, ^I THINK THAT'S THE ANSWER, IT'S ONE OF THEM. ^OH, WHY ? ^WELL, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS BUSINESS ARE PRETTY GOOD OICKS AND ^I SUPPOSE THEY FIND IT A CHANGE TO DEAL WITH A ...WELL, WITH A...LET'S NOT BE ASHAMED OF IT...A GENTLEMAN. ^SOMEONE LIKE ^SIR ^HENRY ^VANE-^QUILTER. ^DO YOU KNOW HIM ? ^SLIGHTLY, HE GAVE ME A DRINK IN THEIR BOARD ROOM THE OTHER DAY. ^WE TALKED ABOUT GARDENING, HE'S INTERESTED IN ROSES. ^I SHOULD THINK IT MIGHT VERY PROBABLY COME FROM HIM. ^YES IT MIGHT. ^YOURS. ^THANK YOU. ^WAIT A MOMENT. ^THAT BRINGS IT DOWN TO ROUND FIGURES, ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS. ^YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT TO THE POLICE ? ^NO, ^I DON'T THINK SO. ^AS YOU SAY IT CAME THROUGH THE POST, SOMEONE WANTS ME TO HAVE IT. ^IT WOULD BE SILLY NOT TO. ^WOULD YOU LIKE MORE COFFEE ? ^YES ^I WOULD. ^MY ^GOD, WE COULD HAVE A ^GRASS ^MONARCH! ^SHALL WE FLY OVER TO ^PARIS TONIGHT ? ^THERE'S ^ROGER.
^OH YES, BLAST! ^HE COULD COME TOO. ^NOT IF WE'RE HAVING A ^MONARCH AS WELL. ^BUT WE MUST CELEBRATE. ^SHALL WE HAVE A PARTY ? ^IF YOU LIKE. ^I'LL GET ONE OF THOSE EDGERS TOO AND A LOAD OF HOP MANURE. ^WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY ? ^YES, LET'S MAKE IT A PROPER ONE. ^CHAMPAGNE COCKTAILS, CAVIARE, THAT'D SHAKE THEM. ^WHEN ? ^TONIGHT. ^IT'S ^ROGER'S FIRST NIGHT HOME. ^HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO ENJOY IT NOW, FIFTEEN, HE CAN HAND THINGS ROUND. ^WE CAN'T ASK PEOPLE AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE. ^YES WE CAN. ^LET'S START WITH ^BILL AND ^BERYL. ^NO, ^I OUGHT TO ASK HER. ^WHY ? ^IT'S DONE. ^OH, ALL RIGHT. ^HELLO ^BERYL, MY OLD WOMAN WANTS A WORD WITH YOU. ^MY DEAR, HOW ARE YOU ? ^LOOK, ^BERYL...^I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, WE DIDN'T DECIDE UNTIL NOW, THIS VERY MINUTE, AND IT'S HORRIBLY RUDE TO ASK YOU... ^IT'S A PARTY, NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. ^WHAT ? ^SORRY.... ^NOTHING. ^WE WONDERED WHETHER YOU COULD POSSIBLY COME IN FOR A DRINK THIS EVENING...SORT OF SIX-THIRTY, NOT REALLY A PARTY, JUST A KIND OF CELEBRATION. ^ONE OR TWO PEOPLE...^YES...YES, TODAY AS A MATTER OF FACT...^I'M OFF TO THE STATION NOW.
^ARE THEY COMING ? ...^OH YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS AT THE START OF THE HOLIDAYS... ABSOLUTELY FILTHY...THEY ALWAYS ARE, THEY DON'T SEEM TO TEACH THEM TO WASH AT ALL... ^ARE THEY ? ...^I KNOW, SOMETHING ^I WANTED TO SAY...^DO YOU KNOW THAT SHOP AT THE CORNER OF...NOT THE ^HIGH ^STREET, THAT OTHER ONE ...^I ALWAYS FORGET ITS NAME...NEAR THE GARAGE... ^WILLINGDON ^ROAD. ^YOU KNOW...WELL THEY'VE GOT SOME TWIN-SETS IN, SOME SORT OF REJECT, BUT YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THEM AND THEY'RE REDUCED TO THREE POUNDS. ^THEY SAY THEY WON'T HAVE THEM AFTER THIS WEEK, SO ^I THOUGHT ^I'D TELL YOU. ^I MUST GO...SO IS OURS... ABSOLUTE HELL, EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE COMING UP AT ONCE. ^WERE YOU ABLE TO GET THAT MAN ? ^GET THAT MAN. ^HE'S EXPENSIVE, BUT ^I THINK HE'S GOOD, AT LEAST THE ^HICKS'S SAY SO, THEY HAVE HIM ON ^TUESDAYS. ^WE REALLY NEED SOMEONE MORE OFTEN...^MUST GO, GOOD-BYE THEN. ^ONCE YOU GET HER ON THE TELEPHONE, YOU CAN NEVER GET HER OFF. ^ARE THEY COMING ? ^YES. ^WHO ELSE ? ^THE ^PALMERS ? ^IF YOU LIKE. ^WE SAID WE WOULD, SOME TIME AGO. ^SHE TALKS SO MUCH. ^MAKES THE PARTY GO. ^AS SOON AS THEY CAN, TO GET AWAY FROM HER. ^OLD ACID. ^AND THE ^HICKS ? ^IF THEY'RE THERE. ^I'LL RING THEM FROM UPSTAIRS. ^I MUST GET READY. ^AREN'T YOU ? ^MY FACE. ^GOOD ENOUGH FOR ^BRITISH ^RAILWAYS. ^ROGER WORRIES ABOUT WHAT ^I LOOK LIKE. ^NEARLY TWO HUNDRED POUNDS...NEARLY TWO HUNDRED POUNDS.
^LOVELY. ^I WONDER WHY NOT TWO HUNDRED. ^PERHAPS HE COULDN'T COUNT. ^OR SHE...MORE LIKELY TO BE SHE...^I MEAN IF HE'S RICH HE CAN COUNT...BUT A RICH WOMAN... ^WHY SHOULD A RICH WOMAN ? ^BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL ? ^ONE NINE EIGHT...NO, ONE NINETY... ^SORRY. ^DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ON THE LINE. ^I WAS GOING TO ORDER THE ^MONARCH. ^WELL HELD! '^A HUNDRED AND NINETY-EIGHT POUNDS!' ^THEY CAN COME... ^LOOK...LOOK, WHAT IS IT ? ^MONEY, ^BERNARD. ^BUT IN THE VASES, YOUR DRAWER...EVERYWHERE... ^YOURS ? ^I MUST GO. ^YES ? ^THERE ISN'T TIME TO TELL YOU. ^YOU MUST. ^WAIT... ^DID YOU SEND ME THAT ? ^ACTUALLY YES...WELL ^I HAD TO.
^HAVE YOU BEEN BETTING ? ^YES. ^WHO WITH ? ^A MAN. ^CALLED ? ^WHAT DOES IT MATTER AS LONG AS ^I WON? ^CALLED ? ^EDWARDS. ^THAT'S A LIE. ^WHAT A WAY TO TALK TO YOUR WIFE. ^WELL, IS IT TRUE ? ^NOT EXACTLY. ^THEN IT IS A LIE. ^HOW MUCH IS THERE ? ^HULLO...^LOUISE ^PALMER. ^MY DEAR, HOW ARE YOU ? ^I WAS JUST GOING TO RING YOU. ^YES...^LOOK, ^I KNOW YOU'LL THINK IT AWFULLY RUDE TO ASK YOU AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE BUT COULD YOU COME ROUND FOR A DRINK TONIGHT...NO, NOT A PARTY, JUST ONE OR TWO PEOPLE...COULD YOU ? ^OH GOOD...ABOUT SEVEN. ^LOVELY... ^YES...YES...^NO, ^I DON'T THINK SO... ^DID YOU KNOW SHE ONCE PLAYED CRICKET FOR ^GLOUCESTERSHIRE ? ^OH, WOMEN'S CRICKET, YES, AT LEAST ^I SUPPOSE SO. ^HANG UP. ^I MEAN IF IT HAD BEEN MEN'S SHE'D HAVE HAD TO BE A MAN... ^WELL YES... ^BLOODY WELL HANG UP. ^I MUST GO...^ALL THE SHOPPING AND ^BERNARD'S CALLING ME. ^SEE YOU TONIGHT THEN, 'BYE... ^THERE'S NO NEED TO BE FILTHILY RUDE. ^WHERE DID YOU GET THREE HUNDRED POUNDS ? ^SUPPOSING SHE'D HEARD ? ^AND THAT OTHER TWO HUNDRED. ^WHERE DID YOU GET IT ?
^I DIDN'T STEAL IT. ^WHERE DID YOU GET IT ? ^I EARNED IT. ^A JOB, YOU'VE GOT A JOB. ^SORT OF. ^I SAID ^I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TAKE A JOB. ^ANYWAY YOU COULDN'T HAVE, NOT THIS SORT OF JOB...^I MEAN FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS, YOU COULDN'T HAVE HAD IT LONG ANYWAY. ^SIX WEEKS. ^NO LOOK, DARLING, LOOK. ^TELL ME. ^DID SOMEONE LEAVE IT TO YOU ? ^DID SOMEONE DIE AND YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ? ^NOBODY DIED. ^I EARNED IT. ^IN THE AFTERNOONS. ^EVEN IF YOU WORKED FULL-TIME YOU COULDN'T HAVE EARNED THIS SORT OF MONEY. ^OH NO. ^COME ON NOW, TELL ME. ^I MAKE TWENTY-FIVE GUINEAS FIVE AFTERNOONS A WEEK, SOMETIMES MORE. ^I SPENT A LITTLE ON CLOTHES BUT THERE HASN'T BEEN TIME TO SPEND THE REST. ^NOBODY PAYS THAT SORT OF MONEY, AND ^I MEAN YOU'VE NO TRAINING. ^YOU DON'T NEED ANY. ^WHAT DO YOU NEED ? ^YOUR COFFEE'S STILL WARM, OR SHALL ^I HEAT IT UP ? ^I COULD HAVE HEATED IT EASILY. ^NOW TELL ME. ^THERE'S NOTHING WORTH TELLING. ^IF YOU DON'T, ^I'LL MAKE A BONFIRE OF THIS MONEY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAWN. ^DON'T BE ABSURD, DARLING. ^IT'S MONEY. ^I WANT TO KNOW WHERE IT COMES FROM. ^WELL DO YOU REMEMBER THAT WOMAN WHO CAME HERE ? ^THE DRESSMAKING WOMAN ? ^YES, SHE OFFERED ME THIS JOB.
^BY ^GOD, YOU'RE NOT AT ONE OF THESE STRIP CLUBS, ARE YOU ? ^WHY SHOULD YOU THINK OF THAT. ^I HEARD OF A MAN WHO FOUND OUT HIS WIFE WAS WORKING IN ONE. ^DO YOU REALLY THINK ^I WOULD ? ^NO, BUT IT MUST BE SOMETHING. ^IT'S A DISGUSTING THING TO SUGGEST, TAKING OFF YOUR CLOTHES IN ONE OF THOSE DREADFUL PLACES IN ^SOHO IN FRONT OF A LOT OF PROVINCIAL BUSINESSMEN. ^WELL, ^I'M SORRY, BUT IF YOU'RE SO SECRETIVE, WHAT AM ^I TO THINK ? ^THINK WHAT YOU LIKE. ^YOU'LL BLOODY WELL TELL ME WHAT YOU DO! ^I WORK AS A RECEPTIONIST. ^FOR THAT MONEY ? ^IT'S A VERY EXPENSIVE PLACE. ^WHAT SORT OF PLACE ? ^IN ^WIMPOLE ^STREET. ^A CLINIC OR SOMETHING ? ^SORT OF. ^FOR VERY RICH PEOPLE, AND ^AMERICANS. ^AND YOU SIT BEHIND A DESK ARRANGING THEIR APPOINTMENTS AND SOMEONE GIVES YOU TWENTY-FIVE GUINEAS AN AFTERNOON FOR IT. ^YES. ^HOW BLOODY IMPROBABLE. ^DON'T YOU WANT THE MNEY ? ^THE MONEY'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. ^OH YES IT HAS. ^YOU DON'T THINK ^I'D DO IT FOR PLEASURE ? ^DO WHAT ? ^SIT BEHIND A DESK ? ^YES, SIT BEHIND A DESK. ^WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS PLACE ? ^NO NAME, JUST A NUMBER. ^WELL ? ^IT'S CONFIDENTIAL. ^I'M YOUR HUSBAND. ^I'M YOUR WIFE, DO YOU TELL ME EVERYTHING ? ^I WANT TO KNOW THE NUMBER OF THIS PLACE. ^TWO FORTY-TWO.
^ALL RIGHT. ^DIRECTORY INQUIRIES ? ^CAN YOU GIVE ME THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF TWO FORTY-TWO, ^WIMPOLE ^STREET ? ^OH ALL RIGHT, THERE ISN'T A TWO FORTY-TWO ^WIMPOLE ^STREET. ^IT'S ANOTHER NUMBER. ^AND YOU DON'T LIKE BEING CALLED A LIAR. ^I WONDER WHAT YOU DO LIKE BEING CALLED. ^I LIKE BEING TRUSTED. ^WELL, ^I LIKE BEING TOLD THE TRUTH BY MY WIFE. ^HOW MUCH DO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR JOB ? ^TO ME ? ^IT'S A DULL JOB. ^SO'S MINE. ^THE MONEY ISN'T. ^HELL, IT'S FOUR TIMES WHAT ^I GET! ^WHAT CAN YOU DO THAT'S WORTH THAT ? ^SITTING BEHIND A DESK IN A CLINIC...SOUNDS MORE LIKE A HIGH-CLASS WHOREHOUSE. ^I DON'T LIKE THAT WORD. ^A KNOCKING-SHOP THEN. ^NO, LOOK, WHAT IS IT ? ^JUST A PLACE. ^A PLACE. ^WHERE THEY PAY ME. ^FOR ^GOD'S SAKE, WHAT DO THEY PAY ME FOR ? ^IT'S ME THEY PAY. ^DON'T YOU WANT THE MONEY ? ^I DON'T BELIEVE IT. ^IT'S GOING TO MAKE SUCH A TREMENDOUS DIFFERENCE. ^BY ^GOD IT IS! ^ALL THE THINGS WE'VE BEEN WANTING FOR YEARS. ^WE! ^THERE'LL BE ENOUGH FOR A NEW CAR NEXT MONTH. ^TWO IF WE DID ONE ON ^H.^P. ^THERE'S NO...^I DON'T BELIEVE IT. ^NO WHAT ?
^ROOM IN THE GARAGE. ^HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING ? ^IS IT REALLY TRUE ? ^NO, IS IT ? ^CAN YOU TELL ME STRAIGHT OUT THAT YOU, A WOMAN OF YOUR BACKGROUND, WITH YOUR PARENTS AND EDUCATION, MY WIFE, IS A COM- MON PROSTITUTE. ^THAT'S A HORRID WAY TO PUT IT. ^THERE'S NO OTHER WAY. ^I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE, YOU KNOW. ^THE ONLY ONE MARRIED TO ME. ^BUT IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO US. ^DOESN'T IT ? ^WHAT DO YOU CHARGE FOR THAT ? ^PACK AND GO. ^OR ^I WILL. ^WHERE ? ^ANYWHERE, NO BY ^GOD, ^I WON'T. ^IT'S MY HOUSE. ^I STAY HERE. ^A LOT OF THE THINGS ARE MINE. ^TAKE THEM, TAKE THEM, TAKE THEM! ^BUT GO. ^I CAN'T, JUST LIKE THAT. ^I'LL SEND THEM AFTER YOU. ^NO YOU WON'T, ^I KNOW YOU, YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. ^I'M THE PERSON WHO HAS TO FIND A MOVERS AND RING THEM UP AND ARRANGE EVERYTHING. ^OH RUBBISH. ^WHEN WE HAD TO SEND ^AUNT ^LILY'S SECRETAIRE BACK YOU KEPT SAYING YOU'D DO IT AND WEEKS WENT BY AND YOU DID NOTHING. ^HELL TO ^AUNT ^LILY'S SECRETAIRE. ^I CAN TELL YOU THIS. ^I DON'T WANT A THING OF YOURS IN THE HOUSE. ^NOTHING! ^OH, DON'T BE SILLY. ^I'LL SEND IT ALL TO STORE AND YOU CAN COLLECT IT FROM THERE. ^SO GO ON, GET OUT! ^WELL, GO ON. ^PROBABLY THE MILKMAN.
^IF YOU'RE GOING TO TURN ME OUT, YOU'LL HAVE TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH HIM. ^VERY WELL, VERY WELL. ^CERTAINLY. ^HELLO, ^JENNY, ^I ALWAYS FIND YOU ALONE THESE DAYS. ^BERNARD'S ANSWERING THE DOOR. ^I KNOW. ^TO ME. ^I RANG THE BELL, AND THEN ^I THOUGHT, '^WHY STAND ON CEREMONY WITH MY OLD FRIEND ^BERNARD ? ^OLD FRIEND ^BERNARD! ^HELLO, ^JACK. ^IT WAS ME. ^WHAT WAS ? ^WHO RANG THE BELL. ^OH, YES, ^I GUESSED THAT WHEN ^I SAW YOU. ^HE'S QUICK THIS MORNING. ^QUICK ? ^YES, QUICK. ^CIGARETTE ? ^THANKS. ^MONEY. ^YES. ^I'LL GET SOME COFFEE. ^THANK YOU, DARLING. ^I'D TAKE A CUP OF SULPHURIC ACID FROM ^JENNY, JUST FOR THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING HER GO AND FETCH IT. ^SHE'S GETTING COFFEE NOW. ^YES, ^BERNARD. ^HAVE YOU GOT A PIPE-CLEANER ? ^WHY DON'T YOU BUY ONE. ^I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT YET. ^ON A BEAUTIFUL MORNING LIKE THIS ? ^YOU FROWSTY OLD THING. ^WHAT ABOUT A GAME THIS AFTERNOON ?
^WHAT OF ? ^GOLF, ^BERNARD, GOLF. ^YOU KNOW. ^THE GAME YOU'RE NEARLY AS BAD AT AS ^I AM. ^NO, ^I'VE GOT TO GET DOWN TO IT. ^YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR GARDENS. ^IF ONE HAS A GARDEN, ONE'S GOT TO KEEP IT UP. ^WHY ? ^ONE CAN'T LET IT GO. ^IF ^I HAD ONE ^I WOULD. ^I'D LET IT GO WHEREVER IT WANTED TO. ^THANK YOU, DARLING. ^WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE, DARLING ? ^NO THANK YOU...VERY MUCH...INDEED. ^HAVE YOU GOT A PIN ? ^NO. ^WE MIGHT HAVE DROPPED IT AND LISTENED. ^I'VE GOT A PIN. ^NO, ^BERNARD, NO. ^WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU THIS MORNING ? ^WELL, ^I'VE GOT TO WORK. ^I CAN'T STAY HERE TALKING TO YOU IDLE TYCOONS ALL MORNING. ^I'VE GOT TO DRAW A BEAUTIFUL GIRL PLAYING TENNIS IN A FOUNDATION GARMENT SHE DOESN'T NEED. ^WHAT FOR ? ^THAT STUFF. ^YOU DON'T THINK ^I DO IT FOR PLEASURE. ^DARLING! ^MY PIN IS STUCK IN MY PIPE. ^BERNARD, DO ME A FAVOUR. ^BUY SOME PIPE-CLEANERS. ^HONESTLY IT'S THE BEST WAY, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO BUY THEM ON THE ^H.^P. ^I'LL BE BUYING BEER AT LUNCHTIME, WILL YOU BE DOWN ? ^I MIGHT.
^WELL TAKE CARE OF THAT COUGH. ^WHAT DID HE COME FOR ? ^HE WANTED ME TO PLAY GOLF THIS AFTERNOON. ^YOU SHOULD. ^THIS AFTERNOON ? ^YOU NEED THE EXERCISE. ^ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT ^I NEED ? ^YOU! ^YOU! ^BUT YOU DO. ^YOU'RE PUTTING ON WEIGHT. ^THAT IS IT! ^THAT IS THE END! ^YOU STAND THERE CRITICIZING ME. ^NOT CRITICIZING, ^I WAS SAYING. ^YOU TOLD ME YOURSELF YOUR BLUE SUIT WAS TIGHT. ^ONLY BECAUSE THE ^JEW TAILOR YOU PERSUADED ME TO GO TO SKIMPED THE MATERIAL. ^ANYHOW IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW. ^DON'T BE FEEBLE, ^I NEVER PERSUADED YOU. ^I SIMPLY SAID THAT ^TOM ^PALMER HAD GOT A SUIT FOR NINETEEN POUNDS AND WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THE SAME. ^YOU NAGGED UNTIL ^I DID. ^YOU WERE GLAD OF IT. ^IT DOESN'T MATTER! ^I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE! ^IT WAS A VERY GOOD SUIT WHEN YOU GOT IT. ^A BUSINESSMAN'S SUIT, NOT A GENTLEMAN'S SUIT. ^ALL RIGHT FOR SOMEONE LIKE ^TOM ^PALMER. ^OH DON'T BE SO SUPERIOR. ^ME ? ^YOU TOLD ME YOURSELF ONLY LAST WEEK THAT YOU'D SEEN HIM BUYING A POSTAL ORDER AND IT MUST BE FOR HIS POOLS. ^I WAS JOKING. ^HAVEN'T YOU ANY SENSE OF HUMOUR ? ^YOU MEAN HE DIDN'T BUY A POSTAL ORDER ? ^YES, HE DID BUY A POSTAL ORDER. ^BUT ? ^NOTHING. ^OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, ^BERNARD. ^FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE...^IS HE ONE OF YOUR CLIENTS ? ^DON'T BE SILLY. ^WHY SILLY ? ^YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU TOLD ME AND NOW YOU SAY DON'T BE SILLY! ^FOR ALL ^I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TO BED WITH EVERYONE IN THE DISTRICT.
^OF COURSE NOT! ^IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. ^I TOLD YOU, IT'S THE MONEY. ^YOU DON'T THINK ^I GET ANY ENJOYMENT OUT OF IT ? ^I DON'T THINK OF IT AT ALL. ^I CAN'T. ^I SHALL GO MAD. ^MEN KILL THEIR WIVES FOR THIS. ^OH, DARLING ... ^DON'T YOU THINK THEY DO ? ^READ THE PAPERS. ^BY ^GOD, READ TOMORROW'S ... ^I TOOK A TAXI. ^HAVE YOU ANY MONEY ? ^ROGER! ^HE SAYS HE WANTS THREE TIMES THE FARE BECAUSE OF THE DISTANCE. ^OH, DOES HE. ^I'LL SOON DEAL WITH HIM. ^HULLO, ^MA. ^DARLING! ^YOU'RE DESPERATELY EARLY. ^THE TRAIN WAS ON TIME. ^I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE STATION AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED. ^BUT OUR CLOCK MUST BE TERRIBLY SLOW OR SOMETHING. ^ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES ^I THINK. ^ARE THEY PLAYING ? ^GOOD TERM ? ^YES, ALL RIGHT. ^HOW DID YOU DO IN THE EXAMS ? ^ALL RIGHT ^MONEY ? ^THE CLOCK'S TWENTY MINUTES SLOW. ^HE WANTS TEN POUNDS. ^HE CAN'T WANT THAT MUCH. ^I HIT HIM. ^HIT HIM ? ^SSH! ^WHY ? ^WHAT ? ^OH, BECAUSE HE WAS BEING ... BLOODY-MINDED.
^JOLLY GOOD! ^I'LL GIVE HIM SOME MONEY. ^WHAT SORT OF TERM DID YOU HAVE ? ^ALL RIGHT. ^WHERE DID YOU COME ? ^SEVENTH, EQUAL. ^WHERE DID YOU START ? ^SEVENTH. ^WHO WERE YOU EQUAL WITH ? ^BALKENEY. ^WHO'S HE ? ^F.^J.^BLAKENEY. ^CA VA. ^BON. ^DO PUT THE CLOCK RIGHT. ^IT IS. ^NOT BY THE TRAIN. ^OOH! ^HE'S BEEN HIT IN THE CRUTCH. ^DARLING, DON'T SAY 'CRUTCH' LIKE THAT. ^HE'S IN AGONY. ^WHO ARE THEY ? ^NO, HE'S ALL RIGHT, HE'S GOING TO PLAY ON. ^I DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE. ^TEN FIVE. ^DO SET IT. ^ROGER ... ^ROGER! ^YES. ^SET THE CLOCK.
^WHAT ^I DO ?
^THE TO KNOB CLOCKWISE.
^DO YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT SIDEREAL TIME ?
^NO! ^CLOCKWISE THE OTHER WAY!
^OH YES^THE SIDEREAL DAY IS FOUR MINUTES SHORTER THAN THE
SOLAR DAY, SO IF YOU LIVED BY THE STARS YOU'D LIVE LONGER.
^TEN EIGHT.
^DID YOU KNOW ?
^FANCY, DARLING. ^SHOPPING!
^BUT THE SIDEREAL YEAR IS QUITE DIFFERENT AND IT'S LONGER.
^TOO FAR! ^STOP!
^NO! ^DON'T TURN IT BACK. ^NEVER DO THAT. ^NEVER NEVER!
^DON'T THEY TEACH YOU ANYTHING AT SCHOOL ?
^NOT ABOUT CLOCKS, ACTUALLY.
^ONLY ABOUT SIDEREAL TIME.
^NOT THAT EITHER REALLY. ^ONLY IN ^SCRIPTURE.
^WHY ^SCRIPTURE ?
^THE ^HEADMASTER'S KEEN ON IT AND WE GET HIM TALKING.
^DARLING, DO TAKE YOUR CASE UP-
^O.^K.
^NOW.
^OH, ALL RIGHT.
^DO BE NICE TO HIM ON HIS FIRST DAY BACK.
^DON'T YOU WANT HIM TO OBEY YOU ?
^OH, YES, BUT, YOU KNOW ... ^MONEY, SHALL ^I GET SOME AT THE
BANK ?
^IF YOU MUST.
^OH NO ^I NEEDN'T. ^I CAN USE SOME
OF THIS.
^WAS IT TRUE ?
^WE CAN'T GO INTO ALL THAT NOW IF ^I
^OH DO HURRY!
^HE SCORED A SIX JUST NOW.
^BUT YOU DON'T LIKE CRICKET.
^NO, ^I DON'T. ^IT'S FIDDLING, DON'T YOU THINK, WHILE ^ROME
... YOU KNOW WHAT.
^FETCH THE TABLE.
^I DON'T THINK ^NERO REALLY DID FIDDLE.
^THE TABLE.
^IT'S A POPULAR FALLACY.
^THE TABLE!
^FROM THE DINING-ROOM ?
^NO, THE HALL. ^DO LISTEN.
^LISTEN ?
^TO WHAT ^I SAY.
^O.^K.
^YOU MIGHT GIVE A HAND, ^ROGER.
^I WAS GOING TO GET THE TABLE, BUT ...
^GET SOMETHING ELSE. ^THERE'S PLENTY.
^GLASSES.
^NO.
^WHY NOT ? ^HE'S FIFTEEN.
^SURE TO BREAK SOMETHING.
^A GLASS, THEY'RE ONLY HIRED. ^HALF A CROWN.
^HALF A CROWN'S HALF A CROWN.
^WE'RE NOT MADE OF MONEY.
^NO, BUT ...
^IT'S A PITY THE PAINT DOESN'T LAST.
^DARLING, THERE'S NO TIME. ^DO GET READY. ^YOU CAN'T LEAVE IT
THERE.
^THEY'LL WANT TO SEE IT.
^YOU'RE NOT TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE
GARDEN WITH ALL THE MEN.
^NO NEED TO IF IT'S HERE.
^IT'S LOOKS LIKE SHOWING OFF.
^I DON'T MIND.
^TABLE-CLOTH ... TABLE-CLOTH.
^THERE. ^YOU ALWAYS
SAY ^TOM ^PALMER'S SHOWING OFF WHEN HE LEAVES HIS CAR OUTSIDE HIS
GARAGE.
^I SAY, YOU SAY.
^YOU DID, LAST TIME.
^NO.
^AS WE GOT OUT OF THE CAR.
^YOU SAID '^HE'S LEFT HIS ^MERCEDES OUTSIDE FOR US TO ADMIRE!
^ALL ^I SAID WAS THAT ^I DIDN'T BLAME HIM.
^YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T SURPRISED.
^WHORE.
^WHAT DO YOU WANT BESIDES CHAMPAGNE
AND BRANDY FOR THE COCKTAILS ?
^ANGOSTURA AND LUMP SUGAR.
^I'LL GET THE SUGAR.
^WHAT WAS IT ?
^LBW.
^DON'T TAKE ALL NIGHT ABOUT CHANGING.
^NO, NOT FROM THERE.
^I'VE SUCKED IT NOW.
^WELL DON'T PUT ASH ON THE CARPET.
^ASHTRAYS.
^OH NO, LET'S HAVE THEM CLEAN FOR THE START.
^FIREPLACE, THEN.
^I WONDER ABOUT THE WINDOWS.
^OPEN.
^YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO BE COLD.
^IT'S WARM, WARM.
^BUT WHEN THE SUN'S DOWN.
^WE CAN SHUT THEM. ^LET THEM HAVE A LOOK AT THE
GARDEN.
^PITY. ^THE TOBACCOS ARE REALLY GONE.
^THE ROSES ARE ALL RIGHT. ^AND THE LAWN.
^YOU ONLY THINK OF THE LAWN.
^DO ^I ? ^DO ^I REALLY ?
^WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
^AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
^DARLING, WITH ^ROGER HERE AND PEOPLE COMING ...
^WELL ?
^YOU'VE NO NEED TO WORRY.
'^A BUMPING PITCH AND A BLINDING LIGHT,
^AN HOUR TO PLAY AND THE LAST MAN IN.'
^DO TRY AND BE USEFUL, WON'T YOU ? ^HAND THINGS ROUND AND TALK
SENSIBLY WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO YOU.
^THEY WON'T PLAY FOR ANOTHER HOUR.
^QUOTATION. ^LIKE ^THE ^RAVEN. '^NEVERMORE.'
^THEY'LL ONLY ASK ME WHETHER ^I HAD A GOOD TERM.
^OH ^I KNOW. '^THE ^COLONEL'S DEAD AND THE ^GATLING'S
JAMMED.'
'^AND THE VOICE OF A SCHOOLBOY RALLIES THE RANKS,
^PLAY UP, PLAY UP, AND PLAY THE GAME.'
^DO YOU WANT ICE ?
^NO, THE BOTTLES ARE IN THE FRIDGE.
^WHAT DO ^I DRINK ? ^CHAMPERS ?
^WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO SAY CHAMPERS ?
^SOME OF THE CHAPS AT SCHOOL.
^THEY DRINK IT ?
^NO, SAY IT.
^NO BRANDY IN YOURS. ^AND NOT TOO MUCH.
^I DON'T LIKE IT, ACTUALLY.
^HERE'S SOMEONE.
^EARLY.
^BILL AND ^BERYL.
^ANOTHER BOTTLE, ^ROGER.
^ONE ?
^YES, YES. ^HURRY UP.
^WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING ?
^HAVING A PARTY.
^HAVING A PARTY, A JOLLY, BLOODY PARTY.
^NO, IT'S BEEN LOVELY, BUT OH FOR A DROP OF RAIN. ^EVERYTHING'S
GOING BROWN.
^THERE WON'T BE A SPLASH OF RAIN TILL WE START ON OUR HOLIDAYS.
^LAAST YEAR, MY ^GOD, LAST YEAR.
^AND US TOO.
^HULLO ^BERNARD. ^THIS IS A VERY PLEASANT OCCASION.
^HI, ^BILL, ^BERYL ...
^ARE WE TOO EARLY ? ^I TOLD ^BILL WE'D BE FIRST.
^AND ^I SAID 'WHAT OF IT ?' ^I SAY, GENUINE
HIGH-CLASS SARSAPARILLA.
^HULLO ^ROGER, BIGGER EVERY TIME ^I SEE YOU.
^BACK FROM SCHOOL ? ^HAD A GOOD TERM ? ^TWO SILL QUESTIONS ONE
AFTER ANOTHER. ^GOT ANY SILLY ANSWERS ?
^HE KEEPS THOSE FOR THE EXAMS.
^ALL THE BEST.
^CHEERS.
^CHEERS.
^WHY DO PEOPLE SAY CHEERS ?
^WHY NOT ?
^SOMEONE. ^ROGER, YOU GO.
^PROBABLY THE ^PALMERS.
^OH GOOD, ^I CAN KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE AND YOU'RE ONE
OF THEM, ^JENNY.
^JENNY A BIRD ?
^I CAN'T GIVE BLOOD. ^I'VE HAD JAUNDICE.
^NO, ^CIVIL ^DEFENCE. ^WE ALL OUGHT TO DO IT.
^WHAT HAPPENS ?
^LECTURES AND FIRST AID. ^YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO IF THEY START
DROPPING THE THINGS.
^HARP LESSONS, THAT'S ALL WE'LL NEED.
^IT'S NOT THE ^PALMERS. ^STEPHEN AND ^LAURA ^HICKS.
^OH.
^NOT TOO MUCH ANGOSTURA ?
^DO YOU KNOW ^LE ^TOUQUET ?
^PERFECT. ^DO YOU KNOW ^LE ^TOUQUET ?
^NOT WELL, WHY ? ^HULLO!
^SPLENDID SURPRISE BEING RUNG UP AND ASKED TO A
PARTY.
^NOT REALLY A PARTY.
^YOUR ^ROGER'S TERRIBLY GOOD-LOOKING.
^OH, BUT UNTIDY. ^YOU ALL KNOW EACH OTHER ?
^OF COURSE. ^HOW ARE THE OIL-TYCOONS ?
^BEARING UP. ^ARE PEOPLE STILL BUYING HOUSES ?
^YES, BUT ^I CAN ALWAYS DISPOSE OF A NICE DEEP CAVE.
^BERYL, YOU OUGHT TO ROPE ^LAURA INTO YOUR ^CIVIL ^DEFENCE.
^OH NO, ^I'M SURE SHE'S MUCH TOO BUSY WITH HER JOB.
^IT DOES TAKE UP TIME.
^I CALL THEM ^BERYL'S HARP LESSONS. ^THAT'S WHAT WE'LL
NEED; WE WILL.
^HARP, MY DEAREST, IS WHAT YOU DO.
^DID YOU GO ON THE ^MARCH ?
^MARCH ?
^WE HAD FIFTEEN ^OLD ^BOYS WHO WENT ALL THE WAY FROM ^ALDER-
MASTON.
^DARLING, ^CIVIL ^DEFENCE ISN'T THE SAME AS WHATEVER IT'S CALLED.
^ANTI-^NUCLEAR SOMETHING.
^BOMB.
^ROGER...
^I SHALL DINE OUT ON THAT.
^BILL, YOU'VE AN EMPTY GLASS.
^CAREFUL! ^BERYL'S DRIVING.
^SOMETIMES ^I THINK ^BILL HAS A BOOK FULL OF OLD JOKES AND LEARNS
A PAGE A DAY.
^WELL, AT LEAST IT'S A DIFFERENT PAGE.
^I'M ASHAMED OF THE GARDEN. ^EVERYTHING'S WITHERING UP.
^YOUR ROSES ARE MARVELLOUS. ^AND THE NEMESIA.
^BITCH.
^WHO ?
^BERYL ^WILSON.
^WHY ?
^SHE SAID ^I WAS BUSY.
^OH WELL, LOCAL YOKELS.
^HULLO!
^TOM! ^HOW ARE YOU ? ^HOW'S THE ^STOCK ^EXCHANGE ?
^ALL RIGHT. ^HOW ARE YOU ?
^ALL RIGHT.
^YOU DO KNOW ^STEPHEN AND ^LAURA, DON'T YOU ? ^YES, OF COURSE
YOU DO.
^OF COURSE. ^HOW'S YOUR ELOCUTION GOING ?
^SPEECH THERAPY ACTUALLY.
^ROGER! ^LET ME ARM YOU WITH A DRINK.
^AND A VERY GOOD DRINK TOO.
^YOU ARE THE VERY PERSON ^I WANT TO SEE.
^ROGER!
^YES ?
^HULLO, ^ROGER, HOW ARE YOU ?
^HULLO, ^MRS ^PALMER. ^FINE.
^ANOTHER BOTTLE. ^WHERE WERE YOU ?
^NOWHERE.
^GROWING UP.
^HOW ARE YOU ?
^FINE. ^YOU ?^IT SEEMS ONLY YESTERDAY
SINCE HE WAS ON HIS TRICYCLE.
^SPLENDID. ^BEEN ON YOUR
HOLIDAY YET ?^THIS IS A TERRIBLE AGE.
^WE TOOK A FORTNIGHT IN ^JUNE,
WE'RE TAKING ANOTHER IN ^SEPTEMBER.
^THEY ALL ARE, MY DEAR. ^WAIT TILL
HE STARTS FALLING FOR GIRLS.
^OF COURSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT SCHOOL HOLIDAYS.^SURELY IT'S WORSE WITH GIRLS.
^NO, BUT ^LAURA'S WORK TIES US DOWN A BIT.
^THIS PUTS UP THE LOCAL STANDARD ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ^NO TROT-
TING OUT THE OLD ^SOUTH ^AFRICAN THE NEXT TIME THE ^ACTONS COME ROUND.
^THERE WON'T BE MUCH MORE OF THAT TO TROT.
^WHAT ?
^SOUTH ^A^R^I^C^A^N. ^THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING.
^NO, MY ^GOD.
^ALL OVER ^AFRICA.
^WE NEARLY WENT TO ^KENYA.
^AFTER THE WAR.
^HOW THANKFUL YOU MUST BE.
^THAT WE DIDN'T ? ^THANKFUL.
^ALL RIGHT THEN, THOUGH,: BAGS OF BOOZE, BAGS OF SERVANTS, PLENTY
OF SUN.
^AND NO TAXES.
^AH, BUT NOW...
^FINISHED.
^KAPUTT.
^MIND YOU, ^I BLAME US.
^HANDING OVER TO THEM, YOU MEAN ?
^OF COURSE ONE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY IT, BUT...
^GRINNING APES, ^I CALL THEM.
^THEY MAKE GOOD NURSES-
^OH WELL, YES, BUT THAT'S HARDLY EVERYTHING, IS IT DARLING ?
^I DON'T SAY ANYTHING AGAINST THEM, NOTHING AT ALL, BUT THERE ARE
SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DENY.
^DADDY ALWAYS SAID IT WAS A PITY THE ^GERMANS EVER LOST THEIR
COLONIES.
^YES, THEY KNEW.
^FIRM HANDLING.
^TWELVE WITH A RAWHIDE WHIP.
^OR A SJAMBOK.
^WHICH THEY UNDERSTOOD.
^MIND YOU, THEY'LL STILL NEED CAPITAL.
^ACTUALLY THERE WON'T BE ANY SOLUTION TO THE COLOUR PROBLEM
UNTIL WE'RE ALL COFFEE-COLOURED.
^ROGER!
^DARLING!
^WHERE DID YOU PICK UP THAT THEORY ?
^A BOOK.
^THEORIES THAT COME OUT OF BOOKS ARE BEST KEPT IN BOOKS.
^AND STOP WAVING THAT BOTTLE ABOUT.
^HERE TAKE THIS AND START HANDING THINGS AROUND.
^THAT'S THE SORT OF EDUCATION ONE
GETS FOR FOUR HUNDRED A YEAR.
^MY ^GOD HOW RIGHT YOU ARE.^HOW ARE YOU ?
^WE'VE GOT TO HAVE ^MARTIN
COACHED IF HE'S TO GET HIS
^A-LEVEL.^FINE, YOU ?
^OH, YES, FINE. ^HOW'S OIL ?
^NOT BAD.
^IF WE COULD ONLY TAKE IT OFF
INCOME TAX.^YOUR SHARES ARE STEADY ?
^I WISH ^I HAD SOME.
^NO GOVERNMENT WOULD DARE.
^I DON'T SEE WHY NOT, AFTER ALL, WE SAVE THEM POUNDS.
^THANKS. ^I SAY, CAVIARE!
^CAVIARE!
^YOU MUST HAVE HAD A LEGACY.
^I'M A ^RUSSIAN SPY. ^THIS IS HOW THEY PAY ME.
^SORT OF IMMORAL EARNINGS.
^SORT OF, YES. ^HA, HA.
^DARLING, SHUT THE WINDOW. ^IT'S GETTING COLD.
^I'LL JUST PUT THE ^MONARCH AWAY.
^I'LL DO IT.
^OH NO YOU WON'T.
^A ^MONARCH ? ^WHO'S GOT A ^MONARCH ? ^BERNARD ?
^HAVE YOU ? ^LET'S HAVE A LOOK.
^I'VE BEEN WANTING ^TOM TO GET ONE FOR AGES. ^COME AND LOOK
AT IT.
^GIVE US A DEMONSTRATION.
^YOU'VE ASKED FOR IT NOW.
^WHO'S THAT ? ^WE DIDN'T ASK ANYONE ELSE.
^PROBABLY ^JACK ^FOSTER, HE CAN SMELL A PARTY A MILE AWAY.
^ROGER, GO AND SEE.
^IT'S A WOMAN TO SEE YOU.
^GOOD EVENING, DEAR.
^WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
^I WANT TO TALK. ^OH MY FEET. ^I DO HATE TO WALK.
^YOU CAN'T COME HERE, YOU MUSTN'T.
^IT IS VERY INDISCREET, YES. ^BUT IMPORTANT.
^I'VE A PARTY ON. ^GUESTS.
^SO ^I AM ONE OF THEM.
^NO, ^I'M SORRY, BUT NO.
^WHY NOT ?
^THESE ARE FRIENDS, LOCAL PEOPLE, THEY ALL KNOW EACH OTHER.
^THEY'D THINK IT ODD.
^ME ODD ?
^YES, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW, THEY WOULD. ^AND MY HUSBAND...
^DOES HE KNOW ?
^TODAY. ^IT WOULD BE THE WORST POSSIBLE THING IF HE MET YOU NOW.
^IT CANNOT BE HELPED.
^BUT HOW CAN ^I EXPLAIN YOU ?
^SOME LITTLE LIE. ^THAT YOU MET ME ON HOLIDAY LAST YEAR.
^WE WENT TO ^CORNWALL.
^AND THE WEATHER WAS TERRIBLE, GOOD, ^I CAN DO IT.
^IT'S CHILLY NOW.
^LAURA, THIS IS ^MISS ^PIMOSZ, WE MET DOWN AT
^MEVAGISSEY LAST YEAR AND SHE HAPPENED TO BE PASSING, SO SHE DROPPED
IN, WHAT A SURPRISE.
^HULLO, ^LAURA DEAR.
^YOU!
^AND YOU ?
^OH IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE, ^BILL, YOU'LL HAVE TO KEEP UP
WITH THE ^ACTONS EVEN IF...
^OH!
^YOU ^I HAVE NOT SEEN BEFORE. ^DEAR ^LOUISE'S HUSBAND, YES ?
^YES.
^LOOK HERE...DOES THIS MEAN...?
^IT DOES.
^SPEECH THERAPY!
^IN THE MORNINGS.
^YOU SEE HOW DISCREET ^I AM.
^I DON'T CALL THIS DISCREET.
^NO, BY ^GOD.
^FUNNY, YOU KNOW, IT'S STILL QUITE LIGHT BUT YOU CAN SEE ^VENUS
AS CLEAR AS ANYTHING. ^AT LEAST ^I THINK IT'S ^VENUS. ^DO YOU KNOW ?
^VENUS ^I THINK, YES, ^VENUS.
^I SAY ^BERNARD, ^I WONDER IF ^I COULD ASK ^ROGER TO DO SOME-
THING FOR ME ? ^I'M RIGHT OUT OF TOBACCO. ^IF HE COULD SLIP DOWN
TO THE ^ROYAL ^OAK AND GET ME SOME.
^YES, DO THAT, ^ROGER.
^WHAT SORT ?
^THE CURLY-CUT. ^SAY IT'S FOR ME, THEY'LL KNOW.
^HAVE A DRINK.
^IT'S NOT ALLOWED.
^LEMONADE.
^TOMATO JUICE.
^COCA-COLA.
^GINGER BEER.
^ANYTHING LIKE THAT, YES. ^DON'T HURRY.
^AND PLEASE A DRINK FOR ME.
^BRANDY ^I PREFER, OR ^I GURK.
^THANK YOU. ^GOOD HEALTH.
^WHERE WERE YOU ON ^THURSDAY, ^BERYL DEAR ?
^AT A FIRST-AID LECTURE.
^TEN GUINEAS, THAT WILL COST. ^SOMEONE WAS DISAPPOINTED.
^NOW LOOK...
^YES ?
^IS IT TRUE ? ^THAT ALL OF US...ALL OF THEM...
^YES.
^AND THIS IS...?
^YES.
^MY ^GOD. ^IT'S NOT ON, YOU KNOW.
^WHAT NOT ON ?
^WELL YOU KNOW, ^I HOPE ^I'M BROAD-MINDED, BUT...
^IT'S A BIT OF A FLANKER.
^BUT YOU KNEW. ^SHE TELL ME THAT SHE TELL
YOU, TO EXPLAIN THE MONEY.
^I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED.
^HA, YOU SHOULD READ A BOOK ABOUT THE
BEES OR SOMETHING.
^THAT SORT OF TALK'S NOT GOING TO HELP. ^ARE THERE MANY OTHERS ?
^TWO GIRLS AT ^ORPINGTON AND ONE AT ^MUSWELL ^HILL, BUT SHE IS
MOVING.
^NOBODY ELSE HERE ?
^NO.
^ODD WE SHOULD ALL BE TOGETHER LIKE THIS.
^COINCIDENCE.
^JUST AS WELL WE ALL SEE EYE TO EYE ON MOST THINGS.
^I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
^WHAT ?
^THAT YOU'VE KNOWN ALL THE TIME.
^ONE HAD TO EXPLAIN THE MONEY.
^BUT WHEN WE PLAYED GOLF YOU KNEW,
WHEN WE MET ON THE TRAIN, YOU KNEW, IN THE PUB YOU KNEW.
^I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO ODD ABOUT IT.
^YOU NEVER GAVE A SIGN.
^NEITHER DID YOU.
^I ONLY FOUND OUT TODAY.
^JENNY HAS NOT BEEN LONG WITH US.
^ALL THE SAME, YOU KNOW, ^MRS UM...IT'S NOT ON. ^COMING HERE,
^I MEAN...WELL, IT DOESN'T DO.
^HARDLY DISCREET.
^IT WAS NOT MY WISH TO COME, BUT THERE HAS BEEN TROUBLE.
^WHAT SORT OF TROUBLE ?
^SO THAT ^I DARE NOT USE THE TELEPHONE.
^POLICE ?
^YES.
^AT ^WIMPOLE ^STREET ?
^A ^SUPERINTENDENT ^MC^ROBERTS.
^ASKING QUESTIONS ?
^TELLING ME TO CLEAR OUT OR ELSE.
^HE DIDN'T ASK FOR NAMES ?
^HE KNEW HE WOULDN'T GET THEM.
^WELL...
^YES.
^THAT'S THAT.
^GOOD COGNAC.
^I SUPPOSE YOU'RE SELLING UP.
^TO A PSYCHIATRIST, YES.
^WHAT ABOUT...ER...THEM...?
^I DO NOT HAVE ADDRESSES.
^BIT OF A SURPRISE FOR SOME OF THEM WHEN THEY FIND A PSYCHIATRIST
THERE.
^WELL, ER...
^YES, WE MUST GO.
^OH NO, NOT YET. ^HARDLY ARRIVED.
^REALLY WE MUST.
^SO MUST WE.
^LOVELY PARTY.
^FOR ^CHRIST'S SAKE.'
^NO POINT IN A FUSS, OLD MAN.
^WHAT CAN'T BE HELPED, CAN'T BE HELPED.
^NO, DON'T GO, DON'T! ^GIVE THEM ALL ANOTHER DRINK.
^NO REALLY...
^BETTER SAVE IT ^BERNARD.
^MONEY'S GOING TO BE TIGHTER FROM NOW ON.
^THAT'S A TRUE WORD.
^WHY ?
^OBVIOUS ENOUGH.
^THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.
^SO ONE IMAGINED.
^IT IS NEVER THE END.
^RATHER DIFFERENT FOR YOU. ^YOU'RE USED TO IT.
^EVERYBODY CAN BECOME USED TO ANYTHING.
^NOT JUG.
^I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT IS IN DANGER. ^THEY
COMMIT NO CRIME. ^AND YOU KNOW NOTHING.
^THEY'LL HAVE THEIR EYE ON YOU NOW.
^IN THE ^WEST ^END, YES.
^I DON'T SEE THAT YOU COULD OPERATE ANYWHERE ELSE.
^WHY NOT OUT HERE ?
^OUT HERE ?
^FREQUENT TRAINS TO ^CITY AND ^WEST ^END. ^AT YOUR STATION IT
SAYS SO.
^YES, THERE'S A JOLLY GOOD SERVICE, BUT...
^OH, THANKS.
^IF ONE COULD FIND SOME SUITABLE PROPERTY...
^I DON'T THINK ONE COULD, WELL, YOU KNOW...HERE.
^ABSOLUTELY NOT ON, NOT ON AT ALL.
^WOULDN'T DO.
^THEN ^I MUST SEE WHAT ^I CAN FIND IN ^ORPINGTON.
^ER...
^NO, MUCH TOO FAR.
^CROSS COUNTRY.
^OF COURSE IF THERE WAS SOMEWHERE ROUND HERE IT WOULD BE...
^YES ?
^HANDY ON MY ^CIVIL ^DEFENCE DAYS.
^AND FOR MY MORNINGS AT THE SCHOOL.
^AND THE SHOPS.
^THERE'S SUCH A THING AS MESSING YOUR OWN DOORSTEP.
^THAT'S A PRETTY ROTTEN THING TO SAY.
^TRUE.
^I THINK PERHAPS WE KEEP THIS A BUSINESS DISCUSSION, YES ?
^YES.
^NOT MUCH TO DISCUSS.
^OH, ^I DON'T KNOW.
^JENNY DEAR, TAKE THE GIRLS OUT FOR A LITTLE.
^ALL RIGHT. ^COME AND SEE THE ROSES.
^I FIND THAT RATHER HIGH-HANDED.
^EASIER WITHOUT THEM.
^THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY HOUSE.
^COME OFF IT, ^BERNARD, WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
^LUCKY NOT TO BE IN COURT TOGETHER.
^NO, NO, IT WILL NOT COME TO THAT.
^HOW MUCH DO YOU STAND TO LOSE ?
^ABOUT FOUR THOUSAND A YEAR.
^YES. ^TAX FREE.
^IS IT ?
^WELL, OF COURSE. ^YOU CAN'T DECLARE IT.
^AND SHE MAKES NO RETURN OF PAYMENTS.
^ONLY FOR THE MAID.
^TAX FREE.
^WORTH ABOUT SEVEN THOUSAND TAXED.
^ON TOP OF YOUR NORMAL INCOME. ^IF YOU RETIRED IT WOULD BE
WORTH MORE.
^AH, BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO RETIRE. ^BERYL AND ^I TALKED THIS OVER.
^YOU DID ?
^NATURALLY. ^OH, ^I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. ^I FELT LIKE THAT AT FIRST.
^WANTED TO BREAK THE PLACE UP.
^I DID BREAK THE PLACE UP. ^GAVE US AN EXCUSE TO REDECORATE.
^FUNNY REALLY, HOW QUICKLY YOU GET USED TO THE IDEA.
^YOU FEEL IT'S NO WORSE THAN GIVING SOMEONE A BLOOD TRANS-
FUSION OR SOMETHING.
^THAT'S THE WAY ^I LOOK AT IT.
^AND THERE'S THE MONEY.
^I MUST ADMIT ^I DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE GOING TO MANAGE.
^WE CAN'T TAKE ^MARTIN AWAY FROM SCHOOL AT THIS STAGE.
^SAME HERE WITH ^JEREMY. ^AND ^JENNIFER'S PONY. ^I'M PAYING
THROUGH THE NOSE FOR ITS KEEP AT THE STABLES BUT ^I CAN'T SELL IT,
SHE'S ENTERED FOR THE ^GYMKHANA.
^I'VE GOT A NEW GREENHOUSE HALF UP. ^CAN'T TELL THEM TO TAKE IT
DOWN.
^THAT'S THE TROUBLE, WE'RE ALL INVOLVED IN THINGS. ^WE
CAN'T JUST STOP.
^AND BETWEEN THESE FOUR WALLS ^I DON'T MIND ADMITTING THAT
^BERYL AND ^I GET ON MUCH BETTER THESE DAYS.
^SO DO WE. ^MOST OF OUR ROWS WERE MONEY.
^HELL TO GO BACK. ^MAY ^I ?
^YES, DO.
^PLEASE.
^YOU UNDERSTAND BETTER ?
^YES. ^I HADN'T THOUGHT OF IT BEING TAX FREE.
^MAKES A DIFFERENCE, YES.
^AND WE DO SPEND THE MONEY ON WORTH-WHILE THINGS,
EDUCATION, THE GARDEN, AND SO ON.
^THAT'S FORCED ON US IN A WAY. ^YOU CAN'T MAKE TOO MUCH OF A
SPLASH IN CASE THE TAX PEOPLE NOTICE.
^NO YACHTS.
^THAT'S WHY YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB.
^I DO A GOOD BIT OF BETTING. ^HELPS TO EXPLAIN THINGS. ^FUNNY, YOU
KNOW, ^I WIN. ^I NEVER USED TO.
^YOUR LUCK'S QUITE DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE RICH.
^RICH...
^THEY'RE AWAY. ^LIKE A HEN-HOUSE.
^SHOULD WE PERHAPS START TALKING BUSINESS ?
^ONLY TOO READY. ^YES ?
^BUT LOOK WE OUGHT TO DO IT PROPERLY, ^I MEAN TREAT IT AS BUSINESS,
KEEP OFF SIDE ISSUES.
^WE NEED A CHAIRMAN.
^BERNARD.
^YES.
^OH NO.
^THEY'RE YOUR CHAIRS.
^DO YOU PROPOSE HIM ?
^I DO.
^SECONDED.
^CARRIED NEM. CON. ^THE ^CHAIR.
^DO WE KEEP MINUTES ?
^NOTHING IN WRITING.
^SOUND PRINCIPLE.
^WELL...ER...ANY IDEAS ?
^YES, ^MR ^CHAIRMAN, ^I HAVE. ^I HAPPEN TO KNOW OF A LITTLE PROPERTY
THAT'S JUST COMING ON THE MARKET WHICH ^I THINK WOULD SUIT THIS LADY.
^WHERE IS IT ?
^THAT'S THE JOY OF IT. ^EAST ^WOODFIELD.
^ONE STATION UP THE LINE.
^NOT ON OUR DOORSTEP.
^HOW MUCH MONEY ?
^FOUR AND HALF THOUSAND.
^VERY CHEAP.
^THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE. ^IT'S A DRAUGHTY OLD PLACE.
^OIL-FIRED CENTRAL HEATING. ^I CAN HELP YOU THERE.
^OF COURSE, YOU'RE IN THE TRADE.
^HOW MANY ROOMS ?
^TWELVE WITH A KITCHEN AND TWO BATHS, ALL MOD. CON., HALF AN
ACRE OF GARDEN AND TWO MINUTES WALK FROM THE STATION.
^ONE OF THOSE BIG HOUSES BACKING ON THE RAILWAY ?
^THAT'S IT. ^THE RATES ARE LESS THAN THEY MIGHT BE BECAUSE OF THE
TRAINS. ^IT'S A SNIP.
^WHEN CAN ^I MOVE IN ?
^ANY IDEA, ^BILL ?
^SEPTEMBER THE FIRST.
^THAT'S GOOD. ^WE DON'T WANT TOO MUCH OF A GAP.
^TOMORROW ^I WILL COME AND SEE.
^SPLENDID.
^WHAT ABOUT YOUR...WELL...CUSTOMERS ?
^CLIENTS.
^HOW'LL THEY KNOW ?
^THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
^I SHALL INFORM THEM.
^YOU SAID YOU HADN'T THEIR ADDRESSES.
^BUT THEIR NAMES ^I HAVE, AND A COPY OF ^WHO IS ^WHO.
^GET THEM THROUGH THEIR CLUBS.
^THEY'RE A PRETTY DISTINGUISHED CROWD.
^ARE THEY ? ^ARE THEY ?
^MISS ^PIMOSZ HAD BETTER PUT DOWN A DEPOSIT IN THE MORNING.
^TEN PER CENT.
^NON-RETURNABLE.
^PERHAPS WE COULD...
^NO WE COULDN'T. ^WE MUST STAY RIGHT OUT OF THIS, DON'T YOU
AGREE, ^MR ^CHAIRMAN ?
^OH, ABSOLUTELY.
^ARE WE AGREED THEN ?
^ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR...?
^CARRIED.
^UNANIMOUSLY.
^ANY OTHER BUSINESS ?
^THE TELEPHONE.
^VITAL.
^APPLY AT ONCE.
^AS A MATTER OF FACT ^I'VE BEEN DOING A CONTRACT FOR THE
^G.^P.^O. ^I KNOW THE AREA MANAGER.
^NOTHING LIKE THE ^OLD ^BOY NET.
^WELL IF THAT'S EVERYTHING ^I DECLARE THE MEETING CLOSED.
^THERE'S ONE THING...NOT BUSINESS...JUST A THING WE
MUST AGREE ON.
^YES ?
^IT'S PRETTY IMPORTANT THAT WE CARRY ON NORMALLY.
^PRESS ON REGARDLESS...
^AS IT WERE.
^I MEAN WE SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT AMONG OURSELVES.
^FORGET IT.
^I DON'T QUITE SEE HOW ONE CAN FORGET IT.
^OH YES, IF A THING IS NOT CONVENIENT TO LIVE WITH,
YOU CAN FORGET. ^EASY TO FORGET. ^YOU MUST FORGET IF YOU WANT TO LIVE
AT ALL. ^OR ELSE YOU ARE LIKE YOUNG BOYS WHO THINK ALL THE TIME OF
DEATH. ^BUT SOON THEY PUT IT FROM THEM, NOT BECAUSE DEATH HAS GONE,
BUT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO LIVE. ^WE ALL MUST LIVE IN THE WAY WE WANT
TO LIVE, AND FORGET WHAT DOES NOT HELP US TO DO SO. ^THIS YOU KNOW.
^YOU ARE MEN OF FAMILY AND EDUCATION.
^A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF BACKGROUND, YES.
^SO WE DON'T REFER TO THIS AGAIN.
^NOT UNLESS WE HAVE TO.
^EVEN WHEN WE'RE ALONE TOGETHER WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT, REALLY.
^AFTER ALL, WHAT WOULD WE SAY ?
^IT'S A PURELY PERSONAL MATTER, BETWEEN OURSELVES AND OUR
WIVES.
^I WILL GO AND TELL THEM.
^WELL, HERE'S TO US.
^GOOD LUCK.
^CHEERS.
^HALF AN ACRE OF GARDEN ?
^IT'S BEEN LET GO.
^SHOULD WE GRASS IT.
^THAT MEANS A LOT OF WORK.
^A GARDENER ?
^TRICKY.
^I FIND IT QUITE HOPELESS TRYING TO GROW AZALEAS HERE, ^I DON'T
KNOW WHY.
^LIME IN THE SOIL, THEY HATE THAT. ^CAN WE ALL HAVE A DRINK ?
^NOT ME, ^I GO.
^MUST YOU ?
^YES DEAR, BUT ^I WILL GIVE YOU A RING.
^AND ME. ^AT THE OFFICE TOMORROW.
^YOU KNOW, WE OUGHT TO GET CRACKING ON THIS GARDEN.
^WHICH GARDEN ?
^OH THE ONE...YOU KNOW, WITH THE HOUSE.
^IT RUNS RIGHT DOWN TO THE RAILWAY LINE.
^THE BEST THING MIGHT BE TO GET A FIRM TO DO IT.
^MUCH THE MOST PRACTIAL.
^BUT SOULLESS, DON'T YOU THINK ?
^HULLO, HULLO. ^ENTER A GATE-CRASHER!
^OH, HULLO ^JACK.
^I MET YOUNG ^ROGER BOOZING AT THE PUB AND HE TOLD ME THE
STUFF WAS FLOWING ROUND HERE.
^HERE'S YOUR TOBACCO AND SOME CHANGE. ^I DIDN'T
HAVE TO HAVE A DRINK BECAUSE ^MR ^FOSTER BOUGHT ME SOME BEER.
^BEER ?
^ONLY A PINT OF BITTER.
^HE'S ONLY FIFTEEN.
^IT WAS JOLLY GOOD. ^DO YOU KNOW ^VAN ^GOGH CUT OFF HIS EAR ?
^I THINK YOU KNOW EVERYONE.
^ER...
^AND VERY NICE TO HAVE MET YOU AGAIN, ^MRS ^ACTON,
AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS. ^NOW ^I MUST GO, PERHAPS WE MEET AGAIN AND
TALK OF ^CORNWALL, YES ?
^THAT'S FUNNY. ^YOU WERE A DRESSMAKER LAST TIME.
^I AM A DRESSMAKER THIS TIME. ^WHAT ARE YOU ?
^ME ? ^I CALL MYSELF AN ARTIST.
^SUCCESSFUL ?
^WELL - ER - YES.
^GOOD. ^THEN PERHAPS WE ALSO SHALL MEET AGAIN. ^GOOD-BYE,
GOOD-BYE, GOOD-BYE.
^I'LL SEE HER OUT.
^CORNWALL, BUT WHAT'S SHE GOT TO DO WITH ^CORNWALL ?
^HOW'S CRIME ?^DID YOU HEAR ^MONICA ^JESSEL'S
GONE TO HOSPITAL ?
^TAXED AS USUAL.
^STILL YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN
BEING YOUR OWN EMPLOYER.^NO, WHEN ?
^YESTERDAY.
^DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT.^I HEARD SHE WAS GOING.
^SCHEDULE ^A AND A WHACKING
GREAT CLAIM.^EVERYTHING OUT ?
^THE LOT.
^OH NEVER. ^P.^A.^Y.^E. FOR ME.
^I'M PAID AS A DIRECTOR.^SENSIBLE.
^BUT ALL THE SAME...
^WHO'S THE OTHER ?^SHE'LL BE MUCH, MUCH BETTER.
^BERYL.
^THAT'S CUNNING.^YES, BUT ALL THE SAME...
^VERY CUNNING.^SHOULD HAVE HAD IT DONE YEARS AGO.
^CAR ON THE FIRM ?
^AND DRINK.^WHERE IS SHE ?
^CUNNING.^ST ^MICHAEL'S.
^VERY CUNNING.^THAT'S A DUMP.
^WHAT ABOUT ^BERYL ?^I'LL SEND SOME FLOWERS, IS
SHE IN A WARD ?
^I DID HAVE HER DOWN AS SEC-
RETARY BUT THEY WOULDN'T WEAR IT.
^BECAUSE SHE WAS YOUR WIFE
OR BECAUSE SHE WAS A DIRECTOR.^NOT ^MONICA, ^MONICA IN A WARD ?
^OH, NO. ^PRIVATE ROOM.
^ALL THREE. ^WHO HAS THE MONEY?^OF COURSE THEY'VE GOT THE MONEY.
^THE ^JESSELS.
^OH WELL.
^NATURALLY.
^THEY DON'T LOOK IT.
^THEY DON'T HAVE TO.
^FUNNY HOW YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL.
^ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS.
^TELL WHAT ?
^WHEN SOMEONE'S A MEMBER OF THE CHOSEN RACE.
^NOT THAT THERE AREN'T SOME DECENT ONES.
^QUITE, BUT YOU CAN TELL.
^SOME PEOPLE SAY WE'RE ALL ^JEWS.
^WHAT ?
^THE LOST TEN TRIBES.
^SOME PEOPLE WILL SAY ANYTHING.
^AND QUITE A LOT OF US ARE CIRCUMCISED.
^LEAVE THE ROOM.
^WHY ?
^LEAVE THE ROOM AT ONCE.
^HE DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY ANYTHING.
^WHAT DID ^I SAY ?
^WILL YOU DO AS YOU'RE TOLD AND LEAVE THE ROOM!
^I WANT TO KNOW WHAT ^I SAID WRONG.
^DON'T STAND THERE DEFYING ME!
^BUT IT'S NOT FAIR. ^YOU SAY MUCH WORSE THINGS.
^I AM YOUR FATHER, DO YOU HEAR ? ^YOUR FATHER AND ^I TELL
YOU TO LEAVE THE ROOM. ^YOU'RE NOT FIT TO ASSOCIATE WITH DECENT
PEOPLE.
^OH, ^I SAY ^BERNARD...
^THIS IS MY HOUSE AND MY SON. ^I TELL HIM WHAT TO DO. ^GO ON.
^BUT IT COMES UP ALL THE TIME IN THE ^BIBLE.
^SO DO THE ^TEN ^COMMANDMENTS. ^DO YOU KNOW THE ^TEN ^COMMANDMENTS ?
^YES.
^SAY THEM.
^NOW ?
^DARLING...
^NOW!
^THOU SHALT NOT...
^THERE...AND A LIAR AS WELL. ^GO UPSTAIRS AND WAIT FOR ME.
^WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?
^KISSING YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
^THEN STOP IT.
^I HAVE STOPPED.
^I DON'T CARE FOR THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOUR.
^COME ON - DON'T TAKE THE WHOLE THING SO SERIOUSLY.
^I REGARD IT AS A SERIOUS MATTER.
^MY DEAR FELLOW, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ANYONE.
^OH MIGHT IT ?
^WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ALL THIS EVENING ?
^NOTHING'S THE MATTER WITH US.
^YES IT IS, YOU'VE ALL JOINED SOME STUFFY ^VICTORIAN CLUB THAT ^I'M
NOT A MEMBER OF. ^I BELIEVE IT'S SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT OLD
MADAM. ^IF YOU'RE GOING TO BURST INTO SONG, ^I'LL GIVE YOU THE NOTE.
^YOU'RE NOT BEING PARTICULARLY FUNNY.
^ONE CAN'T WIN A COCONUT EVERY TIME. ^BUT SHE IS LIKE A MADAM,
YOU KNOW. ^I WENT TO A PLACE IN ^ROME ONCE, AND IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
HER SISTER IN CHARGE.
^WE REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
^BERYL, YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT IT, AND LAUGHED, NOW DON'T PRE-
TEND YOU HAVEN'T. ^I SEE IT ALL! ^I AM STANDING IN THE CENTRE OF THE
WHITE-SLAVE MARKET OF ^WOODFIELD ^GREEN.
^NO, ^BERYL, IT'S NOT AS FUNNY AS THAT.
^IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
^LET ME GIVE YOU ANOTHER DRINK.
^AND NOW ^I'M PLIED WITH LIQUOR. ^SPLENDID. ^YOU HOPE ^I'LL
BECOME TOO FUDDLED TO UNMASK YOUR GUILTY SECRET.
^WHAT GUILTY SECRET ?
^SOME SKELETON IN THE CUPBOARD.
^NO, NO, A BODY IN THE GARDEN.
^WHAT ?
^THAT'S RIGHT. ^IN THE ROSE-BED.
^ANYONE ^I KNOW ?
^NO, JUST AN OLD FRIEND.
^FOR HIS MONEY ?
^OF COURSE.
^I KNEW YOU'D BEEN UP TO SOMETHING THIS AFTERNOON.
^WHY ?
^THERE WAS SO MUCH MONEY ON THE TABLE THAT YOU COULD HARDLY
SEE OVER IT. ^HUNDREDS OF POUNDS. ^CASH. ^WELL, ^I MEAN
TO SAY, YOU CAN'T COME BY THAT HONESTLY, NOT IN ^WOODFIELD ^GREEN,
NOT WITHOUT SELLING SOMETHING OF VALUE. ^LIKE YOUR CAR OR YOUR WIFE.
^NO, ^JACK. ^I TOLD YOU. ^MURDER.
^I PREFER WHITE SLAVERY. ^IT GOES WITH THE OLD MADAM, AND WITH
THE MONEY AND EVERYTHING.
^EVERYTHING ?
^YOU BEHAVING LIKE ^MR ^BARRETT.
^MR ^BARRETT ?
^OF ^WIMPOLE ^STREET.
^ANOTHER COCONUT ?
^ALL RIGHT, JOKE OVER.
^JOKE HARDLY BEGUN AS FAR AS ^I'M CONCERNED. ^WELL,
^I MUST LEAVE YOU. ^THANKS FOR THE SPIFFING PARTY.
^DON'T LET HIM GO!
^DARLING, IT'S NICE TO BE WANTED, BUT ^I MUST.
^NO, WAIT...^WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?
^TO PROP UP THE GOLF-CLUB BAR.
^OH NO!
^WHY NOT ? ^I'M FAMOUS FOR IT.
^WHAT DO YOU THINK ^I'M GOING TO DO ?
^TALK.
^PROBABLY.
^NO.
^LET ME GO!
^LET ME BLOODY-WELL GO!
^BERNARD! ^FOR ^GOD'S SAKE! ^WHAT'S THE MATTER ? ^HAVE YOU ALL GONE
MAD ?
^GET HIM DOWN.
^STOP! ^STOP!
^ROGER WILL HEAR.
^KEEP HIM QUITE.
^KNOCK HIM OUT.
^SOMEONE WILL COME.
^I'LL SHUT HIS MOUTH FOR HIM.
^HE'S OUT.
^YOU'VE HURT HIM.
^HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
^HE ASKED FOR IT.
^PROBABLY SHAMMING.
^THERE'S A TEST YOU CAN DO...
^NO NEED. ^I'VE SEEN THEM LIKE THIS BEFORE.
^SO HAVE ^I.
^IN THE ^WAR.
^BY THE DOZEN.
^TAKE HIM AWAY, PUT HIM SOMEWHERE. ^HE LOOKS AWFUL.
^WE SHOULD CALL A DOCTOR.
^THAT'S NO DAMNED USE.
^I DO THINK YOU MIGHT MOVE HIM INSTEAD OF STANDING ROUND
TALKING. ^PUT HIM OUT THERE.
^IN THE OPEN ?
^YOU'RE LUCKY NOT TO BE OVERLOOKED.
^THAT'S WHY WE CHOSE THE HOUSE.
^ALL THE SAME, ^I THINK YOU OUGHT TO PUT SOMETHING OVER HIM.
^IN CASE SOMEONE LOOKED OVER THE WALL.
^OR A HELICOPTER.
^FOR ^GOD'S SAKE STOP NATTERING!
^THERE'S NO NEED TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.
^HERE ^BILL...
^HERE...
^IT'S OUR TABLE-CLOTH.
^YES, DARLING.
^I THINK SOME BRANDY, ^STEPHEN. ^OR CHAMPAGNE ?
^BRANDY FOR ME.
^NOT REALLY THE MOMENT FOR CHAMPAGNE.
^I...^I'M SORRY. ^MY HANDS ARE SHAKING.
^I'LL DO IT, DARLING. ^YOU SIT DOWN.
^NOW WHAT ?
^THE POLICE, ^I SUPPOSE.
^POLICE ?
^ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE IF WE DELAY.
^IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
^OH, BUT OF COURSE!
^IF HE HADN'T STRUGGLES LIKE THAT THERE'D HAVE BEEN NO NEED
TO... ^ANYBODY ELSE LIKE A DRINK ?
^I'LL RING THEM.
^BERNARD!
^I MUST.
^DON'T BE ABSURD. ^IT'S THE LAST THING WE WANT TO DO.
^JENNY, WE'VE GOT TO.
^WHY ?
^BESIDES THEY'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER.
^BESIDES...WELL...
^YES, IT'S ONLY RIGHT.
^IT'LL LOOK FAR WORSE IF WE TRY TO CONCEAL IT.
^WORSE THAN WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF EVERYTHING COMES OUT ? ^I
NEVER HEARD SUCH RUBBISH IN MY LIFE. ^WHAT A FEEBLE LOT
THEY ARE, AREN'T THEY ?
^FEEBLE.
^BUT WHAT CAN WE DO ?
^TAKE THE OTHERS OUT INTO THE GARDEN AND WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE
TALK ABOUT IT.
^OH ^TOM, DO GO!
^WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO OUT THERE ?
^YOU COULD DIG A HOLE.
^YES.
^MEN....'
^MY DEAR, ^I KNOW. ^HOPELESS.
^THEY JUST GIVE IN.
^DO YOU THINK A HOLE IS THE BEST IDEA ?
^MY DEAR, ^I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT GIVES THEM SOMETHING TO DO.
^THEY ARE SO HELPLESS.
^HOPELESS.
^THEY DON'T SEEM TO SEE THAT THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE THING THAT
COULD HAVE HAPPENED. ^I MEAN IF HE'D GONE UP TO THE GOLF CLUB HE'D
HAVE TALKED, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE UP THERE.
^PEOPLE LIKE ^HESTER ^BROWN.
^OR ^MURIEL. ^THOSE SHOES ARE NEW.
^I NOTICED THEM TOO.
^MOST AWFULLY NICE.
^THERE'S A PLACE IN ^WIGMORE ^STREET.
^YOU MUST GIVE ME THE NAME. ^I COULD GO THERE NEXT...OH NO.
^DAMN.
^WE MUST DECIDE.
^AHOLE IS THE SIMPLEST.
^OF COURSE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. ^PERHAPS WE COULD MAKE IT LOOK
LIKE ONE.
^HOW ?
^PUT HIM IN THE ROAD AS THOUGH A CAR HAD RUN OVER HIM. ^TIP
AND RUN.
^HIT AND RUN, DEAR.
^YOU KNOW WHAT ^I MEAN.
^BUT IT WOULDN'T WORK. ^THEY CAN TELL FROM THE TYPE OF INJURY
WHAT CAUSED IT.
^ONLY IN THRILLERS, SURELY.
^NO, REALLY, REALLY. ^A POLICE SUGEON CAME AND TALKED TO US THE
OTHER DAY. ^YOU MUST COME ALONG, IT'S FASCINATING. ^YOU
SEE IN THIS CASE THERE'D PROBABLY BE MICROSCOPIC FRAGMENTS OF GLASS
IN THE WOUND AND THEY'D ANALYSE IT AND FIND OUT WHERE IT CAME FROM.
^COULD THEY DO THAT ?
^THEY'RE TERRIBLY CLEVER THESE DAYS. ^NO, IF WE WERE TO DO ANY-
THING LIKE THAT IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PUT HIM IN THE RIVER.
^OHM NO, NO, NO, QUITE HOPELESS. ^SURELY YOU KNOW THERE HAS
TO BE WATER IN THE LUNGS TO PROVE THAT HE DROWNED.
^OF COURSE ^I KNOW THAT, MY DEAR, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT, BUT
HE COULD HAVE BEEN SET UPON BY THUGS AND THROWN IN AFTER HE'D BEEN
HIT.
^NOT WITH A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE REALLY.
^I DON'T THINK THAT COULD BE PROVED.
^YOU CAN'T BE CERTAIN, DEAR.
^IT DOES SOUND RATHER COMPLICATED. ^OH NO!
^MY BRUSSELS SPROUTS WERE GOING IN THERE.
^VERY LATE.
^THE GROUND HAD BEEN TURNED.
^I EXPECT THAT'S WHY THEY CHOSE IT.
^LAZY.
^BUT SENSIBLE. ^I MEAN IT'LL BE MUCH QUICKER, AND WE DON'T WANT
THINGS TO - WELL, HANG ABOUT.
^THAT'S TRUE, ^I SUPPOSE. ^THEY'RE WELL DOWN NOW.
^WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THEY FIND HE'S DISAPPEARED ?
^I SHOULDN'T THINK ANYTHING. ^I MEAN HE'S DONE IT BEFORE, DON'T
YOU REMEMBER ? ^OFF HE WENT FOR SIX WEEKS WITHOUT A WORD TO ANY-
ONE.
^OH YES,: THEY WON'T BOTHER FOR AGES THIS TIME.
^ROGER!
^OH, HELLO ^ROGER.
^I THOUGHT ^I HEARD A NOISE.
^OF COURSE YOU DID, DARLING, WE'RE HAVING A PARTY.
^I'M HUNGRY.
^HERE!
^I DON'T LIKE FISH.
^CAVIARE ISN'T FISH.
^YES IT IS. ^IT'S THE EGGS OF A FEMALE STURGEON, AND A STURGEON IS
A FISH. ^NOT LIKE A PORPOISE, THAT'S A MAMMAL YOU KNOW. ^IT SUCKLES.
^IT WHAT ?
^NOTHING.
^YOU'D BETTER GO UP NOW BEFORE ^DADDY COMES IN.
^HERE, AND ^I'LL BRING YOU SOMETHING PROPER LATER.
^I EXPECT ONE OR TWO PEOPLE KNEW ^JACK WAS COMING HERE.
^WITH ^ROGER, YOU MEAN ?
^YES, FROM THE PUB.
^WE CAN SAY HE LEFT. ^AFTER ALL, NOBODY SAW HIM NOT LEAVING.
^WHAT TIME ?
^OH, WE WOULDN'T REMEMBER THAT.
^AFTER ALL, IT WAS A PARTY.
^I MUST SAY, ^I THINK IT WAS DISGUSTING NERVE TO GIVE ^ROGER BEER
LIKE THAT.
^TYPICAL.
^AND TO GATE-CRASH.
^BUT THEN SO MANY OF THAT SORT ARE LIKE THAT.
^JUST BECAUSE THEY DO SOMETHING THAT OTHER PEOPLE DON'T,
THEY THINK THEY OWN THE WORLD.
^NOT THAT HE WAS PARTICULARLY GOOD.
^JENNIFER ONCE ASKED HIM TO DRAW A HORSE AND HE MADE A
FEARFUL HASH OF IT.
^DONE ALREADY ?
^IT'S EASY DIGGING AND THE TOP WAS OFF.
^DARLING, YOU'RE FILTHY.
^IF YOU'D LIKE A WASH...
^NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
^HAVE WE DECIDED ?
^YES. ^TO GO AHEAD.
^MIND YOU, ITS NOT QUITE AS STRAIGHTFORWARD AS THAT.
^WE'VE BEEN INTO IT ALL, DARLING, AND IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE.
^WE'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU LATER.
^WELL, IN THAT CASE...
^YES.
^NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT, ^STEPHEN. ^BERNARD AND ^I CAN MANAGE.
^YOU'D BETTER TAKE A REST TOO.
^I MUST SAY, ^I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD IT.
^DARLING, ^I THOUGHT YOU WERE FIT. ^YOU PLAY GOLF.
^DIGGING USES DIFFERENT MUSCLES.
^YES, YOU KNOW, EVEN AFTER THAT LITTLE BIT WE'LL FEEL IT TO-
MORROW.
^IT'S LIKE RIDING.
^OR SWIMMING.
^OR ANYTHING IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT FOR A LONG TIME.
^WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK ?
^NO THANKS, ^JENNY, ^I THINK ^I'LL WAIT A BIT.
^WHAT ^I REALLY FEEL LIKE IS A PINT OF BITTER.
^SAME HERE. ^DIGGING AND BEER SEEM TO GO TOGETHER.
^I WISH ^I'D HAD A PINT FOR ALL THE SLIT TRENCHES ^I DUG IN THE
^ARMY.
^MY ^GOD, HOW ONE LONGED
FOR ONE'S BEER.
^STANDING AROUND WAITING
FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.
^OR ON A TWENTY-MILE
MARCH.
^TRAIN JOURNEYS WERE
THE WORST.
^BOMBAY, ^CALCUTTA.
^ALEX TO ^MATRAH.
^OR ONE OF THOSE LONG ROAD
CONVOYS.
^NAPLES TO ^RIMINI.
^DIMAPUT ^IMPHAL.
^A DRINK AND A SMOKE
WAS ALL ONE EVER WANTED IN
THOSE DAYS.
^AND SLEEP. ^I COULD ALWAYS
DO WITH A ZIZZ.
^THEY'RE AWAY.
^BILL'S THE SAME. ^GET HIM
STARTED ON THE ^WAR AND YOU
CAN'T STOP HIM.
^IT ALL SEEMS SUCH A LONG
TIME AGO NOW.
^AGES. ^ONE FORGETS. ^ROGER
WASN'T BORN TILL QUITE A TIME
AFTERWARDS. ^OH DEAR, THAT TERRIBLE
PLACE.
^HOSPITAL ?
^NURSING HOME. ^NUNS.
^THEY BELIEVED IN LETTING ONE
SUFFER.
^THAT'S ALMOST BETTER THAN
BEING TOLD ONE OUGHT TO BE
ENJOYING IT.
^AND EXPECTING YOUR HUSBAND
TO COME AND WATCH.
^THEY'LL SUGGEST CONFINEMENT
PARTIES NEXT.
^QUICK WORK.
^DOES IT LOOK ALL RIGHT ?
^FOR THE MOMENT.
^I SHOULD GRASS IT.
^YOU COULD TAKE SOME TURF FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PATH.
^DARLING, NOT ON THAT SUIT.
^SORRY, SORRY.
^WELL, THERE WE ARE.
^QUITE A BUSINESS.
^NEVER IMAGINED ^I COULD DO IT, YOU KNOW.
^I THINK YOU'RE MARVELLOUS.
^FUNNY THING. ^THE MORE YOU GET USED TO THINGS THE BETTER YOU
GET.
^WHAT AT, DARLING ?
^GETTING USED TO THINGS.
^I THINK HE MOVED AS WE LAID HIM DOWN.
^OH ^BERNARD ...
^I DON'T BELIEVE HE WAS DEAD.
^WELL, HE IS NOW.
^AND WE REALLY MUST BE GOING.
^SO MUST WE.
^OH NO, YOU'VE ONLY JUST COME.
^LOVELY PARTY, ^JENNY. ^JOLLY GOOD SHOW, ^BERNARD.
^THANK YOU SO MUCH, MY DEAR.
^NO ! ^LOOK, WE CAN'T DO THIS. ^WE WON'T BE ABLE TO LIVE
WITH IT.
^WE HAVE DOME IT, OLD BOY.
^AND WE'RE LIVING. ^AREN'T WE ?
^COME ALONG, ^STEPHEN ...
^BE SEEING YOU, OLD SON.
^COFFEE ON ^MONDAY, ^BERYL ?
^OF COURSE.
^AS IF WE WEREN'T ALL GOING TO BE AT THE ^ROYAL ^OAK SHARP ON
TWELVE TOMORROW.
^YOU MUST COME TO US NEXT TIME.
^NO, YOU MUSTN'T GO TOO. ^NOT ALL AT ONCE.
^WE'RE TAKING ^MARTIN OUT TOMORROW.
^BESIDES, WE'RE LAST.
^SOMEONE HAS TO BE.
^IT'S GENERALLY ^BILL AND ^BERYL.
^THEY LOVE A PARTY.
^WORK HARD AND PLAY HARD, THAT'S THEIR MOTTO. ^MINE TOO.
^NONESENSE DARLING, YOU NEVER DO A THING IN THE ^CITY EXCEPT
EAT ENORMOUS LUNCHES TILL THREE O'CLOCK WHEN THE ^STOCK ^EXCHANGE
CLOSES.
^THE BUSIEST PART OF THE DAY STARTS THEN.
^I KNOW.
^WELL, IT HAS BEEN FUN, GREAT FUN. ^THANKS
A LOT, ^JENNY, AND WELL DONE, ^BERNARD.
^I'LL SEE YOU OUT.
^OH ... FEET. ^IS ^ROGER IN BED ?
^NO.
^DID YOU BEAT HIM ?
^YES.
^I'LL TAKE HIM UP SOMETHING NICE FOR SUPPER.
^DO YOU KNOW WHAT ^I AM AND WHAT YOU ARE ?
^I KNOW WHAT
YOU ARE, DARLING. ^FILTHY. ^BETTER GO AND WASH AND ^I'LL GET SOMETHING
TO EAT. ^WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ?
^WHAT IS THERE ?
^NOTHING MUCH.
^THEN ^I'LL ...
^THE GARDEN DIDN'T LOOK TOO BAD.
^BUT WE DO NEED RAIN.
^I'VE BEEN THINKING ...
^WHERE ARE MY PIPE-CLEANERS ?
^ABOUT THE HOUSE ...
^WHERE ARE MY GODDAM BLOODY PIPE-CLEANERS ?
^THE GARDEN OF THE HOUSE THAT WE'RE TAKING. ^IT MUST BE KEPT
UP. ^IF IT BACKS ON THE RAILWAY LINE WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LET IT GO. ^YOU
NOTICE THEM FROM THE TRAIN, THE GARDENS THAT PEOPLE HAVE LET GO. ^YOU
KNOW AT ONCE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG IN THE HOUSE. ^OURS MUST
LOOK LIKE ALL THE OTHERS, DON'T YOU THINK ?